Growing Up Gay and Mormon - Family Homo Evening No. 3 | Dads Not Daddies

[@austinroselmao]

Growing up Mormon and being who I am now has made me kind of resent religion. My parents are Mormon, so when I found out I was gay I was terrified. I had no idea how they would react, how everyone would react, and I didn't know what to do with myself. I slowly came out to my family and while my family was very accepting and even supported me, my mom still thinks that I'm "going through a phase" and continues to make me go too church so I might be "saved by the Lord". I really enjoy seeing your point of view on this topic, and I'm loving the series so far!

[@EditorInChic]

I grew up in Indonesia, a moslem conservative + homophobic country. It was hard. I experienced my sexuality in 5 stages: the confusion, the guilt, the excitement, the sadness, and the fear. I’m watching your video at the airport on my way to Canada to seek refuge through an LGBT asylum.

[@samuelowens5835]

Thank you for this video! I grew up in the Mormon church as well and when I came out as gay, I had a very hard time with leaving the church and being who I truly am. For a year and a half, I’ve hated telling people that I’m an ex Mormon. This video showed me that I don’t need to hate that and just need to accept it. The Mormon church gave me so much. Thank you so much for showing me this. ❤️

[@jamiescott5461]

Raised in the Catholic Church, thus not accepting. As an adult it definitely pushed me away from organized religion as a whole. I never want to hear “hate the sin not the sinner” again!

[@HannahHoney92345]

Jamie Scott So true. If i have heard that saying once ive heard it a million times!

[@HilltopFarmHomestead]

I'd be very interested to know what your relationship with your parents and extended family is like since you came out. I would imagine kids from super religious families have a harder time gaining acceptance.

[@masonmoore4730]

I love what you guys had to say. I also grew up gay and Mormon, and left the church almost a year ago. I loved the advice of taking the good stuff from your upbringing as a Mormon and leaving the other stuff that isn’t so good behind. Thanks for being you, and making videos like this!!!! Keep it up!!! 😊❤️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[@mykhailosukhonosov4068]

You're cute!;)

[@belizeguy]

Well done men. Always nice to see you . My Mom started out as an Atheist, then converted to Episcopalian. As a convert , she was pretty zealous , but I never felt any really negative effects from it. I did get railroaded right by any same sex attractions early on and only after a life threatening illness with a long, reflective recovery, l came out at 30 with a much beloved son. My ex tried to manipulate her religion to hurt me and permanently estrange me from him , but that failed and eventually her own addictions lead to her own demise . We are back to being happy ,healthy Atheists with sound upbringing thanks to my Mom. Build on a good foundation with love and truth and you can achieve about anything . Love is the key ingredient .

[@lukeoneal4239]

I love your message! Growing up in a very religious Christian (southern baptist) home, I can relate to almost everything y'all talk about. Living as semi closeted gay man with a child I also understand the fine line that must be walked from time to time in our journeys. Thanks you for being a positive example and keep up the good work!

[@Gyllsd1]

Hi guys! Always nice to see you and hear what you have to say. In one of my classes a number of years ago, we were talking about inclusive language in hymns and church songs. I like to have inclusive language, but in some pieces it really sounds sappy. For example. I cannot sing God rest you merry gentlefolk with a straight face. Then, the professor chimed in, "You know, each person no matter what the language, decides whether or not to include themselves into what is being said." How true. And, it goes with our belief systems as well. We accept the things that resonate with our souls and brains. And, we reject those things that are foreign to our history, or science, or that we know to be untrue. Thank so much. I love you guys. Greg G.

[@rogerhollingshead]

I understand you guys totally! I grew up Mennonite and that has really affected the way I veiw things too. Coming out to my family was especially hard since I knew I would likely be rejected, so far it is more of an overall avoidance from them. You guys are a inspiration.

[@craw023]

You guys are amazing!!!! It’s so nice to see people like me living well adjusted normal lives and being happy. Thanks for being awesome.

[@KatiePoohBearTheCat]

Grew up as a JW. Didn't figure out who I was until I was 36 yrs old. I disconnected from my church, but still believe in the good values they teach me. But I hate the rejections it creates just because of who I am. I didn't choose to be, but they choose to not speak and contact me. I did have suicidal thoughts at first, because I was ashamed of me and my attractions, but with consultation, I found peace in who I am today. But it took some time...

[@bensorensen324]

I relate to this so hard. I don't hate Mormonism nor do I hate the fact that i was raised that way. Growing up in the church led to a lot of good in my life but also a lot of damage. I'm still trying to make a clean exit from the church but LITERALLY EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY IS A MEMBER SO YEAH THATS NOT GONNA HAPPEN. lol

[@DadNDaddies]

Ben Sorensen we FEEL YOU! It’s a constant battle establishing and maintaining boundaries with family. That’s a good topic to touch on in a later vid too!

[@Tripper111]

Glad you guys stand behind what you believe in. I am not religious but I have high morals and my own beliefs. Monogamy and commitment to me says so much as well as honesty and integrity. You guys give such a good and positive influence to so many with the content you produce on this channel. Thanks.

[@johnp.mccartney2556]

I had written at least 8 paragraphs, and them my phone turned itself off. My fault. I let the battery run down to 0%. The frustration is that I lost everything I had written. So here I am, starting over because responding to your vlog is important to me. I learned of you yesterday after watching Husband and Husband's blog about their arrival in SLC, their first impressions, and their plans to visit the city with the 2 of you as seasoned SLC-ers as their tour guides. And being the overachiever I am, any time someone in a vlog I follow introduces me to new KZbinrs and suggest I check out their page (as Aaron did), I dutifully obey. Thus, I found you and this is the first post that showed up. So here I am. As you 2 did, I grew up in a devoutly religious family with 10 siblings and my parents (Roman Catholic). We lived three houses away from the Catholic church we attended and the Catholic grade school. My first memories as a person begin with the Catholic kindergarten I attended. There were 8 years of Catholic grade school, 4 years of Catholic HS, 3 semesters is Catholic college at a Benedictine seminary, and my first professional job, which was teaching religion for 9 years at an all-boys Catholic college prep high school. Catholicism was my life for many reasons. The two primary ones were (1) to please my parents, which I never felt I could because I never received the positive feedback that they were proud of anything I did, and (2) to pray the gay away. I am a textbook case of someone who spent his life at 16 when I first realized I was gay to the age of 32, when, after 9 years, I resigned my religion teacher position at the Catholuc HS. It took a case of deep clinical depression at age 35, medication, and decades of therapy (I remain in therapy today at age 63) to get me to the point where you 2 young men are today. I lacked the self-awareness and insight into my background and familial religious history that you 2 apparently have. It is only in the past 5 years that I have come to the point where it appears you men are today. Like the Morman faith, Catholicism shapes you into the person you become. I am a good man, generous with his time and limited resources, hard-working and all the other good qualities my parents and Catholicism instilled in me. However, for the largest majority of my life, I hated everything about myself because I was gay and I was taught that being gay will lead to eternal damnation. No matter what I did, I couldn't get the gay to go away. My hatred led to acts of self-harm. Maybe if I punished myself severely enough, the gay would go away or maybe God would take pity of me and not send me to hell. I was sick. Very sick. Today, after a psychiatric hospitalization, 25+ years of psychotropic medication and almost as many years of talk and behavior modification therapy, I am happy. Happy to be alive. Happy to be the simple man I am. The irony of Pride month is that I'm proud of being ... just being. I'm not proud of being gay any more than I am proud of being right handed. I just am. However, it's not something I have to hate myself over. I am also proud of men and women like you, and Husband and Husband, and all the many gay activists who spread the messages of self-love and acceptance. I take hope in the words of the current Catholic pope, who, in response to a reporter's question about homosexuality, said something to the effect of, "If a gay individual is right in his relationship with the Lord, whom am I to judge?"

[@dannysanz3705]

Me being atheist and growing up in a catholic household its quite different experience cuz my family never forced me to their beliefs but they allowed me to choose, but great topic anyways, hugs and kisses to you and your family 😘😘😘💖💋💕

[@johnje4285]

I realise that this series of videos was published some while ago. However I must add a comment. I grew up as a practicing Christian in the Church of England. I read in Church and even taught at Sunday School. I then came out and lost ten years in my mind but thankfully my parents were wonderful. They did send me to a London Doctor to make me not gay but they did that through love as I was unhappy. Years later on holiday in the Canary Island with my now ex, he and I were being followed and at risk of being mugged. Out of nowhere two Elders came forward and chatted to us and saved us. I love those Mormons and have always felt loving to Mormons from then on. My surname is Eborn which is rare in the UK but is common in Utah. I wanted to connect and share my history with those in Utah but I have been concerned that I would be loathed for being gay. Your videos show me that it should be OK but I would be grateful for your comments and support is possible. I don't know where the surname Gibby originates but the surname Zimmerman sounds as though it has Jewish origins. Eborn is a village in Germany as I have a proven ancestry in the UK going back to the 1700's I wonder if we were originally Jewish and left the village in Germany as a result of one of the Pogroms then. I do like that fact that you are very mature in your outlook. You help more people than you imagine. Very best wishes, John

[@colehartis2194]

Thank you for showing that there is a gray area with everything. It’s so amazing to see gay men who acknowledge the good/bad of religion. Y’all are awesome!

[@dahtalmichaels7548]

Hey Devon & Rob i love when you do these "chat" vids, it's like sitting down chatting with friends :-) interesting, insightful and fun...a really good vid! hope you've had a good weekend love to you both xxx btw....Devon, your arms are looking bigger, the diet/gym is working :-)

[@willl6670]

Completely relate to this video. I have grown up Conservative Christian and connect with the self-hate aspect. I completely agree with and support the ministry of my denomination and hold fast to my beliefs in God but I struggle with the idea that this is just my sin to struggle with. If this is my "choice", shouldn't it just go away? Coming out would pretty much cause me to lose everything and have no one to fall back on, not to mention that I don't just want to abandon my faith. Appreciate you guys!

[@alaniz86]

During my childhood I realized something was different in me. Living in a conservative Catholic family and at my 31 years now I put away my self from the church. Also, I have been working about accepting my self as a gay man and embracing who I am despite the doctrine of sin that the church taught me. Unfortunately I take my self away from my family because I'm not sure they can accept the real me. Sending love to all!

[@RandomNatureLover]

I was raised Unitarian Universalist and for me it was great. It’s not a religion so much as it is a collection of people with a shared world view. There are seven principles which includes things like all people have a voice and we should be free to learn together and find our individual truth. Every Sunday the kids would start off in the big room with the adults and we sang and played music and the pastor told us a story, then we would go to classes separated by age and learn about different historical events, like the civil rights or lgbt rights movements, or different stories with a moral to learn (like be kind in all you do). I enjoyed the classes and especially the one for older kids where we learned about world religions starting with very early humans and moving up in time to all kids of religions (Confucianism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Islam, Judaism, Christianity, etc.). I feel like this background has really helped shape me, and I love that the church is so open. My parents grew up in strict religion backgrounds (Catholic and Lutheran) but they left their religions because they couldn’t stand how much hatred it fostered in the people around them. They had some gay friends who got married in a UU church and they started going to it and liked it so they got married there too, and now that’s why I was raised in it.

[@chloebunny8258]

So im a Bi sexual non bionary teen who is in a mormon family. Ive been struggling with going to church and some of there teachings and or beliefs. I love your guys' video and it helps me so much. My parents are very much so Mormon and try to force it on me. Thank you so much.

[@desireealexam]

Hi Rob & Devon! Thank you so much for these Family Homo Evening vlogs. They are my favorite of all of yours. I cannot relate to your experiences in the church, but it really does help me understand the church and I empathize with you. My husband was baptized and grew up in the LDS church, but has not been an active member for several years (at least not for the 14 yrs we’ve been together). I was baptized Catholic as a baby, but grew up nondenominational Christian. We’ve had missionaries to our home, because I have wanted to understand the teachings of the Book Of Mormon. While I appreciate and respect the positive messages from the book and our local congregation, I decided a while ago I just cannot become an LDS member because of the church’s negative views of the LGBTQ lifestyle and community, and their stance on the role of women doesn’t sit well with me.

[@arielle]

my babes

[@mitchellbarnow1709]

Growing up Mormon means having to deal with being incredibly handsome! You both fit that mold and then some awesome added on top of that.

[@EagerInterlocutor]

Great video! It reveals a lot of depth and love, and your narrative was very articulately conveyed! Thanks!

[@robcunningham7837]

Hey Guys... thank you for the video. I dated a Mormon 30 years ago. And I personally saw his how he was tormenting himself with defining who he was. Eventually, he could not accept the relationship. I tried working with him to find a solution. But we eventually parted friends. Years later, I did read in the paper the demons won and he ended his life. I am blessed to have known him. I am also grateful for you both for your outreach and positive images. Take care...

[@crosbyragnar5664]

Where did you both go to do your mission?

[@mariacarroll7962]

i soooo get the it being hard to figure out the good parts from the reallyyyy bad parts of the church, i was raised catholic and went to catholic school from pre-k to high school. and for a while i hated everything to do christianity, but no i’m kind of coming around to realize that alot of stuff they taught me is actually really good! thank you for making your videos it’s really cool to see adults brought up similarly to me living happy well adjusted lives 😊

[@johnsnead2413]

Do you all know Jared and Chad who are also gay and former Mormon's? Can you do a collab with them?

[@BryanInPHX]

Yes, do a collab video with Chad and Jared, the doubledoseclub.

[@theonlyamina1]

This was exactly what I needed love u guys

[@thepumpkinking4614]

I have recently been attending/visiting my local Mormon church and I do have to agree with the frequent events. It can get chaotic after a while. I also have to agree with them swimming detached almost like the Amish. I didn't grow up Mormon but I love to learn about different beliefs. For the time being they seem very respectful and open-minded.

[@jacobschlosser983]

i relate to this on so many levels my family was raised in the nazarene church so i compleaty understand the strict teachings. ive had 2 hide in the closest for 22 years and im still scaried because i still live with my family the struggle is real!!!!!!

[@barr13]

That video was extremely informative. Thank you. Devin has some amazing arms.

[@b0den]

Which one is Devon? My memory is horrible

[@barr13]

Boden Laman the one on the left.

[@ess8057]

I know I could never come out to my family because it would mean losing everything, them, my community, everything I grew up with would kinda just be gone and I don't know where else I'd be without them all because I've never known anything else. Sometimes I feel like I'll just be living two lives forever.

[@carmelo009]

Love the video! Proud of you!!! Hugs from Guatemala!!! 😊

[@ricardorocha5737]

OMG! It’s so hard for me that! Thanks for share yours experience! Love you guys! Here from Brazil!

[@alexrodder7516]

You should collab with Jared and Chad from The Double Dose Club (their KZbin channel) I think they are in Utah also!

[@pigeonpersona8171]

They absolutely should! That would be great

[@williamm8240]

I have just finished book on Mormon and I was wondering if you have read it? I was so impressed by the writing and the story line but I have questions about the book that maybe you can answer for me. The book is call "Autoboyography". Have you read it? If you have what do you think about it? If you have not can you look at it and let me know how close it is to the church and gays? Thanks

[@jesmmifs]

I think mormons have a very good upbringing. They all seem to be well-rounded and pleasant people.

[@williamm8240]

I was wondering how you are bring up your kids in reference to religion? Do you go to bring the kids up mormon or another religion? Or no religion at all? Can you find a happy middle?

[@auto137226]

How has the November Policy affected your family? Have you resigned or been excommunicated? Are the kids being raised Mormon? If so, are they restricted from ordinances until 18? I am a 60 y/o gay RM, BYU Grad resigned Mormon Agnostic/Atheist. My very large extended family is 75% practicing Mormon and 25% not practicing/believing Mormon. You guys got out of the mind fuck and are having your own lives. Congratulations!

[@luismanuel2612]

I can relate what you are saying to my one experience as a gay person born and rise in a very conservative Catholic family. Religion has many positives aspects but when it comes to homosexuality it sucks...

[@MrHutchMO]

Enjoyed the video. I am your parents generation, was lucky to have supportive family. I have known gays from religious families and some are really screwed up. I would be interested in what your relationship is with your families now. Do you go to each other family events? Thanks for sharing!

[@deleiraw4851]

I love you guys. I support you. You are amazing!

[@chaallus]

you 2 are so wise - thank you for sharing

[@Someonesaidthis]

hello! fellow ex-catholic.. i feel ya.. also i love your adorable family.

[@crosbyragnar5664]

If Devon’s progression led him to marriage and have 2 kids, what happened to Rob’s progression?

[@DadNDaddies]

Crosby Ragnar lol he didn’t make it quite as far 😜

[@alan949]

got here from Husband x2, glad I did!

[@rickchris7698]

Interesting. Brought back a lot of memories. Back in the 1980s yours truly used to visit and stay with friends in Salt Lake City (the Avenues) mostly during the Christmas season. My friends were not Mormon but I nevertheless got to meet a lot of Mormon gays and was educated about the facets of Mormonism as well as the difficulties (to put it mildly) that gay Mormons faced. Most of the gays I met there were outstanding individuals but I was also told about the social isolation gay guys faced and resulting self hatred that resulted in things like alcoholism. The gay community there was rather quiet and secretive and would often have social activities at friends' houses - like I remember at one party there was a lesbian couple who were proudly showing off their new baby. I guess I'm kind of Nordic looking and when I would go out on my own to see the sites, people would often assume I was Mormon (LOL). Interesting memories and I have photos of the smiling young people I met those years ago. I even put a gay Mormon in one of the books I've written.

[@gustavo_gouveia]

You guys are incredible

[@martinhollick670]

So far I've been a Protestant, a Catholic and am now Orthodox. Oh yes. Still trying to find my way in the world as a gay man who is a Christian. That's the good Christian kind, not the hateful Christians on TV and in politics.

[@alexanderallan9392]

Hey guys , great video. As you were joking about converting everyone to Mormonism, I'm sitting in Starbucks and I noticed two Mormon guys trying to convert a mother and daughter , they are wearing their official badges like the ones you showed in a previous video. Should I show them your video ? lol How common is for former Mormon gay men to date non-former gay men? I see a lot former Mormon guys specifically look for other former Mormon guys , any thoughts ?

[@J.K.BlueCrown]

Depends on the individual, really. Amongst my gay/lgbtq friends, 2 married never-Mo spouses. As for the others, it's a mix. Some are in relationships or dating ex-Mos, some have in the past but are currently with never-Mos, and still others haven't dated other ex-Mos at all.

[@alexanderallan9392]

Are you an ex-Mormon ? What age range are your friends ? Do you reside in Utah ?

[@J.K.BlueCrown]

I'm a queer ex-Mo, yes. And no, I've never lived in UT, but still have family who are practicing Mormons. The ex-Mo friends I mentioned range in age from their late 20s to late 30s/early 40s, and several of them did their undergrad at BYU Provo. Our group consists of men and women, but the 2 who happened to end up marrying never-Mos are both men. Neither of them were looking specifically for ex-Mos or never-Mos...

[@alexanderallan9392]

Are your family accepting of you and your partner ? Was it difficult for you to leave the church ?

[@J.K.BlueCrown]

All of my siblings--most of whom are fully active and married within the Church--accepted me from the very beginning, so I've been very fortunate in that regard. Other family members are still in various stages of acceptance/non-acceptance, all these years later. Re: Leaving. Without going into detail, yes, leaving the Church was a long and difficult process for me. But life is pretty good now.

[@terryfang]

I love this video 😊😉

[@hwhytee1]

Thanks for sharing guys. xoxo

[@alexmillesfoodie]

I wrote an article actually about Mormonism and used your fam photo a few years ago in college (hope you don't mind). I love Mormonisms emphasis on family and community, but find some of thier polcies

[@locutorest]

God, I wish that you guys would be interviewed by John Dehlin!

[@BryanInPHX]

Agreed...

[@HannahHoney92345]

My husband was raised Mormom and honestly he doesnt have a lot of positive things to say about his experience. Out of his siblings only one is a practicing Mormon. I personally have had nothing but positive experiences with Mormons. My mother in law is a sweet caring woman and has never pushed her views on me. I had an ex boyfriends that was also raised LDS. There is a definite difference in men that were raised LDS in my opinion. They tend to be more respectful, better spoken, providers (and not just money wise) and well mannered not boorish and crude like so many men.

[@kcmozart]

Just because Im bi doesn't make me any less Lutheran, I have been that for 52 years. As far as how it was to come out, give me a week or two and I will let you know. I'm not too hopeful. My parents are retired church workers.

[@bruceoutwater8711]

Make sure to subscribe. Got it. 🎓

[@maxiguillen3394]

Wow..nice mormón gay 🎼🎵🎉🎊🎵🎵

[@KauaiRod]

I think the two of you are really well adjusted, you both expressed yourself very well. Start a gay Mormon church.

[@DadNDaddies]

+KauaiRod Meh, our beliefs are agnostic which means we don't feel the need for organized religion.🤷‍♂️

[@JordanjamesX]

What about polygamy and Mormonism? What are you views about that? Isn't the religion racist? I heard blacks not allowed into Mormon religion until 1976.

[@bensorensen324]

JordanjamesX the mainstream church stopped polygamy when the government outlawed it. There are some sects that broke away and still practice it. Black people were allowed to join the church but black men were not allowed to hold the priesthood until 1976 (I don't really understand why that is, that's just what happened)

[@J.K.BlueCrown]

Blacks (men, specifically) werent weren't allowed to hold the Priesthood until June of 1978, not 1976. And they could still join the Church prior to that time, but because they couldn't hold the Priesthood, they were basically "othered" and relegated to being 2nd class citizens.

[@chrisscott7545]

I almost became a Mormon only because I really was attracted to a white nerdy tall guy in it but then I understood that fundamentally our ideologies were to different so I stopped hanging out with them

[@boydpease4103]

C U T E ♥️🏳️‍🌈♥️🏳️‍🌈♥️

[@lugnut4848]

XOXO!!!!

[@dbqdude75ify]

Yuck, growing up sounds dreadful.......I thought being raised Catholic was bad.

[@douglaslandry7740]

™️💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋