College Student Opens Up About Depression And Anxiety

"You will still have days where nothing will change. You'll have days where you regress and feel worse... But despite that, I understand that those things don't define me. Just focusing on that next step is how I'm able to move forward."
Jubilee Media is excited to share part two of our “Humans Being” series, The Invisible Battle. Depression and mental health is too often a taboo subject, and there are not enough conversations being held about such a widespread issue.
The Invisible Battle is a documentary about Rice University college student, Matthew Lim, and the battle he fights with depression, stress, and mental illnesses.
As humans, we are all being, living, and adding value to the world. Humans Being is a short-documentary series that seeks to tell extraordinary stories of people who are marginalized, underdogs, and unconventional.
Want to be in a Jubilee video? Fill out our casting form: goo.gl/forms/EYJEIGgtGTOrb8GC2
Support Jubilee on Patreon: / jubileemedia
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[@fatimasaeed8102]

I just didn't expect college to take this much of a toll on my mental health

[@devitorizqi3642]

Can you share your thoughts, im pretty much depressed too..

[@hamzasaiyed6944]

True 🫤😔

[@mariyamkhan745]

Agreed its been just a week for me and I feel mentally exhausted, like I cant do anything, even if put in the hardwork ill fail, I'll fail so miserably that I womt be able to comeback from it.... ik I can do it but this thing in my head says that I can't cause it knows me better than me....its so frustrating, angry, everything

[@zaireenalexiapedres2398]

same its unexpected why do i feel so detached with anyone im so scared

[@NyandanoSipholi]

@@mariyamkhan745 I relate to every part of this feeling

[@lnoir493]

well he's lucky that his parents care, my mom knew i was suicidal and ignored it.. i only live today because i decided to hold on.

[@lilmiscuti3]

:(

[@taheera34]

L Noir 💜

[@LaurenandRolo]

I care,even if I don't know you

[@lilyss503]

stay strong, I know u can through all of this. Lots of love!!

[@kyoukuro6228]

life is hard, really hard, but there is always something worth living for, even if you don't know what it is. stay strong ❤️❤️❤️

[@sillysarah3000]

I relate so deeply to this. I had to withdraw from school due to depression and anxiety as well. Sometimes a little break is what you need to find yourself in the midst of all the chaos.

[@jinnydodo]

Yes, no need to rush. :) Thank you for sharing this with the world.

[@TheBAZZiX]

Sarah Salinas I did the same. Its just something some people have to do to move forward

[@guyswithstuff3039]

Glad I'm not the only one

[@asyaisaeva5011]

I also did get a break

[@sillysarah3000]

It's just really necessary sometimes. I felt my sanity slipping day by day and the only way to get better was to take a breather. It really does help.

[@reohhom5778]

The worst advice a parent can give you when you are struggling from depression and hating your major is to stick in it because you started it. That is exactly what has happened to me, I chose a major that I've begun to hate and cannot get out of it because my mum tells me to stick in it to finish it. I understand if I drop this major that I would waste money, but I am severely depressed and seeing the counseling services aren't helping. I feel so trapped that I just want to disappear from this enslavement. I continuously have to force myself to study the material and it's so hard - I always have the fear that I am not gonna pass. I cannot stop crying every day I cry. I never imagined my first university experience to be this way. It's a blessing that he has a parent that shows support, I wish it was like that for me. I'm drowning in my pain. I just want to start over.

[@leonda4817]

I hope you have quitted already, if not, do so now! I dropped out of the first college, started a new one, found a job in my desired field, now i will drop out again, because i feel the same pain as you

[@yandangao9258]

I am currently experiencing the same thing. It's suffered, I don't know what to do. Hope you get better.

[@AimieNeish]

Going through this but I’m enjoying my major. I just need to drop classes because some of them are so hard…

[@rumii2631]

I'm going through same. I hate my major but I can't go much about it

[@MUZUKUN-YT]

As someone who is doing dual enrollment in High School and College, I've already felt so much pressure from the recent college class I'm taking. Too much information that I've quickly fallen back to the way I was.. before.

[@elucified]

it's very true, the brushing your teeth thing. I'm going through an episode right now and just being able to wake up and stay awake is a success for me these days. I'm slowly building on it, like getting out of bed and staying out. putting less pressure on myself and just... considering every tiny thing that I do that isn't feeling horrible about myself as a success and an improvement. great ep, guys!

[@eman8459]

elucified ❤️❤️❤️

[@jaynewilson156]

elucified rooting for you from Florida

[@bainobainobaino]

I felt exactly the same about the brushing your teeth thing! It brought a smile to my face because it is those most basic of things that give you a sense of accomplishment when you're depressed. I feel like I've won the lottery when I take a shower.

[@CandyyPants]

That's amazing honestly every step is a success you can do it keep it up ♥

[@personal1399]

I felt the same way

[@stromae2534]

I envy him because at least his parents acknowledged his depression and support him. “If you want to die because of your depression, then die.” My parents said to me when I told them I want to die as crying.

[@Josh_A_Jones]

stromae that's terrible

[@TriSummers]

I know how it feels. My mom laughed at my face when I told her I wanna die. Then she told me if I wanna die over my drama, then go ahead, take a knife from the kitchen.

[@raven7835]

stromae yup my parents just ignore it, invalidate it, or cry because me being depressed “stresses them out too much.”

[@aena5995]

@@raven7835 yeah even if u cry infront of them they dont give a damn horrible ppl all u wanna do is grt away from them no wonder ppl dont have their kids to go back to and instead rot in old homes

[@jooleeuh6430]

I'm so sorry I haven't tried telling my mom yet

[@FIFA201029]

I was smiling like such an idiot when he was talking about the triumph that is brushing your teeth. And it's so true. It's the little things that help move you forward. All the best to you Matthew!

[@AR-dr1sb]

peparing for the day is the most important part of the day....because its the first part of the day.

[@_solange]

Is a deep sadness. A deep void inside of your body. Don't wanna do anything , think about anything. Just sleep, dream maybe about something good even if that is something you don't consider posible anymore.

[@reelala4114]

Solange wow, this is so true

[@sabinaenver1177]

Very true 😢just seat and be freeze

[@sannik9399]

I relate to this. But y'all please remember that we can do this. We can stay alive. There will be good days again.

[@danielmcelroy4505]

+ ❤️✨

[@cwhymt88]

and you are never alone, talk to those people who you can trust about it, It will help a lot! Sharing about your depression doesn't show weakness, that you don't wanna trouble those around you , it shows courage and strength, I'm sure those who you can trust will stay by your side and understand this problem is not easy to deal with.

[@Xarkom89]

Eh we can't though. We all kick the bucket at somepoint. :/

[@RR-em9nq]

@@cwhymt88 that's the expectation but the reality is totally the opposite of it fella. The best example is my life in the college which is almost fucked up.

[@samaldridge5283]

God bless you

[@LeezPgh]

What a lovely dad.

[@MissAdamLambert888]

Such a gentle soul too !

[@yagalterry]

I can relate to this! Mental depression can be so real, even if it is seasonal. Remember it's so important to ask someone close to you, how they are - or how they feel today, even if they look okay. :\

[@sillysarah3000]

HEYTERRY seasonal depression is SO REAL. Mine comes around this time of year, so I’ve been having a hard time doing anything lately.😩😩😩

[@BenjaminKuruga]

Ask your doctors about allergy problems --its possible they're causing brain inflammation.

[@ikewhite6832]

Honestly If someone were to ask me I'd say I was doing okay, because most people just see you as a burden if you say otherwise.

[@spahgabby]

This is an extremely important video for both those who do suffer from mental illnesses and those who don't. This is all too relatable for those who have depression and anxiety, but for others, it provides some insight as to how we feel and how we might not be able to function correctly. This will definitely be shared around my university to support mental health!

[@jinnydodo]

Please do share! And thank you for your encouraging words. :)

[@selah._]

I'm so relieved to see these comments it feels good to know you're not alone you're not the only one who doesn't want to live but you're also not the only one staying strong and not giving up... I still can never imagine telling my parents about my depression and anxiety but I know one day I will be able to open up and talk to them about it. My family doesn't talk about this kind of stuff and there's this stigma where they think that it's just being sad. They think people that have depression are just choosing to be like that..

[@SweetMsAdventure]

I hope you don't, but understand if you do. I'm glad you know you're not alone 🤗 I'm there myself - We can get through this 💪

[@danielmcelroy4505]

sᴇʟᴀʜ if you need to take this down because then please do whatever you need to. But definitely remember that so many of us are getting through our depression and that we've got each other's back ❤️🙌

[@selah._]

Daniel McElroy thank you 🙌🏽

[@cr0wdedteeth]

sᴇʟᴀʜ I was in the same boat as you about telling my parents as well even though it was starting to become a serious problem for me bc i kept missing school and had panic attacks almost daily. My parents are also very “old school” and rooted in traditional thinking and being immigrants who work alot they just haven’t had experience with topics like mental illness and I knew I couldn’t tell them because they were the kind of people to call victims of suicide “selfish” and things like that; i knew they wouldn’t understand. I only ended up telling them because another adult in my life had to hold an intervention with me involving my parents, I already wasn’t living in the same house as my mom and dad and I was terrified of losing our connection because of this illness. It’s been almost four months since then and just last week I had an honest conversation with my conservative dad about what having depression feels like and how people I trust can help me during panic attacks. During the whole time I was talking he listened to me and afterwards said “I’m sorry I can’t be of more help in these situations and I’m sorry I haven’t been someone you could rely on until now, I love you and want to see you better. That’s all I want.” and in that moment I’d realized I’d forgotten that even though my parents can be insensitive and bigots at the worst of times, they still love me and that is what will convince them to try to understand. I’m not saying to tell your parents immediately or anything crazy like that, but if you decide that you want your parents in your support system and that they will care about you enough to not try and force their opinions about your illness on you, then it might be a great thing to open up to them little by little. Even though I was forced to tell my parents in the beginning, now my mom and dad have a deeper understanding of what I’m going through and I know that if I’m ever in the same dark place I was in the beginning that this time I have adults that I can turn to that have seen me at my worst and best. I’m cheering you on whatever you decide to do, we all have each others backs! 💖

[@nicolelovett8467]

Thank you for making this. Stayed at home to go to community college even though I could've gone away. Started my fall semester a few months after my suicide attempt, excited to start a new chapter. Things still went downhill tho. I've withdrew from school 2 times already, and it's still hard. Second week of school and I'm already missing classes but still afraid to go to the disability office. I am going to though, this month. And I have my eyes set on transferring to a four year after this year. This shit is so hard, vids like this help remind me I'm not alone. Thanks for bringing attention to it.

[@jinnydodo]

You're not alone. We are not alone. :-)

[@SweetMsAdventure]

You can do it Nicole 💞 We're with you 🤗

[@RaeFa13]

Never give up, i know how hard it feels as i'm still trying to stand on my feet myself. It's comforting to know we are not alone :) Good luck with school!

[@danielmcelroy4505]

❤️❤️❤️

[@intedennis]

I'm in the same seat as you, missed classes, feeling like everything is impossible and feeling anxious and confused but reading your comment made me feel a bit better knowing I m not totally alone in this

[@kung-fukennyfamily]

*It's hurt that seeing someone's hurting , real men break down too 🙏 .*

[@yliu7945]

This is so me. Since I entered college life a few years ago, Ive been anxious meeting friends(old or new). Especially after the break up with my girlfriend, who I had been dating for almost 4 years, all of a sudden I feel I've lost my value in this world, and distance myself from others. Also, the peer pressure from my friends makes me even more anxious to go out and talk to people. all my friends are graduated and working, yet I am still in college. Every time I had a chance to talk to people, I couldn't keep up the conversation because It's difficult for me to open up myself. Ideal Solution: Talking to a counselor and ask for help, and that's what I am going to do.

[@danielmcelroy4505]

I hope you find clarity - therapy is a huge step! Much love ✌️

[@candyyy6690]

Yongkang Liu i feel u :(

[@sandraw5234]

i hope everything will get better for you, i know how hard it is, and the solution is the right one

[@yliu7945]

Thank you :)

[@sandraw5234]

Yongkang Liu ^^

[@Gsmstfreshie]

Whenever I told my dad when I was back in Highschool that I was suffering from depression; feeling sad all the time, feeling no worth, and feeling lonely, my dad would just brush it off saying it's a "teenager phase".. Well I guess I'm still a teenager at 22 years old!! I need to put up a fight everyday to stay positive and be happy. Days I don't feel like trying, I just pretty much stay in bed all day and not talk to anyone.

[@serenitybeats1677]

This is literally me

[@ehhhhh596]

My depression come from the fear of not graduating because my parents have a really high expectation on me. And I am really afraid of not meeting their expectation. I love my family and I know my family love me too. It's just I am really afraid, sometimes I have suicidal thoughts, I lose my motivation, I can not even eat properly. My family don't know about this.

[@harfayriszal]

Hey, How are you dong?

[@MsFireflygurl]

I'm sitting here crying because I relate to this so much!! I had to withdraw last fall from college after I attempted suicide. I couldn't even do anything. I would lay in bed for hours and not get up or even make conversations with my roommates because that was too much energy for me. I feel so lost because now it's been 10 months since it happened and I'm still struggling to get out of my bed and take a shower and be normal! I was the first one in my family to go to college and I feel like I just let them down because I can't even do that! My mind feels like a jigsaw puzzle and all the pieces are scattered everywhere and I don't know how to put it back together. I have so much on my plate and I don't know how to handle it. I feel like it would be easier for me and everyone else if I just disappeared forever, then everything will be better.

[@NOCLUEinvalid]

This made me cry :( I'm in college too and I want to withdraw because i've been severely depressed for many years but I can't because it is not something my parents would let me do (and they're paying for my college tuition).My parents immigrated to America in their twenties and they have worked really hard so I could come to college and I feel like I'm just letting them down by being depressed all the time. They literally built themselves from the ground up and I wish I could do the same. I just started school again and I keep going to info sessions for clubs and I just feel like there is such a huge gap between the capabilities of depressed people and normal people. I feel like things other people would find easy are so overwhelming for me. :(

[@pintobeansalad8629]

reading this made me cry, I am in the exact position as you, and you put everything I wanted to say into words. I wanted to show my worth by getting into computer science, but even opening my textbook is so hard for me. such small tasks are so hard for me to do, for us to do.

[@Sitifulication]

if any of you want to talk about it i'm available to try to help, stay strong

[@TheRaid98]

Im sitting here in tears because I relate so fucking much with what you said. Im also the first in my family to go to college and im the first to graduate high school. Driving an hour to a college you have no friends at to sit in the library all day and study desperately wanting to just talk to someone. Its not easy making friends when your friends with the same people for half your life and then they all go away..

[@LienNguyen-rm5zt]

I'm crying I totally feel what you've been going through. I'm finishing up this year but I don't think I can make another year. Pressure from studying and tuition is too much for me to handle. Everyone says it's such a waste to drop out since mine is a school with very good reputation. That doesn't matter at all to me now

[@saintjabroni]

Incredible. Love the way this dad feels for his son. Doesn’t tell him to “man up” or any of that horseshit. Look at Matthew now. Things happen, and he’s understood more about himself and in such a way than many more people have to-in order to survive. Show *love* to someone in such a pit before A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. You don’t KNOW someone else’s low.

[@airplanetowardsthesky3265]

I wish I had a dad like this. When I started showing signs of being depressed my dad just told me to get over myself and yelled at me for acting this way.

[@MireyaRivera]

Watching this, I realize simultaneously how different and how similar our experiences with depression can be. None of us are going to experience depression exactly the same, but when we hear each others stories we can hear reflections of our own depression and hurt and struggles. I am so glad for Matthew that he has a supportive network. I wish you all the best as your return to university, Matthew.

[@kaelynv1332]

i withdrew from school a month before finals last year too (due to so much pain and anxiety - that is so hard to explain until youve went through it yourself) and i'm taking it again this year. not being in school means not having that same discipline and intensity as everyone else and there are some days where i still fail going through days this year. some days i just dont see any light at the end of the tunnel. but i figured at the end of the day, grades, how good your school is and the ability to "perform" in society's eyes don't define who you are. it's about doing things that you truly like and living life as happy as you can, going up slowly one step at a time, and to always take care of yourself. ultimately people that you feel like is judging your life rn arent the ones that is gonna see you through, it's people that matter and how much you choose to believe in yourself. it's okay to not be okay, to take a step back and perhaps take a longer route. one day you'll get there and you'll be so proud of that detour, because you learnt so much about yourself. we'll get through the hard times, 2017 and forward together guys. ❤️ whatever happens this year, i think i'll be pretty happy i tried again, and i tried this year again to finally be good to myself.

[@jinnydodo]

Thank you for sharing your story. You're on the right track. Don't rush, just remember to walk slowly at your pace. :) Best of luck!

[@kaelynv1332]

jinnydodo thank you :')

[@VanLovesGeog]

I withdrew 2 weeks before :) Going back in 2 weeks! All the best!!! We can do it!

[@jshir17]

Colleges are largely responsible for the stress and anxiety that students feel by harassing them, policing their speech, and overworking them. But schools should have to consult with the parents and doctors of students before "diagnosing" and forcing the students into "treatment" against their wills.

[@JohnDoe-sl6di]

The working world isn’t any better

[@jshir17]

@@JohnDoe-sl6di I’ve found work to be more rewarding, albeit I did find entry level work to be just as bad.

[@alifdsfdskfjdksjklfd]

You made me smile at 6:55 - it's been the first time today - and I just wanted to say thank you Ali

[@aesthera.]

It’s so wonderful that his parents are supportive. I was raised with the mentality to never talk about your problems; pretend they don’t exist and they’ll “just go away.” Anytime I bring up my depression and anxiety with my parents they look uncomfortable and don’t respond. Glad Matthew has the support he needs

[@aliyahjoelle5366]

When he mentioned the brushing your teeth thing, I have related and connected to a human being more.

[@cynstache]

thank you for sharing your story. a lot of the times we forget that our mental health is just as important as our physical health.

[@Mr_Creasy_]

Please do a follow up video to this in December when the semester is over so we can see his progress!

[@greenparadise2]

as tempting as it is to want to know his future progress, it might not be a good idea because that might put some pressure on him to "progress"

[@jonathannguyen2604]

Be N cant you just ask him near the end of his semestee?

[@jinnydodo]

Hope this video will reach out to people who have experienced depression, anxiety or any kind of pits & plateaus in life. Especially for our millenial generation, because we live in a society where we are quick to compare ourselves with images we see on screen, struggle with questions that life and this world continues to throw at us during a period of rapid change and following confusion. No one is alone. We are so different, yet SO VERY SIMILAR on so many levels as just human beings. We are humans being, that's all. Sending everyone love, lots of love. 💙

[@dukenguyen2900]

You are so kind

[@meadowart_]

thank you.

[@echakamonjok]

This is why I love Jubilee Media. Please continue making meaningful content because the world needs it.

[@selinatokatligil14]

He seems like such a lovely person...thank you for sharing your story! I hope you'll feel better soon!

[@thatguyreiji1045]

Can so relate to this been in and out of University for 3 years.I'm 25 now and returned to start over. It's overwhelming the fact that you are with people so much younger. But hopefully this time I can battle my depression better.Keep up the good fight :-)

[@Chasiraw]

Ray Amukwaya Don't worry about those other people. They're not paying your tuition, food, rent. Take your time. It'll get done.

[@thatguyreiji1045]

+Chasiraw Thanks :)

[@AR-dr1sb]

why you go back?sounds like a waste of time unless you have a plan or something

[@thatguyreiji1045]

Arata Senpai Well I'm African for one...So without a degree you are basically screwed over here and I really want to get one. Just to prove people around me wrong.

[@AR-dr1sb]

rmber to make friends with the smart ones so you can learn faster....

[@nakfanag5270]

Wow, this really hit home. I'm really proud of you Mathew! I got the courage from my mother and sister to push through and return to school. We need the ppl we love to know what we are going through. Sometime we put too much pressure on ourselves but we got to take a step back and just breathe. I hope you have an awesome semester love! I wish you all the best.

[@kerenpark8932]

You've got this, Matthew! Don't give up. And thanks for being brave and sharing your story with us. Best wishes on your new school year ☺️

[@madmann1000]

College was the worst. I had no motivation or desire at all to continue my education once I got into my junior and senior year. I eventually dropped out. I felt like such a failure and loser.

[@larapalma3744]

madmann1000 same

[@prisonmike3605]

Happened to me my second year. I tried to be strong but after sophomore year I couldn’t go back. Everyone who knows me is disappointed that I gave up but I just didn’t have it in me. I couldn’t handle crying myself to sleep most nights, crying in the library and bathrooms.

[@abeee__9010]

hope ure all doing well now :’))

[@iMTweaaaK]

I should be a senior this year, I got 34 more credits left. But this is exactly me. I feel with everything going on right now with covid-19, the political atmosphere, riots, classes being online (the worst) and just my overall mental health, I have to step back and take the semester off. I just withdrew from my classes for the fall and plan on continuing this spring (hoping that classes will be in-person, again). But, I haven't told my parents this decision, yet. I know it is ultimately my choice as I am in my mid-20s but I feel like I'd be a letdown in their eyes if they knew I wanted to take a break this semester. I just don't learn well with classes being online. Plus, I'm living across the country from them for college. I'm trying to pick up the pieces and do something productive with these four months that I have, it's just difficult. And I'm being hard on myself, and I know that I'm not in this alone. Life is in such a limbo this year and I truly miss when things were 'normal'. We'll get through this, though.

[@Roy66802]

What are you doing now? Did everything get better after dropping out?

[@joycedoesntlaii]

the content on this channel is really incomparable... thanks for creating this video

[@felitasetiawan8040]

This video made me shed tears. I can relate on this too much. I'm happy Matthew can go back on track. I hope everyone here too. Let's fight this!

[@esthermukundgi]

Thanks for sharing this with us dude! Such a universal struggle that is still something we don't know how to deal with. So thank you, thank you showing that it is ok to take time out and refocusing on self, i mean BRUSHING your teeth because encouraging

[@antonette1993]

I just want to say that you are brave. we know that it was not easy to finally say it to your parents. I just want to wish you good luck with your recovery and that we are all rooting for you! you will do fine! And thank you Jubilee for sharing his story!

[@Tazmania98]

I don't think college ever made me depressed but I can definitely relate to being overwhelmed by college and feeling a little bit lost. I took the last semester off, worked full-time to save up money, and then I travelled for a little bit. Exploring new places and meeting new people really gave me a new mindset and re focused my priorities. I'm back in college now and while I'm still not a big fan, I feel like I'm handling it a lot better than I did before. A little break is sometimes all you need. Most important thing I realized is that its not a race. There is nothing wrong with taking your time and going through life at your own pace.

[@mwu2]

I have never identified with anything so more than the brushing the teeth comment. It is just so difficult some days. Keep on brushing them, dude!

[@misaelpina-torres588]

This is very powerful! Thank you for sharing some insight on the reality of how mental illness negatively impacts our youth, particularly college students. It's truly difficult to manage our mental health and at the same time juggling work, school, and even our social lives. I love the part where Lim mentions how he rediscovers himself again and learns how to take care of himself as a human being because he forgot how to. This is extremely relatable! As someone who also battles with an invisible disability, I also understand the never-ending struggle to recover, but I always tell myself that getting out of bed everyday is an accomplishment for me. And that is enough.

[@selinatokatligil14]

This was a beautiful video thanks for making it!

[@TKmoon]

Loved this video! When I was in university, I was going through really severe depression and social anxiety, to the point where I struggled to talk to my close friends and even struggled attending my church. It was hard to really enjoy anything and I depressive spells frequently. Even small awkward or uncomfortable social situations could have given me an anxiety attack. I didn't tell anyone but a couple of friends and never told my family even until now. I basically had a moment where I couldn't stand living like that anymore. I felt trapped inside of my depression and anxiety and decided to see a counsellor to get some help. I think it will never completely go away but we learn how to deal with it and control it. I am definitely still battling with it all and I still have anxiety attacks in difficult situations such as some kind of intense confrontation but I have so much control over my depression and anxiety now. I now work in a job where I am in very difficult social situations, working in a foreign country and also making youtube videos. I was always so scared of putting myself out there but now I am at the point where I am able to really put myself out there and be happy.

[@rachel-ig9rw]

TKmoon thank u for sharing!!!thats very sweet and heart worming thing to read!!...wish u all the best;)

[@TKmoon]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it ^^

[@rachel-ig9rw]

TKmoon 💗💗

[@maryiru5610]

I took a semester off of college because I was lacking the motivation to do anything. I realized that I had to tie up all the lose ends in my life and I am planning to go back in September. My days of being lonely and feeling like I am useless will be over and I encourage people to realize your full potential and be happy.

[@maura462]

I totally relate to him talking about how big of a win brushing your teeth is

[@Luckzo]

I like his dad he is so understanding. My pops just says get on with it, dont be fucking depressed, cant tell him anything

[@GreatBeef97]

I've been going through this for so long and the last 2 years have the be the most hardest. This video just reminds me that i'm not the only one who's going the same thing. Right now after being 2 years also out of school and recently being accepted into university/college, things have been really stressful to me where i might need to talk to someone. Labs and assignments due, afraid of failing or not having a bright future. The one thing about me is that i'm a slow learner which affects me even harder. When i get a 60% on a quiz and just instantly feel down losing all of my confidence. On weekends i get time to work or review but my body tells be other wise for some reason and i don't do anything or very little. Question is how do i push myself to do tasks? I recently learned that i should take things one step at a time. Always concentrating on whats infront and not ahead of me. For example a project due in a month i get worried easily if im able to finish it. When im working and i get frazzled or just panic of stress of customers. All i know is to never give up and give it my best! If you guys have they thoughts or suggestions to give me im open as long as of course your nice :)

[@VocaloidYOKO]

I think talking to someone would take a ton of stress off of you. I recently am going through a similar situation, and have very little time for myself. However, I gave up some of my study time to see a therapist at my college. I don't regret it at all, in fact, I can focus more and feel more pumped to get through school. The stress and anxiety I hold feels like a heavy bucket- when I see the therapist, we analyze my successes and what I can improve on, but all of it is a positive experience. I feel like I can pour that bucket out, and have much less weight to carry. While I still have almost at much of a workload from my studies in school, and my two jobs, I feel more capable. Also, be brave enough to take chances and opportunities, but be wise enough to know your limits. If you feel that your situation is affecting your health, mentally and physically, evaluate if those effects are worthwhile for your situation. If you find you can handle them, the affects on your health go away, and they slowly become easier, then continue on your path. If you are still questioning it due to the continued affects, seek help or make changes to your life as soon as you can. Sometimes it may feel like we don't have a choice- especially if one is stuck trying to survive off of limited finances, or whatever the reason may be- but just know reaching out will aid you more than you can imagine. I have a financial situation where I need to work, so quitting my job isn't an option. However, friends and family have stepped up to aid me in light of my situation, and it's really helped. TLDR; Understand yourself, keep going if things get better, reevaluate if it gets to be "too much". Don't wait until the last minute, and don't hurt yourself.

[@GreatBeef97]

Already doing some counseling :) apperciated the support!

[@VocaloidYOKO]

GreatBeef thats great!! Happy to hear my dude, hope its going well.

[@sathanamuraleetharan8871]

oh, i totally understand what you mean. though i'm high school right now, when my anxiety hits, it hits hard. exams and final projects are kicking in within the next two weeks, and i'm having difficulty with rationalizing and staying focused without my anxiety going in gear at the moment. i'm also a slow learner, and as i continue to study for exams, i'm becoming aware of what i can do to help, which is exactly that: breaking things up! it helps and terrifies me to write due dates and things down, but seeing it in action helps. if you know what's due when, you know when to start. starting is difficult, really difficult, but i like to grab a cup of water and just start somewhere. when motivation throws itself out the window and all i want to do is curl into a ball, i give myself a small task to do. even if i'm scared of how much i don't know, i try and start something. choosing a topic, reading one paragraph, taking part of a note. starting is infinitely times better than letting it sit in the back of your mind, and helps relieve the stress, too! i like to take breaks in between not to overwhelm myself. i time half an hour and listen to instrumental music, then take a break (who knows how long that'll last buuuut-), and continue. i've started to take notes the day i learn something and read it over and say it out loud, to help familiarize it with myself. i've started to really look at a bad test that i receive and see what i need to improve on, what can i do to be better. it can be very disheartening to see a bad test, because all i want to do is cry and scream because my efforts "aren't enough". but these days, i'm trying to let them motivate me to do more, to ask more questions to teachers and classmates, to push myself, even if it's a millimeter past the line, and remind myself that this doesn't make me "dumb", it means that i want to be better. i recently visited my family doctor and talked to her, and she said many different things that i want to pass on to you! it helps, too, to have something you can do that will make you feel better, something you enjoy. i want to take up yoga and start reading more often, because it's something i continue to push aside for myself. taking care of my body as much as i can helps, and exercise is a great way to relieve tension and frustrations out of your body. it doesn't have to be on that level, anything as long as it is an enjoyable, safe, and productive thing to do for fun. i hope this helped in any way possible, and that you're seeking the help you need. these above suggestions are things that have helped me, and i also look to tumblr for help when i don't know what to do. (kinda random, but there's a community on tumblr that shares pictures and posts and resources and whatnot to help motivate each other w/ school). but these are what works for me, and if you're still feeling this way and the anxiety is still as intense, taking to someone (doctor, opening to any loved ones) will be a tremendous improvement. you're right in every way possible, and i commend you for being honest with yourself. take things one day at a time, and the rest will find its way to you. :)

[@tesouik5836]

GreatBeef does anyone know how to deal with depression , anxiety abd stress ? Other ways than therapists bc they are too expensive and there isnt one at my school and not talk to my parents bc they never take me seriously even for physical seeable pain , if i told them im depressed which i did before they just reply so we are too and laugh it off . so in my case , what should i do ? Please help me. i failed 10th grade bc i was too depressed and barely studied bc i cant focus from my thoughts , i dont want to fail anymore i need high grades bc i want to be a doctor....

[@mc-qj4cz]

this is such an important discussion to be had -- especially in relation to issues dealing with Asian-Americans and in a larger context PoC. thank u so much for this series jubilee :-)

[@aesthete7227]

*THIS IS SO RELATABLE💜💜💜💜*

[@rautaranka]

I relate so much. I've been on medical leave for two years now. My problems escalated similarly to his, I also started skipping school or showing up late, before finally dropping it completely. Most days it's a struggle for me to stay awake for the whole day. I'm just so endlessly tired. This video really speaks to me.

[@jamielamer2696]

Wow. I haven't identified with anything so deeply in a vary long time. I went through a horrifying bought of depression (unable to leave the house 3+ days a week) and anxiety (4+ panic attacks a week) that decimated my GPA and my finances. I still haven't been able to tell my family about it; I never withdrew from school though I should have. I ended up homeless for 7 months, something else my family doesn't know. I almost lost everything and it wasn't until I learned to be human, to care for myself again that things began to change. I totally get the brushing your teeth thing. All those little things where you literally care for yourself are the biggest wins. Thanks for sharing your story, Matthew. There are so many of us out here who are living a similar struggle. Maybe if I'd seen this in my darker times I would've made different choices that would have benefited me in different ways. I'll never discount my path for what it taught and brought me, but I still know that I would have made different choices, been brave in different ways if I could go back and do it over.

[@phenyotsheko4162]

This is beautiful and so relatable, I feel like I wen through the exact same thing (still am) but feels good to know that depression n anxiety is something that we all go through and we can overcome and cope with it. Thank you for making this.

[@Srosestar]

I love this video!!! Summarizes what I've been through and still going through

[@lisaw9014]

First of all, this video is wonderfully done and what Matthew talks about really hits home. I finished graduate school last July and I can honestly say that is was the most difficult time that I've ever faced. My depression started after the first term and just slowly progressed until I started having suicidal thoughts a couple months before graduating. My friends would ask me, "Are you excited to graduate? To be done?" And I couldn't answer them with an honest yes because depression really took a toll on my overall being. When you're depressed, you feel empty, exhausted, without purpose, irritable, and often times you feel like giving up. You isolate from everyone and the simplest of tasks become the largest of obstacles. I almost took a "leave of absence" a couple times near the end because I couldn't handle it anymore. My passion had died for being a student and for the profession that I worked so hard to prepare myself for. Well, I can tell you now that I made it through. I went on and off medication, laid in bed for hours and continued to have suicidal thoughts and I isolated a lot. But, I got help. I talked with my family and told them what was truly going on. I spoke with my friends. I went to therapy. And with time and resources for recovery, I'm now on a workout routine, I have purpose in my life, and I can genuinely say it feels good to feel good. Like Matthew said, I'm still learning how to walk, but at least I'm walking. Remember, emotions are temporary. Your depression will get better and you will make it. ❤️ Sending love to all the undergrad, graduate, and doc/post doc students out there who are struggling. You can do this!

[@vickigibson8964]

Thank you for sharing your story...glad you were able to take the time off from school and refocus on you. What a beautiful family.

[@MadelineLovesYou100]

Thank you for sharing your story. Keep fighting.

[@ruslanuchan8880]

Shit, I'm crying so hard because it's so real. I'm feeling it. Thanks for the video. It gives encouraging message to those who might feel the same. A message that they are not alone, and we're fighting this together. Hang in there, Matthew!

[@AmiFreire]

I didn't knew that I needed this, but I did, to take it all of my heart. I started with depression and anxiety when I was only 12 years old, going to one of the better schools that I could enter in my country, I was a smart child since little and all of the pressure started to push one day and everything changed, I was like him, I was the happy kid that everyone thought was great but that wasn't the reality, I was in the worst of my life, I tried to commit suicide 2 times in those years because everything was so dark for me, my grades were awful, I was eating 300 calories a day, I was bullied by a "friend", my family was going through bad financial situations and just was the worst feeling. I remember my teen years, when all of my classmates where in swimming pools or taking vacations on summer and I was in my bed all day just crying and trying to not make any sound. I really thought that I wasn't gonna pass 17 years old but now I'm 20, not feeling perfect, because depression always creeps around me now that I'm in college but my family thinks that I'm just going through a fase and I'm just trying to get attention. Sorry for my english, it's not my first languaje. I speak spanish.

[@Sitifulication]

are you feeling better now?

[@tahammulfida6139]

bro i literally feel somewhat the same. there are days when i felt going to classes is the hardest thing to do. woke up and literally said 'i hate myself' right away. i go blank when having a convo with a friend. feel the loneliest in the most crowded places. literally scream, cry and stay on the ground just because 'i can't memorize one more sentence from the book' . i feel homesick most of the time when i'm away. and i also also feel homesick when i'm literally in my bed. i feel this void is eating up everything in my head. all the memories, happiness, songs, my studies, day to day convos...... everything. i feel weird when i close my eyes to seep and i can visualize that i can bring the whole roof down with my chaotic mind. i am pushing my family away, my good friends away. i am dying. i cant ask for helps. i just cant. YET i smile everyday. nobody notices. i can still light up a room with my smile, my presence, offer safe spaces to people in need. but i pray nobody has to go through this.

[@jayrichardson8045]

I’m really glad I watched this, good for me to take to heart there are other people who have gone/are going through what I’m going through - it’s hard af but I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel

[@MZy589]

Can you do more of this? I always read about college students having these issues but not see them talk about it. Please do some about social anxiety too

[@JaronLukasXYZ]

You’re right - we don’t talk enough about this issue. I’ve struggled with social anxiety for years. One thing that really helped me overcome it is meditation. What are some things that have helped you? I posted a few short meditative exercises on my page. Let me know what you think!

[@intrvrtdpyrldblog6568]

It's so true brushing your teeth, for me is brushing my hair, is a great achievement! honestly, only people like us who deals with depression would get how much it means, great to know and express that someone else shares that same joy! ^^

[@isabela8452]

this is such a beautiful video and how it hits so close to home is what makes me relieved that there are people who deal with the similar things that i experience. i would get frustrated when i focus too much on myself and my problems and i blame myself for getting worked up when i have breakdowns and can't work anything out. i fixate on things easily to avoid focusing on me and the thoughts i have but i'm glad i'm doing less of that for myself and my health. i hope for all the best for everyone in the comments as well as matthew. god bless!

[@binhtran3294]

Thank you for sharing this story! I've been suffering from anxiety for a few years now, and it's a struggle to get through some days.

[@InsaneTMNTfan14]

Hi Jubilee! I know you won't reply but I just want to thank you very much for these videos- ALL of them. Everyday I struggle with depression and suicidal ideation. Your videos are beautiful and keeps me at least one more day on earth. Keep being awesome!!

[@categuempel4074]

I am rooting for this dude so hard

[@womanescence4931]

This is so true and accurate!!! Great episode!!!

[@Shannonluvsuful]

Thanks for opening up to us, I can relate to this so much.

[@Peaceful13]

This was really helpful. Thank you

[@bobbybrown5519]

This was so beautiful

[@cushie4803]

Cannot say how many times I have watched this, really would enjoy seeing more about him

[@stephenhui1907]

Thank you so much Jubilee for all these types of videos you put out. You guys do amazing work and there is something so meaningful in the messages you are projecting. Stay true to what you guys believe, don't pander to the masses and continue producing these authentic, impactful pieces!! Much support and love coming from here.

[@rosycheeksj]

Thanks for sharing M!

[@robae7998]

He's actually blessed in the regard that he has parents who care and resources that some people just don't have. Those of us who have crappy parents or no parents at all and have no friends are probably at the most risk because we don't have the option to slow down rather it be from school or work because there's no other alternative tbh. Good Luck

[@sarahs3405]

I can relate sooo much to your story and i'm extremely happy that you took a break, i did as well and i'm back at university, hoping for the better. I sincerely hope the best for you on your return. Thanks for sharing your story :)

[@renee3356]

thank you so much for making this

[@DewiElineThe]

Thank you Matthew for opening up, that was so brave! Wish you all the best!

[@PersonS6]

I really loved this video! There are so many video's and article about depression on the internet nowadays (which is great) but none of them made me feel as understood as this one. It's very relate able and made me think back on my own depressive episodes and how that was.

[@hollz5553]

im so happy for him, this is so sweet and powerful

[@matthew40518]

thank you for this, it means more than can imagine

[@lil0twilight]

i just was on medical leave for one semester as well because of depression. i'm still struggling, but i'm stable enough to be excited to go back and keep doing what i love. it's definitely like learning how to function as a person again. you just have to keep going, there are better days ahead

[@harridplotter]

Not only have you been through this but youve now handled filning and sharing your story. Its not for me to say that you are yet but hopefully my words help. The best advice Ive ever gotten in my depression, was someone reminding me how far Ive come. I deal with depression everyday for a very long time. Youd never suspect it, but I have good supports. The second best thing was that today you have survived even your own worst thoughts, if you can take your own beating, you can do anything.

[@adaywithmind9968]

Thanks for sharing your story, Matthew. You're so brave.

[@joemmanevalga9980]

Thank you so much for this video, I'm at a loss of words of how I'm feeling right now but somehow Matthew gave me a voice. Thank you so much Jubilee, and Thank you Matthew, for reminding that it's okay.

[@tiki5747]

He is such a lovely person. Full of hope and prosperity. I wish him the best

[@liizzset]

Thank you. Need this video.

[@MarielleMorris]

second time hospitalized for my depression....I just got out yesterday and what you said at the beginning was so accurate, I related so deeply because nobody truly understands no matter how many times u try to explain it, it's not like a broken leg its something you can't physically see that takes over ur life slowly and even waking up early or getting out of bed is an accomplishment...

[@eman8459]

I definitely relate to him. It's something that you think will never go away and that's what makes it so hard to think positively. It feels like you are making no progress every time you have bad days or bad thoughts. It is hard and it is different for everyone and everyone copes differently. Some people need to go out and work or study or volunteer or play a team sport. And others just need to be alone. Both are perfectly OK. Whatever helps is OK as long as it isn't unhealthy for you or harming anyone else then by all means. Do it. Everyone has the power to heal themselves. Some just have a longer road than the others. Don't give up on your darkest days because those could be the times when you are about to turn everything around, you just might not know. No one can see the future, don't ever assume all is lost. We are all created equally and we ALL have an EQUAL chance of success. Everyone deserves to have hope. We are stronger united than we are divided. This is a fight known by too many people, we can relate more than you think. Please don't ever assume. Be safe. Be kind. Be hopeful. ❤️ #WeAreOne

[@eman8459]

Some things that help me (this is a struggle I still fight) have been: adopting a pet, learning how to swim, playing soccer (not competitive anymore, just for fun), writing my thoughts down when I have no one to talk to, buying and taking care of a potted plant that I thought looked nice, a cactus, going back to abstract painting and just mixing colors for fun, cutting my hair so it is easier to take care of, wearing more comfortable clothes and shoes (comfortable doesn't have to be plain or boring), taking walks because it's OK to be out of shape and not ready for rigorous exercise as long as I am trying to get back in shape, and most importantly: reminding myself that having a really bad day or another mental breakdown doesn't mean I'm not making progress, it doesn't mean my efforts have been wasted, sometimes I am going to relapse, sometimes I am going to wonder why I was born. Sometimes I'll think badly of myself but I try to remember that no matter what I think on bad days what matters is I am still trying and I want to be better. It's OK to feel hopeless sometimes. As long as you continue to fight. We deserve happiness

[@jjrabbit2023]

It's scary how many people can relate (including myself). Thank you for shedding a light on a topic so uncomfortable to talk about. ❤️

[@leegerald1]

Hey brotha! So proud of you making this video. You might never know this, but I'm sure you helped and maybe even saved many people out there. Stay strong and let me know if you ever wanna chat!

[@notaclue638]

You have an amazing dad be happy for yourself and for him I know its hard

[@EMPOWA]

YES i love the perspective

[@ivonnegarza3776]

Man you are soo inspiring i am going through the same thing right now and i really really needed this video thank you soo much. It is nice to know that it is more normal to go through this

[@joeypaci8818]

It’s hard. Especially when the ones you love most understand the least, and the “help” you seek is only a temporary relief.

[@JenniferC26]

I wish my dad was as supportive as Matthew’s. I am currently a junior and have contemplated dropping out several times when my depression was winning the fight. All I can say is that it’s gets better and to keep fighting and to not let depression take your life from you like it has took mine

[@Gailsla10]

I'm so proud of Matthew and his dad, and I'm incredibly grateful for this video being shared. I had a major depressive episode some years ago that I felt SO amazing getting out of because it lasted so long I forgot what it was like to really live. Now i've had a taste of living and I know I don't want to die, ever, but I have regressed back somewhat. I've managed to get near the end of my first semester in college and even though I'm not taking much more than the normal full-time student hours, I've felt overwhelmed and incapable and very lonely. My mom isn't as understanding as Matthew's dad, but i know she loves me. I might be drifting back into depression, but i'm holding on no matter what. I'm still going to do my best to finish off strong, even if it's not with the perfect grades. I'm going to prioritize my mental health. Most importantly, no matter how much I regress, I'm still going to continue choosing life.

[@O_Rion]

this really helped... i have had days where just the thought of waking up scares me so bad i end up laying in bed the whole day...but I've come to realize that the small things help a lot...baby steps..

[@deyonna3127]

Literally found this cause I skipped a class today and I felt like giving up on college, but I've decided I will work with what I can and make sure to take it slow and not overwhelm myself and take baby steps.