Daycare drop off with my second... not what I expected.

Daycare drop off with my second... not what I expected.
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I didn't know people had such strong opinions about daycare until I posted a video on it with my first ( • Daycare... Our Experience )
I'm a sincere believer of do what works for you and YOUR family. I know you're working out of love, and no two people have the same situation.
I read a book called Cribsheet that said it's MORE beneficial for children to be in daycare after 18 months. I also listened to a podcast that said daycare is "the least good options" until THREE!!!
We've done a combo of babysitter, parttime and full time daycare for our girls.
There are SO MANY pros and cons when it comes to daycare. But there are also a lot of different options people don't consider instead of daycare!
References:
Book that recommends daycare after 18 months: amzn.to/3spytPR
Podcast that recommends dayare after 3 years: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
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New upload:
00:00 Share YOUR story!!
00:25 Daycare with my second
00:36 This is not about if you should or shouldn't
01:10 I support you, Ma
01:21 We can't be 10s in ALL categories
02:00 Pros and Cons of Daycare
02:15 CONS OF DAYCARE
06:25 PROS OF DAYCARE
07:09 Daycare Experience with our 1st
08:09 Daycare Experience with my 2nd
10:40 Childcare Options (other than daycare)
14:57 Daycare is a great option for a lot of ppl
15:19 SHARE YOUR STORY PLEASE!!!!

[@amandatyler]

As a former daycare teacher (degree in child development) and current stay-at-home mom, I definitely agree with the importance of spending the first three years at home if you can swing it. I listened to that Spillover episode too and it's so true that daycare is the least good option, it was meant as a last resort and has turned into the default option. It's definitely not easy to downsize but I also encourage people to take a good look at where you can make cutbacks - the sacrifices are SO WORTH IT when it comes to your baby's first few years, they are so important developmentally and you don't get those years back. We went down to 1 car, cut out some luxury things (cut back on expensive hair appointments, fewer nights out and more cooking at home, shopping second hand, using cloth diapers, etc), and made a plan and a budget. It is DOABLE even in this economy and is so worth it, it's not easy but being able to stay home with your kid if you can is invaluable. ♥

[@kayoss2306]

Daycare has become the default to the extent that people really question why I still haven't put my 22 month old in daycare yet. My Mum friends all sing the praises of daycare and how good it is for babies/toddlers, and I feel like I have to keep silent during those conversations for fear of making them feel guilty for not staying home with their little ones 😅

[@madelinehelwig8409]

I do agree it is doable in many situations (I realize that it's not doable for literally everyone). But especially if you are married I think it's possible.

[@maiaatkinsschalchlin2075]

I watched that same episode of the Spillover! Thanks for your comment! As a mom of a busy 18 month old and pregnant with my second, I totally agree that it is doable to stay home. I ran a home-based business previously and had to mostly let that go to be available for my little one. Yes, I miss my business, but they is no one who can be there (spiritually, emotionally and physically) for my little ones like I can. We can have it all, just not all at the same time.

[@Meg-eq2md]

Same, friends get offended. So I just don't say anything when people start talking about kindergarten/daycare 🙈

[@lindah1990]

I do not agree that it is doable. Everything is getting too expensive. I have to work, my husband works fulltime and I work 2 or 3 days a week. We can just get by. We own 1 car, my husband has to travel by bus to go to work (no licence and not able to afford it), we do not go out because there is no money left at the end of the month. My son goes to a "gastouder" (a small small daycare, with a maximum of 4 other children a day) twice a week and once a week to my parents.

[@BrendaP21]

My MIL is my SAVIOR! She is willing to watch the kids any chance she gets! And it's amazing. She respects the rules we set for our kids. And she has saved my sanity on more than one occasion! I am so glad she's retired (so is she!).

[@annaw2812]

We've ended up keeping our son at home for 3 years and I am so glad that it turned out that way. We tried at 18 months because I needed to work but it was disaster. He screamed like he was in agony and I was outside in the carpark listening for 20 minutes, balling my eyes out, unable to leave. And that was after 2 weeks of visits where I didn't leave so he was familiar with the place. I ended up working weekends so my husband could look after him. So we didn't get much family time together but my son now has a very tight bond with both me and his dad and I am so grateful for that. He is about start day care now just for 2 mornings per week so that he can play with other kids.

[@jossiehanson9865]

I have many years of experience in childcare with infants & toddlers. I’m a HUGE advocate for staying home if at all possible. At least the first 3 years. Make the sacrifices!

[@ginapurcell1732]

Full-time stay-at-home mom of a 15 month old with baby #2 due in two months. We plan for me to stay home indefinitely and homeschool once they reach that age. My husband works fully remote so our daughter has both of us around the house all day. It's such a huge blessing and huge priority for us.

[@starabby222]

former Early Childhood Educator and current stay-at-home mama with a 3 year old and 10 month old. I watched the same episode of the Spillover and it affirmed everything i witnessed when working at daycare and what i was seeing in my oldest. She was so shy for her entire life, clinging dearly to me, and then all of a sudden once she turned 3, its like a switch flipped and she was incredibly social and able for me to leave her at childcare during church (and i at one point thought there was no way she would ever be okay with that). I think those first 3 years of having her home with me building a firm attachment allowed her to feel safe and secure. I can't imagine any income outweighing the benefits of being at home with my littles. I love it so much, and even on the days that leave me feeling defeated i can still say confidently that i would never have it any other way.

[@Ninjaflyingpinkducks]

Babysitter / nanny of 15+ yrs here! I love how you watched that spillover episode with an open mind. I found most of it was gold and spot on. I will say, I never realized until after watching youtube videos about foster children and the traumas that they face, how similar foster parents and nanny's really are. Not trying to be a negative here but I've seen some mild trauma from most of the children I've watched and usually it was caused from just having me there in general. Something else that I'll add is that every single parent, without fail, parents their children differently and has different rules and expectations on how they want their child to act or how they want their sitter to act. It can be very very hard blending into a new house routine with a new family when one house limits tv time to 1 or 2 shows, and the other house has the tv on 12 hrs a day. I loved having the parents explain their rules and expectations of me, but also to allow for a little room for messing up too. I was totally fine with following 98% of anyones house rules. (I think the only one I would break every other day or so and get growled at for every time is turning this one fan off because I was freezing in their cold house.) 😂 People are not perfect. We all mess up. But I do think it is an amazing thing to be able to stay home with your children for as long as you can. No hate. No shame. I just know how much babies and toddlers miss their parents. ❤ Have a great day!

[@yosoyal9176]

I was not treated well in daycare as a child. So much so to where the police got involved, I’ll just leave it there. With that said, I always told myself I would do whatever it takes to keep my children out of daycare. My husband works Monday through Friday and I work Saturday and Sunday. My husband and I miss out on a lot of time together but it keeps my kids safe and out of daycare. Plus the cost of daycare would literally take away half of my entire salary.

[@jovi5jovs]

We started our little guy at 12 months old. It was a struggle with the staff on having them follow our schedule from home. Mind you, we found one that preached that that’s what they do…. That all infants have their unique schedule and that the staff will respect it. We started off really slow, one hour a day until lengthened the stay until he felt comfortable. The issues started when he was staying for the hours I would be at work, 8-3:30. He is still on a two nap schedule and at first the staff was respecting that… until they stopped. It was heart breaking having to drive back home with an overtired baby screaming and crying all 30 minutes on the way back. When I spoke with the supervisor about why the naps were not happening, she said two more infants started and they just didn’t have the man power to spend putting my little guy down. Borderline neglect. His last day is tomorrow, we decided the best care will be with his parents… my in laws visit us here and there and I’ll be working whenever they come visit. At least next of kin will treat him the way only family will.

[@kimberleylibby1028]

I live in Canada where full mat leave is available for a year or reduced cheques for 1 1/2 yrs, plus the government pays half of the daycare bill. A family member, private home or private nanny/babysitter was not an option as there is actually a childcare crisis in my area, people get their names on a list before even becoming pregnant so that after the baby is born and they have to go back to work then they have childcare by that point. We waited over a year on several lists, private and certified before getting a spot in a licensed daycare. And daycare has been such a positive game changer for us!!! We started my daughter shortly after she turned 2 and started out part time. It was the hardest thing that I’ve ever done to take her (I was very attached… I was use to taking care of her every day). We noticed a huge difference socially with her after she started; she had more social confidence, learned to independent play and made friends which she talked about when at home. The turn over in Eastern Canada is very very low so she got use to the same kids and workers. They take the kids out twice a day (weather permitting), they do crafts, have special activities planned like: water days, small petting farm visiting, professionals in dental care or first responders etc. visiting. She’s cried when daycare has been closed.

[@brickbrow]

We downsized our home, cars, and city so we could keep our daughter at home. Zero regrets. All gratitude. In fact it’s been great for our marriage to have so much less financial strain on us and living a “smaller” life. It’s been great.

[@heyshayla]

👏👏👏👏😂amaaaazing

[@kennydianabrown7359]

I also wanted to share from the perspective of living in Europe. We live in Holland and our daughter started daycare at 12 months and it's been absolutely amazing for our daughter and us. I don't know about the US but in Holland daycare is incredible. There is little turnover, lots of crafts, playtime outside (everyday in all weather conditions) and great meals. Our daughter started speaking early, she has confidence and opportunities to work through interactions with other children. It's a little sad for me to see so many mom KZbinrs talk about childrearing from such a privileged perspective. Please understand, my tone is meant to be kind not mean. Most mothers in the world cannot say home, cannot have an au pair, do not have reliable family members or relationships with their parents etc. so when suggestions all revolve around these conditions it feels isolating and I just want these mothers to know that they are not harming or "stunting" their child's development by taking them to a good, loving and trustworthy daycare. Personally, I believe a child's temperament has a lot to do with how effective and good a childcare option is for them. My little girl is incredibly social while also having a deep connection with us. If she had a different temperament perhaps other options would be better. Each parent knows their child and no amount of podcasts or KZbin videos will change that. We are all doing a great job loving our children. (Oh and fulltime daycare here is essentially free for families who cannot afford it and each family can receive 8-16 hours a week no questions asked). We moved from Seattle here because we knew we would not afford to raise children the way we wanted in the states.

[@GodisInYourJobSearch]

Love your channel especially as an ex traveler - and the content is always so timely for me. I must say BIG difference that we need to differentiate is Full time day care vs part time. I don’t think there’s a mom alive that would say a few hours at 18 months is a bad thing. They are more aware of what’s going on And moms need the break to work, clean etc. Full time below 3 just sucks but is a necessary evil. I have an 18 month old but and started daycare at 12 months. Not by choice but am now mostly solo parenting and it serves the need that it was intended for - to be an option for single moms. I watched the spillover episodes with that expert - it came out right when I was starting it and I do believe what she says. Kids need mom til 3. The gut wrenching pain at drop off and the cries of ur baby to be away from them for 8 or more hours a day - is just an indicator that it’s wrong. And don’t get me started on how they jack up ur kids sleep at 12 months and expect them to do one nap … or just pay no mind to how little sleep they are getting. But 18 months. Few hours a day. Is a good break for mom and the kids get to be around other loving adults, build their immune system from the germs and start experiencing other kids. It’s a blessing and privilege to be home with ur babies as long as possible. Wish I planned and saved differently in my non mom / travel years. Alas. Can’t change the past. Can only prepare for the future now.

[@firemires03]

Our baby is almost 15 months old. She started daycare at 11 weeks old. It's been so hard dropping her off every day. I miss her so much and want to spend these formative years with her. My husband and I decided it would be best to pull her from daycare, so I took a different position with my company working fewer days and different hours so when I have to go to work, my husband will be home. She has one more week in daycare then we start our new schedule. So excited!

[@heyshayla]

Omg!!! So exciting!!!!

[@whatchyagonnado]

I'd love to hear how it goes!

[@flormiranda4642]

I live in Uruguay and I work from home 40hs a week, my baby is now 9mo and my mom came over since my maternity leave ended 6m ago. she’s been going since she was 4mo to a “baby and family center” that the government supplies and manages(it’s free and they feed them breakfast and lunch). We go there once a week, we play together and it’s a great space for moms too to decompress and chat (I don’t have any mom friend so that part is nice). Next year in February (when she turns 1) she’ll be going to that same center but for 1yo that go with the parent the first month then its 4hs a day 5 days a week. My mom takes care of her while I work and we arranged that I pay her something (esp for gas expenses and her time) and they BONDED SO WELL it’s beautiful to watch. So yeah I strongly believe that family member (with the same parenting style and commitment) is the best, but the second best is a place that also allows you to be there so they can feel safe while adapting to the teacher and environment ❤ at the end of the day we are all doing our best for our little koalas

[@danielapavonicova]

I'm from the Czech republic and its very common to stay at home with your kid for 3 years on maternity leave. Everyone gets 13k usd for one kid (total) from the state and it's up to you if you want to be getting the money for 1 or 3 years. One of the few things I love about our system 🙏

[@TessAbroad]

I’m an American expat living in Switzerland and my son started daycare at 10 months. Similar to other international experiences… we did a 2 week onboarding where I attended with him the first 2 days for 90 mins, then he started going alone for an increasing number of hours each day until he was “full-time”. It’s 4 kids per teacher and the teachers tend to stick around a bit longer save for one or two who are doing apprenticeships. He also only goes 3 days per week. But he absolutely loves being around other kids and still has a strong attachment to both me and my husband. I wanted to share for anyone feeling guilty about not loving being a SAHM… I thought I would love the job of full-time motherhood but it was actually extremely difficult for me and took a major toll on my mental health. Starting daycare and getting back to work has been a saving grace for my family. ❤

[@reneeirena]

I'm also an expat in Switzerland! We started our son at 4 months and he's been there for about 2 months now and loves it. He also only does 3 days a week. I feel so guilty sending him so young, but I couldn't manage school and being a fulltime SAHM, especially when my husband travels for work so often. He's bonded with one of the teachers and honestly eats better there than at home. But urgh he's had a perma cold for about a month now :( I think he's very well-attached to me and my husband, and I feel like we can give him our all on non-daycare days because we're less exhausted.

[@oceaneyeye]

I'm french, living in Switzerland. My daughter started daycare at 3 months old, she is now 18 months and she loves it!

[@LifeWithoutIcecream]

Very similar experience, my bub started at 10 months and goes two days a week, and had a very gradual introduction. Her centre practices secure attachment measures and never leaves them crying. My Bub has become sooo much more confident since starting! She now walks up to other adults without hesitation as all her experiences have been so safe and positive. And it means we can actually afford to live with me working (otherwise very difficult these days- we’re inAustralia and houses costs millions)

[@johannafadipe3013]

Did daycare at 11.5 months with a home-based daycare with an experienced Montessori teacher. We did settling in sessions from 9 months. In the UK ratios are 3 children:1 adult, we love it. Didn’t want parents/family as we wanted one consistent person who has a set of rules rather than grandparents who have different rules and approaches which is harder for children to understand. Thrilled with this option

[@maryjaynebarber1774]

I have a 2.5 year old and 15 month old. I went back to work for about 4 months after my first and thankfully found a work from home position that is per diem. I have them home with me while I work and while it's not the easiest thing in the world, I truly can't imagine it any other way. We plan to sign my almost 3 year old up for preschool in the fall which is only offered half day. I do feel that keeping them home up until 3 years is beneficial for our bond and caring for them as well but I can see at 2.5 how eager he is to learn and play and be with others so I have to agree that 3 is a good age for daycare if need be. No option is easy, the grass may seem always greener but it comes does to the kids and what they need

[@raineywhite1390]

I’m a stay at home parent, I was an artist and decided to stay home instead of paying for childcare. We live on a super tight budget and my partner works from home. Me and my son have a very secure attachment, did not sleep train, breastfed until 22 months. I am pregnant with my second and wanted him to gain some sense of self and independence, or other bonds with adults other than myself to help with the transition of bringing another baby into the family. We started in a co-op preschool when he turned 2. This was the best option for us as it was low cost, he could have a slow introduction into school, and we could gain community. It is 2 days a week from 9-12, and they had a slow separation policy that allowed me to stay and play until he felt confident and had built attachments with his teachers. I feel really lucky to have had the support from the preschool and am really happy with how we went through this transition together it really aligned with all of my principles and felt cohesive with my parenting.

[@alexinaaron1022]

My 1.5 year old started at a certified Montessori School. I could fill pages and pages with how incredible it is. He is learning so much and they are so gentle with him.

[@alexivanova0509]

I live in France and most mothers here go back to work when their baby is 3 months old (cuz maternity leave is that short and most people need the income from their job). The sad reality of life. That said, I managed to stay full-time with my baby for 5 months, then my husband took 1 month of paternity leave while I was working from home. Then we started having a nany at home twice a week, I was working at 60% (form home) and my husband was working at 80% (from home) and so we managed to keep our baby home full-time for another 3 months. (I was on the edge of a burnout at that point.) Then we started a transition period with an 'assistante maternelle' (a woman that takes care of 3-4 kids in her home - like a mini day care) for a month while still working at 60 and 80 %. Then we had a month off for vacation (life in France ;) ) So at 11 months old our baby started going to the 'assistante maternelle' 4 days a week (we still keep Wednesdays for family time). He's now 14 months old and things are good, he likes it there - playing with the other kids, doing art projects, going to some activities like baby theatre and baby gym :D With a second baby I would like to stay home at least for the first 9 months and if we can stretch it to 12, that would be awesome. And if my husband can work at 80% from home and help out it would also be great! But for me personally, after a full year of being emerged into motherhood, I know I'll need to go back to having adult conversations and experiences. POV: We have no family close by to help us out and we both need to keep working as much as possible to pay the bills.

[@Bedrockssleep]

I looooved being able to keep my twins home for the first two years. Last week, when our daycare lady sent a video of the kiddos having a glow stick dance party and I saw my toddlers having an absolute BLAST, I was like "YES!" I am not "fun" in that way. They get different experiences there. But again, so glad they were home as babies. Now? Daycare is so good for them and it's so good for me.

[@heyshayla]

You’re the person I was talking about for when the daycare lady is sick!! 😂😂😂

[@abigailcomar5577]

I really enjoyed that podcast. I feel so overwhelmed as a SAHM, I know I’m privileged to be able to do it but that podcast reminded me I’m truly doing something important!

[@maryjaynebarber1774]

I stand with you! The days truly are hard and long but the years are short in the grand scheme. You're doing such a good job ❤️ more than you know!

[@vincentbynumbers]

I feel the same way!! ❤ the struggle is real but worth it.. I think. I tried to find a daycare for 2 days a week for socialization, but where I live it's not even an option .. full time or nothing! Because of such a demand. So we get as many library storytimes, playdates and a nature school mommy and me class when we can...

[@vdiazda]

My daughter started at an in-home daycare when she was 6 months old and LOVES it. A few times I’ve gone to pick her up and she cried because she wanted to stay and wanted the daycare provider over me. It’s been nearly a year and her daycare provider has never called in sick and my daughter rarely gets sick. So, I think that daycare is a great option for some kiddos.

[@allisonlikesyellow]

I have two children, oldest is 3.5 years and he just started going to preschool only 2 mornings a week for 3.5 hours. He's home with me all other times, no other childcare other than me or my husband. I gave up my career to stay home which I feel very fortunate I can do and it's also really hard sometimes to think about something I worked so hard for. I will never regret it though. My kids do not co-sleep and they sleep less than any kid I've ever known - so definitely do not think that kids that sleep on their own sleep more!

[@heyshayla]

Oh I appreciate that about the sleep! And who says you can’t go back to your job when your kids are older?! 🙌 if you want

[@CocoShin]

I’m American living in Berlin and the support for families here is mind blowing… 250 Euros/month per kid at least until they turn 18 (longer if they stay in school), “parents money” which is 60% of your full time salary paid monthly for 12 months for one parent + 2 months for the other, another maternity benefit, and -get this- kindergarten is FREE OF CHARGE. Many of them have you pay like 40 euros/month for food or a special class like music or yoga, but no one is downsizing in order to afford it. I don’t know how I would manage if I had my baby in the US. Also, easing your child into daycare is customary. It’s called “Eingewöhnung” and can last weeks. I think it’s a much gentler approach. My baby is turning 8 months old soon and I have to think about daycare now (it’s very competitive because so many people have babies in Berlin.) I love being with her so much I don’t want to miss out on critical time with her. I figure sometime between 18 months and 3 years it will happen. 😅

[@hollyhodgson7253]

Here in Italy there are public daycares that are means tested and therefore almost completely free for the average income family. 99% of kids start daycare at 12 months old irrespective of having a stay at home parent or not. Both private and public daycares generally have a 1 to 2 week orientation plan where parents stay with the child and gradually leave them for longer stretches of time.

[@brefriedt]

That social support you talk about is built into most developed countries except the US. For me in Canada, I took 12 months maternity leave with my first and now I’m taking 18 months with my second. I think the drop off and transition to daycare is going to be so much easier this time. He is going to be ready to play. 12 months was too early for my first, but the pandemic hit so I really got the extra time with her for free in the end.

[@rebeccazeman9309]

My son started preschool at 18 months and he truly is thriving. He is "odd" in that he already loves the social aspect and playing with other kids. He doesn't play next to, he plays with already. He's an only child so i really can't imagine him not being in preschool. On the way to school today he asked if he could have his friend Baker over to play. He's 21 months old.

[@weldonservicegroup6962]

We’ve been very lucky to have retired grandparents watch our now 2.5yo. Our LO will be starting preschool soon with similar hours to what yours did/do but only 2 days a week. I never thought we would be parents and I never really wanted to be a parent…it is hard and we are very blessed. Daycare isn’t something we wanted (don’t trust many people and society much) plus we wanted that bond that your speak of. Also, our LO has slept in a crib since 5.5months old. As older parents and ones with “less connected” parents of our own, we choose to do a combination of showing love with hugs, being around, playing, all the daily responsibilities. We also make times available so LO has a chance to be self reliant… we want our LO to have a solid baseline of trusting their instincts because we supported them during all of their young life. Strong individual but with a loving heart to share when the time is appropriate. Oh, and smart. 😊

[@dawnforlife]

Did it stay that way? I sent my girl to part time day care. The first 3 times, fantastic; she was excited! Didn't have a problem and loved it then suddenly, the fourth time, she came home and said "Don't want to go anymore, stay with mama." 😫 She was never ready till 2.5. She has always said she wanted to be with me and then closer to three, she said "Want to go to school.", that's how we started. She wants to be with grandma now, it's a short time but at least I get about 1.5 hours or so.. Daycare aside, you are GLOWING and BEAUUUTIFUL! Love this hair wrap thing on you 😊

[@amandatyler]

This is really normal! First few days are usually great, then reality sets in and kiddos realize this is the new norm and they don't like it 😂 Good news is eventually they settle in and do okay once they realize mom/dad is always going to come back, it just takes a bit longer, usually a few weeks or so depending on the kiddo. I always told parents the first day is easy and the second is harder because the kiddo knows what's coming! Also definitely agree about the hair wrap in this vid, so pretty on her! ♥

[@heyshayla]

She’s still loving it! I think it helps we dropped off and picked up aj for a few weeks? Thank you!!

[@rcece569]

So glad to see how many moms are keeping their kids home until age 3. My son is 10 months now but it’s going by so fast already. I will keep him home with me until 3! Maybe I’ll try to find something one or two days a week for an hour in order for him to socialize

[@Erika_sews]

I live in Sweden, totally different set up from US! To begin with, parental leave looks different, the state funds it. Most kids start daycare at 12-18 months. Daycare is controlled by the government, even those run by private companies are under state supervision. Daycare staff is educated same as teachers. About half has the lower degree (high school level) and half the higher degree (3 years in University), So daycare is not child care but a place for children to grow through play. The cost depends on the family income, we max out our and it’s 160€ per month. Regular salaries are anywhere from 2000-4000€ per month (before taxes) so the cost is very manageable. Personally, my daughter started at 15 months old. She definitely has an attachment with her three teachers (is been a bit over a year now), she loves daycare and grows so much from it! Both language, motor skills, social interactions. By now she’s there for around 7 hours a day, She still has a good and strong attachment to us, something we can tell by how she responds to different situations. It felt horrible at first - for me - to leave her (even though Sweden certainly practice that parents stay at the school n the beginning, to ease the transition). But for her it has been great! And her teachers are wonderful. Caring, dedicated and really good. I’ve been an au pair, I’ve worked at a daycare as a temp, and there’s a huge difference in the pedagogical work by one who has the formal education for it and people who don’t. Not all daycares in Sweden live up to these standards, which is a really bad shortcoming from the government. But those are the exceptions. Most people have the same great experience as we do 😊

[@deec3561]

I worked in Early childhood my whole career. There’s a big push for daycare, but I think with the parents is best (if possible).

[@valeriiearce]

Washington state has parental leave. Up to 18 weeks, and it kinda works like the social security thing you mentioned. You pay a tax from your income that goes in to your family or extended sick leave. And when you need the time after giving birth you file with the department of unemployment and they pay you up to $1,700 per week

[@mydomesticden]

Started my oldest at 11 months old. Had daycare lined up a month earlier and had a panic attack about sending him to a daycare center. 2 days before he was supposed to start, I called and said he wasn’t coming. I hated the ratio, the illness and my motherly instinct told me it wasn’t a good fit. (Even though I had incredible references who loved their experience there). Found an INCREDIBLE in-home daycare that I absolutely adore! Which was critical when our second was born. He started there at 13 weeks old, because I trusted our daycare provider so much after having our first there for a year. All in all, I trusted my gut and am so happy I didn’t send them to a daycare facility. Now, hoping to be a stay at home mom as we are expecting our third. 🩷

[@essemmbee]

Both my kids have been in daycare since six months and it really works best for us. I worked hard for my career and I love doing it, so it’s really not a financial thing but my mental health. I honestly think it makes me a better mom 😆 And the consistency of that I think has worked really well instead of juggling multiple schedules of Nannie’s/family members. I do wish I had a little more maternity leave (US get your act together) but like Shayla said it’s such a nuanced topic, I love these discussions and hearing people’s thoughts in a safe space.

[@courtneyheyman5396]

I was home with my son for the first year (in Canada for reference) and he is now in a daycare center. I like that he is with kids that are all his same age (12-18months) and it is a 1:3 ratio. The first few weeks were a bit rough and we did a gradual entry. During that time I felt terrible, but he would cry for 5 min then be playing with other kids. He now reaches for his daycare providers and smiles when he sees them. I couldn't imagine sending him before a year like is common in the states. Ideally, I would have stayed home for 18 months, but with my job that wasn't going to work. He is flourishing in daycare now. He has learned so many new skills, loves playing with other kids, and enjoys his daycare providers. This is such a hard decision for any mama to make, but know that you will figure out what works for you and your family!

[@aliceg1622]

My almost 2yr old is still home with me. We’ve made a lot of sacrifices to live only on my husbands income but I’ve slowly started picking up some bookkeeping work that I do on his nap time or when his dad takes him to the park in the evening. The bookkeeping actually pays for a gym membership for me and my son has childcare there. Sometimes I just go in and use their workspace and leave him, some times I workout, sometimes I just shower in peace. But I can only leave him for 2 hours at a time and we don’t go everyday because it’s a bit far. But I just started like two months ago.

[@sallypalmer1616]

In Germany they also have a special system for "Eingewöhnung" (getting-used-to-daycare-time"). It starts with 3 days where you are at daycare together with your child for 1h and just play. On the fourth day you leave the child for 10min and the teacher plays with the child and sees how the child reacts to the separation from the parent. If the kid is fine, you procede the normal route. Day by day you leave the kid a little longer at daycare. They eat lunch there. When lunch works fine, then they procede with the afternoon nap and so on. If the child cries unconsolably the parent is called to pick up the child and they try again next day. If the kid has problems with the separation they go a slower pace of increasing the time at daycare. Usually it takes 2-3weeks to get your child used to full day daycare (6h), but depending on the child it can also take up to 12weeks (when they are sick often and so on and on). Also, they recommend that the father is doing the "Eingewöhnung", since the separation from the mother is often more difficult for the kids.

[@anjalicat]

I am from the US but have lived in Iceland for over a decade. My son is 26 months and started daycare when he was 21 months. Here we have 80% paid parental leave till 12 months, but I was only able to get 7.5 months paid leave as the father has to take at least 4.5 months of the total time or lose it. My husband took the 4.5 months as 9 months part-time leave, and I stayed home unpaid. From 12 months, children here are supposed to have a place in a heavily subsidized (I pay about $200 per month for 6 hours a day, but some municipalities offer it free) "playschool", which they then attend until mandatory schooling begins at age 6 (though there are perpetual staff shortages and kids in some locations don´t get a place till well after 12 months). When my son was around 20 months, I started to think he would benefit from being around other kids more, so he started to attend 3.5 hours a day, 5 days a week this past summer, and then when he turned 2 he started to do 6 hours a day, napping there. A lot of kids go 8.5 hours a day, which is the max where I live. The set up here is pretty nice. Though there is staff turnover and the teachers are paid much too little, there are always teachers in every class who have been there for many years, and the staff follow the kids in their class as they move up. So in theory at least, and I think often in practice, the same teachers will be with the kids from 12 months until 6 years. It's totally play based, and no classroom learning starts before 6 years. They get delicious homemade lunches and healthy snacks, way better than I could make. Something like 95% of kids go to playschool by age 2. That all said, my son has been resisting going more and more since he started going 6 hours. I don't know if it's because it's too long for him, or because he turned 2 and is more resistant to everything, or because it's winter and dark here now and not as fun to play outside (they go out in almost all our crazy weather). Totally unrelated note, a friend of mine in Germany told me where she lives, they offer 24-hour daycare! Not sure how good that would be for kids, but it would be great for parents who work odd hours!

[@youtubeacc]

I’m in Canada and we can do up to 18 months maternity leave. I left my job while pregnant so I never had maternity leave and I’m a stay at home mom. I’ll stay home until my last kid is in grade 1. I feel like it’s our biggest job as mothers is to raise our kids ourselves and be there for every moment. In almost any scenario staying home is possible. I just think so many people don’t want to give up their lifestyles.

[@rosec8101]

I worked at night til my daughter was about 18 months. My husband had her at night. It was perfect for us. Now I stay home and expecting our second baby soon. I will say my husband is a cop in a small town. There are very few options for daycare and most would put our kids with kids of parents he has arrested. Not ideal and creates drama we were not comfortable with. Also make sure the daycare has policy for kids with communicable diseases.

[@FruittilaTheSun]

You can also find other alternatives, like a Waldorf preschool or Montessori, some start around 2 yrs old with some flexibility depending on the child. There are also other things these days like farm centered preschools and stuff. I know some of these wouldn't always be an option for younger babies, but just throwing it out there.

[@hoddaa555]

Past the two years mark ... things got crazy at home. Can't keep up with the child's energy, huge tantrums everytime we have to get inside the house after an outing, he wants to play non stop... daycare solved it all. He receieves all the stimulation his curius mind and turbo energy desire. I was NOT willing to put him in daycare prior to 2 yeats of age ... past two yeats, he was potty trained, autonomous, and very expressive. It was ideal, and he looks forward to going every morning. On the weekends, he keeps asking to see his cousins because he can't stand being home. I sleep trained him also, so my toddler does get the 11 to 12 hours of sleep at night, an hour and a half afternoon nap (used to be two hours), and so for that reason, eveyone has been shocked at how alert and energetic and unfussy he's been since he's been out of the newborn stage. Heck I get fussy as a dult when I have two (max) consecutive nights of not enough sleep. I'm no expert at sleep training, but my belief is that just like baby led weaning, potty training, the child must also learn how to sleep. Not to mention, when you're asleep, youre like unconscious, so I dont see what attachment has to do with anything when youre in deep sleep. However, during the newborn stage (3 to 4 months old) Im all for bed sharing SAFELY. I notoced it help my newborn at the time sleep so so much better, go into deep sleep more easily and quickly, and his sleep was less noisy ( because he was in deep sleep) which whats truly beneficial for our brains ans bodies. So, yeah, personally i highly recommend sleep training past a certain age, and daycare past a certain age. It makes sense, and it aligns with their developmental reality, as i have personally observed.

[@alisanhankins8762]

Our 1st boy did pre k at a church daycare and it was good - age 4. We knew no difference until surprise baby 2 (also boy) came along and our situation changed. Couldn’t rely on family this time so started him at 20 mos in daycare and he struggled for the first few mornings but he is THRIVING in a way we didn’t know was possible with our first. Like totally sociable.. our oldest still is kinda shy around people and new things but the now 3 yo is game for anything. Eye opener. Definitely a proponent of starting around 18 mos ❤

[@ritagoncalves2994]

I live in the Netherlands and for the first week you go in with your baby everyday. Game changer for sure. And it’s 1 teacher to 4 children so they have a really nice bond 😊 different options and they are all valid!

[@amandatyler]

Love that you go with them for the first week!! Most places in the US have around a 1 to 4 ratio for infants but it goes up significantly as kids get older (1 to 15 for three-year-olds where I live, for example) - is that the case for you in the Netherlands too?

[@maritzah.4039]

My son will be starting day care in about 6 weeks… he will be 3 and 1/2 months old. We have no family to watch him and my husband is still in nursing school and works 36 hours a week so I have to go back to work. I hate it. My dream has always been to be a SAHM, even if it’s only while my kids are little. Sometimes life doesn’t work out in your favor and you have to do things you don’t want to do, like send your kid to day care. My heart will honestly break every day because it just feels like I’m going against every bone in my body, but we have to. We have no other option. And I’ll probably have guilt about it for the rest of my life. I pray every day that God will protect my son in day care and that he won’t have emotional issues because he had to be in day care so young. I’m praying that we’ll be in a better place financially when we have our 2nd baby some day so that I can stay at home with them until they’re atleast 2 years old.

[@catdt8920]

I feel this. I wish we had a part-time option where we live since I have the kind of job that doesn't allow for gaps in work. We've been lucky that the turnover at his school is low, and he clearly loves being there, but I wonder if it will impact his behaviors later. We center our weekends on him to try to balance it out.

[@coolcatchiara]

I live in Western Australia, and staying with your kid at day care for the first few days they attend is totally the norm here! So weird to hear it’s not like that elsewhere.

[@Vantechova]

In my country you can stay at home for 3 years with your baby and your employer has to hold your job for you. Of course You can go back earlier. As a teacher and a mom I see the importance of the first 3 years in babies lives.

[@tmscaran]

Thank you for posting this information Shay! It absolutely rocked my world to learn the importance of being there the first three years- but I came out feeling way more informed and knowledgeable! if not for you, I may have never heard any of it. The way you put these ideas out there is so kind, respectful and fair, and I want to send a big hug for the beauty you contribute to the world! I love ya girl!!!

[@melissaseifert7969]

I’m a teacher and took leave in the spring, so baby was 5 months when I went back to work. Fortunately, he had his grandma’s on both sides take turns watching him that first year. This school year we are paying my sister to nanny. It has been wonderful. We didn’t have to wake him up in the morning to go anywhere for daycare and he’s home in his own space where he is comfortable and has everything he needs. I am so grateful my son has the bond he has with his grandparents and my sister!

[@BHtv0711]

Very interesting to hear for me as a European / German mom. Con points 2 "Cost" and 3 "High turnover" are definitely not as much of an issue here in Germany/Europe. The cost differs from city to city and state to state, but overall daycare is way less expensive than in the US it seems. In Germany, from what I've experienced and heard from friends with kids, is that you typically pay around 200 to 500 € per month (about 215 to 530 USD) for a spot in daycare (ages 0 to 3) for 6-8 hours per day including a freshly cooked lunch. Kindergarten (which is ages 3 to 6 here) is even less expensive because it's heavily subsidized by the state, so for a spot in Kindergarten you typically pay 100 to 300 € per month for 6-8 hours per day including a freshly cooked lunch. Additionally, the cost depends on the income of the parents. High earning parents pay a bit more than parents with lower salaries, and the rest is subsidized by the state for everyone. So cost was definitely almost no topic for us when choosing when and how to do daycare for our kid, and we'd probably be considered middle class in Germany. As for "High turnover", this is also something I really love about the German daycare/Kindergarten system. Of course private institutions may deviate from this, the typical approach (at least for public institutions) is to have one or two "primary" caretakers within the institution for each kid, they get eased into the system and into the routine in a shared process with caretakers/teachers and parents together, and typically there isn't much of a turnover in caretakers/teachers at the institutions. Again, this may vary from institution to institution, but in general most kids won't be taken care of by someone the one week, someone else the next week, and again someone else the next week. When starting daycare or Kindergarten, each kid gets assigned one or two "primary" teachers, who mostly focuses on that kid for 1-2 weeks to make them feel welcome and comfortable. In the first few days, the parents also join in and are allowed to stay with their kids so kids can feel as safe as possible. After a few days, a week, or two weeks (depending on the individual kid), the amount of hours that a parent spends with the kid there decreases, the amount of hours that the kid is alone with their new caretakers increases, and the overall amount of time the kid is in daycare/Kindergarten increases, as they get to know this new part of their life and the new routine. This feels very kid-friendly to me and has made starting daycare/Kindergarten very easy for us parents, too. In general, there will be 2-4 teachers present for each group of kids (typically 10-20 kids, depending on their age) and it will almost always be the same group of teachers and kids together. And some personal opinion/experience: My kid started daycare at roughly 15 months of age, they are now 4 and have been in daycare/Kindergarten since. After they were born, I was on maternity leave for 6 months and my husband worked only 20 hours per week during that time. We both got parental benefits (of varying amounts) each month from the state, too. After 6 months, I started working 16 hours per week again and my husband increased his hours to 30 hours per week. Again, we kept getting parental benefits each month from the state to support us in our efforts to both work a bit and spend time with our kid at the same time. After my kid started daycare, I started working 25 hours per week and my husband 32 hours per week. That was when our parental benefits also ended. So basically, we've always done a mix of mum taking care of our kid, dad taking care of our kid, grandparents taking care of our kid, and doing daycare/Kindergarten. I feel like my kid has benefited a lot from daycare/Kindergarten (speech development, social skills, and so on) and they also benefit from parents who are both trying to be good parents and at the same time taking care of themselves and their needs, if those needs are wanting to work and wanting some type of fulfillment outside of parenthood.

[@carolannebeard5138]

I’m in this boat right now:: Trying to decide if I quit my career to stay home once baby #2 arrives in Feb. It’s a HARD decision!!!!! But daycare costs for 2 will be $3,050 a month in the Chicago suburbs. INSANE! Reading the comments saying the sacrifice is worth it is helping. ❤

[@kiraknechtle7255]

The daycare that my husband and I agree on is more than my mortgage for full time 5 day/week care. They gave us an intake paper that we lost (because that’s what all papers do when they enter my house) and when I called them for online instructions, no one called me back. I like them, but they have a waitlist and them not getting back to me doesn’t look good for their follow through. Related video topic, all prices are different in all areas, but it would be nice to hear high/low of daycare vs high low cost of an au pair etc. I don’t know how much that costs in general.

[@annygyo]

I live in Berlin and daycare is completely free here. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t send their kids to daycare.

[@tiffanywheeler48]

Kids who sleep all night on their own, they aren’t sleeping all night. They just put themselves back to sleep.

[@Gavivi87]

Oh come on 😂

[@tiffanywheeler48]

@@Gavivi87 do you sleep all night without waking? You don’t wake up to use the bathroom, roll over, adjust covers/pillows, etc ever? Our kids do the same thing. I’m not saying the child has been left to cry or whatever but they do eventually learn to go back to sleep on their own. My bio babies sleep with me. My foster babies have to sleep in a crib and I hear or see them move around and go back to sleep. When they are itty bitty or first come, they need help with feedings, rocking, or patting. Literally everyone wakes during the night.

[@kayoss2306]

I'm still at home with my 22 month old and I love this age, he is so fun and adorable ❤ Planning on starting him at a forest school type preschool after he turns 3.

[@jazminjoyce4253]

I'm in New Zealand. My girl started daycare at 5 1/2 months when my paid maternity leave finished. Our centre has a mandatory minimum of 3 visits before starting but you can do as many as you want. We did three visits, then her first 3 days I wasn't working so I could hang out there, be available to nurse, leave and come back as needed. She's loved daycare from the get go. She was the youngest by far so everyone dotes on her. The ratio is 1:4 and she has her main caregiver there that she's built a bond with, then other teachers in the room she knows, and then teachers from the other rooms cycle through too so that when they graduate from the baby room to the 2 year Olds room it's not a bunch of strangers etc. She's currently 10 months old and at 9 months she became a velcro baby and started getting big stranger danger so I'm glad she was already established in daycare with her 4 main teachers she knows and is ok to be left with. Versus my MIL came over on the weekend and asked her for a cuddle, bubs looked at her and burst into tears clutching me

[@tarotkama]

Whatever category of mom you are I definitely identify with 😂😅 always excited when you upload 🎉❤

[@jasminegenovesi]

Shayla!!!!! That's so crazy I LITERALLY just listened to Alex's Spillover podcast about daycare this morning!!!!! Girl you are on my wavelength.

[@lylabell22]

My first two went to daycare. My last two are home with me since I more work from home now. If daycare wasn’t so costly then I would send them part time. I need time to run errands or get housework done without kids home. My older two enjoyed making friends and the transition to school was a breeze.

[@rjo21]

my first i was blessed to have him home for the 2 and 1/2 years now pregnant with my 2nd that i probably wont be able to keep home with me so im nervous ..

[@jeslovesjesus]

I love The Spillover podcast, thanks for the vid ❤

[@Aspiration0587]

I live in Canada and we’re doing nanny share right now. I was lucky enough to be on maternity leave for 14 months, however, the city I’m in is brutal for daycare spots. Our nanny is amazing and the other family we share her with is also amazing. The 2 babies are like best friends now - it’s definitely the best option for us!

[@jasmineh3242]

My daughter started daycare at 16 months and she wasnt even worried about me on her first day. We got in the classroom and she just took off lol playing with toys, running around. Meanwhile, I cried before I could even leave the classroom 😢😅

[@andreahertzler4608]

I work full time remote and found my sitter in a local Facebook group. She's a high school student who does most of her classes online through our community college so she can come 10-4.

[@liecika]

We decided to send our 18mo to daycare for 4 hours to give me a breather and give my son other experiences. He loves it there. We could not do the slow adjustment to the daycare because we started later, but he got used to it within a week. I myself and my brother were taken care by my grandmother and she is my favorite person in the world. I wish my children could have that, but we live in different countries.

[@lauriewromar5478]

Ha! I just watched that Spillover episode! I like her shows. This was a well delivered video. Thanks for making it! I’ve got an almost 3 year old who’s never been to daycare, and I know she desperately wants other kids in her life. It’s all a give and take. ❤

[@nadareda5606]

We started daycare with my girl at 20 months. We live in Egypt, and her daycare is located on a farm, so having the animals around def helped a lot with the transition. It's 4 kids per teacher ratio, and they spend most of the day outdoors doing messy activities which she LOVES! We did around a 4 week onboarding, where I'd spend from 45-60 mins for the first week with her, then leave and pick her up within an hour. Second week I dropped her off and picked her up within 2 hours (depending on her mood), 3rd week she spent around 3 hours, and eventually by the 4th week she was able to spend the whole day there (8:30-2:30). My girl is really attached to me, so the transition wasn't easy in the beginning, but now 2 months in, she waves goodbye to us at dropoff with a big smile :) I'm so proud of her and so happy that she loves being at the daycare. She made so many friends already, and her speech developed so much since she started, she's really learning a lot from being around other kids and adults.

[@elizabethcook8021]

My husband and I both work FT and make enough to afford daycare, but not so much that it doesn’t significantly affect our finances if that makes sense. Our son has been PT daycare center and PT with his Grandmother (we are so lucky) since he was 4 mo. While I definitely agree that Americans deserve a year of paid leave, we have had a positive experience with daycare. He loves going there and has never been sad when we drop him off. I do think that every kid’s temperament is different, so we probably got lucky. It also was a easy adjustment for me even though I do miss him and wish I could work a little less to spend more time with him. It’s frustrating that PT professional jobs don’t exist. However the cost of paying for 2 kids in daycare scares me, but we’ll still make it work. But I don’t know if we could make 3 work and that’s disappointing. America should also subsidize childcare.

[@kyliehartstang3231]

We started at a family daycare at10 months 3 days a week. First month or so was rocky with sleep but now he loves it! And our family daycare is like our second family! With no family around its lovely to have somewhere he feels safe and loved and he’s obsessed with my coordinators kids and husband! Would 100% recommend a family daycare x

[@laure189]

Why would people bash at eachother on this? I'm an expat living in Denmark and daycare starts at 12 months. They have one adult for three kids, cooks making them healthier meals than I could dream of, and at 3 years they can start "forest school" where they literally spend their entire day outside, rain or shine, and learn the trades of nature. I wouldn't want it any other way. My son LOVES daycare, he asks for it in the weekends. Can we go to daycare mom pleeease? I don't think I've seen him cry a single time when living him there. He is SO happy and fulfilled and so are we as parents. The system is so amazing here, I definitely am not ready to move out anywhere else 😅

[@alexaschubert8277]

Such a good video. I didn’t even realize in the US you couldn’t sit with your kids for a while. I’m American living in the UK and you go with your child several times before they stay, plus you can ease them in for just a few hours at first. Doing part time daycare and starting later 15/16 months has worked well for us. Our daughter loves daycare (we call it nursery) it’s in our neighbourhood, we are good friends with many of the parents, it’s just a great setup! I always thought I would be a SAHM for longer but I’ve loved having lots of time with her and also having her attend daycare, best of both :)

[@amystaahs2118]

I personally did not want to do daycare on the cost alone. I would hate to have to work a job that I don't even really like just to have most of my money put to daycare and we only have one kid so I would love to spend that time with them. Luckily, we do have a family member that can watch my child a couple days a week and I work from home so the other days I watch him while I work. Which can also be hard trying maneuver nap time(s), meals, giving them attention and getting your work done all at the same time especially if you're presenting in a meeting and everyone can hear your child being loud in the background... there's a lot of crying but we have decided that this is the best option for us. Plus, I love to travel (that's how I originally found your channel) and really want to show my kids the world and we couldn't afford that with only one income for our family. If daycare wasn't expensive then I could definitely see the benefits from a social aspect. My nephew goes to daycare so I see photos of all the fun things they do and he's always been very social and loves other kids so he's thriving there. He does get sick a lot but I feel like it's good prep for preschool/school. I definitely agree that there's no right or wrong answer to which avenue you take as long as your kid is in a safe environment that's what matters most.

[@keltiemartell304]

Canadian here. We found an amazing day home. We started a 18 months (we get 18 month leave here) and it was perfect. My daughter was ready and needed other kids in her life. The attachment was great but they closed ALL the time and it was a pain. Now my son is 9 months old and I'm revisiting all the options once again

[@nicolevdb6301]

I'm a Australian expat living in Sweden (no family here). Here it's is illegal to put kids into daycare before 12 months old (they give you 600 days parental leave, we pay a lot of tax over here). When we start it was nice and slow, we were there the whole time for 3 weeks slowly going away for longer periods. We both returned to full time work when my son was 17 months old and he loves it there. They are split 1-3years and 3-6 years but they all play together outside. They are outside most of the time, get good food, have a 1:4 teacher:child ratio and its about $120/month (again, we pay a lot of tax over here haha).

[@carinen8119]

We started at 6 months part time and it was perfect! Baby really started to crave seeing people, kids and new things around 5 months and so the transition went great (1 full day and 2 half days. Still going strong at 16 mo (2 days). We did 1 week habituation where the parent accompanies the child while they get used to the new place

[@carinen8119]

The employees at our daycare have worked there for 5+ years, with a few younger ones who work there for 3 years while attending school on early childhood education. The kids also generally stay there until kindergarten, so our son is building lots of very sweet relationships

[@allthatjasminee]

We started our daughter at an in home daycare down the street from us at around 7 months. She's now 9 months and she loves it and so do we! Theres a single mom that volunteers as the infant teacher just for our daughter so she basically gets one to one attention all day. They cook her two meals a day, buy her diapesr and new clothes / pajamas / toys etc. of course I'm sad for the times I don't get to see her, although I think staying at home with her would also be very challenging for me. That being said, living in Los Angeles "making sacrifices" doesn't mean we would be able to afford a stay-at-home parent unless we really had a high household income. It's definitely not as easy as it might be in other parts of the US. I agree with what someone said above. Child Care is such a hard conversation to have because everyone wants to believe they're making a good choice for their babies. For now, I think we're making the right choice. And it's also important to remember that just because you're making a choice now doesn't mean you can't make another choice in the future if that's what you decide.

[@heyshayla]

👏👏👏👏👏

[@Chick5997]

My baby started in-home daycare at 4-months because 1) It was the only opening we could find, we are on several waitlists but they don't have openings until 2025 2) we can't afford a nanny OR an Au Pair (very expensive in America) 3) we can't afford to lose my income as I make half of our total income. I would love to keep her home for 18 months but sometimes it just isn't feasible. :(

[@kristinwinstanley1808]

My experience with daycare has been very good. We started my LO at Bright horizons when she was 4.5 months. She had consistent teachers and care. They had a decent ratio of 4 to 1. My LO LOVES the socialization and other kids. I could never get that for her at home. She thrived a lot there. We recently moved her to a montessori with a 3 to 1 ratio. Now shes having to adjust with their way and nap schedules, which has been difficult, but she still loves the other kids. I see benefits and cons to daycare as long as you can find one that you feel good with and are comfortable with the care provided. I have the difficulty of our household income is too high for one of us to stop working. Daycare cost is high, but it's affordable for us. I have chosen to try to go down to 35 hours a week until she is older and see if similar to Shayla I have some mom mode and work mode. That way I can fully interact and be present with my daughter while she is with me instead of trying to keep working while she is home from daycare. Also working 35 hours give me a few hours to be with her before she goes to sleep. So far it's what is working for us.

[@bobbijohall9395]

Here in Norway all children have a guaranteed spot for daycare usually at 12 months but it actually depends on when in the year they are born, but it is always an option that is there. You can start earlier, if necessary but then it is up to availability of the daycare you choose but they are guaranteed a spot usually at 12 months. My maternity leave was 8 months and I needed to work part time after that but then my husband had paternity leave. When he started he could use his leave on the days I was working and then I would be home the other days and altogether that was 6 months. It still was difficult to leave my son but it worked because I knew he was with his dad. At 12 months we did a slow introduction to the daycare, just visiting and being with the "open" daycare which is an option for stay at home parents that want to socialize with others. At 14 months my son started going 3 days a week. It was a good transition because of the 2 months before with meeting the staff and getting comfortable. In the fall after the daycare had been closed for summer holidays, my son started full time at 21 months. He loves it!! Doesn't want to leave most days and is excited to arrive. Now #2 is coming in January and we will have to see what that journey will look like. 😊

[@prisc.l4051]

love how zone is judgment-free. here in France we share a nanny with another family (so her salary is splitted in 2 and the kid get a buddy to play with). when my 1st one turned 2yo and 2d baby arrived with did put the 1st one in daycare (there is a full week adaptation where we stay for some hours and then they stay alone longer day after day, well done) so the 2d baby could take the spot with the nanny. we have been in this situation for 2 months now and it seems to work

[@mlimrx]

We will start daycare next week for my 4 month old. I'm a bit afraid, but also relieved that maybe I can get some relief. But now feeling guilty as it sounds like that I should keep my daughter with me for the first 18 months. However, that is not possible as I have to go back to work:(

[@colorlessoz]

14:30 - 14:39 ❤

[@heyshayla]

Not my intention! Every families situation is different. For families who have too just wanted to highlight a few different options and challenge you to see if there’s any wiggle room in the budget if you don’t want to. But I tooooottally feel you on the relief. The US isn’t really set up to support moms

[@maritzah.4039]

Same girl 😞💔

[@leonieamouranda5251]

In the UK child care is equal to a average paying full time job. We decided for myself to stay at home and look after our little one. The government provides 15 free hours when they turn 3 for childcare. (this is dependant on many things and some families get more hours) a new funding plan is being implemented....I love looking after my child but I feel like I am not contributing financially. I know I'm cooking and cleaning and providing my love and care... But it still weighs on my mind.

[@xXCourtneyLee13Xx]

With my daughter, I stayed home with her until she was about 18 months. We put her in two different daycares. The first was a daycare center, which was ok. It was right down the road from where I worked at the time. Then I changed jobs and had to find a new daycare and we chose a small church daycare close to home. She’s my social butterfly so she didn’t have issues leaving me at either place. Now my son is a different story. I had to go back to work shortly after he came home from the NICU. I found a wonderful sitter. He was her only baby. She had a daughter that was my daughter’s age. He loved going to her. She said he never fussed. But she had to move and I had to find someone else after a few months. The next sitter kept three other children. Not going into detail, but she wasn’t a good fit for us and I don’t recommend her to anyone. Then I found a small at home daycare. The girl that ran it was awesome and her helpers were great too. But little man wasn’t happy. He cried a lot. But the owner of the daycare said he did well even if he cried. I ended up leaving my job and I stay home with him now. He’s my barnacle baby. He’s two and my husband and I thought he might miss the social interactions. We put him in the church daycare that my daughter loved (she’s aged out now) and we visited twice before his official first day. He was excited at the visits. He hated it. He was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder right before he went and I was working with his teacher to accommodate him. After going half days for two weeks, he wasn’t adjusting and his teacher was frustrated. So he’s back home with me. His OT said to wait until 3 to try again.

[@midorisour2844]

My baby is almost 18 months and I stay at home with her while working around 15 hours remotely a week. I live in Japan and they have hourly day care facilities, so when I have a lot of work to do in one day, I can drop her off for a few hours. She always has fun! I'm not sure when or if I will enroll her in a more regular day care center, I'm just trying to follow her lead. She isn't walking yet, which has factored into my decision. I don't want other kiddos walking all over her as she scoots around on her bum, lol.I also love spending time with her every day.

[@Kris18Sol]

In Norway we get 1 year full salary when on leave (combined for the two parents), and then a garanteed daycarespot the month turning 1 year, or 1/4 aprox of the subsedied cost of daycare if the child stays home or with a nanny/familymember for month 13-23. daycare is strongly subsedized here, with current price out of pocket 11 months of the year at 267$ + a 30-50$ fee for food for 9hours max per day 5 days a week. And reduced price for low income families. But, its your choice to use daycare, full or parttime :) We also use 9+9+9 months, so my youngest will start at 18 months, when I must go back to work 🥺 sorry for my English, its not my native language 🙃

[@helenamos2621]

Must be nice

[@Jacque7373]

We have really leaned into using our community since starting a family. We have hired stay at home moms or a nanny we are also friends with to watch our son. Something we started recently was a “kid swap” so one day I’ll watch someone’s kid and the following day my son goes to their house! I’m self employed so having flexible hours has made it possible to get help from our community rather than defaulting to something like daycare

[@doravalencia2214]

We started traditional daycare at 15mos old 2 days a week.. we loved it, great place near our home. It was pricey as everyone else might say, other con was how fast they koved her rooms and we lost 4 or 5 teachers in 5mos.. now shes in a waldorf school and she loves it (i find them a bit too something lol crunchy? Fantastical? Extra?) But shes in a gentle, screen free and experts in their art.. im planning to send her to montessori charter school as soon as she turns 3 and maybe keep her there for kindergarten and on..

[@doravalencia2214]

For the first 15mos my child was with my cousins and aunt.. she looooooves them and I'm so grateful for them

[@imchyy]

I was so set on sending my bub to daycare at 10mo but then I saw that Spillover podcast and now I’m conflicted. I do have my mum available to look after bub, but she lives an hour away and she is still working.

[@sallypalmer1616]

In Berlin (Germany) you get a full year of paid (67% of salary) paternity leave and daycare is completly free. My son started daycare with exactly 12 month and it was great for him. There are studies which show that kids starting daycare between 12-18month have greater social skills than thos who started daycare later. That is the problem with kids who start daycare at 3 years. They have been moms little special snowflake for such a long time that they have social problems ins daycare. They don't know how to share, how to negotiate or how to play with peers. Often they end up being bullied because they lack those skills.

[@youtubeacc]

If you’re a good stay at home mom, you don’t need daycare to teach those skills. If you’re lazy then of course any child will have those problems. Don’t rely on daycare to teach them manners

[@sallypalmer1616]

@@youtubeacc of course, if you provide your kid with lots of contact with peers or siblings they have the same opportunity to learn those skills.

[@Ashleyohmy11]

I'm from Canada! We do staggered entry(hanging out with the child) for everything, daycare, preschool, kindergarten.

[@sjanigian]

Random question… If you do the vaccine family plan, have you had any issues enrolling your children in daycare? Because I was going to do a co-op and because he is behind they won’t let him until he’s fully Vaxxed.

[@heyshayla]

In mn you can get a doctors note letting them know you’re delaying

[@amberhaning2881]

While I think it’s great that you’ve taken on an educational role in your videos, I will say- things are feeling a little repetitive. Maybe that’s cause in this case, I’ve seen the video you’re talking about. But I just watched your other new video about what you did with your sleepless 18 month old and it didn’t really talk about what you “did” or didn’t do. It just reiterated that you cosleep and she wakes a lot and that’s normal. I keep coming back for videos on what YOU are doing and getting more generalized, repetitive info on what experts say. I REALLY love your content, generally speaking. You were the first mom I started watching when I got pregnant and I recommend you to everyone because up yo this point you e felt so, so relatable. But you seem a little lost lately. And that’s fine! We all go through shifts in our lives and right now it’s showing up in your professional role. You’ll find your new niche! But I’m just sharing my insight in the hopes that the feedback could be useful to you. I know you’ve said KZbin is where most of your money comes in, so it seems important. I also think since taking your girls off camera (which I understand and while I miss seeing them, I very much support), you may need to work a little harder to truly CONNECT with your viewers. Right now it’s feeling pretty impersonal. Again, I think you’re fantastic and doing such a great job supporting your kids and your own mental health and I’m so nervous I’ll offend you that now I’m blathering.

[@heyshayla]

Love some kind feedback!! You’re saying you want more personal stories instead of just “this is what I’ve learned?”

[@leapace9480]

I dont know anyone who gets mote than 3 months of leave after birth. Home daycares are the only affordable.option here - between $1000-$1200/month per child. We had already downsized as much as possible just to afford daycare. Ours started going at 3 months. Weve chewed through 3 providers so far, and my eldest child is now in a preschool program. The cost of the preschool program means that we've had to take our youngest out of care. We cant afford preschool and an in home daycare. No idea how this will impact my work performance, but we dont really have a choice. I know from.raising mu eldest chold theough the pandemic, though, that you dont really get tonspend much quality time with them whole you are working from home with your child. They get bored and understimulated. They usually turn to too much screen time. Daycare is just SUCH a better option. At least there are other kids to play with there.

[@maryjaynebarber1774]

I'm trying the code at mary Ruth's and it's not working. Is it me?

[@heyshayla]

No 🤦‍♀️ the code is MROSHAYLA25

[@byMemo0]

Thoughts on daycare are always difficult because it's one of those topics where people so desperately want to be right because they want to believe that they're making the best choice for their kids... my experience so far (we started daycare with my first at 9 months old) is that it's great. Baby enjoys it, she has a ton of fun, copies the other kids, learns from them and to be around people in general, yadayadayada... Yeah, sometimes I feel sad that she's not around all day, but that's amazing! I miss her! I want to go and pick her up! Also, I feel like daycare is always posited as a 'lesser of two evils' sort of thing where you 'have to' get daycare for your kid because 'you have to' go back to work. But, what if, I know it's a revolutionary concept, what if I LIKED my job? What if I LIKED being around adults and having a daily routine independent from my child for a few hours a day? Can we please normalise the idea that wanting to be away from your baby for a part of the day is normal and healthy? It doesn't make you less of a parent and does not diminish your relationship, especially if it allows you to be a more present/enthusiastic parent for the amount of time you do get to spend together!

[@caseycoo19]

It sadens me how Americans don't have maternity leave, you guys pay just as much in taxes and you have nothing to show for it. No healthcare, No Mat leave for families. Social programs dont exist for the population just for rich people when they need a hand out. It's baffling.

[@helenamos2621]

It’s a blast!

[@youtubeacc]

They pay less taxes in the states. I’m in Canada and we pay out the ass for taxes for maternity leave and healthcare to be free. I agree though it’s so sad they don’t get enough time off