Couples Talk: How to Build Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship- Tips from a Marriage Therapist

What's Anya Mind, lovers?
One thing that I constantly get asked is, "How can I make my relationship better?" Once we dig more into it, it boils down to closeness and connection. In today's video, I share my tips on how to create emotional intimacy with your partner! This video is geared toward my viewer. Let's see how your small changes can impact your relationship. Comment down below if you've ever experienced issues with any of these aspects of emotional intimacy.
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The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman: "There are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Each one is important and expresses love in its own way. Learning your partner's and your own primary love language will help create a stronger bond in your relationship." DISCLAIMER: While I have read the book, I advocate for the basic concept of love languages and do not necessarily agree with all perspectives shared in the book.
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[@chickennugget6233]

14:28 for anyone who is going back to do the check in quiz

[@vladtyb9487]

Cheers for the video content! Sorry for the intrusion, I am interested in your initial thoughts. Have you considered - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (just google it)? It is an awesome one off product for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger without the hard work. Ive heard some incredible things about it and my BF at very last got excellent success with it.

[@gerardorigas6812]

Kudos for the Video! Forgive me for the intrusion, I would appreciate your opinion. Have you ever tried - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is a smashing one of a kind guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger without the normal expense. Ive heard some amazing things about it and my old buddy Taylor after many years got great results with it.

[@Valentina_-lw9ui]

Kudos for the Video! Excuse me for the intrusion, I would love your opinion. Have you heard the talk about - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (do a search on google)? It is a smashing one off product for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger without the normal expense. Ive heard some pretty good things about it and my BF after a lifetime of fighting got great results with it.

[@vladtyb9487]

Great Video clip! Sorry for butting in, I am interested in your opinion. Have you researched - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (google it)? It is a smashing one off guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the headache. Ive heard some extraordinary things about it and my cooworker at last got great success with it.

[@kinverlyanncruz2485]

Excellent Video! Apologies for the intrusion, I am interested in your opinion. Have you ever tried - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (search on google)? It is a smashing one of a kind guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the normal expense. Ive heard some awesome things about it and my BF at very last got amazing results with it.

[@skinscribe]

I’m in my first relationship after growing up in a toxic household, this advice is sooo helpful and relaxing

[@alexfernandez820]

Any advice on first relationship communication?

[@snap_crackle_popshaw7958]

I am in the same exact boat now!!!Abusive childhood on top of toxic household. So I hope things are going well for you and I hope and pray things go well for me and everyone else in this stage!!

[@lizzie404]

Same fr

[@brendasollers5252]

@skinscribe I agree a crazy toxic household, learning things about relationships at 40 years old is crazy. because I should are ready know most things.

[@faithaffirmationswithmiah6628]

1. Validate their opinion 2. Laugh at their jokes 3. Compliment your partner 4. Be open to receiving compliments 5. Encourage your partner 6. Challenge your partner kindly 7. Love them in their love language 8. Share your secrets and insecurities 9. Acknowledge and explore frustrations as they come up 10. Externalize problems as seperate from your partner and relationship 11. Express appreciation often

[@StephAnya]

Thank you ♥️

[@eunicemoyo2164]

Thank you 💕

[@zainz7438]

Thank you

[@jacquelineforrest6104]

Thank uou

[@jacquelineforrest6104]

Thank you

[@Ed-vi8lj]

Married over 25 years. I started working with an individual counselor to improve my listening and communication skills. This led to my asking questions and learning more about my wife's toxic upbringing can I have understood in 25 years

[@survivingmotherhood2693]

I absolutely love this and am so glad to have found you !! I’m 34 and am in my second relationship ever. The first was very toxic and ended in divorce. I want to unlearn all the bad habits I have formed and hope that we can create a beautiful healthy family together.

[@TonettaClay]

Great video. I'm a Relationship Coach and these are also some of the things I talk about in my group. I appreciate the breakdowns of your tips. Keep moving forward. Much success ❤️

[@juanagutierrez8681]

Lovely Video! Excuse me for chiming in, I would love your opinion. Have you ever tried - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (just google it)? It is a great one of a kind product for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger without the headache. Ive heard some extraordinary things about it and my work buddy after many years got excellent success with it.

[@janelouisewar3633]

Loved “I don’t see myself that way, but I appreciate that you do.” I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed with receiving the validation of my dreams in many ways.

[@josephyates870]

This is my favorite video so far. Definitly using this for my relationship. I also didn't expect to get this much information on this subject. You covered so much!!!

[@StephAnya]

So glad to hear that! I tried to share as much I could without it being way too long ♥️

[@kennykenaz8340]

Nice Video clip! Apologies for chiming in, I would appreciate your initial thoughts. Have you thought about - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (probably on Google)? It is a good one of a kind product for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the headache. Ive heard some great things about it and my old buddy Taylor after a lifetime of fighting got cool success with it.

[@StephAnya]

@@kennykenaz8340 Hi Kenny! I haven't heard of that specific product, but I absolutely love any tools that are specifically targeted at increasing intimacy by asking open and vulnerable questions. I'll check it out! Thanks for sharing.

[@kalki3060]

the way you talk makes my heart warm and fills me with confident energy 😭♥️

[@StephAnya]

🥺 that may be the nicest thing I’ve ever been told. Thank you so much ♥️

[@kalki3060]

@@StephAnya aww, love youu 🥰 this made my day

[@keiraadolph442]

@@kalki3060 Hello I recommend you to Dr James he helped me reconnected back my broken relationship and made my home secured from third parties within 2 days I advice you seek help from him..

[@keiraadolph442]

@@kalki3060 Send him a message on Whatsapp

[@LifeHacks_Central]

I found this video on building emotional intimacy in relationships and it was eye-opening. The tips and insights shared are practical and applicable in real-life scenarios. This video provides great tips on how to cultivate a deep emotional connection with your partner. This is a must-watch for anyone seeking to deepen their emotional connection with their partner.

[@sherreesecoleman5241]

I didn't even notice that my fiance was already doing a lot of these tips. I knew that our relationship was better than any relationship I've had in the past but it's nice to know that we're taking the right steps to building a healthy loving relationship. But I do need to work on feeling more comfortable accepting compliments 😅

[@evenif7431]

Love your channel! I'd be really interested to hear your thoughts or recommendations for people with past trauma navigating relationships. It's a subject that I think is often treated very individually, despite potentially impacting relationships quite a bit, so I think your perspective as a therapist who focuses on families would be interesting!

[@raularmas317]

Did you receive an answer to your query about help when dealing with people in relationship with past trauma? My suggestion, for what it's worth is to delve into books on the different attachment styles that people adopt as a result of their upbringing-- which may or may not include trauma. Hope this helps.

[@Alphacentauri819]

Completely agree with the attachment style comment. It was the biggest help for me…and I’d been to many therapists, had self help books and such. Finding my attachment style, the core wounds, how to heal, has been life changing. Due to various trauma, I have fearful avoidant attachment style, leaning dismissive avoidant. It’s like the sky parted and handed down some answers. Hope this helps!

[@raularmas317]

@@Alphacentauri819 your reply much appreciated.

[@jacquelineforrest6104]

I would like to suggest that you look up or check out videos by a lady named Tiffany Buckner. She has a lot of videos that are helpful in dealing with overcoming trauma . God bless you.

[@Shellocs817]

This one was so good! Thanks, sis. That was so helpful in helping me see myself, where I need improvement, and how great my partner really is!

[@aswolleegaming]

Just want to thank you for the information you put into this video! I will be thinking more about emotional intimacy and see how it affects my relationship for the better.

[@ladyt8139]

Love this❤️ My favorite video and most relevant to building and maintaining a healthy relationship.

[@StephAnya]

So glad that you love it! If you have any other requests for couples talk videos, let me know! ♥️

[@samuelo.c.4813]

Externalize the problem. That is deep. Thanks for sharing.

[@janelouisewar3633]

Also, love them in their language.💯🔥

[@LanaClarkLC]

I guess me and my guy have more emotional intimacy than I thought

[@ocleadinlady]

Starts at 3:09

[@lakeishalloyd8902]

I'm watching this video August 17th 2022! I am not married, no children, and is in my mid 30s. I feel better being single!❤️💔💖

[@acolley96]

Hey!!! Nalani just asked about when she was going to see you again. I open KZbin to watch something and look over and see your smiling face!!!!!! This was my reminder to email you!!!! Love the video.

[@StephAnya]

Hi!! 👋🏽👋🏽

[@StephAnya]

And thank you!!

[@meganmorten9222]

You are wonderful! So glad I found your channel - many blessings :)

[@alicebenn7457]

I absolutely love this video! You make things so easy to understand. Very informative! Thank you so much for what you're doing ❤

[@thejunkyardmechanicwilliam7848]

Thank you for a great video. This will help me a lot. I am trying to make my relationship. Turn into marriage. I will use this video as a guide.

[@alicebenn7457]

I'm so glad that I found your channel!❤

[@ninogachechiladze]

Thank you so much Stephanya for all this information! just came across your channel and wanted to say that you are doing amazing job! Im fascinated listening to you! cant wait for more videos!

[@lvnm3]

subscribed immediately for the "What's Anya Mind"

[@Esiddik]

Or or or or or ……..sometimes you give your all but they are just not ready. Recognize and walk away! ❤️ Let them grow on their own.

[@Esiddik]

@Grace nahhhhh am good ! Don’t want him anyone back 😂🤣🤣

[@claddiust]

Thank You.

[@dianajanna7228]

Have you watched the show this is us! I think it’s amazing for Therapists. It’s my favorite show of all times.

[@StephAnya]

Yes! It’s my favorite show of all time too. I’m so sad that it’s the last season 😞

[@nicoleb2251]

New subscriber! I throughly enjoyed this video! Thanks for sharing.

[@jefferyjackson8644]

Steph my partner has completely shut me out. I was injured on my job, have been through five surgeries, and nearly died twice. When my partner thought that I was going to die, instead of coming to check on me in the hospital, she makes a phone call. Not to ask how am I doing, but to ask where is the life insurance policy. Then after I defeated death twice, and I made it home from the hospital, she walked out on me within two weeks of getting out of the hospital.

[@shanyaervin5277]

Thank you for your video. I would love to do a 1 on 1 with you about your schooling and pursuit to achieving a career

[@shortiejayyy]

#10 I feel relates to me. I'm trying to work out how to talk to my boyfriend about his video gaming along with building our emotional intimacy. Do you have a video on people who are emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached?

[@matsabordeaux7702]

I like your energy, and I think you could help my relationship

[@caribbeanbeauty3772]

Wow Thankyou for this . My husband and I were lacking in that are 😒

[@StephAnya]

Thank you for watching! Oh no🙁. I hope one these tips will be helpful for you two ❤️

[@AOP3217]

This is really informative. I hope it will help in my relationship. On my own account, my fiancée complaints a lot about lack of intimacy between us. I have struggle to adjust but can't satisfy her desire. I am an introvert while she is an extrovert. At times the way she addresses me drain moral out of me. Sometimes I am even afraid to speak with her because her comments are usually harsh. She appears bossy. She has severally had issues with her friends. I am thinking of drawing her attention to this if she will respond to my call. What's your suggestion?

[@hemipee9827]

This is great advice, i neeeeeeeeeeded this I appreciate it

[@deborahcampbell2425]

Great video, timeless info.

[@nicolecupps4325]

You mentioned in the beginning of the video about rebuilding trust being in a different video. Do have plans to make this video or have already? Thank you 😊

[@christinemcdonald3568]

Wow thank you for your video I have allot to work on

[@khanyisilemakhubane9098]

Yeah, those evaluation questions?... all my answers to those questions are a fat NO. I guess it's time to peace out.

[@ArthurLampley-im2kz]

Thank you 😊

[@DenzylWalwyn]

Yes, I-ship and marry with the message ship find me a ship where the marriage is cheap and your famplease and celebrate it in the inverse is. What are the meaning is why and then because I can't

[@JohnBC-m8x]

OK I'm a big fan thank you

[@vedangsawant1361]

I don't know ....but your intro and outro is too catchyyy😂

[@StephAnya]

I’m late, but thank you!!

[@sajidamahomed7855]

Thanks

[@arianarodriguez225]

Same thing happened with my best friend

[@rjsmiley89]

Here in 2022 thank you

[@shreya362]

In this video whatever you are saying, my partner is doing everything with me. But I am not able to make him happy as he is going everything. If I look at my part I do nothing like him I don't know why?? I love him he is the one who can make me feel good about myself though his life is more pathetic than me.. please help to build my partner's heart again.. I also want to show him how much I love him but I don't know. It wasn't the same when our relationship was started.. I don't want to lose him... please suggest 🙏

[@AnastasiaVPea]

THanks!

[@St4rgirl_640]

Love dis

[@summernight7587]

3:05

[@Gorboduc]

This chick is smooth. 😎

[@tajaferguson7536]

Hey Steph! Love your content! Which lens did you use for your video?

[@Jaik71]

When I learned how to fish I didnt ask the fish how to catch them I asked a great fisherman

[@aquababy5]

But that suggests that the fish isn’t even a human in the relationship, in that scenario

[@SmellMyKnee15]

Can you please make a video about building trust?

[@shirlenegreenaway1726]

I like this video

[@seanomight5401]

I dont think one should lie to their partner, even if it's for better. You should be honest, but go over it so you don't come off like an ass. And put it in a way that can support them. I dont like it. I think you can do better. I believe in you.

[@胡蝶しのぶ-r3f]

I have a question. If my partner is a cheater, is it okay to accept him as he is??? Personally i dont but its very contradicting??? 😅 can i hear the opinions of others?

[@StephAnya]

Only you two determine the rules of your relationship. Personally, if you know about it and have agreed that it’s okay not to be sexually monogamous, I wouldn’t consider that “cheating.”

[@daisychimbay437]

My boyfriend broke up with me because he said I'm not able to be his friend besides a gf, and that I treat him like he plays a role as a man instead of appreciating being his own person. He said he would try again being with me if I show him I can be his friend. Please help... what can I do?

[@juliannaokike3359]

How did you get the person to ask you what they really want or are meaning the house mate I have are treating me like I'm the foe though in some instances. Then acting like the victim.

[@happyhour2837]

❤❤❤

[@reginejones2402]

Yes girl i need help new subbie lol

[@kenyahorne4612]

What if there is emtional distress and a marrrigae due to haveing children.

[@lo5995]

I love this! My boyfriend and I watched this together. We were able to confirm that we are on the right track for growing as a couple but also helped us in wanting to continue to be better for each other. Thank you for sharing!

[@StephAnya]

I love that you watched it together! That already says so much about your relationship. Thank you for watching! ♥️

[@thanhphongtran9808]

Lovely video content! Forgive me for butting in, I would appreciate your thoughts. Have you thought about - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (just google it)? It is an awesome one off guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the hard work. Ive heard some incredible things about it and my m8 got excellent results with it.

[@darrylfox2246]

Thanks for the video content! Excuse me for the intrusion, I am interested in your thoughts. Have you heard the talk about - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is an awesome one of a kind product for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger without the normal expense. Ive heard some great things about it and my GF after a lifetime of fighting got amazing success with it.

[@ilikebobateaaa]

Good idea !!!! I’ll get my bf and I to watch this

[@foodisgoodthatsthetruth3231]

I hope my gf will watch this stuff with me.

[@zendayasfruityfrenchfry1784]

Came from GQ. I’m aromantic so no relationships for me but I’m going to watch this Incase any of my family or friends need help and plus I like your aura...

[@StephAnya]

Let me know topics that would be useful for you!

[@nicole4779]

Not married. Not in a relationship. But hope to be soon. This is incredibly helpful. Thank you

[@incredibledorster5207]

Yeees relationship Queen!! Just saw your "Therapist breaks down couples fighting" video on GQ and you were spot on! You go girl!!! ;)

[@StephAnya]

Thanks so much!

[@Biiku_]

I did too! I'm super excited I found her! This is exactly the kind of therapist I've been looking for.

[@leannekay95]

Same here!! So glad I found her channel through GQ! This is exactly what I needed as an aspiring LMFT 😊

[@dknealellis]

@@StephAnya link to that video please im interested in watching it

[@sharonlewis3892]

There is no doubt that your counseling is your God-given calling. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, knowledge and insights with us all.

[@StephAnya]

Aw thank you ♥️ I truly love it

[@raularmas317]

@@StephAnya I too thank you for your sharing your educated insights on the ins and outs of not only successful relationships, but the intricacies of maladaptive behaviors in progressively more dysfunctional relationships.

[@john-paulmathieu7195]

I've been married for 4 years now and I have Asperger's and I was a bit frustrated because we had gone a few weeks without sex and more and more she would push it off till the weekend and when the weekend comes, she says she is not in the mood. She finally told me, "I really love you, but I don't feel emotionally connected to you and I can't get myself to want to have sex." I had no idea and to be honest, I don't even know what it means to feel emotionally connected because there are a lot of emotions I don't feel. As a result, I am currently in the process of learning how to make her feel validated and emotionally connected - I'm definitely going to take these tips and use them; and to be honest, they really do make sense and it makes sense as to why she isn't feeling connected. She knows that I have Asperger's and knows that I lack some of the same things as her brain, but if at the very least I can make her feel happy, validated, and connected to me - I'm willing to put in the effort so she feels loved again!

[@katiejane6761]

Be careful. It may just be another excuse. Good luck

[@john-paulmathieu7195]

@@katiejane6761 I'm happy to report it wasn't just an excuse. Things have gotten much better since I posted and we are nearly back to the way it was in the beginning. It took work on both our parts but it was well worth it. :)

[@naty1012]

@@john-paulmathieu7195 beautiful praise report, God Bless your marriage

[@meeercyj]

Amazing

[@jazmincrumley]

This was GREAT, very necessary and very on time! Success in these areas really takes a lot of humility, selflessness and changing your perspective! THANK YOU STEPH ANYA!!!

[@StephAnya]

Totally agree with you. Accountability, in general, takes so much humility. Thank you so much for watching!! ♥️

[@zivazahid4001]

discovered you on gq and i immediately subscribed

[@nidiraa7462]

Same!! As a black woman I live for her!!

[@cbot2423]

I'm single but I did the quiz on my relationship w myself. It still works, really cool when you ask yourself those questions to how you treat you.

[@brentonm.newbon9237]

10. Externalize problems as separate from your partner and relationship 💯

[@unique.diamond5955]

I’m currently in a relationship and may need to increase intimacy but I feel as though we do all these things and also have a very healthy foundation… can you do a part 2 on this! 🥰

[@hannahberlinpetry450]

I agree with what you said about how these are good practices for relatively emotionally healthy people. Unfortunately we come to the problem too often where one partner is a narcissist or another kind of wolf in sheep’s clothing, and when the victim tries to implement these things, they backfire even worse. Many therapists seem to have the assumption that all people are decent people trying to better themselves and care about their partners, but with the narcs and other toxic people, that’s just not the case. I hope you and other therapists are trained and educated in narcissism and to be able to point out narcs in marriage and family counseling. Too many people have bad experiences with therapists because the therapist will try to fix the marriage over the emotional health and safety of the individuals.

[@LEOFredAndrew]

Have you heard about bitcoin

[@YemiAyodeji]

These are great tips especially for people who struggle to let out their emotions. I personally struggled to let people in and it affected my relationships. I'm learning to understand my emotions and also share it with others. Great video as always🥰👍

[@StephAnya]

It is such a vulnerable position to be in! I’m proud of you for fighting your fears and learning more about your emotional world. Thank you for sharing! ♥️

[@NDObeats]

The best part of my day is when a new Steph Anya video drops!

[@StephAnya]

Mine too haha! I love making content for you all.

[@gingerbarker8230]

your hair🤩

[@StephAnya]

Thank you!

[@DrAdrienneCSmith]

This has been so insightful. I really need to work on my emotional intimacy bc I thought I had it all together and turns out I need some work. Thank you for these wonderful videos.

[@Sknyloc]

I don’t feel like I can be myself with anyone at all. Not 100%. Family, friends…no body.

[@AVRALLC]

There are 2 I will continue to improve on...Thank you for the reassurance of what things we are already operating in🙏🏽🍃🍃🌱🙌🏿🙌🏿

[@rmy_Youtube]

Hey Steph Anya! Thanks for the insightful video. Definitely going to put these tips into practice 😊

[@StephAnya]

Glad it was helpful!

[@YemiAyodeji]

Tip 4 is just perfect for me👍 I didn't even know it was affecting me.

[@StephAnya]

I’m glad this helped! ♥️ Let me know any other topics that would be useful.

[@markspancing9343]

Cheers for the Video clip! Sorry for butting in, I would love your initial thoughts. Have you considered - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (google it)? It is a great exclusive guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the hard work. Ive heard some amazing things about it and my mate at very last got great success with it.

[@raularmas317]

I really appreciate your systems approach to remedying dysfunction in relationships.

[@rayenamclaughlin672]

This video was everything! I am not currently in a relationship but I realize that in my past relationships I had a hard time being openly emotional. I plan to use these tips in my future relationship! Thank you so much for sharing!

[@StephAnya]

I’m so glad you found it useful! Being vulnerable can feel so unnatural at times, but it’s absolutely necessary for genuine connection. Thank you for watching, Rayena! ♥️

[@whatisanewt7552]

The likes on this video is super surprising. I love the tips that are in this video and I see the things that I can do better in my relationship. This is probably the first long tip video I’ve watched in its entirety. Thankyou! :)

[@StephAnya]

I’m so glad that you found it helpful! ♥️

[@chonwarren9941]

Me and my fiancée have very compatable love languages we both have touch as one and as a second mine is giving gifts and hers is receiving gifts

[@foreignlovedreams]

That’s all good and well. And yes, sex is a kind of physical intimacy. But it is only one type of intimacy. When we are talking about emotional intimacy, we should remember such points: ✔️ Be Vulnerable ✔️ Be Supportive ✔️ Affirm Your Love and Appreciation Remember - be mindful to not get angry at your partner or become defensive. You are in a safe space where you can share. You still love each other and respect each other, and a difference of opinion is healthy in a relationship.

[@dyamondscott130]

I love you so much ❤

Great content. Thanks so much. Can you please get rid of the music in the background 😊 it will help a lot

[@Memkoh]

Thank you for this awesome video. The point about appreciating each other is such a big thing we often overlook.

[@trinidyt5161]

“I love how your fat feels” “…I have fat?” Is def how it’d go for me, as a joke of course 🤣

[@amarisshockley8110]

1. 3:10 validate them 2. 4:02 laugh at their jokes 3. 4:34 compliment partner 4. 5:01 be open to receiving compliments 5. 5:57 encourage your partner 6. 7:15 challenge partner kindly 7. 8:16 love language 8. 9:27 secrets 9. 10:18 acknowledge 10. 11:32 externalizer 11. 12:42 gratitude 12. 14:25 statements

[@esval3054]

This interests me a lot. I am on a newly relationship and want it to work out!

[@ndiazvo]

I´m so happy I found your channel, love it!! Thank you for sharing

[@Contentcoachlindsay]

Love this 💜 my boyfriend and I are checking these things off. Match made in heaven. New subscriber. Thanks!!!!

[@StephAnya]

Glad to hear it! Such a comforting feeling to know you’re with the right person.

[@angelayaung7417]

But I I feel like it’s always been one sided . I do everything bec this is who I am but till experiencing mental abuse like dismissiveness , stone walling.. I do everything like u do but when you’re being put down and stuff , I can’t take it . I have a very mentally disorder and he needs help .

[@angelayaung7417]

Unfortunately , all the questions you ask ? Non of this apply just because I’ve been so emotionally abused I can’t function around him anymore