CPTSD: Getting Triggered By Socializing Is Part of Why You Isolate

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In this video (part 2 of my 4-part series on CPTSD, Isolation and Loneliness) I talk about one of the BIGGEST reasons traumatized people isolate: They feel triggered when they interaction with other people. It can be so overwhelming you simply avoid people all together. There's a way to heal your triggered reactions and gain more freedom to enjoy friendships, dating relationships and groups.
***
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[@Jack-hy1zq]

The lockdown cheered me up because everyone else was doing what I've been doing for years. Collective isolation made me feel connected.

[@vanessas2363]

I know! I calmly to all the people freaking out "welcome to my world" 🤣 water off a duck's back

[@konkeydonged]

"collective isolation" is an oxymoron I hadn't yet heard, but I completely relate.

[@JeffCaplan313]

I received texts amidst the lockdown from former friends saying, "ah, so this is what your life has been like!"

[@Adrianafaith123]

Yes, I miss 2022! Maybe they'll be another pandemic and isolation will be the order for the day!

[@Jack-hy1zq]

@@Adrianafaith123 Well, I wouldn't want that again. The negative effects on society were extremely profound.

[@Alaynaisawesome]

The closer I get to people. The more I want to run.

[@vanessas2363]

People are terrifying. They all have an agenda in my experience. I've been exploited so many times, financially and emotionally.

[@charlottetaylor4471]

Yes people say we're paranoid, but I say they can be ignorant and naive.

[@vanessas2363]

@@charlottetaylor4471 exactly. It's not paranoia, it's called HYPER VIGILANCE. Because we've been fucked over that many times. If your own family can do it... ANYONE CAN. And they will. And they do.

[@charlottetaylor4471]

@@vanessas2363 My therapist keeps labelling it as paranoia and I keep telling him "how can it be paranoia when all of those bad things HAVE happened to me and also to those around me?" That's not paranoia, that's noticing reality.

[@2degucitas]

@@charlottetaylor4471 I agree with K. Either confront your therapist or get a new one, maybe both.

[@vanessas2363]

@@charlottetaylor4471 crap therapist. So many of them. It's a racket! Don't pay another penny. She/he is actually gaslighting you. Disgusting. How unprofessional. Retraumatising you. Get rid.

[@karenellis2098]

“Hell is other people.” Jean Paul Sartre

[@courtneybrubaker9738]

People weren’t safe.

[@samanthadawnNz]

True

[@jasonfuller8111]

I was relentlessly bullied for many years in different town at an early age into teen years. I isolate all the time. I’m known for it. I’m positive and good with people but on the inside I caint wait to go away and be alone.

[@jasonfuller8111]

@@user-zr6pl6nb6z yes. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me sometimes. Like is no one else picking up on this. Yes I feel this way also.

[@jasonfuller8111]

@@user-zr6pl6nb6z thanks man. Love and respect to you 👊✊

[@rturney6376]

People lie too

[@Battledrone]

same

[@supercoolyguy]

Try carrying! Helps.

[@stevensawyer5924]

I've spent the last 22 years alone because of cptsd, bpd. People terrify me.

[@parklady4233]

Sending you a hug 🤗 🫂

[@ladybaabaa3294]

I have CPTSD and BPD, as well as anxiety, depression and OCD. I've been with my partner for 21 years but I am alone in my own head. I sleep a lot to avoid. All interaction exhausts me. I can be social and chatty, but it tires me out. People don't terrify me. But I keep them at arm's length. Friends who I've had for over 20 years barely know me because beyond the friendly, funny outer layer, is a brick wall. I don't care what people think of me (unless I love them). I defy anyone to judge who they THINK I am! They don't know me, so their opinion of me is irrelevant.

[@stevensawyer5924]

@@ladybaabaa3294 Thank you for taking the time to share. 22 years ago on my son's first birthday I learned he was not my son but was my so called best friends. How the two most important people in my life could look me in the eyes and lie, lie,lie. This was just the final straw of a life time of being used and abused by others taking advantage of kindness stemming from a physical and mental tortured childhood. I always tried treat people with love and respect even though or especially because I never received it in my life. I was always the one to call when they're car broke down 100s of miles away from home or fix they're house or something in it, never asking anything in return. Turns out I can fix anything but a broken heart. But if I need a helping hand no one know me or had time for me. I'm still kind and pleasant to people like at the store and stuff but that's as far as it goes. Being a master builder I've built a mighty impenetrable wall in 22 years. But I also would be a lier if I said that heart is not broken still. You know? I've never had a woman lovingly hold my hand just because. I have no friends or loved ones in my life, and yes I made it that way because I guess I'm a coward. The incredible heart crushing pain and betrayal is more than I can endure. I was once the most trusting guy you could ever meet, but no more. I've started to see a trauma therapist but I'm struggling to even trust or believe anything she says. Sorry to dump this on you but you seemed to be someone who could understand. 🙏✌️❤️🌞🐶🐬🐳

[@marilyncarlson7097]

​@@ladybaabaa3294 I also am worn out by being social. I have decided that at least in my case, it is from being hyper-vigilant, watching for social cues and interpreting them correctly. And I have to watch every word, every gesture that comes out of me as well. If it were just one direction or the other, it sure would be a lot easier. If I'm not super careful, I'll do things that push people away. What seems to work for me is to have a few friends that I see sometimes. They are probably super tolerant of me, because I find that I have to be pretty accepting of some of their weaknesses. I think it is a matter of finding people whose weaknesses you can handle and who can handle yours. Just like I've heard about marriage. Most of my interactions are long talks on the phone with the 2 people I feel safe with or some texting with a few others. Just a bit to keep me from feeling totally isolated. But in general, I isolate. My neighbors have gotten used to it and leave me alone. They've been accepting that I'm okay, I just I like to be alone most of the time and be left alone. That I'm fine if I initiate the contact. I think it is great that they are okay with that.

[@woooooooo9061]

@@ladybaabaa3294 it sounds like you just don’t like people, and only really care for yourself. This is absolutely fine, but it must be hell for your partner.

[@thementalmusician2756]

I think all of us with CPTSD can relate. I used to isolate because I thought I just wasn't a "people person", but therapy taught me that in reality I didn't like being around other people because I was constantly being triggered, even by strangers on the street. It's taken a lot of work but now thanks to therapy I have a wonderful group of friends and chosen family. Still I do get triggered from time to time, but I've learned that recovery from my trauma is a process, not an event, so I'm always going to be a work in progress.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@stephanie5471]

People are scary and they hurt you. That’s been my experience from a young age until now. There’s no peace with them, no connection. Just judgment, rejection, meanness and competition. There’s no space for being genuine or acceptance. I have made the conscious choice to cut myself off from any social engagements, friendships or otherwise. It is peaceful, I can be myself.

[@mysticpizza02]

Yes that's been my experience too, for me socialising was like being back at school, jealousy, judgment, meanness, competition etc I couldn't believe how immature people were even into their 60's! but it's always us with the problem never them lol.

[@newleft2254]

I bet that's not entirely true otherwise you wouldn't be here watching this video. We just need to learn how to set boundaries and be more assertive. Everyone, including you and me, has their own interest at heart and has shortcomings. If you want to be accepted with your flaws, you have to accept others with their flaws too.

[@woooooooo9061]

@@newleft2254 you’re absolutely correct. OP seems far more concerned for themselves than others. To block out loved ones and friends is just selfish. We all need to accept each other, faults and all. There are mean and insufferable people at my work, but I find a way to deal with interaction with them. It’s part of life.

[@s.b.7924]

My favorite phrase to people who expect me to fill in the blanks is "sorry my crystal ball is at the cleaners". I prefer being alone, I'm not lonely but find people exhausting. I miss my pets so very much.

[@BlankName88]

People trigger the shit out of me. With all the physical and sexual abuse I endured, crowds of people set me off. But I still don't want to give up on people over rotten apples. Because I've known good, kind people, too.

[@Wormwoodification]

Pets were the first step I made when I began to want people around again. I got a rabbit. A year later I got a dog. 4 years later I got a fish. I still haven't gotten to the people part yet. lol

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@PhoenixFeathers]

Sounds like you are choosing lovely companions to me!

[@colleenmitchell5208]

I have 5 dogs

[@enough1494]

At 65, I have truly learned it is best to stay home.

[@danaholt6261]

But the thing is ...I never feel lonely ? I like my own company . I MAKE myself be sociable because I'm told that isolation is not good ..but funny thing is I never feel safe in group settings.

[@woooooooo9061]

I feel the same way. I’m 43, I used to be sociable, but the older I get, I only want my wife and son around me. I try to socialise, but that’s mainly to appear “normal” and because I don’t want my son to feel that being a loner is ok.

[@zqxzqxzqx1]

I've finally fully embraced isolation. Covid was great practice. As a gifted person (neurodivergent,) I struggle greatly with relationships and am constantly misunderstood. After years of trying to make friends at therapists' erroneous urgings, and having all those attempts blow up in my face at one time or another, I've finally realized I was right the whole time--I need (and desperately WANT,) to be left alone. No more rejection and abandonment! I can be at peace in my own backyard...finally.

[@enough1494]

At 65 I agree totally. When my nest emptied I was lonely, then the storms Irma and Maria then Covid. I now leave ONKY to take care of my basic needs. My digs, cat and garden are all I want to deal with.

[@nessauk2786]

I've been told to go out and make new friends but I don't enjoy it.Isolation is better for my mental health.I believe this is apart of my introverted personality.

[@ebd12345]

I went from introvert to hermit during covid. Peace.

[@hoohargh9945]

I miss the peaceful lockdowns

[@trusound170]

Preaching to the choir here. LOL..... I struggle with social situations. The more people I get trapped in a room with the worse it is. I feel like it sucks my energy right on out. I also have a weak acoustic reflex, so all the talking and noise really just rattle my brain. I hate rubbing elbows in a crowded place. I will always choose solitude over socializing.

[@2degucitas]

Acoustic reflex. Never heard of that before.

[@rleeann5798]

Have you ever tried wearing invisible high fedelity ear plugs to loud and crowded environment? I have the same issue and it makes me feel way less stimulated and flooded. I can still hear conversations and myself fine it just lowers the decibels and makes it less grating

[@trusound170]

@@2degucitas Yes. I never heard of it until mine was affected after Bell's Palsy back around 10 years ago. The stapedial muscle in the middle ear is among the muscles that can become paralyzed with BP. My right side was affected directly and the left side became sympathetic rendering me with this issue on both sides. The sound of my own voice can be grating.

[@trusound170]

@@rleeann5798 I have used earplugs in the past but not that particular variety. Let me ask you, how do you handle sound when you take them out? Is it better than the massive booming volume after wearing regular ear plugs or is it a little less so? My issue with ear plugs is that they cause my face to hurt on the right side, and they increase my sensitivity quite a lot. If these ear plugs you mention aren't causing these issues I should check into finding some.

[@rleeann5798]

@@trusound170 for me, it’s much better than regular ear plugs because they still allow sound in only diffused. I use them at the gym where it is very loud and crowded, and take them out in the car on the way home. I would never go to the gym if it weren’t for them.

[@ramblingRJ]

I don't like being in a group, so I just remain silent while others talk. My ex-wife used to get furious with me because I didn't join in on conversations with her family and friends. I just smiled and listened. Now that I'm divorced, I remain mostly alone.

[@rturney6376]

I am surprised 😮this was an issue in your marriage. People like to talk and an audience, so your response was fine.

[@2degucitas]

Your ex didn't understand you weren't socialized and taught how to interact, and that groups just aren't your thing.

[@ramblingRJ]

@@KAT-dg6el She did know. But she said "It's different now" once we were married.

[@JeffCaplan313]

Your ex sounds like a narcissist who thrived on attention and loved the crowd more than you because she didn't think you had enough social status for her. You're better off without her. We're all better off without women like that, actually.

[@woooooooo9061]

It’s not easy being shy. I feel this more the older I get. I used to be “the life and soul of the party” I find it very difficult to socialise now.

[@frankendoll1455]

I'm trying so hard to work on this...I'm always described as " reserved " or " private "😕 And yes my best friend is my little corgi ❤️🐾

[@T-Mary76]

Same! Quiet, reserved and private are ways people point out to me that I am.

[@T-Mary76]

I’m a single mum with one son, when he leaves my plan is to get a dog so I’m not too lonely!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@loobee2486]

My best friend is a corgi as well

[@lorenzwinterhoff8049]

Between health concerns and the pandemic, I've been isolating since about 2015. I have chronic health conditions that keep me primarily homebound. I have pet rats (domesticated rats are as related to wild rats as are house cats and sabertooth tigers are related) to help me get out of bed when I wouldn't otherwise for myself, and they still provide that therapeutic aspect for me. My life is my pets. In terms of trauma, I was the scape goat of a narcissistic system, with family medical trauma (my brother was in a severe street accident when I was 4), and bullied at school as I'm also neurodivergent and hard of hearing (I was mainstreamed in school, 80s/90s). I also come from a very large, very fraught wider family. These days, things are getting weirder as my generation of cousins is starting to really break from the older more damaged ones. I think I'll take a nap, as all this makes me so tired.

[@Wormwoodification]

I often say that. My life is my pets.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@g.jelli...]

Lorenz, I can feel your sadness in your words. I'm sorry for how things are for you right now. I hope you won't mind if I send you a warm hug and a prayer that your situation will improve very soon. Wishing you the best...✝️🌷

[@Adrianafaith123]

I totally understand the having rats as pets. I loved my ratties..they're great company! I have two cats now..but rats are the best!

[@beth1979]

Rats are fantastic pets, I'm glad you have them as company. I have a chronic illness as well and it can get so lonely.

[@graceandglory9743]

Thank you fairy. This is a very big issue for me. Working in a very social field very often takes my energy from me, so my personal social life is very lonely.

[@barbaraoshea8639]

I am going through exactly this atm. Demanding job that requires lots of talking ( sales) but the real me wants to isolate.

[@cmacdonald1197]

Same. I’m pretty socially spent after being at work all day and happily spend free time at home with my cats. I know it’s probably not the best way to live but this is where it’s at right now.

[@smilealwaysnatasha3423]

Yes. Whenever we use to have family functions - I would hide away. I would avoid social gatherings and sometimes I still do.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@chilloften]

I try to be social and then sometimes regret giving away my info. People probe when you’re kind. I’m not always able to deflect the questions that are to personal. And I might get upset inside and not act correct or I feel like I might start to cry if it’s a very intrusive question. Mostly, I have trouble putting to words in the moment all of the things. Even if it’s a good book I just listened to…it can really move me or excite me and I’ll try to explain to even my own grown daughter and I cannot. It’s just very hard to get it 100 exact my feelings or thoughts on it. I only say so that others don’t feel so alone.

[@rachelb4235]

This is something I'm trying to actively work on. Before Covid, I had to go to work every day and while I isolated easily on weekends, I still was around others. Now with working from home, I'm even less inclined to want to see people. Having to be social is exhausting. Plus, as others have said, I easily see the bad in most people and I don't feel like I can trust hardly anyone.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It doesn't come all at once, but progress begets more progress :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@ashleyjeffers8185]

I've been so aware of my social silences lately. If I get stressed about a situation I will shut every one out for weeks sometimes up to a month. Then I get overwhelmed by the amount of socializing I need to catch up on.

[@Helen-nv8el]

All my years at school I never once raised my hand to answer a question although I often knew the right one. Why ? For some reason it was terrifying so I became the " invisible child ".. observing, learning, but very alone and isolated. Still, at 80 I live the same way mostly and as I'm very deaf, and stutter in social situations it's all just too difficult... and highly stressful to interact apart from very close friends and family. I was an underachiever, and overlooked by teachers.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@KC-pw4nn]

@Helen I understand. I got the question wrong when I was about eight and a few kids sniggered. I was humilitrd, so I retreated into my shell and never put up my hand ever again, even though I usually had the right answer. I've had to really push myself as an adult to overcome that fear and although it has taken years, I'm improving. I just think, "Well, if I get it wrong and they laugh, who cares?"

[@mmmmlllljohn]

I get it … you were always enough. Sending you love. ❤️🇨🇦

[@DonnaTheDogGroomer]

I felt this in my soul. I had no idea this is why I isolate! I feel guilty when I do it, like I’m neglecting relationships

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We understand! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@rita3604]

I have not even watched this video yet. The title drew me in. When small told to keep my mouth shut. And many other similar things. Many family members thought I’d make a good scapegoat. I went to work and took care and went to see my mother. Eleven years. I could tell things were off. My sister was to be visiting my mother but she was about town trashing me to shopkeepers, nursing homes personelle. What was wrong with her. Sociopath?. Now at home enjoy my cats, take good care of them, read all I want, learn from you tubes and answer the phone. Life is good! If people cannot talk to you they cannot hurt you. My daughter - we help each other. Life is good now. 😊

[@barbaraalbert5600]

Mostly I feel like I'm little, and trapped in a world of terrifyingly judgemental big people. I've been mostly alone, not much for support. I've always gotten along with animals, not a social anything, want to at times.. too many triggers, and we're too much. Do realize I'm unable to heal by ourselves. Don't always want to be alone either, times.. yes, not always.. ouch..

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing, sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@evadebruijn]

🙏❣️✌️ To socialize or not to socialize, can feel like such a catch 22

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I for sure was not taught this growing up, and we were too isolated from proper socializing. I connect with animals better. Learning to figure out which people are good healthy and safe for me. It’s important to work on triggers and challenge yourself a bit but also to recognize your limits and boundaries, and know it’s ok and important also to disengage from unsafe toxic people. It’s a balance. ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@tomtbi]

Sometimes I run away and hide especially if I have strong feelings for someone....The strong fear of rejection comes back to haunt me a lot...I think that's why I've given up on having a relationship more or less...

[@jodiburnett6211]

There are a lot of narcissistic people that love to manipulate and trigger highly sensitive adult children of dysfunctional families. Learning what trips you up is essential. Great video!

[@wdlovesthee736]

Last time i went to a social gathering i had nightmares for a week & i had a pleasant time. It was quiet & outside & went fine & i was in a pleasant mood the next day. My subconscious was so stressed. Im really trying to connect with people, its a lot. I got a double trouble as i am autistic & have post traumas. People equals stress for me, i am ok with that now. I try i really do...best of luck to all yall !

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@bethtaylor9773]

Doing my time with God before I go around people and asking Him to be there too and to go ahead of me works. Another thing that helps is limiting the time. Now, after I get to know people and figure out that they're safe, I want to be around them more. It's a better process to dip one toe into the pool, then a foot, then getting in kneedeep, etc. than just jumping in all at once.

[@schoolwork232]

This is so wonderful! God is our source of strength!

[@rturney6376]

Awesome 😎. Bookending!! 😊 it does help put God between us!! ❤🎉😊

[@mollyclarity]

I love this so much. thank you.

[@3lttlbrds]

I have PTSD after an accident and this explains exactly how I feel. Apart from the trauma itself, I was treated horribly from people close to me and doctors, that I've isolated since. Any social interaction now has me so anxious and emotional after.

[@samira_lol]

You hit the nail on the head. You're the first one ever to validate this experience for me. I stay in my room and even avoid leaving it so that I don't see the people I live with even though I love them because I've always felt like my feelings and thoughts aren't important to others. I don't talk to any family because of this. I always used to feel judged and criticized for everything I do. Please help :(

[@neutralbeige01]

i like being alone because it is the only control i have in my safety and i cant handle socializing at all, not in me being anxious or shy but just having a small social battery

[@vivianworden2706]

There needs to be friendship sites like dating sites. A site to match compatibility. ♥️

[@marioct130]

There are friendship sites. Look for them online.

[@bennys5770]

I was thinking the same. Introverted lifestyles. I find peace in my solo life

[@jbela]

Thank you i needed this. I can be sociable, but the problem is in the past and even today eventually I have been judged,questioned, or misunterstood. Especially when I'm in groups, I feel like people see through me and i get passed over for someone else they picked as a better choice.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Sending you encouragement! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@lovelytouch9366]

I struggle spending time with my siblings because they just want to rehash the past. Our abusive mother is still alive so the energy can get very intense for me that my only way to deal with everyone is to disconnect.

[@hrobass]

Currently I live isolated inside my flat for over 1.5 year. I'm going outside with my dog, so I use huge headphones to let them know that I can't hear, so nobody start to talk to me. I like sunny days when I can hide behind sunglasses and headphones. When I'm going shopping, I have clear imagination about what I need, where is that in store, and I'm using self cashing. :) This way I don't have to intereact with humans.

[@T-Mary76]

I find my friends trigger me and then I pull back to protect myself. I really struggle in groups like my church community group. When people contribute to the conversation I have trouble following the thread of what is being said, it’s like they are all saying unrelated things. I don’t know what I have childhood trauma or autism.

[@stacyjaye6350]

I just moved into an apartment, and one of the old ladies that has lived there forever come knock on my door, asking, do you live here alone? Are you single? And I went off the deep end. Like, who are you, why are you at my door, and why are you asking me questions? Turned out drug dealers lived there before me. I over-reacted I guess. I was like, definitely ready to move. I came here for privacy, not for some nosy neighbor to be asking me questions! And then when I'm gone for a while, she'll be like where were you? Yeah, I can't hang hahaha LOL I just cannot.

[@kathyingram3061]

~Maybe hang a 'Do not disturb' sign on your door?~At least for a while?~That would bug the crap out of me, too!~I lived in a nosy neighborhood like that for about 5 years & i parked in the alley so no one could even see me come & go~

[@seajayste]

I've just recently discovered that my anxiety and depression is likely from CPTSD. As a form of therapy, I edited a video with childhood videos from the 90s. I made myself go through videos of my parents being loving and kind to each other, but found some moments when I look sad or down, because that's what was there behind the facade of perfection or happiness. My parents are wonderful people with a lot of great qualities, but they were young when they had me, and had unresolved childhood trauma themselves. So my dad would have anger outbursts that I learned to look out for and dissociate when he got angry. I never considered it domestic violence, but that's exactly what it was.

[@jshadow536]

My tolerance has been so low that I'm offended by everything that isn't entirely welcoming. It's hard to push through the difficulty when I don't feel any benefit (even while I know the benefits may be slowly accrued). I'm overwhelmed with just the thought of trying.

[@jshadow536]

@@user-zr6pl6nb6z @William @William I am sorry that your experiences have led you to feel this way. Sharing this demotivating perspective on multiple comments is not helpful and could be harmful.

[@jshadow536]

You have proved us both right. Congrats on being that person.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Sending you encouragement! So glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@jshadow536]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you 😊💜

[@jshadow536]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I know that Anna does not condone bullying such as seen here.

[@sperez3275]

The thing is… I used to be like that.. very recently. Avoidant of social situations and groups and even connection. Unless it was the people I was already close to. However, this was when I was playing college basketball, always surrounded by teammates, friends, other athletes, etc. socializing and bonding were just always around 24/7… however now, since I stopped playing basketball during covid and have gone back to college now… in different states. I’ve been chronically lonely and alone for like 3 years now… I realized not only was my identity tied in with basketball, but past that, I’ve NEVER had to MAKE friends. I just was always GIVEN them, a whole team full, surrounded 247… and then all the other friends just kind of “come” around, by mutual s thru teammates or by being associated with the team or athletics.. that’s when I was always sort of “avoidant”. But not entirely, it sometimes just depended on my mood. And sometimes I just felt the need to withdraw or be by myself at times… !!! But since then, for the past 3 years since covid…. I’ve been almost ironically, “humorously” lonely. And isolated. I swear I decided the universe is mocking me or messing with me. Like even during covid, new school, new state, my roommates would move out… the new ones I got were very (rude?). Theyd throw get together a in the living room, not tell me, and then come knock in my door to ask for a chair to use.Just weird stuff. I hung out with my best friend of like 10 years during Christmas break, and she just sort of stopped communicating with me. Altogether. We haven’t lived in the same state for the past couple years so usually it’s exciting and eventful any and every time I get to come back. We usually see each other any chance we get. And hang out often!! Since then, I’ve moved back to the state, my home state. I grew up here. and when I moved back i was in a tiny town with absolutely nothing to do. My “best friend” lived right down the street, and her grandma was my landlady… Yet she just stopped speaking to me one night during Christmas break… and when I got back, and even MOVED back to our STTE, but her HOMETOWN of 2000 people…. I was like bugging and bothering her to hang out with me. Eventually she came by, sat in the recliner and we talked for about an hour about life. Haven’t seen her sense.. it’s just so weird. I really began to feel cursed after that… lol. Because she was like ATTACHED to me, or used to be. She’d drive to Texas on a weekend to come stay w me on my twin bed freshman year of college. But after depression! I am back in school, at like my 4th college… and I even moved ON campus IN the dorms that I chose specifically for the REASON / insight of being around other people, meeting people, making friends, and connections.. i haven’t made any “friends”… people walk by me, there’s familiar faces… A couple guys at the gym I’ve played basketball with, but I’m a girl so lol. OH AND on top of that my Roommate situation is SO UNREAL. even weirder. It feels like I’m in the twilight zone. She does not SPEAK to me…. Never has. First couple weeks I went out of my way to SOCIALIZE and ask questions, (not me) she’d answer the question, politely, and then just NEVER say anything else… no follow up. Never led to any conversations… still hasn’t I’ve been here 3 months. The girl doesn’t speak to me. Unless I speak to her. Which I fine I guess, she’s not rude. But like…. I’m not exaggerating when I say she doesn’t talk to me. I feel like I have to remind myself that it isn’t normal human behavior. Even other people, my ex gf (only person I had=recipe for disaster) was here for a couple days when I moved in and SAID THE SILENCE IS SO LOUD. But I’ve since gotten used to it.. I stopped trying to conversation or anything bc it bcrgan to feel like a disservice to me. I can’t tell if she’s rude, unfazed, mean, unaware, or what. And it’s not that she’s antisocial either! She has several friends her in the dorms from last semester. Hallway/dorm Neighbors… and she’s instantly Outgoing, LOUD, even profane when she’s hanging out or on the phone. I just moved her a couple months ago… but not once has she asked me if I wanted to like “hang out” with her or her friends, not even when I first got her. They were all in the room getting ready doing hair and outfits getting reading to go and I’m jus sitting up there in my bed like… I’ve talk & had conversations w the girls too, two are pretty nice. I’ve had conversations with them as a group…. And the my roommate will get up and ask the friend if they want to go get McDonald’s. No invite, just left me middle of the conversation, AFTER 2 hours earlier I asked her if the cafeteria was open on weekends bc I was starving and NEW here. (And no longer have a car lol) Never invited, offered, asked me to do anything EVER…. Which I don’t expect but… it just goes to prove my point… I feel like fkn CURSED or like UNATTRACTUVE. Like people want nothing to do with me… but like I’m not a loser 😂 I used to be a college athlete, I play the guitar write music, I’m not ugly, I’m decently attractive, I’m smart, I’ve lived all over the country, I have cool tattoos…. But ever since I stopped playing school basketball, I feel like people are Averse to me…. Even when I ask people to partner up on a project…. It’s like NOW I try and entrance and HOPE for social interactions in hope of making connections and eventually meaningful FRIENDS here… AND I get shit on over and over. It leads nowhere. I try to be outwardly nice, as I’ve been told I can look “intimidating” lol… but then I’m ignored, disregarded, etc. but when I was way more AVOIDANT, withdrawn. and sometimes to a point, callous… I Was surrounded by friends, teammates and at least Real life PEOPLE I could talk to and have a conversation with… like there was always a way connect socially… now I’m like deprived of it. There’s no one here I can physically just go TALK to as a friend. But now, when I crave it and want it and appreciate it and basically NEED it…. I can’t find connection or friends anywhere. Plus I’ve suddenly turned into a leper or Frankenstein too ig 😂

[@Raminakai]

I never know what to say when someone says something randomly really mean. I always forget that perfect response, " What do you mean by that?" It happened for the first time in years the other day and the best I could do was look confused.

[@rebecca_stone]

I'm guilty as charged when it comes to masking or disguising the ways I isolate myself. Even tho a lot of people in know me and would see me as an outgoing person, I feel always (and keep myself) "on the periphery", as Anna puts it so well. Having moved 40+ times (more than half of those decided by my parents), I feel like a "free radical" or an untethered alien most of the time, like I don't really have an identity. This is manageable when I'm on my own, with my partner or very close friends, but is very noticeable to me when I socialise in groups. It's a shame because I love socialising, just hate being reminded of my "alienhood". I know I'd be more emotionally available to connect authentically with people if I didn't feel such nothingness. I'm recovered from BPD, so this used to be much worse, but from looking at the comments it sounds like this feeling will be with us for life, in varying degrees.

[@saratonnan]

Thank you for this. Looking forward to the next two. I'm recently diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), CPTSD, and bipolar traits. Have had treatment for Major Depressive Disorder intermittently, for most of my adulthood. Getting the ASD, CPTSD, and bipolar traits diagnoses has been such a relief because I now know that there is a reason for my difficulties with relationships and, as your video suggests, I can now learn the skills I need to have a better life. THANK YOU! ❤️❤️❤️

[@Bingewatchingmediacontent]

I’m glad you’re finding relief. Anna talks about how CPTSD can cause the other diagnoses. Many of us spent our lives being treated with medication for misdiagnosed disorders that were actually just the symptoms of unhealed CPTSD. Some of us came from a “good family” that fed us and clothed us well, no visible signs of alcoholism or drug abuse, and even comfortable amounts of money and lots of toys, vacations, lessons and never wanting for material things. But with parents who had their own unhealed trauma that they never acknowledged. So childhood looking good on paper, but our parents that still didn’t socialize us properly because they didn’t have the capacity. Because of this, and the era we grew up in, it was almost impossible to realize the impact that the neglect from having parents who weren’t capable of ever giving positive reinforcement or teaching us any skills to deal with conflict might have had at the time. It’s only now in my middle age that I finally realize that it’s not normal for a child to experience depersonalization and depression at the age of 8. And it’s not normal for a child who lives in a big house with so many adults around to come to school with matted hair, and constantly assuming people were going to smack me on the back of the head, so ducking whenever someone raised their hand. I’m so glad I finally got off of the medication I’d been on for over 30 years because in the past the only way to explain my “weird” behavior was to say that I must have had a “chemical imbalance.” It couldn’t possibly be that I was having a complete normal reaction to an abnormal situation of living in a house filled with lies and manipulative behavior.

[@clicheguevara5282]

Same. I'm 39 and I just found out that I have ASD-1 ...and that's wheat caused me to develop C-PTSD. Evidently there are A LOT of us with this issue.

[@robinbown7060]

Hi Susan! Best wishes to you. Look into Dialectical Behaviour Therapy…..you are way more more then a diagnosis!

[@tomtbi]

It doesn't help that my fear of rejection is really high too ...

[@pearlzambrano7852]

It's emotionally draining to be around people. It's annoying .

[@fraulauf]

You have NO idea how much I needed to hear this today. Thank you SO much!

[@nineangels7572]

As long as I keep (all) people at a distance. I do much better in life. I manage my social life & prefer not to have one.I love engaging from time to time & my pets are enough company for me.

[@callmekells802]

I feel so angry and closed off when I’m around people. It shows up in my body language. I feel so bothered by people. I feel like I don’t have a right to my space.

[@claremcmanus5171]

I just never really feel like I fit in .I especially feel scared when the groups of people seem very successful and out going and even if they are making an effort to be nice to me it's like I can see that they think I am lacking in some way and just don't understand why I am so awkward

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

This is why some group support is so helpful! Everyone "gets" it. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@CJenkinsMusicLover]

Dear Crappy Fairy, there is also a lot of work on C-PTSD and the autistic brain. This is a group you touched on once. Other neurodivergences like ADHD, Tourette’s etc are also triggered by societal expectations, Look into the Double Emoathy Problem developed by Damian Milton (Frontiers kids has a simple explanation) and the theory of Monotropism,devel0ped by Dinah Murray and Wen Lawson. They help explain our need to recharge and regroup after peopling. It would be good to have a female guest on autism. Gabor Maté also has a new book called the Myth of Normal I’m dying to read.

[@a.k.3110]

Thank you so much. Alone knowing that feeling intimidated by the greatness of others and a raw urge to protect me when something upsets me (what i am not yet aware of, but live with the punches of emotional flashbacks, very confusing) Alone knowing that this is kind of normal calms me down a lot. This self alienation stops for a few seconds and this feels like breathing in warm golden sunlight with honey smell 🤗 pure Bliss. Thank you for all your work.

[@suchetaghose1]

What a beautiful video, I always get triggered by people as I feel they always want me to listen to their problems, provide them solutions or be just for there for support and when I seek the same I don't get it. Now after retrospecting I feel because I had to be parent of my parents always providing them support, taking care of the household and held responsible for their well being maybe that's where it comes from.

[@spark_ling1379]

Even if i wanted to i can't be around too many people for too long because it's giving me stress and that takes a huge toll on my health. Since i was a child i love to be by myself so i think it's just part of me. People get on my nerves easily. Most people are so shallow and hide behind a mask (not only for corona haha )anyway so i won't miss much.

[@llwpeaches]

First video I've ever come across from you and I was surprised by my reaction to it. It's like you know exactly what's going on in my head and why I'm at the place I am now. Wow. Thank you. Subscribed!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@blackthornsloe8049]

Triggered by people being dishonest . When what they say isn't what they are doing. Triggered by people pulling at me to get their needs met . Always being afraid I'm not enough .

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We understand that here! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@77Tadams]

People are my biggest fear. They just want some supply. I would rather just deal with them at a distance. I’m great with strangers! I don’t even keep a hair dresser long! 😂

[@mintyhippo8125]

Wait, parents teach their kids what social cues mean?

[@kimberlystoodley4554]

You are spot on!! Thank you for sharing ❤️ The more I learn about my health and behaviors it makes easy to forgive myself for shame from my past. I let go of that baggage and started loving me. I do not allow other people's opinions of me matter except for those who love and support me.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing your experience! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@mychannelnotyours]

I’m a Nurse and I love working with my patients…I have a remarkable experience connecting with them,but when it comes to evil people I work with,I really can’t understand them, it causes me to not stay in one job 😬 These evil behaviors are my triggers coz I’ve met nice people….but I don’t get them get close to me ,I’ll keep them from a distance too😬 I love my aloneness. I’m the happiest when I’m alone🤩 BTW…my family is the cause of all my issues…so I seldom talk to them too.I’ve built walls between us and I don’t want connections with them.

[@nessalight8681]

Last night I had a dinner party and hosted it. On all accounts, it went great. I really put myself out there and socialize but then I spend days afterward ruminating over why Im less than, or can't show my true self or whatever. And then I feel the need to isolate. Im not sure of where to find the balance.

[@dianastella]

I wasn't expecting this. I was expecting to be blamed for being unable to cope with certain people, but it's true, people are triggering indeed, specially new generations.

[@liltsummerlin423]

It wears Me OUT... One day around people (other than a significant other) and it's like I was out all night partying.. Exhausting

[@southernbellerising]

Thank you, Anna. This was helpful & validating.

[@BergenholtzChannel]

Yeah. I am the only one that loved the isolation of the pandemic.

[@MegaPlucas]

I have a habit of sneaking out of social engagements because I don't have the confidence to announce my departure. It's awkward as hell.

[@Star-333]

There is a phrase for this it’s called “the Irish goodbye” lol I used to do it also and have a friend that does it at parties-most people don’t get upset with him over doing it except one person who thinks he will suddenly change and stop doing it lol

[@sweetsavour6174]

I literally was told today by my boss "I'm done. I give up. I'm tired of you being offended by everything." Which is true. I am offended by a lot of things. I held it together until I could get out of there and get home to my couch and my heating pad. I do not know how to *be* around people. I'm so hypervigilant it's neurotic. I can never let down or be relaxed. I work in retail so there's always the expectation of the mask. And now the realization that they can see right through me anyway. My inner child is in the fetal position, sucking her thumb, right now.

[@chilloften]

You did your best, it will all work out.

[@sweetsavour6174]

@@user-zr6pl6nb6z I'm so sorry. Good ol' "unseen injuries" and their effect on our lives.

[@sweetsavour6174]

@@chilloften I hope so. Thank you.

[@sweetsavour6174]

@@user-zr6pl6nb6z boy does that sound familiar!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We understand and are sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@jamesharmer9293]

I liked lockdown. It was calm and peaceful. There was no-one around, which was very good.

[@cshortridge1]

I'm way more comfortable with strangers than people I know. 🤣 Stranger danger doesn't exist for me. Hey...I'll never see them again so I can be myself! 🤷‍♀️ People I KNOW however are very difficult...

[@juliemickens1697]

"The most tender place in my heart is for strangers I know it's unkind, but my own blood is much too dangerous" Great lyric from Neko Case in the song "Hold On"

[@cshortridge1]

@@juliemickens1697 Yeah. This is my issue too. ❤️

[@tomtbi]

I still struggle with trusting others...My history of being Molested definitely doesn't help .... It might be a really wonderful thing if I could learn to let my guard down and let more people in more intimately in my life...

[@carly1628]

I isolate when dating, I go online for a month or two, then when something seems serious to avoid being triggered or facing my triggers, I go offline and end things. I only realized this habit through your content. Cultivating relationships that are safe containers for being triggered is so important!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@blinkypushbuttons]

People say dumb things to me almost every day that cause me anxiety and depression. I'm forced to be around them to survive. I deeply resent my species for how I've been treated at times, the platitudes they repeat when you have six holes in your head and bleeding out, the teasing and laughing about stupid things, the dismissing really mentally ill things in our culture, being an outcast when you point out the mentally ill structure of our society, the intrusions, the having to always assert boundaries that you shouldn't have to. Emdr helps me but can't always get to that when I need it. We're not superior to dogs. They're better. I have to look at the dog and say I'm leaving and she blinks one eye and looks away because it hurts her feelings, and THAT'S triggering too, knowing that humans are sociopaths and the dog has to be home alone all day long, makes me want to die 50% of the time

[@lindawaxman570]

I don't commit to things at church, I can't handle how I will feel when the time comes to do the project. I want the ability to not not show up. I like spontaneous things but if I'm comfortable with the person I do like the plan. For my comfort and ready to escape plan I always sit in the very back of any place, except a restaurant, I enjoy eating out which isn't often. Last few years now that I know about cptsd I'm more careful who I am acquainted with. I don't make close friends anymore it's safer. I do want to date but that hasn't happened yet. I'm more careful to be kinder and gentle with people even if I feel no connection. I don't care about sitting alone at church now. Except I don't go out much alone other than shopping bc it's too weird and some activities can be dangerous, walking alone at night or hiking or camping. Every one I know is married or has family. But I've learned to be content and vulnerable and open to healthy people and I don't expect them to be close friends. I'm not needy anymore but open for opportunities to be around safe people.

[@pearlzambrano7852]

I feel emotionally unsafe around people lol

[@Dattatreya-pm4lq]

Thank You for Your Kind Words Ma'am

[@elissacollins2290]

Yes people are triggering LOL ! I am in the middle of the reconnection bootcamp course.Its been hard going but also rewarding. I have had a few victories , I realise that I find it a lot easier to just shrug peoples micro aggressions off.I use to attach a lot of importance on other peoples opinions .Now I am thinking that its not my job to make them conform to my standards. I use to go on and on about it too long . Now I use the Daily practice more and let them drift away in the wind.. Let me NOT pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them. The time has come to embrace resilience instead of fear. Hope everybody here can start their journey if you haven't already ..its worth it.🤗

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So happy to hear the courses are helping! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@grinklar10]

I often wish I had a coach to accompany me to social events. They could observe while I interact, and then afterwards we could have a little conversation about how it went, and how to improve.

[@bonnies.d.1121]

Interesting. I've often wished I could "tag" along with someone competent and warm, and I could, like, hang onto their pant-leg and just observe how they do it.

[@grinklar10]

@@bonnies.d.1121 I especially don't understand female relationships. I often sit in coffee shops trying to figure out how that's done. I would like to have a female friend, but I don't understand female rules of relationship.

[@bonnies.d.1121]

@@grinklar10 Same here! (I think it stems from my unsatisfactory relationship with my mother...) Anyhow, I assume you're frustrated about it, so I hear you. (I'm just goin' out for coffee now...with my journal!) Best wishes (and thanks for sharing...it got me thinking; it's been a help)).

[@sMarti4803]

Omg..YES PEOPLE..even people I LOVE TRIGGER ME.. hubby was around while my CPTSD was ongoing.. so he has more knowledge than MOST.. but he and me an US struggle... he was on outside..while I was a focused point of trauma.... gosh.. so hard to explain.. my mom (the DV VICTIM) Just says sorry. And doesn't help.. I self isolate more than I café to admit.. replaces so many with my 2 dogs and my cat.. LOVE their unconditional love.. which is what I feel I was LACKING...

[@riturana4787]

Hello Everyone! I hope all my friends are trying their best to thrive in life and moving on. Lately, I have been thinking to connect with people who had similar experiences like me in childhood and want to connect or may be form a group where we all can connect( whoever wants to share and talk with each other and supporting them). Please comment on this if you want such, we can make a group without boundaries of any country and culture in this I guess we all are same by our experience. Also I would like to thank fairy and love from India. Your videos helped me a lot and made me aware about the things I was struggling with( had no idea initially what it was). I still feel them because healing takes time I guess but now at least I understand my emotions and reason behind it. My gratitude Ma'am and wishes for you and the community who are working hard so people can be aware. Love and Regards, Reetu :)

[@leilanidow1]

I’m just sitting in my car watching videos and feeling alone. I don’t want to go home because I am renting a room and the home owner is home and I don’t want to socialize. I should work (I do Uber on my days off) but I don’t want to talk to people. I don’t have the energy to be courteous and social if someone starts talking to me. This is not a normal feeling for me but it is familiar as I go through this sometimes. It feels debilitating which is frustrating because I am struggling financially but I just can’t get out of this depression. It’s been going on for weeks now which is not normal for me. Usually it’s just a few days.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So sorry to hear that, sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@scottmcphee7714]

I will use this as an example & this is just my insight or my personal experience on this....especially here in Liberal California ( And I say Liberal because the hippies are all grown-up into there golden years ) 'people are competing for validations' 'more then it ever has been before'... in physical social platforms like church organizations 12 step recovery rooms,sports clubs,golf courses etc etc...because there personal lives are lonely or they maybe going through divorces,or drug & alcohol recovery & the list goes on .... so I get that feeling of 'the need to compete' which triggers ME ...leaving me standing alone or in a corner making me want to leave & go home ... Then the narcissism 'can be present' in these gatherings...I was a member of Golden Hills Community Christian Church in Brentwood for 3 solid years every weekend while living in Oakley.. trying to strike up friendships out side of work at U.P.S. ........sure I met some nice people',shook some hands had some small talk...but what I found was that these people had busy lives,involved in the church,they had kids,other friends making me feel 'the need to compete' more ....or was it that I was being 'LABLELED' because they had sensed pessimistic vibes from ME ? leaving me Isolated? so this went ON for 3 yrs.....I got invited over to a couple's home a couple of times for a barbeque & bible study....but they had kids too & a Home & Jobs....I went to several functions at the church on my own & it was fun & it was the same hello's & hand shakes then they were OFF .... so in the end after 3yrs no one wanted to get close to ME personally as friends or a possible romantic partner to go do something FUN out side of church.....I eventually stopped going to that church & was back to the Isolated person & in my comfort zone again!

[@Namelessonne]

For me it's not triggering. They all are doing exactly the same hurtful things that I experienced for all my life in family, with friends and intimate partners. Maybe there are decent people somewhere, but I never met them. I'm open to new possibilities, but I'm not lowering my standards.

[@CubanMelanin]

Your videos are so helpful

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you like them! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@cupcake0480]

Until I got a C-ptsd diagnosis I believed I was an introvert. I think I am naturally introverted but the trauma made isolating a very easy option for me. It’s when I feel my safest. Even talking to someone starts a fear in me that I can’t just run away, and so the feeling of not being able to escape becomes overwhelming so avoidance started. When I was a little child I was made to wait in my small bedroom for physical punishment from my mom. She’d hit me with wooden sticks, across my back and head (I can still hear the sound of it against my head), she’d make me wait for hours sometimes knowing this was going to hapoen. There was no means of escape. Although I did wonder if I could climb through the window, but being only around 5 I was scared of getting into trouble for that and had no where to go anyway. Maybe it’s this ‘not being able to escape’ is what contributed to this fear of being around people and not being able to get away.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

These types of family situations are awful. Sorry you have experienced that. Daily Practice (free course) can help with the understandable fears and resentments: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice, and if you’re looking for more Anna has a longer course, Healing CPTSD: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Once you heal, it would be much easier to work on social life. Anna also has the Connection Bootcamp course, if you are interested: bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy

[@rdbeckett590]

If anything they make me angry…… I am extroverted person but i can loose it and I am not too shy about it either. You might say I am a justice dog but too over the top - I should have a badge!!! Lol anyway, I have to self regulate a lot I am adhd and close to 60. I can’t drink cause then I will not only hurt someone else but myself too so I leave the whiskey alone now 30 years. My dogs and cats are such a big part of my life. Only child and no kids. I was scapegoated a lot and people have just irritating me mostly except a few close friends. I don’t care cause to be used and abused in intimate relationships is just not worth it anymore. I stay close to my animals, angels, and GOD and that works for me. Thank you precious lady you are a GODsend! ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing, glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@elizabethalexander6528]

I never know where to look. I really do get uncomfortable when at my meetings . Not all thetime butI now that you mentioned it. I will have to think about this more.

[@lakshmihaobam9909]

Paradox is we r so good in keeping a straight face even when internally we r in an intense turmoil, like mouth shut and eyes wide.

[@pearlzambrano7852]

I'm chilling minding my own business and people out of no where will criticize me and throw shade at me when I've never done it to them it's annoying man. People can't go five minutes without being judgy in my opinion.

[@avp6730]

Omg! This is exactly what I’m going through! I recently had to move unexpectedly and decided to start a new life and stop isolating as I ‘d been doing during the pandemic. I started going to quizzes and quests to meet people and as a result I ended up having anxiety attacks(. I just feel like an outsider even though everything seems fine on the outside. But I had to withdraw to just get myself together. I’m not sure how to deal with this. On the one hand, I’m not even sure I’m interested in these people, on the other I want normal relationships...

[@cristinaevans139]

I’m so scared I didn’t ever want to see anyone ever again it’s just too much 😢

[@bhajandaniel9771]

I like being alone, no, love it. I never feel lonely, though. I don't think I know what that is. I asked my nephew a little while ago to describe it but I couldn't relate. Solitude is peace and freedom, a feeling of open space and quietude. And there's hardly anything I dislike more than hearing a knock on the door. But I care about people. I don't want people to suffer and I help people when they need it. I don't hate people. I simply prefer solitude more. My parents, particularly my father, should have never been parents. This love of solitude is a way I found to adapt. At close to 70, changing isn't something that will happen but I use my solitude well and creatively.

[@tallyfriend9701]

Izzi, my big black dog is a lifeline❣️

[@gogogolyra1340]

Yes!

[@helgams1214]

Wow you are discribing my life in this video! Isolation and loneliness is most of my life. I know how triggering people is and it's really hard for me to trust and connect, and create real bonds. Now I know the cause CPTSD. Thank you for helping so much with this videos. It's good to know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I might also be an undiagnosed Autistic Spectrum adult. I often wonder why everyone seems to have a bunch of friends, social life, a couple, etc and for me is too difficult even to make a friend. Isolation is not voluntary. I want to change this situation and hope I can improve this areas one day.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing, we're sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@iamintentional]

Why do you assume it is unhealthy? Who wrote the definitive book on what is healthy? How do you know what I (or anyone) wants or needs? The one thing I took with me after working in Beth Loftus' lab at the U of W is one size never fits all. I wasn't always a high functioning agoraphobic but as I have aged it was a natural progression. Limiting my exposure to people does not invalidate our interactions or any enjoyment we both experience as a result. What it does is limit my amount of suffering after that interaction. I am 62 years old. I didn't become aware of my C-PTSD until about 10 years ago because the vast majority of my personal memories (good and bad) cannot be accessed. Most of what I do remember is bad but even those are just fragments...like torn up photographs. Finding a competent and helpful therapist is like looking for one grain of sand in the ocean. For my sanity, I had to cut ties with everyone in my family except my son and one distant cousin who lives over 2,000 miles away. My best and only friend is God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I take exception to the use of the word "normal" and to anyone (other than God) who attempts to define me by the word unhealthy. I do appreciate your sharing your experiences because I can relate to the way you have learned to function based on your challenges. Everyone has challenges of one kind or another. It is called being human.