Crushes vs. Squishes | Slice of Ace

[@SliceOfAce]

I forgot to mention, squishes originated in the aromantic community, and therefore can be applied to wanting a QPP/zucchini as well! It's essentially the platonic version of a crush, but what form that platonic relationship takes (friendship, QPR etc.) depends on what you desire. Similar to the how people want different things from romantic relationships :)

[@remington8617]

Young me: has a squish Also young me: oMg I ThInK i HaVe A cRuSh!!

[@eleven8815]

Lol same

[@saudinho1436]

Im starting to find out I faced the same.

[@madgadgetss]

did i seriously think i had crushes all this time while also thinking "i would never wanna be their 'one and only' it just feels weird" so anyway this is my aroace ass realizing that just because someone stands out to me doesn't mean it's romantic or god forbid sexual attraction

[@excelsior6473]

yepppp this !! i came to the same 'omg wait i have never wanted to BE with any of my crushes' point a few months back. basically tricked myself into believing that emotional and/or aesthetic = romantic/sexual, which... nah it really doesnt lol

[@blobs2635]

I can totally relate. As someone who's aroace and trans, some people stood out to me in the form of gender envy, but I seriously confused this for attraction.

[@azran2421]

What a great video! Figuring out the difference between crushes and squishes was SO hard for me when I was questioning whether or not I was aro. For me, the difference between crushes and squishes is the energy and intention around it, weird as that may sound. I love doing romance-coded things with my close friends (i.e. going to the movies together, cuddling, going out to lunch), but as soon as any of those things are done with romantic intention, I get super uncomfortable. If I know someone likes me and we go to the movies together, I hate it. But one of my close platonic friends? Heck yeah let's go to the theater! 😂 But seriously, I think your explanation was very well done, and you're right, the difference is ultimately up to the individual!

[@SliceOfAce]

Thanks! I panicked a bit halfway through when I realised that there isn't a definitive answer 😂

[@lolymop333]

Same

[@lolymop333]

So, I've never experienced a crush because I'm ace aro, but I can tell you my experience with squishes. I use to think everyone suddenly became pansexual upon becoming an adult and people who dated before then were just trying to be more like adults to be cool or whatever. Then I found out I was just ace aro right after I turned 14. So, between the time I was 11-15, I had a squish on this guy who use to be in pretty much all of my classes and lunch periods and was always assigned to sit next to me. I didn't know the word squish, but I knew I wanted to be his best friend really bad and we got really close in middle school. In 7th-8th grade, I was really jealous that someone else was his best friend and not me and I still wanted to be closer to him and hang out with him outside of school. Around sophomore year, though, he just sort of drifted away from me, so I thought that I was annoying him and he didn't like me. I recently got back in touch with him and am currently staying in his apartment until I can buy my own. Turns out he thought I was made uncomfortable by the fact that he is trans and openly gay because my family was pretty traditionally Christian and actually thought I was really cool and wanted to hang out the whole time.

[@elberethvarda]

This topic was one of the first ones that was difficult to me to understand. I guess the squish means that one person feels a huge attraction towards someone and wants to stablish a deep connection with them but, doesn't want to bring it to something formally physical or romantic. Like, living a shared fantasy where they are special to each other, but all remains in the platonic universe. A crush usually includes the desire of bringing it to something sexual or romantic. I guess... lol, it's indeed difficult to analyze. XD Thanks for the video! As usually, I loved it.

[@SliceOfAce]

Thanks! Hmm, I think that summed it up better than I did! This is why I should write scripts XD

[@elberethvarda]

@@SliceOfAce You also explained it very well! :) Also, it's always easier analyzing difficult concepts without having a camera recording us! If you prefer avoiding the scripts, something that could be helpful is writing up a little summary of key concepts you would like to talk about, read it before recording the video, analyze and organize the ideas and then, put it away and start recording. I used to do it back when I was a student before our oral expositions and it was quite helpful. :) Another trick... Maybe you could write up the same list of key points in a post-it and stick it to your computer screen, big enough to be able to read relevant words in order to have a guide so you make sure you cover everything, and also, since it would be right in front of you, no one could notice that quick glance if you get lost/need some help. ;)

[@SliceOfAce]

Thanks! I have actually started making a few notes for videos, and it helps. What doesn't is being tired and out of practice 😂

[@lucycox2990]

Yes

[@aubriethegreat8175]

I am so glad I found out what a squish is, and what aesthetic attraction is! I am aro-ace, I only recently figured it out because I didn't really know that existed before (there seriously needs to be more representation and education on this kind of stuff). I used to think I was straight, then I thought I was bi, then I figured out I am aro-ace, now non-binary, but non-binary is not what I am talking about here. I have mistaken so many attractions of mine before for crushes, because I didn't know there was anything else, that were actually a squish or aesthetic attraction, or both! I think back to it and realize that, when I had what I thought was a "crush", I never once wanted to do anything sexual or romantic with them, I just thought they were really cool, or awesome, or special and wanted to be around them more, like a friendship, except I got more nervous around that person than usual. So I thought the fact that I got nervous made it a crush. I am finally starting to be able to make sense of my life and who I am. :)

[@lucy0462]

I don’t know if I’m being too nosy or not but how old are you? I’m questioning myself but I don’t know if I’m too young or not. I’m almost 14

[@aubriethegreat8175]

@@lucy0462 Right now I am 16 but I was younger when I started questioning. You are never too young to begin figuring out who you are. And who you are will evolve, it won't stay the same. That is ok too. If it is not too nosy on my side, I am curious what part of you you are questioning. Gender, sexuality? Happy to try and help.

[@lucy0462]

@@aubriethegreat8175 I definitely feel as of now at least I’m ace, but I’m having a super hard time figuring out whether or not the crushes I’ve had are actual crushes or just squishes. There’s a part of me that is wondering whether or not I’m aro too. And if I’m not aro then I’m still lost cause I don’t know if I like guys, girls, both or everything

[@aubriethegreat8175]

@@lucy0462 I understand completely. Those are the exact same questions I asked myself. What really helped me was realizing that whenever I had a "crush" i never actually wanted to do anything romantic or sexual with them. I just really liked them as a person. I wanted to be around them a lot. What kept me from getting that earlier was the fact that I DID find them good looking, and I got nervous around them. But being ace is little to no sexual attraction, you can still be ace if you have experienced "little" sexual attraction. Same principle for aro. People can experience something called aesthetic attraction, which is where you like the way something or someone looks and you want to keep looking. I have had that before. It can be confusing but I am sure you will figure it out eventually.

[@lucy0462]

@@aubriethegreat8175 thanks so much. I know I’m ace but after a lot of thought I think I’m gray-aromantic. I feel like I could like someone like that. I mean I like the idea of it at least. Feelings are confusing

[@amyscripts765]

Most of my squishes are people who I fancy having long interesting(maybe intellectual) conversations with. Like people I think I would enjoy discussions with.

[@SliceOfAce]

Yeah, I think I have the same thing, especially if I share an interest with them. Weird question: do you mind telling me how you found this video? I've had a random bump in views and wondered if someone had shared the video somewhere

[@amyscripts765]

@@SliceOfAcedon't mind AVEN handle on twitter got me here. They shared this video

[@SliceOfAce]

Oh, awesome! Thanks for letting me know! I'll have to thank them :)

[@hiccup7457]

i found out about this when i was writing a note for my "crush" of a year and my friends were helping me, it felt weird to write that i liked him. i wanted to just write that he was really cool and very awesome and all, but it felt so weird. so i thought "i just wanna be like his bestest friend ever" and so i searched stuff up about it and learned about this. ive always known im somewhere on the aroace spectrum, but it felt weird to fantasize about kissing or even just holding hands. i still got flustered and nervous around him. i dont know how im gonna tell my friends this because i just put them through a hellhole of trying to write this note. anyways THANK YOU SOOO MUCH FOR THIS VIDEO!! its helped me lots :)))

[@mjh8237]

Can a squish give you butterflies? And you want them to hug you and sometimes hold your hand but that’s literally it. Nothing further.

[@SliceOfAce]

I imagine so, yeah! To be fair, my crushes are normally me wanting to hug and hold their hand too. Sometimes kiss them too but obviously that's where it's different 😂

[@leafirestone]

Yes

[@morningboy_]

I have a HUGE platonic crush (a squish I guess ^^) on my friend- I wanna be REAAAAALLY good friends with her T-T

[@yoyleland]

me too omg

[@iansmith7265]

XD it's me and thank you so much for making this video!

[@SliceOfAce]

No problem! I like it when people recommend stuff. It reassures me that I'm making something they'll want to watch :)

[@AnonymousOblivion]

So what I, an ally, got from this (a TL:DW if I ever return for a refresher course) is this: a crush is someone I want to date, a squish is someone I want to be best friends with.

[@SliceOfAce]

Yeah, pretty much! 😊

[@rosieflamingo2287]

I personally never had a crush or squish when i was younger on fictional characters and as a middle child everything ive had has been a hand me down so im very indecisive and sometimes struggle if things are nice or not so my first squish i did get i thought was a crush, years later now i still cant decide if he is cute or not. I kind of used past squishes and manipulated them so i liked them like a crush.

[@marissaclifford4882]

I hug my friends. Glad you made this video!

[@jitterysalad6721]

Romantic vs Platonic feelings were hard for me bc I don’t get nervous or flustered when around my crush. I finally figured it out a few days ago when I realized that I think about them all the time, “mimic” them, worry about them, hug, cuddle, and hold hands with them. So that was a very stressful experience figuring out whether or not I had a crush on them. I was also never a big fan of hugs with my other friends but I want them to hug me 24/7. So if anyone actually reads this, I hope it helps if you’re having some crush problems.

[@coroleo]

Something I have never heard about. good good

[@fujoshipeanut5074]

I think a good way to tell the difference is imagining how you feel if they dated someone else. With crushes, I've felt devastated when I find they've started going out with someone. With squishes, I notice don't really care much because my aim isn't to date them, it's just to be around them

[@SamanthaAimee]

Your robot voice at the end 😂👌🏻

[@SliceOfAce]

Haha, I've learned that bit off by heart, so my voice tends to go a bit monotone. I have no idea where the accent came from though 😂

[@sunmarsh]

I was just talking about squishes the other day with a group of friends. I don't know about everyone else, but in the same way that I know when I'm crushing on someone, I can also tell when I'm squishing on someone. It's different than a typical friendship. I'm curious though whether you've had any squishes on guys? For me I feel like that would turn into romantic attraction pretty quickly or might even precede the squish.

[@SliceOfAce]

Actually, I think most of my squishes have been on guys, albeit straight guys. If I know they won't be interested in me romantically, I just want to be their friend most of the time. Like you said, it would be difficult for me to have a squish but not a crush on a gay guy though

[@e.s.lavall9219]

Jumping off of that idea, a squish for me is what happens when I like someone's personality enough for a crush but there's a reason I couldn't see it as romantic - they're in a relationship, or straight (as an enby my partners would need to be pan or homo/hetefoflexible), or I don't find them sensually attractive (aesthetic attractiveness is less tied to romantic for me).

[@Witchy_Cheree1982]

Thank you for this video!!! 💜

[@CrazyKungfuGirl]

Ah. So what I have been having is a squish.

[@justanothersherlockian7058]

I'm basically in a QPR (unintentionally) and I know that it's a squish because when I think of this person, thinking of kissing them feels so wrong, but thinking of hugging them and cuddling on the couch watching TV and eating popcorn is fine. See what I mean?

[@kae41]

:0 can you have like celebrity squishes like you really really want to be friends with like a character or whatever but don't like them in the way like 'hekc ye id date them' ??? becuase ive got alot of those and rhshdhsu

[@SliceOfAce]

Yeah, absolutely!

[@UnknownLemonadeStand]

YESS

[@dawntripp1974]

My problem is my crushes are NOT short term. My crush now I have had for 8 years. When I was a teen a very long time ago I had a crush on someone from 12 to 19! Never had a romantic relationship at the ripe old age of 47. *sigh*

[@cirkusanette]

I was in a situationship a couple of months ago and it was really weird. I wanted to be close to this guy and was sexually attracted to him, but I genuinely wanted to be his best friend too, which was a weird mix because we would hookup, cuddle, etc and at the same time I really wanted to know him better and make an emotional connection and still I wasn't interested in having a formal relationship with him. I HATED to go out and have people see it as a date, or doing anything that could be deemed romantic in public (holding hands, kissing, etc) because it made me super uncomfortable. After a couple of months a friend of his said I was his first gf and I just was like "nononono, he's not my bf" and he was confused. I think he was kinda aromantic too bc he also didn't seem comfortable with romance lol, we ended up drifting apart but it was such a confusing experience because I couldn't understand how I wanted to be so close to someone both emotionally and physically and still didn't want it to be confused as romantic 💀

[@True_Holy_Rat]

I still don’t know the difference 😂 it all feels the same to me, is there a word for not being able to tell them apart? Or a word for when you only feel these feelings if you are really really close to the person? I have never had ANY feeling what so ever to someone I have just met or seen 😂 but sometimes after I know them I feel some of the things you described but I never really want to be in a relationship with them. I’m so confused! 😂

[@cartoonalvar]

Wow, I can relate. Nice video

[@dakki.dreamer1539]

I have a squish on someone in a discord server, how do I deal with thissss

[@SliceOfAce]

Hmm, talk to them, I guess? I'm not really sure how to go about socialising in a digital space, sorry...

[@RosheenQuynh]

I don't have squishes, only crushes cuz I am so alloromantic ;3;

[@Jake5537t]

I’m gay greyaroace and am constantly confused if I’ve actually felt genral attraction or not 😂 definitely had squishes and crushes tbh 🤷‍♂️

[@natee4728]

Guys, i just want to say that i am am 14 and identifying as aromantic. i never got my first squish, tho. i tried to search in the internet to find any information about people's experience of their first squish but i never found any. can you tell me when you got your first squish? i'm starting to think that i'm actually not aromantic at this point. i know it's not a bad thing but it makes me think i'm just a late bloomer, after all

[@nerur7260]

Like the thing is: I'm aroace and I sort of want to kiss them. Like sometimes I just get the feeling spontaniously, or would like to give just a little peck or something. But then I would just like to live like it's not a big deal if it happened. Still friends, nothing else. And like I honestly dont get it. I don't want to do anything else exept that. And I don't feel it for any other person, ever. It's just the one. And I honestly don't understand what it is and I'm confused all the time

[@owihl3110]

That's exactly how I feel about somebody too. Very confusing. Like, I'm chill with being friends and all, but like I wouldn't mind a little peck/living /holding hands or something like that --and nothing more.

[@nerur7260]

​@@owihl3110I'm so glad I'm not alone with this feeling🙏

[@owihl3110]

@@nerur7260 Same!! When I saw your comment I was like 'yoo this person has exactly what I have'💀 I wish there was a video specific on THIS feeling.

[@nerur7260]

​@@owihl3110yeah me too it would help