Cptsd Stop Trying to PROVE Yourself| Overcome Gaslighting

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[@sonalagarwal724]

Saying a gaslighter " You are allowed to think that" I'm allowed to stay in my perspective. Is SUCH A POWERFUL POWERFUL SENTENCE.

[@brittnierene03]

My mother severely gaslighted me. Made me deny my intuition throughout childhood setting me up for serious failures. I take responsibility as an adult but I see how my childhood has played a huge role in my misdirection with life. Thank you!

[@danielraypickrel4316]

Been working to help my aging Mother, her depressive gaslight is a difficult lesson.

[@mandolaa]

Ιn my early 20s I realized how f*cked up I was inside and how my childhood trauma made me sabotage myself a thousand of times through wrong decisions and bad relationships. But I guess everything is a lesson. Now I can't wait to heal and start my own life!

[@bailujen8052]

My mum accused me of remembering things wrong, i knew she was speaking things wrong and not to be justified

[@trevorm772]

Same here at least now we know better for our kids 💯

[@mrs8792]

I had a group of people judging me and talking behind my back recently. Finally, after years of gaslighting and counseling, I just don’t give a rip!

[@HaleyMary]

Same! It took me many years to not pay attention to people who gossip behind my back, but I have decided now that I don't have time for that kind of childish drama in my life.

[@ddgg4570]

It also took me many years😢depressed. It's really hurt & so confused. No one in this world deserve the gaslighting!

[@EmersonOlivares-ph5lo]

Others are immature try to talk about others every day!

[@LeahIsHereNow]

F em. 😂

[@JW-uq9yt]

You are the therapist who really knows what is going on in our life 😭

[@kimsmith819]

You described my life perfectly. I no longer look for anyone to validate my feelings and needs. I now take care of them myself. I got tired of being an extension of the narcassist. I want to be mme and be my own person. I have found myself again ❤

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Yes it's a wonderful planet to be, there where we are not swept from self and personal goals focus joy and balance to frustrations and rejection pain caused by these selfish projecting people, who have rejection issues themselves but will never show it with human honesty. Just sending their nasty vibes to their target with or without words and gestures. Up and down patterns in emotions are gone when we are separated from narcissists in our inner circle life.

[@EsotericOccultist]

It's crazy (in a good way) how accurate her information is!

[@longstoryshort8657]

being yourself feels like luxury after narc abuse and yes gaslighting by them and yourself

[@realityisbest8963]

So very happy for you!! I am on the same journey as well! Blessings. ❤

[@taylorfausett177]

​@@peaceofmindofpeace1650I know you wrote this 2 years ago but I wanted to tell you that the up and down you talked about gave me high blood pressure. Once I got him out of my life, my blood pressure went back to normal. I couldn't believe that being in this situation could actually cause such a significant effect on my health.

[@user-onyoutube868]

Hold onto your reality, and allow others to have theirs whether you agree with it or not. Simple, but powerful. It eliminates trying to prove your reality.

[@meekenhunter]

Michelle, you don’t talk in circles You explain things so clearly and I for one, am so very grateful. Thank you always.

[@EmersonOlivares-ph5lo]

You ask them questions that justify what they are proving to you sometimes they want to be better than others!

[@hanswollo2545]

A strong woman knows she has strength for the journey...but a woman of strength knows on the journey she will become strong....to a most beautiful flower who happens to be both.

[@breakthroughmoment1647]

That intermittent validation is what keeps us on that hamster wheel of seeking their approval. My narc mom always denies my sense of smell. If I notice an odor, she will pretend like she can’t smell it, but if someone else walks in the room, and they say THEY smell it, she will instantly agree. She does this with EVERYTHING. Once in a while she will validate my perceptions or perspectives, but then will retract her affirmation and revert back to the gaslighting.

[@LeahIsHereNow]

EXACTLY!

[@nata7536]

It's not just feelings and perspectives. It can also someone who lies about things that straight up, objectively happened from little things to big things, over and over again. This destabilizes your memory, your sense of self, your sense of reality, and your ability to solidly incorporate new memories.

[@pchsndcrmfrvr]

My heart goes out to all those who were abused as children, and who are in difficult situations, where leaving isn’t straightforward, even if you want to. Finances, disability, resources. There’s so many factors which challenge the ability of leaving. It isn’t straightforward and I see you ❤️

[@paulversteegh7376]

Another very powerful video. I’m 53 and can’t let go of parents approval. I’ve been conditioned all my life to this day. I was raised by gaslighting and wasn’t aware of it until now.

[@barryosullivan3428]

This is what my family did to me after my Mother died. It was bad enough dealing with the dreadful grief of losing her when she was only 62 but to have them accuse me of being too sensitive and dwelling on my natural grief reaction, I think at least temporarily that drove me mad...

[@johnpaul2285]

The narcs grief is very short lived except for themselves I’ve had a similar experience and holding back tears to long had made me sick and mad I will only cry alone to let out the poison To cry isn’t weak but is what I believe to be necessary for the mind, body and soul

[@avalancherose]

Cut them out forever. And keep your mum in your heart, the rest is just toxicity. You don’t need it. You need love ❤️

[@TYGZus777]

So sorry you had to be exposed to that abuse and especially from people who are supposed to support you. Having dealt with three family deaths in the past three years, with every death my family structure has broken down more and more. It's unbelievable how death tears some families apart.

[@taylorfausett177]

I'm sorry you went through that. My mother died at 62 also and I was really fucked up about it for a long time. I wonder if your family criticized because they didn't want to feel those difficult emotions. By saying that you are too sensitive, they can justify being in denial and not experiencing their emotions. Very unhealthy on their part. I'm just trying to understand.❤

[@taylorfausett177]

​@@TYGZus777Same thing happened my family and then we didn't want to see each other as well because seeing them brought back all the grief and pain.

[@johnpaul2285]

Only prove yourself to yourself is all that is important They really don’t care , so keep it to yourself Thank you Michele Can’t prove that fuchsia color looks great on you but it does

[@phoenixrising8007]

It’s ok for your opinion to differ from others It’s okay for you to agree to disagree It’s okay to see another’s point of view as their reality without dismissing your own POV It’s okay to hold your reality as your truth regardless of what others say, think or do Stay true to you ✊❤️

[@Jolene830]

This video is so helpful, you really hit the nail on the head. When gaslighting is happening it’s so hard to put the experience into words. This describes it exactly right, love the examples.

[@Joshdifferent]

Absolutely grew up in a narcissistic families system, and I was a Scapegoat. And then I ended up dating a narcissist woman for five years after I was discarded I started to dig into my family origin.

[@martinwassupujam1]

This was so on point Michele. Many with Narc parents or abused by narcs have lost their identity pr haven't developed one because they are trained to accept Nrcs opinion as law instead of allowing that they have their one agency/feelings

[@alexatakebackyourpowergrie872]

12:24 I understand how you can feel that you've talked in circles but Definitely not talking in circles. You are spot on with everything and very helpful 👍🏽! Thank you!

[@noracharles9366]

Ok, i so need your wisdom in my life🎯👭 💖

[@stephenrobb7531]

Yes I agree with all of that. Thank you for your help and it's very helpful blessings

[@helloworld188]

Just what I needed

[@catherinepraus8635]

I always got the whole "who do you think you are" bullshit when i accomplished something i was proud of then if i failed at something they would tare me down even more with a See your not as smart as you think you are,i mean they by my abusive family members and my ex of 22yrs so messed up

[@triplekids3]

I been though the same thing it’s crazy making

[@FromSurvivingToThriving]

The double bind manipulation - so awful!

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

They are so envious and mean it's unbelievable but unfortunately real..

[@AnthonyManzio]

@@FromSurvivingToThriving I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 14 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 39 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous haters and are very miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker who follows women after work. All bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start gaslighting, smearing and bullying me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Just don't react and don't try to defend myself which will only go back and forth making me look even more guilty. Action always speaks louder than words. Just best to ignore them and let them find another easier target. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.

[@t.n.patronis4098]

Everything you said is true. These videos are so helpful!

[@djmandyland]

OMG!! I struggled SO hard when once in a blue moon he'd say "I want to understand, help me understand" then I'd continue to try to explain and they would just get mad again but every once in awhile he would sit silent and say "you're right... that makes sense, I understand" ugggg THOSE moments kept Mr around for 5 years 😭

[@kalidz6298]

Thank you, you explaine it very well 👍🏼, the person who experiance such abuse understand it

[@dreams_tea_ivy3169]

Thank you for this video, it's so helpful!

[@AshlyRa]

Recently started trusting my own choices and decisions and loving it actually feeling a lot of relief that I don't have to convince people n all. Not needing validation is making me feel free. It's like I can do whatever I want dreams , choices, relationships, or even simple things like the food, exercising which my ex narc bestie used to hate upon, I like cooking but my mom used to hate it and not allow me in the kitchen (now m nc) and for few months I was like I will learn to cook and show her that I am amazing at it 1 day I realised (actually my aunt made me realize) I don't need to prove anyone they are anyway gonna hate so, I m enjoying it so I do it , it's simple as that.. etc. Love it❤️. And loving the series of videos it's very very helpful🙏🏻.

[@Nicole-id1mg]

I needed this . I need this. I need to grasp this. It’s hard saying I’m a “victim” but I am. It’s so hard to wrap my head around it’s actually this bad. This evil.

[@Kinera-yr9ym]

This is the best video i have come across w.r.t Gaslighting. Thank you so much for this video❤

[@CB19087]

My mum gaslit me for 40yrs. Subsequently I have repeatedly chosen friends and lovers who gaslight me. It triggers a deep deep sense of despair in me now I have seen what is happening.

[@Sirenita.Onoquichtic3]

This hurts so much :(. Thank you for getting to the core of so much

[@triawillow1972]

It's only confusing if you haven't been through it. If you've been through it your words bring such clarity. Thank you for sharing your wisdom sister, many blessings🫂💜✨

[@trevorm772]

I’m 25 going through this with my girlfriend of 8 years when you said you don’t know who to trust unless somebody else confirms it it made me so mad.

[@ddgg4570]

Yeah!😢 everything's unbelievable!! I do the Big good things from my heart to friends I Love a lot. &I have no idea why she thinks that way! I feel so bad &I think it wasted a lot lot times to explain I never thought the ways she said! It's so stupid! It never makes sense!! Oh! I've never thought in my life to underwent anything like this! Thanks a lot❤️for healing me😢for explaining this to me

[@rohitbasavaraju8216]

Insightful video, thanks Michele!

[@ritaodriscoll2093]

This is utterly brilliant. I've just had a light bulb moment. I'm constantly ruminating and going around in the same loop, in despair that my husband of 30 years who is a covert narc can't see my side of things. He has no interest in seeing it or my feelings. My gut has been telling me with the last year to walk away. I need to listen to me.

[@taylorfausett177]

Yes! It made perfect sense. Your video explained it better than any I have seen. Thank you for validating my experience.

[@Amy-ek4vq]

This changed my life. Thank you

[@valeriegonzalez6629]

This video was right on.

[@EsotericOccultist]

You explained this perfectly. I'm really starting to get this through my head now thanks to you. I can feel how passionate you are about helping other people and I truly believe it makes you one of the best in the field when it comes to this material. I really want you to know you definitely helped me, I'm still taking your advice and I'm even staring to get more confidence around people that don't like me. You're the best.

[@LiftingUrVeil-LUV]

I have watched a lot of narcissistic videos but this the first that gave me an outlook of the part I play and why my actions are certain ways plus it give the prospective of romantic and familiar and other narcissistic relationships. This is really helping me heal

[@frogirl786]

This sets me free.

[@carriejones8854]

You didn’t talk in circles at the end… what you did was very important for those who struggle with cptsd because I think we often understand things better when they’re said or presented a few different ways. Listening to this I am in the middle of having emotions about what I am hearing, so I really feel like it is sinking in with the approach you took toward the end of the video. Thank you! I hope that helps you for future videos. These are fabulous!!

[@cathychase663]

You are JUST the best! OMG!!!! The only one that I would actually potentially pay for bc you completely nail me on nearly every video! It makes me feel less crazy!

[@abundantras6287]

“If you feel obsessed to prove something to the world, then you'd need world attention to be able to prove it.” Toba Beta

[@lesleygarvs4640]

When they send you gaslighting... And make strange movements as if you have dirt in your face... It s them... The only thing i would need to prove is... I am at the wrong party... 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

[@abundantras6287]

@@lesleygarvs4640 yeah when that happens his MOVE BACK 😅🤚🏿

[@nadiacavallini4728]

This post was phenomenal....story of my life in dealing with narc ppl. But yes, it’s such a wonderful feeling when I gave up on trying to get others to agree with what I know. Narc love gaslighting and once we self-validate, it’s a brand new world!

[@JohnnyB719]

So insightful! Made perfect sense. Don’t doubt yourself!

[@Star-uk1kh]

Brilliant !! Thank you ⭐ ❤️ ⭐

[@lorannab3092]

Spot on. If I have an opinion and 49 out of 50 people agree with me, I will disregard those 49 to concentrate on the only one who disagreed and will start to panic, thinking I must be wrong. It's crazy. Also, the glass of water analogy was so simple, yet so good. I'm definitely going to use it. Thank you :)

[@tanyaa9692]

Narcs and emotionally abusive people give intermittent validation so we think that if we explain our side of the story or in other words, prove ourselves, we stay stuck in the cycle of self gaslighting. The solution is to pay attention to how we feel and to give your opinion/feelings as much weight (if not more) as you give to their opinions/thoughts/feelings about you.

[@nevam6481]

I was just gaslighted, called him out for it and was met with pure rage, he raised his voice and continued to insult. I put my headphones on and left the room, which he just continued while in the other room. I wish I had recorded it, it was the perfect gaslight, I was relaxing, minding my own business and bam her he goes!

[@nevam6481]

@3:40 This is so spot on!! You'll always be the one that takes it the "wrong way" and you'll always be the one who wants drama!!

[@lwontherez7927]

Waterlines are people with borderline personality disorder I have a problem with their identity and I believe that they begin to try and get validation from others on their perspectives, beliefs, opinions, etc. And they want other people to agree with them. And I believe it’s also a narcissistic trait like you said. When I think of narcissism, I just think of a young child. A young child wants his parents to think that he’s right so he can get what he wants.

[@lwontherez7927]

That was not supposed to say water lines above. But borderlines. Also, it was not supposed to say I have a problem with borderlines. LOL. But rather, butter lines have a problem with their identity

[@lwontherez7927]

OK, never mind. Forget Siri and her voice texts. Ridiculous

[@oliverrojas3185]

Ms. Nieves, you speak very clearly and well on this subject of gaslighting. At no time did I sense a sort of confusion about your manner of explaining it. So it's understandable from different perspectives, you gave multiple examples of it.

[@blessedly4499]

This resonates so much, its so spot on! How painful & confusing it is.

[@Isabelmaryj]

Very clear Michele. Sometimes I do a thought experiment of what I would have liked the other person to say that might have validated me. Then I have compassion for the sad person in me who is struggling for that validation. When you haven't had it at key moments in key relationships and there has been gaslighting it can feel like the holy grail to be validated. But you are right we can learn to validate ourselves and learn that that does not mean getting rid of other perspectives. We do want to mature emotionally but if this very primitive need for mirroring has not been met in childhood and in later relationships it can set up this sense of being invisible. I find the wish to prove myself is also about seeing love as conditional and dependent on me finding the elusive thing that the other person wants me to be.

[@נעהצוובנר]

Thank you so much for your videos, it help a lot!!!

[@littleteethkeith]

This lady is describing my life.

[@mitchellbradley24]

Dude great video!

[@nastynate9871]

That was really important for me to hear right now. Informative and practical. Thank you so much.

[@devynomron]

This was so helpful! Thank you

[@user-cz8gi2om3n]

This is helpful and all, but I've had people use "we had different perspectives on this" or "we just misunderstood each other's intentions" to gaslight and avoid accountability by denying things they said and did.

[@sirisn4295]

Gaslighting can be so subtle and insidious. That one can’t make out easily…..

[@trudiswanson9855]

Yes, I definitely had a true enlightened moment when I realized that, I not only didn't speak out my own opinion, but was 'crushed', or didn't like the opinions of others. That was a BIG exercise training myself to stop 'taking' opposing opinions personally. I wondered where on earth this immature social skill came from. BUT I've also learned that no matter how often I'll practice a normal social skill, such as allowing another's opinion, if I encounter a stressful or threatening situation, I have to RELEARN through further interaction, the lost social skill. It's embarrassing. But I give myself permission to get it and keep trying. I was mentally abused... my whole life. Whether I keep a skill or momentarily forget one, I'm trying to make peace with my misgivings..... and keep going. ❤🇭🇲🐞

[@hillerm]

A very helpful video. For 15 years, I’ve been reliving a horrible breakup which included substantial gaslighting. This person treated me horribly and then made me think it was my own fault and that my complaints weren’t legitimate, and then she cut me off forever.

[@davidhinkson8856]

Michele, you're so correct here! It truly becomes frustrating trying to defend yourself or give your perspective when you dealing with these characters.

[@MichaelMichaelJr]

Powerful words! Have to give credit where it’s due. In my life I have often been underestimated, whether it be physically, mentally, or spiritually. I have a tendency to want to be understood and see for the value that I perceive in myself, yet it seems the harder you try to be understood the more frustrated you become. I’ve learned that I have nothing to prove and to simply let my actions and performance speak for itself. People don’t even need to know about my passions and dreams, but can see them when they come to fruition.

[@sunnygirl9691]

I think there’s an error here for some of us. We aren’t mistrusting ourselves. We can’t trust the actions of others who have been sooo hurtful to us. We fear the painful wrath we endure.but overall a good message 👍🏼

[@lesleygarvs4640]

One day, you will break free and not be afraid of them anymore... There are authorities... If somebody molest you... You are not alone, honey... Trust me, abusors run away only to know you know your human rights... Or simply mention... Oh, police... Blabla... And see them run... 👮‍♀️👮‍♂️😂🏃‍♂️

[@tiablasangoriti8347]

It made complete sence to me. Thank you for doing what you do Michele. You're videos are a lifesaver.

[@MrXslim]

Thank you for making this video I needed this I didn’t know how figure this on my own this video made me cry so much this the key I needed

[@MM-qg5xh]

Great to see you happy 💐

[@tiablasangoriti8347]

Yeah, it was unsafe to have a unique perspective the first 20 years. In my childhood Narccissistic household that ment I would be severely punished. with emotional and psychological abuse. That's where my EMESHMENT came from. Today I'll practice saying you're allowed to think that and I can think what ever I want and if you don't like it to bad.

[@bl4ckoutseven709]

Thank you for this video

[@acdude5266]

I wish I saw your videos when I worked for the government. I had a narcissist manager, lab director, and even management team. Either they came in with issues if grandiosity and lack of empathy, or the system hierarchy of organizations ruined them. The games that they played against staff, the constant gaslighting, the triangulating employees against each other, and rewriting narratives..

[@mc7108]

Yes I'm in need of what u talked about. This is the video I've been looking for. Thank you so much for making this video and choosing this topic. It's life changing for me. I know it will take a long process to reprogram my subconscious but i feel more released now.

[@marywilsonvocalist2181]

the NEED to prove myself keeps me stuck in rumination...due to severe gaslighting..when my book complete will that stop...15 years later..i chucked HIM out..still surrounded by where he stood in my surroundings

[@colinwalter9381]

Thanks so much for this…. It might be life saving to me. Wow…. I’m tearing up.

[@Ladileo1]

This was very very insightful on so many levels. Thank you

[@MM-qg5xh]

*Thank you!*

[@blainemartin7437]

Thank you for the person who recommended this to me!!!

[@AZTECIANGIRL]

U MADE A LOT OF SENSE ..

[@kentoxymoron6857]

Thanks for posting this important information which helps us all through difficult times and keeps us on the right path.

[@DigitalKnight]

I totally understand this need for the world to see my perspective, this video really resonates. Just left a 2 year highly abusive relationship where gaslighting and weaponising my guilt trap was used to control my reality. 2 months after the breakup and I'm starting to trust my reality now and see her for what she was doing to me. There is a weird mental block that happens in these dynamics to the victim where it becomes impossible to trust your own reality and for me, I always blame myself. But it wasn't my fault, she was an abuser. So desperate am I for the world to hear this, it's weird but it's starting to fade. Maybe why I also feel the need to write this comment 😂😢

[@Joshdifferent]

This is honestly what I’m working on currently

[@hannahrioux1596]

It made sense. Thank-you..it has helped very much.

[@rod287]

(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). THERE ARE NO FACTS ONLY INTERPRETATIONS

[@BittyBuddha_]

The only helpful video on this topic I’ve come across!

[@ADae2Remember]

WOW!! This is right on time!! I was just explaining this to someone about myself.

[@deepflyn3180]

It’s been really helpful, thank you so much ❤

[@kami9237]

Thank you!!!! From a victim

[@TYGZus777]

Michele, your presentations are pure clarification and enlightenment. Thank you again, and again, for validating and shining a spotlight on the reality of emotionally abusive people.

[@Nicole-ui5wv]

amazing video, this advice really brings my codependency to focus

[@charlesegbulefu7709]

Thank you Michelle

[@helasulaiman415]

Thank you so much angel ❤

[@healingtheinner1]

Fantastic! Thanks for sharing

[@giuliadi1317]

My therapist started doing this after years all of a sudden (or maybe I only realized now). I told him I believe I have symptoms of cptsd, he invalidated and belittled me (at least that's how I see it). When I confronted him about it and told him I felt abandoned and invalidated and couldn't trust him anymore he said that I abandoned him. Then some days ago he told me that he had lost trust in me. What?!

[@sirisn4295]

A LOT of therapists do that….. it’s mind numbingly triggering of all my traumas…… I’m learning to be patient and trust in me….. however the anger I feel is……. Cannot comprehend

[@dialecticop]

Você é ótima. Parabéns pelo trabalho.

[@jpourch]

This was so helpful for me. Thank you. 🙏

[@Backcash436]

Awesome video thank you! May Allah reward you for the help and the good that you do God willing Ameen 🤲

[@GodsChosenMekAmoR]

I need this. Thank you. Still healing layer by layer.

[@questshun808]

It seems my partner gaslights me as a go to so she can gain the higher ground on me and it works every time cause it plays on my emotions so easily. Trying to o recognize and not let it get to me is try hard part.