How to Detect the Covert Narcissist

[@jayfizzle4275]

They are absolute MONSTERS. Once you find out the truth: run and never go back. Completely vile creatures that try to convince you that you’re the problem. Meanwhile they are in the shadows doing disgusting things. Unreal.

[@punkrockgirl5473]

That is so accurate!!

[@paiiininthebutt7209]

Coverts are dangerous. If you aren’t educated on narcissists, you can get sucked in sooo easily Words not matching actions is one of the biggest red flags 🚩 IMO

[@kevinbrislawn5918]

the ASSHOLE covert never could lend a hand when I needed his help..just found ways to ignore me..stingy..self absorbed..put me down..put others down..just a big fat stupid silos of a man.yucky

[@md-mx5zb]

Spot on

[@surfshack2]

I agree. They may not be easy to figure out exactly but words not matching actions is big. Like not working is a big one. Not working or having a job is a big red flag and they'll make excuses as to why they don't.

[@emilycunningham8125]

"Actions speak louder than words" and beyond that Patterns. That's a big one.

[@irme8930]

​@@surfshack2Spot on. The psychopath I knew had very sporadic jobs, he worked 1 month and relaxed 5. Due to stupid women who supported his lousy a$$.

[@BeachJumper]

RUN!

[@bookerlo1977]

Like hell!

[@tonikwakman459]

The problem is, it takes a while before you connect all the dots, especially if you don t know everythi g about narcissism yet. When I started to realise there was something very wrong about him, he had me hooked. And it hurt so bad, I felt like I wanted to get back into the matrix, you know what I mean? I didn t want to know, it took me more than three years before i could finally cut myself loose. Boy did his mask fall off then. That made it easier.

[@user-bx2pr4pl9q]

Same thing happened to me.

[@daviddemars]

This is true. Some victims are good at blocking their emotion and doubting themselves.

[@veronikamihelic2956]

Yes true, I noticed in one month, discarded him after 6 and after that i found out who he was...covert narcissist...then i send him all the videos and tell him that now i understand 🤣

[@me2tez230]

Toni Kwakman I stayed for 10 years, she made sure l lost everything....

[@Not-the-usual-BS]

That is what happened with me it took awhile and alot of damage was done and backstabbing fire I really saw what was happening!!!!😢😢

[@moonchild_72]

Spot on! I'm 2 months NC since his mask slipped after a year and a half relationship. It's been so difficult to accept who he really is. Especially when you're a good person who genuinely cares about other human beings. Sometimes I think it would have been easier to have been physically abused because getting psychologically manipulated and wrapped up in the chaos and mind games really does a number on you. The coverts are truly master manipulators.

[@trayhunt2307]

@ Nicole mine abused me in all the ways you’ve mentioned. The problem with the physical abuse is my thumb is disfigures because he tried breaking it. I never sought out care. He stepped on toe with boots during a fight... it’s disfigured. He twisted my right on behind my back trying to break it. I can only lift my right arm up until a certain height. But not above my head. Sleeping is problematic...certain positions cause my arm to pop. It could be dislocated or something. He also broke my left ankle in another altercation. I think those are the reasons why I can’t forgive him so easily. He’s left me physically scared or disfigured for life. While he pretends it was all me. The reasons he was so mad/angry is because of me. But will never mention he cheated the entire time

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Nicole!

[@jodumire9584]

it's so bizarre the average person can't believe , or comprehend im still blown. Dec. i said goodbye im sure he was going to discard, I discovered , and then confronted, covert narcissist gaslighting used . what a narcissistic nightmare..i hope & pray never again Ty

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Moonchild,hope you are not with a narcissist!

[@AuthorLHollingsworth]

My exCNarc always would say, "I don't care" he never cared about anything. He didn't care if I cried. He didn't care when I walked away. He didn't care about cheating. He didn't care! They don't love themselves or others. Pure evil!

[@ohmegah00]

My ex, even If she is bpd which seems quite similar to narcs in their traits says often, "thats just me, thats just The way I am." I laughed out loud when you said that David. Word for Word....

[@daviddemars]

Yes, I'm so great I can't help it!!!

[@ohmegah00]

@@daviddemars haha!

[@gracerc6154]

@@daviddemars yes, and they also do it to excuse bad behavior. "Thats just me! You dont want to be around me if my ....arent the way I like them!" "Thats just me, I can't STAND dirty cups left on the counter! " then, they leave their dirty cups on the counter! But woe to the other person who does that! Its like they brag about the things they cant stand and the rages it sends them into.

[@it-wasnt-me9642]

Christian Milleding my favorite line in my experience. I don’t communicate abusively I just talk loud and with emotion! You can’t change me it’s who I’am that’s just me! It made me sick. He basically told me asking him to treat me with respect was me trying to alter his personality. Mental mind fu*kery

[@ohmegah00]

@@it-wasnt-me9642 yes these stores match Word for Word and its scary how similar they are just because they have The same diagnosis. It still amazes me to this day.

[@wanderingfree149]

Youre video is sopt on. Heres my experie nce with a covert. Thanks for posting this video My covert sister 1. Insane need for admiration and is why she's the community do gooder. 2. Shes the victum in every story. Everyone hurts her 3. Truley beleives she the special misunderstood person. 4. Zero boundaries. Has no problem coming to you time and time again for money or blow up your cell phone 20,0000 times a day because she needs to much constant attention 5. Lies in a half truth telling way. 6. Hates if your friends with her friends. Paranoia of being found out and is why you cant be friends with their friends 7. Lauches smear camps in a cry baby way. They smear by balling and telling everyone how mych you hurt them ( victum in every story) most people will defend them by going off on you because oh poor crying narc! 8. Can spend money like theyre printing it in the basement. They are horrible with money 9. Has another relationship already set up before they end the relationship with you. My sister did this to her husband 10. They hate to be alone. If my sister is home alone for more then an hour, shes blowing up everyones phone. 11. Ride the coat tails of other successful people in the family. They are rarely successful on their own merit. 12. They tend to be financially dependant on others. 13. Zero self esteem..

[@daviddemars]

Thank you and good comment for others to compare!

[@hellogoodbye8760]

1 to 13 perfectly put!

[@steph2713]

Looks a lot like my ex narc..., but he wasn't 11 and 12.

[@yeswing10]

They use other people's money! The elderly!

[@ArtandKitchen_]

It's so hard with a covert. They always act like they are the kind ones.. they are sweet and romantic.. and they make you look like you are the evil one in a gentle way which makes you question your self and make you feel crazy. My ex went to my house this morning with foods. He said he is just being kind and friendly. Nothing more. He is already with the new supply.

[@itsallaboutnothing2672]

" I am a good man" " I am a nice guy" 🤣 He could not stop sing praises to himself.

[@LinYouToo]

17:44 I’ve noticed a few people who when the focus isn’t on them they actually have to hold back a yawn. Then they brighten up when they hijack the conversation. Look at “me”.

[@susandevracheek1615]

Yup. They give this blank look, like they're bored and not listening to you, because what THEY have to say is all that matters. Been there.

[@daviddemars]

Yes! That is such an obvious sign that so many do not notice.

[@gct1913]

Great video David! This is her 100% to the T! First date after asking me very innappropriate personal questions( I answered in detail) she spent 3 hours telling me she is estranged from her entire family , everyone hates her and every boyfriend was bad and abused her, even said her mom was a malignant narcissist that would gaslight her but yet she is an outstanding, loving Christian woman who never does anything wrong. I remember thinking oh poor thing she just hasn't been loved enough. My love will help her heal..... NOT! All I had to do that night after the date was google narcissist and I would have had her "dead to rights" instead of getting hurt and wasting time with this despicable, evil demon!

[@barb7124]

A real Christian will humbly admit his or her sins. Just saying. There are many wanna-bes out there who hide their horns with a halo.

[@gct1913]

@@barb7124 Amen! I remember thinking wouldn't a good Christian woman get along with most of their relatives? And why am I not hearing anything she learned or did wrong in these relationships. I still went forward and fell in love with the trainwreck/nightmare.

[@daviddemars]

Thank you, at least you know now.

[@princhipessa1969]

Did we date the same woman? My ex said her mom can do no wrong yet told me she hit a guitar over her back. Also Mom would lock herself in her room during fights ... hmm ... sounds like a silent treatment to me! Gee, wonder how my ex turned into such a monster! Yes of course, her wonderful mother she puts on a pedestal !! Both nuts.

[@dlkcoil01]

Too many today are using the “narcissist” term, just like “PTSD,” way too loosely these days. It does require a qualified person (i.e., medical person) to diagnose these people. Covert Narcissist are very difficult to expose; most professionals are unskilled in detecting such individuals. The CNPD are superb communicators and are often very amiable, thus “disarming”. To truly spot one, a person must live relationally, intimately, with one for a lengthy period of time. I do not recommend this at all. They are truly expert emotional and psychological manipulators. I lived with a Covert Narcissist for 30 years....they are good at mimicking and putting on a false image. Its the persistent pattern of behavior that reveals them. Often you will find the following common traits: Gaslighting Passive Aggressiveness Silent Treatment Ghosting Triangulation Smear Campaigns Misdirection Jekyll-Hyde Fake self delusional Deflective Love Bombing Devaluation Frequent Discards Covert personality Combative Communications Unforgiving overtly disrespectful manipulative Pathological Liar Deceptive Self-Centered Self-Loathing Divisive Lack Empathy truth avoidant Antisocial tendencies Victim isolator Cunning and more..... (Red flags do appear early on at the start of a relationship, but most people do not pay attention. I did not, thus paid a price. Through the years I learned a lot about myself and how I attracted such a person into my life. I had my own issues, which is what I discovered.)

[@reneekelly7724]

D. Kirk everything you described in your list is what happened to me. I’m almost 5 months after he did his final discard and still trying to unravel the mess he made in my head.

[@rsbrinkman9168]

So true , and description is accurate, add to all that , all these fall under cluster b disorders, so its a sliding scale from mild to severe , and everything in between, the more severe, the more manipulative , and accomplished they are at deceiving. With my ex it took 28 years , before she was properly diagnosed . She had decieved more than one councillor in that time. And even after diagnosis they were able to.manipulate and influence . She was destructive , and dangerous . They are not just immoral , they are amoral, lacking or void of conscience . They are also pathological liars , and they can be very difficult to detect as they believe their own lies , so they are all the more convincing . So someone that has developed a few abusive , controlling, selfish behaviors , compared to a full blown personality disordered individual , that exhibits anti social , at times border line behaviors , ( needy / insecure / highly dependent ) combined with periods of physycopathy, does make for some confusing comparisons .

[@Willa4420]

thumbs up on this video !!! I actually saw a psychopath yesterday on the subway! There was a blind man and this psycho could have sat anywhere else on the train but he chose to sit behind this blind man who lives in my building. A lady got onto the train and ask does this go to Penn Station? He actually tried to send her in the wrong direction. I SPOKE UP and said that is not the right information. Then he said "oh I was only joking". I was sitting in a different location than my blind neighbor. I got off at an earlier stopped with my blind neighbor to make sure he reached his destination but to also make sure that psychopath was not following him. That coward saw a blind person and sat behind him to get him lost just for some sick fun!! These psycho people DO seek out the weak. I had attracted so many users by being to kind and tolerate. I have made personality changes but I will still help others in need , I just try recognize a potential Narc or Psycho.

[@daviddemars]

Hi Willa! And now you are no longer prey to these people. They are the week ones now!

[@Willa4420]

@Fa Fa I was shocked myself but I thank God I could recognize potential danger. He chose to sit behind this blind man. He actually pointed to him when he saw he was blind. When I told him that is not the right information he just smiled and said "Oh I was just joking" . I started to say "No you weren't" but realizing this is a mean spirited person I just made sure my neighbor got from him safely. No need to provoke a psycho...I chose to get myself and neighbor out of his way.

[@Willa4420]

@@daviddemars Thanks to you and this channel for the life saving information. There are human predators out there who smile but have such hatred in themselves.

[@kelleyf]

David at 10:42 and after. They want to be “addicted” to you until you catch them in their false persona and call them on it. You can have a legitimate concern about your relationship together and they snuggly turn it on you and drum roll please..”you always find something to complain about. There are lots of women who would be grateful.” They are liars, cheats and thieves. Get out now. Don’t think about it! Just leave

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Kelley!

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Kelley W,hope you are not with a narcissist!

[@troll23-troll23]

I really enjoy your videos, David! And the way you imitate how these people - covert narcissists - talk and act, makes me laugh! At minute 12:20 So right on! If I might add to your scratching of the surface - if you let them know that you look through your games - beware! It's open war from that point on. Which is hard when you like to deal with things above board - it does not work with them. They never ever put their agendas on the table. So how do you work around that? If you do look through it, do you hide that part, do you play along, do you ignore their games, but how? Most of the time it is so super-obvious, but they count on you being too stupid to notice. And the speed, oh my! They are so eager on closing the deal, trapping you, making you commit. Being pushy does not even describe it. Frentic attemps at having total control over you. It is so pathetic. But they win often enough - in their mind at least. Thanks for the insights!

[@godschild5333]

Wow!! This is point on and described very well.. She fits every single thing you said. I just wish i knew about this 13 years ago and two kids later. Those kids are the best thing thats ever happened to me. Just would of liked it to be with someone that gave a shit about all of us

[@daviddemars]

You have enough love for you and your family.

[@gama-yushiwasabi4223]

My exact situation but 11yrs in

[@FK-cg8el]

Thank you, David for all the information

[@daviddemars]

Thank you!

[@isadoreanabelle3449]

Thank you so much for this information. I really needed it! You are awesome and beyond kind! Thank you for existing!

[@daviddemars]

Thank you very much!

[@MelissaM.3121]

OMG, as usual you are hitting the nail right on the head. Just wow...this will sound off to one who wouldn't know but they don't really listen to what you say but they do. Always a negative thing to say about others yet they mingle with those people. When they say something good about someone or something it's usually a passive aggressive shot at you, triangulating or something that adds to their false character. I notice they don't like deep rooted questions, they prefer to remain surface based unless it has to do with them studying you. They are chameleons and freaking walking red flags. Thank you for keeping us on point.

[@daviddemars]

You already know!

[@CWdudeyo]

Melissa M. So good!!! You described it perfectly!!!

[@lynnvs6372]

They only want to know everything about you in order to use it against you at a later date. If it's a boss, theyll try to entangle you into inappropriate things and you feel stuck because you need the job and they KNOW that. As soon as you put your foot dwn.. you'll be fired and they're onto the next supply. It's really terrible. Especially if this boss is a minister!

[@lioydwilliams1850]

LynnV S,hope you are not with a narcissist cause you are too pretty!

[@LinYouToo]

12:19 not only did he want to see me the next night, but we met the first time over lunch and then he texted hours later to meet again the same night!!

[@jenniferwilson8238]

You are describing my ex husband who claims he never cheated, yet went from agnostic to mormon and married another woman all in the space of 1 month from our divorce date. Does this sound like he mirrored his new supply?

[@daviddemars]

Sounds like he is lost and mirroring is a reaction to this.

[@libo6368]

Can't get any better than this ..discription is excellent

[@kingaberlakovich5585]

My ex ( double ex, first I was with him at the age of 13, and then 32 years later)told me everything about his exes , how he was suffering, how he was the hero in the relationships, how other woman told he is beautiful while sleeping ( that is creepy), that his exes seen him as a God, always how high his IQ is…. And how mistreated he is by his parents… I broke up 6 months ago, but I feel like I still carry all his shit . And of course, he had right after the break up a new girl😅 After I told him I think I fell in love with him, he said “ you know I am cautious “ It doesn’t seem like that 😂

[@morganbee834]

So my mother is a covert narcissist and I'm in the grieving stage... I had made it out and moved across the country for years and then got into a relationship with an extremely physically and emotionally abusive man. I ended up getting pregnant and my mother swoops in and makes all these promises that she'll help me with my son etc. I fell for it bc I had to choose the lesser of the two evils... and here I am a year later coming out of this fog... it became quite clear to me that my mother did not want me to be happy and especially not romantically... why would she? She's been through 3 husband's and is miserably alone....

[@ajc2208]

Very accurate description.

[@monicaruiz9829]

I met this man he was super nice all the attention at first, he was always telling me I’m your special man I’m different, one day he asked me “who do you used to think about before you met me when you touched yourself?” I told him it wasn’t you I didn’t know you he insisted we won’t let me go and got mad because I said well my ex, he hanged up on me didn’t call until the next day, he discarded me because I asked him to add me on Facebook and he didn’t want to, he told me he didn’t want this friends to add me, he didn’t want to see my pics, and he had a bad experience with an ex because social media and he “wanted to do things” different with me, we spoke for hrs about this topic until he convinced me but I still wasn’t confortable so next day I insisted and he go mad he say I’m over he discarded me and since then we haven’t talk, I really don’t think this was such a big issue to end things I was blaming myself thinking maybe I pushed him away, maybe I insisted too much it’s been hard trying to understand

[@narcicide8814]

One covert narc asked me about my high-school education when we first met in person, like what my exact grades were, I thought that that was odd and rather inappropriate. It was also in the tone of his voice when he asked this like he switched from very friendly to cold and nearly threatening.I felt like I was being interrogated. He found me online and invited me out during the day at a pub, and that's when he started asking these questions. Later on he would keep sending me long emails about his shitty childhood, I felt like a therapist than a friend. I wasn't sure if we were friends or about to start dating, it was confusing.... More and more overtime I had noticed how he was all self absorbed and acting superior, like it's his way or the highway kind of vibe. He acted like he was the jack of all trades in everything like he some kind of undiscovered genius. He then started acting really superior and insane online posting selfies of himself behaving like he is some baddass King wearing a crown and sitting on a throne chair, it was awful and cringy as hell. He then started mocking me indirectly online on his fb feed, but I knew it was aimed at me, soon after that he unfriended me, and then ghosted me, and said more hurtful shit about me without using my name but it was definitely about me. He soon deliberately leaked a bunch of sleazy, Very trashy photos like bdsm related stuff but in a very tacky trashy way with his new gf online. Then he started doing the same old shit online but worse telling everyone how he is a poor victim and that everyone's out to get him. Some years later I found out that he had moved to another country, and vanished online like he never existed. Good riddance, whatever that was.

[@besetfree0473]

This is such a great video!! Spot on and very helpful. Thank you David🌸

[@golnazabaee599]

I just discovered your videos and I love your insight. You describe exactly my experiences and are very reassuring.

[@revenant8989]

You just described my ex gf with every single thing you explained. I didnt know about narcs till after she discarded me two weeks ago after 2 yrs being together. You opened my eyes so much. Its hurts to know all the love i gave was for nothing. Just one big lie. But i learned and will become better from what i went through. Thank you. God bless you.

[@SeguralooVe]

Always on point! 👌🏽

[@daviddemars]

Hi! Thank you!

[@JK-ly6wu]

Lol 😆 exactly !!! That’s just me, I’m an empath lol!!!! Thank you for this information and the laughs😆🙏🏻👌🏻

[@daviddemars]

Hi Julia! Thank you, glad you liked it! 😉

[@marlenr8691]

Spot on.

[@manf9593]

Another one to watch out for, They say the OPPOSITE of what there Really thinking or Wanting...

[@graceandfaith869]

Thank you for everything David 💜🌹💜

[@susandevracheek1615]

Hi David. They fancy themselves as gifts to this world and other people. That friend (I thought) that dumped me 3 months ago, she didn't like being challenged on anything. She'd constantly threaten to dump me every time I disagreed with her. She was always saying what a nice person she was and how everyone liked her, and how many friends she had. I got to the point of saying under my breath, "get over yourself." And on the phone she'd monopolize the conversation, and when I tried to talk she'd say "I gotta go, I got things to do." I got so fed up with her self-centeredness. Then when l told her over the phone on November 2 that I couldn't handle the challenge of the new kitten (Maddie), she said "I'm done with you", and hung up on me. It was a blessing in disguise, but I still can't understand how someone could just up and walk away after saying to me that I was the sister she always wanted. I did give her a week to call and apologize before I blocked her number. I've seen her on the bus 6 times, and she looks right at me and never acknowledges that she ever knew me. These people are a heartache waiting to happen.

[@graceandfaith869]

@@susandevracheek1615 💜💜💜💜💜 My your pain will go away And may love reall love pure love will come your way So you can heal and know this was not your fault this is them They are not there there .....

[@daviddemars]

Thank you!

[@shamsotaxadar7824]

That's all true so amazing well explained

[@HalloweenArtist]

Some of these behaviors are the same as a BPD. Not all of course, but a few. The Smear campaign, playing the victim, Idolize , devalue , discard. Lack of sense of self etc.So hard at times to figure out who is what?

[@hellogoodbye8760]

I think there is a bit of both in most. Cn to me usually means there is a level of entitlement in to of all those things that fall under the bpd category. Mine for sure had bpd stuff going on but I think he was more cn because of his 'I could do so much with my life if only...'

[@Almamater8888]

My narc has this fake laugh to try to ingratiate himself to people. It’s like nails on a chalkboard to me.

[@sibelsavas6741]

😂

[@1962Melody]

Lol... 1st date with my ex covert narc, he went on about his ex! Every woman had cheated on him! Wow...

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Melody Moore,you are too precious to be with a narcissist!

[@richardohalloran8329]

Just an observation I made they always want to take the lead rushing and racing even going on the metro or walking down a street and any suggestions you might make even about going for a coffee no not there we will go here another example say your getting a flight together they might say you can have the window seat when you get on the plane they take the window seat and just say nothing,I think these are signs of control if you book a nice hotel you should have booked the one I said to book controlling everything there way and if you dress up to go out they will never compliment you aren't you overdressed to be honest when I think back you never really get a chance.

[@alijohnson1365]

Its very emotionally draining and confusing

[@loladickson4373]

Hi bon, I just wanted to say that I have also, observed this rushing behaviour in my brother-in-law who I'm believing to be narcissistic or even closer to psychopathic... It's spot on !

[@beninthefield8502]

Narc was always rushing

[@steph2713]

My ex narc was also rushing every time, during holidays overseas too, always doing everything fast, which often created stressful moments. He even used to eat extremely fast, in 2 seconds he used to finish his plate. His life was like a roller coaster, running everywhere. I think they do it on purpose, because they can't just sit and relax like us normal people. Because then they would have to face their own shit. Another reason why they can't be single and need new supply endlessly.

[@thebluedot4728]

All the things you are saying reminds me of exactly the questions they ask for almost all job interviews! It is so uncomfortable I don't even want a job because I feel like my privacy is being invaded.

[@trayhunt2307]

Mine was the type made me comfortable. He knew what I had been through with my child’s father. Looking he was the perfect person. Saying how men shouldn’t sleep with little girls and it was disgusting. The whole time that was all he cheated on me with. Made me look at ppl differently and loose a few people during the relationship. Your description matches him in a few ways. Oh my goodness. When he broke up with his ex. Well he really didn’t she left him. He was with me immediately. Did me the same way. Talked bad about me to the supply and went on to her and got married and started a family.

[@daviddemars]

A trail of destruction.

[@rn2811]

When you getting to know someone always ask how they get along with there parents because that’s were it all starts.

[@rockmysoul19]

Good point. That's exactly what he avoided talking about....bringing back the conversation to 'us' each time. And as you discover with time, that's exactly where it starts.

[@SarahDale111]

His parents moved 4 hours away. He told me he thought it was because of him, but I had no idea at the time what that meant.

[@mercyrahma9501]

👌💯

[@beninthefield8502]

Narc told me of mom and dad and they sounded mean cruel and emotionless yet you couldn't pass a thread between them they were that close

[@loladickson4373]

Hi all; my experiences with my covert narcissistic mother in law was...there was an extreme feeling of irritation within me that just got worse every time I met her! I sometimes referred to this feeling as an extremely allergic reaction! Overwhelmingly imposing is another observation! She imposed in every and anything! Calculating! Def' lack of empathy! Exploit! *I've also noticed that she seemed to have a psychological pleasure when she caused problems and emotional pain... This last one right here makes me question if this qualifys her as psychopathic?

[@loladickson4373]

I forgot to mention... Another major indication/tactic I've observed. They ostracize you within a group settings 'its one of the favourite tactics of both my 'mother in law and brother in law'. The way it's done is, so insidious.... You have to understand narcissism to actually realize what's happening! Example: first, they control the FOCUS and Attention of the persons in the group but leave out the targeted individual... This can be done in conversations and also physically... usually, only target is aware but don't understand it... Another is; they are very very DISRESPECTFUL to the targeted individual, In many ways... Your time, feelings,opinions, position, presence, home, etc. A good way to know is; first, remind yourself about your fundamental rights then you'd realize that it's the very thing that they target, aim to destroy and disrespect! Another major indicator is when you say 'NO' to something/anything... they'd covertly try to get you to change to a yes. But if you stick to your 'NO' they will punish you in one way or another... Another is; ANY DISLIKES or DISCOMFORTS of yours, they'd remember and repeatedly use it to hurt you or to get a negative reaction from you... All the while, acting oblivious and clueless... One more is; SABOTAGE! They will do this for any no' of reasons! It comes from their pathological envy... real Example: (short version)my mil' tried to sabotage a meal I was happily preparing for her and her husband. They were tired so I proposed to do something nice for them. She placed her self between me and the stove to stop me from preventing it from being burnt... They love DRAMA... They deliberately create uncomfortable situations and ambiances to ruin/destroy/hurt you. (Real, short version example) at a small family reunion which was supposed to be intimate. 'bil' and 'mil' invited my rival an X female friend of my husband to dinner! Everyone knew we were not in contact with her anymore yet no one told us she'd be there. The brother was at the head of table waiting for the drama to unfold! And this was done to sabotage the relationship with his brother... There are lots more but I'll stop here for now...

[@daviddemars]

Sounds sadistic. Pleasure watching her manipulation hurting you.

[@CWdudeyo]

Same!!!! What do we do about her!?!?!!!

[@futureshocked]

The most important thing is the 1st and 2nd date. THEY WILL ABSOLUTELY TELL YOU!!!

[@anabolena2382]

futureshocked how ?

[@futureshocked]

@@anabolena2382 Well it's not so much a "how" on their part since every date is different. It's more a matter of listening to the 'tells'. Every type--narcissist, codependent, avoidant, etc--has a tell. And you have to simply listen and let that person talk. They'll drop SOMETHING that rats themselves out. Example: I was dating a woman back in September, and several times on our date she bad mouthed her exes, her kid's dad. When she'd talk about something in her personal life that was a legit "bummer" I could absolutely see her mask drop and see that there was sooooo much anger in her. Basically she just hit every signal for narcissist/covert narcissist. But I figured all that out by flat out just listening. Another tactic is to be honest yourself. I have avoidant disorder which I've become really open about, and after telling this to another woman she told me she was a narcisisist. In that case I was thankful. It was like "oh man, thanks for letting me know because I don't have the capacity for that, but thanks!"

[@LinYouToo]

My mom defends/deflects her bad behavior and anything in the past she’ll not accept responsibility and instead say “that’s in the past, that’s how I am, can’t do anything about it now.” How convenient 😠

[@daviddemars]

Yes but you can. I'm sorry.

[@CWdudeyo]

DeMars Coaching how do you deal with a covert mother-in-law??? Please help!!!!!

[@angelaramsay1778]

Good to see you going from strength to strength Dani. x

[@mercyrahma9501]

👌💯👍 Thank you so much for this❤️

[@doctordrabs]

Thank you

[@kevinbrislawn5918]

the covert narc was married three times..he never elaborated on his loss..but I now know what he did..he either fooled around or withdrew his love and impaled them with put downs and more.

[@nessauk2786]

They don't wear a mask they wear a full body suit which they live in the shadow of.They won't stop talking about money.

[@Mary-louise]

4yrs with a covert didn't figure out what he was until the end of the relationship they are vile and very dangerous go NC and never look back!!

[@potato_powered]

I was with someone even longer and didn't realize something was seriously off until she infected me with a STD. Thankfully it has since cleared up. I'm still working on getting away but it's nice to hear you managed to escape. I may have to pull a Katie Holmes to get away.

[@Mary-louise]

@@potato_powered I hope you do escape for you own safety, it's takes a lot of healing but it can be done 16 months NC for me hasn't been an easy journey but well worth it I am so much happier ☺

[@ArtandKitchen_]

my parents are narc, then discovered my bf is also a narc after 4 years. Who will I talk to.

[@brendatuthill474]

OMG you just described my mother in law!!!

[@CWdudeyo]

Brenda Tuthill Same!!!!! I wish he’d tell us what to do about her!!!! We can’t go NC!!!! Stuck!!!!

[@joannaoconnor9418]

I hate to say my but 'my' ex narc is full of self pity despite having absolutely no compassion for what he did to me

[@marlenr8691]

Joanna O'Connor mine too. Always poor him... and he discarded our nine year relationship like an old sock in a matter of days.

[@barb7124]

How does a CN differ from a Borderline? They sound very much alike.

[@Happy-Me.]

Well they are similar because they are both Cluster B. The Borderline will have a little more empathy than the Narcissist but many of the same traits! Either way bad news!

[@barb7124]

If you have all of the traits for cv, but you also have empathy, are you bpd? Is bpd just narcissim with empathy?

[@daviddemars]

Hello Barb, they are very similar. I have an entire playlist of videos specifically for Borderline Personality Disorder if that helps you understand. BPD is on the narcissism spectrum so similar traits but a little different criteria.

[@aroojaziz]

My ex told me one night that he is a devil, he has the power to attract any girl he wants, the cats and dogs start to meow and bark when they see him etc etc... I really got frightened... & a few minutes later he said that he was joking. 🙃

[@anthony6420]

Run

[@anthony6420]

U r good mate ... ❤️

[@steve2iooee928]

She did everything like this, attachment issues, control, victimise, irritability, love bombing devalue and the final discard they jump with someone new immediately. Your just a toy until they get bored.

[@s7bir344]

I like your way explaining them😀 In some way your face mimic was sarcastic and disgusted in the same time by their behavior👍😊

[@acheron101]

Use the warp speed to escape and never look back, and let them fall into the black (borderline) hole of emptiness, they deserve it...

[@morganbee834]

Its always been a competition to her... a few years ago I bought a mustang and so she went out a got my granddaddy to buy her a newer faster one so she could one up me.... same thing now. I just bought an suv for me and my son.... do I get a Congratulations? Nope shes looking at BMW's though lol... she actually admitted she's hates me. Which I already knew...

[@susandevracheek1615]

I posted a comment about 90 minutes ago, but don't see it. I thought someone could relate to it, so I'm disappointed it disappeared.

[@daviddemars]

Hello Susan, I'm sorry it disappeared.

[@1966wilky]

Hi David, I’m a recent subscriber to your channel after a recent relationship that left me traumatized. I’ve came across a particular youtube site via a former friend who posted a video from this channel on his timeline. I won’t name this channel or it’s owner in public because of libel etc. I’ve found some of his ‘call in the show for advice’ videos quite disturbing and probably very damaging for the person calling in. I think the channel owner is very good at recognizing manipulative tactics, and definitely knows what he’s talking about in relation to toxic relationships and manipulative people, but have a very strong sense that this is because he’s extremely manipulative himself. His style of dealing with his callers seems to be very manipulative, over questioning rather than sympathetic, constantly interrupting the caller to add his own negative judgment of them, going off on a tangent with them by over questioning them about small details to extrapolate what is very simple information, and then putting them down for not getting to the point, while he’s conflating one simple question or answer to or from caller himself. It’s very much a situation of telling them how they should have acted and felt, telling them in a very dominating way with a ‘no you should have, you knew already, that’s not what you should have thought and did, together with questioning why they didn’t ask questions or do this and that while in the damaging relationship. I have good reason to believe these callers looking for advice will probably feel drained and left in a worse state of mind as a result of reaching out for help and calling this man. Personally, this man and his videos make my skin crawl, because I recognize the manipulative tactics he’s using and his has a dead behind the eyes look. His affection, condescending tone, talking down to people and other things comes across to me as an extremely skilled sociopathic type who also has a huge cult following. Is there a way I can send you a link to this channel in private? I’m genuinely concerned he is getting a kick out of dominating conversations with people who are vulnerable after damaging relationships to inflate his own ego with a sense of power over them during these conversations. It’s actually a self proclaimed philosophy site, but as I said has gained a huge following from men, with spurious videos denigrating women while videos presented as “the truth about” this or that. Im also aware of people who’ve been so affected by time spent as a subscribers of his, they’ve needs therapy as a result of challenging him in any way. His audience tends to turn onto anyone who doesn’t agree with everything this man is telling them. He’s also advising subscribers to cut themselves off from their own families for purely political/ethical reasons, but they’re his policies and ethics he’s convinced them of, but he’s framing this difference of opinion as having an ‘abusive family’. I think you may well already know about this man, but if not then could I send you a link to the channel in private so you can judge for yourself? And if so, how would I be as lie to send it to you in a private message. I’m not familiar with how to do this on KZbin and also have a brain tumour that impacts on my cognitive skills regarding tech.

[@Bintang221]

Mine was a mix. Is it possibile?

[@daviddemars]

Of course, this isn't science.

[@Leandre22_02]

My story is crazy bc my narc Ex told me lies and I look at it and put the puzzle together and it’s disgusting and nasty healing trying to survive

[@janenerafie6609]

He would say, "Sorry for being me."

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Janene Rafie,hope you are not with a narcissist cause you are too precious!

[@janenerafie6609]

@@lioydwilliams1850 Absolutely not Lloyd...It's been two years since I've even seen him.

[@janenerafie6609]

@@lioydwilliams1850 Thank you 😊

[@lioydwilliams1850]

@@janenerafie6609 you are welcome my dear.I am Lioyd from the States.You?

[@lioydwilliams1850]

@@janenerafie6609 which country are you from?

[@yeswing10]

What about if you are the Scapegoat? I had to flee from abuse from all sides. My story sounds like the Narc's story!

[@Sally-ih6ls]

Can a victim of narc abuse behave like a narcissist? Can’t find much info on behaviours of narc abuse victims

[@williamheinsinger7390]

Everything that You talked about was about MY EX GIRLFRIEND AKA THE NARC, to the "T" . CREEPY BUT TRUE DAVID.

[@daviddemars]

I'm sorry but thank you William.

[@SuperSausage777]

My last relationship was 2 years ago it was long distance she had borderline personality disorder with bipolar disorder type 1 but my intuition was telling me that she was a covert narcissist because i caught her cheating on dating apps and when i confronted her about it she said to me YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU SEE ME ON THE DATING APPS... Lol as if it's my fault she's been caught cheating bloody cheek..

[@lalainebayoneta]

My mother in law is a full blown covert narcissist and acts very religious. I found out from her close friends and family members that she aint like that. She even pretends to go to church on sundays, sleep with a rosary, and put rosary around her neck in front of me, amd pretends she reads bible all the time and when i told close family members about it, they told me the complete opposite of what she is and they laughed about her fake religiousness for me to idlolize her. All those qualities mentioned in the video, she all have them

[@Rebeccaluna696]

Took me 2 years to realise who i was dealing with je had all this traits

[@eaksgeeks8674]

Someone said if a person is codependent there automatically a covert Narc is that true ?

[@gogoscorner1111]

Omg I say "me too"..am I a narcissist? How do I know if I'm crazy?

[@ManKiMauj]

Would you please tell something about , if there is a Codependent son of a covert narcissistic mother how and why does he start adapting covert ways of behaving like his narcissist mother.

[@alyajewellery]

“Me too!”

[@unapologeticallyexoticalElla]

Today he told me he doesnt care if I leave him because he has alot of friends.

[@theelizardqueen]

They say the opposite of the truth so that means he does care

[@theelizardqueen]

But not cause he cares about u. He just likes the attention.

[@sjwillis1137]

There are lots of them around.

[@drlarrymitchell]

Empaths: listen to your Spidey sense, switch it up on them feel what they're fixing to pull on you and then beat them to the punch. They HATE that. 😁

[@becca7038]

God 🙏🙏🙏 saved me. Mine told me he was an 😇 come to save me... Discard: no one gonna save me... Yeah I know, I am saving myself. The pain from having that rug pulled beneath me. That mask being ripped off. It was deplorable what he was saying to me. Makes me sick to think how I pathetically begged for him.... My final discard came on Thanksgiving..no human being deserves what he did to me except for maybe him. They want to absolutely cripple you for life.. at least the one I loved. I'll never let this happen. The therapy I need afterwards. No one should need therapy for simply loving someone. Smh. The shame you feel after. When it really hits you. What you put up with. What they did. You blame yourself. But they dont give you space to think it over. If you dump them you got the power. But they do whatever it takes to make sure they get you back to discard you and make you feel like trash. They mean you no good.

[@marrose3097]

True

[@rusticb2850]

Many covert narc love interests will be very generic at first. They need a clean canvas to absorb you into... They all seem to be weird about food. Many portray very birdlike pallets at first. They want to adapt to your diet or have a very high maintenance diet. Usually wont express a favorite sport or team. Usually pretty vague about any genres, music andor movies etc...They want to mold themselves to yours temporarily.

[@cb-mr7cs]

I need help.

[@Crazy_chick]

I wish I watched this video before I started to date my husband...

[@RabiWielkiePracie]

Front flip to my living room and shape hands into gun. 'freeze im an empath!' me and my wife had a nice laugh xD Be strong people! Thanks for great vids buddy

[@lorenamosley2994]

He spoke bad about the ex's. He was the victim. Each relationship he spoke about.; They always said that he was a cheater. Then he would want to change the subject.

[@LucyFre]

They never forgive anything ( even small things) Lets say: you where late for them , on train station 7 years ago.They coming back to it on and on again and concentrate on negative things. After while you thing : this person Is intentionally looking for my faults weaknesses. You can't rich to them. There invisible barrier- you can't please satisfy them. After while you thing am I good enough for you in anything?

[@mariannedaniels319]

A lot of this info is correct but also stands for victims. What about people who have had narcissistic upbringings that lead to bad relationships because of low self asteem?

[@Lovelyelizabeth12]

You’re spot on!

[@juliedevaul6556]

Queen Elizabeth narcs look for empaths.

[@rebekahsumer7980]

My ex narc send my during 2 months 180 selfees pictures 😀

[@tamrasublimechick2418]

Aha.. Great video. Youre fuckin funny! Good impressions btw

[@katharineellis3809]

SAGITTARIUS

[@susandevracheek1615]

Oh, just found it. Sorry.

[@dominicneely4339]

Your right, is it heredity or were they abused as children I've lived with one for 35 years children are raised now it's a different ballgame I think he might of went through satanic ritual abuse as a child I also found a sex demon on him please write back sir. Thanks wife getting divorced after 35 years andrea!!

[@teemukosyrjanen8759]

Actually midrange (covert narcissitik) doesnt know that they are narcissitik.🤔

[@brown_recidivist]

Another dead giveaway is that you don't really know the covert narcissist.