The Most Censored Bible Chapter

[@rubberducky7107]

I read this in my early teens and asked my teacher why God would kill people for something that tiny. She said "God works in mysterious ways". Damn I hate stupid people

[@Beelzebubby91]

One of the most annoying sentences to exist. Exists: mass shootings of children at schools, war, corruption, rape, pedophiles, cancer, a child who was shot at school during a war who was assaulted by a pedo Bible thumpers: “GoD HaS a PlAn For YoU”

[@ksoundkaiju9256]

@@Beelzebubby91 either it’s a shit plan or god is a psychopath

[@5kr3aminMunk33]

Stupid people hate you too

[@silentwitness4843]

Starting to believe a certain group wrote this just to be chosen......

[@FringeWizard2]

Hey, just look around at the universe around you, people are afflicted with horrible diseases and death all the time for often nothing more than the crime of being born.

[@RingsOfSolace]

I remember reading this in the Bible when I was a Christian and not even thinking about it. Religion is one hell of a drug

[@Meccarox]

Opium

[@d.ingleberry9635]

I read it as a Christian around 12 or 13 years old, and it disturbed me.

[@HeroesHoshi]

@@d.ingleberry9635 father-in-law sleeps with daughter-in-law. How do we play Devil's advocate? No blood relation so it is ok. . . . . Either that or just skip the whole thing.

[@keniawoniyi8486]

Same. Didn’t even phase me as a Christian

[@mmikee407]

That is exactly how religion was designed to do. To commit menticide and it sure does.

[@KeyesProduction]

"Allow me to impale thy depravity cavity with my flesh sword." My new pickup line. xD

[@NA-vz9ko]

My cyclops yearns to wander about your swampy nether region.

[@thedankestmemes2097]

HI BBY SHOOW BOB EN VAGENE

[@atheistickhan7216]

Swagger Dagger... 😂😂😂😈.

[@brianjackson3885]

Nate McMillin thats the one i like lmaoo

[@Okalani5000]

That would just make me laugh. I'm a woman. I don't do pick-up lines. But funny stuff does often go to a woman's heart.

[@bonkmeabeab3563]

I would love to see Genesis 38 drawn into a children's book.

[@ProgramViBee]

And it shall happen, for I am not Just a Viewer.

[@ProgramViBee]

gurnko did he finish the chapter,

[@ProgramViBee]

gurnko I don’t blame em

[@Sergei_kv82]

That book is a big cherry picking

[@QueenBoadicea]

I remember reading about Joseph and his coat of many colors when I was a girl. It was strange to read it as an adult and realise this story, a propos of nothing, was jammed into into it. It's as if someone was filming Joseph's tale and this popped up during the commercial break.

[@coffeekitsune1337]

Last month i met a priest outside a bar while we both had a cigarette. He asked me if i had found Jesus. I told him "First, nobody told me he was lost... and secondly, if you havn't found him in 2000 years with billions of followers, I REALLY don't like your chances." He burst out laughing and i bought him a beer. ^_^ We don't always have to hate on each other to exchange opinions. We may just learn that someday. Thank you DarkMatter2525 for injecting some epic humor into your opinions for so many years. If you ever need another Aussie voice actor, i work for caffeine. -_^ Stay chill people.

[@jkm7983]

Finding Jesus is like finding waldo

[@keenumman1]

Had to of been an Irish priest.

[@lemonpie8819]

He seems cool

[@jonshepherd2550]

Coffee Kitsune perfectly said

[@mjmckenrick3170]

I actually have some great conversations with theists who have humor...we can have a dialogue as long as you can respect each other...ie..dont tell me im going to hell

[@DarkMatter2525]

Holy shit I accidentally deleted Jeffery's halo for most of this animation. I was deleting something else, but Jeffery's halo was highlighted when I hit delete and I never noticed it. The thing I was trying to delete didn't delete, so I was worried I deleted something else; I hit ctrl Z JIC, but I guess it didn't work and I didn't notice. Oh well. His halo will be back next time.

[@dimitar4y]

GOD HAS REVOKED JEFFREY'S ANGEL STATUS D;

[@noneofyourbusiness153]

I didn't even notice! A great way to fix it would be to creatively write it into the plot, or at least with a minor skit. Heck, just ram it in there without worrying about creating a contradictory mess, that's what your entire source material consists of anyway!

[@thulyblu5486]

Halo Good Bye

[@VannyARTS]

DarkMatter2525 Are you using Flash, after effects or Toon Boom?

[@pantslizard]

Lol. ...kinda like being...god...isn't it... :>)

[@emaginationproductions]

Oh, Old Testament. No wonder you never get quoted at my church.

[@destinygarcia8993]

Please do elaborate, I don't have nearly enough dirt on the new testament

[@usernametaken1514]

Orion Lord can you give me a example?

[@curtisgtrdaddy]

it introduces the idea of eternal punishment, the most immoral concept in the buy-bull!

[@Golifa]

oh old testament god was stupid back then

[@dracosol4415]

Orion Lord it’s a tad bit less shitty. And I mean a TAD BIT

[@ominous9139]

The bible was game of thrones before game of thrones. Jamie of Nazareth lol

[@akashicvariable]

Crazy!!!

[@Geechee_Chick]

Jesus Snow Brianne of Bethlehem

[@BlazingOwnager]

And they both end with dragons burning shit lol

[@hpitts0733]

@@BlazingOwnager lol perfect

[@jeckjeck3119]

But fandom is so Toxic.

[@Richard_is_cool]

Somewhere in Houston a man named Tim watched this video and laughed a little. God punished Houston.

[@kewakl8891]

*God punished Houston.* Bullshit. God would punish Phoenix for Tim-From-Houston's transgressions.

[@incredulouschordate]

All of america came out armed against Texas and demanded that they bring forth the people of houston to pay for this deed. Texas refused, so there was a war, and long story short a lot of Texas men needed wives from other states so the other states let them kidnap them.

[@wrathofainz]

Houston. . . we have a problem.

[@craigpegasus]

Houston really got fucked back to back

[@AllanMogensen]

Houston! You have a problem!

[@TheStarrSailorr]

“Stop having the wrong opinions about things, Jeffery. It’s not that hard” haha

[@johnfaber100]

And then some Christians reinterpreted the story to be about how it's wrong to masturbate. The end.

[@thulyblu5486]

This was coitus interruptus (aka pull-out-method) and not really masturbation, you're right. Is there actually anything in the bible against polishing your meat-sword?

[@anifan98]

Just one, a mention in the old testament about how to dispose of a soldiers waste - bury your shit, wash yourself after masturbation/ a wet dream, but don't leave that stuff on the ground for other people or indeed Yahweh to step in, because that's gross! Deuteronomy 23:10-14.

[@hobodawg9364]

It's only wrong if it's to that super sexy gay porn I've been warned about.

[@krissanders987]

Toucha

[@Novusod]

But God might step in your splooge so he made masturbation a sin.

[@nicobambino191]

Until the age of 15, I was a fundamentalist Catholic. I would read the obscure parts of Genesis where weird shit was going on, and that began my conversion to skepticism because clearly Yahweh is messed up.

[@visaman]

Kuma Sama what are the obscure parts of Genesis?

[@nicobambino191]

Albert Giesbrecht Like, if Adam and Eve, Noah, and Joseph are the big stories, then the Nephilim, Nimrod, Lot and his daughters, and Er are lesser known

[@swapankumarbandyopadhyay4546]

yahweh/allah/jesus is a narcissistic son of a bitch.

[@druffner]

I like to think the old testament was some kind of godly emo phase

[@jameswhite6056]

Kuma Sama sama? So you like eastern culture but not the religion.

[@BeaudoinMotorsports]

I had no idea there were so many ways to say "sex" Learn something new everyday! Thanks DM!

[@rogermwilcox]

I just realized Dark Matter has the same initials as Dungeon Master.

[@soldierofscience2888]

When I first met my Grandmother from the deep south of Southern Alabama, she told me a story about these two people having a Romantic Sabbatical...I was like what?

[@emaginationproductions]

And that's just vaginal sex ;)

[@germanvisitor2]

Ever looked at the lyrics to the Bloodhound Gang's song Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo?

[@Geronimo012]

Beaudoin Motorsports

[@sajivsatyal7507]

Jeffery: You just destroyed years of research **Intact chalk board and bottles of chemicals float in background.**

[@alspezial2747]

our mortal minds are to senseless to understand that the greatest research is not done with chalkboards, but with walls and doors.

[@sirfijoe450]

I got a Christian anti Muslim ad before this video started

[@mercurialsilver5688]

Froguism Lol! What was it? PragerU?

[@tadstrange1465]

Mercurial Silver Probably.

[@coolya8515]

@@vandanapatel9156 The Holy City Of Demonitization Years After A Video Was Uploaded

[@johnbaxter533]

God must have thought you needed to see one

[@KeneishaFreckleton]

🤣🤣🤣😂

[@Polymeron]

Yeah, actually reading the bible will let you see how completely messed up it really is. Unless you're completely used to apologetics, in which case the blindness could be permanent.

[@rebeccascotland7339]

Polymeron The problem is, many Christians who read it are looking for evidence of their beliefs, and so they get lots of practice skimming over the messed up chunks. They are convinced that if they see it as messed up, they are misinterpreting it. After all, God works in mysterious ways, and for a mere human to judge him (or his holy book) would be arrogant blasphemy. Fortunately, the blindness isn't always permanent. I spent my first 29 years blindly believing what I was taught, and even preaching to others. But my eyes have been opened, and I can now see. It's a miracle!

[@gj9157]

Rebecca Scotland Right? It's so annoying when they come around saying "that scripture was misinterpreted" to try and justify it some how.

[@bobpolo2964]

On what basis can you say the bible is messed up?

[@FinbyOasta]

bob polo God kills thousands of people through plagues, global flood and famine. Made people to be "sinful" to punish them in eternal hellfire unless they bow their heads to him and accept that they are fundamentally flawed just because apparently an ancient ancestor who they have no connection with ate fruit while not knowing between right or wrong. And probably a bunch of other reasons since bronze age men with outdated beliefs and traditions wrote it.

[@bobpolo2964]

finby - Are any of these things morally wrong? If yes, how on your worldview?

[@thulyblu5486]

Fun Fact: Even though Onan was killed as a punishment for coitus interruptus (aka pull-out-method), one of the most used German words for male masturbation is "Onanieren" (to Onan)

[@bertoforever07]

Thulyblu in french : "onanisme" is widely used.

[@JC-om7nr]

The more you know

[@haniyasu8236]

Another fun fact: One Japanese word for masturbation (オナニー (onanii)) comes from this german word. The more you know i guess....

[@sqweed653]

Noeraldin Kabam It doesn't

[@sqweed653]

I'm german and I use fapping

[@tobymartin2137]

And yet God was perfectly happy to have a Moabite be part of Jesus' lineage? Clearly consistency is not something the biblical writers thought was that important...

[@loganswartz6949]

?? Tamar is part of the lineage

[@tobymartin2137]

@@loganswartz6949 I was talking about Ruth - David's great-grandmother. In fact, her being a Moabitess should have meant that David shouldn't have been in God's congregation, according to Deuteronomy 23:3, as he's a Moabite's descendant.

[@loganswartz6949]

@@tobymartin2137 ahhh, but now you are getting to the heart of the scriptures, was Ruth a Moabite or an Isrealite? Read Ruth and see how beautiful of a story it is. Yes Ruth was a Moabite, but read Ruth 1:16-17. This is where the beauty of the gospel spills out of the Old Testament. Ruth gave up everything to follow Naomi and renounced all of her previous gods and customs and claimed the God of Isreal. "Your people will be my people, your God my God." It's always a matter of the heart. The consistency and beauty of the redemptive narrative is amazing and life changing. Ruth was born a Moabite but became a true daughter of the true God by her faith. And this same concept saturates every book of the bible. To look at the book of Ruth without the most important character besides Ruth herself, Boaz, the Kinsman Redeemer, misses everything.

[@3nickyboyk]

@@loganswartz6949 You could say the same thing about Judah's wife, but I digress.

[@MrRobot01010]

In Old Testament accounts (e.g., Genesis 19:30-38), the Moabites belonged to the same ethnic stock as the Israelites.

[@RetroGamerTy]

I died at the “chicken for dickin’ festival” bit - I love it!

[@KamiNanami]

I'm sorry I have to.. Genesis 38:3; She conceived and bore a son, and he called his name-Judah: "Uh, honey. What do we name our first kid?"Shua: "I don't know man, just... the first thing that comes to mind."J: "Oh geez, I don't know. Umm... Err- .... Er.... Lets go with Er"

[@Uzodesign]

LMAO!

[@ngmui430]

@Isaiah Bakombo er meant “watcher”. he liked to watch (voyerism). that was one kinky family. old testament names told half the stories, ie: in another story, the sons were called “sickness” and “death”.

[@depressedphilosopherbitch7581]

@@ngmui430 wow, I didn't know that!

[@matt_dude2446]

It's amazing that you're able to survive on KZbin as not just an animator, but someone making such controversial content. Keep up the good work!

[@amandadarkwood535]

yeah but KZbin wouldn't allow the same for Islam

[@luciojaimes4827]

@@amandadarkwood535 There's plenty of videos criticizing the quran and haven't been taken down.

[@ViridianFlow]

​@@amandadarkwood535But they do? The "I bet you wouldn't do X against Islam" trope is old and tired. If anything all it says is that Islam has believers who SERIOUSLY believe and are willing to kill and die for those beliefs, but it says nothing about the truth value of them.

[@27siddarth]

I just resurrected myself from the grave to see this video...

[@swapankumarbandyopadhyay4546]

When you resurrected, did zombies rise too? When jesus rose, zombies rose too(Matthew 27:52). If zombies rose with you, that will prove you're jesus and came to rule the christians :D

[@LuizCarlos-zn4hd]

Actually, it happened when he died. When he rose, the zombies were already gone.

[@swapankumarbandyopadhyay4546]

My bad, tiny factual error. I guess those zombies later witnessed jesus erection.. erm.. I mean 'resurrection' XD

[@ezakgodofpower3461]

Siddarth Joji You mean you got out of bed?

[@swapankumarbandyopadhyay4546]

+KiLLaKonTroL 99 Romans were zombies? Where in bible does it say that? Did you just create an explanation out of thin air to support the idiotic non-sense (Zombie rising, Matthew 27:52) of bible? So whats the explanation for the talking snake? Was that romans too? And dont try to cry sympathy by claiming jews tortured jesus. What does your own god do to people who wont believe him, eh? What about the killing every infants and still borns of ancient Egypt? Your own bible says its ok to have slaves. Remember all the witch burnings? christians crying for sympathy are hypocrites. So zombies was an allegory for romans, eh? Thats your point(without any proof), right? So maybe everything is an allegory. jesus erection... I mean resurrection... was maybe allegory of him dying and moving over, no? yahweh AKA christian god was allegory for a rival deity to the Jewish. And so on and on it goes... Your thoughts? :P

[@idonotexist23]

Is nearly at a breakthrough to cure some of the worst diseases known to mankind, then attempts to give cpr to a man who's taken a machete through the brain...

[@MurriciTerceiro]

i think since "the divinity is above all logics", it doesnt matter

[@gwenbathory6656]

Six years running and this comment is still under appreciated

[@Sh4dxwxz]

What's so interesting about what Jeffery said. When he said that, "the kids would be Onans kids genetically and it's all cultural bullshit". These people didn't know about genetics. They probably thought that this was legitimately how it worked. Because someone said the kids are his brothers, they actually are.

[@TippyTappy98]

Wouldn't he realize that he was the one doing the boinking?

[@margolianteberuthiel5405]

As a matter of fact, Tamar was Judah's daughter in law (not his daughter). But everything else is very well done! It shows that the Bible is not a standard for ethics. And it's so funny that Christians always "explain" everything in the Old Testament with the "Bloodline of Jesus"... You really nailed that!

[@kewakl8891]

when did the video make that assumption?

[@ryancroy]

I do not recall the verse that said that what Judah did was right...

[@xmvziron]

8:23 "thy father-in-law"

[@woogiemonster]

For real though, the *_Dickin' 4 Chicken_* Festival was off the hook, don't hate.

[@mbanerjee5889]

lmao

[@brynshadow8792]

Dick-In 4 Chicken

[@NA-vz9ko]

Somebody needs to make that a thing. I have like 10 chickens dude.

[@brynshadow8792]

+Nate McMillin I have 6 more!

[@nicemedotme7504]

Dick in the Chicken

[@pineapplepenumbra]

"38:15 When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face." So that's what all those women in burqas are? Good to know...

[@pineapplepenumbra]

FitnessGoals! The main problem with them was that they caused car accidents when they first came out, but apart from that, yes, they're all good. The way a man's sexuality develops is very much affected by what he sees while growing up, so if all he sees are women in burqas, members of his own family, men, children and animals, is it any wonder that there's more bestiality, incest, paedophilia and homosexuality in muslim countries? Covering women up too much is perverted and not good for a healthy society.

[@pineapplepenumbra]

FitnessGoals "But mini skirt are pretty on women" Exactly! That's why they caused accidents. " burqa look like sacks," And that's one reason why they are a bad thing.

[@alifakherddine785]

+pineapplepenumbra you know there isn't a single word in the Quran about hijab it's just a culture thing there's only word's about women should dress properly you know not like a whore

[@pineapplepenumbra]

Ali Fakherddine I was literally telling someone that last night (on Yahoo, I think). Btw, when I used the word "harlot" it was a joke. The use of words like "slut" and "whore" are offensive and misogynistic, but that's islam all over. As these religions are internally inconsistent, no sane adult would believe them, but, unfortunately, sane adults don't usually see how the hypocritical pseudomorality of these religions has insidiously brainwashed our societies into misogynistic ways of thinking about things.

[@nicejungle]

Ali Fakherddine wrote "there isn't a single word in the Quran about hijab" Taqiya at maximum level : Quran 24:31 *And tell the believing women* to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and *to draw their veils* over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or sisters' sons, or their women, or *their slaves,* or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women's nakedness. *And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment.* And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that ye may succeed. Since there is no dress code for men, islam is sexist QED And by the way, islam (like christianity) fully supports slavery

[@Don-ds3dy]

Husband dies, brother-in-law dies, goes to bang father-in-law, *WHAT!?*

[@alinastanescu4430]

Skeletor:"Wat?"

[@KeneishaFreckleton]

Bruh I know right

[@piedpiper1185]

Sounds like a vid on PornHub

[@bradpotts1747]

life hack: how to make everyone sit and listen to your magical realm :make it religious canon

[@yourix2]

I remember reading this as a Jehovah Witness and thinking it was the most weirdest story i have ever read. And this after knowing about a talking donkey. It slowly made me an atheist after it hahaha

[@lostmage2d]

Back in the day there was no porn videos just porn stories. Bible is sort of full of em.

[@walmartpimp2]

Lot and his daughters 🍆💦💦💦

[@ABitOfTheUniverse]

Genesis 38 38:1 And it came to pass at that time, that Judah went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah. 38:2 And Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite, whose name was Shuah; and he took her, and went in unto her. 38:3 And she conceived, and bare a son; and he called his name Er. 38:4 And she conceived again, and bare a son; and she called his name Onan. 38:5 And she yet again conceived, and bare a son; and called his name Shelah: and he was at Chezib, when she bare him. 38:6 And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar. 38:7 And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him. 38:8 And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. 38:9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. 38:10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also. 38:11 Then said Judah to Tamar his daughter in law, Remain a widow at thy father's house, till Shelah my son be grown: for he said, Lest peradventure he die also, as his brethren did. And Tamar went and dwelt in her father's house. 38:12 And in process of time the daughter of Shuah Judah's wife died; and Judah was comforted, and went up unto his sheepshearers to Timnath, he and his friend Hirah the Adullamite. 38:13 And it was told Tamar, saying, Behold thy father in law goeth up to Timnath to shear his sheep. 38:14 And she put her widow's garments off from her, and covered her with a vail, and wrapped herself, and sat in an open place, which is by the way to Timnath; for she saw that Shelah was grown, and she was not given unto him to wife. 38:15 When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face. 38:16 And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me? 38:17 And he said, I will send thee a kid from the flock. And she said, Wilt thou give me a pledge, till thou send it? 38:18 And he said, What pledge shall I give thee? And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy staff that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him. 38:19 And she arose, and went away, and laid by her vail from her, and put on the garments of her widowhood. 38:20 And Judah sent the kid by the hand of his friend the Adullamite, to receive his pledge from the woman's hand: but he found her not. 38:21 Then he asked the men of that place, saying, Where is the harlot, that was openly by the way side? And they said, There was no harlot in this place. 38:22 And he returned to Judah, and said, I cannot find her; and also the men of the place said, that there was no harlot in this place. 38:23 And Judah said, Let her take it to her, lest we be shamed: behold, I sent this kid, and thou hast not found her. 38:24 And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt. 38:25 When she was brought forth, she sent to her father in law, saying, By the man, whose these are, am I with child: and she said, Discern, I pray thee, whose are these, the signet, and bracelets, and staff. 38:26 And Judah acknowledged them, and said, She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to Shelah my son. And he knew her again no more. 38:27 And it came to pass in the time of her travail, that, behold, twins were in her womb. 38:28 And it came to pass, when she travailed, that the one put out his hand: and the midwife took and bound upon his hand a scarlet thread, saying, This came out first. 38:29 And it came to pass, as he drew back his hand, that, behold, his brother came out: and she said, How hast thou broken forth? this breach be upon thee: therefore his name was called Pharez. 38:30 And afterward came out his brother, that had the scarlet thread upon his hand: and his name was called Zarah. Doesn't surprise me this doesn't find it's way into children's bibles and more tame adult versions.

[@gravekeepersven82]

ABitOfTheUniverse The more you know

[@Oldbebe123]

David Hatcher then why?

[@guyguino5770]

Wow the semen on the floor part was not a joke.

[@robertcorbell1006]

Got to love those "thou"s and "ye"s in the KJV Bible. :)

[@gravekeepersven82]

FitnessGoals! I felt the same way when I was kid realizing all of the plot holes of savagery

[@TheAstip]

Yet the bible I got given at age 11 when I left primary school kept it in.. I hope no one expected us to actually read it.

[@KaylaJohnson1995]

Astip well if they did read this chapter then well i wonder if they will ever read the bible ever again

[@ajallen9674]

You know, the first time I was exposed to pornography was when I was eight. I read Song of Songs.

[@CyberLance26]

In the past people did not think about sexuality as something we should hide from kids. Thats a very recent thing actually and its mostly the west that think we should do that. In the 70s, 80s and 90s stuff made for kids used to be filled with sexual stuff because it was considered a natural and normal thing for them to be interested in things like that and for them to experiment with each other.

[@1967sluggy]

Yes, Darkmatter uploaded again!

[@1967sluggy]

Darkmatter's patrons should raise money to build him a time machine so he can release episodes quicker.

[@oldpoppywasop5038]

A miracle !!!

[@tyrel5150]

Having tried to read the Bible in full, and having been raised Baptist, I have not once ever heard this tale by any degree. WOW. And the points and jabs made are perfect.

[@nadtz]

I read the bible and remember this, mostly the whole spooging on the floor thing resulting in death, thought it was funny as hell.

[@simplesimon989]

This is the best video. I learn a lot of synonimes for Penis and Vejayjay @ 9:05 depravedy capity, flesh sword @ 9:21 Cyclops, swampy nether rigion @ 9:49 swagger dagger,softshell tuna taco skin flute ,virgmahal I have mastered USA english idoms

[@oliversacco7320]

I like dickin for chicken

[@christianlamberti6059]

I don't get why so many people get so mad over these videos that includes the people that are mad about it poking fun at Christianity and also those mad that he hasn't done a video on Islam

[@vvvvggggvvc3529]

Christian Lamberti he has done videos on islam

[@christianlamberti6059]

I know that, other people don't

[@NycmanTheNicestOfMen]

Christian Lamberti "I dont know about Islam and neither do you so technically it would be pointless. I could research and write the greatest muslim based material and you'd be like is that a thing never heard of it." Dara(after facing these types of similar questions and criticism)

[@MrEvldreamr]

He doesn't do muslim videos bc he isn't well versed enough on the scripture or the cultures that follow islam. He cant read Arabic either, so he has to rely on ex-muslims...but most of them don't read Arabic or have studied Islam in depth either....

[@NycmanTheNicestOfMen]

come on... christianity and islam has almost the same thing, sure Islam makes some hypocritical parts in bible clear but the material is almost the same so i don't think he should bother about Islam just because it ain't about christianity.i also once read some of the weirdest things in bukhari hadith and it itself had contained one of the most weirdest things i've read:- www.answering-islam.org/Muhammad/sex_superman.html

[@kallebvieira1170]

I was cristian and I doubted my faith and this channel helped me :)

[@Ninjacakester]

Kalleb Vieira well you can't spell for shit, so I think you are just dumb...

[@Dalen22_W]

Ninjacakester RBLX fuck off, he's at least trying to go down the right path, away from religion

[@EvolBob1]

Kalleb Veira Welcome to the ranks of the almost completely insane. Glad to have a little sanity for a change mate, were you allowed doubts when you were a Christian?

[@Kris10000]

Ninjacakester RBLX ..... If he was dumb, you are dumber. LoL Still have faith in fiction??

[@peet4921]

Ninjacakester RBLX Did you understood what Kalleb said ? So why this response ? O, i know, you're a moron.

[@LarryPanozzo]

If you were busy but saw there was a new DarkMatter2525 video and dropped everything to watch it, this comment is for you. 🙌🏼

[@klobiforpresident2254]

Larry Panozzo I didn't stop fapping when seeing the notification, I fapped harder instead.

[@DarkMagickan]

Larry Panozzo Thanks.

[@DarkMagickan]

Klobi for President Well, the Bible has some pretty fapworthy passages...

[@eunhinged]

seriously! that's exactly what i did! i have zero groceries n got to prepare for meeting w/ a lawyer....but new DM video? I HAD to watch!

[@swapankumarbandyopadhyay4546]

I came in youtube searching for a song. Saw a new DM video was up. Watched it full twice. Now surfing through the comments. That reminds me, I should go back to searching for the song soon.. Great video DM. Well done.

[@jaimesnyu]

Thanks!

[@Demonizer68]

Depravity Cavity! Sounds like an awesome metal band.

[@michaelschneider9141]

“Now may my swagger dagger finally pierce thy soft shell tuna taco?”

[@ethanlee8621]

Yes. Now thy may play thy skin flute at my vag-mahal.

[@Alexander-mh2ky]

They actually read this in a daily mass reading at my catholic school, shit was awkward af (I was in 3rd grade rip)

[@runebladercrypto]

what are the similarities of GOD and my girlfriend? they're both Fictions

[@abhinavkulkarni6597]

r/suicidebywords

[@flower8669]

God is not fictional! Don't compare him to a human

[@antred11]

@@flower8669 He speaks the truth! Zeus is real!

[@pelledanasten1615]

They are both very real and you ahould give them all the love you can afford?

[@philipshearer5286]

Maybe you'd get a gf if you stopped acting like a dick

[@silentwitness5957]

Hey, Darkmatter2525. I got a video or two you can do. Do one on the whole Rebellion Lucifer supposedly starts with Yahweh in Heaven. If Yahweh had destroyed Lucifer in the very beginning, Sin never would've entered the world to begin with. The serpent (aka Lucifer) never would've tempted and instigated Adam and Eve to Sin against Yahweh in the first place. Nevermind every other moment in The Bible that occurred after Lucifer's Rebellion and Fall. Also. Do a video on how Lucifer could even rebel in Heaven - a place of peace and perfection where there is no Sin and Sin cannot occur at all - in the first place. If Lucifer - the second most powerful being in all of Creation - can Sin in the place known to be the most peaceful and Sinless environment in existence, what does that mean for us mere Mortals? Can we still Sin in Heaven after we die? If Lucifer sinned in Heaven, where Sin never happens (in Yahweh's eyes, Rebellion = Sin) then does that mean we can Sin in Heaven? Make these videos for me. I'd love to see more of "Lucy". Darkmatter2525, RULES!!!

[@peacefulmanlian4404]

yes do that please

[@daswasich1147]

a Little bit late but … that leads us to an interesting Point. I grew up Christian and Sin was defined not as amorale or "bad" per se, but as "leading away from gods intentions/plan" as Lucifer couldn't have rebelled if god were an omnipotent being in a perfect sphere that means that one of the most plausible Explanations would be, that lucifer didn't Rebell bc he is acting out gods will. God made hell, not Lucifer (he is just banished "there" (if we assume that hell exists already, some christians believe hell will be our earth after the 2nd coming of J.C.)) Here on DarkMatter2525 you can explore this idea (that lucifer is more or less just gods bogeyman for everything bad) in one of the early episodes of "Power Corrupts" Regarding this "The Serpent (aka Lucifer)" Thing in modern theology: Aron Ra has talked About that one (can't Point to a specific Video tho) where he explains that we only have one verse in the bible where "that old snake" is mentioned but we don't know if they mean that old snake from Genesis. (btw Lucifer doesn't crawl on his belly most of the time, which is sad bc reading Dr. Faust would have been so much more entertaining that way XD) So i think the corruption of Eden and Lucifer are unrelated from a mytholotical perspective and as nice a Video that would be, there wouldn't be a real Argument behind it, wouldn't it. (Honestly i couldn't care less About the possibility of Sin in Heaven bc even if in the end this crazy Religion is Right, it'd be hell o' Clock for Assholes like myself)

[@reyrogers2806]

Easy. Lucy Fer had admin privileges.

[@d.j.w2600]

Dude God didn't destroy Lucifer he cast him out from Heaven

[@Kongodiantotela]

Is this the book Christians get their so-called "absolute morality" from?

[@fighterck6241]

Including bigotry. I mean if it's good enough for God...

[@IgonDrakeWarrior]

Obviously. That's why they're better than all of us heathens

[@noone3216]

It's tricky really. See, the bible people use today is one book made of 2 parts that get split into these 2 very clear and non-contradictory distinctions: 1 The first part 2 The second part 3 Just the good bits 4 The bad bits that christians don't talk about cos they don't exist

[@Dominus_Augustus]

I was about to hang myself, but then I saw that Darkmatter2525 uploaded another video...

[@armorinaction]

well. same here. what we see is what we get and it is what it is... regardless of what we believe in. The sooner someone kills themselves, the sooner they won't have to deal with consciousness and their miserable, meaningless existence.

[@destinygarcia8993]

Believing in God does not make suicidal ideations go away. It can help some but pretending that Christians don't struggle with it too is just a blatant lie which oh no = sinning. Have fun in Hell.

[@destinygarcia8993]

You okay?

[@elephystry]

**hugs**

[@goldmoth5266]

69th like

[@joko49perez]

I remember that some years ago, me and some friends were in (Catholic) school and randomly selected a bible chapter to read, and this was the one. Me and my friends were absolutely terrified by it...

[@yeahno8294]

I got kicked out of Catholic school for "having the devil in me" and "being a class disruption" basically I ask questions and when the questions were not to my satisfaction I asked more questions also I didn't like the way the wafers in taking communion tasted so I would spit them out and throw them away. best thing to happen to me was getting kicked out of that place for real.

[@manfredrichtoften8848]

@@yeahno8294 a simmilar thing happened to me because I loved asking the pastor questions and it had gotten to the point that he'm just outright refused to listen to me. Couldn't really kick me out, so I had to sit away from literally anyone and be as far back as possible. From him I learned that when someone gets angry at you for asking questions they should be able to answer, it means they are hiding something. Fast forward to today and I am just waiting for one more month so I am able to request I be removed from church registry.

[@kennethguthrie180]

@@yeahno8294, I didn’t get kicked out of Catholic school, but my knuckles and the ruler were great friends. I also visited the principal’s/priest’s office quite often for my antics. Nuns and priests don’t seem to like it when you point out the grosser aspects of the Bible, such as rape, incest, prostitution, pulling out, and magical mana food that rains from the sky.

[@sepoct6173]

The message was great, but I am afraid you missed something. Tamar was accused because she was found pregnant, not because she was caught prostituting.

[@thenewbrazy9997]

How did she get pregnant if not her husband?

[@maddiesander4786]

@@thenewbrazy9997 her father in law I believe

[@karsten69]

Anyone else remember why Canaanites were cursed? Because Noah was angry that his eldest son had seen him passed out drunk and naked, so he cursed his grandson Canaan...and that's all folks. because Noah was an angry alcoholic, Er and Onan had to die.

[@karsten69]

@Bronze Spectre Thank you for your correction. it has been fixed.

[@noone3216]

As far as I understand, archaeological evidence shows that rather than a people coming out of captivity for 430 years in Egypt, the israelites actually came out of Canaan. They ARE Canaanites, who had split off from Canaan, grown, and then gone back to claim the lands, which they viewed as their rightful inheritance.

[@nonoozabletodogmaisaiah4577]

Absolute goddamn comic genius! My favorite one so far. Obvious in-depth knowledge to pull this off. Funny as hell, heaven and the netherworlds. Please do all of this you can do. Love it!

[@apersonontheinternet8354]

The church I go to just preached on this. He worked around it, talking about how God has reasons for the murders, and how the daughter was shown grace after her sin. Didn't talk about how God murdering is well, murder. Or how God allowed the rest to happen anyways. They always work around the crap with tricky wording.

[@ianfirth33]

If they don't they think they will burn.

[@hermitcard4494]

God can do all the sins he forbids because hes not a man, hes a God... A God that gives a fuck about his own rules.

[@MyGroo]

For all you people saying Bible has no scientific value, check out 6:56 when God makes a hypothesis, then confirms it with an experiment

[@lapse4368]

Holy shit i remember when I was a christian for a very short while and was trying to give reasons for the old testament mentioning so many various atrocities and basically war crimes. It pains me to think that even 2 days after accepting christ i was already that blind to basic critical thinking and a sense of compassion and logic.

[@bribbri3697]

I don't ever want you to stop making videos, I'd go into despair. You do an amazing job of bringing awareness to all the nonsense throughout the 'good book' and for that I'm ever so grateful​ that this channel exists. XO

[@michaeldees6599]

Dicken for chicken festival... oh my damn, I almost died from laughter.

[@BronxShots1987]

DarkMatter never fails. Make a new episode about hurricane harvey "flooding" Joel Osteen's megachurch.

[@sorsocksfake]

Heh, it's actually not as ridiculous as it seems to us - at least when seen as history, it's obviously ridiculous for divine morality. Main thing to understand is that, especially in a tribal context (but almost in any family-based context - feudal history can tell you a lot on this) having multiple sons is a problem. Dividing the inheritence will weaken the family, likely make all sons poor, and even lead to war, so often only the oldest son inherits; younger sons have to make their own fortune. Now, if you married your heir to the daughter of another chieftain, and that son dies, that's a big problem: you just lost an alliance, and that chieftain will not be happy since in those days, marrying a widow was usually not that good a deal. So some societies have a solution: the second son will be expected to take his brother's place, including his marriage. We know the Hebrews had this practice because it's in the law (Deuteronomy 25). The story of Ruth likewise mentions the practice. So this way the family and its alliances stays intact. Important detail is that the children from that marriage are viewed not as his children, but as the heirs of his dead brother. Another common practice among nomads are visiting marriages: the wife stays with her parents, so the husband isn't around much. It may be a guess that Judah barely knew Tamar personally. So with that context, one might understand the issue: Onan refuses this duty (perhaps he had his own wife and wanted her children to become the family heirs). When he then dies as well, Judah reasonably gets afraid, probably thinking he has a black widow on his hands, and refuses to even initiate the custom. Tamar, in turn, now is in a bad situation: she has no serious marriage prospects, no children to take care of her in old age, end of the road. May well be she became a prostitute for real as women in that situation often did. When she sees Judah, she takes her chance, knowing he still has a duty to her. Which, when things turn out, he fulfills. Messy as it is... if you get the framework, it isn't such a silly story. Evidently it was relatable enough for the Israelites to keep the story. Though it is worth bearing in mind that Genesis is an origin story: much of it would seem to be a myth or legend intended to create a common identity for Israel (which itself was a merging between urban Canaanites and nomadic Hebrews divided ito many tribes, I believe). So likely this story should be seen as a legend, either as an aesop tale to impart cultural messages, or as a cultural memory of a more abstract history, for instance the common identity of the tribe of Judah from a set of smaller tribes.

[@sorsocksfake]

That said, video's pretty darn good :)

[@zeromailss]

Thank you for your detailed explanation, it was interesting

[@Deathflare56]

There's something about God constantly breaking down the wall to Jeffery's room in an explosive display of destruction, that's hilarious. Then I remember that he does that all throughout the bible with everything else, which is even more hilarious. I was also convinced Jefferey purposely left his halo behind as a sort of disguise, to not be associated with the heavenly host. This is now my headcanon, and cannot be changed.

[@MurriciTerceiro]

"Holy shit I accidentally deleted Jeffery's halo for most of this animation. I was deleting something else, but Jeffery's halo was highlighted when I hit delete and I never noticed it. The thing I was trying to delete didn't delete, so I was worried I deleted something else; I hit ctrl Z JIC, but I guess it didn't work and I didn't notice. Oh well. His halo will be back next time." -Darkmatter2525 well, author words...

[@YourBoss_CORP]

I am brazilian, i've just looked at the bible that i had searching for genesis 38 and it just skipped right to 39 without even trying to hide it.

[@annalouhampton9356]

My question is: If God knows EVERYTHING, the end from the beginning, then... when He created the angels and made them He created one angel named Lucifer. Lucifer loved God and worshiped Him. Later, Lucifer rebelled against God. He took one-third of the angels with Him and got thrown out of Heaven and down to the Earth. Then God created man. Lucifer tempted man to sin and got him thrown out of the Garden of Eden. Now we have the situation we're in. Lucifer sinned and man sinned. However, God knew ahead of time that Lucifer would sin and that man would sin because He knows everything. Now, did He set us up or what? He set the angels up and man. We suffer and we die. Some people here suffer so much. Look at what's going on in Chicago and East St. Louis. Look at what is going on in the Middle East. Everywhere there is death and dying, not just normal dying if we assume death is normal, but terrible dying, awful stuff. So many things go through my head at times I just don't know what to do so I'm venting. Pardon my thoughts.

[@shadegreen5351]

did the rebellious angels get tossed from heaven before creation? i thought that the reverance god demanded the angels show his earthly creation adam was one of the causes of the angels grumbling and eventual rebellion and eviction. if we equate lucifer to satan as in your comment and he was removed from his heavenly mansion before the creation of humans how was he walking to and fro about the earth as it states in job 1:7? was he cast from heaven but still able to access the throne of god like his remaining faithful angelic brothers? how were the watchers and sons of god who forsoke their place in heaven and took wives from amonst the sons of man able to go back and forth? didn't they abandoned their earthly families at the onset of the flood? are we also to believe that this is a second set of rebellious angels not related to the first set of rebellious angels?

[@norainiayub2150]

Read the quran..allah was tell you about what happen in past..now ..and future..this is about what..all in there..ibam once christ

[@lapersonneanonime4369]

@@norainiayub2150ahahahahhahahahhhaha wake up

[@joshlay447]

Thankyou for the ammunition for my crazy bible thumping family

[@dersitzpinkler2027]

Every video you make is a goddamn masterpiece. Thanks for sharing your talent for the cause of rationality! This video was hilarious and made an interesting point.

[@thedoruk6324]

Yet another glorious upload worth the wait as usual from the epic Shogun Darkmatter

[@TheRealJoelHole]

Do vegetables have to believe in God if they want to go to Vegetable Heaven?

[@elephystry]

Project MK-JOELtra Yes. Watch VeggieTales.

[@applejackmccrack5383]

Yeah, they probably just watch Veggietales

[@parikshitmusic510]

Or plants?

[@rahmanrejepov4283]

they have to kill mashrooms who don't believe in god in the first place

[@KeneishaFreckleton]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@CaptainGrimes1]

I can see why they stuck to the New Testament in schools...

[@saddha1]

Which is disingenuous since Jesus said he came to fulfill the law. This would mean that he would have to justify the entire Old Testament.

[@flamingpi2245]

Y’know, when I was younger, I got a LEGO bible for my first communion. Anyway, I read it and it made me hate God, then I felt guilty about it. Now years later, I’m atheist

[@saguntum-iberian-greekkons7014]

Fun part is, according to archeology and cultural studies, Hebrews are canaanites as well. Just linguistically. Hebrew, Aramean, Phoenician, Edomite, Moabite, Essenians, Amorites and Ammonites, all are closesly related and considered Canaanite semitic language

[@lukejanis2016]

That's some of the craziest shit I've ever heard.

[@robertjohnso7087]

Am obsessed with this channel. I’m showing it to all of my friends in a second. And they are all going to laugh like hell. Just like me! I’m AJ, btw. Not robert. I’ve just been using his account for years....with permission, of course: I’m no savage. Lol

[@isobelmiller7464]

"Er? What happened?" "I don't like his face"

[@jhunz23]

“Oh My Me” It’s ridiculously funny!

[@leviangel97]

Dickin' for chicken!!!

[@gravekeepersven82]

McPeeperson Smith That line made me laugh

[@eimantas3844]

Joffrey would make a better God

[@Kleo3392]

Yeah, it's kind of an ongoing joke with it.

[@someperson5506]

Do you mean Jeffrey, the angel in the videos, or Joffrey, the character from GOT?

[@itsaboutthattime4425]

some person looooool

[@itsaboutthattime4425]

some person even Joffrey would

[@swapankumarbandyopadhyay4546]

If Joffrey of GOT was god: Joffrey: Look up jesus. See the head of yahweh, your father, on a spike. jesus: Hooray, you killed the immortal bastard. Now after you die in purple wedding, I can finally be god. Thank you westerosi, for killing my father and clearing my path towards the heaven throne of 3 kingdoms- hell, heaven and earth. Lets party.

[@joshuacrampton5534]

Dude, seriously, I had the same idea to tear into the bible by making an animated series of sorts but ya beat me to it. Congrads to you, sir, for your doing a better job than I probably would have. Funny as all hell while maintaining a good degree of Biblical accuracy...thank you for this as it brings me quite a bit of humor!

[@marakalos3838]

I tried reading the actual Bible sections that were referenced before watching this, and laghed just as much while watching this. This is the dumbest thing ever.

[@Mister-Thirteen]

This was awesome, More please. We both know there are plenty more royally fucked up stories in the Abraham mythos.

[@EllipsisMark]

11:12 Okay, so not to be a downer on the questioning of religious stories and teaching but wouldn't Tamar had started showing her pregnancy as well as been without a period for three months? Could they just assume her straight out because how else did she get knocked up?

[@Freefork]

5:34 "Can you do that? Boy?" Explosion.

[@wrathofainz]

The sticky floor bits are absolutely hilarious.

[@davidmeehan4486]

It's 30 compressions to 2 breaths for CPR, folks.

[@husavik4]

There was a movie in the 1990s about Joseph that included a shortened version of the Judah and Tamar story. That surprised me considering the studio Lux Vide makes religious movies, but it was interesting that they did include some of Chapter 38.

[@JaredHaer]

I randomly open the bible to this story in my early teens and it actually start my questioning of what the bible really means. I believe opening the bible to a random page was a way to allow god to speak directly to your heart through his word, little did I know the message would be, "something ain't right here, this makes no sense given the morals I understand to be Christian, and god is behaving badly it would seem...". Thank you for the great video.\

[@ewanbird1847]

4:15 He’s doing cpr on Er’s stomach

[@lilchickennugget8155]

Always a masterpiece!!💜 i can watch these video's over and over and over!!!

[@TyDie85]

I am amazed I havent found this channel before!!!! I've been on youtube for several years and...just WOW!!! Love your stuff!!!! Sincerely amazing. Yes I used a fragment, but wow! XD

[@samp9053]

"Never has there been a time I've been more grateful to have wings" - Jefree

[@hellishhybrid1839]

Finally, something on KZbin actually WORTH watching... maybe.

[@lucillefrancois150]

Happy Hoplite Ou he's definitely worth watching. I will always recommend the "Power Corrupts" series. It is actually something that will mess with your head.

[@hellishhybrid1839]

Lucile Francois. That whole series has been great so far. That's why Darkmatter is the one KZbinr I'm probably never gonna unsubscribe from. I've unsubscribed from about 2/3 of the channels I used to watch.

[@kewakl8891]

*Yall heads are Already Messed up.* How? Why? for questioning millenia of adherence to stone-age BS?

[@rebeccaaynes5076]

Omg dark matter uploaded and it's a god and Jeffrey video! This is the best day ever

[@pop5678eye]

And all this to keep the ancestry of Joseph free of heathen blood... And then Joseph wasn't even Jesus' father... On the maternal side they kept it easier: immaculate conception of Mary, boom! She's free of sin!

[@Ponera-Sama]

Jesus: Half boy, half God, all megalomaniac

[@ppharaoh5421]

If onan Is real he’ll have had the best pullout game in histoey

[@chell6022]

Lmao

[@d.ingleberry9635]

I never liked this story, or the story of Job, when I was growing up. I read the entire Bible over several times and this story always stuck out to me as fucked up.

[@Ragingknight12]

All the stories in the bible are fucked up.

[@janb.3600]

Why does God even break the wall to Jefferys "room"? He is already there at all times since he is omnipresent.

[@austinvasques7800]

just to smite him....get it....smite instead of spite. hehe, Imma go hide now.

[@Uzodesign]

"Do I need to shadow ban you and take away your advertising money?" lol, way to shade KZbin.

[@zedoplantao]

The fact that it happens to this day is fucking sad

[@PrudhviRaj666]

That witty dialogue between the father-in-law and the 'veiled' daughter-in-law was the best for me. Well written!

[@ryanhansen3893]

This is awesome! Keep up the good work DarkMatter2525, love your channel. It's so humorous and cool.

[@captainmorgan7371]

"Never has there been a time I've been more grateful to have wings" 😂😂😂

[@27siddarth]

Can God make a stone which even he cannot lift??

[@kzakaria91]

yes

[@27siddarth]

Doesnt that mean god can't do everything? (He can't lift that rock?)

[@Thumbsupurbum]

No, but Jeffrey can.

[@Astronut54]

Of course he can...he's God. (sarcasm)

[@controvertofnecessity2972]

No! That means something else that defines God. Something that makes God a coward, heartless, and thoughtless. You will never figure this out!

[@thedoruk6324]

I would worship Jeffrey to be honest; at least he could gave cure to deathly diseases to his followers to Sell them for profit... *insert evil laugh here*

[@rachelmills9780]

After years of watching this channel and loving the content I've finally gotten the money to support darkmatter. I am always excited to see what he does next.

[@Trollsquad57]

I heckin love this video!!!! Nice job