How to Cope with Communal Narcissism

[@claudinegrant7005]

I have just recently heard of the Communal Narcissist. This has been so helpful in trying to figure out my father. I've realized he is a narcissist but struggled to figure out in what way because he does not fit overt or covert types. He fits communal type very very well. He likes acknowledgement for any good he does ...he is very hyper focused on being noted for anything he does that could be construed as helpful or good. Neglected his 5 children emotionally in everyway but was always concerned about looking good on the outside. It's been a relief to figure it out.

[@jwsuicides8095]

Some great points here. Communal narcissism can sometimes be witnessed on KZbin. While "personalities" in front of camera can be useful for engaging with others and imparting info, galvanising support for issues, I've seen people make it too much about themselves. Sort of, "I am the face of....[insert worthy cause]". Social media has definitely expanded this dynamic.

[@erikavaleries]

Oh my gosh yes. I was just discussing disability being used against me. But some people use disability for fame on social media. I guess anything can be used to have a special status. I think this is why narcissists attacked people helping me. It showed me how they think even about attention I don't want for this reason. Actually if you get famous online for disabilities, you will be accused by trolls or online "competition" of all manner of things.

[@Worldschooler]

As a political organizer this was really helpful. I saw some website define communal narcissism as basically just caring about injustice in the world! I'm glad you point out that a litte can be great. But the extremes are a real problem: people who will lie, cheat, and gaslight in order to maintain their image as the most caring person around.

[@pinksparkle6891]

Thank you, this video is right on time, I have been dealing with two people that I considered friends that are communal narcissists.

[@suef5417]

Don't laugh but this reminds me of people at my local lawn bowls club. They just seem to want to outdo each other in the good deeds department and then can't stop talking about it to anybody who will listen. 😀

[@leeboriack8054]

It’s communal narcissism when their drive to help others runs out at home behind closed doors or when the camera stops rolling.

[@macrohedge]

One of by most friends is a communal narcissist. A key thing is that she really is super capable of using a caring story with a surreal level of Charme to win people for the cause and they all end up spending time on the cause, agreeing with her ideas and the ideas she supports, and they all are very subliminally punished when they bring their own ideas - that my friend is not superbly informed about or which may compete with her cause. It is clear that she is not the „leading“ entity in the groups she is in, but she essentially befriends the leaders so stably and strong that she controls them and the leaders are mere proxies. She is organizing who is coming in into the group, who is leaving, and how the leaders operate. It is very fascinating to watch. But you can see it it the complete disinterest and lack of deeper care and empathy on anything that can not be used for the overall dynamic. She can go astray and show empathy for a long time to convert people who are deviating from the group but are needed for the group back to compliance. But otherwise she also manages to exit them gracefully by isolating them indirectly - by not including them into the latest topic moving through the group, It is very interesting to watch and I learned a lot about leadership. But it is quite sad overall because she and everyone involved in the groups seem increasingly sad and depressed and people start to regress.

[@louises2229]

I had a coworker that was like this. She manipulates every supervisor she has ever had in order to have power over coworkers she doesn’t like. Any coworker that rubs her the wrong way is an attention seeking manipulator and she is a super empath who is always the victim .

Thank you for your insightful explanation and suggestion to emphasize other aspects of a person :-) also the emphasis on flexibility. Very helpful.

[@lioubovgrant1935]

Thank you ! 👍

[@leonardsiebeneicher5550]

Sometimes I observed how overgeneralized phrases are used to shut down genuine expressions of feelings. But, the same time maintaining a persona of a positive helpful person. I wonder if communal narcissism might reveal itself by this kind of emotional 'invalidation' language. Telling someone who suffer from depression overgeneralizing advices like … "you alone are responsible for your luck" … telling that there is a 'law of attraction', telling that negative thoughts will attract negative things. So one has to think positive to attract positive things.

[@lsunstein]

My husband is always helping his kids. Fixing this fixing that. They are very enmeshed. Can a vulnerable float from communal back to vulnerable?

[@leeboriack8054]

Are you jealous of the time he spends on his kids? Is the time he spends with his children in proportion to what he spends with you? Are the kids from a previous relationship? Sometimes narcissist can be very jealous of their own children. On the flipside, narcissist, to be horrible to their spouse an absolutely wonderful with children as long as they are small and Dependent.

[@Nicole-vw2iy]

What kind of person is really community oriented and wanting to help vulnerable women, but then preys on them sexually and uses them to make their image better? Is that more dark tetrad versus just narcissism?

[@ashleybennetts3108]

These concepts sound good, but when I think about applying them my mental exhaustion kicks in. I have a communal narcissist for a father. I'm at the end of my rope with his manipulation, controlling nature disguised in altruism, gaslighting/guilt tripping, immature reactions and irritations....e t c... I'm one "you should think about that more" away from DONE. (I'm 34, happily married, with 2 of his grandkids... The only reason I've kept the door open for him is for my kids and him. I love my father, but I can't stand him!!)

[@elizabethy2912]

A controlling communal narc, is going to also do all of these same tactics on your kids!! Check out triangulation , and weigh your choice of no-co tact or minimal contact. In my opinion, you're taking a risk of being alienated from your kids as they get older, by this influence. It's NOT ALTRUISTIC, and it is a risk. Good luck. Oh, my husband is also an altruistic/ communal narc, and he alienated and triangulated my children, and now, after HE disowned her, my youngest daughter has nothing to do with both- even though I had nothing to do with disowning her, bc I allowed it to occur while she was growing up, without my knowledge. I didn't get educated about my husband being a narcissist until last year, when she was 21. It's ALL ABOUT THEM, UNDERNEATH, ALL THE TIME!!

[@manapeace]

My charming and sadistic sibling liked to be on the board of directors for charities to boost his image.

[@heatherbowman9450]

234 likes MENTAL HEALTH KING🤴👱‍♂️🙏

[@DKSE123]

It would be far easier to cope , if I could comment on your posts & get a response but we know that'll never happen

[@peterharris6604]

Thanks

[@erikavaleries]

My family plays hero in the community while abusing me with a disability. They make me out to be at fault for my issues and not overcoming them so they tell others lies & not to "enable" me by helping. They took control of my money needed for surgery. I got free from them but I know they will lie in court if I try to get control of my account. I'm afraid they will try to put me in a conservatorship. Is there any advice you can give to present my case?

[@grmpEqweer]

Maybe start by contacting a disability rights organization that can help with finding an attorney? Just a thought.

[@erikavaleries]

@@grmpEqweer I contacted one so far. Do you know of any in particular? Thank you for confirming what I did right so far!

[@Judygurl2]

Gads. I don't know of a specific attorney but you might want to start by googling relevant terms (like "disability attorney") followed by your town or "near me." I found a good bankruptcy attorney this way and I could read their online reviews. Good luck. You definitely don't want to fight this alone.

[@grmpEqweer]

@@erikavaleries Oh, that just seemed logical. If your adversary will strike, strike first yourself.

[@erikavaleries]

@@Judygurl2 Thank you for the support. I made that exact mistake of going through about ten surgeries alone, trying to get better. But narcs will spin everything against us. I feel more prepared from KZbin support!! I'm very grateful to be understood and believed. Most people are fooled by the faux concern as a front for abuse & control.

[@anonanon257]

Groupthink

[@minoozolala]

You’re talking about how to deal with insecure, jealous people. Narcs are on a whole different level. You don’t seem to understand how evil they are.

[@CraigMalkin]

You're confusing narcissism with NPD or psychopathy, a common mistake for those with lay theories and no clinical experience or training.

[@minoozolala]

@@CraigMalkin Well, you should make clear that you’re not speaking of NPD at all and that you’re referring to individuals with what are sometimes called narcissistic traits. You can see the confusion in the comment section.

[@CraigMalkin]

@@minoozolala I haven't watched this video in a while, but I generally make it clear in every video how I think about narcissism versus NPD, which is how it's thought about clinically theoretically and in research. Most of the discussions outside of experienced clinicians have been reduced to empty caricature and fear mongering. I'm interested in both in narcissism and NPD. One can't really be understood without the other and that's a failing of much discussion.

[@Natalie82170]

Really? You're really appealing to the communal narcissists conscience? They don't have one and in many ways they are worse than other types for reasons which I'm sure you are aware of.

[@jamesnoonan9753]

Does anyone notice how there is absolutely nothing definitive that has been written about “narcissism”. I mean Dr. Phil even came out with a series on the subject and even that was sort of meh.

[@CraigMalkin]

There’s plenty of definitive work on it by experts in the field. Just not outside it.