Why Are There No Good Platonic Hetero Friendships?

[@PurpleMoonFlute]

1:50 Actually, it's funny you mention this. In the books, Harry got money from the Triwizard Tournament, and he gave it away to the Weasley twins because they couldn't come up with money on their own to open the joke shop due to coming from such a poor family. I hated that they skipped this in the movies. It not only leaves the question of where the twins got the money to start their business hanging in the air, but it also takes away one of the biggest moments that shows how kind and thoughtful Harry can be. :/

[@unfortunatelyiamsane]

oh damn, i didn’t remember this from the books! but you’re right! i am so disappointed they left that out. like that is effective character development.

[@playingAnonymously]

Also, in the books he offered them money and they took offense to it. I think there's a scene where he sneaks coins into Mrs. Weasley's purse.

[@PurpleMoonFlute]

@@playingAnonymously I don't remember them ' taking offense', I'm pretty sure they felt bad about taking it?

[@rosecoloredbby]

I've never understood why fans of the series expected harry, just another child at the time, to be so philanthropic in giving away the money his dead parents left for him, and calling him a "bad person in general" (again, we're talking about a child here) for not doing so. Like it's not that deep and like you said here, he DID give money to the Weasley family, whenever they would accept it.

[@PurpleMoonFlute]

@@rosecoloredbby Yeah I mean... he's a kid. He didn't have to. But it would have worked in movie Harry's favor if they showed that. Especially

[@gemstone108]

Shoutout to Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves for not only having a great platonic relationship between the main man and woman characters but for having them CO-PARENT on top of it all, not once ever implying that they’d be getting together at the end and having them joke in the movie about how it’ll never happen. That movie is great for a lot of reasons but this one is definitely a highlight

[@alvafairchild13]

Love this movie and their relationship its so freaking good

[@meghanrodriguez2393]

YES!

[@pixelraid5742]

They so cool!!

[@eddardgreybeard]

Because of the joke that she has a mini man fetish. Don't be a goofball

[@Sparklespeed]

Heck yeah!

[@DreamyCassie]

Everyone, go watch CBS' Elementary. It's literally the best depiction of a platonic hetero relationship I've ever seen in any media. For anyone who doesn't know, Elementary is a modern day adaptation of the Sherlock Holmes series and they changed the traditionally male role of Watson to a female character, Joan. You could assume that the relationship between a male and female lead would gravitate towards a romantic one. However, during the entirety of its seven-season run, Holmes and Watson always remained platonic. All the characters around them acknowledge them as partners but it's never, not even once, insinuated that they might have romantic feelings for each other. They are definitely more than friends as they share an incredibly deep and profound platonic relationship but they're also definitely not romantic partners. (spoiler alert) As they say in the show, they are "two people who love each other", just not romantically.

[@profileuser5845]

I was always really glad that they both had strengths and weaknesses, complementing and bettering each other! definitely the best platonic relationship I've seen in any media.

[@nicholasstauffer5830]

I've always interpreted Holmes to be asexual. Sure there's Irene Adler but she always seemed like his unsolvable puzzle. A logical challenge to obsess over.

[@AliceDiableaux]

That sounds awesome, thanks for the recommendation, definitely gonna watch it.

[@jessicabrown1305]

This whole video I was yelling Elementary in my head every time he said "shows rarely do x" 😅 it's one of my favourite shows and my favourite hetero friendship in media (followed by Dutch & Johnny in Killjoys)

[@dipperpines2793]

seems like that's primarily because of the nature of Sherlock Holmes. Not knocking the show by any means, I haven't seen it, it just appears to be the nature of Sherlock's character led to it being a purely platonic relationship, and the writers chose to embrace that. If my assumption is at all accurate then I respect them for it

[@StarlitSeafoam]

Hawkeye and Blackwidow, aka Clint Barton and Natasha Romonov. On of my favorite friendships in the MCU. Like Ron and Leslie, no one ever questions if its platonic. Only wish they had had more screen time.

[@matheussanthiago9685]

Oh yeah I remember that So much so, that my ( now former) best friend (long story don't worry about it, we ended in good terms) Got me a personalized mug with them both for my birthday, written "just like Budapest" in it It's a fond memory now

[@ezronco.8671]

I think they were planning to have them be a thing after the first avengers movie because they had a little bit of chemistry in that movie and they were a thing in the comics, but for some reason they wanted natasha and bruce to be a thing for some reason. Probably because they wanted to give bruce a love interest that can be more involved in the plot.

[@danzinoraswitch3896]

THIS!!!! This so much! They are deep friends, have multiple moments that show how far they are willing to go for each other and NO romantic/sexual undertones at all towards each other. And the other characters accept that, too! I love their friendship :)

[@DrJones0801]

In some of the cartoons they did end up together.

[@-autumnfeelings]

Because in some comics they were actually together.

[@Brambrew]

I'm bisexual. By heteronormative logic, I can't be platonic friends with _anybody_ 💀

[@jclyntoledo]

Yeah that's exactly what my pansexual friend said once 😂😂😂

[@cineblazer]

FRRRR i only figured out i was bi recently and now i've come out to my guy friends i feel like i need to signal a little more often that i am not romantically attracted to them.

[@xxtianxx11]

NAH CUZ FR SAME

[@puppydogs68]

Guess my bi friend can’t be friends with anyone anymore and I can be friends with everyone since I’m ace 😂

[@mxlancholicrose]

apparently i could be friends with everyone (i’m ace) if not for the debilitating social anxiety. nice to know!

[@fairy5668]

I (a girl) had been mentioning this guy friend a lot that I had gotten close to over the past few months to my dad and one day my dad says "Is (guy friend's name) a *special boy*?" to which I blurted out "I like girls" LMAO anyway that's how I came out to my dad

[@lilcarttheoneandonly]

iconic

[@vuivraalbastra]

Something similar happened to me, but replace "coming out" with having to mention that no, I actually have a boyfriend and it's someone else. It's annoying because my parents know that I generally always had more male than female friends because of my hobbies, yet even now when I'm 26 they'll have moments they suggest something more than friendship going on. I could tell them that friend is literally expecting a kid with his wife, but I prefer not to because we shouldn't need to justify why are we "just" friends with guys (as if a close friendship is inferior to a romantic relationship). Gay or not, married or not, people should mind their own business and if a romantic relationship happens, I'll announce it when's the time is right.

[@jclyntoledo]

​@@vuivraalbastraThis! That's exactly why I don't give away genders or specify and I just say a friend of mine because people are too nosy and I don't need their random ass comments that have nothing to do with why I mentioned anything

[@yasininn76]

Yeah, again, doesn't apply to you. This is talking about two hetero people from opposite sexes.

[@She_Sordid]

@@yasininn76 It does apply to her bc of heteronormativity. Before she came out she and the guy were assumed to be straight and dating bc they were friends and everyone is assumed to be straight until they state otherwise. Its abt ppl seeing two ppl of the opposite sex together and assuming that they are dating. Would you tell me that it doesn't apply to me? When I was abt 6-8 I was friends with this boy at school and his mother would almost exclusively refer to me as her 'future DIL'. Years later I've come out as lesbian, but that doesn't mean that someone didn't see me with a guy and assumed that we liked each other. That is the point.

[@Ellieways]

"A Cinderella Story" has an EXCELLENT platonic friendship between the main lead Sam (a girl) and her bestfriend Carter (a boy) and they never flirt or anything and it's great!! 😄😀

[@alyssanielsen8521]

I was thinking of the same characters too! I absolutely love Sam and Carter's friendship, it is beautiful!

[@jclyntoledo]

Yeah but idk if that counts because didn't they hint that her friend had a crush on her the whole entire time? If so it would feed the narrative that one of them wants more and is just playing the waiting game

[@moondivine2288]

@@jclyntoledoI don’t think so. Her friend got a crush on the popular girl, except she was too shallow and she turned him down. At the end he got together with a random girl that was briefly seen in the beginning.

[@beetleorangejuice]

omg u just reminded me of that! i agree

[@es_mgwyn]

I was just about to comment this as well!! I watched A Cinderella Story recently, and watching it as an adult, I somehow gravitated to paying close attention to Sam and Carter specifically, because a part of me realized that there aren't many hetero platonic friendships represented in media wherein they are truly just friends, and it was SO refreshing to watch Sam and Carter to the point that I think I now rewatch this movie just to admire their friendship. It's so mind blowing to me that to this day, 20 years after this film was released, I still haven't found hetero platonic representation that comes close to Sam and Carter

[@cookiecat6317]

I was sitting with my childhood friend in my room, I (14 F) and he (15M) were just friends talking, but then I overheard our parents in the kitchen talking very sexually about us, mentioning condoms and such… this instantly made things weird, he also heard it, and we just awkwardly looked at each other, like wtf. Sitting next to a guy in class and talking to him = I have a crush on him automatically. I came out as a lesbian a year later at 15, but even if I wasn’t gay, this is so fucking weird to sexualise minors Edit: okay, I think I need to clarify, some people get confused. Sex Ed with your kids is amazing, 100% you should educate your children. Talking about sex between minors, about protection etc is really important and has to be done. HOWEVER, joking about your underaged kids making out with other adults as a way to carry on the conversation is something completely different and something that I find disgusting. Speaking of your own child in a very sexual light as a way to amuse your other adult friends is not the way to go, be better. Hope that clarification helps 3

[@jclyntoledo]

Eewww your parents were talking about the possibility of you two hooking up without asking either of you directly?! 🤢🤮

[@whateverwhatever4476]

@@jclyntoledoit happens a lot

[@Anonymissus]

@@whateverwhatever4476 yeah no, maybe for some people but that's definitely not normal

[@Anonymissus]

@@jclyntoledo frl this sounds so gross

[@CamelliaFlingert]

relatable, but in my case it was even worse, because my mother was talking about all this stuff directly WITH ME, when i was only 13yo

[@lucasl8145]

This made me think of another media romance trope, the "case of the not-gays", where there are two well written male friends with great chemistry, and the writers either give one of them a female romantic partner or sexual encounter that contributes nothing to the plot other than to indirectly assure the audience that these two male friends are not in fact gay. Top gun probably being the most famous

[@IceQueen975]

Usually because people cannot comprehend same-sex friendships anymore either. Basically everyone's lost their mind and assumes two people who are close = gonna fuck. Which should concern tf outta everyone as we, as humans, need all kinda of connections, not just sexual and/or romantic.

[@jmalmighty5433]

​@@IceQueen975 I also have seen that people don't get the difference between finding your friends atheistically pleasing, and wanting to fuck to fuck them, they think they are the same. Lots of people don't see the importance of being close with people they can't fuck which limits how many people you can be close with so not good for the mental health

[@danieladamczyk4024]

And they become BI!!!!

[@thugpug4392]

@@IceQueen975 My theory is that this is a byproduct of our shrinking social spheres. Not sure what causes this but the decline of worker unions, the rise of social media, the rise of suburbs, and maybe some other thing I can't figure out (friendships with children being viewed as predatory, the overvaluation nuclear families, not playing outside, something else?). I'm going to keep working on the idea, reading more books, and will hopefully get to the bottom of it. It makes sense to me as there are fewer relationships the pressure to make each one sexual or romantic rises. The distance we have with our families nowadays also makes most people you meet into a potential, legal suitor. With large family units growing up on the same farm or in the same neighborhood, you had built-in relationships which were off-limits sexually and romantically so there was always experience navigating that. It's also entirely possible we were unprepared for the widespread acceptance of queer relationships (I'm not saying I don't want widespread acceptance of queer relationships or that I think it was a mistake, I just think we have more problems with our society that need to be addressed). The expectation that same-sex relationships can be close without being sexual did allow some gay people to hide in plain sight. Now, though, we've recognized they were hiding and widely have said they don't have to anymore. That expectation that it inherently isn't sexual is gone. We dropped the facade but for many it was not actually a cover for oppression it was genuine. So before if you wanted those platonic, close relationships you could find it with someone of your sex. Opposite sex relationships were, if anything, even more expected to be romantic and/or sexual. Now since any relationship could be sexual there's no "home base" to retreat to.

[@EllipsisMark]

@@thugpug4392 What's the German word for "Sees someone put your exact thoughts into words"? Because this is it!

[@existentialheart]

i had a best friend in 2nd grade he was a boy and i'm a "girl" and everyone used to think we liked each other, and you know teasing and stuff like that, even my family thought i had a crush on him. it was so much that i started to believe that he had a crush on me just bcuz i thought that he was supposed to? or something, i don't know. he's gay and i'm queer, so it would've never happened, but can we stop forcing sexuality on children please !!

[@zuzanastefkova2799]

i had a similar experience and at one point, we would go to cinema a lot (cuz we both started at a different new school and didn’t have friends there) and my mom would tease me about it and it would drive me mad to tears and i had to have a nervous breakdown in front of her, for her to stop :///

[@Ravy_Nevermore]

Since you were in second grade, that was hopefully romanticism, not sexuality!

[@existentialheart]

@@Ravy_Nevermore well yes but still we shouldn't push heteronormativity on children

[@Ravy_Nevermore]

@@existentialheart of course! Just don't want to conflate romanticism and sexuality either :)

[@verybigboss]

I thought it’s you people who push sexuality on young impressionable children to “Normalize” non heterosexual relationships…

[@Harrier357]

Marlin and Dory from Finding Nemo come to mind as a platonic hetero relationship.

[@theverycringenogoodname8453]

Omg yes

[@alexaustin3026]

They are also different species of fish though, not sure if they could breed.

[@jordanv5676]

​@@alexaustin3026 That doesn't always stop viewers from romantic shipping. I mean, look at zootopia

[@maciej4250]

​@jordanv5676 D-don't, actually... Please, do not look at zootopia...

[@The_wheels_turn_ever_forward]

​@@maciej4250*looks at Zootopia* I'm surprised there's less Smut of it in AO3 actually.

[@cassif19]

I think there's one more dimention to this. Many men are just not used to how women act in friendships, because frienships between two men tend to be less deep and intimate than female friendships. So when a man becomes close friends with a woman, he'll notice that there's much more intimacy than in the friendships he's used to and then go on to misinterpret that

[@peaceandloveusa6656]

I was looking for a normal take in the comments, and this seems to be one of the only ones, so thank you.

[@saix_unicorn]

yes true, i am friend with mens and womens and my friendship with my best friend is way deeper, i'm also not scared that ppl will ship us bcs she has a girlfriend, and i'm a gay aroace men. Even if, tbh, my friends were shipping me with boys and girls when i didn't had anything about my sexuality figured out. Now that i am comfortable with my sexuality i can joke with my friends abt seggs without being scared that ppl will ship me with someone in the group. (also, dudes tend to ship you way less than girls)

[@DrJones0801]

I disagree that men's friendships are less deep. Men and women are just different in the way that their friendships work.

[@harmoen]

​@@saix_unicornhow are you both gay and aroace?

[@saix_unicorn]

@@harmoen bcs if i had to take one, i would take a men, and i can simp on characters who are mens, but i will never have seggs or never have romantic feelings for irl ppl. Also i like ship my self-inserts with men characters. And saying "i'm gay" is funni

[@whypothetical]

Steve and Robin in Stranger Things end up being a great platonic hetero friendship, though Steve for half a second thinks they have something more going on. He's super supportive when she comes out to him and I like that.

[@Refrigerator_girl]

They have a great friendship but its not a hetero one since Robin is a lesbian

[@DaftnPunk]

This is true but the show making Robin a lesbian is part of that “gay best friend” trope to ensure that the pair cannot get together.

[@recreatio]

@@DaftnPunk I've seen plenty of people even say that they would want Robin and Steve to get together if she wasn't a lesbian and it always weirds me out a little.

[@joy7367]

stranger things always bothered me for being real heteronormative, and as much as i love the representation it bothers me that robin is only a lesbian so that they don't get together? like all characters get coupled up unless there's something stopping it

[@dozzy9984]

But at the same time they've decided Joyce and Hopper can't stay as friends and they had to get together. Pretty much similar case with Nancy and Jonathan where writers literally used a plot device character to force them into being together (which as we could see with time, worked wonderfully) - you literally could've cut the together part from their relationship and nothing in their dynamic or plot would've changed. I could argue that it probably would've been better if they didn't ended up together.

[@elisabethvictoria5324]

the perpetuation of the "friendzone = bad" idea really has infected a lot of people's minds. i've experienced a 'friend' telling me that i owe him at least a chance at a romantic relationship, when i was not interested in him in that way at all, and then he got mad and called me selfish bc i wouldn't even try. yeah...

[@breezy3392]

That guy is not a friend. He's an incel.

[@elisabethvictoria5324]

@@breezy3392 yeah no, i've stopped talking to him :/ disappointing to have lost a friend, but at least now i know his truth.

[@grandsome1]

I always say "The Friendzone is great real estate." and "its ok to have hot friends", if he couldn't respect your boundaries he was not a good friend to begin with, and he'll probably never get his needs met with the attitude women owe him sex. Every good relationships are just friendships with different activities, you don't force friends to do what you want.

[@lexerwilliams8880]

Yesssss!! I’ve asked out only 3 woman ever in my 22 years of life. All said just to be friends buuuuuut went into a really long apology of why and only one didn’t do that and just said no which thank goodness. I this thing of friendzone is a bad thing is so annoying. It makes other men and woman forget about boundaries. Is it really that hard to juts take a no for people without bugging and constantly asking. I’ve even seen people get upset getting friendzone and it’s frustrating. A no is a no and boom problem solved

[@elisabethvictoria5324]

@@lexerwilliams8880 yeah it really sucks :( unfortunately i relate to feeling the need to give a really long apology bc a lot of the time (especially for women/fem presenting people like me) if we say no to being asked out then the other person gets mad :| its really dumb

[@RadioSilence53]

I’ve had several female friendships, and every time I had a female friend I wasn’t attracted to, the other person would either catch feelings, or they would be uncomfortable with the thought of me catching feelings and stop talking to me. It’s extremely frustrating when there are people out there that take advantage of friendships and use someone as a quote on quote “safety net”, or self esteem booster, which I have personally seen.

[@CamelliaFlingert]

can you explain it to me? wdym by "catch feelings", what "advantage of friendships" and "safety net" you're talking about? i'm interested about this but struggle to understand your text. (i'm not a native english-speaker)

[@RadioSilence53]

@@CamelliaFlingert Sure thing! So what I mean by “catching feelings”, is if the person starts to develop romantic feelings for the friend. And then for the “safety net” and “self esteem booster”comment, some men/women like having friends in their circle who are attracted to them, and pine over them to make themselves feel better, as well as have a “back up” partner, if they aren’t able to find someone within a given amount of time. Basically the person is stringing along a “friend”, while not fully committing to the partners they currently have at the time.

[@kohinattosru8587]

I haven't it this hard, but... I always had better contact with men. Unfortunately few last friendships had a weird turn. It was like punch in the guts when my friend told me "There is no such thing as men-woman friendship. It will always end in bed sooner or later." I felt like I'm some "free for all" in his eyes... I got distant very quickly...

[@esmeecampbell7396]

I think it just doesn't exist. Sure people may give examples from their own personal history but clouded with their own bias of wanting to push it existing as part of their narrative, or 20 years later they don't remember all the exact moments, or they missed the clues at the time that it wasn't entirely platonic... Gay men and lesbian women being friends don't really count as normal men or women so I don't consider that platonic because there isn't that same barrier between them that is created by natural sexual attraction between straight people. From my own perspective I haven't met a girl that I would want to "only" be friends with, they were either good enough to be someone I would want to be with romantically as well or weren't interesting at all. Plus men and women generally are VERY different, in approaches to life and all sorts of areas, so there really ISN'T as much overlap in platonic interests as people might think. A "truly" platonic only lasting friendship between a normal man and woman just doesn't seem possible to me.

[@thehuman2cs715]

​@esmeecampbell7396 This might be a result of western education systems where people are separated in middle and high school. In my country everyone stays together until college starts and thus you get groups of ~75 people who've known eachother their whole life. In that context I had many platonic female friends, a lot of whom I found nice to spend time with but not romantically attractive for some reason or another (I was interested in someone else, they were too different from me, I just wasn't interested, etc.) I feel like this no opposite sex friendships mechanic is probably something specific to hyperindindividualistic societies where people don't maintain a large social newtwork their whole life.

[@Julyrubyrose22]

When I was a kid, a girl at my school did the most heteronormative thing I've ever seen in my life. She wrote a list pairing up all the boys with all the girls in our class. She handed it out to us with the expectation that we'll conform. It was ridiculous and even at the time, I thought it was weird. Unfortunately, she paired me up with my male friend and my only real friend in general at that school. Out of peer pressure, I kinda went along with it and it was really awkward. I wish she had just kept her big mouth shut. On the bright side, I barely tried, and I asked someone else to ask him if he liked me so I wouldn't have to do it. I think he said no, and I was so relieved.

[@kerrychristensen7204]

Ah! A little Emma~

[@jclyntoledo]

😂😂😂 Omgosh

[@edorasmarauder5761]

That is so invasive if you ask me.

[@Sun1ight.]

I had a similar experience, except I was paired up with a guy I barely knew at all (& he was extremely rude to me and chewed on my pens) simply cause we were deskmates :( In a way that was lucky cause it would have been way more awkward if we were friends, but was still uncomfortable..

[@your_average_nerd6861]

No bc something similar happened to me in school when everyone "paired up". We were 7. I just decided to ignore it and no one really cared.

[@komos3719]

Thank you for speaking on this! It really drives me up a fucking wall when every single instance of a man and a woman HAS to get some kind of romantic spin on it. It's like people see less value in platonic relationships which is such bullshit

[@crios8307]

And it's such a shame that most of older adults are still valuing a two-people, fragile and sometimes unfulfilling relationship over a good network of friends whom, sometimes, care the most about you and your mental health than a partner exactly because they don't want to get in your pants. Many people have been saved by abusive partners, or even families in law, because someone genuinly cared to look after someone out of care, knowing that they possibly don't see reality as it is since they are in it. Friendships are for me even more important than a single relationship, not because one isn't valuable, but because I find them much more pure and adventurous (especially the the you get years, where people assume you would "experiment" other than actually live your life). I'm also personally biased bc I struggled with forming bonds up to my 20s, so I value them much more now, but some people don't realize how much more lonelier we get when we don't have an outside shoulder to lean on in some harsh times

[@komos3719]

@@crios8307 Wow, I'm of a similar disposition so maybe I'm biased too. I greatly agree. I think all relationships are basically whatever you make of it - a friendship is only lesser than a romantic relationship if you treat it that way.

[@BlackReshiram]

bro much as i love the friends to lovers trope, i fucking hate the phrase "something more than friendship" ITS NOT *MORE* ITS JUST DIFFERENT DONT DEBASE FRIENDSHIP, WHAT THE FUCK EDIT: okay i need to clarify since the amount of people getting all defensive about their opinion that romance is more than friendship is starting to bother me its fine if YOU think that way. its fine if YOU think for YOU it is. where i draw the line is when you try to put that on all people, because there are people out there who do not function the same way you do, and i think the idea that this is a gold standard for all people is harmful because it excludes demogaphics of people that involve literally millions if not billions of people. we cannot advance as a species by pretending these people do not exist. all im trying to say is that someones bond w someone can be just as deep and lifechanging and devoted as a romantic bond for someone else. for fucks sake, theres people literally raising children w their platonic best friends. or marrying eachother out of their platonic love for eachother. aro people do that all the time. relationships are complicated and just as varied if not even more so than the people engaging in them. dont be an ignorant person who generalizes millions of people out of sheer convenience. you dont need to get defensive. and i no longer will respond or read your commend if you do. i really dont care to read 345678+ more replies getting all "yeah i wouldnt be romantic w anyone who isnt a friend to me first". youre missing the point. thank you and goodnight.

[@mxlancholicrose]

YES YOU GET IT

[@Fuyuko9-rt]

🗣️ louder for the people in the back

[@thefangirlray]

I AGREE

[@hel2727]

wait that's actually so true. I used to use that phrase as well but when I think about it now, it really sounds off.

[@MeemahSN]

Thanks you. I AM NOT MISSING OUT JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT DATING.

[@PurpleMoonFlute]

This is a real life issue too. My best friend is a guy. I posted a pic of us chilling together once, and someone went ' you two make a cute couple' without me ever indicating we were like that?? We've been coming up with plans to live together and be roomies, and I'm just preparing myself for all the awkward comments we're going to get when that happens. EDIT: To the weirdos in the comments who are refusing to believe that a man and woman can be friends without sexual and romantic attraction, and are asking me gross personal questions about him and me, go AWAY. Just goes to show that my point in this statement stands.

[@alvafairchild13]

Yep same here my roommate is a man and his entire family thinks we're together nope not even a little

[@meghanrodriguez2393]

Felt that. I plan on being roommates with my best guy friend. People used to assume we had feelings for one another. That was until I announced that I was a lesbian and in a relationship, and that he saw me as his cringey little sister. Still, best bomb friendship I've had!

[@WhatevenisFudgeCake]

Man...I wish I was as naive and blissfully unaware of reality as you.

[@turiip3790]

​@@WhatevenisFudgeCakeYou are already unaware of reality, still lack the naive and especially the blissful

[@MeemahSN]

@@WhatevenisFudgeCake You're part of the problem. You think men and women can't be friends.

[@Gatzlocke]

So, one example I've seen is the new Dungeons and Dragons movie. The Bard and Barbarian are purely friends. They're just not sexually into each other.

[@matheussanthiago9685]

Sincerely couldn't care less for post-endgame MCU but Shang Chi and awkafina's friendship was handled quite well It's the only thing I remember about that movie

[@NeonSystems]

To add to the list, Raleigh Beckett and Mako Mori from Pacific Rim. They don't end up together, they're just friends with good chemistry, it's dope.

[@NayrAnur]

Man, if only we got a sequel that got us more of that... One can only dream.

[@joshuafrazier3904]

I almost forgot about that duo. Those two are goated and I adore them.

[@joshuafrazier3904]

@@NayrAnuryeah if only we got a sequel that was actually good.

[@queenchaosyet]

“Just friends” as if frendship isn’t an incredibly important vital part of life, as if friendship means less than other types of relationships, as if you *need* romance in you life to live like COME ON FRIENDSHIP IS SO SOSOSOSO *SO* cool and important like GO GET FRIENDS

[@Kautschkartoffel-bw8oi]

Exactly the "Just" is so annoying. Friendships aren't "less"

[@imnobodywhoareyouu]

Also, if you take care of them properly, a friendship is likely to last much longer than any relationship.

[@elizaripper]

I think an incredibly underrated Jack and Liz moment is when they are fighting about her talk show and the moment that most shows have as a spinning kiss is instead a thoughtful handshake. It’s very funny but hammers in that they aren’t interested. Loved your video. 😁

[@thegreatandterrible4508]

On Parks and Rec: Dianne does question the nature of Leslie and Ron's relationship, but only in one episode and it's quickly brushed off.

[@xRainings]

As a woman who’s grown up with mostly male friends it baffles me why people can’t comprehend this concept

[@jmgonzales7701]

Patriarchy

[@LoganKing4]

Guy friends= guys that I don’t think are good enough to date me

[@vfsberry7491]

@@LoganKing4Insecure

[@LoganKing4]

@@vfsberry7491 makes no sense dummy 🤣

[@markjack9772]

​@@vfsberry7491 purely for knowledge what part of that statement shows insecurities

[@ambre2228]

As an aromantic I'm very pleased to see this opinion is getting more and more popular and seen in a positive light!

[@CamelliaFlingert]

relatable

[@joshuafrazier3904]

Smar

[@garrylarry890]

Same here

[@auroramoon_draws16]

Same ✌️✌️✌️

[@monstersbetweenthelines6172]

As an aro/ace person with close friends across the gender spectrum, I run into this a lot (specifically people assuming I'm in a romantic relationship with my masc friends). The worst is when total strangers feel entitled to comment on your friend hangout as if it were date. Just let me go to the movies or get dinner with my masc friends undisturbed! Platonic friends can eat meals together in public too! This is also why media like Mad Max: Fury Road, the latest D&D movie, Legends of Tomorrow, and Parks and Rec hold such a special place in my heart. Those movies / shows have lots of great, close platonic friendships that warm my heart and feel way more relatable to me than the forced romances in other content

[@jessicabrown1305]

Legends of Tomorrow ftw! I recommend checking out Killjoys for some more excellent sci-fi with a platonic relationship as its most important.

[@Thunderous333]

Def the d&d movie, that one was filled with platonic love and it really captures a d&d groups feel of comradery

[@_reverie_e]

I think its also important to note that now even same gender people can't have intimate platonic friendships because of oversexualization of everything, I remember being in grade 6 and been really good friends with a girl (we were always pretending to to be totally spies characters) and then after I left the school I learned that whenever I passed by a certain group of people (the mean girls) they would say 'there goes the lesbian'. I WAS IN GRADE SIX. I didn't even know what gay or lesbian meant back then. In conclusion lets just stop sexualizing people please!!!

[@jijitters]

I sympathize and I'm on your side don't worry, but just so you know, plenty of lesbians do know they like girls in grade six lol That is not an odd age to know the words gay/lesbian and what they mean. I'd imagine most people find out before that age, even.

[@_reverie_e]

@@jijitters it's just that I live in a conservative country and it was some time ago (2019), so It was very surprising to me because it wasn't something we spoke of back then, social media was also not as present.😅

[@jijitters]

@_reverie_e I understand! Just letting you know because it's normal to know who you have crushes on as a preteen. I was in grade six in the 2000s and I already knew I was not straight :-)

[@samnelson7428]

thats simply wierd, do they just not see friends, what the fuck?

[@jclyntoledo]

Slightly unrelated but, Totally Spies was such a great show. I think I would have wanted to be friends with you to just based on that 😂😂

[@jamesrawlings46]

its such an interesting trope because it involves so many different cultural ideals and other tropes that come together to make man + woman = relationship. It goes with the "trophy wife" trope (the idea the mc gets a love interest as a reward for good deeds), also has some other people have commented it can be used to ensure the audience that the characters aren't gay, even if they have way more chemistry with same-sex characters.

[@Dark_Boba-chan]

As someone who has had a man in my friend group for eight years, I have been asked about whether or not he was in the group cuz he's dating one of us girls.. he's not. He's like our older brother. Men and women CAN be PLATONIC

[@parkershaw3753]

As someone who has been the guy in such groups, yes, thank you. My best friend is a woman. She's happily married to a man. They recently got a house and they're planning to start a family there. I'm very happy for her. I WOULD _NEVER_ HAVE _THAT_ RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. We've known each other since the third grade and we've helped each other grow tremendously in personal and social contexts. She's in some ways more of a sibling connection to me than my actual brother is. (My brother was almost out of high school when I was born. My best friend is 8 days younger than me. Hopefully it's easy enough to see why I feel that way.) There's also plenty of stuff that isn't as sibling-y, like when we were teenagers she made me more aware of racial biases that I had absorbed and not yet examined. But mostly, we just like the same nerdy shit. We both like talking about the nuances of _Avatar:The Last Airbender_ and headcanoning absurd possibilities presented in fantasy settings. She likes to play bulky melee characters in TTRPGs while I tend to be the kind of caster that her characters can literally throw across the room to relative safety. And to anyone else reading this: for fuck's sake, if you know any other guys like me who happen to have a bunch of female friends don't call it a harem. Even if it's obviously said in jest, it not only feels wrong to have my friendships sexualized, it also makes me feel othered from a social group I enjoy and implies a nonexistent power dynamic that I don't want to be a part of.

[@chukyuniqul]

I'll never not find it highly suspicious when a cis person is unable to have any friends of their gender though. When that's the case, it always reeks of pick me. I've been in girl only friend groups (least...i think I was platonically included) but my main groups are mostly men because we have a far better time communicating. Not at first, and I had a time during highschool when I spent more time with girls because suddenly I had all these new ways to communicate I couldn't share with guys, but I still didn't have *just* female friends. I mean it's cool if that's the case, guys have the inherent drive to be the big reliable guy, but I'm calling it now that if he's only got female friends he's a pick me who'll turn incel-at least a while-when none of y'all will wanna date your friend.

[@sl0wM0_]

Damn I felt that​ one... I've been told so many times that I had a harem cause I was friend with a few girls at work and that we ate together at lunch, sometimes going out together. Or that I was the gay friend for some more idiot persons... The fact that most of the people can't even conceptualize the fact that these kinds of friendships exist baffles me... @@parkershaw3753

[@wyrw]

Aang and Toph from Avatar was one the first that came to mind for me

[@bloemkoolendestreetgang450]

That is true, though in that case Aang already had a friend crush on Katara, and Toph had a friend crush on Sokka lol. I think it would be seen as a different situation if it was just Aang and Toph alone

[@svenkampen1647]

@@bloemkoolendestreetgang450 Which goes to show that there are plenty of examples of hetero friendships in movie and TV as long as the characters in question are taken or tied up otherwise in crushes. Like Stargate SG-1 did not have Sam Carter have romantic tension with all the other male cast members most of which were initially married, but only one of them. Even when O'Neil was not in the show anymore they did not introduce a potential romance with another cast member. Now the second another woman was on the team she of course was semi-paried up with one of the male cast members. And now I don't know why I'm elaborating on this with Stargate rather than Star Trek.

[@T_Cup]

I always think back to the "will they, won't they" moment in Pitch Perfect 3 between John and Gail, which ends up with them laughing because it's so ludicrous. We need less love triangles and friends to lovers and more of that

[@0racle.sunrise3570]

LOL I laughed along when that happened, I love those two 😆😆😆

[@EmyN]

I got one! Tori and Andre from Victorious! They were great friends and stayed buddies from the beginning to end, people do ship them though…

[@edatheowllady9518]

Yes exactly! I really love and appreciate their friendship I especially appreciate Andre as a character!

[@lilenwasnothere6867]

andre and cat too

[@mr.v1442]

Saying "just friends" implies that "friend" is lower tier than a "lover" I am a bisexual and have 1 best friend that is a girl And platonic friendship woth her is like one of few things in my life that are good

[@Professor_Brie]

I think the thing is that lovers are also friends (assuming the relationship is healthy). You see a good number of healthy married couples refer to their spouse as their "best friend".

[@StarlitSeafoam]

Appreciate your point about our culture being hypersexualized. Its one of my great frustrations, both in life and fiction. Nice to hear someone talking about it.

[@thecompareablezombie]

I am responding to you first, sadly there is a mind set of safe horny and safe edgy. Know your meme has the definition of both. Sadly its not only just a meme. Would be wonderful to enjoy games without them being changed.

[@GodofChaos45]

Another type of friendship I would like to see more of in media is Straight men and gay men being friends. I think Invincible has the only example I've ever seen.

[@dekar000]

Scott pilgrim is another one

[@GodofChaos45]

@@dekar000 Yes! Thank you.

[@caitie226]

‘Sex Education’ TV show too!

[@zorandire3946]

​@@caitie226 I love Otis and Eric when they are together on screen

[@averyforeman5208]

Idk why the only one I could think of was Set it Up on Netflix

[@JaraDeHoog]

I'm a trans girl, and all throughout grade school (before I transitioned) I was really close friends with another girl. Adults and peers would constantly ask if we were dating or just assume we were. The intense scrutinization of our friendship from others put a lot of strain on our relationship, especially as we got a bit older, and I started to feel like something was deeply wrong with me for not being attracted to her (I now know I only like boys). It even got to a point where I isolated myself from her because I felt like we "shouldn't" be friends and because whenever we hung out I felt people's eyes on us. This cis- and heteronormative lens that society forces on vulnerable children is so fucked up and harmful, and strains beautiful connections. It always amazes me when people claim that trans people are the ones sexualizing children when the cishets be out here with all this BULLSHIT!

[@Lemonade-Tree]

Okay I understand uniformed kids but OH COME ON- ADULTS? Seriously that’s so weird

[@niobedragones7347]

As a trans Aroace person i can relate so hard, from the dysphoria from nonsensical objectification to being bombarded with sexuality and romance injecting itself into absolutely everything in society, THERE the ones who are shuving over sexualization down people's throats.. it's just really frustrating more than anything. Not to mention I absolutely hate the notion that romantic relationships are inherently more "valuable" or "important" it's absurd.

[@kohinattosru8587]

I am hetero and I can't understand and just stand this madness too...

[@niobedragones7347]

@@kohinattosru8587 fr fr

[@namkwal]

cishomo and i also hate how much my parents pester me about getting a girl (not coming out to them but still)

[@sophiefell9748]

I’ve actually had this thought so many times 😭 it feels like so much media these days revolves around romance, and I find myself missing close platonic relationships

[@LadySamanthally]

FR I can’t escape this circle both real life and virtual world

[@gandpork]

I’m a straight guy and my best friend is a woman, it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had and neither of us intend in the slightest to make it anything except platonic. We get harassed by a lot of people who tell us that we should start dating or we’d be cute together, and it makes us equally disgusted that despite telling them multiple times we have absolutely no interest in a romantic relationship, our own friends and family struggle to believe it.

[@ThePeakOfHumanEvolution69]

I'm in the same boat. My best friend is basically my sister, we've known each other for 5 years, and any kind of thought about us being involved romantically grosses me out, and she can 100% say the same. Society's "expectations" are annoying af, lmao

[@ceres090]

Its been my experience that when a man hits on you and you deny him, often he will request friendship next, and then accuse you of making assumptions for refusing that "friendship." I know its made me more wary of considering friendships in the past.

[@samnelson7428]

one thing you can do is just not be friends with the guys that hit on you, but be friends with those who don't start things off like that. but yeah that must suck ass, as a guy I've never had this stress

[@jclyntoledo]

This! And then in like 2 to 8 weeks they'll come back and tell you that you've been really confusing sending them mixed signals and they don't know what you are or they confess their feelings and when you say you just see them as a friend they'll get all upset saying you led them on 😭😭😭

[@Halo4beatsB02]

​@samnelson7428 this does not apply to chad I've literally seen a chad disrespect a girl and threaten to slap her and literally hang out later that Day.

[@FunkyLittlePoptart]

@@Halo4beatsB02 You called a normal human being a Chad unironically. Your opinion is invalid. Pull your head out of the manosphere and maybe figure out what a "joke" is. Women don't hang out with asshats who legit threaten to slap them, but sometimes with sarcastic bastards. You're too busy looking for ways to hate women to recognize basic social interactions.

[@Markus2E5I6]

Ron and Hermione do make sense. He consistently defends her, he is her comfort, she is the brains and he is the heart, in the books Harry often goes off on his own or is alone by sheer circumstances leaving Ron and Hermione together a lot offscreen. Theres so many other reasons. Hermione tries to make Ron jealous, gets angry when he doesn't ask her to the ball etc.

[@Amy3422]

Right! HP has good cross-gender friendships. Harry/Hermione are the goat. Harry & Luna are buddies. Ron & Hermione's friendship is different. It's foreshadowed that they'll end up a couple right from the start imo, and obvious from book 4 onward that they both have crushes on each other.

[@Markus2E5I6]

@@Amy3422 yeah saying Ron and Hermione don't make sense is so dumb, their feelings are hinted at all the time not to mention the book is from Harry perspective so obviously he won't know the more intimate details or understand stuff like why Hermione is angry Ron thought of her as a last resort to the ball. But what girl wouldn't fall in love with a guy who defends her from a teacher whilst others just laugh. Or who is screaming and freaking out when your left with a torturer. Not to mention they spend most of their time together.

[@Amy3422]

@@Markus2E5I6 It seems like most discussion of the Romione ship is based either on the movies (like in this video), or at least based on very inattentive reading with the movies influencing interpretation. It's fine not to ship it, but denying that the relationship is developed is just silly.

[@Markus2E5I6]

@@Amy3422 yeah, but even judging from the movie (because I saw the movies first) I predicted they were going to be together from the first movie...Hermione literally copies what Mrs Weasley says earlier (dirt on your nose bit) and thats a common thing with partners looking for people with attributes similar to their parents. And by the fourth movie I knew they were going to be together because Hermione was angry with not being asked and was fine with being Ron's 'owl' (in the I'm not an owl scene). Order of Phoenix movie, Ron the first to tell off Grawp for touching Hermione. Plus their banter is like an old married couple. The signs have always been there

[@Amy3422]

@@Markus2E5I6 Oh, for sure. I'm just convinced that the movies harmed understanding of the ship because Steve Kloves wanted Harry/Hermione. The movie characters are simplified and have different chemistry, so the relationships came across as less convincing.

[@pers0n3]

i hate how students and even TEACHERS in schools force sexuality on other people. i had a best friend in 2nd grade and he was a boy. one day it was teachers day and they were selling roses to give to the teachers. so we decided to buy one for our teacher. so many people walked past us, INCLUDING TEACHERS, saying how we are a "cute couple" and stuff. even when we were saying how we were just friends, they always assumed were just in denial. we were in 2ND GRADE. 2ND. GRADE. like WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??????

[@ArissaHaque]

I remember people doing that with me back in kindergarten with a family friend. Luckily it was only the students, but still

[@MoonHMR]

There was one moment in Parks and Rec where the dynamic of Leslie and Ron was questioned in a serious way - with Diane. When Ron and Diane first get together, Diane is very intimidated by Leslie and Ron's relationship, even with Tammy 2 around. Diane is less intimidated by Tammy who WAS married to Ron then she is Leslie. Of course it all works out in the end, and it also just proves your point further.

[@rrssna]

I'm a 57 year old cis-gender heterosexual man, and my two closest friendships are with women and span over twenty years. We are very close. And unfortunately, yes, a lot people back then felt it was weird and expected these friendships to go in a different direction, but as far as us, the friends, there was not even a thought. Also, I've developed warm friendships with women (and men) who are millennials, and of course, my friendships with the young women are suspected or assumed to being either May-December affairs, or worse, sugar daddy situations. I do agree that these assumptions arise from patriarchal paradigms. It's disappointing.

[@liampatrick3110]

Anyone who (unironically) uses "cisgender" in a sentence should not be taken seriously.

[@neivilde.1242]

literally my favourite thing in media is friendships, i'm more likely to be into the friendships than the romantic pairings, so it goes without saying, i am disappointed a lot

[@fatimahmakgatho8968]

it feels like kids' shows have better written friendships than most adult stuff. it's kind of depressing

[@lyokianhitchhiker]

& I'm pretty sure that’s only because people think kids aren’t sexual.

[@wellidontknow1941]

​@@lyokianhitchhiker yea and they SHOULDN'T be, for gods sake leave kids out of sexual stuff

[@lyokianhitchhiker]

@@wellidontknow1941 i neither said they should be nor insinuated I think they should be! I’m saying that people equate capacity for sexuality with a lack of capacity for platonicity.

[@ms_katielynn5264]

The Harry Potter books vs the movies adaptation issues in terms of the Harry, Ron, and Hermione dynamic are fascinating to me. Because while the JK Rowling had the intention of pairing Ron and Hermione, Steve Kloves, the screenwriter, shipped Harry/Hermione, which is kind if why so many of their scenes in the later movies are weirdly romance-framed despite the verbal insistence of platonic friendship. I’m thinking specifically of the scene in the yule ball when Hermione descending the staircase in her ballgown is framed from the perspective of harry and the tent dance scene from the seventh film. It also doesn’t help that Ron’s character and chemistry with Hermione was all but assassinated by those screenplays as well.

[@naomib1020]

the yule ball movie scene is so funny to me because in the books Harry straight up doesn’t recognise Hermione at first and then when he does he’s pretty much like "huh. all those books she usually carries around are really bad for her posture" and then goes on to practically not think about her at all. like that boy did not give a single flying fuck about her cinderella transformation lmao

[@D0MiN0ChAn]

2:00 EXCUSE ME, you might want to actually re-read the ending of Goblet of Fire where Harry at least gives his prize money to the twins so they can pursue their entrepreneural endeavours. They were the only ones he knew would actually *accept/take* the money. The Weasley's may have been poor throughout the majority of the franchise but they would have been way too proud to take handouts from anyone, least of all from Harry himself...~ Also, Ron's & Hermione's relationship was written very believable over the course of the book series. As a 12yo growing up alongside the series, I was able to pick up on Ron's feelings for Hermione in fucking book 2 when she got turned into stone by the Basilisk. It was THAT obvious he had a thing for her, basically since the very beginning.

[@emilyrln]

Yes! Harry was also kind of reimbursing them for the quidditch wager they won against Ludo Bagman, who paid them with leprechaun gold that disappeared. And he threatened to throw the money away if they didn't take it. (I think he might have first offered it to the Diggory family, who refused it for obvious reasons, although I might be misremembering that; it's been a while since I read GoF.)

[@Allystargirl]

Thank you!! I feel like this KZbinr didn’t even take the books into account at all 😭

[@yuyu2007]

Yeah… I don’t understand when people say it came out of nowhere, especially in the books. It was so obvious in nearly every book except the first. The relationship that *did* come out of nowhere was Harry and Ginny. But I’ve accepted it lol.

[@dext1352]

Yeah, I mean the video is good and all, but most media that he chose for his example have all heterofriendships in them like Avatar for fuck sake has A LOT of them

[@Casutama]

@@emilyrln you're remembering it correctly :)

[@SuperbBird54]

as an ace person.... THATS WHAT WERE ALL THINKING YESSSSS I was watching fallout and (spoilers) the two main characters met and im thinking yo no way theyre homies, and then they kissed and i was thinking that it was so pointless. It would have been so much more captivating if they were like homies

[@lilypond5158]

It's odd that you used Hermione and Harry as examples because despite having chemistry in the movies they were so absolutely platonic in the books and I personally liked them ao much as friends, they just had a pretty mature bond at a really young age I felt

[@mr.protagonist5639]

Exactly and from what I hear that chemistry is because someone making the movie was forcing his ship

[@applebard]

This has been a long-time wish of mine. Random thought, when I watched Tangled the first time, I was so excited because I _thought_ Flynn and Rapunzel were going to be platonic friends. After all, she's turning 18 and he's clearly like, 25? Right up until the moment when the stepmother asks, "You don't think he could possibly be interested in yoOuU!" I did not realize that romance was on the table. ALAS.

[@berserker5551]

It's fine in our world and they're in like medieval times

[@TiredMoonRabbit]

I don't think the gap in age is that big, but if you want to see a platonic friendship in the tangled universe you should watch the surprisingly good show.

[@applebard]

@@TiredMoonRabbit I've heard good things! I'll check it out. Always happy to have something new that I can watch while the kids are awake 😁

[@playingAnonymously]

​@TiredMoonRabbit they're actually spot in with the age gap tbh. We don't know if she was 18 or 19 but we know he's 7 years older.

[@jclyntoledo]

Actually made sense in the movie Tangled because in typical Disney princess stories there's always a romantic interest so I already knew there were doing a slow burn type of deal

[@Amy3422]

Y'all lost me when you said Ron/Hermione don't have chemistry in the first 5 books. Movies are a separate universe.

[@boomgirlbucko]

There's this cartoon called Lego Monkie Kid. And the main character, Mk, has a girl best friend named Mei. In a very early episode, they establish that these two do _not_ like eachother romantically in the slightest. And it is so refreshing to see a boy and girl main characters _just_ being best friends.

[@strelitziamystery21]

Those two are just besties!

[@soulgalaxywolf1024]

The reactions were extreme and funny! Made it so uncomfortable I didn't want to watch any indication of that idea, lol.

[@strelitziamystery21]

@soulgalaxywolf1024 Oh yeah I remember that.

[@boomgirlbucko]

@@soulgalaxywolf1024 Yeah that's what I was referring to but I didn't wanna spoil

[@soulgalaxywolf1024]

@@boomgirlbucko oh. I didn't consider it to be a spoiler. Hmm. Actually, I think I remember where it would be a spoiler. O-x

[@roadworkaheaduhyeahisureho5674]

And when people say that their kids "must like/be dating [friend of a different gender]": kids have crushes and get enamored and what not. Kids have sexuality. The problem is stating that one type of relationship is the default and expecting a relationship to always be that default. The alternative to this is continuing observation until you're certain they're friends or certain that they have romantic feelings for eachother, or even leaving it up in the air and saying "Yeah, I actually can't tell if they like eachother or if they are platonic." The problem is assuming a default, and then enforcing that default!!

[@pastel-sunrise]

Well said.

[@marianat1393]

1:14 - lol the movies really did ron dirty... he's amazing in the books, and just as flawed as harry and hermione

[@KayKayBayForever]

Totally agree. Back in the day, I really shipped Ron and Hermione, and was really glad when they eventually got together. I think the books had more to build up their relationship.

[@MoistCrumpet]

I like that the media is portraying platonic friendships between a man and a woman more. And I love when the friendships between these characters involve other people assuming they’re a couple and they have to awkwardly correct them because I know from experience that is very accurate.

[@jlinus7251]

Im a lesbian and my best friend is a guy, and the amount of times people have tried to invalidate our friendship by telling me hes just waiting to get into my pants is actually so abhorrent. It was said enough that I genuinely questioned him and Ive never hurt him so bad then when I asked him that question. He dates other women and so do I and we adore eachother platonically. I don't care what anyone says, I've never thought about him sexually and neither has he.

[@lllSASlll]

As an ace/aro woman, this plagues me constantly. I honestly have developed so much trauma from friendships being ruined by something relating to this topic. And I have had a lifelong male friend I lost because of external pressures on them for having a female friend. It's so messed up and is genuinely really harmful to have a social system and culture that doesn't value, or even believe in the possibility for platonic hetero friendships.

[@yeskaminakuritsova9368]

100% Agree. I'm sorry for your loss.

[@lllSASlll]

@@yeskaminakuritsova9368 thank you, I appreciate it

[@doorhandle2667]

Reminds me of a time when I made a friend of the opposite gender in university and nearly every time they were brought up in conversation at home my parent's and my parent's friends would ask if there was anything ~going on~ between us. Obviously there wasn't, and eventually me and this friend stopped talking; we didn't have a fight or anything- sometimes people naturally drift apart and it can't really be helped- but the other people in my life were far more upset over it than I was and behaved like I'd "lost my chance." Because they were apparently shipping me and this random person that they'd never met or even knew the name of who they only knew about because I mentioned them when they asked if I'd made any friends. Heteronormativity is both wild and ridiculous.

[@magicnz0420]

As an asexual person I appreciate this.❤❤❤

[@alyssanielsen8521]

I get you there

[@SADIE_Maybe_SADISTIC]

Same!:)

[@SemekiIzuio]

Asexual as well, society are a horny bunch

[@emmareiman64]

3rd~ Ace fellas represent :2

[@CHEESEPUFF_7]

Same here!

[@Bigagriculture]

This video hit pretty hard because I’m experiencing this situation in real life. I am a bisexual man and my best friend is a lesbian who I live with (we have two other roommates as well). We do a lot together (including cooking multiple times a week) and have chickens together. We are 100% platonic, and pretty much see each other as siblings. It’s the best relationship I’ve ever had, and I have never had any sort of romantic feelings for her. One of our other friends started making jokes about how we would end up together, and how we are practically married. They are bisexual and non binary, so I had expected them to understand how us being opposite genders would not mean we would be together, but they make pretty frequent comments about it and I have no idea what to do. We have both told them that isn’t happening, but they still seem convinced. We ignore it for the most part, but it feels weird to me, especially because she is exclusively attracted to women.

[@Pleiades21]

I recommend the book Radio Silence the main character is a girl and becomes very close friends with a boy its so sweet and they are like platonic soulmates

[@GirlMeetsSunshine]

Fighting for Romoine until I'm old and grey. In the book it just came very naturally with them growing up. Yes, they were bickering all the time, yes, they fought over absolutely nothing. But Ron always was jealous of other guys around Hermoine in a way, even if he could not understand it yet. Even Harry thinks so to himself a few times and he's Captain Obvious himself. I guess Romoine starts in book three and definitely in book four. Harry and Hermoine always were nothing more than platonic friends, she cares deeply for him, and she's one of his favorite people to be around. But they always had more of a sibling energy. They both died of embarrasment when Rita Skeeter framed them as couple and wrote that Hermoine had basically cheated on Harry. Ron is the forgotten tactician, a very bright head under a lot of bad manners and rude, even if honest comments. He has grown up as the last baby boy to parents that wished for a girl instead (and then got Ginny). Even his own mother cared more for Harry bc of his orphanage than for Ron, she did not even think it was possible that Rita had just made the whole story about Harry and Hermoine up, that Ron maybe could have been in love with her at all - or, even worse, that Hermoine could have liked Ron. I pity him. Ron was slow to recognize his feelings and Hermoine was waiting for AGES for Ron to make a move (she scolds him for that in book 4 (and the film, too)). It was a natural progression and I was so glad as a kid when they FINALLY had their moment. They are a good match and I will die on that hill.

[@marianat1393]

I love them! Most people who say that stuff haven't read the books

[@D0MiN0ChAn]

Yeah, it was pretty obvious from book two (maybe even more so three) onward. Heck, my 12yo self back then could see it coming from a mile away. I feel like their dynamic kind of gets lost in the films, because Ron is nothing more than a bumbling idiot in them, sadly. But in the book Romione was LEAGUES more natural and believable than god damn Harry & Ginny.

[@GirlMeetsSunshine]

@@D0MiN0ChAn still infuriating how they gave Harry Ron‘s lines. How they made Ron into the clumsy, rude and stupid comedic relief character. I needed to get to know him in the books to like him (maybe started to actually like him around book 5, i always thought of him as somewhat petty?), but definitely could see Romoine from an early stage. He is so much more the films made him look to be…

[@joannanteza1296]

I agree with you. Ron was very protective of Hermione even more than Harry as in Chamber of Secrets where he defended her against Malfoy calling her a mudblood.

[@GirlMeetsSunshine]

@@joannanteza1296 that specific scene could also be because Ron is the only one who truely understands what Malfoy has called her, he is the only one of the Trio that grew up in the world of magic and therefore knows the language and cuss words better than Harry and Hermoine. But still, he IS ready to punch Malfoy, whereas Harry just “knows” it was a “bad word“.

[@gracegrrl007]

I accidentally kinda messed up a beautiful platonic friendship I'd had for YEARS because I felt so much pressure to just start liking boys already. Context: I've recently realized I'm asexual and most likely also demiromantic! For most of my life, I simply had zero interest in dating. I just sorta assumed I would be single forever and adopt some older kids when I was in my thirties or forties. My excuse whenever people confessed feelings for me was always "I'm not ready to date yet," but honestly, it was more that I just didn't WANT to date yet. Around when I was 19 or 20 and still had never had a boyfriend, I started getting teased more by a younger male friend I was close with (he was 16/17 at the time I believe, obviously I had zero interest in him, he's not the friendship I ruined lol). I didn't think it bothered me, but the more time passed the more I started feeling like there genuinely was something wrong with me because I wasn't interested in dating. Cue my online best friend Trey (fake name). Trey and I met on Wattpad of all places and were part of an online friend group consisting of two boys and three girls. The other two girls were three years younger than me and the other boy in the team, five years younger than Trey, so obviously there was never gonna be anything there with them and the guys, but as I was closer in age to Trey I started to wonder if maybe I should just like him. (The other boy in the group is a trans man who 1. at that time, was not out, and I have never been attracted to women and didn't know he was trans, and 2. had been my best friend for something like 10 years at that point so he felt so much like a sibling we could not fathom dating each other LOL) It reached a head when a fourth girl, my age, also joined the group temporarily and confessed to me that she had a crush on Trey. I felt a strange sort of possessiveness at this--I had decided Trey might be MY crush, and I guess I better say something to him now that this mew girl is a potential threat! I told Trey I liked him romantically and to my surprise, he reciprocated eagerly. We were both extremely confused and new to the whole dating and romance thing, but who cares, we had a partner now! Kind of! He lived on the other side of the country and I didn't know how to make long distance work so we decided we would flirt online and date for real when we could live closer to each other one day! We spent a lot of time love-bombing and gushing over each other. When we met up in person during my cousin's wedding, we bought matching funny shirts. We would ramble on shared Google Docs about all the things we loved about each other. And then...one day I suddenly realized all my feelings for Trey really were strictly platonic. I have no clue what triggered this realization, honestly. It was like reality sorta slapped me in the face and said "hey, what are you doing, these are just friendship feelings??? stop it??? you don't want a boyfriend and this is moving too fast" I had to tell Trey and it broke his heart. It had been real for him, though he agreed we had maybe gone overboard in the fresh excitement of something new. Years later, I ended up actually feeling real romantic feelings for the first time with another guy and we've now been dating for three years. When I told Trey about my new relationship, it wrecked him. He told me he couldn't stop thinking about what could have been and promised he planned to become a major obstacle in my relationship so I would break up with my boyfriend and date him instead. We stopped talking to each other altogether for a while because it was too painful for him to still be friends with me. And if I had never mistaken my platonic feelings for him as romantic, I don't think his feelings ever would have gotten this far, because it never would have been a possibility. He's since apologized for his more possessive behavior, and we both realized after everything we've gone through together it's worth it to stay friends, but the relationship is different now. It'll probably always be different. I don't feel as close to him as I used to be, and I feel fairly confident he feels distant with me too. It genuinely freaking SUCKS. All of this to say: PLEASE start normalizing close and emotionally intimate friendships between people. I know I'm not the only person who's lost an important friendship because the media and society told me it was time to rush into picking a boyfriend. Leave us alone I beg you 😭

[@mochoo2942]

As someone who’s best friends with someone of the opposite sex, the stigma of platonic relationships between people of different genders SUCKS. I’ve known him for years, and my family tends to assume that something romantic is bound to happen eventually. They’ve made frequent comments to me about dating him since the age of 13; one time I brought up the possibility of being roommates with him after high school and my aunt’s immediate reaction was, “let’s hope you don’t get pregnant”. It’s an awful and uncomfortable feeling that makes me feel the need to distance myself from him, despite him being someone I really care about. The worst part is that I know they wouldn’t make any similar comments if we were both guys. TLDR: people need to chill and let me have friends. :[

[@fightingfaerie]

I actually like how Mean Girls kinda pokes fun at this “everyone ends up together in the end” trope. The gay guy and lesbian girl friends kiss when everyone else is getting together, but then immediately go “ew gross, nope.”

[@inigo137]

"Hermione relationship with Ron makes no sense but it's very deep with Harry" Spoken like a true only movie watcher If you have read the books and legit reached that conclusion, you have no reading comprehension

[@roops2277]

tbf he was talking about the movies, not the books

[@bibbr4137]

@@roops2277 well what the movies kinda fucked it up with hermione's casting. she was supposed to an unattractive nerd who had no friends while emma watson was both charming and grew to be quite the handsome woman. i can imagine that in his head his real thoughts are "she could do better" instead of actually wanting a proper friendship

[@Cool-Vest]

I've been hanging out with this one girl a lot recently and talking a lot about her to my parents. My dad assumed we were dating. When I flatly denied this, he got the impression that I was trying to hide the fact that I'm gay. The problem with that? I'M NOT GAY!

[@bobitboo2792]

The problem with that? Everything.

[@Cool-Vest]

@@bobitboo2792 Well kind of. My dad is completely fine with me being gay, he just thinks I don't trust him, or that I don't trust society (I mean true on that last thing but that wouldn't stop me). I think in the past month though he's kind of got the picture.

[@bobitboo2792]

@@Cool-Vest I was saying the problem is that they assumed you had to be attracted to your female friend, and then assumed you were gay because you weren’t

[@TokieMPage4518]

Watch one piece, you'll find the main characters having nothing but platonic friendships and it is done so well. They love themselves as family more than friends but nothing like dating. Even Oda said that the main characters will have no relationships within then and i love it I was missing this in entertainment

[@DetChesmond]

How I Met Your Mother definitely had its issues that haven’t aged well, but Ted and Lily were actually a great example of a platonic friendship, and I don’t recall any episodes that ever implied romantic interest between them

[@Milena-qe8nb]

So one example of platonic friendship that I wish I saw was from Star vs the forces of evil. Like genuinely, was it necessary ?

[@kaylemathewcomendador6964]

Nah, it was good until the final season ruined Starco.

[@kjaime7030]

I'm a 59-year-old male who, ever since high school--both in many U.S. states and a few European countries--have had more female friends than male, can honestly say that yes, platonic relationships CAN work and are quite awesome. Now, can I say I have never had a crush on every one of those friends at one time or another? No. Not at all. Can I say that none of them have displayed signs of being interested in more than a friendship with me. Nope. So is there always sexual tension? No to that as well, but my CLOSEST platonic relationships have definitely all had sexual tension, for probably most of the time of the relationship. Sometimes, though, it's best to face it head-on and say--out loud--"Isn't it great that out of most of my friendships with someone of the gender that turns me on, you are one of the rare ones I haven't ever kissed." Like, then it becomes more of an easy challenge to just say, "Well, I can't kiss them NOW." It's kinda like that one Seinfeld thing where he saw the potato chip commercial with the tag line, "You can't eat just one," implying that once you eat one, you'll crave the rest of the bag. But he bought a ba, ate one, threw the bag with the rest of them away, and has never bought a new bag since. You don't think about it because you CAN'T think about it. No more tension. Ever. It works. And it's very healthy for straight couples, because you learn a LOT more about the opposite sex, since those platonic friends acknowledge you as no longer "mixed company." It's like you get invited into all the secret conversations they usually keep private from your own gender. And in general, they feel less threatened by you or your intentions, so you can grow even closer. (But see, the closer you get, the more intimate your discussions and feelings get, and the more you get along and bond, the more likely it is for that sexual tension to rear its head.) And if you're both going through a long period of being single, it's natural to start to think, "Hey, I'm lonely. I crave a person's touch. I'm horny. And this person always stands behind me and loves the same things I do, so why not...? Yeah. THAT'S the problem. Plus, of course, if you ARE in committed non-platonic relationships, developing or maintaining a strong friendship with someone else causes issues in your primary relationship. So either way, a strong, fully-platonic-for-all-time thing IS super-UNrealistic. I guess for the duration of a 300-page novel or a 3-hour movie should work, but not if it stretches longer than a decade.

[@garfieldkater5469]

I think its very possible to have fully platonic relationships. Im bi and habe many amazing close friends with 0 sexual tension. But also 2 ex boyfriends whom I'm still friends with so we had to un-learn , that way to see each othe r , first, but with time, that worke d

[@ARViuff]

The majority of platonic friendships i can name in media happens in young childrens cartoons and shows.

[@plvmenace]

The only good platonic hetero relationships I've seen are Carol and Daryl from The Walking Dead and Donna and the Doctor from Doctor Who.

[@2triedforthis830]

Surprisingly, Raven and beast boy from the Teen titans show (CN) were literally friends through the entirety of the show, and even though I do like them together, the very deep platonic relationship they share is something I really loved, and how they played off each other perfectly.

[@Rebelheart1985]

Raven and Robin too had a good friendship

[@РайанКупер-э4о]

Armin and Mikasa? Aang and Toph?

[@maelenia]

I love these characters so much. But one of the reasons they aren’t implied to be together is because one of them is already interested in someone else.

[@bhaktiagarwal5859]

I just had to add this Swedish Netflix show I watched called Young Royals where the main character (Prince Wilhelm) had an awesome friendship with his classmate Felice. Even though they started out as Felice having a superficial crush on Wilhelm and they even end up kissing once, she gracefully took her own misinterpretation of Wilhelm's feelings into account and they became best of friends while Wilhelm was in love with one of his classmates, Simon. This shows that even though you can have a rocky, sort-of romantic start between a boy and a girl, it's just that easy to get over it and become best friends because friendships are more beautiful many a times. Not every sort of feelings have to go somewhere and you don't have to see people in a romantic light all the time.

[@jessharkness5534]

i've been thinking about this a lot because i'm a bit worried that The Bear is going in a romantic direction between Syd and Carmy. i just think they have a really beautiful platonic relationship and i personally would like it to stay that way (a lot of people seem to disagree tho!)

[@Doomsword0]

I never really saw that but I did worry near the end of s2 that they were trying to set something up with Syd and Marcus, I'm hoping that doesn't happen either

[@elcee8]

Echiiro Oda writer of One Piece did not want anything beyond platonic relationships among the Straw Hat pirates. I just love Nami’s friendship with both Luffy and also Usopp. I always get teary eyed during that scene when in the anime Luffy bursts through the rubbles of Arlong Park after fighting and winning a battle for Nami and yells out, “Nami, you are my friend!!!” And Nami sheds a tear and says, “yeah.” These platonic male-female relationships are so rare in fiction.

[@G.F.SF55]

I absolutely agree with everything said here, also, platonic friendship and relationships in general are *so* underrated!! The level of fulfillment you get from it is unparalleled, can make an unfortunate situation in life such as a terribly paying job, a high stress lifestyle in general both so much more bareble and enjoyable, like you have some pleasant reasons to live!

[@meliponaplays]

My autism thanks you for this video. I've lost many friends due to these pressures and I've known why but I've never truly understood it.

[@LadySamanthally]

Mine’s opposite, they never interact with me because of certain things. I never had a guy friend because of that instant thing they feel when interacting with me. This made me soft and vulnarable when interacting with guys, hoping I could have some improvements and clear perception in the future. I still have long time to go so I’ll see if this works for me.

[@Raindrop2424]

Haley and Lucas on one tree hill. They‘re best friends and even talk about how not interested they’re in each other. And what I appreciate is that at no point is the show trying to make them a couple.

[@sararatliff7707]

Donnie & April from Rise of the Ninja Turtles. They grew up together and have that sibling dynamic. There is absolutely love there, but they aren't getting together. Yeah, parts of the fandom ships them, but EVERY fandom I have ever seen will literally ship everyone with everyone. There could be zero reason for anyone to even think two characters even like each other, and someone will drop fan media about them getting it on. It's wild. I'm a romantic at heart, and I want everyone to find their special someone, but I can also see that it's not a requirement for life. And if we're talking about characters that are minors or even college age, there's really no rush.

[@danzinoraswitch3896]

Love those Dorky Pals for Life

[@Noor-ge8qt]

I think my favourite platonic relationship between two characters of the opposite gender are Jake and Rosa or Jake and Gina in Brooklyn 99. I love how they both have a deep and meaningful relationships, that are unique in their own ways, but there is never a doubt that they could be anything more than friends. Like, there could very easily be a plot line where Amy is scared that Gina and Jake like each other, but they don’t do that because they understand that men and women can just be friends, and that these characters are just that.

[@Thomperfan]

I think a show does a great job at showcasing platonic relationships between main characters is It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Sweet Dee is the only girl in a group with four other guys, one of which being her twin brother, and another being her VERY old legal father, and suffice to say, none of them are interested in her or find her attractive in the slightest, which allows her to be on an equal playing field with them, even though she's usually their punching bag/scape goat. Throughout the course of the show, we see that even though the Gang is HORRIBLE to each other, they still feel and act like actual friends, and with them being the way they are, they've only got each other. And sure, there was that one episode where Dee and Charlie catch feelings for each other and have a make-out session, but it's not treated seriously whatsoever, AND it was in an episode where the entire gang was out of their element.

[@Kriliska]

If my memory serves me right, Harry was offering to help Ron and his family but they always refused his money. And as for the elves, the ones at Hogwarts were unsurprisingly content with their situation as servitude was always part of their nature both in folklore and in this world. Hermione was just self-righteous and ignorant and refused to listen to elves because she had a savior complex and all of her activism was much more about patting herself on a back for how good she is rather than listening to the elves.

[@Casutama]

I actually think the books make a great point about how Hermione is right about the ethics, but wrong about her approach to activism

[@elisabethvictoria5324]

as an aromantic asexual, I AM SO SICK OF PEOPLE ALWAYS ASSUMING IM IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ALL MY GUY FRIENDS. also of people saying that romantic partners are 'more' than friends. and the assumption that romantic partners should always be prioritised over friends and family. i hate allonormativity..

[@M_JackOfAllTrades]

I feel ya on that second part. Not so much the first, only because I've had very few same sex friends, let alone the opposite sex, even though I'd really like that. But yes, the expectation that romantic relationships, especially after marriage, will always be prioritized over friendships and family of origin drives me crazy sometimes. Part of me understands (or tries to) but at the same time it makes finding and maintaining deep, meaningful platonic connections so much harder.

[@Kautschkartoffel-bw8oi]

Why can't i like this comment more then once?

[@AnnaMno1]

I think the 'more than friends' thing is fine if the people in a romantic relationship are also friends with their partner, so their relationship is more than friends, while thise that can't are just something different than friends. Likewise some people may discribe a stong platonic friendship as more than friends, QPR's and ones that say 'like siblings' might use this frase as well. I remember reading a book where a character came to realise that her partner had stopped being her friend over the corse of their relationship, and she missed her friend from before they were together even though she did love him

[@elisabethvictoria5324]

@@AnnaMno1 the issue with 'more than friends' is that it implies that romantic relationships are more important than friendships. a better thing to say would be 'different than friends' or 'friends but also [insert relationship here]'. also, if you're in a romantic relationship with someone, i'd sure hope you also considered them a friend, or it probably isnt a great relationship lmao. so that should be the default

[@watching7721]

While I agree friendships should be given more emphasis, I think romantic relationship emphasis happens because of this: There are these feelings, so potent that it shapes beliefs and society itself. These feelings give romantic relationships such a great importance that they become most of the time the most prioritized relationship by virtue of its inherent yet inexplicable nature. Arguments against the importance of romantic relationships often become null and void in the face of these feelings that so much define the heights of mental experience for most. You can chalk it up to spiritual explanations or the biological need for people to reproduce, but either way there's something uniquely special about the relationship between humans and their mates. You are an aromantic asexual, which means you'll never truly understand it. It's like historical events in that we can know what happened and how people felt, but we can't understand truly what it's like to go through historical events, just knowing what others have said about what it's like

[@bibbr4137]

the reality is that most relationships do come from friends, and outside this western culture where everyone is obsessed with "going out to the bar", "online dating", and "blind dates", most people do actually develop relationships with their workplaces, in school, and such; it's just that it is far, far less common than is portrayed in movies. dating culture has intoxicated people with the belief that friends are separate from partners, to the point of forgetting that if you choose to spend the rest of your life living with, working, and raising children together, that person has to be the bestest ever friend in your life

[@sofiaayumi2215]

Lego monkie kid had the main character and the "girl character" be best friends and there was an episode that they couldnt be more explicit that they would NEVER date

[@marcodragneel8035]

actually there is, denji and power

[@raktimamchiforthe4thtime445]

Ohh yah the definitive answer

[@jijitters]

Your tone and voice are great for commentary. Keep going, you deserve many more subscribers!

[@zthomas4th]

1:57 Harry would've split his money with them but he knows they'll never take it also he gave the twins 1,000 galleons in Goblet of Fire

[@YayaFeiLong]

I'm not even a Harry Potter fan anymore but as someone who read those books nigh-religiously back in middle school I will not stand for this bald-faced slander on Harry I don't know what the movies do because I never watched them (and will not ever), but in the books Harry constantly tries to give some of his money to the Weasleys and they just won't accept it. There's one scene where he finally manages to gift a hefty sum of money to the Weasley twins to kick-start their business (iirc it was the prize money he got from the Triwizard Tournament) and it's like an emotional high point of the book

[@wellidontknow1941]

YESS, amd also how is harry not just a bad person in his eyes, but straight up AWFUL, LIKE-?!!??

[@Neonb88]

I mean, obviously Hermione and Harry are one of the greatest stories of friendship of all time And Erlich and Monica, Joey and Phoebe / Rachel, Marshall and Robin and Ted and Lily, Bryan D and Ki Swan, Etc.

[@CornStubble]

Apparently in the books Ron and herminy’s ( cannot spell ) relationship is much better, cuz the director of the movies apparently didn’t like Ron, and actively gave some of Ron’s better moments to other characters, movie flame has a really good video about it

[@spacesimp]

2:25 Oh no no no, Harry wanted to give money to the Weasleys as well, but in the books he stated that they would never accept it. Every time he tried, they rejected it and tbh, if I were in Molly’s shoes, I would too. He’s an orphan, it’s all he’s got, and he’s what? 14 years old? He had been very generous to Ron without outright giving him cash, and remember how he had to repeatedly push the twins to accept the reward he won during the Triwizard tournament?

[@Starli_Brook]

I have had many male friends in my life and this is honestly so true. My best friend from first to eighth grade was a guy, and it was the deepest friendship I’ve had in my life. But we ALWAYS got asked these questions. “Do you like him?” “Aren’t you dating?” “When are you going to get together?” Beyond that, people would just tell us to our faces that we must have crushes on each other, like it was an order. Ummm on whose authority?? Over time, not only did he become close with many of my female friends, but I got to be really good friends with the guys in his circle. Nothing was ever assumed about any of those friendships, though, UNTIL the day my friend moved schools. Literally, the next day, people asked those exact same questions of me and another guy friend of mine. Even my parents feel the need to assume or ask these questions. Why does everyone NEED to end up together??? Can’t you all just leave us be????? Please it’s driving me insane.

[@jacobbartlett331]

As a guy who would like to be in a female friendship, it sucks so hard that no matter what I do, I can not be close to any girl ever without someone assuming we like each other, or that I’m flirting or whatever. I literally got pulled aside at work because I was sitting “too close” to a female coworker and my legs were “very spread apart” . Suffice to say I don’t work there anymore.

[@deadlypandaghost]

No. Book 5 and 4 of Harry Potter had some definite indicators they liked each other. The entire tension about Ron being jealous of Victor in book 4. Not to mention Hermione's line about "You should have asked me before someone else did.". Then in book 5 when Hermione is jealous of Lavander. Its not just that Ron was ignoring them for her. She clearly lashes out over him dating someone else. I would argue book 3 as well. The fight over crookshanks eating the rat always felt like a lover's quarrel to me. It was at least where I first started thinking they liked each other. But that could also be a friend fight so interpretation there.

[@dangalvan2484]

One of my favorite platonic relationship is Alex Karev and Meredith Grey and Alex Karev and Cristina Yang in Grey's Anatomy. While some platonic friendships were push to more (Izzy and George, Jackson and April, Link and Jo), Alex always stayed just friends with Cristina and Meredith. They stayed family till the end. All 15 seasons he was in. And it shows the growth all the characters made.