Common Relationship issues when you have Abandonment Wounds

[@sgcsgc6974]

WOW so powerful! "Excuse me, I'm about to do a sabotage thing, and I don't want to do it, but I'm really afraid of our Love."

[@CandacevanDell]

It’s the real deal!

[@romaainllc9262]

❤

[@MIDNIGHTSUNALASKA]

Yes that was REALLY good.!

[@karabomoalusi8810]

My father abandoned me when I was three months old. I dont know him, My mom never kept his pictures. I must say life hasn't been easy especially when it comes to relationships. Also I used to fear men. 😢😢😢.

[@sofiefelipe9467]

Even after forgiving, shadowing, sitting with the feeling of unworthiness, and doing the work for many many years. I still have a hard time embracing intimacy… my body/mind goes back to that little wounded girl the moment someone comes close… I run as if I’m running from the bogeyman lol - and even as I’m observing her I still continue to do it 😬 I’m afraid of failing and having to seek, mediate and pray myself out of that space again 😮‍💨 On the positive side… it has made me a more conscious parent/human, a seeker and an observer… I dig it! Thank you for your work 🌻✨💛

[@CandacevanDell]

Haha I totally get it!

[@mostlyme910]

You're far ahead of me. I envy you and hope to be there in a couple of years. Met someone online who has the same and it's pushing me back. Don't know how to manage both of those.

[@kimberlykleparek-xe2qo]

I love when you said “That’s his character “ I have told myself how ppl act is because of ME! I’ve lied to myself. No no no, IT’S because of THEM! and then have gotten to the point, where. Have asked myself, Would I do the same as them? The answer is usually no. But I’ve never dug deeper and came to the conclusion that whatever they did was because it was THEIR character, period. Nothing to do with me. Mind blowing , and freeing. Thank you for saying that! It puts things into perspective. It’s NOT MY FAULT! I don’t have to react, and then be the crazy one, then go into my lonely corner to lick my wounds, and try to self care. (Painful) . All I need to do is tell myself, THEY are doing THEM. It is THEIR character. I don’t HAVE to OWN it, it has nothing to do with me. And if step back and realize don’t care for their character, I can choose to not be around them. And if I learn to trust my perceptions l, instead of abandoning them, then I ACTUALLY CAN tell Myself , it is THEM that I don’t like, NOT jump to my standard go to and blame ME for not being good enough, and letting them manipulate me and make me feel like it’s me that is just not good enough (victim) wow. If one can just switch hoe they perceive the actual situations they face. They can free themselves from tremendous torture! Thank you

[@florinegrange850]

Waw Candace ! Thanks you infintly to your vision, canalisations and including The Universe and God in your vision and sharing. Lot of resonnance like Always.🙏💝

[@sivispacemparabellum5476]

I've never understood why my ex gf was always making promise to never leave her and I always promised that cuz she was/is the love of my life I wanted to marry her but unfortunately she kept pushing and pulling me around I love you I hate you I'm afraid you'll leave me then threatening to leave which pisses me off and I don't like to chase but she ended up dumping me but we still were in contact then got back but she kept doing the same things again one day I love you next day I'm suffocating her yet she was the one calling texting the whole day and it was just total confusion and now we stopped talking again cuz she wants to talk to me but can't grasp the fact that I don't like name calling and fighting weather real or just jokingly I prioritize respect but she was really immature and wouldn't stop overstepping my boundaries and won't take accountability it's just sad she was a self saboteur and sabotaged a beautiful thing and wounded me in the process.

[@freeandfabulous4310]

“This is your curriculum for this lifetime” . Love that concept

[@sophieramsden440]

feel like a weight has been lifted since watching this video, was feeling very alone and isolated in my thoughts and now I feel like the clouds are clearing. Thank you so much for explaining abandonment wounds and how it can make you feel or react!

[@Pancakes4dindin]

This made me feel so much relief, thank you

[@CandacevanDell]

Yay!!!

[@laurenmountain-ledoux6901]

My ex has self sabotaged our relationship with zero warning 2x. I believe his mom was emotionally unavailable when he was little because she was overwhelmed with her career and 2 babies 14 months apart. Then, his 1st wife abandoned their marriage after 1.5 years (they were together about 7 yrs.). His ex wife’s mom abandoned their family. To top it off, the wife is now engaged to a woman…

[@KathleenHemrich]

I think this is one of your best videos. Thank you for sharing. I'm a mental health counselor and I sent this to one of my clients :-)

[@AmyCheri]

Accept that I have these wounds without identifying with them..: why did that hit me so hard? Thanks Candace ✨🙏🏻💕

[@CandacevanDell]

We often are taught that how we act due to how we feel is bad or wrong. Therefore we innately feel we are bad or wrong.

[@rebeccadawn5751]

So crazy I just watched your old abandoenmmnt wound video and hour ago. Needed this! Thank you 🙏

[@CandacevanDell]

Hi 🙋🏼‍♀️ I’m so glad it found you 😃

[@wendyyoung9842]

I must find my own path. Letting others I chose omit confidence in myself more and more successful. Healed integrated loved and accepted deeper learned. Wonderful person who has a wonderful future. Embrace the future.

[@frankschest8584]

I cried watching this video. I was abandoned by both parents at age of 4. Left in a hostel alone for many years. Had a childhood with emotional abuse, sexual abuse etc. I had spiritual awakening bc of that maybe. Lot's of work to be done on my way to healing. On going therapy at the age of 37. But I felt like I hv found my therapist in you. Thank you so much. Namaste! 🙏

[@rebeccaschutze3902]

What if your dating an avoidant who won't make you feel safe because reassurance is what helps me and he doesn't like giving me reassurance. I actually am not dating him anymore. 17mths together and I've walked away but still grieving.

[@destroyraiden]

Your incompatible is the reality with that. You need things from him and he doesn't want to give those things. You walking away sooner allows you to be a better person because if you'd stayed for years on end not having your needs met you'd be unrecognizable to yourself of today, bitter, resentful, and probably homicidal or suicidal so you leaving allows you to find someone better and dodge this particular bullet.

[@Pippi-rippi]

I’m learning so much about myself with you. Thank you!

[@CandacevanDell]

YAY!!!

[@jyotivyas9286]

I had or have abondenment Issue 👍🏼🔥🕉️🕉️🙏🏻 I have to Sort it Out ✌🏼🔥❤️ Thank you Candecce 🕉️🙏🏻

[@CandacevanDell]

So many of us do! The important part is that you are here and you are Doing the work 😃

[@beatsbyjoeezy1440]

Me and my siblings were punished all the time for my dad’s insecurities for control he didn’t have control of my mom because mainly she was the bread winner (he rarely worked) we would spend hours days in the corner on our knees sometimes my mom would walk past us out the door to go out for the day and we were left alone with him in a prison which lead to him sexually abusing me and my sister.

[@thatswhatshesaid6326]

I’m with an amazing guy for the first time in so many years. I have dated emotional and mentally abusive men for most my adult life. I was SA by my bio dad from 4-10 years old. I was also raped at 21 from a guy who I didn’t know that followed me home from a bar one night. The most damaging aspect of my life has been my narc mom who was/is controlling, Manipulative, who has turned my whole family against me with lies, she talks about me (negativity) all the time to whoever will listen then lies about it, turned my brother and I against each other, and the absolute worst is sitting down my 4 teenage kids last year who I’ve raised since my divorce 13 years ago, they are now 19,18,17, and 15 she called them to her house along with my ex husband, brother and my sons (18) his gf’s mom and told them I was a drug Addict, that my ex husband needs to take the kids from me. This is 4 months after I went NC with her. It was almost like I could feel her control building up and I knew something was about to happen. Once I went no contact I knew it wasn’t over. She was going to get me back. My self sabotage and dealing with abandonment issues is everyday struggle. I need to figure out how to work this before I ruin this relationship.

[@robdawg86]

Great video to help me navigate the challenges I’m currently navigating with my soulmate girlfriend. I want to be her healing partner! I’m all in. We’ve got this 💙

[@kerikat7983]

Ty Candace for your very candid comments! Much love for your work ❤

[@CandacevanDell]

Thank you so much!

[@Alia_1111]

This makes me feel so much better 😭❤️

[@Jennifer-di4nl]

Im here for my partner. He's so amazing i want to do everything i can so he never feels insecure with me.

[@DarthVader-rp8pu]

This is very useful.Thank u for being pretty.

[@CandacevanDell]

Hahaha thank you!

[@kristelwalton3141]

I’ll be sharing a recent trigger with my partner. Thanks for leading that healing in my life through your work.

[@CandacevanDell]

Bravo!!!!

[@charlene336]

My mom straight told me at 7 years old that I was the reason I was being abandoned.

[@danielak7204]

Ouch 😓💗 it hurts doesn’t it

[@aliyaheats7047]

Your videos always seem to come at a time where I need to hear this information. Thank you

[@CandacevanDell]

I love the synchronicity 😄

[@winniewinkles]

Love you Candace, you’re so smart

[@CandacevanDell]

Awww thank you so much!

[@bs7113]

Namaste 🙏

[@CandacevanDell]

😇

[@awardssteaming4304]

Great job🎉

[@moonroo4939]

As someone who always questions themselves this tool of asking myself, how would i react in this scenario, would I do what they did is very useful. Thank you a lot for that!

[@wendyyoung9842]

Dear Candace your work helps this world erased positive things a sign how much healing this world will need. I hope to join you in this quest soon enough. My spirit is a healing one first deeply needs healing also. Hands of a good God someday I’ll understand Him better than layers of my father has not healed himself. Mega negative attention seeking I’m wanting the healing process it serves only life can do.

[@mrksskr8236]

Thank you ❤

[@CandacevanDell]

You are welcome!

[@nicolemarierose6720]

Wow, this is amazing Candace. Thank you 💖

[@MIDNIGHTSUNALASKA]

Bingo 9:50 forward I would have never found my personal relationship with God.🔥

[@GarrickPinon]

Powerfully succinct. ❤️

[@aknightofcamelot]

Thanks for the video. It's too late for me though...until next time, that is.

[@bodymindsoul60]

Excellent Candace, thank You for all you do ❣️

[@GuitarAtWork]

Fabulous. TY

[@CandacevanDell]

Hey buddy!!

[@charmedone7885]

Thank you! 💗

[@CandacevanDell]

Very welcome!

[@psychetropicrelease]

ugh amazing. So validating makes me feel relieved.

[@moonlightstargem1006]

I just never believe men when they say they love me if i have to get that out of you and u don’t know what to do with a girl like me don’t bother in the first place. Distance and coldness does not mix with a girl like me. He needs to be close to me. We gotta be like besties or else i do not trust you. Even my own adopted parents make me uncomfortable because they have abandoned me when i got older i mean they abandoned me a long time ago. I don’t trust these people. I don’t trust them because they have never had that attached bond with me and that closeness absolutely correct!!

[@Nancy-td4gf]

Candace you are incredible ❣️

[@yogawithelvisprince2363]

Thank you so so much for this Candace

[@RS-tu1sg]

You about to save my life!

[@Amndayell]

I'd like to add to the idea your younger selves thinking the abandonment being our fault rings very true. Also, Unfortunately, some adoptees; such as myself, have also been told that our mother's loved us so much that they gave us up, also registers as 'If I love someone they will leave me.' or even 'I will make sure no one leaves me, I'll be perfect.' mindsets.

[@mbalimabaso9485]

I self sabotaged the relationship that was starting, I dumped him because he did not answer his phone last night. So I left him first because I was scared that's what he was going to do. Funny thing is he was a good guy, then I sabotaged the relationship before it even began 😢

[@karabomoalusi8810]

I have the same fear as yours. 😢😢😢

[@mbalimabaso9485]

@@karabomoalusi8810 eish Karabo, even now I'm single for almost two years because of fear but I'm working on myself. I'm getting better though

[@kkbabybratz3874]

You absolutely amazing sometimes I feel like I’m not even consciously aware of the stuff you talk about and I’m like holy shit later I am lol

[@Light-Shift]

If you understand we are eternal beings and we come into families for reasons we have to resolve ourselves you understand that it isnt your parents doing something to you and youre innocent and have to work out the damage they did to you. You understand you have to work out unalignment and they have to work it out because this isnt our first time in a physical body. We choose our families as well as attract people and situations that can push us forward to alignment with who we really are. Whether its coming into a particular lineage and family or marrying one. Blaming parents for being wounded or emotionally immature is hypocritical. At some point everyone needs to stop the blame and name calling and realize humanity has been lost in 3D energies from one generation to the next in a constant movement and time is a construct for returning to alignment with our love light and core identity or divinity.

[@Sandra.B]

Wow, it takes a lot of courage to, first acknowledge that you're triggered, second to actually let your partner know it so he can help you out reaching a secure attachment. In one of my previous relationships I was with a guy whose behaviour was to have one foot in and one foot out and I was so constantly triggered I couldn't trust him, I ended up so disregulated I thought I would need anti anxiety meds, I tried to break up with him 10 times until I finally succeded..cried for 6 months but it was the best thing, 'cause he wasn't good at all for me.. When I find a better partner I'll let him know when I'm triggered and what do I need from him...which is normally emotional closeness and intimacy...and some sex too..😅

[@tomektalk4671]

This was really helpful. Thank you

[@camarorules1]

Thank you 🙏

[@CandacevanDell]

Very welcome!

[@gr8tone332]

Nice to hear this

[@murrayshanaughan2650]

In short, thank you Candace. OXO

[@joeainsworth4847]

Being a wolf is tough candace. I bounce on my phones to keep my private y

[@mikewazowski2675]

Thank you

[@wandaleblanc3683]

Thank you so much.

[@sheilawaddy3184]

Great video

[@declagreen7884]

Hello. Have you worked with lifetime foster kids?.. passed from home to home, by the gov?.... does this make my healing strategy different?

[@awardssteaming4304]

Wow..shes pretty

[@royboi22]

OMG!!!! You are speaking my story! 😮😢

[@karlosbatista483]

the Brazil online I desire for you merryu christimas and happy new year I love you hugs beatiful work.

[@momione11]

❤

[@CandacevanDell]

❤️

[@ameliarose6648]

Hey love 🥰 How long do we have to sign up for emotional rehab until the early discount is gone?? Thank you 🙏🏼❤️

[@CandacevanDell]

Oct. 1 my dear!!

[@ameliarose6648]

@@CandacevanDell oh yay ❤️❤️❤️❤️ do you think it could help me with my anxious attachment issues? also how many people usually take your courses ?

[@CandacevanDell]

@@ameliarose6648 yes I do!

[@jennifercox8608]

Im not sure how to get into the shadow work group ?!❤

[@CandacevanDell]

shadow work.candacevandell.com Also in the description if this video (below it)

[@parkerholt8097]

🙏♥️

[@CandacevanDell]

❤️😁

[@joeainsworth4847]

I'm not leaving you. You won't answer the phone

[@lancelawrence7825]

Oye, Scots King o' Ireland!) +1 love. Dinna u know about Dr Seuss? Ere give such colorful Ad-vice! As 1 Fish 2 fish Red fish Blue. If Seuss can be a Dr. $0 can u?) "Samurai Thesaurus" 1st draft up on Kindle. Neal a Bruce $ends Love 2