The Problem w/ Asian Parenting - Ep 7 - GeniusBrain w/ David So & Joe Jitsukawa

[@DavidSoComedy]

This was an interesting subject that Joe and I went over that y'all suggested! Leave more topics and suggestions in the comments below ! If y'all are wondering, my father and I have a great relationship now. A lot of what I'm talking about goes over what i felt in the past before I got to understand my parents more as an adult. My Dad did the best that he could and he was always around for me as a kid and as an adult. Nothing but respect and love for him. I'll go over this more on another podcast!

[@steal987]

Really loving these podcasts. You two crack me up all the time XD. been wondering if you noticed the french flag in the background? lol

[@TamaChien]

want to thank you for sharing man, i dont want to take it for granted for sharing something so personal like your fight with your dad. Sometimes I forget because this is a podcast and im a consumer of this free entertainment.

[@tsama]

In the first 7 minutes you basically described my relationship with my father, now that I'm a father as well I'm just laughing at the shit my kids are going to put me through.

[@animangachu96]

@lapulapu54 Where did you hear that from?? I'm Chinese and my mom told me that Japan and Korea came from 2 different Chinese men who created another culture and thats why Japan and Korea has similarities to Chinese culture. Japan is literally an Asian continent.

[@anen5188]

That was an interesting topic ( Joe and David )to explore and go deep in to the subconscious about prenting not necessarily asain! Awesome , OH can you guys crack a lack about How KZbin has mostly become garbage other than some insight full channel like yours ! Drama , click baity garbage , fooling viewers , honestly if some thing is too interesting in thumbnail I avoid it preiod! unless I know the channel .

[@itbelikethat_]

When Joe said that "when you become smarter than your parents, you can't talk to them anymore" I felt that

[@savagegod707]

itbelikethat I relate these past 5 yrs

[@MrOuji89]

"My realationship with my mother figure is my grandmother" This hit me REAL HARD, even shed a few tears, because this was exactly my life. Parents divorcing and fighting and beating me. it was my grandmother who took me and then raised me. She passed away about 8 years now and I miss her SO much. Until I met my wife, there was no person who could fill that HUGE void she left behind. The most supporting, loving figure in my life. May she RIP, i miss you grandma

[@jinseiizon6322]

I'm so thankful for this podcast. Geniusbrain is the best. It makes me laugh while really making me think at the same time.

[@NhuLe-pw6ml]

I love it when they're talking about asian parenting it's sO RELATABLE

[@darkhoodedfacade1165]

I'll say this > David n Joe are making great vids that are engaging to listen to. Love what you did with this channel David.

[@melevonne]

As a child of immigrant parents, I can 100% agree with every aspect of this episode.

[@Kyllmor]

Navajo parenting is basically getting beat for no reason and getting thrown out in the middle of a desert at 4am to wait for the bus. Then you fight your father every other night until you leave the house. That's how it was for my dad. But since we moved to the city, that would be called "abuse". So I was spared.

[@julianosoria6421]

Navajo Person 4Head lol or maybe your dad realized your your grandpa fucked up and wanted to bring you up different

[@henryphuvady1205]

I relate a lot with this topic especially the part of u and your dad cuz my father is very similar to yours but im in a spot right now where my dad is still in denial and likes things to be done his way and thinks he is always right and I feel very pressured being an 18 year old with no clue of where my next few years is going to be

[@jellabloom7406]

Coming from a Christian-Korean background, I'm super grateful David and Joe brought out these slept-on topics: -Asian families and lack of verbal vulnerability. -Korean church community -MENTAL HEALTH!!! Admire their story-telling and debriefing on these issues. Hope we grow more comfortable and open on these conversations.

[@Unforgiven11]

Man we are only like 6 minutes in and I gotta say I appreciate the realness and depth you are going into about your family life. You guys just lay everything out and that's really sweet

[@daphneyao7430]

Please make more of these! It's like therapy for those with strict Asian parents. Thank you!

[@vguccijose7502]

The dad subject is so true but it also applies to woman that are alone with kids

[@bwingbwinggwiyomi]

vGucci Jose I can approve of that lmaoo being an only Asian kid with a single mother rip

[@angehaven]

Listening to David feels too relatable and I'm at the point where I haven't been able to move past it. Just too relatable.

[@simonsays5094]

holy shit this is SO relatable. Years later I still can't forgive my dad for the abuse he put me through. and the way he still talks to me like i'm a child that needs to be talked to and not talked with. And I'm 26

[@billyzhu5647]

This should get subtitles in all the different language (Korean, Japanese, and Chinese) and then show it to our parents...

[@savagegod707]

Billy Zhu too true bro lmao

[@ft.jackjimmy7282]

My parents were always too tired to beat me up but I was never a bad kid to begin with. However, my mom used empty threats, like saying she'll leave the family or kill herself from stress if we don't do chores or get good grades like a normal Asian mom. My dad is calmer and I used to love him more than my mom until I grew up to see how manipulative my father actually was. He was controlling of how my mom uses money and he would make me feel guilty of my privilege by always bringing up his past. Since I loved my dad more in childhood, my mom told me I grew up to become more like him. I'm super frugal and manipulative, and I would sometime guilt-trip people who are doing better than me. I realize my mom was the kinder and fair parent and I prefer my mom's nature over my father toxic style. I'm raised to love both my parent but I wouldn't accept it in my own life.

[@bigchungus7050]

Your mom would threaten to kill her self it you didn't do your chores? I wouldn't have done anything and waited to see her bluff

[@avilik13]

Sounds like both your parents were manipulative. Your mum saying she'd kill herself if you don't do what she wants is textbook manipulation.

[@sushilot420]

Same but parents beat my fuckin ass lol

[@cafezo87934]

uh I think your mom is the manipulator. threatening people is never good. your dad just seems frugal and want you to be humble.

[@PrincessTwilightdash]

Ok it looks like both your parents are manipulating and guilt tripping each other plus you and it looks like your sorta catching on

[@alexseemusic]

I'm so amazed that you were able to talk about these heavy and hard topics with grace and forgiveness for your parents. I went through some of the same things, I'm not at that level yet. Thanks for modelling the path.

[@animangachu96]

I hope one day mental health isnt stigmatized or ignored and actually taken seriously.

[@Dtzeo503]

Yup even Asian parenting can lead to mental illnesses especially of the abuse verbal or physical put upon the child. I know it's normal back then but it can fuck up the child when they grow up.

[@jayduby5330]

There will be a wave of fakers who will use it as a call for attention, just be wary of those too.

[@luke-db2es]

We'll get there

[@crimsonrose]

I think there is also a missing element to the last part of the convo. I think the kid cried because APs also teach learned helplessness. Yes it is good to get away from the family but they emotionally abuse you such that they make you believe you cannot succeed on your own. I didn't move out for years because of this. Only after therapy was I able to realize that I'd be okay on my own. Also their negative comments (though you might partially rebel) still demotivate you from doing it. Example: Mom hates that I'm fat. Tells me I'm disgusting and that no one will ever marry me. I then started going to they gym with a friend and then she told me that I am a weak person for going with a friend and I should do it myself. And she also told me "Why are you trying? You're just going to fail." Then when I tell her that is demotivating she tells me, "Oh you always blame me huh? What I say doesn't matter!" So it's like you're damned whatever you do and it reduces my motivation. I don't think you should have hated on that kid--he may not have practiced because he was partially demotivated by his parents, though he still wanted to do it. Also, it was APs decision to have a kid--no one chooses to be born. Parents should provide minimally (food, shelter, education) until they are 18 then they are not required to. My mom would pull that "I paid for you." BS so I started telling her that I wish she had aborted me.

[@uzaiya8864]

I'm thankful for the lessons I was able to learn from my parents but I'm definitely still keeping walls up lmao. There are some things I'll never tell them because it's just not worth the effort explaining and getting into arguments. Better to just nod and smile and then just do whatever I was going to anyways.

[@tonyswe9463]

You are very intelligent and wise

[@luke-db2es]

Yeah I always talk back and they get so pissed. I have boundaries now. As much as I want them to be happy im not letting them walk all over me. The problem is I hate lying to them

[@mudbuddha123]

i respect this discussion, because i can relate to this, from my dad having to always be right even if his wrong to my mum self-teaching to understand her kids better. great job!

[@justadjustor8993]

*reads title* Ohohohohohohhhhhh, I am so here and strapping myself in for this 😍😭.

[@bysyd]

I'm really loving these podcasts and I'm so glad you decided to just do it David. It really helps me see things in a different light when you guys talk about things like this. Thank you!

[@Kuya_Ryan_Kaliwaters]

Love these deep talks on these podcasts and so much relatable stories 👌🏻👍🏻

[@suongho6585]

Thank you for sharing your stories. Nice to know we aren't alone in these struggles. I am strong because of my parent's cultivation; however, my oldest sibling did suffer from mental health issues, and I believe a big factor was not enough nurturing from parents. Balance of nurturing and discipline in child rearing is so imperative and challenging!

[@bittertea]

The parents knowing they are wrong but to stubborn to lose the argument. Sooo~~ true.

[@Vincisomething]

I grew up with a Korean mom and a black dad who grew up in New York (not to mention he was an Airforce survival instructor). They expected me to know what I wanted to do when I was a junior in high school and when I didn't, they put me through JROTC and a Pre-optometry program when I entered college. They pretty much instilled the idea that you should be out of your parents house and be working on your career when you're 18. And to make me feel better, my mom will say stories of how "everyone my age is doing that already." Where do you get your statistics? I fucking hated it JROTC, l wasn't really into Pre-optometry, and I was very depressed at the time. I actually wanted the bus to just fall off a bridge so I didn't have to go to JROTC. It took me some time to tell them I was going to leave the program and do what I wanted to do. They weren't happy at first because to them, it felt like I was giving up on my life and my plan was to live with my parents for the rest of my life. They're supportive now (and my mom told me she shouldn't have spanked us as kids), but I still get annoyed when they ask me what my exact plans are for my future because I've told them before. I just don't like repeating myself especially if people didn't listen in the first place.

[@justinlee5523]

Vincisomething what do you do now

[@Vincisomething]

@@justinlee5523 I'm a biology major - senior year. I want to be an ethologist with a focus on conservation and neurology (so neuroethology, too). Right now, I work, go to school, and volunteer. So, them putting me in preoptometry gave me some biology related courses to give me a bit of a start, but I still hated it then because I didn't have a passion.

[@harmanpadda7511]

Really loving GeniusBrain, David! I listen to a number of podcasts and TED Talks, without a doubt this is honestly one of my favourite podcasts to listen to. Excited for the next!

[@bunnydream2087]

I didn’t even realize I’d watched the whole 1 hour+ of this episode of GeniusBrain! Really stimulated some thoughts in my head and it was quite therapeutic (about my own Asian childhood). Looking forward to more David :)))

[@arianalarosa9254]

I'm really enjoying listening to these podcasts as I work on my homework. It's nice listening to you guys talk in the background :).

[@a.m.f.k1090]

Joe is a great podcast guest, the flow of the conversation was perfect.

[@itsNinaLeeyo]

I clicked on this video so fast! I just had an argument with my dad this past weekend and so this hits the spot. My dad told me, "you're my child so you have to listen to me. I'm gonna keep telling you until you listen. If you don't want to listen then do it then." Serious PTSD lol.

[@Idk2000915]

keep doing podcast with JOE!! We love you guys!!

[@joshsfilmjournal]

Wow dude I’ve never related more to a podcast than this one 🙏🏽

[@Johnson-vu3qr]

Thank you for talking about this topic. Very relatable. Love you

[@june5737]

Loving these podcast! It's great to be able to relate to other Similar Asian childhoods

[@danchoi8304]

fantastic podcast. Helped me talk through things with my narcissistic Korean parents.

[@Vincisomething]

Are they actually narcissists (as in NPD)? Because that's rough...

[@danchoi8304]

Vincisomething yeah. Culturally narcissistic and mom has NPD. It’s like dealing with an old child

[@Vincisomething]

@@danchoi8304 man, I'm sorry. Wishing you the best

[@bobaequeen843]

I really enjoyed this episode and this whole series. Thanks for making my studying time a little more bearable!

[@aaliyah9931]

I love listening to your podcasts while doing my homework 💙

[@Lexi10192]

This is so true with my parents not trying to learn about my diabetes. Never took the time to learn or went to the diabetes class with me to learn. I was 14 when I became type1 diabetes. Still, this day, they are always trying to find a way to point the finger at what cause and trying to cure it...

[@kingster652]

i think its so interesting that no matter what bad things their parents did or how they were treated when they were little, they are able to relate and talk about it. no matter how much they talk about how bad and stupid things were sometimes, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have had it any other way because it made them into who they are today and i love who they are. Keep these awesome podcasts coming

[@AllthatmakesFall]

Oh my god when you said "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU" I never related so hard from both my parents' and my grandparents' relationship.

[@tondaleyacarter7355]

The Realist Podcast! I love the perspective and understanding of your parents. Continue to break the generational curse.

[@kentchhin6662]

This episode is soooo relatable and therapeutic for me. keep up the good work guys!

[@GJ.2727]

Very interesting and educational! GREAT Topic! Thank you for bringing this subject forward!

[@HeyGuysItsMichaela]

absolutely love listening to these while I'm editing. asian parents - gave you everything they could but at the same time left out some important shit.

[@raszee2224]

Omg this was so eye opening! Thank you for your perspective!

[@21972069450471]

David, I connected with you on so many levels! Thank you!

[@iJerrrrrry]

damn at one point in this podcast when david was talking about his dad, i thought he was about to cry. it looked like he was tearing up a little.

[@MoBlackjack]

I love the way they say 'F*CK'! David sounds like he was born saying 'F*CK' 😁

[@suryakapil2498]

This video was fantastic. I related to a lot of things you guys talked about. Great video and advice per usual!

[@ShelIy456]

i love the topics you guys are discussing!

[@melissatagle6247]

I feel like Joe would have been a great history teacher😂

[@SaullyG]

I watched about 4 hours of these episodes , really like the changes

[@darianborneo2236]

I think this episode resignates with me. I've been dealing with my father on this spectrum of thinking and cognitive dissidents, for my entire life and I live with him now. I was raised my mother and my brothers and I, on my mother's side we're tight. I can talk to her about anything she tries to understand me. While with my Dad it's like he doesn't give a fuck. When conversing he hears me but he's not listening. My Dad has been in management his entire life. He works so much that in everyday life he's in business brain, it's like he's forgotten to be human. Every time he interacts with me it's to tell me I'm fucking up, almost never in the other direction. There was an instance where during my graduation dinner my dad is like "aye D your sleeve is gonna get in your food", which there isn't anything wrong with. Yet, it was such a cold way it came across. And he also did it in front of both sides of my family. Later, my Mom says " he makes you feel like everything you do is wrong". I've resented him for a longtime, now I don't hate him yet I still resent him a bit. Edit: He's a Caribbean imigrant

[@Chococat_Ariana]

Hi David, I love all of your podcasts, but this one really hit home for me. I'm okay now - after much much time of reflection and of course learning it the hard way (experience being the best teacher is no freakin' joke) ; but man this podcast was like a love letter to my past 1st grade, 2nd grade, and 5th grade self. And I just wanted to say thank you to you and Joe for having this discussion. You guys are like the older brothers I wish I had but never got. #notallheroeswearcapes With much love, respect, and gratitude, Ariana

[@ksmp0728]

I love how you both grew up differently but I still find things to relate to. I love JK News but I look forward to hearing you two on this podcast even more!

[@supercooper9599]

Always interesting. Keep it up :D

[@justindiep22]

I always look forward to these podcasts

[@bryantngo8720]

very skeptical of this new style.. but i love it. Thanks david!

[@alypenn4529]

this podcast is soo good like, I have a low attention span but I made it to the end and I learned some new things

[@chris0419]

You just got a new podcast subscriber man (been a video on forever). Keep up the great work!

[@millendoan5641]

I’m from Toronto and would love to meet both of you guys one day!! I just want to pick your brains and meet people that I have mad respect for 👏🏼

[@mahRYELtan]

Thanks guys, this was healing for me also. Keep up the good work David :)

[@nameless-di2je]

Best thing to wake up to. Love you guys

[@TheDanster4]

As someone who is not Asian, this was super interesting. I really like hearing about different people's backgrounds and upbringings. What do you guys think about the "model minority" stereotype/title?

[@anamilosev4027]

great episode! id love to hear you guys talk more about sip!!

[@Emily160798]

This is veeeery much polish parenting. Very spot on. Its insane how bad it gets, when an opinion IS WRONG in their head. And they abso fucking lutely do not get that they are the stupid and closeminded ones to the bone. Saddens me that my dad is such a bad person, my mom never deserved being yelled at, yet she is one of us who receive it

[@daichideer3588]

This video is like my therapy, I'm the only Asian in my class, and my friends dont understand what I vent to them.

[@yoleeisbored]

korean here. i understand

[@aJxxw]

ayyee, i love these podcasts! I'm half asian so I always enjoy hearing about these kind of topics ;DD can be pretty relatable

[@aJxxw]

that was so good! just finished listening. So much of what you said is true. my mom's filipino and it's really stressful when she never backs down even when she's clearly wrong. But i also have that habit now- and also her flawed reasoning (or lack of) !

[@mancantchew]

I had a conversation with my dad once where we were talking about people's shortcomings and I said "but you know what dad? You're not perfect either. You always have to be right" and he said "that's case I'm a man. I have to be like that". In other words, he responded by saying that he is right in always having to be right

[@MeiAnn725]

I'm opening up with my family about the stress at work and I'm getting migraines. Then my grandma basically told me that I have air in my brain because of drying my hair with a fan or blower and that causes migraine she said.

[@simonsays5094]

I heard that theory too from an eastern medicine doctor who graduated from a renowned university in China. I swear traditional asian people will make up whatever pseudoscience they need on the spot to make their points.

[@MeiAnn725]

Yeah. They’re weird. Some asians will make up things for the sake of contradiction of whatever other people do.

[@tjlnintendo]

Simon Says They make suedo-science, but denounce real science when it disproves their point.

[@vfwh17]

god damn it david i adore ur carefree attitude, look at the way my man sit in his own podcast @45:25

[@JumbaLoveForLife]

I have heard them talk about this subject SO MANY TIMES

[@achoofull]

Love this convo!

[@fighterluckless409]

The part where they mentioned about the impulse though process that most Asian parents have is the truth. Many Asian parents still believes in that good ol' authoritarian type of parenting which always involves hovering around your child to succeed in life. I hate this type of parenting because it does involved some impulse thought process, they will say something and later on forget about it just to suppressed what they've done is wrong and continues feeding themselves inaccurate information and forces themselves to be always right in front of you. As an Asian man this is something I'm going to get rid from my own parenting style. I will do exactly what he said about "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK" meaning I will teach my kids the basics of everything such as how to be financially aware, how to budget, get them into stuff like dancing or singing (sports, musics, graphics, arts, etc...), and by the time they turned thirteen I'll make sure they get their drivers license and old enough to find part-time job during their off days from school. I'm not going to see my children as "investment accounts" either which is sad there are Asians who does see their children as "Investment Account" like really "THE FUCK?!" either save-up for retirement, have an investment portfolio, and take all that money and move back to the home country because chances are it's cheaper. ---- NOTE: Many of these immigrant Asian parents are uneducated the part that they got some "Oh, I don't have time to learn English" or ""Why should I learn English where Spanish people here are not learning English" -My mom" I seriously lost my respect to my mom when she mentioned that she doesn't have to learn English because Spanish people in my area didn't have to learn English is unbelievable. Hell! I have met some older Mexicans in Community College and also went to vocational to find careers some are working respectable careers by putting themselves to CC, Trade School, and taking adult classes at a local high school to perfect their English skills. People like my parents who just solely sees learning English is a chore and saying something like "...Spanish people in my area didn't have to learn English." is just bullshit attempt claiming entitlement, narcissism, and racism. Note: I cut off from my parents last time I heard they took their last $80,000 and moved back to the Philippines. ENTITLEMENT IS NOT THE BEST MEDICINE IN-FACT IT COULD BE PART OF NARCISSISTIC TRAIT.

[@kathystraps]

Managing finances! Saving for retirement?? Values on spending/saving.

[@nikoulolushka99]

Oh my god, guys most of issues that you mentioned, I can relate so badly

[@RM0103]

GeniusBrain for the win !!!!!

[@deadsoon]

My parents weren't immigrants so I didn't grow up with the same preassure, but we're south american. Their relationship was as dysfunctional as David's parents, and we grew around a lot of yelling and violence. My mom is paranoid, manipulative and selfish (unable to see anyone else's point of view; incredibly jealous and close-minded) and my father was rather codependent, obsessed with obtaining approval from people and success to show off but inside closed doors he was a rageful alcoholic, and they both clashed a _lot_ . I don't have any happy memories of my childhood. I just remember my father working abroad a lot, my mother always scolding me and never setting any ground for emotional connection, and their daily arguments that would go on for hours to end. That stays with you. I became withdrawn and quiet to avoid being in the way and to not get beaten down as well. Worst part is that my parents look at me and wonder why I turned out this way... They cannot for the life of them turn inwards and introspect.

[@pepito69]

These podcasts are amazing

[@luke-db2es]

Holy shit. "It's wrong"... I didn't expect that to be such a trigger

[@aj0_0]

My family isn't Asian but damn can I relate to David so damn much

[@joy-re4no]

this is therapeutic for me

[@maryhoxa2218]

i didnt want this podcast to end :( great topic

[@niharikajaisudan]

Love this dajeo podcast series going on.....

[@sparclesing]

African parents and asian parents are alot a like man. That denying of such horrible things they say to you is like the worst thing man. Have you looking crazy like why TF would I just make shit up?? Trauma isn't cute 😭😭😭

[@areyoukirringmeirriyaa]

I tell way too many lies and I hate it. I hate to lie to my friends saying someone in my family is hurt because I can’t go out with them. I hate not having the permission to do anything even tho i’m almost 18. my parents never understand or try to. I hate lying so much but I do it constantly and have to plan everything out or I’ll get the consenquences.

[@yazctr]

The first 20mins i 1000000000000% related to!! My dad is the f**kin same!! Im 33 now and we still butt heads!! He never backs down!

[@lenanguyen.]

I can totally relate to all of this!

[@danle_like_stanley]

I think 1:02:15 was a great moment and lesson in the video

[@avilik13]

David's mum reminds me of mine. Always yelling at my dad for getting the wrong thing when she doesn't even drive.

[@areyoukirringmeirriyaa]

I tell way too many lies and I hate it. I hate to lie to my friends saying someone in my family is hurt because I can’t go out with them. I hate not having the permission to do anything even tho i’m almost 18. my parents never understand or try to. I hate lying so much but I do it constantly and have to plan everything out or I’ll get the consenquences.

[@Lizymehehe]

holy shit. totally relateable cuz when I talk to my mom about shit like this she denies it. Whenever I bring up about how she used to hit me she says she never hit me. she wouldn't admit that she hit me but like I'm pretty sure she did. instead, she tells me about how I fought her. it's ridiculous.

[@izzoArtistry]

Awesome podcast

[@BbyDAp]

“I’m a child, but you’re a fucking idiot man” holy shit😭😭😭😭

[@isoblah]

THIS EPISODE WAS LIKE FREE THERAPY FOR ME.

[@logankue9627]

I could relate. My mom barely knows English either. I tried to sign her up for an English class but she wasn't having that. Lol.

[@peacelife]

Good talk! Asian parents--def can relate

[@sayuriuzumaki]

I totally get what you mean about some Asian parents weighing opinions an facts the same. My boyfriend is Chinese and his mother is a pretty stereotypical Asian mother. She'll read something from a Chinese magazine and automatically think it's fact even when there's no basis behind it, and her reason for trusting it is because it's from a Chinese source. Or for instance, my body can't digest carbs well so rice isn't healthy for me. But she can't understand that lol. She says "All I eat is rice, and I'm healthy so rice is healthy. It's healthy for you too." No matter what I say lol. It can be frustrating but I'm figuring out how to work with her XD

[@simonsays5094]

my mom's like that too, always preaching about what chinese newspaper enlightened her into being a medical doctor... I find the best thing to do is just to let it in one ear and out the other