5 Things I Wish I Knew At 20

[@pawelkapica5363]

A mistake not made is a lesson not learned.

[@ColeHastings]

Most of the time, yes

[@haisee1671]

Almost 30 now, hits really hard when u trust people so badly.

[@ferdithetank7535]

Unless you keep making same mistakes again and again 😁

[@NoName-to5xl]

you can learn without making the mistake. mistakes can be great to drill the message really well . but honestly i really really know i shouldn't take heroin. learned that lesson with absolutely zero need to make the mistake.

[@highsol222]

Agreed. Because success is a lousy teacher.

[@genzu6388]

He spoke with such clarity and confidence that within the first 5 mins he convinced me to not believe a word he says. Edit: last time I checked this comment it had like 6 likes, and I was sure it was buried in the KZbin comment heap. That is obviously to say, my comment was that good, tRuSt Me.

[@frazyfrog]

lol tbh ...

[@ChrisTheWeak]

As you should. His explanation of the Dunning-Kruger effect was incorrect. Furthermore the graph he showed is from sensationalized reporting of it. Do you wonder how someone can measure confidence vs competence? The actual experiment was giving a bunch of people a test, and then asking them to estimate their scores. The people who knew least in the subject still on average estimated that their skills were worse than how others more competent than them estimated their skills. The actual effect is that people tend to assume that they scored closer to average than they actually did. People who scored below average tended to rate themselves closer to the average than they should, and the same rule applies to those who scored above average. I know it's not exactly a source, but Wikipedia has a decent explanation. You can also use the references used on Wikipedia to find further research.

[@gingeral253]

@@ChrisTheWeakHmmm maybe I should look into that.

[@gingeral253]

If that’s the case, what does it drop off at a certain point? I haven’t researched it yet, but at first thought it wouldn’t make sense for a prediction towards the average to be like that. It would be a line that shoot’s up fast but has a close to linear slope downwards according to that logic.

[@Texan_christian1132]

If hedonic Adaptation is true then how come ever since i heard bout hedonic Adaptation I’ve felt vary sad and disappointed for an extensive amount of time without going back to my normal feelin?

[@DaOldSchoolRapLova96]

I’m 27 & the first point alone I wish I learned at 20-21. Life is definitely about progressive patience. It takes time & a will to build or learn something. Even those passionate enough, the learning process, others who are further along or those who might be better at the subject can & will intimidate somebody trying to start off.

[@procrastination3560]

It takes time. But 2nd best time is to start now :). I wish I learned some stuff earlier too :'D.

[@itsjustlockwood3966]

N b@5

[@VVabsa]

We all have something to regret if we think hard enough. Let's be glad with what we learned so far and go from there.

[@AbhinavKumar-nh8dl]

Glad to know about this knowledge I am 15 and will make sure to not make the same mistakes , even though I will definitely make some ! I don't know whether I will get into my dream college or not but I will keep trying ;)

[@TheEncouragementKid]

by this comment and your user name I think we'd get along real well (:

[@vladvaleanu724]

Remember guys if u chase butterflyes they will fly away ,but if you spend time into building a beautiful garden,they will come at it and even if they don t ,at least u got a beautifull garden:)

[@Tshepo_Godfrey]

I'm 19 and this is really hitting hard ,I've been the best student for years now,but I still feel stupid, now I know why

[@linzhao2235]

@naohthekid8401 You have your whole life in front of you brother. Don't waste it like I did partying at 19/20 just like all the other young dudes/girls of my generation. I don't really regret it. Those young days are over now and now all I'm trying to do is get a job. Any job really... but I get rejected. I'm 22-23 now.

[@MilanSmore]

The subtle art of humble bragging

[@Tshepo_Godfrey]

@@MilanSmore 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I play chess 😎

[@_-_-_-_-__--_-_-_]

​@@Tshepo_Godfreyelo?

[@Brodragon2225]

​@@linzhao2235I am a medical school student at 21 I am now thinking of starting KZbin if it give me atleast some money to survive only I will leave medicine and work for my own startup idea

[@MiguelAngelPuertos-xs4jk]

I completely agree with the last lesson. I'm 25 years old, and I honestly love my age, I love living my process, my own process and life consists in enjoying the process to get the goal. I have my goals and I appreciate your help.

[@ColeHastings]

That’s beautiful, man. That’s what life is all about

[@Rose_Butterfly98]

Heh just turned 25 today, I don't have goals but that's what I enjoy, just doing whatever for as long as I can.

[@TristanSpohnAKASpiderman]

My newest breakthrough: we often confuse tools as lessons. If you’re frustrated you’re learning the same lessons over and over again, you’re likely trying force a tool that can sometimes help you out of a rut to become some “new way of being”. I think it’s easy to force ourselves to stay at a job that was once exactly what we needed past the point it becomes more of an obstacle than an opportunity. Think of these “life lessons” as just tools in your toolbox. Sometimes to fix something, you need a wrench. Other times can spend hours accomplishing nothing because you’re trying to use a wrench to accomplish a screwdriver’s job. Doesn’t mean either are bad tools you’ll never need again. But part of life is less about learning the right way to live and more about developing an expansive toolbox.

[@waterbox4202]

I used to dislike introverts a lot, as an extrovert I just couldn't understand why did some people have no interest in group activities or talking a lot, I considered them weird or intentionally misterious, but then I took my time in getting to know and listening to some friends I made on discord, turned out they were introverts and it was just another way of existing. We listen to each other and as I help them be more communicative on their needs and social interactions, they teach me hoy to be a more calm and patient person

[@margusiraptor9729]

Introverts come in different variants and some aren't even that unsociable, they could have great social skills but need a ton of alone time to recharge.

[@waterbox4202]

@@KaleighCee yep, I just didn’t know that before then

[@waterbox4202]

@@KaleighCee yep, I just didn’t know that before then

[@eline7214]

Thats awesome. Ive always admired extroverts personally but i know some of my friends who hate them probably out of a protective mechanism. Cos yeah some extroverts do prod them a lot and theyre not stupid, they can feel that dislike even if its unspoken. Glad youve come to change your mind about it though. I think right now im learning how to adapt more of the extrovert's natural inclinations and it takes genuine effort to not just fall into my introverted habits lmao

[@Sol_VI]

I'm 19, and will be turning twenty in about three weeks. I've been feeling pretty low and just haven't felt 100% happy with myself recently. I feel like I've missed out on many teenage experiences and my time is up. I've just felt like I don't have a true goal in life, and am completely unsure of what I even want out of life. You uploaded this video at the perfect time, especially as today just hasn't been that great for me. Thanks, Cole!

[@Bravo6goindark]

I feel the same exact way

[@phd_rex]

I'm also in doubt to what to do for life

[@mouldytea3732]

your 19!!! your time isnt up at all man your not even half through your life. chin up kid

[@noahmeraz7923]

You are gonna have many more experiences in life! If you mean partying or traveling by teenage experiences, trust me you haven’t missed much. A good question to ask yourself on the part of goals/what you want our life is: Ask yourself what problems do I want to solve for others in life? What problems do I want to solve everyday?

[@linzhao2235]

@@mouldytea3732 JESUS BLOODY CHRIST HE IS ONLY 19! I would pay to be his age again. I partied too much and j*rked off too much to p*rn and I'm trying to recover. Don't drink too much, he's young! I've lived that life. I somewhat regret it. Trying to stay clean now, 22-23 still alive keep kicking!

[@ledgnr197gaming5]

One I have learned is “pride is not the opposite of shame, but it’s source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.” - Uncle Iroh, Avatar The Last Airbender

[@rocky-my5ck]

I'm 22 years old. I feel so stagnated rn, and this video really helps.

[@combatxhoop7069]

26 stagnant for yearrrssss

[@AWarriorFromNature]

​@@combatxhoop7069May God bless you brother 😊

[@Regan_Tatham]

I'm in a friend group with a bunch of guys who used to be cool but now that I am at high school have gotten really big egos. For instance if I ever feel like they've said something to far and try to call them out for it they'll just try to fight me. This video has convinced me that having a lot of insensative friends is worse than having just a few.

[@VVabsa]

You can humble them if you stand your ground. Only the insecure and people with weak conviction will try to pick a fight over something that small.

[@Regan_Tatham]

@@VVabsa The worst one of them does jujitsu and boxing and actually will punch you up so theres not really much I can do other that get away from them

[@VVabsa]

@@Regan_Tatham You able to learn Muay Thai or mma? It's one the better martial arts to learn how to take hits as well as giving them.

[@Regan_Tatham]

@@VVabsa Not worth it, remember these are "friends" not bully's.

[@VVabsa]

@@Regan_Tatham You don't have to beat him 6 feet under bro. I assume he doesn't go that far either? Enough to be sure you can take him if he doesn't back down is all. If you still don't want that, you might wanna consider cutting him off. It's simply not worth your time or dignity to have those types of "friends" around. Speaking from experience.

[@howvasy]

Thank you Cole for making these really important videos which tells us to really think about our actions and what we do and how a human mind reacts, feels and works. These lessons really made me rethink some things. I'm grateful to be a part of this.

[@ColeHastings]

I’m grateful you’re here. I love doing this shit

[@linzhao2235]

@@ColeHastings Look Cole you are still alive at 26. Many people don't make it unfortunately because of drug problems or wanting to exit out of it early. I'm 22/23 myself feeling extremely blessed that I get to wake up everyday and have the guaranteed 24 hours a day in front of me in my early 20s. I am wasting a lot of time and I'm not going to beat myself up for it. Lately I've been feeling bored and want to quit my 7-5 job that means nothing to me but can't due to parents expectations or the way I was raised. I have a lot of terrible habits. I eat junk food and don't look after my health but it always seems like I can get away from it for my age group. Its a monday again... surprisingly I get the day off. I just don't know what to do in life. It's like I'm waiting for magic to happen. Nothing has changed and I want to give up. Yes nothing matters we will all die some day. And I can't make something out of myself while I'm here. I'm still living at home, pay no rent my mom cooks me dinner. And I take it for granted. People are going to view me as a loser. I can decide to not be a loser anymore. But it's like why even bother we're all going to the same place. So what to do with the remaining time? Sit and cry about it? The days go on regardless. Any life advice you could give to me? Born in 2001 (Died

[@zoohang6963]

As a 19 year old turning 20, next month. This was really inspiring Thanks. 🙏🏾🔥

[@linzhao2235]

@@Qwertypoiu-qp you guys / girls are so young. Cherish your youth. You have so much time! Party now. Later on its just getting your career together. You want to have fun now.

[@kylejordan7454]

Cole, I just want to say how grateful I am for you and the videos you've made that have helped me to be a better version of myself. You've given me great ideas, challenged my default thinking and made me realize my the ways in which I was killing my potential everyday. I recently quit my cook job after saving for a while so that I can teach music lessons and whether this works out or not im so excited to put the effort in because like you said in the last point, the effort towards my goals and all that comes with it are the real reward. Look, long story short, thanks for the source of inspiration!

[@ColeHastings]

Kyle, that makes me so damn happy to hear. I commend you for chasing something that will bring you more joy and fulfillment. Keep evolving brother

[@nickwallenda768]

@@ColeHastings Imagine how "The Middle WAy" would have turned out if you knew the things in this video sooner!! Keep evolving brother!

[@thepercepter]

Be careful looking for the best, as the best is in the perception and the perception is the limitation we find. Know it is not about having happiness, but kinda about navigating the life going on, the ups and downs, the wins the loses, the good the bads, the does and the don’ts. It is the duality of life that we are able to choose. Nothing to do with being happy, just simple living self aware growth process.

[@Texan_christian1132]

If hedonic Adaptation is true then how come ever since i heard bout hedonic Adaptation I’ve felt vary sad and disappointed for an extensive amount of time without going back to my normal feelin?

[@ntrg3248]

#2 is kinda relatable to me at the moment, for the last 3 years I was learning Japanese and i feel pretty good at it for that amount of time, but now im learning Korean and im starting to remember what it was like to be a beginner again. It takes a lot of time to learn and understand new things, and sometimes i get demotivated, but I just make sure I do some study every day, even when i feel like im not going anywhere. On the days im feeling good, i can do more. As long as I have the habit of doing it, i will eventually get better at it, even if I dont immediately notice. This knowledge can apply to all skill building, or even exercise. So if anyone reading this is learning a new skill, just keep going, and set reasonable expectations for yourself, so if you happen to do really well, you can be pleasantly surprised! If its still hard or you are struggling to understand it, it just means you dont understand YET. Take care everyone

[@jemskid7]

The consistent good over infrequent greats really speaks to me. I picked up learning how to figure skate at 19 and WOOOW. Some mornings it’s really easy to get up at 5a and go to the ice rink to practice, but MOST mornings it’s not. Every time I make myself go, despite every little excuse I give myself not to go, I have always appreciated it. I have slight regrets towards the days I haven’t gone and think about how I could be farther along in my journey if I had just made myself go. TLDR; Consistent goods are a whole MOOD!

[@artraven3653]

I’m 16 years old, turning 17 soon and I really appreciate you sharing your knowledge with your extra years of experience! I literally got out my note book and took notes on all of these and I think it will help me a lot as I get to my 20’s, especially that last one! Thank you so much.

[@yajairaolea9392]

Congrats! You’re ahead of the game. Enjoy the lessons and don’t take life so seriously. I feel like I lost out on the first 6 years of adulthood by constantly worrying about what was the “right choice”.

[@themacocko6311]

A bit of advice for you. If I could go back and give myself, it be this: Study ancient wisdom, philosophy and psychology. All the answers have already been figured out.

[@artraven3653]

@@yajairaolea9392 thank you for the tip! I find myself worrying a lot about what I want to do with my life. But one thing I know is I don’t want to spend my life worrying about what to do with it haha. I’ll try to stress less, though it’s so hard. Thanks for the reminder 🙏🏼❤️

[@artraven3653]

@@themacocko6311 a teacher I really respect also told us to do this. I just need to get a hold on sticking with reading. Any specific book suggestions? I’d love to know. Thanks for the advice! ❤️✨

[@chalcedonyclapper1216]

For one, skeedop. For 2. Man, that sentence "the process is the goal" is a huge thing. Ive never really thought about it that way and i love it. So many things ive wanted to get done, that i thought would make me happy, but after thinking about it, ive always had fun in the process more than the goal itself. Awesome video ❤

[@anoushkanoller6909]

lesson 4 is probably the one i’m making the most progress on in my life. it has helped me to dismantle my black and white thinking towards others. and it makes life a lot nicer when you don’t feel hate towards so many people. it also makes me grateful for the time in my life when i ‘lost’ all of my friends from childhood/teens. because i realise more and more that i spent so much time with other black and white thinkers who would not have wanted me to make this progress and tried to hinder me. and actually did for some time before i let them go. i wish i had the resources available to me of how to let others go when they hold you back after i made realisations that people weren’t just their political views or just their status. viewing them that why made me categorise them into good and bad and only led to hate.the first time i questioned that mindset in my group of friends at 16, i was immediately met with distaste that ‘i didn’t get it’. but honestly, i think that was a breakthrough moment for me that i starting to actually get it. that no one is black or white. one aspect of their personality or another. it’s a lot more complex than that. now i can start to appreciate people for a few things that i like about them, despite some other things i don’t. does it mean i like or love that person? no. but it makes the time i spend around others so much more bearable and enjoyable when i let go of expecting others to be perfectly boxed into my perception of them and what they should be. so yeah lesson 4 is good. now i need to get a crack down on the other 4 😂😂

[@Cole_Owens]

Sometimes I feel bad for going back to college at 25, but I am overall happy

[@kevindecara9237]

I'm 26 and finishing my degree Spring 24. I try not to think about my age just do the work.

[@Big_talks.]

You young why should you feel bad?

[@Cole_Owens]

@@kevindecara9237 Thanks man. I’m loving my major so I need to chill lol. My dad sometimes makes me feel bad but I guess I need to ignore it

[@Cole_Owens]

@@Big_talks. it’s all processing I need to let go of from my dad

[@ColeHastings]

There is no time that is too late for college. If you’re pursuing a degree that you enjoy, you’ve made it.

[@Delta-Snake]

The dunning kruger effect just happened to me 6 months ago, And I thought I was stupid! I picked up a hobby and studied it for months but I was not making any progress, Then I found this guy who speaks so professionally and with 100% confidence. He uses words like "You will learn" and "this is the only course" and "just in few months". So I was totally sold and wasted both money and time for 3 months, until I fall into despair, thinking I was stupid.. But then It happened, the enlightenment. I got really suspicions and found people who taken his course, And they explain how he completely scammed a lot of people and got away with it. Then I learned the most valuable lesson : How to find actual experts in this field. Then I started to improve more then ever.

[@zachdeathman]

When he was saying that hating someone was a sign of your own mental insecurities, I couldn't help but think that its not always true. I've had an experience where a person I became friends with slowly drove me to hate them after I saw their real personality, and I did use the "If you want something let it be known well" many times, but they never made even small steps to change. I know for a fact I didn't hate them for my insecurities because the thought of being anything like this person makes me sick. It got really bad for awhile, so bad that I wanted to avoid anything to do with them, the shows they enjoyed, the hobbies they pursued. It took me a long time to finally stop using my hate to avoid the things I might enjoy, but this persons lingering existence in my life has left a mental scar. I never experienced anything like that until that point in my life, and it was hard to avoid them and cut them out of my life because my highschool was small, and telling them I didn't want to be around them didn't work. They still had the mentality that we had a connection. After graduating they are no longer a part of my life, but through that experience I have learned the exact person I don't want to be, giving me more insight into the person I do want to be. Maybe I did something wrong, or I'm just a bad person, but in all honesty, with them out of my life, my path has become so much clearer. Go ahead and roast me if I actually am just kind of an awful person, but this is just how I truly feel about this person and what they have done for me.

[@tomatoesguy]

I'm about to turn 20 and a lot of these were things I experienced but couldn't grasp them or put them into words, this really made me put a lot of things in perspective and is really gonna help me on my journey to self improvement. Thank you so much, I really really needed this video.

[@ivypatrick]

Same on all of this! Putting those things we believe deep down into coherent sentences is so difficult. Hearing it from someone else gives this sense of clarity. Also congrats, and good luck on 20 :))) you've got this

[@davidbrown542]

Hey, I’m 20 right now and I’m currently in a state of rewriting myself and life. I really want to make concrete, solid changes and I need to take some notes on this video, but, this video has helped me reach a point where I can align my goals and work to make myself more motivated! Thank you

[@KbIPbIL0]

i admire how you have achieved everything you dreamed of before at 26 myself i have..never had a real dream? like everything just happens i have got a good and fulfilling career. i got multiple hobbies which i am very engaged in. but in terms of understanding who i am or what am i supposed to do or the ability to do things i am still quite lacking. i had no resemblance of the “goals” you talked about in this video 😅 but life is still definitely worth living and i realise that i have had a very good experience, just that i feel like falling behind anyway great vid, totally agree with many points from the vid

[@SuperSiddharth94]

Wonderful. You mentioned you didn’t have confidence in speaking. But that’s the hidden gem. You are a pleasure to listen to provided someone has a conversation with you not trying to cut in between and giving you equal bandwidth. My first time watching your video. You earned a subscriber 🙂

[@mosesrufai1797]

Everything you mentioned in the video resonates with me in just about every way, yet the way you explain it makes it feel like im learning it for the firts time. This is one of the most valuable and down to earth video, channel, and content on KZbin to wach at 19 years old and beyond. Give yourself a reson to be proud of you every day no matter the size! ☀️🙏

[@linzhao2235]

@mosesrufai1797 damn kid you are just 19. You have so much time ahead you can honestly just chill and get your life together when you're 25. You have a headstart due to your age. slow down. but don't be too over the moon and have fun and be responsible

[@ColeHastings]

You’re killing it, Moses

[@linzhao2235]

@@ColeHastings In my free time I like watching life stories of reunions or d-day veterans re-unions (60 years later...) type of videos. They are really really old people now. We are so young compared to these 80 90 year olds. If I do reach that age I want to make sure I live it without regret on my 80th birthday (feb 8th 2081 ?) (not gonna make it) I'm already 2 years into my 20s. i really wish i could slow down time. its going so far I'm having a headache

[@byronperez9199]

​@@ColeHastingsHave you ever taken the Myer-Briggs personality test?

[@mosesrufai1797]

Thanks guys for your kind words, I wish the best for us all, young and old

[@Lanuzos]

Also to your reminder that the progress fulfills you instead of the goal. I have completed my first expert level sudoku today, it started off as frustrating. 1 hour in and I enjoyed every number I could point out until I was about to complete. Seeing that little numbers left flattened out my passion, it was over. I might have achieved beating the puzzle, but I miss the very middle of this activity. It was the most thrilling!

[@pbz7572]

Cole, I can’t thank you enough for all of your videos. They have saved me when I first discovered your content two years ago and have helped me find hope, which turned out to be the answer to not feeling sad I was looking for through an abundance of social media content that painted happiness as a permanent state of being that is acquired through superficial things. Also, this video may be your best video to date, though I may be biased cause of how accurate the lessons taught in it correlate to my current situation. Nevertheless, peace be with you.

[@Grayroaded]

I just started O Chem for the first time this semester, and I've been cramming this weekend to learn as much as I can about the subject, and I feel really confident about learning the material in the coming weeks and months but I think I may just be at the peak of Mount stupid 😅

[@KleinerTrottel]

Especially the last part resonated with me. I've always heard that it isn't about the goal; it's about the journey, but I never quite understood it. I mean, I understood the concept, but what does that really mean? However, while working on one of my projects with a very tight deadline, something just clicked. It was like that one Danny DeVito meme - it struck me. The working process became the most enjoyable thing I had ever experienced. It was challenging, exciting, and so rewarding to move forward. I had such a high from it that I went to sleep with a smile on my face every night. The part about releasing the project was also great. Seeing how people reacted to my work was awesome, but nothing could beat the process. It was truly amazing!

[@levisantos2465]

I'm 15 but can relate to most things you've said in this video. I think accepting your OK days and never give up on consistency is just efficient. Not only in work, study, hobbies or gym, but in solving problems and growing, the best thing is everyday try, even if the result won't be perfect, because the more you try, nearer you'll get perfeccion.

[@Bravo6goindark]

19 feel so empty and directionless in life, just declined a full-ride aviation scholarship

[@ColeHastings]

I’m assuming you declined because you didn’t feel too strongly about pursuing that path. You now have your whole life ahead of you, free to shape yourself into whoever you want. Choose something that interests you to dedicate yourself to for years, and keep enjoying that process

[@owenpieper8862]

ur so young too bro. I was in the same boat but exposing myself to massive experience helps a lot and is what worked for me

[@Bravo6goindark]

would kill for 10 minutes of your time

[@cybertrend8134]

​@@ColeHastingsthank you, Cole.

[@bonjour8464]

Just go for power and freedom. It will help you no matter what you want later in life. And don't forget to just live in the present. Life is never just up or just down.

[@nicolasbolas2247]

I'm 21 and the best advice I can give is to not be worried about your future. You've got plenty of time to figure shit out. There's no rush

[@PeachDragon_]

Also always remember that everything bad that happens to you will make you stronger while everything good makes you weaker, when something bad happens it's going to turn into a profit for your character.

[@Kim_YoJong]

Wrong. The faster you figure things out, the more leisure you'll have in the end

[@laurenroberts5074]

I found this video and your voice very motivational and I appreciate that. Thank you for making these types of content. I just found tou tonight, but you're one of my favorite youtubers thus far.

[@struckbydad2099]

I am grateful for sharing your adivce and thoughts on this. I found hearing you out a more enlightening experience and an optimal viewpoint which I can take into consideration. Your efforts are much appreciated, your editing skills are to admire and the skits in which you took the time to make so presentable and attentive to timing and detail are to be nothing short of upmost respect. Thank you for sharing with me

[@StevenSmith-oi8ew]

I'm 20, thankfully I had already learned these from other guys on youtube, but this is nonetheless a great video for anybody watching 'cause hearing these points again only reinforces some good knowledge.

[@godfredgyasi1455]

I like the last point, learnt it from the James Clears' book. Expectation of reaching a certain height is more fun and motivating than reaching that height

[@nolanleedix]

Great video man. I love the thought and the nuance you put into it.

[@ColeHastings]

Thanks Nolan

[@ailtonjose3079]

Your channel materialized the "solutions" to everything I've been thinking is wrong in my life. Thank you.

[@5v311]

Hey Cole, another great video! I kinda liked the 3rd rule you put out because I also felt more sensitive compared to my peers. And I did get better at handling it especially with a recent dip into Stoicism. And it took me quite a bit to realize that having multiple friends won’t make me happy. But these are my thoughts and thank you for posting this, I’m two years away from 20 and this will help me out in the future.😊

[@mosesrufai1797]

Everything you've done in your path brought you here, keep up the good work and always love yourself ❤

[@5v311]

@@mosesrufai1797thank you for the kind words! Much appreciated

[@cavemann_]

​@@5v311Could you elaborate on the part about "having friends won't make me happy"? I am currently suffering (for the past 10+ years) from lack of social contact and severe loneliness so I can't even begin to comprehend how you've come to this conclusion and why it makes sense to you.

[@5v311]

@@cavemann_ yo what’s sup? Mb, I don’t check the comments often. Idk if you still need this but lemme explain. Having multiple friends is pointless. Because if they do not accept your true self, it’s almost pointless to be around them. As Robin Williams said “I thought the worst thing was being along. But the worst thing is to be surrounded by fake friends.” So take that quote. Now, you still need friends but you shouldn’t depend on them because people are unpredictable and won’t always be there for you. So you need to first learn how to be content with being by yourself and then, you can start acquiring more friends if you want. I have a good number of friends but 90 percent of them, I don’t talk with consistently. So you can still feel lonely. That’s why I say I realized multiple friends won’t help. You need friends but you also need to be good being by yourself.

[@cavemann_]

@@5v311 No worries, thanks for the reply! I have initially misunderstood what you were trying to say, so I'm glad that's cleared up now. Your answer is pretty much the same as the conclusion that I've arrived at personally. That said, sounds like you're putting your own advice into your life, and I wish you the very best.

[@KaizenWithRen]

"Especially when you're young, you might feel inclined to believe that the best person to take advice from is the person who speaks with the most conviction surrounding that advice." Ain't that a sad truth? From cult leaders to (some) KZbin influencers, it's so easy to get swept up by someone who speaks with extreme confidence, as if they've got it all figured out. But conviction doesn't always equal wisdom, and it's crucial to think critically and do our own research before blindly following anyone's guidance. Let's be savvy consumers of advice, not just passive listeners.

[@owenpieper8862]

yea it’s important to not develop any ideologies and always stay open minded with a mild sense of skepticism

[@schatztruheboss861]

I would say that THIS video is the best one you ever made on your channel. You explained it so good and i think the mindset is the right one (especially last point) and imma very thankful for you doing all these vids❤

[@ColeHastings]

Thank you for the feedback. Glad it helped!

[@23ofSeptember]

I'm turning 44 next weekend. Probably lived half my life already. What have I learned after a quarter century of adulthood? Well, I think my biggest regrets are relationship and lifestyle related. Starting in my early 20s, I thought getting a girlfriend and getting laid should be my top priority. Lots of clubbing, alcohol and marijuana use. What a waste of money that was. That continued into my 30s and I still drink alcohol, but cutting back a lot. I've been married and divorced. Currently in a great relationship and have a great job, but wish I'd been more focused on investing in my mid to late 20s rather than other things. I think I was more of a "one marshmallow now" person, rather than the "two later" person I am now.

[@cutelurker1981]

ahaha this came in at a perfect time! i'm turning 21 in a couple of days, and i was having some thoughts about consistency and how that is very hard for me!! the tip about "consistently good" is great for a perfectionist such as myself, i'll keep that in mind now!! thank you cole

[@jonathanmelendez6953]

22:16 I think another answer to that question is this: when you’re old and your life is about to end. You’ll look back on everything you’ve done and accomplished in your life, and feel grateful for it all. Thinking about everything you’re proud of doing and accomplishing will make you feel very satisfied. I’m only 19, and I’ve travelled to Colombia to study. Thinking about all the other things I’ve done too, and all the things I look forward to doing in my future, when I’m old and on my deathbed, I’ll be very satisfied with all that I’ve done and accomplished.

[@starberry333]

let’s go. i love the processes. i’m so in so many processes and i am so freaking hyped on every little part of them. ❤

[@jefferyoke-samuel9511]

I’m literally turning 20 next week. Thanks man keep being dope❤️🔥

[@vinyeeh26]

I relate to this, i'm 19 and when i started college past year i was really confident bcuz on the first test i scored the highest on my class (it's the same subject talked in the video btw) and i ended the semester almost not passing. Then i started to feel stupid as if couldn't do anything, this carried over to the second and it really affected me, didn't make me feel sad though as i saw how much i have to learn since i like me a good challenge ;)

[@Beantastrophe]

Jordan Peterson is a great example of not agreeing with everything but still respecting them.

[@paullopez2021]

21:17 you just took me back to behavioral economics, Cole! I did a paper on a closely related topic. In calculus, the derivative of the sine function is the cosine function. I see this as symbolic of life experience relating to utility/personal happiness. We grow through cycles of "bad" and "good" - and that's okay.

[@bestdogeiambestdoge2292]

Hey, this is the first time I encountered your channel and I just wanna say thank you for making this video. There were so many things that were discussed here that cleared up my understanding like why I feel like I'm falling behind, why do I despise this person for taking the initiative to talk in class, why some people never treat me how I wanna be treated. Everything in this video resonated with me, (except point 5, I may not understand it fully yet but I'll get there 😄). Anyways keep up the great work man, have a great day!

[@LDRTvT]

I am Turning 15 and listening to this really opened me to tons of things in my life I was lacking and needed to be improved and I really love these kinds of videos in youtube because these videos helps me and alot of people become better versions of themselves and wiser too and this gave me an idea of a quote I just made "Be Wiser then yesterday and Be Wiser tomorrow" - Me and Thank you Cole for being a huge help in my growth as a person.

[@satorugojo6921]

Emotional maturity also includes learning how to tolerate other behaviors and improve. Your advice towards the end of section 3 will allow many people to use it as a shield to explain their irrationality and inability to reason when it comes to dealing with problems and others.

[@hopeless166]

All support ❤ Love you,man🖤

[@ColeHastings]

Love you too, man

[@shadowmokgope889]

The first one really resonated with me. I've been doubting myself about a skill I used to think I was great at. It's good to know that this is part of the progress. great video!

[@julianhau757]

I'm so glad that I clicked onto this video. The 5th idea will always remind me to keep pushing and enjoy the moment. Thank you SO MUCH!

[@raamizeineddine8384]

Love that you upload on Sunday’s man it brings a special kind of vibe. Kinda like we’re ending the week with some entertaining introspection

[@LessonsFromAnime]

Point 3 was a very important reminder. Thanks man

[@naufalsadewa223]

since i was sick and need a bedrest for a literally 1 week, i realize that everything in life are runs in a loop. starting point: i have nothing, so i want something middle point: i have something, but this is not enough, so i want everything end point: i have everything, now it feels like i have nothing repeat. that's why now i try to slow down my life, and instead of tryna think about a big goal, i now really love achieving small goals in life. just a little stepping stone for one at the time. because i know exactly that feeling when i was in a bedrest that 'in the end it doesnt even matter' anyway, im already out from the hospital now. it was like 1 year ago during pandemic

[@smellthel]

Logic classes are freaking hard dude. That grade's great.

[@neahm1394]

I appreciate the way you share your personal experiences along with scientific proofs

[@Kaizentry]

Thanks for reminding me how I need to go about things, I'm always open minded but having a ton of those "valley of despairs" really does a number on you.

[@powerhouse6165]

On the 2nd point, Brandon Sanderson is the definition of consistency leading to greatness. He's a writer known for putting out a ludicrous amount of books, but he only writes a couple thousand words over four hours. He will sit down to start writing and will just start typing away, making his hands move before his mind will. It takes him a full hour of just sitting and staring at the screen before the gears in his mind shift. And this is something I've been screaming from the ramparts for months now when someone says they 'aren't in the right mindset.' Your mind is complicated and can't shift focus on a dime, it takes time to convince yourself 'Oh, okay, we're doing this now.'

[@simonkroener6871]

Thank you so much for this video Cole!!! Helped me tremendously at 19yo and kept my mind active and not passively driving into depression or something like that

[@FastAndAngry1]

I quit social media and STOP SIMPING AND BEING A GOOD GUY AND DAMN LIFE HAS BEEN GOOD , I FOCUS ON MY HEALTH (MENTAL AND PHYSICAL) AND WORKOUTS + EDUCATION , LIFE IS GOOD , FOCUS ON U

[@Mr_Valentin.]

I've seen lives taken away like it's nothing many times in my life, which made made me realize how insignificant we are, just live and have fun, enjoy the ride before it ends.

[@MAP3D1234]

Thank you for this video. I have so many personal interactions with almost every entry in this, and it was still eye opening.

[@ramen2486]

dang man. each sentence just hit harder and harder. Beuatiful video

[@WenegadeWaiduh]

So I’m 20, turning 21 in less than 2 months. This is my fifth semester of college, and I’ve still made zero new friends, and my gpa is going to be the worst it has been since I’ve started school (near academic probation). So, I’ve been self aware that I have had depression for at least 2 years now. It isn’t just laziness. I really don’t want or care about anything. I don’t hate life, I don’t feel negativity, but I feel indifference and emptiness. I cannot imagine going back to school next semester possibly being a good idea, considering that my depression and my performance in school have been on a steady decline. I would say that I want to change, but that’s not accurate; I said I didn’t want anything. But again, I am self aware of my mindset, as well as the reality of my future as long as I remain this way. At this rate, I am going to waste my life away. I am going to try therapy and maybe even anti depressants at least. However, as helpful as these may potentially be, at the end of the day, it’s up to me to make choices and put in consistent effort to grow and elevate myself. For anyone who is like this, or has been like this, what should I do to regain motivation? How do I take control of my life again? Most importantly, how do I get to care again?

[@FujiMezu]

Find a passion a reason to keep going.

[@artagle_14]

I’m literally in the same situation you are in right now. I’m also turning 21 next month. Fifth semester and still can’t pass one class in particular and I really need to pass but I just can’t. It isn’t helping considering I myself have no friends like at all. I find myself debating whether I should just drop everything and go to a technical college because I feel like I’m wasting away my life repeating the same damn class.

[@BakedBuddy]

I felt like this. It wasn't until a few years of independent living that helped me heal. Creating and living in an environment that tends to your interests, comforts and expresses who you are, as well gives you space for your hobbies is hella healing.

[@Khaledhoshan-oc3go]

Your videos help a lot, thx man🖤

[@ColeHastings]

Thanks for watching them

[@luk4aaaa]

the graph you show while talking about the dunning krueger effect is very fitting since those two researchers never published that graph. It was made up in a newspaper article which makes it ironic when people show it while explaining it. Great video and very helpful for me (I've barely turned 22)!

[@karlsoriso2304]

22:56 "Life is a journey, not a destination"

[@that_Dominic_guy]

12:27 Through your words I realized almost all my friends (especially at work) are not true friends. But I feel really great, like a weight's been lifted. They do exactly what you described, taunting and all that, and I never knew how to to say stop. I've realized that since they're not my friends, and they never really will be in my future, I don't need to worry about them not liking me! THANK YOU SIR, you've turned my life around in more ways than one, this is just the example I came up with

[@Cp3Cp3Cp3Cp3]

Note on number 3: studies have shown that people who speak about their goals to others are less successful in accomplishing their goals than people who 'grind in silence'. The dopamine release you get when people respond with 'that's a great goal, I'm sure you'll accomplish it' results in less motivation than it you were to not share said goal. Not really related to the point you made in #3, but an interesting thing I read, nonetheless

[@Ghostfighter3000]

Very nice video man. The end really clicked with me. The journey is what it is about not the destination. Really helps piece together the question of what it is all for. Gives me something to think about. 👍👍👍.

[@jujarenaresh1818]

Thank you so much Cole ur experience and observation has helped me lot to rethink and learn from my past experiences... Thanks a lot❤

[@Vlad-sz8gv]

I’m am just so down in life and your videos are alway a life saver. Keep up the good work!

[@TheSorrowfulAngel]

I definitely see where you are getting at with your first point, but I don't fully agree with it. It depends on the situation, but oftentimes... seeming very confident in something is just useful. And also, a lot of people mistake confidence in something with the person being 100% certain on everything - I notice that a lot. Exuding confidence is simply very, very useful in social situations. In school, it also gets you better grades by default. People have a more favorable opinion of you. Realizing and utilizing this does not diminish your competence. I learned to be that - but am as a person very uncertain and question myself a lot. Even if someone says something I wholly disagree with, I will ponder the legitimacy of it regardless. And on the other hand... It depends on the people you deal with. It sometimes is just easier to say "This is the truth and that's it, no two ways about it" instead of adding all the asterisks. Many people try to latch on all the uncertainties to drag you down. The example used in the video was also a bit.. hm? It sounds like the guy you admired just tried hard to get this stuff. He was confident in what he studied, regurgitated that and well, he was right to be confident in that, wasn't he? You just assumed there was more behind it.

[@MindlessTube]

One thing I learned is words do not teach, it is life experience that teaches. So I could go to my young self give him all the greatest words of wisdom but those words will hold no water or have any motive to use such information.

[@ColeHastings]

I wouldn’t say that’s entirely true. Words are very powerful and impactful. But actually experiencing the words is what really drives the lesson in

[@gysghost5126]

I remember some of the first videos, when you were a skeedop. Watch how far are you arrived, the self-improvement you did is huge

[@shadowjuan2]

I personally have tried many methods for learning a skill. From hardcore studying/practicing 4-5 hours a day. To lowering the amount to 1-2 hours per day. To just three hours every week. Amazingly, to my surprise, beware this might sound ilogical, I found the most effective method for learning any given skill was to dedicate 3 hours per week to that skill. When your focus is 100%. Now, this might contradict the premise of this video, so take into account I’m just relating my own experience and it’s not a universal truth. Regardless of how many hours you put into learning/practicing/training for something, consistency is by far the most important aspect of it. For me, the one factor that allows me to be 100% consistent throughout the year, without missing a single day into my learning, is the three/four hours per week method. Meaning those days when 100% focused and filled with energy. Trying to increase that number, to let’s say 4-5 days per week, not only decreases my consistency, meaning In a year more days per week I won’t be completing the schedule, and also run the risk of burning out and not wanting to do that activity anymore. So meanwhile, more seems better, demanding too much on yourself could make you hate that activity, and probably give it up. S So in conclusion, for those that perhaps aren’t hardcore into becoming the best of the best at something, for people that simply are content with achieving results and progressing in a hobby or activity, I don’t think it’s bad to limit your time on a given activity, as long as you are 100% consistent, you will achieve decent results. Of course I would argue 3 hours per week is the bare minimun, less than that, say 1 hour per week, will produce very slow results which might not be convenient either. But in short, just do whatever works for you, as long as you remain consistent along a period of at least 10 years.

[@violettracey]

Thank you for sharing these tips!

[@klaudiak6615]

this. people always ask me what I do to have the body i do. Its staying consistent. I'm a runner, but I have gym days where I only walk and stretch some days. Its not about being the best. It's about keeping the momentum going and keep moving forward

[@octopiinthesky44]

The last section about the process beautifully said what I felt for all my life, but could never really put into words.

[@lagreenfluencer1210]

All very useful! The last one makes me reflect a lot!

[@MaxBergmanis]

thank you cole! i can already see the dunning kruger map starting to frame my feelings going forward

[@arghyadeepmandal4458]

Thanks mate.I'm 22 on the path of self-improvement.This video made real sense to me❤

[@alejohndrom4092]

These were good lessons to learn at 22, much appreciated mate

[@AnisHacini-q7l]

When u got to the therapist part u actually opened my wound ... MY THERAPIST GHOSTED ME 💀💀💀

[@ColeHastings]

Damn what…what a lousy therapist

[@timmyso3379]

To me life is about how can you increase subjective well-being as much as possible for you and those around over the long term and you do that by focusing on whats the most important to you and you develop that by understanding the world better(philosophy, science, experience, etc.)

[@TheFitCosplayer]

Beautiful message. What if you agree with everything but have no desires? What if you don't want to pursue any goals because they don't fulfill you anyway?

[@Kim_YoJong]

This was me. I'm nearly 37 years old. I didn't find fulfillment in career or much of anything really. It took some time, but eventually I realized family was my motivator. All those things you know you should do but have less interest in - like career- are just stepping stones to whatever it is you actually want to do. Its not as important to know what that thing is as it is to make sure you aren't locking off potentialities while you figure things out. Make use of your youth to acquire skills so that as you eventually figure things out, you have the tools to make it a reality. You have time, but believe me, it is quite a short gap from your age to mine in terms of perception. It WILL sneak up on you.

[@pixel9548]

I wish I'd known. Sage advice and I'm about 40 years your senior. If I don't feel motivated to walk a mile, half a mile is better than zero.

[@vintagebones922]

For a while until finding this video my head was noisy. Like, full of screams. Blame, anger, disappointment. But this whole video, it just silenced it. All of it. I think you're definitely onto something. Thanks man. I appreciate everything you just told me, I feel a lot better now, and I think maybe I can go to bed a little easier knowing that I'm not finished. Not yet.

[@olavrainer6366]

Great video 👍

[@dummydumber133]

maaan this video found me at the right time., i've been stuck for months., this is a breakthrough

[@shmovin]

watched this at the right time for sure, thanks for the insight cole

[@mindlessdillan]

Love this channel. I've been that one guy doing three jobs thinking that he wants it of his own free will, then finding out managers just noticed my work ethic and was like "there goes a guy we can get to do everything for no benefits or compensation" I also busted my ass for a management position, then someone Grossly underqualifed got it based on seniority with the company. Yeah, needless to say I "quiet quit" almost every job I work now.

[@Ratgodx]

Atleast you have a KZbin channel with 700k subs. Most of us out here just drowning.