Mike Lawrence - A Strange Arrangement - This Is Not Happening - Uncensored

In this exclusive clip, Mike Lawrence looks back on the infrequent (and bizarre) sexual experiences he had with his first girlfriend.
Watch full episodes of This Is Not Happening now: www.cc.com/shows/this-is-not-h...
Follow Mike Lawrence on Twitter: / themikelawrence
Theme by Run the Jewels. Purchase the LP here: apple.co/1ARsXOf

[@standup]

In the mood for more This Is Not Happening? Watch comedians' most outrageous sex and romance stories here: kzbin.info/aero/PLD7nPL1U-R5p26gyn9MH4nOit3BcfNyYZ

[@summerjeffries2434]

I hope that women has never had an orgasm

[@scotttracey8109]

[e-mail] 8766683WAASSRY4OUHEIGKGKKJYISSTH7G5SYUHTSTTURAJG/IIDGDGTUU4AAAAAAAATTI988887JTRA TDY7-ELEVEN U67677Yrg is s@@summerjeffries243477yiuyyt57 7777 TY individuals 7 as s

[@whitedevil2]

one of the saddest stories of all time

[@anthonydunn729]

Of, modern 'first world' times. Early wars often involved armies kidnapping and raping women, even forcing them to have kids and raise them. Capt Obvious, AWAAYYYYY!!!

[@BryantJ31]

whitedevil2 agreed

[@HH-gv8mx]

Maybe the millennials and the bipolar chics. But the best sex is the girl who's into you but makes you wait for it!

[@lily-hazy8823]

that's a generalization lol you know how many men have stopped dating me because i didn't put out on date 3? Sorry that's you're experience!

[@LOUDsigh]

6yrs of hell

[@mojostevo]

Big shout-out to Comedy Central for putting these up in their full length for us, that's awesome!

[@matthewstephens6502]

mojostevo probably cause they hit that 10minute mark and revenue

[@Agnes1439]

Felt super bad for him until i saw the wedding ring on his finger

[@tylaquiljones]

Aww, i didn't even notice, glad I read your comment 🙂

[@jacquelynn2051]

Just because he's now married does not mean that he's good.

[@lollic307]

Hes funny and kind. She is a lucky woman

[@Zyklus360]

Of course a woman would notice that... lol Oh yeah, hes just been married forevor ;p hahah

[@everythingaquariums7050]

Maybe you missed the part where he said he was 15.

[@thomasmullaney3472]

Gosh why lead him on for 6 years. And then that call! My heart broke for him, that's so damaging.

[@dorothypierre754]

I can get maybe if she was a repressed or prudish person and needed the right person to open up to, but that call was fucking cold. Like she could've kept all that to herself.

[@aliceslab]

If girls werent pretty i doubt anyone would like them just off their behavior.

[@johnbaldwell3395]

@@aliceslab you don’t talk to many girls huh

[@aliceslab]

@@johnbaldwell3395 considering, i am a girl and take medicine for that. And the fact i have a boyfriend and dont like girls. Ya i dont talk to girls much other than my coworkers. Increasing the sample size wouldnt accomplish anything, id still feel the same.

[@johnbaldwell3395]

@@aliceslab there are a lot of girls in the world. But okay.

[@MedEighty]

Funny and sad at the same time. It wasn't This Is Not Happening. It was more... That Should Not Have Happened.

[@anthonydunn729]

Yuup, notice how she avoided saying 'your dick's too big' even though they couldn't get it in? She was probably dry as a fuckin bone! Also damn it would fuck me up if I found out the one woman who really got me was just a prankster... #trustissues

[@tendersheep667]

This might be the saddest story I've heard on this show. I felt so bad for this guy so early in the story and it just got worse... I'm glad he's happier now.

[@TanakaJulian]

A lot of people claim the mantle of "nerd" but this guy deserves the title.

[@LaTripper]

I thought she might have been asexual and I was like, well good on him for not making it a big deal. But after the break up??? Right away??? And telling him it was bc of him??? Fucking rude. Not even the good type of ruthless

[@midinerd]

People aren't asexual. They are just lazy and afraid of being honest.

[@Rizlack]

@SaltyBrains Damn bro you say the word keen way more than any human should say it.

[@justdrop]

@@midinerd Clearly you know nothing about sexuality.

[@misfitbrit1989]

@@midinerd Asexual people can still have romantic relationships, they just don't want to have sexual relationships. There's not one thing wrong with that.

[@katiekat4457]

LaTripper I was thinking the exact same thing.

[@Gabkicks]

what a horrible girlfriend, jesus. where were his guy friends

[@KeetyPooh]

+Gabkicks Probably fucking his girlfriend...

[@Ren-ck3cl]

Gabkicks bros before hoes...rule 1

[@blumblum3808]

Gabkicks It's a hilarious story but it sounds like she wasn't ready to have sex and he waited around really long. Not sure that's horrible lol

[@kevindavey7245]

Really late comment but being alive during these times, if you were on those "message boards"...... you typically didn't have many friends. Good times. Good times.

[@daltonmc420]

probably banging his girlfriend

[@movieman593]

He got me at Edward jizzarhands

[@JELKEK]

This story really puts you in perspective of how unlucky some people are. Always cherish what you have, and always comfort people that have less.

[@GreeeenT]

the wilson from home improvement joke killed me

[@Timocracy]

This dude is an excellent story teller, wow

[@zerodamonsta942]

Down and rough in that corduroy muff 😂😂

[@bisoff]

I hope to see more of this guy, for now I'll settle for hearing him on his podcast. Great story telling.

[@kelw.5440]

"Let's move this to A private chat" 😆 That took me back!

[@tingting35]

I'm a woman, and when I heard that she thought it was fine for him to lick her inner thigh through her corduroy pants, I was thoroughly disgusted. So selfish.

[@pwetty4r4]

How is that disgusting? she didn't feel comfortable with him doing that

[@aliceslab]

@@pwetty4r4 she should grow up and be comfortable being alone then, and only engage with people when youre ready and actually interested. I dont see how you defend childish behavior such as wasting people's time and hurting their feelings.

[@sarahlovee1865]

I cringe at the thought of licking corduroy once in general

[@UldisZalcmanis]

Really great comedian. Another uncovered gem. Really want to see more of his stuff after this.

[@camwheel]

I laughed pretty good at this but man this was close to home. My first real relationship was a similar experience. Dated for 2 years in high school. We were well versed in all the bases except home plate. Finally she decides she's ready, I screw it up by going in too quick instead of slow which hurt her and killed the whole mood. She cried, I comforted her and felt really bad. We dated for a few more months and then she dumped me. Couple months later we start talking again and she talks about the sex she had and how much she like it. I was pretty much dead inside and it took a long time to get over her. Eventually she got knocked up and has 2 kids, but seems to be doing alright. This all happened 8 or 9 years ago, but man, this story brought back those memories.

[@lukenewton143]

Should have gone to the gladys factory bro :)

[@heshreds4049]

I feel you man, at least you got to try though. My girlfriend didn't even want to try to have sex with me. I just didn't understand why. Gave me self confidence issues. 21 and still a Virgin.

[@aliceslab]

I waited two years and my ex felt comfortable and we did it a lot, but seven years in we broke up. Its really annoying because she called me years later when she had a few kids with the guy she cheated with. Its just stupid how indecisive and dumb people can be.

[@secretaardvark679]

@@heshreds4049 that may be a you problem.

[@heshreds4049]

@@secretaardvark679 nah dog, I'm okay with it now. Don't really care all that much anymore. Just doing me and living life.

[@chanelname969]

one of the best ''this is not happening'' !!!

[@grantpollard3806]

That's a sad story but mad respect for him for telling it and finding humor in it and moving on!

[@angelbalderrama1184]

that shit was more depressing than funny

[@susboi8211]

Keelan Watlington 👎

[@ZaminKay]

This made me more sad and angry than amused. Glad he's (hopefully) happily married now

[@Nickohlessa]

This is one of the best This Is Not Happening sets I've seen.

[@lollic307]

This guy is my type..my only type. I hope I find a guy like this one day. Hes perfect. God bless him.

[@ohlawdhecomin305]

I'm so sorry for you

[@HazeAroundtheWorld]

Here I am!

[@HaploidCell]

This story reminds me of something. I had an aunt who was addicted to pills and had bad muscle atrophy from staying in bed for over 30 years. Turns out my uncle really loved that woman. Like, really really. Together for 40 years and change, she fell ill in the first 10 years of marriage. Now, my uncle married that woman despite her being a woman "of ill repute". Basically, she was raped by an older relative, who got away. And back then you can forget about prosecution. Everyone knew and nobody said shit. But my uncle steps in and marries this woman that no-one wants. She was destined to become an old maid before but my uncle loved her and they lived in social shun-dom for a long time. She gets sick, starts getting addicted to presciption medicine and just stays in bed. My uncle sells his business to take care of her (including pill supply, wherever the fuck he got those from) and he proceeds to basically stay indoors for the next 30 years, always at her side. "The good times AND the bad ones. I swore to that." Thing is, they never had sex. My aunt was traumatised, she just couldn't bring herself to it. My uncle dies at 65 when his heart explodes in his chest, right there next to my aunt. My aunt hangs on for a couple more years, in which I get to see and know her for the first time. And slowly this backstory comes together. No sex. For over 40 years of marriage. That is commitment. Just saying, I've seen that shit go on for way longer than 6 years. You got lucky, dude. Good on you for MILFing it up :D Thank you for reading.

[@HaploidCell]

Fuckin A! Thank you man :D

[@atownlefttrain]

+HaploidCell I don't want to give any commentary, though that story gave me so much to think about. Thanks for sharing.

[@markyncole]

His heart didn't explode,it finally broke.

[@kevindavey7245]

bangmeister2012 he may have had sex with someone else but I don't think that really changes the moral of the story. He still stayed by her side

[@kevindavey7245]

atownlefttrain very cool

[@mr.insomniacme7174]

Staying with someone without sex and waiting for 6 year just for that moment is such a low self-esteem!

[@jalex9235]

It's good that he went through the six years though, for developmental things. But it does break my heart. How she had been to him. It's understandable to not want to have sex and do things, but to treat him that way does not seem even close to really, okay

[@chanelname969]

THIS IS MY FAVORITE STORY ON THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

[@dacdoolosh6828]

Perfect story telling on his part. Laughed the whole time.

[@kylacecilialoves]

Mikeyyyyy. I cringed so hard through that entire thing 😂. I feel for you. Thank you for that brutal, hilarious honesty.

[@KPNasty1]

Hot damn there's some outstanding jokes in this. Well done!

[@jollystniick]

11:39 It's nice to see Adam Levine and David Beckham's hybrid enjoying the show

[@BlueMaxx86]

The guy right next to him the (possible) red looks like Tony Hawk.

[@manic8213]

Incestuously chat fished 😂😂

[@StephanoJayP]

Such a fucking funny perspective on coming of age moments from the same era and probably same region in the midwest I grew up in, loved it.

[@michaelwlazlinski8967]

Dawg. This dudes brother is my hero.

[@KaizokuKevin]

This just made me sad :'^(

[@ricksanchez4813]

Keelan Watlington what is your problem lol

[@TheCookieArt]

this man is the definition of “ i don’t know what to do with my hands”

[@loressahclemons8941]

As awkward and upsetting as this story is, he has an incredible ability to showcase the humor in it, and make his audience laugh. Potentially, no one will agree with me, but I believe he's a more well-versed comic than many of them that appear on this show. He had a strong ending line, which honestly, many comics on this show seem to lack. I mean, this man really had some great jokes about this childhood ruining situation!

[@rickeyhall9994]

I was thinking the same thing. In my opinion, this was one of the funniest stories on this is not happening

[@mklstu4710]

Upsetting? The guy didn't get laid with some chick, its not like we just watched a dog get tortured

[@Anvarynn]

"Almost as filthy as your browser history" MMMMMMMMMM IDK ABOUT DAT ONE

[@Lollita23]

This was totally hilarious!😂

[@jacobniedermayer8924]

This is the most sad one in my opinion. Oh well!

[@getback4444]

It was extremely sad.

[@DannyMarschall]

But also funny. Because of it.

[@trevorhansen1299]

omg i have the same birthday as him and also "down and ruff in that corduroy muff" IM CRYINGGGG

[@Lexor888]

Brother walkes in: "IguanaLover69, bitches" 😂🤣😆🤣😂🤣😂

[@josephmarler128]

Finally, a decent set for this season.

[@RampageRich]

I was in a relationship like this once. It wasn't nearly as long but damn I really relate here

[@eviltricster8090]

Nice KZbin, a ww2 game ad during a punchline... just great 👍

[@ThreeTimez15]

Already diggin the sound of this one

[@jessicaperez2029]

I’m watching this on January 14th lol happy bday

[@huntergero1]

that feel when ari steals your middle school haircut

[@thesmellofpinetrees7688]

WATCHING THIS ON HIS BIRTHDAY LMAO - HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE

[@vandoesselaerewillem9744]

Just love the man , great comedy . From the hearrrrrrrt .

[@s3ntry948]

13:00 İ snapped after there LMAOOOOOOO xDxD

[@ongobongo8333]

This is how mass shootings happen

[@joxysurge9631]

yeah , to Gladys ... it was a good thing though! On behalf of women, i apologize for Beth .... thats just evil!

[@HH-gv8mx]

Beth wasn't into him

[@LOUDsigh]

😂😂😂hell yeah

[@justdrop]

@@HH-gv8mx Then she should have got off the pot.

[@jacquelynn2051]

@@joxysurge9631 I'm not bearing the burden of some unstable slick fake ass prude closeted nympho bitch! When I see a dick I take care of the dick....to completion. Women always wanna carry everyone's burden. Fuck that! THAT bitch was just an asshole and he was a stupid man inexperienced , insecure and in love.

[@shakadeekee]

we need more

[@SpineGrinderTrainsWife4Lyfe]

boys coming back MY MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

[@carsonsanchez4541]

Story is so relatable

[@nadaelbrohmi627]

Hilarious set ! But I could not stop looking at the bearded guy near the pole in the beackground... He is a fine specimen !

[@rararabia19]

Nada El Brohmi same!!

[@blackbeard8529]

This is hilarious!

[@cjulez1]

Funniest one so far!!!

[@gilbertnicholas1582]

This is the saddest story I've ever heard that didn't involve someone dying

[@jasonbelona5297]

#Chat-fished , lol!!!😂😂😂😂

[@TurtleduckLove]

Omg! You have the same birthday as me!!! XD

[@chipmunktubetop5097]

That was hilarious!!!

[@Dejjy521]

I’m watching this on his birthday what a coincidence

[@ShadGotEm]

Saddest story I've ever heard.

[@heshreds4049]

I hate how much I relate to this guy.

[@MightyQuinnj]

Incestuously Chat fished!!!

[@dowLoveTap]

THE FUCKING INTROS ARE AMAZING! #ShroomFest 2016 Shroomfest is July 16, 17, and/or 18.

[@trumpetsncrumpets]

He's my favorite I've seen on here.

[@christopherbriscoe3308]

Tanner Todd Watch Sean Patton or Jim Bruer. Both stories are hilarious, and really well told.

[@kallettemika7308]

I think hes actually adorable!! Im glad hes married 😍

[@bobthompson4319]

The crowds reaction to him being a virgin was actually funny. Awww

[@alina7426]

Is that Jenna marbles in the front row ?

[@jobivuvuvfvi605]

Its not her but it does look like her lol

[@LegitimateKill]

This story is so sad

[@garytrashmore]

*Hurrys up and skips first minute so they dont ruin the story

[@BreakMyBenjamin7]

dude killed it!

[@tripkitchen2689]

I can't tell if the depression outweighed the comedy. This was hard to hear.

[@barrywhitmore1508]

10:48 would’ve been the exact second I would’ve broken up with her. What kind of person would do that

[@TheUmart]

this is the saddest story i've ever heard.

[@KarlMySuitcase]

This is the sadest thing I have ever heard.

[@colt45caliber6]

That Wilson comment was Epic

[@mjm9377]

wow i got a really weird feeling i really hate that i hope that’s a wedding ring because the guy deserves more

[@timmyward1105]

January 14th, 1998. Represent!

[@LeoFromHell84]

Mike Lawrence is great

[@etien613]

hahah good story ... and sadly relatable

[@firstname__lastname]

Omgggg Iguana69/ brother story and counting crows... Fucking hilarious and we share the same boif day!!

[@willow8186]

That brother though xD

[@666shizuma]

Omg i Feel so bad for him he seem like a very good guy if i had met i guy like that as a teen i would had lost mine sooner damn

[@evilcam]

Damn, he is a good story teller. Also I hope someone eventually takes all of Ari's opening skits for these and edits them together for a prolonged trip into insanity. It would probably make a good triptauge for when you want the trip to go a bit dark.

[@midinerd]

Say trip like 10 billion times

[@Rhedd30]

Wow that just made me depressed for a complete stranger

[@DaylightDigital]

Saddest...Story...Ever

[@sara107610]

This guy is awesome

[@EliTheMac]

Holy shit I listen to A Long December every time I’m fuckin sad

[@electrontube]

v-card assassination: ask for Gladys

[@nipz4997]

If anyone digs the beat at the start its a Run the Jewels track, strongly recommend you check them out!

[@ImmobileLizard]

its also called Run the Jewels

[@nipz4997]

True I just didn't wanna confuse anyone with Run The Jewels - Run The Jewels lmao

[@PhillyJT]

The transformer line was the best.

[@tofu7397]

Goddamn, this hurts. Great but depressing af.

[@Seph_vision]

Damn man this was depressing

[@tylerjameson6769]

Ari always had the coolest fuckin intro things!!