Classic Steven Wright Has Everyone Rolling | Carson Tonight Show

[@byronjohnson4097]

41 years later and somehow "I can't believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years" is still a relevant setup.

[@jamesmorgan8157]

I said the same thing

[@jeffphakenewz8556]

Yep. Fred 'n Barn are still chillin'.

[@jimisi7424]

Theres a stones and rubble joke there too waiting to be written

[@baiaili80]

that's really insane

[@jboslim]

Somehow I'm glad I'm 450 like for that 😂

[@brigittecastrucci6541]

That small secret smile that Wright flashes when a joke lands well with the audience laughing loudly is just so sweet!

[@smoothoperator7023]

That's a "i cant believe they actually laugh at this" smirk. 😒

[@vito00900]

I saw him live using my allowance money in about 1984. Sat in the front row. He was so, so, happy when people laughed at his jokes he would turn his back so we couldn't see his beaming smile. LEGEND.

[@sejrec56]

I’m gonna stay here permanently for a while

[@DocJerky]

Often copied, never replicated.

[@shykittyfool]

@MikeYork-bn1mt tttttrrrrr0000001l1

[@laurie9708]

"I'm afraid of widths" -- underrated but total genius.

[@lewisc215]

never underrated.

[@Daniel-oh1fn]

@@laurie9708 understated I'd the operant word. That's , Stephens whole Act!

[@williamclayton9566]

That's not even the whole joke - "I was feeling bored so I took a walk around the building - ON THE LEDGE. A lot of people are afraid of heights, not me, I'm afraid of widths."

[@tomlapham5532]

When I was a firefighter I responded to a fire in an electrical panel in a condo. So we get there and it burned out, no fire, so I said we'll stand by for the city electrician. I go back out into the spare bedroom the panel was in and there was Steven Wright pics and memorabilia all over the walls. I said to the woman "Oh, big Steven Wright fan?" she said oh, well yes he's my nephew. I was stunned. I asked I gotta know, is this an act or is it real? she said oh, he is the sweetest man but no, it's how he is. He is so much fun around the holiday dinner table!

[@buddhavskungfu]

uncle steve at thanksgiving would be a riot!

[@JeroenTel]

Thanks for sharing that story !

[@rador9745]

When I started reading your story, I thought it was a Stephen Wright joke. I was looking for the punchline😂. Anyway, I made a joke up out of your setup: I used to be a firefighter. One day we got a call about a fire from a lady who worked as a clairvoyant. We got there but there was no fire. She said, well it hasn’t happened yet. So we waited.

[@andrewbennett6089]

@@rador9745that’s funny 😂

[@LeoWhalen1933]

Tom are you from Burlington?

[@mikev4755]

My favorite is "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"

[@anton1949]

Or put a humidifier and a de humidifier in a room and let them fight it out.

[@vonkruel]

@@anton1949 or, in a job interview ask your prospective employer: if you were going the speed of light in your car, and you turned on your headlights, would anything happen? Don't know? Forget it, then, I don't wanna work here anymore.

[@MarcMartino]

"I bought powdered water....I don't know what to add to it." Is still my all time fav of his.

[@wilpow4678]

i remember getting into it with a math teacher in school over what i thought was an odd number....

[@IFStravinsky]

When I was doing standup years ago, I also did a joke about instant water, but it wasn't half as good. That's why he's a star and I'm working at IKEA.

[@rocknral]

I think it's great that so many people find him hilarious. It makes their day.

[@JACK-wh6jl]

RIGHT-ON !, No one knows what's -next !, always very-cool to see him !😝😝😝😝😝😝😇🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

[@edwardsmith4353]

but not you? :p

[@angellacanfora]

It’s stunning how fresh his material still is.

[@Triple_J.1]

Nobody dare plagiarize. Too obvious, and too stupid for any other comic to attempt.

[@Mistertudball]

There is no other comedian I know of who is anything like Steven, which is amazing after all these years. His own brand.

[@siriuzbiz]

yeah man, he's one of a kind, always has me Rollin

[@adammiller2518]

I completely agree. The only modern comedian who I find anything like him is Demetri Martin. A different brand, but I very much enjoy each of them for what they do. Geniuses.

[@siriuzbiz]

@@2000jago George Carlin was one of my all time favorites too

[@Mick-Dempsey]

Mitch Hedberg had a similar essence,both unique of course but there’s something there that always reminded me of each of them.

[@seaborndan]

Anthony Jeselnik shares Steven Wright to be one of his favorites. Somewhat similar style, but darker.

[@berkeleybernie]

One of my all time favorite comedians. One of a kind. Brilliant.

[@georgestroud8507]

Steven wright has one of the greatest sense of humor I’ve ever heard. If I haven’t seen him in years it still feels like it’s the first time.

[@FistandFootMartialArts]

FYI He's released a book recently.

[@scottlangevin7714]

mitch hedberg has a similar humor type

[@Turco949]

You are right, I have never heard of him before but when I watched him the first time, it really felt like it was the first time.

[@stevenkovler5133]

@@scottlangevin7714had , sadly Mitch took his own life ! 😢

[@JACK-wh6jl]

RIGHT-ON !!🤜🏻🤛🏻

[@Flavum]

I've never heard a lot of this material - it's wonderful. False teeth with braces?! Priceless.

[@grokeffer6226]

Steven Wright is one of my favorite comedians. I seem to recall seeing this episode when it first aired.

[@lilybond6485]

You know what - my memory is shot - but I clearly remember watching this and the first time he was on JC the week prior.

[@mrreemann3739]

Rodney Dangerfield, Mitch Hedberg, and Steven Wright are the kings of one-liners❤😂

[@Benjammin1210]

Those are the best guys to do it.

[@erldagerl9826]

Henny Youngman predates (and influenced) them all.

[@dawoool]

@@erldagerl9826 Take my wife, please!

[@AB-sw4kb]

Idk who the "best" is, but I know my personal favorite is Mitch

[@box2519]

You can say that again and will still be true .

[@markschildberg1667]

Once I made instant coffee in a microwave and I almost went back in time. - Steven Wright

[@mitchelll3879]

Not funny

[@Oleg_K.]

​@@mitchelll3879You obviously never made instant coffee in a microwave.

[@rocknewtonfilsterwilly7364]

The one that always stayed with me was the toy subway set he got for Christmas.

[@AE5X]

"I bought a decaffeinated coffee table."

[@Oleg_K.]

"I once bought powdered water. I didn't know what to add."

[@DæmonV86]

Johnny Carson was the master of late night

[@janorhypercleats]

Late night talk shows today arent nearly as good as Carson show!! Todays shows are corporate sound bites. This weeks new TV star and that's about all! They don't have original people like Stephen Wright

[@carlacook5181]

One night when I was pregnant with my second child, I heard voices from downstairs, my husband was on a business trip so I knew it wasn’t him, I sneaked downstairs to find our two year old sitting on the couch( in his footie pajamas with his little toes pointed at the ceiling, I asked him what he was doing and in his sweet little voice he sighed and said “I’m just watching Mr. Carson” when Johnny died, Levi called me and sadly said “Momma, our Mr. Carson died” this still makes me misty eyed. We loved Johnny Carson and would sometimes watch it together when we couldn’t sleep, there will never again be an entertainer like him.

[@Daniel-oh1fn]

Steven Colbert s monologue just get better and better. Specially impressions of pols and others in the news

[@Daniel-oh1fn]

​@@janorhypercleatsI get enough laugh time with Steven Colbert monologue

[@jhetgrabis6137]

who was the slave?

[@laurieloughran699]

Always appreciated the humor of Steven Wright. Dry & hysterical 😅

[@luvastandardbred8270]

"I have a map of the United States. Its actual size." There will never be another comedian like him

[@nascarsteve]

someone asked me where I live, I said, "E5"

[@Laura_RN_AZ]

The legend says "one mile equals one mile"

[@kmdcompelelct]

Him and Sam Kinison had the some of the most unique styles.

[@johns7530]

@@kmdcompelelct I'd add Mitch Hedberg to that. If anybody was vaguely similar to Wright, it was Mitch.

[@stormyweather9917]

I spent last summer folding it up.

[@frankstidham1439]

Steven Wright's a unique one-of-a-kind creative comedian. Johnny really enjoyed having him on the Tonight Show.

[@kevinmcdonald951]

wrong.

[@alt777-in9lw]

@@kevinmcdonald951 Yes, you are.

[@skiphoffenflaven8004]

Yep, old news.

[@skiphoffenflaven8004]

@@kevinmcdonald951🎳

[@skiphoffenflaven8004]

@@kevinmcdonald951😂

[@MustBeJoKin65]

This segment alone is better than the entirety of Jimmy Fallon’s tenure.

[@txcatlady]

Well , my friend, well said

[@cc1k435]

Jimmy is definitely for a different generation and time.

[@sejrec56]

@@cc1k435 yeah but when ?

[@ChefZee1964]

Agreed 💯

[@deanpd3402]

@@cc1k435 Perhaps a generation of head hunters who haven't eaten for a few days...

[@nathelondon3719]

The greatest cerebral comic of all time.

[@UncSmokey]

Literally sold this man a suit the other day and had no idea! Wonderful man outside of the media aswell!

[@sneakerfacevids441]

I figuratively sold him a suit one time…

[@UncSmokey]

@@sneakerfacevids441 he came in today and last Wednesday even talked about his Joe Rogan appearance believe me or don’t I don’t have to prove myself to a stranger 😂

[@TheRackits]

I don't think he was questioning you.

[@UncSmokey]

@@TheRackits yea reading it a few days after I realized it but either way have a good night man!!

[@TheLochs]

In MA?

[@petesamuelson9978]

Seen Steven Wright in Vegas, really funny show! One of the greats.

[@davidelliott3019]

One of the most original comedians ever! I saw him live in Boise, Idaho, in 1999 or about--HILLARIOUS performance 90 minutes without a break!

[@lesterross1]

The Gary Larson of comedy.

[@ravenlit]

Apt.

[@sblagg527]

That is a GREAT comparison!

[@jerseyforhawks]

Two classics; Steven and Johnnie.❤

[@zambachoo]

“I’ll stay here permanently for a while.”

[@igorschmidlapp6987]

Steven Wright... like a weird George Carlin with his "observational" humor. I've always loved it...

[@zekelucente9702]

“I lived in an apartment that had a light switch that didn’t seem to work anything, but out of habit I would flip it on or off every time I would enter or leave the apartment. Then one day I got a letter from a woman in East Germany that said “quit it”. That’s effen funny!

[@TheLochs]

He started a whole new genre of comedy. True genius. I met him at the Gap in Harvard square when I was going to college. He set off the alarm, lol.. True story.

[@giorgiopalmas7934]

"I get treatments from a voodoo acupuncturist. I don't even have to go to his office."

[@skaizun]

Loved the "Stones after all these years" line! More ironic that it's true 40 years after this episode!!!

[@MrBMXTOTHEMAX]

After he appeared on the Tonight show.... Johnny asked him to come back the next week !!!! That is rare !!!!!

[@Mrvictorfernandes]

"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you... Why are all the letters of the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?... I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met... One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, 'Didn’t you see the stop sign?' I said, 'Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read.'... My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted." - Steven Wright.

[@bikerrider4845]

I bought a new coffee table, I got the decaffeinated style.

[@Zer0fuks]

@@bikerrider4845 i bought a decaffeinated coffee table this morning, it looks just like a regular coffee table, you can't even tell the difference.

[@jlrva3864]

I called information, and I asked, "Hello, Information? Where are my socks?" She said, "They're behind the couch.", and they were.

[@matthewdubay1180]

Is this where everyone retypes their favorite steven wright jokes?

[@TWOhype23]

I told my wife that I’m going for a walk. She said “how long are you going to be gone?” I said “for the whole time”.

[@Liveeventman]

I witnessed his comedic charm at the Magic Castle in Hollywood. He is brilliant, no two ways about that.

[@sgs1313]

you're lucky, by the time I got there, he disappeared

[@hunter999888]

The fact that in the 80s shows how far his mind was and how he knew a way better wavelength of funny than what was around then. Steven is amazing

[@gsesquire3441]

So many people copied his style its not even funny.

[@michaelg.golden7327]

Love it when he has the outrageous ideas that crack me up . Couldn't stop laughing.

[@PaulMAruba11]

"I put a Sunroof in my ceiling, my upstairs neighbor is pissed." 😂

[@DWilliam1]

Grew up watching this guy. Timeless…

[@joeylawn36111]

One of the biggest laughs Steven Wright got on one show he did was "My High School Colors were Clear"

[@HeadoftheSeniorClass]

Some comics were right for their moment, like Mr. Wright! He is/was an original, the mark of a true artist.

[@jhetgrabis6137]

where is the mark?

[@HeadoftheSeniorClass]

@@jhetgrabis6137, ha!

[@EF-fc4du]

Very few comedians ever hit the scene with something so completely unique as Steven Wright.

[@dkelban]

Thanks. Absolutely hysterical.

[@trainliker100]

One of the comedians on America's Got Talent had a quip that was VERY much in Steven Wright's style. "I went to the supermarket and a sign on the door said, 'No Food or Drinks Inside.' So, I didn't go in."

[@rpblank6768]

I wanted to go hunting. I was driving along and saw a road sign, "State Park bear left." So I went back home.

[@karenleemallonee684]

For some reason, I found him so much more entertaining now than I did back in the day...that was some funny stuff!!! 😆

[@abdonelectric957]

dont know how comedians can remember every joke and save each one until needed

[@DouglasBrooker]

His HBO special is unforgettable. Opens the fridge where he has a box of dehydrated water. On the box it says, "Just add water."

[@georgeavant314]

That’s the best opener I’ve ever heard

[@hxcadillac]

If you enjoy his stand-up, you'll probably get a kick out of Steven Wright's new book "Harold". It's every bit as unmoored and bizarre as his one-liners: 250-ish pages of thoughts running through the head of a seven-year-old kid sitting through a day of school. Really fun read.

[@henrytawnn8694]

I wasn't aware he had a book. I was just thinking it's been a while since I heard from Steven and wanted to watch a stand up special or something, then clicked on this video. I might need to check that out. Thanks for the recommendation.

[@bobnoblesjr.465]

"If you're traveling at the speed of light in a spaceship and you turn on the headlights, what happens?" - Steven Write

[@redmed10]

Einstein wrote that one.

[@larryb6715]

The best comedian in a long time.

[@kirk1968]

"My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out."

[@Barefoot433]

He does have his own style, and he is funny. I think he's the original inspiration for so many who came later, like BobCat. etc. that last sentenc he played Johnny for making that conflictory statement, like "Yeah, I'm gonna stay here permanently... for a while....>". Very good.

[@zp944]

Simpler times my friend, simpler times

[@raydar2630]

I used to work for a company that sold fire hydrants. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

[@FZMello]

"When I die, I'm going to leave my body to Science Fiction."

[@hepcat-bob]

Does anyone else think he sort of resembles John McEnroe?

[@warrenbutterfield4208]

Steven .....He's far funnier and so is his tennis game.

[@mikerich6505]

Put a headband on him...possibly😂😂

[@papamarty6480]

No

[@matt3024]

He was way underrated!

[@bravinneff7932]

I got some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.

[@deirdremacdougall8415]

Fantastic ! Miss this show watched it as a teen with Dad when comedy was so the best and they hosts.

[@ItsJustMe185]

Never thought I would find someone with such a similar sense of humor as myself steven is absolutley hilarious

[@bobcreature2127]

Absolutely, me and you and Steven Wright are some of the funniest people on earth, no doubt!

[@JohnDrummondPhoto]

"One time I stuck my car keys in my building's front door by mistake, and the building started up. So I drove it around for a while. I was yelling at people to get out of my driveway. A cop pulled me over. He asked, where do you live. I said, right here."

[@denisebacher5040]

I met him! He was flying out to NYC on the same plane as my mom. This was pre 9-11 so you could go out to the gates. So I see him and I was SO excited! I grabbed an AmEx application and walked up to him and said “Excuse me, Mr Wright, could I have your autograph? Please.” He seemed surprised I recognized him and/or I wanted his autograph. I told him how much I love his comedy and we talked for a bit. Then he asked if I was flying to NYC and I told him I wasn’t and he tried to convince me to buy a ticket. Offered to buy me one. But I told him I couldn’t as I had work the next day ( it was true, I was a nurse). So he wrote on the application ( which he raised an eyebrow ) “To Denise who broke my heart! Stay beautiful! Love, Steven Wright. He was so funny when talked. Not like the way he was talking to Johnny. Just every day wit. My only claim to fame and o wouldn’t trade it for anything.

[@garygray8226]

good for you! what a nice memory to have!

[@pacerdawn5512]

He was so not ready to be called over by Johnny, that's awesome.

[@james1795]

"so not"??

[@Royalpaininbum]

I don't think johnny was ready for him. Imagine saying you met your 3yo girlfriend in toys r us nowadays.

[@bryede]

Yeah, it obviously wasn't so easy to stay in character.

[@trysometruth]

@@james1795 OMG like you're so not aware of that pattern of speech.

[@james1795]

@@trysometruth. Immature.

[@davidelliott3019]

Classical dry comedy genius! I love this guy! It takes a little bit of a brain to understand him

[@spacemissing]

Describing Steven Wright as "unique" would be a gross understatement.

[@markl2322]

Steve could hit you with humor that was coming from an area that nobody had any idea where it was coming from. This man had the ability to hit my funny bone from a trajectory that was way beyond the normal. He was a comic sniper that was able to kill from a distance, and location that was not locate-able by normal means. And I didn't mind being a target. Steve is an amazing magician, comic, and classic clown.

[@M1978-p8j]

So original. Heard Bill Burrs podcast recently with S Wright as his guest. So good!!

[@dj-flights7376]

"My girlfriend's eyes are a little too close together. I call her AC. Almost Cyclops". - Steven Wright

[@au3014]

"Circus tent" and "bizzare airline" and "speed limit" jokes were the best

[@reinbronsgeest3777]

“I played poker last night with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died!” 😂😂

[@TheShredtastic]

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"

[@markwatson-vk2lh]

One of his best lines was 'I grew up on the median strip of the highway...It was pretty cool but when you left your house you had to be going 55 miles an hour.'

[@johns7530]

I saw Steven a few year ago. His material is so unique, like most comedians make some sort of commentary making fun of things in life that are stupid or annoying. Steven made up weird stuff that was totally creative and bizarre, and so funny b/c of how unexpected and strange his stuff was. Brilliant. A truly gifted mind that makes him completely unforgettable.

[@LC35T]

"Last year for my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them battle it out." A true comedic genius lol

[@924Greg]

When people ask George Washington for ID, he hands over a quarter.

[@nunyanunya4147]

i used too like Steven Wright. i still do. but i used to also. ((edited for declamatory. thanks for the dyslexic helping buddy!

[@jonathanharootunian297]

Well played,!

[@toddtyoung]

👊🏼

[@simonmarner8079]

Haiku.

[@declamatory]

*too

[@garygray8226]

thank you Mitch!

[@Lord_Volkner]

The first time I heard Steve, I laughed so hard that my stomach muscles were sore the next day.

[@woody3691]

Could they still swim?

[@Lord_Volkner]

@@woody3691 No, they could never swim.

[@LuisRivera-tt2ub]

Wow the Stones are still doing it 🤣

[@oldschoolhawking8191]

Steven Wright: If Rodney Dangerfield and Larry Fine had a love child.😮

[@plev10]

Steven blew Johnny's and the country's mind so much in his first appearance kzbin.info/www/bejne/aniqqoSEgrV3oc0 that they brought him back the next week. Never happened before or since. He's one of a kind. And his book "Harold" that just came out is absolutely brilliant. Thanks for posting this appearance. More please!

[@jasminespencer3992]

This is that second appearance a week later correct?

[@plev10]

I believe so. In Bill Burr's recent interview of Steven (Bill is appropriately a big fan), he talks about how after his first appearance the booker wanted to talk to him about the show. Steven thought he wanted to discuss his performance but instead he asked him to come back on next week. Steven said "I only have 15 minutes and I will have used up 10 of them." The booker said "I guess you're just going to have to write more." 😀

[@PBTophie]

I just saw this in an interview on Conan's podcast, so I came to look at those two appearances. The bit in this video was three months after his debut on August 6, 1982. So it's not his second appearance, if he was invited back six days after his original introduction.

[@sejrec56]

I had forgotten he’d written a book, I will most definitely pick it up, but I might even buy it.

[@richardjames1946]

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

[@Bapuji42]

Without Steven Wright there would have been no Mitch Hedburg.

[@WillStephensArt]

And without Hedberg no Theo Von

[@David-k9w4u]

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Steven Wright

[@johnalderman9899]

I have always laughed when I hear him.

[@hizaleus]

This is the first video of Stephen Wright that I have seen that had all different material

[@EricWarren]

Wonderful stuff. I saw him at the Universal (now Gibson) Ampitheater in LA in the 80s. Very funny. Also, have been re-watching the sitcom "Mad About You" and he was great on that.

[@Bobcagon]

It would deny Steve’s persona if he laughed at his own jokes. His smiles give him away. Compared to today’s comedians he is still on top.

[@Dana-wq5tp]

I hear you. I can't think of a single comic today that I find funny. Thousands of them and one's more lame than the next.

[@sejrec56]

@@Dana-wq5tp although Bill Burr in his younger days before all the F bombs was extremely funny.

[@evhbombastic]

OMG! Fred and Barney, so hilarious! I just spit milk all over my phone!

[@johnreno3855]

Brilliant 👏👏👏👏👏

[@mrreemann3739]

If you're traveling in a car at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what will happen? If you don't know I don't want to work for you.😂

[@skylinerunner1695]

'Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time'

[@dherz108]

Brilliant.

[@TitaniumDude]

He was so perfect for radio.

[@FEBEAULIEU]

First time I’ve seen him smile!

[@micksee9366]

I love how he just echo's Carson at the end "I'm going to stay here permanently...for a while"...

[@robertschelly]

I saw a restaurant, the sign said, "Breakfast Anytime" so I went in and ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

[@flappycelery]

SO F-ing brilliant. Wonder what he's up to now-days.

[@plev10]

He just came out with Harold, a brilliant stream of consciousness book that takes place inside a 7-year-old boy's head. For even more enjoyment get the audiobook, which Steven reads himself in his inimitable voice. 🤓

[@pronemanoldbutyoung5548]

Wonderful

[@ChefZee1964]

“I often look up at the sky to get a satellite picture.”