The Narcissist Push/Pull Game

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Music by Alan Walker, provided by No Copyright Sounds

[@TheRealJohnHooper]

Also: Your low, is their high.. If they can make you feel confused, they get a high out of it.. If they can make you feel desperate, they get a high out of it.. If they make you dependent, they get a high out of it..

[@Pippin514]

Yes, John...We are no longer there...the after effects are a nightmare! TIME! Blessings to you!

[@jesusiseverythingjc7591]

You are right. I used to see him feeding off of my heart break and tears. He would literally laugh while I was crying and get this smirk.

[@jodumire9584]

just incredible!

[@lexik184]

Ugh. That's so gross

[@shelbylou02]

And mostly.....if they can make u feel dependant they have control over you. 😢

[@Rahel8811]

My gosh I’m so happy I woke up from this bloody nightmare and I’m out of the cycle and I am no contact and time is healing me. Thank you for the truth

[@daviddemars]

I'm happy for you too, thank you.

[@loulou-yb1vx]

Rahel T Rocca I’m getting there it’s been hard man it’s been hard

[@hugostiglitz4215]

I'm sorry you had to experience it, I would estimate that 60% of all people on Earth are narcissistic or have NPD, it stems from social engineering, social media, their parenting, and they can never change, they're always right, they can never apologize or admit they were wrong.

[@unapologeticella4540]

I dont think I want to date ever again.ill just read romance novels all my life

[@Litzbutcher]

I used to call it a 'fix' when I got pulled back in. I haven't been a drug user, but I imagine that's similar to how it would feel. There were virtually withdrawal symptoms from the lack of attention.

[@sukenahacrump847]

Spot on.. These Terrible beings are not deserving human contact period..

[@teippio5613]

I thought for the longest time this one person is my twin flame and kept on forgiving how she hurt me. She says she doesn't want to hurt me but she has hurt me more than anyone. I'm just done... She is very narcissistic, hot and cold, left me so traumatized I had to go to mental hospital, all she has ever done is made me doubt myself

[@mahadmursal9770]

Covert shy quite narcissistic are the most dengerous one. When they say I don't want to hurt you. What they really mean are. I really love to hurt you so much, because I get happiness to hurt you. That's whay they mean period. Be positive and be calm and be happy that is your way getting back your health again. Good luck and cheers

[@PurpleLightWarriorc]

I feel like the person I'm with is like that

[@moyvuong7406]

Ther all sick n twisted. They showed u what not to be, and how to not behave. They are filled with never ending turmoil. Hateful indeed

[@npkrn6764]

"TWIN FLAME" beliefs.... Keeping codependent vulnerable people hooked to self-serving D-bags forever!!! 🙄 Just say no. Run 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♀️ fast the other way and fix the part of you which kept you stuck believing.

[@hugostiglitz4215]

When you want her she doesn't want you, when you start pulling away from her she wants you, it's a vicious cycle that never ends. The narcissist will always play games and push your buttons. They will also speak to you indirectly using social media, they may post something about negative people or stay away from negative people when they are only mirroring their own behavior. After I finally broke up with a narcissistic female she went into a rage, she started talking to my sister and my mother about all of the bad things that I did during the relationship. I asked my mother and my sister to stop communicating with this person yet they continued, I call them the flying monkeys. The narcissist will use the flying monkeys to continue to stay in the picture and get the attention they need and that's when the smear campaign starts. The flying monkeys now become worse than the narcissist because they are siding with them. I know this is hard for any of you to hear but if you have to turn your back on your own family because of a situation like this then that's something you have to do. If your family doesn't respect the fact that you didn't want to be with this person for whatever reason, they don't respect you. Narcissists are emotional vampires, they are mentally ill, they have the emotional mentality of a five-year-old. You can't fix a narcissist. Here is an early warning sign that you have met a narcissist. If they start asking you personal questions right off the bat then run. If they ask you about your childhood, if they ask you about what you do or what your family is like, they are sizing you up because they are targeting you. Run, never look back, there is a 99.9% chance that person has NPD.

[@ajmarsh07]

I don't think that's necessarily true...I want to know a person's childhood and parent history because a trauma is how a person becomes a narcissist....most issues stem from a person's childhood so it is best to find out up front...I am with a covert narcissist and wish I knew more up front because now we have 4 kids and it is hard to leave 😢

[@elfe1982]

This sounds so much like the guy I was with and loved so much! He fed off my efforts! I finally managed to leave ... but I am wounded and broken after all of this.. like waking up from a nightmare 😓

[@creativepoolinstallations9136]

Narcs hide their weaknesses as strengths

[@daviddemars]

And that is why it's so easy to see them still.

[@ak-47intelligence75]

This game has no effect on me. The power is in MY hands. I call the shots. Do I wanna buy into it or do I recognize that I'm in control and I can withdraw anytime I like ? Narcissists are no match for me. They will never be my equal EVER. My supply to them is like a drug, years after, still can't forget me. Hoovering and hoovering * yawns * They won't forget me, ever. The way I see it, once I'm done with you, YOU'RE done-zo! I don't seek validation nor do I need your permission to leave. That's in MY hands. They don't love me. They're obsessed with me.

[@jsnow6925]

Why are you watching narc videos then lol

[@milaboeva3714]

This is very accurate video. Sometimes they do it even in the love bombing phase on short periods just leaving you wait to see how important are they for you. Something like cancelling date at the last minute or stupid excuse that they can’t plan anything because of their busy schedule. I am not saying it’s impossible but if turns into habit then there’s a problem. In my opinion it’s one of the strongest but yet invisible red flags. It conditions you for the further addiction and abuse by raising the threshold of your tolerance and making you more willing to justify their abusive behaviour. And if you try to address that they will blame you for being clingy, make you feel guilty and unsupportive. They will never try to talk and understand. Here comes the first glimpse of their lack of empathy. They can never understand other people’s needs and emotions because they don’t recognise clearly their own. Nor having the capacity to express them. After all you can’t express something that you even don’t understand. For them usually the physical attraction is “true love” and the sadness is “hate”. Basically they are emotionally immature people and you can’t expect healthy relationship from teenagers in adult bodies.

[@daviddemars]

Your experience has made you the expert. Never again! Thank you!

[@cherel67peterson3]

You're right. Everything fits like a puzzle now for me. I didn't get what he was doing and then I just had an epiphany this last time💡After I blocked him and went no contact, I noticed that he hated this. I did almost fall back into the cycle. I unblocked him and he played like he was trying to do better. After two more weeks I just said, "I know that I am seeing what I am seeing. " Because he would respond but had an excuse as to why he could not keep a date/promise. So, I did the final block without giving him a chance to say or do anything. I quit doubting and giving of myself.

[@tonykuli]

Spot on! No emotional intelligence or desire for it....just narcotic and hormone junkies.

[@scottsummersreloaded4618]

These people are soulless demons walking around in human bodies. They are not a full human. A full human has empathy and does not get off by attempting to tear people down who have been nothing but kind and respectful to them. That jealousy and hate is totally unwarranted and uncalled for.

[@susandevracheek1615]

I think I misunderstood the meaning of your previous video. This one, however, cleared it up. I've always referred to this kind of behavior as "running hot and cold." One minute they're all up in your face and in the next minute they're telling you they don't want to have anymore to do with you. I've stopped investing in people that can't make up their mind.

[@daviddemars]

That is a good analogy, temperament.

[@80sbaby90]

Yes I am so familiar with that cycle it's absolute madness

[@5dprocess515]

One minute they're nice and then getting cold again..its a trick.

[@taraarrington2285]

Yes once you understand this you can see red flags in hindsight. Now as soon as I get the idea that somebody is trying to play games with me or manipulate me in some way it's obviously a red flag and I leave it alone.

[@Acquisitor]

A female cerebral narcissist ruined my life and permanently damaged some areas of my brain. And all that after just 14 months of our "relationship".

[@kalmeerperd4676]

Relationshit.

[@dty395]

Same 😭😭😭

[@jeffytodd4261]

Sick

[@seanm7539]

Same just with my gf who has bpd

[@sharhughes1086]

They Love to play tug of war with your emotions their need for control to feed their ego regulates their sense of importance without it they feel like their drowning and gasping for air, they are addicted to people without us they don't exist!

[@daviddemars]

Hi Shar! Your an expert now and you paid a high price to be one!

[@sharhughes1086]

@@daviddemars Thank You David I learned from the best, You your the best!

[@jlmadd]

Being without people is where you actually can accomplish what this man does. Do you need attention? Get a dog. Work relationships, if you have to work 14-16 hrs a day for taxed 200, you are not bright. Emotions have zero to do with it. You may as well sell drugs than do that

[@scottsummersreloaded4618]

U are on point I experienced all of this with a female covert narc and it was a TERRIBLE!!! experience. Easily the worst of my life. I would rather go thru marine boot camp again than have another experience like that!!!

[@kateoleary1339]

I dated a narcissist and I still love him but I know this the games. The lies, to a of ton of criticism, I want to get him out of my life, it's been so unhealthy, I just. Advise if anyone sees these red flags please run, this guy is on point!!! If someone loves u, u know it. Give and take equally, talking about how they feel, but keep in mind those. Important qualities ur looking for, if ur not able to talk a out things, or it partner makes u feel less than, run and don't look back, I wasted yrs on someone who didn't luv me, and I held on cuz my heart is too big and I thought well if nothing else I kno y hes acting certain ways but he will never change and neither will any other narcissistic person, I love these videos they make me feel less alone and give me the strength to change my life and put my needs first again, so thank u!!!! Please keep these videos coming

[@anneoboyle426]

Control, confusion, cruelty, childish games I didn't even know or understand - but I love him!even though he gave me no choice but to throw him out again, and I am dying...but all I can see is his angry face under his last mask that slipped off - again - and I feel like the piece of garbage he wanted me to feel like...and wish I had never been born; rather than feeling like a heroins addict going through cold turkey withdrawal...but he's out at a new church, looking for his next victim...hope the choir members and pastor can see through his sick vampire stalking! Ladies, beware!so many men sink so low as to pretend to be a good Christian to get a loving, giving, forgiving woman that he can take advantage of! And, boy!will he ever...only Jesus can save us all...

[@gothangel68]

Same here. I got very sick and needed medical care. I'm now on all kinds of meds so I can function. 10 yrs of this and I'm heartbroken, depressed but I keep getting up every day and hope and pray that some day if he doesn't change that I will find someone who will love me unconditionally and appreciate my kind giving heart because I tried to please him and be the perfect wife, now I'm just in a yo-yo game and I still haven't found the strength to let go completely. I'm stuck in between thinking is he or isnt he a narc but all signs point to yes. God help us all

[@lovelysosweet8386]

Facts

[@Me-fn3qu]

You are spot on. I cannot do this anymore.

[@lisavickery3122]

I used to ask my Narc why are you pushing / pulling me. He would say ," I'm not touching you,what are you talking about"? Thank you, it makes sense . After whatever the situation was and I would ask him that I would have tremendous migraines and I chalked it up to the accident we were in.

[@daviddemars]

First sign of emotional neglect and abuse for children are headaches and stomach aches. I'm sorry. You deserve the love you give, reciprocation.

[@5dprocess515]

Your narc gaslight you..

[@capricris7672]

Hello David I love the content on your channel has been a big help for me personally. Nearly 11 months narc free.

[@daviddemars]

Fantastic!! Thank you for sharing for some good inspiration!

[@truth8497]

Absolutely. I'm getting this on a 2/3 day cycle, but because of your videos David (and my stubbornness) I am not paying attention to good guy/bad guy game. Have also contacted a lawyer to start the divorce procedure which has done a lot for my mental wellbeing. Many thanks David.

[@daviddemars]

Hello Ruth, I'm so sorry for where you are at. If I could let you have a peak in to my life and so many others that have been in similar places you are now, you would have so much hope. Please make people support you, hire them if you have to, just have people around you telling you how good you are. Have a plan and stick to it no matter what he does. Document everything and good luck Ruth.

[@truth8497]

@@daviddemars Thank you David. I had an assessment for therapy today. Counselling to start mid January. You are an amazing person x

[@jennifers.7696]

Hi, my narcissist husband left me. He played the push and pull game for the past 9 months, stringing me along. I'm finally done and we are getting divorced.

[@moonblushed]

This really messed me up big time.... I was constantly in a state of confusion Thankyou for this xx

[@MrMadvoter1]

The Narcissist not being able to process their own personal emotions is so true! It's like they are missing that part of humanity. However, they can darn sure see and identify our personal emotions.

[@daviddemars]

They exploit your emotions.

[@MrMadvoter1]

@@daviddemars Yes they do, and that's more proof they know what they're doing!

[@sharoncole3252]

After I left my narc he went & saw a psychiatrist who said he had bpd but I don’t agree,he’s absolutely a covert narcissist. This man fits every category and I knew he was a narcissist as I’d already been with one prior,wow they’ve made a mess of my life,I’m determined to get through this though & I don’t believe medication will ever help him,he’s evil.

[@jasminekhan8285]

I saw to physcotherspists I told them what he did to me and how I was feeling they both said his a narc You have to see therapists that are qualified in NPD

[@masterdebater7184]

All BPD's have NPD traits. Just a matter of how far on the spectrum

[@jesusiseverythingjc7591]

I loved a monster who hurt me everyday for nearly 27 yrs. I was thrown away over and over again and when he had nothing he would come home until he had new supply and he would leave again until finally one-day they leave for longer and longer but no matter how long they always try to come back. They never stop hurting u.

[@longbone6416]

28yts

[@jesusiseverythingjc7591]

@@longbone6416 I'm so sorry

[@longbone6416]

@@jesusiseverythingjc7591 i have emphysema but i also have a new granddaughter. So i will be ok. One way or the other.thank you though and stay in the light

[@jesusiseverythingjc7591]

@@longbone6416 God and Jesus bless you and your family.congrats on your new grandbaby. I have grandsons I hope to have a grand daughter one-day. A house full of Sons and then grandsons I just want to be able to buy little dresses and skirts . I know how your hurting I feel like I am dieing of a broken heart most days....

[@truth8497]

Sending you love and prayers. Hold your head up high and know that you are special x

[@silverrain8532]

David, this is the best detailed explanation of what drives that behavior. You nailed it! Your work is always amazing! Thank you

[@daviddemars]

You are great, thank you always for the best support!!

[@suetucker9264]

This is excellent! Spot on!

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Sue!

[@cherylmcleod6088]

Great analogy....short sweet to the point....there seem to be more and more Narcissists out here in the world....dating and any hopes of marriage is hopefully but will be like finding a needle in a haystack

[@daviddemars]

Become what you want from another person and your chances greatly increase.

[@Pippin514]

@@daviddemars WISE WORDS!! There is a CHANCE! If we find in others ...who WE ARE! And become that person...fully healed as much as possible...FIRST!

[@railmaster84]

Thank you, my councilor told me I’m the victim of a push pull. This nailed it, I felt stupid I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I feel much better now.

[@dianebourdon4525]

I remember my ex narc use to tel me I am so jalous of you for this and that never realize how true it was !!thank you for your good work David l'

[@daviddemars]

I believe it's envy.

[@nicholebrinson1134]

I didn't recognize this was what it was called I only knew it was happening to me. My husband did this to me very intensely for the past 3years because he started having an affair and it has traumatized my kids and myself.

[@maryannleighton]

The worst part of loving a Narcissist and not knowing they are, but come to the realization they never loved you. Only to be in vain about themselves. A vamp that sucks the life out of you and keeps you under he constant hypnotic state of mind of delusional confusion.

[@NarcSurvivor]

Hi David, I love your videos they are very accurate. I recently had a KZbinr named "Toxic Free" posting comments on a video of mine claiming that I have been "buying subscribers". I have never spoke to this person before or seen her channel. I replied stating that I have not bought any subscribers. She threatened to post evidence in the comments and I told her to do it, since I haven't bought any subscribers and didn't even know that was possible until she mentioned it. She then proceeded to say how she has seen analytics on Kedoo and believes that it is impossible for my channel to have grown as quick as it did in 3 and a half months. From there, she then said she was going to remove her comments because she didn't want to be trolled. I later received an e-mail from her saying that she's going to be doing a video about "bogus channels" based on my analytics. She also said that she has reported me to KZbin and got other people to report me too. She claimed that a few "concerned people" had e-mailed her regarding the false claims that I have been "buying subscribers". She said that they will "remove your channel", so I'm assuming this is her goal, to have my channel removed. For someone who has a KZbin channel named "Toxic Free", I found this quite shocking. I then went on to her channel and found that she has been doing videos about you and another KZbinr Kim. At this moment I am very confused, wondering if she genuinely believes I have been buying subscribers, or if she is envious because I almost have as many subscribers as she does. Whatever the reason, what she is doing is very wrong. Even if I had my suspicions that someone was buying subscribers, I wouldn't make it my responsibility to get their channel shut down. And the "evidence" she has doesn't prove anything... how can she decide what is the rate that a channel should grow?

[@susandevracheek1615]

Don't pay any mind to this freak. She tries to smear everyone that she perceives as a threat. Her channel should be called "poison unlimited."

[@mrspostal3428]

I like to get information from a lot of different people that post on here. I have learned a lot from these videos. I used to be subscribed to Toxic Free but when I saw how she was acting toward David and Kim whom I also watch I didn't want to watch her anymore. I unsubscribed from her and another one who were posting toxic videos. I just watched one of your videos and you have a new subscriber. There is a reason your channel is growing! Please keep posting! Your videos are helpful!

[@silverrain8532]

I just recently found your channel. It is absolutely amazing the content you post. I couldn’t resist to subscribe. If you have a gift just like David to reach out to peoples minds , hearts and intuition people will recognize and follow. 💜

[@silverrain8532]

Susan Devra Cheek 😂😂😂that is funny

[@susandevracheek1615]

@@silverrain8532 yeah, I bet they got snakes in Australia less poisonous ☠️ than her. She ought to be the world's poster person for malignant narcissism. 😫 Yuck

[@kameamepopcorn9660]

Hello from France Thanks for all the informations.

[@daviddemars]

Hello France! Thank you always for your support and I hope your Holidays are peaceful.

[@lettygonzalez6053]

I've been dealing with the push n pull from my now ex narcissist, everything was beautiful between us in the beginning and gradually over time he started disappearing he wouldn't give me answers to where he was at then the silent treatment that also hurt a lot everything would be great between us for about a week and then out of the blue no argument know nothing he would go silent distant he would pull away from me this drove me absolutely crazy because I didn't know why he was being the way he was with me when just a week ago he was telling me I Was His World his everything his true love even made plans to get married I didn't even know what a naricist was , I couldn't understand his hot and cold treatment to me it was like living with dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde he became someone I never knew the man I fell in love with no longer existed I was isolated I didn't have anyone I could turn to but I could trust enough to talk to I started to research his behavior and that's when I found out he had all the traits of being a narcissus. As I said before we had good moments and far too many bad ones he never physically abused me it was all emotionally and verbally I tried to speak with him about his behavior towards me he wouldn't hear it he did the blame shifting and twist things around making it as if it was all my fault I would ask him questions and most the time he wouldn't answer this would also drive me crazy I would ask him the same question over and over and finally I would say how come you're not answering my question and then again he would twist it around and say well you don't always answer mine which was a complete lie it was just his game and he played it well the last time I was with him we were great together for 7 days everything was beautiful then out of the blue on a Monday morning he decided to go silent on me again there hadn't been no arguments no disagreements nothing no warning he just wanted to stint and cold pulled back did the silent treatment on me so this time I did the same to him he didn't like it when it really sunk in what he was doing to me and that it would never get any better I left I did the no contact I ended up having to get a protection order against him because of threats he was making I kept screenshots in voice messages copies of emails everything he sent me as proof to what he was doing to me and I'm thankful I did that because a week after my order protection against him he found me at work and shot me in the back I'm recovering now and he's sitting in jail where he belongs while he was in front of the detectives he was trying to tell them how I was the one that drove him to this behavior that I was stalking him none of that was true everything I have saved his voice messages Facebook messages emails text messages chose him to be the monster going no contact is the best thing you can do these type of people but be careful how you do it I thought I was safe with just the order of protection but that wasn't so

[@maryannleighton]

Letty Gonzalez thank God you are okay. Thank you for sharing your story. I am leaving my narc in about 6 weeks and drive across country from San Jose to Maine. Just bought my Jeep that he thought I couldn't do on my own and working and saving to get me home to my family he try to isolate me from. Letty hope you are healing wound and soul🕇❤God continue to be with you

[@lettygonzalez6053]

@@maryannleighton , God bless you and please be safe I thought I was safe from my ex narc even with the order of protection he still got to me take every precaution possible and really do the no contact with him stay safe okay I hope I hear from you again and you make your journey home🌻

[@stephaniehall6309]

Protective orders just make them worse , I think the judges do it on purpose knowing that we will be most likely be killed. Then when it gets worse or he tries to kill you they just put him in jail and let him back out so it leads to more abuse . The courts don’t care about women or children like they are supposed to. Restraining orders do not work and that’s all the help they offer , that and or they tell you to leave. Useless most times. That’s why women keep getting murdered . Stay single and stay safe ❤

[@charoprats6599]

Exactly what i been through for 8 years. A person like that. Even lost my kid for a year. Cause I lost myself so bad , narcissistic people dont even have empathy for their kids

[@ddo60]

I love your videos so freakin much. This is exactly my ex.... exactly. It's like you're talking about him specifically in this video. Crazy how accurate this video is. Thank you so much for spreading the awareness and giving people an understanding of what "went wrong" in their relationship and how it's not us... it's them.

[@kalmeerperd4676]

Imagime 2 empaths falling inlove and making a family.. Love you all.

[@jameslacroix1028]

Thank you david the push and pull games was just one of the games they play.

[@daviddemars]

One of many, yes. Thank you James.

[@jameslacroix1028]

DeMars Coaching I know you know this game that they do when they are baiting you and criticizing you and picking at you and you don't respond and they keep at it until you snap and you tell them to leave you alone or stop trying to hurt you etc and then all of sudden your the bad guy and you need help and meds .I never won an argument it was circular conversation from hell and arguments with no resolutions that made your head spin and even with the gaslighting I asked my family did I do something wrong. Did i handle it the right way .am I crazy like my ex says .I know my ex has 5 or more traits but she is also is an obsessive stalker and no matter who stops being around her guy friends or girlfriend she would stalk and haress .I'm still trying to heal from the cptsd .I'm still trying to get my energy back I have that adrenaline fatigue

[@EllBe63]

Thank you from UK. Love being in your corner. You make so much good sense, with an easy to understand information style. I'm just 2 weeks no-contact and you have helped me to stay on track. Keep up the good work 💜💚💙

[@daviddemars]

Hi Lorraine, I'm glad you found the channel too, welcome. Thank you for sharing and I answer any questions you have in the Q&A videos every Monday.

[@terryledet4522]

Point blank they crazy.. one lost soul that needs to find Jesus.

[@tessr.8857]

Amen!!!

[@tonykuli]

They would probably try to crucify him again!!

[@terryledet4522]

Tony Kuli so tru

[@con1709]

So true thank you x

[@prahslra]

One of the best summaries of the whole cycle. Thanks.

[@kenatinl]

thank you David. Another great talk. communication is huge!

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Tina!

[@jennifers.7696]

Thank you for putting this into perspective.

[@marianneg5746]

Thank you..whats with a guy who looove bombing me to the fullest we never talked or meet than disappear for another half of the day?...i think he is a narc too...i mean talking about lets grew old togedher.. ect....wtf??

[@royayassai1321]

I am no Narcisst but my hidden enemies have learned a new vocabulary word and are trying to restore their reputation by slandering mine...I have no power or control over anyone but myself nor do I need or want that responsibility so...no push or pull game with me...All push on my side, no more manufactured drama dropped on me by anyone from the rafters anonymously...this isn't Halloween and ghosting is cowardly and lame...My life and health need my immediate attention because of a crazy toxic Dynamic; I've retreated to deal with my own health, and life...Someone has created and put me thru an enomorous amount of stress which has created real and permanent damage...I have seen every nasty comment. Now I've absorbed enough hurt and negativity for a lifetime. The Universe wants to send me a NEW Soulmate now...Really Wow...I need to breathe someone really has hurt me with their words and actions.

[@donna1420]

Best video i have seen on the subject thank you

[@twocandles1108]

I love you man.... you saved my life....thank you so much

[@TheChigrl]

Understood. Thank you.

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Gina!

[@BabyRabbit22]

Hi David. Another great video. I have been sharing your videos with my friends. 🙂

[@daviddemars]

Hi! You're awesome, thank you so much!

[@caracopland710]

Hey 'rabbit' - (?) U like rabbits or something? My hound and I hunt them in the Scottish highlands... it's brilliant as exercise and what the rescue puppy is bred for. Screw Narcs! X

[@GiselleF29]

You broke it down perfectly. Thank you so much for helping us navigate this world full of Narcissists.

[@LDT7Y]

Pretty sure my boss has traits of NPD or full blown NPD. He was incredibly OTT friendly when I started working for him, would sing my praises to everyone, openly flirted with me, massively overshared, woudl walk past my desk and stare at me. But would also avoid me for weeks on end, switching from being very chatty to not even saying good morning. Then he randomly switched to ignoring me for almost two months. Then back to acting like he wanted to get to know me and would make jokes or bring me tea to my desk. Then switch back to ignoring me again for several weeks and leaving any messages/emails on 'read'. I got annoyed eventually and complained because at times it was difficult to do my job as I was taken out of the loop on what was going on. He apologised and made some effort to politely share work info for a while, although it felt like it was under duress. Then he went right back to ignoring me for several months, bar one afternoon where out of the blue he wanted to chat online like we were best mates all of a sudden. It was really odd. Then back to mostly radio silence other than very formal work meetings. The rest of the team has a very relaxed, friendly, start-up culture, and get on great in and out of work, so it's not like it's the norm with everyone else. Since then I've quit even bothering to talk to him if I can help it and have just focused on getting to know other people in the company better instead. I've asked other colleagues if he does this to them and they've said no, which makes me feel like it's something I've done/said without realising it. Today I had a meeting with him for the first time in a while and he was really friendly and chatty to begin with, opened up about random stuff with his kid, was laughing and joking with me, and I thought great, maybe finally he'll stop acting weird and we can get on ok. Then at the end of the conversation he (albeit nicely) asked me to rewrite my agenda for the next meeting so we wouldn't waste time chatting at the start. He was nice about it and it didn't really register to begin with, but left me with my head spinning for a bit when the words sunk in. I don't know if he just hates having people act friendly and it freaks him out or something (very avoidant personality) or if he's got NPD and just likes doing the hot/cold thing to annoy people deliberately. Either way, it's exhausting to keep up with!

[@MiAowWow]

Thank you, you're spot on!

[@84Lyric84]

It’s amazing the way you explain! 🙏

[@svetlanan2532]

Omg! This is exactly my ex, now he begging me to come back again after playing this game for 6 years, every weekend he separated with me then run back to me, I don’t accepting this time got to go to police to make him stop his harassment . This is dangerous and scary run out if you this situation

[@littlelily4]

A guy I was talking to ghosted me out of the blue then one week later still no response but he reacted to my Ig story with a smiley.... I ignored everything I suspect him of being a narcissisist, he was very self centered. At least now I'm aware of these games and won't fall into his trap if he comes back...also I think he has a gf, poor girl probably doesn't know he's on tinder

[@DBZaza]

That was really good & it completely made sense thanks a lot!! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE NARC DOES 🙄😵😱

[@checkmasoul2441]

Thank you for this video!

[@Betternow1974]

Jenny from Oregon, GREAT TOPIC DAVID YAY!!!!

[@daviddemars]

Hi Jenny!

[@Betternow1974]

@@daviddemars Hi David!!☺

[@k.dennis8295]

David you're right on the ball seems like ur talking about me & my ex gf.... keep doing the work!!!

[@daviddemars]

I'm glad she is your ex now, thank you!

[@ninajohannessen5138]

Great video!

[@sergiofausto48]

Great video. Thank you.

[@OpenCarryAlabama]

What does it mean when your partner just sits there saying nothing? Completely ignoring me? For example, if a partner comes over and sits on the couch to hear something you have to say, regardless of whether my speech is five minutes long or an hour, regardless of whether it’s a good conversation or something bad/sad, what does it mean when your partner literally just sits there and completely says nothing? When you ask over and over each day, for several months why you are ignored, the response is usually something about not having anything to say. But I find it strange that I have to get all worked up to get any sort of response whether good or bad

[@robinedenshaw8589]

Sounds like torture to me…playing the Cat & mouse game.

[@astherushcomes27lindsey35]

Omg. The brain shrinking and going back to normal... jeeze. This makes so.much sense on a whole other level. Thank you for sharing

[@kalmeerperd4676]

It makes so much sense.. Imagine 2 empaths falling inlove and getting married, and they love eachother till they die.. Thats real love.

[@astherushcomes27lindsey35]

@@kalmeerperd4676 yes. I literally feel like narcissistic people are so.similar to demons. They love tormenting.. insulting you... instilling fear and control That's not love... that's a one sided love.. and another person's need for possession.

[@michaelvrooman5681]

Deleted one just today. Not riding that merry-go-round ever again

[@80sbaby90]

This is exactly how I explained it to my partner that he goes on a high then a low and wants me to go on that ride with him but there seems to be no in between no balance it's just highs or lows. It's so mentally draining going through this with a partner as I don't know what to believe He loves me then he hates me then he's saying he wants to spend the rest of his life with me then he's leaving me again and disappearing. One day he's saying it's all him that's the problem and it's not me then the next he is blaming me for all the issues in the relationship.It's madness. I don't know what to do 😩

[@gglin5595]

well said. thank you so much .❤ from California..

[@ggsplace69]

Thank you Once again

[@suzannemaroney4579]

Good video!!! Thank you.

[@olafwitt7246]

Thank you.

[@demigaines5644]

Thank U For Sharing It Was So I Thought The Right Person For Me. After Two WeeksThis Person Starting Devaluing Me. Calling Me Horrible Disrespectful Names.Then After All This Abuse Started He Discarded Me ..Its A Very Hurtful Feeling.

[@dohniaparfitt5863]

Yes this is a Perfect explanation

[@denisep6450]

Nailed it! Isn't it sad

[@qarreeayantumekonnen1205]

DeMARS ~ This helped clarify many things, thank you. I appreciate you for making this video, just subscribed. I wonder what the physiological damages to the brain looks like.. I ended up in a mental institution because of the Narc in my life. I developed something called PTSD and was given Risperidone and Zoloft. All from being physically, emotionally, mentally abused by him. More so physical and mental abuse.. Could you make a video on how Narcissistic abuse impacts the brain. I don’t feel like myself anymore.

[@deadbeattheif9612]

Please make more videos. I like your illustration so much more than the other narc vids❤

[@joannaoconnor9418]

I feel like I'm getting addicted to your uploads 😢almost as a way of feeling connected to him 🤦‍♀️

[@unapologeticella4540]

This is whats going on on in my life I ve been having anxiety and fears lately and he uses the excuse hes at work or hes adultkids or friends house it feels like I'm waiting for him all day everyday sometines he leave 6 times a day or more.

[@rosechapa2342]

Thank u for this info. U describe my ex to the tee. I have been in denial. No more! It is so exhausting and painful! 🙏

[@lamiacedar3809]

Iam crying while you are talking, i feel like I havd been just treated like à piece of trash, iam crying for the time I wasted in vain, thank you for your support, you are amazing.

[@rharha8621]

i broke up with my ex narc, 6months of turmoil in the rel. he is giving me hot and cold treatment and ask for space all the time. He will also blame me that im cheating on him and then i found out he is hiding alot of things to me. He never said sorry or admit his mistakes. Rather he blames me and devalue me. I was so devastated. I already knew something was off from his behaviour i just cant figure it out and im so confused. Thank God it was already over. I still love him but i cant stay in a rel full of lies and deception

[@rowanlafontaine675]

Hi! I know it’s a year later and you may not see this, but how are you doing? I can relate to how you feel and I’m currently going through it and I feel scared

[@niccivictorious5594]

Great explanation.

[@denondnewman]

Please help me...she will NOT LEAVE...CRAZY...HELP PLEASE...I CANT TAKE IT NO MORE

[@icxcnika123]

My bf cancelled our Valentine’s date the morning of. He made no attempt or effort to reschedule, and over the next four days I only got two measly “hi” type texts from him. I returned the gift I bought him and bought myself flowers. I told him I needed to talk to him and he blew me off. He hasn’t reached out to me at all since then and I’ve been NC. He went from so hot to so cold. This was the second time going through that cycle with him. The first time he straight up stood me up for the date and acted like nothing ever happened. Then when I tried to talk to him he ghosted me for a week until I confronted him to his face. Even if he isn’t a narc, it’s just so painful being in a relationship with someone like that. They are so intensely into you and you feel like you’re falling in love, then they just check out whenever they want for weeks at a time and act as if nothing’s wrong. Edit: Actually to add insult to injury, he did give me something for Valentine’s day... it was at work, in front of everyone: a heart-shaped cookie made specially for me with something lewd written on it that I won’t repeat here.

[@denisestevens2540]

It gets to the point they stop all good feelings making it easy to leave. I will warn girls he tries to be with. They can’t deny the symptoms. I wish somebody had told me early on. I had to find the answers through research and finally figured out that this person was damaged by his mother from an early age and will never be good to anyone. Ever

[@Ava-cy6qw]

All you say is true, passionate and smart. I am a narc and an Asperger's and being both I am able to analyze myself. I wonder why are not there any narcs commenting here?

[@ludovikafabian6586]

thank you :)

[@kathylgoedert]

Good notes.

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Kathy.

[@tarab.5421]

Love that you explained the chemical stuff happening in the brain so well.

[@RavenGirl333]

He has pushed me away twice. The first time I allowed and I chased, texted, etc. I hoovered myself back in after a year and he disappears again. He can stay gone. Narcissism is a mental illness and on top of that he had a stroke several years ago. He’s evil and deserves to be alone. Please stay away from these parasites. The disrespect and emotional abuse is very cruel. I’m done. I do hope it causes him a narc injury to see I’m not chasing anymore.

[@cherylmcleod6088]

Behavior/tactics/coping mechanism

[@daviddemars]

Yup

[@lisavickery3122]

And every time he would want me back I would explain to him I'm not playing this yo-yo effect I'm not a yo-yo I'm a human being

[@daviddemars]

Sad someone needs that explanation. Good for you.

[@sideswiped6874]

wow, I wanted to stop this video 1/4 the way threw and start typing. I had called my friend "today" about what was going on with me, well he was such an ass. after the call was over I figured him out. he would ask me a question about what was going on and I would start answering him. then he would start questioning my answers. this was his way to build things up!!! then he started to belittle me (you said this, you said that, why did you say that). he would ask more questions and again I would try to explain, then he would ask more question and again he would belittle me. this went on until he (He) had enough, and he wanted to end the call. well, after the call was over I figured him out!! so I think I will wait till he calls me and I will ask him if he is feeling better, but this time I will not fall into his crap, I'm sure he will end this next call faster.I have had enough of HIS crap

[@unapologeticella4540]

I need advise ive always been middle class m.we lived in hes truck while I had a room for rent to live in.then I moved with him into an awful garage using a bucket as a toilet and he has no guilt for this?

[@formerlyknownas123]

Very nice art behind you

[@JACK.DEATH-Sariel]

"Where are you now?" Though I love that song That is the exact song my covert ex Narc is singing right now. I had to go to deeper waters for a deeper dive.

[@jamiecallaghan4470]

Jay uk i also feel me and my current partner fall un and out almost like all good then bad then on a cycle for months i get therapy she doesnt but blames me of being the bad guy am i a narcissist???

[@daviddemars]

Sounds like she is. You will only be able to see clearly when you are away from her. You are addicted to her and believe you love her. Get away from her long enough and you will see the truth. You are experiencing CPTSD.

[@acheron101]

In normal relationships, we are talking about healthy "intimacy". In relationshits with emotionally leeching narcissists, there is no "intimacy", there is no experience called "in to me see". They (narcs) are not capable of empathy, not even elementary...they cannot dive into your emotions, because they are so deeply self-absorbed, and this state of affairs remain forever...Move on, and never look back...

[@correaplayz01nunya93]

I wouldn't say mine is necessarily self absorbed- he seems to lack even shallow insight into himself . I'm beginning to realize that he is, among other things associated with being a narc, shockingly unintelligent. Such a turn off

[@maxdarrell8249]

Thanks David. I love your videos. Do you do private one on one counseling? Please post your email in your reply to this

[@ArtandKitchen_]

Experiencing this now