Cognitive Defusion: Letting Your Thoughts Just Be Thoughts

Learn the importance of externalizing from our thoughts in order to see them as just that - thoughts - rather than consuming us and becoming the guideposts for our behaviors and feelings.
This technique comes from Acceptance & Commitment Therapy and helps you use a tangible skill when feeling overwhelmed to detach from the power of the thought and/or feeling.
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[@PeterBlakeMaths]

Hi Kyira, another super-helpful video from you! I hope you realise how life-changing your content can be... The parts that resonated with me most were the reminders that: Our thoughts do not have to dictate and define everything about how we think, how we feel and how we behave. They don't have to be the underpinning for the story that we live in. Sometimes our thoughts are just thoughts. Thanks so much! (I'll now get back to letting all my black balloon drift off...)

[@adversityrising]

Wow thank you for your kind words Peter! That means a lot. That last one is so key; I like to focus on the idea that thoughts are just invitations or options that we get to decide whether or not we spend time with them and that they only become true if we decide to take them on.

[@ambikawolf664]

This was excellent. In my journal, I wrote about sinkholes (a coworker fell in one and broke her arm in 2012-13). There is a Tibetan Buddhist book that mentions enlightened people walk on the other side of the street from the sinkhole. I can wake up and wonder how I will navigate a day filled with sinkholes that could be just about anything life throws at you. Then I remember I can walk around them...

[@adversityrising]

I love that image! How powerful -- it's the idea of control and choice. We can only control what we can control and how empowering it can be to decide to walk around something that to feel like you have no control and get stuck in them.

[@ambikawolf664]

@@adversityrising I found this analogy of a hole in the sidewalk in this one edition of the Tibetan Book of the Dead years ago

[@adversityrising]

@@ambikawolf664 Thank you for sharing the title! I am going to look more into the book as a quick search and reading reviews sounds like it would be a very introspective read!

[@joemills346]

Hey, wanted to say that this has helped significantly! With anxiety, I've gotten better at differentiating what's a rational thought and what's an "anxiety thought", but I guess I never truly understood what I was supposed to do about the "anxiety thoughts". Your video was super helpful in terms of getting a jump-start on figuring that out, so thanks!

[@adversityrising]

I am glad this helped. The idea of navigating and releasing our thoughts is weird to say the least and as a more visual person, this helped ma lot to think about what and how I can still name and validate my anxious thoughts but then CHOOSE (which is key) to let them go and to trust that thoughts are not fact or set in stone.

[@maryfountain1811]

This is AMAZING!!! Wow, I am so glad I ran across you on you tube. I am at the place in my journey that I can receive this and implement it!! Thank you so much!!!!

[@adversityrising]

Isn't that so powerful when you find the support you are looking for when you are in a place you can receive it? I am excited for you and look forward to hearing some of your takeaways and processing points along the way!

[@julieoscarsrealtor]

Hello Kyira. This was so helpful. Thank you for this video and for making it easy for me to understand and to get started to practice detachment from my anxious and unhelpful thoughts.

[@adversityrising]

You are very welcome! I am glad you found this video to be helpful and look forward to being a support for yu in this process. This is another video that can be helpful when working on managing unhelpful thoughts: kzbin.info/www/bejne/hXSaqoWXpNOCjsk&t

[@johnykryll]

Really helpful guidance. This is something I will practice, thank you Kyira

[@anishakrishna3209]

This helped so much. Thank you! I’ve been recently experiencing horrible intrusive thoughts and the therapist I spoke to wasn’t really of much help.

[@adversityrising]

I am so glad to hear it! It's definitely a skill that takes commitment and practice but once you start to wire this pattern in your brain, it becomes easier and easier to dismiss or release intrusive thoughts.

[@clivegable8062]

Thanks Kyira ,Struggling with some thoughts about some mistakes I’ve made particularly last few years. Although in the main I was wrong, but the way I was dealt with has hurt me. Certainly as time passes things seem to very very slowly feel acceptance and would love the chance to accept no one is perfect and therefore have some peace and get on with enjoying the present. I really appreciate your channel 🙏

[@adversityrising]

The healing process is so hard when it comes to this work. Allowing ourselves to grieve, feel and move through our pain, process and move forward from our own wrongdoings and make space for how others grieve and respond as well is taxing. I am glad you are finding comfort in this channel. Remind to only task yourself to hold what is yours and that you can control and give yourself space to keep learning and showing up as the you you are excited to be around and growing with every day.

[@LinuxBased_Eskimo]

Thanks for your videos! I'm recently started to deal with my bpd diagnosis. Looking for any suggestions to practice dbt. Please let me know if you have other videos .thx

[@adversityrising]

That can be really hard and filled with a lot of different routes of insight building, emotional validation & processing and ultimately healing. I have a lot of different videos that can help you practice DBT skills for regulation but I think sometimes learning more about shame and the ways it can lead us to be reactive, where it comes from and the impact it has on how we view the world can be helpful. I would suggest starting with these videos: - kzbin.info/www/bejne/raWvaoRtmMtgrJI&t - kzbin.info/www/bejne/bZvLfWeoabWgi9U - kzbin.info/www/bejne/kIKVZqCLhMZnl9E You could also look at the full playlist "Addressing Shame" which includes these and other videos: kzbin.info/aero/PLOd-uDZRqnOEPo2RX5g0oPEVKUiWSrten

[@ArtStyleStudio]

Hi there, thanks for this, helps alot especially that you talked about it in details. One question, while noticing the thought, it does bring emotions with it, how can we notice the thought without feeling the instant burst of chest/stomach pain. When the thought comes, it does carry with it instant baggage. So can you explain how does defusion, makes us look, read and understand the thought without feeling baggage and then releasing it. Thank you

[@adversityrising]

I appreciate your question and work to try and manage these two parallel (and connected) processes. The reality is that the thought will likely bring an emotion with it and the "work" is in learning to tolerate the distress created by that emotion to help yourself move through it without being controlled by or trying to control it. When you have a thought that brings up panic or anxiety, the work is to begin to practice distress tolerance skills to not get lost in the thought and subsequent feeling but to instead help breath and move through it. So, for example, if you have a thought about something bad happening or maybe you are ruminating on something that is kicking up a lot of anxiety and panic, even naming it will make your chest tight and your body react. Try and make space to get curious about and name what you are feeling. It's the reaction to the pain and emotion that intensifies the experience. The reality is, feeling this is a sign your body is doing its job in that you felt a threat or pain and it is reacting as a means to signal you. Maybe in this instance, it's I am scared or I am worried. If you can, add the "WHY" -- i.e. I am scared that my boss is upset with me and that I may lose my job. When you are in this state, the goal is then to work through the physiological stress (i.e. body and emotional reaction) and then come back to the thought as the reaction is your fear brain getting turned on because it is labeling this experience as a threat. We need to bring down the fear response and then revisit the thought when we come down from there. That happens by being compassionate to the self and learning that the feeling or reaction is temporary and can be worked through rather than suppressed or ignored You can use a variety of techniques including progressive muscle relaxation or the 5-4-3-2-1 method -- both of which I made videos for in my Distress tolerance playlist here: kzbin.info/aero/PLOd-uDZRqnOFH9f4Eq0a8mN1nowK0qt09 Once you have brought your body down a bit, you can return to the thought and then work on thought challenging. I have a handout on thought analysis that can be particularly helpful here: adversityrising.com/handouts/thoughtanalysis Hope this helps give you some more insight into the ways to begin to dismantle this tangled web!

[@ArtStyleStudio]

@@adversityrising thanks for the instant reply, i really appreciate it. I also want to add that thoughts I usually have are irrational and untrue and are not needed at all. I often see examples such as "imagine it's a cloud, car, or a train and watch it from afar and let it pass" . Or maybe give it a name such as "the bully thought" and tell that bully, hi I see you, you are not helpful at the moment, and let it pass. I just can't understand one point. By noticing it, do I view the content of the thought, or do I just notice it as a label (let's say a cloud with a label on it saying negative thought) and then let it pass. To clarify, when I recognize that a specific bad thought is coming, do I have to view its content, or read it, or think about it before releasing it. Or do i just look at it as an object (car, train, cloud) with maybe a label on it. Im just saying this because in my experience, as soon as I view the content, instant pain comes with it which asks me to dig even more deeper into it, and then the cycle starts which is endless. Im not really sure how the process is exactly. I just feel like I viewed many videos for defusion, and looking at other people explain it, even if its a detailed one. I still feel that it's not completely clear when it comes to really experiencing it. Thanks for the links by the way, and thanks again for replying. Means alot really.

[@adversityrising]

@@ArtStyleStudio yeah that is super tricky! I think defusion is a technique about releasing yourself from the thought which means that you can see that it's a car, or balloon or whatever, notice it is a thought with "X" intent -- to drive anxiety, panic, etc and that you have seen this thought is not rational or helpful so the content itself often does not need to be explored in that setting. And, I often think the content is deriving from somewhere - consider trauma history, mental health diagnoses, brain chemistry, etc - so exploring those thoughts with the safety and support fo a mental health provider can be super helpful as sometimes it is about being able to work through whatever underlying piece is leading you to this repeatedly. In short, I don't think every moment these come to the surface is going to mean you are in a safe and secure place to examine and process through content. It sounds like you examine the content then it can consume you. Outside support can help that part not happen by bringing in a neutral mental framework. Modalities that can be helpful with things like this include Internal Family Systems, somatic work and EMDR.

[@TM-zs2uh]

That externalization piece was a light bulb 💡 moment. I’ve done ‘Thought Records’ for CBT and always feel better afterwards, that explains why. Sometimes though it just isn’t practical to use writing- like when I’m doing the dishes or driving (anxiety’s fav times to visit;) so I will definitely give vocalizing them a try to start & play with the visualizations too. Thanks very much!

[@adversityrising]

I am so glad you found this helpful! The biggest thing is the externalization piece (or getting them out of your head). The more we can do that, the more we are able to let our thoughts be thoughts and not consume us in the same way. It "lightens" the cognitive burden. Those moments might also be moments to try and associate a gratitude practice as we know gratitude is one of the best ways to establish a sense of rooting to one's self and the world and increases self-esteem/lowers anxiety. Maybe while you are doing the dishes or driving you have a practice to start off by saying 3 things you are grateful for?

[@Kevin-hy8ok]

Kyira, this is really good stuff beautifully illustrated. Thank you so much! I also visualized the “balloons” floating away in the wind and drifting toward the horizon.

[@adversityrising]

@@Kevin-hy8ok I love that! Imagery is such a powerful tool to help with that disconnection or detachment from our thoughts

[@glofacekilluh]

This is fantastic information but one tiny note: the sound quality is a little rough. Adjusting this might take these videos the extra mile on youtube! Thanks for doing these videos!

[@adversityrising]

Haha ugh, don't I know it! It's a little cringey for me too. I have since invested in high-quality mics, camera, lighting, etc, and can definitely hear, see and just naturally feel a difference. Feel free to check out my page to listen to some of the newer ones to see the difference :)

[@glofacekilluh]

@@adversityrising *subscribed

[@adversityrising]

@@glofacekilluh Thank you for your support! Excited to hear your reaction to the *much* better audio quality haha! Still playing around with a few things like music or no music throughout, etc but finding my way!

[@sanekabc]

What do you mean when you say the thought is just a thought?

[@adversityrising]

Great question -- thoughts and beliefs are two distinctly different concepts. Thoughts are just fleeting ideas or pieces of information. We can react emotionally to them, but they come and go and can be all over the place. We have on average 10's of thousands of thoughts in a day and they simply come and go. The other key piece is that we cannot control our thoughts. Beliefs on the other hand are thoughts we latch on to or that take root. They become tethered to our deeper thoughts, convictions and in turn, actions. You can have a thought you are stupid, dumb or less than and be upset by it but move on. But if you believe you are stupid, dumb, or less than, then it will have a much bigger impact on how you show up and live your life.