Dating in the LDS Church: Answering YOUR questions!

[@dudley1]

One thing I’ve thought about is divorce. Even as a high schooler since my parents divorced I’m scared I might get a divorce. But there’s faith in that. What Cam said at around 14:10 is an answer to prayer.

[@vendingdudes]

Indeed. Praying for my daughter. Temple marriage right after her mission. Find out later some "really bad" character flaws and behaviors about her husband. Like, really bad. Divorce being finalized after less than a year together. It's devastating to watch. The grief, the fear. She's getting close to where she can move on. Hopefully she'll really believe she really can find another and move on

[@jilldowding-walker8066]

​@vendingdudes So sorry. It is very painful for both families.

[@TroySchoonover]

Your good intentions are clear, but I am very wary of allowing a permissive attitude to replace the standard of obedience. Repentance is not license. I still want my children to try. Mistakes are mistakes because we’re trying. I make it clear to my children that I made mistakes and so will they, and I will be here for them when they make mistakes, and that repentance and the Atonement allows them a way forward. However, this is never expressed in a manner that allows them to do whatever they want from the get go.

[@TBIhope]

The perfect age to get married depends on your maturity and the understanding you have of marriage. Get married when you fall in love and God says you're ready (not that God forces love, just that God will tell you if you need to grow up some more). I hope that makes sense. ❤ I'm getting married in a month!!

[@SabrinaMeShell]

Congrats and blessings!

[@colinhenderson9656]

Well, I don't think any mortal is ready for marriage. Its always a leap of faith. Kinda like elder holland said, the very nature of marriage requires us to hold on to each other as tightly as we can, and jump in together.

[@stevenguymon3632]

I am 40 and have been single all my life. Being single all my life has been the hardest thing I have had to go through. There are girls I have gone out with. But most of them when I tried having the DTR talk with them after going out with them so many times. They always got scared to commit to me. Some of these girls took advantage of me. I also have a learning disability. Which, despite being in the Provo area makes dating even more difficult. I have learned people ages 25 and older get comfortably happily single. And they don’t want to date. For some reason for me I can’t get rid of the urge to date and find an eternal companion. Unlike most other older singles, I know.

[@logankearl8115]

I'm 25 and it seems that my life is similar to yours. I don't know what will happen in the next 15 years but if it's similar to the last 10, I'll be right there with you.

[@stevenguymon3632]

@@logankearl8115 Some advice to give you. Never give up. Try to take every opportunity you can. Even if you don’t see it in the moment. Cherish your friendships. Have a good support group.

[@stevenguymon3632]

@@logankearl8115 Some advice for you. Never give up. Try to take as many chances as you can. Even if you don't see them in the moment. Cherish your friendships. Have a good support group. And trust in our heavenly father and his timing.

[@alexvig2369]

I'm Christian, not-mormon, 31 years old. I've had relationships before coming to faith and after. Frankly, you're not missing out. Yes, it feels good when there's someone out there who shows you affection and you can present in front of your peers as "your own". But it comes at a cost. The cost of terrible heartache during a breakup. 55% of marriages in the civilized world end in divorce. After having my share of breakups and seeing other people left broken hollowed-out, I can confidently say you're more blessed than you realize.

[@prestonochsenhirt1246]

I always hear on this channel these extreme examples about being compared to bubble gum, or needing to date the day you turn 16, and as a lifelong member from Utah, I've never even once heard any of these examples used outside of making fun of Utah members. That doesn't mean they're not ever used, but they are absolutely not the majority of thoughts in the church. We really gotta use critical thinking to understand the loudest member of a group does not represent the majority opinion. These kinda videos are really off putting, because it just feels like they're turning their noses up at all other members of the church; specifically in Utah. Can we stop hating our Utah members, please? Thank you.

[@Alecia-Brown]

Let’s not forget the rest of the world church members, I’m in Australia so this view is so odd to me.

[@Dandeeman26]

Agreed. I mean I'm from Idaho but agreed.

[@itsallwonky]

I find it weird when shows with no real expertise on a subject want to give life advice. At least at the end they say they aren't authorities. It would have been more interesting if they had put together information from research on dating and marriage. BYU does quite a bit of family research with findings that are contrary to what American culture tries to preach.

[@prestonochsenhirt1246]

My thoughts exactly

[@Dandeeman26]

If someone has a tattoo not a deal breaker. If someone is getting tattoos then I'm not interested. I also think almost all those opinions are really risky. No sex cant happen. You can not allow it to. The pornography self shaming I kind of got I think it definitely can be self defeating but dont be accepting of it either. Bigger topic for me is the judgemental aspect of our culture in dating has been a huge stumbling block for me. If someone doesn't want to date your best friend it doesn't make him or her a bad person. Even if your best friend is super sweet. If someone is awkward asking you out it doesn't make him a creep. If someone is dating within the actual standards of the Church do not judge him or her ot is not your right. If someone is not dating do not judge him or her it is not your right. These things have been such a big stumbling block for me I have found myself not only not dating but not even wanting to date. I have a testimony I know the doctrine but social pressures have dug deep and I now am a soon to be 37 year old bachelor.

[@jakeconnell6417]

As a convert, I could see wanting to marry someone who grew up in the church because their families may be more supportive or family centric than mine is. Obviously it depends, and you should always get to know that person and their family first, not just make the decision based on the fact that they are a convert… but I constantly feel awkward about the examples of my family, living so contrary to the standards my wife and I are raising our kids. You dont have to worry about your member family in-laws sneaking your kids a drink or allowing them to do something that is against the commandments like you may with in-laws who are not members. I think it’s a valid concern… but the plus side of marrying a convert is you get to be a missionary at every family gathering. My wife is good at that.

[@Teddy-tx7wb]

as a 50 something LDS who has explored a lot of other belief systems. first, let me say, I remember when I was a teenager and they said "make a list of all the important attributes you want your eternal partner to have..." well, that list changed a lot in my 20s, and in my 30s and in my 40s and even in my 50s. I am SO GLAD I did not marry that person from my teenage list. I would have been bored to tears. (it was not based on any person, it was just a list of ideals). but also, many of the girls I was crazy about in high school... I think of the wisdom of the Garth Brooks song "unanswered prayers." next. Soulmates. I can tell by the conversation in this video, that these people have no clue about soulmates. you can potentially have many soulmates, People you were particularly close to in the pre-earth life. what you can only have one of (if it even exists) is a twin flame. far different from a soul mate, the twin flame does not jive with LDS doctrine anyway. and even if they exist, according to the experts, only about 10% of people have one, much less will ever find theirs, and it is NOT a match made in heaven. next, that "feeling" that that person is "God's special person just for you..." for me was a LIE. I was absolutely certain that my first wife was THE ONE... and what a mistake that was. Use your head, find someone you really have fun with, shares your passions. I can't tell you how difficult marriage is with a wife that hates that I play video games. who does not like Space movies. and she hates finds it difficult that I don't enjoy road trips and shopping as much as she does. make sure your person is loyal and will have your back no matter what, and who can handle your dark side. we all have one. none of us is perfect. once you find that, make she she (he) is good looking enough to wake up next to for the next 50 years. That's my advice.

[@emilyivey93]

The issues that I've experienced during dating is being looked at as an object and also something to try and control. Here are just a few examples of things guys have actually said to me: "I know you're 30. You'll do, but I'd prefer someone younger because your fertility days are basically over." " I need you to never cut your hair again, wear heals, and stay at 100 lbs or less so I'll be attracted to you." "I'd stay with you even if you couldn't carry babies. How many other guys could say that?" "I don't want you to look back and know that you decided you didn't want to be with me just because you have issues." These are just the tip of the iceberg, and I did the favor of leaving out the pornographic examples of what they would want me to do upon marriage. It's rough out there and this is why I'm single.

[@recsporteducation4594]

9:20 making a list of attributes. I did this. It was not useful. People relying on lists are too immature and lack experience to know what they need. So the list is not useful. Once you have experience to know what you need, you don't need a list to remind you. 14:30 is a great reason why you don't need a list. It locks you into one line of thinking, preventing you from noticing the good in so many others who you could have a great relationship with. There are more options than the one on your list...

[@juliebey8240]

Agree with most of what you said…waiting for more life experience before marriage, communication is key and repentance IS available to ALL. The Adversary is the one whispering in your ear about your “failures “ and no way back. go to the Bishop..work the plan to get back on the covenant path. EXCELLENT video, worthwhile and necessary topics for discussion, especially in this time…😊👏👍❤️

[@victoriagledhill5872]

My thinking is. Date for a while (to real learn to know the person) and then When you've gotten engaged with the person you've been dating for a while THEN I suggest to get married soon. When you're engaged temptations is way harder to push away.

[@TajaeeJohnson]

I was baptized on my father's birthday! Went to church my 3rd week on Father's day 🙌 he passed away and I plan to go to the temple for him as I just got my temple entry

[@cinnamondan4984]

35 and happily married and happily hear to observe the trends of you younglings in these Latter-days.

[@jilldowding-walker8066]

It seems this is focused on young adults, in Utah/BYU/USA. Here in the UK 🇬🇧 the culture is very different. As a widow in her sixties, I'd love to date! The dating pool is so shallow here! President Spencer Kimball said that any good man and any good woman could have a successful happy marriage. There are no accidents/ coincidences! We meet who we are meant to! My first date with my husband ended with a gentle hug!

[@recsporteducation4594]

My quick take: I don't think there should be singles wards. They perpetuate a culture built by children. Also, there is a cultural problem around dating and intimacy that has created unnecessary problems between otherwise capable people in a relationship. Finally, after dealing with too much nonsense from female members of the church, I swore off dating members altogether. I ended up meeting a very nice girl outside the church. I shared the gospel with her and she eventually joined on her own. We are now sealed in the Temple and active members living our best life. Take from that what you will.

[@jilldowding-walker8066]

IMHO, I agree that singles wards are not the best, because in a mixed ward, families can help YA members and friends mature, integrate with the very young, very elderly, and everyone in between. There are more opportunities for meaningful service. There is less pressure than in a singles ward.

[@jilldowding-walker8066]

I met my husband outside of the Church. We dated for almost 2 years, were engaged for 18 months, and then married. I was 37, and he was 34. From the start, he asked about my membership in the Church. He wanted to know more. He witnessed my prayers, we went through crises and illness together, and learned how to resolve issues. He eventually wanted to get baptised - he was 43. We got sealed to each othèr and our only daughter 10 years after our civil marriage. We were happily married for over 23 years when he passed away from cancer.

[@RyanMercer]

Yasssssssss always love these

[@prestonochsenhirt1246]

Yeah, I'm not gonna get onto the line of excusing or encouraging sexual promiscuity. It won't "fix itself." Don't finger wag and bring hell fire, but the points these three were talking about are very problematic. Giving people excuses to partake in things that prevent their progress will 100% of the time result in more of that behavior, not less. Really bad takes here.

[@Dandeeman26]

Agreed this Chanel is eerily becoming less and less in line with doctrine.

[@fawnjenkins7266]

Age and experience don't matter, but following the guidance of the Spirit does. Also, xhoose someone who is strong and faithful, too. It isnt a guarantee, though. Agency is real.

[@eabcool]

these are all interesting points. i was baptized as a young adult. my bishop had a daughter who was a mean girl. within a couple months she was telling me i wasn't good enough for girls because i hadn't been on a mission and all sorts of things. i went to dances and firesides for a few years , not meeting girls i liked, and never did date a member girl, even though my patriarchal blessing said iwould marry and have kids i never did.

[@TBIhope]

Mean people are the worst! Good luck! 🍀

[@eabcool]

@@TBIhope and often they win

[@jilldowding-walker8066]

Patriarchal blessings are for this life and the next life. What God has promised, he will deliver if we remain faithful.

[@eabcool]

@@jilldowding-walker8066 it's worded a particular way about a particular time. definitely something for later

[@jakeconnell6417]

As far as soul mates go, I would say generally speaking no. Part of agency is deciding who we want to build that relationship with. But I believe there can be people who had relationships pre-mortally who may get the opportunity to resume that relationship in mortality. My wife’s patriarchal blessing informed her of that in her case that was true, and she had a spiritual impression when we first passed each other going in and out of an ice cream shop. It wasn’t attraction, it was something different, like familiarity. I dont think that’s the norm, but it can and does happen.

[@petuniaraining]

Not even five minutes in and nope, this is just awful. I mean it depends on the person of course and the circumstances such as a new member then tattoos and not being a virgin is totally fine, they did not grow up in the church. Someone returning to activity with tattoos and not being a virgin after being inactive then fine as well but a member born in the church and oops got a tattoo or oops is not a virgin anymore then we would have to circle back into the basics of what having a tattoo means because our bodies are temples and if obeying a commandment is too hard and/or broken then how will it differ in regards to marriage? Circling back, we have to be stronger than the natural man that would give into getting a tattoo or give into having premarital sex…not having a tattoo is preventing a permanent mark on your body that will only remind you of your regret and in the end we are proving to Heavenly Father that “hey you lent me this wonderful body and I am returning it as you desired.” That is not too much to ask for from a future spouse. Speaking from a unique experience as I moved to Utah from California during those risky teen years so the bubble helped me be like the girl in the video that I didn’t date but then I moved to Canada to go to university and I still was the same way. I did go on a few dates but no serious dating until I met my now husband. It felt amazing that he was my first kiss, boyfriend, everything. Why? Because I learned in Young Women’s about the importance of a kiss whereas my husband became a member at 13 and still managed to be a little player juggling 3 little teen girls like him and gained so much kissing experience in his teen years. How do you think it made me feel knowing he had experience and he could compare me to those experiences? What mattered most was that we were both virgins when we got married and its great knowing that we saved ourselves for each other. We know that we will uphold our marriage with the utmost respect that we had in keeping our virginity. How would a member feel that has pushed themself to remain a virgin feel if their partner had previous experience? Eventually you would have to learn to accept and understand but it says a lot about a person. Then again there are divorced members and single members that marry so it would go back to the person and circumstances.

[@tpbarron]

That was really good

[@colinhenderson9656]

You shouldn't kiss someone on the lips unless you are in a romantic relationship with them. Kissing gets you attached, and when you engage in the physical, it becomes easier to ignore things that are wrong with the relationship, and things can start to escalate physically.

[@BradenHall-o6u]

I never went on a mission and there is a stigma that mormon women only want to date return missionaries im 26 and nobody wants to date me and it gets discouraging when nobody ever talks about the stigma of being a non return missionary its like were second rate in the church!

[@Azriel640]

Were you born in the church? Or were you baptized recently? And what part of the world do you live in? I can’t say what it’s like in eastern countries but in Utah, Alberta, etc where there are a lot of members, that tends to be the focus for a lot of girls. On my mission, my president’s wife told us departing missionaries that we shouldn’t rule out people (in my case women) who haven’t served missions. I think that message might be more for the sisters than us. It’s true serving a mission is a priesthood duty and a commandment for able young men, if possible, but it’s not a saving ordinance either.

[@BradenHall-o6u]

@@Azriel640 Hello I was born in the church been in it my whole life and I am from southern Idaho and unfortunately not going on a mission seems to almost define you when it comes to dating I have noticed it and so have you I am guessing.

[@Azriel640]

@@BradenHall-o6u That's cool. I'd encourage anyone to serve a mission if they're able, proselytizing or service. A refining, life changing experience! You have your reasons and like I said, it is not a saving ordinance of the gospel. I live in Toronto, Canada, so church culture here is different than any of those places. Considering there are far less church members here so dating can be tricky in terms of finding someone, however, there are a lot of converts and they may be more open when it comes to dating in the church. I'm 26 too. And have been home for a few years.

[@ahh-2-ahh]

3:09 .... Define "dating" 😂

[@TajaeeJohnson]

2 days till sacrament! 🎉

[@jcmendezfitness3878]

It’s because all the romantic comedies where every thing is perfect,

[@frenchfriedfish1990]

NO CONVERSATION BEFFORE MARRIAGE!!!!

[@Thor40117]

Studs

[@dustinpike779]

I think the cultures we live in delays human growth and development. The male and famale body is ready for all adult activities by 16-17 years old. Also brain development may not be maxed out in late teens, but the brain is still matured enough to give full adult decision making. Life experience is delayed in our cultures because we enable royal treatment of our adolescent youth so much they don't learn the necessities to sustain life without all the services built up from our predecessors. Self discipline is not learned as early as can be learned. Most humans can start developing self discipline and self sufficiency about 7 or 8 years of age. In the Old Testament Samuel heard God's voice at 10 years old. Our country culture and church culture needs to change by expecting more responsibilities for our youth so they have enough life experience by the time they are adults. We need young youthful adults more than we need tired old adults running things. Youthful adults procreate and have the energy to adapt to all the flack from dating and entrepreneurship. Adolescents can start learning about their new feelings and hormones through dates as it begins to happen roughly 12 and 13. What good is gaining knowledge without the right to experience the use of that knowledge?