How Good Boundaries Set You Free to Enjoy Your Relationships

[@stacypeters2856]

You’re such a gift to the world- thank you for your message and your channel. You make a difference in the world ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@jessicaaaa59333]

You really do ! In my world you make such a big beautiful difference ❤

[@pragmaticpoet]

People who punish you for boundaries are reason you want boundaries 😎🙄😂 life is better when they are kept far far

[@quietspace5408]

When you standby your boundaries 2 things happen : 1. People respect your choices and 2. They don’t. As you get stronger and clear minded , start to implement your choices MANY people will leave! Be prepared.

[@Christinesobsevations]

So very true . Some will come back !!! I’ve had this happen & I made sure to break that cycle by fully learning and implementing the full lesson . They left again ! This time my boundaries were firm . So thankful for healing ❤❤❤

[@sunbeam9222]

Boundaries are needed until it's integrated within then you don't even need boundaries, you act exactly as you are in each moment. No regret, no confusion, no guilt, nor resentment. Peace, discernment and self regulation come back way faster no matter the triggering event.

[@dmix2263]

I had a first date this week. After lunch I asked my date what he was doing the rest of the day.. he said, we could go to your house. I said, oh no we won’t be going to my house. 8:30

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Excellent work! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@MandyArtGames]

Hurray for healthy boundaries!

[@viennagirl9335]

I just set boundaries, and I feel anxious because I am not used to doing this, but also proud because I was able to emotionally regulate.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That's great! It is scary at first! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Coryraisa]

Many families are already broken _BEFORE_ a divorce.

[@bugsea54]

You dont start setting boundaries with difficult people till you feel deserving. Once youve turned that corner, your good to go. I disconnected from a friend, too many boundary infractions, yes she is going thru things, but i cant help her, she needs proffessional help and im getting out of the way because im getting run over every time im with her. Ive learned that comminication only goes so far, sometimes you have to withdrawal or remove yourself.

[@ebbyc1817]

Did she scream and shout when you tried to set the boundary? (not necessarily literally)

[@amandabrown1045]

I’m going through this right now. I’m going to tell my ‘friend’ point blank, that I have set certain boundaries, I’ve tried to be nice about it, but if he insists on violating my boundaries over and over, then he doesn’t respect me and I don’t want to associate with him anymore. I’m going to be really calm and not accuse him. I’m going to tell him what happens to me when my boundaries are violated and that is why I set those boundaries: because I don’t want to go there. It’s stressful, bad for my mental and physical health, it’s bad for my doggie to see me get so upset, and it’s senseless. So he has to make a choice: either respect me and my boundaries or lose my phone number. I’ve been distancing myself for the last few weeks, and it’s been lonely sometimes, but I can handle that.

[@bugsea54]

@ebbyc1817 I'm not sure if this is for me or not, but of course, boundary violators don't like to hear the word no. Some of them will gas light you, manipulate you, lash out, etc. You have to transform from a people pleaser to maintaining your respect. New acquaintances are easy it's those long-term friends or loved ones who will throw a fit if you start putting up boundaries. Becareful

[@ebbyc1817]

@@bugsea54 you posted "I disconnected from a friend, too many boundary infractions," I was asking about that specific situation, and mine was the only comment under your comment 🙂I was just curious but doesn't matter now, that was a couple days ago.

[@amandabrown1045]

@@ebbyc1817 thank you 🙏 for the advice.😊

[@marylouleeman591]

The Backlash Period!! God bless you for identifying this rough part of it.

[@LeannaRuthJensen]

Boundaries vs control. Just after I started working on my baggage I got a call. One of the master manipulators in my life called to tell me they intended to treat someone else better than me, was I okay with that? Up until then I would have said fine, no problem. Instead I said I was not okay with it or being asked to be okay with it. They were furious that I had ruined their plans. I didn't tell them what to do, I just refused to do what they wanted me to do. From my point of view I upheld my boundaries. From their point of view I was trying to control the situation. That first six months of developing boundaries several people were angry and accusatory but I had reached a point where it was better than what I had been putting up with.

[@marylouleeman591]

Boy, oh boy! You sure help me out! I have heard myself more than once saying No! way too loud. So emphatic. I am.reassured that this is just a part of learning to speak up.

[@Kirrie_Sushicat]

Omg I had the same experience!! But my Mom was not a drug addict, only highly narcissistic and expected me to be part of her perfect family fantasy with her affair/new husband and his very large family after wrecking our own family brutally. Everyone shamed and blamed me to go and I had a meltdown when she said "yes". Nobody cared. I was just the "crazy difficult one with psychological problems", as she told them before. His adult kids even asked if it was "tears of joy" lol. Even as an extrovert I got immense social anxiety since and get panic attacks when attending my friends' weddings. Still until this day I didn't recovered from the damage and tend to isolate and become an odd loner. So listen to your guts, you don't have to go! Do what's best for you!!

[@youtubeblockedme5864]

Valerie's s story is so challenging. I would never worry about what extended family would say... She's on her 6th marriage and probably can't hide it all. They have to know. Make yourself happy for once. Just like in your life... Sometimes people don't get what they want. So this time your mom doesn't get what she wants. Take care of you.

[@timothyammons9011]

🎶 . . .but try sometime… And you might just find 🎵 YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED! 🥳

[@pennPi]

This is one of the times I half disagree with Anna. Valerie clearly stated she didn’t want to go, so then why give advice if she decides to go. It should be a hard no. Because if she goes out of guilt or sense of duty, she is betraying herself. And at this point in her healing she should stay far away from the source of her trauma. Ahhh the wishy-washy advice really bothered me, especially the part about regret.

[@oneworldonehome]

Relationships are difficult but they are what life is made of. Wisdom and personal development I think are crucial here. I'd like to share a quote from - Relationships and Higher Purpose by MV Summers. It's a great book and the author made it available for free online. I highly recommend. "Building genuine personal relationships is a challenge and one that will call upon both your spiritual awareness and your worldly skills. It will require that you be alert, discerning and objective and refrain from condemnation and fantasy so that you may see others clearly and take effective action as a result."

[@thecitizenfarmer7700]

This so great thank you so much!

[@jmoney3219]

Hmm interesting, thanks for the share.

[@joshuasimon8780]

Relationships and higher Purpose has really helped frame my understanding of what true relationship is meant to be, thanks for sharing it here.

[@jaygregory8219]

So true! Thanks for sharing!

[@johnchapman5125]

Thanks for sharing!

[@lauralittle6899]

I just love you SO much ! I listen to you ALL the time! even when I sleep I listen to you and love waking up to your soft ,caring voice every morning!!❤🎉😊

[@anetnel-fk7vu]

Same!

[@JasonSmith-vw9we]

No matter what I’ve tried stating or enforcing any boundary has never really gone well…my current mindset is “I’m me and you’re you” so while you don’t have to respect or honor my boundaries, I don’t have to continue to engage. If I need to disengage from you due a boundary I stay gone. This usually gets me called controlling amongst other things.

[@CONEHEADDK]

Scarcity creates (illusion of) value.

[@thebeboshow4421]

What a lovely treat on a Sunday afternoon! Thank you Anna 😊

[@aliburch4273]

Saw this video pop up 5 minutes after upload! I'll have to have a listen to the whole thing later, I have work in an hour aha. But boundaries are something I desperately need to work on

[@DiamondEyez456]

Abusers actually take advantage of boundaries and play manipulative sick games. I would know cuz my emotionally immature mother does this a LOT as well as my father & brother.. but my mother takes the cake out of all 3 cuz she does it to the other two as well. Yet she also enjoys as she always has emotionally abandoning me yet jumps to run for everyone else. Yet if I place a boundary (out of protection) she punishes me & wants to make me pay.. it’s gross & emotionally painful on top of her multiple other abuses.

[@ddlloyd7490]

@Abusers take advantage of boundaries and use them maliciously and manipulate to there “advantage” Sick is an understatement.!

[@cathyjennings5580]

We All persons are entitled to be treated with GOODNESS RESPECT". DIGNITY & TRUTH & PEACEFUL TONES. 😊

[@lindab6974]

I love your analysis and advice. I know you've said you're not a doctor, but you're better than any of the doctors I"ve seen on youtube.

[@cristinaroe2166]

Oh Anna. That tupperware thing really disregulated me too! What is the problem with putting tops on? It seems perfectly logical to me. Blessings 🙏

[@danielmathews4926]

Wow I truly appreciate you, and how this closely resembles my life. It’s okay to say “no”. The yes to things is still difficult to except and because I been hurt from excepting from the wrong person. Appreciate you

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@tothemoon8465]

watched the whole thing. Really great stuff. Thank you!!

[@ragga7862]

I have experienced «consern shaming», when I got in a relationship and moved in together I got pregnant. My «best friend» was «worried» I got pregnant because I needed to think «having a kid is a lot of work» and mentioned that abortion was an option. She was a single mom, I was not about to become one. I cut contact with her right there. I had two kids in a short time and I thrived. Even though the relationship eventually didn’t work out years later, I am soo happy I have two kids, and my kids are soo happy they have each other.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We're happy for you! Nika@TeamFairy

[@ragga7862]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thanks!

[@NanaPiper]

I hear you, all before 4 minutes. Finding your videos recently has be enlightening, helpful, mind opening! Thanks for putting it all out there! ❤

[@ddlloyd7490]

Really appreciate that use real life real time stories on your platform. It has been helpful and useful coping w/ what I know of my experiences to be CPTSD. The letter you read fr.(Valerie) daughter not wanting to attend her Mothers wedding resonated w/ me not the part about multiple marriages but the estrangement/ boundaries and lack of clear and honest communication on the events that created the distance. I listen to your topics and read a majority of comments and have gained some clarity with the “crappy relationship(s)”that steered me to your platform. Thanks to you @Crappy Childhood fairy for the healings you emit.❣️

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad the channel has been helpful, thank you for being here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@wendyandfriends]

Thank you for this, Anna! I so appreciate what you do, what you share, and how you share it. It's all important and necessary to communicate and clarify for us who are so confused about boundaries; what's right, what's not right, or fair/controlling. It is all so helpful to clarify to us for our better living and being. Thank you!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad the videos have been helpful! Thank you for commenting, I'm sure Anna will appreciate this. -Calista@TeamFairy

[@ragga7862]

I totally agree!

[@ResaleKingz]

Your channel is continuing to be so helpful and healing. I see the way.. not to put boundaries into practice.

[@mindfulmarie-]

Well done frank for looking at your own traits takes a real person to look at themselves

[@mollyboyles8724]

Wow very brave work in the Frank letter, from both Frank and CCF! I was so relieved to hear caring honesty re: the "Head of the Household" construct.

[@mercurymonica]

Thank you so much for speaking truth regarding how damaging pornography use is. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@DosBear]

If you want your husband to stop leaving his shoes in harms way simply start hiding them when he does it and make a game of it. He will guickly stop.

[@sunbeam9222]

That's what I do with my son lol

[@sandramontello-nl3mh]

It allows the Tupperware to breathe to leave the lid off. Otherwise the plastic absorbs smells then transfers it to the next food stored. Dish soap is the worst 😫

[@AkiaPotts-f3s]

oh my goodness 😳 I have never felt so at home after watching a video. Ish Nish ( thank you) for all you do & more.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Valiantiron]

This was truly insightful. Thank you.

[@MassageMagick1111]

Tonight, toss his shoes at his sleeping head. He’ll remember to put them some where else tomorrow night. I promise 😉

[@Christinesobsevations]

Absolutely love your channel ❤❤ thank you so much 😊

[@avanellehansen4525]

Sober is not the same thing as a dry drunk. Beyond not drinking, you have to do the work.

[@SUNNYchanceofRAIN111]

Ahhh, yes, the manipulation. Toxicity. Dang!!! Your info blows me away, spot on!

[@aneshize]

Thank you so much for these videos. They are exactly what I need ❤

[@percubit10]

I used to live life to the fullest. Being happy being silly and being a decent human being.

[@cathyjennings5580]

Very interesting information. Thanks so much

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for watching! Nika@TeamFairy

[@pragmaticpoet]

I find storing containers with lids drives me krazeeee 🤣🤣🤣

[@PhoenixAurelius-138]

Ikr?! Potato potAHto, but I much prefer to have my containers stacked neatly together, and my lids in a separate, but nearby, container. Putting lids on containers takes up so much room and time. Haha

[@katarinasinfamy]

I prefer polyamory and find your principles just as applicable to this ‘lifestyle’. Polyamory is not ‘everybody does what they wants’ and I too have had to work hard at setting boundaries and not settling. If anything, I find that I have settled more in monogamous situations, and felt more respected and able to trust in open relationships… that doesn’t mean they’re always better, I’m just saying the same principles apply…

[@bugsea54]

Idk i slept with a man whose wife was ill for years, then i broke it off, im not going there, ring starring at me. Several years and now his wife died. I thought, Oh he'll, call me now so we can date, nope he has not called me. It hurt at first, now im thinking that is life, hes on a different page. I refuse to feel rejected.

[@lilianfowler7988]

I expect the parent to keep raging, demanding, and demeaning me. I expect myself to leave the situation and either limit interaction or have no contact. Yes, I hope to heal the trauma response but that does not mean hanging with that parent to prove that I healed.

[@katedahan2074]

I love your posts ❤

[@alysonj7227]

I totally get the storing tupperware with the top on thing. Most people keep them seperate. Another good reason to not go with the herd.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

The only way to be in my family is to collude with my mother's narratives. Every boundary i ever set resulted in my family being angry with me and the narrative was always that I was angry/emotional/sensitive/ungrateful. The final boundary i tried to set resulted in my family giving me the silent treatment. I was after 6 months given the "opportunity" to say sorry to my mother, but when i stood firm in my interpretation of events, i was shamed and dumped. My family has ghosted me. So. Boundaries. Hmmm. Be careful. If i could go back in time i would just change the locks and say nothing.

[@reneereif2059]

No. They don't. You can't force rules. They only cause impossible battles you can't win.

[@DosBear]

To Frank: Time to move on. There is so much I could say as your life mirrors my own in many ways. I wouldn't recommend getting back together with your unfaithful spouse only to end up in the same place, in another 5 or 10 years, once the children are grown and out on their own. You're way off the path of Christian values and what it means to raise a traditional family that's for sure. It sounds to me like you're letting her do whatever she wants to meet her sexual needs and hoping that she will finally tire of it and come home. The reason I say this is because you got involved in a 3 way with another man as opposed to another woman which makes it sound like it was her idea as opposed to yours. I'd say you're the co-dependent one in the relationship and should try your best to become completely independent of her. I feel for you and do understand how hard it is to move on when there are 4 children to think of and that love you seek is rejected in this manner. I suggest you just concentrate on the children and stop dealing with her with regards to your marriage and do some minor dating and expose yourself to some women with traditional values and lose the porn completely unless your goal is to end up alone. Good luck.

[@leahweinberger583]

AM I the only one, who heard Franks's letter and had VERY LITTLE sympathy for him? He talks about how his wife felt unheard, and "diagnoses" her with limerance, Notice how he doesn't say I think she has limerance, he says this is what the experts said, so of course she has limerance.. thus invalidating EVERYTHING she says about the new guy because "its not real and I'm doing her a favor" I would bet that Frank suggested the 3way I wouldn't be so quick to blame her because no matter what most men, no matter how they want to make their wife happy don't get nakey and have sex with other men without SOME kind of attraction. Frank literally F'd around and found out. Duede, this entire poor me, I'm so hurt, I've asked for forgiveness, and what do I doooooo? I put the forgiveness in but the obedience didn't come out!!! How could she, that's not being a good religious woman. Listen, Frank, your wife was a SAHM, with very little adult interaction; you pulled the man of the house BS, blaming her and shifting responsibility. She spoke to you about religion and spoke to you about her unhappiness, and you brought your successor into your own home. This guy is with her and stepping up to responsibilities, and SHE likes him, and they get along well. That's it. Next time, you might want to actually LISTEN to your wife. Her not giving you a definitive answer after how you explained how you blame/shame shift responsibility etc...You taught her you don't listen, why should she try to explain her life? Am find it specious that he is such a regretful, loving spouse just wanting to get his wife back...but in here are a whole bunch of nasty comments, Her family, Her earlier affair, her slide into pain medication..all that was a ok and he went on o have kids with her. He's not talking about HIS porn addiction, that slid right by, He's not talking about the 3 way with another guy, that slid right by..he's all full of I'm so sad, I love my depressive, wh*re of a wife sooooo bad, I just want her to come home......So crazy manipulative. I can't imagine this "letter" episode comments haven't found their way in some form or fashion to the wife. I'm sure he's got her friends alerted to "help him" her church etc. This is, to me, an abusive guy who lost his toy and now is getting everyone on board to help him get HER BACK. Literally a narcissist smear campaign complete with flying monkeys taken from HER FRIENDS. Anna, I admire and respect you so much but frankly Frank and his entire mea culpa show just gave me the ick. I'm sad that you "spoke to her" even though she didn't write in. You gave validation to this very one sided letter.

[@DosBear]

@@leahweinberger583 Why are you repying this to me???. I happen to agree with most of what you just said as well. The only thing I don't agree with is your certainty about either of these people. It takes 2 to destroy any relationship anyway. I guess you missed the part where I addressed his porn addiction.

[@GeometryMatters]

@@leahweinberger583 No. I am with you on this. Anna gave him good advice without beating him up (like I might have done), which is kind. But, personally, he creeped me out! Especially the churchianity/ 3-way thing and gas lighting his wife. Yuck! I think he is just sorry his possession (wife) got away. She won't have an easy time of it doing it this way, but she must have been desperate. I don't want to ignore the fact that he actually did write in, which "looks" like he is making himself vulnerable. But, I'll bet that he expected Anna to tell him that HE was right, and not the wife. And, by writing the letter about his wife, he is shaming her publicly!

[@ewa11411]

You say borderline is much more that cptsd. To me feels like lots of people are getting this diagnosis because specialist don’t know cptsd .. I feel like this two are very similar and the main reason of bdp comes also from childhood it’s massive fear of abandonment.

[@katherinealba6768]

Anna, you were describing internalised blame and internalised shame behaviour in yourself. That was your abuser's voice in your head - brainwashing does that. Best to voice that in approaches to a possible victim of abuse in a conversation so that it can be brought into awareness and then also offer assistance to the victim of abuse. Conversation must be sincere, authentic.

[@CONEHEADDK]

I suggest making some much shorter pieces. I never have time for a whole video, but the most important bits would be nice.

[@jewelj7507]

She does make shorter pieces. However on a Sunday, there’s a compilation of many pieces on a particular topic, which I find helpful. If I don’t have time to watch it all, I just pause it and come back to it later. I’ve noticed that even if I close the window, it keeps my place on the video so I can continue from there when I have some time. I hope that helps.

[@zingarassong7531]

Please don't shorten

[@lisabethlopez2367]

I think respect is missing if you can’t give your honest opinion. There are many relationships that are built on lies to keep the relationship because some don’t respect your opinion. Love is honesty. I don’t want to be in relationships without honesty. Lived a lie with my abusive addict mother. We always had to pretend everything was ok. I rather walk away.

[@SuperZiad1000]

I would ask what’s the worst thing that will happen because if the distant relatives are not going, why should you have to go?

[@michellestroupe633]

I hate it when your partner always brings your past up but im not going to put up with a man fussing at me all time where I drow the line and not respect me and think they always have to have there way

[@michellestroupe633]

Yeah I have panic attacks

[@michellestroupe633]

I was in that i had to take my kids and left

[@gtfirewalker]

Not to mention this man’s wife is ill. She needs him and here he is trying to start a relationship

[@GeometryMatters]

Faith!!!!!!?????? Holy Crap!!!!!!

[@GeometryMatters]

Though, I do appreciate his (The first letter writer) openness with this audience. I just wonder if your answer is what he expected to hear. Hopefully, he'll have enough care for himself to take your words to heart.

[@danielmathews4926]

Do you have an office?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

No, however we do communicate via email at [e-mail] -Calista@TeamFairy

[@AA-cf4es]

When i set boundaries, people distance themselves from me. They are normal people, not abusive... i think. What can i do wrong in situation like this?

[@Coryraisa]

Are you setting your boundaries in a kind manner?

[@pennPi]

What are examples of your boundaries? Some may be considered trivial like “please don’t talk too loudly.” Or “don’t wear perfumes because I have a sensitive nose.” Or “Stop being a mouth breather.” I’m listing silly ones. Whereas ones that are based on inconsiderate actions like ghosting, being chronically late, frequently canceling at the last minute, bulldoze conversations by talking about themselves and expressing little or no interest in you, etc. are so valid that if they distance themselves from you, they’re the problematic ones not you.

[@Coryraisa]

@@pennPi: Exactly...and it's a blessing in disguise to lose so-called "friends" who refuse to respect your boundaries. More boundary violations are inviting oneself over to another person's home, showing up at somebody's home unnannounced and uninvited, touching somebody without their consent or prying into somebody's medical, financial affairs or familial status.

[@pennPi]

@@Coryraisa yikes, the ones you’ve listed are major red flags to run, do not walk! People who do that are not normal. I say they are toxic.

[@sunbeam9222]

When we set a boundary we're not meant to be concerned with the outcome I think. I don't even know how people react to my boundaries actually,I don't reflect on that. Those boundaries are part of me. They're non negotiable. My duty is to have healthy boundaries in place, whatever happens from there is not in my control

[@percubit10]

They don't work. I have been isolated for a long time. Boundaries don';t work for me.

[@if7363]

1:01:19 highly doubt that it's her the bad one in this situation as well as highly doubt that it's limerence. Sounds like this man is the one with issues. He sounds like controlling trying to do anything, seeking what kind of issues she might have in order to shame her to return. Controlling since she was not having a job, probably not even wanting the family he "forced" upon her. He said himself she had no rights to speak up.

[@ragga7862]

What is a «12 step sponsor?»

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It's a mentor in a 12-Step program such as Al-Anon -The Fairy Team

[@ragga7862]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thanks!

[@casperinsight3524]

💥🎯

[@brandimichelleakin9940]

Just let her go. She’s trying to live….

[@Girlneverquits]

Monogamy biased! Disappointing to some but not myself! Bye bye “cool girl”!!!!

[@almightybeanchild]

You sound lame af

[@skyebentley]

Love your videos