Daddy Issues Onscreen - Why Our Culture Mocks Abandonment

Daddy issues is an umbrella, unsympathetic term for women who have a complicated or unhealthy relationship with their dad (take Cassie Howard or Veronica Lodge) - often because he was physically or emotionally absent. In their adult relationships, girls with daddy issues are shown onscreen (or assumed in real life) to be highly sexual, eager to please, and interested in older men. When a child does have an absent or neglectful parent, this often results in an insecure attachment style - which is a serious problem to address and work through. So why is this something that, in girls, gets treated as either a turn-on, a joke, or a reason to write someone off as a hopeless cause?
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00:00 Daddy issues, a fetish or a punchline
01:04 How did we get here?
04:58 Daddy issues manifest in different ways
10:00 Do these problems have to be permanent?
12:29 How to break attachment patterns

[@sweetnaomi56]

It's funny how they shame the girls but not the fathers who abandoned them 🤷‍♀️

[@jessicayoung3656]

Patriarchal society blames women (even female children) on men's behaviors. Its so weird, men should have all the power to control but none of the responsibility of terrible actions.

[@hamerenegus7222]

Exactly

[@kayleighdriessen]

It's kind of ironic how patriarchal society insists that men have all the power and absolute yet they can't seem to have control of their 'biological urges' and blame them on the women and children for it.

[@blazeswithwolvez7221]

welp, I specifically remember getting laughed at for writing love letters to girls, so emotional Men aren't rewarded, so there ya go...

[@heatherhaven1268]

This is always somewhere on daddy issues videos or topics…and I’m always happy to find it.

[@miahuang2242]

Well isn’t it just rich that we as a society never blame the absent fathers yet find the audacity to mock single moms and girls with “daddy issues”.

[@chiaraimpeduglia1308]

And at the same time people argue that children need a stable home with both a mother and a father. Make it make sense, damn it!

[@blazeswithwolvez7221]

emotional Men are not rewarded. tiktok chicks are not writing essays on astrophysics.

[@fmamamaba1460]

@@blazeswithwolvez7221 wtf r u even saying my guy

[@Missmagazinebura]

My friends have daddy issues

[@perfectallycromulent]

sure they do. there's plenty of media depictions of workaholic and/or abusive fathers ruining families. it's just that they're shows more oriented toward adults, and the abusive workaholics are often in high-prestige professions like doctor, lawyer, politician, rock star, athlete... it's wrapped up with the "power turns you into a narcissist" theme, but it's there.

[@MsDudette21]

Reminds me of a tweet that said "How did daddy issues become an insult to girls when its men who failed as fathers?". Love this video.

[@hadbetterdays8118]

The reverse but somewhat a double standard is mommy issues for a man. Like I see it in certain show with men but when this does happen we find the man being a lot more disrespectful to women. Sadly this behavior gets a pass as it isn't that oversexulized but rather symapathisized

[@MrEvldreamr]

Bc its the mother who picks the man to have kids with, thats why its equally the womans fault.

[@MsDudette21]

@@MrEvldreamr it's not if the man decided to leave. Thats the man's fault. Ever take into consideration that a relationship is fine then later the guy dips for no reason? If u leave for whatever reason you're a terrible parent. Custody exists. U don't have to stay together but u can still be in their life. Unless it's one of those situations where the mom won't let him see the kid, the man is to blame. Not sure why it's so hard for ppl to admit men fuck up a lot too. Stop making excuses for shitty men

[@Chris-rg6nm]

Because women think of themselves as the main character

[@LoneWulf278]

@@MrEvldreamr I hear this being said a lot. The woman usually picks a man to be with her, not a man who wants to be a father. So they don’t expect to be left with the baby. Standards for a romantic relationship are completely different than standards for a family. So yeah, she chose a boyfriend. But that doesn’t mean she chose a deadbeat or absent dad for her kid. You wouldn’t be able to predict his ‘family material’ qualities unless you actually talk about children early on in the dating process (which very few people do).

[@KaylaNoelle1]

Daddy issues are a tragedy when they happen to men but a porn category when they happen to women. My dad has daddy issues but he broke the cycle with me and I really admire him for that.

[@Ummmmmmmm841]

I agree with you but also I think it is also somewhat of a porn category/ romanticized within gay community as well, I'm not sure, not gay personally but it is a trend I kinda noticed. (Correct me if I'm wrong tho)

[@zappernapper]

They're a porn category for guys too IJS.

[@JoRiver11]

All about that sweet sweet POWER. A low-effort way to get into someone's heart and mind and mess with them, feeling above them.

[@Kushagra.j]

Divorce are a tragedy for women but when they happen to men people treat it as a joke and ask him to man up and pay his ex wife

[@Ikaros23]

Trust me. 98% of the narcissistic men in porn have the same issues. That is absent or abusive dad`s, or mothers. That is the real blind spot. When we see porn, we often see the codependent relationship play out on the screen. This is also a large part of why people get addicted to porn ( they play out this fantasy in their mind).

[@nastiazhy]

I think we should ask question “why do we have so many daddy issues” but “why so many men are bad dads”

[@neo1053]

Exactly

[@_.Max.i.mus._]

for real bruh

[@jeremyjub9147]

Presumably because they had shitty dads themselves and society doesn't particularly encourage them to get help.

[@Peecamarke]

THIS 😔

[@MrEvldreamr]

Bc women pick them. Its literally the mothers choice who she has kids with

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Not only are the fathers not criticised for their abandonment or abusive behaviour, but the blame is not only placed on the daughter, but also the mother for not “choosing better” or initiating a divorce.

[@annasullivan7641]

I mean the mother is the other parent you can't portray all women as angels.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

@@annasullivan7641 But it's disproportionate blame. In comparison, the father gets off scot free.

[@annasullivan7641]

@@rejectionisprotection4448 It's both parents fault honestly the main important thing if one or two parents have a child a human being is to make sure they grow up functionally and respect people we can't blame one parent since it is a two person job .

[@kiriki4558]

@@annasullivan7641 just admit you are misoginistic

[@annasullivan7641]

@@kiriki4558 Oh so if a woman a mother is abusive or neglectful doesn't protect her own child that she also decided to bring into the world and that Said child has problems with women in the future that makes me misogynistic 🙃

[@starrsmith3810]

Honestly Jenny from Forrest Gump didn’t need a relationship, she needed help.

[@angelaholmes8888]

Yeah she totally needed help

[@anveshnidumolu3679]

help was plenty done there by Mister gump, yet she still see him as idiot but not as real man. its tragic.

[@starrsmith3810]

@@anveshnidumolu3679 Help as in professional help. I literally just said that she didn’t need a relationship in her current state, that’s including Forrest. We’ve seen how it worked out when she would go to Forrest in her current state, it’s backwards and forth and really not healthy for neither of them. It’s a lot smarter AND better to get help first before starting a relationship with someone when your ready.

[@anveshnidumolu3679]

with your point I agree, wish the author had written more about her, than just vanish and death... with single apology with gump being so forgiving type. Rather we men are simple we just want our first crush to lead happy life. Tom Hank really played good role as Forrest Gump so did Miss Sally as Jenny. Let us appreicate the writer for keeping plot interesting and realistic. rather than fan sided biased, its rare nowadays.

[@Ikaros23]

@@anveshnidumolu3679 Forest Gump was not a therapist. That is she needed professional help. It`s like if you break your leg, you need help from a doctor. Not from a friend. That is if your brain is broken from trauma you need therapy.

[@rvawildcardwolf2843]

The Disney one has a caveat. Tiana was not abandoned or neglected by her father, he passed away before she grew up. He was a loving and very active part of her early childhood. So Tiana's workaholic nature and obsession with her legacy project for her dad isn't out of neglect, but grief.

[@hadbetterdays8118]

The one exception, sadly Tiana didn't fully learn her lesson from Mama Odi as she still thought working harder was going to make her father happier I mean she learned to value random people for more than just money but not working herself to an early grave

[@dayofglory89]

Thank you for this comment! I thought the same thing.

[@alim.9801]

Thank you, a very important thing to get wrong. I fear this channel is somewhat declining in quality

[@nathfairy]

To be fair, most of the Disney girls weren't abandoned or neglected, actually. Most of them just lost one parent or both.

[@silashurd3597]

Do people actually think that he left? HE DIED! To anyone who thinks otherwise have not seen the Fricking movie

[@hendrixavery3988]

We laugh at the girl with daddy issues and at the single mother who stayed but never at the man who left.

[@N.I.A23]

They're not his problem tho. He did his job (spreading his seeds) what happens next is on them not him. He has no reason to stay lmao.

[@hojosconsal9913]

@@N.I.A23 gotta be trolling or otherwise you are dense as a brick wall lmfao

[@N.I.A23]

@@hojosconsal9913 how am I dense? Cause I say the truth? Why should you be our problem??

[@TunTheOfficial]

@@N.I.A23 this is what is wrong with the world. But the absent seed spreader has the nerve to come back and ask for a relationship when they're old and on their Deathbed

[@N.I.A23]

@@TunTheOfficial at what scenario will we ever need your "help"? Lmao

[@burgeaccount]

What's also so weird about this is that there is clear evidence on the psychological damage boys and men suffer from when their dads abandon them. So many men have severe "daddy issues" but we don't talk about it that way, we talk about it as competitiveness, "anger management problems," or vague, poorly defined "mental health issues" which are then blamed on the mom who stayed or the girlfriend who tried to help.

[@danimolusco]

I hope they make a video about this too

[@proudatheist2042]

Excellent point. However, I am seeing more people say "oh, I bet that he didn't have a Dad in his life." So, more people are talking about the issues that boys/men can face growing up without a father.

[@Chris-rg6nm]

Probably because that isn't sexy. Also no one cares about mens problems.

[@burgeaccount]

@@Chris-rg6nm Bro I have no idea what you're talking about, at least 70% of movies and TV shows are still about mens problems

[@VixxKong2]

It's too easy to say that the mom "stayed". Most divorce are initiated by women. That means most of the time it's the mom leaving, but she's leaving WITH the kids. The courts always give the kids to the mother anyways. It's too easy to call the dad a deadbeat when we all know our society doesn't tend to leave the kids with their fathers after a separation

[@untitled1464]

As a mid 20s woman still trying to work through her childhood “daddy issues” it boils my blood that men assume this makes me more sexually promiscuous or “easy” when my childhood trauma has literally made me AVOID all kinds of intimacy, including sex.

[@alinashirinian2485]

YES. I'm 23 and I'm the furthest from being hypersexual or eager to please men, just thinking about it makes me feel angry and sick! I've never even had a crush, never trusted anyone to be vulnerable with them. Ffs before I got in therapy I never cried in front of my MOM unless someone died. I have so much repressed anger for my father that I wasn't able to express until we lost our house because of his debt (in our culture you are not allowed to disobey your father or 'talk back' to him if you're a woman). I've been told that I deal with my childhood trauma 'like a man' (not in a good way) and I don't think I've ever seen this represented in media. Some of us girls are angry, emotionally distant wall-punchers too, dammit!

[@MiniM69]

THANK YOU!!!!

[@ladymunsonthemagnificent6929]

I can relate! Don't have a dad and most of the men I had in my life were shit, which made me emotionally distant and unimpressed by dating and relationships. Also, it just seems to me that being in a relationship is exhausting.

[@Kopernigus]

Hello there, 25 years old and nearly-alcoholic woman with general parent issues XD here. The older I got, the more I **hated** the mere idea of "trying" to be intimate with anyone. The older I got the less tolerant I was. It always felt so weird and unnatural to me. My longest relationship lasted for six months and month after month I felt even more detached from him than even in the very beggining of our first meeting. Every time it ended the same way. I loved this relief and actual happiness when it was all over. Today I don't even remember their names. We sometimes talked about sex, despite me being repulsed every time I imagined someone shoving his tool into me. I was **never** taking them seriously, never thought of them as my potential 'friends' or 'partners', whatever. It was soo wrong to me... still is. It's not even disgusting or 'dirty' to me, I just don't see myself as someone's fxck buddy. It would only be me with pain to deal with after, both mental and physical. At some point I had some kind of 'remorse' feeling for not being able to like these guys - but they probably didn't like me that much either; many, many people would consider me extremely boring, even autistic. I just know they would and I don't even mind. I'm actual, 3D version of this 'mommy/daddy issues' meme and I almost accepted things as they are. I've been in therapy for 3 years and I haven't move an inch towards 'normalcy', pills weren't much of a help either, so I gust gave up. I don't care if anyone thinks of me as a 'cheap wh0re' or some other deranged fool, I learned quite some time ago it's not my problem if I have 0 control over this. I'm not responsible for other's issues and insecurities, I have enough of my own already.... I don't have anything more to say to you. Wish you the best, friend. I have a feeling you're a good person.

[@OzanaDivine]

@@alinashirinian2485 I'm 23 too and I feel the same. People assume having such issues makes everyone hyper sexualized but I'm actually celibate and have been for about 3 years. For personal reasons and because I have issues with intimacy. Sometimes I feel like I am on the spectrum of asexuality even.

[@AutumnFS]

As a kid, my father wasn't absent, but I wished he was. He was full of rage he refused to control, and took sadistic delight in punishing his children for failing to be perfect. Abandonment is not the only way fathers can damage their daughters. As a result of his abuse, I longed for male companionship and validation from someone who WAS kind and loving, and became desperate and fell into exploitative relationships as a result.

[@madinp1177]

are you me

[@merry_christmas]

That's why it's not the absence of a parent that causes problems, but the absence of parent figures. I am extremely blessed to have been be raised by a loving mother (who's more a father figure tbh), but I deeply struggle with vulnerability and dependency in relationships. I've never had the example growing up. By no means do I intend to compare myself. I'm just contemplating the unfathomable impact of the relationships you witness during your formative years. I hope you're coping with and healing from the conscious and subconscious traumas brought upon you. Wishing you ease. ❤️

[@CorderralLewis]

My partner also had a very present abusive father and was bombarded with how she should be grateful for her father simply because fatherlessness is common. Caused a lot of dissociation and difficulty for her in childhood, forcing doubt that the abuse was as bad as it was and a man that reproduced and is in the child's life is inherently a good thing. It's not.

[@cristinarivera5707]

Autumn! You and I have led the same life. It truly attracts emotionally manipulative partners. Much love and healing!❤️

[@noorie_noorie_]

We all deserve so much better. Wishing you the best fellow abuse survivor ❤

[@taiyabazaheer9492]

When men have issues, their female partners are told to adjust and accept them. But when women have issues, they are again the ones to be told to adjust and compromise. No one should be with someone who's toxic, NO ONE but what's wrong if she wants him to be slightly more affectionate, more considerate and caring to help her feel validated that her father didn't help her feel.

[@blazeswithwolvez7221]

do you know why? Women aren't the breadwinners, nor are they gonna build a home. You get me a diamond ring, get on your knee and ask me to marry you... you buy the car and the house, then...

[@taiyabazaheer9492]

@@blazeswithwolvez7221 women are definitely breadwinners in many households including mine. Women can build houses as civil engineers and architects. Women definitely do special and romantic things for their men (sometimes even proposing to him) but sadly you'll never experience that because you're not a worthy man. You'll end up like those men on 90 Days Fiance who have never met their long distance gf from across the world and get scammed in the end.

[@jacknelson927]

Both men and women are bad as each other but there are points in so many situations like custody buying the house by me dinner pay fir dinner and other stuff

[@Ummmmmmmm841]

​@@blazeswithwolvez7221 Soooo......relationship/marriage is basically a trade? One offers financial value and another offers themselves as a person in exchange? I thought relationships are suppose to be equal emotionally at least for both parties, leaving financial status or anything that's other than your relationship outside your relationship is what I've been taught lul.

[@ajmerriman2230]

@@blazeswithwolvez7221 Uh-oh, looks like someone's got Mummy Issues...

[@taylorgayhart9497]

As children we build something called “our core beliefs” it’s the subconscious view we have of ourselves, others, and the world. If you grow up dejected by one or both of your parents, often one of those core beliefs is that you are unworthy of love. It doesn’t matter if your a man or woman, or if it’s your mom or dad, your self worth is affected.

[@angelaholmes8888]

Yeah sadly you are right

[@user-yk5xu8gr1e]

Maybe it’s true? Otherwise y would our parents not loved us

[@ThatGuy-tx4vm]

​@@user-yk5xu8gr1emaybe it is the parent who was unworthy of love? Evil people exist.

[@user-yk5xu8gr1e]

@@ThatGuy-tx4vm yes...I agree....some people are jerks just being a parent doesnt magically elevate them

[@EMunaBee]

New terms - "Daddy has issues." "Daddy is an issue." Perhaps the one leads to the other...

[@carloszapata847]

Gendo Ikari from Neon Genesis Evangelion is both.

[@gracetaylorsversion294]

this is honestly something that needs to be more talked about. it’s not something to be romanticized or jokes about and having abandonment issues is a serious problem so many ppl go thro.

[@rene3759]

@@Laurie22D abandonment is always an issue time period doesn't matter. even if something is normal or a lot of people experience it doesn't mean it should be ignored or people shouldn't be receiving help. normalized doesn't mean healthy.

[@not-a-ghost2206]

That's because abandonment is treated lightly because this society as its whole abandoned its members. So If we were to treat that childhood wound we would heal. But we are much better influenced by capitalism, if broken. If I hear one more time that trauma only refers to big events I'm gonna scream. Trauma is what you didn't get and that can be different for everyone. Sooner sibling can be completely fine and the other has a playe of trauma cause their needs weren't met.

[@MrEvldreamr]

Yea but its the parents fault (mostly the mothers) for picking the very same men they then complain abt. You cant say "absentee fathers aint shit" while looking at divorce alstats and realizing women leave men, not the other way around. So 80% of the time it IS THE MOTHERS FAULT she fucked and then abandoned the man she had kids with.

[@ThatGuy-tx4vm]

Well society simply does not care. Incels are the same. Not the psycho sect, but the literal definition of incel... The virgins of the world. They feel as abandoned as they come, yet they are immediately sidelined. Guys with mommy issues. Girls with daddy issues etc. In 2024 we live and die alone it seems... Or at least we have to accept the possibility that we will live alone... If we meet someone that truly cares then it is just a bonus.

[@leticiatorres1020]

I have a problem with romanticizing the resilience of some girls as if the abandonment is ok and these girls don't also need help. Because the "independence" and "resilience" is also a symptom. They often feel they have to be independent or strong or hardworking or any other "positive" trait in order to be loved. Just looking at the "problematic" girls and not at the ones that "survived" excludes them from these conversations and leave them feeling more abandoned and alone than they already do. All of them need to have a space or a way to deal with the childhood trauma...

[@lapaofox1682]

Thanks for mentioning this I always had like a duty to be the best in my class and graduate from uni really fast to start working. I've always been independent and strong, but that doesn't mean abandonment hasn't marked me. It's so sad...

[@justunithingz]

Your comment is articulated beautifully.

[@Lwoods1717]

This is a great point. Beautifully put 👌🏼👌🏼

[@Introvertsan]

Definitely

[@pixiebells]

Great video, but one example didn't work: Tiana in Princess and the Frog wasn't "fatherless", her dad strongly inspired her dream of owning a restaurant & they had a great relationship, it was actually central to her character development and plot! It's just her father apparently died during the time jump to her adulthood. That's something you should really consider correcting or omitting. And the fact that she's one of only a few Black & Brown Disney princesses doesn't help either. While his death may provide lingering trauma he was ultimately her inspiration & should NOT be lumped in with people with "daddy issues".

[@jayneb6053]

Why did you say her parents plural her mother is still alive ?

[@katelyntaylor7384]

THANK YOU!!! Tiana, as a little girl, had a loving mother and father, who both inspired her to pursue her dream of owning her own restaurant. Her father wasn't absent, he died. From the picture she keeps framed and the medal with it, it looks like he died in war. Her father was a good man who didn't leave her with issues. Her mother is still alive when Tiana is an adult. They have a moment together of mourning him.

[@NatalieZii]

From a psychology perspective, a death of a parent absolutely still can create attachment issues. It may not be a purposeful abandonment but the child still feels it.

[@jlo803]

Mom's alive

[@AirQuotes]

Yes she definitely shouldn't have been included in this category

[@sophiacozzo8964]

As someone with real life "daddy issues" (a father that was always emotionaly distant), it did NOT made me sexy. It gave me anxiety, impostor syndrom, maladactve perfectionism and a tendency to neglect my on feeling to the point it got so bad I could only feel numbness for days. But I grew, with hekp of friends and therapy, but I am learning to unlearn those paterns. So if you are someone how use daddy issues as a short hand for a girl that is "fuckable, but not marrige material" and "to far gone too change", my most sincere fuck you. (Sorry for any bad spelling, english is not my first language)

[@saunderczarsalazar7254]

Hi, Currently dating someone with “daddy issues”. it’s been really hard to deal with and I have been trying my best for this past year to help her deal with it. There has been a lot of growth I feel but it seems like deeper issues pop up and harder problems come up. As someone who has these issues. You got any advice?

[@rightrightrightuhhuhuhhuh6516]

I think talking about this is great. Hey let's meet for drinks later, i'll be the guy in the knit sweater and pipe

[@sapphic.flower]

Same! I was only able to see my dad sometimes and he was an alcoholic and my step dad was emotionally abusive. The idea daddy issues manifests in sexuality and no other way is just gross because I definitely didn’t go looking for comfort from older people (not shaming those who do, just that there’s something perverted going on when that’s how daddy issues are handled on screen). It just gave me trust issues and trauma, especially with men.

[@sophiacozzo8964]

@@saunderczarsalazar7254 suggest them talk to a professional, that was whem I started to make more progress

[@kellybeck4579]

From someone else with "daddy issues", same.

[@lo_Ovung]

It's funny how the internet loves to label the behaviour of certain women as "fatherless behaviour", while failing to acknowledge the fact that the catalyst is the failure of the father to be in his daughter's life and not the other way around

[@ahabalheis2478]

So you'd take accountability from the women? Are they excused to hurt people just because they have issues?

[@lo_Ovung]

@@ahabalheis2478 who is talking about "hurting" other people here? I'm talking about the men online who throw around the word "fatherless behaviour" everytime they see a woman living her life even though, the women's way has zero impact on their personal life..

[@ahabalheis2478]

Seek therapy because it's a serious issue that does affect behavior and mind

[@rinikkdas1990]

​@@ahabalheis2478I think you need therapy .. she made some really good points

[@ssbashalot7324]

@@lo_OvungYes but you’re lying. Men are often held accountable for stuff like this

[@amyadams9970]

Cassie in season two was a cry for help, honestly feel sad for her rather than anger towards her

[@MB-nb7yq]

Cassie definitely needs help. 😢

[@elatafalando]

I hate when audience are hateful towards Cassie and feel empathy for Zendaya's character considering both suffers from the same pain but deal in diferent ways.

[@tiamarrow6366]

Exactly! Like while yes Cassie was wrong for what she did, Nate was also in the wrong and he knew it was wrong to. Everyone solely bashed Cassie but because the whole “boyfriend/ex boyfriend hooks up with girlfriend/ex girlfriend’s best friend” is normalized…..nobody though to attack him just as much, all the hate was geared towards Cassie and that just shows how misogynistic and sexist our society is. Let’s also not forget how many girls bashed Cassie and didn’t bat an eye at Nate….that tells me that those are the type of girls who would end up in a Maddy/Nate/Cassie situation, but wouldn’t care at all until they get hurt to.

[@gimmeyourankles]

I think we have to show the other side of daddy issues: the very aggressive and avoidant one. As someone with daddy issues, i did not become sexual, insecure or emotionally dependent. I became quite thd opposite: emotionally distant, paranoid about all my relationships, very aggressive and had to deal with very internalized hatred towards men (i'm working on this). Is not always black and white, it can become very messy.

[@mariabe6404]

This!! I don't want men's approval, on the contrary I resent them.

[@pn7134]

Same

[@NeneThe129]

I was looking for a comment like this! I don’t really like men, never had a man who was consistent in my life, but I keep the man at arms length. It’s hard to work on this issue.

[@ThatGuy-tx4vm]

​@@mariabe6404that is... More extreme than the standard version of daddy issues though. If in your soul you genuinely love your father, even if he left and was evil, you would rationalise in a way and would seek approval. If you hate your father for leaving then you would hate men. Obviously. Idk which you are but my guess is you don't have a very high opinion of your father. The average is different. Most abandoned children yearn for their parent and love them in a way.

[@marijag]

I absolutely despise the fetishism with daddy issues. No, it's not sexy knowing your father will never love you. No, it's not sexy to look for male comfort and validation to fill a void that he created. No, it's not sexy to be treated like garbage and insulted by your father every single day. It isn't sexy, it's downright sad.

[@burgeaccount]

The best examination of this (better than Euphoria) is in Crazy Ex Girlfriend, because it doesn't sexualize the protagonist for daddy issues, it really gets into exactly how it has affected her and how she works on healing herself

[@kb_100]

The label "crazy" applied to women is even more pernicious than the label of "daddy issues". Firstly, it's such a lazy catch-all adjective that is almost meaningless. But more importantly it is used to completely minimize and diminish a person's opinions and expression of those feelings.

[@burgeaccount]

@@kb_100 Yes indeed. Have you watched the show?

[@kb_100]

@@burgeaccount no I don't get HBO. But this video has made me interested in seeing it.

[@PrettyPrincess9609]

Thank you for making this video. I remember commenting how I would love for you to make a “ daddy issues trope “ video. As someone who grew up without a father, I was blamed for having “ daddy issues “. Instead of blaming the father who chose to left , they often blame the children who are the victims. Also as someone who was SA’d and blackmailed, I partly blame my father for not being around. I was looking for love that my father didn’t provide and I ended up being used and taken advantage of. I still resent my father for not being there.

[@kamsismith]

I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

[@yashaswinikrishnan1878]

im really sorry. you're brave to talk about it, hope talking about it more makes you feel better, it did for me 🤍

[@zero1188]

Yes the father left but how you react to it is within your control

[@yashaswinikrishnan1878]

@@zero1188 sometimes it's not

[@savibang4412]

So if a child grows up with mommy issues because they were sent to the foster system. is the biological mother to blame for how that child ends up?

[@filmtechio]

"The fundamental truth that there is nothing we can do that can make someone love us."

[@The0neWomanShow]

I have daddy issues and it has not made me sexy or promiscuous, it has led to developing depression and anxiety. I’m only in my early 20s and only now reckoning with what I have dealt with and trying to work on it on my own term

[@selrox879]

Same.

[@alinashirinian2485]

Same, my father-related trauma has made me depressed, angry and emotionally distant. Was one of the main causes of my OCD too. I don't have a ton of sexual partners, I have PTSD because of the immense amount of stress my so-called father caused me, it's anything but sexy lmfao.

[@iaf4454]

@@alinashirinian2485 it is hard but you know people can be resilient. it can be hard for you but if you try to treat yourself with the love and care that he did not give you, you will feel that the "issue" will get over easily... prioritize you and you... then if you have the opportunity to confront him without putting yourself in danger can be a good thing... the anger you hold inside is because you need to speak up, confront him and telling what you feel without expecting anything from ... i did this before he died and it worked for me... of course he has never been in my life and now I am greatful for that, he was a terrible human being...

[@carrie2469]

Thank you for making a video about this. I remember a few years back it started getting used as a common phrase, both from men and women, and I remember thinking it was such a derogatory term. As someone who endured years of all kinds of abuse from my narcissistic father, I think it is absolutely disgusting how women are demonised for having trauma responses, mental health difficulties and struggles in adulthood as a result of their fathers. It’s never the men that are demonised, but the women who have suffered in their hands.

[@loverrlee]

THIS 😭😭😭

[@erylaria398]

My daddy issues (emotionally distant father, overbearing, authoritative grandfather who demanded perfection and ambition for affection) lead to many, many abusive relationships with older men (i started dating men in their 20s when i was 15ish) and a debilitating need for male approval. To this day, i just want a male authority figure to pat my head and tell me I'm doing well. I am 32 years old. Plus, it's part of my sexuality. Apparently. So that's... a reality i have to live with. And people find it SOOOO funny. But on the inside, when the lights are off, emotionally, i am an abandoned 12 year old girl. It's not a joke, it's annoying and embarrassing.

[@iridescentraindrops]

Girl, see a therapist. My father was also always never there, but you should recognize how predators act after being with even one, try to find the opposite personality.

[@billcipher2893]

There's nothing to be embarrassed of, it's just biology. I hope you find healing. Wish you the best.

[@mejuliie]

First of, as someone with daddy- and mommy-issues, therapy can help with a lot of the feelings you perceive and struggle with. I've been in therapy for over 5 years, and it has completely changed the way I think. Plus, it has helped confront a lot of the issues that came from emotionally unavailable, and emotionally abusive parents. Secondly, your sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of! Craving to be with a loving, respectful, dominant partner is nothing wrong, because even if a scene may not reflect that - the overall relationship will/should do. There are a lot of abusive people who use the dom/sub sexual dynamic to pray on vulnerable people, so you have to be careful. But there are just as many people who understand that communication, respect, understanding and valuing your partner is important. It also can be a health and fulfilling relationship dynamic (does not have to be sexual). It also teaches you that communication is key, and that you are valued for who you are (including that 12 year old girl that wants love and affection). And it can also help heal some of our wounds and help re-learn/re-evaluate unhealthy patterns and relationships. So really nothing to be ashamed of!! :)

[@johnhenry4844]

I bet you’re bodycount is insane woman 😂

[@lousdinovembre]

You need a therapist! There’s so many open wounds that need a band aid. Hope you find peace in the midst of your turmoils. Men aren’t all that! Once you start loving yourself you’ll realize that you don’t need a man to feel complete or happy. We’re already born to be self-sufficient. It’s not too late to make peace with your past and show some love to your 12 year old self. Deep down she’s screaming begging for attention and love. You are the only one that can protect and love her at this point, no one else but you. Stop neglecting her and start showing up for her Hope you find your worth ❤

[@cheryl5667]

It's so deeply heartbreaking that men do this to us.

[@magnisky]

It is really too sad.

[@cheryl5667]

Abandon/abuse, sexually exploit, and then further abuse due to our vulnerability to said sexual abuse, exploitation and degradation for what they clearly understand as low self-esteem.

[@ahabalheis2478]

Why are you generalizing when men suffer from that as well and from women with issues? Do you think women are the only ones born into families? Or the man who left is exactly like a another who's only similarity is that they share male genitalia?

[@cheryl5667]

@@ahabalheis2478 men choose to leave and shame women for their fathers being shitty or out of the picture. if men wanted to stop they would. it's a men's issue. Women are allowed to acknowledge this and shame on you for trying to get us to stop because you're fucking offended.

[@ahabalheis2478]

I'm not gonna let you demonize a sex and exonerate another, it's fucked up to abandon your family for any sex and men and women should deal with their issues that could stem from anything, I'm honestly on your side I just want everyone accountable

[@alyzu4755]

I saw a video yesterday in which a man said that when he learned he and his wife were going to have a girl, he went to "the biggest man who*re [he] could find" and asked him how to keep his daughter safe from men like him. The guy said to "let her know you love her, otherwise someone who doesn't will make her believe he does".

[@vidishaarkasali7194]

Me too even i watched the same

[@GryffindorLioness]

lol, I saw that tiktok just yesterday

[@lilac6222]

The title of the video please.

[@alyzu4755]

@@lilac6222 I'll try to find it.

[@winterbutterfly8861]

Omg same, I watched like 2 days ago

[@leilamaach5229]

Why is anybody talking about Lexi from Euphoria? At the end of season 2 we clearly see she is also deeply affected by her father's abandonment. She was a good example on how many girls are still traumatised by this, and had to face other problems that don't mean ending up being promiscous or sexualised. Developing more a character like this could show other ways on how young girls deal with this trauma.

[@steamyvegetables1445]

I related to Lexi so much. As my sister is like Cassie, very promiscuous and gets into toxic relationships with guys. She also does drugs and have angry outbursts over little things. We both have "daddy issues" but deal with them differently. I struggle with anxiety and possibly another mental health issues. I display similar behaviour as Lexi, just being quiet in the background and observing others not saying anything. And I do enjoy the arts and wanting to write a book/novel, liking fanfics and interpretations to shows, anime etc. similar to Lexi's play.

[@tiamarrow6366]

While Lexi also suffered from their dad’s abandonment….they way she opened up about it wasn’t that great, especially with her play…..she was wrong for that. She didn’t seem to get permission from any of her friends to do it, and then when Cassie confronted her for only doing the play as a way to humiliate and embarrass all of them, Lexi tried to deny it…..but she literally had all of the characters in her play portraying her friends doing the same shit that we saw from all of them in Season 1, with similar names….it couldn’t have been any more obvious that she was making a play about them, the only difference is that with her friends…she was just describing them and what they’ve gone through in their lives……with Cassie, she fully shamed and made fun of her all because Cassie has big boobs, but was constantly being sexualized by those around her, including their mom or was feeling insecure about herself which is completely normal but “shallow” and “stuck up” in Lexi’s eyes. Lexi basically made the play to vent about how insecure and non empathetic she is. What’s worse is that she didn’t even fully go into detail about how traumatized she was from her father leaving the family……there was small parts here and there, but it was mostly about everyone else. While Lexi did definitely experience some type of trauma…..the way she expressed it wasn’t that good. There should’ve been an episode where they could’ve done an intervention with Cassie, Lexi, and Suze…..for them to open up about their emotions and solve the problem, no yelling, no shaming, no craziness.

[@Jecykshaji]

The reason woman who have daddy issue might end up being s£xually assaulted or having multiple s£xual partner is because people use them for s£x , those people only show any love or care to these woman is when she fullfill his s£xual desire. People don't realise how serious this is. I'm survivor of child sexual abuse(by both female and male), grooming, mother wound, father wound,s£lf-harm, bullying by teachers and classmate, online sexual abuse, anxiety issues, suicidal thoughts since i was barely 10, symptoms of Dissociative disorders. One thing related to another and so on. Nobody to help. Everyone simply enjoying, taking advantage, mocking,and some even try but they don't know how to help.

[@angelaholmes8888]

I'm sorry that you went through that

[@Sishel]

I am so sorry you went through all of this. I relate in many of your points, it’s so unbelievably painful and lonely. But you’re a survivor and a warrior. You’re not alone. Hug yourself everyday, tell yourself you are enough, just the way you are. Do something everyday that brings you joy and fuck everything else.

[@moona3206]

It happens because we don't held abusers accountable...it's easier to make fun of the victim for having " daddy issues "

[@N.I.A23]

You obviously did something wrong. We only abuse you when you have it coming.

[@Jecykshaji]

@@Sishel ❤️❤️

[@SoniaSephia]

The social reminds me of creepy way how some Hollywood tropes would view a girl with daddy issues as a fetish, because that meant that she is "easy."

[@gcavenaugh]

I kept waiting for the video to make this point: one reason that women with "daddy issues" are presumed to be fatally incapable of addressing their issues is that our culture assumes that "having a strong man in your life" is absolutely essential for a woman to feel complete.

[@marslara]

I never really understood "daddy" issues tbh... I was always under the impression that it's really just general neglect or bad parental relationships from either side regardless of the gender.

[@Lwoods1717]

The problem with having a bad parent is that the other parent will ALSO be affected and need help her/himself. An absent father is more likely to mean an absent mom because she might be working overtime to support the family, or is out looking for other men, or is traumatized and depressed from the abandonment herself. In this situation, the child has essentially no strong supportive figure and is left all alone.

[@dos.2168]

@@Lwoods1717 this.

[@Peecamarke]

Wow, thank you for saying this, this was very illuminating. The mere concept of daddy issues being gendered and heteronormative. We should be addressing general parental neglect instead of saying it’s a mother/father issue 🤔

[@moona3206]

@@Peecamarke It's gendered because of how its unfortunatly sexualised I think.

[@BabaJaga]

I would love to see a second part with men’s daddy issues, cause they also have them when their fathers are absent but there is literally no representation or calling out in media.

[@isbalella]

Idk how it is where you live, but every time there's a school shooting or other crime committed by a male there's mention of single parent households (almost always mothers) or growing up without fathers contributing to this. I don't think anyone is unaware of the negative effects growing up without a father figure affects children of all genders, but girls and women are by far more likely to be blamed and mocked for having daddy issues.

[@BabaJaga]

@@isbalella First outside the US are way less school shootings, so this might be a factor, yes. Secondly I am talking about entertainment media, like the movies that were talked about in this video. I can name you dozens of movies with girls having daddy issues and being blamed for it, but close to none where the same thing can be said about male figures. For example INCELs and MRAs are mostly abondoned by their parents, the majority being fathers, cause they are mostly to leave.

[@beebomouse]

Not true - Boy Meets World deals with this

[@BabaJaga]

@@beebomouse Exactly what I said, so it is true

[@beebomouse]

@@BabaJaga 'no representation or calling out in media' were your words, I provided example, so no, not true that there are no representations 😂

[@thewishfulthinker]

Phantom of the Opera is an interesting example of this character type. Not subtle, but then it is a Gothic rock opera. I love that Christine ultimately triumphs over her insecurities, sees the Phantom for what he is, and in finally kissing him, acts with agency instead of infatuation. She's granting him mercy, not falling under his spell.

[@MaliciousCorpse]

Thank you for this, sincerely a woman who has been told to my face "You only act crazy because you have daddy issues." No Kevin, I act crazy because my parents neglected and abused me growing up. It's not an "issue" it's a real thing that happens to young girls and boys-therapy has done wonders for me however. So there is always a path forward, but it took me a long time to overcome and learn that type of strength.

[@user-yk5xu8gr1e]

The problem is somewhere I believe that if I was beautiful my dad would have valued me…maybe he was disappointed I didn’t turn out very pretty like some girls….because I have never seen a pretty girl having daddy issues (except in cases where he walked off when she was baby)

[@MaliciousCorpse]

@@user-yk5xu8gr1e Internet hugs to you. I feel the same way, I remember getting fat as a young girl (food was my bff) and my dad constantly commenting on it. His favorite hobby was to take a picture with a camera whenever I was eating to later show me how disgusting I looked. I'm so sorry our dads didn't value us as human beings who needed love and support to grow and become stable adults. You didn't deserve a father like that, and you're worth all the internet hugs I can give 💜

[@user-yk5xu8gr1e]

@@MaliciousCorpse Hugs to you too! The bad outcome of that reject is that every time I feel “less than” or insulted by other men I feel like my dads dislike towards me is justified…I really am undesirable and that’s why he was so disappointed in me as a child….and that’s the worst feeling ever….to feel he wasn’t wrong in hating me and I don’t deserve better 😔 and physical aspect or even some mental capacity is pure genetic we can only do so much about it there is always limitations. But on the other hand I also feel like even if he felt bad about me not turning out pretty, he could have kept those thoughts to himself and gave me some solid foundation I would have realized my worth anyways and maybe it wouldn’t even matter to me as much as it does now….instead he pushed me to excel in studies which I realized was just a code for “well u are ugly might as well have a career” and it made me value physical beauty even more sadly 😩

[@Tulpen23]

Learning about attachment styles and their origins (familial neglect and emotional abuse) not only illuminated why I kept falling into the same dysfunctional relationship patterns, it completely changed my life, and might have even saved it.

[@Lwoods1717]

Thank you for mentioning this. I shall look it up. I recently cut out all negative men from my life and am working on rebuilding myself.

[@naveerarizwan5329]

The best example of a girl w daddy issues where it isn’t fetishised or demonised is Annabeth Chase from Percy Jackson. It genuinely shows her abondonment issues and she’s naver blamed for her father being an absentee.

[@kayleighdriessen]

Daddy and mommy issues alike are not to be romanticised or turned into some sick joke, I still feel bad for anyone mocked for these issues even if I never really got that treatment or have been 'abandoned' myself. My parents were divorced when I was barely 2 years old so I didn't really know better at the time what was going on and why my parents didn't live together with me and while my dad moved out and I only saw him few times in a week my mother married again with a narcissist shortly after divorce who did actively abused me and my mother and let's just say both my mom and dad had their own reasons why in some cases I grew up with emotionally absent parents so I mostly found comfort and safety within my own creative hobbies and seeking support from close teachers, maybe they could have ended up worse if they still stayed in a relationship in which they fell out of love and sticked around for me so I'm not holding anything against them.

[@mirandusdaniel]

Cassie deserved so much better. She was the character I empathized with the most off Euphoria. I love her. 💕

[@bayoumuddah]

She slept with her best friends boyfriend.

[@lu-themadpillow2985]

Fathers who abandon daughters or don’t care for them are so incredibly ridiculous and not to be taken seriously as partners.

[@Doidao-xx5vf]

Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe the mother pushed them away and expelled him from the family?

[@isabella6075]

@@Doidao-xx5vf Nothing should take you away from you own child!! No one!!

[@Doidao-xx5vf]

@@isabella6075 well the law can. It’s not always the fathers fault. If women took accountability for their actions society would realize this but they don’t. Ppl always act like it’s the mans fault 100% of the time.

[@isabella6075]

@@Doidao-xx5vf Yet who created that system oh wait males did. Remember the gender roles they placed on women it’s backfiring against them. You deflected blamed women for a system your gender created. Seem like males don’t take accountability for their own actions!!

[@Doidao-xx5vf]

@@isabella6075 regardless of who created it or not women need to take accountability of their actions same as men so situations like this don’t occur.

[@Movieslurge2]

Cassie is written and treated just as badly as Marilyn was in Blonde- especially in Season Two. Levinson literally gets off on humiliating her.

[@bayoumuddah]

That's because there are women like her. Plenty of that sleep with best friends boyfriends and are heaux.

[@alisiademi]

I grew up with a verbally and mentally abusive dad and ended up in either an abusive relationship or chasing guys who didn't want to see me past 1 or 2 hookups. Thank goodness I found meditation, spirituality, knowledge on narcissistic abuse, and read the book "Attached" on attachment style! I gradually healed and reprogrammed myself over a few years. The anxiety and self loathing of revolving my life around getting guys to like me was not a life I would wish on anyone. Healing is possible though. Self-compassion is also a great book. Taking shrooms also helped me

[@user-yk5xu8gr1e]

I always feel maybe it’s because we weren’t pretty girls and so were not much appreciated by our dads….because I have rarely seen a pretty girl (who is born beautiful) having daddy issues it’s always the plain looking ones….

[@PokhrajRoy.]

This Video Essay made me realise that a lot of Queer Stories are tragedies but they rarely ever mention the ugliness of familial issues or the parent issues. We need more of that in mainstream media.

[@_heisenburgerr]

My father has been absent since I was 7. This made me crave for male validation ever since. I would immediately like any guy who liked me as long as they seemed "nice", which blinded me from their true intentions. Until now with my current boyfriend, I still find myself submitting to what I think would be pleasing for him. But I'm lucky that he always acknowledges my needs and what I truly want. Of course, that's a bare minimum but I'm confident that I'll be able to break the generational trauma.

[@naveerarizwan5329]

Me and my sister have severe Daddy issues. Our dad didn’t leave he stayed and abused us, he was narcissistic and controlling and a lot of it came from the fact that he himself has mommy issues. He never got love and approval from his own mother and was abused by her. He grew up very poor in Pakistan so when he finally came to Australia and started making money from being a doctor he became abusive and narcissistic in order to prove himself to his parents. And started becoming just like them. Just like Cassie’s father he was very loving when we were younger but started having episodes as we got older. It was terrible. My older sister ran away in march and he finally slowly started to realise what how terrible he’d been (my mum too) and he slowly started to get better. But I can’t say that all the effects if his abuse haven’t gone away.

[@rebeccaforbes9624]

I’m so sorry is your sister safe? Do you have any contact with her?

[@naveerarizwan5329]

@@rebeccaforbes9624 yeah she actually moved back a few months ago. Things are definitely better.

[@IBH94]

I was disappointed with how Barney Stinson only appeared in the quick intro while he is one of the best examples of daddy issues

[@chihirokai9530]

Thank you so much for making this video. Having a complicated relationship with my parents, especially my father, led to years of me prioritizing acceptance and validation regardless of personal preference with male friends in school. I also have a horrible habit of forgiving and keeping men in my life who were manipulative, broken in their own right, or downright sexist. You want to please men and you also hate them. You feel like you can’t trust a male romantic partner too much and at the same time you’re terrified of abandonment. And this video is so educational, even for me! To deprogram my own inherent misogyny that I developed in my misguided desire to be loved and accepted and non threatening to men of all ages.

[@animelover4448]

As someone who lost their father in 2020 at the age of 22, It can also be an expression of deep loss of what could have been.

[@winterbutterfly8861]

The fact that my father literally told me and my sister that we were to blame. He and my mom got a divorce when we were still babies cause he cheated on her and he never forgive her for not forgiving him. He was not part of our lives (lived 7 miles from our home and spend over a year without visiting us despite my mom insistence). After we grew up he once told me that he didn't went to see us more because we weren't happy enough to see him, that he saw other children cry when they saw their fathers and being more excited about it (we were 6 and 5 at this point he was referring to) and that he had to ask us to say "daddy I love you" (which we said) and therefore he didn't felt welcomed and loved enough. To this day his side of the family treats us like we're some kind of monsters for going on and having happy healthy lives without them despite them being the ones who rejected us when we were little. My dad literally used the little time he had the few times that he did come to see us to try and say bad things about my mom (like he cheated because they argue and it was her fault or whatever) but when we (little girls) asked him not to do that he said it was because she manipulated us and tell us what to say and then procede to not come see us in a long time. Once we grew he blamed us of being "like her". His ego couldn't take that we were capable of being happy after he abandoned us.

[@MustardLadySaveMe]

my dad was a quiet man, but not distant. he made it a point to show me what a real man is: one who cares for and protects his family, is creative, playful, intelligent in so many different ways, and doesn't hide his emotions but instead uses his heart and his mind to guide his decisions.

[@ayanna6327]

There is a whole spectrum of daddy issues and Hollywood mainly focuses on the one that is most palatable to men. There is a whole other side of the spectrum that is the opposite. My daddy issues made me actively hate men years and want nothing to do with them.

[@luvburden5743]

Same. My dad exists in so many men, behavior wise. That's why I hate them so much. I see him in alot of men.

[@truth-uncensored2426]

go lesbian

[@JinxSanity]

It evens get more disturbing when used as a sexual kink, like in Bad Boys 2 where Will's psychiatrist ends up having sex with him and her casually saying "Daddy" suddenly makes Will's character turn the tables on her and suddenly she's now his patient, therefore mocking her status as a female psychiatrist. Then again she's dressed in a very sexy outfit and in a Michael Bay movie so this atrocious cringey scene was expected.

[@inicole47]

The fact that it’s a Micheal Bay film says everything…not surprised

[@mejuliie]

That's honestly disgusting. As it not only trivializes the real emotional issues, but also a valid sexual dynamic - basically over-sexualizing both. If looking at a dom/sub relationship, there is always respect and kindness involved. Lots of communication, boundary setting, and making sure the sub as well as the dom are okay with what is happening. Even if it may seem to an outsider like the dom doesn't take their little serious or mocks them - it's part on a mutually agreed on dynamic. A dominant will always make sure that their sub will feel respected, valued, and understood. Unfortunately, it has been fetishized and misrepresented more and more in recent years. Many people don't understand that, done right, it can be a healthy, positive dynamic. That lack of knowledge can often lead someone vulnerable into an abusive relationship.

[@truth-uncensored2426]

You guys are overthink this too much

[@NellyNutmeg]

It's gross how people hate on Jenny from Forrest Gump

[@carloszapata847]

People criticize her for not paying attention to Forrest's feelings towards her, but we must remember something: Forrest's mental disorder. I think the reason Jenny is so reluctant to romance Forrest is probably because she is afraid that by doing so she would be taking advantage of someone with a disability.

[@steamyvegetables1445]

Yeah and it was HEAVILY IMPLIED that her Dad s**ually abused both her and her sister.

[@austincde]

I'm really new to this phenomenon, it's not that Forrest is a "nice guy" but every jenny h8r seems to think he's unable to fully consent to being in a relationship?

[@rithvikmuthyalapati9754]

People hate her because she treated Forrest like a dumb person and was a terrible friend to him. He did so much for her and she took it for granted.

[@tulipchic34]

My father was incredibly emotionally distant as was his father to him. I think it has affected me in how I view my relationships with men. I’ve only realised this in my late 40s

[@EH012]

Loved this video - I'd actually like to see a male counterpart Take as well. For once the derailers in the comments bring up as interesting topic - men have daddy issues too, and they show up in different ways, that make them likely to be perpetrators rather than victims. Sometimes it's toxic and performative masculinity and treating women as conquests or objects, or becoming ruthless and unethical in business, or (most benignly) workaholics, to emulate and win the approval of a father figure. Sometimes the men taking advantage of women with daddy issues have them, too. Funny how patriarchal male culture is at the root of BOTH, huh?

[@Peecamarke]

THIS!

[@howtosober]

This is an important topic, thank you for bringing it up- especially the relevance of insecure attachment systems. The good news is, insecure attachment can be healed. Some great resources: Personal Development School (on KZbin plus the school's site); Heidi Priebe; Briana MacWilliam. Shaming women for the failures of their fathers is bullshit. It's time to break the cycle.

[@Jecykshaji]

0:32 interested in older men because they have wounded inner child. They are looking for love, protection and safty which they never received. Sometimes they aren't interested in the person but the support and safety they can give.

[@atmiswilson278]

That is why we need good father figures

[@missbellaiza]

Finally, someone hears my struggles and understands me!

[@marie-claudeblais6025]

Marilyn also had [crazy, abusive] mommy issues

[@giftofgab1791]

My dad is an abandoning, narcissistic addict and I had a narcissistic ex try to weaponize that as an excuse to break up with me but the irony is that I don’t really have any traits that could tend to be associated with so-called “daddy issues” (I have major trust issues and anxiety but not the other stuff) but I know plenty of women with stable, loving relationships with their dad’s who display all the stereotypical behaviors of a person with “daddy issues”. I think this label is a crock of shit and completely misogynistic, why is no one coming for the shitty dad’s who psychologically harmed their children?

[@DimaRakesah]

THANK YOU! This perfectly explains my frustration with the "daddy issues" trope.

[@bluesisyphe]

My father can be vicious. He is the first one to laugh at my failures. He wishes I fail when I do something he doesn't like. The moment I entered puberty and no longer listen to him like I did when I was a child he started to tell me I was a bitch, nobody liked me, that I was sick in the head. He did not believe I needed therapy when I was deep in anorexia and later on bulimia. My mom payed for my therapy and my father never supported me. He still does not understand the big deal of my eating disorders, anxiety and low self esteem. He says that I come from a normal family so I should not have developed such problems. After years of therapy I can talk to him and I do love him, but I'm never going to trust him. He did not change, I did (with therapy). The moment I will do something he does not like he'll turn back into the monster I know he can be.

[@iaf4454]

The best thing you can do is to keep distance... and be detached emotionally...you have to preserve yourself from this kind of abusers, they are not good for your health and your life

[@MrQuantumInc]

Under patriarchy we all have daddy issues. Actually there is a lot of talk about the effect of absent father figures on men, termed "absent male role models" rather than "daddy issues", but it is usually taken a lot more seriously, with more empathy, and certainly not fetishized.

[@taylorgayhart9497]

This conversation is especially important in a post Roe v Wade world.

[@idbefamousifiwere3]

Can you explain what you mean by this? I don't quite get it and I'm interested to know

[@laneilleglyne5986]

What I don't understand is why daddy issues are always attributed to women when so many men also suffer from daddy issues

[@dustinclocher6462]

Idk but its driving me insane.

[@kentonsam4264]

Along with the school girl/authority figure roleplay, "daddy" nickname I always thought that was gross. The implications are just too disturbing to comprehend and I question the mental processes of any man that wants his lover to call him that , or be okay with being called that, same goes on the flip side with "mama". I know they say don't kink shame, but kinda hard not to when you find out the layers of kink.

[@karawardlaw4090]

I agree with that. As a southern girl, my dad was always "Daddy" to me, even after I was grown, so the idea of calling a man that has always grossed me out. I've never understood why I man would want to be called that by the woman he is intimately involved with

[@mewesquirrel6720]

It's gross because it's becoming popular even now on Tick tock. Like it's literally sexist

[@austincde]

Yeah the "lolita" trope should stay dead.

[@Peecamarke]

Yeah it made me feel highly uncomfortable when I was called Daddy, but media and pop culture normalize that so much to be a thing a guy wants I was nervous to bring it up. Patriarchy really messes up your mind and perspective on things smh

[@kb_100]

Luckily, I was never called "daddy" by a partner. I don't find it hot or sexy at all. It's creepy af.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

While there’s debate as to how true it is, I think Rocketman is a good exploration of both “daddy” and “mommy issues,” especially with how they relate to the queer experience.

[@drunkgeek3035]

Finally! Thank you for making this vid! As someone with the same issue, i was confused about the whole thing because of the pop cultural presentation

[@sustainaxenia]

I recently heard on a podcast that if a man has issues with his parents, he was "smothered", he's "mommy's boy", while women with parental issues have "daddy issues". So it feels like linguistically the blame is always put on women, which resonates with me.

[@cucumberpufway9108]

We shame the girls but not the GROWN Adults who left their family The real question is why so many men are bad dads And girls we can’t get over it I grew out of it completely

[@iaf4454]

Maybe it is simply because they can do it if they are abusers they are forgiven easily. In general, societies blame the daugther or the woman for ' men behaviour' . Men dont feel any responsability from their actions and they are not punished socially, if they can do it they do it, this is how male behaviour work...

[@DevilDears]

This is great! You didn’t only analyze the phenomenon but also gave a hopeful outlook and almost therapeutic advise to those who can identify with it. 👍🏻

[@BioshadowX]

At least we have the Disney orphans to look up to

[@Hallows4]

Temperance Brennan from Bones had a LOT of daddy-issues, and their reconciliation definitely wasn’t an easy ride. Yet the series makes the effort to portray both sides sympathetically, and I think he was even proud that she developed a such remarkable level of independence to cope with her trauma.

[@wrongkawaii]

my childhood was full of neglect and my father was deeply emotionally immature and absent. as a young adult i was hypersexual and chased after emotionally unavailable men. self love is especially hard for women like us, but therapy really does help. it takes a lot of unlearn toxic patterns but its so worth it. im still learning to establish boundaries and to put myself first. its a constant journey.

[@thatbee3585]

Another Great Video!!!! Thank you The Take for your deep dives and insightful videos .

[@wallycola5653]

Related topic: complex post traumatic stress disorder related to abuse, neglect or chronic stress during childhood

[@jaminavestajugo3456]

One implication of the "daddy issues" slur is that a good woman should be able to work through the impact of her childhood by herself, or smilingly perform happiness because she's so selfless that she would never want to make others uncomfortable. A daughter with visible "issues" is blamed for not covering them up in this way. On the other hand, so many stories present a son's daddy issues as a prerequisite for "brooding hero" status. You know what I mean, that protagonist who's an asshole or stressed-out overachiever because his father always made him feel inadequate, etc. That's not good, either, but the difference in the portrayal daughters' vs. sons' "daddy issues" tells a lot about how society views gender.

[@silasallner1891]

Love that essay too! ✨ People aren't their issues and sicknesses, sometimes they're delivered and subjected to them. I think

[@kathleenandrews8171]

This is an outstanding episode. Can't believe I haven't watched it till now. I love this voice over person's work...she sounds smart & amused & slightly pissed off. Which is super appropriate for some topics!

[@robchuk4136]

It's easy drama. But there should be a Take on why "Daddy Issues" is so prevalent a trope in the first place. One of the few things I liked about She-Hulk was that she had a good dad. We're at a place now where that is actually a pleasant surprise to see.

[@samstribrid]

As someone who has had an absent father since I was 5,let me tell you,it’s not as big or dramatic as people think,at least it wasn’t for me

[@Cinderella-mc8kf]

Me too,but actually it does makes me fearful of men and anxious of getting close or intimate and hopeless that anyone would actually love me,i think i am looking for a father figure instead of a partner.

[@cjane_world]

I have daddy issues, not because my father wasn't there physically, but emotionally. He is a narcisist with ADHD. He was always around, neglecting my feelings, ridiculing me, commenting on my weight, telling me how beautiful my (very skinny) friends have become, beating me and my brother, and constantly breaking down my boundaries. I have developed anxiety and depression since the young age of about 6/7 years, barely functioning in my work life, yay. I'm constantly battling with my weight, hate my body and myself. I've had anger issues, especially in my past relationships, I've developed several chronic illnesses and I've been sexually assaulted in my 20s, because I had no sense of what kind of man would be good for me. I wish I could snap my fingers and get rid of all my issues, but the truth is that I'm only taking baby steps in the right direction after years of therapy. The only good thing about my father: he was always there and somehow loved me in his twisted ways. And he gave me money. He gave me a house and I can't really be too grateful about it, but see it as repayment for the years of abuse.

[@janehopke878]

Sometimes it isn't physical abandonment but EMOTIONAL abandonment that causes the issue. My parents are celebrating their 55th anniversary in June, but my father was never really present in my life. He had such disdain for attending my events and preferred to work instead. Granted, I don't know what it's like to have my father leave the family physically, but I would think that having him physically present but not willing to actually be a dad could be worse. After all, you have the constant reminder that everything else is more important than you... I'm fine with people disagreeing with me and am definitely open to hearing other viewpoints, because as I said, I could be completely wrong. All I ask is for kindness in your responses. Thank you.

[@MsDreamer1994]

I wonder is there a big difference between daddy issues and mommy issues? The one example I can think of are criminals/serial killers who lack maternal figures tend to act the way they do due to lack of nurturing.

[@LarrySonOfMilton]

lesbians who look for older lesbians, similar to straight women looking for older men.

[@marslara]

imo there's no difference, it's really just general neglect or bad parental relationships regardless of gender.

[@Sishel]

@@LarrySonOfMilton This is supposed to be a joke right?

[@Sishel]

I have both a father wound and a mother would. I’m not a criminal nor a serial killer. Please stop it with this bullshit correlation. All criminals have mental issues, but not all people with mental issues are criminals 🤦‍♀️

[@down-to-earth-mystery-school]

Serial killer and psychopaths are born without wiring in their brains for empathy

[@meriemradhi5481]

The gender thing... I, a woman, have abandonment issues and an insecure attachment style that result from having a neglectful abandoning MOTHER. And I have been attracted to idk how many guys who had the same issues resulting from a neglectful/ abandoning FATHER.

[@sontomepho7569]

My dad passed on when I was 3.. So I hardly know him but I have pics with him. Still not having a dad in my life, really caused a lot of issues and still does in my life and my relationships. It's hard. I never thought I had this issue until I was liking someone so bad and my hurt emerged to the person I liked.

[@IlyRecordare]

I appreciate this one, that term always bugged me in films and I wasn’t sure why exactly. It IS very reductive and i appreciate the examples on how some films/TV no longer make this the permanent nail in the coffin for a girl’s future.

[@YoshiiHime]

Now this is the content I subscribed to, I missed the old trope explanation videos. Love this 💖

[@saraa.4295]

There is also another side of the coin: the assumption that every promiscuous woman that is a bit..out there, can also be the way she is, because of an absent father, assuming it is a fathers job to make a daughter non promiscuous...

[@johnnyrivas2619]

Do you have plans to also do a "momma's boy" episode as well by chance? I hope so, I just love your channel.

[@patriciaa4451]

Thanks for bringing this up. The term "daddy issues" is so dismissive. It doesn't always lead to a specific kind of behaviour. I also find the term 'daddy' in romantic or sexual context kind of revolting.

[@marshalmarrs3269]

Next video should be about toxic father son relationships

[@TokioTE]

There's so many in anime

[@socialistbatman1211]

I’ve always thought the whole “daddy issues” thing was overplayed. You’d be surprised how many of us, guys and women, had awful, or completely absent fathers. And the overwhelmingly majority of women turn out completely normal...

[@aprilshowers3246]

like not a hyper-sexual stereotype or emotionally unstable? I just think a lot of us (myself included) hide it a lot and convince ourselves through other people telling us that we are okay, that we dont have issues we may need to work through.

[@truth-uncensored2426]

"the overwhelmingly majority of women turn out completely normal" this phrase by itself is false, look at the stats in developed countries, 1 in 4 women by the age of 40 had used or is currently using some medication to treat depression, anxiety or other mental problems. So women because of many factors are more mentally unstable by nature even without dad issues.

[@Twistedheart619]

I love you magnificent and intelligent and funny ladies so much and have followed ur page forever! your analyzations are always spot on and this, by far, as someone who can relate, really loved and think this is my favorite one you have put out yet. much love + health and happiness greetings from Denver, Colorado

[@zainmudassir2964]

I love my daughter and can't think of neglecting her ❤

[@chanmarr8118]

Never knew my father growing up so I guess that lessened the blow of feeling abandoned. Plus, I grew up mostly with my grandparents on my mother’s side so my Gramps was my father figure I guess. The weird thing is that when I got to adulthood, I attracted guys way older than me by like 10+ years. Not sure if that had to do with my upbringing. I didn’t even date in high school because I found it pointless. We definitely shouldn’t be defined by some a-hole abandoning us. We made it through our childhood without them, we can continuing doing so in adulthood and flourishing.