Convoy & Interspecies Reproduction | Humans are space Orcs | HFY | TFOS1080

[@beingsneaky]

Captain Jack Harkness "so many species, so little time" Captain Kirk "Yes"

[@Shouziroku]

Commander Shepard "We'll bang, ok?"

[@luc-zq7ku]

shut up jack, you're immortal

[@johnneisser9963]

Riker had more than Kirk

[@mstrfool]

Gives a different perspective on hearing some humans say 'ah fuck it..' Now we have even more to worry about with humans. I can not get that scene from Galaxy Quest out of my mind. You know the one. Is not, you will when you see it.

[@vermilionrubin]

@@luc-zq7ku but the aliens are not

[@whatsagoodusername823]

Ah, yes, the famous last words of every alien that's just met a human: "Wait, is that a cannon?"

[@reesewhittington6778]

Nah, its a smoothiem

[@OldF1000]

No worse we are just happy to see you

[@Galen55]

Better, it's six tri barrel turrets and a torpedo battery

[@ecarots9469]

Q ship, an old Human trick

[@lloydkeith3061]

Nesting dolls is a cool name but a bit on the nose. "The rubber duck" in a convoy would have been a classic name. Hahaha! Good story too.

[@rogerramiussergeialexander5541]

That's good too!

[@jaeger3905]

Rubber ducky, you're the one🎵 You make my enemies turn and run🎶

[@TheKingQazbatt]

Only if the weapon is some sort of hammer

[@attackall111]

we've got a little convoy rockin through the night.

[@lloydkeith3061]

@@attackall111 finally someone got the reference. Hahaha,... I was starting to feel REALLY old.

[@RocRolDis]

The Nesting Doll is what we call a Q-ship. Merchant vessels secretly loaded down with weapons as traps for submarines.

[@Alex-hd9ef]

Or in the case of the nesting doll a warship disguised to look like a freighter

[@skoshman1]

I was betting on a cargo of anti-matter tipped missiles, but the cannons are traditional for Q-ships.

[@Destroyer_V0]

@@skoshman1 Probably cheaper to re-arm shells than missiles, if they run into a lot of pirates. And if said pirates also have a nasty tendency to just... close the distance. Nasty for them anyway.

[@skoshman1]

@@Destroyer_V0 To paraphrase from one of the Sharpe episodes: "Whether for revenge or his Britannic Majesty, a dead bandit is a dead bandit. " It's got the job done

[@calvingreene90]

Mostly surface raiders Q-ship are ineffective against subs.

[@wolfoffenris9951]

its called a Feeldstudy, that one is for a more "hands on" aproach, to "thrust" deep into the problem

[@mstrfool]

It is a sensitive issue to probe. Depending on ones position, it can be hard to perform to the satisfaction of all. In such studies the subject should always come first, ideally more then once. May be going to hell for that one...

[@BrazenBard]

@@mstrfool I'll save you a seat.

[@mstrfool]

@@BrazenBard Much appreciated.

[@Azurath100]

@@mstrfool Don't forget to bring tools for the job. Some cannot be probed to satisfaction with them and the required position. The subject should always be first most of the time, but there are cases in two or more headed sentients that can and do fight for a dominance lead position. However, there's been experiments where one spot has been described to deliver the maximum amount of pleasure stimuli. In experimenting though, there's been a few... Setbacks...so we have warned "volunteers" to go to their nearest medical center and get tested for harmful parasites, viruses, and the like in order to not have a repeat of X-13-145-57 case 3. Luckily, it happens very seldom...we think...

[@erushi5503]

im born in an era where i cant do this with zenos im ahahahaha

[@MrGoesBoom]

First story: Hello universe, this is what we silly little primates call a Q-Ship. Please enjoy your remaining seconds of existence as the ship you thought was a barely functioning wreck opens up with more firepower than you thought existed,

[@seldonwright4345]

The Swiss Army Knife of ships.

[@reighniz4488]

I could actually imagine that second story genuinely happening.

[@generalx13]

Guarantee that "database" was a subreddit.

[@fluttershyisnotadoormat4678]

it's like interspecies reviewers but in space :D

[@hunterfiles7987]

@@fluttershyisnotadoormat4678 that's a good analogy.

[@kaliban4758]

Describes human sex to a tee, if it has the right parts and is a consenting paricipant humans will feck him/her/it.

[@BrazenBard]

Second author here. Best part of the morning is Agro Squerril in the inbox. :3 Had fun writing this one, hope y'all got a chuckle.

[@whathanul5798]

Nice Pun with the term, 'Labor of love'.

[@BrazenBard]

@@whathanul5798 I try.

[@BrazenBard]

@@armedcargoniancitizen4875 Yes, but usually not like this... I hope maybe?

[@andrewcalhoon6624]

Well, Europeans are supposedly 3% Neanderthal and there are hints of some of our other cousin species in our genome, so maybe?

[@Divolutionist]

Can you? Like make another one? I want to see alien researcher next reaction. Also if there's a hole, there's a goal

[@carlfromtheoc1788]

First One - a Q-ship, a classic tactic from WW1 and 2. The second one - Oh those poor dear aliens. Wait until they learn about Rule 34

[@artbrann]

rule 34 might get us under galactic quarantine

[@Z4RD4N34]

@@artbrann yup

[@Allantitan]

@@artbrann oh it definitely will

[@____________838]

I honestly thought that was where the second one was going, like the Scientist would have no record of those species, but it’d be because they were fictional.

[@krayzoman]

If it hasn’t already.

[@whitestarHokie]

Second story: Careful you don't get Funimation pulling it down after having gone through three episodes. Sounds a lot like Interspecies Reviewers to me, only SciFi instead of Fantasy... and less brothels.

[@BrazenBard]

Funimation can go eat a bag of... research materials if they try something, they'd need a LOT more "substantial similarity" to have something to go on. Animation and artwork, for one. :P

[@bandiras2]

"Interspecies Reviewers" A man of culture!

[@Preaplanes]

It's talking about the result, not the deed, and they're talking about their spouses and kids not a random fling. I'm all for a bit of lewd entertainment but Jesus dude, head out of the gutter, these aren't comparable stories.

[@BrazenBard]

@@Preaplanes In fairness, the deed was kind of crucial in the data-gathering process, too. ;)

[@ts25679]

That was a great show, I was hoping for season 2! How many other parties defeat the BBEG for screwing around money?

[@jhart6764]

Honestly the last story is just amazing IMO. Of course it's made by a bunch of people on the internet. Honestly if we weren't compatible by default I wouldn't doubt someone trying to "correct the failure of nature."

[@NcrXnbi]

Look no further than Stellaris "Xeno Compatibility". Direct quote from the game: The invention of sexual biology has revolutionized society. Even if sometimes requires awkward rotations to make a connection. Shame that using Xeno Compatibility will make your computer explode for the large amount of different offsprings the game will create, also managing every single one of them it's a headache.

[@ilovecoffeev]

Sounds like they are... Interspecies Reviewers 😅

[@locomastero]

I want season 2

[@NcrXnbi]

@@locomastero I want a NSFW version and LONGER scenes.

[@locomastero]

@@NcrXnbi Me too my friend, me too.

[@karasuchrono]

I enjoyed both of these stories immensely. The first story I had a "Heck yeah!" moment when the 'wreck' opened up with a canon, and the second story had me giggling like a child. Thanks for reading it for us!

[@AgroSquerril]

a pleasure

[@zohan90210]

Humans: oh look at me, my engines are faulty and I am sooo slooow Alien: HA HA you have fallen into my trap Humans: uno reverse

[@nothuman3083]

Sir they are pirate cat girls.

[@cnkclark]

You've activated my trap card!

[@eliandervalderen5849]

Yeah I think if he understood what a nesting doll was he probably wouldn't have been surprised if that was a warship in disguise. One of the few other ways they could have basically shouted look I'm hiding and a warship is to call it Megatron, Galvatron, Astrotrain or decepticon Fleet One

[@AsmodeusDHare]

The United Terran Spaceshuttle 'Peekaboo'

[@Destroyer_V0]

The jack in a box would be a good one, or just shortened to Jackbox... Huh. I might use that.

[@mstrfool]

Well, consider it our version of fair warning ;)

[@mstrfool]

@@AsmodeusDHare OK, that gets my vote.

[@AsmodeusDHare]

@@Destroyer_V0 Oh like the UTS Popped Weasel?

[@TransbianOwl]

Came to listen, saw likes were 69... nice. Poor pirate in the first one, fell to an age old raider hunting tactic humans have been employing since the age of sail. And the second... yah, not surprised in the least lol. Of course there would be those who's immediate thought on finding other life would be "can we frack it?" and then share the experience.

[@BrazenBard]

What can I say? We are the FAFO species.

[@kopkaljdsao]

Earth just started it's commercial/private space era this year, with US taking the lead. If US gun policy becomes the human standard for space faring vessels, even a basic tourist ship would have to be treated as lightly armored troop carrier.

[@carwes5150]

@@kopkaljdsao they are Troop Carriers feared for there Swarm tactics whole marketplaces and historic sides overrun in mere Minutes after their Artikel ;)

[@attackall111]

Fracking? we gonna go for some oil?

[@TransbianOwl]

@@attackall111 If the ship belongs to 'Murica, then yes lol

[@hunterv9983]

Story Number Two Humanity can have viable offspring with Nekos and Skaven, but not Lizardmen? Gotcha.

[@Sharkakaka]

I mean, cats and hamsters are mammals so they are more closely related to us than reptiles for the most part

[@boscosergenko8698]

Wish we had skaven in 40k , not just warhammer fantasy , I wanna see space rats

[@ts25679]

@@boscosergenko8698 I always thought that the warp is the manifestation of all the psychically active minds in the galaxy, so if we can think it, hate it or fear it it could manifest. So it is conceivably possible to have them in 40K. 40k, sci-fi and Skaven bits kit-bashed and a friendly gaming group could make it happen. Then steal rules you all think could be appropriate from other factions. But of course, there are no ratmen.

[@cnkclark]

That means when you meet those bigizards, go crazy.

[@____________838]

@@boscosergenko8698 just Kitbash Genestealers, then use GSC rules.

[@dalemorgan8263]

"Labor of love," "fk around and find out" While most human idioms, especially concerning copulation, are typically not meant to be taken literally, it is a testament to Human nature that the literal definition may apply in some *relatively* rare cases.

[@DepressedCrow]

"relatively" only applies to anything that ISNT human

[@asurasyn]

First story reminds me of a line in another story where a new human engineer on a ship "tweaks" the weaponry and the cargo ship is re classified as a lightly armored warship. 😆

[@____________838]

Over 90% of China’s navy?

[@DepressedCrow]

humans: stepping up the arms race a notch, one species at a time

[@cnkclark]

Second story: I'm doing my part!

[@barga17]

Awesome story and reading like always On another note Someone remember a Hfy story about a guy searching for date in a universe were the common evolution was like mantis and all the other male were terrified by femele I can’t find it anymore

[@NcrXnbi]

Did you ever find that story again? You got my curiosity with space ladies that will eat their males after reproduction.

[@barga17]

@@NcrXnbi unfortunately no I try every key words I can think but I still not find it

[@barga17]

I finally found it The title is “How i met your mother”

[@NcrXnbi]

@@barga17 Thanks :D

[@erushi5503]

When Space bards just went and said "oh baby!!"

[@Spaceman33393]

Got to love the old Q ship tactic, always gest the drop on them!

[@jacobs.9696]

Volunteer field operatives motto. It's a labor of love. I want to help spread the love.

[@Destroyer_V0]

3:46 It was at this moment, I realized. Someone was about to have a VERY, bad day.

[@dalemcdenver7816]

"Say, I'm somewhat..."interested" in your species "courting rituals"."

[@steveradroach9101]

Yeah, the second story would likely happen for real if we find a intelligent species out there "But can we sex it?"

[@xxXXRAPXXxx]

"if thers a hole, theres a way" Master oogway.

[@nothuman3083]

Kyle chugs red bull

[@nothuman3083]

Didn't a mob literally try to storm a military base for alien cheeks

[@cnkclark]

Humanity as a whole only cares about three things: 1) Can I fuck it? 2) Can I make money off of it? 3) Can I do both of the above?

[@mstrfool]

Lol. Ok, counter to what my profile pic suggests, I'm not a big fan of the idea for story 2. However, this has got to be the best addressing of the concept I have ever come across. Well done. I was delighted at at the creative use of well known phrases and the tasteful way it was handled. This is one I will have to point out for others. Very well done. The first rule 34 story I've seen that the author can be proud of, and not in an evil eye searing way. Didn't think that was possible. Thanks for proving me wrong. :)

[@rockspoon6528]

Second story: *Loads xenophobe planetary glassing cannon with Fanatic Spiritualist intent*

[@nothuman3083]

So a Primarch and Inqustor can do it but I can't clap Eldar to show humanity mighty superiority.

[@archdornan4389]

@@nothuman3083 You're getting loaded into the cannon

[@____________838]

I’ll give the Xenos my cannon…

[@JollyGreen626]

I love it! Two stories of "Fuck around and find out"

[@mackenziedrake]

These are fun. The second is just waiting for the science to catch up. Many thanks!

[@13thBear]

Q-ships and Rule 32--good stuff! Fun stories, although I'm surprised it's taken this long to come out so straightforward.

[@Gabryal77]

r34

[@kaliban4758]

Rule 34

[@gabrielc7861]

@Kalergi Toonces no, it's not rule 34, rule 34 is that if it exists it's been sexualized, rule 32 is that if there is anything about sex that needs volunteers it will always be filled out.

[@gabrielc7861]

@@kaliban4758 no, it's not rule 34, rule 34 is that if it exists it's been sexualized, rule 32 is that if there is anything about sex that needs volunteers it will always be filled out.

[@garysprandel1817]

Research? Ah so that's the fancy term for Kirking across the galaxy.

[@benpearson49]

So, not related, but kinda relevant. I just finished Arena, by Frederic Brown. It's HFY from 1944.

[@mstrfool]

Amazing how many went on to B5 or DS9 in startlingly similar looks and persona.

[@jmichaelramirez2510]

Humans Captain Kirking their way across the universe.

[@SnowblindOtter]

Ah, yes... the Three F's of Doom that any galactic civilization must face from Humanity: Fighting, Feeding on, or Fucking pretty much anything that moves.

[@masterblasterT47]

So basically the forum referenced in the second story is "interspecies reviewers in space"?🤔

[@AgroSquerril]

do you think there wouldn't be a Subreddit instantly upon first contact?

[@discusmaximus]

For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Narrator, Agro Squirrel !

[@kartoszeus3838]

As always nice stories to listen too.

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

Bless the Squerril Bless the Author

[@lazilyfair9545]

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been here since you had just 2 channel members and I’m so glad to have 30+ seconds of hearing names. It is proof you are growing and I’m glad!

[@AgroSquerril]

Thank you for sticking around , much appreciated :)

[@jamesmilton6529]

We played a Q ship in traveller, we even managed to capture and resale the same ship from two separate pirate crews. Go for boarding actions if you want salvage.

[@AB-ln2py]

Underhanded ? UNDERHANDED ? in the name of Humanity i feel deeply hurt and offended... tho i cannot disagree.

[@quynlanvuorensyrja5484]

“Wadaya mean underhanded? It’s not our fault you didn’t get the joke.”

[@DepressedCrow]

"what do you mean underhanded? it was clearly a straight punch to the face."

[@robertschumacher2707]

Underhanded is when the Q-ship's first shot literally blows the U-boat captain's head off then dumps the headless corpse down the hatch into the control room. Which actually did happen during one successful Q-ship attack. Once again 'you couldn't make this s**t up!'

[@jeroylenkins1745]

0:02 oh good I've just had a stroke

[@TheAchilles26]

I was expecting the Nesting Doll to be a handful of Corvettes or Destroyers temporarily bolted together that would separate when they pounced on the pirates, rather than a single Cruiser going full Transformers

[@AgroSquerril]

more like power rangers if they are combining... would be funny though

[@GravitWry]

Ah yes, 'Interspecies Interviewers: Space Edition'

[@joshuaban2407]

Ya leave it to the humans to skip the planning and testing phase and go all in with enthusiasm.

[@hollyferay8131]

Both stories are very amusing.

[@slavicgerman5104]

7:27 "Lets give them the "barrettes privateers" experience!"

[@YEAHKINDA]

the male reptilian species sounds very... Interesting. Might have to keep a mental note of that.

[@nothuman3083]

5 feet wide the girth my dude the girth.

[@cnkclark]

Would You Like To Know More?

[@chrissoto7187]

I deem the Bardtacus !!! May he lay many foes!

[@superllama666____________3]

Youve got many supporters now, congrats

[@AgroSquerril]

thank you

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

Q ships where also commerce raiders aswell as convoy defenders

[@alexs5814]

yepp, this had me grinning throughout. btw.: i'm assuming that the first ship was made or manned by a majority of russians. just because.

[@zerospace101]

All the furies rejoice lmao. You are now truly accepted hahaha

[@baronvonkaiser9912]

im finally on time. patreon sub incoming agro

[@AgroSquerril]

Welcome aboard! and thank you

[@dantreadwell7421]

3:20, calling it as a "Q" ship

[@VulpisFoxfire]

Punchline for the first story: That's normal for a human freighter...you don't want to see how well-armed their actual warships are...

[@SergeyWaytov]

#1 is hillarious!

[@SergeyWaytov]

#2 one of most funny things I seen online!

[@BrazenBard]

Thank you. I had fun writing it. :)

[@SergeyWaytov]

@@BrazenBard Your welcome

[@IronWarrior_69]

Algorithmus enim et soccus meus ultimus.

[@IronWarrior_69]

translation is: For the algorithm and my last sock.

[@AthanCage]

@@IronWarrior_69 Hans, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on Vraks?

[@IronWarrior_69]

@@AthanCage Er no currently stationed at a garden world really bored so i made this youtube acoount.

[@AthanCage]

Verywell Guardsmen. The Emperor Protects.

[@kyrstath3054]

Mhm yep. We would definitely do something like that

[@TheFluffyWendigo]

Finally enough holes!

[@danherondraws]

for the passion of the research, huh XD

[@TAGfrost]

Interspecies reviewers vAliens

[@kriegsmanguard7326]

Finally, after years of waiting and patience, it's finally here, FIRST COMMENT!

[@AthanCage]

Guardsman! What are you doing here aren't you supposed to be on Vraks!

[@aj_the_infamous1013]

@@AthanCage shall i force him to lead the next charge with a spoon?

[@AthanCage]

@@aj_the_infamous1013 Yes Commissar, I think it would do him well to remember his place. The Emperor Protects.

[@SebbeB89]

Congratulations

[@kriegsmanguard7326]

@@aj_the_infamous1013 Yes, please Commissar! allow me to lead the charge against the heretics with nothing but my pure faith in the Emperor! (another suicidal Krieger)

[@sherylcascadden4988]

A comment to appease the algorithm and help the channel

[@klappstock943]

For the Algorithm the story and the voice

[@jacknomusanom9159]

Pirate surpri… click

[@VadulTharys]

6-7 foot tall cat ladies....OH you know that had to be done.

[@erubianwarlord8208]

oh Mark ^^

[@mr.k4918]

Aliens never heard of merchant raiders?

[@robertstoneking7916]

1) A Q-ship with a name that would be a dead giveaway to anyone smart enough to acquire a searchable cultural database. Maybe they intended to give the smart ones a chance to "rethink their life choices". 2) We always find methods of interspecies "play" but I don't think the aliens will think much of our decision making or risk assessment.

[@allenmorgan1007]

For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Disembodied Voice!

[@DailyBasicG]

Fuck around and find out . Im dieing 😂😂😂

[@nothuman3083]

Second story:" we didn't at first try to clap but Kyle raided out science base with red bull."- human "What how is that even a rational thought?" -Big titie elf alien wifu. "........I never said it was rational...Senpi."- human

[@lazartestigus2414]

Labor of love is a bit accurate, dont you think?

[@barelyasurvivor1257]

Ah the good old Q Ship returns. Iin space this time.

[@draconusspiritus1037]

Is that a cannon in your pocket? Or are you just glad to see me?

[@smaragdwolf1]

Humans... the cosmic Breeder-Species xD

[@fluttershyisnotadoormat4678]

at least they found out tho :3

[@tabithachastain6999]

Wait until they find out about the Harkness test

[@aj_the_infamous1013]

kirk bait at its finest

[@Ataris42]

I'm not sure about much in this universe, but I am 100% positive that a forum like the one in the second story will exist, once we encounter aliens.

[@AgroSquerril]

probably exists now

[@akirayuripadilla451]

I want to be one of the volunteers in the second story

[@Kualinar]

Story 1. What a nice surprise for those pirates... A heavy war ship masquerading as an old, decrepit cargo ship. Svet was surprised to see those canons deploy. The pirates probably just had the time to be surprised by their ship disappearing from around them. Story 2. That database is 100% built from personal experiences by a bunch of horny humans going out and about fucking around and finding out for themselves.

[@9LiveEmpire]

I can totaly the two scenario happend

[@angrydragonslayer]

Neat

[@gamegirl8722]

Neat

[@merlinathrawes746]

The name Nesting Doll kind of gave it away. Whoopsie!

[@calvingreene90]

Svet shows signs of being smart.

[@davidhenderson3400]

Rule 34. Humans will "bang" anything that will stay still long enough.

[@VulpisFoxfire]

And in the second...the poor MC has it backwards...it isn't that they get paid to go out and proliferate...they go out and proliferate, then get paid for sharing what they found out. :-)

[@FedralBI]

For the Q Ships

[@asandrewsilvaw]

For the algorithm

[@mstrfool]

Yay Q ships. Some may consider the idea of disguising a military ship as an easy target to tempt an attack improper. A form of entrapment. But personally, I quite favor the idea. Just because someone seems defenseless doesn't make it OK to attack them. I've heard criminals complain thet if they had known it was a trap, they wouldn't have done it, as if that somehow made a difference. Don't attack others, and you won't risk finding out that the critical word in 'seemed helpless' is 'seemed'.

[@barelyasurvivor1257]

They are called Q Ships The first one has been used in WW1 and WW 2 and even earlier I suspect . Those tricky Umans, you can't trust them.

[@mstrfool]

@@barelyasurvivor1257 Heh, I know, right? Always loved the Q ships.

[@jacksonbedard2018]

For the Algorithm!

[@archdornan4389]

The Ordo Xenos does not approve of this

[@dinodude6992]

The blorg slightly does not approve of it, but as long as the blorg don't see it, it will fine

[@Monster_Ink]

🤣🤣🤣 For the algorithm! 🤣

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@admDanRyan]

Ah the good old auxiliary cruisers. Old German tech of making transports deadly. Kormoran anybody?

[@TheRealBlackNet]

If you do not try how else you will find out? ;-P

[@genericuser984]

neat