Dazzling Bastards of the High Andes - An Intro to Andean Violets

At 10,000' in the High Andes we encounter one of the most peculiar (and most geometric) groups of plants to occur on Planet Earth - the alpine Andean violets. Along the way we encounter a unique and groin-punchingly-fantastic cast of species, including some that look rather familiar to any North American plant-lover who's ever spent a sliver of more time breaking their ass on rocky terrain than they have in an office.
See what grows on the gradual ascent up from the Andean foothills along a narrow winding road flanked by some of the steepest slopes you'll ever see (as well as bottles of trucker piss).
This is Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't.
Species List for this episode:
Schizanthus hookeri (Solanaceae)
Calceolaria sp. (Calceolariaceae)
Malesherbia linearifolia (Passifloraceae)
Leucheria congesta & floribunda (Asteraceae)
Quillaja saponaria (Quillajaceae)
Colliguaja integerrima (Euphorbiaceae)
Colletia sp. (Rhamnaceae)
Mutisia subulata (Asteraceae)
Loasa palida (Loasaceae)
Tropaeolum polyphyllum (Tropaeolaceae)
Chuquiraga oppositifolia (Asteraceae)
Perezia purpurata (Asteraceae)
Viola montagnei (Violaceae)
Olysinum philippii (Iridaceae)
Berberis montana (Berberidaceae)
Viola atropurpurea (Violaceae)
Nassauvia cummingii (Asteraceae)
Cynanchum nummulariifolium (Apocynaceae)
Pozoa coriacea (Apiaceae)
Senecio fuzzyballs (Asteraceae)
Nastanthus scapigerus (Calyceraceae)
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[@patterguitsit7124]

Smells like a moldy polyester bathingsuit. Your descriptions should be in a textbook. A textbook that I really hope your produce some day.

[@priceandpride]

This!

[@Vanilla-Gorilla69]

He should call it "Botany for bastards."

[@Violetrueblue]

IKr i love it

[@chrisrus1965]

"Principles of Botany, with Swearing"

[@valethewolf49]

Lol me too...might have payed more attention😁

[@ringsystemmusic]

Today on CPBBD: Joey finally finds some flowering plants to get him all oily and worked up.

[@pelidesign]

Tony.

[@katiekane5247]

You, sir, are the antithesis of the "sit your ass on the beach" traveler. I KNEW there was someone like me & I'm so glad you let us come along. I drive people crazy, wandering around in bushes & shit on vacation. Luckily for my family, we're too poor to go anywhere so I have to be happy with local ditches & powerline cuts. Beauty is where you find it.

[@itwouldntsurpriseme]

Who doesn't like a close-up money shot of the glands, I ask you...

[@Tog.go.bog.e]

I always watch your videos to unwind while learning a little something about botany! Love the work you do man! Keep it up!!

[@hala8660]

As a biology major I appreciate you so much..

[@troyclayton]

Plants were my gateway to organic chemistry. They're amazing biosynthetic factories, making specific chiral molecules without getting the enantiomers (like other organisms, but I'm a plant guy). Thanks for another great video!

[@Ariccio123]

Wait how do they do that?

[@troyclayton]

@@Ariccio123 Enzymes is the most common answer. A protein can bind a molecule so substitutions or additions can only happen from a certain side, yielding a single enantiomer.

[@charleshopkins3598]

Some amazing vistas, beautiful terrain, and very inspiring plants. Thank you for showing them to us.

[@HebaruSan]

This vacation makes me not want to die!

[@Grateful_Dad_54]

Love the money shots! Those violets at the end had Fibonacci written all over them.

[@trevorclayton2131]

:)

[@darlenawojcik2150]

I really enjoy you. Glad there are people like you out there. Thanks for sharing your adventures.

[@dancharest3502]

These videos make me feel nice

[@wildmntflower]

Absolute gorgeous. Some of the most beautiful forbs are adapted to some of the most remote places. Thanks for taking us on your treasure hunt.

[@wesgeezyfosheezy]

Dooooooooood.... 😳 First time watcher. DONT CHANGE A THING! Love eeeeet!!!

[@brianballa3086]

hey thank you for working so hard to bring us so much great pic's of planet earth .thank you sir

[@SpikeAsks]

KZbin Got Me On This A Few Daze Ago... Great! This Episode Rocks. Thanks & Peace

[@susaneirthug415]

Thank You for making this your life's work! I am so glad you are sharing your knowledge in a way that my old, beat down, woman from Indiana can enjoy . Not boring. I went to Landscape Architecture school at BSU but didn't really love it. Shoulda went to Purdue if I was gonna be poor anyway.

[@cgriggsiv]

As usual my sarcastic mouthy brightness Excellent video quite a lot in this one awesome And you are extremely nice to that jackass or mule or donkey take a pic It was also extremely unique to find such a beautiful Lake that is blue and having that raging waterfall Creek from nowhere And with all that water is so barren and that glacier cut valley

[@k8eekatt]

Happy winter Solstice ever buddy

[@pandora8542]

Enjoyed seeing more asterceaes this episode. A more complex sunflower garden would be fun. Those mutisia subulatas were beautiful!

[@StanTheObserver-lo8rx]

I can't be there..but your razor sharp vid on HDTV looks breathtaking. With the wind buffering,just awesome. Loved those jagged mountains..and the fine sand mounds. Colletia is grown in gardens..It's yet another Jesus Christ as common name, plant. Interesting the lack of succulent plants..I would have thought something in the sedum family at least.

[@enlightenCA]

Perfect timing, I needed some Violets in my life.

[@lucyb15]

one beauty after another today...thanks!

[@cynergy4]

That nightshade is downright lovely! Really amazing plants down there. That possible iris reminds me of blue-eyed grass (Sisyrinchium). Love Stachys! Maybe an ancient Incan trail? Trippy ass violets!

[@neillcoetzer9133]

Hmmmm I'm wondering if we're not seeing the beginning of the evolution of a new carnivorous plant with all those sticky trichomes, it's obviously effective enough to catch small insects Also how could you say that about organic chemistry, I'm offended (nah not really, love your vids man)

[@swayback7375]

I found a plant I'd never seen before a few years back, it turned out to be "devil claws" proboscionia (I'm sure I spelled it wrong) Its prominent in TX and the southwest, theres several of them, some vines, some kind of shrubby, I'm no expert, so do your own research and plz dont quote me, but when I investigated it I found that it was considered pseudo carnivorous but there was speculation that it's truly carnivorous and I think they found some digestive enzymes in the resin that COVERED it! Super interesting plant, I'm in ohio valley and it's now naturalized here, its basically the most wicked burr you've ever seen, speculated to be a burr thst targeted the extinct mega fauna on north America. Its native to the US so I dont fret too much, my entire area is completely covered with eurasian invasives, so an American invasive is refreshish lol At least its interesting as opposed the the honeysuckle that carpets the area

[@neillcoetzer9133]

@@swayback7375 that's really cool

[@mattclark7724]

Those violas look like mandalas, amazing plants!

[@VioletRosesmith]

You seem a little too into grabbing all these poison oaks, alkaloid trichomes and stinging plants eh. Whatever does it for you friend ;)

[@spoon41119]

This is truly an informative and worthwhile experience watching this

[@PowerTom286]

Hey buddy, I subbed to your channel some weeks ago, despite I have enough I already follow, but I really like it and enjoy your nice videos. Thumbs up !

[@kmm129]

Much joy to you & many thanks. Coffee is life.

[@brianballa3086]

DAM you do great work.. thanks for sharing

[@SaraJean85]

That is a dry landscape! Holy cow

[@CT-ns7uj]

🎵Oh, Phacelia, you’re breaking my heart. You’re shaking my confidence daily.🎶

[@Emmygedden]

I love alstros. The cultivated cuttings from the florists are stunning and last so long.

[@erutuon]

Thanks for showing those basal Asteraceae and Calyceraceae. I am amazed by the variation in flowerheads.

[@erickpacheco2346]

I cant stop listening to this guy and AvE. They can drop some profane knowledge

[@gthomas1421]

Those violets are incredible. Thanks again for all the work you’re doing.

[@racheller8753]

Narrative quality is on point!! 💫🌍🌱💚🛸🍄✨

[@PenntuckytheCrag]

Beautiful brother thank you so much these videos are amazing

[@nidalshehahadeh7485]

viola atropurpurea is a very nice example of the golden ratio in plants .

[@transamericanlife]

That's some pretty radical botany, dude!

[@c0rnsocks]

Thanks

[@thelaughingtiger146]

Beautiful video! Loved the violets and the weird volcanic sights. I thought the glaciation was awesome too. Thank you!

[@russellramsey8132]

Keep some Rhodiola rosea handy for the high altitude stress 21:24. Eliminates headache and insomnia from lack of oxygen. Was a life saver when I was slogging through the Jayawijaya mountains in Papua. BTW, would love to see you get your ass down there and check out the tropical rhododendrons, dendrobiums, and paphiopedilums not to mention the birds of paradise and Lake Sentani. Just making my way through your amazing vids and enjoying very much. The Dudleyas from San Quintin down in Baja brought back memories of when I was a surf rat in high school and explored much of Baja. That is such a fantastic area!

[@ericstoever9577]

Happy Holidays!

[@boscorner]

When your'e at the bar and jimmy is getting a little rowdy - "Gymnophyton!"

[@floydfeasal6791]

Nice glands!

[@u8myshorts]

Hey brother ! You are amazing !!

[@jakeshuster6783]

great vid. the spring wildflowers at mt. rainier in washington would blow your mind.

[@fearbnz]

Wow, that was great. If only you conducted botanical tour walkabouts. You're a walking encyclopaedia.

[@MrPianoKnee]

This is exactly like I feel when enthusing over desert plants. It is like every DNA pattern has a close relative or ten in these unique environments. This is a great man, here. I would like to have an eternal talk with the fellow but would not want to keep him from his valuable work.

[@lizfrancis5696]

Those Violets...💕

[@TheNimshew]

If I ever have the urge to give money to Bezo, I'll buy Joey a round trip plane ticket to New Caledonia instead.

[@TheNimshew]

@CasCade 509 I am sceptical of Amazon's eagerness to sponsor a "adult content" Botany tutorial. The fucking prudes.

[@snuugumz]

forty two Huh...that’s odd, because Amazon doesn’t bat an eye when it comes to fuckin with their customers. I was denied access to an account I haven’t needed for five years because I have no idea how much $$ I have on some gift card???! I wasn’t aware I HAD a gift card.

[@swayback7375]

Heads up! Hes over there right now if you missed it. It's been a great trip

[@TheNimshew]

@@snuugumz What's odd? That I don't think much of Amazon?

[@thomasfimbres852]

I look forward to these videos

[@junkettarp8942]

Thanks Tony.

[@nonoluigi]

I am repeatedly amazed at seeing in these videos how plants otherwise isolated by location and climate can nonetheless have such obviously common physical characteristics. that is,, once you point them out to us-or even before, as we learn what to look for, like the flowers of tomatoes, peas, or now violets (which was amazing to see). Particularly fascinating is how the more ephemeral flowers of species in an evolutionary branch retain their common characteristics while taking their vegetation in wildly different directions in evolutionary adaptation to very different growing conditions. It makes the earth seem incredibly old and the emergence of plant life on it rare and delicate, as the unexamined diversity all around us traces back to more singular origins. I know this is basic botany, but it is fascinating and new to me, even still! If the racists and xenophobes of the world could just see the diversity of human life the same way-i.e. as beautifully inter-connected and rare at its origins-they might have more respect for the planet and their fellow humans on it!! That is one lesson on CPBBD that is well taught and easily learned!

[@bkbland1626]

"And that's a sketchy wash." lol

[@SW-kq3eq]

What a beautiful ecosystem.

[@tapioukkonen3399]

Thanks for sharing these intresting videos. :) Best wishes from Finlan:D

[@TheNimshew]

Joey/Tony. Every time, in the wee hours of the morning, when the damn freight train lumbers through Chico, bellowing its air horn, I wonder. Is the Botany Anarchist at the tiller? I know! It's a shitty job, but someone has to do it. Like clockwork at 4 god damn A.M.

[@RobertBardos]

Awesome so beautiful that rosette pattern.

[@CruzDeLaLoma]

If Ansel Adams was alive, he'd be traveling the world with you getting all those beautiful shots.

[@overthenever4262]

Tricolmis Stickyis Poisonsios Maximus Plus everything is crispy 🤓 EPIC ! 🌴🐏🌴

[@raystephens9550]

Agree with you about the coffee.. for instant, if not ground beans proper, for lazy convenience and time Moccona is an 8 to Nestle about 2.

[@mikec5455]

Andrew clay Dice of botany...I don't know shit about plants but your a very interesting guy to listen to .. Keep the good info coming..ty

[@Hippiegirl-jg7lg]

You are one of my favorite humans

[@lilaralston6314]

Was wondering why the hate on nasturtiums and I learned they are invasive in year-round warm climates. Never knew that!

[@CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt]

They are the "Shen Yun Billboard" of horticultural plants.

[@lilaralston6314]

@@CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt at least they're good to eat! (And here in Georgia they don't winter over.)

[@yvc9]

The Cistanthe was gorgeous

[@neretaireamenhotep2186]

Best video yet! Fascinating! We've got nothing to compare to those in Ohio

[@clintwestwood1895]

Epic adventure

[@nihilean]

Thank you

[@brianballa3086]

dipping your fingers in it I care ...thanks for sharing with us ..

[@saturdaddy9450]

I prefer this narration cause there you're dropping some hot geological insight there when you were going on about the equator. Take a break every now and then though. Don't stress yourself man. Take care 🤙🏼

[@Skeptic2006]

I watch these at 1.25x and just pretend he's had double dose of caffeine. It's so funny.

[@paulshowers1200]

Nice violets.

[@peterbernhardt5169]

Is it possible the unidentified member of the Iridaceae is one of those large-flowered, South American, Sisyrhynchium species? Stefan Vogel worked on their floral biology and found oil trichomes (hammer glands) attracting oil-collecting bees. If you see it again use a hand lens to look for the trichomes on the stamens.

[@doppenheim64]

I want the mules!!! Love Karen

[@rcs368]

Your humor fits right in. Wish I would of thought of that one. :)

[@royahold1966]

Those are some dazzling bastards to be sure.

[@michaelhockus8208]

whew, Andes glacial lake sunflower dungeon tonight 💦

[@davidbarts6144]

I, personally, love nasturtiums. They are delicious.

[@StanTheObserver-lo8rx]

This vid sort of reminds me of Prometheus,the movie. Like another world.

[@KevinSiebert]

So team trees for to their goal of 20 million dollars now. What do you think will happen to the trees they plant?

[@chai4768]

I'm watching a bunch of these so I can steal your accent for my dnd character- hope you don't mind I just love your voice!

[@SoozBeez]

I'm not Karen & I don't have a "Live, Love, Laugh" sign anywhere in my house, but I am in Iowa & I'd give the donkey a home if you brought him to me.

[@katiekane5247]

Amber, is that you? 😃

[@russellk.4896]

Tony Santoro produces varied and strong physiological effects on my mammalian body ; )

[@sophiedash4026]

That NesCafe rant came from the heart. Preach, brother!!! ☕😵😬😒 🐶💩

[@Jaka215]

Love the work you put in. Question. Would you prefer to have this land full of healthy greens which u presented or as it is?

[@mikisteiner1237]

Thanks for your great amusing botanic video s From 🇮🇱

[@benwinkel]

Don't say that! He doesn't want to be family entertainment..

[@demonorse]

I was eating molasses, actually I put it in tea, just the other day. The jar said it was out of date by two years. Used it anyway.

[@wildehawk2803]

I never heard the word glands so much in my life. I'm not even mad.

[@TheNimshew]

I imagine that in some parts of the Andes, diesel electric locomotives won't work. Not enough oxygen. Probably one of the few places steam is still used. Though, I could be full of shit. (A tribute to "Crime pays")

[@MosQuito00]

Those are some beautiful bastards

[@PeterMJJacob]

@ 21:27 LOL!!!! I feel ya so hard on that tangent. Hilarious shit

[@planetzebulon21]

Might we recommend good coffee, Wallace-line biodiversity, and unique geology? Timor Loro Sae. Known to most bastards as East Timor. Not the easiest to get to, but well worth the effort

[@carolime13]

I'm sure you're already back home as you are uploading, but under the assumption you are still away, dude the PNW has cherry blossoms blooming as of the last day of autumn. The trees are confused by the small cold snap we had.

[@alexreifschneider6709]

Why is it so hard to get good coffee in the places it grows? Most people don't have coffee pots in the rural places, so hot water and there you go! I have traveled in central and south America, and had the same problem.

[@chrisrus1965]

2:15 "living flypaper"; do you think its eating tiny gnats and such?

[@veteranscannabisadvocacygr5401]

✨🇺🇸Oh my boy Desert 🌵 Tripping Again, any Peyote 🐝 morning ⚡️

[@StationOfTerrapin]

Peyote grows in Texas and Mexico, people need to start growing more of it in my opinion before it goes extinct. However San Pedro grows in the Andes and I can gaurantee it works very very well.

[@Nhoj31neirbo47]

A good site for further information on Chilean flora and ecosystems is chileflora.com. He sells seeds, including some of the species depicted herein.

[@Stripeydave3]

Hey Tony, another great video. Quick question: what camera or phone are you using and how do you get such great closeups of the plants? thanks in advance, keep up the good work and gfy ;) -Dave