D&D Players, What are some of the most Absurd stories from campaigns you were in? #2

[@lucarudloff687]

"Ladies and Gentlement, meet my god" such a short but fcking powerful raw line. I LOVED that story.

[@citizen_grub4171]

His God is 100% Tharizdun.

[@ComradeCorvus]

I actually got goosebumps from that.

[@99zxk]

"I have fire resistance, so I'm going to forge a gauntlet around my hand." "You successfully forge the gauntlet, breaking every bone in your hand with the repeated hammer blows. The poor circulation causes your hand to die and fall off."

[@Dragon359]

I think I remember hearing that first story before, but still pretty amazing to hear it.

[@Pxcemetter]

It was one when they still used computer voice, still my favorite story in Mr. Ripper channel, love to hear it again.

[@billbishop6109]

Probably the most absurd event my party accomplished was the time we destroyed a wizard's tower, with a church. You see the town of Leilon was overrun with devils and something was afoot in the tower. Rather than fight our way through all the minions we decided to get creative. Our druid wildshaped into a huge coatyl and the bard polymorphed my barbarian into a giant eagle, then the wizard cast invisibility on the fliers, and as such, the riders were also invisible. So we flew right up to the mage's tower, and the warlock jumped into the scaffolding surrounding the tower as it was being repaired. He ran into the tower and placed an instant fortress on the ground, shaped as a nice two story church, and activated it, using misty step to GTFO. It was glorious, there were bits of tower raining down for half a block around it. The DM had to call the session early to try and rework the scenario, we broke it so much.

[@RevokFarthis]

Most absurd situation I was in started with our party waking up naked in an unknown prison cell. A guard in an environmental protection suit opened the cell door. Me: "I grab him" 3 hours later; DM: "you drop the remains of the corpse, and close the hatch door. With a hiss and a pop, the escape pod launches from the ship back down to the planet below. You now gain Exotic Weapon Proficiency; Alien Scientist."

[@sillyjellyfish2421]

Did they... Did they just killed a jedi NPC that came to rescue them? Neat! XD

[@stephenblevins3829]

Pretty cool of the DM to allow the evil group to get so far. It was also nice of them not to bring in the epic level monstrosities that populate Forgotten Realms as soon as Baldur's Gate fell.

[@DualGamerProdigy]

My friend's barbarian named Buck Deer (written as a stick figure buck next to a stick figure deer) taking all the flesh from the murdered citizens of a town and molding them into a tree shape. He later harvested the leathery bark from this rotten flesh tree and made himself new undergarments from it.

[@AkumaDiablo-lr3sc]

WTF!!

[@dylancarter9290]

Aside from the undergarments bit, this straight-up sounds like something done in an old Grimm fairytale by a cryptid

[@MitchellTF]

Eeewwww

[@deathpyre42]

wouldn't it still require some sort of arcane knowledge to get a usable material from the meat tree?

[@SunbearSmoke]

@@deathpyre42 nope.

[@mariofan1ish]

"Their plan was to revive the dead guy by having the fighter french kiss him for several minutes." I mean... it certainly sounds dumb enough to be a plan a DnD party would come up with.

[@s--h1584]

Really didn't see that one coming, gotta say.

[@ItsJustChri5]

c corpsesmooch

[@MarbleClouds]

Snow white type beat

[@lexington476]

9:41 darn after the battle at Waterdeep, I was expecting this to end with an invasion of Evermeet 😀.

[@Astra-1]

0:36 there is a really bad audio issue here for me

[@dragonriderabens9761]

a couple, actually 1. My 9ft dragonborn barbarian is dating a 2ft kobold. Don't ask how a romp under the sheets works unless you're ok with being scarred 2. the time the party used dimension door to create a water cannon that disintegrated an adult green dragon's head (the other side of the door opened up at the bottom of the ocean) 3. the time we fought an archlich on the moon, which was surrounded in a field of necrotic energy to stop said archlich from getting the anti-life equation And this all happened IN THE SAME CAMPAIGN

[@fin-as-drago9479]

Kobold: I had Snu Snu

[@travisbishop782]

Ah a fellow fan of Goblin Slayer.

[@dragonriderabens9761]

@@travisbishop782 um…what? I’m familiar with the show…existing But I’ve never seen a single episode My knowledge of it is pretty much “the main protagonist is the DOOM Slayer but with goblins” That’s it, that’s pretty much all I know about that show

[@travisbishop782]

@@dragonriderabens9761 in the show, Goblin Slayer used a portal scroll to do the exact same thing to an ogre.

[@dragonriderabens9761]

@@travisbishop782 oh, that The original plan was to use the Dimension Door to pop him like a water balloon, but time constraints caused the DM to go with head disintegration instead

[@StygTac]

A little backstory: I'm the DM in this situation, but my players had spent quite a bit of time attending to politics during and inbetween quests and missions, which had earned them quite a lot of favors with a few guilds and such. The party had just taken a mission to find some missing soldiers, and after getting ambushed in a warehouse, they found a hidden trap door that lead to a lair. The lair was filled with a few traps, and the bodies of the missing soldiers taken apart and put together to resemble some ancient deities. Before they made it to the end of this long lair (there was a beholder that was trying to summon demons, and use effigies to control them), one player got the brilliant idea to just, blow the place up, just quick an easy to deal with whatever evil resides here. Here's where it gets Absurd. The party decides to line rooms upon rooms of with explosives, which were fairly easy to obtain, given their situation, and a particular magic item which allowed them to set a detonation remotely. After some time, they set off the massive stockpile of explosives... In an area with natural gas deposits... Underneath a city... A good chunk of the city collapsed, along with a minor earthquake affecting other districts. They managed to kill the beholder, as well as a bunch of the city, and needless to say, some of the party has Hits out for them. ________________________________ For this one, I was a player. I was invited by my DM to try and break his game. I was a multiclass Bard/Warlock/Wizard, who's defining traits were: 1. He was always looking to trade money to get more power, and power to get more money. And 2. He was alchemist by heart, and loved to think about the applications of poisons. I took most levels in bard to support the party, mostly for fun, but I the lowest I could get was a 25 in all charisma checks (with expertise and stuff), and with college of glamour, that makes for some pretty fun interaction. I have 1 level into hexblade warlock, for eldritch blast, and a talking sword for roleplay purposes, it's fairly funny to trick goblins into thinking I have the souls of their companions screaming in agony trapped in my sword, and with my high charisma, fairly easy to intimidate an army into order, and deal with revolters. And finally, I took 2 levels in conjuration wizard, so I could replicate nonmagical items that I have seen up to the specifications given, such as purple worm poison, or a flask of revival (homebrew, our DM expected us to die, a lot, but he gave us one flask to use wisely) that when I used the identify spell on, turned out to be nonmagical. The flask didn't restore limbs, and only worked one minute after death, so..... Introducing; the character that would capture enemies, remove their limbs, and use repeated death as an interrogation technique, you can inflict eternal pain without ever actually worrying about killing them! And then you can just leave their limbless body in the forest to honor your promise of freedom for cooperation.

[@backonlazer791]

0:35 What the heck happened there? Some sort of audio bug I assume. For a second I thought my laptop or headphones broke =/

[@yeahammoose]

I noticed that aswell

[@MNbenMN]

Yeah, I replayed that sentence a couple times. Only a few words were garbled, but without the text on screen, would have been pretty confusing,

[@CrisisComics]

*Dracula is a Blanka Main* I was playing a character in a Mutants and Masterminds game, who was a vigilante named Bloodgates. He was a normal guy who worked as the janitor of the local superteam's building, but would sate his thirst for blood by fighting crime non-lethally (for example, he slashed a would-be rapist's tires with his claws, mind controlled the guy into a chill stupor, and left him in his car with a nicked throat after calling the cops with a burner phone). He gained the attention of the local heroes, who were understandably hesitant about welcoming a vampire onto the team, but they figured they knew enough about me to handle anything and welcomed him aboard. A couple sessions later, we were chasing some fugitives through some tunnels, and found ourselves in a mysterious, world-hopping castle... the domain of COUNT DRACULA! He was a very hospitable host, but our vampirophobic team leader (the same one who tried to serve me garlic bread to gauge my weaknesses) REALLY wanted to leave, since he and supernatural creatures had an... unpleasant history. Problem was, he was willing to march us out into the snowstorm that had suddenly appeared outside the door. And I was actually interested in hanging out with Drac, since he was not only the first fellow vamp I'd met, but also a celebrity among our kind. So I... introduced a new weakness to my character, explaining that because of my undead nature and reliance on blood, my body would freeze MUCH faster than an ordinary human's, and would probably shatter during the journey. So much to the team's displeasure and the Count's delight, we HAD to stay the night. During the night, Dracula challenged me to a game of chess (something I had been advised not to partake in), and I started rolling decently. What followed was this event: "I see you are well-acquainted with the game of Chess." "Well, yeah... but to be honest, I'm a lot better at Street Fighter." "Oh, really? Me too." *sweeps the chessboard away and takes me to his big screen TV with a game console* Uh oh. Long story short, it was a rough back and forth, but in the end, I managed to beat Dracula at his own game... *Super Street Fighter II* ! Rolled a Crit, too. Wound up impressing him so much that I earned Drac as a contact.

[@BlackRainRising]

I feel Puffin Forest needs to come in and re-tell his story of Abserd

[@obsidiansiriusblackheart]

0:36 in there's some weird audio glitch. Can't believe I'm so early to the vid!

[@sir_ox6735]

Half Orc arm wrestles a frost giant and wins.

[@remnantryku7112]

That was a pretty awesome evil story. Rare when the villains win and you get to experience the story beginning to end.

[@erockandroll39]

Okay, so my fighter lost his money in a drinking contest with another PC, so he went out to take on a minor kolbald menace in an attempt to recoup his losses. Alone, in the middle of the night, and he was still too drunk to figure out where to go. He some how managed to make it back to the in. (With more gold than he started with.) Only to find that he and his party was being summoned by this 70 year old aristocratic woman, because she wanted to personally thank him for the services he provided last night. (It was never established what these services actually were, but she remarked that he had a lovely singing voice.)

[@WolfBoy-om6dw]

I think there's something wrong with the audio of this video

[@pulsefel9210]

Cleric: meet my god! *fade to black, literally*

[@AjiraCtelin1993]

I'm just going to throw out there the time our party fighter baked a cake. Instead of an oven, he used an intimidate check on the ingredients. The nat20 meant the milk, eggs, flour, etc. just ... *became a cake.* It tasted afraid.

[@jackberberette5093]

In a fantasy industrial revolution campaign a friend ran, a bard and a necromancer with personal pocket dimensions, walked into a morgue, stealing 30 bodies and the morgue's secretary. A little while later inside the bard's pocket dimension, 10 bodies stayed dead, 10 turned into crumpets, and the final 10 fused into aassige evil hand. After the hand was defeated, zombies were raised only to be taught how to tap dance. We used them as distractions for the rest of the campaign, as well as nannies for the orphanage we opened.

[@theofficerfactory2625]

First one: Epic man; just epic. last one: Da fuq?

[@theelderlardrider2425]

my friend killed a lich as a bard with a very bad yo momma joke as vicious mockery. The joke went "yo mom is so ugly she is uglier then you."

[@yippycat5303]

What happened at the 30 second mark?!? That scared me lol

[@bingledorf]

the henderson s̷͑̑̈̄͂͜ç̴͙͙̉̾͛̀ͅą̵̳̗̣͎͆́͂̀l̵͎̙̦͙̺̪̗̱̫͕̍̽e̸̪̣͚̱̹̖̞̘̳̭̟̣͂̋̾̒̊̊͆̄̄̄̎͘͜͝͝l̸̘̞͎̿̃̈́͗͝ȩ̷̙̳̲̜͔͍̻̒̍̀̐͌́̀̕͠l̴̛͍͙͇̖̱̮̾͂̉̊̾̾̈́̑͘̚͜͝͝l̴͓̹͎͓͈̜̯̭͉̣̦̤̍̍͗̉͒́̃͐̅̈́̔̐̌̃̈́e̸̮̖̼̜͎̘͖̟͊̑̔̋̐̑̀̈́͗̈́̎͂͘ͅl̷̢̛̲̻̰͈̩̳̩͐̒̓̎̈̓̋̓̋̍͑͑͋͠e̸̛͔̜̱̘̹̟̋́s̷͔̎͊̑̉͂̈̊̅̊͋͝l̷̢̧̫͈̻̰̰̠͈̙͖̫͚͋̐̾̽̍́̑̈́͌̚͜͜͝

[@Relocklabs]

one doesn't simply talk about that

[@scorpioperk1137]

That time we free'd a town of cloned demi-gods. DM had created a homebrew world (very epic one) and we were traveling around destroying the generals (mini-BBEGs) of a gnome lich hell bent on the destruction of all species not gnome. We arrived on an island following a lead, and found a settlement there in the midst of a celebration. Now, aside from our monk (who is notorious for rolling 1s repeatedly) we all notice that everyone, from the smallest child to the not-so-old adults looked like the same two people. Of course, my bladesinging noble tiefling just so happened to worship Illirya, Our Lady of Joy, and was super into parties, so he did exactly that (23 with bonuses). The locals loved him, while encouraging our party members who followed my lead to dance as well. our other wizard, a necromancer, of course found everything just as suspicious as I did, went snooping about magically while I schmoozed. He found an arch near the shores of the island, a boat a few paces behind it, waiting to push off. Being a necromancer, he was immediately able to tell that the arch placed a curse on whatever passed through that would kill anyone in exactly 3 days. Walking around it, he found that the ship was magic, and identified that it would sail itself to a predetermined location. Meanwhile, back at the party, I successfully learned that the celebration was for a coming of age ceremony, where the oldest males and females (roughly 20 yrs old) would pass through the sacred gates and get on a magic boat that would take them to civilization to explore the world. The next day, we attend the ceremony and I successfully identify the arch and what it does (bladesingers are still wizards) the necromancer didn't tell me because he thought my zealous ass would freak the fuck out. No, I pulled up my big britches, got up next to the town speaker and asked to say a few words. None of the people of the village had magical talent, which is why they didn't think anything of their traditions as I at first schmoozed them up, while tearing down their beliefs on this tradition of theirs. Why haven't any of them heard back from ANY of the young men and women who had left? Surely at least one or two would wish to return, or even promised to return? If none of them could see or do magic, then what's with the boat? Who started this tradition? I made them question their beliefs while being their friend (in character he truly believed he was their friend since he was just that type of guy at parties) For the 'finale' he asked the other wizard to come up and aid him after demonstrating minor magic (the crowd was awed by it since they've never seen it before) and we... bent the rules. Our DM encouraged creative use of magic, even if it wasn't connected to any sort of spell, but gave bonuses to acts that had some form of connection to spells we used frequently. All I wanted to do was make the necromantic curse visible to everyone. With the aid of our own necromancer, it was a success. We then convinced the village that whoever was responsible had to be at the other end of the boat trip. So, our party said our goodbyes and got on the boat. Cue 3.5 day boat ride. Low and behold, we are taken to another island. fight off some golems, and entered what soon became a laboratory. The main fixtures? A man and a woman in tubes who looked exactly like the men and women of the village except... perfect was the only way the DM described them. Cue one of the liches generals entering, a frail old artificer, chase scene through corridors that ended early thanks to hasted aaracockra monk (kept the general alive) cue another chase/fight through the corridor to a cliff outside with a massive earth elemental (we did not want to fight it while being surrounded by earth). Me being the bladesinger, ended up being the main tank, getting my ass beat before we were able to take it down. Take the mad man back to the lab, he laughs at us as we take a look at his notes, me and the necromancer figure out how to release the two beings without killing them, and do so. The old mad man stopped laughing then, and tried to escape. He rolled a 1 apparently. dislocated his shoulder in the monks grip. The two beings thank us, explain they were demi-gods tricked into a deep sleep and used to make mortal clones of perfection for mad man to dress up and send to the lich as undead cannon fodder for his army. They proceeded to take custody of the mad man and told us to leave. They gave us a blessing and a promise that they would aid their "children". The DM explained excruciating screams behind us as we left. None of us regretted it. The names of the two demi-gods? Adam and Eve. He also had expected everything to go poorly somewhere, prepared several layers of combat at the village, ways to discover what happened, which we circumvented. Then he didn't expect us to keep the old mad man alive, which earned us brownie points... We were also, not meant to figure out how to free the demi-gods. We had a 80% chance of any of our decisions killing them. TLDR: Party convinces a clone village into changing their unwittingly suicidal traditions and save the children of a god.

[@99zxk]

This should be titled "TL;DR One long story by one guy"

[@postapocalypticnewsradio]

PANR has tuned in.

[@GymbalLock]

14:23 you've just explained the Cutie Mark Crusaders from My Little Pony

[@scottmefford6917]

I like the Kobold sized Red Dragonborn, LOL.

[@travisbishop782]

In my weekly game this week, my dwarf paladin got cusred and turned into a blue dragon wyrmling, and after a botched remove curse spell, i'm a stubby dragonborn. All from eating a omelet!

[@disableddragonborn]

12:45 I AM IN TEARS HOLY FUCK. They tried to Snow White-revive a dead dude for far longer than they can justify. At that point, it's necrophilia.

[@amberkat8147]

Oh God, the spell "yeet tiny ally!" I f*ing LOVE it!

[@Salad_Pickle]

Got jumped by 2 mountain trolls over a goat... I was dumb n said it wasn't ours. Ranger said "I am not leaving Charles (goat) behind" I'm just like.. fuck, I guess we're doing this. Nearly died in that encounter. Barb took a crit hit, monk got downed, and I just said "fuck it" put Sanctuary on the barb and got up in the trolls face. One hit, then two... then three. Left me in critical condition but that badass Leonin knocked out 3 crits back to back to back. Meanwhile I'm just standing there, smiling like an idiot, mouth overflowing with blood.

[@nabra97]

We were involved in human[oid] transfer by mistake and ended up selling corpses (of unrelated creatures) because my PC was pissed off with it. Yeah, it was the days...

[@jettblade]

I think one of the most absurd stories is the one time that crits, in RoleMaster, fit so perfectly. For those that don't know RoleMaster uses tons of charts for everything even crits which have a severity(of A, B, C, D, and E. A is the lowest and weakest effect with E being the strongest) instead of flat effects. Well our party were in a set of ruins and actually got separated into groups of three to explore. Well the group I was in included Me playing a bard-barian, a monk fighter, and a druid. The druid gets sneak attacked by a ghost hand, like a floating hand that was a specter. The GM described it as grabbing the left leg of the druid in a nonchalantly way. Rolled damage and the crit rolled read 'you grapple the left leg'. The next turn the ghost hand did a cold damage effect and the crit read 'the cold damages the left leg it is crippled'. This by the way is in a completely different book and it wasn't even close to the same number. I think the first one was 33A crit and the second one was 13D crit. So just completely random outcomes in two different books. Well the monk attacked and got a crit that read 'you strike the wrist hard and break it. the hand is useless'. On the ghost hand on the second turn of combat. The GM was just like 'well everything fit perfect so why not. You kill the ghost hand.'. It was crazy how perfectly everything fit.

[@rosecarlene7275]

In a 1920s themed campaign my party was trying to find out why time was so fucky in a town in New Jersey. We investigated a clock tower that supposedly belonged to a witch and my character, a drow elf wizard named Celaser, investigated a tapestry on the wall and it came to life and smothered me. Hilarious failures to kill it and get it off Celaser’s face ensue. They kill it. But also drop Celaser to zero in the process. Now a note about Celaser, they hold themselves to a very high standard and are a little self absorbed in their looks. So when they wake up they look at their party members with disheveled hair and singed skin and dress, and say “never fucking do that again”

[@thebrickinquestion]

0:35 i shit myself

[@duathhadron5040]

OMG!!!!! One of my stories is on here!!!!! I feel so honored!

[@Karagianis]

8:17 wow, they got a Double Henderson! Impressive

[@loganpriest8376]

In my long time dnd group one player who has been friends with the DM for a long time and he always makes awesome characters. Both powerful and with amazing backstorys. His most powerful character was a hexblade warlock. He had god tier charisma and was amazing in combat. He ended up seducing a copper dragon that was a quest giver and married him. The dragon used a (homebrew) item from his hoard to turn into a human with levels in wizard and joined our party as a npc. About halfway through the campaign a evil wizard cast a spell separating the hexblade and his husband from the party and sending them to a country infamous for slavery. They went on a solo adventure freeing slaves of all races, even a few dragons and built a country were almost all sentient creatures lived in peace. We finally made our way to the BBEG, a powerful necromancer with a magic staff that increases his power tenfold, backed by an army of the undead we readied to sneak in, only to see the dragon. He smiled and said watch this, he then turned and cast a spell creating a portal that the entire nations army, led by the warlock charged into battle we ran after them, he encountered the BBEG long before us, he took out a quarter of his health before dieing. When the DM asked how he wanted to die he swung his blade one last time and shattered his staff, nerfing him. After the battle his body was taken back to their country and was brought back to life by his husband in the next campaign and served as the big bad good guy fighting against our evil party. He actually got an amazing happily ever after when he used a wish scroll so him and his husband would be immortal and rule over their country, uniting all nations and bringing about world peace

[@ajizel13]

7:25 i imagine something from konosuba movie....with the crimson demon class😅😅😅

[@kevinthomas4064]

Ill saynit again.... creating the DnD equivelant of Yugioh GX Duel Academy.... plot to use a children's card game to rule the world and all

[@darthremy1802]

So there were 5 of us a tabaxi cleric, a lichborn artificer, and me a half elf blood hunter, a human paladin of helm and a human fighter of helm the last two who hated all elves and all undead, the second two derailed every mission based on whether it involved killing elves or not, if they had to choose between killing pacifist elven druids or undead ravaging the country side they would pick killing elves, the paladin believed they were the main character and if any of us found a mission they would ignore it and drive the party in the opposite direction unless it was to kill elves, one day someone posted a picture in our group chat of I think a well endowed stripper dressed like a dnd character that upset the paladin, and the DM decided it was now the image for the paladin’s superior and his name was Longshaft, well Longshaft sadly died from an undead assault, which got blamed on elves also under assault from the undead, so I immature as it may have been removed Longshaft’s long shaft and had the artificer enchant it into my new arcane focus…sadly the campaign ended to to irl drama…shame

[@cmykrgb1469]

I love how, completely by coincidence, you asked if we were staying hydrated _as I lifted a glass of water_ Thanks for caring, Mom Vaughan. We need more people like you.

[@codenamezenneko9599]

Friend of mine tells the tale of how he was in a campaign intended to be a sequel to a previous campaign. An actual event nicknamed "The Waifu Wars" happened in this campaign world. Basically an alchemist from the previous campaign developed the secret to immortality but was only able to give it to himself. His wife was unable to get it and so died at some point. He went mad from grief and proceeded to try to clone her. Each clone was deemed defective and he kept trying again and trying again, sometimes splicing them with monstrous creatures in his increasing madness... So basically what eventually happened is he got yeeted off to another plane while his "waifus" were left fighting each other because THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE. There was enough of them, some of whom were spliced with overly powerful monsters, that the conflict left a massive scar on the landscape.

[@KertaDrake]

Always fun making your goal the equivalent to giving a wake-up slap to Azathoth.

[@dexti63]

my own contribution: it was our first session for the campain, we where in a tavern (as usual) and the bar man, a goblin with a portal in his pants where he stored fresh drinks, gave us some drinks, and our party warlock decided to steal the portal, so we went on a journy to get it all the night, and we managed to enter his house while he was sleeping, cut his pants off, and touched the portal, only to get absorbed by it and start a campain in the pants of a goblin. Now 3 years later, we still do references to that stupid session we had.

[@Sandokiri]

Cynvanter, a Chaotic Neutral drow fighter: "I stable my horse, Quimby McGee Jones IV." Stable hand: "Two silver, please." Cynvanter: "EL KABONK!" Cynvanter then proceeds to: - Sap the stable hand with a bag of 50 gold. - Leave the gold behind, but steal the stable hand's pants. - Stuff the pants full of straw. - Manage to plop it all on his head. - Storm into the tavern. Cynvanter: "I AM THE RABBIT LORD!!! And I demand... CARROT JUICE!!"

[@TheStarsTwilight]

So this is a story from when I played my first joke character. Note that this was in a one-shot heavy server where many people have reused a few of their characters in different games: My character, Skree, is a "Furblin" (created via TCE's Custom Lineage) which is a "mutated owlin" that's essentially a slightly more humanoid Furby. What class is a Furby you ask? Why an Aberrant Mind Sorcerer - Pact of the Fiend Warlock multiclass of course! We all had received our pick of a free uncommon magic item, so I decided to be extra chaotic and pick the Feywild Shard. This item, which can only be used by a sorcerer, allows you to roll on the Wild Magic table after using Metamagic, but if you don't have the Wild Magic Sorcerer subclass, you can only use it once per long rest. It also can be used as an arcane focus, but that's not as important here. So our party of three (Leoni - Lawful Evil Monk/Cleric played by Rayne, Picket - Inquisitive Rogue played by Connie, Skree - me) are all fighting an escaped demon. I realize "oh right, I have a Feywild Shard. These are my last 2 sorcerer points, so unless I sacrifice spell slots this is my last chance to roll wild magic". So I do. I Quicken Spell something, roll on the Wild Magic chart and roll a 47. The effect: "A unicorn controlled by the DM appears in a space within 5 feet of you, then disappears 1 minute later." The unicorn summoned to the demon fight, named Barry, was mostly just confused to suddenly be teleported into a cave with a bunch of strangers. On his way to escape, Picket, who is standing outside the cave right at the entrance, removes his hat to reveal a unicorn tattoo by his scalp. He was all prepared to spill out his deep unicorn based trauma but decides not to as Barry is quite uncomfortable about all this. Instead he asks if Barry could help heal him. Barry obliges then gallops off. Turns out, Picket has had a bad encounter involving unicorns in a previous mystery one-shot that went to utter shit. Basically, a unicorn was kidnapped; PvP ended up breaking out; once of the PCs killed a bunch of people - including most of his party - using Shatter; Picket barely survived; and the unicorn appeared to whisk the survivors off to unicorn-land. No one entirely knew what the hell was happening, even the DMs. Understandably, this was all a rather traumatic experience for Picket in-character... but none of the party nor the DM knew the full context of this story until after the one-shot ended. On my very next turn, I have Skree cast Shatter. The DM tells me that Leoni would also be in range of the spell, but Rayne insists that I can just go ahead and cast it, she'll be fine. It was not fine, the demon passed and Leoni didn't, resulting in dealing just enough damage to knock Leoni unconscious. Picket is absolutely freaking out now, going into full paranoid raving before hitting one last bow attack. This attack literally dealt just enough damage to kill the demon. Connie tells me afterwards that while Picket is normally very cool-tempered, I somehow managed to do the one thing that would genuinely scare him. Also mid-way through the session, right after Barry was summoned, Connie @d the server owner, who was one of the two DMs for the unicorn mystery one-shot, about how "Twi just summoned a fucking unicorn" followed by a "Look who I'm playing". The owner naturally laughed about it. TL:DR; Chaotic Furby joke-character, with the help of wild magic and (un)lucky rolls, accidentally recreates another party member's traumatic memories of a past one-shot Edit: Fixed spacing

[@gabe7109]

Hey look, I beat PANR for a change. :)

[@postapocalypticnewsradio]

Such speed!

[@shinsou2450]

0:36 oh no he’s summoning tiamat

[@sirariusritter4250]

So I DM for my siblings, and I recall in an early session the party was planning on following some kidnappers to recover a noble's son. The party knew they would have to cross vast distances fast since the enemy had a week or two's head start. I gave them the option to rent some specially vat grown giant mountain goats to cross the mountains and begin making their way as fast as possible. My brother (Who has a tendency to play the goofy characters) was in charge of the mission due to it being tied to that character's backstory. Rather than take the offer I gave them he decided the party needed to find a dragon, tame the dragon, and ride the dragon to the destination. I had not mentioned dragons in the world up to that point. So he decides he needs to find a dragon, and begins searching for clues to one. The only way I could get them back on track was by making a flying bus service run by goblins with hookah hats.

[@michaelelam4594]

Palladium fantasy. A Dwarf Psychic Surgeon crazy as a Ferret on LSD. His main weapon in combat was a pillow that would put people to sleep. Once his unfortunate opponent had succumb to his "anaesthetic" he would proceed to remove the hands and legs and put them back in the wrong place. Legs joined at shoulders, arms at the hips. Then he would cackle maniacally for hours after. Same guy in a very heavily homebrew Heroes Unlimited campaign played a puddle of intelligent interstellar bacteria than had been knocked to earth by a rogue comet. He could manipulate kinetic energy, so he was really handy. Bullets only hit us with half the damage, and outgoing bullets hit much harder. The party carried him around in a Tupperware container.

[@mrwreckit7505]

Just last night I was gming my first game, it was a quick one shot with only the prompt "a drug named polywack is running rampant and has killed a bunch of people. What I did with the drug is that anytime someone drinks it, they roll a wild magic table. Well the party chased a suspect from a tavern into an old people's home where the suspect ended up hiding in. Greg Heffley, a 90 some year old dude in the party who managed to keep up somehow gathered all the old people in the building and rally them together. He gave them all a bottle of polywack and have them drink it in hopes it would spawn a weapon. Some died, some ended up the same, however the majority of them somehow ended up getting guns for hands. After another rallying speech all the gun hand people started celebrating and shooting into the ceiling where they managed to riddle the suspect (who was hiding in the room above) with bullet holes. They eventually make their way to the town hall where the old people managed to gather and start a revolution.

[@GODincarnet]

oh that god summon story warms my cold dead ethereal heart

[@JacobL228]

0:36 The Henderson what? Was there an error with the sound mixing somewhere?

[@Linxwire]

So this story just occured, and I'm going to be telling it for a long time. This is taking place in an Eberron campaign run by a long time friend of mine, and to challenge ourselves in this game we completely randomized our characters for it, race, gender, class, the works. The results were interesting, but how we've made things work from this convoluted mess is honestly the best part. Some context before I jump to the part of this story where the absurdity strikes, our group has begun working for Ahealyn Meledith, the pirate lord of Skairn and owner of a strange artefact with the power to overturn the monopoly that house Lyrandar has on travelling great distances in their boats, airships and etc. Our Artificer had the capability to figure out what the deal with this thing was, and part of understanding how it worked was to go to where it was stolen from, the continent of Xen'drik. Cut to several months of boat travel later, my character, Ezekiel a Tearnadal Half-Elf Scourge Aasimar that became a Mastermind Rouge with a penchant for games of chance, a bounty hunter like accent and an eternal poker face, discovered that there was a rat on the ship, sending information back to house Lyrandar shortly after we discovered it. We also just so happened to be stranded in the middle of the Thunder Sea, because the artefact that gave our fleet a permanent tailwind was being countered by... something. Not having enough concrete evidence to make a good case to the captain about their spy situation, Ezekiel was happy to sit on the issue longer, but given that they were stranded out in the middle of nowhere due to some interference, meant that the spy was as well. He took it as his time to strike. Using a modified background feature, he was able to determine a number of crewmen by memory who had been directly avoiding him due to his reputation as a vigilante. He knew that he wouldn't be able to approach them directly and set things into motion, so he went to his ally which was another PC in the group, Zaalk the Inheritor, a Goblin Paladin in service to the Traveler, who spoke in an equally gravelly voice. Both Zaalk and Ezekiel had a quirk about them, they wore helmets and were uncomfortable taking them off, for different reasons but this is rather important later. Zaalk was a sailor by trade even before they set on this journey, so Zeke was manipulating this natural respect they had for his Goblin friend to get them into a location where they wouldn't likely be disturbed and had only one exit. Zeke didn't explain to Zaalk however, the nature of this business or what he had planned to do once they got there. Zaalk convinced the group of six individuals to come down to the cargo bay and move some boxes around under the ruse that "this may be preventing us from moving", and Zeke entered shortly after them. He offered a game of liar's dice to the men, adding the stipulation that whenever you lose a hand you have to remove an article of clothing. His aim was to pressure these unsuspecting men into taking of their clothes and showing their dragonmarks, which would potentially reveal their true loyalties. The game progresses quickly and already we have two men acting skittish about taking off their clothes. Zeke decides to sweeten the pot with 15 dragons (gold coins) to encourage them to stay, but also adds the stipulation that backing out now would require them to strip down entirely, Zaalk adds 13 dragons himself. It was enough to keep them in, surprisingly. Zeke could've cheated and forced them out of their skivvies in an instant, but that went against his morals even in pursuit of his enemies. He played the game straight, both him and his ally keeping their helmets on for the last. In the end, they had already knocked out every non-PC participant, but Zeke insisted they finish, leaving Zaalk with the pot. He dismissed the other men who weren't suspicious, and now still wearing nothing but his helmet confronted the two men about there being a spy on board. They had already discovered the human among them had a Lyrandar dragonmark on his chest, and a half-elf with a Sivis dragonmark, responsible for sending the messages. The human was groveling at his feet and rambling words incoherently, and Zeke was just waiting for an excuse to pull off his helmet and sear his flesh off with radiant light, but being rational he gave him a chance to clear his name. So he crouched down in front of this kneeling man almost completely exposed and said in his calm accented voice: "Slow down now... I'm losing my patience."

[@flibbernodgets7018]

One campaign I ran saw the players trying to infiltrate a slaver hideout to rescue one PC's sister (so that player's IRL sister could join as another PC). The players disguised themselves, got a natural 1. Percentile dice said they had a case of mistaken identity. The slavers opened the door and exclaimed "Mr. Mayor!" The mayor was well known for opposing the slave trade. If he was here, their operation was in jeopardy and it would likely mean a fight they couldn't win. So the players rolled a bluff check. Nat 20. "Why yes, I'm here to purchase some of your stock." "... Oh, ok, I guess. Right this way sir! The "mayor" and his retinue were lead to where the slaves were being kept, they opened the cells and with those reinforcements they were able to overcome the slavers. It was a ridiculous moment that nobody could have planned for, we just rolled with it and everything worked out! This was the same campaign that nearly had a TPK to a single large catfish, but that was mostly because I forgot the rules for drowning and made it way harsher than it was written.

[@Nora_the_Seedrian]

Me and my friends played a silly campaign known as the "Attack of the 50ft Bikini Wearing Werewolf", it was suppose to be some ridiculous campaign made after Horror B movies. Anyway, my changeling sorcerer, after getting a little beaten up, was escaping a chain of explosions with my friend's simic hybrid Barbarian. Despite his help, my character got knocked down and had to be carried to safety. My friend then joked about bringing him back with a kiss. Well... The barbarian ended up kissing my sorcerer back to life as the explosions became fireworks and the werewolves played romantic music from the rooftops. My character got some health points back and became a tsundere. God, I loved that campaign... (They also did a victory kiss at the end of the campaign.)

[@aretailcashier450]

a character in the party had found a way to increase the storage space of their bag of holding. We home brewed a system to introduce ever increasing drawbacks the more the space was increased. it wasn’t until later that we realized a miscalculation, one that made the bag of holding *FAR* more useful than the drawbacks were bad by order of magnitude. we…ended up transporting a countries enter army into the bigbad evil guy’s lair by loading the army near shoulder to shoulder. shit was like a clown car

[@shadyh8er]

I call this story, the Birth of THE CHOSEN ONE First to set the scene, our table is made up of a first-time DM who is also my cousin, me playing my first ever character the gnome ranger Gimble Timbers, a first-time player's half-elf bard Unknown Hammond (yes that was his actual first name, story for another day), and a relatively experience player's dragonborne paladin Sir Grud (pronounced GROOD). We've all dug in waiting to ambush a group of goblins who are about to walk through a door. We even went so far as to spread caltrops right at the entrance. When the goblins go through the door there was this one goblin who not only succeeded on all of his DEX saves to avoid the caltrops, but also managed to dodge EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Of our attacks targeting him. Luckily the DM took pity on us and removed the goblin from combat by having him interpret his luck as a sign that he is destined for something greater, and runs off screaming "I AM THE CHOSEN ONE!" To this day our DM finds ways to remind us of our failure by having The Chosen One appear to mock us, and we recognize him because he rides in on an owlbear every time.

[@zacharym6947]

We were doing a murder mystery and my character in front of the woman who lost her husband just walked up to her and said he looked like chicken noodle soup in the closet

[@travisbishop782]

Hahaha!

[@brodyjackson9507]

This dude needs more likes

[@Nehu_22]

I love how the very first story is basically half of the video 🤣

[@DoesntMatterHaveName]

We're currently helping a Gameshow Demon fight the Horseman of War.

[@peteralexandergraae2830]

1:28 Sooo... Illidan Stormrage?

[@narryatlas766]

TL:DR - 4 level 6 player fought a homebrew monstrosity that they weren't originally going to fight, ultimately sacrificing one party member in order to gain bragging rights over another party in the same world who were higher level than us. i had a session this past Sunday. About half of our party didn't show up so what we *were* going to do is have a non-canon session where myself and the two other party members that did show up, follow a different party (our DM has two different parties in the same world, one group has sessions on Wednesdays, we have Sundays) into this building, get chased by some homebrew creature our DM had made, and steal a few tables bc one of our party members liked tables (even has a necklace that just a mini table) The three of us go into the building we search a few rooms, find nothing important. We come to a Y-interception. We go to the right. Table lover hears weird ass clicking noises, enlarges the table, the monstrosity hits the table with acid, then burns it. Table Lover has no decided that this thing is dying. The battle goes well, for the most part, one of our other party members shows up mid call, table lover is downed, but new member heals him. the monstrosity eventually tries running, and this is the point where the session became canon. I run after, table lover and new member on my tail, our final party member had been glued and so he could barely move. We follow the monstrosity through a teleporter, and were taken up to the mountains. Eventually, we get the thing down to 4 health. Table Lover gives my character a piggy back ride and flies right up to the monstrosity, punching it in the face. it covers us in oil and sets both of us on fire. table lover, who was already low on health, falls unconscious once again, falling 5 miles to the ground, while my character survives with 2 health, just gripping on the side of the mountain. i take a risk, trying to hit the monstrosity with my crossbow, and i fail. My DM rolls a d100 to see if i was on a flatter part of the mountain, and rolls a 24, i convinced them to let me roll instead, i get a 64, meaning my character goes unconscious, but doesn't roll down the mountain, i get a nat 20 on my first saving throw, bringing me back to 1 hp, new member covers me in MAYONNAISE to put the fire out, it works. on his next turn, he kills the monstrosity. we then urge our DM to tell his Wednesday group abt it cause they're higher level and couldn't beat the monstrosity (given, we were fighting a baby, and only oen of their party members saw the monstrosity)

[@jellyfish9402]

Someone won a staring contest with the sun

[@adenkyramud5005]

That evil party story must be the best fuckin shit I've ever heard holy shit

[@jillianh7565]

The first time the barbarian and the cleric teamed up: So just a few months ago we got a new member of the party, Alucard, aka Alexander Von Roeyen (youngest brother of Strahd and forgotten prince of Barovia). This character was meant to be a joke character who was very chaotic and wanted to fight. One day my character, (Zelda Alagondar) a half elf cleric princess decided to help the barbarian tame a roc while trying to get the Holy Symbol of Ravenkind. They managed to mount the bird together and I gave Alexander an advantage on taming this bird through inspiration or aid. Anyway the party was dumbfounded and scared with how effective Zelda and Alexander were as a team. Now the two nobles are in a courtship that could end the war between the Von Zarovich and Alagondar families.

[@hawksleysmith565]

the first guy really alt f4'd after reading the fine print

[@milotura6828]

That first one is great

[@recursiveslacker7730]

Dude literally unleashed Tharizdun to end reality lmao

[@councilofcringe5520]

My rune knight Goliath huged a mind flayer and lived to tell the tale

[@TheMaddestMan1]

had an adventure where we had a party member got a, atleast what the group called it a rubix cube of death, when u used it u basically moved it how u wanted to and said done when u got what u wanted u would then roll a d10k and the dm would look at the list, the person using killed the head guard and then got cursed by the cube making him want to use it every time he was able to. i had to throw the cube in lava on a week no one showed up other than me so i had a solo session with the dm because this wasnt the first time this had happened or something similar and he nearly ended the playthrough on multiple occations, was i a dick about it yes. did he deserve it taken away. probably

[@ajh22895]

I DMd a Loxodon Bloodhunter leading the party taking on a Cat 2 Krasis whilst riding on a raft made of zombies.

[@tahakumonsonoa6026]

My guess of the Hendersonscale is based off of Old Man Henderson.

[@atsukana1704]

I think the players in the last story misunderstood the meaning of “kiss of life”

[@tylerm5694]

Did anyone else hear the audio go weird at 0:35

[@DarthABBA]

The pixie went down, while invisible, and no one saw it. Amazingly my character stepped on him by mistake and he ended up being saved since she just stuck her head dress on him since she put two and two together and assumed it had been him that had been helping from the shadows. Had she not stepped on him, he would have died.

[@Paul-xo1iw]

Ok so I'm a Skeleton wizard and I found a giant dog skull and I say "I can I bring it back to life but just the skull and it floats?" DM: "Ok you can but you need a nat 20 to-" me rolls a nat 20 Me: "Yay" and then the Red dragon come out of no where and I ask "can I make my flying dog skull cast fire ball three full times?" DM "Ok but you need a na-" me rolls a nat 20 DM "...ok fine" an then my flying dog skull fire three fire balls at the Red dragon was Deliberated by the three fire balls and so now I have made a mother flipping Gaster Blaster in dnd

[@christianlewis7546]

[@raywhitmire2738]

So I've mentioned my red dragonborn wizard partied with a blue dragonborn warlock, a ranger, and my (now wife)'s high elf barbarian before. It's time I told how I joined their campaign... So they'd been going through their campaign, and ended up on the seas on a big fancy boat... which got raided by bugbear pirates (that the DM forgot to scale down as pirates since full bugbear has higher stats). Official story became I was just hitching a ride off them hiding below deck, but they never asked or mentioned my origin. Halfway through their combat, I just popped through a door on the pirate ship and start helping attack them from behind as I try to make my way to their ship. Combat and passage happen, pirate ship sinks, we keep sailing, I get brought with them below deck, we get a room, the ranger decides to try sneaking out, but he can't get an opening. Food gets offered, I ask for a barrel of gravy. Food gets brought, I get my barrel, others start eating, and I start drinking. Pretty quick I get challenged to chug the whole thing... So I do. Nat 20. DM rules I have to pass an con check out lose it. I pass, but I get up and go to the porthole, sticking my head out just in time to rip a record breaking belch... Coupled with a breath of fire. DM ruled it ripped so hard I got the attention of a whale who came and responded. Obligatory mating call jokes ensued. From there not much happened before land. I think the ranger managed to sneak out and got tied to the mast? I might be remembering wrong, but once we got land quest got started up.

[@redacted606]

(Untrue story) Our sorcerer used prestidigitation in order to sever a rope the bbeg was climbing by freezing the point of contact until it just snapped under the tension of holding a climber on it.

[@Watchmasterfelix]

This should give me a spot in the video so the story goes my human fighter (chase alveronis) walks into a dungeon that is on the top of a mountain he gets up there no problem but the arsonistic rogue and glizzy destroyer were having trouble climbing the mountain. Then after one round the rogue gets up there and glizzy dies. So as we go through the dungeon i see a nome guard i roll a 16 in a stealth and unarmed strike him and the I rolled a 18 in intimidation he tells where the throne room is, I head there and I am stopped by 2 nomes and I then convince them how to cure there king and then i steal from them 2 magic items after that I am summoned by the king and am given 2 more magic items then I leave. The quest was to bring someone magic items 50 gold per item.

[@ethakis]

The man literally just deleted the DM's world omg

[@lexington476]

14:24 I'm not a good cook either, but I can grow the food... I have a rather large garden where I grow food crops🌽🥕🥔🍅🥒. Also I'm cross-eyed, so any games or sports with a ball I really can't play 🧐, but I can race road bicycles and triathlon pretty good 😎.

[@JamesSmith-xp9ix]

A lvl 3 team of 3 or 4 against a green dragon... needless to say, I was the only one to live. I was also the only one to recognize that that was stupid.

[@kruphixisbored8218]

Not particularly absurd in the realm of all things But I got invited to play to add another body. 4 players and the dm. I'm assuming it's all fairly homered in terms of campaign. Party consisted of a dhampir disguised as human lore bard, a human rogue, a human cleric, and an orc blood hunter. The absurd moment was at the end of session 0 where the rogue and cleric went to investigate something and the orc and bard were left to interrogate a tavern keeper hiding secrets. The bard, at the beginning of session promised to test out a powder made by a powerful magic user that sold wares in many shops, decided the safest way to test this powder was to force some of it down the tavern keepers throat. Cue wild magic. Portal to hell. Arms like the dead hand from zelda. Barely escape. Bottomless pit left where barman was left. Orc thinks it's cool as fuck. Rogue and cleric come back like Omg what the fuck what the fuck was that Bard says "bad hand job"

[@garytaylor6287]

We had our Dragonborn Paladin with 19 str. use our 34lb. Gnome ranger as a living grappling hook to get up up to the cloud giant's ice castle 150' in the air. And then the stable boy told us there were wyvrens in the stable lol. She made it though. Lost a pinky.

[@garytaylor6287]

She failed a survival check tying the knot in the rope with 300lb dwarf cleric hanging from i it. He made it too huffing and puffing the 150' up. Then i the human druid and DB Paladin land on the wyverns.

[@martialdiety9286]

What book is that "Not god" in? lol I need to find this

[@leadingauctions8440]

Story #1: Soooooo beautiful.

[@jlaw131985]

Ahh, Tharizdun.

[@blakeetter280]

I wouldn’t say the evil one actually works because they summoned an avatar, a fraction of the god not his true self. His true self was still locked up. That said it would certainly have fucked up the local area a lot.

[@DarthSironos]

First story was awesome, but the ending ruined it. Ending the universe on a piece of flavortext, nullifying their conquests and everything else. Still a good story.

[@trinstonmichaels7062]

Trinston was here...

[@null9014]

If I was that dm I would recruit one of the PCs to introduce the two to an NPC as "Zorrin the nutcracker" and "Norill the nutless" Then! This is how I would want the conversation to play out... >:} (A bit of a trigger warning I suppose?) NPC: *Shocked face* "What kind of kinky sh*t lead to that?" "No no! It was an accident!!!" NPC: *More shookef face :O" "That had to be some rough s*x!" "NoooO!!!! We were fighting!!!!" NPC: *:O* "Domestic aboose?!?!?!?" "NO! We were fighting _other_ people and it just happened!" NPC: *:o* "Polyamory????" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." NPC: "... So... unwilling?" *Pitying look* "UGHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh---------------------------" And then everyone around town would give the two pitying looks as they passed by, and it would be revealed by another NPC would reveal that the NPC they had that conversation with was the biggest gossip in town. You could even make a quest to quell the rumor! Or see if your PCs will try and use the pity to their advantage! Like discounts and information and stuff!

[@rolkflameraven1483]

If it only summoned an Avatar and not the not-god itself, the Universe is fine. Oh, its a sweet story, but that isn't how Avatars work.