Deal with Bullies the RIGHT way.

[@aaronwalderslade]

I had someone walk past looking over as I was leaving my home for work one day, and I felt really uncomfortable that he saw me leave the house. That was my own paranoia, but it led to him turning around and asking what the hell I was looking at. He clearly sensed my judgement very sensitively. I shrugged, it wasn't enough and he rounded on me ready to fight. He was coming straight for me and I could read that he was serious. Twenty years working on the street, I know when shit is about to get real. I don't know where it came from, but I suddenly said to him "I can see you're not happy. That's not my fault, and I'm sorry, and if I've made things worse by looking at you the wrong way or whatever, I apologize. He continued towards me, and at the last second put his hand out to shake. It was a genuine handshake. It lasted, it was firm and no words were said. Then he went on his way. He was a very young man, 19 to early 20s. I had surprise tears in my eyes as he left. I think he possibly did too. It was powerful.

[@jeanettebarrie8453]

Beautiful & Strong Response! I Congratulate You! 🎉💞

[@barbarakangas3255]

When my daughter was in primary school, there was much effort put into working with the kids so they became collaborative partners at setting the tone of behavior. One time a new student came to school and started some bullying behaviors and the kids just said, "We don't do that here". Game over.

[@wiseonwords]

That's a very good school.

[@cathwalsh9921]

Excellent

[@willbephore3086]

That's epic. And good to know it's possible. Do you know what was done, to get the kids on board with this way of being, so much that they shut it down?

[@davidtifft66]

Kid with acne and overweight kids get bullied the most

[@connieroberts5152]

I think that anyone that stands out in a negative or positive way has a pretty good chance of being bullied.

[@pattiesalyards6192]

I’m 65 and still work part time.I come in contact with bullies .Glad I discovered The behavior panel .

[@emilyyoung5502]

I just keep thinking about how fortunate Chase’s kids are to be equipped with his wisdom.

[@Tea53mk]

I tried one of the techniques as a kid, well i asked the guy why he was bullying me, because I didnt think he was evil. And i thought initially he would laugh at my stupid naivety, but he said "why are you nice to me? Like i literally treat you like garbage" I said because i think youre a nice person overall, just have to act tough in front of others I guess.. and he apologised for being an asshole, we even developed friendship slowly after that, which was so surprising to me because I thought he would go back to bullying when other boys were around

[@TheFreedomGypsy]

I understand where he's coming from, but it's hard to imagine a child saying these things to stop a bully.

[@rosemadder5547]

I'd say he's teaching a mindset, not just things to say. He literally says as much at the beginning.

[@annatanneberger1]

@@rosemadder5547 It is not a mindset that will help in any situation. "I am superior to you because I know what is going on in your head. And you are just a pathetic, scared, weak child." Whether you say it out loud or just strike that attitude - it is not going to work with anybody and might even rile people up. You really don't even have to understand the bully. Just Quick, Fair, Firm and Polite. If the bully persists, just walk away politely, friendly, "we can pick this up some other time."

[@jeanettebarrie8453]

I agree that some of these later suggestions are too complex of dialogs for Children. Great idea to Collaborate, but needs to be Simplified. I like #1, I’m sorry someone hurt you, but it’s not me . And #3, Does it make you feel bigger (or more excepted) to bring other people down and tease them?

[@Dmarieledesma]

I was bullies in school. I was told to ignore them because they wanted me to react. That didn’t work. They kept it up even more. Finally, after several incidents the bully followed me off the bus, they didn’t get off at their stop which was before mine, and followed me to my door pushing and shoving me the whole way. I got to the door and stopped. Thinking they were going to follow me inside I decided this was going to stop now! Threw my books down and blindly threw the best left hook she never expected! She never bothered me again. Even her “friends” who came to support her and intimidate me decided I was not to be reckoned with! Word got out and I was never bothered again. Sometimes you need to take a stand and defend yourself. Most of the bulling I received, I feel, was out of jealousy. Those bullies with narcissistic behaviors might do well with the techniques you described. Especially those that seem to be nice and yet throw nasty comments as though they were compliments. Word salad might help a lot in these situations.

[@charliesmith_]

🎯 yes!! 1969. On a bus. Never had a problem with any other girl at that school. She was the biggest bully there. Tried me on for size. _Mean_ Pretty Her came after _Calm_ Pretty Me. It ended there with a smack to the side of her head with my briefcase. Everyone else just sat there frozen on the top deck of a double decker bus watching her tough-guy scarily intimidate me and prevent me disembarking at my stop. She met her match. (Mean Pretty ended up as a Penthouse spread centrefold) 🙄 Her parents must be *SO* proud. 😂

[@Howie-nd5im]

I agree wholeheartedly with your stance. Talking a bully down may temporarily de-escalate the issue, but never eliminate the ongoing bully tactics. Like your story, my experience is that people must protect their safe spaces. Bullies are fragile. They cannot take what they dish out; if they want to fight, they cannot cope when that person fights back. They are cowards but that is only revealed when like yourself: you land your 'best left hook'.

[@guygab1170]

God, good on you. I remember that era. Don't react, it's what they want! Ok .. but uhh, what if I slip up? Much more effective. Non-reactivity only works if you're coming from a position of power; if others are bullying you, not just bland chiding, then they obviously think they're in the position of power. Which is easily disabused.

[@lolapop9956]

Bullies in the workplace are HUGE. A video on how to deal with that specifically would be great. Bully colleagues and bully bosses. I hear about it so often. Thank-you for this video.

[@tbd419]

Yes!! Unhealed wounds in humans - doesn't matter how young/old - wherever we go there we are. And, they do not always care to change; and personally, in the workplace, I do not feel it is my responsibility to help them figure themselves out.

[@truth9397]

Yes, that would be an awesome video to see.

[@thomasgillespie5499]

Ironically, I've experienced scary bullying in the education PreK-12/ mental health setting. We had a dept. supervisor who inflicted some significant emotional workplace trauma on several of us in the school social work department. Often it wasn't overt, it was what they DIDN'T do. (Zero support would leave you to die a thousand deaths related to some dysfunction at one of your schools). Or it was passive-aggressive remarks (chops) in staff meetings ("but some of YOU...did bare minimum", While looking right at you.) That person is gone, but I'm not the only one who has an irrational fear/hypervigilance/ workplace anxiety that they will get blamed and/or screwed over for something. My anxiety still goes through the roof when I pull the data for students with serious absenteeism/truancy. It's already a losing battle (nightmare) and it's so easy to blame the school social worker, so having a bully supervisor made it 10 times worse. Probably said a bit much there, but it's reality. This went on for years, it's unbelievable how that person managed to keep their job. On a positive note, I persevered as did several others, but other great people quit too.

[@CL-un9gg]

@@thomasgillespie5499I am experiencing this from staff at my doctors surgery. It’s a complete nightmare. Grown women bullying grown patients. Disgusting behaviour. Tried calling it out nicely & had a warning letter saying they have zero tolerance 😢

[@ufojules]

I agree, it's a massive problem. I once walked out of a job and had a nervous break down as a result. The situation went to tribunal with no success. It makes me wonder what I could have done to change it

[@wcfheadshots240]

Love Chase. ❤️ I could listen to his voice all night. And I get the feeling he truly uses his talents to help people better understand each other.

[@zeldagoblin]

I did an evil thing when I was a kid. I was raised JW, and as such I was hounded, bullied, excluded and picked on by kids and teachers alike. When i was in secondary school, a group of girls dared me to pick on a tall, awkward looking redhead. They even told me what to do and say. They told me to tug her hair, ask if it were a wig etc. I walked over and did it. The girl stood there with her head down the whole time, it was only about ten second but she must have felt terrible. I turned back to receive my praise and acceptance from the group, and the girls had gone. I did it for acceptance. It failed, leaving me guilty and sad. It's a very strong memory and I've made an effort to be as kind as I can be since then, but it reminds me why people do awful things.

[@stephaniemoon8913]

Why don't you look her up and apologise? It will probably make you both feel better.

[@zeldagoblin]

@@stephaniemoon8913 Thanks for the response, I tried to find her. I didn't even know her name, so it's just a minefield.

[@windywednesday4166]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Being manipulated and set up like that, the situation gave harm to everybody involved. I hope you can forgive yourself and I'm glad you appear to have gained wisdom from the incident.

[@karenpeatey6226]

@@windywednesday4166 what an awesome well informed comment

[@mjinba07]

What a good lesson. There really aren't many "harmless" ways to learn these things - where your own boundaries, motivations and ethics are. Properly used, shame is an expression of moral intelligence and it's a great motivator. We do all sorts of stupid things when we're kids. That's how we learn. We see it regularly in our own kids. If you put that lesson to use in your life ever since, it did its job.

[@karentaylorsmells]

Any other grown ups here watching for tips for themselves? (Work situation, so am physically safe 🙏🏼) Thank you Chase, beautifully done.

[@NarelleDavis-h9c]

Thank you Chase. I will be showing this video to my grandkids who I think it will help them understand how and why kids act like bully’s. They are just about to return to primary school here in Australia! 🙏

[@annatanneberger1]

@@frankG335 I hope you are not serious! Sending those poor kids to primary school with the idea that they can deflect a bully with Christ-like empathy and understanding where their pain is coming from. Rather teach them to defend themselves if they are physically attacked. If the bullying is verbal, teach them how to defend themselves emotionally. You seldom hear of kids being bullied who were confident and cheerful. So teach them those skills. And how to make friends (not with the bully) - but with kids who are whole inside.

[@rosebud-ame]

Yes, I am interested in what people are saying.

[@pafarmgirl9519]

All of your responses are valid but if your child is shy, they just look down and feel defeated. It’s heartbreaking 💔 for the parents and the child.

[@chasehughesofficial]

It’s up to us not to assign limitations on them and to get them into a good state.

[@jacquelynpaul6922]

I was shy growing up but never bullied or got in any fights. Tell your child to or teach your child to walk with purpose. Tall back, head up looking straight forward. My dad was in the navy and always stressed to walk like you mean it. People will leave you alone. This was also something police officers stressed when I went to college. Any predator type person can tell by the way you walk if they will try to bother you or not.

[@susansaunders249]

This was great. Just the other day I was harassed by a woman as I sat in my car before an appointment. My response to her was, "I don't know what makes you feel so unhappy but I'm sorry for you."

[@annatanneberger1]

@susansaunders249 Instantly set yourself up as superior to her. She must have appreciated that.

[@wiseonwords]

@@annatanneberger1 - Well, if it works! 😆

[@tangiesue4686]

@@annatanneberger1. ​​⁠Susansaunders249 would be superior if the other ‘adult’ was acting like a child. 🤨 No need for a childish adult to confront people sitting in their car minding their own business. 🙄 No one has to put up with hateful people. Interesting, you are doing exactly what you are pointing out she did… with your sarcasm ‘she must have appreciated that’s’. 🤔

[@junebb131]

You didn't read the post properly!

[@howardnelson2942]

“Thank you for expressing yourself so honestly. Can we be friends tomorrow? I believe you are mistaken today. I’ll buy you a half cup of coffee tomorrow if you buy me the other half. Separate cups , unless you add half & half, then we could drink from the same cup what say you?”

[@mandychadwick8762]

Dear all…I hope you find this encouraging. I once bought a bouquet of flowers for a bully female boss. She made everyone miserable. When I gave her the flowers 💐 I said I bought these to cheer you up because I sense you are feeling upset about something The staff were in awe and the gesture melted the woman’s anger

[@jrb4347]

Thats so sweet ❤

[@mandychadwick8762]

@@caz468 Yes I shamed her

[@maisydaisy9216]

Brilliant. My friend’s daughter, a hard working tough student, just started a rigorous college program and her main professor was being exceptionally critical and toxic toward first year, first semester students. Bullying can be seen in many teacher situations where they aren’t handling their own mental health well. This student was going to quit the one thing she loves in life - music - because of this woman. But instead she decided to just go into her office and tell her in a direct, diplomatic way why she quitting and her concern for other students. The woman ended up apologizing and thanking her for being honest and caring enough to tell her. The whole semester changed for all the students who felt they were being bullied by this authority figure. Kudos to a new world of kids who are learning to communicate about emotions and demand mental health as a priority.

[@mandychadwick8762]

@@maisydaisy9216 What a wonderful post 🥰

[@StephanieSoressi]

Nice it turned out, but I know many bully bosses that would not be "cured" that way. If Narcissism or Borderline Personality Disorder or other disorders are at play, flowers may just feed the problem.

[@GrandmaMarlayne]

This is a wake up call to a reactionary response and instead responding to a calm sensitive response. Excellent example for children to learn in using long term tactics that can turn a bully into a life long friend and also help them in reforming their view of themselves.

[@a-mbren358]

Thanks so much Chase. Hello from this American in France 🇨🇵. I was bullied all 3 years of junior high, in the early 80s, after moving to a new school: I was a nerd, big-time bookworm, no make-up like the other girls, not interested in soap operas ( 🤣true), braces, no talent for doing my hair!! I never told my mother... i decided to "end it all" if I had to go to high school with the bullies; luckily I got away (boarding school, really blossomed). But it still affects me today, decades later, after more than 2 decades of therapy ! 🙄 Now my 13 year-old was bullied over a year ago, at school; as a "deeply-feeling person" it was like being shot in the chest for him. Developed "school phobia", absent for 6 months; but! He has just gone back last week, to à new school ! Full-time! He has no friends, so I am SO proud of him, fighting to overcome the fear! I am going to show him this later today - THANKS A MILLION ! Thanks for reading this; best wishes to all of you, courage to all of us who do our best to turn this trauma around !

[@badaspunkbtch]

I love how he's addressing that bullies don't grow out of being bullies. I have AuDHD and Temporal Lobe Epilepsy and I get bullied a lot as an adult. One of my favorite responses is "What is it you hope to gain by saying/doing this/behaving this way?"

[@Candy-O1776]

👍🏼

[@MargaretHerman-nt9sm]

As a former teacher, this video should be used in every school for educators, parents and students.

[@clarkkent1962]

I remember, as a 4th Grader, the class bully targeted me on the playground every day. He made my life miserable and even punched me, getting his gang of followers to also taunt me. The teachers loved the bully and refused to stop him. So, one day I fought back and hit him after he slugged me. Guess who got in trouble? I did!

[@annatanneberger1]

MargeretHerman you've just confirmed everything I've come to know about teachers these last few decades. They are not very bright, just box-tickers. And this video would just fit perfectly into the mentality of box-ticking. Has everybody watched the video? Tick. Bullying issue taken care of for this term. Not bright enough to think for themselves how enraging it would be to tell someone (the bully - already operating at a low level of self-wareness) "You're acting like a child. Is there something wrong?" Covering the insult with faux concern for that person's well-being.

[@croach2194]

@@annatanneberger1 Anyone who stereotypes any group - in your case teachers are not very bright - is not very bright and really unable to assess situations effectively. Stereotyping groups is what causes such societal problems as racism, misogyny, ageism, homophobia, islamophobia and many other ills. It is very sad.

[@annatanneberger1]

@@croach2194 ​ You cannot choose your race. That is the kind of prejudice I grew up with. Being jeered at because of the family you were born to. Something over which you had no control. However, people do have control over the work they do. And certain kinds of people will gravitate towards certain types of jobs. Teaching, worldwide, as a profession is structured in such a way as to drive out the dedicated and the inspired and the "geniuses" of that particular profession. It is one of the consequences of The Long Walk Through The Institutions (Antonio Gramsci/ Rudi Dutschke if you want to read up on it). Many people start out in teaching with great idealism, but are quickly made unwelcome, driven out, made to feel that it is simply impossible to do the right thing. The people who remain in teaching are of the mental bent to be box-tickers (to be just kind about it).

[@annatanneberger1]

@@croach2194 I grew up being jeered at for not speaking proper English. The nation I was born to, here in Africa, was NOT my personal choice. So don't lecture me on prejudice and racism. Furthermore, this video is not about racism. It is about bullying - which happens at school, the workplace, between people of the same race. And the advice this guy gives in the video will get you a bloody nose, at the very elast.

[@barbnauman705]

Chase, you’re a total class act❤️ I’m reminded of what my father has told me countless times- There are 3 roads in life you can take-the high road, the same road, or the low road. You’ll never regret taking the high road.💯❤️

[@saragates2255]

I'm going to borrow this one for future use... Thank you❤️

[@michellefielden260]

Thank you Chase! We all need a roadmap to Peace ☮️.

[@alswedgin9274]

You might be right, but could you define the 'high road' and is there such a thing as 'No road..?

[@marym9097]

@@alswedgin9274 I love your comment 💜🧜‍♀️

[@ps37see10and29]

U nailed it-class act, Indeed!

[@BrightenUs]

I’m so glad this is available on KZbin. It’s an important topic. Your advice is invaluable!

[@NicolaMaxwell]

Absolutely Barbara!💛 blessings from Scotland

[@lesliekupchanko5001]

You BET It's an important Topic. Thanks Chase.

[@annatanneberger1]

Take the advice at your own peril.

[@elizabethcummings2283]

I worked as a surgical tech in a small hospital. I was under a woman whose name was Joyce. Upon our first meeting, it was her standard to "explain", that she was "a really big deal" in that hospital, as she would stare deeply unsettling (with her icy blue eyes). Joyce was the Coordinator of Neuro. I was shaken, not stirred.

[@rosemadder5547]

Reminds me of my very first EMT job. I could never figure out why these two paramedics with the fancy credentials, one was also the office manager and dispatch, felt so threatened by little ole me coming along. Anyone that was genuinely nice triggered this woman. Every partner I had, 5 of them, quit over the just 6 months I was there bc of being bullied by this lady. 2 were even also Medics. And they'd request to be my partner after we'd train together bc I get along with people easy... Made her hate me even more. When I finally quit, I got close to quitting EMS and was in a little ball of self pity, not working anywhere, for a month and half. Its amazing how relentless they can be. Good on you for being unphased!!! I've heard horror stories about being a surgery tech and dealing with docs. I'm trying to become that way too.. I'm glad someone stood their ground ❤

[@incognito595]

Narc.

[@gregoryforrest8970]

Many people have these hang ups to Prove something to others oh look at me ain't I something here, oh look at me I just bought a new SUV it's a BMW oh I am something now. Such people in my opinion are complete losers

[@katewalthall5882]

I was bullied in Middle school in the early 80’s. I was shamed for having big front teeth “bugs bunny”, for day dreaming in class “Earth to Katie” with girls putting their fingers on either side of their head like aliens…I was ridiculed for not cursing or drinking alcohol at a sleepover in 6th grade, I went to sleep earlier and the girls stomped on me and crushed candy into my hair with their shoes. Took me decades to get over it. It is still part of my core being. I have made sure I am always kind to everyone, and advocate for those who are vulnerable.

[@karmacamilleon1]

Girls in groups can be very cruel. I'm glad you have found the courage to stand up for others.

[@Lizperez-bg3bu]

That must have been devastating. I’m glad you channeled your experience into caring for others. I try to smile and make eye contact with those who appear to be on the “outside” and struggling.

[@poeticallyinclinedjayne9040]

​​ True, but it's not only girls in groups that bully. One of the goals of any clique is to ridicule outsiders to establish a stronger insider bond.

[@jayneshort8603]

Would you name and shame those girls today Kate, Iam sure their kids would like to know.

[@suegoulding1341]

So sorry you had a horrible school life, because of your kind nature I'm thinking you have a lot of good friends. Your tormentors now grown-up must feel very ashamed of themselves especially if they have children that are being bullied, it'll bring it all back how cruel they were.

[@StephanieSoressi]

Thank you, Chase. I was so bullied in school, I still have nightmares about it 45 years later -- something most of my Aspie friends also experienced and still feel the ramifications. I really do appreciate you passing this on; it is invaluable.

[@porlawright]

True. I'm aspie & now an evolutionary psychologist studying female strategies of competition & aggression partly because of my experiences in childhood but also because female bullying is a major blind spot in society which needs to be acknowledged as more women enter positions of power & influence. I'm looking to test a hypothesis that the growth of cancel culture is connected to female strategies of competition.

[@StephanieSoressi]

@@porlawright I am glad you are able to pursue your meanderings of mind. But be careful; EvoPsy is a field that a lot of posers have been attracted to, who will not accept science that contradicts their ideas. Especially beware of Dick Dawkins & the faux horsemen. I could connect you to some of the true experts in the field, who proved The Selfish Gene was all wrong, and that Group Selection is & always has been at work. (Which is why the spectrum and homosexuality, religiosity & many other things were selected for.) Humans are not individuals; they are groups. And we are NOT anomalies.

[@stephaniemoon8913]

You really are the perfect man. I wish as a little girl my father had this wisdom instead of telling me to just tackle the biggest bully in the group, which was effective enough but in those days we didn't run the risk of being shot or stabbed the following day.

[@daleboxsell2805]

I went through 2 years of being bullied in high school, the fact is there’s nothing to say to a bully to get them to leave you alone I tried many times the only way to defeat a bully is to stand up to them because the last thing a bully wants is to be drawn into a fight they want to be the dominant one the one in control. Talking does nothing telling others does nothing you have to find that confidence and take a stand against them I did and the guy never bothered me again.

[@hwaidasweilem8955]

What did you say to him?

[@sylviefrancis331]

You're lucky you didn't get your butt handed to you. That's a good thing! 👍🏼 Many will back down.. not all, tho. Besides, how do you think they became that way? It's easier for us to go down the same rabbit hole as the bully. That's not good. (imho) Be safe, keep being awesome 🙂

[@DereckDotCom]

It's not the best solution but yeah my brother only stopped when I fought back he is 6 years older imagine a 12yo kid bulling a 6year old what a coward he is I realise that now years after .

[@alexisscarbrough4083]

Violence isn't what they seek, control is (because they have 0 control at home).

[@DarkArtsDeepDive]

@@sylviefrancis331 Fighting a bully isn’t remotely the same as bullying. This poster is 100% correct the only way to stop a bully is to beat them either in conversation or physically (if they go hands on). It’s a sad reality. That’s why children need physical skills to go along with their diplomatic skills.

[@Mattipedersen]

You hit the nail right on the head with some of the descriptions. The reality is that a bully built on insecurity and the bully is projecting those insecurities onto others. People who are secure and comfortable with themselves won't feel it's necessary to act out, towards others.

[@rosebud-ame]

I realized years later that I was bullied because I stood out as a redhead. Also, I was a very quiet and compliant child. I became a social worker, helping people after watching kids being bullied besides myself. Now I just stare at a bully. Sometimes you don’t need words.

[@saradolphin3242]

😂

[@mjinba07]

I've made this comment elsewhere but I'll repeat it here - A lot of these responses would be super cringey coming from a classmate or a colleague. Fine for a parent or a counselor to say, not so much for regular social situations between two people of equal footing. The way to deal with bullies is anything to the effect of, "I'm not having it." Not being wounded, not retaliating or trying to get even, not "going deep" like some of the ideas Hughes suggests here, and certainly not empathizing. Emotionally connecting with someone who's being a jerk to you only rewards that behavior with more opportunities to get pushed around. The exception, I suppose, would be if the bully is genuinely a friend of yours and their bullying is out of character. With a regular bully you set the boundary quickly, firmly, and fairly. That advice was actually given to me by a bully. I've found it almost always works.

[@annatanneberger1]

@mjinba07 Thanks for this. I came to the comments to check if I'm really so far wrong. Maybe this was intended for school kids? The word "bully" conjures up in my mind a guy in a business suit, bigger, stronger richer and more powerful than me. The empathising and connecting with his childhood - will only earn you withering contempt, if you are lucky. "Quickly fairly and firmly." (Thanks for that.) And if that doesn't change anything - walk away, calmly and politely. Do not be drawn into a conversation about something you are not prepared to do and this person is trying to bully you into. Always be sure of your information. If you are not sure, then say that you don't have all the information, and you are ending the meeting until you have the relevant information. Don't try to wing it and guess and hesitate...... the bully sees it as a weakness and will destroy you.

[@jenpachi2408]

And sometimes , you just gotta whup a mans ass​@@annatanneberger1

[@ERH-ph5gb]

I agree with you here, since the advice and formula also did not speak to me. I think it is a unique quality of the presenter and when HE says what he recommends, it might work on bullies, he met and meets. Though I would say that where he is correct is the aspect of de-escalation. Now, how a bully accepts that the other person calms him down, is another matter. Some bullies will not accept the observation "you seem to be unhappy" etc. They will only accept being calmed down by what you described as quickly, firmly and fairly. For the fair aspect I would say, that IS empathetic, since without it, it wouldn't work.

[@northuist2]

​@ERH-ph5gb I am not sure about the empathetic, always. I witnessed one episode in which a forensic patient told her psychiatrist to "f off" when he took away privileges. Without batting an eye he retorted "no you f off." Conversation concluded, and she didn't threaten to report him to the licensing board, unlike the daily threats nurses got. And no, I wasn't a patient! But I have been bullied. And I won my bet when a nurse complained that anorher female patient wouldn't treat that doctor how she treated that nurse: Because he'd throw the toilet paper rolls back at her twice as hard and lock her up 😂. At least it wasn't a used roll the nurse got wanged with. In that vein, Chase's answers were too long but well intentioned.They might have had the element of surprise or the kid might be decked before getting it out. There is another kind of bully - a rabid raccoon raised in a garbage bag. Just plain mean. SERE. Others are too afraid they'll be next to stand up to them.

[@ERH-ph5gb]

​@@northuist2 Thanks for the anecdotes. Always difficult for outsiders to judge, I think. But HaHa! I've also experienced the situation of spontaneous presence of mind! The element of surprise is your best friend. However, it is rather startling when a bullie turns into a pile of misery before your very eyes. Basically, you don't mess around if you can smell that you're going to be outmatched. All empathy diminishes as your own fear increases. If you have no empathy, then you are too scared to respond quick fair and firm.

[@franceswiggins1347]

Some of the worst bullying I ever received in school was from teachers. I am left handed and was made to feel as if I had a learning disability in the 60's. They even resorted to corporal punishment on a daily basis. I would like to hear your thoughts on teachers bullying grade school children. My grandchildren are subjected to it in kindergarten and 1st grade. I have been told and Grandma is coming home!

[@4witha5]

I would also appreciate this video. My son has been bullied far more by teachers than other kids.

[@nanettemurray1000]

I was a lefty, and my teacher constantly told me to write with my right hand. My mother talked to that teacher. My mom said, my daughter is left handed, and she will be using her left hand. I am ambidextrous today. When I write on paper, I’m left handed. On a chalkboard, I use my right hand.

[@rubybegonia7052]

I was bullied by a teacher in the 3rd grade. It was humiliating to the core and I suppose that was her goal.

[@vickiparsons5698]

I am a lefty..I went through this.. she kept turning my paper forcing the pencil ✏️ in my right hand 😢, this teacher had no idea what I was going through with my parents..I stayed in that shame face for years after that😢

[@cathwalsh9921]

@@nanettemurray1000same here. Only I don’t think I told my parents. If the teacher was coming around I swapped to my right hand and when she’d gone I went back to my left. I should have just ignored her. But I can write with both hands now.

[@earthminus10]

About 15 years ago I worked with developmentally disabled people. One day I had a wheelchair individual on the public transportation. One lady was getting very angry because we were taking extra time to get my clients wheelchair in and lock down. When we got off the bus she started to verbally attack my client. I turned to the woman and said somebody hurt you to make you want to take your anger out on somebody like this. An individual that cannot defend themselves easy target. I was nothing but kind to this woman. The woman sat down at the bus stop and I sat next to her and talk to her for probably 2 or 3 minutes but de-escalation accomplished. When you show concern for that individual and you understand something about that individual that stranger and you talk to them about it it changes the situation immediately. Usually. everything is uncleenched. I was also bullied by my family. I was the youngest and they were and are all narcissists.I have not seen them in over 30 years and I have never missed them once. Of course I think about him but good riddance I stopped seeing them when I was 35 years old. That means I'm really old tan Daddy I could be your mom. I even feel creepy calling you tan Daddy. LOL

[@melodeelucido1446]

Beautiful. Wouldn't it be awesome for there to be an army of teachers, parents and instructors, empowering children with this message. You make such a great difference in this world Chase. Blessings in all you do❤

[@beam3819]

Very wise to teach our youths/kids to stand up toghether against bullying. Always adress the action not attack the person. That give the bully dignety and a chanse to be good.

[@ravicroak6142]

There was a guy at a local convenience store who was always a jerk to me. Out of no where I just blurted out " is it me you don't like or is it you you don't like it" That changed everything. Certainly, I didn't become best buddies, but he respected me from that day on.

[@JaxBachtle]

Fantastic response!

[@TrueBeliever-gm8sn]

I was bullied from 3rd grade through high school and into the workplace. By both genders. Being an empathetic, kind person has been the reason. People think you’re weak. I would never wish to be a different person though. This world is so dark.

[@Jezzebel1313]

Hi. Here's the thing. As an empathetic person (someone with above-average empathy), one of your goals in life is to learn to stand up for yourself and find self-confidence. It's so hard because we tend to analyze ourselves very harshly and we do it all the time. However, we are very, very understanding and lenient towards others. Wich makes no sense at all.^^ It's not primarily the supposed weakness that makes you a target, but rather the fact that you can see things in people that others can't see. This makes you a danger. Bullies only bully people they think are better than themselves. Never forget that.

[@rosebud-ame]

@@Jezzebel1313Excellent advice!

[@brendalindsey5425]

this is so good to point out that most advice about dealing with a bully is to act like a bully yourself. That's not going to make the world a better place.

[@meiltoo]

My 53 year old boss has been a bully and he is just getting worse. This really explains where it comes from.

[@adityatyagi4009]

I was a victim of incessant bullying as a kid and the damage it did to me was enormous. I wish I had had these skills at that age to deal with the bullies. Thank you so much for this video.

[@Dee-Dee-y2k]

I honestly don't wish to have dialogue with bullies. Especially when it's happening... I'm an extreme introvert and when I got bullied all I wanted was for the earth to open and swallow me in. My mind would shut down and I most certainly didn't think what sentence can I use to disarm them... Days later I'll play out these situations of what I should have done.

[@Contemplative_extrovert]

Spot on. Who wants to reason with a bully in the moment of attack???

[@maritlebliss]

I had a large big sister, 6 years my senior. Nothing works in a family where physical, mental and emotional abuse is allowed. You survive it, and when you're big enough or, in my case your dad dies, there's a shift. But the insidious emotional abuse never ends. The worst of it is how to be a good human with your new family, your own children and husband. But the good bit is being one of the two that survived in a big family. And being given the gift of so much understanding of bullies and empathy for the powerless -not weak, just under gunned. This helps now in situations where I might immediately jump into truama response. We need tools in our basket of tricks. Thank you. 14:30

[@luluadapa5222]

Thank you Chase, a brilliant video 🙏. When the mother is a bully, it is devastating to the child. You grow up without boundaries, always put your needs after everyone elses, are unable to regulate emotions, unable to deal with conflict and never feel good enough to be treated decently.

[@annatanneberger1]

@luluadapa5222 And the advice in this video is - once again to have no boundaries, put your own feelings aside to empathise with the bully and not feeling good enough to be treated decently. So how do you say this is a brilliant video?

[@livelystones7773]

I completely relate. The only advice for a disgusting bullying mother would be to leave and go no contact. So all strategies would work backwards from there.via planning to achieve this goal. Only distance and separation will work towards your advantage here. Erect strong boundaries with them - even employ the barking dog to shut them up and get them to stay away. These entities cannot be reasoned with. Don’t bother wasting your time empathising with these soulless creatures . Once you have the advantage away from their need to control, then you can decide if you want to ‘understand them’ interact with them again (from a controlled) distance , if ever. That will save you years of depression.

[@annatanneberger1]

@@livelystones7773 And a further form of bullying is then to insist to someone who had been bullied and just kept away (no contact) that "You must forgive." It is such a severe from of bullying, based on a misinterpretation of the Christian message. "To forgive" is to refrain from revenge, i.e. Old Testament eye-for-an-eye justice. So, if you are not plotting to exact revenge - then, in fact, you have forgiven. It incenses me when journalists thrust a microphone in a bereaved parent's face and ask "Have you forgiven your daughter's murderer?" Those shallow journalists betray their own lack of reading or understanding religious texts - and now they are bullying some stranger, bereaved and broken to conform to their idea of what a good person is. So if you had been bullied and you walked away (forgiven - not exacting revenge) and feel the need to talk about the hurt - someone is bound to admonish you to "forgive."

[@livelystones7773]

@@annatanneberger1 I agree. I mean I wish they would look at the whole Bible and not just pick out select areas. One of the most profound examples relating to this topic was that Abraham separated camps from Lot as there was too much conflict between them. They went their separate ways. That was the literal definition of going no contact. Jesus even said if anyone will not welcome you or heed your words - to shake the dust off your feet. Meaning after you’ve been reasonable and they don’t accept that. LEAVE and keep it moving. Not stay there and be abused. Even with forgiveness. The person has to be contrite in their apology for forgiveness to naturally happen. Nor does forgiveness mean to stick around accepting punishment. Forgiveness comes in the process of healing which can take time, not in the moment someone has kicked you in the face or like you say with bereaved parents of a crime. It’s such an insult when there’s pressure to forgive when the perpetrator is still laughing in their face. Some of these tools are only used to absolves bullies of guilt In my opinion. Nothing wrong with swift recompense. That’s a learning tool. As they say ‘f*ck around and find out’ Reviewing my own life experiences, I’ve found that reasoning with bullies is a waste of time, it only makes them feel stronger, especially if you start rewarding them with gifts to appease them as someone mentioned in the comments. They only learn that bullying works. I have no qualms with bullies getting a taste of their medicine as I’ve found that the shock is a window of opportunity and the only time they are willing to listen and reconsider their actions. Then again, what do I know.

[@annatanneberger1]

@@livelystones7773 Agree totally. Just one little bone to pick with you... when you say That still implies that the victim has to undergo some process. Forgiveness happens the moment that you refrain from sticking out the other guy's eye in retaliation, or continuing the fight with bad-mouthing, or Mafia-style raids, etc.. All you need to do is refrain from retaliation. The rest is up to the deity. Only G-d can perform that act of forgiveness that will lift the wrong-doer's sins. I think once people understand that, there is already a weight lifted from their heart - the supposed burden "to forgive." Leave that up to God.

[@thatskaren]

Thank you for this! Having the name Karen has been a nightmare. Being able to stand up to people and this situation is so monumental!

[@linwei-lee110]

I am so sorry about all the ridicule people named Karen go through these days.

[@saracarson8835]

My beautiful sister was a Karen, a very good friend is a Karen (40 yes lol) Karen's are lovely xxx

[@MetaPhysStore0770]

Just go by a nick name, cary or kay or corin, nobody is gonna know your karen unless YOU keep telling them, simple solution😂

[@thatskaren]

@@MetaPhysStore0770, let’s take the personal part out of this- imagine anyone’s name being destroyed or compared to a concept so awful. Why have a dictionary? Let’s just use Proper Nouns! Personally, I introduce myself as KB or KareBear- no one knows what my legal name is unless it’s a requirement, which I really try to have changed over to KB or KareBear. Thankfully Preferred Name is a huge PC thing these days… FYI Karen means Pure, was one of the top baby names for decades, (no one would dare pass down this generational name now) and also is a tribe of individuals in Miramar.

[@kellytalbert6610]

Thank you. I shared it with my daughter for the grand kids

[@KerryPetersen]

I think you're correct on most of this, however one must also know that ALL bullies are narcissists and all narcissists are bullies. This means that being bullied is a "you" problem and never a "them" problem. You cannot make them own any responsibility for bad behavior. They cannot take it.

[@Elizalynn-sunshine]

Yes! My husband is so far gone I totally can't say anything he is or has done..he is like a 2 yr old at 60

[@Jezzebel1313]

That's wrong. Narcissists can certainly recognize that they are narcissists and do something about the harm they inflict on others every day. Many people with NPD go to therapy to learn skills to not be a bully. To put it bluntly: MOST narcissists know what they are...they are simply unwilling to change their behavior. And as long as they live freely and independently with us, they are damn responsible for their shit. It is NOT society's job to guess whether you are a narcissist/psychopath or not and then accept it all or retrain our behavior just in case. You have to work with them and sometimes they are your boss. It is, in fact, a "THEM" problem. Psychopaths are a certain exception (every psychopath is also a full-fledged narcissist, but not every narcissist is a psychopath). There is no therapie possible. But it is still NOT the victim's responsibility. By the way, many people believe that every bully is a psychopath and not just a narcissist (bullying of adults in the workplace - in a group). But to my knowledge this has not been proven.

[@mindy1230]

Writing this with kids in mind…my bully was my narcissistic mother who had a lot of hidden shame, to which I was the truth teller skate goat. I have spent my life at war, fighting terrific battles then running back, hoping she would just love me and be the mom I wanted her to be. I put myself in a foster home where I was happier, but she tricked me to come back home me after a year. I wished I would have stayed. You should teach this in schools sir. I wish for all kids to have the resources and knowledge they need… and how to heal too. I’m trying to go past victim mentality in my life…. I do not want to be like her. I want to own something I did which makes me ashamed and want to hide it, although there are reasons {excuses] I am trying very hard to just sit with the fact that I did it at all. And if I can face it…without trying to hide. Well then. Newly subscribed…ty for helping ❤

[@kitchenworker446]

Great advice for kids. My ex boss displayed most of all these bullying qualities...I stuck it out for 16 years thinking there was something wrong with me...finally after watching some videos about narcissists and bullying, I finally realised it wasn't me it was them!!! Light bulb moment! I left that job pronto and now work as a cleaner in a school. It's great because I work alone, No one else is there so early in the morning and I am going home when everyone else is arriving. No more bullying. I still see this person everyday as she works in the same builing as me but she holds no power over me and I am able to dismiss anything they try to say to me...and belive me she still tries!!

[@jog3131]

I have been dealing with 2 old bullies, both 80 years old. They bullied my mom my sister my nephew now I live here and they have escalated their insane bullying. They have illegally tried to take over half of our family land and done much harm and damage. It is so weird having such old people behave so ridiculously. Ty for this, I will try some of your tips .

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

Record everything you say and do when you are around them. Collect evidence as much you can. This could 'serve' you at 1 point in your life 1 day.

[@patriciaburns1033]

I always say "whoa, come here and just ask for a hug, it's easy"

[@melodeelucido1446]

More than ever fighting fire with fire is very dangerous. These ways of speaking peace into a bullying situation could bring the beginning of healing for the bully. Thank you Chase.

[@ceeveekaye]

Love this! Just watched it with my 12 year old and she ate it up. Really took the information in and then we discussed it further. Great explanations for why bullies do what they do, how we can understand that it comes from their own pain or insecurities, and how we can reach out to them. Thanks, Chase!

[@mummymary2218]

My brother was horrifically bullied in school by multiple people. The school did nothing. We felt powerless as a family, he was the youngest by years. I remember holding him whilst he cried and told us he didn't want to live anymore. When he was about 20 he was finally diagnosed as being on the spectrum after years of Dr's telling my parents he was spoiled, sheltered and babied! He is now a very happy man with a lovely wife. He is very well known in our small town and most people are very protective of him, this includes some of the bullies. I wonder if his mental health had a diagnosis would his school life have been easier. We'll never know and are just glad we still have him. He recently turned 40.

[@princesscandlewax5170]

I’m super-interested in a non-violent solution to bullies…can’t wait to see it.

[@garynaccarato4606]

For some people who love to get physical words don't really do crap and there's only so far that you can manage to run.

[@ilb735]

Thank you chase. My granddaughter had a tough start at senior / high? School ( 11+) bullied / physically assaulted by a much bigger girl with her group of friends surrounding them gearing shoving etc and was out of school for several weeks before returning, the main culprit had been temporarily removed for her return, but still the fear and anxiety kept her from mixing, she has over the last few weeks begun to venture from solitary library time back into her classes and out into the playground, the main girl is due to return to the school this friday on a reduced time table and anxiety is high once again, I have forwarded this to her and her parents...🙏🤞🏼 I really hope it will be appreciated understood / implemented & helpful to them. Again,Thank you so much!! Truly Appreciate you!! And your work! 💞

[@Catilieth]

When my family immigrated to this country, I was three and a half years old. I did not speak one word of English. Hoping to be able to return to their home, my parents put me in a little daycare/preschool so that I would learn English. There was a little girl there that was your classic bully. She would pinch me, push me down on the playground, hit me. I wasn’t so much afraid as I was very, very annoyed. But I didn’t know enough English to be able to say anything to the adults. And I wasn’t afraid enough to say anything to my parents. One day I took my teddy bear to school, he was the only thing that I had been to bring with me when we moved. As I was playing with my teddy bear, this girl came and ripped him out of my hands and plucked one of his eyes out. something snapped and I lit into this girl. I don’t recall the first part of the fight, but I do recall dragging her by her hair out of the sandbox where we had been playing. The MOST AMAZING thing happened. Not only did she no longer bully me, she wanted to be my friend. Instead of trying to take my cookie, she offered me a piece of hers! I was dumbfounded and astonished! But I learned a valuable lesson. A few years later, when I was about six years old, we moved to a new neighborhood. My friend next-door warned me about a family that lived across the street and down a couple of houses. She said the boys there were bullies. This will age me a little, but when I was rollerskating in our driveway wearing those metal rollerskates that clamp onto your shoes, sure enough one of those boys came over. He was about 10 years old and I knew from his body posture he was coming over for no good. I hopped onto the grass so that I would have more traction and waited . Sure enough he went to hit me, and with all of my six year old strength, I kicked him in the shin with the front edge of those metal roller skates. He got another hit and knocked me down, and then he left. He NEVER came over to our house again. Lesson learned, stand up to a bully, and even if you lose the fight, they will not come back. For whatever reason, many of which Chase pointed out, bullies want to feel powerful by making others afraid. If they realize that you’re not afraid and are willing to fight back, they just leave you alone without bothering you at all because they cannot risk losing face. All the examples that Chase gave are great when one is an adult but utterly useless when one is 3 or 6 years old.

[@JaxBachtle]

Thank you Chase! All great examples of what to say to a jerk/bully. Another that has worked for me is: "I can tell that you're very proud of that insult & you hope it hurts me." And my all time favorite: "Hope your day gets better."

[@wendelee8639]

For one who has bullied & been bullied by others, I found this to be an invaluable lesson learnt. If I knew then what I leant just now, could have possibly changed a few mindsets- including my own, & made a difference. I will stop and think to put these in place in the future. Thanks for the heads up, you ROCK, my friend 👊

[@kathryncainmadsen5850]

This is great. Brene Brown says Narcissism is the shame of being ordinary. To me these are the entitled bullies.The ones who just think it's fun to make you feel "ordinary."

[@timewoundsallheels4ever]

I wish I had known your insights into bullies when I was a child. Back then, I was convinced that the bullies in my life were all that powerful and justified in their behaviour towards me.

[@carolyncibik8429]

I used to tell my children: No one looks big when they make others look small

[@littleninjai222]

Thank you so much for this, Chase. There's so much bullying by leaders in the corp world.

[@joanneshalit8494]

a bully got in my face... and I just stood there... he finally said..."aren't you afraid of me?" and all I said was...."Should I be?" he started laughing hysterically and never bothered me again

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

I did the same phrase! It worked that day. Luckily, i had not to deal with that person ever again.

[@tonikoqi448]

If a child knows how to articulate these phrases in a stressful or embarrassing situation, I don't think he needs them. The bullies attack the weak ones, or weird ones, or those with disabilities, etc. Others around - the normal ones - are the ones who can do something about it, the victims often can't, they simply need to learn to live with it. I am saying it from my experience; I was bullied through all my childhood, and always hoped someone around the bullies would stop them, sometimes it happened, sometimes no one cared, and so on. No matter how I behaved or what I talked (often nothing at all), bullies didn't stop; but I was gifted with a big body and strength, and later in school they didn't dare to bully me, but others weren't so lucky.

[@windywednesday4166]

That's an excellent point. Bullies never work alone, they always have a little Posse. I've had good results with learning to use my words to articulate situations to others in the environment to gain support.

[@ldavid2528]

Thank you for including adults in this- growing up you feel like school issues will one day be in the past, and then eventually the penny drops the same things go on in the working world. I wish someone had told me as a child that no one ever really grows up! How refreshing to have some kind/fair mindful manoeuvres and ways of thinking. Thank you.

[@MyNorseArt]

If you ever have been bullied for years . But then you moved to another city but it happened there too. Like you are some kind of magnets that make all these bullies come to you. I can tell you why this happened. They can tell. They can tell you are an easy prey, your body language screams. Stop looking at the ground when you are outside walking. Hold your head high, and walk with confidence. Speak loud and clear, don't mumble. If comments are coming your way, answer with confidence, not in an aggressive way, cos it might escalate from there. For me, the bullying stopped once I started doing this. As a kid I though, if I am nice then other will be nice to me. But it don't work like that. Because people are people. They won't change for you, so adapt to whoever you are dealing with.

[@BobDinners1771]

Obvious fake confidence doesn't work so don't overdo it. Just a little less reactive and a little more confident every day.

[@MyNorseArt]

@@BobDinners1771 Obviously, this doesn't happen over night. It takes work, but looking forward instead of down at the ground, is a start.

[@aliyamea]

Thank you Chase.

[@TheRoyalFlush]

One thing you didnt touch on, that I feel is at the core, is predator/ prey dynamics. Bullies prey on those they perceive to be weaker. Exhibit strength and they will usually scurry right away.

[@NicolaMaxwell]

I thought he explained that well.

[@TheRoyalFlush]

@@NicolaMaxwell in what way specifically?

[@rhamesabominable2920]

I certainly think there’s a perception by the bully that the target will put up with more abuse than other people would, and the bully thinks it’s a fun game to see just how much the target is willing to put up with.

[@DarkArtsDeepDive]

@@NicolaMaxwell He didn’t explain it well. The type of person being bullied is going to be stuttering all over themselves for fear of it getting worse. Not a single thing here would be effective to a child being bullied. Children need physical skills to deal with bullying. Physical skills give them confidence and the ability to protect themselves when diplomacy fails.

[@Shiv-jt4uw]

I tend to agree with all the suggestions. I was ceaselessly bullied in schools that I attended and despite my appeals to their better judgement, the torment continued….until I “dropped” each one of them with retaliations that they would never forget! Needless to say, I was never bullied again. I have taught my children how to handle themselves when their back is against the wall….always make sure you’re the last man standing! It worked for me.

[@MrsVillafane12123]

I recommend you and your videos to people all the time. You’re so incredibly helpful. I wasn’t able to learn these things until I spent almost 5 years working as a tech at one of the biggest psych hospitals in America (until they got shut down). And even then I really just learned those things by instinct/intuition, to essentially survive this job and now I think it’s because I truly was from the standpoint that I wanted everyone to be okay. That’s where I learned hurt people, hurt people. And I always had a special pity for the ones that leashed out the most because they always had the heaviest charts because of the pages on pages of history. But even with that experience I learned things in this video about myself and better ways to handle other’s that will make me a better, more mindful person moving forward. And I now can teach my baby boy these things as he grows into the wonderful man I know he’ll be.

[@bofhzerozero777]

I still remember in 2nd grade the pleasant surprise I got when I realized that yelling at the 4th grader berating me made her stop in her tracks (I do think she was going to hit me before I started yelling at her). Then a teacher approached and gave her and her friends a dressing down for picking on smaller children. That was a really nice teacher who was always watching out for the littler ones. As I grew older I got more socially conscious and I don’t think I would’ve yelled at a bully again. I was only a little chihuahua that time. I love what you are saying, but it’s very hard to be cerebral in bullying circumstances, especially when they get physical. What I think we need to do is do away with the “snitching is bad” mentality. School children shouldn’t have to navigate physical and psychological violence by themselves. Teachers and school staff are there for a reason. We need to teach our kids to speak up about their own and other kids bullying. Then a teacher, with their pedagogical and psychological training, should have the who hurt you conversation with the bully. As they grow older kids can learn to manage their issues and insecurities not through trauma from bullying, but through the example of adults dealing with it the right way.

[@alexp2915]

Great video, Chase! I’ve been thinking a lot about bullies lately. My apartment manager is a horrible bully and it’s really been affecting my life. I’ve even been having chest pains daily because of the stress (and anger) it’s been causing me, and I’ll wake up in the middle of the night in a panic. I tried to find an attorney for help, but it would be too expensive, so there’s unfortunately been no recourse for his behavior (and his breaking the law), so I’ve been on my own in either trying to deal with him or avoid him, but either way, he’s really gotten to me and I find myself stewing at all hours about things he’s said or done to me, which is obviously not healthy for me and probably what he wants. Thinking about why he is the way he is, though, through the lens you presented here is already helping me to feel in a better headspace. Ps- I really admire the thoughtfulness with which you prepare and present all of your wonderful information.

[@TASmith-ou3is]

I'm going through the same thing with my condo board! They break the law; have different rules for different owners; etc. I think a lawsuit is the only answer - but it would be so expensive!!! It has made our lives so miserable that I think we're going to have to sell and move.

[@alexp2915]

@@TASmith-ou3is I feel ya. The manager here as been doing the same to me - making up “rules” just for me so he can say I violated them and threaten me with eviction and put stuff in my file that’ll probably hurt me the next time I need a rental reference. It’s insane. It really sucks that these kinds of people basically count on the fact that most people won’t be able to spend thousands of dollars and possibly years in court standing up to them, so they get away with murder. I’ve been thinking about moving, too. I resisted for a long time because it’s like “why should I have to do that?” Plus it’s so expensive to move even within the same town (first and last month’s rent deposit, movers, time off work, paying overlapping rent at two places for a time, etc.) . I’d have to put maybe $4,000 or so on my credit card and I resent having to incur that much debt because of them. I’m from Illinois, but have been living in Oregon the last few years and want to move back to Illinois, so I keep thinking it’s better to stick it out in this apartment until I’m able to move back to IL since any local moves before that will set me back financially from the end goal, but it’s torture living in this apartment and who knows when I’ll be able to move out of state. 😪 I didn’t have luck with this, but you might be able to find an attorney who will work on contingency. I’ve also been meaning to look into different housing or business authorities I could report this management company to, although that won’t do me a ton of good in terms of winning any settlement money, but it might feel good lol.

[@OlgaZoubkova]

Thank you so much, Mr Hughes! long time fan of Behaviour Panel and everyone on it. The world would be such a better place if everybody were just a tad nicer to everyone and agreed upon never ever attacking each other, verbally, physically, jokingly... Thank you so much for educating us on being better persons to each other!

[@MissAtomicBomb777]

I don't know about anyone else, but would be interesting to hear about bullying in adults. I have had my fare share I have to admit. Thanks chase, I love ur work so much! 🥰

[@chrisb.4323]

Childhood bullies become adult bullies.

[@NicolaMaxwell]

Same here, adult bullying is a big problem 😔 it's not spoken about enough. 💜

[@celticgirl1059]

My adult daughter is going through this now. Relentless bullying and sabotage. It's like a very unhealthy obsession this person has with her.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Same, I don't think I come across as an obvious target for bullying but I am probably a bit too accommodating. Every time it starts again I get a shock, so I'm not down on myself if you see what I mean. I'm not implying that anybody deserves it. I just mean that I'm not ''attracting'' it by expecting it. The two bullies who excluded me using the silent treatment, they had never met each other but interestingly (I can say that now) they both used the same techniques to exclude me. They all but love bombed others around us but iced me out like I was a ghost. The two of them were kind of dominant characters, so although in theory I could have remained in a group where just one person was bullying me, in both groups this bully seemed to lead the conversations. Others who weren't frozen out didn't noticed this and they were allowed to contribute. Now, enough time has passed that I can be unemotional about it but still have a desire to figure this sh1t out.

[@bettinastebner]

Yes, this happens in work settings. As a woman, I feel other female co-workers can be the most catty and bullying creatures....

[@jmurray2018]

Bullied twice when at school which led confronting the bully during recess. He Would come up to me and punch me without a reason so after weeks of getting the same I decided to stop him. I pinned him down during recess and punched him in the face repeatedly until someone got the teacher to get me off him. It was the only time I ever hit anybody but I never got bullied in school again I’ve never become a bully or went on to hurt anybody again and despite it being the wrong thing to do I felt great and never regretted it. The Only other time was in my next school I was constantly teased during Class for no reason, I think they didn’t like that fact I was always smiling and trying to be nice to people. it got so much that I got so frustrated during class I jumped up from my desk, threw my chair to the ground walked out of class, out of school and went home. I remember the whole class being in shock - they never expected someone so friendly and gentle to finally snap. Instead of confronting him This time I walked away, I guess you get smarter the older you get lol . Anyways 3 Days later when I returned the teachers brought me into a room with him to sort it out - it was very unexpected. He was so full of shame and was clearly startled that he’d caused me so much hurt. It was a very strange experience to see someone trouble over how much troubles they’d given me. I felt really sorry for him and we became best friends during that year we still are. Never got bullied again became really confident and really good with people making friends never used my hands again and become great at talking things over. So yeps that’s my bullying stories. Didn’t need any advice just worked it out for myself and went to a school that is proactive in removing bullying

[@marytoutloff2838]

This is excellent material. As a young child, I recognized that the bullies in my home life at least, were first, victims. I've been slower tomake that connection out in the world, perhaps because I haven't gotten the chance to love some of them, before the proverbial sucker punch came . My childhood prepared me to avoid certain situations in adulthood, in my personal life. Not always successful outside of family and until I quit doubting myself all the time, it was interesting inside family, to say the least. At 66, and involved in civic duty, I cannot avoid but must deal. Never believed that toughening up was the answer...then I would not be nice to.old ladies or babies. There has to be a better way than to join the hordes. This is so timely. Thanks for all you do. Love the channel and am keeping you in fervent prayer for healing. He is able and willing.

[@NicolaMaxwell]

Watching the UFC in Paris and been studying fighters body language. 😂😂 The mind control upload was absolutely fantastic!!!

[@judyschultheis]

Thank you for this video, Chase.

[@judyschultheis]

I don’t know how to message you but thanks for picking me and thanks for your great content on KZbin. 🙂

[@Honojane12]

Have you ever dealt with a bully? Don't you know that they just laugh at you and get meaner. I was bullied throughout jr. high school and believe me, they don't really care what you say.

[@rainydays-dancing5793]

I just saw this video last week. This past weekend I found out I’m going to be working with an adult bully this summer at a non-profit event. I’m coming back to watch this again to get more take away to help me prepare for this. This person tends to leave me feeling triggered with their brutal negativity. Thank you so much Chase for making this! I’m taking this with your video to my counselor to help me prepare myself.

[@ZP916]

Chase posted a video!! It’s like Christmas in September 🙌🏼🎄💛

[@marisagoodman5817]

Your so amazing, so extremely helpful . Thank you This is like a public service what your doing . Thank you

[@brendaw.7597]

Fantastic advice Chase, thank you! Hopefully folks will take it to heart and pass it on to their children and grandchildren.

[@ItsmeImalot]

At least now I know I reacted correctly as a child when I was bullied. Seams I had it in me, those right answers. Sadly it never stoppt them.

[@GApeach1313]

Ty so very much Chase!!! My son whose now 14 has been bullied so much that I had to homeschool him for a while & when I wasn’t homeschooling him he missed so many days because it was such a struggle to get him to go. I was able to help him understand why bullies did what they did but didn’t know how to help him stop it & the school was no help. In fact my son was the one that got in trouble when he started taking up for himself. I only wish I’d had this video to show him years ago. It’s my opinion that even if parents have to bargain or bribe their kids to watch this, they should. It’s what I’ll be doing if I have to (I was already going to give my son what he asked for anyway but now I’ll ask him to watch this 1st ) 😊 seriously Chase thank you! I wish you & yours the best! 😊

[@tonikoqi448]

It is typical! It looks like your son is really a good guy; these types often are the ones who catch the eye if they do something out of their character. If your son will expand his circle and starts to feel more equal to the others, I believe the bullying will stop, or at least it will be manageable. Your son looks like me when I was a child, however I overcome these issues earlier. By the time I was about 12 years old, bullying toward me had stopped.

[@GApeach1313]

@@tonikoqi448 Thank you, I think he’s a pretty good kid for the most part. He has a big heart if he doesn’t close himself up. And you’re right, they single him out because he is unique. In our house that’s a prized trait. Being yourself & thinking for yourself but also showing empathy & concern for others is some of the things that are important to his father & I. Sadly, Joshua has had a difficult time making friends & doesn’t have any in person friends where we live. He has several online that he’s talked to & been friends with for years that I’ve even seen & talked to. He did have a good friend in the area when he was younger but he moved away. Joshua has always been around adults & so doesn’t connect with kids as easily because in some ways he’s been more mature. I keep telling him that his time will come. Partly because the other kids are maturing & partly because as I’m always saying to him- the only thing in life that stays the same is that everything changes. 😊

[@tonikoqi448]

​@@GApeach1313 It is very true... for sure things will change, but I hope he will make at least a good friend live, I mean not online, but live, and I hope that good friend will be a good guy, and you will see how much things will improve. And it is very true, the unique ones are bullied the most, because - I hate to say but - the majority of children are somewhat... hmm, how to say it mildly... are very childish :) and if one of them is more matured than others, and if he has no close friends, others will bully him. May God be with your son and your family!

[@yateleyhypnotherapy2111]

We practiced finding phrases which would throw them off guard, like, “you must really like me a lot to go out of your way to pay so much attention to me.” TBH, the I’ll bet this is the place where…would go over their head. Yes. We practiced DEFLECTING from the bullying, not someone winning or losing, because no one wins. This was a really great video. And very constructive.

[@saracarson8835]

Brilliant

[@fairyprincess911]

So glad that you are showing up in my feed!🔆

[@szendrich]

I was bullied at school, bullied at home, bullied at work. And finally, I am now bullied by my adult daughter! I know you mean well, Chase, but I can see none of those one-liners working in any of my bullying experiences over time. I'm nearly 60 now, and the result of so much bullying all my life is that I've become a recluse. I do my best to avoid people because invariably they turn out to be bullies.

[@ruthless8411]

Sending love I'm sorry this has happened it's not ok

[@szendrich]

@@ruthless8411 You are so kind. Thank you. 💞

[@247Sarah]

Hi Simone, It makes me sad hearing that you are withdrawing from people so much! I wanted to make a couple of suggestions. Sometimes people get bullied more often when they are insecure, too passive, and people pleasers; if that resonates, may I suggest these books - Nice Girl Syndrome, The Art of Extreme Self Care, and The Assertiveness Workbook. For something that goes deeper and takes more time, The Presence Process. I hope some of these might help you feel comfortable getting out more often! ❤️ Also Chase has a Confidence Reboot hypnosis program, and another clinical hypnotherapist Michael Mahoney (from Healthy Audio Hypnosis) has a Confidence and Self Esteem program. I haven’t done either of them as of yet, (although I have done another program of Michael’s and it was helpful). One or both of them might be worth a try. 🙂

[@szendrich]

@@247Sarah Dear Sarah, you're so very kind to take an interest. I will certainly look into the material you recommend, but unfortunately, I don't fit the normal stereotype. I'm actually a very confident and assertive person, far from passive, and not a people pleaser in the sense you mean, although I do hate hurting people and usually end up hurting myself. I'm an empath and an energy healer, I tend to believe the best in people, over-sensitive, and am always sticking my neck out in support of others. You could say I'm naive, which is unusual at my age. Therefore, I'm stumped as to why I keep meeting this kind of character. Again, many thanks for your kind interest. xx

[@BenWeeks-ca]

​@@szendrich How are you doing with this? I am an empath too and relate. This Jung quote came to mind: "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate". Some also see bullies as looking for people who are vulnerable in a particular way and poking at them a bit so they learn to grow there. When you just smile at the poking, you know their game and they can't get pleasure from messing with you anymore. It's interesting to see UFC fighters before the match where one is belligerent and arrogant towards the other, but they're hugging at the end. As they recognize the person's skill can hurt them back and they respect that. It's like they thought that dehumanizing the other person would make them weaker. But it is a self deception in a sense.

[@marie-es2ro]

Dear Chase, this video is so relevant to both children and adults... thank you for spreading knowledge, empathy and peace. 🙏 🌏✨️

[@blancasuave6658]

When I was in my early 20’s I worked at an ice cream factory where this woman got hired. She would openly mock me and laugh at me in a way that was obvious but also could be denied if confronted. People would come back and tell me she was talking about me behind my back. I was bullied as a kid so I knew this behavior had to be confronted immediately, but I just didn’t know how or what to say. I asked myself the question “what have I done to her”? That’s when the answer of how to confront her came to me. I know from experience if you confront a bully in front of others it becomes a show. So I waited until one day she was all alone for just moment before lunch. I had never even talked to her before, but I approached her. I said hi Blue (yes, her name was Blue lol) “I was just wondering…have i done something to offend you”? She of course said, “No, why”? That’s when I said about all the times I’ve noticed her laughing at me, I mentioned that people have been telling me she’s talking about me (didn’t name names). I basically called her out on everything and asked her if it was all true. I was “nice” but firm. She said of course that it wasn’t true. And I said, “Good because I’m not going to tolerate that”. I was still nice when I said it, but she knew I meant it. She just said “ok”. Next day she was sweet as pie to me and said hello to me from a distance. I sweetly waved to her. Never heard any laughs or backstabbing from that point on.

[@KarenDean-s1b]

This is so helpful Chase. I am a big fan of the behaviour panel...have made comments about how awsome you all are. I subscribed to your chanel and listening to this, and im only half way through, is helping me understand the chronic bullying and pretty much verbal abuse I received when I was working in South Australia outback....miles from anywhere in hospitality. The bosses were such bullies... I couldnt understand it until watching this section you have done. I would arrive in the morning with a bit of makeup and a happy spirit...im quite a sociable gregarious person, but would greet them with a friendly good morning and it got so bad that they would not even acknowledge my good morning...they would look the other way. Then it got worse, no one who worked there permanently would even speak to me at all! Then story telling about me which of course came back to me. I was so upset, shocked, anxious and devastated and began to doubt myself wondering 'whats wrong with me! Anyway I obviously moved back to Adelaide for some sanity, but it really effected my confidence. Thank you so much for this I am healed now and studying a degree in social work so human behaviour is all part of it, but I thank you for this ..very insightful

[@crimson25543]

I was bullied at various ages. My freshman yr in college was such a time. 2 people really had it out for me. They didn't like that I was hanging around one of their friends a lot & they started calling me, "shadow" as in "Susan's shadow." They were relentless. I was seeing a therapist at the time & she gave me the best advice. She told me to take whatever they were saying, and turn it around and use it for a comedic effect. She suggested I start singing, "Me & My Shadow" every time they called me that name. So I did just that. Stood up, went into a big song and dance and had fun with it. The bullies were surprised, but didn't stop yet. It took exactly 3 different times/places until they finally stopped. I was going to do that silly song & dance every time they name called & they finally figured that out. That's all it took. That changed my life and taught me how to deal with bullies. HUMOR. Raw, razor sharp, witty, no shame, humor!

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

That does not work for everyone if they finally understand what you are up to. Bullies exist in different formats. Bullies are actuall doing what prefators do...in the wild also...

[@crimson25543]

@@heide-raquelfuss5580 You're right - it won't work on everyone. But one thing remains: bullies want to get the better of someone, they want to humiliate them by any means possible. By turning it all around, "flipping the script," and taking control, it takes the wind out of a bully's sails. If they can't humiliate their victim, they lose their power. That's universal.

[@557.vision]

I´m way out of school - but if I get to a scene where bullies are at work, I deal like you suggested, but always starting from a 90 degree side angle position with "May I ask you a question?" and then proceed similar to your lines - they work perfectly. This always has an effect like a bomb on the bully who is 100% focused on doing his bully things. And in this his confusion you can easily address what you want. You have his total attention.

[@zenbumblebee]

Many of these suggested responses could easily escalate the situation because they are confrontational. My advice is to calm things down with empathy not confrontation. Perhaps a simple "Are you OK?" if you feel like you could handle the situation. No response is much safer. Simply walk away.

[@windywednesday4166]

Yes, I'm in a new job and just had several rounds with a drama maker. She creates situations then makes a big stink blaming the other. Rather than confront her directly I spoke to my supervisor who "saw" the incident (our units are monitored) then when the email to 'everyone' came out nit picking about 'the rules' I sent a nice little email to the head of our department outlining the mechanics of what led up to the situation (that this woman created) and how inappropriate it was that employees were using supervisors as cats paws to take swipes at other employees... fortunately for me my employers want me to stay there and took this seriously enough to look into it.

[@kerriganm]

In school or a job, walking away is probably not an option. Particularly if it’s someone in a position of power over you.

[@naominight8]

20, 21 and 22 are gold because they will most definitely play that out. Oh, and I am LOVING Six Minute X-Ray! 👏👏

[@easygrowing9928]

My mother was a Bully. I was bullied at school and when I came home my mother also bullied me. She didn't like the way I looked, my voice, my smile, she hated everything about me. It was hell! I wish I knew how to stand up to her, but I was so young and felt so vulnerable. She just passed away.

[@Altered4n892t]

Understand completely. My mother hated her 2 daughters and her 2 favorite sons were gods. She died 11 years ago, I’m so very glad. She was a hard mean bully. Her husband died at 46 when she was 35 a few years later she remarried the nicest guy. They had the strangest relationship, the meaner she was to him, the nicer he was to her. It frustrated her beyond measure! She did everything in her power for 48 years and he never yelled at her or hit her. I think she died from frustration 😂.

[@cathwalsh9921]

My Mum was lovely. Never made fun of us, very straightforward loving woman. Makes me sad that all kids don’t have that. It’s only as I’ve got older that I’ve found out that some kids have terrible times with their parents. Grieves my heart and makes me realise how good I had it. I was badly bullied at school. I really feel for you not having safety and peace when you got home.

[@dorisoneal1323]

Sharing this with my 19yo daughter who is dealing with a bully in her class. Tx for the help! I appreciate your work here (and on the Behavior Panel) so much!

[@NicolaMaxwell]

This was absolutely phenomenal and my son will love it! Thank you so much! ❤🙌

[@fiona-lyons]

Could not have come at a better time, thank you.

[@Somewhere-In-AZ]

In my experience “You don’t want to do this with me” works almost every time. 1. It’s very short. 2. It makes them wonder what you mean. 3. It gives you a second to evaluate how much of a threat the person is by their reaction. 4. Even a small timid person can say it and make someone take a second to really look at them. 5. If the bully has been a victim, it turns things enough equalize things. You need time to figure out the bully and any micro expressions might give you clues as to what to do next. Split seconds to decide if you can deescalate the situation or if you need to fight for your life or run.

[@stephaniemoon8913]

I like this approach, being a small female and relying on an inherent threat is a pretty effective measure.

[@Somewhere-In-AZ]

@@stephaniemoon8913 it worked with my first husband. He pushed me up against the wall, I said this and he never once hit me. I think it made him think for a second. He knew my family wouldn’t put up with any of his crap if he beat me. Fear is good.

[@mj-jo8es]

Yeh. This is a good one. Thanks for it!

[@alexanderwindh4830]

Nah I would take that as a challenge.

[@socalchic7913]

I think this is one of the most informative videos I’ve seen on KZbin!! We all can utilize and learn from this young and old. Xoxo love you chase!!

[@juliana.x0x0]

I want you to know how much of an impact you are making on my life. I happen to be a single mom who is on a journey of healing a lot of childhood trauma turned homelessness and addiction and continuing the cycle of violence by my mom, in a relationship with a significant other. I ended up getting pregnant, going to rehab, getting clean, and having my daughter. I’ve been in therapy for more years of my life than not, but I was always going into it trying to fix myself more, unaware that I was trying to fix the wrong things, and that maybe the reasons why my sisters and I are so mentally unwell could stem from our attachments and relationships with our parents and what we internalized from them. I’ll save you the boring details, but I came to this realization around the time I found you and the behavioral panel. I have been chipping away at ANYTHING I can get my hands on from you guys, especially you and mark. I’ve never gone to college, but I’m working up the courage to go as a 30-year old for the first time. Your knowledge has put a fire in me that I forgot existed under a thick layer of depression. The drive to understand people, from inside out, is a powerful one. I have used things I learned from you to communicate with my child’s father (clinically diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder), to be aware of his baseline and any deviations. I’m still not sure exactly what I want to be when I “grow up”, but I’ve gained a sense of direction. And for someone who has felt like they’ve been directionless their whole life, and has felt increased pressure to pick a direction, finding this has been incredibly important and life altering. I can’t begin to describe how grateful I am for you sharing a lifetime of absolutely incredible and groundbreaking science with the world, FOR FREE, to serve the greater good. I will continue listening to and applying the info you teach, as well as hopefully some formal education, in hopes that one day maybe I’ll be right up there in the big leagues with you.

[@lisagreen7778]

Congratulations on breaking free from trauma and for doing positive things in your life! Keep going and good luck in your journey ❤

[@juliana.x0x0]

@@lisagreen7778 thank you ❤️ it’s a long and difficult process but I have made it this far, and I refuse to keep the cycle of generational trauma going and inflicting on my child what was inflicted onto me. I am hoping one day to create a life worth living, instead of being in survival mode, and would like to help others as well.

[@michellefielden260]

You Got This!!!

[@davidyendoll5903]

Well done . May I say , for someone who has never been to college , you express yourself extremely well .

[@sonjastanger5858]

Ty, Chase... I really appreciate this... gonna share w/my kids... 2 share w/my grankids 🙏👍🏼

[@lauralii9856]

Hey Chase, thank you for the video! Do you have an opinion of which category narcissists fall into?