LOVE EXPERT ON: When A Man TRULY LOVES You, He Will DO THIS! | Stephan Speaks & Jay Shetty

If you like this episode you should also check out talk with Gabor Mate! Watch right here 👉 • The ROOT CAUSE Of Trau...
Today, I sit down with Stephan Labossiere to talk about breakups and relationship building. We exchange thoughts on the importance of emotional maturity and how it greatly helps couples resolve misunderstandings, the reasons most relationships are dubbed challenging and difficult, understanding what a love cycle is and how emotionally damaging it is, and healing your trauma and working on yourself first are the first steps to attracting the right partner.
Stephan Labossiere a.k.a Stephan Speaks is a man on a mission, and that mission is to make relationships happier and more fulfilling. As a certified relationship coach, a speaker and author, Stephan seizes every opportunity to help both men and women overcome the challenges that hinder their relationships. Some of his most popular books are Love After Heartbreak, He's Lying Sis: Uncover the Truth Behind His Words and Actions, and The Man God Has For You: 7 Traits To Help You Determine Your Life Partner.
You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:40 What are the signs that someone deeply loves you?
04:01 Both partners need to be emotionally ready to grow love
08:56 Compatibility is about two people co-existing in harmony
13:10 How do you differentiate connection and chemistry, and what stage are you in?
16:51 Is anything that is not sustainable not healthy for any relationship?
21:15 Allowing children to discover themselves and their interests helps them become more self-aware
24:16 Why are most relationships difficult and become a continuous struggle?
29:13 The love advice you’ve probably heard but shouldn’t practice
34:07 Why do you need to nurture both of your masculine and feminine energy?
43:23 This is how you test the compatibility you have with your partner
46:42 Learn about the unhealthy love cycle that often causes relationships to fail
55:14 Aim to become the best you and you start to attract the right person
58:16 Focus on the healing from everything that you’ve been through, not just from your breakup
01:05:42 Stephan on Final Five

[@countrygospel601]

So amazing, You are not reading this by accident. This is the confirmation You've been waiting for. God is saying to You, You are going to make it. No matter what the situation looks like right now. I am going to send a positive change Your way. With blessings, solutions, healing and love. So be strong, hold on, and don't give up. You're next in line for Your miracle and blessings. Amen !!!

[@whistlepiglet]

Amen 🙏🏻 Sending many blessings your way as well!

[@thomasthomasphilp4393]

Amen. I needed this message. I pray God to make his/her instrument

[@dafneyjanelle6006]

Amen. I receive this.. God is going to bless and favor you..Thank you!🙌🏾

[@Hoyopodcasy]

Thanks you too pleased

[@flyfish2562]

Amen ❤

[@SheilaSookram]

"Being your best self for the wrong person will bring out the worst version of you. "

[@Liv-db7so]

😮This hit hard ! 😢

[@patriciaduvall6946]

😢

[@tamikabanks667]

Yes I’m a living testimony

[@Jamecollins490]

@@patriciaduvall6946 I want you to be my sugar baby I'm just letting you know my intentions

[@susanheller4532]

That’s an accurate twist!! 😮

[@mattsheezy5469]

Always be careful of what you say to her when you’re arguing. You can say you’re sorry, they can say they forgive you, but they CAN’t forget, & emotional pain creates deep resentment.

[@jvincy32]

✅✅

[@thedivinefeminine1821]

Bingo 👌🏻

[@zylbygdfn6542]

Very true... I'm about to divorce my husband

[@sherocks915]

This!!!!

[@Jewelsessences]

Stupid males say hurtful things

[@GenshinQuizo]

These two men are the dads we didn't know we needed. I'm a girl and I think they're speaking pure wisdom.

[@Naampetra]

Amen to that sis

[@JamieJ1224]

❤

[@britanisweet1290]

Agree. I love how he places the emphasis on being transparent with yourself especially for women and how our intuition is indeed powerful if we tap into it and nurture it

[@sagebrooks6907]

Ditto❤👍💯

[@iamDeej]

“The safe choice is usually the wrong choice.” That was a hard lesson to learn

[@rebelraccoon9018]

A necessary lesson.

[@murph804]

So true 😂😂 People are like okay this person is better than wht I have.. Thn they call it love.. 😅

[@AkireMaru]

@@murph804 who said love is the reason you need to marry? Do you then divorce when the person is no longer the person you “love”? Marriage was intended to raise a family, unify people and pool together resources. Love is a modern day conception

[@dblanc3870]

Hmmm... I'm 1 minute in, is there an in depth discussion about this during this episode?

[@OreadNYC]

@@AkireMaru Especially when so many people quite obviously have absolutely no damn clue what "love" is supposed to be. A lot of people mistakenly believe that control is part of love -- it isn't (control and love are if anything polar opposites). Infatuation or being "in love" is not real love either. Yes, being "in love" feels terrific -- but when you take a critical look at it, you realize that it's actually very self-directed. Granted, most people are simply doing the best they know how based on the faulty and/or incomplete definitions of "love" which other people gave them -- but without ever realizing it, many people are essentially offering up a lump of pyrite believing it to be gold. Part of the problem, of course, lies in the fact that we really only have one word to describe all the different kinds of affection we feel for people -- our parents, our children, our partners, our pets, our friends, our chosen deities, our role models, our favorite movie stars, etc.. (We even use the same word to speak of nonliving things that we appreciate such as food or music.) The ancient Greeks had it right -- they used different words (agape, eros, storge, etc.) to refer to different kinds of affection.

[@PaulaJaneWNBFPro]

“Being your best for the wrong person”. That resonates.

[@mekaoriental3684]

So true, you put your all in it turn out not to be the right one

[@sjt7028]

Yup

[@user-nw5ml7lr2b]

Yep .

[@michellecooper201]

Same

[@KatharinaK117]

Indeed...

[@Whatwouldjessdo]

Love is when you want what is truly best for the other person, even if that doesn't involve yourself in their life.

[@JohnMoser66]

Well said!

[@patriciamaesolon6410]

Sad but true💔💔💔💔💔

[@gaganpreet_pharmapup9205]

❤❤

[@sonjabrandes]

🥺❤️

[@jusknwvlog626]

If it doesn’t involve you it isn’t the best ,never give up on love… If you take the easy path, life will be hard If you take the hard path, life will be easy..

[@x-2954]

Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!

[@jessidae6332]

omgoodness you are literally explaining my exact situation 😮!! I appreciate you sharing hope with us 🙏❤️For giving strength to know we aren't alone and it's ok to put yourself first at time ❤️ 💜 💕 🙏 I believe God is speaking through you ❤️! Again, thank you so much and congratulations for staying true to you and your daughters and especially God ! ❤️

[@dorjennifer2609]

I was in that same predicament for about 5 yrs ago. But Thank GOD I’m out.

[@raeanneegan6191]

It’s true, as women we know. If we would honour our inner voice we would have saved ourselves a lot of heartache, tragedy and pain

[@nightmareTomek]

You would think so. But it's actually only their inner voice that women ever listen to at all. Their inner voice is also constantly afraid, undecisive and a bad judge of character. While you praise your inner voice, many other women fell into quite a bit of mischief for listening to their inner voice. Studies have shown (I think in Sweden) that women actually get happier when they listen to men. That's how you gonna save yourself from tragedy and heartache. But in todays society as soon as the notion comes up to listen to advise from a man, the women are immediately histerically crying about the oppressive patriarchy.

[@raeanneegan6191]

@@nightmareTomek nope not at all true. Our inner voice is spot on but we simply don’t want to face it because of the fantasy created in our minds already.

[@nightmareTomek]

@@raeanneegan6191 What you just said is the fantasy already created in your mind. You women talk as if you need freedom of choice and you're getting dictated what to do all the time. Then we see you never listen, do random and idiotic choices all over the place, and run into problems constnatly head-on. Men all over the world shake their heads that you never heed their advise. "Becaus men don't understand the emmooootions that I'm going throu!" O_o Then you get into a relationships with a bad man and say you didn't listen to "your inner voice" or some similar bulls#_. When it's usually many men that would have told you the same, but they know you wouldn't have listened.

[@SteffiMarshall]

​@@raeanneegan6191 Men are just more selfish then women, and it becomes a tit for tat

[@myrgo1648]

And time…

[@Sweetheart_Sessions]

When a man truly loves you, there' no space to second guess. He will make sacrifices, be honest and straightforward, listen and act in ways that dictate so.

[@deficator750]

yeah that guy you described is in the friendzone. women lust over men who are selfish and disrespectful

[@lynncarter4964]

But he won't do it perfectly, especially on days he is very stressed with work etc. So be patient if he is generally a good guy who loves you. Life will always be full of ups and downs.

[@snoogiebottom]

Yes that is true!!! A Man truly loves you will make sacrifices, be honest and straightforward, provide the support you need. Compromise and communication and put out fires.

[@uberbabe585]

Ok Cinderella

[@FreePigeon]

@@deficator750 No, the guy who is in the friendzone is the needy desperate loser that they described. This is talking about serious adult relationships, not the booty calls that teenagers think are relationships. If you don't break out of that mindset you will be forever alone.

[@sandrar852]

So true about masculine energy. A man that does not walk in his masculinity sends cues to a woman that she will always have to carry him. Leaving her thinking, that she can never be carried, that she has to constantly protect him and he never protecting her. Part of masculinity is protection. If a woman doesn't feel you can protect her, how can she truly trust you?

[@Liv-db7so]

👏👏👏🙌

[@sarawalmsley2084]

Yes!

[@samaelletaincell6382]

Actually... I think that's where you are in the wrong. Because it would imply, a feminine person could never carry someone... but if you look closer, women are actually often fiercer in defending their kin then men. I won't deny there aren't weak men... but feminine ones often are anything but weak. They're are just less dominant. But not being dominant, or being emotionnal, doesn't imply not being strong. But have you ever seen any movie, any story, which a feminine small guy being the protector? I haven't... so inconsciously people just don't associate it with strength. But it's often not a reality. I believe the issue is more that woman are much more naturall protectors then men. So if the dude has any weakness, of suppossed weakness they will try to protect, point. They tend to do that with everyone and it's fucking exausting. So a guy who seems not to need protection, a "strong" dude, is a break, while they'll project the needed protection on any dude who doesn't seem strong enough. And people don't realise either, what someone is worth in a real crisis situation, and that's what matters. And actually funny, in my experience, it's those feminine guys you then can count on.

[@nikrojuatellington4066]

This made me think of my own relationship so true

[@sharinvile5074]

I broke up with my boyfriend only cause of that! I don’t feel protected and he just didn’t show me he’s ready to lead. And me as an independent woman, this is not what I want. I want a man who can lead and protect me 😅

[@callme_adam]

"Most relationships that involve connection and true love are typically hard. Not because relationships have to be hard, but because most people have been hurt by something in their life, are holding onto past traumas and haven't resolved it. Once they meet this individual that they feel so strongly about, it is scary. This is where things get difficult - is the difficulty, and how do I handle this? How do I manage this? You'll have people feel like they're losing themselves... but they're not losing themselves: their true self is coming out. And it's this self that's been hiding behind that wall they've been using for 'protection'." Almost brought me to tears...

[@AFOLABIDamilola-yw9jb]

Hello how are you doing today

[@decolonizewitht]

Time stamping for my own records, this begins at 23:23

[@Jewelsessences]

Soemtimes the true self is so ugly and toxic and disgusting that ppl wear masks to hide who they really are

[@TreasureForeverOfficial]

See I know this but I have met men that can’t handle this once they are faced with it and this is the place where they will either step into their best selves or, run. ❤🙏🏽

[@pilipinas-si9ek]

Looks like my ex. Experience .

[@maurapryor-ross6252]

“Walking around unhealed is like walking around with broken glasses. You can’t see straight ” ❤❤❤❤ THATS A WORD RIGHT THERE

[@starshine6699]

Whew

[@Glynis-vh4vz]

I was told that God healed me of my Seizure Disorder and God says I'm married b/c I have a 21 yr old son. He feels that I am married in his eyes.

[@cardinalrule6018]

This resonates deeply with me. The only interactions in my daily life are repeats of how my abusers treated me bc I'm not willing to accept any other way yet.. until I'm healed.. I'm working on that.

[@larsstougaard7097]

Great comment, I see it clearly 🤓

[@kellyfortes5949]

​@@Glynis-vh4vzķ😅i😮778

[@ShrimpPerr]

It’s so refreshing to see two men who can talk about feelings and vulnerabilities. We need more of this in this world.

[@TM-il5oh]

😂 or stop watching crap like sneako and Myron

[@snoogiebottom]

I agree and both have good communication skills!! Amicable discussions.

[@enjoliblount5327]

Amen&Amen 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@enjoliblount5327]

@@snoogiebottom🙏🏽💕🙏🏽

[@brianb6415]

@@TM-il5ohthose guys are so mad at women it’s sad lol

[@yasminhoyle8954]

Such a raw and intelligent podcast. No blaming other sides, just promoting self awareness which is hugely lacked these days!

[@britanisweet1290]

oooouuu! well said! I learnt achieved this a year ago after my last heartbreak. Self Transparency is key- meta cognition and ultimately self-awareness which is indeed scientifically the highest level of human development according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

[@zblus]

Things that stood out for me: The lesson after being hurt isn't that you shouldn't love, it's that you loved the wrong person Loving is the right thing to do, rather than being closed off, because it exposes who they are faster You may have loved wrong because you were not at your full potential/healthy/confident/healed self Love fully

[@_kv_8374]

I didn’t love the wrong person though ☹️🔫

[@Trio-tn5qi]

Perfect recap, now I can quit thinking so hard. Thanks for your help. Their convo/breakdown was truly amazing. Wisdom Downloaded.

[@beu2543]

Realized we were both wasting our time. Ended it so now I can fully focus on my self before I give myself to anyone else. Singleness is a super power when used properly.

[@The4s]

Love this ❤

[@Realness4sho]

💜💜💜

[@laumarlopez8417]

So true. Good to know others think like me. I don’t need to be dating every weekend just because I don’t have a boyfriend.

[@janellamurphy5665]

Excellent information kings❤

[@janellamurphy5665]

REAL TALK TRUTH🤗

[@nicolemaltese]

"You're not really missing the person you are missing the feeling." So true ❤

[@DaveDivines]

That feeling is always available if you are willing to listen for it.

[@melvinjerry4975]

That same feeling was not from a thin air...

[@DaveDivines]

@@melvinjerry4975 It kind of was though, the person is just a collection of frequencies inhabiting a part of space and time, yes there was connection and exchanges. Energetic exchanges. It was highly charged magnetic and dielectric fields working together in the creation and destruction of potential in a dance that led to the feeling arising. We are forever shaping these fields, all is stored in the akash, when we tune in. Give it a go, I will as well, then lets chat.

[@BecomingtheBeatitudes]

❤ or the dream

[@burgerpowder8]

i just ended a relationship of 3 years with my first love. it was very toxic and codependant. one of the reasons i stayed with him is because i felt unlovable and thought id never find anyone else who loved me. he never loved me and he was a waste of time. he would love bomb me and give me attention when he was bored then practically go missing 80% of the time. it was a learning experience. im hoping one day ill find someone who loves hard like me and puts effort into becoming a better person and being open minded. i only know love is real because of how i love.

[@annastasiahopkins5031]

Wow smh I felt this on another level

[@divineoshun5099]

I was in you’re position 3 years ago I’m now in a loving relationship with the most sweetest guy ever . One thing I encourage you to do is to completely step into you”re feminine era to attract passionate men from the way you present yourself, speak and act trust me it works

[@MiMi-wg4jk]

This is what I'm going thru right now. Are you okay now? Have you fully moved on?

[@Liv-db7so]

„Sometimes you‘re not missing the person, you’re missing the feeling.“ 🙌

[@sharinvile5074]

I am missing the feeling right now. Not the man.

[@jaquelinegutierrez8949]

“Walking around unhealed is like walking around with broken glasses. Can’t see straight no matter how hard you try!” Wow did I need to hear this!!

[@KingDre859]

I swear to god literally as I was reading this, he said it!😭😭

[@user-kd8mj7zy2c]

Same, I have a few things to work through.....

[@oluwafemiibamidelee-hf7ts]

Sincerely I was really touch

[@desmondwilson430]

That’s the fact we to let it heal

[@sharonbraselton4302]

thats roght

[@johnfink7755]

“If you haven’t healed, you are 90% more likely to pick the wrong person”. Damn. Right.

[@mombiedragon6379]

Right!?! So many profound things being said here!

[@fun1one]

Relationships are hard because as a young person most of us didn’t have support, someone to talk to, explain things etc. Good Luck to everyone.

[@gabbylewis2561]

this whole video taught me more in a hour than i’ve learned in 21 years

[@dinggmsy7587]

Me in 27 yrs

[@jozealpetersen8314]

"If your partner thinks you're never going to walk away from them no matter what they do. You've lost. We have to get to a place where we realize that as long as we show up the way we're supposed to show up for each other, we've got each other's back. But neither of us will tolerate an unhealthy relationship and someone that blatantly does not want to work on making this better" That part!

[@shadysidehairstudiomessine8556]

I think the Bees have it all figured out. Research it.

[@missyflutter5562]

50/50

[@missyflutter5562]

@@shadysidehairstudiomessine8556for real

[@user-eg1co6gq9v]

​ I am from Alabama in U.S.A, I am the only child of my family. I was raised by a Priest After the death of my granny and father. My dad told me before his death that my mother died on the process of given birth to me. After the death of my father, my uncle John took me in as his son but the wife Janet was not really good to me

[@user-eg1co6gq9v]

​ I am from Alabama in U.S.A, I am the only child of my family. I was raised by a Priest After the death of my granny and father. My dad told me before his death that my mother died on the process of given birth to me. After the death of my father, my uncle John took me in as his son but the wife Janet was not really good to me

[@YogawithAliBeale]

Showing up for my reality check. Being alone is better than being in an unhealthy relationship for the wrong reasons.

[@tanyamiller6083]

100%

[@Laurendaw]

I rather the opposite 😢 I’m scared of being alone

[@YogawithAliBeale]

@@Laurendaw 💗alone is hard to it's hard both ways.

[@asaltweapon1741]

I can attest to this. 20 years married. Horrible relationship. Still healing. Haven't even kissed a man in over a year. Been talking to this man and just being patient and seeing where it goes. So far, he's a great friend.

[@thomasebeny]

💯 percent right 🎉

[@songwriterlife7777]

Wow. Emotionally Intelligent men really do exist. This video is proof. helped me so much. ♥

[@tuulikki71]

❤ really ! this topics used to be women's area , I'm also so happy to find these emotionally intelligent men who are able to share their insights.

[@hzlkelly]

It’s sad when you love someone based on what they presented and then when you truly get into it they become someone you don’t know and you’re stuck because you can’t sustain it.

[@victoriabernice]

A great way to describe how I feel 😢

[@Kinsugi]

I was looking for a comment that said just that.

[@hzlkelly]

@@victoriabernice I hope you make it out okay. There is real love out here it’s just truly scarce.

[@hzlkelly]

@@Kinsugi 🙏🏾 you’re welcome.

[@sharinvile5074]

I give too much in my relationship and he’s not appreciating and the giving energy does not reciprocate

[@arlenecastro9149]

When I got divorced from my husband I thought it was the end for us.. we both moved on and started dating other people and did therapy on our own and became great friends because we had 3 kids together .. we fell in love again 4 years later.. it was a nice surprise and came out of no where

[@theYungSquids]

What a story. Congratulations

[@stephaniecass8487]

Going through a rough patch of my own, it's nice to hear about unexpected positive outcomes 😊 sometimes the pain of growing needs to be felt first before the growth can actually happen

[@kimberlycarmonacorpuz2072]

I'm in my lowest now, I don't even know what I have to do with my own relationship, it feels like I'm the only one holding on now. I wanted to give up but we have 2 adorable children and I don't want them to get hurt

[@samantha4868]

The friendship element

[@colinnembhard1036]

Really fallout a love and fall in back thats serious 😳

[@jariahguernsey]

My husband says he knew he loved me the first time he saw me smile. We definitely had fast love, hung out one time and didn't stop. It's still going strong ❤

[@rebeccakerr217]

😮 Lucky!

[@christinet6336]

If we could all be so fortunate 😂. ✨✨ Congratulations 🎊🍾🎉✨✨✨✨💖✨✨✨

[@michelle0307]

Congratulations ❤️ 🙏🏻

[@jariahguernsey]

@@christinet6336 I dated guys who were abusive and treated me like shit and cheated on me before I met him. So yes, I feel very fortunate!

[@Scorpio12348]

I hope to find love and compatibility again some day

[@PascalBachmann]

Stephan and Jay do a great job of breaking down the signs that a man truly loves you. I think it's important to remember that love is not just about how he makes you feel, but also about how he treats you. If he's respectful, supportive, and makes you feel loved and valued, then there's a good chance that he truly cares for you.

[@JuliexMarry]

Right

[@LittleWitch1990]

I think you can also be deeply in love with someone but their actions makes that love disappear I’ve found out that just love itself it’s not enough

[@andreabellini6796]

I’ve been in a long relationship with a man who never held my hand, never showed love, never took pictures with me and I stupidly believed he just wasn’t an affectionate person. We just broke up last week and he said he just never “felt that way” about me. I realize I was constantly giving love and got absolutely nothing back, I’m sure it was convenient because I did every single thing for him. I deserve better, not whatever that was.

[@tinayt2249]

Sorry to read that you will find happiness

[@babylon616]

I know the feeling.

[@josephvance8900]

Stay strong

[@vlogs6326]

He might be a narcisst a utiliser. Research on this within yourself why u attract such toxic people in life and correct the pattern within urself.

[@shadysidehairstudiomessine8556]

There are so many of these guys out there. I personally think they are lost souls.

[@MargoDoty-tg9vy]

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not angered, it keep no record of wrongs. LOVE does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always preserves. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

[@alaalfa8839]

Therefore first love people experience is with a dog or cat or any pet, someone who does not use analytical mind so much.

[@Oscar_239]

​@alaalfa8839 those analytical thinkers are the worst. They're emotionless. My ex told me crying was a sign of weakness

[@skyuchiha3338]

Amen 🙏 thank you for spreading the word.

[@callme_adam]

Amen!

[@Brenda-xo8xz]

GOD IS LOVE❤

[@lilyliang6]

Such wisdom ! Don't stop being the loving, good person you are just cause you were hurt by a wrong person.

[@mermaizingmentoring1111]

Love searches for ways to please that person...if you see their only bottle of perfume is almost empty, writing down the name of it so you’ll know what to get her on Valentines, Christmas, or her birthday. Finding out where she’s been & if she’s never traveled, then taking her on a trip to a romantic place you know she’ll love. Love is watching something with him you know he likes but you don’t particularly care for. Love is him reciprocating by watching something with you or even without that you’re passionate about or even casually mentioned to find out what it is that you’re so passionate about ....Love is giving her a 2 hour massage after she’s given you one or at least buying one for her! It’s a mutual reciprocal act showing that you care about that person ...giving them what they need & if that’s space then not be offended if that’s their personality ...it’s also giving them what they want because you love to make them happy! 🥰we must be healed to have the best relationship with anyone so loving ourself 1st will make us ready to be a better lover or partner 💕

[@violatshali7314]

Amazing ❤

[@moeadany2924]

You will find love when you find peace inside of you.

[@GirGirGirGir160]

very true

[@boldbeautiful2040]

You will find love when you find God. The bible says Jesus is the prince of peace

[@StarrySkies9888]

If that was true why do I know people who found love during stressful times? Its not fair to say that to people.

[@yardvarkslawncare7866]

So true. Finally after 33 years i found my person. Right after 6 long years of working hard on my soul

[@fullcircleessentials]

​@@yardvarkslawncare7866 I like that

[@paulmaddison8556]

If you love someone you do whats best for them and not whats best for you. Don't ever mistake infatuation for love, loyalty is how you build love, nothing else

[@ashwanijha7695]

Yes. If only about love. But in a love relationship, you need to think of fair partnership.

[@hellenmuhoi6335]

That's true Paul how are you?

[@raymondotoole2600]

Needs to be fair. That isn’t fair

[@lilyliang6]

This is one of the best dialogue I have seen regarding "relationship and how and why", let alone its between two men talking about very sensitive and intricate issues. Most refreshing.

[@ReaMia]

That was me.. “losing myself because I was scared I was going to lose the other person”. It started to make me stressed and anxious, questioning my own worth even. Lessened learned, if you’re not a good fit it’s ok. Don’t take it personal or your’ll face the consequences within yourself and your own value

[@brittneysilver2351]

For me, two indicators that a man loves me are peace and protection. Is he your light or your darkness? Does he cover you or abandon you? Those two things are unmistakable and speak volumes.

[@Mayfloweralways]

👏Really, that’s all a woman needs to know. Because I’m in a relationship like that now, and we don’t have the problems I had with my ex. My ex fed me a sob story. He was hurt and needed this and that to feel safe and wasn’t ready. The problem is, we become motherly. We want to take care of and heal. But the really ugly truth is that a man that needs a mother should go to his own. A man can’t step up for you, if you’re his mother. He can’t. He has to see you as someone that he needs his life together to attain. And because he has his life together, he has the ability to step into that roll as provider and protector. Not because you can’t provide for and protect yourself, but because a man can’t respect you, if he’s not serving you. He wants to know you won’t have a man who won”t step up for you, because you’re discerning.

[@nightmareTomek]

Statistics show that women are the ones abandoning men, women initiate divorces in 80% of cases (or was it 90%)? If you're gonna say now "the man must have been abusive", it's not the case. The men are usually perplexed and surprised. And when the women are interviewed, they usually can't provide a good reason why they left (and often stole the house and robbed their kids of a father). I've seen some individuals ask so many uncomfortable questions until the women admitted they had left a good man for no good reason whatsoever. So much for loyality. That's how screwed up this whole thing is: women expect men to give them something that they're not willing to give in return.

[@nightmareTomek]

I can't see your comment, YT makes it invisible. I could only read the first 2 sentences. I know that women love showing the exception to the rule. And love to pronounce their personal feelings as an argument. But statistics show that what women say and women do does not confirm. These are really easy to find, too, and have around the same values in all western countries. It makes sense biologically, too, it just paints women in a worse picture than they like to be painted in, thus they're always offended and there are outcries. But that's currently what's happening: women preach lots of sweet words (essentially lies) about loyality and trust and love and eternity, and in the end they are the ones to break up. How can a man even trust a woman then? The only conciliation there is for us is that the more naivly the women speaks about these things, the less the chance of a lasting relationship. So we can mentally prepare.

[@vanitagomes3794]

Can u elaborate please

[@dg5175]

I've yet to meet a man who can be my peace and protection. Most didn't make me feel at peace or protected at all. Instead left me broken and used while I lifted them up.

[@kmwilkerson04]

Best line: You’re not missing the person, you’re missing the feeling. Powerful statement and great revelation for many (including looking at my own past). Thank you 😊

[@nancykane8680]

For me I am missing the person, too. .a special man. Different

[@andrewcruz7595]

For me I'm missing the girl too regardless of the difference we have with each other

[@IrisAnne]

"Holding 2 opposing ideas" - And being okay and at peace with that is the heart of dialectical behavior therapy, DBT

[@meltemahmet3094]

Do you know how many relationships you saved just with this podcast... my lovely tears from my broken heart to healing soul..cheers to you

[@Fayth_lornah]

😊😊

[@jezabeltokio]

When he spoke about how women's intuition is strong, that is so true. All the men that have hurt me, I always end up saying sorry to myself for not listening to my intuition telling me they weren't good. I will now listen to my intuition after all these situations but he's right I've always tried to ratioinalize it.

[@feofaakifahina229]

I’m about to cry. I’m in the same boat..

[@britanisweet1290]

Agree! I'm finally listening to mine!

[@sarafox4375]

I'm the same. I know the rules to my heart but break my boundary and allow someone in. It is good that we are aware and it can only get better. But yes in hindsight it hurts because you knew.

[@taliw7736]

yes well said I also have to listen to that sign somethings wrong

[@hijab63]

Umm, right in the kisser! Luv this

[@zoeswift6253]

I think it shows a man really loves you if he feels safe enough to be vulnerable with you. I can't speak for other women, but that's how I feel.

[@AnnTsungMD]

I can agree! It's true that when someone is willing to be vulnerable with us, it can be a sign that they truly trust us and feel safe around us. When we're vulnerable with someone, we're opening up and showing them our true selves, which can be scary but also incredibly rewarding. It can help us build trust and understanding, and ultimately lead to more fulfilling relationships.

[@jacksonpollock3519]

I think You’re so right it is frightening.

[@mimikim777]

I think vulnerability is a strength and a skill (something that’s learned and practiced to be good at.) Some are still learning. But it doesn’t mean there isn’t love there. Or said differently, if a man isn’t vulnerable with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you. It may mean he is still learning himself.

[@NazareSnyder-kn1jn]

​@@AnnTsungMD 😊

[@neekh007]

Sometimes men also get angry that they were vulnerable and showed weakness. Sometimes it’s a catch 22

[@meganharrington9755]

Literally watching this a 2nd time, it was THAT GOOD. So relatable in many ways and my goodness did Stephon hit the nail on the head for me! His self awareness is astounding and amazing. I could listen to you both go on and on. Bravo for an awesome convo everyone needs to hear. Yall should teach a class together that’s implemented in high schools 😊

[@Datrosimmons]

Stephon always hits the nail on the head ! And might I say you hit my heart on the chest haha You’re stunning

[@Alphacentauri819]

@@Datrosimmonsmaybe listen to this talk 100 more times…and do the healing work, before trying weird hitting on people on the internet

[@nicksterp2805]

I honestly believe so many ppl are in terrible, unhappy relationships because they are so scared of change and being alone. It is not easy being alone and facing dark times. It is not easy healing. I've been single most of my life but I absolutely don't put up with crappy, emotionally unavailable ppl in my life anymore or narcissists that drain my energy and don't give me anything back

[@Iamkalynnpaige]

Biggest thing I have learned is to not fall for the potential. It’s more about the effort a person is willing to put in

[@ConradKurtMorgan]

Most people get caught up in a situation where they fall deeply in love with someone that gives them all they’ve been looking for in a relationship, they feel that comfort and security whereas the person does not actually love them. How can you get out of such situations?

[@desmondwilson430]

There is no Mr right until we make him right. A relationship is never about how much at the beginning but how much we could make it grow into. My old friend and pastor would tell me, if you aren't ready to feel or look stupid, then don't fall in love ,lol But sincerely that is the bitter truth.

[@musanoah9125]

Hi​@@ConradKurtMorgan

[@jessicahanson4264]

"Anything that is not sustainable is unhealthy. " -Stephan Speaks 🗣️

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@hadassahcornish2941]

Sustainable doesn’t work with someone who refuses to be real or in a real full time relationship.

[@hadassahcornish2941]

Also running her into the ground first while living your wonderful lives is probably not exactly a great way to garnish her love. Selfish isn’t attractive.

[@BrieRonoh]

If it feels like draining you then it's unhealthy. I learnt that,,I'm happy now.

[@hadassahcornish2941]

@@BrieRonoh yes, also if you don’t know whether you’re in a relationship or not because no one is able to make it clear its probably best to wait until you can get any kind of clarity instead of assuming you are for like 20 or so years without any tangible proof.

[@karinam4115]

Healing from childhood neglect , emotional neglect , abandonment issues. How we were cared from a caregiver can affect who we choose, caregiver was emotional unavailable as a child, we will tend to be attracted to the unavailable person cause it seems familiar and the healthier available seems boring although it’s the healthy option . Breaking the patterns , so we don’t repeat the same patterns. C-PTSD will give way to limerence so choosing g to one to heal it’s a process , knowing g yourself . Crappy Childhood Fairy on you tube gives insights on healing etc . You got this! You are enough!🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

[@morna-alisavaz682]

I just send it to my husband to be and it's wonderful how he watches and adjusting. Thank you for this episode, we are doing better now. He is seeing where he needs to adjust and learn about loving who loves him unconditionally❤❤❤❤

[@sealife22]

Wow. All the best to your marriage. Work hard on it. 🎉 It's totally worth it.

[@msskyn5340]

I married someone who should’ve been a one night stand by ignoring and silencing my intuition. I lost myself being afraid to lose him. After my divorce I found myself on the journey of trusting myself as soon as my intuition speaks. The very first time. About anything. This singleness journey has me loving myself like no one else can.

[@agnesyolanda966]

When I red your comment Miley’s song came to mind😂😂!!!you have to love you before you can love anyone else ! When you love you ,you know your worth and recognize when someone else recuperate what you feel and the level you feel it!!!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Congrats Sandra, good to hear you're in a good space now ❤

[@PYTfromNY2WA]

I felt that “ lost myself being afraid of losing him”

[@chelseycioli499]

“ it’s not the feminine energy that’s the problem it’s who you give it to” SIR YOU JUST OPENED A MAJOR HEALING DOOR FOR ME. I’ve been taken advantage of and I really adopted my masculine energy and dove into my life in nyc after that. I def saw my feminine energy as a weakness till recently and still work to keep it open

[@sjt7028]

👍

[@FreedomofSpeech865]

I understand this fully 💕

[@JahBlessd]

Good to hear you're working on allowing yourself to be genuine and feminine. The Bible let's us know that God not only made women different but He also highly regards the type of woman who has a gentle spirit.

[@nightmareTomek]

Correction: you allowed yourself to be taken advantage of. By falling for a top 20% man who's most likely out of your league and is never gonna settle down because he's getting all the female attention from the whole city. And at all the people here embracing you being the victim will just accomplish that you're gonna be susceptible to be taken advantage of a few more times, maybe until you get resentful and distrust men altogether. Or you just listen to advise for a change. Or you don't even have to listen to me. I've seen many men independently come to the same conclusion. One of them is Kevin Samuels, he's dead and has a YT channel and he talked about this, from exactly this perspective of a top 20% high value man that had always multiple women being in love with him and thus didn't want to settle for just one.

[@dg5175]

I realized this not too long ago.

[@Nlntendork]

I was the problem in the relationship; looking through this with unbiased eyes was the blessing I needed to understand how to go about a relationship. This is my first true love, and I've been going about it the wrong ways, seeing things very childishly from anxiety, trauma and lack of balance with my masculinity and femininity. I felt cornered by my thoughts and didn't know what to do and what I was thinking or truly understanding. I know most people on here will see this video as a sign to move on from who they have or had, but this was a beautiful wake up call so the person I love can have the man she deserves. This helped a relationship remain true. And I didn't expect this outcome to come from a thumbnail like "That's Not Real Love!" I was scared to open this but I'm glad I did. Now I can be better.

[@kindluna5486]

takes real strength to admit a misgake like that! all the best to you

[@wendyfromtheblock6743]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@r.a.s1210]

I couldn't agree more about being in the hermit phase. People look at me like a wounded animal going off in to the corner to lick my wounds when in truth Im basking in the time of my own conversations, my own thought processes and just enjoying being me without anyones opinion of it. Let them think what they want. Finding your true self on your own timeline should not be a discussion up for debate. If they don't Like it, so be it.

[@zylbygdfn6542]

In the same situation here

[@uberbabe585]

People here be thinking that if a man loves you he will do whatever to keep you. Nope. If a man is insecure, has trauma that makes him self sabotage, has ego issues, trust issues etc, he will not be able to treat you well no matter how he feels about you.

[@constanceblane1102]

I so agree with this statement

[@krose3881]

I have only felt the spark one time in my life. The man that I have been married to for 13 years. All other experiences always felt forced. When I met my husband, I saw the potential of having a family with him. Two weeks after I saw him, he asked me out. We were honest with each other in the beginning. We lost our way. I realised we were taking each other for granted. After 3 kids, we lost ourselves. A lot of negative things got let in. It was not healthy. I told him I was not happy. He told me he was not happy either. We decided therapy was needed. We started going, and it was the best thing we ever did. We are back on track. We're communicating and being honest with each other. Intimacy between us is the best it has ever been.

[@ruthrose1000]

I’m so happy for you:) I live stories of not giving up and thriving…prayers for peace, joy and joy!!

[@oliviadimock8202]

That’s so awesome!! So glad you two are in a good position ☺️❤

[@samiam5434]

That’s so great!! I’m happy for you! 😢

[@emmawelsh5336]

This was lovely to read. Well done to you both for being willing to do the work to save your relationship. ❤

[@portiajakoba9574]

That is beautiful ❤

[@novelcoronaheads]

When somebody loves you they will expect less of you not more...Love is rare these days believe that...

[@dainatiffany3245]

I cried so hard this is the best podcast I’ve ever encountered thank you Lord

[@ReloadTH]

Just recently parted with my GF of five years. We had three amazing years and our relationship fell apart the last two. No matter what we did we couldn’t fix it. After listening to this, I finally found the courage to talk to her rationally and we agreed to give each other space and time to heal. I was definitely responsible for a lot of our issues and I was never able to see my wrongs before. We’ve been apart for a month now. It was extremely difficult at first to accept this. I missed her dearly and at times I had to fight with every ounce of strength in my body and soul to not call her. I’m at week 5ish now and the pain has slowly waned down and I have better clarity about our relationship. While I do believe if we found each other again, we could make it work, I’m no longer trying to force us to work.

[@tracilaceicustomwigweavest3301]

Awwwww boobie, go get your lady back ❤

[@lucimancari]

I agree go fight for her not with words or promises but with actions. Show up for her and make her your priorty

[@GoldenAngel-]

Give it another try , and learn from each other more be honest and communicate openly and when hard times comes , you both have each other as support Start as friends again and see if something serious can grow again God Bless

[@AnnaK-gv3kn]

​@@lucimancariEvery day ask her "What can I do to make your life easier?" Then do it. Few days and she will come to you.

[@jahnavibhargava2572]

Why do people support getting back together over exploring new connections...

[@michellecrenshaw5699]

A disagreement is not necessarily a "fight" and does not have to be. My husband and I did not argue or fight,. We listened to each other when we disagreed on an issue. You argue when you feel you have to be right. But the goal in relationships is to try to UNDERSTAND not to be right. Peace!

[@kimdagnillo8246]

So well put, ty for this

[@lazykid9167]

Very nice said. Competing about who is right just for the ego to be right can start intoxicate things fast.

[@InSpiritandinTruth4444]

Exactly! Sounds like a healthy relationship/marriage 😊 🙏🏻 ᥫ᭡

[@Lisa-om4it]

I’ve heard that about not being right, but giving in and pretending to be wrong is no solution. Sometimes both people believe they’re right and there isn’t enough information to prove it one way or the other. In that case, you have to agree to disagree if there’s evidence for both. Trying to “not be right” doesn’t seem like an honest solution to me, though.

[@lazykid9167]

@@Lisa-om4it yes, I think that’s fine if you both are able to agree to disagree, even better. This is a different mindset . What I’m saying that the mindset of - proving one is right and proving the other wrong is simply getting toxic in a relationship fast. Because proving something leads to a debate , it’s like in a court. It’s about separation and showing that one wins and one loses. It’s less about accepting others feelings and less about understanding each other, it’s competetive and rather disregards others feelings. So this attitude does not strengthen bond and bring partners together in long term. Except if both of you are really enjoying debating. But then it has to be respectful and entertaining.

[@tessa7793]

Thank you for this video. I had 2 boyfriends before my 25th. A "Late bloomer" so to speak After a lot of spiritual, emotional growth and travelling around the world, I finally met my true love connection at 36. The moment we met we both 'just knew'. Immediately pregnant with twin boys we had 4 children in 3,5 years and still In love. If I had met him in my 20's I would not have recognised the love connection. It is all meant to be. I hope you all find the one for you❤

[@NonoNana-et9we]

Do you think it is hard to be in love in early 20? Because i think yes

[@user-fs5jx3lj2k]

Love is a beautiful thing to feel for someone, but being in love with loyalty is priceless 💯💋♥️

[@sandydao7261]

Its true. I left my child's father after 2 years. I didnt feel loved. I moved on and gave this guy a chance that had been chasing me since I was 18 years old. I've never been so happy in my life before.

[@DD-ol1pq]

I’m just going to have to be the one to say this… and I don’t want to. There are a LOT of broken people out there. You need to take the time to learn who you’re dealing with. If you see signs, WRITE THEM DOWN on a piece of paper. Otherwise, you’ll forget or just ignore them. Look at that everyday and ask yourself is this something you can live with everyday for the rest of your life. Secondly, if you’re dealing with something you don’t agree with - someone who won’t change for the better. Ask yourself, “if my BEST FRIEND was dealing with this very scenario, would I hurt for them. Not would you do anything because we know some people won’t listen to logic. But would you HURT for them. If so, he/she is not right for you. My two cents.

[@alexialira3839]

I like the whole writing things down approach (you can even write the good things.) Another thing I think can work is asking yourself if you would be ok with having children with him/her (even if you say you don't want kids) and them coming out exactly like him/her. Can you deal with his/her mini me 's for 18+ years? Same personality, same attitudes? Are you ok with him/her raising them/helping raising them instilling his/her values, morals, habits on them? Would they be a good role model? Would you trust them to care for the kids if you're gone? Really sit down and think this through and be honest with yourself while answering.

[@DD-ol1pq]

@@alexialira3839 Agreed. Many of us put ourselves aside for the love of someone who doesn’t even deserve us. They put more thought into buying a car or a house. 🤦🏽‍♀️ 😂 Trying to keep it light but finding the right one is important and it’s not just finding someone who likes you. Like this man said, connection, chemistry AND compatibility. And you’re right, be honest with yourself. And take your time. Because if he/she is the right one, they’re not going anywhere.

[@878rebeccaa]

That’s a good idea to write it down

[@linzeefayee]

AMEN love this!!!

[@sashasville]

Ofc I’m going to listen to this pod episode but can someone give me the run down or “too long didn’t read version”

[@margomarquez7527]

He goes out the way for You , he cares so much and worries that's true Love ❤

[@vonniemichelle3670]

I’m five weeks into a beautiful connection, and I finally came clean and asked if we could communicate more often. And he responded to that in such a thoughtful way. Now I understand why. I let my standards be known…. and he didn’t run away. I really thought he would. There’s hope for all. ❤

[@EnzoIsabella]

That's beautiful

[@Dil.Careem]

Dear friend, when a man truly loves you, his actions will speak louder than words. He will prioritize your happiness and well-being above his own, communicate openly and honestly with you, and make an effort to understand and support you. Trust your instincts and observe his behavior, as true love is consistently shown through actions rather than just words. Remember to also communicate your needs and feelings to ensure a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Best of luck on your love journey!

[@vetaquattlebaum9720]

Absolutely 💯 Amazing!!

[@pdavful]

Perfectly said! You are right on it🎉🎉🎉

[@roselavalley9337]

Love what you said & also want to highlight that a man who loves you will also prioritize himself. There is this hidden misconception that as a woman in a relationship you need to come before all else & within that I see a lack of foundation. A man will prioritize the relationship you two hold because it is of value to him. It is also important that he is prioritizing himself as well because he is a active participant of the relationship. A relationship is not a one way street or a linear experience ( we face obstacles in a relationship, growth & more often than not new experiences that give us more understanding of our partner) it’s important that both parties are prioritizes their growth, identifying their triggers, work on their independent confidence/ insecurities, discover how to regulate their own emotions & reflecting on their behavior, etc. These are big foundational pieces & aspects to a relationship. Because there are moments where happiness isn’t present, actions can be misinterpreted, & or communication is difficult ( these are very normal things & it’s important remember that you are two individuals navigating a relationship together). I’m not saying that you aren’t aware of this I just like to empathize the importance of this in conversations because a relationship is complex with so many different areas that really stem from our individual experiences, journeys & choices. So I think it’s less about him putting you above him & more about how he elevates himself in correlation to the respect, love & care he has for you & vice versa because ultimately that will produce a relationship that is grounded in the wellness of each other & nourishment progress!

[@saskiafinnan4216]

@@roselavalley9337 so well said 🙌🏻

[@Kpc577]

Men need love too it doesn't have to be men doing everything to make y’all happy.

[@ginabee1212]

"The same wall that's protecting you is the same wall that is blocking your blessings"...this is profound!!

[@jackiegab9394]

"Break up, blessing in disguise" " ..focus on your healing process....walking around unhealed, is like walking with broken glasses you can't see straight" "..we are so poor at dealing with current pain even if it means future joy.." This conversation is the best❤❤ Thank you both, Jay & Stephan! You are amazing 🤗🤗

[@cameroncooke7887]

I'm on the brink of making a horrible decision. You guys pulled me back a little. Thank you so much.

[@stevenwest1298]

It's quite educative, glad you found it helpful How are you doing?

[@cameroncooke7887]

It's been darker then I ever imagined it could. As of late I've had some encounters with folks.I never remember how the conversations,start BUT dude the conversations always,always end up being about loss and addiction . We both well,up with tears I buy my skittles and walk away.Dude am I not listening? THANKS

[@kindluna5486]

​@@cameroncooke7887wishing you all the best, man. You got this!

[@lorieckel3992]

I think we all really know in our hearts when someone loves you! You feel it, they make their intentions known, they pay attention to you, they follow thru with what they say they are going to do, you don’t have to second guess. If it’s not there don’t try to force the process.. That never works!

[@lyricgirl2012]

remember ladies a man can love more than one woman, make sure you ask him the big question "what your future looks like with him"? then you'll know to either let go and move on or continue talking to him. I met a man that loved me and also loved his wife. showed all the qualities of making time for me and telling me to go visit my son and gave me money to go visit him. one thing that stood out from the rest of the guys that I've never heard a man say to me he said to me, "dont think of no man not even him". I laughed in my head because i believe he just want me to himself.

[@azra5648]

​@@lyricgirl2012Any man or woman who falls for someone loving more than one person is naive and wants to stay clueless.

[@yvettemarypaulinezichem9250]

You can never ever love two people at tge same time, thats BS, one will suffer for sure.

[@ConradKurtMorgan]

Most people get caught up in a situation where they fall deeply in love with someone that gives them all they’ve been looking for in a relationship, they feel that comfort and security whereas the person does not actually love them. How can you get out of such situations?

[@Dominique_ShoeAddict]

The statement that resonated the most is "If your partner think that you wont walk away no matter what they do, You"ve already lost". In my case I had to end it and walk away. This episode really helped me during my healing process.❤❤❤

[@Patrickroy042]

Cool❤

[@Butterflylove4231]

I need to walk away after 40 plus years.

[@lazykid9167]

@@Butterflylove4231that’s tough. Me after almost 10.

[@RichardJack-bk8sk]

Of course my dear friend, which I'm also here for you

[@nancyhinrichs1734]

I walked away! Im so happy I did

[@NgaNguyen-vi1xk]

“We’re so scared of losing someone that we're okay with not asking important questions and discovering important truths that actually define whether this relationship is going to last. Ultimately, you’re not being yourself, you're losing yourself, scared that you're going to lose the other person so you're okay with not being yourself”

[@ladylilo6044]

I feel most loved when I feel protected, and having such great communication that even in silence you feel confortable and secure with each others energy. When you each bring 100% into the relationship, not 50, 50. Love is a choice, and serving one another, that's key. This formula always wins!

[@---nd9en]

Love this 🙌🏼💞💞💞🫶🏼

[@desmondwilson430]

There is no Mr right until we make him right. A relationship is never about how much at the beginning but how much we could make it grow into. My old friend and pastor would tell me, if you aren't ready to feel or look stupid, then don't fall in love ,lol But sincerely that is the bitter truth.

[@ladylilo6044]

@@desmondwilson430 Am sorry sir but I disagree with what you said....no one should have to "change" someone else to make things "right", that is too much responsibility and you could be doing this for years....people, men and women alike need to love God and themselves first before they can love anyone else...sure there is no Mr. Right, no one is perfect but I sure do not want to be with Mr. Wrong. People need to recognize their flaws and they themselves need to want to change...no one can make someone else change! Be blessed sir!💖Glad we can agree to disagree...

[@sharonbraselton4302]

thats roght

[@clarissamarquez3769]

My ex and I were together for 13 years, a month after he left me I met my current boyfriend, within 5 days of knowing each other I ended up in the hospital for a month, and he spent every single day with me taking care of me. I knew the first week he was my husband. I knew our souls had agreed to meet again. And that’s my future husband 💙💙💙

[@Patrickroy042]

Amazing ❤

[@Relationship_advice12]

Love can be expressed in many ways. One way I know is to send it across the distance to the person who is reading this.

[@DrMikeHerring-zu5cd]

That was really amazing

[@vlajster]

Lmao what a fast rebound,only women could do that. Hope that this won't be a future divorce 🤣🤣

[@MrMuchachos75]

Oh stop. A month later. Good gosh

[@hawa_im]

I need to share this because I really feel overwhelmed right now. When my ex husband wanted to divorce me (we are Muslims), he always said "What have you sacrificed for this marriage? You did nothing." Then, I kept questioning and doubting myself because I spent my money for bills, food, and other things and all of these are nothing. I 'blamed myself' because I did nothing for the marriage eventhough at the same, I met psychiatrist and marital counsellor to help with our marriage. Only after he divorced me, I realised that it was a toxic marriage and relationship. Even if we don't like or love the person, just say it and be responsible with our action and word. Don't ruin someone's life by telling lie and cause mental damage to them.

[@divinemerger]

I’m glad you got out. Even if he left you, it was a blessing. And I’m sure looking back, you see it’s a blessing that he’s gone from your life. Criticizing and telling you that you did nothing (when in fact you were doing so much to make it work) is classic gaslighting and narcissistic behavior.

[@adeebehjallaq4149]

Exactly my husband too, we are Muslim and he doesn’t help or answer me or give me or do anything for me and I do everything completely for myself and my children. And he makes himself useless because he knows I have to do what I must in order to survive and I can’t rely on him. Yet he hides his money from us and save’s fit his future with out me. And I am lead to believe that I am nothing and useless without him. But he gained all his confidence and ability and strength by draining me of mine.

[@SanaKhan-uc7pt]

Mine made me feel I am good at nothing and I can do nothing right and nobody likes me or wants me. I ended the marriage of 12years and brought my young boys along... The mental damage he did to me will require years to heal

[@jeanannedupratt7075]

Yes. Love is not sacrifice. He didn't love himself. How could he love you. Be well.

[@hawa_im]

@@adeebehjallaq4149 May Allah ease your affairs. Let's increase our prayers in Ramadan.

[@angeliamiranda7390]

Definitely an eye opener but also got handed a mirror. We both become an issue off trauma neither of us gave each other. And feeding off that trauma caused us to actually hand each other trauma 😢prayers to everyone 🙏😊 Things will get better. You will get better. God has a plan for everyone.

[@Zulimaayannaiam]

Becoming intuned with self is a priority above everything else. I can testify to this discussion

[@dylonjordan1016]

A man that truly love God with all his heart,mind and soul will truly know how to love a woman because God is love.

[@silktarot]

If "god is love" then why are his followers so hateful?

[@dylonjordan1016]

@@silktarot They are not God and not all people that are followers of are Christ are hateful.We are humans save by Grace and his mercy its a process.

[@D-A-N-]

A happy relationship isn’t about feelings but sharing the same principles, trust me feelings always come and go. It depends if you want to remain with them and have a family or move on. Beginning stages everyone loves hard because it feels good but the same values is what will keep two together. Not feelings.

[@ladyhawke7034]

Yes. Agreed. Short and simple. I am so glad that my husband and I were 'on the same page' as far as principles go. I married my penpal. We got to know each other by writing letters. We've been married almost 29 years now.

[@knownasxristako3321]

Amen to that! Feelings are the flavour, principles are the quality.

[@OreadNYC]

Love is a choice as well as a feeling, yes (the choice being to make your partner's needs and feelings as much of a priority as your own) -- but in all fairness, you need the feelings as well. The foundation of a relationship should ultimately be a close friendship rather than just infatuation or lust, but trying to have a relationship with someone purely for logical or practical reasons is probably going to be less than satisfying because most people aren't that logical or practical. Yes, trying to be in a relationship with someone whose values are significantly different from yours is usually the "kiss of death"...but while trying to have a relationship with someone primarily because this person "looks good on paper" is better, at least as often as not, it tends not to work terribly well in the long run.

[@mrjulio787]

@@OreadNYC I would disagree here that feelings have to be involved for a successful relationship. First this is first you must have some attraction to that person , but even that will get old and dusty what then ? Committed people figure out ways to see new things , in life and in their partner . Only commitment both ways works. I remember my weight loss journey that took me from 220 to 170 . I remember very clear that every single day my feelings where not in place as a matter of fact my biggest hurdle in loosing weight were my feelings . Thank God I got up did the works out and ate correctly without listening to my feelings , why ? Because if I did I would %100 be fat still. Feelings we give to much credit to , life goes beyond the way we feel.

[@oneofakindlifestyle]

Absolutely agree. Having the same core principles is very important when merging lives together. If you decide to have a family together, children etc. How will you raise these children? What values, lessons etc will you teach these children? 🥰😘

[@ameleeb1750]

Knowing yourself is the first step … I’ve met my ex in my twenties and I completely “molded” myself to him and his life , cause I was young and didn’t know what I wanted in life, who I was … I grew up since and evolved, and we broke up because it was not a good foundation neither an healthy one… Now I’m in my thirties and I’ve met MY man and because I know myself I’m less inclined to forget myself in the relationship and became more assertive to communicate my boundaries and needs … it’s just so much healthier!

[@lilyliang6]

A break up can be a blessing in disguise! I agree!👍

[@jessicahanson4264]

"So scared of losing someone so don't ask right questions to see if the relationship will work...not being yourself"- Jay Shetty

[@barbaraschultz1442]

You can have connection, chemistry, and compatibility with many people! You have to have respect for yourself and them. You have to maintain self agency. I agree, know who you are otherwise you become what your partner wants.

[@Realness4sho]

💜💜💜

[@heltristan]

Very very TRUE ... know yourself , love yourself first ... then maybe you are ready to be in a relationship. Be TRUE.

[@heltristan]

Alignment ... AMEN !

[@shellbell8062]

Stephan was defining "connection" in a different way than you are. You can have compatibility and chemistry with many, but that "soul connection" where your spirit recognises them as "your one" only happens once or twice in a lifetime. I can truly verify this. I thought I experienced true connection before, but now that I have really experienced it I can attest to the fact that this is a once in a lifetime event and is like nothing I have ever known before.

[@tammier8860]

Thank you! You will not have a connection with many ppl.

[@swfectricee]

Thank you so much. I honestly needed this right now. Blessings upon you, & everyone else who comments on this post 🙏🏾♥️

[@mirnaarias908]

Stephan is amazing. I have learned so much from listening to his advice and relationship knowledge. After leaving an 18 yrs relationship and now 2yrs later still solo and truly working in myself. I love what I have discovered about myself, what went wrong on both behalf and what I won’t do again. One thing for sure, “I’m not here to repair”. Loving the journey, loving me even more ❤ thanks Stephan, thanks Jay- both amazing!!! Love us amazing when it’s just right❤

[@csheets40]

He absolutely had me at "God is love." This is the way to truly show and receive someone's love.

[@queenieme37]

Same. This made clear to us.

[@ConradKurtMorgan]

Does spirituality matters in a relationship?

[@AndrewJamesBaldwin]

Hey how are you doing,?

[@mmaya772]

⁠Yes cause if you’re not evenly yoked it won’t work out in the long run.*@@ConradKurtMorgan

[@wmns4314]

Nah, atheists experience love too, it has literally nothing to do with “god”

[@vanessarossi-sondgeroth8490]

When someone truly loves you, they will put your needs above theirs, they will never give up on you in the darkest hours

[@eltonbrown444]

Love is internal , precious and unique!! I want to love again pls 😮

[@Izzyreal-gy9vw]

This entirely depends on the dynamics of the relationship. There is room in love for letting go. Note: letting go and giving up are two different things

[@michaellantz2965]

Wrong.

[@victormuisyo2648]

That's selfish love

[@colinnembhard1036]

Hard to believe that the only way some love u is if they put your need over there got be other ways because no one should love anyone more than ourselves because you can put a person over yourself and that person still not love u

[@user-lj5zk3un7o]

That’s why it’s so important to heal yourself first. The only way I know how to do that is to walk thru it. What ever IT is? Be compassionate, forgiving and loving for yourself first. Thanks for this conversation.

[@jo.mountainlove]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/e4KxhYqcet2sm6Msi=fQPscwxIDJgEZCBf

[@sharonhechinger2041]

I so appreciate all that was said!! Awesome to hear this conversation with men!! Spot on guys!

[@tennesseesdaughter315]

He said a word!! “Don’t change your ability to maintain your feminine/masculine energy just because you’re sharing it with the wrong person” ❤❤❤

[@NandedaDaniel]

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you. Let's commit the perfect crime, I'll steal your heart and you steal mine.😅😅 I'm sorry sorry for intercepting you this way but I think you need someone interesting in both inside and outside.🤔😊😊😊😊😊

[@jessejones3712]

You are so beautiful and i was instantly attracted to your smile .....

[@ConradKurtMorgan]

Most people get caught up in a situation where they fall deeply in love with someone that gives them all they’ve been looking for in a relationship, they feel that comfort and security whereas the person does not actually love them. How can you get out of such situations?

[@insanegamer112]

My boyfriend never knew how to show love. I thought he took me for granted. I always put in efforts to make him feel special, but he never did anything for me. The truth is, he doesn’t know what I expect from him. Neither did I; yes, even men have expectations. And, we never openly talked about it. To build understanding, we now play "Lovify" questions game. In this game, we have to guess what we expected from each other. I learn a lot about my boyfriend. we are tring to open up about topics we previously avoided ❤

[@alinavolkova748]

Sounds wonnderful, how is the game 'played', may i ask? I mean, how do you start and proceed with it

[@insanegamer112]

@@alinavolkova748 you can play it on your phone. Its actually an app.

[@ishita_cu]

Thanks for sharing your experience :)

[@CeliaCavalli]

This is so cute & such a great way to communicate in a fun way ♥️

[@dunianns2716]

Work on your feminine energy. Not everyone has love inside anyway. If a person doesn't give you love, it's because they don't know it, they don't have it, they don't know... get out of there before they hurt you more.

[@shannonjanine-roseharvey3669]

Thank you Stephen and Jay, this is truly a beautiful message and really helped me to put my relationship into perspective ❤️

[@kcollaloha]

This was the most helpful podcast on relationships I have ever watched - EVER!!! Thank you!!!

[@lazombie3052]

“The detox” I felt that! Leaving my partner of 12 years was debilitating. My mind and heart knew it was best to let go, but my body didn’t understand!

[@quinb4154]

Hello, how did you find the courage and strength to leave? Congrats on making that move.

[@esthyanaz3086]

Really hard especially when you have kids together

[@margiel2180]

I left cause I felt like throwing up all the time from nerves couldn't eat...

[@margiel2180]

Also I feel the detox

[@mygpeach]

I left my husband of 27 years. I too knew that it was what was necessary, but like you, my body didn't understand. I became so sick, hospitalized and all. There are children involved as well so the guilt definitely ate me up but I've heald from it, I'm just so glad that I trusted my decisions.

[@bavellino522]

When he said “You present yourself as something to someone that you can’t sustain” hit me right in the feels, as well as the gut. 😮😢😊🤷🏻‍♀️

[@annahappen7036]

Pretty much describes every man I ever dated.

[@kimking3909]

I’m not understanding…

[@Gomba13]

I stopped having anxiety when I stopped trying to present myself any other way than I truly am. If you are genuine and they love you, you know they love YOU and not the idea of you.

[@jillg9587]

Awesome I was enlightened thank you God bless both of you❤️❤️❤️

[@nicoleharvie3580]

Thank you so much for this! This is so important for everyone to hear!!! 🙏🏻