LIMERENCE: Briefly You See The DIVINE In Everything (And Then You Chase It To The Death)

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***
Obsessive love for someone you can't have is a powerful experience, intoxicating but also poisonous to a happy life, but all too common for people with CPTSD. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who has noted that his limerence allowed him to experience -- if only briefly -- his own greatness and potential.
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[@bodytrainer1crane730]

I like the idea that limerence is a form of spiritual hunger.

[@ayesha_kay]

How? could you elaborate

[@1BellaSoul]

I like it too. Because I have suffered and gained from my limerence. I’m glad to know that it wasn’t real love. But I like being able to use that attraction to correct my view of myself. I also believe that all things work in my favor. My Limerence saved me many times from severe depression and it forced me to move which created so many blessings for me. I pray daily so all things are revealed. I love feelings of love. Use these wisdoms to your knowledge

[@krystianurban5421]

​@@ayesha_kay I've heard on another video(on another channel) that limerence makes you chase people that have something that your inconscious thinks you're missing(like confidence, being able to make good decisions etc.), maybe that's what he meant

[@somcana]

I agree. When faith is low or feeling spiritually low the limerence feeling goes up.

[@flexaeterna]

I’ve been a limerent person since at least 5 year old. My first limerent object was my teacher and i formed a whole world about our relationship in my mind! Then my whole life I’ve had stages of limerence, innocently thinking that all crushes were like this. The wake up call was more recently when a limerent object rejected me and it took me 2 years to get over. This is a very real condition of a confused heart and mind

[@samia6888]

How did you get over it?

[@flexaeterna]

@@samia6888 being more aware of it and using a bit of will power

[@samia6888]

@@flexaeterna you are over it 100%?

[@glennasaurus81]

I'm 42 years old and the only relationships I've had have been in my head, it's killing me

[@lucybrowne62]

😢

[@305kaddillak]

Omgoodness..same! I'm just starting to realize how detrimental it is

[@erichminkle1167]

Dude.. you are not alone.. its awful

[@moonbeanification]

You have DEFINITELY found your calling Anna. You're a gift. Thank you forever ♥♥♥

[@theresabogart15]

I couldn’t agree more. I treasure your insights and demonstrations of what personal courage looks like.

[@sarahgwenable]

Great content👌, thank you so much! 🤍

[@Tass1919]

As I was listening to this, something struck me and I opened comments to comment on what struck me and this first comment is the same thing that struck me about Anna. Here’s my comment “ Anna, all of ur words are words of someone who has taken a lot of time and effort and reflection however it’s seems to come out of u in such an effortless wisdom. ❤ u lady!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wow, thank you

[@Chubby_auntie]

Yes! I literally said outloud “ANAAAA, I’m stuck, pull me out of it!” ❤ she’s my new obsession. I’m limerent for Anna 😂

[@yeehahuphupwahooyipyip]

I was having limerence, and I was trying to regulate myself. What you said about having a glimpse of a version of yourself you want to become helped a lot. It's easier to process the feeling as a desire to be someone. I can self-reflect by telling myself, "You have a wish to be someone. It's OK to have the wish and it's OK if you don't get to be that person, and it's OK to feel sad about it".

[@loveinthematrix]

well geesh

[@AdventuresAwait123]

Yip yip!

[@mariotcarreon]

If God wants that person for you, you won't mess it up. Thank you I needed to hear that. :)

[@KimmyLcc]

Sometimes a limerant object serves us a purpose to reach our higher potential … we often admire traits in others that we do possess and have forgotten but we need to believe it - this can be a long process of it’s self!

[@eszterpeterfai3462]

Exactly. They call this repressed aspect of ourselves "the golden shadow" - and we tend to fall in love with people who display these traits which we seem to lack.

[@flexflow4602]

Obsession and idealization - yes! Yet, the void and longing is hard to take. That this kind of love will never become true is depressing, terribly sad.

[@ms.rlsteele351]

I have tried to work through this for 47 years. It's more difficult for two reasons: one, because we knew each other and reciprocal families for two years before the romance began; and two, because of when and how he told me that he had made the difficult but necessary decision to chose me or the other lady he had been seeing in his home town (I lived 4 hours away.) We are still friends and keep up on our own families and his work. They married and I married. After almost 20 years, we divorced. After 45 years, they are still in love.

[@taghazoutmoon5031]

So glad to hear someone not advertising self love and saying all you need is to love yourself

[@amandaburger2506]

My partner and I were both quite limerent on eachvother when we met. The magical aspect didn't stay and it was really hard when the illusions shattered the relationship was definitely near ending more than once. We've had to do a lot of work, be open to a lot of growth, and willing to keep working through the hard things. It's been worth it to have someone willing to work through their trauma and hold space while I work through mine, but the limerence is not what made it work or made it last.

[@_6-6_]

Thank you. This helped me so much.

[@flexflow4602]

Wow, it’s amazing that you managed to overcome that as a couple.

[@mookingbird]

There is limerence in every relationship at all stages. There is nothing wrong with it and people should pursue their heart. It’s rare to meet someone whom you can have chemistry with. We just need to make sure that we are not pursuing it selfishly and unrequitedly for too long. But limerence is an element that can be found in real relationship.

[@loveinthematrix]

wow that's amazing you both worked through together. rare

[@houston4290]

Amazing comment …we shouldn’t be ashamed to go after what we want …spiritually we understand what we need …reality is we gotta pursue …if it doesn’t work …leave

[@mint_soup9743]

I'm experiencing this right now. I have to say I was afraid to click on this because I'm already feeling disillusioned enough as it is, I was afraid to pour acid on an open wound. What I found instead is someone who relates and can help me move through this with both gentleness and practicality. Thank you so much, Anna. 💗

[@jamie.church]

What a beautiful take, Anna. As someone who has struggled with spending way too much time in fantasy thinking and limerence, through a lot of self work I have come to a similar conclusion about the fact that when we are stuck in these patterns we are responding to a call of something big and beautiful, but we're just looking outside of ourselves to get it, which always ends up leaving us in want. Thank you for these videos and connecting us all together as humans!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Well said!

[@flexflow4602]

Agree. Yet sometimes this living in fantasy and limerence is a life saver.

[@foley1family]

This was so helpful and absolutely destroyed the shame I had about being limerant. It was truly the last shame I had, and things are changing for the better so fast.

[@smileyface702]

Woo hoo!! I love Anna's compassion for this reason.

[@marilynking527]

Something that really struck me was when you said the belief we can’t go on without one person is false. This is something I believed for so long and now I finally see that life goes on and I can be happy without the one person I thought I couldn’t live without. Thank you Anna!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! So glad you're here. -Calista@TeamFairy

[@asai1244]

I think this is probably one of the most important aspects of limerence, there's a quick glimpse of the heart of the divine, but is then misplaced into the external world. It can truly be a glimpse of the spirit of God. I think limerence can lead the lonely and brokenhearted to a closer relationship with the divine spirit that lives within, but the WAY to do this isn't very well understood and is very hard to convey. It seems that, in lieu of teachers who can teach this, suffering has to be the teacher. Thanks, Anna, I think this is one of your most important videos.

[@christinacatalano]

This comment is outstanding. ❤

[@Jothecake]

I understand this ,it's one of the best ways I have heard it be explained x

[@sarahalessa78]

Asai, this is absolutely exquisite.

[@Elsie144k]

Wow thank you for this comment. I have been so confused about the limerance I had for a particular person because on one level it opened up my lonely and broken heart to so much love I had inside me that I didn’t know what to do with. The walls and barbed wire around my heart were gone and replaced with wings. Ofcourse the pain that ensued when not reciprocated was palpable. But it sparked some positive changes in my life none the less. It was a kind of catalyst I suppose. I am now going within in meditation and have found much peace there.

[@asai1244]

@@Elsie144k, I'm glad you're finding peace now, that's ultimately what we all want, isn't it?

[@gilanaf1347]

Sooo good. This is why I don’t like the concept of “when you meet the one, you just know.” Because some of us knew. Oh boy, did we know! But it was limerence.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Ha! Exactly. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@jarkachalmovianska7812]

But what if we knew... for real. You go through the life passing 1000s of people and nobody touches you or your soul but 1. What is it then if not something special?

[@repton007]

​@jarkachalmovianska7812 yeah and what if the feeling is repicericated but the feelings were too intense so you ran away not wanting to ruin it?

[@eurikavandyk6589]

Totally agree

[@smallypuppy22]

Damn 😂

[@Choukobunbun]

When you say "maybe I could be more than I ever imagined I could be", that really hit me. I had a break up with my fiancé months ago, and ever since I have experienced the most intense limerance in my life. No matter how hard I try to stay present, my mind is constantly lost in fantasies of finally being that person I imagined I could be or more. I was never able to when we were together, and all I think about is us being together again and me finally being that person. I always loved him deeply and still do, but that makes me think that maybe the intense limerance is less about loving him and more about my failure to be what I hoped to be in the relationship.

[@l.landren544]

My deepest limerent experience, which also hurt the most when it ended, was healing in many ways. First I was surprised by the depth of hope and joy I felt, and how much beauty and meaning I was capable of recognising around me. This was when I was coming out of deep burnout and depression, and my old relationship was ending, so it had been a long while since I felt those feelings - so long that I thought they weren't for me! I was delighted to discover I was wrong. There was of course the delusion that this person wanted me too, if only the time were right, and I was so sure that they loved me, I convinced myself that people can love me deeply. We did become friends and had both good times and also terrible fights and soon ended things, and even though it really hurt, I managed to determine that the awful things he said were abuse, not truth. I'm now in a new relationship where I had a tiny bit of limerence type emotions when I was getting to know him, but turns out he did want me, and surprisingly when we got together, I stopped having my head in the clouds but definitely wanted to stay. For a time I was almost worried if my feelings are deep enough because they don't go high and low. Then I realised this might be my most healthy attempt at love ever.

[@flexflow4602]

So happy for you!

[@fireflythinking1290]

I've been thinking about this for months, this question of "Can I really find that magical hope I felt around the othet person, in myself without them?" I keep telling myself that the other person did not create this magic, I did, it was my own perception that made the world feel beautiful and intense. But I don't feel it for true in my heart, and I can't invoke that feeling in me... It feels lost in the past.

[@smallypuppy22]

Give yourself time. I am finding it again. The divine is everywhere you look if you pay close attention

[@AbbeBuck]

“Unrequited loves a bore, And I’ve got it pretty bad, But for someone you adore, It’s a pleasure to be sad.” These lyrics were written in 1936 by Lorenz Hart. Limerence is never reality.

[@RockyRoad17]

my current object of limerence is someone who mirrors my wounds and it seems to me that they too are having the same experience as I. It’s by far the most destructive situationship I have had, in a matter of 2-3 weeks it all went up into flames and the intensity almost consumed me. But through it all I discovered my own strength and capacity for love and I am more aware now of how deeply my soul craves love and connection. I believe everything happens for a reason and I am grateful I got to learn things about me that are guiding me into healthier relationships. thank you for your content, thanks to you I have been feeling supported and less alone in this experience

[@layeokoh8006]

This is exactly how mine is

[@RockyRoad17]

@@layeokoh8006 thank you for sharing, my therapist did not understand at all 🤣 but because you do, I feel a lot better about going through this intense experience. Hang in there ❤️

[@roro8471]

I could have written these words, Lou. The person I've been limerent for, I truly believe we did have a connection and, when times were good, it was like living life in technicolour...but, they turned out to be abusive, I called them out on it and everything collapsed. I'm a week in to going "cold turkey," no contact and it feels like hell, but Anna's videos and realising that other people, all over the world, also experience limerence - it helps to put it all in to perspective. Hang on in there, with getting through this, too 😊 🙏

[@mgn1621]

Mirroring your wounds is not a bad thing….relationships are our greatest opportunity for healing

[@BATgirl57]

The timing of this topic couldn’t have been any better! I just experienced limerence in a big way and while it lasted, I felt like a giddy teenager, on top of the world! THEN... reality set in and I started to descend into a dark place and this video is a godsend! One healing thing I did was to write a letter of all I was grateful for in this limerent fling and surprised myself with all the good I could be thankful for! I kept the writing in my journal to remind me, but I don’t feel any need to say these words to him- he doesn’t deserve me and now I’m relieved it didn’t work out! Learning, growing and getting better all the time!!❤️

[@whimsypeace6927]

Great video. I recently went through an experience that felt like limerence, although there was no doubt it was a mutual connection. I felt myself falling into old patterns and codependency, so I pulled way back and worked on myself. I've really worked to view things logically not emotionally. Now it feels like the connection is gone but there is a chance of friendship b/c it has so many boundaries. Its interesting how disappointing it feels, there is a hurt to understanding it was a trauma response, that the person isn't as great you thought they were, and the connection that great. You'd think it would be a relief to no longer feel the pains of limerence. Or maybe it's the realization that they likely don't care for you since the feelings inside yourself are gone or changed now. Its a strange feeling coming out of limerence. I should feel relief, but I feel sad. And I think I doubt love or any idea I've ever had of love.

[@Elsie144k]

@whimsy peace I felt that way about love too but coming out the other side of it now. I am more hopeful now of a sweet tender balanced love grounded in reality without the highs and lows with someone who sees me and gets me and wants to stay. I believe it’s possible

[@lynnmarieanderson1744]

I can definitely relate to how you’re feeling. Years ago I had a brief relationship that now I can understand it was limerence going on. And I feel a lot of guilt and shame for getting involved with this person. It seemed amazing when we first got together. Then not much later when reality hit me I felt really used and like I fell for a joke. This happened years ago and I feel in some ways like I’m still not over it. For a brief time I felt like I was living the life of a character in a romance novel. It was very intense. I never thought I could feel like that about someone. And now he’s gone and I’m left wondering if I’ll ever feel like that about anyone else. This guy really did a number on me.

[@mntccd]

I wish we could know how they felt - good, bad, or indifferent. The whole unvarnished truth. I think it would help us a lot.

[@richardferrara]

I have personally experienced friend zoning someone to be met with resistance. There are many suffering from limerence with restraining orders, and are patients in state hospitals. I presently suffer from severe anxiety and recently lost a family member. The dynamic of limerence would make my brain explode. NO THANK YOU

[@Ikaros23]

It’s important to see that the fantasy’s where created to protect us, when we where children. Because if the caretakers around us where neglecting/ubuseing us, we were litteraly helpless/powerless. This created the trauma and dissorders in the brain ( codependency, narcissism, cptsd and others). That is to protect the mind from the danger it is in. But when we are no longer a child we no longer need the fantasy

[@tamiz8895]

I wasted many, many years in this state. But part of me was always thinking that the fantasy was so much better than reality. That’s possibly why I never made any moves towards the objects of my affection. Being aware of this state of mind takes the power they hold away. I find myself snapping out of it because I understand it now, the actual logic behind it…that alone has helped me a lot -to have a “name” for it as well as an awareness of it.

[@Iudicatio]

I can sort of see this perspective. All of my real relationships have been damaging and no fun. When I have been feeling limerance I always imagined finally having a happy relationship with someone who values and appreciates me. And limerance was a way to Imagine that this is possible.

[@sudeshnam1672]

My addiction to tarot card reading is now understandable

[@healingwithtarot]

Recently I keep coming across vidoes where people talk about how things comes together later in life and all the "little things" here and there makes a greater picture. Like the puzzle coming together. I really need to hear that in my life right now, so thank you for sharing your story 🙏 I feel limerence too is "easier" when you haven't found your place in the world, because I think we search for it in another person in an unhealthy way. When we have that calm in who we are and what our role here in earth is, I think that we will be less prone to limerence. I hope so at least 😅

[@staceylugada163]

I love that you mentioned God (and hopefully the God of the Bible and Jesus Christ) but I've just been praying to get over this feeling and I found your videos. Thank you so much, it makes me feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one and I'm not crazy for thinking this. And thanks be to Jesus Christ for he breaks every chain that holds us captive. We can get over this, to anyone who is reading! 💝 Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth and the Life! Be blessed💓💓

[@staceylugada163]

I also want to ask, I find myself fantasizing over the future and plans I have for maybe a dinner I'm going to that evening like something small all the way to what my future apartment in a big city will look like in 3 months. Almost always these expectations are not met and Im unable to fully enjoy these dinners with my amazing friends or enjoy the moments because I wanted/expected so much more. How can I stop living in the future/fantasy and just focus on the here and now?

[@evonne315]

This is like the obsession with my ex, who was manipulative and very damaging. Its taken about 3 years I finally feel there is hope I can stop hoping we can one day get back together. Like it would magically be healthy and he could ever be trusted again. I may never the feel the same with anyone else, life may never feel the same, but I know now thats a good thing. My mind has never been so clear as it has recently, detoxed from him.

[@BobSmith-kd4oc]

Problem is when these people get disappointed by the people that they have turned into an idol they get narcissistic and then they want to destroy you.

[@creatingme7327]

This makes perfect sense. I had my first love feeling or crush the min. I saw him walking into the auditorium. It was my first day of 7th grade. It was love at first sight. My body felt this weird feeling and he was everything. After getting to know him throughout the year, He knew I liked him, I couldn't tell him because I was scared but I knew he didn't like me. I kept looking at him, smh I was gawking a little too much lol. We actually were somewhat friends. He was charismatic, nice, and cute, he talked like he knew everything or had great insight. I remember going home crying when I learned he didn't like me and I felt something was wrong with me and I remember even now I wanted that "love" that I had gotten from myself when I looked at him, I think more of the feeling as well as just talking to him. During that time I was also in my head even more and I was into anime so the visual in my head was shifting and changing as I was growing but I realized well right now, I was also not in a good head space, I was insecure and wanted to be loved cuz I wasn't getting it with family or myself. Right now at 27, I still think of him but the visual has modified into something else and I changed the name and think about this now person as a love that I love but I don't know how to stop it so that I can move forward. I'm in therapy but my therapist doesn't know about Limerence.

[@existentialcrisis8321]

I definitely feel existential limerence. It's the best way I can describe it. It's not quite 'wanting to be in a relationship with the limerent object' for me personally, I feel like it's something a bit different. I want to be in a relationship with space, with the earth, with the human experience, but I'm somehow disconnected from it. Perhaps it comes from the fact that my life feels so small, and a lack of fulfillment. For me, limerence and grief/heartbreak are very similar feelings. Perhaps it's something more spiritual, though I don't consider myself religious.

[@jbucheli]

I love how you manage to provide a perspective of things that makes one feel hopeful, while remaining honest about hardships and losses. Thank you so much for what you do.

[@lorraineclark-sako6749]

This is right on!!! I just realized I have this light and magical feeling within myself without this person. It took 3 years to realize it.

[@a.d.b535]

I'm still limerant after 2 years and just quietly comfy around him, but he doesn't show up the way I need.

[@RoseRUSH]

I've been isolated for years without being able to drive and barely walk. Seems this is all I think and hope and pray for that I recover from this. I was left for someone else and so many things I could not perform. I try very hard just to make it thru the day and when I do I tell the 14 yr old kitty ~ we made it thru another day ~ now for years.

[@turkanismail1848]

Thank Goooood you mentioned the twin flame trap.i fell in it and am recovering.Your god sent you've given me what ive needed to hear. If you look for it, you win from being limerant its part of self development, even im in pain im developing. Who knows the future of myself and this guy. Love what you say, such a relief to get on with me. If its going to happen it will no matter what. Thank you, your an amazing experienced woman who describes this experience perfectly. So healing. Im soooo inspired! xx

[@cupcake0480]

Love this and thank you Anna. I’m in detox (3 years in detox now) from an abusive relationship and processing a childhood of physical and mental / emotional abuse. Your videos, Alan Robarge videos, getting back to creativity I enjoy and the New Testament are helping me see things with clarity. So thank you for all the time and kindness you offer to everyone on this journey.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment! We're all rooting for you! Nika@TeamFairy

[@barbaraayarza5352]

Thank you so much for this channel Anna... I've shared it with my friend and family. I finally feel validated and understand what i need to change in my thinking process. I never knew HOW MUCH and HOW MANY my behaviors were related to my trauma. You have empowered me and I thank you!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You're most welcome

[@biondna7984]

This resonates painfully and clearly. And this LO is by far the most challenging one I've had. The challenge is that he is an actual person of value: teaches law enforcement skills, leads swat teams, all the classic hero qualities. I'm convinced that my limerence is my spirit, mind and body telling me that it's time for me to stretch out of my current comfort zone, and expand into areas I'm passionate about, enlarging my life, my circle of influence and my friends. So I'm working on that. It's slow going, compared with how fast and hard limerence slams into one's head. But I know it'll work. This isn't my first time around this bloody barn. And life will feel sweet and promising again.

[@CarolSteinfeld]

Ugh, this is so great. I'm dopamine-drugging on a sort of crush. When I have great social engagements and or do good work, it goes away. But then comes back.

[@mtrevelyan221]

Christmas time 2020 I got hit by this condition without knowing what it was. In my case I simply saw a really old photograph of my then first wife while we were courting. The photo was over 40 years old but the instant I saw it I knew something quite horrible had happened in my brain. I was racked with compulsions and intense desire to be with her but I did not know if I wanted to be with her as we are now, 40 years on or as we were back then. The next two years were hell and I mean hell on earth. I almost lost my marriage and I had to medicate with antidepressants and benzos. It was a very painful time during which I contemplated suicide on a number of occasions. The thing is that the mental heath establishment had little if no knowledge of Limerence. I tried all sorts or therapies with all these people telling me they can help me but I don't believe they did. The only thing that I believe helped me was time. Now, over 2 years later I am what I would say 90% my self again. I still have occasional chest discomfort and brain zaps but I am out of the woods now and hoping I don't suffer this hideous condition again.

[@StarOnTheWater]

For me, same situation, cutting him out of my life and moving on did not do the trick. There's a reason you get hung up on a specific person. I contemplated a lot on what it was, that he embodied for me, that I was not expressing in my life and the realisation really changed my life. Because now I am actually that version of myself, that I could be with him, but all the time. Your psyche knows what it needs sometimes and you need to trust the process but also do the work. I think working with a good psychoanalyst can really help also when it comes to things like this. It's usually not even about the other person.

[@lilafeldman8630]

My life has been nothing but facing painful truths and hard realities. Realizing that everything I've always hoped for my life won't come true.

[@naomiealexandre9026]

that’s not true, she has a video on wanting love and getting it

[@billybobjenkins2893]

2600 gentiles are suffering this fate. Do not give up.

[@Avenray19]

Listen to Possibility by Lykke Li. Good song, speaks to that feeling.

[@lilafeldman8630]

@@billybobjenkins2893 yeah, I realized that. After all that's gone on in Gaza this past year, so many people's lives have been taken from them, their hopes and dreams smashed. I'm learning not to complain. Thanks for your lovely comment.

[@jessieyancy1695]

Thank you for ‘granting’ me that. I needed to hear that. I have been told to “date myself” and it irks me every time. The way you explain things is so very helpful!!!

[@hellenatwongyeire6005]

Me and my ex broke up years ago and up to now I randomly start fantasizing about him like a crazy person. Lately I label it and remind myself it’s magical thinking 😅

[@dariash2068]

Thank you for this great vdeo. I am in the process of getting over the state of limerence and what can I say, it does feel like I was stealing my precious time to figure out what my gifts are by fixating on an idea of a person I had as a limerent object. It's way easier to obsess over someone you barely know than getting to know yourself more. It's a distraction, escape and trap.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yep, exactly! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@findelka1810]

1. keep your nervous system re-regulated 2. connect with people and nature 3. find purpose. If you do these, you’ll have a meaningful life regardless if your LO is part of it or not. Just redirect all those energies onto yourself and make the best of it. Just see the LO as a catalyst for change and self-betterment.

[@yearofthedragonjane]

This is SO helpful for me to be hearing. All of your content. I have always experienced limerance and I can’t do it anymore

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So happy to hear that! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@philu4621]

God bless you for this. Going through this as a broken male at 34. Youre beautiful woman inside and out with great wisdom.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment. We're here to support you! Nika@TeamFairy

[@cuteotter2165]

I remember going through this when I was 16. It was the first person I ever truly liked, my very first crush. I was going through some trouble at home and I think it made me focus on this crush even more. For a long time, I genuinely thought there was something wrong with me because this one boy didn't want me. It didnt matter how much attention i got from other boys or how pretty people told me i was, my self esteem hit rock bottom and I got involved with an awful person just to try and forget about the crush. It derailed my life for about 8 years. Now I look back and just wish I could talk to my younger self to say there was nothing wrong with me. It was limerance.

[@FaniRagoussi]

dear Anna, I find you gracefull anyway❤ my point is that hundreds of people may stricktly follow your practices (as of any other spiritual teacher etc) but maybe few of them will change and find peace. It is Grace after all that is an element that one might be granted to or not! am 69 years now, with two adult sons, divorced 30 years ago and with childhood rejection... my only peace is when my sons are close and include me in their life, which is not good either for them or for me! I could not manage to have close people around as from childhood I lived in my head. I am an artist, painter and piano student, my house is colourful and warm but I am lonely! This part of my life - relationships- never worked. I have followed so many spiritual procedures, psychological as well, philosophical a lot, but I ended up a loner ... I think maybe the universe planned it that way for me thank for all your brilliant videos that you generously share with us! 🙋‍♀️🌺🌺🌺

[@brenojacob9728]

You are helping me a lot, im Brazilian and suffering with Limerance, i discovered your videos by accident and put my perspective on the right place. I don't even know the girl and fall in "love" and now i discovered that is not love. Tks for that.

[@faithfulness69]

I don't know why this channel showed up in my feed just now, but I'm so glad I aligned with it. Had I only known this word 3 years ago, I would've been spared a whole lot of hurtin' and saved all that time from being wasted. Better later then forever stuck! Thank you Anna ❤

[@zbuhoopism5628]

Such a great episode. I love how Anna shares that she also knows how it feels. To know that’s she’s also experienced it gives me hope that I better days ahead

[@nicholettej1742]

You’re the only channel that talks about this topic! Please continue - it impacts & can tie us up in many ways & many years!’

[@comesahorseman]

One good thing about getting older is that those limerance episodes are getting shorter, and I move on more easily than when I was younger. I recognize them sooner.

[@DJElectraFry]

Real life is so awful and painful right now, so I would rather live in fantasy dreamland right now. Reality has broken me. I feel like I can no longer see the way forward to being the real me again, the me before all the heartbreak and pain.

[@GuyTheArtist]

The writer had my name, a similar experience, and every question I needed answered.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

[@JL-in3zo]

What about when you are a better person with them? You get up, you actually clean your house, you cook healthy meals, you exercise, you make and keep doctors/dentist appts, you actually get things done like you haven't done in so long. How do I get back to that person for myself? Not for anyone else but for myself

[@paniq_fnite]

Agreed. Sometimes, I feel like limerence love tends to give us the most motivation sometimes!!

[@GuyTheArtist]

I read the title of your video a week or two ago and I’ve been searching for it.

[@mariadeli6609]

I am wondering how the manifestation gurus will feel about this 🤔 Great video Anna.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

LOL...

[@RachelAnnie]

I came here for this comment. Manifesting gurus tell you that God wanted you to have this desire and if you don't have it, it's only because you don't have faith in it. Mind you, psychology and spiritualism generally do not mix since psychology focuses on trauma and healing (the past) and spiritualism (universal laws) focuses on "the now" -- how your thoughts and beliefs create your reality and that the outer world is only a reflection of your perception. There are success stories out there of people manifesting the partners they wanted despite circumstances showing otherwise but I still wonder.

[@mariadeli6609]

@@RachelAnnie I am a psychologist and we do focus on the here and now as a springboard for growth and grounding regardless of how the past looked like. Unfortunately, I have seen several patients that the manifestation trap perpetuated their CPTSD through victim blaming, magical thinking and self gaslighting. Being a CPTSD survivor myself, I can see how lack of agency and shame would make you vulnerable to this type of experiences. I am not bashing on manifestation, I think we do create with our beliefs but only when our brain is regulated from trauma so we are able to choose wisely. I hope it makes sense!

[@RachelAnnie]

@@mariadeli6609 it makes perfect sense and thank you for adding this. I definitely fell into this trap not realizing I had CPTSD and after the initial excitement of feeling that I’m in control of my life via my thoughts I realized after a year or two of actively “manifesting” I felt worse as I was told my blocks were keeping my DA from me. In fact my belief in DA’s in general was supposedly the actual problem, that I could conjure a better version if I got control of my thoughts and limiting beliefs. This is why I took a break from the gurus because I realized that my CPTSD continued to put him on a pedestal no matter what kind of inner work I did (EMDR, IFS parts work, etc). I finally decided to value myself and my own healing over manifesting him but it was actually more difficult to break the habit of that magical thinking than I thought. It felt better to focus on conjuring a better version of him than focus on myself.

[@tboned1]

Everything you do is really helping me get through a hard time in my life thank you

[@mntccd]

The most incredible thing she said to me was “You get me!” You get me. I will never forget that moment, or how it felt.

[@cherylduckworth8185]

He had me at hello. I don't know what it was but it was something; almost immediate.

[@grabbelton]

I'm so tired to do it all alone. I need someone to support me in my daily life. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@randylaney3330]

absolutely amazing talk! You cant make this stuff up. you have a gift and im so grateful to have access to your talks🙏

[@davidpruiksma8014]

Wow. That was really deep. You really bared your soul here!

[@bp51082]

For anyone that feels qualified to answer: would it still be limerence if you dated and were both openly extremely into each other, but they ultimately decided not to continue and you're having a hard time letting go? Not asking for a friend, and quite frankly I think we were maybe both a bit limerant (or infatuated) coming out of difficult times.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes, limerence can happen for an ex. It's generally someone you can't have, and key sign is that you search for hidden meaning in their communication that they feel more than they say overtly.

[@bp51082]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks! Hasn't been any communication because I'm being good and moving on, but I definitely did pore over texts trying to figure out what the hell happened initially. Spoiler: textbook fearful avoidant behavior on their part, which I now know how to spot. Upside: became aware of and am working on my minority AP tendencies stemming from my mom's alcoholic years as a kid (she was not abusive, just unreliable, and Dad works nights, and I had to parent her/turn off the stove etc way too frequently way too young).

[@annalyn_]

You are right, Anna! I am one of the lucky ones you mentioned during the video. I ended up in an amazing relationship with my lovely boyfriend after almost a year of unrequited love on my side. It definitely is a deeper connection between us and it has been like that from the very first day we met. However, I had to go through a lot of emotional pain & growth to understand & love the real person that's in front of me, rather than the fantasy character I made him out to be in my head. There is hope for everyone to find their ideal partner, soul-mate, twin-flame or whatever you belief system guides to you think. Just keep in mind that finding the right person won't be a shortcut to happiness. It won't be a "Forever Happy After" unless you really work for it together.

[@taga8006]

Yeah, when people tell me that I have to let go of my ex (which I did break up with him), they don't realize how special that connection was to me, it is a soul death, that part of me can't appear without him and it's painful

[@pandora9092]

I'm limerent on my live-in partner. We've lived together for more than 4 years. I moved countries to be with him. I left a good position (which I'm glad I did, I wanted to change careers, and managed that, I'm very happy professionally). I gave away or threw all my furniture and appliances. He made a lot of home improvements for me and hired me in his company initially. However, after a few months, he started pulling away. We discovered the attachment theory 1 year ago, and it seems like we've been in the anxious-avoidant trap. I've had to live for about 3 years now with a man telling me he couldn't feel anything for anything, and that includes me. As time goes by, he's become more and more withdrawn. He's also had some condition since several years before knowing me where he can't eat without passing out and getting skin issues. No doctor's found what the matter is. So he thinks it's due to stress, which it may be. The result is that he can't enjoy his life, he can't go to any activities he used to enjoy, and being with me has made it a lot worse. I now have seen my uniqueness, and even though there's a part of me that still wants to be with him, the reality is that we haven't really been together in almost 2 years now. He's been spending more and more time at his summer home. He comes and goes for weeks. Now has been the longest time, almost 2 months. I think that letting him go is actual love, rather than trying to hold on to this relationship that is making both of us miserable. However, I have trouble stopping the fantasies of being happy with him, even though I manage most of the time. I also can't control the nightmares. It's only very recently that I've been able to snap out of limerence with him, maybe 3 weeks, so it's still very fragile.

[@mgn1621]

What is the difference between codependency and limmerence?. This sounds like codependency.

[@brucehartnell1475]

So much truth in all of this. I fell for someone unavailable to me, and I worked really hard to go no contact with this person, but now she’s been elevated to a semi-supervisory position within our work group. She doesnt directly supervise me, and she has been seeking me out for advice and emotional support. That’s pretty frustrating…

[@Maria7Maria]

This sounds like me, almost exactly, a year ago too. I’m so limerant I’m here wondering if this was written by the guy in my situation 😂 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@redwoods7370]

One of the most painful experiences of my life. Took me years to recover from it. I learned the lesson though or I hope I have.

[@ndombologique]

I've been trying not to watch this video... it all makes so much sense.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I get it! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@octengma]

Currently going through this at the moment and I have to say it's one of the most painful emotional experiences I've ever had.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You're not alone. Thank you for watching. Nika@TeamFairy

[@autisticalchemist]

Wow. You're awesome. Thank you so much for being here, doing what you do.

[@AntonioSalazar-db1eb]

One of the best KZbin videos I've seen. You're a top quality person and professional!

[@25phyll]

"There's nothing sadder than when our lives fizzle out over a fantasy " this one hit hard "Be one of those people whose greatness travels with them through their various interactions with People and through the decades of their lives" 😊 This video is packed with wisdom and hope.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for your kind words! So glad the video was helpful. -Calista@TeamFairy

[@lilafeldman8630]

I totally get the creative muse thing. There's something about that limerance that touches a certain part of you, draws a certain part of you out.

[@blackmagic63109]

Yikes, this shines a light in a lot of my dark corners. I've got a lot of thinking to do. I guess I've been in limerence many times but never really understood what it was or why it was happening. Just realized, that I'm doing it again. The capper is, that I have not dated since 2017 (for multiple reasons including a battle with cancer that I won). So I beat death, I moved across the country and made my dream of becoming a coastal innkeeper come true, stayed single, and now I'm getting bored and looking for me in all the wrong places again. Ugh.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@faithmwinzi6324]

I was here some time last year.....the fact that I was so into the tarot and twin flames made me realize that I was on the wrong path and ended up blocking the person for it was against my beliefs. Doing that saved me literally and I am still finding my way. Thankyou for this

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm happy for you. Real life, here, now, is where love is!

[@TranscendingTrauma]

You are definitely doing what you are meant to Anna ❤ thank you for it!

[@Gaius0]

It should not go unnoticed that James has been through the harrowing experience that limerence is, and the feeling of loss that comes with it. And that he has come out on the other side thinking of how he can learn from it to become the better person that he wanted to be for that other someone, even when that other someone is not there anymore. That speaks volumes of his character.

[@jessicastoke777]

You are a God send for us empaths with trauma trying to navigate through this life. 🌠

[@1979jon]

I got limerence with a narcissist, still recovering.

[@robbyharrington851]

I’ve also found that believing in God makes limerence even harder. Always looking for “signs” and that “God answered my prayers” by sending this person to me. Not yucking someone else’s yum but for me who grew up in a very religious upbringing, believing in God made my limerence more intense.

[@Mira-Anastasia]

Thank you for this message, I think that when this happens you feel like an object that jumps into the precious sea of life (created by others). But we are subjects and we can create our own lives, not magical but very good)

[@MrWhaatay]

I don't know about this version of myself she speaks of. I was always attracted to my LO. There was a huge spark there before it turned into limerence, but my first thought when that happened was despair and depression. To me she is so beautiful I feel she can have any guy she wants so she would never settle for me with my flaws. That's what so depressing about it.

[@AthenaIsabella]

I thank God for you ❤ I also recently found a job where my talents are uplifting others and children. I feel so blessed and so happy for you too. You’re an inspiration! I also think I’ve found a romantic interest that isn’t just in my head so that’s cool too haha 😅

[@CentralPALocos]

I had a limerence that began literally a few days after I turned 17. It hit me so hard I lost my appetite for a few days. Like you said at first it was thrilling and I felt happy for a few months. The LO lived far away and so every time I messaged them I felt elated, but as time worn on and I stopped hearing from them I fell into a deep depression. I only began to start pulling myself out once I found the word limerence and understood what I was feeling (reading about it was frightening as it nearly perfectly described my symptoms). I realized these thoughts were holding me back so I began to actively fight them, although it didn’t go away immediately (the residual thoughts lasted for over another year after my epiphany with decreasing potency). I’m happy to say over 5 years since it began I’ve been clean for over 3 years

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I’m glad you shared that. Thank you. Nika@TeamFairy

[@nonyabidness1838]

I had a dream and the person came in my room and stuck his hand through my chest and in my heart. I remember the exact day 2.5 months ago. I also remember before that day sometimes little things he did would slightly annoy me just a little. But once I had the dream he could do or say no wrong. He could say almost anything and I was on cloud 9k about it! Every day that I woke up to a msg from him I'd dance ballet all over my room. If I was thinking about him....WHICH I ALWAYS WAS Id be smiling through anything even my kids fighting and yelling!!! The worst part was the TREMBLING AND HEART PALPITATIONS!!!!

[@rachelross5829]

Thank you so much. I just came out of this. First time ever ( well maybe in my 20s) , I'm the one men obsess over. This man I already loved ( not intimate) became my obsession for 3 months cause the man I did get involved with devestated me with a lie. Now I'm free from all this mental garbage and detoxing as you say.

[@mollyrose7655]

Really relate- just coming to an edge of reality post limerance, and the person is holding me in a “when we are healed” fantasy- I realize I actually have to drop that rope, or my life will continue to be framed by the what if and ignore that I am literally being held at bay in my own heart choices by staying attached- MY action to create by trusting in my and higher power…so hard to let go of it.

[@stephenfox9760]

What an eye opener this video is. I’ve realised I’ve had limerence on someone for a decade! Long story short … I’m gay and he’s straight so nothing will ever happen but whilst he causes me so much pain, he also brings out the best in me creatively! Such a dilemma .. but I guess I have to figure out how to be the best me without him in my head! It’s not going to be easy but you’ve motivated me to try❤️

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad the video helps! Thank you for watching and for your comment! Nika@TeamFairy

[@KandyKoatedKrafts]

I consider you a great hero Anna! 🦸‍♀️

[@jessicagomez2936]

Thank you for acknowledging the beauty and loss that triggers some limerence.