Counselling Skills: Practice and Reflections

What do counselling skills look like, and what goes on for the counsellor during the work.
This video presents a brief demonstration of counselling practice with a client, 'Tara' (played by an actor), who has come to counselling with low mood and problems with studying. The practice is based on 'person-centred'/'Rogerian' principles but with a change-focused emphasis. In particular, the work aims to help the client REFLECT on their issues, RE-EVALUATE how they are doing things, and RE-DECIDE their choices and actions--so that the client can find more satisfying and fulfilling ways of being. As part of the reflection process, there is a particular emphasis on 'resonating with'--and helping the client connect to--feelings and emotions. This is so that the focus of the work is on the issues that are of most importance to the client.
The demonstration is interspersed with reflective comments from myself, as counsellor. I describe what I'm thinking, feeling, and experiencing as the counselling is going on; what I am trying to do; how I evaluate my own practice; and how my interventions and responses relate to counselling theory and practice.
The video is aimed at students just starting out on counselling and counselling skills practice, as well as more experienced practitioners interested in seeing the 'nitty-gritty' of how other therapists work. It may also be of interest to counselling clients and other lay-people who are intrigued in understanding more of the aims of counselling and the counsellor's own inner process.
More details of my work, including publications, research articles, and videos, can be found at mick-cooper.co.uk
The video was put together by my daughter, Maya. Her website is here: www.mayakatherine.co.uk/ . Do contact her ([e-mail]) if you are interested in commissioning your own video.
Many thanks to Tara Ahmed for playing the role of the client. Her spotlight number is 9410-7863-9529
If, following watching this video, you would like to talk to someone about any difficulties or issues, you can find a counsellor at www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

[@charlottedavey3167]

I'm in my early days of training to be a Counselling Psychologist and I have been feeling a bit lost with where I should be at this stage. It's so refreshing to see such an authentic video of a professional who is trying to figure it out, making mistakes and constantly learning. It has really given me the confidence to accept my own fallibility in this learning process. I hope you continue to make these videos, Mick. So interesting to hear your reflections.

[@shannonw7315]

So refreshing to see a practice video that isnt 'perfect'. I'm a counselling student dealing with major anxiety and imposter syndrome so this is so helpful to see someone struggle like me too. Really reassuring and helps me to stop viewing other therapists as 'perfect'

[@pookie_on_a_scootie]

Im a counseling student too (in techniques now) and feeling the same way. I know you wrote this 8 months ago.. I hope you are feeling more confident now that you have had more practice ❤️

[@shannonw7315]

@@pookie_on_a_scootie Yes slowly getting there! Trying to be less 'perfect' and more me :) Thank you for asking..Its been rollercoaster for sure ! I think its normal and maybe something that we will all experience from time to time. Were all unique and have something slightly different to bring to the table that clients will find helpful. All we can do is our best :) Hope you're getting on okay too !

[@plantypus]

@@shannonw7315 Currently feeling this as well. Imposter syndrome is at its peak and I have struggled with self-esteem for years but have improved substantially since going in and out of therapy. What have you done to help you minimize the anxiety and the need to be perfect? I feel this holds me back from trying to be my genuine self.

[@user-bu1xs8gt3o]

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@user-bu1xs8gt3o]

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@persistencemagaya1101]

This video has been so helpful for my own sef confidence, I am a trainee therapist and seeing a professional make mistakes and be open and reflective helps to take the pressure off a little bit. thank you for being so authentic!

[@gulliver7419]

I love the level of practicalness and authenticity of this video. It was very helpful, thank you.

[@sarahlabbett4626]

I love your videos, as a therapist I doubt myself frequently. I sometimes feels so clumsy with my questions, you have made me see this is normal. Thank you 😊

[@abegailelaurza5919]

I am actually afraid of my OJT since we are doing counseling sessions. I am not confident with my counseling skills since that we don't really dive deeper or trained much about counseling and how I need to improve of asking questions since I am the type that there are times of maybe I don't understand them at all and often jump to conclusion. But this one definitely learned me to train and will use this as reference on how to improve my sessions with clients and it was okay to make mistakes.

[@Eidixiaoandbdm]

psychology student here, thank you! i don’t get a lot of practice or demonstration in my classes yet so these videos really help!

[@franklinval608]

Hey Mick, I wanted to drop you a quick note to say thanks for sharing your thoughts. I really enjoyed listening to you talk about the things you would have said differently. It was encouraging and reassuring to know that even with your experience and knowledge, you still acknowledge that things can be imperfect. Keep up the great work!

[@yanfenhuang3760]

6’24”,I think THE SMILE is very genuine, in the sense that: mentioning her friends is something that makes her happy, as versus to earlier talking about stressful exams!

[@sumbl1ss]

paused at 6:39 when hes mentioned his fake smile, i mean, it looks near a smirk, i would take it as a stranger trying to be friendly and smiling genuinely about something that doesnt even peek his interest. lol

[@subhasharma4425]

Thank you for existing and showing me a good example. My intuition always picks up empathy and I am so glad to meet a very humane psychologist. Your humility is inspiring for a new counselor. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@fabriciacucco]

Oh my. Poor girl. I went through the same situation as her and discovered that they did not deserve my friendship. Learned to love myself in the first place and developed real deep and caring new relationships. So worthy going through that.

[@MarkMcDermottOtismojo]

Thanks for this, Mick. I really like this because you're showing true congruence in every sense - that an experienced practitioner such as yourself still struggles at times to connect with the client and with their phenomenology. There's hope for us all...!!

[@avihalberthal3898]

Absolutely great demonstration of skills, so helpful, thanks!! Can you make more of those please??

[@kendallsaxton6994]

Thank you Mick and Tara, just beginning skills sessions and this really helped put my mind a little more at ease!

[@gabrielaortiz3690]

Please do more like this. Very helpful

[@Elaine-tk7nx]

This is such a helpful video, Mick, and I learnt so much from your honest self-appraisal and particularly underlining the mechanism of your thought process, like looking under the bonnet of a car! I like the way you follow Tara’s reflections and I particularly like the image of the spiral which perfectly sums up the process of gradually honing in on a client’s core feelings. I am in my final year of a Level 4 Diploma in Integrative Counselling and watching your videos is immensely helpful to my learning. Here are my thoughts on the video: I sense a contradiction at the heart of what Tara is saying - she has expressed her hurt that her friends seem to have excluded her and seems to base this on some insecurities about her personality, ie not being fun enough (for example). However, she also feels that she has not challenged her friends enough about ways they have acted (she does not define this) and needs to “call them out” on their behaviour but fears that, by doing so, she risks alienating them further and yet she has already said that they are not including her in activities. Her fears seem to stem from a basic sense of not being “good enough” to retain friends and that she needs to find a way to hold on to friends. Her belief that making friends at uni is hard also struck me as an uncompromising phrase, and I wondered what a gentle challenge such as: “I’m curious as to why you feel it would be hard to make friends at uni” would produce. Does she mean, rather, that fears SHE will find it hard to make friends and is this an example of her core belief about herself? She bats away your suggestion that she is “caring” and it reveals a fear that, no matter how caring she may be, her friends have alienated her, so perhaps she too does not value such a quality in herself if it does not attract friends. The overall impression I get from what she is expressing emotionally is that she is trying to find a key to fit the friendship lock. If only she could find what it is, she could solve the puzzle. Deep down, she seems to be expressing an implicit belief that others have something to offer that she does not. Perhaps it is simply that she is not attracting the friends that value her and this is what she is working out - how to remain true to herself and accept that not everyone will want her as she is, but that it is entirely possible for her to make connections with people who will value and love her for herself.

[@jaszi33]

Thank you Mick, I appreciate your candid honesty about your practice and delivery. A very helpful session to watch and you've got a new subscriber, as I follow my path to becoming a counsellor.

[@catherineflynn7391]

Thanks Mick, I really appreciate how this video makes the counselling process explicit. I lke the fact that the is no big movement forward in the session - that sessions don't have to be like they are in theory books - which tend to show the most juicy bits of therapeutic work. Reading theory books as a training counsellor can give the impression that you alway need to be doing 'great work'. This video shows a 'typical counselling session', no big revelations, just being alongside the client in the small nuances of their story. I also like your comments throughout, and your phrases e.g. "therapeutiv leverage"., "embodied empathy". This video has helped me to check in with how I'm doing with my counselling practice, so thank you!!

[@mickcoopercounselling]

Thanks Catherine. Really appreciate your comments here.

[@hw1100]

Couldn't agree more. I always think figuring this out comes when you start counselling in 'the real world' outside of the classroom environment. Realising that much of the work does involve being there alongside someone along with the relational depth, especially with long term clients.

[@mos.8350]

This is so helpful - as a student starting out on my 100hrs of supervised counselling this video is immensely helpful in seeing examples and the understanding behind the process. Vulnerabilities and all - Thank you.

[@katjabaghai-ravary9783]

This is really helpful, not just for new counsellors.

[@imranlakhi903]

This is really helpful, am studying level 2 in counselling am a new student, I like how you were moving away from the more structural method, and focused on a conversation, I like this method

[@kkirk2378]

Really helpful to watch. I'm a L3 student approaching an external skills assessment and this session has made me feel a little less anxious. Think its your congruent humanness! Thanks Mick.

[@Hellouke]

Thanks Mick. Really enjoyed listening to you talk about the things you would have said differently. I found it encouraging and reassuring to know that even with your experience and knowledge you still say things that are imperfect.

[@totustuus8366]

Thank you for making this video. I am a first year grad student and am struggling with reflecting feelings during a counseling session. Also, thank you for your transparency on your own critical self-assessment. Cheers!

[@angelinasoto6939]

Thank you! I’m just starting my internship in clinical counseling and this really helps with the first, second, third time jitters 😅

[@dawnbryant8778]

As a Therapist I’m learning so much from this, Thank-you for your honest evaluation. Subscribed!💕

[@adlerrapturian7472]

As someone who is half way through their techniques class in counseling, this is very helpful at actually showing the way these techniques are meant to be used as opposed to my professor just telling us to use the book. I need demonstrations to understand a concept like this. Wish me luck.

[@aps-pictures9335]

I think I’d have focussed more initially on outcome vs process, and asked what the exams meant for her. I think that would’ve helped hone in earlier to get alongside her, but I also know how difficult this opening can be. It did feel like you were trying to find ways to help, to advise, because you weren’t sure where to take the session. I think silence might’ve allowed for it to go deeper. A pro’s vs con’s list to decide on benefits of confronting friends straight away would’ve also been appropriate, as I felt your instruction to be more proactive was inserting yourself too much in wanting to drive change. It didn’t feel like it came from the client (but again we missed chunks of the session). It’s always interesting to reflect on how others navigated an interaction and what we learn, both about ourselves and our approaches, that we can take going forward. Thanks for sharing!

[@martinratcliffe5987]

Thanks for sharing your sessions and commentary Mick. It's so useful (and refreshing) to see an experienced therapist at work and to hear the reflections. It helps me to think about how I work and what I might do differently. I'm a student and volunteer

[@kathycarter1482]

Thank you mick. Super effective video and very useful for my studies.

[@elsmada]

Amazing thank you please post more!

[@nathalie3102]

I wish I had come across this video when I was training! Thanks Mick, it is so useful :-)

[@arzuhanaltn4614]

Thank you, Mick. It was very helpful for my assignment.

[@keribevan3721]

Thank you, Mike, I feel I'm struggling at the moment. I'm at the start of Level 4 and finding Skills very stressful and my anxiety is getting the best of me. This video has reassured and encouraged me. I can't wait for things to 'click into place'!

[@mhbackman]

Thanks, Mick. Really helpful video. I love how the presenting problem (exams being stressful) was not the real felt problem. Digging away at what the client is really there for, then being there with them to share and process that, is part of the magic of therapy.

[@hibamukhtardedmari1470]

SUCH an informative and helpful video, Mick. Thank you so much. Hoping to see more of these videos from you! (if feasible)

[@clarehawes5448]

I couldn't agree more Mark - very reassuring.

[@mariajoseguitart3691]

Thank you so much Mick! It´s very helpful to see a session with all the explanation

[@carpetbaggerface]

Awesomely honest and helpful, thanks

[@aminaferhat6858]

Hi mick its very compelling this session of counselling i am going to start working i feel a bit nervous but i am confident i think your video is more helpful lot better than other videos that i watched thank you so much .

[@monikachlapek7835]

you are a talker and when you explain , really make sense , when you are trying to demonstrate it... i am not sure... but I value how you are trying .....

[@wajdatabassum8490]

Wonderfully done - both Mick and Tara whos was role-playing.

[@ayeshaquraishi1]

Thank you for sharing this session, helps in understanding how to met a client in relational depth

[@amberb803]

So helpful...thanks for posting this.

[@jkg2088]

Thank you for reflection - it was interesting to watch. Fantastic reflections👍Good things to reflect on: Am I missing the speaker because I ask factual questions? Are there moments where I have a resting bitch face? Are my smiles genuine? Is my way of paraphrasing black or white (is it this or that), am I using absolutes where it’s not helpful? My response: I saw your face change to a disappointed smile? Disappointment that friends aren’t free to hangs out? I’m sensing the anxiety and lack of self-confidence in studying alone from the client: My response: Will I pass? I need my friends and without them I feel anxious studying. I drift off. I’m missing out the fun. “I haven’t studied as I should have “ (clients annoyance towards self, clenched jaw, looking to the left angle). “I’m always the once asking to meet up “ (my response: It’s like you want to say where is your effort in our friendship?). They went to places without inviting me (my response: I can feel my own eyes tensing up like yours. I would feel agitation too that I’ve been left out). Configurations of self: part that says am I allowed to feel like im left out on purpose versus a part that feels im not left out on purpose. My response: Not causing any waves and wanting to tip toe so those waves of calling out aren’t harsh. I’m sensing a huge concern, fear to not offend others. My response: That’s something you find out with time. New people miss out on you be caring when they haven’t given you the chance and that’s devastating.

[@simoneheath4991]

Hi thank you very much for sharing this session, you have really allayed my secret fears of having to be really spot on as a therapist, your honesty about getting slightly too' guiding the conversation ' but accepting it and knowing you did it, is something I usually felt really alone with during my course, it's catching yourself, and coming back to the client and what they are trying to reveal, which you got too, and when you said going around like a funnel eventually getting closer, she wanted to come back to you and find out about herself, I will take this lesson with me onto my level 4 Thank you for your insights on your own therapy. Much much appreciated

[@shisongliu1957]

Thanks for Mick's video, It really works out lots of confusion I had in my previous 'counselling practice'. When I do intervention as a social worker, I often suspect whether I can help my clients to solve their problems? if not, what's the meaning of my work. I thought I have found the answers here. The solution is not the ultimate goal of all communication and forward is also meaningful. In addition, do not always think to be a saviour, catalyst /accelerator is also of great significance to clients.

[@doonanj]

Thank you so much for sharing this video it was quite helpful.

[@kimmccullough4353]

This is very helpful thank you

[@danyjackful]

I found this super helpful, thank you Mick and Tara. I love your honesty about when you felt you didn’t respond optimally because it just demonstrates that therapists are human too. It’s also good to understand that it doesn’t just have to be about letting the client reflect but that there is a place for prompting thoughts about how they might change. I have a tendency to want to advice and comfort. For example, I would like to have pointer out that potentially her friends were ill-matched and that at uni, she would likely meet people who were more like her. I feel this would give her hope and a better energy to enable her to focus on her studies in the present. Would that be too advice-giving do you feel, Mick? Btw, I’m currently on the masters at Roehampton and feel privileged to have you as one of the lecturers 😊 Harriett

[@SaminaChaddherOfficial]

I needed that sir thank you so very much

[@deborahcotterell2154]

Thankyou. I have just started my first year as a provisional Psych. Your videos are so helpful in helping to build skills

[@marianazalazar3593]

Muchas gracias

[@musicbliss77]

Great video. Really helpful. Especially the running commentary. Just what I was looking for.

[@neshhajah2356]

U are an amazing person and thank you for this video i hope i land sonewhere 😊cheers

[@kevinbaileyjr9433]

❤❤

[@marianazalazar3593]

Hola buen día había empezado ver este video y estaba sustitulado a español lo podrían volver a poner gracias

[@mhprotic]

I dont know why I can relate so much with her with my current situation. I just had the same thing that happened to me today, I wanted to meet my ex girlfriend after a while like after 5years and we decided to meet up like weeks ago but now she texted me with a reply that she is going to have her final year exams, and she won't able to make time ( we are in different cities) I would like to know what was the solution to tara?

[@aminaferhat6858]

Other videos i watched its very interrupting when a counsellor its talking more because they need to listen and give solution but i think what you doing is decent very professional i need more advice from you .

[@indigochild8991]

Hi Mick I’m 2nd year counselling psychology student and I was wondering how long I shall leave the silence when talking to a client as I don’t want it to be uncomfortable. My tutor suggests to get used to silence lol 😂. I also am doing befriending on the phone which is different to counselling however does rely on rapport and being genuine. I find it difficult to know if I’m in rapport on the phone. I was also wondering if you know any counsellors that are on the autistic spectrum? As I am. I try not to let this affect my practice and kind of try my best to be present. I am empathetic anyway.

[@mickcoopercounselling]

Thanks for your great questions Nia. Silence is an interesting one and it really depends on the client: some are fine with it and want it as space to talk. But other clients can fine it really uncomfortable and that is something to watch out for--we've had some clients say it's so awkward they didn't want to come back to counselling. So maybe important to ask the client how the silence is, for themselves. Re counsellors on the spectrum, I think it's great to have people with all abilities and qualities training as counsellors, so it's fab you're doing this, and I've certainly heard other counsellors talk about being on the spectrum themselves. Not quite sure who's written about it though or if there's a place where you can connect with other ASC counsellors - perhaps somewhere on Facebook? Or maybe something to start up. If you do, let me know on Facebook and I can put a shout out for others to contact you. All the best. Mick

[@kevinbaileyjr9433]

Friends Family's I do respect all 😞

[@pscull6306]

If you a counsellor and a client has a strong accent or is mumbling a lot, and unfortunately you find it difficult to understand them. What would you do in that situation. It's difficult as you want to help but at the same time you both would be in a uncomfortable position. Would you feel the client it's difficult to understand them and just end session and recommend them to someone else? Thanks

[@kevinbaileyjr9433]

Peace

[@kevinbaileyjr9433]

Rainbow 🌈

[@TheAbergel]

When she aaid they gang up on me Id be interested to know what she means by that. She gives the impression they are good friends yet this does not fit in. She doesnt seem to have much confidence and falls on a people pleasing pattern, which makes her like vanilla. I'm glad you get to that lack of confidence a bit later.

[@kevinbaileyjr9433]

I'm only doing this with friend brother because I was asked to no I don't hate all friends brothers ok

[@Kal-622]

Is it possible that you enunciate the words a little bit more? I can't get through this video!

[@mickcoopercounselling]

I'll try my best next time. My mum always told me to enunciate properly and to stop saying things like, 'Pass the butta' but it clearly never go through :)

[@avihalberthal3898]

@@mickcoopercounselling 😃

[@kevinbaileyjr9433]

I also understand as soon they see me texting that's going to be used against me averyone ok sorry ✌️

[@kevinbaileyjr9433]

I'm not trying to fool anyone I promise sorry averyone ok peace

[@kevinbaileyjr9433]

Sorry

[@evian.]

Do people actually spend money on such issues? It seams like abuse of money.

[@robosawrx]

If a young woman is struggling with changed friendship dynamic and feeling a sense of isolation through exclusion. Then to explore that will hopefully assist her with ways to manage and move forward in the best ways for her mental wellbeing. We are all different, handling feelings and situations differently. But everyone deserves a space to discuss with someone unbiased should they need it. There is no trivial when it comes to peoples lives.

[@kevinbaileyjr9433]

Rainbow 🌈

[@kevinbaileyjr9433]

Sorry

[@kevinbaileyjr9433]

Rainbow 🌈

[@kevinbaileyjr9433]

Rainbow 🌈