Trauma Reactions That Ruin Your Chances at Love

[@Augfordpdoggie]

its amazing how neglectful parents can destroy our lives 30 and 40 years later

[@ARA-ee9yr]

@@Alphacentauri819 i love that, it’s beautiful. I am still weirded out by my own ability to fear my potential. When I wake up I feel anxiety creeping up, because then I realize it‘s time to take care of myself. Maybe I expected my parents to come up to me, like it was in the past and try direct the course of my life to their liking. Wow, it seems that I really can get to answers through writing. Thanks to your comments I am writing this :) Greetings 🎀

[@Cookiejug1]

Still experiencing that neglect 65 years later.

[@holeesheet2021]

My mom did a job on me as a kid. Terrible parent, gaslit me and blamed me for all her problems. Serious lack of attachment to her. I was lucky enough to find a woman to accept me and love me, we were married for 20 years... until my mom died, brought up all kinds of suppressed childhood memories and trauma. My marriage went to hell, as I seriously re-experienced my trauma from childhood. Fucked me up beyond belief. The marriage is over, to my great sadness... yet three years later, I am so lucky to be dating a great woman. There is hope. I have ben in therapy for over 2 years. Game changer.

[@jenrich111]

It depends on what selfish parents do/did to you - what they steal from you - how they break and neglect you. Can last your whole life time. Fight back - take your life back. We get one life. Focus on caring about yourself by eating healthy and exercising.

[@jenrich111]

@@Alphacentauri819 do you listen to Richard Grannon? Love his work (and Anna's CCF)

[@psycherevival2762]

‘Limerance can only happy when you don’t actually know somebody.” - Anna

[@ktmggg]

One thing I've discovered to break an obsessive thought train - because it feels like a runaway locomotive - is to brush my teeth. It forces me to focus on myself (self-care), the minty taste of toothpaste is a sensory jolt (refocusing my attention) and it keeps me from binge eating or drinking anything (the toothpaste alters the taste). And I have a bright and shiny smile. Bonus!

[@sadie9386]

Kati, you are not alone. I didn't date for 8 years then someone kissed me. The happy, fun person that I was disappeared and I became a wreck, laughing one minute then crying the next. I checked my phone constantly and gave up my job . I had a full blown panic attack in a nail shop when I saw a girl that I thought he liked. What else should I expect though when my mother couldn't stand the sight of me and treated me with such hatred all my life. I'm going to do Anna's dating course.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I"m glad to hear it, the Dating course is my favorite :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@bethlanglois9361]

One thing that I see too is that she feels like lying about herself will get her the results that she wants- like if I lie and say I’m the cool/chill girl when I’m really not feeling that way, then I’ll get rewarded with a relationship. This, I think, is because we were taught to lie about ourselves so much in childhood to get love from our parents- please them with whatever they want and suppress our thoughts likes and opinions just so we can get a little security from them. Then we do this w friends and lovers and we kind of know we can’t keep up the charade forever in the back of our mind and then boom… panic and anxiety and then the desire to set the whole thing on fire then feeling like a failure!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Right, vicious cycle- but we can get out of it! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@jaredleemease]

“I would really like to kiss you, is it okay if I kiss you?” ….I think this is the best approach, passion and intensity can follow later, but asking first feels so much better and respectful for me personally. 😃

[@Adralove3]

“Emotional Sobriety”…. what a beautiful term!!❤

[@sar.c5835]

“Someone who thinks you’re worth it rather than you being this little tiny peeled grape out in the world trying to pretend that you’re as tough as a rock” 🥺. You hit the nail on the head. Needed to hear this. I haven’t dated anyone in 2 years either or been sexual. Her story is so similar to my behaviors and I experienced what you guessed. It is soooo vulnerable and what keeps me going is I want to heal my way into the person’s arms who finally is safe & wants to take me as I am. Your words were much needed encouragement not to give up

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks so much for sharing! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@di3486]

Healing is freeing and awesome. Does not guarantee ANYTHING in the realm of relationships but you’ll have a great relationship with yourself.

[@christineherrmann205]

It sounds to me like the kiss may not have been as welcome as Anna seemed to think. The stalking social media isn't only positive obsession (I want this person) it can be defensive (I need to make sure this person won't actually hurt me). The trick is to figure out WHY you're freaking out over a new person. If there's an abuse issue under there, anyone who makes a quick move can activate that "I need to find out all I can about this person and gain their approval or they may hurt me" reaction. The whole fallout really feels like that to me. Just my 0.02, but I wish you luck!!

[@Toni_Snark]

I think people are using the term “narcissist” way too much. Everyone is self-absorbed and has narcissistic tendencies to a point- it’s human nature. Labeling other people narcissistic is placing all the blame on the other person instead of acknowledging what we have brought to the table- the good, the bad, and the ugly.

[@orkumm]

I agree with you this term is used very lightly, but it's also true that some people goes up way too much on the narcissist scale; and others to a pathological level, as my mother, and I didn't bring her, she brought me actually 😆 And that shapes relationships in adulthood (something I share with many people on this channel I suppose)

[@rugrat1235]

Agreed. Most ppl called a narcissist are, more than likely, not a narcissist. "Narcissistic behavior" would be more appropriate. Or just "azzhole".

[@doreenplischke2169]

Agreed. However trauma bonds do not happen w/either one party ‘getting’ it I believe. Victim hood is never a long term way to overcome however I’de like to point out that it is what it is and PD’s are a real pathology. Unless you have been around, lived with or are related to such someone who suffers from any type of PD you are less likely to understand. The concept of ‘2 take equal parts’ falls sadly more than short as an explanation and it is a hallmark of such a particular type of RS dynamic bringing to evidence that paradoxically the ‘victim’ is in most cases the one who initially feels like they are the one who is the dysfunctional one, the one, who is to blame, the one, who is too sensitive, who has their own issues…all true. However ‘true’ NPD behavior is something that cannot occur obvious to anyone who is within the dynamic, aka the other person, who takes mostly ALL fault, who is usually blamed..ect. and intermittently also at the same time who sometimes IS treated differently. Even good. Even overly fantastic. Only to end up in a cycle that unless one is a very well trained clinicians cannot possible conceptualize and detect. Many do somehow know all along. And yes of course since there is 2 ppl, 2 ARE involved. Two pods in a pot kinda thing. I get it. But 2 ppl consumed by a pattern of a trauma bond would typically not be aware enough and even educated enough on mental health to be able to choose that. It is humans who each hold their own trauma, aware or not.

[@oceansoflorewi]

Exactly. Calling neglectful partners narcissist's is such a useless dead end- it makes more sense that due to our trauma WE ARE the crazy ones with the problems and if anything we need to LEARN how to be narcissistic! I think thats what abused people truly lack that other people observe and love- AN EGO! I have no idea how to be 'full of myself' I just know how to be the pathetic obsessive victim.

[@erin9243]

Tons of people really are narcissists though. They’re everywhere

[@toyahbetheglory2140]

Anna and her work here really is a gift. Appreciate the amount of time put into these videos. They seem to be just on time most every time. Thanks to y'all at the ccf team for all you do 💛

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Appreciate you! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@user-ph4mg1mh9c]

I quit dating years ago it’s just not worth the turmoil, single and mostly happy

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Same here... Peaceful way to live ..

[@talktaboo2me169]

I been this way but loneliness was dealing w me but now … count me back in 😘

[@marthac7700]

You are an unhealed dismissive/fearful avoidant I presume. Dating is not a turmoil for healthy people, you are just making excuses for being unfit.

[@ckl5801]

I know what you mean…I hate to think of the pain of a break up if things don’t work out

[@Rubiastraify]

When I was first healing, and getting out into the dating world, after a date--particularly if it went well and we were attracted to each other -- I would "check in" with myself, and let whatever wanted to come to the surface to do so, and to be honest with myself. I discovered it's possible to feel contradictory emotions at the same time: "I'm excited because we're attracted to each other, and beginning to build something" and "I'm a little scared, because now I'm more vulnerable". Protect yourself and be compassionate with yourself as you would a child. You can protect yourself with your own boundaries, and allow yourself to relax a bit because you learn to trust yourself and your process. I found that I would have to take "baby steps" in terms of physical affection, and check in with myself in real time "How does this feel? Do I feel safe? Do I want to continue or slow down/stop?" You're in charge!

[@jb-ze1yh]

Wow. I feel her on this experience. I’ve been there before. Childhood trauma is terrible

[@graceandglory9743]

same here. May Jesus heal our wounds.

[@thomasmclaughlin3948]

Alcohol Plus CPTSD equals nuclear meltdown.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@bonniehill9518]

Absolutely.....has ruined my life.

[@sunnysunflower5513]

Lol 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 This me

[@lke4907]

I drank once this year and I realize that alcohol has no place in my life anymore. I have learned to love feeling everything even my disregulation because I am healing and I am learning to take power over my life. No more self sabotage and harmful behaviors!

[@nycrawgirl]

I love hearing these stories. A lot of us have been this woman or parts of her but felt like it was just us making bad choices. Thank you, Anna for encouraging her and all of us to heal.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for watching! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@CJ-uk1rt]

the stuff you said about tarot and astrology regarding relationships is spot on. I used to watch it to justify a guy's actions but not anymore. If I do watch it, it's for entertainment or general guidance but nothing major.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Great progress! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@sunshinecompany1]

I spent 4 yrs reading my x's horoscope ...many..till I'd find one that allowed my "happily ever after fantasy" to continue.😔total trauma bond.

[@talktaboo2me169]

Irrational decisions is a defense mechanism I found myself making 😢 I can relate to wanting to just get ova the “overthinking” when in reality it was my intuition/ discernment.

[@aquateal384]

Absolutely agree 100% about alcohol and CPTSD. Stop drinking, and the triggers become more manageable. There is still a lot of work to do around healing, but sobriety is a huge help along the way.

[@parklady4233]

You doing the Lords Work here. We need to get your message to 18-21 year olds and help them not to mess up their lives because they were abused.

[@wendybryan6071]

Even younger. Only 9% of foster youth graduate from high school. The CPS aims to reunify the family, and the criteria are bare minimum standards of care. There's no way to know whether the mother has changed in any meaningful and effective way or knows how to play a role when a social worker is watching. That dysfunctional family is all the child knows, and they want to be with their mom even at the cost of their emotional development. It's really disheartening.

[@Anekablooms]

Completely agree ! I’m currently 22 and after 18 months of therapy I enjoy Ann’s work because not only does it reinforce things I learned in therapy, it also gives me a sense of comfort knowing that I can rise above my childhood.

[@saraw112]

“Healing feels good!” “Healing is fun!” ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ love these statements!! 😊😊😊😊

[@adcap631]

wonderful Anna, thank you again (and again!) I'm 62, love what you do. I had a revealing moment recently when I realised that I'd been apologising to my depressed mother for being born. It was such a sad moment, but in its own way very cathartic. So dating someone who seems to like you opens a tsunami of the acceptance you've been craving since birth. That's a lot of pressure for someone who doesn't know you and you don't know. Ugh! Anyway, your channel is one of the reasons I'm far more accepting of myself. Self-compassion should help with dating, I hope!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That's beautiful, thank you for chiming in! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Hobbies can be a wonderful way to find yourself and meet others with common interests... And a way to get over someone because your brain is involved in something and you're not sitting around dwelling about the person ..

[@orkumm]

👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼

[@azcactusflower1]

I learned from this channel I have cptsd. The excitement of interest can get the cptsd energy rolling down hill too fast without hard braking from the onset. Not beating yourself up and keep moving forward. Honor yourself because honestly you are all you have when all chips may fall. Build a strong foundation that doesn't wash away at any moment of trails

[@ebbyc1817]

For me the most upsetting thing about this entire story, is that she asked him to block her and then asked him if he'd blocked her. That just made, all of the hairs on my back go up. Like wooooh.. It's controlling. She's stalking him, she's telling him what to do...and they've been on, one date. The weird thing with the kiss, and the sex, or the almost sex, it all sounds like a control dynamic. It's like treating the other person like a puppet. Like an actor in your play. It's bad....it's really, reallyy bad.

[@PurpleMetal75]

Strong disagree on the whole "kissing on the first date" thing. The first date is not the best time for physical contact. And as the fairy has said in the past, intimacy does things to your chemicals, making it harder to break up if it turns out the relationship is a bad fit. This is a small part of the reason why the writer is obsessed with the guy. It's because she's under the high of romance.

[@wordivore]

Agree with you. I was thinking when CCF said "no harm no foul" about just going ahead with the kiss to not hurt someone else's feelings, that it was possibly harm/foul. A lot of us with CPTSD care way too much about doing things just to 'not hurt someone else's feelings' when it's actually a boundary break for us...no matter how harmless it may be or seem to others. It seems that it *was* emotionally harmful to letter writer to allow him to kiss her, in particular on a first date. And likely because as letter writer said that she doesn't think it's a good idea to kiss on first dates. Those of us with CPTSD, really need to stop thinking more about how others feel and put more focus on how we feel. It's awkward when a guy goes in for a kiss and you move away or even push him away, but if it's necessary to keep your own boundary then so be it. Dating is like interviewing someone. It's not just about them liking you. And in fact it would be better to not worry about that as much as wanting to make sure you like them. You have the right to do that. You have a right to be here and fit yourself to a good person as anyone does.

[@PurpleMetal75]

@@wordivore You got it!

[@JohnsonKayla12]

I interpreted that as her just acknowledging that a first date kiss is not an unusual thing. Maybe she should’ve highlighted that it’s not a good idea for cptsd survivors- but I didn’t take her words as encouragement to do that on a first date.

[@LuluLulu-jw9fi]

There is so much information out there on how to date in healthy ways. Tge way my brain works is if tgey are recommending something that's is foreign to me then that's my clue I need to look at that and change it. Since I know you are dealing with the plethora of issues from sptsd, I would focus on both at the same time

[@LuluLulu-jw9fi]

Yep when I was dating I would keep the get togethers short and sweet and increase time and frequency if I thought there was potential. I was always more concerned with the value/moral part of things and never let the physical stuff distract me. Most relationships will go on the wayside by the 3rd month. That system worked for me perfectly

[@spianny]

I’m a 32 year old man and I fully relate to this story and recently! My heart goes out to you and hope you get the help you need! 🙏❤️

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for watching and for your kind words! Glad you are here. Nika@TeamFairy

[@SA10008]

Hi Anna, I appreciate all you do! ✨🧚🏻‍♀️ I am sharing from my experience. I tried A.A. twice, and went to literally tons of meetings each time, took sobriety chips, got a sponsor, etc… for about one year each time, once at 24 yrs old and again at 56. Both times, I got a lot out of it, but I quietly left b/c I was re-traumatized by the “group think” and frequent disappointment of old fashioned invalidation, blame …examples: 1.) you were drunk, so any teen rapes, are actually your fault… 2.) there is no such thing as depression in A.A.… 3.) we don’t believe in trauma, if you have trauma, it’s b/c you have not done the steps thoroughly enough, and you have not let it go. Plus, there are many recovering addicts that are stuck in their story, sharing drunk/drug-a-logues, even after being asked not to. For someone with Cptsd, this was a disaster for me. While there are a lot of good people at A.A., there are also the beliefs that the group holds on to that are way outdated… remembering that the organization is slower than molasses to update any of their literature… copyrighted in 1939, 1955, 1976, and the last update was 2001. The A.A. literature is actually *still quite sexist, and I noticed over and over, the group think just brushes it off. I do agree that the 12 steps are amazing. 🙏🏻💕I still recite some of the prayers and I do practice all of the principles I learned there, but especially the all women groups were triggering for me. I was told that there is no such thing as Cptsd! I choose to meditate twice daily, for 20 min. Journalling, too… so essential… and I find art therapy, music and acting lessons have helped me the most with finding and keeping emotional regulation…. gentle exercise, a no sugar diet…. and I listen to really good talks on Cptsd, every single day, my favourite are the one’s you give here. I never realized limerence is a Cptsd thing! I know it, all too well. Understand it… finally… thanks to you! 🙏🏻 I know A.A. is a good program, but… personally, I don’t recommend it for anyone with a history of sexual abuse, or childhood domestic violence. I love your channel, b.t.w. Thanks for listening ✨🧚🏻‍♀️✨☮️💟✨

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

The CCF membership would be perfect for you! We are solution based and have Daily Practice meetings available several times a day where members write/mediate and check in with one another. There's a lot of love there :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@ckl5801]

My best friend keeps saying I need Celebrate Recovery because I haven’t been delivered from my nightmare marriage of 2 years and am still triggered if I see this person or talk about the relationship. I am getting a lot from my current therapist and am not interested in a 12 step program 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@lisacurtis8162]

I share some of these same issues with you about the AA program.. I need to be sober and I need therapy. I try to manage in AA but I don't do it well.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I don't think Facebook is the best place to look for a mate... If I was looking ..

[@suzy1750]

Facebook at least allows you to see a bit about a person and his/her life - sure it's curated but it still gives an idea of their interests and so on. My friend met her husband thru Facebook. They were Facebook friends for about six months before they met in person. They've been together six years and have a gorgeous adopted baby girl. I think the trick is to be able to discern the quality of the connection and, if it's good, to be able to grow and maintain it, rather than having hardfast rules about how it should arrive...

[@emmy_okaye9942]

Your material is so brilliant. It puts a lot into perspective. I started seeing a counselor and the main objective for going was that I wanted to start dating and seeing people again. I mentioned that I had trouble in my relationships and trusting people. The counselor just sorta looked at me crossed eyed as if to say this might be above my pay grade 😒. I am an adult child of an alcoholic and also have issues from a sibling suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. I am going to continue listening to your videos as they are so brilliant and I don't think a lot of therapists get this detailed. Keep posting! Thank you 🙏🏻

[@mienmiennn]

It's not your fault that he was incompetent. Good on you for working on yourself

[@5gx673]

Sorry about that therapist

[@avill012]

My lord! I'm in the exact same story. Thank you God for this encouragement. Also in AA and codependency therapy for the last year. I'm on the right track

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That's great! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@SaffronSphinx]

I'm getting to know a guy online. He's emotionally interesting to me, but I didn't feel limerence and thought there was something wrong with me. It's nice to know it's okay.

[@BlackPearlMona369]

I wish her quick healing this lady...when we are ready for love, we might fall into a hole 🕳️... Extra cautious is needed...

[@camadams9149]

20:02 It really works. I woke up every morning. Wrote a letter to him. Then that was it for that day After about 2 weeks I felt... like I had explored my feelings & said what I needed to say. Then I put those letters in my bottom draw and that was the end of it

[@bonghitsandheavyriffs]

i did almost exactly this a few months ago. empathy to the writer, it's not a personal failing that you backslid, & you writing into anna shows that you want to really heal. thank you so much for your letter, it really helped me gain more insight. thank you anna for your priceless work.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Well said! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@stacyjaye6350]

Yeah well I was on the receiving end of this BS no sympathy

[@rebeccaallen6570]

Geeezzz. So close to home. At 55 I learned I had been codependent on broken, narcissistic men. Finally got away from all of that , was single for 3 yrs, was never looking for anyone then met my soulmate! Now I am caught in a whirlwind of emotions and cannot just let things go at the pace it's going. Slow. I'm trying to speed it up. I have no patience because in my head if I don't hurry up and grab it, I lose it. 😒 SMH I'm all kinds of screwed up. Thanks mom and dad

[@paulakevinmiddendorf3909]

My husband just told me he's getting an attorney. He can't take my meltdowns anymore. I'm heartbroken. PS. CPTSD ripped open 10 yrs ago by his betrayal and my triggers are all attractive women...can't really avoid them. I feel so hopeless.

[@toyahbetheglory2140]

Praying for you, this struck a chord with me. It sounds like someone doesn't want to deal with the authentic fallout and pain caused by their own wrong actions towards the one still traumatized. May you get to a place of safety emotionally to see how to move forward, and find understanding from those who can help support your choices to help heal yourself. Be well 🙏

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

I'm so sorry for your precious heart that was betrayed. I don't think it's unreasonable to have intense feelings about trust, respect & boundaries being trashed. 10 years is a long time to shoulder the emotional burden of someone elses actions.

[@ameliel8792]

Oh god I'm so sorry. I struggle with this too. Please remember that it's not all about you - a safe partner who knows this makes it clear that he respects your boundaries and only wants to be with you.

[@wendybmore]

I’m so sorry….. I know just how you feel. My SO betrayed me 3.5 years ago and pretty much ever since then has had sneaky behavior that makes me “melt down” as you say. My bf takes no responsibility and just blames me for everything. It’s near impossible when your SO is not willing to put in the damage repair work. They throw mud on the floor and then yell at you because the floor is dirty.. I’m so very sorry, it’s so hard to be in this scenario. I hate when people say this but….there has got to be better out there for us. Sending so much love, strength and courage to you.

[@ladyolinden]

A couple years ago I was able to move from dating men who were awful to me to getting to know very nice and respectful guys I was attracted to who would be cool for a bit but right before things would step up, they’d suddenly tell me that something came up for them and they’d apologize to me and be so kind etc, they’d insist the very abrupt change in direction and new lack of interest wasn’t my fault at all… But it’s happened several times now. I’ve been convinced it’s something on my end. This is it I think. This is the battle I’ve been fighting lately. Thank you Fairy for posting this when I most need to recognize my current struggle too. All the best!

[@queenneurotica4591]

They call that an avoidant-dismissive attachment style. Most men in the dating pool over the age of 30 have it. They’re not bad guys, but very selfish and thoughtless and often unconscious of their issues. Have no time for dating anymore but at least I’m not entirely to blame for my lack of success - you shouldn’t blame yourself either.

[@sweetpeaLp7]

I felt afraid to watch this video but I did it anyway...I empathized, laughed from that same place, I cried, I've come so far yet still I feel so helpless when it comes to limerence. I felt comforted and present again, thank you :)

[@spianny]

I reached out to a psychologist and learned about cognitive distortions. Studying those and seeing where I use them has helped me soo much in understanding my trauma wounds and that it’s all in my head

[@fitnessdestiny]

this is such a beautifully spoken piece of content… Thank you for this This is one of the reasons I really strongly urge people I work with in life coaching to reconsider the usage of the term narcissist… And understand more importantly narcissistic injury… There’s a really great book called ‘the drama of the gifted child’... it goes into different aspects of attachment wounds. Many of us whether we perceive ourselves to be empaths or we perceive others to be narcissists actually are struggling from different types of attachment wound. Many of our unconscious wounds become our conscious will... and until we can reconcile the triggers of those wounds by working profoundly on moments that present themselves with deep emotional gravity and rewire them… Many relationships end up being like virus is running their course.

[@yvonneb-t3d]

Great book

[@ARA-ee9yr]

Wow, I needed to hear that. Actually downloaded the book but haven’t listened to it. Thanks:)

[@cadenorris4009]

I don't know if I'm in a good enough spot to watch this video right now. I'll put it on my watch later.

[@KoolT]

Learn to BE CALM PRACTICE being calm.

[@leeann1444]

Great insight Anna. I appreciate how are you are firm, but so gentle, at the same time. I also wonder if going home, back to the same town where I assume Katia’s painful childhood experiences happened, may have contributed to these feelings.

[@catherineboccongelle7224]

Adopted people experience this, while at the same time being told by family, friends and all of society that we are so lucky to have been adopted. What? I'm "lucky" that I was not raised by my mother? Would you say that to someone whose parents died in an accident?

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Just telling him to "Have a nice life " is enough to get the point across...

[@tearthangel373]

I just learned what Relationship OCD was about and the symptoms

[@relanaallen5513]

Taking long breaks and no physical contacts makes things like this worse. It can cloud your judgment. I got caught up in a bad situation because of this.

[@cocopuff2852]

I absolutely agree

[@KoolT]

ALANON meetings help me to stay calm, and remember to take care of myself.

[@charlesdaubner1017]

Another brilliant video. You really are a tallented communicator Anna. And because this is a subject you know inside and out, very near and dear to your heart, your audiance is given a rare gift. Thanks!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you so much. Grateful you're here with us. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@pasthepast]

"Oh text him, tell him he is as$hole" I laughed at loud. LOL

[@krisdiane]

I feel for her, I really, really do. 😔❤️ However, Anna, I laughed out loud when you said you don't buy drugs and carry them around and look at them. 🤭

[@leeboriack8054]

Warning, automatically calling a another person a narcissist could set one up one w a false sense of having no accountability in the situation or blind them to why they were drawn to the situation.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

YES.

[@PapayaPepper202]

I have accepted the fact that dating is a game. Not an opportunity. Depending on the character/hand I play determines the outcome.

[@taghazoutmoon5031]

This is evidence that even taking 6 years off dating doesn't help

[@cocopuff2852]

It seems to me that CPTSD is something that requires trial and error to heal and grow from. You have to be in it to win. The real life situations are how we apply what we learn here. Jmo

[@cocopuff2852]

@@taghazoutmoon5031 it wasn’t stated to not work on yourself. You can’t learn social skills without being social. To each their own.

[@alandry6872]

Wish I'd discovered you sooner but am so grateful I have. You feel familiar - we've been through the same crap. I really look forward to playing your videos and following your writing practice. Thank you 💕

[@bryonyclarke4159]

Hi Anna, I've been watching you for some time now recommended by a friend from a PTSD group I attended. Thank you so much, I really really related to this video. I',m in a much better place after ACT but the same thing happened to me in a new relationship, accepting crumbs with an addict. I also realise I get into limerence & using sex to cover up how I feel. I will try to delay sex in the future as I really want to feel safe in an honest relationship & be myself. Thanks again.

[@talktaboo2me169]

I really needed this … I can relate on sooo many levels 😩.

[@sheilagavin8281]

Anna you are so AWESOME! ❤ Love YOU So much! Gratitude!

[@2012jordie]

6 years without dating? I'm 30, and I've never been on a date in my life. I was sexually abused but am still a virgin. I've never had a job (I'm a disability pensioner) or any friends who weren't online pen pals. Until 10 months ago, I was held in emotional captivity by an abusive family. Growing up, I'd been taught to believe my problems were because of autism or some other form of mental illness. I have a brother with atypical autism and my whole family was waiting for me to get sick until, of course, I did. I've survived multiple suicide attempts, prison, violent confrontations with family members, and even what I believe was an attempt on my life. At the end of it all, I do not believe I am autistic or in any way neurodivergent-- I'm just struggling to cope with a LOT of trauma. As you would. I've gotten along very well with combat veterans in the past. Only they seem to get it. I'm out now, and firmly no contact with the family. I'll never speak to them again if I can help it. But I still can't clearly see the path forward on many days. I've gone back to school (but am failing classes because of very poor stress management skills), and I'm trying to get moved back to the state where I was born. I dislike my country; I have no good memories here, only horrible ones; but moving to another doesn't appear to be an option at this point in time. I've made some progress, but I want my life to be good NOW. I want to lose the COVID weight and be thin and beautiful NOW. I want to lose my virginity NOW. Patience is the hardest thing in the world when you have been denied so much happiness. It's hard to be certain my problems are because of abuse. Maybe I'm just ugly after all. Videos about narcissists helped for a while (I'm positive my father had a chronic case of NPD, and my mother chose him instead of her children-- she was the one mostly responsible for getting me diagnosed and medicated), until I realised they were just keeping me stuck on blame and anger towards my abusers rather than looking at strategies for healing. Thus, I'm here. I recognise the need for professional help but I'm VERY cagey about interacting with the mental healthcare system, as this was what was used to control and silence me. "Nothing's wrong; she's just crazy, but we've got her on pills to control it." The movie Shutter Island was my childhood. I suspect I would fall into every one of these holes if I ever did manage to attract someone. There has been that little love in my life, and if given a taste of it, I WILL cling and frighten people away. When you know you're wounded, it can seem safer and simpler to just not try. I'm no longer happy being single and lonely-- I never was-- but right now, this feels like a puzzle I will never solve.

[@ckl5801]

Focus on the relationship with yourself…really try and check in and figure out what kind of self love and self care routines feel good! That self love will start to grow and then you will have an aura of love…also try reprogramming your subconscious because your beliefs that you shared can be negatively impacting all your relationships and came from your dysfunctional family. I like Jess Heslop’s you tube videos and just repeat her positive affirmations while falling asleep. I wake up feeling positive!

[@3lfruler]

Especially after you don't talk about them or think about them for a while you quit dreaming about them. It justs becomes a distant memory

[@meeraraj0]

I feel so much for this girl. She is so self aware and sound like she's more together than she gives herself credit 12:20 we name it and we cure it

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Too busy with my model car hobby to date anyway .

[@cheapthrilll6323]

The first 40 seconds are painfully true.

[@jennifermartin4505]

Painting and doing volunteer work helps me to not think about ...

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I think he came on too strong to begin with... What was he expecting??

[@wordivore]

Yeah, I was thinking that he went in for a kiss too soon. But unfortunately that can't be controlled from the other side. I would've moved away to avoid the kiss and said, "I'm not ready for that yet." But I'm 1.) older and have gone through just that scenario where a guy wants to move so fast he wants to move in after a week. And 2.) sitting at my computer. It's easy to come up with a ''what I would do scenario." Lol. But I have actually pushed a guy away from me when he aggressively came at me for a kiss before we knew each other.

[@auroraborealis13579]

This is so helpful! I’m going through something similar and I needed to hear ALL of this. Thank you so much, CCF! 🙏🏼💚✨⚡️🙏🏼

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad it was helpful! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@toscadonna]

This is why women are told to play hard to get and to take things slowly. You’re supposed to control your emotions and not just go after this one guy like he’s the only man on the planet. You should always assume that men are talking to plenty of other women, and you should act accordingly and date other men, too. You should only take men seriously who do the work to prove they’re seriously interested in you. You can’t just invite some guy you just met over after having a fight, get drunk, do some sexual things, tell him you hate him, and expect much good to come from it. Act logically in dating situations; it’s your only hope.

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

You "should"..... quit shoulding on people.

[@vilindaveronica5703]

@@sixthsenseamelia4695 should you think about your comment? 🤣🤣🤣

[@perpetualplatypussy69]

Yeah way too much shoulds..

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

@@vilindaveronica5703😂 Ikr. The irony of "You should quit shoulding" hadn't escaped me lol.

[@stacyjaye6350]

"Especially, do not feign affection..." -desiderata How selfish to think that you could sleep with someone, only worry about your own feelings, and then tell yourself that the other person is not hurt and does not care. Somebody slept with me, halfway through I realized she didn't want to be there, I felt like a major pervert, I didn't know what was happening, and now my confidence in that regard is totally and completely destroyed. I felt like I wasn't picking up on the right cues? When really, yeah, it was her problem. But she made it mine. Obviously I'm not okay with that. Selfish, selfish, selfish. It's going to be a long time before I am able to forgive this person. I mean it was my mistake to trust her, and now I'll never trust anyone like that, no way, I'm done. I still cry every time I think about it. I have to walk around feeling like I molested someone.😫😡

[@juxtal4734]

If I may be so bold, I wonder if the move with her sister was actually motivated by the guy? she said she had been talking to him already when the few month move happened.

[@bellautopia818]

Your magic is medicine is love m'lady 🙏

[@josiem1873]

I just love your videos. Keep it up!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you! Will do! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@laimmaculata777]

While it’s good to take a break from dating sometimes, I do think it makes sense you’d become obsessed with the first person you find after being totally alone for 6 years because you’d have a scarcity mindset. I know her behavior was related to attachment issues, but I honestly don’t think it was THAT abnormal considering the circumstances After being single for 6 years, you’d put a lot of stock into the next guy you meet and see it as this life or death situation. It makes sense she’s devastated that it didn’t work out, but I think sometimes embarrassing situations like these happen, and it’s just one guy. It isn’t the end of the world. Being isolated can make ANYONE weak. I think fantasizing about and social media stalking the first person you dated after 6 years, even if its after only 1 date, isn’t THAT abnormal or indicative of mental illness, even if it isn’t helpful for that person. She seems to think something is seriously wrong with her and I don’t think that’s the case.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

MEND YOURSELF!!!

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

12 steps and CODA first...

[@adrieinwonderland3748]

Oh shit, this is gonna be hard to watch but it must be done.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Best of luck :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@katjamayrhofer5222]

Thank you so much for this video!!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You're welcome. Thanks for watching! - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@TranscendingTrauma]

I appreciate your videos so very much. Thank you!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We appreciate YOU watching! Thank you for being here. :) - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@nalahappy2547]

Oh my gosh iv done this and didn’t realise how my my cptsd was running the show 😢 thank God my man stuck it out I have a lot of changes to make I nearly sabotaged my relationship

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you are here. Good luck with your relationship! Nika@TeamFairy

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

This is why I stay single....

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Not a bad idea when in the midst of healing work! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Tutume1111]

I'm 38 and only dated one guy for 2 months who love bombed me and made fake promises to only start acting flaky after sex.I also was pushing him away as felt like u was getting attached to him.When I said I loved him, he freaked out and run away to obly cyberstalk me daily for 1.5 years with no single attempt to contact me.I have been listening to tarot readings a lot and I know he misses me ( other wise he wouldn't be cyberstalking me daily for so long) I wanted a full commitment as that's what I was ready for and started feeling insecure when he chose his buddies over me after we got intimate. He also said he wanted me to meet his parents and create family together but once I agreed he said he didn't expect me to say yes to that. I feel like I got victim of my own cptsd

[@GabrielleP310]

I love this 10:18 I can’t stand people who take horoscopes, zodiac, tarot, and etc…, so seriously‼️‼️‼️

[@mienmiennn]

Thank you your videos are so helpful 💘💖💘💖💘

[@annafranc8081]

Just because you like the things with the person and they are respectful doesn’t mean that there is true connection there. They could be faking it. If he was really respectful he wouldn’t touch her sexually until after they are married. The fact that he moved so quick by kissing her on the first date is a clear red sign. If a guy kissed me on the first date I would end it immediately because it shows he can’t or doesn’t want to control himself.

[@kzwzbjm]

Peeled grape. Haha you got me again 🤣

[@dudanunesbleff]

I haven't date anyone since 2010. Six years without a date sounds a small amount of time. Yet, this is all too familiar.

[@oceansoflorewi]

lmao this sounds like me- i'm a psychopath when I become interested. Its the only way to feel something intense and feel you have control over the situation! This one guy- I bought a voodoo doll and had someone on etsy design his clothing and hat to match my obsession, and this one time he lost interest in me and ended up official with someone else on facebook & I cropped my pic onto his boyfriends pic on the wall update to see what it would look like if it was me LMAOOO. SICK!!! Its so unbelievably repulsive what I do but I sort of feel like I have to one up the situation. If I just follow normal people patterns I feel like that clueless sappy kid getting neglected and walked over all over again.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We like intensity, I get it. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@berniebarclay2183]

great advice as ever Anna xxxxx

[@dodie5466]

Spot on!

[@thomasmclaughlin3948]

I wish I had no idea what you are talking about and what was going on there. How many of us can say been there done that??? Chalk it up to a learning experience.

[@SBrown001]

He sounds okay. Why doss she have to forget about him forever?

[@perpetualplatypussy69]

I thought he sounded ok. His reaction seemed normal to me.

[@chrissy4803]

I think for her own good. If she has hope in the back of her mind, she might continue to obsess and deter him away further

[@laurenceat9136]

Those videos are so helpfull It triggers so many things in me , leading to ask myself thé Good question : what kind of relation ships do i realy want ? And not Be swept away by an hurricane of émotions

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It's an important but difficult question to ask! Thanks for listening. -Calista@TeamFairy

[@EveKatharsis]

Honestly. It's so hard that I just don't want to go through it. I'd rather just not

[@EveKatharsis]

Literally can't imagine healing this. It always turns out badly.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I understand, this is exactly why we have a supportive community in membership- everyone understands! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@EveKatharsis]

Thank you!

[@rturney6376]

I recommend people watching the movie 🍿 The Mirror has Two Faces.

[@NewCanadianTurtle]

Honestly I feel more bad for the guy than I do the girl. I went into this with sympathy for the girl but the guy is the real victim here

[@CARambolagen]

..."I've dated many narcissists in the past who love _ _ _" I didn't acoustically understand that term. What does it mean?

[@mardishores4016]

The monster? Rather as Stephen Fry put it, 'the monstrosity of being alive'.

[@joygibbons5482]

31 years single. I’d rather cut my own throat and bleed to death in the gutter than get involved with anybody. It’s creepy as hell. Good friends and family are far more rewarding than some weirdo who can’t meet their own needs and leaches off you day in day out.

[@GabrielleP310]

Agree‼️ I swear dating apps are just mostly people who are avoiding themselves, avoiding loneliness, and using it for validation seeking. All of it is just unhealthy and such a headache. Am 32 and just done with strangers.

[@karlippo]

One thing I don’t understand is (sorry cptsd..and learning..) why does she need to stop contacting him and never see him again? Perhaps while she works on herself is it ok to apologise and explain herself to him and try to see if they can work it out? if she really likes him and he is also perhaps still interested (i dont know if that is the case?) and might like to stay in touch? Don’t understand why Anna said you will never see him again? Is that advice because she crossed boundaries with him? Or because of him? He doesn’t seem like a bad guy? Why is this a closed case? Can somebody explain to me thanks so much. This video is so relatable.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Keeping doors open often stalls healing. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@MercedesChang]

I can relate to this, my last relationship was with a narcisist and since i have not dated, its been like 6y already and it seems i still have not improved i need help