Couples Therapist | 4 Types of Honesty You Need in a Healthy Relationship!

[@Mom_Luvs_Tech]

I would add personal honesty. I would define that as representing yourself authentically. Not pretending you have a huge social circle when you really don’t. Or being honest, about how often you exercise. Being honest about your lifestyle, your views on potentially controversial subjects.

[@crymeariver8133]

Loved this! I would love a video on self love, how to practice it more, & how it can affect relationships/friendships!

[@StephAnya]

Great suggestion!

[@codybennett8247]

@@StephAnya I love your videos. I am studying to become an LMFT. Your insight is so valuable. Thanks for sharing!!

[@yang-fp1jo]

emotional honesty! I’m not used to exploring and defining negative emotions in myself, so I struggle to identify when I feel something I’d rather avoid labeling. My boyfriend has actually surprised me a couple times by understanding how I’m feeling before I’ve realized what I’m feeling!

[@usagiislost]

Not in a relationship but I recenetly ended a long lasting friendship over frequent and long lasting dishonesty. Great video!! I love your content

[@tiana8986]

Great video! Definitely need to work on a couple of these areas. I would love to see a video on questions or things to consider before deciding to get married.

[@StephAnya]

That’s a great idea! I’ve got you.

[@prettyladdiee2261]

@@StephAnya yesss

[@NDObeats]

Yay 2 uploads in one week! 🙌🏾

[@StephAnya]

Woot woot! There's a first time for everything

[@kimberlywilson7929]

Once in a video you said that a daughter's relationship with her mother can affect her other relationships. I found that very insightful. Can you expand more on that topic?

[@StephAnya]

Hi! Have you seen the video on attachment? It touches on it!

[@tashajefferson7601]

Thank you for all of your videos. You have been a HUGE support to me in the LMFT licensing process as a black female provisional therapist 🙏🏾 PLEASE keep them coming. YOU ARE APPRECIATED 🖤

[@StephAnya]

🥺thank you so much

[@Once.A.Violet]

I’m going to go to Grad school for MAFT I forgot I was subscribed to you! Can’t wait to learn more

[@jtp2r]

The algorithm rarely shows me your videos. But this is another gem right here!

[@StephAnya]

Aw I’m glad this one got to you!

[@sumayzebecreating]

anytime you upload I know it's gonna be a good and informative video :)

[@StephAnya]

Aw! Glad to hear that!

[@sumayzebecreating]

@@StephAnya ☺️

[@payingless4more]

I’ve never heard of anyone speaking or expanding on historical honesty! I never heard of it honestly. Wait a minute let me hear more about Current honesty! Oh wow you hit the nail on the head with the cell phones! I’m really digging the Future honesty! It’s imperative to speak about our future wants and goals and being honest about our expectations is what’s up. I believe that I missed one of the honesties, but honestly I thoroughly enjoyed this video. This was so much needed and helpful. You are so AWESOME! No honestly you are♥️

[@StephAnya]

Aw thank you so much! I’d never heard of these either before reading the book.

[@this_mundane_life]

Current honesty especially being available is something I struggle with but had no idea that I needed to work on. Thanks for making this video!

[@StephAnya]

You got this!

[@Gugx]

Great video 😊There is always room for improvement so I will say I will work on improving all the forms of honesty you discussed. I would love it if you could discuss how to navigate mental health issues within a relationship or how to support a partner with depression.

[@StephAnya]

Yes! Thank you for those suggestions. I think that would be helpful for a lot of people.

[@hellaSwankkyToo]

oooh i too would appreciate more content on this!

[@hellaSwankkyToo]

this all makes a lot of sense! the phone thing - i totally get it. it's not unusual for me to go an entire day w|o checking my phone, which is one reason i avoided a smart watch for a long time. however, i've found that having a smart watch has actually helped. i can glance quickly at my watch to see if the notification needs immediate attention or can be dealt w| later. this was very helpful - thank you! 🖤✊🏾

[@StephAnya]

I actually edited out a part where I started talking about the same thing with my Apple Watch! We’re on the same exact page

[@hellaSwankkyToo]

@@StephAnya ooooh nice! i'll try to remember this benefit when i miss my calculator watch every now + then. LOL 🤓

[@indreadixonsedwayms9056]

Wow, thank you for giving me another perspective on how to look at honesty. ☺❣

[@StephAnya]

You are so welcome!

[@souledout3239]

Great info. Thanks again for addressing critical yet sometimes overlooked topics ❤

[@pigma98]

I just started seeing couples (& families) in my MFT traineeship & this video has helped a lot ~ thank you so much! (I discovered you back in fall 2022 when I just started my MMFT program, & I have been using your videos for review, for gathering more info, etc.)

[@kaylan5274]

Thank you for existing 🫶🏽💕💕

[@StephAnya]

🫶🏽

[@niceymix1]

Insightful, I have never herd these principles of honesty broken out like this.

[@tory198511]

I always say revealing yourselves to each other is a great way to get in a successful marriage. That's more of the historical honesty. I learned about that in a marriage and family class and I know that was the reason my ex and I did not work. The one that I didn't think of was having the person know where you are at all times. I don't really want to know where he is at all times so I didn't think that that was necessary. When I get in another relationship I will make sure to do that. Thank u

[@StephAnya]

Thank you for watching! I definitely think it's relative to each person and relationship! If you feel that knowing where each of you is all the time is unnecessary, and your partner agrees, I'd say don't force it. You don't want to add unnecessary pressure with no benefits.

[@rmy_Youtube]

Yay! This is the topic I chose! Excited to learn more.

[@StephAnya]

Woohooo!! 🎉

[@sandteedal9022]

Religiously waiting for updates. Thank you

[@Cornflower20]

Wowowow so interesting!! Loved this breakdown, I can see it being very useful!

[@MamaCancer23]

This is really good info Steph! Making sure to keep these things in mind once I’m in a relationship. I know I’d have to work on current honest because I’ve been single for a while, so I’m use to moving without having to consult anyone. I also like to disconnect from my phone as well. It’s no problem for me to shift once it’s that time ❤

[@StephAnya]

Glad it was helpful!

[@364-unbirthdays8]

I love videos like these! They're really informative and interesting. I'll never be in a romantic relationship, so everything kind of carries a sense of novelty and fascination, but also these sorts of tips are also really helpful in strengthening friendships as well!

[@StephAnya]

Aw I appreciate you for watching! I’m glad that you can apply the tips to friendships as well

[@Self-helper415]

These are good and tasty nuggets from the book. I enjoyed it throughly.

[@kendo7687]

Always insightful! Thank you

[@jbrown0726]

Your vids are a blessing

[@broGabiza]

Dr Harleys books are great especially at i dentifying male needs and female needs. Also, he has great books on recovery from infidelity 👌❤. Thanks for your hardwork saving relationships 🙏

[@Thecommentor14]

Thank you!! This is gold :)

[@atunsheaminat4874]

I will like to work on emotional honesty with my partner. Thanks

[@CE-vg1sf]

While I would not say I have "mastered" any form of honesty, I can say in terms of "current honesty" my husband and I are honest with one another about finding other people attractive, be it physically, intellectually etc. I have seen so many relationships ruined due to keeping this aspect of ourselves a secret from the one we should share the most with. I plan making this "secret" more open as part of the work I do with couples after getting my MFT license. While it may seem like such a small thing , or a "white lie" as it were (e.g., "No, I'm only attracted to you"), it also builds a foundation on which other harmful secrets are added which eventually deteriorates a relationship.

[@wanderingcucamber7082]

Thank you for this video ❤ this was so informative 😊

[@lulux9795]

Hi Steph Anya!! I just wanted to share with you that I appreciate all of your therapy models videos. They were incredibly helpful. I passed the MFT National exam !❤️🌸

[@StephAnya]

Ahhhh! So happy for you! Congratulations!

[@kylieduet941]

I started school to be a therapist but didn’t finish and I love gottman!! I will listen to anyone that mentions them lol. But I would love a video about getting out of a trauma bond. I’m in a relationship with a very verbally and emotionally abusive bf. I have tried breaking up and can’t make it past a week without begging him back

[@DArson]

Great video. When it comes to emotional honesty, what if you're the one always being emotionally honest while your partner just doesn't respond or know how to?

[@theepeacock7730]

Yes yes and yes👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@StephAnya]

Heyyy! 👋🏽

[@queenofhearts227]

So helpful, thank you!

[@StephAnya]

So glad!

[@howtosober]

PS. I'd love a video on how to get out of the power struggle stage with the different attachment styles!

[@magical.frequencies]

Amazing video, thank you!

[@StephAnya]

Thank you for watching!

[@divinelyguided1144]

Absolutely ❤this book!

[@sno0407]

My partner doesn’t like sharing locations. I explained it’s not about me keeping tabs, it’s a matter of safety. I wouldn’t check it unless I had to. Now, since Apple changed how you see someone’s location, I can’t help but to see it since it’s under their contact.

[@vhl333]

Thank you for this!! I need to work on having more emotional and future honesty discussions. Any tips for questions we can work on answering together to open up that communication?

[@caughtmeontheflip]

thanks for info! v useful info❤️

[@shellsoreal]

Gurrrrrllll This Right Hereeeee

[@karabomajola2891]

Such a relief to know I'm not crazy... asking for honesty and being pushed back by the "privacy/insecure" comments and being shut down and shamed for wanting honesty.

[@jessek-9scentdetectiontrai10]

Beautiful Smile ❤ 😍

[@lorihicks2221]

Great video! Curious why you wouldn’t necessarily recommend the book?

[@StephAnya]

Thank you! I personally feel that a lot of the tips and general perspective on duties and allocation of responsibilities within marriage is presumptive and misogynistic, so I don't feel comfortable endorsing it even though I know a lot of people who have found it very useful!

[@howtosober]

Beautiful. SO specific. All of this can be healed and resolved by identifying and dealing with your attachment system and partnering with people who are either securely attached, or actively on their way to becoming securely attached. Most of what this video covers in why we're not honest in these 4 areas deals with sources of issues that stem back to our attachment systems.

[@StephAnya]

I think everything boils down to attachment as well! It's all about a feeling of security and safety within relationships.

[@howtosober]

@@StephAnya Admittedly, now that I'm healing my own FA attachment system, I'm currently seeing EVERYTHING through the attachment lens! But I think it really does all source from there first. After all, healed people make different decisions than unhealed people, and generally attract healthier partners, so things like honesty become much easier.

[@stephenyates4749]

A lot to think about very good video I guess I’ll try to be more honest

[@StephAnya]

Good idea 🤣

[@shelbyleachamberlain9470]

I think a lot of the current honesty aspects aren't necessarily "natural". Those were never expectations until we got cell phones. We aren't meant to know everything at all times. We aren't meant to be able to be called upon at all times. I share my location because I choose to but the expectation that I need to be, basically, on call has built a really unhealthy relationship between me and my phone. John Adams and Abigail Adams had an extremely love filled relationship and all they had were letters occasionally. She didn't know where he was most of the time. I just don't think it's an actual healthy expectation.

[@polinaskrastina4522]

Girl, I love your make-up together with this top! 👍

[@StephAnya]

Thank you!

[@hongluong7836]

Hay quá

[@raynikasmith8591]

What if the realtionship dont work but you have kids..

[@peterreed9566]

There's zero chance of me talking about my life with my first wife who died with my second wife. As far as I'm concerned my previous relationship is nothing to do with my wife now. As for my emotions I surpress, depress, regulate and modulate them (very effectively) as I don't see the need to process them. Therefore I see no need to share yhel with anyone else.

[@nestonthomas4203]

Am Nicole my partner don't respect me i fade up tell him bout talking to me any how infront of people especially his family don't matter how much i tell him he still not stopping instead he says he wud not stop doing it

[@anaymousjohn5227]

I Don t have relation ships because no guy is really invested in me only as fling or friend I be too open fast when I drink they play on that I should be strong minded say no who cares how they feel but no I went with my emotions when it was nt nothing but fantasy i still despie men it will be long time before I ever meet Mr right ia m not chaseing ia m always getting led down to me all the same sorry lord