complex PTSD and feeling numb, lifeless

[@Reinhardt4444]

Sometimes I feel like I'm a destroyed space ship with a few lights flickering on and off. Just floating in the vastness of space but I'm still trying to repair the ship to get the power back on.

[@TanjaWindegger]

I love the way you describe this, sadly I can all to well relate to that feeling ... hang in there. things will get better. sending you an extra dose of love & rainbows..

[@4exquisiteservice680]

Great analogy. I understand.

[@E2112-s2p]

Understood man.

[@kevinbaconwasntinfootloose1742]

I'm just sitting in the captains seat , waiting til the power goes out.

[@D.M.S.]

Great analogy. I feel the same.

[@1theflashback]

Im so damn tired of my cptsd, Im in therapy since 6months (art therapy, PITT, and with a psychatrist, I'm on 100mg seralin atm) I have no sense of self or time or being alive in general , its like walking through hell the only difference is the hell is inside of you. Im really really trying, but the feeling just wont change. My Therapists said to me you cant heal a lifetime of pain so quickly. Im 23 now and I thought my life would be different by now , but since in my teens I repressed everything and thought " it was no big Deal" , I somehow gotta pay for it now I might get hospitalized in 2019, because atm I struggle with the simplest tasks like getting up or cleaning. But it cant be like that forever doesnt it?

[@TanjaWindegger]

No it won't be like this forever :) I was the same at the beginning of my healing journey.... just that it didn't all break down for me till I was about 28... I was slow progress, mostly because I believed that I needed to be fixed before I could like myself. not realising that I needed to like and accept myself first, then healing becomes possible. .. hang in there! sending you an extra dose of love and rainbows :)

[@QueenH.]

thevoidiscallingyou are u feeling better?? How the seraphim working?

[@KarmasAbutch]

I also feel like my inner critic or brain has been programmed to cause me to forget tools I had put in place previously that helped with certain emotional states and issues. Because Ive been made to internalize my abusers sabotage and hate towards me ... so the part of me that is disgusted at me needs and vulnerability creates blocks and resistance to self soothing techniques and self care.

[@mariannedijkhuizen4925]

That is the most hopeless feeling!!! You can't explane it to a person that doesn't have the same experience. You need profession help, it's the only way. Thank you for sharing. Your a very lovely person 🤗

[@TanjaWindegger]

Thank you :) It takes so much courage to reach out for professional help :) but I wouldn't be where I am today without professional help... sending you an extra dose of love & rainbows

[@Touay.]

Thanks for posting this. Been in therapy now for a few months. Learnt I am autistic a couple of yeas ago. Along with that came a feeling of being alive in a way i had not before, ... i was starting to feel things. Following a deep dive, I discovered that I also have cptsd.... I think 'feeling empty' describes my life, but only now am I aware, because that feeling has always been my 'normal'. I didn't know until recently that happy is actually something people feel in their body. I had always assumed that when people say 'feel happy', it is some kind of metaphor.

[@carriewedding2985]

i know what you mean, i shut down and feel numb. what i had been so hurt , emotional about just ends up feeling numb. the next day usually..then anger comes...then crying....then i feel better....then the cycle begins again. today i was full of energy...did so much...from this morning until 10pm.. yea, the numb feeling comes , it's like automatic. thanks for your videos.

[@TanjaWindegger]

happy to hear that you were full of energy this morning. when you go through those cptsd cycles, you never take those good times for granted, because you know that they may be short-lived... but as you heal the good times become longer and more often :) you are worthy of a better future

[@Yolozxm]

@@TanjaWindegger I got a question

[@jemmas2542]

Thank you for all that you do and have done, I have PTSD and I'm able to share these with my partner so he starts to understand me more and you make me feel less alone.

[@TanjaWindegger]

That's awesome! Thanks for sharing. You are certainly not alone...

[@givepeaceachantcommunity]

Thanks Tanja. I play Guitar. I am self taught, so your analogy of tuning up the strings really works for me. Thanks for all you are giving back or I guess we call it paying it forward, now. ♥️

[@TanjaWindegger]

Thanks :) being there for each other on this journey

[@ckay9006]

I felt , what I can only describe as a feeling of my 'brain tearing apart ' after a recent traumatic event , now I feel numb , but to be honest, that's better than the feelings prior , maybe our brains do it to protect us, sadly from external trauma.

[@TanjaWindegger]

yes, the numbness does have a purpose... like you said "to protect us"... sending you an extra dose of love & rainbows to brighten up the tough times just a little...

[@ckay9006]

@@TanjaWindegger thanks Tanja, feel less numb today sadly , but hopefully more mentally strong as time goes by

[@caterinaorywahl5280]

Liebe Tanja, danke für deine mutmachenden Videos

[@TanjaWindegger]

Danke Caterina :)

[@lalitdogra22]

one word that's at the core of my existence is 'hate' .. I don't even feel like trying to get out of this.. no motivation works for me.. good video though..

[@TanjaWindegger]

Interesting, I wonder why you chose to have the word "hate" at the core of your existence. To me hate implies that all the power is still at the hands of the abuser. Their hateful actions caused me a lot of suffering. It is at my core to be nothing like them. I choose how I want to show up in the world every day and I choose which emotions I want to dwell on. It is a struggle, but hour by hour I get better at it. never give up. best wishes tanja

[@marthasisco9678]

How r u

[@ronalddeem8154]

Thank you

[@TanjaWindegger]

You're most welcome 🌺

[@AnimeLuvr4evahAnita]

So it is indeed possible to get emotions back? I'm 16 years old and a year ago I went through a year of prolonged abuse and I've been in a rut and have been numb for more 6 months. I've stopped ruminating for the first time in a while but I've been numb for more than a year. I haven't felt any emotion at all in between. It gets me down when I think how young I am to be going through this when my whole life is supposed to be ahead of me. I feel that I have no future. Thank you for this video and others like this!

[@TanjaWindegger]

Be kind to yourself and be patient with your heart. It takes a long time to recovery. You have got great inner strength to survive all that trauma and abuse and your brain has tremendous capacity to change. With the help of a professional I am confident you can get your feelings back....sending you lots of love and rainbows to brighten up those very tough times tanja

[@AnimeLuvr4evahAnita]

Thank you replying! How long might it take?

[@Justheory11b]

AnimeLuvr4evahAnita Forget about how long it might take. Instead focus on gathering knowledge about your situation and your emotional numbness. Grow your self-awareness and use your knew knowledge to rebuild your ability to feel emotions. Every step, no matter how small, is a success. Keep grinding away, even with the set backs. Not only can you recover your ability to feel, but you will do so with a deeper understanding of yourself. I know it's tough for you right now, but if you acquire the knowledge and put forth the effort you can come out of this a stronger and healthier person. You will be more capable of dealing with future adversity. Best of luck.

[@TanjaWindegger]

this was one of my biggest concerns initially, as it felt like this nightmare will never end for me, I used to question if it is worth any effort, as things won't change for me anyway, I don't deserve a better future... Have faith and know deep in your heart that you are worthy of a happy future and you will get there in your own time :) hugs

[@allamsamuel3372]

AnimeLuvr4evahAnita my dear I feel the same! I just have no beautiful emotions or feelings in me! So lifeless I feel

[@bobbyhill2438]

How do I fix this? I'm fairly sure it started from the death of my Papa, who I was insanely close to and it was so sudden. Ever since the day I got the word he had passed away, my emotions slowly began to fade away, and now I'm blank. Feeling nothing, not sadness, not happiness, no motivation, nothing. I want this to end, I do nothing because of this, like I'm just not interested in doing anything. I need this to stop.

[@TanjaWindegger]

I am sad to hear about your deep loss. I can't even imagine just how painful this would be. For me visualising every emotion, trying to remember joyous moments and allow myself to feel all feelings that come up with it, was a long process and it felt many times that I will never be able to feel normal again. Mostly it was my thought that "the pain is unthinkable massive and I can't deal or cope or begin to look at it...that caused me to numb. Numbing is a coping mechanism and once we become aware we can learn to overcome it. Sending you lots of love and rainbows, remember you are always much much stronger than you think you are. Tanja

[@gateke1]

i have lost my lifesparkle a very long time ago, i cant find it anymore, and its harsh to have joy in life without it. why are goodbyes so painfull to me, (is it genetic?), am i extremely sensitive, a movie can easily make me cry, why i am attracted by sad music, i would think i enjoy it, why do i cry my heart out? but still it is better then being totally lifeless?

[@sasykins3359]

Tanja Windegger same here. After an existential crisis, I got really numb. It’s ok I don’t care for validation or encouragement or anything really. Got any practical advice?

[@disorganizedclutter5513]

This whole time I thought that feeling was depression. If this isn't depression, then what is depression?

[@TanjaWindegger]

you can be numb and being depressed. like numbing out that deep feeling of despair, grief, hopelessness that comes with depression

[@chloescaptures808]

I'm so numb and guarded I find no enjoyment in socialising or having a intimate relationship. I dislike everyone and want life to hurry up and be over already . Life with a tbi and ptsd is pointless. Nothing is enjoyable.

[@TanjaWindegger]

my heart goes out to you. it felt like this for me too for a long time before I started to heal

[@chloescaptures808]

@@TanjaWindegger at least I now now it's possible. Thankyou 💖

[@Acapellachick27]

Very hard to describe

[@zahrajaferi]

Ice pack and heating pad works for my stomach and forehead

[@TanjaWindegger]

great idea, thanks for sharing :)

[@filipvanwalleghem]

I know the feeling, going through this for the past 20 years 😪

[@TanjaWindegger]

my heart goes out to you...

[@filipvanwalleghem]

My last failed relationship was the straw that broke the camels back. Been reflecting a lot the last year and trying to find a path to more self fulfillment and gratitude.

[@k.upward]

@@filipvanwalleghem me too and me too

[@samuelblackmore7024]

How about feelings about loved ones?! Will that come back too? I feel numb and have no emotional rememberance??

[@TanjaWindegger]

yes it will come back with lots of patience and self-compassion :) here is a more recent video and blog I did on how to get your feelings back... hope you find it useful. www.tanjawindegger.com/blog/cptsd-how-to-get-your-feelings-back

[@monkeybone6843]

The theory behind complex post traumatic stress disorder kind of confuses me quite a lot due to most of the criteria to fit it seems a lot like borderline personality disorder. Yes I know people with bpd don’t need trauma to have the condition, but what about those who do have the repeated trauma? If cptsd were to become apart of the dsm would it significantly lower the population of bpd?

[@TanjaWindegger]

I try not to focus on the labels too much, but rather focus on finding ways to heal my symptoms one at the time :) there is a lot of overlap between cptsd and bpd, the main thing is that our brain has tremendous capacity to change...

[@gofreak1969]

spent 35 yrs of my life numb waiting 4 my anger 2 go away. Less than a year ago my abuser called me & offered me $ 4 sex. I flipped out. It isn't going 2 go away.

[@gofreak1969]

after the shock I thought of killing myself but there would b no more pretty days then bout going psycho & meeting him & driving over a cliff w/ him in car....LOL!!! Doesn't go away

[@TanjaWindegger]

Keeping healthy boundaries is another tough thing we need to learn to heal...

[@lillianross7478]

Has anyone else in here been prescribed medication psychotropic meds and beta blockers for adrenaline rush Prozac gabapentin

[@TanjaWindegger]

I used ot be on a lot of meds for many years, I refused to take beta blockers... while they may have helped me through crisis, they slowed down my healing. In the end I was no longer clear if what I was experiencing was from my ptsd or side effects from meds (drowsiness, dry mouth, excess sweating, foggy mind...) turned out these were side effects to meds. I slowly reduced meds over time with doctor guidance to minimise withdrawls.... I have been off all meds for nearly 4 years now :)

[@easye22333]

Can emotional numbness be occassional? Triggered by certain events but rooted in the past?

[@TanjaWindegger]

When I was younger the emotional numbness was much longer lasting and more frequent. As I am being scared of strong emotions, they quickly trigger numbness. I'd say most the time it is a trigger from the past that initiates the strong feelings that cause numbness for me. These days I am aware of this and learnt to manage strong emotions better, so it doesn't happen much anymore. So yes I guess it can be occasional and rooted in the past :)

[@easye22333]

I ask because my girlfriend gets triggered by strong emotions - both positive and negative ones. she was in an abusive relationship in the past where she was practically held hostage in the house and repeatedly beaten. We are currently on a break, but I am not sure what to do, she has pushed me away and is emotionally numb. She even said I remind her of her abuser (although I have never been abusive), I am the second relationship she has ever had - the first one was the abuser, so I guess this is normal.

[@TanjaWindegger]

Sorry to hear you guys are going through a very testing time. When all the trauma is still very "raw" everything is triggering, like it doesn't have to be an action, it could be just the colour of your shirt. It takes a very patient and accepting partner to work through this. Someone who doesn't take everything personal and understands the impact of trauma. It is a long journey and I so hope you both have professional help as well.

[@easye22333]

i really appreciate your responses. I am due to call her this coming tuesday (we agreed our break would end at this time), im keen not to scare her off! i think ill keep things light, hopefully she does not suggest a break up and run for the hills as a flight reaction to the past!

[@kokolee1846]

Agree

[@krystledn]

Are you taking patients??

[@TanjaWindegger]

Depends on what you are needing help with. Have you checked out my website? I offer private 1:1 calls here's the link www.tanjawindegger.com/

[@kokolee1846]

It gets worse

[@TanjaWindegger]

sending you an extra dose of love and rainbows to brighten up those tough times just a little :)

[@kokolee1846]

No, humans can get, ptsd us

[@shadi489]

i can not read my own feelings i thouggt i have none but the truth i can not read them---i feel like a zombie 24/7--i never saw a doctore i thought i am the only one on the planet with this problem

[@TanjaWindegger]

I too thought for most of my life that I am the only one who feels like that and must make sure no one will ever find out....sadly you are not the only one. It took years to work up the courage to seek professional help. And still I have difficult days like in this video kzbin.info/www/bejne/d4Cvh5moe6aceJo the key is to never give up, don't let your past and the pain others caused you win over your life. You deserve better than that. Sending you lots of energy.....