Aging Narcissists - What happens as they Grow Older?

[@Artorius19631]

My experience with narcissists is they try to accuse you of the very thing they are doing to you when you call them out on their behavior.

[@sooooooooooooooo]

So true ! My boyfriends dad called HIM a narcissist but he splits his paycheck with his father 🙄💀

[@Hollyucinogen]

There's actually an official term for that - "projection", a.k.a. accusing others of what they themselves are guilty of. The best way to deal with a narcissist is to simply ignore them. I'm saying this as the child of a narcissist who's been ignoring her since 2001 - life is much, much better without them.

[@NeilCrouse99]

In other words, ... a republican... 🤔🤔

[@The1234craig]

especially one in particular. @@NeilCrouse99

[@bunk95]

Your experience with fiction that includes narcissists or humans marketed as them?

[@skylove1336]

There is only one way to deal with a narcissist. Run away and never look back!

[@jimmiejackson8489]

This ! 💯

[@PeterKihoro]

True. Run away and go no contact.

[@napyhed4754]

So true.,

[@p52893]

Good advice. Spent many years trying only to walk away.

[@Chris-2-of-3]

And if the narcs are your parents, by the time you can run away, the damage has been done.

[@judykinsman3258]

My narcissistic mother died at 92 & was never any less so. I learned you don’t get wiser as you age. You get more of what you already are!

[@astrikos4011]

This is only true for narcissists as they are incapable of self-reflection and identifying their own flaws. People who are capable of doing this get much wiser as they age.

[@bunk95]

Your fictional mother died?

[@hed2410]

​@@bunk95what a useless, asinine comment

[@alimarie67]

They never gain wisdom, because in order to gain it one has to humble themselves. A narcissist will never do that.

[@wendyerskine6951]

Dear God! Mine is 80 in a few days. I'll jump off a cliff if l think mine will ruin my every step for another decade!! 😢

[@peternolan4107]

When my abusive, narcissistic father died I went to the funeral home. When I saw him lying dead I hid in the cloakroom for a few minutes because anyone could have read the delight on my face. It took me a few minutes to calm down and act "respectful." Then it hit me. For the first time in my life I was in my father's presence and I was not afraid.

[@Jepse89]

Oh man this hit close. I completely understand you.

[@desiderata333]

🙏🙏🙏

[@maggiemorel4994]

@@Jepse89 my son feels this wsy to.

[@maggiemorel4994]

Towards his dad, so he says

[@mandymckeown8625]

I hear you ❤

[@yafesiamwayibiggy168]

The best way to deal with a narcissist is to AVOID THEM. Always keep a safe distance away from them

[@charlesh3751]

Exactly! Depression mainly effects the individual involved, hence their desire to change. Narcissism effects everyone around the Narcissist, not the individual, hence their undesire to change. Run away from them!!

[@march24-lp4pv]

Not all of us have that luxury.

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

@@march24-lp4pv even if it's marriage with children, I am out. Of course, I will be there for my kid(s), but my interactions would be minimal.

[@rozdoyle8872]

They really should be compelled to a very large Hazard sign around their neck to warn people not to approach , just call in the Cavalry instead , I am so removed & healed now that laughter is all they evoke nowadays.

[@march24-lp4pv]

@@rozdoyle8872 Administered by who, a government drone?

[@twopurringcats]

Both my parents are in their 80s now and are both diagnosed NPD. They treated me with scorn, anger and hostility all my life for having boundaries and refusing to be controlled. They became more aggressive, manipulative and hostile in later years. I'd been low contact for a long time but they got so vicious, self righteous and tried going after my money so I went no contact. I was their only child and scapegoat. Mom hated me and told me she hadn't wanted me as a baby. No kidding. I was taken from them at 16 for my safety when she attacked me., never living with them again. She was glad to be rid of me but wanted me to fail in life and tried to sabotage my education, relationships and other things. She failed. I never had a loving family but friends are family. I worked hard to succeed and built my business from a young age. It's successful now..they hated that, too. So I live in peace without them and they are blocked from contacting me. They felt I owed them for every little thing..for being born and raised by them. Truth is, I was more a parent to them..and a therapist and cleaning person as a child. They are evil and I won't inherit anything but that's fine because I've got my freedom and peace now. That means everything to me. They hang on their rich friends and don't care what I do. Good riddance to them all. Life goes on. I've stayed in therapy and worked hard to have a decent life. Peace feels so good.

[@Dbb27]

Kudos to you for the path you chose. You’re to be applauded for your insight and accomplishments. It’s innate to want that ‘family’ but shows your emotional intelligence that you have taken such good care of yourself. Blessings.

[@twopurringcats]

@@Dbb27 Thank you. It's been a lot of trial and error but forward movement. I am very grateful for having a peaceful life and kind people around me now. :)

[@IAmTheAnswerer]

This comment has been an inspiration to me. Thank you for posting your story.

[@eviebrajo]

@Carolyn McFann Wishing you continued peace and a big hug from me . There are lots of kind people in this world and you just need to keep them close to you when you find them .

[@elizabethballesteros8910]

Good for you sweetheart, nothing is worth your peace in life!

[@suzannederusha1370]

The damage the narcissist’s have done in my life will never be forgotten. Hard lessons are the greatest teachers.

[@samzam2349]

Sometimes it’s too late to learn the hard way, as so much irreversible damage has been done 😢

[@suzannederusha1370]

@@samzam2349 That is true, however knowing the signs of the narcissist will prevent a repeat of the damage. Learning why we ignored the signs in the first place is what we need to understand.

[@suzettevdm51]

NO ONE CAN DO YOU HARM IF YOU DONT CHOOSE IT EXCEPT SICK LEGAL SYSTEMS

[@suzannederusha1370]

@@suzettevdm51 Thank goodness the USA courts are dealing with the worst president in the history of America. Trump is that president.

[@marytaylor9504]

I agree. The hardest lessons I ever learned were from Narcissistic people..

[@Mochichan2]

I have totally abandoned and separated myself from my aging narcissistic parents. I finally found my strength in my 50’s.

[@newlife956]

It's difficult for those with good parents to understand what it's like to completely give up on your parents.....but, like you, I finally did....over ten years no contact. My father and mother are some of the worst people I've ever met...anywhere.

[@zigzag9133]

God Bless you. My adoptive mother was a monster. And my adoptive father enabled her. The best thing I ever did was go no contact. Many of us understand. Time for you to live life and heal.❤️

[@Lucas-pe6fg]

@@newlife956 totally

[@thescapegoatclub]

I find it really hard to see my narc parents self-destruct as they age. My mum in particular. She is getting more and more depressed as her health fails and is distraught that I won't rekindle our relationship just because they are aging. And social norms say I can't 'abandon' my elderly parents.They can't see that the estrangement is a result of their behaviour. It's really difficult.

[@evelynkorjack2126]

many years ago when i was in nursing school, an astute professor talked about the poor old patient whose family never visited... and she asked this question: how do you know the reason for that? how do you know what kind of person that patient was, even though they are so nice to you? over the years, that stayed with me. narcissists love the sick role, and their manipulations are endless. i loved the comment about the skull falling out. my father was classic, and he used to say that "you are out of the will" LOL! family of auto workers, and my response was "so, we are the rockefellers now?" growing up with it wasnt so funny, but it sure is now! sitcom behaviour without the laugh track. there wasn't a wet eye at his funeral.

[@jazminclaudette777]

And they can't see what's it's done to You!!! If we get back up on our feet and Heal Our RAW Hearts 💔💔🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️😥😥they have no idea what do ever How Long it takes (years) to undo the branding iron wretched in our hearts,our emotions,both physically and mentally,let those so called mom's go and take care of them,see how long they last!!!

[@thescapegoatclub]

@@evelynkorjack2126 thank you! this is really validating. it's so true, people reap what they sow. 😍

[@thescapegoatclub]

@@jazminclaudette777 right! my mum wants me to look after her now. great. well, maybe I would if she had been there for me when I needed, or maybe even if she stopped telling me what a selfish, heartless uncaring person I am. If that's what you think, then leave me alone. 🤔

[@usernane3652]

@@evelynkorjack2126 my parents can't use the "out of the will" card because they are broke 🤣🤣

[@christinerobertson9596]

My mother has been a narc way before I was born. She made it clear to me I caused her misery by just being born. She's invaded my life completely for 63 years. I could write a book just listing the put downs and criticisms. I wasn't what she wanted. I was a mistake and she has reminded me of that throughout my life. I have felt responsible for her until a few years ago- I had her share a house with me and husband and her evilness came to the surface - I no longer talk to her but she has turned my youngest daughter into her flying monkey. which saddens me. But awareness is everything. Don't waste your life with a narc mother or father.

[@gearupgifts]

Hi Christine, my mum tried to dump me and my sister into care when she dumped my dad. This was in 1975 so you can imagine what me and my sister would have gone through if we had gone into care. I always look at my dad as a super hero for stopping it. Three years later when I was 8 she took us both back in and verbally assaulted us both daily. I was told I was 'stupid' so often that by 9 years of age I actually believed I was stupid and still can't shake it today at 52 years old. I think I would have exploded if anyone used that word on my own kids but luckily nobody ever did. Today she lives abroad in Portugal. Thank goodness.....

[@Iloveturtles]

God bless you

[@ericameiring7388]

You are not a mistake! God put you on this earth and He has a plan for your life! God bless You!

[@eagleeye2300]

My narc mother threw me out of the house when I was 19 or 20. (Mainly because my younger sisters were looking up to me, and she wasn't having it.) At any rate, that was one of the nicest things that she'd ever done for me.

[@brendaprice665]

Oh my goodness. When I read what you have written, I thought I had somehow written it in my sleep. My mother did this for over 50 years to me. I hear her voice (she is dead now) every day, in every situation I am in, driving, cooking, anything - telling me how useless I am and how her own life was ruined because I was born and then I "amounted to nothing." So difficult to get over, and now I am in the last quarter of my life, I guess her voice will always be in my years.

[@AngelaJonesPoetryStoriesArt]

They get so much worse as they age

[@townsendv58]

Totally agree

[@boomerangsruckflug8513]

Yes, because then it's much harder to get attention and narcissistic supply.

[@megha8033]

I agree 💯 . Abusive people be so by their own choice.

[@yellowbird2157]

That’s depressing.

[@undertheradar001]

You aint kidding!!

[@jujujudio]

My 96 year old father's typical conversation is "how sharp he is" "people tell him he doesn't look his age" "everyone likes him" He enjoys going to the ER for his narcissistic supply. It took me years to realize how much he lies. I can't do the cringe anymore. It's beyond bizarre.

[@Lyrielonwind]

Same as my mother; she only talks about how much people love her but never how much she loves them because she doesn't.

[@StreetsOfVancouverChannel]

My folks died ten years ago and there's not a single day that has passed where I wish they were still alive.... instead I feel enormous relief that their exceedingly bitter criticism about everyone/everything is finally laid to rest with them. It is simply impossible for those friends of mine who had very good parents to understand the emotionally savage vindictiveness that constantly emanates from narcissistic parents.

[@morebirdsandroses]

When my extremely abusive father died, I had wondered how I'd feel when he did. All I felt was a sense of relief. The terror of growing up, the pain and self-blame seemed justified but also conquerable. Amazing that 'losing' so pivotal a part of one's life as a father should feel like simple deliverance.

[@marionkemp4294]

My mum had a female lover who looked after me, when one of the lovers friends raped me, all hushed up because mums lover was on benefits & she was worried she'd lose her benefit If it came out! + rapist was a Mason as were some cops in those days (mid 60's) so even cops did NOT interview me!

[@vj8406]

Same, I shed not one tear.

[@krissipowell9358]

Amazing survival

[@thebespokedoctor]

We the anonymous audience understand ❤

[@jimbrydon1443]

I wish I’d known about narcissism when I was a lot younger. I tried everything I could to please my parents - father in particular but nothing I ever did was any good for either of them. He treated me like I was his worst enemy. It is like the worst kind of child abuse as you can’t work out what you’re doing wrong.

[@prana8660]

Yes it is …. I’m letting go albeit with great difficulty

[@StreetsOfVancouverChannel]

Stay strong and each day I suggest just letting that criticism, indifference & emotional cruelty that they projected on to you just fade into the past a bit more.

[@carla89cc]

Now you know & have information thar can help you heal

[@aluisious]

"Listen asshole, you didn't ask me about whether I wanted to be here."

[@veltonmeade1057]

Wow, so sorry. How could a father do this?

[@bellafantousi6480]

What do you do when you turn 70 and you realize that all those narcissists in have stolen your life away...the years of abuse slowly eating away the joy of life...and those aging narcissists never let go of their manipulations and machinations....extremely painful...

[@MelanCholy2001]

You can't let them have the W. You control the way you look at your life: pick out the good parts, let the rest go. I've seen old "mean men" (distant family or friends' family) who never changed and died stubborn, sometimes with a house falling down all around them and angry offspring (to take their places, I suppose?) -the mean men don't care. I'm not sure they're narcissists, but they're mean, and die that way, and they're not happy. I hope I don't sound pitiless, but most I've seen get some "cognitive decline" and get very frustrated with themselves. Imagine them turning that narcissism on themselves. It's ...interesting. (I don't get involved.) These sorts seem to hate themselves more than anyone else.

[@sunseeker4775]

Reinvent your own life!

[@jeannie3068]

I just turned 70. Endured devaluing contempt for years. I really had no idea about narcissistic abuse until 2 years ago. During this time I focused 100% on my self care and made a plan to leave. You have to be stronger and healthier to leave.The abuse and drinking with my husband escalated he is 75. I had to escape because of extreme fear. It is hard to leave at an older age. Your dreams of life together are lost. I grieve the loss but I am striving to live the last years of my life free from the extreme abuse. If you are reading this and you are younger make a plan to save yourself. The abuse will only get worse as they age.

[@chrism8180]

Well in fairness no matter what path you choose you're likely subject to it, society in general seems to foster narcissism. Now you know what it looks like. It's hard to get away from it

[@chrism8180]

The best way to mess with them is to go along with the narrative they are trying to paint but don't do what they are expecting you to do. They want to make you react to their situation in a way that benefits them. It can be fun to tease to them

[@benedictusmaladaptus2712]

Child of a narcissist mother who was also an alcoholic. Best thing I ever did was stop feeling guilty about all the things she said I should feel guilty about, and stop listening to people that say "she's your _mother..."._ I left all that behind and my life began improving almost immediately. I never looked back.

[@shelleylarose]

I really despise people saying that, oh shes your mother, my mother was the worst she put a wedge between me and my grand daughter and between my grand daughter and her own father, shes poison and a horrible human being, she is so manipulative. I honestly can say I hate her. When you don't talk to her she will do something manipulative, she is a big time liar, she hurted me so much in the past, but now I just live my own life without her stupid approval.

[@benedictusmaladaptus2712]

@@shelleylarose *"now I just live my own life without her stupid approval."* Good for you! It's a huge step. The next step is to fully understand that hate is not the opposite of love... Indifference is.

[@PeterShaw-ne1yq]

They all have at least one addiction

[@chaucee]

yep, my 90 year old dad is still a lifelong sex addict. My own research has stated that factually not all narcissists are sex addicts but the VAST MAJORITY of sex addicts are def bonafide. narcissists. Very bad duo combo to have to try to endure being around. @@PeterShaw-ne1yq

[@WanderingSoleTV]

To my ears, it's remarkable to hear that a narcissist could possibly tone down their behaviour with age. My father is 87 and worse than ever.

[@soniaemmanouilidou1139]

Same

[@WanderingSoleTV]

@@soniaemmanouilidou1139 Sorry you have to deal with that Sonia. Remain distant. They're getting the only outcome that could've been expected from their own actions.

[@ddigiorgio8438]

Same with my elderly Mom.

[@rozdoyle8872]

My ex father in law is 97 and still bawling and insulting anyone daft enough to bother with him , his family just laugh at him now.

[@suzannepatterson3445]

My mother is 92 and hasn't changed a bit. She's still causing pain to her family.

[@vilamor007]

As Narcissists get older they get more bitter and resentful.

[@LCLand]

Mine is actually getting better. Fewer and fewer episodes. But when they come I’m getting less patient. So that’s on me. He is definitely my sandpaper In Christ. Anyone can change. Pray.

[@barfrockskin535]

I absolutely 125.9% agree.

[@zenbuddha5947]

Yes, unfortunately I can also experience it. I am waiting for the END!!!

[@davidtomlinson6138]

Oh my god ! That's not good

[@logansaxby7224]

@LCLand it's not up to you to fix people. This will go nowhere good for you. The episodes won't stop. The moment you aren't nice to them they turn on you. They talk behind your back. Be careful when you play with fire

[@JesusIsAlphaOmega001]

I was married to the most hardcore narcissist for a year and a half. Luckily I ended things instead of try to make it work. The stress was killing me, i felt as if i were dying.

[@rozdoyle8872]

I found that dying feeling was down to lack of energy without actually realizing that I was supplying a grown mans energy needs , Getting free and a years rest and self care has totally changed everything for me , they really are thieves in the night .

[@RanLes7]

I too was married to a narcissist for 10 years…. Which was 9 years too long! I am free of his abuse now and will never put up with that kind of treatment again! Good for you to get out of your bad relationship early. I don’t believe they will ever change because “they don’t have a problem”… it’s always the other persons fault!

[@lizspinazola7674]

Praise God. I also got out quickly. ❤

[@nesq4104]

That's someone a narcissist would say, lol. I ended things instead of trying to make it work

[@sadenbrick]

​@@rozdoyle8872they are leeching energy like vampires do sucking you out of life forces. It takes very long time to recover but the lesson well earned and not to repeat again.

[@sherparoyale]

I was diagnosed with a narcissistic disorder. Hit me like a brick. I started developing coping mechanisms and trying to become aware when I’d feel my narcissism taking over. I can’t say I’ve mastered it but it has clearly helped improve my relationships. The most helpful has been reminding myself that many sides of me aren’t special at all (and others are way better).

[@AnnaMarianne]

I wish all the best to you. That you've understood you have a problem is the necessary start, that you're taking action is excellent. And I wish to tell you, God loves you with the same passionate love as He loves all the human beings. Your fate is just as important to him as the fate of any other person. Indeed Jesus died for your sins too, out of love for you. No matter how low we have fallen, we're never too low for God to see us and love us. He's both capable and willing to help anyone, you included.

[@tractordamage5272]

So do you vote Left, like all Narcissists do? All 'Cluster B' disorders admitted voting Left when surveyed, because the Left coddles fellow Covert Narcissists, and even Sociopaths (as we see in the cultures they support). In a way, a 'Woke' Covert Narcissist's struggle with Logic and Reality, makes more sense. The narcissist mindset can be somewhat 'autistic'. Hence the craziness of 'Woke' Narcissists bending the knee to Narcissist Racist cultures which dominate the extremist race attack stats everywhere. Do you feel a connection with Black and Islamic Narcissists then?

[@MermaidMakes]

Maybe you are misdiagnosed, to be honest. But I’m not a professional. I just have met many narcissists…and I know it is one disorder that truly can not be helped, and the way to help CERTAINLY isn’t to tell the narcissist they have it. and I’ve been misdiagnosed with a personality disorder (BPD) when I have C-PTSD but after going to a BPD specialist, she said it was clear I did NOT have BPD.

[@Tinyflypie]

I admire your honesty. I hope you continue toward true contentment

[@LewisMcLeod1]

By trying to fight against it you’re already ahead of many. Good luck to you

[@lesterdiamond6190]

When I watch a video like this it makes me more convinced than ever that leaving my siblings behind over 20 years ago was the right move.

[@Jepse89]

Yes it is. There is no cure for narcissism unfortunately

[@MisterNumber6]

I can't wait to move. Live with a narcisist brother who hasn't spoken to me in over 10 years even though we live under the same roof. No regret moving def right move.

[@napyhed4754]

Absolutely.

[@maxsmith695]

Agree. I think society and religious bodies give the impression that all siblings should always stay close to one another. Often times that means some siblings are caught in the vortex of a Narc sibling and don't understand it. Those who practice bad behaviors and manipulate others, are best avoided. People often want to excuse such behaviors, rationalizing they are only acting that way because they are on drugs or have a drinking problem. I don't buy it.

[@seventhchild7270]

@@maxsmith695 .....Also, DONT forget mental illness !

[@happygirl8298]

Your commentary is amazingly accurate. I was married to a narcissist for 14 years and I am still recovering, as well as my son. A caution to those who think that in old age the narcissist may miraculously exhibit regret, compassion or love towards a family member or friend. I would not give that person a chance. You risk injuring yourself all over again. Move on, and let them wallow in their old age, and as the old saying goes, let them “stew in their own juices.” You must protect the sanity that you have fought so hard to regain.

[@NoMoreHeroesAnymore1334]

They will NOT and they will learn that abuse-by-proxy with cops works WAY better when they go from screaming attacking monster to poor sad old person the second authorities appear. They are MORE dangerous in old age, like many predators--NOT LESS!

[@patriciashea676]

It's absolutely correct.

[@anthonyalvarez-se7kw]

This year will be my 14th year being married to a Narcissist. I never knew what a narcissist was so 2 weeks ago when I started watching videos like this my mind was totally blown and all kinds of stuff started to make sense. I would really like to ask you some questions, is there a way I can message you in a more private setting?

[@suebotchie4167]

And preachers need to Biblically explain, that forgiveness doesn't mean bailing out the narc / letting him or her waltz back into your life. There's Scripture after Scripture about steering clear of wicked, manipulative people.

[@sangeet9100]

"...the time their skull fell off..." makes me giggle non-stop

[@user-fl3im1qy2o]

My narcissistic ex husband (28 years married and 8 divorced) had a health issue last year. He reached out a couple of months ago and actually asked my kids, who he narcissistically traumatized their whole lives, “So, who is going to take care of me?” My kids went to see him briefly last year in a public place and he didn’t even recognize my daughter but he wants them to take of him? They both ignore his messages now, as do I. He had 28 years to be a better person so he shouldn’t come crying to me or my kids! You can’t treat people that way and expect anything in return. If

[@mariewalmsley6143]

What goes around comes around.

[@katiehealybarcelon9070]

It's really sad, but I understand. I had to go no contact the last 2 years of my mom's life. I figured 60+ years of coping with her was enough.

[@collector1946]

That’s exactly what he deserves

[@kevinowens6010]

Love it. Leave the cadaver to the streets. Karma is a bitch.

[@cdenisewilkerson]

That’s terrible for your kids😢

[@JenniferJones-ry6ji]

💯 SO VERY TRUE 🇭🇲 STAY AWAY FROM THEM DONT ARGUE BACK.. TOTAL IGNORE THEM.. AVOID THEM AT ALL COST.. TAKES TIME

[@LDiamondz]

This makes so much sense. You're right, of course, but I can't seem to do these things. I've tried. Any advice on how to do this? Thank you. ❤

[@raedarden9830]

At 80 I am caregiver for my narc who is desperate to maintain control over me. It is, sadly, pathetic...the narc panics as the body, and the mind, is no longer able to manipulate as it once did. It is now I who must have the control position for this person's safety. I am determined to see this through with as much humility, caring and compassion as I can muster...pray for me, please.

[@rozdoyle8872]

Oh Wow, do take good care of yourself, you deserve peace and blessings.

[@Crystalblue58]

I put my abusive narc mother in law in a nursing home and never looked back. Payment for the ulcer she gave me in my youth.

[@MARANATHA-AMEN]

I pray for you to receive courage and strength and the comfort which only our CREATOR can provide. GOD forgave me...ALL my sins. I forgave my mother and was her caregiver to keep her out of an institution when she was no longer able to care for herself. I do not regret caring for the mother who told me, when I was a child, that she didn't want me and had purchased illegal chemicals for the purpose of causing an abortion. She tried twice...to terminate my existance. She was glad to have me move over 800 miles back east...and live with her , and take care of her...the last 6 years of her life. It wasn't easy on me. And, I wasn't perfectly loving every single moment. But, I have no regrets...because I didn't abandon her. She was not perfect. I have never been a perfect person. I am a person who is saved by the Grace, Mercy and Love of GOD...because Christ JESUS paid my entire debt for all my sins. I am grateful! Forgiveness is a beautiful thing.

[@donloughrey1615]

🙏🙏🙏

[@bumblebee8158]

Yes, praying for you. God will daily make a way where there seems to be no way. He will provide the solutions. We don't need to have the answers, only the faith of a child. Do take care.

[@hummingbird2254]

I kicked my narcissist dad out of my life when I was 36. After 9 years I found out that his wife had just passed away. I felt sorry for him and I decided to reach out to him. I had hoped that maybe he would have changed, and that we could finally have a real relationship. He was worse than ever !!! I kicked him out of my life again after only a month. This man had no love for me. He passed away suddenly a week later. It's too bad that it ended on a bad note, but I have no guilt about walking away again.

[@skeptigal2785]

I hope everyone doesn't assume that an older person who is alone in life must've been a terrible person when younger. There are lots of reasons for finding yourself without close ties, including death of loved ones, romantic disappointment, friendships dissolving over time, other emotional problems resulting in isolation (depression, avoidant personality), etc. Some people are just unfortunate. It doesn't mean they "deserve" to be alone the rest of their lives or that it's "karma."

[@cryptoslacker-464]

Great point :)

[@zsuzsuspetals]

I don't think anyone thinks that a person who is alone deserved it. Some people don't have a lot of friends or family, or kids don't live close or they didn't have kids, etc. But if I see an old person who has 3 or 4 kids who barely speak to them? You best believe it's 99% sure they were a shitty parent and karma has come for them. Some people are so rancid in their lifetime and cause so much abuse and harm that dying alone is exactly what they deserve. A narc's worst nightmare is alone with no flying monkeys.

[@VXen76]

💯

[@melindajackson3602]

RUN RUN RUN TOXIC

[@jamesrutter4100]

A good percentage of empaths choose to be alone. BECAUSE of the abuse of thier family of origin and or marriage. Look for smiling people who are alone and you most likely have found a healed empath

[@claytonllc]

You just described my 83-year-old father. Instead of embracing his waning relevance in the universe, he's doubling down on the same behaviors that have alienated him from anyone smart enough to see him as he truly is the first time around. It's frightening.

[@LN-jr6nj]

My 77 year old mother has doubled down too. Im the last who has stood by and she has now succeeded in alienating me

[@Jessica-fr4im]

I had some narcissistic traits when I was younger and dealt with childhood abuse and trauma. Into my teens I still had many narcissistic traits. I ruined friendships, relationships and even some family ties. I went on to be in abusive relationships and still blamed everyone but myself. It has taken a lot of reflection and acceptance for me to realize my part in all that happened in my life and to apply that to become a better person. I understand it's not all about me and I no longer seek approval from people. I simply try to do what's right by myself and others and honestly I don't really care what anyone else thinks of me, I can only control what I think and nobody is responsible for me and my life but myself. I know my experiences are a direct effect of my thoughts and actions.

[@sw6454]

@jesssica well done for taking control.

[@WierdGaming95]

First time in many years i saw some one with ex or present NPD traits trying to actually solve the problem for the sake of himself and others .

[@incognito3599]

@weirdGaming She probably wasn't a narcissist at all to begin with, just probably was a scapegoat or a victim of narcissistic adults around her, which caused her to self sabotage....

[@WierdGaming95]

@@incognito3599 know the feeling..me myself a scapegoat but that's how the life it is i guess . . anyway better to make shit like this for self improvement and not self sabotage ..have a great day !

[@user-kcrpine]

YOU we’re the abuser yet here you are wanting sympathy? Disgusting.

[@Jackie-rc6cj]

My first thought was that most narcissists end up alone, and this is what was said. Most people living with Narcissistic personality people, leave for their own self-preservation, sooner or later. What an intuitive podcast.

[@kifi672]

yes. Alone and bitter at the mean people who let them down

[@steveconn]

Sometimes they're just dealing with too many things, need support, and have the rug pulled out from under them. Happens too.

[@sagebay2803]

It's sad. My mom has NPD, but then her parents were very cold emotionally. Sometimes I wonder if NPD ppl have C-ptsd and that's why they lash out? I've always wondered.

[@JA-el3ml]

You do have to cut contact in order to heal. And surprisingly, once that part is done and you heal from doing that, life opens up. So much peace of mind, so much freedom to be who you are and not be manipulated or living in created drama and feuds day in and day out. Forgiveness is freeing and life has become very, very good in my old age. A blessing and surprise I wasn't expecting.

[@sagebay2803]

@@JA-el3ml I agree! Thanks for sharing. I have healed and now they want back in (parents). Terrifying...for me, anyway. Ugh.

[@jnorway7295]

Thanks for sharing this video. At 43, I married a narcassistic, misogynist dictator, same age. He is very intelligent but had had very little dating history. I had enough of his controlling behavior, put downs, no kindness & daily bragging how great he is. He believes the world revolves around him & his own accomplishments, never "ours". I finally left him & had him served divorce papers. That's when he looked surprised & said he "would change". No, a narcassist will NOT change! Remember that! I now feel myself again & haven't felt that since before I married him years ago.

[@hectorortiz8224]

Good for you -- I have come to really dislike narcissists, this due to my own troubled family.

[@Purusha2]

My father once told me in my late teens that none of his six children will ever better him at anything 😂🤣😂…I didn’t know anything about narcissism at the time but I knew that statement was about the most crazy boast I thought a parent could make. Ive put no pressure on my children but done everything I can to nurture their wonderful qualities. My reward is seeing them grow and prosper and in turn they help me to grow and prosper ❤

[@AndiRose21]

It's very difficult when people just see an elderly person and do not realize that the person has more to their personality than being elderly. It is really complicated in its simplest form.

[@deeboolove1301]

I always said solitude is the space for creativity a bunch of friends and a bunch of family doesn’t mean happiness and contentment especially if they are not sharing your ideology and your beliefs and your morals values and ethics being alone is sometimes sumptuously sublime 😌

[@isambo400]

I couldn’t focus at all in high school. Once I moved away for college my grades got way better

[@antonboludo8886]

@@isambo400 Yes, this makes sense. Not everybody moves away for college, though. This is more common in the USA and Canada.

[@TDS927]

I 1,0000% agree with your statement. I thought I was the only one who thinks like this.💯

[@moreengover6033]

for me it is a protective mechanism but it is a lonely life to live

[@antonboludo8886]

@@moreengover6033 How is it lonely?

[@josiah5776]

Both my parents were narcissists. My grandiose narcissist father grew a bit softer with age and was fun to be around, provided you still deferred attention towards him. My covert narcissist mother became worse and worse until she was a shrill, nasty monster during her final years, driving off most close family and buying off the few remaining ones in her will as flying monkeys. I cut her off completely a few years prior to her death and she did cut me completely out of the will. I don't care. It was worth it. She abused me so much over the course of 50 years that all I still feel about her death is relief.

[@karlabritfeld7104]

No way. Narcissists hate other narcissists. Two would kill each other.

[@katesmith8005]

I am so proud of You! You put yourself first after years of abuse. Narcs will never change. We are just an accessory to their lives. Be strong. Be you. 😃

[@samanthaporter6662]

My dad just passed and my narc stepmom who has only been with him a few years made sure that she and her daughter made out with everything.... Sad part is that my stepsister will inherit a home and money from her OWN dad and my siblings and I nothing..... Even sicker part is that we had an awful childhood with a drunk mom and depressed dad and had to struggle our whole lives..... My narc stepmoms kids have had a wonderful easy life and will now benefit from my dad too .... I have been no contact since he passed.... I very much want to try to get the family pictures that have NOTHING to do with them, but my pride is too much .... I will NEVER ask that woman for a thing!! I believe in karma and find solace that she will be lonely....

[@josiah5776]

@@karlabritfeld7104 Yeah, I know, it's hard to believe. They almost did kill each other several times and there was a constant hostility in the family growing up. They would screw each other over at every chance. But, my father was a grandiose narc, while my mother was covert. My father did his thing, womanizing and charming the outsiders for attention. My mother played the perpetual victim of my jerk father and got tons of attention from that. They rarely interacted with each other. My father ignored my existence, and my mother used me as a weapon against my father and as part of her narcissistic supply. When my father died, she needed a new "bad guy" to vilify and gain attention from. That became me and I fully saw her for what she was for the first time. I ended up cutting her off completely.

[@lutoledob]

I experienced exactly the same thing. My mother is still alive. I’m sure she will cut me off her will and I couldn’t care less.

[@tegannottelling]

Two weeks before my mother's death I think she said sorry to me for the first time in my life. She did everything outlined in this video. Spent huge amounts of money on looks, tried to control people with money. Tried to seduce my boyfriends, Tried to turn my son against me. How she was always the victim. etc etc. I accepted the apology because I knew she was dying but in my heart I knew I was accepting it for her sake because she was so pathetic and she had realised it at the end. I don't discuss my mother with many people because they just can't understand how a mother can be so horrible you are relieved when they are dead. She didn't physically abuse me, a few slaps across the face, but nothing I could say was real child abuse, the house was always perfect, the entire facade front for others to view, but she was as emotionally abusive as someone can get. My sister who was the golden child is soooooo much like her, I feel heartbroken for her children. Yelling at your children two inches from their face "You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I wish I had had an abortion", is some of the more mild abuse I have witnessed shen my sister came to stay with me. When I stepped in and tried to stop her from doing this, she destroyed my house and left with the kids. I even tried social services but she has a great mask when other people are around and the kids are too terrified to tell SS what their homelife is like. I sent my nephew shoes because he has a size 16 foot at age 14 and my sister makes the excuse about his lack of suitable footwear that his foot is too big and she can't find anything. I bought them and sent them directly to him. Next think I know I'm getting a call from the local police telling me Tara (My sisters name) tells them she has a death threat from me through her son's shoes somehow. I could tell from the cop's tone that he was entirely frustrated with having to deal with her as her complaint against me is one of dozens she has put into the cops about just about anyone that has interactions with her. Horrible horrible example of a human being. I'm certainly not perfect by any means but my son and I have a great relationship. I'm just so thankful I wasn't affected by my mothers narcissism the same way she was and I am not her. Still have had to do a lot of work to deal with the issues I do have from my mother's "care" and I think I always will but was a great example of how NOT to be a mother.

[@maryhunter-7774]

8

[@maryhunter-7774]

9😊

[@junehall2177]

Thinking of you & understanding, I had one myself.

[@lilianfowler7988]

I experienced much of what you shared. I hope you are finding peace and self love.

[@ToniaDeVries-ul2jo]

I am a scapegoat and the oldest child of a narcissistic mother. You described my life in under 13 minutes. Amazing.

[@latsnojokelee6434]

Yup, 90 year old narc mother still protects golden child sister who is also a narc. And now expects everybody to financially support her so she can maintain her lifestyle regardless of everybody else trying to save money till they can retire someday too. She could sell and move into a nice apartment with the profits but no.

[@Lovelyaribb]

So am I- seems like it’s always the oldest too I’m also the oldest of 6

[@Lovelyaribb]

@@latsnojokelee6434wow seems like ppl with these type of mothers have the same type of life because I relate so much

[@Triple_J.1]

@@Lovelyaribb I'm 2 of 4. The only boy. My older sister was the golden child pet, always ratting me out for things she did. I don't recall going a full week without a wooden spoon padding between the age of 2~5. And I never did or said anything bad, ever. I was too scared to!

[@Momofukudoodoowindu]

Its really amazing that you have the clarity and wherewithal to recognize that. 👍🏻

[@t200b-i7k]

the Narc mother will turn 90 this week! They live a very long time! I hear she's the same, only depressed now. Thankfully, I live 800 miles away and No contact for 6 years. Wish I did that decades ago, but the wicked spells of these creatures keep us blind, especially if it's a parent. Folks like you Darren, help shine the light of truth on what was actually happening to us all our lives. Thank you, sir.

[@Keys7]

Yeah they physically live a long time after they vamp other people's energy. The people AROUND them die early.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Happy you’re gone!!

[@PsalmThirtynineEleven]

*“wicked spells of these creatures keep us blind”* so profoundly true! They are demons in flesh suits, not people.

[@gregestee9099]

Used to be the average person had morals ethics and compassion. Definitely not the case anymore.

[@bananacake79]

You echoed my life and thoughts

[@tjkasgl]

I feel lucky now that I was the forgotten, invisible child to my mom's narcissist parenting. That changed when my sweet dad passed away. She lost her source of supply and turned toward me. All was good for a year, then weird things started happening and she started going after my 11 year old daughter. I quickly set boundaries, so she turned venomous toward me. I was expected to cower, instead I set stronger boundaries. She went insane with anger, accused me of being the only person who told her she was a bully (her word, I never called her that, or anything else). I told her I was the only one not afraid to tell her the truth. She started the silent treatment that day. She learned I don't play those games and never had. But she had never taken the time to know me, or my total contentment in being invisible to her, so she is still giving me the silent treatment (19 years and counting) and completely baffled as to why I am so happy and free

[@chrismckell5353]

It sounds like the best revenge or comeback if you prefer is a life well lived.

[@yveeliza]

You absolutely maintained your core self and truth, narcissists hate that! ᥫ᭡

[@chantellucky4565]

You are making the best choice 😀 ! She can remain in her silent treatment till she becomes SILENCE in this life!

[@rebareyes6595]

My narc mom said I had an attitude and behavior. Told her nope, that's the self-confidence you tried and failed to kill. Background - I left at 14. Not much dust was kicked up over it by her.

[@miapdx503]

I used to work with people who had dementia and alzheimers. Their minds were cloudy, but their true nature remains. People who were good natured became more so. People who were negative, manipulative, and unkind became more so. Never judge people who can't or don't want to care for an aging parent. You don't know what that child was put through. I tried to take care of my mother. But she became as abusive as she was when I was young. So toxic, I had to fight a ton of anxiety just to see her. My brother, my only sibling and also abusive to me, called me up cussing about how could I "abandon" that angelic woman. I told him that we didn't have the same mother. He got the best treatment from her. I didn't even know that woman.

[@shanerob681]

They lack self-awareness so I think it’s highly unlikely that they’ll change for the better. Just consider where they are at whatever stage of adulthood they are in and understand that they didn’t suddenly adopt that personality overnight, it’s been years in the making.

[@ramoth777]

Narcissists aren't all that good at being adults. They have childish selfishness and temperaments. Very sad to see and nerve-wracking to deal with!

[@barfrockskin535]

In other words, they are delusional!

[@TheCyberMantis]

The older they get, the worse they get. The sooner you go "no-contact", the better.

[@DrEnglander1999]

My PhD supervisor got worse - more vicious, more malicious, more manipulative - because she realised she would be superceded and eventually replaced by people who were younger and as or more talented than she was, and she couldn't stand that idea.

[@PHlophe]

katie, i am sure she probably resents the fact that the things that took her age to grasp. you came and "owned" it in a shorter amount of time. never accept coffee or even water from her .some younger people are just bright spots and its the fact of life . i work with younger folk all the time that are just talents. But its also my understanding as a male that when a female is particularly talented . The boys will try plant bad seeds , traps , baits everywhere . Keep those eyes peeled because male jealousy is not graphic its sneaky.

[@docmax4556]

University tricky, yes: I try to implement jock willink advice of playing the game. Although these powestruggels may be true, I always try to stay detached cool with it: the zen mode: 1: phd advisor narc -> 2: lots of never ending details -> 3: it’s only a narc… 1: snow is white 2: -> snow is colorful like rainbow, but you provoke to step out of convention to tell it, cause 3: snow is white, but you know better… Cheers 🥂 & push trough

[@AA-cb7dz]

Narcissists don't stop deceiving even when isolated.

[@taxidude]

Being raised by a narcissist, I learned at an early age that everything that went wrong was my fault. Knowing this has not made it easy to shake. The result I'm afraid has been an unfulfilled and isolated life.

[@volcano83]

I have learned that my narcissistic ex has become a foster parent. I’m so sorry 😞

[@ds2348]

@@volcano83 that's all part of his new persona, his act

[@ds2348]

My ex narcissist blamed me for everything and still to this day blames me. My thinking is I cannot be so good at getting things wrong all the time no one can. He wanted me to think that I was unable to think correctly for myself because I would figure all of his crap out if I was able to come out of the confusion.

[@clw7246]

Feel this. Sending you love. ♥️

[@volcano83]

@@ds2348 *her

[@morganavredenburg1546]

When such creatures finally die, no one can experience any emotion other than... relief. As always, thanks for factual insights that strengthen successful function.

[@SallyLovejoy]

I felt like I'd escaped a cult!

[@piratessalyx7871]

I am think their phony like minded narcissistic friends might be there for them

[@ChaNnArD-mD]

Champagne?

[@myinnermagpie]

It’s hard to admit. But when they die the relief can be great. I was sad when my difficult family member passed. But it was replaced by relief.

[@sarabrittlegill9587]

I cried more when my cat died that when my narc mother passed.

[@vipertwenty249]

As they get older it gets more and more important to them that they are the ones in control, but as old age creeps up their area of influence shrinks so the full focus of their abuse falls on fewer people and is thus worse as it is less diluted. I solved the problem I had with one like that by simply walking out and refusing to have any further contact. This not only freed me, but also caused the narcissist in question the most enormous frustration and impotent rage - it was truly splendid to see, immensely satisfying and very helpful to my emotional healing.

[@malwads1836]

Exactly the pool of folks to abuse gets a lot smaller & it turns into a bloodbath practically😱💩💩💩.

[@cattymajiv]

BRAVO! I wish you peace. ❤❤❤

[@fix0the0spade]

As they get older and their looks and abilities start to fade, they become frustrated and begin to lash out more and more at the people they still have some measure of control over.

[@annelouisemaclellan485]

I get satisfaction in the narcissist’s fading looks. They don’t take care of themselves and age terribly and quite fast from my experience. They’ll undergo surgery and procedures yet smoke, do hard drugs, stay up for days at a time, eat like crap, stress out and drink excessively. Not to mention a long history of broken relationships and impulsive sexual behavior.

[@tokyomurillo4443]

So true. They eat and act like they're still teenagers. That doesn't work for most people's bodies and health later in life.

[@annelouisemaclellan485]

@@redfishswimming They use their looks to manipulate and harm others, fading looks means less potential victims. And no, I’m just saying out loud what many of us are thinking

[@annelouisemaclellan485]

@@redfishswimming and I didn’t say demise. You said that. Perhaps you’re an offended disordered person.

[@lisastark1225]

@@annelouisemaclellan485 YEP! He destroyed all the diamonds he encountered and now that his swag is gone he has picked up a rock to marry( #4) and cohabitate with. Shes what I call a "grateful" girl. Thankful to have any attention. Hes nicer looking and APPEARS more financially stable than her other 2 relationships. She's a simpleton and a doormat. It will work out perfectly. I'm not being nasty about her, just brutally honest. She can take care of his nasty self. They did me a favor. She did NOT steal, nor did I lose my "happy ever after". I dodged a bullet and escaped his dark oppressive wake. I feel human again since he chose her. The same dog won't bite me twice. I will never utter a word to him again. Should I see him, I'll act as if he doesn't exist. I have nothing left for him. I have a feeling of indifference. Its very liberating! He's pathetic just like my narcissistic father!!

[@juliebone4929]

That's also a symptoms of childhood abuse to be fair.

[@melaniedawn4256]

I used to volunteer with Hospice. I learned that those who were nasty and angry throughout their lives became more so when dying. Those who had always been known as "good" people were either joyful, calm, or virtually comatose. Regardless, though, they weren't nasty.

[@dana7197]

I've work hospice has well for a number of years. I found this to be true. People die like they live. Bitchers go out bitiching, The stoic go out with calm, narcists go out the worst it seems

[@growingandlearning164]

As an RN this has also been my observation.

[@oklahomaisok]

@@dana7197 Had one relative who was diabetic & had home health come out & give medications. I discovered she had been spitting out some of her pills between her bed & the wall, a couple dozen pills at least. She would pretend to take them when the nurse was there and then spit them out as soon as her back was turned. And also would get sick enough to be hospitalized every single time I had taken vacation time ruining my vacation & rest. I solved that problem by not telling her when I scheduled vacation and would go on a trip & call her after I got there. And she was never sick enough to be hospitalized when I was gone. But She’d be hostile & glaring at me when I returned but at least I was able to get some rest. Got tired of her manipulating her health condition & using her health to control me.

[@JeanetteCampbell-r8t]

When I was 36, my 80-year-old mother apologized to me 7 times, but my past traumas were so suppressed that I didn't have a clue what she was talking about. But I had spent the previous 15 years over 1000 miles away from her. Four years later, 3 year after she died (at 81), I had a break-down, flashbacks, lucid dreams,.... Finally, at age 66, thru much study and pain, I'm just so glad I finally (8 years ago) allowed myself to remember. Now I know why she apologized so profusely, and I'm so glad she did! Now I see closure - that light at the end of the tunnel is getting bigger........

[@dorianmclean6755]

My mother apologized too ... 'Im sorry..i beat your baby brother...With the wrong side of the brush' And how abortion wasn't legal ...why she vehemently hated me... My brother killed himself. I am hardly recovered.

[@katanyajason3316]

My mother changed too in her 80s.

[@jjfloyd618]

That’s impressive that you got an apology, it shows actual personal growth most narcissists seem incapable of. My narcissistic mother who always made grand claims about her amazing memory of course conveniently doesn’t remember any of her past instances of emotional abuse. Also the rare times in life she has apologized was only because she had no defense for her actions, was backed into a corner and forced to blurt out an enraged “I’M SORRY!” Generally followed by an alibi like “but I’m having a really tough time of it” to validate her ignoble behavior.

[@grawakendream8980]

can you share more about the experience and your process pls

[@grawakendream8980]

that sounds like my mom. her apologies are more a way to groom you in for more abuse, if you take the bait. @@jjfloyd618

[@Wendy____]

The mention of a cellphone and the grandkids is spot on. My family narcissist will interrogate the grandchildren when adults aren't around. So now all visits are supervised. So I have to protect myself and my child. It's exhausting, but the consequences of giving in to the schemes would be worse. Stay strong. Out think them. Out live them.

[@emmajones4271]

I realised they were never mean to me in front of others - so just never be alone with them and yes also don’t leave your kids alone with them either

[@robert_nyc]

Spot on, always the secret behavior when no one’s around.

[@lizryan6289]

I reconnected with the narcissist who is 78 years old and a relative when her daughter passed away. I was broken hearted and wanted to help and felt it was the Christian thing to do. However, recently I had to go no contact again due to lies, manipulation, triangulation, and slander. Sad, but this time it is for good.

[@danigolightly799]

I’d like to hear more about the aging covert narc. My mom has always had a victim complex, but as she’s aging it’s just getting worse and worse. When she doesn’t get her way she throws a tantrum like a child. I’m disabled, but when I’m not well I’m met with anger rather than empathy because she’s not getting what she wants from me. It’s fun times.

[@Jepse89]

I think cover narcs are definitely getting worse by aging it’s like they are aging backwards getting back to toddler phase. You just need to emotionally cut yourself from it because there’s no cure nor remedy for narcs they are lost cause. I know from my experience

[@Dale_The_Space_Wizard]

This exactly describes my mother. I do not have an answer to this problem.

[@lynguy8824]

You just gave the review you asked for - they get worse!

[@lynguy8824]

@@Dale_The_Space_Wizard you do have an answer- first understand that you allowing emotional space, non vebally and non combatively stand up for you self. Lastly caring protecting yourself does not mean you do not lover her, rather you are learning to love yourself.

[@christineduffy3113]

Why don't you cut ties with her she is only going to get worse you are disabled so start thinking about yourself you are not your Mother's keeper think about yourself and get out

[@buffster948]

One of the most difficult things I heard from my Mum was "You just don't want children because you're scared of pregnancy." - No, Mum; I don't want children because I don't want to put them through the hell you inflicted on me, and I'm terrified of that toxicity being the best model you ever showed me, poisoning any little innocent soul I might have brought into this world. You don't deserve grandchildren. You'll only parade them around as your evidence that you were a 'good mother'. The cycle stops here. I didn't manage to say that in the moment, of course. It's the only time I ever swore at her. Her other comment to try and pressure me: "But who will look after you in your old age?" - I've had to look after myself as best I can, since I was born. Good luck, Mum. I'll do my duty because you granted me my life, but don't you dare assume I am obliged to, or that I want to care for you. I'll make sure you are safe, but, as a carer, not a daughter. She changed the mirror will 3 weeks before my Dad died (he had a brain tumour, and cancer in a variety of other areas). So she now has complete control of all the money in our family. Gives money as rewards (e.g. 5k to my sister because she got married...she knows I don't want to ever marry, but she won't give me the equivalent; I said I would cover wedding costs on my own if I ever changed my mind). My sister manipulates the situation and pretends she'll be having grandchildren to bribe more money out of the situation. (Almost certainly not true, she's the least maternal person I've ever met, same horrid childhood as mine.) Needless to say, I don't feel like I have a family anymore. I miss my Dad and my brother so much.

[@Zepster77]

God what a strong person you are! You’re a winner…. 🌠❤‍🔥🌠

[@buffster948]

@@Zepster77 That's kind of you. I don't really feel like a winner. But, I'm definitely a fighter, and a survivor. So maybe that's a win. :) I'm too stubborn to let people stop me from trying to be the kindest and best person I can be. It's kinda sad I'll probably never be a Mum, but I absolutely adore being a tutor and supporting children to achieve their full potential, whatever background they have. It brings me some comfort, the same as I received from some of my teachers in those difficult childhood years. I guess I feel I can still leave a legacy, even if it's not a genetic one. Hopefully the world will be a little bit better because of the bits I managed to do. Little ripples in a big ocean...but hopefully worthwhile ones. :) I think the best 'revenge' against pain and torment is to learn how to let it go, and be happy regardless. The world can be very dark, but we can be lights in the darkness. Don't ever let anyone take your beautiful brightness away from you. Stay kind, stay true, learn from the terrible things in this world, keep healing and be brave. Jeez, I sound like a Disney movie trope! But I really do believe that. It keeps me going.

[@buffster948]

@@gregestee9099 Thank you. You too, Greg. :)

[@KevinATJumpWorks]

This is so sad... I feel sorry for you. :( Still, I think that you would be a much better mom. It is your choice and yours only, obviously, but there is potential for change. People have the choice to either become what was done to them or, consciously, decide that they want to be better. I think you are strong enough for the latter. You can be better and give your children all the love that was never given to you... If you decided to have children, of course.

[@buffster948]

@@KevinATJumpWorks Thank you...that is a bittersweet compliment, but a kind compliment nonetheless. I'm still dealing with my ailing mother...if she passes before I become infertile, maybe I will try. I can't really look after her, myself, my job, my partner, AND try and start a family. I just don't really have the energy or time (plus my previous statements about her comments). The terribly sad thing is...she's really not all bad. I guess we might call her a covert, vulnerable narcissist type...she's a bit of a victim to her past, had a very difficult childhood, but doesn't have the space or time now to admit it and go to therapy or learn how to let it go. It's a little late for her now. I really want to ensure she is safe and looked after. I wish my sister would help in a practical sense, but I understand why she doesn't want to. She does call her, check she's okay, help me organise things...but...yeah. It's the 'glamour' stuff (and money/ advantage orientated, most of the time). The day to day, the emergency on-call style help...that's all on me. Because my sister lives abroad, every time she comes home, it's like this magical party and everyone's so delighted...the 'golden child'. So the lass mopping the floors, helping with the garden, looking after the cats...the 'donkey/ scapegoat' type...well. I don't get ever get a 'party' when I'm about. My Mum doesn't even decorate my room at Christmas, when we're at the family home, when she'll decorate my sister's room with all sorts of stuff. I've explained to her that it really hurts me...she just...can't seem to understand it, I think. My Mum isn't unkind...just a bit...unable to understand? Lacking empathy, maybe? Not sure how to put it. She's just trying to love me as best she knows how...but I suppose 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', with my sister. She wants her 'supply' from her other daughter, she wants to look like a 'good Mum'. Obsessed with taking photos of 'happy memories', oblivious to the fake smiles behind the poses. Regardless, I just don't think I could ever abandon her, leave her alone. I know I won't get the credit for it, and it's costing me a lot. But, as I said...she gave me my life, and I have a lot of lovely things in my life, in spite of the terrible bits. Still grateful to be alive.

[@MostafaAminiNasab]

My father destroyed life of himself and the people around him but until he died never took any responsibility for his actions and blamed everyone, even those who were trying to help him but himself. Considered himself a big genius who never was understood but all his life couldn’t have any income and economically was dependent on others and all left was debt. I went in no contact with him since around 14 but still couldn’t fully protect myself from his actions.

[@l.5832]

Ah yes....my mother's 'migraines'. They never occurred on a day she was enjoying like summer trips or Christmas Day, but ALWAYS the following day when there was clean up to do, laundry, unpacking, undecorating.....she would have a raging migraine and take to her bed, 'unable' to help with the work. My mother remained cold and cruel up in to her 90s. I did give her an opportunity 5 days before she died to at least express regret for how she treated me. All I got was the silent treatment, until I changed the subject and she readily rejoined the conversation. The same pattern right til the end....

[@gregestee9099]

Well I'm not alone. I'm in my fifties my mother in her 90s and I just realized I can't remember ever being hugged and kissed.

[@gregestee9099]

😭 this is how I feel. Sorry you probably endured the same sort of abuse.

[@DJ-yj1vg]

That's very sad. Just realise it's not your fault

[@ernestkovach3305]

Lol....Yet so often true .

[@lm3729]

Regret? Lol, sorry hun, NPD’s feel no remorse for what they have done to others. You were waiting for nothing. I am sorry you went through that, but hopefully it made you stronger

[@angelrogers3880]

My dad’s a narcissist. Everything you’ve said in this video describes him perfectly.

[@katydid594]

Mine has switched from being a hair-trigger rage machine to the sad crying victim so as to avoid any accountability. It's crazy-making as they are only like this with me.

[@garmarrod]

demonic

[@shamekabenjamin8010]

Relatable!!!!

[@katharineharrison9091]

Oh I know! They can’t have empathy for anyone but expect dump trucks of it from anyone

[@jeanward2954]

I understand. I was the only victim of my daughter for 52 yrs .

[@daisyflossy]

If i try to assert any boundaries i get both. The anger rage crying at the same time.

[@TheInaa9]

This sums up my mother exactly. And the worst part is she lives with me. And I can't abandon her as she's my mother and we are brought up with that mentality that kids serve their parents. But she makes my life miserable. If you have a video on how to deal with such a person, that would be great.

[@tinamarie8061]

It’s sad that you believe this. Therapy would really help

[@deepviolet7982]

They get worse...MUCH worse!!

[@Nickabod79]

Your comments about the way narcissists behave around grandchildren, how they try to posistion kids agains their parents are the exact reason why I haven't been able to let my mom back in after having my daughter 6 years ago. I have judged myself harshly for not letting her meet my daughter, not reconciling, but I know more likely than not it would end terribly.

[@MattyNelson-rs3ik]

Yes she would put that demon on her granddaughter, essentially passing it on..it is a fowl spirit.

[@katherineg9396]

Why would you judge yourself harshly for keeping you daughter away from your mother? You should be proud of yourself, and see yourself as a strong person and an excellent, protective mother. I am very proud of you! Just because your daughter was born, that does not make a narcissist change. You are showing your love for your daughter. Show love for yourself and don't let your mother hurt you either. Best wishes to you and your daughter!

[@lacecurtainirish]

Especially after the death of my codependent mother, my father’s behavior worsened. While he was failing physically, he was doubling down on his covert manipulation of anyone in his reach. It was awful. I went no contact with the remaining family after I settled his estate. I would consider some level of contact if they reached out to me with some awareness of their roles in the family’s dysfunction, but I don’t foresee that happening. As the scapegoat, it’s much easier for them to blame me for everything rather than practice some self reflection. Two years later, I am at peace and healing. I did the best I could do.

[@ShineNoelA]

You are not alone in this my friend.I can relate.

[@laurasmentek1395]

My codependent mother died recently. Now my brother and I are having to navigate my father and I had gone with hardly any contact with him for years. He is failing physically and refuses assisted living or caregivers and is increasing In manipulation. I have now totally gone no contact as I had spent most my childhood and teen years being the scapegoat. He wants me to replace my mother. This has been one of the hardest things I have had to walk through. This is the first… video I have seen that addresses narcissism in old age or have heard other people’s experiences that are similar to what I am going through now.

[@sandraschultz3104]

I’m taking your story as my warning. It sounds very similar. Strength to you❤️

[@kevinowens6010]

Codependent? I don't use that word for it absolutely means nothing. Indoctrination is what Inner species predator Narcs use. If I was Codependent I would never have ever been married three times to Narcs. Narcs don't come with a warning label. If they told the truth that they were a Manipulative puke POS that will do anything to you including murder A so called codependent person would RUN! So I don't use that discription. Why? Most Narcs pack around a Demon. A true Dipping in die splashing around like a turd. Narcs has no soul. It can't love. So that inner species predator has a empty hole. A entity that is more evil takes that place. That Narc is now powered up. That Narc may be able to do some real F++k _up things and get away with it even when all the evidence points right back to ground zero the Narc. We don't know when they say Hello to us. Again that is not Codependent. Some of these Narcs get Educated and start Trends as Doctors. Write a few books get the big name. A Gaslighting move to ease in favor of themselves. Trauma bond is another word that is a lie. Spell is more like it. For nothing in this world can do deep penetration to your inner most soul and bones than what a Narc can do. A Narc effects your physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual self for life. They do it for Shits and giggles. That my friend has nothing whatsoever to do with the word codependent. We were Targets of opportunities by a inner species predator from family to hooking up with Narcs in adulthood. Indoctrination has to be destroyed. A psychic change. God removed the spells some years ago. Awarness replaced and I hunt them for the Man up stares. I don't normally commit, but helping others to understand so they don't get stuck with words and meanings that hold us back. Have a great night and remember most Channels that deal with Narcs are Narcs. Some not. I suggest playbook and learning it. To make it simple. When dealing with the dead you will notice they all have the same playbook. Like they all graduated from the same university. That means they share a Entity. So Spells casted.

[@WellnessatWorknz]

Lived under the control of narcissists in my developmental years. It took decades to recover and this recovery led me to spend nearly 3 decades now working with abuse survivors. This work has shown a very large proportion have a had contact with narcissists. This a fabulous outline of the damage, techniques and methodologies used by this damaged and destructive psychological group of people on those around them. A must watch in my opinion for any one who has been damaged by, or is trying to extricate themselves from, a narcist relationship. Great work Darren.

[@avalondreaming1433]

My mother grew worse. She was a covert narcissist and to the public she was a wonderful saintly person. After she developed a brain tumor she totally lost her filter and said whatever she thought. Screaming at strangers rather than only screaming at family. I remember a nurse asking me with great pity if she always treated me like that. I sadly answered yes.

[@martinmajewski27]

My mother pretended for 8 years that she had a brain tumor, just to manipulate me more easily. Even when exposed within the family, she acts as if nothing happened- it's terrifying. They have no shame, believing everything is forgivable, never feeling accountable for their actions

[@map3384]

My mother in-law was also a covert narcissist. She married my father in-law as a last ditch effort to get married and she hated him so. She slept in a separate room from him. Had a dead bolt put on her door to keep him out. People thought she was such a wonderful person. She could surely put in the act. An absolute miserable human being. In reality she treated my wife like a possession. Mean and manipulative. When she got Alzheimer’s the restraint she held back was gone. She envied my daughters because they took more of my wife’s attention. She said and did mean things to them that we kept them apart. She’s dead now. She didn’t go quietly into that night. She got pneumonia at 88 and fought it for four days before dying. It was like the devil was waiting at the door for her and she was trying not to be pulled in.

[@fortis6258]

She is probably in torment in hell suffering, I really want to believe these so called people end up there. I despise my mother, wish I never knew her and won't grieve when she is gone, her sisters are awful too.

[@avalondreaming1433]

@@fortis6258 That's a horrible thing to say. I don't wish hell on my mother. I don't hate her, I just don't like her.

[@grawakendream8980]

she became her true self sounds like

[@n8wzdm562]

This is spot on. My narc mother did soften as she got older and we were starting to get to know each other. I think she saw how alone she’d gotten. However because she saw herself as above a mere mortal and invulnerable she refused to see doctors and was rushed to the hospital with undiagnosed late stage cancer, where she died suddenly. I think this is exactly how she wanted the end to come, swiftly with no time to reflect and take accountability for all the damage she had done. It was a perfect solution to the messy process of aging, which she despised. In the end she left exactly on her terms, with predictable wreckage in her wake.

[@akeemjack8042]

Sorry

[@joecheffo5942]

Hopefully others can learn from these difficult stories.

[@terryauer2518]

Jeez

[@cb9825]

How old was she? The commenters here usually write about their narc parents living 80+ and 90+ years😬I am afraid of 20 more years of fighting off my mother's attempts for manipulations and her anger outbursts. I live several hours away, but she knows where exactly. her possible arrival and screaming fits are not what I want to deal with.

[@AnnaBananana93]

@@cb9825 honestly if my narc MIL is living til 90, me and my husband don’t have a chance in hell.

[@helenenorman3598]

My narcissitic Mother is only getting worse. She's now 80 and just last week I told her that she's No longer welcome in My House. 🙏

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Go 100% No Contact…..save yourself

[@czb-rf3qi]

Amazing how you nailed the constellation of my father's behaviors. He's gone 25 years, and you really hit a nerve in me.

[@Twinklez63]

Malignant narcissists go over the top with bad behaviors as they age. Simply insane

[@gigidayz6936]

Truth

[@zenbuddha5947]

I also call my narcissist insane. Because this is true!

[@MattyNelson-rs3ik]

I have to watch myself sometimes I exhibit that behavior, praying about it,mostly complaining about stuff,like in a store or restaurant .

[@huntncover]

@@MattyNelson-rs3ik Sometimes complaints are legitimate . We are surrounded by criminals and selfish assholes . Your just reacting to your surroundings .

[@huntncover]

This whole world is filled with mostly insane people . If you are one of the few sane ones , it's hard to function in such a dysfunctional environment . And this craziness is getting worse every day . Case in point - watch how people drive , shop , dress , look how loud them and their families are in public , etc . The circus used to come to town once a year . Now it lives here permanently . And now other countries are sending us their " performers " too . Send in the clowns .

[@KiltedDaddyBear]

My narcissist mother merely grew ever more certain she was always correct, and therefore more in control. Not with me as I walked away from her - and her flying monkeys. And this belief of entitlement grew to massive lengths when she last sibling died, and now - she was 'the oldest in the family'. Despite the irrational use of things to reward and punish, she believed she was going to get this or that from me as this was her due in the status of being the oldest. She tried to break up my relationship, and even still her flying monkeys were better than me, and certainly more entitled. Quite frankly - the package deal being now pushed was I for clean-up, and nothing as next of kin. Pay the costs, and stand back for her flying monkeys. Ah - no thanks mother. So yes, my narcissist mother only increased in the behavior. Like most narcissists - logic, fairness and just stating the truth of what I was going due if this package continued changed nothing. And, as told for over a year, I walked away to have no further time for her - and her flying monkeys.

[@happycat0411]

Did you ever notice that as their narcissism got larger and larger that their tolerance to shame got lower and lower? I did notice that with pretty much all the members of my family I grew up in. Narcissism is the direct result of poor parenting as my our mother and father were both immigrants from China with and had attained a grade 5 or 6 elementary education at best thus both our parents knew little to nothing about parenting whatsoever.

[@karlabritfeld7104]

My narcissist mother just got worse with age. Mean and nasty, selfish and always playing the victim. I went no contact for the last 3 years before my mom died and those were my freest years. I wished that I had gone no contact decades before then.

[@zenbuddha5947]

Mine is the same

[@charlottesadventures1770]

Me too

[@allytrudie864]

The only reason a narc might mellow with age is that they realize they need you to help care for them as they age. They’ve already had hints their life is in its twilight years.

[@doctorstreamspunk9996]

In her declining years our mother has an increasingly difficult time maintaining her self esteem. She sometimes calls me late at night to coerce me into agreement about what a wonderful mother she's been. It's difficult to be both diplomatic and honest while she grills me and rewrites history. I do pity her, and it pains me to see her suffer, but I refuse to get drawn back into her lifelong vortex of lies. As I tell my younger sister: The only way to win mom's game is not to play.

[@thegreencat9947]

When I was in my late 20s ( I am 74 now) dad was retiring and mom wanted to borrow a long dress from me. 3 styles to choose from...but she choose my newest and most favorite one. When I came to retrieve the dress...my mom said " I looked better in it than you...I have bigger breasts". Well, it became so clear...I almost laughed in her face. . .Ignore the false words.👍🏼😁

[@itssmiller3803]

You should tell her what you just told us. Seriously. Some people just need them truth bombs so they can fix their stuff in this lifetime and not wait another

[@SCOTTEDM]

That last part is the absolute truth!

[@mikethebeginner]

That was my (Ph.D. psychologist) younger brother’s advice about our narcissistic father: “Don’t engage.” Whenever he was trying to rope you back in, he had all sorts of tricks to get you to engage. The best defense was simply not to let it happen. Fortunately my only contact with him for the last 25 years of his life was by email, so it was relatively easy to not engage: I would just stop responding. I was very explicit about the rules: if he got abusive, I would cut him off for a while by blocking him. He knew that would happen. I also kept him in line by sending him money from time to time. He knew that bad behavior would temporarily stop the funds from flowing, and that helped keep his spells of rage tamped down. One bad episode late in his life was when I tried to forgive him. I worked very hard on the email to make it inoffensive to him, even going over it with my brother and with my shrink. Of course I failed to see the obvious affront, which is that I was assuming he had anything to be forgiven FOR. So his reply to me started off with “FUCK YOU!!!” in giant letters, followed by a very angry rant about what a wonderful father he had been, what a piece of shit I had been, how dare I say otherwise, etc. The rant was interesting-it was basically a portrait of the fantasy he had constructed for himself, in which all of his bad acts were minimized and justified, all blame was laid at the feet of others, and his good deeds were emphasized and exaggerated. It created a very twisted portrait, but it was at least interesting to see it revealed.

[@demigaines5644]

Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This. I Was Emotionally Abused by An Overt Malignant Narcissists This Person Destroyed My Life He Is 62 His Abuse Has Gotten Worse He Destroyed Me Through Months And Years Of The Silent Treatment.I Honestly Believe That Narcissistic ppl Get Worse As They Age

[@jazminclaudette777]

I was married to a narcissist man for 37 years of pure despicable lies to others who don't see how he really is at home,I'm now separated from him and free from the emotional mental cruelty,I thought I would die living with him, I saw a hole to escape and I took it,I'm healing ,but it's like a raw wound inside your total body,it takes YEARS to heal little steps at a time,it's little things around m

[@demigaines5644]

@@jazminclaudette777 THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SHARING THIS 🙏 I understand How You Feel Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal. My Life Was Destroyed Through The Silent Treatment.I Was Discarded Like Garbage In June. I Have So Much Sadness.The Only. Comfort I Feel Is Isolation .Narcissistic Abuse Is a Crime

[@dimondsjewls4236]

PLEASE know that you have much more LIVING to do, your LIFE is not OVER, it's just BEGINNING!!!!

[@sheree2985]

My narcissist mother is aging poorly. The years of her not caring about her health have caught up to her. I unfortunately still live in the same house as her due to current circumstances, so I get to witness her everyday mood swings. I don't think that they get less narcissistic as they get older. Her abusive patterns have lessened, I will say. Where she used to before take her abuse out on me outwardly, she is more quiet. She instead broods and gives cutting glances when I walk past her. Her emotions/vibe permeates through the whole house and I can feel it even though my bedroom is all the way on the other end from hers. She of course still switches it up to sweet when I can provide something for her, like around my pay day. As her health is failing, she uses that as an excuse to be a slob and expects me to clean up after her. Even though she is not as verbally abusive, I can still feel her hatred for me seething underneath. She uses her messes, making mess as a way to triangulate and abuse me. Sometimes she will still say the cutting remark. She will discount my experiences and memories, say they did not happen. I could go on. My point is that I don't think she has become less narcissistic. She has maybe become more covert now that she doesn't have the energy to walk around and berate me. She has less financial power, and depends on myself mainly but also my brother for her food, a roof over her head... I think ahe is well aware that we could leave her at any moment, and she would be fucked in her current physical state, so she has tampered the abuse down. She is seething and hateful for the failure that has been her life. They don't get less narcissistic. They get tired and out of shape, dependent on the ones they victimized. They get scared because they know they would have nothing if we left.

[@rozdoyle8872]

Yes they very much know when they are dependant, especially females , I went to see an old neighbor last week who is now in a nursing home and she is really angry about her wasted life , she had to care for younger siblings when her mother died and then married a helpless man , no kids , lots of money and property, spent her life looking down on people while pretending extreme kindness ( why I sold my house and left ) I needed to heal my time at her mercy so going back in a healed frame of mind showed me why I was in such turmoil while I lived there , They don't prepare or live through life stages , little angry children in adult bodies. Very Sad stuff , Be very kind to yourself and know that you are valuable despite cranky surroundings.

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

Take me at my word: They will not change. I saw it firsthand. My now deceased narcissistic father was still the same right up to the end of his life. Here's an example: If you include my military time, college, and living in Tennessee, I was gone almost 30 years. He never contacted me once, not even a message through my mother. Despite that, I was supposed to spend time with him when I relocated back home for nearly 5 years and would try to manipulate and guilt trip me into doing so. They don't change.

[@drea4195]

I have a theory that as narcissistic women age and lose their beauty, they become more and more openly angry, and hostile. They can no longer rely on their looks or sex appeal to manipulate and take advantage of others, and their response is to increasingly act out their inner rage in public. It doesn't help them that this is also a time of life when hormonal changes are occurring due ot menopause -- narcissists get the double whammy of mood swings here. This is my theory on the origin of what we now call the "Karen". (Men do this too, to some extent. Male Karens do exist also, we might call them Chads, Kevins, etc. )

[@toryworldmusic]

These same women can be quite lecherous in addition to this haughtiness as well.... Thus "cougars" and all that other interesting stuff on Pornhub... I hear.

[@user-zf3mb2rh9n]

Before I even finished reading I was gunna say Karen

[@Cactina]

I can see the logic in this, but it isn't always the case. My mother is a copybook narcissist in every way but she doesn't display this trait. (small mercies!)

[@snail415]

I’ve always regarded Karens as women who can’t accept that they will never, ever be a man. But I’ll give your perspective some thought. 😂👍🏼

[@cassiebennet4262]

Your theory is aging like a fine wine!

[@oravandroogenbroeck3234]

My ex husband is a narc. He is now a lonely old man, no friends, our children have either no or the minimum contact due to the fact that he is feeling very sorry for himself, complaining constantly or still try to prescribe how they should live. He has no contact with his grandchildren. He doesn't reach out and they do not really know him due to him being so difficult.

[@genevieve1300]

When my narcissistic mother realized that no amount of bribes or emotional trickery was going to get me to comply with what she wanted, she disinherited me and my children. When I left she turned her attention onto my older sister who only put up with it for about 10 years. She was also disinherited, as were her children. In the end only one brother remained and she promised to leave him everything if he would live with her and keep her company, which he did until she died.

[@laurasmentek1395]

Oh my gosh… I am going through this with my father now. This is the first video I have come across in dealing with this in his old age. It’s been a nightmare. My co dependent mother died earlier this year. I fully expect to be disinherited because I won’t be controlled and manipulated.

[@Jimaarni]

I have had to deal with several narcissists within my own family. One is my mother and the others are my two older brothers. All my life I have lived through hearing "good" each one of them are, and "how much" they have achieved. As I got older (I am now 60) I have had to cut them out of my life and I noticed their excuses and reasons for their current state was because of me?!?!? Cutting my brothers off was anywhere near as painful as cutting my mother off. But i realised she was very manipulative and controlling. She stated so many times that she will give all of her things to the one child that looks after her.....and would use that as a threat all the time!!

[@LordTechnopants]

I had a friend who was becoming more and more narcissistic. I began a relationship with his sister, 30 years ago that is still the best thing I ever did and he literally left our lives as he couldn't take the choice I had made. He later moved to a different town and my partner has met him again several times now as her Mum lives there too. He's worse now. I made the right decision, we are still happy after 3 decades and we laugh every day.

[@motivationmonster]

My narc Mother has driven everyone away - Her kids to opposite sides of the globe. Now through discovery of resources such as this channel, I have been able to wrest control back after decades of abuse. Starting with grey-rock, then limiting exposure to her behaviour through vastly limiting contact. She now has no contact with her grandchildren and is largely alone with no one that will care enough (or be daft enough) to do her bidding. She has used veiled threats and the coercion of money gifts to gain her way in the past and has repeatedly abused the time of the emergency services as a surrogate for the love and attention she has thrown away. There is no money in the world that would bring us back into her toxic reach.

[@xander7ful]

My parents were both narcissists & they both got worse. I thought they would mellow with age, but they did not. It gets more severe & intense.

[@PraiseworthyNobleman]

Strange, narcissists never married one another for long term relationshio

[@no1ladyj69]

@@PraiseworthyNoblemanthey do just one is more co dependent/insecure than the other

[@PhysicsTom2004]

@@no1ladyj69 Both my parents were, my father was the dominant one. Sadly, same with my wife, both parents are but I suspect her mother is the dominant one, winding up the father to fire on all and sundry!

[@yameenulhaq280]

I had a narcissistic friend... Although we were not close but whenever we met he used to insult me subliminally and prove his superiority over me...Also he completely lacked empathy.. One day when our neighbours young son died he was very surprised that his father was crying.. Telling me that there was no need to cry... Gradually i realised that associating with him was not good for my mental health and now avoid him

[@xxxx-qo9dh]

I found the best way to deal with a narcissist is to completely ignore them, pretend they are not there, look past or right through them, don’t respond to messages, letters, phone calls, just don’t. They can’t handle being ignored.

[@margaretdeluca9032]

You nailed it. The best revenge against my narc brother inlaw was to pretend he wasn't there. Really unnerved him because his ego can't handle being invisible.

[@xxxx-qo9dh]

@@margaretdeluca9032 exactly! 😀

[@Sammysapphira]

​@margaretdeluca9032 pretty sure you would feel the same with similar treatment and would call someone who "ghosts" a "narc"

[@Dalabombana]

@@Sammysapphiraabsolutely, it’s horrible treatment. If a person was really that narcissistic as in diagnosed, and threatening to me, I just wouldn’t see them, no contact, set boundaries. To ignore someone in our presence for perceived slights is childish, arrogant and passive aggressive. It’s not the healthy behaviour of someone is is self reflective or wise.

[@richard112360]

Yep, so true, ignore the narc.

[@FilipRanogajec]

I find this very helpful. I'm going to enjoy seeing some horrible people getting into that desperation they put others into, and the best part is I won't have to do a thing. I don't take joy in pain and/or suffering, but some people really deserve it, and in this instance just to see how they made others feel. Someone can't treat others like trash or their slaves and then expect them to be compassionate towards them. That's not how it works, dear world. That's not how it works.

[@ramoth777]

Amen, Filip!

[@FilipRanogajec]

@@ramoth777, thanks, Joseph. 👍

[@FilipRanogajec]

@Maria R., I'm really sorry to hear that. My now-deceased grandpa from my father's side didn't need any surgery or aiding instruments, but he was increasingly stubborn in the final years of his life. I don't know why some people just have to be that way, but they do, and there's nothing we can do about it.

[@Jepse89]

Same here. Waiting for some karma to work it’s magic. Abuse they put others through is horrendous

[@FilipRanogajec]

@@Jepse89, they'll get what's coming to them, one way or the other.

[@MarthaHenry1]

For the past couple of years, my whole life did not make much sense. I know more than I want to know about narcissism and borderline personality disorder. My husband was diagnosed with it, but I did not know the full impact of what that meant until...The love of my life, the only man I have ever loved and been married to for 38 years, decided he wanted to date while married. He went online and started dating up a storm without my consent or knowledge. That old Knucklehead does not even "have it like that" in the love department if you know what I mean. Well, to make a long story short and sweet, he moved in with one of the side-chicks in Georgia and I am here in California living my life like it is Golden. Every day, I wake up and ask myself, "Martha, what wonderful thing will you do for yourself today?" God has let me know I don't have to understand all the foolishness and "carrying on" that happens in this earthly realm. Just keep moving, so I am moving my mind and body to a higher realm of joy daily walking with GirlTrek as a crew leader.

[@Dbb27]

I hope you have filed for divorce. He has a lot of legal control if you have not. Best day of my life was getting my divorce final.

[@MarthaHenry1]

@@Dbb27 Done!

[@cryptoslacker-464]

Glad you are in a happy place :)

[@gilbertranch1906]

Martha, good for you. How wonderful to be FREE of that narc husband. Let his side chick take care of him in his old age. Now you can peacefully enjoy your garden and/or anything else that suits your fancy. BRAVO!

[@MarthaHenry1]

@@gilbertranch1906 Thank you so much for the encouragement. Happy Holidays to you, thank you again.

[@iaaeottg21]

Thanks for the video! I believe for the most part, is that most narcissists actually get worse as they age. They have become immune to abusing others and now set in their ways.

[@kateh2354]

My older sister is almost 60yr old and she is still going strong as an evil, lying narcissist. If you are holding out hope that someone in their 20's is going to change -- don't. Just leave now! Deal with the pain of walking away from them now because they will only hurt you in so many ways and they will never have remorse. I love my sister, but I can't have any contact with her because of her twisted manipulative behavior and lies that she tells to me and others. Please get away from the narcissist in your life because they don't change. It really is a hopeless and painful relationship. They will tell you whatever they think you want to hear to keep drawing you back into their web --- don't fall for it. It's all lies and insincerity. As soon as you are talking with them again they will go back to their wickedness.

[@Grandassets]

sometimes if they see they are coming to the end with their manipulation of you they will move on to a new victim, the best easy outcome is when they move on them self, for some reason something in our personality draws them to us like they see an easy target, over and over in my life they keep showing up, almost all of my relationships and one or two I called friends, you never know till you are in deep :(

[@user-zf3mb2rh9n]

@@Grandassetsit’s scary how these demons have timing even when you in church they come after the best people just to try to destroy them. Maybe opposite attract

[@israeldavid3553]

My late Dad's family and my Mum's family are both generational narcissists and are very wicked to the core. I cut myself off from the whole entire family and am living in peace, joy, love and harmony.

[@MattyNelson-rs3ik]

Wow!!

[@unbekannterinterpret]

its crazy when you have that treat in a whole family or even both. and specialy when you slowly realizing it and it turns out that nearlyeverybody has this problem...even myself, but somehow im able to see it

[@whatasmartpuppy]

Imagine how horrible it must be to be one of these people. No love; no caring; no connection. Just bitterness, anger, yearning, and nastiness year after endless year, eating at you like a slow cancer. Affecting everyone you touch with your poison and being incapable of figuring out why 😞 Heartbreaking for everyone involved (and yes, my husband is one and I watch him struggle and self sabotage every day)

[@RobertFlynn-i4h]

They aren't sad they love themselves, and never wrong, Donald Trump

[@whatasmartpuppy]

Okay. Donald has a lot more wrong with him than just narcissism. Total bowl of crazy right there! If you look at his life growing up though, you can see how he was unloved and basically told he was nothing by his father. He may have suppressed that hurt, but you can hear it when he talks himself up all the time. ME! I'M GREAT! The unsaid word here is "daddy". See, I'm great, Daddy. See!@@RobertFlynn-i4h

[@yonadavkenyon7836]

My father was a violent malignant narcissist. He flew into rages constantly. My mother and I were the primary focus of his abuse. He did monstrous things to me. I had 2 older sisters and two younger sisters. He didn't abuse them. I stay away from them, because they all exhibit his tendency to narcissistic rage, and I frequently feel like they are frustrated that they can't beat me the way he did. I've been to a lot of counseling. I feel like I have a lot of rage in me and I'm afraid that I'm the same as he was. I study narcissism a lot. I check some of the boxes and it's like a knife through my heart. People have told me that I'm NPD, just like my father. I'm always compared to my father. I've never beaten anyone, though. I don't fly into rages. I really don't understand why people see my father when they look at me. I feel anger for sure. But I've never been prone to rages. I've asked counselors if they think I have NPD, and they say that they don't think so. But I don't know what to believe.

[@georgejohnson1498]

I was estranged from both my parents when they died. My mother for seventeen years, and my father for fifteen. Both were extreme narcissists and both married multiple times. My father five times and my mother three, including the last being years younger than me as her elder son! In reality she lied about her age, and as she grew old her toy-boy husband started an affair with someone his own age. My father married a very strong woman not long before being diagnosed with terminal cancer. When I learned of their deaths, called to the office at work, I surprised my employer by being relieved that their cruelty would cease. My father wanted me to go to his funeral to disguise the degree of our breech, so I went to the pub instead, and my mother did everything in her power, so her few friends and toy-boy husband would not know she had children ... I went to hers so that she would be exposed as a liar. The shock was considerable, and was surprising how conciliatory her husband and few friends actually were when they learned the truth even at the funeral. Both got their just rewards for being horrible into their sixties. I cannot for the life of me think why either thought they were admirable and wise people. Both had a certain considerable level of apparent intelligence. In other words in some ways they were both clever. Both were good at their jobs in many ways, though both would run off the rails long before retirement. But cleverness is not the same as wisdom, which essentially grows with age by learning from mistakes - only rarely is it innate. Both maintained that they had never made a mistake in their lives. I told both that their biggest mistake was not being sterilised before getting married, as they deserved each other, but their children did not either of them. Sincerely, George

[@shaneerasmus2591]

Biggest mistake not being sterilised 😂

[@trustmemysonisadoctor8479]

I am sorry for what you went through, I do hope things are better for you now.

[@Jepse89]

Wish you well

[@mandymckeown8625]

Well said ❤

[@georgejohnson1498]

@@mandymckeown8625 I have realised something in the last few days. The happiest days of my life were always when I had the responsibility of caring for a dog, or several. It struck me this weekend as I was house sitting for someone in a rural cottage set in ten acres with my little Patterdale Terrier, that a dog beside itself with joy infects her carer more than anything else in life. Dogs are the best, I never knew a dog to go in for emotional blackmail, or psychological bullying. Their devotion is unconditional beyond that you are fair and kindly. They don't mind doing what they are told, when this is necessary - essentially for their own safety or perhaps so that they don't inflict their affection on strangers, which Lu does not in any case as she has that typical Terrier stand-offishness. She had free rein this weekend, and rewarded me by having prefect recall in spite of many temptations to got rat hunting or whatever fun she was having at the time. I think these were the happiest days of my life or at least for fifty years. When a real blessing occurs to you, you are so grateful and old enough to relish it for what it is. I was given the little Terrier for her own sake, and she has bloomed into the happiest dog I ever knew. Thank you for your reply. Best wishes from George

[@debbie5876]

I just recently realized after 60 plus years that my mother is a narcissist. Looking back I see all the red flags. Everything was always someone else's fault. If she burned the toast or broke something, I can still hear her saying, "Look what you made me do." She would throw temper tantrums and scream at us children. Currently, My great nephew (her great grandson) is at her call 24/7, from demanding he bring her a glass of milk or help her cut down the trees, on and on. The nephew is specifically named in the will so he will have money to go to college, however, there are other grandchildren who don't live close by who are only listed as "the girls" and maybe get 1/16th of what the nephew gets. I have to say whatever he gets in the will, he deserves because he puts up with her; however, she buys him anything he wants. She will throw a temper tantrum for some minor thing and yell at us but if we defend ourselves, she tells everyone we are mean to her and she will not speak to us for weeks. She brings up instances that happened 10 years ago when she gets mad. As she has gotten older, she mostly complains about everything. After the children cook all day, the only thing she can say is, "Why didn't you fix this or fix that to go with the meal. She never accepts positive criticism. I could go on and on. I can't believe I didn't see she was a narcissist until recently. Basically, mom is in her late 80s and at this point, we all just put up with her because she is our mother. I tell my children if I ever act like my mother, please tell me because I do not want to put my family through living with a narcissist.

[@Kingcarparpeggio]

Trouble is if you were like your mother and your family told you it wouldn’t make any difference. You’re fine, I always say as long as you can see your own faults you’ve got a good shot and changing your ways. Narcissists have no chance.

[@deverene8]

My biggest fear is becoming my narcissistic mother but I purposely didn’t call my kids stupid or deflate them with constant put downs or repeat the story over & over of how my grandmother said “get rid of it” referring to me finding out mom was pregnant, she wanted to make sure I knew this well. I didn’t turn out so well but my kids did! Only because I didn’t in any way want to be like her or treat any human being like she treated me. You described her to a tea. I was the oldest of 6 and I remember spending every waking hour outside just to escape her mouth. I only came home when it got dark or hear her loud yells for me to come home, and always with a knot in my tummy. I didn’t realize she was narcissistic till I was in my 60’s! Thank you!

[@scottbracken1284]

I lost my entire family by the time I was in grammar school to a charismatic adopted dad. who needed a scapegoat and I was it. my entire family bought in to it completely. I was the timid kid in school who wouldn't do anything and try to disappear. I escaped when I was 14. I had to endure multiple incarcerations, Juvenile Hall, foster homes and institutions before I could finally get free, and even then, that was because I was drafted into the Vietnam war. Fortunately, after my discharge, I met my wife one afternoon, and within 22 hours we were married. We got to enjoy a 42 year loving marriage till cancer took her away from me.. Don't give up. Keep trying. It can be worth it, it was for me

[@SovereignKing]

This made me tear up, thank you for sharing and giving hope to the rest of us 🙏🏽

[@LisasPeaceOfArt]

I love hearing this. I can never get back at my nex, but knowing how absolutely miserable he is every single day for the rest of his life just warms my heart. Thank you for sharing!!

[@corrie777]

In the book; 'That is just the way i am!' is been told, when the narcissist ages, he will be worse and worse and worse.... Also Lundy Bancroft says in his book; 'Why does he do that.' That only 5 of 2000 a little bit changed, all the others stayed angry and controlling to the very end....

[@daynapeterson9033]

My narc mom was cold and emotionally distant while I was growing up. Never could go to her for support ever. Never said I Love You to her own kids. Now that she's old and alone, she walks us to the car and says I Love You. The most repulsive feeling ever. I literally want to puke.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

She probably says it cos she needs to hear it back!! I get your reaction, completely understandable. 👍

[@susanjohnson8290]

Yes, my mother is losing her mind….and this is the nicest she has ever been to me

[@daynapeterson9033]

@@susanjohnson8290 usually their baseline personality shows up. Hmmm. They don't normally get nicer. Bet that's a weird feeling.

[@sagebay2803]

Oh man. I would feel repulsed too. Your post makes me am glad I stayed away. Thanks for sharing.

[@JENNerationX]

If my mom was that way - it would be no contact for her - I have a narc but thank God it’s not in my family.

[@daedalusjones4228]

My father died every bit the monster that he had been all of my life. An unbelievable control freak, he liked to tell people when to stand up, when to sit down, when to speak, when to shut up... And one of his tactics was that he demanded that you never leave HIS SIGHT. He wanted to maintain visual surveillance over you at all times, plus he simply refused to be alone, at all. My mother was his #1 victim for all her life. They got married when he was 17 and she was 16, or something like that. (She couldn't have a drink on her wedding night.) When they were in their 80s, they lived in a two-room apartment: a livingroom and a bedroom. My mom slept in the bedroom, and he slept in a chair in the livingroom. This had been the case for years. But near the end, he demanded that my mother stay in the same room with him AT ALL TIMES. He demanded that she not sleep in her bed, in the other room, but rather that she sleep in the livingroom -- in the other chair. Any time you leave the room, he'll start screaming, shrieking, bellowing. Like an infant that you just left alone for a moment. (This was not just in the end; this had been going on for decades.) Anyway, in the end, my mother comes out of her bedroom one day, and he has all his oxycodone pills all out of the container, and lined up on the arm of his chair. He tells my mother that he is going to swallow all of these pills, and kill himself -- BUT, he says, BEFORE HE DIES, he's going to post a message on the internet that my mother murdered him. He would say that she put all those pills in his coffee or something. This was so that she could not leave the room. The idea was, "If you leave the room, I'm gonna swallow all these pills, and frame you for murder." NOTE: Side note. Right now, Donald Trump is on trial in NYC. Trump is VERY, VERY much like my father. There are no cameras allowed in the courtroom, but reporters keep saying that Trump keeps FALLING ASLEEP during his trial. I can tell you: He is not falling asleep. MY FATHER USED TO DO THE SAME THING: he went through a long phase where, at the dinner table, if someone else began to speak, or the topic of conversation turned to anything other than HIM, he would just shamelessly, totally transparently PRETEND to fall asleep right in front of you. I mean, a minute ago, he was wide awake. But you begin speaking, and in two minutes, he will pretend to fall asleep -- WHILE YOU'RE SPEAKING TO HIM. At the dinner table. It's a way of saying "I want you to know that I don't have the slightest interest in what you're saying." In Trump's case: "This is boring to me. You people are boring." In the courtroom.