Stop Letting People Control Your Emotions

Not letting other people control your emotions means one little thing done or said by someone else doesn't have the power to ruin your whole day, or worse, even longer. When you learn how to trust yourself and become in charge of your own mind and emotions you can stop letting people trigger you, you can stop overreacting, and you can stop letting others control your happiness because you are now in charge.
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#triggers #emotionalintelligence #personalresponsibility

[@juliakristinamah]

I'd love to hear - what connected with you from this talk?

[@rainbow9987]

Finding out that there are words that trigger me because of past wounds. That helped me.

[@sarcastabunny]

Being able to recognise when and, importantly, what evokes the emotional response. Taking the step and the breath. Then refocussing.

[@roccorubino6288]

Dr. Phil has advice that he often gives people who are in challenging interpersonal situations- such as marriage (!), he says' "Don't take the bait!" So I was immediately attracted to this topic as I have a challenging situation I am dealing with on an ongoing basis, and I keep taking the bait. I've come to realize that the problem isn't with the other person; it is with me, who allows myself to get "triggered." You're insight is a gift to those of us consumers/patients within the mental health space who are longing for common sense, practical, yet wise advice- that isn't maudlin nor simplistic. You are wise beyond your years, Miss. Julia. I am a big fan; keep up the great work.

[@nikkimckay860]

I want to share that my past relationships and friendship have been the reasons for my emotions thank you for shareing this important information and advice your videos are helpful

[@johnrobinson6476]

Julia, First I want to thank you for all you do! Thank you! I liked your comment on having the relationship with yourself, and building that trust in yourself, to step back and ask yourself why is this impacting me? Is there so past issue or hurt that is going on here that is causing this trigger. Pulling the pieces apart to look at them and understand the whys, to then heal and get through that fight or flight trigger... Thank you, God Bless! John

[@nicoleonfeels]

Nothing is as personal as we make it out to be. People’s behavior are usually a reflection of internal things. So focus on yours, & let others focus on theirs 🤗

[@juliakristinamah]

Agreed 100%. Thanks Nicole.

[@tammyvalle9259]

Sooo true , but I take is personal thinking no one likes me .

[@Damngoodchicken_]

She’s right, you know.

[@antonboludo8886]

Yes, well said.

[@ayoutubegirl5933]

If you want practice in this get a job in customer service where you get surveyed. It will teach you to not take an angry person, bashing you because you're the face of the company, personally. I have learned to diffuse a person so quickly because I let them vent and listen for the reason for the venting. Once they are done, I show empathy and tell them how to fix the problem. I always get an apology after each time. It has now worked in any other interaction I've been in outside of work.

[@jennifereaton7685]

You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to. (My favorite meme I saw last week)

[@FaithfulandTrue949]

THIS!!! 🙏

[@josephblunt2934]

I love that one. When "the bully" , who lives in the same house as me, has that look in his face it always means trouble. Personal attacks are soon to follow. Trying to defend myself is like pissing into the wind. It's pointless. It took a long time, but I finally learned to walk away. This simple but effective solution works every time!

[@CherryBerryFashion]

Thank you for sharing!! I will keep it!!

[@nataliewilliamson38]

😂😂😂

[@joeythebushkangaroo1]

Sometimes you have to let the ball go thru to the wicket-keeper,u don't have to react or reply to everyone....

[@sussannekeith5676]

All people have an element of toxicity to them... we don't need to run every time...but learn to manage our reaction to them. Sometimes no reaction is the best reaction.

[@EnjoyingYourLifeWithJesus]

Love it...so true Sussanne.

[@nimekupata]

Maybe it's just bei my human. We've all been hurt, because without hurt, we wouldnt have empathy. Ying and yang. What you're calling toxicity, I'm now preferring to call a learning curve 😊

[@nimekupata]

being human lol I'm on my fire hard to type!

[@verronica2]

Exactly. We would need to live in an island. No choice but to learn how to deal internally.

[@porscheastansberry7935]

I like this Sussanne.. thanks

[@darkethereal]

“I don’t need to change them in order for me to feel ok.” This one really hit me. ❤

[@jamesmccluskey391]

"Don't give rental space to others in your head that don't belong to be there in the first place"!

[@theparlourlady543]

Yes! My aunt used to always say “ don’t let people live rent free in your mind”.

[@kathymiller4385]

Free rent

[@jennalynn1918]

As an empathy and a very highly sensitive person, this is something I struggle daily with. It does have to be just words it can be energy that is overwhelming 🙏🧘🏻‍♀️💗😇

[@sussannekeith5676]

Some people will never be accountable for their thoughtlessness or arrogance.. they are often weak and insecure... no you don't need to react to them.. they feed off it.

[@abigailtamera8688]

And just let God deal with them honestly.

[@kimdkus]

Ain’t that the truth!!!

[@Janeway1269]

@@abigailtamera8688 Although as an atheist that doesn't help me, especially if the people I'm dealing with are people at work.

[@abigailtamera8688]

@@Janeway1269 yeah I can’t tell you what to do but Honestly the best advice I would give u is too just don’t pay attention to it because at the end of the day you have a pay check coming in and that’s what matters.

[@antonboludo8886]

Correct.

[@Janeway1269]

DING! DING! Childhood bullying. Lots of wounds + being highly sensitive.

[@juliakristinamah]

I see you. That pain can run very deep.

[@MarikaTheEmpress]

SAME

[@Job.Well.Done_01]

Abandonment and Bullying can each make one feel similar responses. Both are AWFUL on the mind and nervous system.

[@hemantprasad9953]

I can relate but what’s the solution?

[@priscillawilliams2535]

Me too bullying n high sensitive here too

[@admirbarucija2018]

This is such a crucial thing to learn!! Letting other people dictate how we feel can be damaging in the long run

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes, it rarely works out well.

[@admirbarucija2018]

@@juliakristinamah For sure

[@nikkimckay860]

Admir Barucija I completely agree with your comment well written and to add so meny times my emotions have been effected and controlled by people that have been in and out of my life it's hard to sometimes not let people control our emotions and yes it can be damaging in the long run as already said well written 🙂

[@rhondapelletier2141]

My son , in his 30’s ..... taught me a lot ....lol..... simple perspective shifts ) I always worry abt hurting ppls feelings..... even strangers........ hard to make other ppl happy & does not make me feel good☹️....lol, he says replace what if’s w/ SO WHAT.......... ppl w/ harmful controlling comments to me w/ Fu*$ them...... you CONTROL YOUR emotions....... nobody else, stop letting them take YOUR POWER........ My son is mentally strong......lol❤️..........

[@lidiaguiselpadilla6155]

@@juliakristinamah It was extremely helpful information regarding your husband telling you that it was good to deal with this difficult personae all mostly tend to run avoid those challenges and it was really refreshing to hear it be put that way. Thank you so

[@wendywilsoncprcontemplativ3660]

I have been dealing with extremely challenging people for almost 70 years. I need a break. I will gladly remove myself from their presence. I am not interested in learning anything. At my age, I shouldn't have to dodge or analyze other people's BS.

[@NurseIrisZ]

Whats BS

[@auntnan9121]

Your response is spot on! I’m 75 and don’t use social media. Someone left a note in my mailbox about an item I put on the curb. Thinking they were asking about a missing part, I responded. What was I thinking! After she told me how much she appreciated the item as she was very down until she found my curbside “gift”. She started sending those cutesy quotes 3-6 a day. I’m pretty busy. My daughter (Rett syndrome,) requires full time care. I respond 👍🏻. But don’t have time for coffee and chats. Never have. It was really getting, to say the least, annoying. Then her text turned argumentative. Just going to put this out there, I met her in person once and she reeked of alcohol. “If you listen, people will tell you who they are”. I thought, if she were listening she would know I’m too busy for this childish BS. Now she’s left notes stuck on my Amazon package, to call, as she is concerned. I don’t know this woman. Now I’m concerned too. Like my Dad used to say, “Don’t go away mad.., just go away!”

[@carolynbridgeman5981]

I am a world traveler. I encounter plenty of challenging experiences. I actually do remove difficult people from my life. I have also closed out my social media accounts. I can't imagine ever being able to completely rid our world of uncomfortable experiences, but I personally don't waste my time and energy in useless emotional combat. My family alone gives me more than enough triggering experiences. I even limit my time with them. I do examine my feelings and reactions, but I also don't feel the need to immerse myself in other people's crap.

[@sharrose7594]

love everything you said

[@tammystegall5130]

Me to I limit my time with my family because of them pushing buttons .I want to run from it all !

[@jamiecee4960]

Not going to let someone make me take out all my accounts.

[@wordtothewise711]

Still learning how to do that. Just had an issue at work where my boss intentionally ignored me, left me up shits creek without a paddle, meaning I had no money in our register, no key to the office and no way of contacting anyone cause I work overnight to get a key to complete my duties. I called 7 times, he turned his phone off, then I texted him 9 times 5 where paragraphs asking him how am I supposed to do my job if I don't have the proper tools. 🤔 no response. He calls the store let's the 1st shift workers know where the key was and I was even more pissed.

[@jismbabe]

@@wordtothewise711 @Word to the Wise I'm afraid you are giving him all the tools to let him treat you like trash. What if you would have texted him that you couldn't work like that so you had no choice but to go home. Furthermore, that you want to have a serious talk with him asap about certain matters. Good luck. 🍀

[@PushPastParalysis]

The control thing is huge for me. Around very angry people who try to control others.

[@LonjeMarie7]

I’m growing just by getting Away from extremely difficult toxic narcissistic people

[@ranaeid2390]

Sometimes you can't remove the negative and bad people. However, you can control your thoughts and actions towards them. I can choose to ignore them. I can also choose to do things that keep my mind off the situation.

[@jismbabe]

When ppl try to distract me with their negative energy I give them a blank look and follow my path. I control what gets my attention. ☺️💝

[@user-vc3rr8il7l]

I think this is something I should have done the other day. Good point

[@paulaclemons8007]

This was on point for me. My triggers are someone trying to control me. I've learned this come from being raped and molested by family members when I was young. So now that I'm older I will not accept anyone to control anything about me.

[@Joshdifferent]

💯💯💯

[@Iamawesomelovedandblessed444]

Same no one has any power over me if they try they will learn very quickly it ain't happening 💯

[@irishsingersongwritertessp4223]

That’s a great quote. A situation doesn’t go from bad to worse, it goes from bad to managed”. Very good.

[@tranquilgardens3434]

People telling me or others what to do...? When they have no business doing so, drives me up the wall The ones telling others what they "should" do or not do

[@elisamolina9909]

I love that you said that difficult people is part of our growing. Sometimes it isn't possible to get away from difficult people.

[@symoneg3057]

This saved me from messing up my new friendship from a disagreement. Instead of lashing out I waited a few minutes to respond and asked myself why I’m feeling angry and that her comments don’t control me

[@anna-5104]

I had such a situation with a co-worker today. She is basically my authority and critiqued me negatively for my work which I couldn't understand at all. I tried to explain what my thoughts are, but her heart and mind were closed off to that. I've gotten so angry inside that I could've yelled and started a heated argument. She might be above me, but I'm still a pretty important person at our little company and the authority for this one specific project that she is criticizing me on. She did little to nothing regarding this project, so I was baffled that she would disrespect me like that. But I gave up my pride, repeated "Sorry" a few times and let her frustration die out. People around us are as much on a journey of their own as we are. The mistakes and misbehavior of others is just them trying to deal with their own internal problems. She wanted to let her frustration out and had emotional pain that guided her to say the things she did. I understood that she is a on a journey on her own, so I decided to guide her, be a teacher or mother figure and replied in a professional message free from any emotional begagge all information around the project and that I offered her the option to take on the responsibility and suggested her to act independently from me. I still feel emotional about this situation, so I have to learn to not let it affect me so much.

[@perezlourdes8223]

I never thought of triggers as avenues of learning and growth..always avoided people/events ! What a great perspective.! Also, I could choose to let it go ( every one has the right to their own opinion) or , I take a step back , deep breaths, curiosity, connect with my feelings..Yes! You are such a gift!❤️❤️

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes!!

[@mothergoose26]

Amazing feedback

[@JnTmarie]

This kind of work is so exhausting that’s why people don’t go there. I relate to your intensity and it is when others want to get away because they don’t want to get aware... as they pick up a drink or smoke. Then you are vulnerable for people to turn on you and attack your behavior. Gaslighting can happen. People are always wanting to control others and sometimes we have no choice. Breathe. I am treated with disrespect when reaching out to reason with certain people because they have things to hide. Accepting we can’t make things right sometimes is key in certain situations. Your sanity is valuable. Pick your battles.

[@elise5975]

This is so deeply engrained in me, people affect me waaay too much. There are time when i don't care at all what people think I love that feeling it's so freeing but in the end it doesn't last because I really do care and it doesn't help that I don't have any one who truly gets who I am. But I'm working on it i guess?? lol

[@martinegagne5326]

The key message that I took away from this video is the usage of triggers as an opportunity to grow in the hope of being more in control of our emotions, not give our power away to other people and eventually reach some inner peace. I believe that in the end, this is what we all want. Thank you for sharing this video!

[@saritaylor3648]

Standing ovation. I have issues with people controlling me or being bossy cos of how I was bought up. This revealed that for me

[@juliakristinamah]

So glad it connected. That control trigger can be a doozy, hey?

[@Joshdifferent]

💯💯💯

[@garycordle5295]

One thing I learned is letting go,of things and people that do not serve you negative, and we are responsible for our own happiness.

[@WDBDWK]

AHA MOMENT: “I don’t need this person to see things my way”. There it is. Not getting this extremely important reality is probably the cause of diving into drama and drama triangles in the first place. The “I don’t need this person to see things my way” understanding is amazing. It’s like saying NO to your ego when it demands (not asks) for the launch code sequence to a nuclear missile inside it’s defence arsenal! You are a very authentic and connected speaker with some great insights. Thank you.

[@juliakristinamah]

I love that analogy - deep and accurate.

[@fransarahallen7887]

Reminds me of the saying 'We are not here to be right, we are here to get it right....'

[@raularmas317]

My favorite quote: Fight the fights that need fighting, and not necessarily only the fights you can win decisively. There are those marathon battles over big issues that will take lots of time to effect positively-- one step at a time even a mountain can be moved, like cleaning up the environment

[@juliakristinamah]

Amen.

[@carloscastaneda7047]

One of my take aways from this talk was learning how not to get pulled in. That is something challenging for me. I will need to as the talk mention "Get curious about what is being challenged?" and "Why I'm I having this big emotional reaction to this?". These are really helpful internal dialogue that I need to ask myself when I'm being triggered. Thanks!

[@glamgalnorth6320]

I just learned that this has been my problem all of these years. Had I heard this earlier in life, I could have saved myself a whole lot of grief. Thank you for such a great message.

[@joeythebushkangaroo1]

Some people bait others online,just waiting for an argument. Pass them by.

[@echoes8]

I'm really am grateful for sharing your own triggered experiences. Its so helpful when we see even therapists are human and still struggle too. 💜

[@LizBurg15]

I absolutely love how you express yourself! All the information you share is so helpful

[@mrfunghi600]

I was aware that I did this but I didn't know how much it actually affected me. Just the other day in conversation my older brother said something that "triggered" me. I felt this wave of emotions come up. In the past I would have lashed out in anger and left. This time I let the comment slip by and held in those emotions. Once the conversation had ended I left the situation. I know I have made progress with this, I just am not sure if it is in the right direction. Thank you for this reminder.

[@NenaLavonne]

It is amazing how much this can happen without us even being aware, you are right!

[@shawnmclane6626]

Every few days I am over reactive because of someone’s moods or actions then I do have a bad day and usually cause myself problems with all others I interact with that day. Thx for this video 🧡

[@juliakristinamah]

really glad it connected.

[@ladybaabaa3294]

One of my close friends does this. She consistently alternates between a good day and a bad day, and on her bad days, she is very sensitive, hyper-reactive, and things tends to snowball as she reacts badly to even her friends and family, which then makes her even more upset.

[@loverx3488]

Same 😔😶🤒

[@thelovelyregina]

I have been getting triggered alot. Especially with the people closest to me like my partner and my son. Once I get triggered I tend to hold on to that negative emotion and not let it go and begin to self-isolate for day or sometimes even a couple of days. What you said about trusting yourself hasn't really hit me much lately until you related it to allowing others to control my emotions. I notice that I allow how others react (typically in a negative way or what I see as negative thinking and responses) dictate my response. It makes me feel VERY uncomfortable and I don't LIKE IT at ALL! Especially when I'm seeing the negative day in and day out, it effects me alot! I can only take so much. I believe this might be due to my childhood but I haven't explored it much lately. I definitely want to learn how to STOP Letting others control my emotions! Thank you for making these videos!

[@tammyvalle9259]

This is so me !!!! 56 years old married 30 years and every time my husband looks at me wrong I get my feelings hurt and I'm that way with family members that I can't stand to be around I try to avoid going to get togethers and I'm getting worse with all these things instead of better . Thank you for sharing these great tips . I just found you today in search of help .

[@susanwhaley370]

Hi. Thank you. This was a goodie. I think my trigger is criticism...the more my kids and hubby criticise me, the more I withdraw and hide from the world. I guess I have some work to do.😊

[@ladybaabaa3294]

I'm the same. When I'm criticised I feel primarily, embarrassed, inadequate, stupid, rejected, and then secondarily, angry, resentful and self-loathesome. So I stop doing things entirely because why would I want to be further criticised?

[@lindasharpe7039]

@@ladybaabaa3294 Sounds familiar.

[@helencrowhurst2364]

Look up narcissistic behaviours... Dr Ramani. Wonderful Doctor.

[@lindasharpe7039]

@@helencrowhurst2364 Thank You 💙

[@doloresikbaker2371]

Hi, I am reading you one year after your comment. Hope this gets to you. I am on the same situation with family members...yup more than one! The CRITICISM is difficult to bear. SO TO ..GET RELIEF I WITHDRAW FOR WHILE...but does not help my hurt. Hope you are holding up. May the sacred heart of JESUS bless you.

[@naturewitch8687]

Why I’m listening to this I’m thinking about an incident the other day which affected me and I do let people control my emotions so much. 😔

[@newtoatheism5968]

Same

[@MEMORIA1316]

Thanks, Julia! The story about the triggering post resonated with me. A colleague sent me an email in which I felt I was being attacked and I sat for 40 minutes thinking about how I was going to respond. Now I am exploring the reason that email triggered me.

[@francesgarcia7441]

I existed with mental illness over 40 years which I helped navigate with medications. However, now that I’m in the proximity of my 73rd birthday, I feel that I have lived with my brain cluttered and resistant to change. I have allowed my delusions of other people having control of me is realistic and I have the ability to achieve harmony within myself by following your recommendations. Thank you.

[@user-lt2uw4bb8y]

This lady talks nothing but truth it all makes sense. Breath of fresh air 🙏

[@solairaghamal7802]

Please talk more about control triggers and how we can work on it. Thanks for all the info you shared.

[@idagarcia1767]

Thank you! I'm challenged when I feel that I'm being manipulated. Too often I overreact then feel mortified. I appreciate your video because it helps me understand the what and why I respond the way I do. Signing up for your course on how to trust myself. Even at 61, never too old to learn and to enjoy life! Thanks again!

[@darlenegantt3954]

If you can't afford a therapist your Chanel is a great site for help with life and relationships problems. Thank you for sharing your skills.

[@april82daisies]

This is such good wisdom. I’m crying as I watch/listen. So so true!! Thank you. So helpful & needed.

[@Thecoolcjay]

Julia thank you for taking your time and reaching out to help people! We appreciate it.

[@kurisuchiinu1206]

Thank you, thank you for this! I appreciate you reminding me and everyone else that instead of running away, I should endure and face those kinds of people. I always use my music to cover my ears when I don't want to hear something bad people said about me. I don't want to absorb the negativity they say so that's my response. But truth to be told, I'd have to deal with them at some point in my life. I may have gotten away at the moment I'd want to but for sure there'd be situations that I won't be able to get out. Sometimes I can endure people like this, sometimes I just flip out. It's hard to pretend all the time. There was a comment that someone disagreed with me. I had to stop and think whether I'd waste my time explaining my opinion or not. I did not respond in the end because that's my opinion! I don't need to feed in their toxic negativity. I felt triggered but I'm glad I held back.

[@shawnmclane6626]

I’m sorry you’ve been thru this but I’m glad to know I’m not alone and crazy. This makes so much sense ty again

[@TheFaith113]

So great to find you! On my own & have passed your channel on to so many others. Thank you for being there☺️

[@robertofiad8373]

Congrats, Julia. This video came on while I was at another website doing research for some academic history papers I want to do, but I could hear what you were saying. As your video progressed, whereas at the beginning I was thinking of moving to another video, I began to really feel myself going back to times when the stuff you were talking about was taking place in my own life. The world needs what you offer. I know that I do. Thanks.

[@melindalee7845]

Just happened on this. It was at such a good time as I am going through a few things. I find I do this all the time. Thank you for the advice. It is going to be a long road for my healing.

[@positivegreenford]

For ten years my partner and I have found it increasingly difficult to tolerate some behaviour which became far worse at the start of the pandemic and the local lockdown. As adults we had come to realise that we are both quite fragile mentally and this has had a profound impact on how we cope with people like that. I believe that person somehow sensed this and exploited it for a decade, particularly over the last year. I look back now and see the gaslighting and bullying we have put up with unnecessarily. To cut a long story short I let two things be known to them and it paid off. If only I had realised ten years ago what I know now because, although the situation isn't perfect, things are far more in our favour than they ever have been. Despite that we continue to be affected by what has happened, and to a degree still is happening. I realised while on an exercise bike that if I think about it the heart rate monitor shows it. I checked my blood pressure today, after another encounter, and it was reflected there too. So I'm in a situation where it isn't just my mental state that is being affected, it is actually making me unwell. I know that if I can lessen the effect of that trigger it will make a huge difference mentally and physically. Much of the problem originates not with what has happened in recent years but with things that happened so long ago I can hardly remember them. This video has made me realise that control is being exerted over me by someone who has absolutely no right to that power. I just have a lot of days when I haven't got it in me to challenge it and it's exhausting.

[@amazingconsistency3039]

Thank you. Stop, Think, Act. Beautiful healing message. Keep going!

[@adridelarosaj]

I loved that you shared such intimate experiences of your own personal growth journey. It gave me reassurance as to the similar types of experiences I've had with listening to my own triggers. The comment you made regarding your social media experience was a brilliant realization. Namely, you realized you were attempting to "change" the other person -- their thoughts, words, or beliefs-- so that you "could be ok". That's huge. Realizing instead that you are already ok... (not in danger, not threatened, etc)... you moved on. I received much empowerment from this thought today. Thank you!

[@michaelahauschildt7528]

Thanks Julia. I have subscribed to your channel. I need to change the way I think and react. It's causing me problems all the time. I hear what you say and it makes total sense...I just have difficulties practicing it. Taking things personally and having my feelings/ emotions control my everyday life for many years is draining.

[@dharwit]

thank you, this was really therapeutic this should help me cope with something that's been troubling me for a few months now i feel comforted rn, thank you

[@denisekulow1]

I just love the calmness and kindness of your voice - just that in itself is helpful for me dealing with my anxiety type issues. The topics are also amazing, of course :)

[@natalieflores7993]

I’m so happy I found your video! Thank you! Recently I’ve been dealing with letting peoples negative comments and energy get to me. Every time this happens I feel physically sick, my heart races, stomach clenches and I feel like I need to run away. It’s a horrible feeling. Your video was very insightful and helped a lot.

[@ajwsmith1919]

This is a fantastic talk, Julia. I really related to how you described the process of managing uncomfortable emotions triggered by interactions with awkward people, and benefits of doing so.

[@michellereese8951]

Listening to you makes so much sense. I keep allowing this man to get to me with the horrible things he says to me. I automatically go into panic mode that I try to fight but it is so hard. I know he's not healthy for me but continue to deal with it. I know it's his own issues. I guess I want to react so people don't think bad of me and I know it's because of my childhood. I just want to stop feeling this way. Thank you, your videos help!!!

[@chrisdigitalartist]

I love learning all of this. It is so freeing to not let others control our emotions. One thing I am understanding it is our unhelpful thoughts controlling our emotions and not really someone else. We choose how we want to respond. Thanks Julia! {Senior Shifter}❤🙏

[@annedunbar4598]

I’m new here. I needed this today!! I’ve been avoiding a lot of people.

[@juliakristinamah]

Welcome Anne! I see you doing this work.

[@rbarboza6]

Thank you so much! I came into work after being off for two days and found a message from my Supervisor stating that I was making too many mistakes and that I had to be careful with how I disclose info on my reports that clients tell me. I was really confused because Ive doing this for years and was never told this and have been a lead in this field. I felt so upset and it triggered me to want to cry and leave the team I'm currently on. I did not realize until seeing this video that I also have control issues, or when someone critiques my work negatively I feel like a failure. I realized now that is just someone else's opinion and not to let their opinion bring me down. I do need to work on these triggers some more and I'm glad I saw your video, which helped me realize it. Thank you so much!❤️

[@MsVintage61]

these videos have been crucial for me. I am a live-in caregiver for my dysfunctional parents and my Dad is very controlling. thanks to the pandemic I have lots of time to work on this stuff but I believe it's for my greater good! thanks a million!

[@sarahbrigham5214]

Can’t believe how relatable this was to hear everything I’m feeling right now Iv been struggling for so long and I can kind of see what the problems are for me now I seem to get very triggered by others negative comments towards me that are personal and couldn’t understand why people would say negative things towards me and why this video has helped me see things I didn’t before thank you!

[@ThePreacher1995]

Great video! Thank you! Remember, arguing on the internet is like stepping in shit on purpose.

[@lillylandis7417]

I have no idea how this video came up on my phone at the exact time I was questioning myself...why am I building this on-line business...and why did ALL THESE NEGATIVES have to happen to set me back, but your thoughts and words placed me back to the point that I know what I am about and I must take myself out of the negatives to push myself into the website I am developing. Again, you came out of nowhere, because I had not touched my phone for about 20 minutes, and I was fighting myself on the WHY! Thank you for this video...I can stand taller NOW!!

[@60secondloveadvice]

Such good points. So important but also so hard to do. It’s like letting someone else put you in a jail of your own making. I have found that meditation has really helped but took over a year to learn how to meditate properly. Thank you for all of your great videos Julia. Hope you had a good Christmas and looking forward to following you in 2021. Sending love from London England.

[@robertobakero8865]

Thank you Julia Kristina ! I feel like you really have covered so many aspects of managing ourselves in the world, with the key taking lessons from our experiences in life.

[@burtonimages426]

Your commentary is ultra clear about stepping back to ground yourself in self-trust. Your triggers are your teachers...so true.

[@jderekito]

This is good, Julia. There are stretches of my life where I was literally bouncing from trigger to trigger like a pinball machine. Incredible freedom to feel/observe a trigger and say yea, I see you and choose not to follow you. Doesn't always work for me but getting better. Thanks.

[@stoneyvowell1239]

Mindful distress tolerance!

[@juliakristinamah]

YES! Such a powerful skill to learn.

[@RonTheDrummah]

Im slightly new to your channel but I am enjoying it. I work in an industry where I’m not dealing with consumers, no one is PC, there are no filters. I don’t share with ideas with a majority of them so I hear things that are triggering constantly. I’ve connected many things you’ve said with just those situations. Work has definitely taught me a lot about myself socially and you helped put things in a better perspective.

[@mamabear5488]

Were back, me and my hubby! He has OCD and depression and you help him and me immensely!

[@NenaLavonne]

Your screen name is so sweet 😊

[@mamabear5488]

@@NenaLavonne Thank you!💞

[@juliakristinamah]

Hi you 2! Glad to have you here.

[@grumblefkitty]

I listened to the 7 boundaries video right before this, and noticed how you tied a lot of that material into this video. This one was almost a practical guide to applying those ideas. I appreciate the thought that went into that, and how helpful it was for me to hear the advice and then how to use it.

[@maggieroberts3450]

Hello julie , I love your channel , I have had a total physical and mental break down . I was born with mild disabilities and did not like myself because I wanted to be normal . I put myself through alot that end up hurting my body and mind . I am now learning to love myself and be my own best friend . you are helping me do better and grow a better life for me .thank you

[@Therika7]

This makes SO much sense, thank you Julia!!

[@angelamossucco2190]

Thank you. Becoming curious about another person’s reaction to us or our own reaction to another person are both so valuable. It allows for the space to think about the feeling rather than simply have the feeling. Especially when the feeling is so strong that it is manifesting in the body which is essentially interpreting the heart

[@jess6011]

Thank you for all that you do for so many of us🙏 Happy holidays to you and your family💗💐

[@barbaralemarier4421]

Thank you for saying what I've been thinking for a long time watching some of these videos. It validates my personal belief that the idea of cutting out so-called toxic people is not necessarily the way to go. After all we can all be toxic at some point in our lives depending on what's going on. I'm sure there is the rare extreme case where this needs to be done. However for most people managing our reactions to them I think, as you say, is perhaps a better way of going about things.

[@mervesayn2014]

Hello Julia! Its Merve, from Turkey. I am watching your channel almost everyday since I discovered you from instagram. I would like to say how sincere and open you are talking about your experiences and giving examples from your life. This is the thing that Ive always wondered why other youtubers (around similiar concepts)that I was watching didnt do and actually I unfollowed most of them for this. Then I found your channel! I really appreciate your incredible contents and thank you for being such a clear and open communicator. You are changing my perspectives and teaching me a lot. Thank to this century I am reaching so much information via KZbin compare to reachable stuff in my country and language.Thats why I want to introduce myself and want you to know how impactful these contents are. Thank you again ! So much love🕯

[@joanalford]

Amen, "cutting out toxic people " breaks up families. Learning to set boundaries helps them too.

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

I set a boundary and she cut herself out of my life. Problem solved!

[@blueshoes915]

I would argue that the toxic behavior breaks up families, not the person who removes themselves from the toxicity.

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

@@blueshoes915 I have to agree with you on this. I understand Julia's point, which is don't let people push your buttons, but truthfully, there's a big difference between an internet troll, and a family member. And while she is right, family members are trolls too, they're much better about knowing which rock to turn over to find your sensitive spot. My mother is malignant. And alone. Because life is short and I am unwilling to take her crap, to force my husband to sit there and take her crap, pushing my buttons by pushing his buttons, or pushing my step father's buttons to get back at me or visa versa. Whatever sick freaking games she needs to play to feel alive. It's just a form masturbation, really, using us to get off. Well, she can do as she wants, but she will have to eat her lunch all by herself. I told her to spend her "money" or whatever. She can't control me with some empty promise of "inheritance". It's not worth it to me. I am so much happier without her, OMG! And while I do love her, do care, I haven't once called during the pandemic. If she dies alone, well, that's sad, but It's her own doing.

[@blueshoes915]

@@pauladuncanadams1750 I am sorry to hear your mother is a narcissist. Mine is a covert narcissist, always the victim, never the perpetrator. 🙄 I think because I grew up not knowing I was abused and so many people have similar stories, it makes it hard when people on the internet who are claiming to help, can actually harm. Anyone who abuses you should be cut out of your life. Since so many people are calling narcissists “toxic” people because they don’t know what they really are, this video can be harmful. A lot of people are being abused but just call it “toxic” simply because they do not know. The distinction between cluster b personality disorders and so called “toxic people” should be addressed. There is a huge difference. And if someone has been abusing you your entire life, you should 100% cut them off. I am glad you cut your narcissist mother out of your life and are doing well and are happy. You deserve that and no one should tell you you’re the one breaking up your family. It’s not true. Much love to you. 💕

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

@@blueshoes915 Thirty years ago, my therapist told me at the end of our consultation that my mom was "toxic" and I should go no contact. "Toxic" is a generic term. My mother was not a patient of my therapist so they can't formally diagnose. That's called the Goldwater Rule. Back then, no one used the term "narcissist". Since HIPPA laws, which are patient information rights, healthcare workers can't give out that kind of information. As a consequence, discussion should focus on behavior. My therapist, without saying much, made perfectly clear that my mother was screwed up and it was damaging me. Let me make something clear to everyone. NO ONE TAKES GOING NO CONTACT FROM A PARENT LIGHTLY. You know your family better than anyone. If you determine that going no contact is right for you, NO ONE should judge you for that.

[@happysmile427]

Your amazing ..this truly hit home ...I did learn this with my daughters father...but not in other areas of my life...thank you for sharing your knowledge and tools ...I'm so happy the universe brought me yo you happy holidays

[@Dulzothegreatmusic]

the heartbreaking moment you realise you never ever had a girlfriend that ever actually loved you their just loved your status and lifestyle glad you was here so I didn't over react

[@NPSvideo678]

Thank you so much for posting this topic! You’re one of the few KZbinrs that try to help and don’t annoy me (I’ve subscribed and turned on the notifications). I try to listen to one of your videos in the morning before all the “noise” gets into my head (I think this is my first time posting). What I took away from this is, “the most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself.”

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks for bringing me into your mornings Nathan. And yes, that is an important reminder for all of us.

[@daviddexter8809]

When ever something “heavy “comes up, I don’t know how to stop the anger

[@davidhoward8743]

This is something I really struggle with when dealing with difficult / challenging people at work. It can really put me in a foul mood for the rest of the day and I don't want to speak to the person concerned as a result. Hopefully your video can help me work through this 🙏.

[@MarikaTheEmpress]

SAME !!!

[@pennPi]

It’s tough when the behavior is repetitive. I know most people would rather put up with difficult people, than confront. But confrontation doesn’t have to be challenging, it could simply be about making the person more self aware. I have strategies that have worked for me, depending on the context. (I would also be mindful of the positions of power.) But if it’s from a co-worker who was rude or condescending, I would ask them to repeat what they just said. Or repeat it back to them word for word so they can really hear themselves. Try to be light hearted about it. Or be matter of fact, and ask them to not talk down, or that tone of voice matters in professional courtesy. Or even ask if they are having a bad day. Anything to get them to self awareness.

[@joycedugas4550]

Enjoyed this council session 😌. Was going through something like this yesterday evening and had to pull back and Self-examine myself. Caught on weeks ago that the problem was that I didn't trust myself. NOT the very important person in my life. And when I came to that epiphany That was when I began to think 🤔 a little clearer. So once more, Thank you ☺️. Needed to hear that I Was on the right track.

[@Abothetaco]

My therapist sent me links to your videos to provide me insight. Today, I was watching the video about boundaries with difficult people and my dad came out to the living room right when you were talking about family members being resistant and not liking it 😂 best therapy moment yet 🤣 Thank you for the giggle and the knowledge you put out there for everyone to learn from. Professionals like you gave me tools when I couldn’t afford any help, so this is gold in the hands of the person who is willing to take it. The cherry on top is my therapist is impressed with what I’ve managed on my own, so thank you for sharing your knowledge! 😁

[@jjglasco8283]

This is the very best video I have seen on KZbin on this subject. You gave very good advice. Every challenge we encounter we should not run away from. You were the first to say that and I totally agree. How can we grow as a person if we don't learn to deal with the challenges before us. Gosh, I praise Yah for u. Thank you.❤️

[@hannastocksick7395]

The video was helpful for me cause of your honesty in saying that you didn’t get to where you are in just a few steps, that instead it took time and effort. I think it’s really important that people understand that it is not a quick process and don’t get discouraged when they fail. I’m 61 now and have bpd, and sometimes i think it’s too late for me to undo all the bad things i came to believe about myself and the way i react. But I’ll keep trying. Thx for the video

[@MrProgrick]

I just found your videos and they have been huge for me. I suffer from high functioning anxiety and these videos have helped me manage and have a better outlook and easier life. Thanks so much for sharing.

[@mrscarmelbrown]

Learning to handle each situation instead of avoiding it. Very important behavior I never learned. This helped me. I am waking up and taking control

[@akhiraramlall5846]

Thank you so much for this video❤️. It really helped see my emotional triggers 😊

[@laurier1913]

I needed to hear this today!! Thank you SO VERY MUCH!!

[@juliakristinamah]

Absolutely Laurie - really glad you're here.

[@jigyasasingh1531]

You are doing a great job! It was helpful...when you said...this is not the threat, this person cannot control me...it calmed me down and my breath became much calmer. Thanks a lot! Lots of love ❤

[@maddiesauve6625]

I needed to hear this video. I had an incident at work that really affected me emotionally. You really helped me understand why I reacted the way I did. Thank you so much!

[@CEinNC]

Oh girl.... You literally must have been posting this video at the exact moment this was happening to me yesterday. I was with a client all day who was being very emotional. I was trying so hard to help her but she was stressed out and complaining which triggered my need to feel appreciated. It made me feel yucky and not enough. Looking back on this (and what I am going to have to be aware of more often because it happens to me all the time), I can see that the way she was acting was due to her own stuff and I don't have to take on that drama. Also, I can see I have a need to feel appreciated and accepted because of my own wounds from childhood and never feeling good enough. I need to work on that as well. I get triggered a lot too. Thank You for your Light!

[@jean-francoisfigaro2415]

Yes, Julia, I loved it. Thank you! 😊❤