How NOT to do Counselling: 13 Things to Try and Avoid

This is a video about how NOT to do counselling.
1. Talking too much
2. Prioritising your own curiosity/nosiness
3. Giving advice (without really understanding what’s going on)
4. Giving empty reassurances
5. ‘Colluding’ with the client
6. Being critical
7. Keeping things superficial
8. Blinding the client with theory
9. Being defensive
10. Doing things you’re not properly trained in
11. Encouraging disclosure about traumatic experiences (without proper preparation)
12. Being ‘weird’: a counselling caricature
13. Overly self-disclosing
The video is for trainees in counselling, counselling skills, and psychotherapy about things to try and avoid when you’re working with clients (in fact, they’re things to try and avoid when you’re talking to anybody!).
Of course, we all get things wrong at times, and there’s no perfect counselling; but recognising when we might be getting things wrong-and finding different ways of responding-is an important part of our developmental work.
Most of these vignettes exaggerate to make a point, but they’re all things that real clients have reported experiencing from their therapists.
Trigger warning: this video does show some particularly bad counselling practices. If you’ve had some painful or traumatic experiences in therapy itself, you may not want to watch.
The client, Martha (performed by an actor), is talking about her difficulties with her partner, who she finds ‘flaky’ at times, particularly when he recently dropped out of a friends’ wedding.’
A video of more appropriate ways of counselling with this client, from a contemporary person-centred standpoint, can be found at • Person Centred Therapy...
To find out more about my work, including books, training, and blogs on therapy, go to mick-cooper.co.uk -- I promise, my work does get better from here :)

[@amyloufokkens]

oh my goodness! A qualified counsellor here, this was helpful to bring awareness to some mistakes I may be making, talking too much i think is one of them! But this was SO cringey to watch 😩 But also has helped my confidence knowing that I do a lot right! :)

[@squeekachoo]

Number 12 “ being weird” had me in stitches. I’ve had this exact thing when I went for councelling in my 20’s. I was like “ what is wrong with this dude!?!” It’s like Mick is doing an exact impression of him 😱😂

[@darrenwilson5210]

OMG comedy classic! This should really be promoted as self-care for counsellors! Mick - hidden talents there! I've watched this several times just as a way to relieve tension and stress..and to have a good old chuckle. This is just too good to be a one off.

[@avihalberthal3898]

A fantastic tutorial, very helpful in demonstrating skills, and I want to praise Ariana's acting skills !!

[@Julie-gv5tg]

‘Oh WOW, wow, oh wow, wow! I really feel that. ‘ I laughed way to hard at this. Do people really do this 😂

[@annabondaruk4583]

Just had a skills practice (3rd time, we are at very beginning), I played a role of client my “helper” did many from this list: interrupting me a lot, asking too many questions, filling silence right away while I was focusing on my feelings and story I was telling, comforting me by saying: “Don’t worry, everything will be fine”… I knew right away, she didn’t do her homework, haven’t read anything about skills practice. 🤪 But that was fun, and very educational, because now I know exactly how clients feel when you do something like this. I even had to say at some point :”Sorry, what did you say? What was your question?” 🙂 I was all in my own thoughts living them through to describe, and was pulled away from my experience each time, and was forced to focus on questions mostly irrelevant to what I was telling at that moment, what was important to me.

[@jesswilkinson7151]

"Don't cry" eeessshh, hallarious but a worthwhile reminder how these things can really prevent us from being alongside the client. Has helped my confidence tons so thanks Mick 😊

[@jobarry1726]

Brilliant Mick. I'm at college level 4 2nd year. That was a hard watch.. cringey 🙈

[@sarahkennefick9923]

Brilliant comedy and teaching. You're wasted as counsellor Mick 😃

[@antoniawoods7708]

The caricature “being weird” bit was fascinating I am newly qualified and sometimes I’ve caught myself overdoing it and saying wow I’m an exaggerated way but the main thing I hope is that I clicked in the moment it was wrong and never did it again 😮😅

[@gracelavender8335]

Me too!

[@rachelthompson504]

I had a counsellor ask me why had I go to see her hadn't vi got any friends

[@Sam-io9st]

Funny, but also a great reminder to what we shouldn’t be doing 😊

[@tjortaraja]

So difficlut to watch but great for self reflection as I consider whether I would be right as a therapist and if I want to retrain. I once had a therapist who was offended when they told me I should view them as a friend. I sponsed by saying that we were not friends. That I saw this as a professional relationship. They were offended that I felt this way. Not long after they told me they didn't feel they could help me. That I was very self aware and that it would be a waste of my money to continue therapy. Or that maybe someone else would bebetter suited to helping me. I don't remember them helping me to find a replacement. I have many friends I could talk to about what's going on with me but I was choosing to seek professional help. That experience is still sitting with me.

[@dreddiknight]

This was a surprisingly difficult watch! You both did a great job of highlighting the errors that can crop up.

[@gracelavender8335]

This was super useful to watch and reassuring as I was cringing throughout 😂

[@duncanpenfold5793]

Thanks Mick as a trainee Im constantly worried whether Im colluding or not in Triads. Would love to see more on this subject .

[@biscuit4259]

Terrifying to watch but thank god for the relief that I don’t do (too much of) this. The phone thing is a masterpiece so obnoxious! Well done that was really really bad.

[@saitechawongtham873]

This is super hilarious and spontaneously extremely informative. I was laughing so hard but will also keep this list as a reminder as a novel therapist. Thank you so much!

[@cindylelea4555]

This is great! In my business I deal with new moms postnatally and I've chosen to further my knowledge by taking a course which touches on counseling techniques. It really takes practice to do it correctly and having a demonstration of what not to do is so helpful actually. Thank you.

[@ezekielb8637]

Hahaha 'giving empty reassurances' cracked me up so much.

[@raymondozemoya789]

Wow... This is really insightful Mick. Lota things to take away from watching this fun and educative tutorials.

[@anwvererere]

This was amazing and hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!

[@kimhills2733]

A great demonstration and Mick, as always an inspirating teacher. Thank you.

[@pauladutton3722]

I found this incredibly useful, thank you.

[@RockDove5212]

Brilliant video! Thank you so much. Really helpful.

[@omarthearab81]

Nice one Mick we are covering this in counseling today.

[@MarkMcDermottOtismojo]

Useful! Thanks!

[@Missymoo47]

Thank you 😊 really helpful

[@mickwhitty20009]

really worth a watch listen and learn

[@aps-pictures9335]

If anyone feels they’ve screwed up as a counsellor - I once had a first therapy session where the counsellor screamed at me to stop counselling myself, told me she got into it because she’s a narcissist, and that I was ‘too broken to be fixed’ 😂.

[@user-gc4ji7qr9x]

Very helpful thank you

[@drewrose1647]

I LOL at 8 - her face!

[@leahbillows4482]

I love this, funny but educational 🤣

[@Pattypollon]

Awesome!

[@gemmamills9993]

As a student I found this very very interesting

[@jessicao2643]

This was great. Wondering if you have any upcoming vids on working with younger clients? Especially adolescents.

[@mickcoopercounselling]

Not by myself, but see some counselling videos at: kzbin.info/www/bejne/sH2XknWBf8-kfJo

[@Pattypollon]

🤣 the real Mick would never do these things..

[@vladimirolenka7903]

I hope not..

[@redmoon8217]

Maybe the occasional wow is OK Mike. Like in your response to Julie testing positive to Covid. 😂

[@gigglebox6636]

OMG, this dude is so fired! lol thanks for the post.

[@clag7889]

Ouch!

[@Ruutuulia123]

This is great 😂

[@poshyarn7426]

I enjoyed that way too much 😂

[@danielabolea-uy6rs]

😁😁 so funny he is hilarious and she is a really good actress

[@bingefreebeautiful1446]

If a client says they want to go into traumatic experiences from early life to understand and accept them better, do you have any suggestions of what to do to ensure they are prepared for this kind of work?

[@CGHappyGillmore]

Her face after he talks about psychodynamic theory 😂

[@avihalberthal3898]

😂

[@user-cm5gl2wp1c]

Can’t stop laughing 😂

[@user-ce4mj4zt2z]

hilarious :)

[@avihalberthal3898]

What would you do differently in relation to 11?

[@surayaiffah4967]

so HOW does one prepare clients to be ready to disclose their traumatic experiences?

[@mickcoopercounselling]

There's lots on that in the literature now, around grounding for instance. Needs proper study and reading.

[@ammarbooley4405]

is "collude" not similar to validating the client's feelings? im having difficulty separating the two

[@mickcoopercounselling]

Validating is about reflecting the client's experiencing, while colluding is about saying that their view or perspective is right. It's the difference between an experiential response and one based on 'objective' assessments of the 'truth'

[@ammarbooley4405]

ah makes sense, thank you :) @@mickcoopercounselling

[@rossayres7056]

Ah this is great, but also hard to watch.

[@paolatotaro9093]

😁👏👏👏👏

[@jkg2088]

4 is so funny 🤣🤣🤣

[@topscran7954]

Number 1 should be interrupting!!!!!

[@mickcoopercounselling]

It's that as well

[@JM-tm4hb]

@@mickcoopercounselling I don't necessarily see interrupting as bad thing. It all depends on the context.

[@baconatorrodriguez4651]

The re-assurances section made me want to throw up, lol This is something I hate hearing from people lol

[@gabriellem8703]

This is really hard to watch.

[@meropale]

I laughed but in real life .. .. not funny.

[@mariabishop-gates2359]

😂 cringy 😂

[@vladimirolenka7903]

Very patronising video…

[@mickcoopercounselling]

I'm sorry you feel that way. Can you say how/why?

[@vladimirolenka7903]

@@mickcoopercounselling well I think I said this because I can’t imagine really trained and if he/ she had enough personal therapy can behave like that. I can’t even imagine that even vulnerable client will put up this long. Clients are more insightful than we, you or any professionals think. Also I follow my gut feelings that this is how I felt. However good luck in your profession. Best wishes.

[@mickcoopercounselling]

@@vladimirolenka7903 these are all things that people have experienced in therapy sadly, and also sadly clients often don't realise they can challenge them. There's a power dynamic and poor practice does happen. Part of the point of this video is to help clients feel empowered to challenge practices that don't seem right.

[@vladimirolenka7903]

@@mickcoopercounselling I hope -as you think-your video will help clients. If they can watch patiently. Best wishes.