Eight Lies The Narcissist Wants You To Believe

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As you engage with a narcissist, you quickly realize that person has an agenda for you. What's worse, the agenda is built upon false assumptions about who you are supposed to be. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter exposes eight of the most common lies narcissists can feed you, with the hope that you can break free from their domineering ways.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and psychotherapist with 38 years experience, and maintains a practice near Dallas, Tx. He has conducted many workshops and over 60,000 counseling sessions.
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KZbin: / @survivingnarcissism

[@thisizlegit]

The worst of them all, is that they claim being the victim!! 🤯🤯.

[@jenbodhi1133]

It’s beyond frustrating

[@wonderwalk1210]

So true! Very sickening

[@valerieosborne9465]

Well, sometime in their lives many of them we're seriously abused. And to top it off so many of them never got to help that they needed to not land where they did. And sadly they are so stuck where they are now they can't or won't even attempt a change. It's very heartbreaking to me. This particular young man could have been so many things but now he has all these terrible traits of narcissist and there's not a damn thing I can do to help him.

[@EccentricKE]

I hate That isht!!!!

[@valerieosborne9465]

thisizlegi Of course, whatever works best for attention getting behavior in the selfish, self absorbed, and I am so smart..I mean brilliant. (A few days later !! ) Ur the lucky one, growing up in my life everybody in my life never let me do what I wanted.. my was mean and yelled at me if I talked , I didn't have..... being a victim and whinnying and blah blah blah.. so if you claim to be a victim... what response from your narc would you get.. of course you could shut down immediately once that word victim is heard oh no you're not you have no idea what it's like to be a victim only I do!!! You can count on 🤔😣😟 not listening to your experience So sad 😢 And they'll never change 💔 it's heartbreaking

[@SoulSeeker2025]

8 Lies 1. I am superior to you - I'm afraid of my minuses. If there are any problems here , it comes from you, not from me. 2. You give your power to me - You're not allowed to be decisive. I have to come off ahead so you must agree with me. 3. You're nothing without me - Nothing is good about you. If there is, it comes from me. 4. It's your job to keep my ego propped up. So they look for folks that will give them special treatment. 5. You owe me. If I do something nice for you, you will owe me. 6. Your feelings and opinions are irrelevant. They shut you down, shrug who cares, or explain why you're wrong. 7. It's your fault. If there is a problem between you, they go to the blame game. 8. You're making my life miserable. I'm not ruining my life. They are the victim. Fun Facts Do not correct the narcissist. They don't want to be accountable. Develop low level of expectation and relationship. Unless you want to do everything their way. Remove the person or get away from them as much as you can. If you can't get away, make sure to get around better people and minimize your exposure. Stay grounded in your own truth. Review what people should be like - set your own truth. You can't reason with an unreasonable person who doesn't accept truth or reason.

[@mimiashford5544]

Thank you for this very helpful, succinct summary.

[@upadisetty]

thanks for summarizing

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

I literally told him: I don't owe you anything!!!! Called him a narcissist and satan. It just came out of my mouth. He left angry I blocked him. Got anonymous calls during three hours. Changed my number this I now know was a fake friend. Reality is he was a spiritual manipulator with long term control agenda..reason for the argument was that I set my boundary by telling him I felt forced. He felt attacked and said that I should think about my words and actions Very intimidating and patronizing. He flipped because I said the truth. I'm at peace now but the evening he kept calling after I hung up on him when I heard it was him, I was very upset and scared. He knows I'm walking kind of solo ( because I moved away from any toxic people to focus on my life and right to feel peaceful and free). I was thinking that I started to chose deleting controlling people from the moment I started doing sports. It is as if sports was my start up to this new process of kicking out any sabotaging person from my life where possible. I told my mother about my gym and how I stated to work out. The only reaction she gave was :but don't you want to go to another gym with more facilities like a sauna etc. I felt the spirit the attitude behind the words. Like my gum wasn't good enough. Or her decadent way to say that she had a much nicer gym. The first time I went to that gym she spoke into my voicemail after weeks of no contact she called me while I was training. I saw her call when I walked out happy that I finally started something for myself and when I saw her call I cried frustrated angry and my joy felt bullied like she felt that I was taking ih my identity and then decided to call me because somehow I always had many ideas but I felt stuck. I really believe it was because family and friends didn't want me to develop enjoy. Yet they did it all but even if I would have nothing but an empty box and they'd owe the world they would still try to steal my box bebsuse it's me. I doubt many times if I'm right with this perception but the feeling is so strong. They don't want me to use my talents. I'm alone narc free and I'm going to be who I feel I am supposed to be to the max.

[@chethanadkar8942]

You just described my mom,she is narcissistic

[@nomadicnoor5694]

Kasia A much appreciated!! 🙏🏾

[@Sigmarules77]

The biggest lesson learned is never I mean never ever discard ur gut feeling ....

[@goodyeoman4534]

My gut feeling is you're a narcissist.

[@AmirA-zv6uk]

Are you targeted? Where? Since when?

[@darlenerego70]

Thanks!!

[@darlalong1957]

I did..to my didmay...live and learn....hopefully ❤

[@darlalong1957]

dismay...

[@gailkshaw]

When one tries to address the hurtful behavior of the narcissist, the tables turn and one is accused of the very thing the narcissist has done! No wonder partners of narcissist begin to think they themselves are crazy.

[@mandolaa4855]

You should see the old movie "Gashlight". The woman literally become sick and she thinks she's lunatic, because of the games of her narc husband

[@braedenevans9225]

YES. 222

[@tobascoheat6582]

It's called "protecting". They project their problematic characteristics on you. How can you tell it's THEIR characteristic? Because it's generally something you NEVER thought, or said, or did, or even CONSIDERED doing!

[@nossirius7864]

One time, my dad made fun of how I ate Infront of a few people. As we walked to the car I compared what he did to someone calling him an old man Infront of the kick boxing class. Having turned it around on me when I tried to stick up for myself, that one really sent him over the edge. Hahaha

[@CaptainPhilosophical]

Projection 101! It is so frustrating and also enlightening for my own shadow work. There are times where I judge Narcissa. I have to pause and evaluate my own behavior to identify in what ways I possess the characteristics I judge. Eventually (after much introspection and integration) I begin to have compassion for people I would have judged in the past.

[@robertcosta6967]

"I'm sorry.... I'm wrong.... It's my fault". So said the narcissist never

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You got that right. Dr. C

[@shawnbrunelle3527]

@@SurvivingNarcissism very True! so thankful for all the coments. i feel so alone in all this and just waking up. but it also seems like alot of Narcissist are men but mine is not. frustrating.

[@kikyaaakun]

@skitsy17 my narc ex said sorry countless time when he was hoovering. But I already know once I take him back he will lie and cheat on me again, so no thank you:/

[@mslnie]

Well, they may SAY it, but don't actually mean it. Just more words.

[@debbiesinclair160]

They don't know the word "sorry" Its not in their nasty dictionary

[@BostonBorn]

The narcissist: “I reject your reality and substitute my own.”

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's how they think! Dr. C

[@timothydraper3687]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I notice I've had no acknowledgement from somebody I fell out with over them not wearing their seatbelt while behind a relative, I didn't want to experience loss because of them. I've done all the legwork in making things up again, and it's been accepted but nothing has come back in the same way. It's quite interesting to watch videos like your's towards picking up traits of narcissism in other people (and seedlings of it in myself at times, but I'm mostly ok).

[@tdr_paraadvisor3996]

@@timothydraper3687 the phrase "i don't want to experience loss because of them"....sounds quite narcissistic actually......🙄😒🤦‍♀️

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Kelly Dolan, You are beautiful 🌹🌷🌷,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

[@BostonBorn]

@@oscarwilliamson1264 You are so right! I once had a boyfriend (narc) say that I was just a crumb in the bottom of his breadbox. That was the last day I ever did anything nice for that d*ick! 🤣.

[@nhgriff1]

My narcissist person doesn't just think he is better than me, he thinks he is better than EVERYBODY!

[@theblackchildsdiary3733]

They all think so.....None is better than them.....

[@preciousstoryward8708]

Izzysmom My mom

[@jazmineprada]

Mine told me he IS better than most ppl. Blew my mind. Which is why I’m leaving him today.

[@janetaylor6362]

Yep, that's my brother to a T

[@recoveryrider6183]

My ex was always saying that person is a fucking idiot when dealing with public

[@neorev01]

Defining moment in my marriage: Her: you should see a marriage counselor. Me: ok, I'll make an appointment for us. Her: us? I don't need help, you do. True story

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yep! Dr. C

[@Angela-bz8sw]

Ha ha -that is so typical!

[@thorvaldmelum9877]

Wow. how similar. She: ..."Your crazy you need to read a book." Me: "....My opinion is that we go to our marriage counselor." She: ..."No! And your not going alone either! You might tell her what happened and she would think that I had an affair..." It is just amazing how much help Dr.C does with this internet video... Thank You.

[@BanjoSoop]

@neorev01 I could have written that. And @Thorvald Melum? That actually happened! I said, "I'm going to see our counselor." She said, "I'm coming too! I don't trust you, and I want to know what you're going to tell her." But *I'm* the narcissist. OK.

[@free2beme773]

Yes! My twin narcissists has done that a million times over the years! I'm so glad I finally understand all this - just the past couple months!

[@Britabie]

“You can’t reason with an unreasonable person” Thanks

[@GUITARTIME2024]

amen

[@KourtKourt930]

Yep!

[@bill_y4762]

haaaa i know shocking right?!?!.... im like just shaking my head saying “wait did i just spend 5 years trying to reason with a completely unreasonable person?”

[@mbfmotorcyclesboatingfishi6779]

12 years !!

[@diannewilliams1953]

Its manipulation in the raw..like taking a 5 year old to the store where they lay down in the floor kicking to have their way. Only these preadolesc are arrayed in adult body... ..the wheels are continually grinding in the background on how you owe them everything , yet they are hard pressed to admit any responsible action... . Its so 😔 that person is touting aware but never sees reality. Expediently plans to wear you out mentally & physically..& try to make you feel guilty.

[@tranquility9325]

Everything they accuse you of, they are admitting what is wrong with them.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, it's called projection. Dr. C

[@ritamead6318]

Oh so very true... a narc in my life told me my response to something was "vicious".. No one had ever called me that or even close in my whole life.. It shocked me and now I realize THEY were the vicious one! Projecting it on to me...

[@coffeebarista1771]

tranquility, so true. I once heard that type of projection expressed as "Their accusations are confessions." The difficult part is when they describe you to others, they describe themselves, and not who you really are. Then we get to pay for their sins, so to speak. Its how they cleanse themselves at our expense. Of course some also enjoy watching us mistreated by others too.

[@njebonyqueen33]

tranquility true

[@sunshines4555]

Tranquility , OMG YES!!!

[@domif.b.7657]

8 lies of a narc: "It's your fault" (repeat this 8 times) 😀

[@millionairemom]

Lol

[@geneaashby3358]

😂😂😂

[@MysticGwen]

Lol 🤣🖖🦋#enjoymars

[@chrisgustafson9342]

Lol is Right! and ya could've & should've or "We" have a problem you have to fix NOW for THEM

[@charlienelson2002]

Lethal. No communication, no interaction. Don't feed the monster.

[@millionairemom]

Or insect. Creepy crawly you want to squash...

[@SheLikesSteel]

I've been married to a narcissist for 45 years...it's impossible to have closeness with a selfish individual.

[@fortniteuntral6669]

SheLikesSteel I’ll pray for you💙

[@eimyv4859]

I'm also married to a narcisst for 20 years now and my son is showing similar traits which breaks my heart to see that my suffering is only increasing

[@redheadedfreckles2]

SheLikesSteel why are you still with him????

[@GottEddy]

Sounds like living in a death cult.

[@micheleshively8557]

Exactly

[@PiNkEtTeStYLeZz]

They love to hurt and then rescue you from that hurt and be a savior of sorts despite being the main cause of the hurt.

[@Crmsnvrgo150]

Yes yes yes yes yes!!! This happened a few weeks ago with my mom

[@katiedepietro6919]

Omg Yesssss!

[@lilytony3299]

They love that kind of I just tell you example with my husband of 16 one day that I paid attention to what he did most the time I just oh yeah,ok, those are my surviving words recently what I master after a lot of headache but I will tell u what he did how far he gone I dicidded to move a rose plant from a container to flower bed and he said don't do it because it isn't the time or something like he always did his own way so he use to it I said I will and move the plant mine and I bought it so I did because I plant it my self in about the week the rose start diying I look at it if the root is dying or something I am watering every night so I looked at it it was cat slised under it was just sitting on the top the root was slised cut I couldn't believe he would that to prove you moved it you burn I saw it I nearly cry but then I better not tel him because he will know that I know him or any other advice should ?

[@thegracetofollow4194]

Demonic on thier part

[@codyhowell4482]

Do they ever apologize for hurting u I'm currently in a narcissist relationship and have one kid with her and she's constantly devaluing me and constantly throwing up my past mistakes to say look at how much of a shitty I am she constantly lies to about how our fights happen. I can't keep getting blamed for everything under the sun whenever she's in my house my heart pounds in anxiety because I don't know what's going to set her off

[@lisaburmood9457]

My mother was a narcissist. I had to make the painful decision to let the unhealthy relationship go. I have never been happier. Thank you for your sessions.

[@Kayl3ss]

God bless you!

[@melindamason2636]

Good move Lisa....I cut my mom off 3 years ago...only here from her a few times.

[@melindaforster1240]

mom is a narcissist and now I am a mom I find it so hard to deal with her but feel guilty cutting things off now that she is old and I have put up with it all my life quite the predicament

[@Lolatheiyatola]

I went no contact with my mother 5 years,ago. Best thing i have ever done for myself.

[@jillianwebb-sear8803]

My father was like this, I still grieve even though he's gone.

[@watsonfc]

...runaway. Block them in every way possible (phone, text, social media etc.). No contact rule (seriously). Love and heal yourself from them.

[@salonsavy6476]

Grey rock!!

[@soheilay6778]

The more i see your videos the more i realize that the best way to survive narcissists is to know who i am.💚💚💚🙏

[@charlesvangorkom3628]

I thank God for your spirit and wisdom.

[@ofeliamalayo5575]

Thank you... Just realize it now..

[@thorvaldmelum9877]

That is such a great view of the situation. Thank you.

[@purplestars5410]

Yep. Basically the opposite of them. They have no sense of self. Fragile ago, paranoid, facade personality...maybe more than 1 or 2.

[@rachelsimbhu4383]

Yep ! Very true !!

[@theyrekrnations8990]

It seems that most of the people are relatively unaware of the Narcissists games . but once the eyes are opened , the pieces all fit together and finally make sense . It is actually hard to believe that we deal with these people constantly . So , it is good to be aware as possible of this type of personality .

[@msfittherapist]

1) Each 2) Word 3) That 4) Comes 5) Out 6) Of 7) Their 8) Mouth

[@millionairemom]

Agreed. Hey put some content on your channel. Sounds good... just subscribed

[@MysticGwen]

". . . In San Francisco. . . " #enjoymars 🖖🤖🖖

[@darksoul479]

Well I finally had enough. I just went no contact about 5 minutes ago. That person has been permanently blocked. I'm done.

[@millionairemom]

Oh yes. Be strong xx

[@nickjay2777]

I have just started I hope you have remained strong it would give me hope 💕

[@stephaniezent2811]

Good for you. Don't go back to it. Don't let that person back into your life. And don't look back. I'm lucky to be alive. Take it from me, you go back, you lose.

[@gnpd07]

LEAVE. unless you are a child or a spouse and can't pick up and go. Get them out of your life. Do not reason with them, you are wasting your time. Leave them forever. If you want anything form a narcissist, or put them in any position in which you owe them, you will pay. Do NOT let anyone take from you, your self dignity. It is a path that leads to more of the same. Never step into the trap of believing you will change them. You won't. You can only change yourself. Leave !!

[@mbfmotorcyclesboatingfishi6779]

What about revenge on them for destroying your world ?

[@aslioz7326]

Wes’s Malibu Stealth 9 fishing There is no such thing. They have an extreme self-protection system. They would rationalize everthing according to their believes. Do not fight with a pig, you would be in the mud. Leave just leave. Don’t look back. You are responsible from your own life. Don’t carry them in your soul with the revenge feeling. As long as you carry them they win. Just get rid of them.

[@memes.1114]

Sadly I have kids and was put in a position as a stay at home mom with no money and a 6 month old ☹️

[@mbfmotorcyclesboatingfishi6779]

Yer still dieing from the aftermath of the abuse that’s what makes me want revenge I’ve lost so much and I can’t find a way out of it. 😡

[@Mickeyj26]

@@mbfmotorcyclesboatingfishi6779 your revenge is to leave them and get your life on track and succeed. Don't listen to or respond to smears the right people will be around for you and not believe and the wrong people will side with the narc so you know who is true to you. A narc cannot stand a person with internal strength and certainly cannot stand the thought of someone proving they are far better off and are prosperous without them it drives them mad even if they try to show it doesn't. I know this because I know of a narc that acts like a person they were close to didn't effect them but they cry and moan and excessively talk about said person in an obsessive way you can see that the person that left is persecuting their mind........you want your revenge leave, they do the dumping not you is what they feel they won't accept you kicking them to the curb and they will tell the world that they got rid but they know inside they got dumped and their grandiosity cannot handle this because you are beneath them the nerve of you!

[@kateym7836]

By the number of views and subscribers you get a glimpse of the magnitude of this problem, the number of lives lived without joy, without connection, without integrity, without self worth.

[@kellysims5732]

Yes.

[@cfrdog]

It needs to be addressed. I don't know what can be done to get this out there. I married her and had no clue. She was a F'g sociopath narc. I can't believe it. I want a movie done on this.

[@bradengle3491]

@@cfrdog you're not alone.

[@pagen5219]

the number of lives lived without joy, without connection, without integrity, without self worth. i repasted your kind post in this part as i cannot expect joy or self worth again on earth, or a real connection with anyone,,,,,im defective now, been isolated with a narc too long and had narc friends use me,, so,,,,,,,,,,,,its over, i just wake waiting for the time God takes me

[@thephoenix1601]

Oh yeh! World is full of such sick ppl!

[@waldeinsamkeit4]

The narc boyfriend I had to deal with convinced me that I’m crazy and abandoned me several times making me feel worthless. Never took responsibility for his hurtful actions. This video gave me closure. I’m better off without that manipulative pos

[@EccentricKE]

Mine kept on calling me a Hoe n making me feel worthless all Through smh He really Made me feel like I was nothing without him it's better leaving them for Good

[@salonsavy6476]

Yes mine also ,,, abandoned me numerous times ,, and I don’t know why it took me so long to figure it out,,, but I did ,, and he’d Discarded!!,,,,,

[@sundancer7381]

You nailed it! I burst out laughing at your statement that the difficult part of living "with a narcissist is figuring out the truth." You feel like you are watching the shell game in which 3 shells are lined up - and you have to guess which one has the piece under it. And it doesn't quit! They want you to keep going on this game! Even after 65 years, they are still going!

[@53orion81]

oh, do you know my ex?

[@sundancer7381]

@OneOFThese NotLikeTheOther How true!

[@thegracetofollow4194]

@@manicboy76 😂

[@sweetbutapshycho]

Yes my narc is quick to list everything he has done "for" me

[@stephaniesaberhagen]

Friday confession: I've been on a Dr.C binge today. I'm about 9 deep at this point, with no plan of stopping. With every video watched, it's 5 more little boxes unlocked. Before too long, I'm gonna be my whole, complete, entire true self again! For the first time in my life even. Thank you again. Five-ever and ever!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased! Dr. C

[@stephaniesaberhagen]

@@SurvivingNarcissism 🧘

[@darlalong1957]

When we've been betrayed, by the person we trust...it's beyond painful. Now, we wonder, who can we trust? I have reconnected with someone I truly trust...my Grandaughter...her daughter! Isn't life grand !!!

[@Kaliashdevi]

This is brilliant and very supportive for empaths that get trapped.

[@larryjohanseniv7049]

E R, As an empath in experiences with a narcissist, the Narcissistic Personality Disorder individual obviously senses your deeper abilities on an empathic level of which they aren't capable of reaching & that in and of itself is quite a trigger to unleash a wrath of their own inadequacies, further perpetuating a sprinkler of tyranny.. Although their reactions are felt, even if with disappointment or hurt, it's important to honor that feelings are temporary & do not need to persist into an emotional outcome, whereas they may be more subject to transfer into fruition in extended form(s).. Joe Dispenza demonstrates this topic well, in his video: You Are the Placebo

[@larryjohanseniv7049]

Though Joe Dispenza's You Are the Placebo is great, it is lengthy, this one may be helpful to grasp how experiences of narcissistic behaviors may work their way into one's circuitry kzbin.info/www/bejne/gpKcoH-CpK5oiMU kzbin.info/www/bejne/gpKcoH-CpK5oiMU

[@marykoch1611]

Yes, I am an Empath and renting a room from a Narcissist....always having to set boundaries, but he still thinks he is superior to everyone! I have learned so much from these videos!

[@darlalong1957]

I have 3 adult children. Growing up, I taught them to be gentle with animals, be nice to the lonely kid in school, you know, basic parent stuff..and they did. Then real life gotta hold of them (middle school, puberty) and what I said, went out the window. They became their own person...my work was done...but we still had the most amazing conversations about...everything. So, 2 out of 3 isn't bad...right?!

[@carineilan7986]

@@larryjohanseniv7049 Joe is a great source of insight.

[@vk4633]

It amazes me to see so many of us suffering in such relationships.. there are so many toxic relationships.: we should all stay single forever

[@truthseekerlarge7713]

That's my mantra "Single, not dating, total freedom".

[@geminisun12]

If their lips are moving they’re lying.

[@MAAYANKEDEM]

lol... so right

[@susanaune3166]

Sweet

[@speteydog2260]

Lol

[@myheatgoesboomboomboom1655]

i alwayes tell the truth i never lie

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

The devil lies, even when he is telling the truth.

[@douglastunnell6992]

They will also try and break up relationships you have with other people and family. They like to break people up.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Sad but true. Dr. C

[@TrudyPatootie]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Total Polarizing. Mine pits us each against the other than we compared notes. DONE ... "I'VE LOST EVERYONE..I'm All Alone.." Wah Wah Wah.. MORE DONE

[@victwenty2324]

i fled mine i was on a island with her i fled home to mainland uk homeless n my 45 th birthday the usury and lies and made up storeys and victim act was insane she would always try to make her daughters split up from there men and not long before i fled was involved with driving her son to and from his bit on the side before he left his girlfriend and baby the other NARC SHE HAD OVER FROM UK was fresh back from america where she had used a por hillbily dude and basically lived in his house for 6 months free with al sorts of lies EVEN SHE was taken aback that the mother would be telling the son and helping him cheat I WAS LIVING THERE AMONGST THESE PEOPLE and my ex i just filled the car boarded the ferry and ran like hell

[@cristinacosta1196]

Douglas Tunnell that’s evil. These people are clearly demonically possessed

[@truthseeker6909]

Yup - my younger sister who is a sociopath did that to me

[@linbat6148]

"They cannot accept TRUTH". Thank you, DR. C!!!

[@sameoldthing4037]

Final word on EVERYTHING!! And NOPE , I haven't been able to reason with him in 30 years. It's HIS WAY or the highway....I miss having a normal adult conversation with someone SOO MUCH !

[@goodgracious6364]

30 years? Your escape is long overdue, my dear!

[@cancunmusicosborne6313]

I totally understand. My husband just went through a bi- polar manic cycle an blew up at me in front of other women friends while we were attending a Birthday party for my Goddaughter. Putting me down and calling me vulgar names. I was truly appalled embarrassed and ashamed at that point to call him my husband. I miss the respect, intimacy, loving, trusting, fun, connectivity, protection, having my back, and simply the feeling of a happy normal relationship with a man.... Thought about having a no strings attached relationship with a old trusted dear friend that always treated me well. At least this would allow me to receive the much needed companionship and the intimacy of a relationship that not always include sex. However, I'm sure the sex would be inevitable, causing guilt and problems from cheating. I love my husband or at least the husband he is during the few days a month he is nice. I do not love the husband he is the rest of the time. He has medication for his bi-polar, and it works when he takes it right. Bi- polar is a disease. I get it. I have diabetes. Also a disease. Would it be right if he left or step out of the relationship from me because I have a disease? Would it be wrong to do the same to my husband because of his disease? I have been with my husband 26yrs. Do I just throw it all away becoming two people; one that stays with a bi-polar person, being treated poorly or one that has a behind the scene relationship just to be happy and to have a sense of being ...me Bottom line.. I'm just very very lonely and lack affection, respect and that inner soul connection of intimacy that any living person craves.

[@YakkateeYak]

Yep, same (30 years just celebrated in September). I had no idea what a narcissist was let alone hubby fit the bill to a tee. Yes, we are finally divorcing but it’s him discarding me. I dodged a bullet by him wanting to leave; he found himself a new supply. I feel bad for the new girl. Hopefully she’s not as dumb as I was at figuring things out.

[@armadillotoe]

The highway is still there.

[@braedenevans9225]

me too.

[@joycelyndavis681]

FALSE BELIEFS OF THE NARCISSIST 1. I am better than you 2. You're suppose to give your power to them (think like me) 3. You're nothing without them 4. It's your job to keep their ego pumped up 5. You owe me. You should be grateful you're with me. 6. Your opinions are irrelevant 7. Problems are not their fault but yours. 8. Your making my life miserable.

[@MidnightSky1821]

Damn. Well these are all true.

[@CJG1419]

2012endofanerror and there are so many people that buy it. No one can succeed unless others want them to and that’s what is so scary in such a sick scenario.

[@emilygraham1153]

CJ 1419 You"ve just described modern society.

[@pastorjeanna]

I have seen many parallels between narc abuse and modern politics from gaslighting to assigning golden children and scapegoats.

[@OneHope4Heaven]

@Anonymous writer TBC nor breathe the same air I do, nor occupy the same space I do! You must self-efface because I can't handle the truth about myself!

[@captainpinky8307]

Narcissist avoid strong or confident people. something WE ALL SHOULD be working on.

[@dutchdaleyy]

captain pinky a narcissist almost broke me at work!! I couldn’t figure out why I was the only one having problems with him.. and now I think it’s because I was not taking all his bs.. I once heard someone talk about a narcissist and my neck hairs went up like they’re talking about him!! I never knew about narcissist And how toxic they are. And yes I do consider myself a strong and confident person and I think that annoyed him and he tried to make my work miserable 😳😢.. now I am really wary of narcissistic traits especially at my work with new people and such...

[@dutchdaleyy]

​@Jennifer Raymond Could be in a relationship maybe..Well I don't know for sure my co-worker was a narcissist, but he definitely ticks all the boxes!! and he really aimed his arrows at me, continiously accusing me of mistakes (which I at the time could not defend but in hindsight I could so easily, they were not mistakes but done with a good reason). He really argued all the time with me, everything I said was not right. When the manager asked what the problem was, he was the nicest and most innocent person on earth and I literally had to say: "Yeah when you put it that way... It does sound wrong of me". But being truthful and I really rely on my integrity, I just build a case against him. It really was the only way. I had 14 pages of "prove" he was lying about things. That how my manager really stood behind me and my co-worker being the arrogant narcissist that he was.. He showed his true colours anyway and with my prove my manager could see he was lying. He got fired in the end. But I know he really hates my guts because he felt so superior over all of us he was "the highest educated person" there. Which was a) Probably not even true b) He couldn't even keep a average job so good luck in life..But before this was all known people really didn't understand why we did not get long. Me neither. Everyone thought he was so nice (yeah he only couldn't work with people with a higher job level because he welt superior to us)... I was really emotionally drained while he was working at my job. At the point of quitting my job. And now he's gone... Man the peace!! So much peace!!

[@dutchdaleyy]

@Jennifer Raymond And good you left because better late than never right! I'm sure you recognize a narcissist now from miles away? I do I believe hahah

[@lorianne4608]

Daley Jansen: is he your boss? If not, can you speak to someone over him? He has zero right to make you miserable at work. As time goes on, and if it continues, this will not be good for you emotionally or physically. I hope it works out for you!!

[@dutchdaleyy]

Lori Anne He got fired!! Fortunately for me :) no I was his senior and he really couldn’t handle that... also probably got fired half because of me. I do not let people play me but I do am an empathethic person so I can be affected by things. He did make me miserable and I couldn’t pinpoint why. Now I know. On the other hand I knew I did nothing wrong so I stayed strong but boy did he make a negative impact on the workfloor and me

[@coolwindinmyhair...5094]

These 8 lies are spot on. There are MANY more. I wish I knew 23 years ago what I know now. I'm so grateful to have access to these type of videos. They changed my life. Thank you!

[@haroldcoleman770]

I made a decision to pull away from my friend because every time we talked she would always have the upper hand or say something very mean to me so I came to the decision just to pull myself away from her

[@salonsavy6476]

Kudos ,, we all have that narc friend 👿

[@jeanroeder5534]

“You can’t reason with an unreasonable person”, WOW so true!

[@dannyvargas273]

Jelousy/Envy.

[@jessstuart7495]

Even if you manage to "win" an argument, they will find ways to retaliate and make your life miserable.

[@Devik666]

Charly Rios there jealous and envy is weird has no logic or reason to put me down I have more reason to be jealous of others but sometimes at least I even support those doing better than me especially those who give me pleasant responses and try’s etc

[@dsmusicbird]

I've found myself over and over trying to teach the narc in my life. All you do is go in circles saying the same things in many ways...on and on. They do not listen. They are Not here to learn, develop or grow as a person and individual. They don't have their own identity. Most of us naturally try to humble and to improve ourselves, and learn and grow from our mistakes. If your mistakes are not your own, if you cannot own or acknowledge or recognize your faults, you cannot grow, Mature, or change your ways to better yourself. They don't improve except in getting better at the ways they operate as a sick individual, and in being quicker and better to hurting you. It is a vicious, self sabotoging cycles their in. But hey, it's not "their fault." 😇

[@dsmusicbird]

@Billy Jenkins 😂👍 Well, its not even worth investing even that much energy into them. Hope you have a very nice day 🌞!

[@Missy-Leigh]

I have noticed a tactic narcissists use that I haven’t seen discussed. I call it Shock and Awe.. So you are having a disagreement with them and they throw in some shocking accusation that is so far fetched that your heart sinks and your mouth drops open? You can’t believe they are accusing you of something so ridiculous. It’s not just that it’s ridiculous, most of the time it also invalidates some trauma you experienced. For example, my narcissistic Mother tried to shoot me once. My husband and I had been dating for a couple of years at this point and he watched me go through hell over that.. So in an argument last year (together 9 years at this point) he suggested that I had made the whole thing up and my mom never tried to shoot me... despite the bullet hole through my bedroom door.. despite the fact that my mom when to jail for the night back when it happened . . I used to give him exactly what he wanted. I would start defending myself. He was accusing, I was defending and I was giving away my power and allowing him to feed on my energy. I don’t think the narcissist actually belives this ridiculous thing they have accused you of... it’s literally used for rapid dominance.. they sense you getting too close to something and use it to throw you off center.

[@RedroomStudios]

I can totally identify with this sort of tactic. my ex gf went through all my social media history and knew who I had interacted with from 10+ years ago. she would use this information against me but often twist it to suit her own narrative... she would tell me what had happened and when I corrected her (knowing of course my own life and state of mind) she would tell me I was wrong about what happened and that she knew better than me what was in my own mind. she would accuse me of things I didnt do and even when I would show her proof like a credit card receipt to prove where I was, she was still right and I was either mistaken or lying!

[@chessvoyage]

Shock and awe or 'offense is the best defense' -anything to avoid accepting responsibility.

[@aprildziaminski2171]

Simple deflection. They all do it

[@aprildziaminski2171]

@Billy Jenkins She pretended she was her own rapist 24 years ago ? Huh I must be missing something that falls under multiple personalities or schizophrenia or something idk what but .... Possibly you skipped a few words or something

[@joycelyndavis681]

Please edit your comment because it does read as if she pretended to be the rapist.

[@ericbrufatto5371]

In a word, ENTITLED!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yep! Dr. C

[@marcwilson368]

"I am your father!" The phrase my narc father uses when he is trying to organise my life for me. I am 45 years old.

[@QueenLioness1]

My mum.

[@BelieveInJesus77774]

My mum also

[@mariettatheunissen7608]

The penny has dropped that I attracted these people my whole life .. Now on my own for almost a year, feeling blessed to eventually stop trying to make anybody happy. Except myself and live boundaries thank u for ur valuable videos

[@srinitaaigaura]

Self love is the best defence against the narcissist.

[@michaelak6710]

8-8. Damn. I cannot believe myself for putting up with this situation for so long. Heartbreaking to hear. But necessary to grow. Im gonna go throw up now.

[@miniaturerose2805]

Ikr

[@tbd5082]

🤢🤮

[@0ptimisticcynic642]

always remember "You can't make sense out of NONsense"

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Plain and simple. Dr. C

[@jonathansgarden9128]

After a weird incident with my narcissist partner about 30 minutes ago, your video once again grounded me back into reality and helped me let go and move on inside. I am sooooo grateful to you for this series

[@bridgetmcbride6634]

These videos are sanity savers. Thank you once again for all the good work you are doing, Dr. Carter.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome. Dr. C

[@mammadingo9165]

Bridget Backus McBride yea i get that 😊

[@Tabby.cat2]

Yes, it behooves you to know who are in Christ!

[@WEMunson]

@@SurvivingNarcissism THANK YOU! THANK YOU! My wife and I are constantly trying to work with her 36 yr old autistic son to help him cope with his TEXTBOOK MALIGNANT NARC father. After nearly 40 years of Narc's B.S., she is also quite emotionally damaged. Your insights are so much help. I only have one wish for her son to be as free as possible from his horrible "father". Sad to say, probably not many good prospects for that since his father controls access to the son's Trust which is supposed to support and enhance the son's life. ANYWAY.... Thank you for your posts as they give us so much encouragement to go on in dealing with this monster. Love and LIght.

[@judithprins7132]

yes thank you Dr. Carter...so helpful...please do more...we must all buy your books!!!,..as we know PLEASING THEM WAS KILLING US..your a lifeline back to living !!!

[@johndifrancisco3642]

Wow, I could have used this 40 years go. I learned the hard way, literally the school of hard knocks. It affects me too this day.

[@MrZdvy]

Tina Butterfly yeah, same here.

[@nancyfahey7518]

There is a line, draw it in the air horizontally. Below this line is selfishness, self pity, anger, etc. Above this line is happiness, helping others, success, etc. Live above the line.

[@kellysims5732]

Dont feel bad ...me too

[@kimmichaluk3072]

Please take good care of yourself because you are a much better person than the narcissist ever made you believe. It hurts so bad! I know it takes a long time to recover and I'm still working on myself after 5 years and I'm worth the time and patience it takes to get myself back...one day soon now!

[@kellysims5732]

@@kimmichaluk3072 yes I'm trying. Was your response to me?

[@dilinimunasinghe5965]

OMG. I can relate to every single word said in this video. "Don't reason out with an unreasonable person" - Made my life so much easier

[@manjushathonakara8252]

Iamabeautifulperson766yy6yyyyy

[@BreeCrutch]

419 narcissists disapprove of this video. 😒

[@loveahusky]

Bree Crutch hahahaha!!!! 😂

[@Tweedle457]

.... the problem with codependents is, they can see through the child-like insecurity of the narcissist and feel sympathetic towards them ...... codependents realize how isolated this person really is ....... however, one’s own preservation has to prevail at some point .......

[@metfanmetfan1477]

True

[@hourglassesandphatasses]

One can only feel pity for people like this for so long until you realise it leads you absolutely nowhere They are sinking rocks desperate to drag anyone they can down with them

[@nancyfahey7518]

I'm thinking my husband was co dependent. I keep asking myself why he put up with me. I'm glad he did. I understand when people say RUN, get out as fast as you can. It was hard work and maybe he saved the kids from being my mental punching bags. A recovering narc.

[@jacqc1533]

I have finally decided not to ever be caught in the trap again... time after time feeling sympathy... no more going back for crumbs and endless criticism... being told by him “ I have enough problems of my own , I don’t need anyone else’s “ ... some people can’t be helped and often don’t want to be... the more we accept the more they feel they can get away with, effectively then enabling the entitlement... the only cure is to step out of the ring...

[@teresadexter9965]

Well said Nancy.....to acknowledge your problem shows strength and humility.....Hugs!

[@altnarrative]

This guy has nailed it. One of the best and most consistent KZbinrs on narcissism. Thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you! Dr. C

[@miraclesforus2]

Yes Dr. carter is the best!

[@JohnSmith-ji7xt]

his covert narc video is my ex husband to a T.

[@withgoddess8029]

And he is not annoying....

[@maryannhope8276]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you Dr. C !! Peace

[@alliehubert4614]

Thank you so much for this video. Every time I reminisce, I come back here to get back my common sense.

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Allie Hubert,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!

[@jillianwebb-sear8803]

The worst thing is when your own children have these traits. You can't bear the thought that you will never have love and respect from them. I spent years examining myself and knowing that my reputation is mud

[@khamikos1]

how did you meet up with this situation?

[@jillianwebb-sear8803]

@@khamikos1 I just gave up on protecting my reputation and accepting that children are people and treat them as I would anyone else who treat me badly. Refocus and live a productive life.

[@wonderwalk1210]

They say child's problems are all caused by parents. Reflect on yourself first.

[@jillianwebb-sear8803]

@@wonderwalk1210 well I can tell you children are being groomed by political ideology and that is the problem. I was a good parent and 3 out of my 4 children now have children and have realised

[@darlalong1957]

My Grandaughter told me.." I'm afraid that I might inherit her behaviour...there is a chance, but I told her.."no way"....please let me be right.

[@SophieBird07]

This is so depressingly spot on.

[@maggimaierhofer3921]

it is depressing cause theres no happy ending. especially when theres no way out

[@kevindavis1281]

The seed you plant is the one you grow. Negative people breed negative people. Stop the game and hang with people that you can learn and grow from. The harsh reality is these people only want to keep you down. Thank you for this, Dr C!

[@maryannhope8276]

Kevin sO. well written. ✌ 💘 music NO NARSACIST !!

[@Mark65845]

This reminds me of the time a few years ago when I was training a new employee at work. The narcissistic boss calls me and starts screaming and cussing at me. The new hire overhears this and quits. The next day the narc asked me, “What did you do to make him quit?” Of course he had nothing to do it!! I was recently over joyed to learn that narcissistic douche went down for 2 felonies.

[@lochness7952]

I love happy endings 😃

[@valleygirl2530]

I’m sorry I didn’t know all of this 50 years ago. So much damage could have been avoided. When one is in a committed/married with children Life with a mature Narcissist it’s harder to escape that life and mindset than to get free from quicksand. I’m thankful for your common sense analyses and advice - it’s good to understand how my life went sideways. I survived; just barely. Thanks again!!

[@ThomasMusic2010]

Poignant remark! "They don't accept truth!" Love it!

[@rebeccawallace2553]

I walked away from one......the greatest relief I have ever known X

[@nekraflesh4864]

Glad you made it out alive!! God bless

[@phyllis2353]

This Dr. Carter is articulate and thorough.

[@tammiepowell-bishop6499]

So did I

[@libbamacushla]

me, too. Toughest and best thing I have every had to do... but the manipulation continues indirectly..

[@drobles394]

Rebecca Wallace - Me too! I left him 24 years ago and he still to this day harasses me.

[@valerier4308]

The first narcissist in my life was my mother. When you're a kid, you can't divorce your mom. My worst narcissist was the husband she pressured and coerced me into marrying. Luckily, I got away from him after 6 years. However, we had a son, and I spent the next 15 years in dealing with ongoing custody issues with him. So narcissists made the first 40 years of my life very difficult. I still sometimes feel like a REFUGEE, and I'm 63.

[@dianevanderlinden3480]

yeah sometimes I feel like Im exiled from normal humans.

[@Kim-kw7fo]

I can relate to your story.

[@valerier4308]

@@Kim-kw7fo 👍👍👍

[@runandplay]

The good thing is that when they know you know the lies, they run away so you don't tell others the truths.

[@cindyann4474]

They can run but they can't hide from GOD...

[@braedenevans9225]

so sad

[@humanonearth1]

"be so good they can't ignore you" - Steve Martin

[@janerainsford8996]

deepbigeyes Don’t do anything to get them to do anything!! Just leave. Quietly. Then change the contacts info your able to and block them on all the others. Don’t respond in anyway when they reach out. Silence is truly golden!

[@samograf]

Narcissism is an endless love to oneself without any reciprocity at all.

[@richardlandis793]

When you try to stand up for yourself, they can become physically violent if they don't agree with who you are and what you think/believe. I have known my narc for 10 years. In that time period, I have seen her obtain and drop friends like flies. Based upon what she has told me, this process has included family members and lifelong friends of 30 years or more because of her "superiority".

[@skyelite5284]

Every time I eat before I eat I say a prayer of Thanks to God then say Amen. My husband says You're welcome. First time he said this a few months ago, i thought he was joking & I just laughed & he continues til this day......i just ignore it.

[@MasterMalrubius]

Getting away is the best option if available. If you cannot do that then you have to live your life with them knowing what they say is most likely a lie.

[@georgejetson9801]

It really is a good option, if you can, to stay away from them. It's pretty hard to get to that point as I know I kept wanting to give the benefit of the doubt and had a hard time really believing that people like this existed.

[@tarangita]

@@georgejetson9801 just LEAVE them and start/learn loving yourself first...

[@MasterMalrubius]

@@georgejetson9801 I think that is partly why they get away with so much. People simply cannot believe someone like this exists. They keep thinking that they must have missed something, didn't say something, DID say something they shouldn't have said. All the while they are being played. By the time they realize that there is no other option than their partner being abusive it has already taken a huge toll on them.

[@jacqc1533]

Andrew Boehmer that is so very true, profound words... I would sometimes literally have my mouth open listening to some of the bizarre comments cruel he would say that had no human feeling ... and I felt everything you described, the fact I questioned myself and enabled the degradation , questioning myself , like you have described must be rooted in low self esteem ... it is truly shocking & the damage they do is incalculable

[@MasterMalrubius]

@@jacqc1533 Low self-esteem or sometimes just too big of a heart. I remember when I told her I was upset because she had lied, sneaked around with another guy (not sure if they were having sex at that point but wouldn't doubt it), been told everyone else was more important than I was (not just family which I understand but friends she had just met) among other things. On top of that she had cheated on her husband and tried to cheat on her boyfriend with me. Which I refused to do. Her response was, "How do you think I feel? I'm the one that has to look in the mirror". Wow. What a lack of empathy.

[@CarefulSteps1]

agree w/all points. just gonna twist one of them backwards: where they like to make all the decisions. they also will force you to make decisions when they cannot make one...and then you get the blame if they don't like it. just lovely.

[@tnyeager]

Yup! Exactly right

[@j.n.8153]

My husband recently earned a percentage on property a woman bought. My husband had only introduced her to a property salesman. The woman later found out that he got a cut and was very angry with him as she saw him as a family friend. My husband's response shocked me. He displayed an inflated sense of entitlement. His confidence was unappealing. He had it in mind to call her and argue with her why she shouldn't have those feelings. With the utmost confidence he called her. His goal was to intimate and shut her down. In the end, he tired her out and she was the first to throw in the towel and hang up. Recently my husband met his match and I silently basked and glorified in it.

[@launabanauna8958]

I just watched this video again. It is my “go to” video when I need a quick and easy refresher course, because I’m starting to feel a little shakey with my narc husband, because I might have inadvertently allowed some of his manipulating, and controlling behavior to slip into my psyche. It’s not hard to be thrown off kilter when dealing a narcissist, even when you know what they’re trying to do. His complete unreasonableness, and unwillingness to engage in a civil, conversation on any given issue, can be very “challenging,” on the best of days. So, instead of just punching him in the face like I really want to, I pull up this very informative video, and then I feel somewhat grounded again. Thank you for the info.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, stay grounded. This is not an easy process. Dr. C

[@millionairemom]

Leave him quick and become sane again. Be strong xx

[@salonsavy6476]

Yes ,, haha !,, I know how the urge to punch feels !,,,,lol

[@johnpranger2209]

Oh man I am watching through videos like this and listening to the story of the last decade of my failed marriage and suddenly my life is snapping into perspective and I am realizing that I am not insane.

[@marilynoconnell5454]

Thank you for this video!! I was really beginning to think it was always my fault even when I knew it wasn’t!! Thank you!!!

[@prophetsj1180]

Stay grounded in your own truth !!! You are separate and distinct ! Tell the Narc to FO !!!

[@Dan-ud8hz]

“In northwest Alaska, kunlangeta "might be applied to a man who, for example, repeatedly lies and cheats and steals things and does not go hunting, and, when the other men are out of the village, takes sexual advantage of many women." The Inuits tacitly assume that kunlangeta is irremediable. And so, according to Murphy, the traditional Inuit approach to such a man was to insist he go hunting, and then, in the absence of witnesses, push him off the edge of the ice.” ― Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door

[@piecesofu9054]

Very interesting.

[@debhadden205]

Lie #2 was particularly interesting to me. My dad used to tell me he was worried about me growing up and becoming adult because I was so "indecisive". Today it hit me, he was gaslighting me and trying to make me believe that I was. Fortunately, somehow, I've made many important and good decisions in my life.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for your story. We need good inspiration from overcomers. Dr. C

[@davashorb6116]

Ah, yes. I know something is up when the narcissist is "worried" about me.

[@withgoddess8029]

That could be any normal parent's concern...

[@withgoddess8029]

@@davashorb6116 Good insight!!!

[@karenbrandwein4759]

I recall giving someone directions to get to my house. And when I mentioned the gaslight his response was let's say knowing. And that was in the 80s.... I've been and am being gaslighted big time... Think there's another word for it. I do hear what your say too. Though I don't know if it's all about narcissism.

[@Guedingen]

Many thanks. I'm well-educated on the subject but I honestly haven't read a more concise, jargon-free 'expose'of the narcissistic personality. A wealth of insightful tips on dealing with these monsters:). Great work.

[@alanayazyam2432]

These videos are making me realize how widespread narcissism is and how many I’ve attracted into my life...wow.

[@billybelldrumming7568]

It’s amazing how the human brain can be so deranged ☠️☠️

[@Bintang221]

Oh...like the typical phrase...you will never find someone who loves you as much as I do. You're going to be in trouble without me.

[@rayrayrayzor241]

Bintang221 “You’re going to be so lonely” is what he would tell me. He was totally projecting though.

[@Religious_man]

Yes, many singers, actors, and philosophers are narcs too; they send out terrible messages.

[@jennyl7422]

Or the typical; "any other boyfriend would have kicked you out long time ago, you should be glad I am holding on for so long" or "any other person would have given up already".. (I have real bad anxiety and it has its ups and downs, so I know Im not that easy to be with)

[@danielprice4481]

This is an exceptionally succinct and accurate analysis of how narcissists 'relate' to others. You, as the other, simply do not exist in any real sense; you are nothing more than an extension of them, their needs and their own disavowed fears and inadequacies. Both my parents are deeply narcissistic; I ended my relationship with them three years ago and have spent a huge amount of time reclaiming myself from the lies they told me about who I was. To anyone else out there who is on the same journey, keep going. You are a beautiful soul and nothing at all like the incapable, incompetent, disappointing and unlovable burden that you were told you were.

[@genecattouse7212]

How did you survive that without being taken over and converted. That is what they want and do. Controll and controlling undecided minds such as those of children is the easiest.

[@chillybilly1452]

Your describing my mother and our relationship. I don't talk to her or see her much anymore. I am just fine about that. Too difficult to be around her. She was and is toxic and awful. (.....

[@chillybilly1452]

@Henry Stoneking 'Well, I did the best I knew how to do when I was raising you.' That's what I was offered by my narcissistic parent to explain her behaviours towards me. She still treats me the same now as she did when she was 'raising' me, by the way. I keep my distance from her. 500 miles plus.

[@danielprice4481]

Hi Taylor, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. It's an incredibly difficult thing to come to terms with and process. I don't know what you have tried to do already in respect of your relationship with your parents, but if you're at the point of wanting to walk from them entirely, then you must be feeling thoroughly defeated. Cutting contact altogether is, as you say, unquestionably deeply sad. I don't know your parents of course, but with mine I spent considerable time and effort trying to get them to see the implications of their behaviour (while also addressing what they said they did not like about my own. However, you have to be careful here because narcissists project and attribute things to you that you may well not be guilty of and it can be hard to become aware of this. My parents are incapable of owning their actions - perhaps this is familiar?). I broke contact with them because I was on the point of a psychological breakdown and it became clear to me that I had to make a choice between looking after me and my own wellbeing, or remaining in a toxic and highly destructive relationship with them. If this is where you are at, then think very carefully about what's best for you. You don't need to look at it as an irrevocable decision, but what's important is that you take control and manage the situation to protect yourself in the meantime and then consider how you want to deal with it. Nevertheless, I don't know what your circumstances are; if you're still living at home it will be more complicated and perhaps you'll need to figure out an interim solution of trying to impose strong, non-negotiable boundaries until you're in a position to move out. It's entirely understandable that you're scared about what will happen and you're right to be considering the ramifications should you go ahead with this. I don't want to sound dismissive of the seriousness of your situation, but just make sure that you feel sure that you have exhausted all avenues for resolution. My experience of it was ultimately liberating on the one hand but very painful and frightening on the other. I really hope you have some good support around you and if you've not done this already, it's imperative to find a good therapist who understands how traumatic this is. While it may sound trite, the one thing you need most if you cut contact with your parents is time: time to really unravel and understand the dynamics that have led you to this place; time to become aware of your own needs; time to process your emotions and how much you've been hurt; time to separate yourself emotionally from your parents, as much as you can do; and time to figure out how you want to manage your relationship with them going forward. Remember, aside from your own children, you don't owe anyone anything in life, not even your mother and father. Owing someone something is to be in debt to them, but people who sincerely love each other give freely, not at a price. I say this because there is a lot of guilt attached to going ahead with this, and guilt is just a form of debt, which in this case is certainly not owed. If your parents care, they will find a way for you to have an equitable relationship, because that's what people who care want. Regarding my parents, I made clear to them that if they carried on behaving the way they were, I would remove them from my life. When I did, their reaction was horrifying, so be warned. They were incandescent with rage. I was 31 at the time and completely independent, but they did a number of appalling things. I had to change my phone number, blocked them on all my emails and warn my work that they were threatening to turn up there. They got various family friends involved too, so be prepared for that. I actually got back in touch with them a year after going no-contact because I thought, naively as it turned out, that my actions were sufficiently drastic to awaken them to the realities of their behaviour. Ultimately this was not the case and following two very unpleasant years of being in touch, I decided to remove them from my life again. I still think about them and it's been a very long process coming to terms with who they are. In my experience, the sad truth is that highly narcissistic people are terribly wounded and suffer, on some level, pain so unbearable that they are forced to externalise and project it onto the world around them. This means that they cannot ever truly relate to others. If you happen to be their child, then the chances are you've spent your whole life trying to be seen and loved by them, but they cannot see you. All they can see is an extension of themselves and they will 'love' in you what reflects them in a complimentary way and they will despise anything that does not. Well, you're an individual, not a mirror. I hope you find your way to realising that. You deserve to. Your parents' mental illness may not be their fault, but it's certainly not yours either and it's not your responsibility to carry the burden of it.@@macalltaylor

[@maxy-sp7cn]

I got into a business with one of my sisters only to later realise I was dealing with a narcissistic psychopath and that Iwas just used for what little money I had. The lies and the behaviour towards myself and other people was unbelievable and the bigger the lie the more some people believed her. I'm now trying to get out of the business because she has used everything and everyone for herself and calmly blames others for her own mistakes and behaviour . Now she is running to my dad and other family members that she was innocent and did nothing wrong always playing the victim card after all of her insane and criminal behaviour. The best thing I can do is get out as soon as possible and run as far away from her but I never want anything to do with her again. Thank you for your videos because they have opened my eyes even more.

[@katmiller4116]

I had a friend or what I thought was a friend that used and abused me. I can't believe I let her get away with what she did

[@billsojourn5284]

The best explanation of narcissism I have ever heard.

[@emmytones8311]

My mind is blown how I can pretty much give a real life example on every topic that u hit on and how it is exactly like the person who I recently cut out of my life. I don't know how I stumbled onto your videos, but I have learned and gained so much insight into narcissistic and narcissistic abuse. I knew what the term "narcissist" meant, but I didn't know that it was this deep and that narcissists are pretty much all the same and all so predictable. Watching your videos has really made me feel like I've made the right decision by disconnecting from that person. Thank u for taking your time to make these videos and sharing your knowledge with the world! ✌️ I can certainly say that I appreciate them all and look forward to watching more of your content!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Emmy Dr. C

[@thinkofdesi]

Same happened to me. I am blown away after listening to these videos. I had little doubt that maybe I should not have left that person but now i know that was my best decision in life ever to walk away. my eyes are now wide open to see so obvious that I could not see then.

[@DeanRendar]

You said it, "So predictable" like tantrums when a brat aint get their way.

[@loungetreetop9879]

Listen once I found out that she was a narcissist and lost asf, I pushed her away even further by doing any and everything I could. I got myself into that “don’t return here” mode. I hear most people say go no contact, immediately. I switched the game up because I already know the truth. So what I did was blew that phone up for a full day from different numbers so it can make me “look” crazy and keep her ass all the way on the other side. Then I went NC , best decision made because I have goals and my peace is everything

[@soniagonzalez4565]

God Bless you kind sir for putting out these videos I cannot tell you how much you have helped me and are continuing to help others it's Miraculous I stumbled upon your channel!! Thank you!!!!!

[@Kim-kw7fo]

You made yourself look crazy to keep her away? Clever strategy. Glad it worked. I may have to use that myself. 😊

[@famousstar796]

You forgot that the narcissist ALWAYS wants to be in control but when they are they only play the victim when they make all the wrong short-sighted decisions.

[@joshuavanderschouw4714]

I had to get A court order for the narc in my life to leave me alone, then I ran into her 3 years later and when I got to my car all my tires where flat..she is now doing 10 years for arson..I guess someone else figured out her scams

[@eleanorsantos6253]

Joshua Vanderschouw llll

[@lovinglatonya3499]

cfrdog straight facts 💯

[@truthserum5855]

.Spot on! The alternative is divorce yourself from this person.

[@dmf30]

Easy said, hard to do especially if finances are intermingled so much.

[@hpaulbryant729]

I am self-confident, with a strong sense of my own value. Yet, it still takes everything I have to deal with the current fallout inflicted upon me by my breaking up with a narcissist. I will say, however, after just one round of verbal abuse, attempts to create physical altercations and increasing levels of property damage (car was egged and then keyed), I will not be moved by the lies, guilt trips and love bombs played by the narcissist. With the help of this channel, I am now immune !!!!!! Godspeed to all who are on their journey of healing.

[@melanieknowles7002]

"I never said that. I cant remember". But the narc is on video at the attorneys office. Looks at it...dead look on the face. I rest my case your Honour.

[@gracefullygrateful6360]

O.M.G. do you know the guy I finally got away from?!? You describe him exactly...shocking!

[@apegrasshoplizard]

God bless you Dr. Carter. Keep up the good work !

[@Bar_Bar27]

Benjamin Avshalom ישראלי?

[@dannyvargas273]

4-Real/Really.

[@EddyWoon]

Excellent content! I lived with one and funnily enough he is viewed as an unreliable, selfish and toxic person in the household but when he is at his other social gatherings, his associates there think highly of him from his generosity, kindness... Two-faced narcissist.

[@redsquirrel1086]

During my relationship with a narc I came to accept that every word she said was a lie unless there was an extremely good reason to think otherwise.

[@MAAYANKEDEM]

Psychologist Number 1! I'm considering flying to the US just to say thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

How kind! Dr. C

[@roseyc.5846]

Excellent! Describes my adult daughter's behavior perfectly. My interactions with her, IF any, will be extremely limited. Sorry that my grandchildren will be the "spoils of war", but, I cannot deal with their mother any longer; getting too old for the nonsense.

[@christinesmith8721]

Yes I understand exactly what your going through as my oldest daughter is the same shes past 50 and unlikely to change, i have heard that nars dont change..shes destroying her husband and 2 teenagers, her husband is dying of cancer and he blames her, she dont care about anyone and that's why I need to move out of here into a place of my own very fast...I feel for my grandkids having to stay but like you I'm too old for this nonsense now and unfortunately have to leave them and my dying son in law in hospital...when I move away I dont want any more contact with her even if I have to miss my son in laws funeral, I cant take any more...God bless you on your new journey xx

[@janerainsford8996]

I get such comfort from watching your videos. I was raised by narcissist Father. I was the classic target child. I was brutalized by his rage and insults. I was terribly scared by that relationship. Thank gawd I didn’t have an intimate relationship with another narc till my last LTR. You helped me understand what went on there and now that it’s over, with your help, I’ve been able to regain my self esteem and strength. Too much more to tell for a comment. Just wanted to say thank you one more time for your videos. You’re doing a great job! You have a wonderful face and camera presence too.

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Jane Rainsford,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌷🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

[@EmilyKresl]

I call it projector action (insert narcs name here), basically everything I've ever been accused of (and was utterly confused and shocked and innocent) HE was doing the whole time! Cheating, lying, being taking advantage of, never getting thanked or shown gratitude, being excluded, and mocked. I can't believe how much time I've wasted just trying to understand wtf he's talking about and profusely defending myself and begging for forgiveness and trying to show him I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make sure he knows I love him, trust him, respect him and appreciate him. Funny how easy it is to want to please the narcs when they train you to (OR ELSE!)

[@cynthiaking2153]

Thank you, I grew up surrounded by narcissism, and your advice about standing on my own truth is golden. All but one of these people have passed on. I moved far away and have him blocked, but he still makes of sneaky lies trying to discredit me with family members. This man is scary, he has been shot on three different occasions, people so furious with his behavior and lies. He survived each time. Extremely chaotic. He is now in his 70’s going strong, almost seems like he is demon possessed and never going to die from natural causes.

[@YouAREtheLight22]

Two whole “thumbs down, huh”? 😂... apparently a couple of narcs visited to see what you have to say about calling them out🤣

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Oh well... Dr. C

[@martiembry852]

Liberty__ Q 😂

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Liberty_Q,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!

[@jennifergemsma8958]

Billions and billions of times told my feelings and thoughts are irreverent.

[@nancymahaney7128]

Thank you for this.... I divorced my narcissistic husband more than 20 years ago. I wish I had understood all this before we divorced so I could have handled the end of the relationship better - I simply imploded. He painted himself as the victim through the end of our relationship and convinced many of our friends of this fact - this has continued to have a negative impact on me - my self-esteem. Finally in a new location and new job and thinking I might be ready to open myself up to a relationship again. I'm reviewing all this so I don't make the same mistake again.

[@larrytruelove7112]

Nancy Mahaney Good luck. Seek lots of counsel from friends, family, and counselor in any new potential partner.