How The Longing For Love Becomes Your Downfall

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Even when we were neglected and abandoned as kids, the desire for love and tenderness stays alive in us -- even when other people leave us, even when we have to stretch our imaginations to believe that our love is reciprocated. There’s an urge in traumatized people to pretend to be OK in half-love relationships, and to act like the crumbs they’re getting are enough. In this "best of" compilation of some of my best videos on childhood neglect and its impact on romantic relationships, I'll teach you how neglect primes you to bond with people incapable of loving, and how to get free so you can at last enjoy real love.
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[@elstal22]

I just spent the weekend with a female friend trying out a camping and travel group called Sisters on the Fly. It was so fun and I plan on becoming a member and doing more. They have a website listing all sorts of outings hosted by and for women all across the US, and internationally. I’ve also benefited from participating this past year in a weekly online CoDA meeting (male and female participants). And I always get something out of Crappy Childhood Fairy videos and comments. Thank you!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

fantastic progress! We're so proud of you! Julie@TeamFairy

[@AimmerSu]

W o aw ❤

[@shweetiepetina1563]

Any recommendations on finding in person Coda meetings. Seems most are online. Happy for you finding good resources. Way to go!!

[@sukiinseoul]

@crappychildhoodfairy can I ask what your mbti type as well as your husband??

[@verthandijal]

are they still active? their website says 2022 guidelines and 2023 is nearly over .. ! i would love to join something like this

[@Fullspeed18]

"Am I going to be abandoned again if I say something? " That's exactly my story

[@KaliTP83]

Me too.

[@BlinkinFirefly]

Same, because it was a very valid fear. And it came true multiple times by the same guy. He discarded me multiple times throughout the relationship for trying to bring up any of my feelings with him. He discarded me again right before Christmas. I'm stuck living with him until I find a place to move to. I'm falling apart with depression and feelings of betrayal

[@Fullspeed18]

@@BlinkinFirefly life sometimes can hit us very hard. We are shocked. We don't know what to do. It's bigger than us. We start to think we don't deserve it. And this is true. But then we find the light out of the tunnel, and we get back to smile again. It's temporary

[@Aluviel]

Yup many put up with scraps of attention like a dog under the dinning table because we dont want to burn through our savings trying to find a job that isnt toxic and end up like those homeless ladies on the street with their shopping carts.. Its easy to criticize and say just go get a job, many jobs dont pay enough to pay your half of the rent or its a who you know world out there.. way back in 2008-2010 if you tried to find another job out there in many areas, there simoly are non unless you want to grid locked in traffic everyday. With that added stress.. its still stress.. just a different kind taking a toll on your life.. while it sounds like an excuse, I am just saying its not always so easy to just walk off and or break away from a relatinship. I am college educated I have a degree and for 10 years the only job I could land was beneath what I was doing before I got student loans!! So yeah I get the voice of reason coming in saying.. "Hey you may want to use some caution here" Unlike Rhonda Britten who encourages people to be reckless with being 100% fearless, you have to use caution.. even with a 5 year plan it doesnt always work out.. I have been through plan a, b, c, all the way up to F before I finally gave up and am trying to make the best of it..

[@BlinkinFirefly]

@@Aluviel I completely relate to that fear of not being able to afford a new home. I'm in that exact boat. I was emotionally abused and neglected in the relationship, spoke up one too many times about it, got discarded, and now I'm scrambling to find anything affordable in this town. It's just too expensive. I'm already blowing through my money fast trying to get therapy to help me deal with the emotional turmoil of it all. On top of feeling stuck living with him, the narc started talking to and visiting a new supply. It's been so painful to witness and hear about, so now I hide from him completely and blocked him everywhere. I also just had a fallout with my sister, who was ignoring me the past two years because I wasn't "listening to her good advice". She kept sending me patronizing things like life-healing quotes and video clips, all the while completely ignoring my texts and phone calls and attempts to connect with her. I'm faced with moving to Idaho to live with my oldest sister who I barely know. I'm scared. I know it's my journey, but I'm scared.

[@leonablack3516]

Jumping into bed should be the last thing you do , a vetting of someones character always has to come first . That can only happen over time.

[@tomtbi]

Limerence... Is why I don't even try relationships anymore . Sad😢..

[@andziagreen4922]

You were heard🌹 me too

[@nancychestnut8928]

If I knew what I know now when I was younger... I wasted 2 years with a therapist. She did help me but if I only could've heard your words in my 30s I might not still be single in my 70s. Your directness is everything.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you are here now. Nika@TeamFairy

[@jarkachalmovianska7812]

Everybodys timing for love is different. There are people who date and marry after 70. But first, love yourself❤❤❤❤

[@mariechelle]

I wished too.."better late than never?" Is what i came up with to say to myself coz ouch!! Yes!! Meee too.. "here here"😊

[@webdoar]

And when you seek love, but don't feel it from your spouse.

[@meeraa_111]

😢

[@godsgrace5777]

That’s worse that feeling lonely. When your with someone and still lonely.

[@zippermonster9596]

17 years of that. I’m homeless My family turned from me I’m sleeping at a frozen lake. Still glad we’re divorced

[@catboxcleaner3532]

😞😥

[@mosbornio8249]

@@zippermonster9596your wisdom shines through. Sending you love. 💕

[@marylafrance9547]

My crime is that I love him... my punishment is that I love him. That's what Limerence feels like to me

[@MusicAddictAda]

Except it's not love ! It's a fantasy. An illusion. When I realised it was an illusion, it was so much easier to let go !

[@tomtbi]

I am afraid of being alone for the rest of my life.. 😢 sad...

[@erikalarsson]

Me too 😢

[@IamStreber]

I wish I was afraid to be alone…. I am afraid I will end up in a sh1tty relationship again…I have been single for over 10 years

[@loismoulton2417]

Believe me! It's far, far better to be alone than with the wrong person or people!! Become your own best friend, learning to cherish your alone time first! It's crucial to open your heart to the love within, and the love of God. Nurture and cherish those relationships above all! Fortify yourself,then...expand. Learn your true worth and value! "You were bought and paid for, not with something that ruins like gold or silver, but with the precious, priceless blood of Christ who was like a pure, perfect lamb." 1 Peter 1:18. Let that immeasurable love drench your cherished soul, as angels guard your sleep. "You are the bride for whom Jesus longs.... You have captured the ❤ of God!" (Max Lucado) Read the gospel of John and ask Him to make Himself real to you, and He will. He promises! And your life will NEVER be the same! "If with ALL your heart you truly seek Me, you will surely find Me!" Jeremiah 29:13

[@Girlneverquits]

both are very understandable fears!

[@fluxcapacitor2023]

I’m almost 50 yoa and I have stopped looking for love. I spent the majority of my life wanting to have a family, but both ex-spouses screwed me then, and continue screwing me, now, by getting other people to do the dirty work of stalking me, harassing me, and messing with my personal and professional life. I no longer care about finding someone to share my life with. I’m not sad/angry about it; I’m simply moving on. I should have done this from the start - develop my personal and professional life without a partner before including a partner.

[@TaShaBeNz85]

It’s hard for me to decipher the difference between a crush and limerence.. it sounds like a crush taken to the next level.

[@andziagreen4922]

Yep

[@Theowlhawk]

Even though toxic abusive parents, i as a child was always kind to kids at school who were outcasts or bullied, because of their colour, or clothes or size. Always kind to animals, nature, people. I have removed myself from. All family and toxic friends. At 57, one narc boss at work. Its a challenge! It gets stressful at times. I love the job, helping others, and most of the customers appreciate me. My love ❤to all who are on this journey of self love, healing ❤ 💕

[@interrupted9671]

I always took the underdog under my wing as well…it comes from the fact that we know just how painful it is to be mistreated.

[@interrupted9671]

Today I am a 67 y/o woman who chooses to live alone and remain alone. Life experiences with a mother who pretty much took all her frustrations out on me, never nurtured me, always attacked me either physically or verbally and a nice enough father who just couldn’t bring himself to defend me, has left me sad even to this day, and I pretty much became the scapegoat for the whole family. I’m scapegoat no longer and I have finally found some peace in knowing now it wasn’t my fault which I had believed for so long. I surround myself with animals, and have very little contact with people.

[@jbr84tx]

@@interrupted9671 I get you. I'm alone with my cat, and that's enough.

[@wmfife1]

@@interrupted9671 We all have our reasons for being here but I was late in realizing that the only source of unconditional love was NOT from humans, especially not from any man made religion which seem to just not have the first clue: but from animals. Consider: humans have taken dozens of species from the wild and earned, even bred in, their trust of us. It's there for the taking. It's a resource that in too many cases goes untapped. Go get it. "You deserve what you tolerate" someone said. You deserve the best. So why settle for less.

[@interrupted9671]

@@wmfife1 I don’t know you, but I really like you!

[@missbettyboop2509]

I don't pay FOR ANY dates with men...coz once I'm in a relationship, I'm so much of a giver that I REQUIRE someone who is willing to give me a little something

[@skb254]

If you require only a little something then you’re probably only ever going to receive “a little something”. I sense you deserve a whole lot more. Don’t we all!?

[@thecommonsensecapricorn]

Same here. My ex used to taunt me by saying “you just want a rich guy” when I’d tell him my love language was gift giving BECAUSE I GIVE SO MUCH MYSELF. It’s not even about the gender roles “men need to be providers” thing for me as much as I need a generous partner because I’m so generous, I’ve been taken advantage of for that so much.

[@prince6a]

Soooo true. Men need to show they ate willing to b sacrificial

[@treeforged9097]

I don't pay FOR ANY dates with women... coz once I'm in a relationship I need to feel like the women is with me for more then just a paycheak. Men should never be sacrificial, it is not a gift to spend time with you, its either equally valuable to you both are it should never happen to begin with. Men should never give women anything until they earn it. You are not owed anything by just saying the word yes.

[@katherinealba6768]

I totally get that.

[@mariechelle]

Gosh Anna sure is an empath!!! Really felt the writer's pain. This letter Anna read really helped me see things i did and tolerated.. I was rooting for the writer thinking, "aw, that's like a trauma bond and no, no no dump this guy please, you deserve much more please.."then with one thought leading to another,then... I thought about all the parallels in the story and it helped me to see much much more clearly my situation. Gosh, it's true Anna, we do have all of this love to give and we are here to love and be loved. Why is it automatic to think... "so and so really deserves better," but, not for ourselves, don't we all who love deserve to be loved?? Anna, I can talk and talk but I can't begin to tell you how much you have helped me, truly!! Thank you Anna Angel God bless you!! I'm so delighted that you found your" love" Anna!! How beautifully inspiring!

[@Chris-Fields]

Your videos are changing ME and my life. I can’t thank you enough

[@km6210]

The only progress I’ve made in my healing is down to Anna. Before I found her teachings I had been aware of my patterns and past for years but couldn’t make any move to make changes. I thought time would fix things and by no surprise this didn’t happen and as she mentions I just kept adding fuel to the fire. I can’t imagine being stuck in that loop now. Things aren’t changing at a drastic rate but I’m actively not participating in things that hurt me now and that’s huge

[@anetnel-fk7vu]

Same here, thank you Anna ❤

[@fatherburning358]

Same. 👍Anna and Patrick both. Finally a list of to do's and acknowledgement and oh geez I'm tearing up. ❤

[@Atheistbatman]

This is perfectly true and I only figured it out last year doing a deep dive. Every woman cheated and lied to me and I never saw it…every single relationship has been a huge failure. I lived a seemingly idyllic childhood except my mother would pull me aside an tell me she hated me she never loved me and wish I wasn’t born…I was a scapegoat in a perfect childhood and I can see I’ve only been chasing my mothers love. First holidays after no contact for a year and better every day but still so far to go

[@carlywright5127]

A lot of women find relationships very difficult. I believe when you are young, boyfriend or ex sees you with another man and jump to conclusions. Only by honest, open communication is there transparency and understanding of others. I not believe we go out to intentionally hurt others. In my life other than actions of ignorance I have always been the person supporting others.

[@rightdecisionhere]

So sad. I wish you all the best.

[@prettypuff1]

I’m here with positive energy from successful use of your tools. I grew up undiagnosed autism and all of the trauma that comes with it. I recently moved to a new city and met a single man with a child. I let my loneliness be the guide as I navigated this relationship. Needless to say, I went down the path of my old ways. After a predictable cycle of attention then being pushed away, I pressed pause to think. I have a friend that walks closely with me on my life journey who was less than responsive to my updates about this. This means im probably heading for disaster. Limerance. Crap But your tools are what taught me recognize that and how to correct. It is the early stages so I can self correct with little damage. I was really pleased with myself

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So glad you found & are using the tools! Thanks for sharing this with us. Julie@TeamFairy

[@pipwhitefeather5768]

Well done you! Anna has helped me understand my fawning and limerance too. We can find a healthy relationship! Woohoo for us!

[@leahv.2537]

That's amazing, I love when people do the work and they start to see the results.❤

[@skb254]

You are so correct about the CPTSD plus alcohol equals trouble basically. The last time I had a drink and I don’t have a problem with drinking either whatsoever but here’s what happened: went to Tahoe Joe’s had a pick up order go in and I thought well since I’m going to wait here for a while apparently I’ll just have a little quick glass of wine. On an empty stomach two or three sips and already the boundary started to lower. What did I do?~I texted an old boyfriend “Are you happy?”~ which started Round 8, 9, or 10! Today I would give this guy a “1” on a scale of 1-10 on being ready for a relationship because he had just come out of a 15 year marriage and his 2nd divorce. NOT READY. And because of what that did to my life I haven’t touched a glass of wine since

[@kathyingram3061]

~Yep!~Wine encouraged me to do things like that, too, and i quit as well, and am glad!~Congrats to you!!!~

[@Indigo_newness]

I feel it's also friendships as well

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

yes.

[@heatherc760]

Same

[@sadie9386]

Anna, you are a gift to this world. I felt as if you were talking to me today.And thank you for telling me that I deserve to be loved. It's the deserving/earning that I have always struggled with.

[@maddi3582]

Wrt the first letter, I think, unfortunately, he 'chose' her precisely because she was his neighbour and could act as a 'gatekeeper' preventing the ex from hanging out... I really hope she can finally see that breadcrumbs cannot be glued together to make a 'loaf of love'. Been there, done that, never again. The thing I used to hate were those hours spent going backwards and forwards in my mind, trying to figure their behaviour out... When that happens, it's a sure sign it's time to move on. Thank you Anna for a 'checklist' of points. This creates the boundaries we use to take care of ourselves and keep ourselves safe.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for watching! Nika@TeamFairy

[@glazyy_]

my coworker told me about you, glad i subscribed ❤

[@helefa93]

I turned thirty not long ago and it feels like something has just.... clicked. I have known i had CPTSD for years but suddenly I have gained a bunch of insight about myself around it. I all of the sudden dont feel any urgency in having a partner, I'm not dating and I'm unavailable. I havent dated for 8 months and haven't even thought about it. As a chronic bad relationship haver, 8 months without any urge to try to heal through a partner is a big deal and something I'm proud of. I am curious though. is that a common thread among us? when it feels like something just randomly clicks and things feel different where it becomes almost exciting to take care of yourself? I still struggle with disregulation like i always have but my attitude is changing about myself. Not being cruel to myself has helped me from getting my self esteem from other people.

[@yohannamueller]

@helefa93 Hi! Welcome to the 30 club!! I read your comment and thought omg this sounds just like me. I am 31, and I would say 29 was my brutal prep year for 30. Everything changed at 30 like overnight, and it's as if the micro fibers of my DNA knew it, and 29 was all about going into insane painful hustle mode. I was full on out of my comfort zone for a year. It was one of my absolute roughest years to date by far. The pain of just trying to survive every day seemed to never end. 30 was a breakthrough, and 31 has been amazing! I've been single for over 2 years. Got out of a very long relationship. It was with a very good guy, but time apart gave me the perspective to see that the relationship was not serving me any longer in the higher purpose for my life, and I was stagnant for pretty much all of my 20s. He gave me something that I desperately needed at that time in my life and I will forever be grateful to him for his gentle love, security, and patience with me. I have been loving myself for over 2 years now and really figuring out who I am. Learning, changing, growing, becoming more happy, peaceful, kind, gentle, gracious, accepting, loving, omg so much healing and the hard work of learning to let things go and be at peace with them. I think I was getting whiplash from how fast things were changing in my life, just day to day on an evolutionary journey to becoming a much better person. There were so many days when things had turned the corner for me where I would wake up and go from laughing to crying like happy tears because I felt like I was finally taking care of myself and putting me first for the very first time in my life. And yes, I too still struggle with disregulation, and I'm aware of that, but I'm rebounding so much quicker now. I think I also feel a deep sense of responsibility to myself so I get up, dust off and move ahead much quicker than I ever did before. I still struggle with some overthinking, but I think that comes directly from my childhood and always being taught to second guess myself and that's actually a painful issue to try to deal with. I didn't want to date at all. I was way too overwhelmed at the thought of that, and it wasn't my focus. It would have just been a distraction from the work I was doing on myself, so thankfully, I was aware enough to know that. I was okay meeting people casually, just like a coffee date or brunch, but nothing serious or interested in dating. Now, I feel like I want a companion on this journey through life. Honestly, I'm so done with unfulfilling shallow garbage and people that are empty and bring no soul matter to the table. I, for real, am praying that the next person I date is the one I marry because I'm just done wasting time on people who are uninspiring and have no spark to their life. I want someone who challenges me every day to be the very best version of myself. I want to build an empire together with a best friend who isn't afraid to do big things in life, and all I see are empty people everywhere with no life goals. I definitely need someone who is mentally stimulating because I can be in my head a lot thinking about deep things. Now, the challenge of finding my life's companion begins. I'm still completely apprehensive about moving in and living together with someone. I think that would take a long time because I don't want to lose the woman I have grown into in someone else, and my CPTSD has an effect on that. I'm just so thankful to have arrived at this summit. It's only gonna keep getting better, and I'm totally sure of that. Maybe it's because I finally have confidence in myself and actually believe for once in my life that I can do anything. We're all in this together! I refuse to believe the future isn't going to be brighter than any days I've already lived. You've got this! Cheers on your journey to reaching your most amazing self, fellow traveler! 💕✨️🌠

[@helefa93]

@@yohannamueller yes yes yes can definitely relate. I'm not even sure if there was some subconscious thing that triggered it once I was 30 but it felt like an overnight shift. Right now I'm still happy being single and NOT ready to mingle haha but I think any future partner has got to bring me joy and playfulness. I figured out that fun is my love language and I've continuously gone down the boring, emotionally unavailable route with men, the last news also being violent. Coincidentally I've been performing a whole lot of compulsory heterosexuality and am realizing cis men give me the heebie-jeebies lol so I still got some trauma and sexual identity stuff to unpack and process before I even think about bringing someone back into my life. I kind of see people as stories and it feels like I finally have one myself and I'm working on the plot and character development 😂

[@interrupted9671]

Yes, I have questioned myself my entire life. I use to take blame for everything within relationships.

[@berndgeels]

Overly available BFFs can also indicate emotional unavailability. BFF can be a code for "person I am really intimate with, confide in, but never have sex with...and who I allow to unduly influence me in my future relationship choices". I experienced dating someone who had a BFF. What a horror that was.

[@otiliamanuelajurj]

Finally, now I am not feeling any more crazy just because I think that being friends with exes is damaging to the actual relationship and not a sign of insecurity.

[@frankcooke1692]

I find it bemusing that any woman who's basically attractive would get hung up over a guy. Trust me - I know guys - I am one. None of us is worth the heartache. I didn't even brush my teeth today. You can find some other slob who leaves his socks on the floor, we're a dime a dozen.

[@justb4116]

Hi Frank, it's very encouraging and validating message to write. As a woman, I thank you for simple and straight to the point advice At the same time, I'd like to remind you that everyone are special and unique. So far, you're the first man, that I came across, to express what you did :) and it's valuable regardless of brushed (or not) teeth

[@brujatSA]

It's usually never about the guy, there's underlying trauma and human emotional needs that need to be met - a mix of plenty things

[@brujatSA]

It's usually never about the guy, there's underlying trauma and human emotional needs that need to be met - a mix of plenty things

[@thecommonsensecapricorn]

@22:10, as an avoidant myself I agree. That’s my read on this guy. He likes her and probably does love her, but he’s one foot in/one foot out. That’s why I’m scared to get into a relationship with anyone, I feel like it’s always going to end in me hurting them. We always have to be in control of the relationship and our feelings, so we fantasize about exes or other people, we seek external validation, we just generally hover around the relationship, never fully engulfing ourselves in it. It’s (for the partner) confusing and it’s painful and it’s unfair. Which is why I left both of my exes. They deserve someone who’s sure about them. Who’s all in. Will I ever be? I don’t know. I hope I learn how.

[@lgfish5337]

Argg i wrote a paragraph long reply and an ad came on and it got deleted.. the gist of it was .. have you youtube searched "fearful avoidance" ? Feel free to disregard if it doesnt apply but what you describe sounds a little like what some folks in attachment style circles call "deactivation" .. also idk probs .. the idea that anyone is a hundred percent sure , all in , all tge time , is ..idk ..could it be a little perfectionistic? Just curious ..

[@burntorangeofficial]

Oof 12:05 ."You were primed to tolerate that, and to question only if you are being too hard on people when they treat you that way."

[@divinealchemy3078]

Thank you so much for all of your work and effort! Could you please talk more about the 'cinderella complex' (fear of independence, waiting for someone else to save them) a lot of women suffer from, which is especially dangerous when they are growing up (or married into) very unhealthy environments, and how to get over that?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for watching. If you'd like to ask Anna a question, here's how to do it: bit.ly/CCF_Letters Nika@TeamFairy

[@noremac0123456789]

I set out on a course of fantasy/limerence for the better part of a decade when a guy, who lived around the corner from me that I had never seen before, simply because he looked at me as he drove by. God! Such a stupid,ridiculous waste of time.

[@godsgrace5777]

Oh my first time listening, I loved hearing why you quit drinking because you stopped exactly for the same reasons that I did also. That’s awesome 👏🏻 congratulations to you.

[@mariechelle]

Thank you for being such the most amazing "therapist, guru" I've had and I had therapists for approximately thirty on and off years.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Anna is not a therapist, but I'm so glad the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@colleenmariebeautiful1897]

Thank You~🙏 I totally needed to Hear all of what was Shared as well! Recently had a Guy not treat me well disregarding my Feelings of Grief after losing my Brother and made it about him! Not Compassionate and he has Unresolved Trauma's... Fell in Love with Him, yet I do not want to feel this way again! Questioning my actions and just being Human during Grief is not feeling good... 🚩🚩🚩

[@patrickdrury1480]

i love my wife so much.

[@justsayin1756]

❤I agree about the alcohol… I grew up in and around alcohol / drugs. It’s triggering and a natural depressant . I have an addictive personality and am in recovery. I cannot imagine navigating life With cptsd❤

[@kendallliann]

I remember in 6th grade being limerant over Usher ( a famous r&b singer back in the 90s and early 00s) . Ill never forget the day my friends told me they werent my friends anymore becusse they couldn't stand to hear a single more word about usher. And i didnt have any friends after that .. 😢😢😢.

[@thecommonsensecapricorn]

You’re so affirming to me, Anna. A lot of people out there, especially in the spiritual world, act like not wanting someone to be friends with an ex or to have female friends is an “unevolved” “not open minded” thing. And it confuses me. But I don’t want that. I’m not friends with men when I’m in a relationship, I don’t feel the need to. I love my female friendships, and I actually don’t feel like I get anything from friendships with men. So I expect my partner to be the same. I want him to have a lot of other male friends. There’s no need to be friends with exes. There’s too much caught up in that.

[@joeya289]

​@misspeach3755 employed adult extroverts with a mature social circle will likely have one or two entanglements. But people have a right to search for people with similar personalities and values.

[@hellokaumea8315]

​@@misspeach3755this is sexism

[@dionnedunsmore9996]

@2:14 💔🥺 the ppl responsible for her childhood had/has NO RITE WHATSOEVER to treat her the ways they did. No child deserves the stuff they did to her. I hope they're all in prison without a release date. I'm so sorry they were ever involved in ANY PART of ur childhood.

[@carpediemville]

It is amazing that I had this (limerence) pretty much all my life without being aware that there was a name for it, that it was a thing. That other people had the same problem. Having a better understanding helps a lot. Limerence is mentally exhausting.

[@Hhbdr]

I gave up on getting what I need from my wife twenty yrs ago. Our relationship is nothing more than roommates with benefits. Once in a while.

[@Dialyn]

I am grateful that you and your channel exist. ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you!

[@justsayin1756]

❤you came into this like gangbusters! I love this concept that we are lovable and crave love, no matter what!❤

[@DavidBausch]

Childhood ended at 5 when I was called a half breed in Japan, I have felt the love of the Holly Spirit and the timeless compassion of Buddha and Christ is my daily bread

[@kittymorris2989]

This is soooo helpful! Its given me courage to delve into some seriose conversation with the person I feel a very strong emotional bond. Mabey I will elaborate one day but for now,just to be able to have the right questions to ask myself as well as people I involve myself with can help clarify my situation. Thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad to hear this video helped! Nika@TeamFairy

[@GB-TX]

Jfc she hit home SO HARD with me in less than a minute. Bravo.

[@SisterShirley]

25:04. Ah yeah. The ole "Record Player" excuse. Me thinks he did go over there to pick up his record player but ended up forgetting it when ge left. That's what having sex wirh someone that is keeping you in limbo will do to your memory.

[@Theclevermuse]

I’m feeling so seen rn 🤦🏼‍♀️ 🙏

[@changingwoman1494]

Good stuff thank you

[@GB-TX]

I need "that's the voice of the trauma in you" on a throw pillow. And tshirt. And an most importantly: an iPhone case.

[@bluedolphin4366]

I wish there was help with this in the uk , I'm a man who has always struggled with this , I have been hurt so many times , I have given up , people don't really understand me , I have watched you're videos and everything fits in to my lifes past , I have just found out my family have been talking about me for years , saying what's wrong with him , I freeze in certain situations which makes me look awkward around people , I have explained now I know what effected me , but hoping this helps them understand , but I can see now only people who have c.p.t.s.d , can really understand how this effects our ability to travel through this world , I have fallen into deep love which has now hope to succeed believing sees was the one , this explains my past to me thanks for you're vids ,

[@chay516]

I have extreme. I’ve isolated myself to literally no friends and push family to a certain space. Have 7 kids. Single mom. Mind screwed but put on face. Wow. I’m 37, I gotta fix this fast!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@BarbaraStromoski]

I had a great therapist back in my 30's and she said this guy I was obsessed with was giving me crumbs and I joked saying I thought I was getting a half loaf of bread this time! It goes back to being no. 8 of 12 kids and it symbolized the few times I had a one on one with my father. When I said that I wasn't attracted to boring men. She asked me, am I smart, attractive, kind , funny etc? Can I be beautiful and sexy? She said you have all these great attributes. Don't you think these "boring" men could also be funny, exciting and sexy? It really opened my eyes to give good people a chance.

[@andreabc2590]

No way it was the first time that guy cheated. I hope this beautiful person finds her own value.

[@beanutbutterbaus]

Could you do videos on self care for the tension and stress built up in our bodies? You’re the first person I heard speak about trauma stored in the nervous system! I suffer from tension and stress headaches built up from years and years and I think it may connect to events rooted from as far back as my childhood. (Not caused by physical strain as an adult) Google helps but I’d love to hear your take, I am learning so much from you ❤

[@careymarie3554]

I relate so much to that first story. 😮‍💨

[@wallymarcel1]

Boy, was I hoping you would address this subject!

[@sukiyakking9138]

Hope you someday address this topic as it relates to “friends.” I’m cleaning out several people who only contact me when they need something or insist on maintaining a “same time next year” relationship for the sheer purpose of checking in once a year to reassure themselves ( in their minds) that they are doing better than me.

[@merileeburden2012]

Boy was breadcrumb in my face more than I realized what was going on. It's gaslighting. My brother, in work for my narcissistic mom, tried that. He thought I'd be thrilled that he'd make my day to reach out to poor me. I called out his bs and wrote him a list of his failings to me and my family. I said I'm not taking the abuse, I dissolved him from my family as we don't do toxic abuse. He honestly still doesn't get it. He's a petulant adolescent in his at the time, 67 yr. Old who takes pleasure out of triggering me. This comes from our childhood. We had narrow critical parents. and I now see how he thinks he has this goal in life..to crush me, to make me lose all self worth, to make me think I can never do right. I don't want him in my life. Or his horrible snark wife.

[@xenatron9056]

I think he has done well to cover up and move on even though he still loves the other girl. Face the fact, that in his eyes, you will only be a substitute, second best. Honey, you an do better than bland.

[@heatherc760]

Six months to a year down the road in a relationship, the “courtship” fades, drops off, stops. So you bring that up and then feel needy for wanting it to continue 😒sigh

[@nesquiktriscuit1020]

Thank you

[@sweetpeaLp7]

i'm not going to invalidate how real a spiritual connection is for a lot of us, but a lot of it is filtered by your own emotions and becomes limerence. also, when nothing is happening or they're shitting on you in the here and now, that otherworldly connection is you taking on emotional responsibility for them which you're willing to do because you're that lonely. it's like being the secret side chick. it sucks just as much.

[@justsayin1756]

❤I mean I cannot imagine navigating my life with cptsd drinking etc!💜

[@24-7flounderproblem]

Im way off topic..sorry..i watched how to meditate twice a day the super simple way 🤤can barely set still much less meditate...ive tried and tried...well this time it worked and i think i had the best nap ive ever had in my life ❤i know its older content but wow what an amazing experience you are the bomb 💣 thankyou so much for all your hard work and making it available.god bless you 🙏😇

[@louisetaylor6952]

Hi Michael, if you are still interested on meditating, you can do it while you walk...just apply the same method...you can do this...

[@winnie6203]

I will be 60 next month. It is way too late for romance, etc. But I will say my mind is completely at peace without the torture of limerance I lived in since I was 8. 😢🎉

[@temi4116]

CCF, i could really understand the answers, comments and ideas that made up this last letter reveal you just finished. I really appreciate your programs. d

[@temi4116]

Sacrificing her growth... yes.

[@temi4116]

I'm on my phone. I don't see courses below. Do I need to be on a desktop or even a laptop to see the courses? Thank you.

[@temi4116]

.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for your kind words! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@reneereif2059]

I quit needing anything from my ex, or anyone else (romantically)😢😅

[@lulee7375]

And I think my parents are narcs ,omg , sending love ❤x

[@angelasanchez8525]

Great advice. Lose the exes. Don't pay for a date!!

[@SisterShirley]

Emmy IS/WAS the red flag Was because she will start to heal and begin to treat herself with respect

[@XtineJohnes]

That poor girl. I was there ages 26-30. Then much later on, I found out that Mr. Douchebag and his nasty male buddies got charged with kiddie porn charges! :0 This was long after he was dumped and blocked by me. They were using a band as a front to get contact with tweens and teens, and one of the sickos in the group wrote about wanting to abuse much younger girls. So there are very, very, VERY good reasons that guy isn't connecting with you. If it's not this then it's something else that if you knew about it, you would NOT idolize that person, instead you would run all the way away and tell everyone you know what he is all about. So that's why you are being compartmentalized. If the compartmentalization behavior begins, you can know that something really bad is up and you need to run away as fast as possible. DO NOT waste beauty on someone like this.

[@meredithdarling]

Pretty sure this is a repost but it came to my home feed right as I was in talks with a guy who has been bread crumbing me since he left me as I was too old and married a girl 30 years younger from the Philippines who is stringing him along demanding more and more money for her kids and then spending it on skin whitening and tattoos and flashy clothes. I didn't want to watch this but finally am and will not be responding to this booty call.Edit: I think I will delete him as a FB friend as he keeps sending me rude memes about how gross middle aged ladies are that I don't even know where he's getting they are so offensive.

[@clonejones7955]

Send a final heartfelt @&$# off before you delete him.Yeesh that awful.

[@missbooshealinghomestead]

He is disrespecting you terribly! Please delete him and don't give him the time of day much less anything else. You know that's the right thing! Be strong. You deserve better and better will come along. ❤ ❤ ❤

[@louisetaylor6952]

He is sadistic...he is so abusive way past a jerk...never be so lonely or depressed that you allow yourself to put up with that...here's something you can tell him " you have been getting material from him for a book you're writing and you have enough so you don't need to deal with him anymore which is good because he's a mess!!! You can do this and it will feel so good...Do this for yourself and for others who have been hurt...I believe in you, Have Fun!

[@Tammy-o9j]

My ex date paid for everything and it was nice and classy where he brought me but I still didn’t continue the second date simply because he didn’t want me to take a glass a white wine . He wanted me to drink from the same bottle of red that he ordered . P.s. I told him that my face gets very red when I take red wine but obviously he didn’t pay any intention😅

[@OGK-1414]

Good for you. Out at the first red flag. Well done.

[@kathyingram3061]

~I want so much to have a good relationship again~Im getting up the nerve to join a dating service~I feel much better prepared to be a good, and aware partner, than ever before!~I hope ill have the chance to try!~

[@AlexandraZack-pc9le]

I'm currently suffering limerence for a guy I was having casual hookups with, but it ended badly and abruptly. He's in the military and deployed to Australia in April, and I'm still here in California. He wants nothing to do with me, and I was never supposed to catch feelings, but the intimacy was incredible, and I can't let go. It's pathetic. I don't usually get feelings like this. I don't know what to do...

[@Fefe559]

damn, I can relate to the girl with the avoidant dude. And he drunkenly admitted he loved his ex. lol My bf did the same this summer and she is a complete douche too. But I need to let this breadcrumber go. I am worn out with this half love. 5 years! I cant anymore

[@DailyDose926]

It took me 5 year's to finally wake up and admit I was choosing to settle for a narcissist. We can't continue to blame our toxic partner once our intuition alerts us of the red flags. The longer you stay the longer it will take you to try to recover from the bread crumbing abuse. I've been single for almost 4 year's now. In all honesty I'm not anywhere near healed. I feel permanently damaged. Get out of that situation ASAP. You deserve better.

[@chay516]

It’s true.

[@skb254]

Girrrl ~ I see red flags all over the place. Don’t just walk ~either run or walk briskly!!! A-WAY!😂😂😂

[@wmfife1]

17:00 *whew * This is exactly why I am never going to date again. I could not possibly read back what was said in the four minutes previous. How complicated can it get? In a perfect world, I would have behaved the same way at the first sign of red flags. But I knew then it was now or never. I know now I should have stayed home. But it was a lifetime ago. For literally decades my relationship with those of the other gender was like a demolition team... one wrong move and *Boom!* So many hidden triggers, the fear of "saying the wrong thing" made trying worse than no interaction at all. Sooner or later I'd step on that invisible land mine. Someone said women made all the rules and men weren't allowed to know the rules. And they could * change* them without notice. I had a life to live. Who needs the games. I agree 100% about drinking. I can blame it on so many things going wrong even in "moderation", which after all has flexible boundaries. People drink to forget but it made me forget things I *wanted* to remember! So after all these years I just walked away. Life is too short to waste another minute of it. Long story but it was an incident of careless neglect that had me traumatized for weeks, till the missing object miraculously turned up. I had already given up. Call it sentimental value; it was about emotional support and connecting to my early years so it mattered immensely. After that I said never again and I meant it. Social? No. It's irrelevant. I am so far past those days. My companions are not the kind I can breed with anyway. LOL

[@teslinjoe5938]

Whoa -- if people give themselves over to evil, they can absolutely become consumed by evil. I was really surprised to hear you say that people aren't evil but maybe I misunderstood.

[@Mahy4]

Oh I know this one, we t’read this story In the last

[@lucasdesouza9674]

59:50 so relatable

[@laurakosch]

Why are all the letters from women? I know a few men who have all these symptoms, and have difficult childhoods. One man in particular shows many of these traits… yet he shrugs, says he’s fine… he is so not fine. Why do men not acknowledge their brokenness?

[@randymcadoo8977]

Exactly 😮

[@hannamariajonsdottir1088]

Yess it so easy to get a date or the next date... but do you want it? Speaking from cptd

[@marinacastanon1256]

Hello Fairy, I love your videos I really find them trully helpful, I would like to know which would you say is the main thought that provoques Limerence to happen, or that may be the catalyst, like if you would have to sum it up in one sentence, considering the complex reasons behind it. If its possible..

[@somethinggood9267]

Heidi priebe has a good video about thatt

[@sickkicks3353]

How do i write to you??

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You can write a letter to Anna from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters Nika@TeamFairy

[@SisterShirley]

My question: Did the boyfriend's EX cheat on him? Probably. She broke his heart and he forgave her. Also, the boyfriend has money problems.

[@user-hj6oo2xh5i]

It's a half love

[@bellastone-le9eb]

He sounds emotionally unavailable. He sounds maybe even disassociated from trauma maybe.

[@zephaniahnoahmusic]

16:39????? What?? He didn't do that crucial thing? What is that thing? If they don't get that they will fall in love??

[@OldWivesTales]

I think she means that the guy has to do some of the work otherwise he won't fall in love

[@Megumi646]

But people become AVOIDANT also due to ABANDONMENT AND TRAUMA

[@thecommonsensecapricorn]

I left a toxic relationship 2 weeks ago and I feel so good, but I hopped back into the dating world really fast thinking I just want to hav fun and see what’s out there. I’m not trying to be cocky but whenever I date, the guys typically want something serious. I know it’s because I’m avoidant as well as being an easy going, fun girl, so that’s attractive. But it’s not good when my pattern is to jump into relationships and get attached to people I’m not crazy about, but I enjoy spending time with. I always pick the fun, charismatic guys who are a good time but don’t go deep and who I don’t feel emotionally connected with. I see myself slipping back into that and I can’t let myself. Being truly single just feels so boring to me.

[@bean2k33]

You should find comfort in being single and giving yourself time to grow. Jumping from one ride to the next has a weird way of keeping you in the same place.

[@DailyDose926]

Jumping into a new situation after only breaking up a few weeks prior makes you a major red flag.. You refuse to address your toxic behavior. You're looking for a distraction. You're a selfish person for bringing your baggage to another situation and then blaming the people you choose when the relationship fails.. Your relationships don't last because you refuse to seek professional help with your behavior pattern. My ex does the same exact thing. He's ruined so many relationships and homewrecked so many families along the way because of his selfish choice to not seek professional help when he's "bored". You can't keep blaming other's for failed relationships when you are choosing to jump right into a new situation strictly due to boredom. It's time to make mature decisions by seeking professional help.

[@cathyjennings5580]

Germans teach their children to be SELF-RELIANCE SKILLS. HOW to become SELF- RELIANCE. SURVIVE WITHOUT the friendships, relatives, teachers & priests & nuns,. Parents let the children make mistakes. SELF-RELIANCE to figure out matters by self. Abandonment. Wondering why doesn't anyone anybody want to or wish to teach proper skills???? 😢😢😢😢. Poor social skills resulted. Poor Communication skills. Community skills? etc. Help us understand???

[@0judi0bartel74]

Because it was just lust all along.

[@AdMycroft-fb1eo]

Lots of repeats

[@Fidelloz]

Long story short. The guy was not into her. Period. But what does it have to do if he's willing to pay? Nothing. Just repeating some stereothypes. You can show your affection and interest in many other ways than just buying one's dinner - lol

[@taniagarciaduenas8460]

🙏🙏🙏☕

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

STRONG...ROUND...OF...APPLAUSE on the DO NOT PAY! TO TRULY be a 'feminist,' is to demand respect and while we "can"....they SHOULD! Amen, and thank you for saying this for the masses of this era of CHAOS and gender confusion. We need you, so thank you! YES and keep speaking TRUTH with love. You are totally doing the work of God not compromising, etc. And chaste dating IS the best. Period. You see, smell, taste, observe people for who they really are when they are NOT getting the pleasure they want. This is what leads to the divorce rate of 1-4% of those who wait for marriage, vs the >50% who don't.

[@pamelaraney4654]

When I date I pay for the tip. He pays for the meal. They like my offer.