'My Character Has Cancer So He's Allowed To Be An *ssh*le' || D&D Stories

Y'know this is kind of like in Saw when John Kramer gets cancer and uses it as an excuse to be extra naughty
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[@gideonjones8088]

"My character has cancer and he's mean so people don't miss him when he's dead" "Oh, ok" "But he's been drinking his cancer cure from his magical flask for the entire campaign" "So, he's not going to die? And he's still being an asshole?"

[@NWolfsson]

"Ok, here's an important background element I've not told the GM, and a development that would be a side-quest and not _Oh, btw, I got magic cure cancer juice in my very magic flask!_ just so everybody is posted. K thanks!" GM and OP: ... What... was that about? Also, how is that legal? (it isn't.)

[@chrisrudolf9839]

He probably meant a remedy that didn't entirely cure the cancer, but slowed or halted the progress if he constantly drank it. The concept is still rather stupid, though, because an initially kind and compassionate person would be appalled by that kind of behavior and it doesn't make much sense to torment your comrades by pretending to be an asshole just to "protect" them from being sad about your expected death. It would make more sense if he had some kind of horrible fate waiting for him which would require his comrades to abandon him or turn against him to save themselves (like the character being cursed to slowly transform into a dangerous monster that he wouldn't be able to control indefinitely or a powerful enemy hunting him who would eventually blackmail the group to hand him over). Also, this kind of background story needs to be known to the DM from the start, so that he can work with it - especially if it involves posessing a custom magical item.

[@Kimmie6772]

Yeah, sounds like he made it up last minute because he realized he was falling out of favor with the rest of the group.

[@alsocrumpet1991]

THANK YOU. I was thinking about how stupid this was and was so frustrated the OP didn't point out how bullshit the cancer cure flask is. "I'm an asshole because I'm dying except I'm not dying though."

[@Venefica82]

He found he liked being an asshole so much he kept it up. :D

[@RPGTales]

Basically: I have cancer so I can be cancer. If you can't beat it, join it.

[@fishcakes755]

I've had cancer and I agree

[@YCCCm7]

Holy shit this comment hit my giggle switch like a truck

[@Screamingmanta]

"You were supposed to beat the cancer! Not join it!"

[@FreedomAndPeaceOnly]

Sometimes people get cancer cause they deserve it.

[@Somerandomdude-ev2uh]

But he did beat it

[@firockfinion3326]

I'm really upset with that Bard guy because saying something like, "hey we don't need another ranged combat character" should've been brought up _before_ the goblin ranger joined. Trying insistently to kill them instead as a way to force them to change is just top tier passive aggressive dipshittery.

[@_UPRC]

It's not even passive aggressive, it's just aggressive.

[@Pilsnor]

Its just a dick move, and who cares about having one “ekstra” ranger or party member of any kind, its not like you need 1 tank 1 healer and 3 dps guys and then there are no more “slots” in the party. This was clearly personal..... even if the guy says it was other things, he just did not want that person in the party, end of story. At least i understood it as the OP was the only player not in the party or they had planned to campaign together or at least meet up, he murdered that players caracter like it was an npc that did not mean anything and did not take a long time to make. Im rambling a bit but this thing made me a bit mad

[@jlaw131985]

Yeah, if I was a member of the group, I would have probably KO’ed the bard and tried to stabilize the ranger, because no.

[@gokuxsephiroth4505]

Yeah, I think this was personal. Maybe Bard was jealous of OP and Matt's friendship or something but there's no way that's the real reason

[@tytoalba605]

Gotta say yes good communication should be a thing in dnd so dm should have suggested options. Also in general PvP doesn't make any sense in game a party is supposed to be at least friendly co-workers at best a group of superhero friends so randomly killing the new guy would not fly and put that murdering character as a traitor to the party even evil party members know not to harm/kill Thier party members so PvP should never happen even in games where it's allowed.

[@ghostinabox1734]

Oh my god, Critcrab has a name? I feel like a kid learning that my mother's name wasn't "Mom."

[@SolstaceWinters]

He's just crab-ben out, eh? Eeeeeh?

[@slate613]

We have been deceived! 🤣

[@axelwulf6220]

I wonder if it's the same Ben from Puffin Forest

[@daviddaugherty2816]

​@axelwulf6220 Of course not, that would be silly. They're actually part of the secretive Society of Bens, working towards a new world order and starting with the world of TTRPG's. Woe betide those of us with lesser garbage names, like "Dave".

[@sagesaria]

"The party is full, we don't need another ranged attacker" ...then why did the DM give him the okay to join in?

[@thatoneperson417]

my thing was just unless ure running a dungeon crawl only combat ever style of campaign, it doesn’t matter if u hit all the boxes of melee damage, tank, healer, ranged attacker, etc bc it’s all for fun not some raiding group

[@ShinningCrys]

@@thatoneperson417 agreed, D&D is a *roleplaying* game for the most part after all. Cant exactly tell a man "you cant play in this roleplaying campaign with a roleplay character because we have X damage slot/role filled already" that's just bad logic

[@thatoneperson417]

@@ShinningCrys yea it’s just purposely trying to block someone from what they want to do as part of their time to relax and escape reality aka it’s a really gross thing to do

[@ShinningCrys]

@@thatoneperson417 mhm. Tis all games, let a person play the game they want to play; unless they're being an a-hole then just no

[@thatoneperson417]

@@ShinningCrys yea do what is fun unless it’s at the direct cost to others (such as murder hobo’s when others want a fun story driven campaign)

[@isjor5]

Your character doesn’t have cancer Your character is cancer

[@ggnkrsfkoqxbk5078]

Yes

[@catoticneutral]

ba dum piss

[@brycealthoff8092]

Beat me to it!

[@crazygirls9000]

i mean yeah he's a crab

[@isjor5]

@@crazygirls9000 he has lost the privilege of being a crab

[@johnp.2267]

The DM definitely should have shut Ben down, but it seems like that Ben guy was hell-bent on being a jackass. He was acting like he had control over how many players were in the game, and what class they played. Not someone who should be allowed at a table.

[@NWolfsson]

Honestly, if my latest character was in the group, considering the many open doors for him to stop, I would have tried (With GM consent) to convince the group to bring Ben to the guards. That guy is just too dangerous to keep around.

[@melonman6522]

I'd have personally stuck with the group, and made another ranger. Just kept doing that until he got the message

[@Squall598]

I had such a similar story to this it was uncanny. The character was also a ranger that they met along the road. Ahh but one of the party member attacked with the clear intention of killing my character, I suspect because I was roleplaying a character with tourette's syndrome. My character escaped though, at the DM's request I handed over my character sheet to the DM, who gleefully informed them that they made a very dangerous enemy. I ended up joining again three weeks later. I was among three new characters and this time there was no shenanigans. Apparently the DM ran my character as intended and nearly tpk'ed the party after she ambushed them.

[@TheBoshman95]

The other players should have put a stop to his murder. I find it crazy that they didn't do anything to stop him killing a clearly defenseless person trying to help them.

[@normalostrich6250]

@@TheBoshman95 what’s even worse is that tashas is concentration so they didn’t even punch him to try to stop him

[@felixduplessis109]

"We don't need another ranged combat character." The appropriate response from the DM: "You are absolutely correct, get you shit and get out."

[@TheHeroOfTomorrow]

"...so let me get this straight. You can do whatever you like because your character has cancer, and you don't want people to miss him when he dies." "Uh-huh." "But...he won't have cancer if you keep drinking the cure to your cancer." "Yeah..." "...THEN WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?!" "..."

[@hugofontes5708]

"aha, but you see, I _do_ have cancer! I drink just enough of the magic flask that I never actually heal from it and will die if I stop" Next long rest OP: "I'll take the first watch turn. I wait until they are asleep. I carefully awake and move the rest of the party. *I cast quickened fireballs* "

[@ZorotheGallade]

Had a similar player at one of my tables, they would always insist on wanting some special drawback so their character could be more special and snowflakey, except God forbid that drawback ever impact their gameplay in any significant way.

[@jlaw131985]

Also, that’s not how having cancer works…it’s like they thought Walter White was only bad in that he wasn’t worse by being a racist/sexist…

[@livtempleton]

Don’t tease us with crit crab body pillows unless it’s going to be official merch!

[@mlarowe]

Or just regular pillow cases...

[@darkgn0ll587]

REGULAR PILLOW CASE YES

[@SpartanSouls256]

We should make a petition for it

[@ODST626]

I want

[@marduke45]

id buy a crit crab body pillow

[@aidanthornton173]

*"CritCrab body pillows!?"* Don't do that, don't give us hope...

[@water2981]

is it bad that I want one

[@marduke45]

no. i want one too

[@agent56100]

Unless

[@trippyonshrooms2789]

@@water2981 Nope we all want one

[@nomisunrider6472]

So he gave his character cancer so no one would be allowed to be mean to him and then added a loophole so he'd never actually suffer from his condition so he could get the "benefit" of sympathy without any of the negative effects of actual cancer. Yeah, sure.

[@WolfgangDoW]

Even if true, that he's an asshole so his village doesn't miss him, why does he act that way when miles away? Why doesn't the potion just straight up cure his cancer too, so he can go back to his old nice self?

[@jakerockznoodles]

@@WolfgangDoW Exactly, its just an excuse for the player to behave like an arsehole. A character that puts on a mean facade for NPCs while being his true kind self with his companions could be interesting, but this guy is less interested in playing an interesting character than trying to invent justifications for antisocial behaviour in-game

[@TheMamaluigi300]

Honestly, it would’ve just made more sense if he faked the cancer

[@universalperson]

Only the lowest kind of person thinks that having cancer is some kind of blanket get out of jail free card. There are people who actually believe in things like this. Borderline conman mindset.

[@TheLoraxshadenough]

The DM can be forgiven for not acting when Ben first attacked OP (he was new and still learning) but he should have pumped the brakes when Ben tried to do it again, and asked him to explain why he is taking that course of action. Honestly the party should have stepped in when he started combat with OP who was being creepy but not hostile and when Ben began attacking OP after just making a deal with him.

[@jasonjason9270]

He should have also shut it down when the player literally stated he didn't want OP in the group. That's just willful ignorance at that point.

[@jlaw131985]

The response to “the party is full” should have been “it isn’t anymore: oh no, the bard had a mysterious brain aneurysm and died. How sad…moving on…”

[@mask938]

@@jlaw131985 I'll do that if I ever get into D&D and face this kind of situation. Another way you could kill off the Bard is by saying he suddenly died from a fatal heart attack. You could also render the Bard helpless by saying his vocal chords ruptured from prolonged vocal attacks and he couldn't use his voice anymore.

[@Konpekikaminari]

Sounds like "Ben" didn't want to let a new face into his D&D circle, and didn't have the guts to outright say it, so he went with the "push them away" route

[@sarafontanini7051]

I bet he was evenutally pushed away himself with that shitty attitude

[@ramirezthesilvite]

I once played an artificer gnome with the idea that he would be something of an asshole. I described it more as "old crank", and he didn't care much for people, but that was far from his only personality trait. He was an archaeologist, chasing a childhood dream, and though he acted like the party was a necessary evil to him, he actually did like them. Or as he'd put it "I dislike you less than everyone else." He also squealed like a schoolgirl when presented with the chance to tinker with a new machine. I really want to make that character again and flesh him out more.

[@kengojoe2444]

Honestly I like the character idea you have

[@ramirezthesilvite]

@@kengojoe2444 thanks :)

[@magicblaze1553]

So he was sort of like a tsundare character

[@cydude5856]

When Ben killed the goblin, I would have sicked an angry forest spirit on him for the rest of his life. If you relentlessly attack another player, you will be relentlessly attacked.

[@swindle9695]

Just get a letter stuck to your door with a knife one morning "We know."

[@I_Am_Kas]

I'd allow the dead player to make as many characters needed (from the family of the dead) to hunt them down until the succed. Then again, PvP has never happened at my table for some "odd" reason. Edit: Them being the singular person who murdered their character.

[@thefracturedbutwhole5475]

@@I_Am_Kas In my group PvP happens from time to time but it is never deadly (we never aim to kill), and if one PC was actually trying to kill another the whole party would turn on them or at but it's never really got to that point, honestly, you could make a number of characters that could easily kill a Bard.

[@velazquezarmouries]

Or do the spirits of the forest thing like in thus spoke kishibe Rohan

[@Jermbot15]

The problem wasn't that one character killed another character. The problem was that one player took it upon himself to gate keep for the entire party and PVP was simply the method. If you punish the method your best case scenario is that the gatekeeper uses a different method in the future. Worst case scenario, well, a lot of bad DMing happens when the DM is trying to punish players rather than create a compelling story. I think the solution was to stop play at that moment, cut through the bullshit, and ask the jerk why he felt he alone got to decide when a new player joined. This properly frames the conflict not as DM attacking player in game, but the group discussing player behavior.

[@karawithgun8148]

"I have cancer so I can do whatever I want." -Walter White

[@a.houston946]

"Yes, isn't it liberating?" - John Kramer

[@user-qd8pb2xq7j]

I guess that cancer guy was just trying to create a plot twist character for the very sake of plot twist. But noone cared.

[@kaylawoodbury2308]

A plot twist that has no connection to the actual plot is a major fail. On top of that his twist had holes. If your character is acting like an whole because he's sick and he wants people to hate him so they don't mourn, but then you cure him and still have him be an whole... What's the point on any of that? It adds nothing. If he didn't have the cure and instead tried to work with the dm in adding a side quest where they go looking for a cure, that could have opened up great rping. Character growth, opening up, drama, team/trust building, self discovery, etc. But no, the dude made an whole because he wanted to be an whole and slapped together a poor excuse to justify it so people couldn't get mad at him.

[@lostbutfreesoul]

@@kaylawoodbury2308 , Agreed, at no reasonable point did they talk it out with the Storyteller or other Players. Without that heads up no one even knew what to look for, let alone how to incorporate it properly into the wide ranging arch. People need to stop being afraid of the other players they are grouping up with, tell them what they may have intended for X or Y, and listen to any advice those same other's may have. It is almost like there is a large cooperative element to all the better Role Playing Games out there....

[@RyansFine]

@@kaylawoodbury2308 Yep, I dmed a table that was pretty much that in a nutshell. I left that group 'cause I got tired of enabling stupid behavior

[@EliosMoonElios]

Wrong, he is the classic troll who make a hideous character to troll the party, but he was a little more clever and make a backstory to support his hideous character toxic personality. The proof was that private chat, total unnecessary out of clean his trolling in the eyes of the DM and the principal complainer: "I'm not trolling, my character is not bad, he is SOOOOOO GOOOOOD than he try to save a WHOLE TOWN of a great suffering becoming a piece of crap".

[@EliosMoonElios]

Usually a plot twist is for the game(DM must be notified) about it not for a private talk, so no that background is just a excuse to defend his trolling.

[@Nyrufa]

1:13 - "elected queen?" In the words of Monty Python's Holy Grail: "You don't vote for kings!"

[@DHTheAlaskan]

Might be like the HRE where the emperor is chosen by a council of electors.

[@thorfirewalker5685]

Tell that to the Naboo

[@evillaughinthebackground5732]

@@DHTheAlaskan SUMMON THE ELECTOR COUNTS KARL FRANZ DEMANDS IT!!!

[@gavind351]

Except in Poland lithuanian

[@OrangeyChocolate]

Bloody peasants!

[@YouW00t]

I mean, I like my anime girls in compromising positions as much as the next guy but c'mon dude! There's a time and place for everything!

[@NWolfsson]

I'm he kind of player to note most things, mostly when my character is involved but also important stuff when they're not, just so the concerned player has a backup for very important things. Having someone distracting me with non-related stuff would make me MAD.

[@thebookless3381]

Stan? Is that you??? Stanley!!!

[@colewegner7576]

@@thebookless3381 nah that's stanford

[@wolftango6084]

@@colewegner7576 I was gonna say..

[@actualteddybear891]

Agree. We can be depraved and still have class.

[@Diresilence]

You can have a racist character, especially in settings where there is a credence for it. Maybe you're playing a Knight who hates orcs, but begrudgingly has to accept the orc barbarian. Eventually becoming comrades, and friends with them. The orc proving to the knight they had more honor that most of the nobles he knew, while the orc learning that time could heal wounds. it's called a character arc, and allows a character to grow. Being a standoffish asshole who steals from the party, and then "My cancer has cancer so he can be an asshole" doesn't accomplish this. It just pushes people away, and doesn't show off any positive qualities.

[@talonvoidgeist2386]

I'm sorry... your name is BEN? Not CRITCRAB? IMMERSION RUINED! UNSUBSCRIBE!

[@ivanivan744]

Ben is his 'human' name

[@MajorMasonGaming]

@@ivanivan744 ew hooman

[@Whoeverheis11]

Critcrab is his species. He is Ben the Critcrab

[@fairystail1]

Puffin Forest's name is Ben coincidence?

[@ivanivan744]

@@fairystail1 SHHHH, Or else they'll- *faint clicking in the distance* They found us

[@ShitpostingJoJo]

I feel like a well played "asshat" character would be like *_Ace Ventura_* •

[@Pipkiablo]

Either that or he has enough good traits to balance it out. Like he's an asshat who mostly cares only about himself, but he has a soft spot for one of the more vulnerable party members and is nice to them and doesn't let anyone bully them, or he shows signs of actually caring about his party members despite the fact that he pretends he doesn't, or he'll always do the right thing when it's necessary because he's an asshat, not evil.

[@gavind351]

Like a glove!

[@thatoneperson417]

@@Pipkiablo YES ppl need to realize u can be a selfish asshat without being some evil asshat, like “oh ima take all the gold and leave you all to die to the BBEG” isn’t fun for anyone involved. Asshole =/= evil, i like to imagine the Deadpool character or ironman where they r both cocky assholes but they do the right thing and r capable of working for a team

[@ShitpostingJoJo]

@@thatoneperson417 I actually had a strong dislike for iron-man in his first movie, but GODDAMIT, they did *_the best fucking job_* at developing his character into someone I genuinely ended up admiring xD

[@thatoneperson417]

@@ShitpostingJoJo same omg i hated him so much until the later movies where he picked up into a more leader role and actually felt like he had a purpose to me

[@butcanyoudothis3320]

Imagine waking up and choosing to be an asshole. There's a difference between " My character is an asshole, and I've already been okayed by the DM and party " and " I'm an asshole, have fun dealing with me turning the game into an uncomfortable slog "

[@neptunnae]

Honestly an “asshat because he thinks he’s dying and doesn’t want anyone to miss him” is not an awful idea and I actually quite like it, but it was clear from the story that the guy just pulled that out of his ass in order to excuse his actions.

[@neptunnae]

@Naukumaija Mau-mau yea that first part would be the better way to play the character, the second CAN work but it’s probably hard without fucking it over and making the character insufferable.

[@neptunnae]

@Naukumaija Mau-mau I’m talking about the asshole part, not the non-crime part

[@phabiorules]

@Naukumaija Mau-mau eh, not entirely. Being an asshole would make people more likely to just not associate with you than saying you did a crime. People aren't concerned for their safety if someone's being a jerk, but they can be if they are around a criminal. Not to mention you would still have to talk to people to get around to mentioning your taboo whenever you go to a new area. "Hi, how are you today?" "I'm a thief."

[@meris8486]

This sounds like a character created by someone just starting out who hasn't figured out how to make good ones yet. The idea of a character who becomes an asshole after realizing they're going to die of a terminal disease is cool and putting a ticking clock on your character is ripe for drama (I've done it a couple times) But only he knew this, and he never told the dm or other players. So immediately the character is torpedoed because the rest of the party will only see that your guy is an asshole to them. Even if they learn your character has cancer they probably won't care cause you've been an asshole. Also the 'he used to be loved by everyone' is some bull.

[@meris8486]

@Anna333 I'm not in the habit of assuming that someone shares the beliefs or behaviour of their character. So simply because he played a racist and homophobic one does not mean that the player was too, but the post doesn't make it clear if he was. Over the years I've roleplayed some dark characters, I once played a chef on a ship who was a psychopathic French/Italian stereotype named La Baguette who would present his magnificent moustache as a sign on his innocence. After all who else but a good person could grow such magnificent facial hair. He once harvested corpses and then served them to the evil admiralty. Hilarious at the time but I've no desire to do his shenanigans in real life. You have a point the guy did seem off and could have made the character simply as a way to roleplay things they fantasise about doing without facing consequences. Some people do that. This is why when I personally wanna play a lawful evil paladin who hates elves, dwarves and other religions, who is anxious to purge them all in holy fire, I first talk to the group to figure out how that would even work in the game. I would also check with the group first before engaging in some zealous act that may hit a little too close to home.

[@fred_derf]

Reminds me of the Thomas Covenant character who suffered from Leprosy, but continued to use it as an excuse even after he'd been cured.

[@Zulk_RS]

The only thing I thought while Ben attacked OP because, "We have enough players and we don't need another ranged character" was "Excuse me but who died and made you DM?"

[@tjcarlson9749]

You sell Session Zero’s so hard that sometimes I expect to hear “This episode has been sponsored by Session Zero”

[@Yes-hd5ku]

Weird that in character none of the party members in the second story tried to stop Ben as he was killing the ranger

[@joshuaschleich6277]

I thought that in the beginning he said "The DM was so good we brought snacks", as in the party only brought snacks because of just how good the DM was, lol.

[@Xeros_VII]

"several of us were drowned and other were about to drown" crit? I think you made an error there

[@dravenbladesong1]

That’s still Evil. And every action has consequences. End of story

[@SpartanSouls256]

What if he was always evil and then he got cancer because of it so he became more evil? Bam plot twist

[@hugofontes5708]

@@SpartanSouls256 this would have been much better He was a dick to fae creatures and they cursed him - "go be a merry adventurer or die"

[@mikeym9146]

I'm laughing at the 'we're in highschool so we have barely anytime to play.'

[@vain7680]

I was in a space campaign where we could play any character, even races from monsters. So, I played a Xorn And he licked a rock, that rock was something very valuable and cost a lot, so I had a really good taste... That rock was used for ship fuel, now my character has cancer

[@gavind351]

I mean, ship fuel IS valuable

[@Konpekikaminari]

And this is precisely why you don't lick space rocks

[@vain7680]

@@Konpekikaminari IT WAS DELICIOUS!

[@lvlHive]

The story of why Tiberius isn't in critical role anymore seems different than what I recall.

[@garrysucks4190]

If I were in that game, I would totally have my character say: "I know you have cancer, but what I didn't know is that it would be this contagious."

[@ForeverLaxx]

Usually, when I'm in a group that has a party member who insists on attacking another player even after there's been agreement to stop doing so, I'll just attack the guy breaking the agreement. I may or may not also finish the guy off at that point, but he'll at least be knocked out and hopefully get the clue.

[@metalk1tt3n]

One of my favorite campaigns I ever dm'd was a full evil drow campaign, torture genocides betrayal all the nasty works, the redeeming factor though was that each of the party members were loyal to each other and genuinely trying to create a stable empire. The "face" of the party wanted to become immortal so he could make sure their ideals would never be corrupted. They wanted a caste system but they knew happy citizens bring in better results, so their whole goal was "be the best empire" in order to never lose power.

[@garrylove8955]

Filthy Frank you be proud: "pls, boss, I havea the cancer"

[@jacoborourke454]

Filthy Frank. Now that's a name I haven't heard in a long time.

[@sleepwalking3345]

'Its a stage 5' 'Yes mario we are in stage 5'

[@KarlPHorse]

There is always "that guy" growing up that tries to exclude you and hates you while literally no one else has a problem. I've experienced it as a kid and observed it working at a school. It's just a rotten trait that some people never grow out of. Ironically by adulthood people get tired of a friend constantly derailing plans and starting conflict for no reason and they end up the one being left out instead.

[@n0etic_f0x]

Also never scrap ideas, we are in the information age. Keep anything you have fonnes for on a drive of some form, this now cost basically nothing and takes little if any time. As a GM I let my players bypass basically anything as I have it saved and it will just be placed someplace else in the world.

[@180msdavid]

The bard triggers a trap as he went to cast his last vicious mockery losing his legs and a owl bear trap

[@benjaminehren7965]

Wait there is an OFFICIAL bodypillow?

[@vjm3]

Isn't there an evil class called "Cancer Mage" which pretty much uses pestilence and disease to destroy their opponents? Later on you get a little cancer minion and an infliction touch. Lots of potential.

[@omnical6135]

is that an actual thing?

[@vjm3]

@@omnical6135 I swear I read it in 3rd edition or something. If not then I get dibs. Having a -10 charisma sucks, but being able to potentially regrow severed limbs with your ridiculous cancer powers seems too damn cool.

[@NxtGenDragon]

@@omnical6135 It's in 3.5e Book of Vile Deeds. It is indeed real

[@omnical6135]

@@vjm3 I googled it and apparently, it's "one of the most notoriously overpowered classes in the game" so that's cool I guess

[@8BitMisdreavus]

Fun fact! Cancer is, to quote google, "a disease in which abnormal cells divide uncontrollably and destroy body tissue." As it is a disease, in 5th Edition, it can be cured with Lesser Restoration, a 2nd level spell, something that can be cast by any Bard, Cleric, or Druid of remote skill, and a moderately talented artificer, paladin, or ranger. Cancer should, theoretically, be about as noteworthy as the common cold in DnD. That guy, in effect, decided that his character was a racist, sexist, asshole because had the flu.

[@nathanross5527]

A funny part about the second story is the OP's character was initially spying on the group looking for signs of treasure, and had traps all over the place. If it was an NPC, he absolutely would have been an obvious enemy. But he was a PC, so... clearly, don't attack.

[@radioraptor9110]

Yes cancer is a great excuse I remember a certain man having cancer and he loved puzzles they were a little bit dangerous killing a few peopl

[@karlwilker579]

I think I Saw those movies.

[@unlimitedpower1385]

@@karlwilker579 sigh

[@cyberneticsquid-godofmassd3759]

@@karlwilker579 niceee

[@karlwilker579]

@@cyberneticsquid-godofmassd3759 This guy gets it.

[@clericofchaos1]

You can make an asshole character without ruining everyone else's good time. It's hard but if you're willing to put in a little extra effort you can make a character that's an annoying asshole in the eyes of all the *characters* but is an absolute joy for all the other *players*. If you can do that everyone can have a great time.

[@EldritchMcPie]

Exactly. I'm thinking Fabian Seacaster from Dimension 20, who started out as a bigoted, priviliged bully and not only managed to be a rounded, interesting character but was also hillarious and fun to both the rest of the party and the viewers from Day 1. Of course, he's played by a professional actor, but still.

[@metanightmare4454]

TBF to John Kramer, cancer wasn't just an excuse for him, it was actually a transformative experience for him. Even if he somehow got better, he'd still think exactly how he did with cancer. Plus his victims' lives, surprisingly, were generally improved.

[@azuredragoon2054]

Well, it was not simply getting the cancer.... [Incoming Spoilers for the SAW movie series that's years old...] . . . . . . . . Cancer was just one of the big triggers on his transformation. Another had to do with losing his unborn son to a drug addict. The REAL point where he gained his enlightenment was surviving his attempt at sudoku BECAUSE of the cancer. He had ultimately given up and tried to end things on his terms. When he survived though, even with serious injuries, he realized how a life/death scenario can suddenly awaken someone's survival instincts to finally do what they need to do. In at least one of the movies, he says "You change your way of thinking if you know exactly when you're going to die." And it's true. Many of those who survived his games had gained a new appreciation for their lives. Not just that, those games had often helped them follow through on decisions they previously couldn't find the strength for. That's actually a rather big point in Saw 7, as a small time celebrity holds group therapy meetings on the basis that a traumatic experience can come with something positive. So that's why he used the "fight for survival" method. He wanted to use the natural survival instinct in all humans to help each of them find personal enlightenment and do better. Although it wasn't quite true for all of his games, it was a major underlying concept.

[@nightspawnson-of-luna4936]

@@azuredragoon2054 I can never remember if he found out about the cancer before or after his unborn son died?

[@azuredragoon2054]

@@nightspawnson-of-luna4936 I honestly have no idea. I think the cancer came second because his ex-wife had only asked him about the drug addict after he made a trap for him.

[@godofpunder1875]

If they wanted to fight my new PC Ranger, I'd probably even out the battle with some buffed forest animals like bears and wolves who he may have befriended, doing 2 things: tipping the fight in his favor, and proving he is a useful resource within the forest since even the forest life respect him.

[@TheOvervoid]

Listening to these stories has given me so much nostalgia for when I use to play D&D in secondary school. Why there was that time I was setting traps in a hallway and ended up blowing up the hallway, trapping my character and losing him a leg. And other time where in my groups sci-fi campaign, our ship was being stolen, so I used my sniper to shot the enemy, but I forgot I had explosive ammo on and hit the fuel line and blow up the ship with an afk player onboard - he was fine, but he really badly injured. Me exploding stuff was a pretty common in my campaign. I also burned a lot stuff down too.

[@rizztaku]

"Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions suffer every year"

[@marquisealexander1371]

What’s up with OP scraping his character because he died in game? You can just save that character for another game. I see this a lot with both Players and DMs. Everytime their characters dies or their world/campaign is ruined; they throw it away like it’s been tainted and they can no longer recycle and reuse them. It’s ridiculous.

[@Mokiefraggle]

I know some DMs who effectively keep a "Living World" campaign setting, so anything that happens is a permanent change to that setting. My Vampire: the Masquerade Storyteller is like that, for instance. She uses the same setting every time, and if something major happens to change the setting, then that is a permanent feature that carries over into the next game using that setting. Even if it's something terrible and destructive, like our Sabbat game where we managed to unleash a biological weapon that turned the human population of the neighboring city that was under the control of the Camarilla into Kindred-eating zombies. (We were some *very* malicious, sadistic Sabbat.) Similarly, some players feel that when a character dies, and isn't going to be resurrected, then that particular character is gone. They might reuse the race/class combo, but that character specifically is gone, so that there won't be any lingering displeasure at how the PC died, or resentment at what happened previously to that PC. I presume it's a way of dealing with these feelings that makes the most sense to them, as it allows a clean break from that PC.

[@FiresplitterSpeedrun]

I know right? If I made a good character i am happy with I would not throw it away if the character dies in the first session...

[@CloudsAndDays]

I get why a lot of people scrap characters, don’t fully get why they don’t reuse the concept elsewhere and make new characters based off of it. I don’t always scrap a character when they die or a world ends, but typically when I do, it’s cause I planned out that character to exist in that world and the elements and history of that world heavily effect the character’s backstory and starting personality. So removing them from the context of that world makes them feel sort of out of place. So I’ll scrap the character, keep elements of their original concept, and rework it into a new character that feels more fitting. If an rp is very similar, than sure, they should fit in just fine and any reworking is really minor. It’s also just that sort of getting expectations together in your head and planning things out and then realizing that can’t happen anymore. The kind of disappointment that puts you out of the mood for playing that character. In that case, I might have them sit out for a little while, but use them later on once that disappointment fades.

[@Mariewolf_94]

wouldnt you get annoyed if some jackass kicked your character for no reason? after that fiasco, he probably at that time didnt plan to do anymore DnD. he likely got so frustrated and scrapped his character. i agree it's silly to scrap a character and potentially quit DnD over one terrible session, but oh well

[@vixey6339]

I'm not a DnD player, though I am thinking of getting into it. But I have my own character I've had for 9 years, and she's been used in so many different games for roleplay, from Elder Scrolls to World of Warcraft. I enjoy her, and in each world I simply do small tweaks to make her fit in that world when I roleplay her

[@dragonkeeper397]

Never been interested in playing D&D to be honest. But my wifes cousin wanted to hang out with us more and brought up playing Pathfinder for us to try. Since I didn't know much about it I started looking on KZbin for some explanations of stuff and came across your channel and while most of your stories are about what not to do I found them helpful and gave an idea as well as finding the stories entertaining, (cause who doesn't love a good train wreck?). Anyway we've been playing for about 2 weeks now and really been enjoying it, finally opted in to get my "own" set of dice and been having fun. Wanted ot say thanks for a little intro into the game and keep it up.

[@sinnamonrollie]

I have a lot of respect for highschooler dms, bc i was one myself and dealing with shitty behaviour at the table isn't easy especially at a young age. So, for anyone out there in that position right now; keep in mind that this game is meant to be fun for everyone playing. If someone is disruptive in a way that really fucks with your game, tell them to stop being shitty or they'll get the boot and dont be afraid to follow through on that. Even if they are a great friend of yours, if they truly value your friendship they will understand and get with the program.

[@omous7770]

Thanks man. I’ve had a tough time dming so far and I appreciate your advice.

[@Zenas521]

If your character is going to be a jerk, you better not bee a jerk to the other players.

[@nonymouswisp8176]

I bet a crab would know a lot about cancer

[@gwelch399]

Crit crab your thumbnail game is still on point! Always great to see it.

[@Splashzone263]

Having a character with a dying disease can be a fun character, like a selfless warrior who realizes he couldn’t save himself so he became this selfless warrior wearing a magic item that’ll prevent the spread of his disease

[@biggerkahunas2398]

I take all these stories with a grain of salt. They all just sound like shock stories. still entertaining.

[@Dead_Goat]

Yea most sound like they were written by an angry person who was removed for being unfun to play with and have their own twisted side to the story with extreme embellishments.

[@Tawarth13191]

Ngl, this is some of the most enjoyable content on youtube

[@steggosnorlax]

I must give praise to the crab IMMEDIATELY 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

[@DrNeonGaming]

Time for the crab thread 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

[@alphaapx1013]

Crab gang 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

[@omnical6135]

🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀Crustacean Squad🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

[@queen_kat1925]

I love your videos I've just started playing dnd (played 4 sessions in 2 one shot minis) these stories make me very grateful for my dm... he doesn't allow any pvp shenanigans even harmless stuff... it makes it more fun imo that while learning how to play I don't also have to worry about my team attacking me

[@commanderharataidaku3303]

I was just binge watching your vids when you uploaded this! :D

[@CrowePerch]

So... When am I getting my pillow CritCrab senpai?

[@Suika_Ibuki_The_Drunk_Oni]

Hey, simple lesson to DM's. you are Allowed to simply say "No."

[@Croutonking65]

It would have been funny if OP in story 2 asked Matt if they could make a new character after the first one died and introduce themselves as Goblin Ranger #2 and just use the same character sheet

[@errorus1the1first]

"angry man runs into my home, throws my dice into the oven and sets fire to my house" critcrab: this could have been avoided if they did a session 0

[@mlarowe]

I'm currently playing an angry asshole. I do my best to treat my friends with respect even during gameplay. My character is a stuck up, bigoted, self-important elf with a demonic parasite driving him to rage (wild magic barbarian). He takes fights seriously, doesn't screw with the other party members outside (of getting their names wrong), and I have a constant dialogue with the DM and my party so that we are all on the same page. He's a lot of fun and it is great watching him grow and change while grappling with his prejudice and fits of rage. Last session, I even went so far as to have him give the high-quality armor he's been meaning to turn into boots to the party rogue - to the shock of the rogue. Assholes can be great characters. Assholes dont make for great players, though.

[@benry007]

With that last story I think I'd go 'oh look its that local pack of wolves you befriended coming to your rescue. Oh no they are killing the bard'. Once the bard was dead I'd say looks like there is no space at the table for you..'.

[@CyberSaurian]

Ahh, finally the king has returned

[@aerynh6116]

And here I am having played a character who had a terminal illness in the form of her Sorcerous Origin. She was a multiclassed fighter-sorcerer and knew she was dying from the corruption caused by the influence of the Shadowfell in her body. She had some self-destructive tendencies because she viewed her life as worthless but actively avoided taking her pain out on others. When after she was cured of her fate through essentially divine intervention, she was uncertain of how to move forward and had to deal with her self destructive tendencies but she still worked to keep from taking her pain out on others and even started working to cut away toxic relationships she’s left form because of her tendencies. All that to say, you can play a character who was dealt a shitty hand in life and not be an absolute asshat.

[@khrystiandusombre7742]

I need the critcrab body pillow yesterday

[@thatawesomeguy2654]

This should be intresting...

[@indumatipngtuber2790]

I diagnose this That Guy with Cancer. Unfortunately, it's a losing battle.

[@99sonder]

I can see where the cancer character was coming from with the concept of the character. It's a tragedy of errors, he doesn't want to leave the world with people sad to see him gone, but unbeknownst to him, he's got a thing keeping him alive so he has to keep living the villain that he wanted to die as. Execution was completely garbage, though. If you play that sort of asshole character, make them softer and more juvenile than actual asshole. Have them try (and maybe some times fail) at being mean, but on a smaller scale, because they're a good person in nature. Have them be self-sacrificing, since they know they'll soon die, they'd be best off dying to save someone else. And of course, most importantly: *Don't be the asshole IRL that your character wants to be.*

[@omarmiller314]

The merch looks surprisingly dope for KZbin merch. I'd actually wear this stuff

[@DarthAxolotl]

The goblin ranger story is a prime example of why I don't allow pvp at my table (if it does damage, you can do something that does no damage)

[@SamWeltzin]

CritCrab literally IS Cancer, and he's not an asshole, proving it's no excuse.

[@freebagofgold9036]

love the thumbnail

[@thesadisticskitty7665]

Jigsaw in the thumbnail is literally perfect.

[@Legohaiden]

I get that the DM may have been newer to the Role... but when you have one of your players UNPROVOKED start killing another player character... that's a SERIOUS problem. Best solution would have been while walking out of the forest the bard falls through a leafy covered trap (no save roll/dm forced) the pit is deep and lined with poisoned wooden spikes at the bottom, you have no chance of survival, your character dies with the goblins words in his mind "don't kill me or you will regret it!" then casually rip his character sheet in half.

[@revanwalker]

I never knew I wanted a body pillow till I heard about the crit crab body pillow, so the question is good sir crab how much

[@coranbaker6401]

Choosing the same spells as you is even WORSE if you're a sorcerer, who learns only 15 leveled spells by the time they're level 20!

[@Jcod_]

I like letting suspicion and conflict happen to a point. I think the best example of this is I was part of a group that the dm had two session zeros. So three of the four characters had met. We were spying on the target of our first mission. We were in a house across the street from the building we were going to raid. We saw the fourth character hanging around the building. When the street was clear we rushed them and basically did the hand over mouth grab the person thing and brought them back to our hideout. We then grilled the fourth character. It got awkward because the dm hadn't anticipated this reaction, so the character didn't really have anything to say to remove our suspicion. The player actually made several mistakes making them sound like an enemy. Out of game though we were laughing our ass off because we as players were looking for them to give us a plausible reason to let them join the party. The dm eventually stepped in and just said he gives you something satisfying to the extent that you at least let them join the group. We then continued with the campaign. I thought that was a great first session.

[@Necrotaku999]

i usually does the "universe doesnt want it" thing if they try pvp in this kinda way, i would have made a bug enter the bard throat and he get silenced for a while, and if he persisted i would have tried talking to him, but im big on combat, so a rumbling owlbear coming their way because of the echoes of the vicious mockery so they have to fight it and the goblin can gain the trust of the party covering their backs

[@kryskiller666]

'Be an asshole with a soft-side' You hit the nail, lad. I've got an example to share, in fact. Playing a Star Wars Saga Edition game, my character is a chaotic evil droid (Saga doesn't have alignment per se, but the droid does have a pretty good Dark Side score). The reason? Was used for a hutt to commit undesirable crimes, treated like absolute garbage, left to be used by robosexuals (that's a thing, yes) and after the droid saved the hutt's life from assassination, the hutt just threw it away with no interest for repairing it. Since then, it got the Aggressive droid quirk, meaning that it would much rather fix issues with excessive use of violence (and an extreme hate for hutts) despite being really good with social skills. It's objective within the party for the long run? Unify other droids to break free from sadistic and insane droid owners and make 'em suffer for their crimes, while demonstrating that droids can be just as sentient as most alien races. Currently already building the foundation for said organization. The party is mostly against the droid's constant murder tendencies, but what happened a few weeks ago? The droid said 'thank you' for the first time and everyone was flabbergasted about the droid ever saying such a thing. Our pilot almost hit a building in sheer recoil in surprise. And now they just warn the droid not to go murder-hoboing, which is working so far (though it does go along insulting people instead). In fact, last session had the droid go on ahead to be target practice just so enemies don't shoot it's teammates, and all of the droid's kills were indirect ones (a tank tried to run it over twice, the pilot and gunner of said tank died on the upcoming crash, which also made a tree fall in which an enemy sniper was hidden, dying from fall damage). Asshole characters can work and can be endearing, but this one just sounds like he was making up an excuse on the spot as to why it was the character being a dumbass and not the player himself.

[@maivinsteffensen2199]

have a like for putting the title story first. Also i remember trying to play an asshole character in a game once, the planned story was for the party to hate him and kick the character of the group. It failed horribly because one of the party member actively hurt the party with chemical weapons and another was doing nothin but quote memes, so me being a evil orc that called everyone in the party minion or hencmen, was just a harmless and endearing character quirk in comparison.

[@AlVainactual]

Nice vid Bencrab. Or CrabBen?

[@Enigmatic_Lurker]

"An asshole who's too comically dumb to stay mad at." The first thought that popped into my head was *Taako*

[@Walter-fc3uq]

I am looking to make a lawful evil kobold rouge (thief) that essentially follows the rules of acquisition... Keep up the great work Crit Crab

[@rorydonaldson2794]

Sooo, a Crit Crab body pillow? I mean if you made the merch we'd buy it oh mighty crab king

[@Hektols]

The 3rd level Cure Disease spell can cure cancer, that illness would have been a problem if the character was a humble peasant without money but as an adventurer he could have waited until the party's healer could cast it or spare money in a temple.

[@Sophia-vk5bq]

The first known case of contagious cancer. It infected an entire DND campaign!

[@Chris11190x]

I legit have lung cancer and it pisses me off to see people act like that. Be grateful for you life and what time you have cause you never know when its gonna get cut short.

[@evostage666]

If anyone in that party had a good alignment they should’ve knocked out that bard the second they randomly tried to murder a seemingly good aligned gobo

[@monsunoguy19]

Why does a crab body pillow actually sound super comfy

[@wolfamon95]

Part 2 of Wolfo watching these videos years late: If I was in the party with the team-killing Bard (and actually let him get away with it instead of gagging his character or something), I would've turned the bard in to the police/knights and made him roll up a new character, and if he were to question why I'd "betray the party like this", I'd quote back to him "The party's too full and we don't really need this many ranged attackers."

[@wolfamon95]

Also, I'd love to see CritCrab and Puffin Forest in the same room. Two people who love talking about/reading horrifying tales from DnD and various other RPGs. and both named Ben!

[@Mekora]

He made the reveal at the end because he knew that if it was found out during the game, the party would have made plans to destroy or threaten his magic cancer cure as a contingency to make him behave better.

[@jasonjason9270]

The fact that a player outright said their party was too full. Like, dude, that's the DM's decision, not yours. Best case scenario, they just roll another character and you're still stuck with them.