Heal Chaos and Overwhelm: DECLUTTER Every Part of Your Life

  Рет қаралды 4,627,942

Crappy Childhood Fairy

Crappy Childhood Fairy

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 10 000
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Ай бұрын
*Take my free Daily Practice course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice *Join my Membership and access my private online community: bit.ly/CCF-Membership *Visit my website at crappychildhoodfairy.com *Order my new book RE-REGULATED here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2 *Have a question for me to answer on KZbin? Write me here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
@ReneeTaylor-r4p
@ReneeTaylor-r4p Жыл бұрын
“Your trauma is an injury not your identity.” Thank you for this!!!
@martycech5844
@martycech5844 Жыл бұрын
Amen!
@wmfife1
@wmfife1 Жыл бұрын
Yes I was going to say the same. Priceless truth.
@TheRyndiculous
@TheRyndiculous Жыл бұрын
god it's so difficult to realize this... thank you all for reminding me
@jasminehasan890
@jasminehasan890 Жыл бұрын
Identification is often mental clutter
@angelaharris1112
@angelaharris1112 11 ай бұрын
Easier said than done. 😪
@janegolson237
@janegolson237 Жыл бұрын
My mom says, “The item has served its purpose. Now let it go.” That phrase has been so helpful for me.
@hankhill3417
@hankhill3417 Жыл бұрын
That is what some people say about their spouse
@kfoster3616
@kfoster3616 Жыл бұрын
@@hankhill3417 - indeed they do
@pokeystar1980
@pokeystar1980 Жыл бұрын
It's hard to let go of gifts. I struggle with this. It makes me feel I'm ungrateful.
@NancySTL
@NancySTL Жыл бұрын
I love that!!!
@sunrise2570
@sunrise2570 Жыл бұрын
@@hankhill3417 🤣
@gobears6487
@gobears6487 Жыл бұрын
Oddly enough I am happy to clean other people's clutter and organize other people's stuff... but I absolutely get that overwhelmed thing about my own! Thanks for this 🙏👍
@inana3408
@inana3408 Жыл бұрын
same here....
@naznow
@naznow Жыл бұрын
Same-since there’s no emotional attachment the decisions are almost effortless for me if I’m helping someone else.
@ItCantRainForever2
@ItCantRainForever2 Жыл бұрын
Truth be told it's cuz we are attached to our stuff
@loriraemorris4142
@loriraemorris4142 Жыл бұрын
Same❤😅😅
@bonnacon1610
@bonnacon1610 Жыл бұрын
Yes, because there’s no shame attached to someone else’s stuff, whereas our own is marinaded in shame.
@sauravbasu8805
@sauravbasu8805 8 ай бұрын
I live in the eastern part of India and there is a custom of cleaning and decluttering our homes which takes place before the new year of our Bengali calender comes. The cleaning is about a month-long process done daily in bits (say, discarding old, torn unusable clothes, empty boxes, cleaning walls and floors, washing bedcovers and cushions, cleaning the garden etc.)which ends in the last day of the old year. On new year, we have a custom of wearing new clothes after taking bath, eating and distributing sweets, wishing friends and relatives for a happy year ahead. I think having a deadline and making it an annual custom of giving a clean and fresh start help a great deal.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 8 ай бұрын
That sounds lovely!
@lisaknaggs1088
@lisaknaggs1088 7 ай бұрын
Makes soooo much sense that this would be helpful culturally (non-shaming as everyone is doing it) plus people can anticipate the time and practice and know that "this is what we're doing now!" Thanks so much for sharing! Peace to you
@GingerNinja1
@GingerNinja1 6 ай бұрын
@sauravbasu8805 Excellent idea. I also think it makes a person feel more accountable when everyone else is doing this along with you. Short-term goals though with a beginning & an end makes it more manageable in my opinion. Thanks for the idea.
@robertahubert9155
@robertahubert9155 6 ай бұрын
That's me totally 😢😢
@countrygirl4422
@countrygirl4422 6 ай бұрын
I wash my bed covers a lot more often than that.
@lakiaraduran
@lakiaraduran Жыл бұрын
I've asked 3 therapists over 10+ years about my difficulty with clutter and stuff accumulating in my home and none of them could help or give me any insight. Years have gone by and all I've felt is more shame and confusion about it. The way you have cut through the noise and clarified how it's connected with CPTSD in a little over 30 minutes is illuminating and life saving. Thank you. The part about emotional and mental clutter is spot on and I hadn't identified them as such until you named and explained them. You have alchemized your pain and turned it into wisdom. You have finally made this make sense. This is what I needed to know. I've been searching for this information for a long time. Your videos are helping me in ways I didn't know I needed.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for the encouraging words! -Cara@TeamFairy
@ursamagickmt672
@ursamagickmt672 Жыл бұрын
What they said. I've tried my best to deal with clutter but it always comes back! 🙄
@laleezy77
@laleezy77 Жыл бұрын
Same here I'm still wowing
@PaigeSquared
@PaigeSquared Жыл бұрын
I've been in & out of therapy for about 15yrs now, and I also have NEVER had a single therapist connect mess with mental health, let alone history of trauma. None of their desks were much neater than mine, though. 👀😆I expressed a lot of angst regarding my inability to keep a tidy house, and each one seemed to dismiss or brush it off. I would be told I'm worrying about the wrong things, or not to take it so seriously. The male therapists would look at me with pity, as if they were thinking, "poor woman, stressing herself out over matters so frivolous." This video's summary of how mess is interconnected with a dysfunctional history was *very* relevant to my life & how I "keep house!!" Too relevant. 😅 Last week I watched a KZbin video about decluttering home and mind, it was on Mel Robbins channel (I don't remember the name of who she interviewed, the woman was a blogger who stumbled into the field via addressing her own issues). I found the interview VERY informational, and I can honestly say just one week after watching that video (it was like an hour and a half long) I have less stress and feel less overwhelmed about my house. I actually have a bit of hope that every surface isn't going to be cluttered forever, that I will be able to maintain a house that I'm not embarrassed of when I have visitors. The main idea that stuck out to me was the perception of "getting the house in shape," as being a project vs ongoing process/daily habit. I attack a cleaning like a project, because my daily "normal" isn't able to maintain the house at my preferred level of cleanliness. Instead of addressing the house the way you would any other project, apparently it is less stressful to approach it with methods that can become an ongoing (daily) process, so that the daily reality is closer to our preference. Another concept I really liked was the "container concept," which helps prioritize what to keep around difficult emotions that (usually) get in the way of minimizing/letting things go. A place to live has only so much space; our dressers are not infinite, the containers have a max amount. We come to terms with the reality of the amount of stuff our containers can reasonably handle. The issue isn't filth/mold with clutter, moreso too much stuff than the container can fit comfortably! Purging the excess stuff is no longer you choosing to toss things due to their value/lack of; it becomes a process of honoring the space you have and it's true capacity, as well as being authentic/ in tune with yourself and the life you want to have. Basically you fill your containers with your favorite things until they are full. If you find that you wish to add something, you choose which thing is less favored comparatively for you personally. (Almost like a boundary issue, now that I think of it; extra clutter might be an inability to recognize the boundaries of a container/space; what will fit properly and look nice and not frustrate us.) I definitely recommend listening to that interview if you get the chance! I started listening to it "in the background," while I was cooking, but I ended up stopping about halfway through and restarting from the beginning, when I was able to sit down and take notes!! I didn't think they'd say anything that was actually new or shocking about keeping a clean home, TBH. They actually covered four or five ideas and systems that were quite different from how I have ever considered cleaning or organizing.
@lakiaraduran
@lakiaraduran Жыл бұрын
@@PaigeSquared was the person being interviewed KC Davis? Her book “How To Keep House While Drowning” helped me so much. I resonate with everything you said. A male therapist told me that I’m just messy and that’s ok and that a man will like me as I am. 🙄But no, I’m not messy, I like clear spaces, I just have trauma and chronic disregulation. What an incompetent asshole he was
@kelliesmith4068
@kelliesmith4068 Жыл бұрын
While going to a therapist when I was in that 23 year abusive marriage (1980 to 2003), I told my therapist I just didn't have the energy to keep the kitchen clean & keep up with the housework. He said something insightful for me. He said it made sense bcuz I was using soooooo much energy just to survive life being married to the abusive husband. Now, in retrospect, 20 years agter the divorce, I see I really am a person capable to keep up with the housework. It really saps energy keeping clutter around, but it is so difficult to declutter while trying to survive.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
Great points, thank you for sharing. -Cara@TeamFairy
@Type_null14
@Type_null14 Жыл бұрын
I will survive this. Thank you 🙏 it's been very difficult just to give myself some grace.
@SRR0247
@SRR0247 Жыл бұрын
"... it is so difficult to declutter while trying to survive" - you said it!
@sonnyroy497
@sonnyroy497 Жыл бұрын
Yes, I understand what it's like to be married to someone like that, it's very traumatizing. It's taken me years to heal from this. I'm still healing and praying and healing.... it's a process ✝️🙏✝️.
@nmc1859
@nmc1859 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing this. I am with a narcissistic spouse and it makes a lot of sense. I never had this problem prior to being with him
@Chrisbybeebee
@Chrisbybeebee Жыл бұрын
My husband recently had to be hospitalized for four months due to a back injury. The 911 emergency workers and police reported us to social services for having a toxic mess and for the clutter being unsafe for him. I was forced to have my house cleaned or they wouldn't let him come home and he would probably be placed in a home. We worked with the social worker and she put me in touch with a restoration company. We split the cost and I just had my home professionally deep-cleaned and de-cluttered. 13 years worth of clutter, cigarette butts and grimy dirt! It cost thousands of dollars and was well worth it! I feel so happy and energized and have now organized my papers and finances. My self-esteem is soaring and now I don't feel fear and shame at the thought of having people drop in. I hope others can somehow get help in clearing and cleaning their homes. My city has a "hoarding team" which works in conjunction with our health department. I just couldn't do it on my own. I spent 3 1/2 months planning it my head and was paralyzed as far actually making a move on my own. So when it was coming to "crunch time" about a week befoe he was released, we finally hired the restoration team. They cleaned the house from top to bottom in 3-4 days. The health department chipped in thankfully. I would encourage people to check and see if their municipality or health department could assist in both counseling you and in doing the actual clean-up. It may cure your needless suffering. Most of all, I wish you lots of ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🕊🕊🕊🕊
@jackandlill
@jackandlill Жыл бұрын
What a great story of inspiration Christine! Thank you for sharing about your city having a "hoarding team" - what a great, great idea! I had no idea such a thing might exist! It's always so inspiring when people are courageous enough to share their truth - so thank you!! Enjoy this new space & place within yourself. ♥
@angelacahill9460
@angelacahill9460 Жыл бұрын
Brave and selfless of you to share your experience. Thank you! Glad it's a happy ending.
@mossyoakmom8880
@mossyoakmom8880 Жыл бұрын
That is wonderful ! We knew some people that used to be our neighbors that had a house that was dirty and over taken by animal smell. The husband had a stroke and lived a few more years in this mess before he died. Too bad they didn’t have to clean it up before he came home from the hospital. I feel his last years would have been more peaceful in a clean, decent environment.
@foofyastralpunk5875
@foofyastralpunk5875 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your amazing experience. I'm glad your husband was able to come back to your home and share in your reenergized space. So brave of you to go through this and tell us about the experience. The fact that your city government was able to facilitate and help pay for this service is so great! I for one never realized that this was an option out there. Love and light to you and I'm sure your newfound energy will lead you down new and exciting paths!❤️
@ursulafogle458
@ursulafogle458 Жыл бұрын
Wow. What a wonderful support response. I'm so glad you were able to get that kind of help from your community. My best hopes for you and your husband.
@annel2875
@annel2875 9 ай бұрын
Clutter is definitely a symptom of being unwell. There's also this feeling that your stuff is your family, and you refuse to get rid of it and make it "feel" abandoned because you know yourself what it feels like to be abandoned.
@katiewest7908
@katiewest7908 6 ай бұрын
Yes!
@janahowie4375
@janahowie4375 4 ай бұрын
And having stuff that won't abandon YOU is a powerful, but ultimately ineffective, comfort.
@staciethompson3508
@staciethompson3508 4 ай бұрын
This comment just put into words a feeling I haven’t been able to explain before!
@weissblau
@weissblau 3 ай бұрын
Clutter, mega clutter, is all I have left of my life. I hate it but I can't let go. I am old and the stuff is all I have to show for my life.
@7tobtob
@7tobtob 3 ай бұрын
@@weissblauyou are not alone. Get help and work things out together. Baby steps. The legacy you want to leave behind is good memories, not mega clutter. Go through those memories one by one while discarding
@iseethroughyou
@iseethroughyou Жыл бұрын
I actually organized a pile of important papers today, and I felt so good afterward, I actually mowed my lawn and have been singing ever since. Lately, I tend to put away one or two things every time I walk into a room or a different space, and my Mantra has been: "Hey, it's better than it was" LOL. One day at a time, my friends. We're going to make it through this.
@suekelsey1329
@suekelsey1329 Жыл бұрын
Me also!👍
@TheMissionLog
@TheMissionLog Жыл бұрын
Same! I also may do something like "today I will clean up 26 things" (since I'm 26 years old). My husband does the same thing because I do it (he cleans 32 things)
@movingonandup322
@movingonandup322 Жыл бұрын
I love this! "Hey. It's better than it was!" Very good thing to say to yourself after improving in any way. It's like giving yourself a gold star for your little victory! I got 2 things done today that were hanging over my head for a while now... but at the cost of failing at getting done another thing I really wanted to get done today too. I'm trying to focus on giving myself credit for the 2 things and not to sulk about the failure of the 1 task not completed.
@nativetexan53
@nativetexan53 Жыл бұрын
Your method is the same method i have for cleaning house. I pick up clothes to put in the laundry and i remember i have to put the wash in the dryer, which i also have to empty before i can empty the washing machine. Then i remember I needed some of that stuff to clean your machine off of Amazon so I go to my phone to order it before i forget. Then when I'm on Amazon i remember that i meant to order vitamins so i order those too. And the beat goes on.....
@loradunn2993
@loradunn2993 Жыл бұрын
Recently, I was trying to remove "One thing, from each room, every day." It was going pretty well up to the point when i had to go out of state for a bit, then got sick, then had a family emergency, then injured my back. Hoping to get back on track soon. Like you said, one day at a time. And appreciate the win, no matter how small.
@GenevieveDeBois
@GenevieveDeBois Жыл бұрын
Less than 3 minutes into this and I was in tears. For the 1st time in my 60+ years everything makes sense to me.
@purplepheasant4776
@purplepheasant4776 Жыл бұрын
Wow. Better late than never. Time to begin to live. You can do this!
@TheJosieDavisChannel
@TheJosieDavisChannel Жыл бұрын
There is a Clutters Anonymous
@wendi2819
@wendi2819 Жыл бұрын
Me too ❤❤❤
@Merky-Merk01
@Merky-Merk01 Жыл бұрын
Yes
@wendyellis6402
@wendyellis6402 Жыл бұрын
This would be me.
@froggy8030
@froggy8030 Жыл бұрын
The Clutter is a comfort blanket I have against facing the emptiness and my sadness and anxiety worthlessness
@こなた-m1o
@こなた-m1o Жыл бұрын
yep. and i've noticed surrounding myself with stuff i like (books, games, clothes, journals) and letting them be everywhere/wherever instead of organizing them, makes me feel constantly "comforted". i also love that i am rebelling against my abusive mom's obsession with "cleanliness" over even her children's mental health.
@f8hmida
@f8hmida Жыл бұрын
@@こなた-m1o hey are you okay?
@KoolT
@KoolT Жыл бұрын
Also it says, I HAVE ALL THIS, I OWN all this, especially if you grew up really poor
@rupinderh01
@rupinderh01 Жыл бұрын
You might find running on empty books 1 and 2 helpful
@victoriarosario3338
@victoriarosario3338 Жыл бұрын
@@KoolT That was my Dad in a nutshell. When videocassettes came out, he just couldn't believe all of the movies that he could own!
@lynncolbert7280
@lynncolbert7280 8 ай бұрын
When I try to clean up my clutter I get so tired that I need to lie down. I feel incapacitated and overwhelmed.
@LuluLulu-jw9fi
@LuluLulu-jw9fi 6 ай бұрын
Start by doing 15 minutes a day . Use microwave timer on and stop after 15 minutes. Doing 15 minutes a day will be 1.5 hrs a week. Increase as you become competent and feel no so tired anymore
@mommybear2
@mommybear2 6 ай бұрын
@@LuluLulu-jw9fi I'm the same way. I like your suggestion. Thanks.
@blessedbeauty0118
@blessedbeauty0118 5 ай бұрын
Me too sometimes I don’t even get past looking at the clutter I get mentally overwhelmed and figure I’ll do it later.
@blessedbeauty0118
@blessedbeauty0118 5 ай бұрын
@@LuluLulu-jw9filove that I will try that out.
@nicolenewman4378
@nicolenewman4378 5 ай бұрын
Me to and the distress this causes me comes at me ten fold. I tried yesterday decluttering with the help of my mom. I managed 2 boxes. Today I’ve not been able to get out of bed and feel incredibly unwell. I’ve been emotional. When I should be feeling like I’ve achieved small steps I feel worse
@kathyoverton998
@kathyoverton998 Жыл бұрын
It's a vicious cycle. Not only do I have some hoarding issues, but my brother was a hoarder and my mother was a depression-era mom. My hoarding brother passed away over a year ago and my mother moved in with my other brother due to her dementia. Here I am trying to get my mother's house straightened out while dealing with other family drama. I am ADHD and the sole caregiver of my autistic niece. So I am extremely overwhelmed. This makes me feel like I can't do anything. It's very hard to even start. But I did one thing. I got rid of a mattress that was just sitting around and that opened up a lot of space. Seeing that freespace motivated me to get started and I have gotten a lot done since then.
@TisOnlyAScratch
@TisOnlyAScratch Жыл бұрын
I love your Analysis of the Space. I go at least 5 years at a time collecting clutter until I've had enough and start cleaning until I run out of steam (usually when all space is used and I don't want to get rid of anything). I usually get started by opening up one space area. Then I use that space for sorting and getting rid of things while deciding where to put keep things. My first step is to get boxes and sort between trash and non-trash (Non-Trash Gets sorted according to the room I'm going to just those those things in while I focus on decluttering and cleaning just one room). Sadly, I've never gotten fully past the first step in my 22 years of adulthood. But at least I can manage not to let my home become a hoarder's paradise.
@vermilliongecko
@vermilliongecko Жыл бұрын
I feel for you, but I'm also really proud of you for getting started.
@Staceyintampa
@Staceyintampa Жыл бұрын
You can do this! You are obviously the strongest person ever because you were gifted for caring for others that cannot take care of themselves. It's helped me to do just 1 thing, without allowing any other thoughts to creep in. Do 1 thing at a time. If you make a decision on 1 thing, move to the next. And allow yourself to feel the accomplishment of doing that 1 thing. Good luck!
@imeldapearce
@imeldapearce Жыл бұрын
P)
@iseethroughyou
@iseethroughyou Жыл бұрын
I celebrate the tiniest of successes these days. like putting away one or two items when I go into another room. My Mantra has been Hey it's better than it was. But you're right, even doing one thing provides instant gratification ( and probably a dopamine rush LOL) and really helps with the shame. I got rid of an exercise machine & 3 old lawn mowers that were part of the giant mountain of things in my garage and it really really helped. You quite a lot on your hands to go through at one time, and I am relating with you quite a bit with my situation. We got this! I truly feel lighter and have hope for the future. I know we're going to make it :) I'm so practiced at being resilient but today I had some healthy anger and my Rebellion picked up today and I literally refuse to let these difficult times get the best of me. Light and love and healing strength to you, my friend.
@nathanrohde3292
@nathanrohde3292 Жыл бұрын
While clutter can induce certain types of stress, its a sign of "I don't have the cognitive load to make the decisions to address this problem."
@katiekane5247
@katiekane5247 Жыл бұрын
🎯
@chintz7428
@chintz7428 Жыл бұрын
This is all too common in older folks as they age
@lyndseygolden7546
@lyndseygolden7546 Жыл бұрын
That’s so true
@danielaruhl1710
@danielaruhl1710 Жыл бұрын
Spot on!
@prizethought
@prizethought Жыл бұрын
Its similar to how people with a ton of unresolved & unhealed trama/baggage are over x10 more likely to be addicted to something, their brains are seeking coping mechanisms for all the stockpiled hidden pain and they don't even know it.
@truthteller816
@truthteller816 Жыл бұрын
" Your trama is an INJURY, NOT an IDENTITY, IT'S NOT WHO YOU ARE." I love ❤ this statement, more people need to hear this truth ❣️
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
Agreed :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@SE45CX
@SE45CX Жыл бұрын
Do away with the people in your life who take your trauma as your identity.
@whobeyou5342
@whobeyou5342 Жыл бұрын
I think many younger people today are embracing the exact opposite idea. Trauma has become trendy like a fashion style that many people on social media try to one-up each other with.
@laurierounds7102
@laurierounds7102 Жыл бұрын
I love that!! Thank you
@josepablolunasanchez1283
@josepablolunasanchez1283 Жыл бұрын
That is a common mistake among people. If a person HAS flu, flu is seen as a disease caused by microorganisms. But for some strange reason, people say "you ARE" + name of a mental issue. To BE and to HAVE are different things. We need NOT to normalize lack of health. I suspect that narcissistic people with power want not to be criticized and that is why they promote such ill normalization principles. They fear criticism so much and they believe that they are the standard, not the outlier. And that is part of their disorder.
@Wendy-jb1tg
@Wendy-jb1tg 3 ай бұрын
I just broke down after the first 5 minutes because NEVER in my entire life has anyone taken my clutter problem serious. People either make it a morality thing where you are lacking as a human OR people try to show you how it's actually not that hard you just have to *insert endless stream of tidying up tips and tricks and systems*. I've tried telling people how my relationship with clutter is something very deep and disregulated and how I totally fall apart to the core of my being every time I try to adress it but no one really listens so THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR THIS. I feel seen.
@StarOnTheWater
@StarOnTheWater Жыл бұрын
Trauma causes anxiety. Anxiety causes clutter. Clutter causes anxiety.
@missyflutter5562
@missyflutter5562 Жыл бұрын
Boom
@ItCantRainForever2
@ItCantRainForever2 Жыл бұрын
I agree 💯
@CorePathway
@CorePathway Жыл бұрын
Clutter helps me hide.
@kellygreenii
@kellygreenii Жыл бұрын
For some. For me clutter keeps people away. I feel less anxious. Plus I think it was one of the few areas of passive resistance as a child to my mother’s intrusive and controlling behavior. You want a clean house? Yeah? Watch this…..
@luluthedoberman7490
@luluthedoberman7490 Жыл бұрын
As I read "clutter keeps people away" I thought: Ah! Why should people be kept away, did people cause harm in the past? Then I read further and it makes total sense. It's almost like a subconscious defense mechanism or behaviour meant to protect the self from harm (in this case: people/mother). Thank you for sharing because now I understand myself even better.
@jt4621
@jt4621 Жыл бұрын
Growing up poor... that really hit home. Trauma, fear of losing someone or something precious, fear of losing memories, hoarding and clutter are a big part of my life. Your success gives me hope.
@batintheattic7293
@batintheattic7293 Жыл бұрын
Yes. When we are so used to not having things when we need them we will collect them when we can - because that's security for us.
@jt4621
@jt4621 Жыл бұрын
@@batintheattic7293 security that came in handy when lockdowns due to the pandemic occurred, but not necessary at all times. I am striving to make it into a reasonable amount instead of going overboard like a zombie apocalypse is about to happen! I think my anxiety over the uncontrollable has a huge part in my hoarding, growing up poor was just a part. Praying for healing.
@sunnyadams5842
@sunnyadams5842 Жыл бұрын
​@@jt4621 Keep it moving, Baby - You got this! Jesus is a Big Help! Couldn't do it without Him. ❤
@zakiraperkovic6221
@zakiraperkovic6221 Жыл бұрын
I am with you
@patriciasalem3606
@patriciasalem3606 Жыл бұрын
Yes. A lot of decluttering advice is "Just toss it - you can buy another if you need it." But many people can't buy another when the time comes. Anyone who has ever been poor probably hangs onto more things "just in case."
@Gracie.Gardener
@Gracie.Gardener Жыл бұрын
As a child, my parent would demand that I clean and then scream at me the entire time. It was never good enough. I was constantly teased for being the messy one. It felt like I could never get away from any of it. It ate away at my self worth. I broke free from it all when I gave away 99% of what I owed in 2021. For the first time in my life I felt free. I was free of expectation. Free of things I don’t want or need. Life is simpler with less! I can still be a bit messy (especially when I cook) but as I heal, I desire a calmer, less cluttered environment.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
Yes, freedom is the answer. That was a hard situation to get out of, happy for you :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@こなた-m1o
@こなた-m1o Жыл бұрын
oh my god i had the exact same experience. my mother was so disgustingly abusive and shamey when it came to cleaning. OF COURSE i'd grow to fcking hate it and avoid it. in my case i still accumulate things and am messy, but i'm slowly getting better as i heal as well. congratulations on your healing so far and blessings for your future healing.
@Cookiepoooo
@Cookiepoooo Жыл бұрын
I have the same problem! My dad would yell at me that I'm messy and to clean but didn't tell me how or what to do. My mother would scream at me to clean and then tell me I did it wrong and she would do it herself after I had tried. I learned that it's not something I can do and just didn't try anymore because it makes me feel like I'm not good enough and I would just avoid it. I'm trying to associate good things with cleaning now. I put on music and make a to do list and watch cleaning videos to learn. I'm not over it but I'm working on it.
@ashleyyohn4006
@ashleyyohn4006 9 ай бұрын
I do (but from here on it will be DID) this. I don't scream at them the entire time but I get so angry that they don't do it right. It's always been in my head, that they have enough time to do it right. Thank you for sharing this. I have never seen it from this perspective. (OCD on cleanliness but not clutter apparently)
@lisaknaggs1088
@lisaknaggs1088 7 ай бұрын
I can sooo relate, y'all! Not only did my mom yell at me with an abusive mantra that she repeated until I cried so hard I was hyperventilating, then she would have me go help her organize (hold boxes, put them down, hand them back to her) When I was curious about what was in a box and wanted to know more, I got in trouble for asking, shamed, and learned to be quiet and play assistant to my mom, praying she wouldn't re-start the abuse. When I got introduced to IFS (Internal Family Systems) and could name "a part of me holds on to things longer than they are useful" or "a part of me feels overwhelmed and doesn't believe I can ever get organized," REALLY helped me stop shaming myself and start believing in me. I LOVE organizing WITH someone helping me (ADHD, too) White board helps me loads, too! Love and Peace, Hope & Deep Breathing to you all! xo
@sharonkende4774
@sharonkende4774 2 ай бұрын
This 38 minute video right here is why I think this woman, the Crappy Childhood Fairy, is truly magical. How did she come to make this connection that trauma and clutter are related? It is so profound and so helpful.
@cindyarnold3003
@cindyarnold3003 Жыл бұрын
While listening to you I was making a donation pile and bagging it. For the last couple months I've taken at least two bags a week and drop them off on my way to work. The wonderful feeling I get from this is fantastic! I've ended toxic relationships by saying no to people who aren't good for my mental health. I'm about to pay off a credit card, I bought myself some new furniture and am changing my diet. I'm tired of being " stuck".
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
It sounds like you're making great progress! Thanks for sharing. -Calista@TeamFairy
@pjj9491
@pjj9491 Жыл бұрын
Omg...you are sooooo right
@pjj9491
@pjj9491 Жыл бұрын
The older I get and less physicality I have, the more crap stacks up...cant declutter when u cant pickup the bags and boxes, so we stack...nobody likes around me and now its too cluttered to hire someone😢😂
@Thomassina1
@Thomassina1 Жыл бұрын
Good for you, it's very uplifting, you are taking back your power.
@cindyarnold3003
@cindyarnold3003 Жыл бұрын
PJj, just try one little space at a time. With me it's like the more I declutter the more energy I have. Starting is the hardest part.
@Jeanne6OH
@Jeanne6OH Жыл бұрын
My issue with clutter is directly caused by my parents randomly intruding into whatever activity I was engaged to harass and berate me over a situation that had usually been sitting there for some time. They'd force me to clean my room while shrieking the most horrible insults that kids shouldn't deal with at all, my dad loved to stand there while I was washing dishes and tell me what an awful person I was. I tied the knot with my husband on the condition that he would never ask me to do the dishes, ever. I've always hated cleaning and just assumed everyone else did, too. I started watching Clutterbugs, which gave me great insight into my organizational style, which helped a lot, then I started watching Aurikaterina. She LOVES to clean! I was profoundly moved watching this woman bring joy to cleaning, it really changed my perspective on the issue. I bought microfiber cloths, a squeegee and degreaser for the first time and actually started using them. Then I started watching videos on minimalism and the clutter really started to disappear. My family used to tell me that I hated cleaning, then I found out I really loved cleaning, just not when someone was screaming in my face while I was doing it!
@こなた-m1o
@こなた-m1o Жыл бұрын
oh my god. this comment is so inspiring from me, who went through the exact same thing in childhood. thank you, thank you, for sharing your story.💗
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
What a horrible way to grow up and what an amazing experience of discovering this part of yourself! -Cara@TeamFairy
@SusanS_
@SusanS_ Жыл бұрын
So sorry you had your Family treat you unkind … God bless and hope you have peace ☮️
@dashamccormick4088
@dashamccormick4088 Жыл бұрын
Congratulations on getting your mental and emotional power back!!!!
@inkivaari9392
@inkivaari9392 Жыл бұрын
@Aurikatariina mentioned 🇫🇮
@loribabineaux2945
@loribabineaux2945 Жыл бұрын
I've found that working on my clutter in 5 minute increments is manageable. Thinking I have to spend 2 hours or all day on it makes it even more overwhelming that it already is. Five minutes feels manageable. This also helps with my mental clutter.
@vlw4165
@vlw4165 Жыл бұрын
I agree. Used to motivate my kids with the finale of the William Tell Overture (Lone Ranger music) to see how much we could put away before that rousing music ended. Nowadays I play the "game of 10" with myself. When the clutter is overwhelming, I say to myself, "Well, I'll just put away 10 things." That goes fast and I'm usually motivated to play the same game again and again.
@Rollwithit699
@Rollwithit699 Жыл бұрын
Thank you! I'll try that, one small spot, 5-10 minutes a day. It should eventually help make a difference. All the paper clutter is so embarrassing but every time I try to fix it, my heart starts pounding and I'm extremely overwhelmed.
@janine8843
@janine8843 Жыл бұрын
I really like this idea. I'm an all or nothing type, which basically have me doing nothing.😂 Thank you for this great suggestion. 😊
@machitect
@machitect Жыл бұрын
Thanks for the tip. Actually, after watching this video I started removing stuff already. Will work on toiletries later in the day. This is so freeing.
@rachaelkp
@rachaelkp Жыл бұрын
​@@machitect Good change! 🎉
@scarletred8888
@scarletred8888 6 ай бұрын
I have tons of stuff - all stored away neatly - every wardrobe, cupboard etc is crammed full, my place does not look messy but I can’t throw stuff away- I just realized listening to this video how growing up poor has affected me - I think everything is precious and has to be kept !
@rosemaryhill8804
@rosemaryhill8804 Ай бұрын
Me too. If I get rid of it I may need it and won't have the resources to get it again.
@MagdalyAmbroise-b2g
@MagdalyAmbroise-b2g Ай бұрын
That's funny, while I was reading your comment, I initially thought that was the comment that I just finished writing. I have the same problem as you, I'm a twin, I can't seem to throw things away. They are tucked away in my storage that I pay monthly ($70) I visit this storage very often because I'm ALWAYS storing something. Ironically, I keep buying stuff as well. God help me.
@scarletred8888
@scarletred8888 Ай бұрын
@ Recently I moved house and had to take a storage unit to make the move easier - now I’m worried I will just fill it with more stuff - even though I did throw away a lot of things, I was shocked by the amount of things I had accumulated 😞
@dreamer6943
@dreamer6943 Ай бұрын
So much is made of chaotic hoarding, which is often also squalor hoarding where there's pest control issues and rotten food/actual trash in the board. Barely any mention of organised hoarding though, which it sounds like all of you on this post may have. The need to constantly acquire, whether through shopping or thrifting free stuff, is part of hoarding. I'm working on my own organised hoarding too. Been working on it a year, got rid of 2k items approx gone from my tiny home and made attempts to curb my spending a bit. Finally things are starting to look better now. It's taken all this time to start to see a visible difference.
@aquachonk
@aquachonk 11 ай бұрын
Clutter CAUSES anxiety and depression for me. I've become a minimalist on so many levels and it's so friggin' RELAXING.
@abiahpelem2649
@abiahpelem2649 10 ай бұрын
same here .
@dubya5626
@dubya5626 10 ай бұрын
Just explained to my adult son as we watched this video that anxiety/clutter/anxiety/(etc.) is not only a vicious cycle that "snowballs" as things get worse, but often are a chicken/egg phenomenon. It is not important which came first, and often there is no way to tell. Other things, such as being busy and short on time, and pulled from all sides, I've found, can trigger both at the same time! Often there are external factors -- sometimes related to past trauma -- that can trigger one, the other, or both. It is good to be aware of this, and prepared to break the cycle early, as soon as you are away. This video, perhaps most importantly, helps one prepare to identify the presence of clutter/anxiety, and get in front of it. Start small, especially if feeling overwhelmed. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither was the site for building Roma cleared/decluttered in a day! I explained to my son that if you know both are occurring and you find yourself in pajamas on Saturday at 11 AM, sometimes the best thing you can do to work on the clutter (and to dispel the feeling of being overwhelmed) is to take a shower and get dressed, first! Clutter/anxiety is tied closely into associated (even if minimal semblance of) depression and self-defeating thoughts. Best to start at the bottom with the simple yet important things, and work up ... Little by little. Minimalism movement is great, but some influencers make it sound easy and once-and-done. It is most certainly not! Decluttering, like Minimalism, is a process of not only changing the status quo, but also changing our outlooks and behaviors. This can only occur a little at a time. Again, Rome...
@wookie7409
@wookie7409 10 ай бұрын
Well said. @@dubya5626
@faigee3493
@faigee3493 10 ай бұрын
I never found it relaxing struggling to keep up . When I was young, I was rushing around like a nut case trying to keep everything in placemaking. Sure, laundry toys, etc. We're all put in place and nicely done. And I had several older ladies. Tell me your children will only be children for a little while. And you're not even letting them play healthfully. Because you are insistent upon having everything, put away nicely, they said, relax and enjoy your life Perfection is not to be all and end all. In fact my mind felt so much more healthy after that. There did come time as my children got olderthat I insisted they help me keep things organized. And to be honest, I have a couple of my children who are not healthy mentally but they keep their place in order and it is a big thing for them. I think somehow some people feel like if you look organized and you look healthy somehow. It will happen and you will feel better about yourself. I don't know. I definitely need to unclutter but I do not want to become obsessed with it again like I used to be
@gottabme
@gottabme 10 ай бұрын
Kinda went from one extreme to the other, myself.
@alison4316
@alison4316 Жыл бұрын
C-PTSD person here. I accumulate stuff. I collect. I have a difficult time throwing "sentimental" things away. Thank you for this.
@iahelcathartesaura3887
@iahelcathartesaura3887 Жыл бұрын
SAME HERE!!! Your comment does me MUCH GOOD to read 😊🙏 (and the number of thumbs up when I read your comment is the same # as my birthday lol. A sentimental, meaningful synchronicity for me 😊 🧡) ALL THE BEST! All mighty, gentle, enjoyable, strengthening healing to you.
@francesbeth2077
@francesbeth2077 Жыл бұрын
I understand this we live in the past and have to let things go. It's all psychological. Get counseling and pray. Try to live in the present. I am working on this now.
@ShannyFMinstereo
@ShannyFMinstereo Жыл бұрын
Same ❤
@maureenkidd6629
@maureenkidd6629 Жыл бұрын
I wouldn't throw away sentimental things....
@GypsyGirl317
@GypsyGirl317 Жыл бұрын
@@maureenkidd6629 sometimes we have to, in order to clear our space. We can take photos of the items for the memory.
@cjsoywaxcandles
@cjsoywaxcandles Жыл бұрын
I’ve finally gotten to the point where I prove to myself I’m healing every time I clean or straighten something up… every time I put something in its place I tell myself how wonderful I am!!! It’s helping!
@PeaceIsJesusChrist
@PeaceIsJesusChrist Жыл бұрын
Yes!! FlyLady calls it, “Finally loving yourself.” ❤
@haveyouflossedtoday
@haveyouflossedtoday Жыл бұрын
I haven’t heard of FlyLady for so long! Thank you for the reminder ❤
@PeaceIsJesusChrist
@PeaceIsJesusChrist Жыл бұрын
@@haveyouflossedtoday Aww! You’re so welcome! She does daily videos and is so uplifting. I just love her! 🥰
@anna84259
@anna84259 Жыл бұрын
Me too. I've become somewhat obsessed with cleaning after escaping an extremely messy environment where I was basically incapable of organizing or cleaning or anything of the sorts. It was also unhealthy, because I've literally had bad breakdowns if I was unable to clean on my "routine clean day" just because I was so horribly afraid that if I don't clean it now I'll never be able to clean again and somehow will go back to that horrid mess I've been living in. I think it's slowly going away and now I'm starting to just appreciate the act itself. I feel accomplished when I see a clean space and I feel like my efforts have paid off. It makes my brain feel good, in a way, like almost nothing does. It's also just nice to do an activity where you can just kind of turn your brain off and just "scrub scrub vacuum scrub no thoughts head empty", it's such a nice feeling when most of the time your brain seems to work on emergency mode.
@markc1234golf
@markc1234golf Жыл бұрын
bless you what a good tip you made me smile
@bicivelo
@bicivelo 3 ай бұрын
The fact that she’s opens about her past, especially like being poor and airbrushes of foundation, gives her more credit and is more trustworthy. Thank you so much.
@msjgavf1
@msjgavf1 Жыл бұрын
favorit phrase, your trauma is an injury not an identity. You happened accidentally on my feed and I needed to hear you! Thank you for this video
@WORTHY333
@WORTHY333 Жыл бұрын
Ditto 💞
@kdawg4585
@kdawg4585 Жыл бұрын
Same. This popped up under a completely unrelated video but I never thought clutter was a result of past trauma.
@blessed7645
@blessed7645 Жыл бұрын
Same here.... It was by accident and i so needed to hear this.. 💕🙏🏾
@tcla3854
@tcla3854 Жыл бұрын
I heard that too
@synergy2222
@synergy2222 Жыл бұрын
Me too! So glad you came up in my feed. I'm just starting therapy for depression and want him to watch this video because I don't know if he understands these connections. I got a TBI (traumatic brain injury) at work in April 2019 and I've never been so overwhelmed with clutter, and feelings of absolute humiliation. I'd just unloaded 2 storage units to my small home after selling my 2nd home. My current home is 675 sq ft the other was 2025 sq ft and there was a lot of things to purge, donate, etc. My intention was to go through it all as quickly as possible and then I got the TBI and multiple bodily injuries. Within 5 days I couldn't walk or talk normal and had multi tonal tinnitus 24/7 and couldn't sleep for almost 2 years. I would go in spurts of purging then go into the inability to make decisions mindset and I was fatigued by the mental, emotional thoughts of the daunting tasks and then beating myself up over being 'lazy'. I'm still not back to work as dizzy spells from the injury keep resurfacing and it's likely I may not be able to. I'm a flight attendant and I loved my job, so I'm also dealing with confusion, fear, and uncertainty of my future. I'm feeling like a shell of my 'self' as I've had no social life, no physical support system other than by phone with a few friends. I know just having my clutter gone I will free up stuck energy and feel better about myself and see more open choices for my life. But I'm 67 and I feel I'm just watching the countdown of my life as I lose myself in the process.
@Iquey
@Iquey Жыл бұрын
Clutter can also be a shield of privacy. If you've had your privacy violated or lacked control as a kid or always has people trying to invalidate your mind, you end up using clutter to put barriers between intruders and a peaceful refuge where you can be yourself, where you can hide pieces of yourself in the clutter that the abuser can't find. The problem is when it gets to a point where you can't even find what you stashed in the clutter, and then you end up forgetting where you put yourself. 😵‍💫 So decluttering is important to keep yourself organized and getting away from abuse is important so you don't have to hide yourself from anyone in your own house.
@willowway9552
@willowway9552 Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your comment. My mother violated every part of me… she raided my room and my clothes regularly. Then I married an abusive, invasive, controlling alcoholic. I managed to heal a lot in therapy and get away from all my abusers. EMDR helped a lot. But then the pandemic brought back all the chaos and distress of my unpredictable childhood. I was once again afraid in my own home. I couldn’t see any point in cleaning just to stay locked up alone in my house. I felt safer with stuff piled all around me. I’m definitely in hiding. Thank you for what you shared. I feel less alone. I’m finally starting to find other ways to feel safe in the world again, and working at coming out from behind all my barricades. 🙏💕✨
@shelleyd9910
@shelleyd9910 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for saying that. Now I understand why I keep my wardrobe of clothes on half of my bed that my ex would have had as his side. He was an abuser and withdrew from me sexually. And I never felt safe sleeping next to him. Not sure what to do with this.
@jamiethrogmorton2540
@jamiethrogmorton2540 Жыл бұрын
Well said. I can totally relate to this as I hide in my messy cocoon.
@Aprayerfortheloney
@Aprayerfortheloney Жыл бұрын
What an insightful comment, I agree it's definitely true in my case.
@tessH
@tessH 7 ай бұрын
You worded what I feel.
@mattpool260
@mattpool260 Жыл бұрын
"You start with the thing right in front of you." Might be the best bit of advice I've ever heard. Thank you.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
Thanks for your kind comment! Happy de-cluttering! Julie@TeamFairy
@Padraigp
@Padraigp Жыл бұрын
I do that every day. It doesnt get anywhere. At some point you may need help. Everyday i do whats in front of me which is the dogs stuff the kids stuff the dishes the sink the floor the bathroom etc... but theres then no energy left for organising the guitar related things. Or the old laptop chargers in a box. Lol. At a certain point you have to go beyond whats in front of you which is the daily chores and get somone in to help with the overload.
@GypsyGirl317
@GypsyGirl317 Жыл бұрын
@@Padraigp I'm finding that taking good supplements, and increasing my protein intake has increased my energy, and I am able to accomplish more. It is a good feeling! 😍 🌿 🙆🏻‍♀️
@Padraigp
@Padraigp Жыл бұрын
@@GypsyGirl317 nice. I should remember to get more protien as well when i did force myself it made a difference my muscles felt a lot less sore all the time but ive not been doing it lately. Coffee is not the bets breakfast but sometimes all i feel i have time for. Thanks for the reminder!
@sherrymcmullin1914
@sherrymcmullin1914 8 ай бұрын
Finally I understand trauma. Everything makes so much sense. Clutter, feeling stuck, non social, shame, blame. Thank you so much.❤
@Maddie2u
@Maddie2u 4 ай бұрын
I understand it but the energy to make any change is too tiresome at 68.
@jasonhansen8996
@jasonhansen8996 Жыл бұрын
Holy S*&%!!!!!! Lady, you just NAILED my childhood. Strangely enough, 4 years ago I had to have help to escape a very bad relationship and I couldn't for the life of me understand what or how it happened to me but the bottom completely fell out from under me. I am a Marine and from the time I left home until 4 years ago - EVERYTHING was always neat, clean organized and I was NEVER ashamed to let anyone into my home. I was proud, to be honest. Suddenly, I couldn't find the energy to clean or put anything away or be who I knew myself to be. You just hit me with a spotlight and might have just pointed the spotlight on my issue. THANK GOD FOR YOU.
@dianebellitti4590
@dianebellitti4590 Жыл бұрын
She is so wonderful and helpful! I felt the same exact way listening to her. ❤
@bridgetsieger2261
@bridgetsieger2261 Жыл бұрын
I understand, I always used to have a proud home I called “guest ready”. Now, at my age and with sobriety I am drowning in trauma and I live in clutter and am ashamed of having guests over. It must be worse as a marine as you are trained to be neat and bounce coins off the bed. Now, I just can’t get out of bed.
@jasonhansen8996
@jasonhansen8996 Жыл бұрын
@@bridgetsieger2261 I wouldn't mind talking to you personally. Because yeah you're right
@bridgetsieger2261
@bridgetsieger2261 Жыл бұрын
@@jasonhansen8996 I literally don’t know how to make private chat in KZbin can you show me ? I’d like to talk to you, too.
@bridgetsieger2261
@bridgetsieger2261 Жыл бұрын
@@jasonhansen8996 I dunno how right I am about stuff anymore. I’m having such a hard time lately. Is it something in the air? How did I go from what I was to this? If you could see the clutter.. it’s not just that.. so much of myself I think is lost. Or gone. I’ve always been better pals and roommates with military folks because of ‘certain things’. I’ve not served, however. How are you?
@ArleneHeer
@ArleneHeer 11 ай бұрын
I did not have childhood trauma and was neat and tidy for decades…..until I married a narcissist. I was never familiar with this disorder and after the “love bombing” experienced emotional and verbal abuse that was foreign to me. I knew I had to leave, then he had a stroke and the guilt of “what will people think if I leave him now…he was such a great guy”, kept me in the marriage another seven years. I almost let his behavior kill me physically and emotionally. Over seven years have passed and I am finally done picking up the pieces of myself. During the period of divorcing, my clutter was paralyzing. I slowly dug myself out with the help of my son…..but I’m a work in progress. Thank you for your insight. I need to hear more of what you have to say!
@MarieKiraly-k7p
@MarieKiraly-k7p 9 ай бұрын
You are lucky your ex didn't alienate your son. Mine has alienated both my children.
@susanwald-o4s
@susanwald-o4s 8 ай бұрын
I did a sharp intake of breath when I read your comment. Sounds precisely the same as my situation, except I am all on my own. It's so difficult.
@Brainalicious
@Brainalicious 8 ай бұрын
Life is HARD! I'm proud of you.
@melissacabrera8545
@melissacabrera8545 8 ай бұрын
​@user-bs5sk9kp3c you are never alone. God is with you. Reach out to DV support groups, maybe that will help. I know the shame is paralizing...Please love yourself enough to get out of unkind situations.
@pittymama4500
@pittymama4500 8 ай бұрын
Me too! I kept the best house and I was super mommy until he broke me. Now I'm just broken and no longer social butterfly as my own children I hardly even see anymore because I don't leave the house in order to go do anything and they don't want to just come hang out with me at my house. Why don't they want to come hang out at my house? Because I just have a lot of stuff! There's a never-ending cycle to this s***.
@ELCPAKansas
@ELCPAKansas Жыл бұрын
Gosh! Clutter is a SYMPTOM. A side effect. Not a character flaw or mental disability. So much truth and enlightenment in the first 7 minutes of this video. Thank you! 👏💡
@Abril-1234
@Abril-1234 Жыл бұрын
I feel so much shame about my inability to keep my home clean 😭
@kissmissthis
@kissmissthis Жыл бұрын
@@Abril-1234 you’re still a good person and that’s what matters.
@lizziesangi1602
@lizziesangi1602 Жыл бұрын
@@Abril-1234 True! It's worse when we get older. Just FOLLOW simple rules - Throw garbage in garbage can. All garbage and food. Keep the kitchen sink empty. Hang up clothes. Put clothes in drawers. ALWAYS clean the toilet bowl. Vacuum - picks up hair, dust, crumbs, ashes. Maybe you're eligible for a home health aid. In NJ they do laundry, vacuum, dust, clean bathroom, wash dishes - like a personal house cleaning. Please look into that through your social services, food stamps and ask your Doctor. You can do it!!! God bless you 🌹✝️🌹
@tillygirl7450
@tillygirl7450 Жыл бұрын
@@lizziesangi1602 I can get through the first half of your list dealing with the kitchen. I may not always get to everything else - as long the kitchen is clean and organized - it becomes my focal point to help me not get overwhelmed as much.
@MyOver50
@MyOver50 Жыл бұрын
​@@tillygirl7450 Put the stuff on a weekly calendar because breaking it down makes it easier. Once that system is working add small tasks to it. Be aware of your place feeling better to be in & treat yourself with a new tea, flowers, etc..
@YourOldDog
@YourOldDog 7 ай бұрын
You nailed my life. Raised in a poor family I always wanted a workshop of my own. When I got it I was afraid to use it because I didn't have a warehouse full of materials and was afraid to "waste" what precious materials to work with that I had. So I would build workbenches but use them like shelves so I never had a place to actually work. I bought industrial shelves and filled them with stuff I haven't touched in 20 years, thats how important this stuff was to me. Thank ;you for the explanation of what I had working against me. Now I can try to declutter my life to make room for what I like to do....play in my shop. Maybe I won't be paralyzed with thought when I need to cut into a nice board.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын
You can do it! Good luck! Nika@TeamFairy
@Pinky-Pinkie70
@Pinky-Pinkie70 3 ай бұрын
I feel the same way and have even expressed that to myself many times. Fear of using up my stuff.
@ClownCash
@ClownCash 3 ай бұрын
Yes, growing up poor is definitely part of not willing to let things go. It also relates to investing and not willing to take appropriate risks. It’s like once acquired I’m not letting it go. Period.
@paulablair395
@paulablair395 Жыл бұрын
I appreciate the knowledge that clutter is part of my trauma. I just thought I was lazy and worthless. Overbuying food is one of my problems - if it's on sale, it's on my shelves. I have food that has been stored in my closet for a couple of years. I keep thinking that I will live off my shelves and stop buying groceries for a while, but then there comes a news report that food is going to be scarce and prices will just keep going up. I have double depression, CPTSD, and a few more serious diseases. I'm 65 and feel like it is too late to have any healing. I've been on antidepressants since my early 20's. The good thing is that I am learning about trauma, understanding why I am the way I am.
@spiralali
@spiralali Жыл бұрын
I believe that as long as you're alive and learning, there's no such thing as too late. Maybe your timing is perfect! My mom is 70, about to turn 71, (with childhood trauma and abusive partners as an adult), and she's taking steps forward, learning more, and her momentum has been building as she's slowly cut down on her meds. (With assistance from Drs) I believe whatever I feel drawn to learn more about holds my next step toward healing. Have you seen the documentary, "Medication Normal"? Whichever steps you take next, or even resting and processing, I'm rooting for you~
@annadonahue4119
@annadonahue4119 Жыл бұрын
Isn't it great for us older folk to learn from Anna! She has answers we've needed our entire lives. Which brings hope back into the picture! So good!
@jeanaallison7236
@jeanaallison7236 Жыл бұрын
🙏💕 MUCH LOVE to you 😌🐝🌞
@katarzynapuchaa128
@katarzynapuchaa128 Жыл бұрын
If possible, you can try to find EMDR therapy, there are online ones as well. For me, it started healing from my trauma unbelievably quickly - two sessions were enough to see the difference! I wish you strength and good health 👋
@redrustyhill2
@redrustyhill2 Жыл бұрын
Having shelves full of food is a good thing, its also smart
@Coco_xoxo
@Coco_xoxo Жыл бұрын
I agree, I’m usually really cluttered. I’ve noticed even when I clean, it doesn’t make me feel less anxious or depressed. I feel the same, the room is just cleaner.
@s.rogers5773
@s.rogers5773 Жыл бұрын
Same! Or even if I've cleaned my room, bathroom, etc., I know there's a mess hiding in the cabinets and closet, so cleaning doesn't really feel as fulfilling as it should.
@despicabledavidshort3806
@despicabledavidshort3806 Жыл бұрын
I can clean all day but no 😔 ne could ever know bc of the clutter 😭
@anamac820
@anamac820 Жыл бұрын
​@@despicabledavidshort3806 I can clean all day but never feel like I cleaned enough....or the overwhelm doesn't go away and I use the excuse of cleaning my house to basically hide from all of my other responsibilities but it really feels like I have to clean because I want to feel calm, but it doesn't work.
@ItCantRainForever2
@ItCantRainForever2 Жыл бұрын
​@@anamac820 omg I get it. Isolation sucks
@anniehope8651
@anniehope8651 Жыл бұрын
To me, cleaning and decluttering isn't fulfilling either. That's why I have so much trouble doing it. I get nothing out of it.
@SparkHomeschool
@SparkHomeschool Жыл бұрын
I recently cleaned out a room that had become a storage room. As I went through the layers it was almost like an archaeological dig and I could tell what was happening in my life at the time that that particular stack was created. I realized I was getting super emotional on a certain stack that matched up with the month my dad spent in the hospital. I hadn’t let myself feel any of it. Cleaning out the room also cleaned out the heaviness I had had in my heart over the last 10 months
@annapachaclarke2392
@annapachaclarke2392 Жыл бұрын
Yes, the clutter happens because of emotional attachment to events which happened 😢
@theresedublin
@theresedublin Жыл бұрын
Wow!
@nananellypumpkinkeaf
@nananellypumpkinkeaf Жыл бұрын
I’ve done the same thing~ Bless your heart!!! We are so thankful for this realization, aren’t we! It’s rough, but amazing at the same time… may you be blessed as you continue to progress!
@LaniAnne402
@LaniAnne402 9 ай бұрын
I totally relate to the cupboards being FULL! My family has more than enough food. I was raised by parents and grandparents who lived through the Depression. We saved everything! My husband has helped me by sorting through the shelves with me. He is aware of my childhood sexual abuse and has been a great help to me in dealing with the ramifications of this abuse. Thank you so much for this informational video. ❤
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 9 ай бұрын
Glad to hear you have a supportive husband! Good luck on your healing journey! Nika@TeamFairy
@BeMoreMd
@BeMoreMd Жыл бұрын
Clutter began for me almost 20 years ago when my mom died and I had to raise my special needs sister who was 13 at the time. I became so overwhelmed that I couldn't focus on anything other than my sister. The clutter in my mind spilled over into all aspects of my life. This video is so powerful and life changing!
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
I'm so glad the video was helpful, thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@BelindaM44
@BelindaM44 10 ай бұрын
I’ll bet you raised her well! Blessings to you!❤️✌️
@Vicki-r4u
@Vicki-r4u 10 ай бұрын
Yes, as a parent of SN kids I can relate.
@kimberlyolsen9995
@kimberlyolsen9995 10 ай бұрын
What I relate to is so much these life events the passing of someone where we take on the items of other people, especially the items of other people we care and love so much that have gone on… Parents, death, kids, leaving the nest,… It’s not where it all began for me with clutter, but it intensified the situation and itmade the part where I feel immobile locked into place
@kimberlyolsen9995
@kimberlyolsen9995 10 ай бұрын
Oh, but what I meant to say, you have a situation in the present tense a living situation, a life situation that demands all your attention. You can’t always just take care of even having a few extra hours or minutes to fix up all the clutter and get it organized, especially with the overwhelm in your life and mind.
@suesmith5746
@suesmith5746 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for telling me my clutter is not just lazyness or learned behavior. I am in my late 70's and by top bucket list item, is clean up my clutter before I die. That is not what I want to be remembered for. Also their is about $50,000 worth of good stuff that needs to be sorted. I am making progress but live alone in a 3000 sq ft house with 4 garages, and I have lived here by myself for over 40 yrs. I did not have a terrible childhood, but a very isolated one. Both of my parents and all of my siblings had or have OCD anxiety and or depression. 2/3 of us have gotten at least some help, but with age those who will not get help have drifted away from the center of the family which is distressing to the rest of us. On the plus side my clutter serves as a security system, anyone breaking in would knock stuff over, get lost in the maze and pray they can find their way back out.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
Your story is moving. and funny at the end, which I love.
@Continental123-i2n
@Continental123-i2n Жыл бұрын
Lol... The end made me laugh. You're an excellent writer !
@bunnycouture
@bunnycouture Жыл бұрын
Keep going on it! Sending you good vibes✌🏼
@shirleylum2198
@shirleylum2198 Жыл бұрын
You are absolutely right. My parents were traumatized when they were young, and they in turn traumatized their own children, but this is where I put the stop for my own children. I deal with my CPTSD one day at a time and every day is a new day for healing. I am moving forward everyday, age 65 with CPTSD, and I thank you for your channel.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
Wonderful to be empowered to stop the cycle! -Cara@TeamFairy
@cherylmcanally1898
@cherylmcanally1898 Жыл бұрын
So spot on..God bless you
@DulceN
@DulceN Жыл бұрын
Same here, best wishes to you.
@randomisland2872
@randomisland2872 Жыл бұрын
I am 71. I had traumatizing parents who had also been traumatized in their childhoods. I'm still working on my issues from having them as parents.
@bluebonbon22
@bluebonbon22 4 ай бұрын
I have a win, thanks for sharing how physical clutter is connected to childhood C-PTSD. I spent the past several weeks going through all of my stuff. I was able to discard things that I no longer need, use or even like. Threw out or recycled those items, and feel really good about my space. My apt building manager let me know on Tuesday that there was going to be an inspection today(Thursday) I was already organized so it was quick work to wipe kitchen stove, sink, and mop floors. I do have a few more clothes then I need, and some extra food(stored properly) for just in case.
@Canuckbelgo
@Canuckbelgo Жыл бұрын
I'm about 7 minutes in and I can't stop crying. I didn't even realise how sad this makes me feel. I'm struggling so much : clutter in my closets and bedroom. Our downstairs is fine - I try to keep it as orderly as possible if anyone comes by but upstairs is a mess. I feel SO ASHAMED! I've also been struggling with my weight. You definitely touched a nerve with me. I have always said to my husband that my cluttering and messiness MUST surely be due to my terrible childhood - but eat the same time I didn't want to make it an excuse either. My father was Bipolar (but when he wasn't in his cra&zy manic state, he was a good father) and a depressive abusive mother. She'd smack us and scream at us all day every day. She'd say we were all worthless and stupid and being the sort of middle child (well I have a younger sister by 2 years but she was always cherished and sheltered from mom's rants - "funnily" enough she is a veritable psychopath now diagnosed with HND (I think it's Histrionic Narcissistic Disorder). I ended up leaving for university at 18 but didn't know what I wanted and flunked (never any order to cope with studying) so I left and came to Europe. I recognise now that I was fleeing an awful situation at home. I could literally write a book - and I would if I didn't procrastinate so much (almost comical). Anyway, I got a second chance at life with a wonderful husband and by some miracle, I had a second daughter (naturally) when I was 45. She is truly the light of my life. I just need to lose weight and get my health back. I was obsessed learning about keto and fasting but to get down and "just do it' is so hard. I now do a 36 hr fast every week but I must combine that with keto to really see results. Ugh. SO much in my mind. So much to do... I'm usually a jovial person actually but for some reason this video really made me cry deeply. Anyway, I had better put cold water on my face as my husband just dropped off our little girl at her granny's for the day (she'll be 9 next week) and he took the day off so we could spend some special time together. I desperately need guidance. It's as if I need someone to take me by the hand and to gently tell me what to do. Huge irony as I HATE being told what to do - my mother was so awful to me/us. That's where it comes from I guess. I'll be looking through your videos to try to see if I can find any tips on how to jump start myself. You seem like such a kind person.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
This free course is an excellent jump start: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy
@Rcenthusiast90
@Rcenthusiast90 Жыл бұрын
I am a life coach and these are areas of my expertise in helping people move forward. I am also a mindset Mentor. I would love to give you a free 20 minute consultation if you are interested.
@calista1280
@calista1280 Жыл бұрын
Canuckbelgo, I feel your pain! 😢 Luckily, before a beach vacation I got determined & had a breakthrough! I went low carb (Healthy Atkins/Keto) & finally started losing weight, so far 7 lbs!!! I watched tons of Keto and Functional Medicine Doctors like Dr Hyman, Dr Berg etc... So I did it by delaying breakfast til 10am, skipping lunch or grabbing a piece of cheese & meat or an apple (no bread!) if I felt light headed and we have dinner at 5:30-6. I have substituted wild rice or quinoa for brown rice or potatoes & a large mixed green salad, sometimes with sunflower seeds. Olive oil & red wine or balsamic vinegar for dressing. Now, this is the start of the FAST, so eat nothing til 10am the next morning! YOU CAN DO IT, YOU GOT THIS! 🎉😅 🙏 🤲 🕊 ♥️
@fxrivrgirl
@fxrivrgirl Жыл бұрын
Just always remember after your triggers anxiety etc that do many are just like you. & its ok to be how you are. A work in progress. Some of just take a bit more hilly path. ♡
@Telocar
@Telocar Жыл бұрын
Same I felt as though something thought I was supposed to hear this. The clothes really hit home for me
@lesliefitzgerald2354
@lesliefitzgerald2354 Жыл бұрын
I am grateful that I found this video. My best friend, now deceased, had all of the clutter listed above and it was so hard for me to deal with her mental state and her house that had TONS of clutter. Now I realize that she had childhood trauma which lead to this. I knew her since we were four years old and she died at 62. Her lifestyle and brain activity drove me crazy as everything was so stressful to her. She was abused by her brothers growing up, her dad was a critic and her mother was a drunk who never got out of bed. In those days you could send children to the liquor store for cigarettes and alcohol if they had a note, and so the mom would lay around in bed, in her moo moo, and get drunk and chain smoke. I always knew my friend was neglected, but since I was too, I thought she would be like me and get over it. I guess some people don't. Although she is gone, I can now cut her a little more slack knowing that she was out of control and had no help.
@eva5601
@eva5601 Жыл бұрын
62 is young.😢 Now she is resting.
@kailadellapenna1594
@kailadellapenna1594 Жыл бұрын
@lesliefitzgerald2354 I sincerely hope you don’t let that bother you or make you feel bad that she drove you a little crazy. I get we all deal with things differently, but that was your best friend. That you was SO LUCKY to have for so long and I’m sure she knew you just meant well. A best friend doesn’t tell you what you WANT to hear, they tell you what you NEED to hear! I knew my best friend since birth, I only got ALMOST 15 years with her, and she consistently called me out when I needed it. She never let me just go with things. I knew it was because she loved me. That was a real friend. A real friend ALWAYS wants the best for you. I tell all the younger girls that I know if your best friend isn’t hyping you up even when you’re out shining her, she ain’t your friend. My JayGirl died Aug. 17th of 07 an her birthday is Oct. 20th. She would have been 15. I was just 15 myself when she passed. I’m 32 now. Not a day goes by I don’t think of her. She’s irreplaceable. 62 is too young, but your very lucky to have had as much time with her as you did. I like to think I keep a part of my bestie alive by who I am, I’m sure she’s still alive in you when people you knew see you. ♥️ I know this was so random and I hope you took it as heartfelt as I meant it. I just read that and for some reasons listed it really clicked with me.
@faithm9284
@faithm9284 Жыл бұрын
So grateful you were her friend all those years, even if some moments were difficult for you. It's difficult to be as patient as you have had to be to be her friend. I get it! Thank you! GOD bless you! 💌🥳
@diannegarrett852
@diannegarrett852 Жыл бұрын
That's so sad..
@Dani-ICU-RN
@Dani-ICU-RN Жыл бұрын
Thank God she had you ❤
@Simple_Mind11369
@Simple_Mind11369 Жыл бұрын
This is so well thought out and spoken. One thing that helped me was taking my sabbath. Sabbath is a day for rest. I chose the original Sabbath of Saturday. On this day it did not matter what my eyes fell on, I did not have to feel guilty OR get started on it. The way this worked was that I literally did the things I felt to be important in the 6 days before the Sabbath, and then I had a day off, and it did not matter what was left undone, or what anyone else thought I should be doing. I took the day off. everybody gets a day off. It was a life saver and it enabled me to get more done in the other six days. It was the best tool I had ever found. Thank you for helping us find more.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
Great suggestion! -Cara@TeamFairy
@janine8843
@janine8843 Жыл бұрын
I like that! Thank you 😊
@somyah2960
@somyah2960 Жыл бұрын
❤ Our Father knows what we need! ❤
@yadiramarie22
@yadiramarie22 Жыл бұрын
Wow! Beautiful suggestion, I do this like 3 years ago from now and is a joy and a really beautiful way to reach the wellness physically and spiritually, I have to confess that sometimes I skip but I always return to celebrate my day, is like my brain and body ask for it! Thanks to Hashem for his laws and counsel because He knows best!
@homebodyheaven6114
@homebodyheaven6114 Жыл бұрын
God’s “10 Commandments “ are really just our Father’s loving instructions to bless us. So glad you have learned that. ❤
@MakeYourOwnMind
@MakeYourOwnMind 3 ай бұрын
I'm overjoyed at the weight that has fallen off of me during this video. I feel so empowered and hopeful. Thank you very much for being a lifeline for those a bit further down the chain. It is a major deal what you're doing! ❤
@agailframe6590
@agailframe6590 Жыл бұрын
You're the first person to really give me the information that can set me free from all the clutter in my life. I'm 80 years old and have suffered all my life from guilt, anxiety, hiding my feelings from others, because of all the shame and loneliness all this causes in my head and my heart. ❤
@randomisland2872
@randomisland2872 Жыл бұрын
I'm 71 and also working on all these issues. At least the information on U tooube has given me the info to empower me with some understanding!!!
@justkiddin84
@justkiddin84 Жыл бұрын
It’s never too late. 60 here, wanting to change it before some other poor person has to do it.❤
@lydialedbetter2041
@lydialedbetter2041 Жыл бұрын
I'm 74. Have NO ONE to dispose of my STUFF if I outlive my husband. My only child is dead and have no grandchildren. I find it so difficult to get rid of things that were gifts from my parents and grandparents....things that I love for the memories. I'm so stuck. 😢
@AmethystWoman
@AmethystWoman Жыл бұрын
68. Shame my whole life.
@Staceyintampa
@Staceyintampa Жыл бұрын
@@lydialedbetter2041 do you have any other family?
@BookZealots
@BookZealots Жыл бұрын
"Your trauma is an injury but it's not an identity. It's not what you are." So true! And I see so many people hang on to past hurts like a badge of honor instead of moving forward in life, but I've never heard it so distinctly worded. Thank you.
@frankG335
@frankG335 Жыл бұрын
Some even make it their entire identity and profession.
@francesbeth2077
@francesbeth2077 Жыл бұрын
Yes, it makes you limp through life, never knowing why, instead of run. Get surgery and get it out. Take medication if necessary and go to counseling. Never disclose it, many people who had never been through traumatic events will rarely understand you. They may even be cold and callous. Go to God. People understand physical disease but not mental wounds or injuries. Unless they physically see i, they won't believe you.
@BookZealots
@BookZealots Жыл бұрын
@@frankG335 lol you are quite correct in that statement.
@BookZealots
@BookZealots Жыл бұрын
@@SusieW-e3y I can relate to being stalked, but had the opposite reaction. I wanted everything organized so that if something was moved I would know. I had to find a balance and not let clutter or being OCD control my life. I hope you find your balance.
@BookZealots
@BookZealots Жыл бұрын
@@SusieW-e3y 🤗 I'm happy to hear this.
@cup_o_TMarie
@cup_o_TMarie Жыл бұрын
This was one of your most profound videos! THANK YOU🙏 My Mom died in her EXTREMELY hoarded home that was bad enough to be on the show🙈 She’d struggled with this all my life & I really just KNEW she’d die that way😢 It cost over $25k to clean out the house & another $100k to repair it to sell. I had to throw out (couldn’t even donate) the majority of everything due to rotten food odor, bugs etc. I could never have friends over plus my Dad was an awful alcoholic. The shame I carried for all of this was TREMENDOUS! My Mom grew up very poor AND her father sexually abused her. She was in denial of all of this pain her entire life & it caused her to become a covert narcissist that prevented us from ever having a healthy relationship. I’m a FIRM believer that hoarding & clutter is definitely an emotional issue. I’m so happy the psychological community is FINALLY officially addressing this. I have my own hoarding tendencies. It’s definitely a lack mentality as I’ve had times in life where means were very slim. No matter where you are it’s NEVER TOO LATE!!!! You absolutely CAN overcome the literal & figurative “things” holding you back! Sending love, light & hope to you all struggling 🙏💝💫
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
Thank you for your words of support! -Cara@TeamFairy
@MsEagle20
@MsEagle20 Жыл бұрын
Your mother must have been in a lot of pain. It probably didn't help when you called her a hoarder.
@cup_o_TMarie
@cup_o_TMarie Жыл бұрын
@@MsEagle20 I find this comment very hurtful. 😪 I suppose I shouldn’t be shocked still by the things people will do on the internet, but here I am…and there you are. How do you think I felt when you attempted to shame me for telling the truth in an attempt to help someone else to not feel so much shame if they’re experiencing something similar? Perhaps you might’ve considered asking me questions before you assume that I called her a hoarder to her face. Hoarding disorder is a scientific term used to define the psychological construct in the DSM of psychological conditions that professional counselors use. It is not, nor did I use it as a slur or a form of degradation. I wonder why you’d reply with such a level of insensitivity to my vulnerable sharing? I didn’t write in a blaming or shaming tone regarding my Mom. In fact, I was vulnerable enough to express that I had my own tendencies. It’s simply the raw truth that I thought could help someone else. Telling the truth doesn’t mean I am shaming her. Yes my Mom was in a TREMENDOUS amount of pain AND as an adult who was responsible for an innocent child, she did nothing to help herself. As an adult, especially over the age of 25 when the brain is fully developed, it is OUR responsibility to work to heal our wounds, no matter who caused them. If not we will bleed all over those who never caused them. We may lean on others, including our faith & yet there is no rescue squad coming except the one we find. My Mother KNEW that our relationship (her ONLY child) was broke. & I begged my Mom to find healing & she only became worse & worse. I never knew my biological Father & the man she lived with was a violent alcoholic who sexually abused me. When I went to her with that, she blamed ME, an 8yr old child & STILL MARRIED THAT PEDOPHILE!!!!!! I could go on to shock you even more with the details of how my Mother abused & neglected me all her life….but I think you are hopefully starting to get the picture. Through all of this, I’ve actually STILL forgiven her & made peace with all of this because I realize the way my Mom treated me had nothing to do with me. It took me years of counseling & my faith to help me to get to that point. Now I can talk to my Mom with agape love. It’s not our fault if we get kicked out of our chair, but it sure is if we’re still on the floor years later not taking responsibility for getting up. No one helped me get up except the rescue squad I found. And it wasn’t my family. My Mom chose to never get up & it destroyed her life, all of her relationships & our trust. It has taken me 53 years to overcome all of the crap I was handed so please don’t tell me that I made my Mom feel bad. Oh no, she was already feeling all of that when I came along. Please find more empathy in your heart before you make quick comments to sensitive posts such as these. Please ask yourself…. “Does it REALLY need to be said, right now or by me?!”
@sandrasuitt6439
@sandrasuitt6439 Жыл бұрын
You were right to realize that the internet can contain some pretty mean people. The comments you wrote were very insightful and helpful. I wish you luck on your healing journey
@HTNPSullivan
@HTNPSullivan Жыл бұрын
​@Lisa Marie Shankles wow. If her mother was a hoarder, it's not this woman's fault. Nor should she have to couch her words. Raising children in a hoarded home is neglect, as well. Your comment sounds defensive. Someone, or maybe more than one person, has called you a hoarder, I suspect. And maybe you are a hoarder. Maybe this video will give you insight as to why, and maybe inspire you to take those first steps to make changes. Telling someone they are a hoarder usually is an attempt to wake that person up. Or it's just a statement of fact. Or it's someone expressing their pain and shame over having to live in an unsafe and unhealthy and unwelcoming home. .
@RenegadeDesigner
@RenegadeDesigner 7 ай бұрын
Thank you for your understanding. I have all the symptoms. I have anxiety, depression, ADHD & Clutter. I have horrible chronic pain. I am about to have surgery that hopefully will cure it. Before the surgery I have been going through my stuff. To downsize too much good stuff. I want to sell the items of value & that is a challenge. I am on a antidepressant. Pain drains energy. Hopefully when I am healed, I will get it together again. VOTE BLUE
@victoriarosario3338
@victoriarosario3338 Жыл бұрын
2:42 Yes, Anna, you are Spot On! When I was 19 years old, my counselor told me, "Your room reflects the way you feel..." Well, I'm 63 and STILL a cluttered, scattered mess. Trauma, anyone? 😖 p.s. Thank you so much for this segment. I'm going to share it with some people close to me. Maybe they'll understand it's not that I don't care. I actually care a great deal. And actually, after 3 months of horrible dysregulation, I finally did a load of laundry yesterday! I'm friggin' hopeful!😅❤
@breegray4162
@breegray4162 Жыл бұрын
Hi, I can so relate to your comment. I too feel stuck. Yet I find that when things are getting visibly better, I make it worse. This is a new revelation. I'😢m actually taking the exact opposite action, and rebuilding my clutter comfort blanket?!! 😢😂...Not sure how to get started again?
@ItCantRainForever2
@ItCantRainForever2 Жыл бұрын
I get it. It's so debilitating at times.
@ScoutGrey
@ScoutGrey Жыл бұрын
well done doing the laundry...I know that was not easy....well done...wishing you all the best
@maryiced3931
@maryiced3931 Жыл бұрын
That's so awesome. I try and pick up just one item from the floor per week. Doing that helps build my self-esteem and confidence in myself.
@victoriarosario3338
@victoriarosario3338 Жыл бұрын
@@breegray4162 Hi Bree, I totally get what you're saying. 2 [personal] life examples came to mind. Mine were both fear-based. Future Events Appearing Real. The first was an audition back in the late 80's at Six Flags Great Adventure (NJ), for their Variety Shows. My vocal audition went very well. After the "dance" audition (I'm a singer), the person making the selections invited me back, but told me to "lose 13 pounds". As binge-eating was always a way for me to self-soothe, I immediately bought a package of candy orange slices and frantically wolfed them down. Ensuring self-sabotage and failure. At 2nd audition, I obviously had not lost the weight. 🙄 So, I didn't get the job (I had sung with a band there called, "A Touch of Brass") for a season, many years before. I did get a callback to be a "body puppet" for one of the children's shows, Lol... Silly me, I declined. Only because I knew how hot those costumes were...I've "cut myself off at the knees" so many times; and its the last thing I ever wanted to have happen to myself. With that (I don't know if my rant helped at all)...Regarding your "clutter comfort blanket" 😥my bed has been a cluttered mess since my relationship (mutually) ended 3 months ago. I sleep on a "sliver" of his side. Like a can't bear to allow myself to rest on the entire bed. That it would just "amplify" how EMPTY I feel inside. 😭 See?...insight...❣🙏💖 It hurts...but it's a step in a healthier direction, I hope!🥰 I'm sending you a HUGE hug through the Universe. I hope it reaches you and spreads out to all of us trying to work through this mess. Again, Anna...Beloved Crappy Childhood Fairy, Thank you for bringing us all together, and reminding us that we are not alone, and Yes, we can heal. It may not happen as quickly as we would like...but we are beautiful "works in progress" after all...🥲🥰🙏💔💖😊
@karenlenk1724
@karenlenk1724 Жыл бұрын
Childhood trauma can also create neat freaks like my mom. She was extremely organized and prided herself on household cleanliness but suffered terrible trauma in her youth. It was a way of having control in her environment when life was tremendous and utter chaos.
@ajuarez3869
@ajuarez3869 Жыл бұрын
I had so much trauma in my youth! You name it and I’ve learned bed through it. I was the same as your mother UNTIL I was hurt on the job. Had a failed back surgery and began living in physical pain 24/7 (11 years ago). Then my mother who was my best friend, passed away and right after that I discovered my husband of 32 yrs cheating on me. My life is chaos and cluttered and I haven’t been able to change it.
@em6644
@em6644 Жыл бұрын
I’m so so sorry all that has happened to you. He should never have treated you like that and I’m so so sorry for your loss, that is heartbreaking 💔 I’m glad you and your mother loved each other so much but I’m sorry you can’t share that friendship with her in the same way anymore. I doubt that anything I can say would help but I really hope you eventually arrive at a new normal that you can be at peace with 💕
@ajuarez3869
@ajuarez3869 Жыл бұрын
@@em6644 Thank you! You are so kind! Little by little and day by day, my life is getting back to my happy place. I just have to purposefully get up every morning and focus on all the things I have to be grateful for (3 children and 5 grandchildren). I’m aware that children learn so much from their parents behavior. I can only pray my children learn that God has us during ALL times of our life. If God lead me to the storm, He will lead me out of it (or sometimes carry me out of it). I know I’ve never been through anything without coming through stronger and wiser than I was before. I thought I could not make it this far but God knew what I could handle. I won’t lie and say I haven’t wanted to give up. However, would I want my children or grandchildren to give up on life or deal with the suicide of a parent as I did as I watched my father put a bullet in head? Hell NO! I will teach by example. I will be strong for them. I will make them proud of me again. Thank you again for your kind words❤️🙏
@donijessen
@donijessen Жыл бұрын
​​@@ajuarez3869 One step at a time. Tidy for 15 mins where you can see immediately result. Celebrate the joy about them and bid it farewell. You will be okay. Be kind to yourself and rejoice in your uniqueness. Your mom made you and she was the best friend ever.
@ajuarez3869
@ajuarez3869 Жыл бұрын
@@donijessen That is GREAT ADVICE! Thank you! You are so right about my mom. She was the strongest woman I have ever known. I try to make her proud every single day. Thanks again❤️🙏💪🏼
@gracie2375
@gracie2375 Жыл бұрын
All other videos on YT about hoarding and clutter are garbage compared to this one. You’re so right and express yourself so genuinely and clearly. You’re realistic and show the root causes instead of the annoying clean freaks, minimalists types that make us messies feel like 💩. This is groundbreaking stuff! Love it and want to change my life even at 66 years of age. ❤
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
Yes! Thank you for your kind words.
@packrat76
@packrat76 Жыл бұрын
People love to ridicule others who have messy houses and clutter. It's not that simple and the clutter tends to accumulate over the years and it becomes an uphill battle to the one or ones struggling with it. People typically don't even try to understand their situation.
@auntmary6544
@auntmary6544 Жыл бұрын
I’m 66 too and feel EXACTLY the same!! This video is going to be a game changer-I can feel it!❤
@delllarralde
@delllarralde Жыл бұрын
I am 67 and just found this. I agree with you!
@lindalary7760
@lindalary7760 Жыл бұрын
I am almost 66 and I feel the same way too. Just found her!!👏👏👏
@Meet-beep
@Meet-beep 3 ай бұрын
10 mins in and I was already bawling. I felt like you were speaking straight to me. I’m showing this to my therapist!!! I feel like you gave me permission to throw things away. I know I should throw away the makeup I used twice in the past 6 years… but I only used it twice??? Makeup expires!!!! Seriously!!! Just throw it away!!! It’s not like I haven’t already bought newer palettes.. that’s why I’ve only used them twice! Make that make sense. Seeing it typed out- and hearing you say- directly from a makeup artist.. I am literally at my makeup box just dumping it all. I have my daily & fun makeup in a bag in my bathroom. I told my therapist about my shame around my clutter a few years ago. We talked about my drive to move forward and clear my space. I wasn’t ready to. She told me “you don’t have to now. Do it when you feel safe enough to.” Her advice paired with your wisdom.. I feel like a part of me healed. Thank you so much for making this video. I cannot stress how much I genuinely appreciate it. You give big momma energy with a very kind and light hearted approach to such a hard topic. My inner child & I thank you. ❤ Edit to add: I started something a few days ago. Everyday, my goal is to clean a surface for at least 2 minutes. That’s it. I set a timer, and clean for 2 minutes. It’s such a low expectation I’ve set for myself, I know I can achieve it everyday. The thing is- it takes at least 2 minutes to even pick up items to clean that surface- so I end up cleaning for at least 5-10 minutes… so I’m kind of “tricking myself”. I know 100% it will take more than two minutes to clean a surface- and- if I only put 5 things away (instead of cleaning the whole thing).. it’s fine because I did my 2 minutes. I’ve noticed a substantial difference in my drive to complete my task and to pick up this habit. I think the idea of tricking myself is great. It’s like “hmm I wonder how many minutes past I went this time?” & not like “what can I clean in 2 minutes?”
@nnekaatto
@nnekaatto Жыл бұрын
I grew up in a cluttered home with very messy parents, and it always made me uncomfortable; even as a kid, I knew that something wasn't right. So now, keeping my place organized and clean is incredibly therapeutic for me.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
It can certianly serve as a way to take power back! -Cara@TeamFairy
@alisondunning7116
@alisondunning7116 Жыл бұрын
My childhood was similar - my difficult Dad had hoarding tendencies. But he blamed me for the mess and, too often, threw my belongings out when he decluttered. As soon as I got my own place, it felt important to keep it calm and clear. I still find that I have to create a peaceful, visual space before settling down to concentrate on something I enjoy.
@floss202
@floss202 Жыл бұрын
Same and some of my behavior has gone the opposite. I keep so much control over my environment keeping it clear of clutter it becomes obsessive. I know it's a knee jerk reaction to growing up in clutter, and it's still based in anxiety
@josl1345
@josl1345 Жыл бұрын
Same here. I never had company growing up and aside from relatives I still prefer not to. I hate clutter. It's an uphill battle for me because my two kids are so messy. Their 'clean' is not clean at all. The 12 year old always wants company over and it gives me so much anxiety but I allow it for her sake lol.
@adrianmasters250
@adrianmasters250 Жыл бұрын
What it comes down to is being stuck in survival mode after trauma, then all non-essential tasks become very difficult to perform because they're not directly related to surviving. If you are constantly on high alert, your mind cannot engage with menial tasks such as cleaning, tidying, organizing and so on. I've noticed that when I reach a point where all of my life stress is at a low level and there are no pressing survival issues (bills paid, work secured, food available, relationships are good, health is good etc.) then I automatically get the urge to clean and organize my space. That is a rarity however and most of the time it's like pulling teeth to even wipe a counter or take out the trash.
@natasa2882
@natasa2882 Жыл бұрын
"The bird in a cage with the door open" - that is spot on for me. So afraid to leave the cage. I realized that I'm holding my life away. Thank you!
@infiniLor
@infiniLor Жыл бұрын
I'm extremely aware of the situation and STILL cannot take a step out!
@TeaRose9
@TeaRose9 Жыл бұрын
This is exactly how it is for most who grew up in trauma.
@wmfife1
@wmfife1 Жыл бұрын
@@infiniLorFor what it's worth, believe it or not this also describes certain species of birds! I know because I had one. Cage-bound it's known as. So it's more than just a saying. It's part of life.
@deeorr6403
@deeorr6403 Жыл бұрын
I left the bird cage door open. She flew right into the ceiling fan.
@crystalheard5895
@crystalheard5895 Жыл бұрын
This 👆🏻
@eveolszewska1975
@eveolszewska1975 3 ай бұрын
I have never heard anyone explain trauma or childhood trauma the way you just did. I've never seen any of your videos and just happen to start playing your video while picking up my house. I have listened to read a books by every expert and everything that's been written about childhood trauma, PTSD, CPTSD, and every trauma you could imagine over the past 2 and 1/2 years. I could identify with a few things but I've never heard anyone describe exactly how I feel, some of the same reasons why I at least think that I do the things I do or can't do. How clutter chaos 10 minutes ADHD. It was like somebody being in my head and explaining to other people how I feel what it causes me to feel and even at this point understanding or believing some of the same things that I know to be true for why I do them. Thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable and brave enough to tell strangers about your past and even your recent present.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 ай бұрын
Thank you for taking the time to comment! We appreciate it! Nika@TeamFairy
@CarolinaVecc
@CarolinaVecc Жыл бұрын
The part about how clutter is actually a mechanism to hold life away from me had me in tears. This is exactly it. I have never understood what my problem is with the clutter. And it's not so much that I have old objects/clothes around, it's that I can't manage my day-to-day clothes. They always pile up in a chair or on a side of my bed or in the bathroom. I always do the laundry, take forever to fold the items and to put them away. and my room is always a mess because of that, and then there's the side table and the dust in the bookshelf. Keeping my space clean is very overwhelming for me, even though I swear it should be something simple and manageable. And then I just freeze because so much piles up and I just ignore the mess. This has definitely opened my eyes to my behavioural pattern with the constant mess. I have been in this freeze state for 2 weeks now where I know I need to be putting the stuff away. So, I'll do what she says: I'll start with one single thing today and go from there.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
You got this! -Calista@TeamFairy
@patriciafranson7198
@patriciafranson7198 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for clarifying the difference between hoarding and clutter issues. ❤
@Amethyst12thheaven
@Amethyst12thheaven Жыл бұрын
This is me too/ I’m embarrassed for anyone to come over and see the clutter
@mypage3257
@mypage3257 Жыл бұрын
CARO V you described my life for the last 40 years
@AdinaIspas
@AdinaIspas Жыл бұрын
That’s me. I read somewhere that highly empathetic people have the same problem (laundry taking ages to be folded/put away). It seems there’s a connection with “keeping life away” as this video says. We develop these techniques to shield ourselves and they end up preventing us from enjoying life. What we need are boundaries, indeed.
@CygnusMaximusXIII
@CygnusMaximusXIII Жыл бұрын
If you keep a task list of some kind, I also highly recommend adding things you've already done that weren't on the list. Moving them immediately to "complete" status gives that tiny dopamine boost and can help motivate you to get other things done too.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
Great suggestion! -Cara@TeamFairy
@eparkerv3
@eparkerv3 Жыл бұрын
This is spot on to me. Clutter is a reflection of inner clutter. My journey with clutter and tolerance for it has moved naturally as I've healed. I now love throwing or gifting away what I would not want to move in 2-4 weeks if I had to. I've noted that certain physical and sexual trauma victims clutter their appearance by design to avoid drawing attention.
@malindarayallen
@malindarayallen Жыл бұрын
That's really good advice! 😊
@Tina06019
@Tina06019 Жыл бұрын
I do this. It’s quite helpful to add one or two tasks which I have just completed onto my current task list. Say I suddenly scrub the tub because I see it is dirty and that’s yucky RIGHT NOW. Having done that sometimes will allow me to make a to-do list and Do It.
@laurenbaah5384
@laurenbaah5384 Жыл бұрын
It might give you a dopamine boost, but everyone does not receive a dopamine boost.
@tmichaelsnc
@tmichaelsnc 11 ай бұрын
I'm a guy who has been stuck for years with, for many reasons, trapped with the thoughts, I gotta, why can't I, shame and so forth. I listen to all types of persons to help with motivation to get things done. I used to and always was ,on top of my responsibilities, and keeping things in "order." It was so important to me. Over time, I stopped caring, and chaos began. I avoided watching your message for about 4 days after it popped up. Knowing the struggle of being accountable, I was discouraged. I have to say I am so glad I listened to your post. You were spot on with your message. I wasn't irritated or felt the need to fast forward , and I listened I began to take action. I really like you. You are real and sincere. 😮 thank you so much for just being real. I so appreciate that. The most useful message I've seen in a very, very long time. Kudos to you!!! You've made a difference. I listened three or more times as I was truly motivated. Huge back story to me, but many many thanks yous.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 11 ай бұрын
We're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@BelindaM44
@BelindaM44 10 ай бұрын
I can relate. I did the same thing. She’s super, and very helpful! No more hating ourselves!✌️❤️
@christineputman4850
@christineputman4850 10 ай бұрын
Yes She is able to relate with us. As she has had to overcome some things also.
@MariaHurst-jg4ze
@MariaHurst-jg4ze 6 ай бұрын
Yes so can I one day at a time or even 5min yes we get stuck child hood truma gives us a hard life going forward we don't understand why us why do we feel so sad but only we can change it we can find peace I'm trying to anyway you are in my prayers
@kaylamorgan9157
@kaylamorgan9157 7 ай бұрын
When my mental clutter is out of control. I have no motivation to clean be it myself or space. I finally started cleaning again and have made a walking space from the kitchen to the living room. It’s like a breath of fresh air has been taken. Still feel ashamed but I also feel better making this small change. Took out trash, recycling and compost.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын
Good job! Small steps count too! Nika@TeamFairy
@by_katrin
@by_katrin Жыл бұрын
I immediately raised my head and became extremely alert when you said, "If the news you are reading is not useful, it is clutter." I am currently distracting myself with extremely emotionally charged topics on social media while I I can no longer see my tabletop because of all the stuff. This hit me just right. Thank you!! Best wishes from Switzerland ♥
@TeaRose9
@TeaRose9 Жыл бұрын
I completely relate.
@TheMary0831
@TheMary0831 Жыл бұрын
I'm weaning myself off social media. It's the worst waste of time and the biggest trigger/manipulator of mood, and self-worth. Horrible.
@ZsuzsaKarolySmith
@ZsuzsaKarolySmith Жыл бұрын
@@TheMary0831 That is true in certain cases, however, social media can have a positive effect as well. Think support groups, hobby groups, and in fact this video that you commented on and I replied to! Just be selective and use the positive side of social media to your advantage!
@TheMary0831
@TheMary0831 Жыл бұрын
@@ZsuzsaKarolySmith I don't consider YT to be "social media" in the same way I do say, Facebook or Twitter, which I consider toxic. I don't even really like help groups. I don't do well in groups, as there are always a-holes in them to ruin whatever good they intend. Just my experience. In any case, I personally do better without social media and don't think it has done anything to help society as a whole.
@ZsuzsaKarolySmith
@ZsuzsaKarolySmith Жыл бұрын
@@TheMary0831 I’m a member of several art groups on Facebook and have a loyal community of friends on Instagram as well. We share a passion for mixed media and art journalling which unites us. We support and encourage each other - I’ve never had a bad experience in many years. But I know what you mean, it can be pretty nasty elsewhere (especially when it comes to politics) - but I can honestly say I have made many friendships through social media, so I would not tar everything with the same brush. You just have to find your tribe.
@fromthemoonraccoon
@fromthemoonraccoon Жыл бұрын
10:52 11:18 20:14 22:40 24:32 29:41 33:39 - Useful methods for decluttering
@lovesafiyyah12
@lovesafiyyah12 Жыл бұрын
Omg thank you❤
@fromthemoonraccoon
@fromthemoonraccoon Жыл бұрын
@@lovesafiyyah12 You're welcome. Really, they're just "notes to self", but I'm very happy you find them helpful :)
@smac1823
@smac1823 Жыл бұрын
Thanks!
@cassidyv6355
@cassidyv6355 Жыл бұрын
Thank you!!!
@saraheschweiler4939
@saraheschweiler4939 Жыл бұрын
Thank you bunches! 🙏🌿💐🌿😊💚😘🌿💐🌿🙏
@mangafq8
@mangafq8 Жыл бұрын
Nothing feels better than getting rid of stuff!! Also it is sooo important to be very selective in bringing anything into your home.
@belindadoler9148
@belindadoler9148 6 ай бұрын
It’s almost like you are inside my head! I’m in tears right now because there is hope!
@molchmolchmolchmolch
@molchmolchmolchmolch Жыл бұрын
"You don't have to start at the root cause, you can start wi th any symptom where you feel enough inner power to do sthg." That's so reassuring and such a helpful perspective. I sometimes get immobilized bc I keep thinking that this one thin is maybe not the most important thing to work on. And then I can't decide and don't do much with anything. Thank you 🙏
@moirosalina
@moirosalina Жыл бұрын
That's so recognisable
@stevecarter8810
@stevecarter8810 Жыл бұрын
I am also in this picture! When I have enough presence of mind in this situation I set a timer for 15-25 minutes and tell myself I will work on SOMEthing, ANYthing for that time while I figure out what's the MOST useful thing to do. Doesn't always work but I'll take the times it does.
@RC-eb5hq
@RC-eb5hq Жыл бұрын
A friend once said something very supportive: "Baby steps rock!" Between upbringing, school, and work, I was convinced that if you didn't complete something entirely and perfectly, you were a failure, so starting almost anything was overwhelming. I've since discovered that even making a little bit of progress is, at least, progress. And often a little progress provides motivation. Getting started is half the battle, but after that.... "A body in motion stays in motion..."
@SE45CX
@SE45CX Жыл бұрын
I do have a clutter issue with unfinished DIY projects in the house and on car maintenance. Dedicating time on those tough tasks show very little visible reward at first but I've learned to be kind to myself on the progress that I do make on them.
@lisae6725
@lisae6725 Жыл бұрын
I think she actually gets it! That made me feel better just hearing that. I also have he full cupboards full of food because it's always made me feel more secure knowing that I can go awhile without running out but I really can't eat this much and should stay out of the grocery stores until it goes down.
@angelaelenbaas218
@angelaelenbaas218 11 ай бұрын
The important thing to remember here is that she says it’s a strong hypothesis. This is her rendition of clutter. Being too organized can also be a symptom of trauma as it gives one a sense of control. Don’t beat yourself up. Just make effort to do better everyday.
@latebloomer7191
@latebloomer7191 7 ай бұрын
It's ok. She's talking to those of us with clutter issues. The last section is very helpful, because it expands "clutter" to emotional blocks. It's wonderful content!
@BEAUTYnIQ
@BEAUTYnIQ 6 ай бұрын
​@latebloomer7191 cut it out.. thenOP has a right to express an opposing opinion if she wants..! control your issues..! they can be either side of the fence.. gl!
@lynnettepryor7460
@lynnettepryor7460 6 ай бұрын
Agreed extremes of both are not healthy minds
@vickyrioslujan8277
@vickyrioslujan8277 5 ай бұрын
Remember too much of anything is no good, everything within good measure is much better. This is my motto: House clean enough to be healthy and home dirty enough to be happy. Please, let's not punish ourselves for things we can't control all at once. One day at a time, and if not, one hour at a time. Just learn to love our God within and we'll all be alright. What we need will be placed in our path - trust it - just like these videos "Crappy Childhood Fairy" Thank you so much for all your insight.
@TwitchySkitch
@TwitchySkitch 5 ай бұрын
Yes! My mom is an OCD neat-freak, to the point of causing trauma from her trauma. I built walls of crap around me in order to keep her away from me. I've tried to discuss it with her, but she claims I'm just lazy. She is incapable of understanding.
@alegna242
@alegna242 Жыл бұрын
As I sit here overwhelmed with a cluttered house beating myself up for not “utilizing my Saturday” this popped up. I feel better yet a bit more determined due to my new knowledge of possible reasons behind this seemingly vicious cycle. Especially the explanation on shame from uncontrollable areas from childhood triggering you now, collecting too many toiletries, clothes, food items because of neglect early, and saving old items/clothes from “specific times”. Thank you.
@danadams6477
@danadams6477 Жыл бұрын
I feel energized and determined to declutter after I binge watch a few episodes of 'Hoarders'.🤪
@metrocustomer7941
@metrocustomer7941 Жыл бұрын
@@danadams6477 Yes that is very helpful!
@Jo-kh1yo
@Jo-kh1yo Жыл бұрын
Slowly but surely does it... do something every day and it all add`s up... I am de-cluttering and cleaning my home over the space of a year. Two months in and I can already feel the difference. Ive had more visitors in the last month than I have had in the whole thirteen years I have lived here! It feels great to not feel embarrassed any more.
@rachellecannon4995
@rachellecannon4995 Жыл бұрын
I do the EXACT SAME thing with beating myself up for not utilizing my weekends to declutter...I work full time so I've just recently realized 2 things: (1) decluttering is "work"/labor intensive, so it feels like I'm "working" when I try to do it on the weekends, and (2) I need not feel bad about using paid time off DURING the work week to declutter so that I'm mentally (and subsequently physically) able/energized to do it. Now I just need to select a few days and do it! Thank you for sharing your story!
@danadams6477
@danadams6477 Жыл бұрын
@@rachellecannon4995 Same here, sister.
@deborahwilkerson8103
@deborahwilkerson8103 3 ай бұрын
I have clutter because I’m exhausted and declutterring would require making decisions and doing work that right now would be overwhelming. So I closed my home from guests and I do a little bit at a time until I am comfortable in my house again and can invite friends in again. Right now people would judge, and I don’t need more of that clutter. I’m starting with the closets and small things. I’m not bringing anything in, and things are going out. I’m getting better one square foot at a time.
@darkcreatureinadarkroom1617
@darkcreatureinadarkroom1617 Жыл бұрын
I've realized the state of my place is linked to the state of my mind: when it's all dusty, and grimy, and cluttered, it's a sign that I'm not "in a social mood" and would rather be closed off and isolated. But that's not good for me... I've been slowly decluttering my place and my life, and now I breathe so much easier and lighter, and can even stand stronger in the face of difficulties. Thank you for these insights.
@thorgerdurhalldorsdottir1402
@thorgerdurhalldorsdottir1402 Жыл бұрын
I like how she relates all this back to herself and gives personal perspective. Makes this video less judgmental and there’s less “professional distance” and because of it it’s easier to listen to the advice and take it to heart without being defensive
@brendamoore1190
@brendamoore1190 Жыл бұрын
Very true! This person seems able to empathize!
@feeltheyumyums
@feeltheyumyums Жыл бұрын
Spot on! 😀 where did you learn about professional distance?
@canaidianz
@canaidianz Жыл бұрын
Standing OV 👏👏👏 u nailed it.. 👊 extremely relatable! Not a clinical approach.
@purplerain0517
@purplerain0517 Жыл бұрын
​@@feeltheyumyumsprofessional distance is for professionals. But we ain't pros. I know I'm not. Are YOU?
@feeltheyumyums
@feeltheyumyums Жыл бұрын
@@purplerain0517not sure why the aggression? I learned about professional distance in graduate school becoming a clinical mental health counselor. I was just excited that someone else knew the term, and wondered where they learned it.
@sherilaufle1666
@sherilaufle1666 Жыл бұрын
You are SO ARTICULATE and gentle in educating poor souls like us who don’t know where to turn or how to get started healing our damaged parts. BLESS YOU! ❤❤❤
@debrasuenorthern3868
@debrasuenorthern3868 Жыл бұрын
AMEN
@francesbeth2077
@francesbeth2077 Жыл бұрын
Yes, you learn everything through mirroring someone else. Our brains are computers, I believe, with both long term and short term memory. When it comes to habits, we often mirror something already seen.
@calisongbird
@calisongbird Жыл бұрын
@@frankuvlkango away troll
@calisongbird
@calisongbird Жыл бұрын
@ChristopherJohnson-th1futroll
@maaikecallan
@maaikecallan 6 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing so many real & relatable situs., personal life experiences. Your vulnerability/transparency and 'non clinical jargon' is totally refreshing & truly helpful! For me, this is one of the most effective vids of yours that I have viewed so far.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing!! We appreciate it! Nika@TeamFairy
@suzie_danger_girl
@suzie_danger_girl 5 ай бұрын
Completely agree❤ I genuinely have makeup from the 1980s. And not just one item. Until recently I had aome body moisturiser from the 1980s. I mean insane. And you know what? I have really greasy skin I've never used body moisturiser. Which is why I still had it. Even the things about over buying of groceries really struck me here. This video is fantastic as this is something I'm really trying to forgive and heal myself on right now.
@TiMarie13
@TiMarie13 Жыл бұрын
The trauma is not necessarily from childhood. Mine is from an abusive long term marriage. Same symptoms.
@lovemagicandroad
@lovemagicandroad Жыл бұрын
Me too! From abusive marriage isolation, loss of career and illnesses. I feel like I lost all my life potential when I got married. Now I’m 65 without career close friends or family. And still divorce ongoing for 5 years already. He’s 13 years younger than me and attempting to maximize his profits off me. It’s very traumatizing.
@izzyallen7712
@izzyallen7712 Жыл бұрын
Same here 😢
@jarkachalmovianska7812
@jarkachalmovianska7812 Жыл бұрын
​@@lovemagicandroadit will get better...allow yourself to be happy...let go... give him what he wants and move on
@themountainsandthesea4121
@themountainsandthesea4121 Жыл бұрын
​@@lovemagicandroadI am sorry
@cockeyedoptimista
@cockeyedoptimista Жыл бұрын
​@lovemagicandroad Oh Lord. Sorry. Well I'm almost 70 and I'm in the same boat and struggling to maintain hope (while I still keep making mistakes!) Dunno about me but there is still hope for you, keep your chin up. You can still accomplish things. Take care.
@bearteeka4782
@bearteeka4782 Жыл бұрын
Exactly. Decluttering is a sign of healing, when it's done naturally.
@MrsDebBee
@MrsDebBee Жыл бұрын
My mother grew up during the depression. She saved everything and passed that down to me 😩
@catistrolling7333
@catistrolling7333 Жыл бұрын
Same here. When my father died he had all these fluorescent light and parts. Asked mom - will we fix them - nope - so through them out
@dianaaiello588
@dianaaiello588 Жыл бұрын
Me too !! I just cleaned out my little kitchen drawer with bread ties . Why I’m I saving this ???? 😂
@lalo1967
@lalo1967 Жыл бұрын
@@dianaaiello588 exactly!! Starting by the Why? Make us go to the core of the problem.
@DevineVic
@DevineVic Жыл бұрын
But you have the power to change that. You are in charge of your life.. The one sitting at the driver's seat.
@MrsDebBee
@MrsDebBee Жыл бұрын
My mother used to file her papers in her old purses. Oh the things she passes down to me 😩
@ragtopannie
@ragtopannie 6 ай бұрын
Thank you! I'm in tears as years of clutter that definitely isn't a hoarding disorder, now makes sense and has an explanation. I've felt so ashamed of my home for so long. I am a well organized person and this clutter, disorder and chaos is so not in line with who I ma as a person. I also struggle with my weight due to illness, mobility issues and am drowning in clothes of varying sizes from small to XL. My Mom sold our childhood home a few years ago and now I have boxes and boxes of sentimental items I want to keep as they are the last connection to my Dad, my childhood. My siblings and my Mom threw away so many things of mine that had sentimental meaning to me that were some of the rare happy memories I had, and those were spent with my Dad as a child traveling. Thank you. I've been to multiple therapists and you have been the only person to hit this dead on and give me hope for a home that is clean, peaceful, and my own.
@pageandink
@pageandink Жыл бұрын
I agree. I always think about all those spouses who complain that their unemployed spouse won’t clean up while home and unemployed. Not realizing they feel powerless and sad and the clutter is a symptom. I always say give grace.
@solarwinds-
@solarwinds- 11 ай бұрын
I was that little bird stuck in a cage that I could never leave. The door was open but I could not fly out. It wasn't an abusive relationship or anything, it was the work world. Even tho I had spent a lifetime saving money & I had my social security, I could never retire bc I would starve, I would lose my house. I saw the work force getting younger and younger than me. I got to the point where I felt so out of place. I was like the old lady of the office. I had NOTHING in common with my coworkers. The work world began to be so alien to me. Well the stock market losing 10% of my savings every time I turned around got me to a financial advisor and he showed me, yes you can fly out of that cage and have a retirement. He set me up with a secure annuity without the stock market. Now, I'm free! I'm free! I'm free!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@fionaparr4768
@fionaparr4768 7 ай бұрын
I wish.
@RenegadeDesigner
@RenegadeDesigner 7 ай бұрын
The GREAT REPUBLICAN RECESSION DID ME IN, I HAD SAVED FOR 40 YEARS BUT I WAS SELF-EMPLOYED SO NO GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE. I DIDN’T HAVE WORK I HAD MY SAVINGS. I LIVED ON MY RETIREMENT SAVINGS FOR 4 YEARS DEPLETED MY SAVINGS. NOW AS A RETIRED PERSON I AM POOR,
@BEAUTYnIQ
@BEAUTYnIQ 6 ай бұрын
​@@RenegadeDesignerit wasn't republicans.. go back to barney frank who was a Democrat, he should be in jail for what he did to fanny mae and freddy mac.. even W (republican president, warned us on the front page of the NY times..!) said something should be done abt fanny mae and freddy mac.. but the Dem congress wouldnt.. it was the clintons who de-funded our intel and caused 911.. and also clinton had an almost Trillion (yes with a capital "T"..!) Trillion $$ dollar surplus (SURPLUS!) when he took office.. and what did he do with it.. ffs educate yourself on what happened before parroting the soros-sponsored cnn propaganda..
@BEAUTYnIQ
@BEAUTYnIQ 6 ай бұрын
​@@RenegadeDesigneralso even if self-employed.. after 4O years you should easily hav a decent social security amount unless you broke the law and never paid taxes and employment deductions..
@margaretlockhart6198
@margaretlockhart6198 6 ай бұрын
Well done and Congratulations!😃
@rigofernandez830
@rigofernandez830 Жыл бұрын
THERES NOTHING LIKE GIVING AND GETTING " REAL WORLD" ADVISE FROM SOMEONE THAT HAS ACTUALLY GONE THROUGH IT ..AND NOT JUST REPEATING WHAT THEY'VE READ OR BEEN TAUGHT IN COLLEGE. I LOVE YOUR INSIGHT!.. POWERFUL WISDOM. 👌
@chelseaphilice7458
@chelseaphilice7458 Жыл бұрын
So true ❤
@pammypampam6920
@pammypampam6920 Жыл бұрын
AGREED! I'm always more willing to take advice from "been there, done that" types who conquered "it"!
@MariaMendez-sn2mj
@MariaMendez-sn2mj Жыл бұрын
G f
@Grim1of2
@Grim1of2 Жыл бұрын
Please don't write everything in capitals, it sounds like you're shouting really loud.
@rigofernandez830
@rigofernandez830 Жыл бұрын
@@Grim1of2 😂... Gotcha ..thnkx..👍👍👍👍
@thefamousmommyreallife1732
@thefamousmommyreallife1732 3 ай бұрын
Anyone else crying while watching this? Hits home
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 ай бұрын
We're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@thefamousmommyreallife1732
@thefamousmommyreallife1732 3 ай бұрын
@@CrappyChildhoodFairythanks
@MMacAttack
@MMacAttack Жыл бұрын
I look at the mess & clutter and feel paralyzed on where to start , so it finally gets done when it’s gets overwhelming & even embarrassing where I KNOW i can’t live like this. It’s an “ as within, so without” situation and I become aware of that. Also , cellphone scrolling doesn’t help, it wastes HOURS a day , but that’s another issue . Great enlightening video Thank you!
@DebbyWooten-g9x
@DebbyWooten-g9x Жыл бұрын
Yessss!!!! You spoke my mind!
@Sssmaug
@Sssmaug Жыл бұрын
​@@DebbyWooten-g9x And mine. Late 70s, stuck in a morass of unfinished "projects" (= clutter) & sadness over the deterioration of many of my lifelong beloveds. It's a vicious cycle. The CCF is a light in the gloom. 💓
@felixthekate4800
@felixthekate4800 Жыл бұрын
Ditto.
@elizabethdiane6791
@elizabethdiane6791 Жыл бұрын
Exactly
@rhythmandblues_alibi
@rhythmandblues_alibi 11 ай бұрын
Same 😓
@lilydauber3147
@lilydauber3147 Жыл бұрын
Decluttering everything in your life is liberating and joyous! Avoid narcissists/users/takers/abusers and live free from bondage. Live below your means and wake up daily grateful and thankful. Keep your environment decluttered and pretty not only makes you happy it also makes cleaning easy and fun. Put God first and live in His providence is adventurous and uplifting.
@authorcindihandleygoodeaux7140
@authorcindihandleygoodeaux7140 Жыл бұрын
I’ve always said my home is a reflection of how I feel inside. It’s good to hear it’s a symptom. That makes sense to me.
@lindsayclaxton4102
@lindsayclaxton4102 3 ай бұрын
You are a part of my healing journey, and I am so grateful. You blow my mind with every video actually, with almost every sentence you say. I am a sponge and I have been trying to figure out the puzzle my whole life. Thank you for helping me heal. In one of your videos, you talked about three different classifications of people in your comment section. In living differently and my world is changing. YES!!!!
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 ай бұрын
So glad you are here and healing! Thank you for sharing this with Anna! Nika@TeamFairy
@itsnoterica
@itsnoterica Жыл бұрын
I really needed to hear that “I’m kinda younger than I’ve ever been”. I was recently diagnosed w CPTSD & one of things I’ve really struggled w as an adult is this sort of mourning for a childhood that I never had bc I never felt like I was allowed to be child. I had to grow up so fast bc of my family issues & was constantly told to “suck it up, you’re a big girl now” even when I was just a very young child. As I’ve been dealing w this childhood trauma & actually getting help I’ve noticed that I’m now more capable of feeling childlike emotions that I’ve never been allowed to feel in the past. I have more emotional & mental freedom than I’ve ever had. You’re completely right. I am more childlike than I’ve ever been. I am able to enjoy more things w a childlike wonder. I’m only in my early 20s so I still have time to do things I could only dream of as a kid. I can form new connections that I always craved. I can be the adult my inner child always needed. Thank you. I’m so glad I came across this video exactly when I needed it most.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
I'm so glad you found the channel! We're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@iseethroughyou
@iseethroughyou Жыл бұрын
Re-parenting your inner child :) I've recently learned about this too, (from KZbin content like this), and I've been working on it. One recommendation I learned is to place a childhood photo of yourself in a prominent place, like on your screensaver on your phone, or a picture on your as a prominent reminder at that sweet child inside us. I I've been neglecting this lately, so I appreciate the reminder :) I wish you the best of success in your journey.
@kristelwalton3141
@kristelwalton3141 Жыл бұрын
My boyfriend struggles with clutter and your perspective helps me see this tendency with more compassion. Thank you.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
You are so welcome! -Calista@TeamFairy
@randallsmerna384
@randallsmerna384 10 ай бұрын
I trade time with a buddy that struggles with clutter as I do and we work at each other's house. Having that input and support really helps challenge you.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 10 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
@melaniefowler8841
@melaniefowler8841 4 ай бұрын
What a great idea!
@LittlePearlFairy
@LittlePearlFairy 7 ай бұрын
I thank God for this woman. This popped up right when I needed to declutter!
@s.rogers5773
@s.rogers5773 Жыл бұрын
I literally don't buy dressers or anything with drawers anymore because I've never been able to keep them organized. Even in my efforts to keep things organized with storage bins, racks or cubbies, I still end up with clutter within those "organization" bins. In the last few months, I've been tempted to throw everything away and start anew. Never have I ever associated this with CPTSD...thank you for shedding light on this.
@jazzsoul1695
@jazzsoul1695 Жыл бұрын
I do have clutter in all my rooms. I've been job hunting for 2 and half years, so I do get exhausted. But what helps me is exercising to fast funky music. Then I listen while I'm doing dishes, cleaning top of stove, sweeping, clean the tub. If we make cleaning fun with music, then we can stop "Trudging into drudgery". Singing while cleaning is also uplifting and therapeutic. It's important to make it fun. Then we can feel good about it .
@despicabledavidshort3806
@despicabledavidshort3806 Жыл бұрын
​@@jazzsoul1695 you're very optimistic, aren't you 🤔
@jazzsoul1695
@jazzsoul1695 Жыл бұрын
@@despicabledavidshort3806 Yes, I try to be. But v dysfunctional family! Cannot keep feeding the sharks! They will eat you alive!
@breegray4162
@breegray4162 Жыл бұрын
I do this also, listen to danceable music
@americasariesson1862
@americasariesson1862 Жыл бұрын
Exactly- anti dresser
@amberinthemist7912
@amberinthemist7912 Жыл бұрын
My mom was the ultimate consumer/hoarder. She constantly talked badly about people who had less things. I wasn't allowed to wear clothing too often incase someone noticed, as if we were always moviestars on the runway. I thought things were the way to happiness. That's what she said, only poor losers had a few things. And so I was constantly forced as a child to have more things than I could keep organized. Things that I didn't even want because she picked all my clothes and decor, I got no input. Then as an adult she was constantly in my ear about acquiring things. While also constantly berating and ridiculed for not being perfect neat like her. Except she always had maids I did not and she did nothing except clean, no hobbies or job. I am escaping to another country with my spouse and children to get some distance from my dysfunctional family system. I've gotten rid of 70% of my things already. I will get rid of another 20% when I sell the house and hit the road. I am finally free. I think I might be functional again soon. Everytime we speak she harps on me getting rid of my things. Like it's a travesty. My old used secondhand things that were mostly forced onto me by her. Things I never really liked or wanted but I couldn't find the strength to tell her no. (She always bought new things and forced her old things on me). It's scary how sick these people are. It's so sad how long I went along with it. Thank you for your truth telling.
@Irisgentle
@Irisgentle Жыл бұрын
Yea the “brand new hand me downs that you Must want!” …no thanks mom but I’ll drive it to the Salvation Army for you 😂….congrats on your freedom! Same here🎉
@JBUHJBUH
@JBUHJBUH Жыл бұрын
Omg it's scary how alike our stories are - from my mother constantly buying/ getting things 'for' me (but without my input) but not allowing me to get rid of it, to even escaping to another country to get away from the dysfunction (in the second country now, with my spouse)! She also wouldn't allow me to rewear things, yet all the new clothes she'd pick out for me were ones that I wouldn't wear (either they wouldn't fit/ were itchy/ not my style etc) - but she'd make me feel bad for wanting to rewear something comfortable than that (starting with the self martyrdom about how much she sacrifices for me to be ungrateful - even though, like your mother, she didn't work & had a maid lol!) That said, she would force me to regift any presents that I got from others (she made me keep it in my cupboard in my own bedroom, but I wasn't allowed to keep any of it for myself...) SO she's obviously MORE than capable of recycling/ reusing/ consciously consuming - just not when I'm the one begging her to do it...
@chumchum4393
@chumchum4393 Жыл бұрын
I can relate. I’m sad for what you went through. You’re doing great.🎉
@lizziebkennedy7505
@lizziebkennedy7505 Жыл бұрын
Yes, so true. Thank you, this sharing was very helpful to me.
@ItsNotShakespeare
@ItsNotShakespeare Жыл бұрын
I can't believe the disgustingness of these people. She seeks pleasure in watching you bamboozled and shut down and confused. Utterly disorganised by accepting and inviting all her junk all around you for the purpose of ultimately burying you and fracturing your mind and self worth
@jschoeneck
@jschoeneck 11 ай бұрын
Wow lack of power, we as children who were abused never had power . We couldn’t control any thing we were never taught how to control the healthy way of being able to make choices. Wow wow wow! Thank you !
@saskiasmith4641
@saskiasmith4641 4 ай бұрын
I know I had a crappy childhood. From a very young age I was very organised and kept my room in tip top condition. It was a way to have one place in the household that I was in control of. I lived like I wasn't there, as if there was a big glass dome that covered me. I saw what was going on, but wasn't part of it. Nobody saw me. Acknowledged me. I just owned one dress, and never asked for anything. I still feel that I don't need anything. My feelings were swept under the carpet. My live has changed, I went to a retreat, for dealing with trauma. I learned to love myself, and that I 'm worth it.
@habituallinestepper8839
@habituallinestepper8839 Жыл бұрын
I just got a dumpster and threw away everything I haven’t touched in a year. It was the most freeing happy thing of done for my mental health in years. I truly know this is real. I felt so good mentally after getting my house in order.
@CrystalCat24
@CrystalCat24 Жыл бұрын
Omg i want one! I might do it!
@amberleeannalee1999
@amberleeannalee1999 Жыл бұрын
I like the woman that says “if it doesn’t spark joy get rid of it “
@Missditabomb
@Missditabomb Жыл бұрын
Wow!! @habitual: You are STRONG!!! Good for you!!
@DChristina
@DChristina Жыл бұрын
Nice to donate to others who could use it instead of throwing in the garbage for the landfills. Glad you’re getting rid of stuff though.
@hreodbeorhtcheesewright4889
@hreodbeorhtcheesewright4889 Жыл бұрын
"Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful" - William Morris.
@mariacastillo3090
@mariacastillo3090 Жыл бұрын
I woke up with this heavy feeling of worthlessness once again and then I heard your message and realized that I am not alone. Thank you very much for sharing your story.
@frequentj1
@frequentj1 Жыл бұрын
I’ve been doing EMDR for about 3 months now, and my clutter and lack of motivation is one of the things I want to work on. My therapist told me therapy isn’t a points-based system, and don’t worry, it will come. Yeah, right. But guess what? It’s slowly changing, and I’ve found myself just noticing something needs to be done and then just…doing it! And it doesn’t feel like I have to force myself. Of course I’m still a work in progress, but for the first time in my life, I feel hope!
@katrinasteinmetz6629
@katrinasteinmetz6629 Жыл бұрын
Is your EMDR covered at all by insurance?
@vanessahammond3829
@vanessahammond3829 Жыл бұрын
EMDR saved my life. Healing vibes on your journey!❤
@fireroum
@fireroum Жыл бұрын
Wow, that is great to hear! I'm just starting with emdr and I've been going through phases of when I'm hopeful that and impatient for it to help and when I'm skeptical that it will help my situation at all, but hearing that it's helped you is giving me hope.
@VelociRachael
@VelociRachael Жыл бұрын
​@@katrinasteinmetz6629 mine is. It's still therapy. So long as your insurance covers seeing a therapist you an see an EMDR specialist.
@TehKarmalizer
@TehKarmalizer Жыл бұрын
I've been doing it for 9 months. It's the hardest thing I've ever undertaken. I'm not sure what remains after untangling all the trauma, but I need to find out.
Stop Giving Away The INNER POWER You Need to Heal Your Trauma
1:00:12
Crappy Childhood Fairy
Рет қаралды 496 М.
Nervous System “Clutter” Makes It Hard to Think Clearly or Get Things Done
18:03
Гениальное изобретение из обычного стаканчика!
00:31
Лютая физика | Олимпиадная физика
Рет қаралды 4,8 МЛН
VIP ACCESS
00:47
Natan por Aí
Рет қаралды 30 МЛН
小丑女COCO的审判。#天使 #小丑 #超人不会飞
00:53
超人不会飞
Рет қаралды 16 МЛН
REAL or FAKE? #beatbox #tiktok
01:03
BeatboxJCOP
Рет қаралды 18 МЛН
Radical Mindset Shifts to Declutter your Whole House this Year!
1:26:50
The Minimal Mom
Рет қаралды 2,6 МЛН
You're doing home organization WRONG.
22:06
Caroline Winkler
Рет қаралды 8 МЛН
What Psychologists Know About Your Clutter That You Don't 👀
13:58
Why You Shut Down Sometimes
20:52
Dr. Scott Eilers
Рет қаралды 2,5 МЛН
8 simple Japanese habits that will make your life so much better!!
12:46
Samurai Matcha
Рет қаралды 10 МЛН
Do You Procrastinate MORE Than Most People? Here's What to Do
56:35
Crappy Childhood Fairy
Рет қаралды 484 М.
EMOTIONAL DECLUTTERING | DECLUTTER WITH ME | MY BEST DECLUTTERING TIPS
21:52
11 Oddly Specific Childhood Trauma Issues
39:03
Patrick Teahan
Рет қаралды 4,9 МЛН
Гениальное изобретение из обычного стаканчика!
00:31
Лютая физика | Олимпиадная физика
Рет қаралды 4,8 МЛН