Coming Out of the Blur: Identity--Based Grounding when You Don't Know Who's Fronting

[@ghoul.6]

“am i interpreting myself correctly?” i’ve never related to something so much in my life lol.

[@Funhaus_Fr34k]

I struggle with this a lot, one of the early rules our system set was "whoever you feel like you are, you are" bc of how much it happened.

[@Sarah-dk8je]

This is really informing. I'm new so I've only seen silver. It's great to see you Delilah. Thanks again the rings system

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you! I do most of our videos. I'll pass on the message to Delilah! -Silver

[@Sarah-dk8je]

@@TheRingsSystem thanks silver xx

[@Sarah-dk8je]

💕

[@terryfeynman]

@@TheRingsSystem haaaiiiii ring system, i have a question that is closely related to this : passive influence. So as far as i understand it it is when an alter influences your thoughts or sometimes even your actions, but you are aware these are not your actions, thougths etc. so also kinda blurry but not quite as blurry if that make sense ? What interests me is how this looks from the side of the other alter doing the influencing. Are they even aware it happens ? If they are, can they control it ? Can it be done on purpose ? Or is that on a case by case basis ?

[@azarahwagner2749]

Perfect timing , we have been very blurry lately and struggling with this . 🤭😉 our birth name is Aaron ... so coincidental. There are two little ones who never had a voice or name , one is 4 and the other is 9 . I talk to them often and let them know they are loved and protected . Thank you for sharing Angel hugs and blessings to you and yours and all souls

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you! One of our close friends is named Aaron too! However, Erryn in our system uses a different spelling, though it can be confusing sometimes! :)

[@キラキラ蛇]

this is exactly what we needed! we've been so blurry lately

[@TheRingsSystem]

I’m so glad! ❤️

[@theecosmetaverse]

Some naughty alters love to pretend to be others even the host. Not nice. Nice to meet you, Delilah. You seem a sweetheart. -Eríkr.

[@miriam455]

Some people in our system do that to. Of course it can be "naughty" but in our case at least, it is a response to trauma and because they think its not safe to be themselves so they hide as the host or someone else to avoid being hurt. Doesnt mean thats the case for you too, just something to consider. -(an ironically very blurry system)

[@nerdywolverine8640]

plenty of our members have done that, usually just cause they dont know anyone yet or haven't figured out who they are, so it feels safer to put on someone else as a mask fjsbx we usually figure it out eventually and no harm is done -kat

[@scotty3169]

We woke up blurry since another alter was in the front when we went to sleep and we didnt know how to figure it out for a while so this video is very helpful! :)

[@TheRingsSystem]

I'm so glad it's helpful!! ❤️

[@ninaaaaishere]

It has been a while. A couple of months really, since I started noticing that I wasn't alone in this body. The Ring System has helped us come to terms with it all and discover ourselves. Me (the host) just came back from a switch with an alter that rarely fronts because she's shy and has tourettes. Long story short, my cheek Hurst where she punched herself, I'm really tired, and yeah Not sure why I'm commenting. But this was nice and comforting to know. We often switch without realising we did and/or not knowing who's who. Sending lots of love ❣️

[@TheRingsSystem]

Sending lots of love back! Hope the continuing self-discovery will be easy and positive💞

[@kiraok3231]

I was just diagnosed with DID and this video helped soooo much thank you so much! I’m just sent the link to my mom to educate her as well!

[@Sarah-dk8je]

Good for you. I hope ur mom understands

[@kiraok3231]

Art Lover she does she is so supportive!!!!

[@lilyshiffer9532]

this is so helpful! i, lily, (the host) has very recently come to the realization that i am not alone in my body. i only know of one other alter (her name is lia, and i hate that our names start with the same letter but she doesn't want to change it), but i feel like there are definitely more than just us. i want to get to know ourselves better, and i feel like this will really help! thank you sm!!

[@TheRingsSystem]

I hope figuring it all out goes smoothly! ❤️

[@thedestroyasystem]

It's very important to make your alters feel safe. Asking an alter to change their name (when that name doesn't already belong to someone else/cause trauma) can be perceived as very disrespectful, even if it's not intended to be so. We have a couple alters with rhyming names (Raven and Haven) and that can get annoying, but that's just who they are. Names can be an integral part of understanding your alters. They make distinctions between them, they make your relationship with them feel more personal, they give the alters a concrete sense of self. "I am (name)". It hurts to have someone else saying "No, that's not your name, I don't like it" or anything like that. As a trans host, I have experience with being deadnamed (called the body's birth name) and it just feels wrong. Don't label your alters, let them label themselves. If y'all want any more advice, comment me back. If not, that's okay, too. We've been there. (and when meeting new alters, we go through it again!) Much love, Loki (host)

[@Sarah-dk8je]

I think I'm not alone in the body either. I keep getting persistent headaches sometimes and I was aware of two others yesterday (jake the person who is currently writing this midway through and lizzie whose the prettiest oops I'm a bit flattered by what jake said about me it's lizzie now.) Love lizzie, jake (who's now writing this) and whatever else is in here

[@sunblossom4478]

Thank for being here, all of you ❤️

[@thesunburstsystem6800]

We had to watch this video a couple of times because we kept switching during it aha...It was a really good video for all of us. Covering blurring/not knowing who you are is really important I think. When we discovered the disorder we expected that everyone knew who they were all the time. That's definitely not the case, and I love the conversations about it.-Chi

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you!!

[@DembaiVT]

Excellent data. We do this constantly in our system. Blurry days are awful. Especially since what works for one of us to control our emotional outbursts does not work for all of us and we can come across as snappy or mean. Ie: I (Nyx) need to take deep breaths and imagine positive things, but you can't do that with Ed. He feels that sort of thing is mega, mega gaslighting. He needs to leave the room and go be mad for a bit. So it's good to see other systems reinforcing both the message of "it's okay to be blurry" and also "here's how to push through blurriness and figure out who you are" (Noting: when we are blurry we may be cocon and my going "okay take a deep breath" will rile up Ed if he is the actual person fronting, as an example.)

[@jenniferlenfestey5335]

Wow, that was a long three months! I guess I'm kind of addicted. I really missed TRS and I look forward to the content, y'all have really helped me. Thank you.

[@TheRingsSystem]

It really was! It's been a really... Interesting time in the past months. Glad to be back though! And extra glad that our videos are helpful to yall :)

[@Marcuri]

We really needed this, we didn't knew there was identity based grounding! We are blurry a lot, and it makes things so hard, for some of us, even to figure out who we really are in first place.

[@TheRingsSystem]

I’m so glad it was helpful!

[@ronaldmoonsun5374]

Thank you! I felt so alone being a plural system. I found out a few months ago and it was so lonely. I found this channel and it has been so helpful.

[@bethkerr1249]

Thankyou for this.such a blurry day i have no flipping idea who I am and it’s getting me down.

[@TheRingsSystem]

Sending good vibes your way ❤️

[@kokokorij9]

This was really helpful! Thank you so much! As a recently acknowledged system I (we) have problems with identifiing who is who. Im sure this will help us a lot :)

[@alysmarcus7747]

thank you for explaining something that is really complicated ot explain to your selves ! Seriously - - -i go through this constantly. are we here yet ! 🤗

[@thomas-marx]

So insightful......i just thought i had good days and bad days.....some days im good with math.....some days artistic...... Some days very mechanical......i dont hsbe any control......i find out usually thru failure..... A part of me wants to be a performer several sides of me do not. It was so confusing bcuz i would practice for months . then not for months and then realize hey i used to like to sing and play guitar i forgot i used to like that😣

[@cryptidgod202]

Thank you so much I (The Host) has recently found out I was not alone in my body. Your Videos have been helping us out so much with doubt and fear. Thanks again! - Oliver and Jasper (co-con)

[@TheRingsSystem]

I'm so glad they're helpful! I hope the rest of the discovery process goes well ❤️❤️

[@cryptidgod202]

@@TheRingsSystem Thank You!!!

[@Sarah-dk8je]

Me to. Ive found out to people, jake and me lizzie (not any more actually never mind its con) , and I might find more and find out about having did. Jake/lizzie. I'm not sure if we may be switchy or if it's jake and lizzie co~con

[@Sieggis]

It's amazing how you guys end up providing a video over a topic that has been something we've been thinking about or struggling or just going through. Thank you so much for all the effort and sharing this information that is really valuable, reassuring, helpful and easy to understand!

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you for all the kind words!! 💞💞

[@ratherBeHappy]

Thank you very much, this video is very useful. I really like the term "blurry" because that's exactly how it feels when I don't know who is fronting or if 2 or more of my parts are in conflict about who can or should be in charge.

[@marekaisystem3451]

Thank you for this! We already ask ourselves questions like that and get frustrated when we don't know the answer ("What's my favourite colour? I don't know!"), and unfortunately we all share pretty much the same taste in food, but you've given us a few more ideas to try out. :)

[@TheRingsSystem]

I hope some other things work! Sometimes it's hard to answer questions about likes/dislikes, and it can be easier to ask "what is my body doing right now" :)

[@thedestroyasystem]

SAME! One of our alters (cohost-ish) has absolutely no clue what they look like. It's frustrating for everyone involved. But you'll get through it!

[@BevChoy]

Thank you for this. It’s very helpful for this new system ❤

[@autiejedi5857]

Awesome!! This really helps. It can be so hard not to overthink. We need to try that identity based grounding. Thank you Delilah and love to all Rings 💜💜💜

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you! I'm so glad it helps ❤️

[@noabinnendijk361]

I really recognize those moments of: Oh! That's who I am! :D Because being blurry is okay, but it's still really nice to, well, be able to put a name and identity to yourself.

[@jwells091]

Thank you Delilah. I appreciate this video alot.

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you, I'll pass the message along to her 💞 -Silver

[@hannahtoth3898]

Hi I just want to say I’m so grateful for you and other systems that are willing to be so vulnerable and educate others on what OSDD/DID are. I don’t know any systems personally, but I came to understand the importance of educating myself on this when I told someone about another video I had seen and they said that the person was like “Split”. I realized that the only way to truly defeat stigmas is to educate people, even if something doesn’t necessarily directly affect you. Conversations that are open and fact based are so important. I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t be learning about this since I’m not in psychology and don’t know anyone with OSDD or DID, but I try to remind myself that it’s a good thing to be open minded and pursue education on things even if it’s not directly a part of your life. Sorry for the rant I just had to get that out:) thank you for everything you do!

[@TheRingsSystem]

You’re absolutely right! Even if you’re not in psychology or don’t know anyone, learning the information means that you’ll be a better ally when you do meet someone with DID. Or you’ll be able to correct other’s when they say something stigmatizing or harmful! It does so much good. Thank you for being here!

[@Perception_Crow]

Thank you so much The ring system, we continue to learn so much of what is going on and how to improve our system. 🌞

[@RHxTBK]

Thank you! :D These videos never fail to give us something meaningful to really think about or process. Sometimes, like now - its scary relevant :o

[@TheRingsSystem]

I’m so glad they’re meaningful!! ❤️💕

[@glagglelandian]

im newer to all of this and i was in that dissociation cloud and this just helped me figure out who was fronting TYSM (i knew who was co fronting but i didnt know who was fronting)

[@333Eriana]

Cool - so helpful. i never thought of asking myself questions is grounding - but i actually realized that i did that today

[@NoLOVEinFEAR333]

Thank you so much for talking about this! We relate very much to a lot of what you described, so this video is very validating and helpful.

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you, and I'm glad it was helpful!! ❤️❤️

[@KathAT07]

Thank you so much! Your videos have been really helpful for our system! Yesterday our emotional protector switch with me (the host) in therapy and we were really blurry, eventually he got it and help our therapist to understand our situation 💗 Sorry for the bad english (still working on it) and sending love to Delilah and the whole system ✨ -Eileen

[@TheRingsSystem]

I'm so glad to hear they've been helpful! ❤️ And thank you :)

[@amberandmarble9219]

Nice to meet you Delilah and thank y'all so much for helping to make sense of this confusing inner experience and for sharing your own knowledge and learning with us 😊

[@TheRingsSystem]

I'm so glad it's helpful for y'all! 💞

[@Goose_Schmidt]

I know that feeling it's stressful at times

[@Drmorganaurora]

Desperately needed this video. Thank you.

[@TheRingsSystem]

I'm so glad it helped ❤️

[@weaversystem9290]

This couldn’t have come at a better time. Thank you!

[@TheRingsSystem]

💞💞💞

[@DIDHatchery]

Thank you so much for this and your other video on this subject. You’ve given so many good tactics for identifying who is fronting. I’ve had this happen so often. Very helpful. Excellent job! ❤️

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you!! 💕❤️

[@thecheesycats8073]

Great video! I like you mentioning key memories! It's a good way for us to figure out who we feel as and who might be fronting. - 💙

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you! 💞

[@kj-sf4md]

Nice to see you again. Your channel has helped me in the past. And this is an excellent video & topic. You brought up so many good ideas. Thank you.

[@TheRingsSystem]

Nice to be back :) Thank you for the kind words ❤️

[@Sandra-hc4vo]

this is very helpful. one thing is that the main thing is i don't get 'names,' but i feel these changes like you mentioned and it does make me feel doubt that maybe i am making it all up. but like the changes are very noticeable, so anyways, thanks.

[@DIDToddlers]

Thank you for this! I feel so confused alot of the time. I'm often co con with 3-5 at a time so the blur is rrreeeeeaalllll- wren system

[@ryce3714]

your videos have been helping me so much lately, i can't really find words, but i appreciate you all so much

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you 💕

[@unexpectedwarriorscollecti9584]

We were really looking forward to this video and you did not disappoint! I know we will watch this video a lot. This will be a very helpful tool for us. -Natasha

[@ZelnotaStan]

I wanted to ask something. When you guys switch do you also thinking "Oh, I'm switching." And when you're grounding do you go "Oh, I'm grounding" ? I'm sorry if this didn't make sense, thank you for reading.

[@TheRingsSystem]

Sometimes? Grounding as a concept is usually something we actively do, like we think, oh, hey, we should do some grounding right now. Switching however, sometimes we'll notice and go "oh, I'm switching" and others we won't notice until after it's happened, or at all

[@ZelnotaStan]

@@TheRingsSystem Thank you so much for the answer

[@randomstuff4874]

I'm very confused with if I have osdd.. because I hear everyone talking about an inner world and talking verbally with their alters.. but I cant.. the talking between my alters comes really in the forms of thoughts and urges to do things or physical/emotional/mental sensations... but we can write (thinking separately) to each other in a journal.. but we cant truly hear our distinct voices.. but we know we're all here.. - emory, crimson, midnight, skyler

[@randomstuff4874]

Also none of us know of an inner world.. it feels like a sleep state.. or black void..

[@TheRingsSystem]

That’s ok! We didn’t have an inner world, or good communication for years. It’s not a requirement at all 💕 what you described sounds a lot like how we experience things, it might be worthwhile checking out our videos on internal communication and passive influence :)

[@SeattleTrainer]

I miss you Silver+system. Your videos are the best. Hope all is going well with you. It’s okay if you aren’t in a place to record videos, your journey and healing is not a linear thing, same as us all - just wanted you to know you are valued and missed and loved. 💜

[@TheRingsSystem]

We just finished editing another one! ❤️️ ❤️️

[@SeattleTrainer]

@@TheRingsSystem yay can’t wait! ❤️

[@thetrashcansystem]

i've been feeling in a funk since January of this year. maybe. It became less and less clear of who I was and soon enough all communication broke down. last year it was okay. it was decent internal communication. but i have trouble recalling why it broke down. but it's just so hard building it back up. without that communication, being aware of who is in the body at the moment is so difficult because no one is communicating. and thats exactly why communication in a system is so largely important. you'll not realize who you are, and eventually memory will break down again as well. and over all it'll just be a hard time for all.

[@TheRingsSystem]

I feel you on all of this. We’re getting out of our own “extended blurry episode with no communication” and it’s real difficult building it back up again. 💕

[@CRYSTALNOODLES]

your therapist sounds amazing

[@TheRingsSystem]

She is!

[@neilronan444]

thank you for another great video- very helpful for new systems like ourselves!

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you! I'm glad to hear it's helpful! :)

[@naiboimuhinyi]

I love your channel. It’s so relatable and helpful. I feel less alone in this. Thank you so much.

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you! I’m so glad it’s helpful! ❤️

[@theflatmatesystem9081]

thank you!!! this is perfect timing for us (and a few others it seems)!! you guys are wonderful, keep doing what you're doing 💞

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you!!💞💞

[@65Mystery]

eexaclty what we needed thank you!!

[@nope8404-m5q]

Thank you!

[@DontSigh]

I'm watching because I really want to get rid of my (incorrect) preconceptions and all your videos have been really educational so far! As a linguist, I can't help but wonder if you or other systems ever find that your alters, for example, use different expressions more than other alters, or one of you swears more often, or one of you is worse at spelling? Something like that!

[@TheRingsSystem]

Yes!! All the time, people can tell us apart from our linguistic patterns :)

[@kalaidescopes]

Thanks Delilah! We really like you all’s vide!😊💜

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you! I'll let her know :) -Silver

[@tttttt4461]

Well shit, around 2:30 when you mention saying an alter's name and them nearing the front, I did it as a test and it actually worked That's one more thing on the confusion list

[@TheRingsSystem]

We have a whole video on this somewhere on our channel! :)

[@khaosfrgmntarium]

Again a very good video. 🤞👌 Thanks!

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thanks! ❤️

[@FaithsLifeOnFilm]

Your videos are always so helpful for us ❤️ thank you!

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you! ❤️

[@TheCryptidSystem]

❤️ thank you for this delilah ❤️ very helpful

[@danyelPitmon]

I guess I am fortunate about one thing when any of my alters come up coconsciousness I know exactly who I am and I know who they are sometimes they like to try and take control of the body though and Mia’s host sometimes I really don’t want them to because it’s usually in situations to her I don’t know what’s going to happen or if it’s if I am out somewhere and I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to make it back home but I really don’t have too much for identity problem with this when they come out I’m fine I’ll be cool conscious and then when they’re in control the body and I am co-conscious I can see what’s going on and I don’t have any control though like with an incident that I had when I was in the hospital recently in the emergency room where my altar rogue came out and was very combative and got me put in restraints and I could see what was going on and I was trying to tell her to stop and it didn’t work most the time I can feel her a lot and every so often nowadays I can kind of feel Lesa and she’s the one that actually keeps the 60 headspace good and she also helped with getting all of my alters to realize they were a part of a system including my two new ones that I recently had show up but I don’t really have much of an identity problem at least not yet or that I know of your question I do have is most of the time my alters when they do come forward do use my voice they don’t use their own voice and I’m having a hard time because I’m wondering if I am faking or if it’s real because they don’t use their own voice at all when they front that I know of on top of that I’m trying to get my alters to be comfortable with speaking to my therapist and that for some reason is not working very well they stay back in the headspace when I have my appointments and just to let you know as host my name is Danielle Pitmon I don’t know the last names of all of my alters I just know their first names what they look like and things that they like and dislike

[@TheRingsSystem]

DID/OSDD is often a covert disorder, and many systems don’t have noticeably different voices! Also, it might help for alters to write letters to your therapist if they want to express something but can’t front during the session :)

[@danyelPitmon]

The Rings System The thing is I don’t know if any of them can actually write if so they can they have yet to even begin to do that yet my system is very stubborn sincerely host Danielle Pitmon

[@TheRingsSystem]

Hmmm, maybe audio recordings then? You could play them back in therapy :)

[@danyelPitmon]

The Rings System thanks for the idea I never thought about that now if I can just get my alters to come out one by one and record a message for my therapist

[@c3p034]

Omg I really needed this!

[@theescariotsystem5839]

Thanks for this video, Delilah! This was helpful ☺️-Melissa 🌸

[@MaskedNozza]

I really wish that I had those clear moments. I'm not able to feel like me most of the time, and it makes everything so difficult. And I've tried grounding a lot and it's not seemed to help much. I assume that's because we have little to zero communication in our system lately.

[@TheRingsSystem]

It's also understandable, considering the state of the world right now! With more stress comes more dissociation, and we've been feeling it a lot lately too. Take good care of yourselves ❤️️

[@EeveelutionMasterAsh]

OHMYGOD THIS IS SUCH A GOOD AND INFORMATIVE VIDEO FOR ME THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!!! Also I really wanna be friends with y'all because I need system friends ^^"

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you for all the kind words!! 💕❤️

[@seab0p]

OH MY GOD . OH MY GOD. It makes sense...

[@TheRingsSystem]

❤️️ ❤️️ ❤️️ ❤️️

[@mel-jk2ts]

kinda off topic and sorry if this sounds rude but when the body of a system gets a haircut for example i should refer as the body? like "the body looks really good with short hair!"

[@TheRingsSystem]

Possibly! You could also say “you guys look really great with short hair!”

[@animatorforlife6230]

I just found your channel and I’ve already watched most of the videos and most of my symptoms line up with OSDD1b and in one video you said that alters can send through pictures (but I have aphantasia which means I can’t picture things in my mind) whenever I feel like someone may be close they never talk but I get like random feelings like how I would if I was ‘imagining’ something. Would this be like another way of communication because I don’t feel like it’s me but I’ve never met anyone before if I have a system at all. If you don’t have time to reply I don’t mind because if you are reading this I’m thankful anyway

[@TheRingsSystem]

It could be - it might be worth engaging with those feelings! I hope the discovery process over there goes well, take lots of notes on things! 💕

[@cerisexo]

Hey we have a little named Delilah! Nice to meet you other Delilah!

[@brandywilleford9157]

Ty so so much for this and for all of your videos😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

[@TheRingsSystem]

Thank you!!!

[@CRYSTALNOODLES]

love this - i didn't realize that you had a peach - i do too! ;)

[@TheRingsSystem]

We have 40+ folks, and all of our intros on this channel are out of date 😅 folks are going to have a big surprise whenever we get around to talking about that

[@A_Me_Amy]

i cant... front or control who fronts... its like always a mix of all.... is there a point then to determine who we are?

[@tillyaili]

Hello! I think i have OSDD-1b. I hear voices in my head for a long time, I experience emotional amnesia, dissociation and other things, yet I thought it was normal. Quarantine started and I started looking where I am mentally. I experience many mental breakdowns, and I am really not having a good time. I discovered my sexuality, and it made me scared most of the time. But I felt like I wasn’t myself sometimes. During the first few weeks of the quarantine one of my alters - Mayà introduced herself. Now I know we are 6 in our system. How should I say this to my parents? Because I am only 13.

[@TheRingsSystem]

I think that’s a complicated question, that we can’t really give good advice on from far away. However, make sure to consider whether you’d be safe, how comfortable you are, and what could or couldn’t come out of disclosing your mental health. The Alexandrite system has a great video on coming out to folks, and considerations about that. In the meantime, take lots of notes and write down your experiences. Best of luck 💕

[@Shatha.T.Q.]

Hey, please, please if you see this answer me. The first time you figured out about your OSDD, have you felt you're fake? And through reading about it you had something similar to panic attacks? Like you don't know what's going on, heart rate is crazy and you feel confusion? Please answer me if you have an explanation.💔 I really lack self realization..

[@TheRingsSystem]

Yes!! We felt fake for YEARS! It’s super common - almost everyone with DID/OSDD struggles with feeling invalid. You’re not alone at all 💕