I am one of the most gentle and kind loving person's you will ever meet.. However I was BADLY abused by my mum as a child... I can't trust people and think people are going to hurt me for there own gain or to have a laugh at my expense. This comes across like I am a "Bad person" sometimes because of my lack of trust in others... If only people knew the abuse I suffered .. They would understand my lack of trust in others. Love your channel. Kind regards xx
@Kate13.6 жыл бұрын
Your videos have been extremely helpful. Thank you.
@grantaugustyniak66672 жыл бұрын
I thought of every couple in my life time that I knew or know & OMG , there is always a taker and the other a giver in the relationship. So I now sometimes call them both out on it. It starts a very interesting conversation for sure. I start with my own status on this & then turn to ask the couple about theirs.
@PunkMartyr2 жыл бұрын
One of the big giveaways is you will get apprehension and anxiety about knowing you will have to interact with a Taker soon. After interacting you will feel drained and negative emotions.
@lumisuliSime6 жыл бұрын
I feel I've traits of both. I am needy and put myself first often. I have empathetic girlfriend who says I make her feel like she can't be herself. But I also evolve as a person and care for other peoples needs too and would much more like to be more giving than just needy. But childhood with narcisists have made me who I am, but even if you have narcistic traits you can still make your best to grow to be a good person. Good video. :)
@briankwiatkowski17333 жыл бұрын
Ugh I got 45 giver traits. Sounds good, but it’s really not. I’m a direct 180 from my ex female covert narc. No wonder why we hooked up, and no wonder why it couldn’t be sustained, and no wonder why I could barely move after the discard. With 45 traits, I am doomed. I don’t even think I could be in a relationship with another giver, who’s going to take? I feel really uncomfortable when anyone gives me anything, feels so unnatural and seems to go against my grain. I don’t even know how to fix this. And at the same time, I understand my ex narc, taking is ingrained in her nature. We are both programmed certain ways and breaking the program is near impossible, especially at our ages, 49 and 50.
@DennySoup6 жыл бұрын
I have a disorder called gastroparesis that has severely paralyzed my entire gi tract from esophagus to colon, but if I try to confide in my mother she tells me “just wait till you’re old and have arthritis”. (Which I do in my spine.) She has to take me to the er last week when I couldn’t stop vomiting and there was old blood in it, and I think it finally hit her what I deal with, but I know from past experience her sympathy won’t last long. She tells me I would have more friends if I weren’t so negative all the time, but this isn’t something you get to just walk away from. I desperately want my mothers support but she can’t stop being the victim long enough to be supportive. I need to find inner strength which is especially hard when you’re raised to think you’re weak and stupid but it’s starting to grow. I’m realizing that I’m a giver and she’s a taker and as long as I seek her approval she’ll make me feel less than worthy of it.
@CourageCoaching6 жыл бұрын
I am so sorry Denean! That sounds really awful. It is especially upsetting that your mother isn't able to be empathetic & comforting. You are right.Wanting her approval will not get you anywhere. She will not be able to give it to you. You need to grieve your loss (of not having a healthy mother) and only when you are able to fully accept that she will not change, will you find peace within yourself. Much love to you!
@artistmaureensharkey53215 жыл бұрын
Very good. I love the insights.
@Kate13.6 жыл бұрын
A covert narcissist is not a talker.
@jimreed68756 жыл бұрын
Wow. You just described my parents.
@user-mw6wp6ce4p4 жыл бұрын
All they do is take take take , no appreciation at all.
@autismenlightenment6 жыл бұрын
Very good list, thank you.
@emmaemma66416 жыл бұрын
Great video. I have a question. My parents and siblings..also extended family all had the narc/borderline traits growing up. I always knew my heart wasn't like theirs back then. Then I got to 30 (2 divorces under my belt. Ridiculous debt from my 2nd marraige) and I needed my mum again. At the time I was a selfish cow. I think I just wanted to have some freedom in my life. I had been married for over 10 years and wanted to party and go wild. My mother true to form never saw my need and thought I was being irresponsible.. she is quite a serious hard ball woman where there is no fun in anything. And if there is you shouldn't be doing it. I'm now 47 and in those 17 years, I very much fear she has destroyed my soul. I played the part perfectly so she could lay all her shit onto me. She hated me going out. Spending money. Having a holiday. My clothes. If I had a booty call. She regularly screamed at me for not being how she wanted me to be. If I was fat she LOVED to tell me how much. She would lend me money but it came with a threat. She offered to take my dog but it came with martyrs air of you will thank me until you die. By the time I got to 35 she told me she was raped when I was conceived and that my dad wasn't my dad. She killed me that day in many ways All the other general things happened with her. Where you would have to compose yourself in the car before a visit. Then once inside you would have to be careful not to over share or she would have you. Or completely commit to lying about your whole life. Even down to being nice to her. It was hell. Now I am 4 months no contact (after her screaming at me for not wanting her at my home after I had an operation) The last 10 years I have become a shell of who I once was. I hide indoors I'm ashamed. Paranoid. Suicidal. Suffer from pmdd and I try my hardest to keep my head above water but I'm followed by some dark bad luck since all this shit went on. I look after kids. I love kids and find them so lovely to be around but I worry constantly about the job. I fear I have stepped into a new narc environment at work ..which is kinda natural after everything in my life. I keep thinking I can cope but I've been there 3 weeks and my confidence has plummeted again. I've also lost the ability to know I am good from the heart. I keep worrying that I am like my mum ...but I'm not. The kids are terribly behaved at times. The mother has been cruel to them and the dad is lovely but has a bit of an ego (they live with dad) Can I be feeling the general narcness going on within their family? Is that what's affecting me? Sorry for long post but need to ask
@gigichica3 жыл бұрын
Very useful. Ty!
@psycologic41906 жыл бұрын
Good one. Thanks!
@PunkMartyr2 жыл бұрын
One big red flag is if their family and other people have abandoned them. Either their family is full of bad, dysfunctional people or they are. Usually it turns out they are.
@kathyryan76116 жыл бұрын
Thank you
@Mr.NathanS4 жыл бұрын
What would you recommend a taker do? How can I move in the direction of a giver?
@adiconstantin45983 жыл бұрын
What if, for 50 days, the taker would write in a visible place only the features of a giver, just to see them frequently? Also, each day read (all of) them, and focus more on just one, doing some little concrete steps toward enhancing that feature (for example, calling an ex colleague to say hello, or taking the trash out, or telling a story to a kid). It could be fun!
@angelafedun20042 жыл бұрын
Shared passions
@sapphirepokemonfan3 жыл бұрын
Just a clarifcation, sometimes ppl dont do 'demeaning' chores because a narcissist in their life constantly ordered them to do such things and constantly made u feel less than for it. which makes ppl assume sometimes that when ur housemate, for example, keeps asking u to take out the dirty trash and smiles and doesnt do it themselves, u may have the feeling they are purposefully taking advantage of you!
@sapphirepokemonfan3 жыл бұрын
which causes you to be mistrustful of ppl ofc. we love empathy and helping others but sometimes it gets too much and we can burnout. its good to keep an eye out and not let ppl take advantage of ur kindness bc they enjoy the control etc.
@MrHydevsDrJekyll4 жыл бұрын
My last relationship, my was a covert narcissist
@abigailautor99283 жыл бұрын
Why are you so negative with the takers? I think, not all takers are narcissist and not all givers are empathic, sometimes the actions are deceptive. I think we can also consider the intentions of each individual. Maybe a taker takes because he or she wants to create a huge impact or benefit for everyone. Maybe a giver just always agrees but deep inside he or she hates it