David Sedaris on his trip to the Apple Store

[@ScottSpotMedia]

I worked at one of the Apple Stores in NYC when I was 39 about to turn 40. It's true the average age is somewhere between 20 and 23, and then there are a few of us who were older. My co-workers were nice, but I did feel so much older. No matter how "cool" you are, who you are at 23 and who you are at 39 are very different. All that being said, it was a great experience looking back. Now I'm 49 and with my time at Apple ever receding into the past, and I'm Facebook friends with a lot of those former 23-year-olds and I see them coming to grips where their aging self. We all have to deal with growing older if we are lucky.

[@romancandle416]

This is a pitch for the next great sitcom.

[@WenbruReviews]

So you would not have called me AND my mac obsolete….The child was younger than my oldest… Perhaps he was nearly 23🤡

[@unanw1]

I am 64 years old and I worked for the Census 2020 as a Tech Support Clerk. I have always been very good with technology and computers, since they took up whole room. All the Tech people where grouped together in one part of the Census office. When someone had a problem with a Census computer, iphone or ipad, they would come over to our part of the room. It never failed, they would walk right by my desk to one of the 20 somethings desk for help. And the funniest part, was 9 times out 10, the 20 something would tell them, ask Una (that's me), she is good at fixing that problem. And they would look at me, with this incredulous look on their face, like how could that old lady possibly fix a tech problem.

[@dreamlife2351]

I wish we lived next to each other, and knew one another. Clever with a great name 🌺

[@Nancy-pf6ft]

Rock on, Una!!!!!!

[@alvallac2171]

*people were grouped

[@pattyayers]

Yes! I’m 66 and am almost always more tech savvy than people several decades younger. I get SO tired of the jokes young people make about “parents not knowing how to use computers” when it’s usually exactly the opposite. Knowing how to use TikTok and Instagram on your phone isn’t quite the same as, well, knowing how to do 100 other things I do, like write code. Guess who was in my generation.. Steve Jobs

[@pambenner7550]

Thank you. I'm glad someone finally said something about how you're treated if your not 20yr.

[@williamsharman2159]

😊😊

[@williamsharman2159]

How are you doing pamela?

[@christiananderson6761]

Look at you using the internet! 😂

[@RyanHLee-nc7hg]

I am a high school English teacher, and every year with my seniors, when we have our short memoir unit, I always read “Jesus Shaves,” by David Sedaris, with them. Among my students, it has become lore that when I read this story aloud to them, there is one paragraph during which I laugh so hard that I start to cry while reading. It might be the funniest paragraph I ever read in my life. His sense of humor is on the same wavelength as my own, and I appreciate him so much for the laughter he has brought me over the years.

[@johannadelbusto7987]

That's awesome

[@jennymacallan9071]

Retired English teacher here. I too loved teaching David Sedaris's work in my high-school classes. My favorite was "Us and Them." It has laugh-out-loud parts, but there are wonderfully complex themes about judging others, practicing acceptance, and defining greed.

[@187manowar]

He nice the Jesus!? :) My favorite David Sedaris story.

[@GusLeonard]

I had to track it down scottduncan.free.fr/blog/jesus_shaves.pdf

[@johnecheveste]

When I was a kid, I used to think the "Jesus Saves" signs were ads for banks. Seriously.

[@amandawilcox9638]

"...a withered Apple store." Laughed so hard I almost fell out of my hospital bed! Jason wouldn't have known he was patronizing! Too dam young.

[@Dubyular]

Once at the Apple store I asked them if they had a Mensa card or anything that would actually certify them as a “genius”. Not well received....

[@generalyellor2187]

Because it's a marketing ploy and not their fault. And how many wannabe comedian idiots like you do you think ask the same stupid thing every day they work?

[@amandawilcox9638]

@@generalyellor2187 Or maybe they didn't know wtf a Mensa card is.

[@janeparris9318]

But if your name is really Effna Cotton, you get a little extra forgiveness for bad jokes. Because that's a really cool name.

[@chriskeating2262]

Apple uses that word far too freely. I once set up a neighbor's Apple WiFi access point and got it to work with another home network vendors' equipment. One day, when he couldn't get in touch with me, he had to call Apple tech support who said that what I had done was "impossible" and that whoever had gotten it to work was a "genius." It had the desired effect; my neighbor was impressed with me and not at all upset with Apple for refusing to let their proprietary hardware play nice with others.

[@erik_griswold]

I am glad to have lived in the era where David Sedaris is now a regular on the Charles Kuralt show.

[@amandawilcox9638]

Erik Griswold, Yes! Still miss him, especially his gentle commentaries and "On the Road" segments. Tks!

[@NolaChick82]

"The witch was a good 25 years older than me" KILLED ME hahaha

[@williamsharman2159]

Lol

[@williamsharman2159]

How are you doing?

[@johnbentley6081]

I have to say, that tickled me too. I suppose I’m at an age now though, where I need my reading glasses to find my distance glasses, to find my driving glasses. To then drive myself to my appointment at the opticians. Lol. Anyway, how are you?

[@joniwratten9253]

Yes, I want to speak to Phyllis, Esther or Henry about my computer 🤣😂👏 lol

[@ericatennyson8744]

The Henrys are all in elementary school. Wait ten years. :)

[@amandawilcox9638]

@@ericatennyson8744 🤔😗🙄

[@chriskeating2262]

As long as I don't get stuck with Judy...

[@bashhalow2729]

This man is such a gift.

[@troygaspard6732]

Wow, David turned into Andy Rooney !

[@shandizuribe]

🤣

[@joutoob9]

I was waiting for the ticking stopwatch at the end.... Is this 60 Minutes Andy Rooney?

[@onjabock4996]

So true! I’m only a young 60, yet get treated like I’m 90 by younger adults. Wish they would get some perspective.

[@jazcb-x1l]

Unfortunately young people are very short sided when it comes to the older generations.

[@chrisfinch8637]

My mother’s the same age as you, but doesn’t get that same treatment. Even so, I still try to make her feel young by saying that “you’re actually in your 50s”,

[@christiananderson6761]

Look at you! Using the internet all by yourself!

[@deninevh]

"How was your appointment w/Mabel?" Fantastic line.

[@lemapp]

I started owning Macs since 1985. Yes, I waited a year until a usable Mac came on line. I’m a software guy, so I know programing languages, I use programs like Photoshop and do advance Excel spreadsheets. I applied at my local Genius Bar and was told that I didn’t match their image. I saw it in the twenty something’s eyes when she saw my 50+ year old person.

[@tlsnana9539]

Thank you! Thought I was alone . . . and I don’t like being called “honey” - it doesn’t feel endearing especially when they don’t call each other honey.

[@johnfd0210]

What happened to "Ma'am" and "Sir"? I get called, "Honey", "Sweetie", "Sugar", etc. and I am easily old enough to be their father. I think of calling them, "Cupcake" in return, but then think, "Why bother?"

[@parsnipmcgee329]

I get "Dear". To me, no diminutive could be more condescending. And it's handed out by people who not ever really look at you.

[@amandawilcox9638]

@@johnfd0210 I do, if it's too gooey or the person sweetly patronizes me. 'Excuse me, we don't know each other' is good for 12 seconds of real eye contact & stammering.

[@phyncke]

There is always a survey! Thank you, David Sedaris. I would love it if you wrote those surveys.

[@Dangic23]

That is step 1 at Apple....offer you to just buy a new one, because it is cheaper. Keeps their sales numbers through the roof.

[@christinatolar4155]

Short story: About a year ago, I decided to stop coloring my hair. I am 48. Fast forward to last week: I had my groceries delivered by this young woman who insisted she carry everything. Her comment to me was "Don't you hurt yourself carrying these heavy groceries". I can relate.

[@islandgirl1403]

I have a short story with a different twist. In my mid 50s my head began to get burned from the chemicals in the hair color I was now forced to use every 3-4 weeks to cover my graying hair. There was one and only one inspiration for letting my hair go natural: seeing all those fabulous 20 somethings in NYC *deliberately* coloring their hair shades of white and gray. They gave me the confidence I needed to go for it.

[@rend7267]

i stopped coloring my pre-maturely grey hair. everyone at work began treating me SO differently. it was annoying. after 8 months, i re-colored. everyone went back to treating me the way they had before. just like that.

[@mckohtz]

I stopped coloring my hair at 35yo because my father was diagnosed with cancer and I didn't want to deal with the toxic chemicals any more, to reduce my cancer risk. My scalp stopped being red and sore plus my hair stopped falling out. My beautiful silver highlights at my temples started to show. Now, at 45yo at the grocery store, I get asked if I need help out to the car by 20yo check out clerks. SMH

[@amazingness26]

Lol a girl wanting to help you hurt your ego.

[@mckohtz]

@@amazingness26 Really depends on the tone, doesn't it?

[@adelaferreira4575]

I wonder how many of those 20 year old at the Apple store can fix their roofs,put up some windows by themselves ,connect copper pipe etc etc etc ,I have been treated like that on the store,but they don’t impressed me at all

[@hurricanefreak101]

It’s funny it must be where he lives because we have older people working at our apple store - 50s - 40s and they are delightful -

[@Nancy-pf6ft]

Me too, Cincinnati.

[@tishw4576]

Every once in a while I love to remind the youth of the world if people of my age hadn't paid 2.5k plus for a crazy slow computer, using floppy disks, in the 1980's they wouldn't have what they have today. As with every generation there is a lack of awareness of what happens before you were born.

[@dhempling]

EVERY Apple computer I've bought over the years, at least one every five or six years or so, going back to that Apple ][+ I bought in the early 80's, has cost $2.5k. While Steve was still alive, I called it the Black Turtleneck and Blue Jean surcharge.

[@ericatennyson8744]

@@dhempling Yeah, I'm holding onto my 5yo Mac desktop that cost $3k because I don't want to spend that again yet...

[@amandawilcox9638]

@@dhempling I hope you kept 'em for pets! Those anteeks are starting to make noises like antiques! At least collectibles.

[@SL-eh6hp]

so true. Legions of distracted Jordans, Morgans, Jakes and Aidans

[@katmandudawn8417]

I'm a substitute teacher in high schools. The other week as I was looking at a class roster I realized I wasn't sure if it was written last name first or first name first. It was comprised of all Carters, Morgans, Paytons, Harley etc. We now live in a world of all last names. I finally just asked each kid who they were and checked it on the list. I may be old but I'm clever. I used to tell my husband our kids were "too smart for our good". We had to work to keep ahead of them.

[@plankface]

David nailed it. ❤️❤️

[@alanpoh3386]

I find the Genius Bar everything but genius. It is a condescending experience at best

[@darlahkelley9800]

San Dieg❤California I'm from the Wrinkle Apple Will be 65 this Friday. Most of My Co Workers were born in 80's 90's & Beyond. So I Keep On Trucking On The Road Again as Willie Nelson would Sing It❤💜

[@DavidLS1]

I still remember the first time a "kid" called me sir.

[@rridderbusch518]

@David Your doggo is adorable! :-D

[@DavidLS1]

@@rridderbusch518 Thank you. Beagles (and beagle mixes) are the best!

[@rridderbusch518]

@@DavidLS1 Our Beagle passed ten days ago. She was 20-21 years old. Such a sweetie! :-(

[@DavidLS1]

@@rridderbusch518 I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure she had a great life with you and your family. Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together. ...Author unknown

[@rridderbusch518]

@@DavidLS1 Thank you. Until then her cremains are with me, never to be far away. We took a nap together today. She comforts me still :-)

[@jenhasken]

I once had a Genius who was deaf. We communicated on an iPad.

[@yvonnemagallanes1481]

i don't have an apple product, but you know when you reach a certain age all salespeople who are "young" look at you like that. How sad. They could really learn something from us "older" people.

[@bethfiori4708]

"How was your appointment with Mabel?" - brilliant.

[@carolleslie517]

I hate those surveys...they want to know how it went but I want to reply back Why should I click like 8 options before I actually get a human on the phone??

[@jojoco6737]

This so funny!!! You both eat soft food. You should go out and see what happen. Genius Bar, epic. Lol

[@Nancy-pf6ft]

BAAAA-hahahahaaaa!!!

[@robertstevenschumann]

Love David Sedaris!

[@oogrooq]

I'll never buy an Apple product as long as they prioritize form over function, replace over repair, and proprietary connections over universal ones. Planned obsolescence is anti-consumer. Defend the right-to-repair!

[@nordicvolkan]

As soon as he mentioned going to Apple Genius bar I saw this ("buy a new one , old one can't be fix) line coming.

[@mariacheebandidos7183]

electronics don't generally age well not necessarily because of "planned obsolescence, poor build, right to repair ..." it mostly because the technology evolves more rapidly than any other sector. new and usually better stuff comes often, which automatically renders the old one obsolete. which is why it wouldn't make sense to pay more than a certain amount for say, an apple watch, because the next one is going to do more things and better. wouldn't it make more sense to buy a new apple watch for 199 than to repair a first gen apple watch for, say 100? plus accusing apple of planned obsolescence would be like accusing walmart of being too expensive.

[@chriskeating2262]

@@mariacheebandidos7183 Someone gave me a MacBook. I've always been an avowed PC user and hadn't used an Apple product since the 2nd generation clickwheel iPod in 2003, but I happen to love this machine. That being said, everything oogrooq says is true. This MacBook is held together with proprietary screws so I'd have to buy special tools to service it myself. When Apple ultimately stops updating Intel based Macs, I will have more difficulty installing another OS on it than I would on another vendor's hardware. I get the feeling that Apple regards its hardware as consumable (which is to say "more so than other vendors"). The issue is that Apple seems to set the standard for consumer computing devices. Try buying a laptop without a poor imitation of aMacBook keyboard or trackpad. It's becoming increasingly hard to buy a device that's user serviceable.

[@davidphillips3075]

Love it! David Sedaris is the new Andy Rooney. #Perfection

[@valeriesuttonpayne7413]

David Sedaris is the absolutely the best!

[@williamsharman2159]

👌👏👏

[@williamsharman2159]

How are you doing?

[@katelanxner6483]

I resonate with this. These surveys bug us constantly! We weren't asked these questions before the cell phone.

[@elizabethmills8667]

Sigh.. So true How I feel with technology However Thank Goodness for my 20 year old son who is showing and teaching me stuff on my cell phone and computer that makes everything Easier.

[@marilynnewirsig4490]

Thank you for sharing. I laughed so hard.....been there, done that and that's exactly how I felt.

[@barbararabaglia7454]

Priceless...TY!

[@jdramirez77]

I want to watch all of these.. is there a watch list?

[@RaymondHng]

If an Apple Genius asked how much experience I have with computers, I'll just say, "When I was your age, we programmed in assembly language on punch cards."

[@pasodiufwen]

Let's be honest -- going into an Apple Store is one of the most paradoxical experiences one can have. One of the world's most valuable companies but one of the world's most perfect money gobbling experiences. Script-bound individuals who cannot think in true problem solving or truly useful ways. Naturally the latter creates the former. Imperfect and bewildering experiences every time I've entered those spaces, e.g., "I want to buy a phone; that phone right there". To which, "I'm sorry sir, I cannot sell you a phone without an appointment". Yes, that happened and similar stories are common if you ask around and I'm sure nothing will ever change. In fact, these sorts of experiences will become more so. Best of luck to all!

[@DRLegacyProductions]

Bringing David Sedaris to this gig is the BEST thing the CBS network has done since Late Night With Steven Colbert.

[@johannadelbusto7987]

I love him, he's hilarious and sharp.

[@leebeaven9382]

So good. I love you David Sedaris. And...for Apple - it would be so dang cool if you hired and trained us "older folk". You'd be a rock star in the tech world. Go on....just do it.

[@Nancy-pf6ft]

Our Apple store in Cincinnati has quite a few men and women over 50 working there. I always feel quite comfortable there.

[@williamsharman2159]

I really enjoyed this one!

[@williamsharman2159]

@@Nancy-pf6ft Hello nancy

[@jsEMCsquared]

i made a new landmark on my age clock recently so this was perfect! thanks for making me a little more happy today.

[@arlenebrown-dominguez6403]

This commentary was everything!

[@debbiemueller7067]

He is channeling Andy Rooney, hard.

[@brendahull4910]

I am still laughing at David Sedaris' apropos comments regarding his Apple experience!

[@williamsharman2159]

😊😊

[@williamsharman2159]

😊😊

[@jude999]

This reminded me of Andy Rooney's piece on computers vs. typewriters.

[@deborahmartin9682]

I really enjoyed this one!

[@williamsharman2159]

Absolutely the best 👌👏👏

[@williamsharman2159]

How are you doing?

[@DFEUERMAN]

A story that our culture is a step closer to a Brave New World where if you're not young, you're old, and ironically the setting is within a place of business that leveraged 1984 in their early advertisements.

[@woodyniel]

Just wait, David, until one says "Hey, aren't you that guy? Oh, what's his name, oh yeah, aren't you Andy Rooney?"

[@amandawilcox9638]

Aw, c'mon! This batch is 'way too young to remember Andy Rooney. I'd guess try David Spade.🤡

[@seas1321]

Question is how old is this macbook?

[@steveconn]

If only apps could create rich writing. Only life experience can grant that. The divide shall remain, David.

[@rhicks8476]

This was great on SO MANY LEVELS! My OS went out on my Mac. Took it to the Genius Bar and immediately felt like I was in a new reboot of "Cocoon"! It must be a requirement that all sales reps must still be drinking Similac at the bar!😇

[@stevemlejnek7073]

What is an OS?

[@rhicks8476]

@@stevemlejnek7073 Operating System

[@mindseyeview7411]

Phil and Rebecca are terrific but that cat of theirs 💖🎶💞🌌

[@tjwash2]

In my parent’s time, the biggest technological advances were the TV remote control, and the microwave oven. They didn’t have to be a genius or take the items to a genius, just needed to know how to read a little, insert batteries, and plug in an appliance.

[@purposeful49418]

Yeah, just don't turn you back, cause soon they'll figure out a way to dispose of you without anyone ever knowing. These little pale-faced zonies who've only interacted with TV and apple screens don't consider you human. Now, how does that make you feel?

[@imdanhoover]

the "genius bar" would actually be better if they served coffee and bagels like everybody else...

[@janiereyna2231]

Hahaha she eats soft food you eat soft good! I died!

[@DavidSmith-og1oz]

"you eat soft food, I eat soft food. Let's go out for baked apples and see where this goes." Hi-frikkin'-larious.

[@mochapella]

Genius!

[@joemug4079]

This is hilarious. And agree with David...

[@chriskeating2262]

One needn't go to the Apple store to be made to feel old by Apple; the default year for date-of-birth on an iPhone is the year I graduated high school.

[@seriouslyreally5413]

25 years older makes her old enough to be your mother. They don't get it.

[@gtp65]

Hi my name is David and now that I realize I'm old young people offend me. Why don't they cater to my fragile ego, why don't they act as old as I do and oh yeah I remember what it was like to be young. What a sad little man who hasn't learned anything in life.

[@heejinan3994]

Why is the comments section for the microaggression video by Sedaris turned off?

[@chriswixtrom6514]

100% relatable!

[@MR-su7de]

Sorry David, but I found your trip to the Apple Store hysterical!

[@SolaceEasy]

I guess I have to go to the Baked Apple store...

[@SolaceEasy]

You chose door number three! You found officer O'Malley and you're busted!

[@chriskeating2262]

@@SolaceEasy Dude! Take a road trip. We may be old, but we've lived long enough to see that stuff become like fireworks; legal in some states, a nuisance in others.

[@hurdygurdyguy1]

A recent NY Times crossword clue referenced "Genius Bar" and I had no idea what that was as I'm not a Mac user and have no reason to go to an Apple store... well, now I know what a Genius Bar is 🤣

[@HermesSonofZeus]

That was lovely

[@Davett53]

For a time, and may be so still,..by age 50 you are considered to be a senior citizen. When I turned 50, I still had my long hair, and not a single strand of gray. Even so,.....young women were rushing to open doors for me at stores. I didn't mind it one bit.

[@darrisnelson5223]

This would be hilarious if it wasn’t so accurate😂😳

[@keeleyibrahim8224]

I'm dying!!!!!!!!!! Genius 😂😂

[@johna1160]

23 year old named Jason. What are the odds?

[@fredcrayon]

Hey David, you should see what it’s like working at the Genius Bar when you’re old.

[@viennehaake9149]

Thats a perfect description how I feel in there- I just hate it.

[@HopskotchBunny]

I need the Withered Apple Store. 🍏

[@robwalser]

He is Andy Rooney

[@lawman7117]

"Wowza, man!" "That was...righteous, and so far out"....whoops, that would have been appropriate language for a 1970's person...for David, we need 1960's, right? 1950's???

[@gilesgaffney7621]

Don't get it... no comprende

[@rsbarba63]

Very funny ! 😂 Thanks

[@harmonyvegan]

Interestingly, Mount Shasta is about 593,000 years old. haha

[@Davett53]

When I was in my 40s, I was so looking forward to turning 50,....our community made it known by 50 I would be bestowed with a handy card that granted the barer, generous discounts on coffee, donuts, and lunches from a select menu, from many small diners. When I turned 50, the state run issuer, upped the age to 55,.....and again when I was 55,...they upped it again to age 60. By the time I arrived at age 60,....the issuer, had ended to program. The vendors complained it was cutting into their profit margins.

[@ellebelle2507]

Hang on, I thought David Sedaris didn't use computers, I thought there was a story about it...

[@stockbag]

'Hi. I'm David Sedaris and I'm old now'. Cutting CBS wit.

[@DigitalAndInnovation]

He is one of the few who can be funny with the delivery on paper or out-loud- After a while- you kind of can figure out the rhythm and really get the whole picture- but for someone to read a story of his without the narration- I feel like it can be difficult to place- then again I am disgraphic and dislecic.

[@mikealman9259]

A Shrivelled Apple, maybe with a worm poking out logo LOL

[@terryfriend16]

It's a different generation, operationally and linguistically, either get it or just languish; I keep up.

[@rr7firefly]

Sedaris is 64 years old.

[@chrisr3120]

1:00 So, basically Dylan by simply existing as the age he was made this multimillionaire feel insecure about his own age, and now Dylan lives so rent free in the head of this man who will literally never have anything else to worry about in his life because he frankly has enough money to pay to have Dylan's whole family line whacked on a whim a few thousand times over. Furthermore, somehow all of this is supposed to, I guess be something us little people can sympathize with, because it's one of the banal trivialities of average life, and certainly much more interesting than any of the notso wealthy people in the world, like the father out robbing a liquor store because he lost his job and on the verge of going to jail anyway if he misses a payment. So why not, I mean, after all, he'll go to jail for sure if he doesn't, but only might go to jail if he does. Well, assuming the liquor store clerk isn't hiding a 12 guage under the counter, of course. Or how about the one of several hundred homeless people who won't make it through the next winter and will end up being found frozen to death on a park bench somewhere, or one of the many thousands of people struggling to get by because of the covid lock downs forcing them out of a job they may have had for a decade or more, and now they are behind on their mortgage because of it... Yes, this man's absolute petty nonsense really ought to be the thing we all take time out of our busy lives to listen to, none of that other boring nonsense, rght?

[@enb3810]

Well, that was hilarious.

[@317russ]

The minute I read "Apple Store", I immediately filed this under "First World Problems".

[@harleylawdude]

Well, he knows who his audience is.

[@nicoleadamson8910]

Wait when did David Sedaris become Andy Rooney? Listening to this I feel like I'm five sitting in my grandmother's house watching 60 minutes. And, to clarify, I don't mean this as a compliment. Do we need another Andy Rooney? No. No, we do not.

[@mindseyeview7411]

Thank you for helping straight people. NOW if we could only help the squares 😅

[@Enr227]

Awesome