Dealing With A Parent With Dementia - Louis Theroux: Extreme Love - Dementia - BBC

Louis Theroux drops in at a traumatic time for new residents and their families at the Beatitudes Senior Living Campus, in Arizona
Taken From Louis Theroux: Extreme Love - Dementia
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[@lylianmunoz3856]

my grandma lived to 89. she was never a burden to her granddaughters. we all had to chip in to pay for a care provider but at home, with us. she died loved and happy. honor your elders people

[@Madzblr]

I mean good for you but not everyone has an elder that only requires one care provider. Most require around the clock care that is not sustainable for a family to do. Dementia especially takes at least 6 providers all differing in special skills to keep the resident in good physical and mental health. From nurses, cnas, physicians, pathologists, etc.. maybe next time have more empathy for others situation.

[@beatingallodds3357]

@@Madzblr yes it's a lot but I did it with my Dad, we didnt have much help other than a cna to come in while we worked.. He passed in 97 but he passed at home, so everybody is different, some can handle it and some can't. either way it's hard on everybody including the dementia patient, they're confused, agitated, and scared, and we're tired, hurtiing, and scared too-- so it's all f#** up either way

[@darkl3ad3r]

I'm imagining waking up in the middle of the night and having to help my mom or dad go to the bathroom, when I have my own family to take care of, and one night of that is enough to make me go insane. Not everyone is cut out for that level of support. I'm praying everyone I know lives long healthy and most of all independent lives.

[@lylianmunoz3856]

​@@darkl3ad3ryour elderly parents are your own family too

[@wayneferrier8096]

It's terrible.

[@alejandrae.contreras-valde7024]

These “white lies” are more to comfort the patient and not meant as being cruel to them. Always respect them but also remember rationality loses its meaning with dementia patients and going against with what their brain perceives as real is NOT a good idea. As a nurse in a memory care setting, I agree with whatever the patient is saying, distract and divert their attention if they are becoming agitated, and never ever tell them that they are never going home/a loved one is dead/that their in a nursing home/that their car has been taken away/ and NEVER treat them as if they’re not in the room...these things just negatively impact dementia patients.

[@davidtingle6653]

Dear

[@siriusleigh24]

I don't have dementia but I am often treated like I'm not there. Involuntary stealth mode.

[@sheranlanger247]

What do you tell them when they're obsessed with food shopping and the food is RIGHT THERE for them to see?

[@Letscurealzheimers]

Great advice. The caregiver has to step into there reality. Arguing with them does not help anyone. If you try to correct them the patient thinks you are lying to them.

[@NeonCicada]

@@sheranlanger247 Maybe going on that journey with them so they're not so alone in their own separate reality? When something feels familiar like food shopping it can be more about that feeling of "home" 😊

[@KrikitKaos]

I'm so glad she stepped in and said "Don't have a conversation in front of her like she's not in the room." That was awful.

[@charlienonya7016]

But then she went on to say "We tell white lies all day long here..." Not sure that's going to help the situation either.

[@mattc7191]

+Charlie Havens if they knew the truth, they would get extremely depressed and get depressed all over again, once they were re-told it the next day. I don't think there's any problem in telling white lies, if it's just to benefit their state of mind and give them a little bit of hope.

[@MsLilacLover1]

Charlie Nonya it does. believe me

[@jrob8764]

If you don't think telling white lies is part of taking care of a person with dementia then you aren't involved in taking care of one, I hope.

[@rosielilly3569]

j rob I worked in a dementia Home for my work experience and they elders would say things to me like “when are my parents coming back” I was told I wasn’t allowed to say they died as they relive the day their parents died and they blame you and create a big scene. The means she has to tell lies like that because they won’t remember the conversation after a couple minutes. It’s almost like playing a game with them. You just have to say “your parents will be here soon”

[@hannahleclaire1629]

My grandma has severe dementia and was just placed in a home a month ago.. I’ve been taking care of her 24/7 at my home with my mom for the last 2 1/2 years and it was truly exhausting😟 we had to tell her she wouldn’t be coming back after trying to get out of bed one night because she wanted to go for a walk and broke her hip😕 but just the other day we visited her and she thought even then that she was going home soon.. it’s heartbreaking to tell someone that they can’t go back to all they’ve ever known.. but I know it’s for her safety. We tried so hard but just couldn’t do it anymore.. with a two year old daughter it became almost impossible to care for my grandma anymore.. I know she’s safe, on the road to happiness (it’s starting to show) and being very well taken care of because the nurses where she’s at are truly amazing!💗 my prayers go out to all those families with loved ones who have dementia.. it’s definitely not easy..

[@jcrossan1351]

It must be so hard having someone who’s loved and cherished you for all your life not being able to recognise you

[@Aussiegirl88]

My mum has dementia she’s 63 it’s so hard to watch her go through it like I watched my grandma go through it

[@dogma427]

When I left for boot camp my grandmother you could tell was showing signs of early dementia she would ask the same questions as if she hadn’t asked them before. When I got back from boot camp you could tell it had progressed. And now it’s to the point where she has lost the ability to form words, Motor function, and it’s hard for her to swallow. I found out those last 3 parts today and it literally broke me down. I don’t know when I’ll be able to see her again my biggest fear is loosing her and that she’ll not even recognize me the next time I see her. It literally breaks my heart seeing her the way she is now

[@rhonda2260]

With the utmost respect 🙏 My father in law just transitioned into an ALF with dementia 7 weeks ago 😪 it is super emotional and heartbreaking for us 💔 We know this was the best decision and safest place for him.

[@robinsea]

My gran has a form of Alzheimer's, which is apparently a pretty rare presentation (typical for her, she could never have anything simple lol) but it's basically ment that she's forgotten how to speak or really nice at all. She can still walk just about, but it takes almost hours to get from one room to the next. Thing is, she still remembers all of us. She can't talk anymore, but whenever she sees us over video call she gets this massive smile on her face.

[@thomasm6876]

My brother in law, my sisters husband brother has dementia and he is only 45 and was diagnosed with dementia about 2017. He is in a care home.

[@cindys6468]

You have to tell white lies or either distract them by changing the subject, or playing along with them and slowly sliding the question into an interesting story about them or their childhood. It keeps them from being afraid, scared or confused. My mother will be 97 this September I've being caring for her since she was 90. It's now practically ruined my health I'm battling breast cancer which happened to me last May 2017. Then in April 2018 she fell and had hip surgery but they wouldn't rehab her because of her age, her dementia and she's deaf and has been since she was 2 years old. So, now she can't stand. So what was already painful to do is become excruciatingly hard for me to take care of her. I had to leave my home and husband to move in here with her at her home. I'm getting ready to do paperwork to put her in a nursing home I can't do it anymore. Oh yeah by the way the rest of the family just bailed on her, no one in this family has helped, they don't even send a card!

[@smoochypooh7700]

Cindy S I’m so so sorry! You’ve done all you can do and have given as much, if not way more, that you have the ability to give. I’m sad that the rest of the family have let her down - and you as well. I wish you the best.

[@TorkG8]

You've done great, Cindy. Your mother would be proud of you. It hurts like hell the day you put her in a nursing home, I know, been there. 😢

[@cindys6468]

@@TorkG8 Thank you

[@ashleyjohnson8248]

Never feel bad that you chose a nursing home it's better for your health and hers taking care of a loved one is a very difficult task god bless you

[@sylviabradley7500]

@@ashleyjohnson8248 k

[@abby2764]

I am a careworker for elders with dementia, u are never bored

[@tiffsaver]

Dementia is like "the gift that keeps on giving," and worst of all, it only gets worse. Bless the workers who work with our elders 24/7, keeping them safe and healthy, for one day soon we'll all be going there. P.S. I had the pleasure of working with Louie Theroux years ago, and he was the absolute best. I wish we had his landmark show, "Louie Theroux's America" on TV again.

[@caoilainnmcgrath1483]

That was a very painful thing for them to talk about her personally in front of her eyes and act like she wasn’t in the room, she may have dementia but she is a human being and should be treated and respected liked one.

[@haninfadel4790]

It's sooooo hard on the family members.

[@caseythompson474]

About 17 years ago, I worked in a nursing home. I was actually in the Alzheimer’s dementia ward which is a locked ward. The facility in this video looks very nice compared to the one I was working at. The good thing the facility did was paint the locked double doors that lead out to look like bookcases. When the residents couldn’t make it out that they were doors they were a lot less likely to try to open them. It was sad because as a nurses aide at the time, I had 9-10 residents to myself. By the time I got everyone up, showered, dressed, and fed they had messed on themselves because I couldn’t get back to them fast enough. The few family members that cake would yell at me not realizing that one person managing 9-10 people who are often combative and physically violent and cannot rationalize simple things is way too much. The nurses that worked in that ward didn’t do anything at all to help. There were two nurses for the 30 residents and they handed out the meds but nothing else. I had the environmental staff helping with things. There was one woman who had not lucidity left at all who’s husband would come and sit with her for lunch every day without fail. I asked him why he came so often on a set schedule since she can’t remember him, and he told me it was because he could still remember her. So sweet!

[@hiphopboy29]

I work in a care facility and also have a friend who has dementia and it is so frustrating at times to have to answer her over and over again as too where were going or what is happening today. But it is what it is and so I try too deal with it in the best way I can.

[@xyzxyz-hi8lp]

It amazes me how many Dementia experts there are here providing all the comments

[@Robert_L22]

He (Theroux) clearly has no idea what this is like, from the patient OR the caregiver perspective. I was the same way just 6 years ago - clueless and with no understanding. Now, I'm a 24/7/365 caregiver to my mom. Not twenty minutes ago (it's now 5:02 PM, MST, 9/27/18), mom insisted that she hadn't taken her pills today (she had, this morning). I explained that she had indeed taken her pills, but she didn't believe me and went to her room, upset. This is but one reality of life for someone who suffers from Alzheimer's/Dementia, and for someone who is their caregiver. Such a sad, horrible disease.

[@joeytebben3806]

insideout Yes, he had no idea what it was like. that’s why he made the documentary, to learn about them.

[@confettistar]

insideout, I long for those days when I was blissfully unaware and opinionated about a subject I knew nothing about. I feel that being a caregiver for someone with dementia is more difficult than raising a child. When you raise a child, there is hope for the future. Taking care of someone with dementia is lost hope. It is a battle because you are dealing with someone with the mind of a child and the autonomy of an adult. There is a power struggle when you are caring for your parent.

[@cyndeeratledge3093]

If nothing has helped in 4 fricking years we r LOST!!!!!!!!!

[@mabellee424]

Ooh like to see more, full documentary.

[@heresjohnny602]

It's absolutely heartbreaking to watch and Louis's normal positive ending was extremely bittersweet....these people should have the option of euthanasia if they so choose, it's such a cruel thing to experience.

[@xavierlucky397]

All of these women look like people who are usually my strict teachers.

[@Roudter]

It always bothers me when people follow their own statements with a 'yes' head shake....

[@11Rising_Wood11]

They go into an endless long trip of weirdness and lies

[@nannyb8714]

God Bless the folks who work with Dementia/Alzheimer's patients. I don't think I could do it, but if I had to...???

[@rosalindkincannon1078]

That was not a white lie. That was a daughter doing everything she could to help keep her Mother safe n sound wh th help of a medical staff that is trained in her situation. If sonething as tragic as this would ever happen to your loved one you mite consider using another word

[@martymcfly2925]

I like the attitude of that manager Dawn Grant. She seems like she is just the right person and the correct temperament

[@wonderboy5603]

Lol yeah bro, she looks so annoyed by everything, how can someone like that take care of these people, you’re always gonna be annoyed cause they literally forget almost everything

[@lydiakinnaman3679]

Hard to find....she's a treasure... I hear soo many horror stories of neglect and abuse.

[@dontknow3949]

@@wonderboy5603 She's the best for the job. I suppose in your bizarro fantasy world there are humans that can do this with a big huge smile and no annoyance or irritation. The people who do these jobs experience a baseline level of normal annoyance and irritation. They are the ones for the job. They experience it the least out of us all. I would be annoyed and irritated, but I would also not do a good job. She is annoyed and irritated (naturally as a functioning human) but is doing the job fantastically. It's a bit similar to the police. There is this sentiment of "the police are all a bunch of cranky assholes." Like, yes, the only humans that do that job and then stay doing it become cranky, naturally, humanly. Some don't get cranky though, some abuse their powers or become violently enraged. The best humans for the job are the ones that can do the job and experience normal human emotions, such as irritation, anger, crankiness. The ones who do not experience those emotions are severely dangerous and the ones who experience the emotions TOO MUCH are dysfunctional for the job. Humans have to be a certain way, they can't just be robots. There will always be pros and cons

[@Memoryfog]

I work in a home as a care assistant and the "White lies" turn into stories as most of the residents would ask for their parents who are not here with us anymore so you say "she's in the town buying flowers" or "she's on the bus but it broke down" or "she's at home" etc, its not a lie to hurt them but to keep their mental state calm and happy. It's hard working in a home and dealing with dementia but I do it because I love helping seniors ❤️

[@bobbywoods684]

That's actually beautiful.

[@Memoryfog]

@@bobbywoods684 thank you ❤️

[@johnr797]

Kudos to you, not a lot of people have the mental and emotional strength to do that work but it's unfortunately necessary and so important

[@Memoryfog]

@@johnr797 2 years later and I'm still here 🤣 my mental state is going down because of this job but I do it to support my residents

[@johnr797]

@@Memoryfog I worked with a man who was a very tough dude emotionally and physically who used to work in a dementia ward and got burnt out. He had to leave, and there's no shame in that. Remember your health is important too!

[@tkousek1]

My father has dementia. It's heartbreaking! He's my best friend.

[@marksullivan6319]

I hope you and your family are good. I see you commented a year ago. I can't imagine what it would be like if one of my parents got Alzheimer's.

[@geezyfbaby1]

Sorry to hear that. My mother is developing it now. Quick question, does it cause someone to be disrespectful and erratic behavior?

[@pointedspider]

@@geezyfbaby1 yes...at times. It's a brain killer. I lost my father to dementia on May 20, heartbreaking indeed!

[@howiseeit5129]

@@geezyfbaby1 yes it does.they get frightened and frustrated at what is happening to them.

[@madlylion1238]

THE person took care of you when you were small now you put him away from you smg

[@emmacahill4624]

I am a dementia specific nurse and we tell what they want to hear. Their looking for mum dad: even though we know they have past away: we don't tell them and upset these lovely people all over again: I certainly don't see any benefit in doing so; yes I tell white lies all day; as it my role to protect and ensure happiness. As well as other nursing duties: respect is the key word and it's so hard for families as they feel such guilt: but they have been taking care of their loved one for many years and only place their loved one in a facility after they have done everything: and this action is done out of pure love: as it's very dangerous as some people can't be left alone and their or others safely is compromised; we know the families do their best and we are honoured for them to entrust their loved ones with us; well done to you all ❤️❤️

[@blessOTMA]

Excellent post. Thank you for your work. You know many of us without dementia tell white lies in the course of every day life!....to save someone's feelings... It would be cruel , for example, to tell these people the parent they believe is coming, is in fact dead.....they can't process the facts. What is the point of telling them the hard facts?

[@yankeebear22]

My grandma has dementia and alzheimers. She is 92. Im her caregiver. I myself tell her white lies. She at times calls me mom or sometimes diane her daughter *my mom* it gets harder each day.

[@tomzicare]

Man, brain degeneration causes so much dread :(

[@billylapworth]

You’d think you had dementia with all those semi colons.

[@nonacee5065]

Rather than calling it a white lie, see it as 'entering their reality'. You can't reason with dementia but can make it less stressful for them. If they ask for a family member who is deceased why would you make them grieve over and over again with the truth when a simple "they are asleep, or at the shops, of they'll be here soon' will do? Louis has such an empathetic manner of questioning as well and this topic is getting more prevalent as society ages.

[@analarson2920]

Nona Cee excellent points

[@Dadelyn3]

Yes my mon when we lie she gets very upset she ask for her family,husban and all her siblings

[@analarson2920]

@Rodney Hamilton Good words of wisdom, any thoughts on when we have to bury the spouse, she is not quite that bad but had refused to bury her spouse before and we need to soon to hold open his spot in the burial plot. We are entertaining other ideas but we are also considering the rest of the family too, it has been over a decade she has not buried him. We know it will be difficult and she will need to be involved, we also know sometimes she is really good when we give her just the right explanation. Thanks for sharing. Blessings.

[@lindauribe6872]

I like that point of view *Entering their reality. I found myself doing that toward the end for my husbands life..He just passed away..Now I am entering and dealing with my reality.

[@NockyBoober]

Someone who has a close family friend who I see ALOT an deal with ALOT, maybe not as much as someone who has a family member themself with dementia but I feel as if i am certified enough to give my opinion. If you're dealing with someone who cannot remember yesterday, white lies are needed. Instead of dealing with a depressed an angry person everyday, because that is what its like, imagine you findin out everyday that you arent going home, an its a new experience, jjust as traumitizing as the last, because they dont remember it. It's a reaction as if they never heard it before, even though its been a year of telling them. You gotta lie, it is hat it is. It isnt entering their reality, you're in their reality as it is.

[@Texan96]

What an awesome lady to step in and defend the lady with dementia

[@dewboy910]

DEFEND the lady with dementia from HER DAUGHTER who actually KNOWS the condition of her mother and KNOWS she won't remember a word she says. That lady doesn't need DEFENDING from her own daughter! She needs defending from HERSELF. People with dementia are their OWN worst enemy. I KNOW. I have taken care of my mom for 9 YEARS. I would take OFFENSE of someone attempting to "DEFEND" my mother from ME because they think I should not say anything about her condition in her presence. I won't pout up with it. I have enough to deal with as it is.

[@rfdagreat9207]

Most people have No Clue- or Any Type of Understanding- of what dementia does to a person. And they don’t know the burden it places on family members; who do, have to, and must love & care about the patient involved. I literally went through this with my father- with no help or physical involvement from my family. It was terrible. But I was eventually able to have him placed; before something horrible happened. I lost him recently to the disease. But I KNOW- not believe- that I made ALL THE RIGHT DECISIONS in regards to him. And I’m at least Thankful he doesn’t have to suffer anymore. You have to go through this to know. Because folks seem to not listen; or take interest. GOD Bless.

[@sacredbloomalchemy]

God bless you

[@OkamixOni]

That brutal honesty at the end. I know its necessary to keep the patient's sanity in tact, because depression could lead to a worsened mental state. She was so straightforward about it, I think she's hit a turning point after working here for a while, that some things you just have to do

[@dewboy910]

Please explain to me how you keep a patient's sanity in tact when they have full blown dementia? I would love to know that trick.

[@chrismullan7191]

my neighbour has Demenita, i do what i can for her, but slowly the conversation gets less and less, i make my neighbour a cup of tea and chat away, sometimes she crys and then has a big smile,she has lived on my street 40 years, she will not let any one help her, i get her shopping as she now for gets to get stuff she needs but i let on its a gift as she is so full of pride, other neighbours dont bother any more going to see her, but you just have to go along with what she says even if she says it 100 times, sometimes i see the fear in her face as she knows something is not right. long team memory is still ok but short team gone, she still goes to bottom of street to get paper and gets lost but gets home some how, i have her in my home for cup of tea and cake, my cat is always happy to see her, i just wish this alful Alzheimers could be a thing of the past, but sadly that is not the case, bless everyone who has to deal with this day after day.

[@SRMannion92]

That's great of you. Keep up the good work! Your kindness goes a long way!

[@chrismullan7191]

Thank you Sarah.

[@loveyourself1803]

Chris Mullan good on you mate !

[@chrismullan7191]

Thank you David.

[@chrismullan7191]

my dad had Alzheimers, so did watch and was not easy, did not know any of his children in the end, when he died it was just the long goodbye. Bless your dear mum.

[@jeffrey63031]

My husband is 73 with Alzheimer's. I am 67 and disabled. He also has ulcerative colitis and has many accidents which I have to clean up because Rich just makes it worse.He still knows me and I don't know what to do that is best for us.I feel like if I place him somewhere I am abandoning him but don't know how much longer I can do this.We live on social security and a small pension so I don't even know if I could afford it anyway. Please pray for us ,any one reading this...Ty and God bless

[@ricky5538]

If you have a house sell it and move to a smaller place and use the money to get a carer. There is helpers in housework for very cheap per month $30 Catholic Community Care in Australia, I don't know about where you live. If you have kids who are married, don't be afraid to ask if you can move in with them at a back room, but stay out of their lives and give them lots of freedom and privacy. Use up your life savings if you have any. Well that's my advice. God bless you too from Ricky in Sydney, Australia. Another option is to let a nice ASIAN university student to live with you for free or cheap on the condition that they cook for you and wash up and do the grocery shopping. Asians are very helpful generally.

[@jeffrey63031]

My husband just passed away😢 Ty for the advice...

[@venus189]

jeffrey63031 I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you are not alone in the pain and that you can try to enjoy life and memories you have had with him.

[@juliemathias8107]

Isabella M may all your tears fall into puddles of amazing memories, I hope you may feel some peace in your life

[@jeffrey63031]

Ty so much Julie. God bless Always, xxx Betty

[@robertdeal410]

I worked in a locked down TBI unit and 99% of people get left and forgotten. It's probably one of the saddest things I know we do as humans that I've experienced.

[@godislove7500]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/kIC7Y5idZtOZd9U God bless you!!

[@toryberch]

99% of those that just abandoned their family don't have a clear conscience. They have to know that 1 day they will be on the receiving end

[@kiki-drawer2669]

As somone who worked in hospice, sometimes the sweetest old people were the worst parents. Children arnt required to care for somone who never cared for them. Also it's hard to deal with dementia patients as family. It gets to a point where you can't let go of the old them and you live in a constant state of deep mourning you can't get over so the next best thing is to let other people care for them. People also font have time pr money to care for another person 24/7 while they are out at work. It's just the reality of life

[@DreamsOfFinland]

we are disposable and we have no voice. None of us will complete the book detailing what it is like to be diagnosed. Tip - if you geta dementia diagnosis don't tell anyone until you have been to lawyer and have someone looking out for your legal rights.

[@lindavezina6224]

Well I don't have the heart to walk away and leave her there.i think I'm grieving the pain of bringing her there..I don't know how to cope with so much pain that I feel. 💔

[@helenboudreau7360]

Her daughter said the key words I couldn't keep her safe anymore to admit that speaks volumes Great daughter

[@stuartdance5587]

Put me down if I ever end up like this, its so painful

[@pragmatic7green]

Stuart Dance me too!!

[@mjprice7514]

me too

[@300076379]

😢

[@TorkG8]

My mum always said that and now she has Dementia. It breaks my heart.

[@AnnabelleJARankin]

@@TorkG8 My mum recently died (funeral next Wednesday), and she had dementia amongst other things, but she didn't stop doing crosswords and playing Scrabble right up to the last two or three weeks of her life. I am sure that helped her retain a few extra brain cells!

[@kenyettaready]

I am going through this with my 87 year old grandmother right now. She has good and bad days. But now that we're under quarantine, its getting worst. Like right now, its 1 a.m. and she's having a conversation with a dead cousin. I'm slowly going crazy for several reasons. I get no sleep or breaks. Its wearing me down.

[@godislove7500]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/kIC7Y5idZtOZd9U God bless you both!!

[@gloworm353]

That time must've been so awful for you, so sorry to hear you were on your own dealing with it. I hope that you have come out on the other side ok, big hugs

[@Saucyakld]

I drove home from work and about 9 kms further I Saw a man picking up rubbish. He looked familiar and it was my neighbour. I took him home, another 9 kms and gave him a cup of tea and started to question him. Left a message on his son's cellphone and after giving him dinner took him home and waited for son. I tucked him in bed and went home to feed my kids and put them to bed. At 11pm I got a call from his son to ask where his Dad was. We went out to search in the dark and found him sitting on a park bench opposite the mall in his pyjamas! Poor man then got shifted in a retirement home with a locked door and I used to take him out once a week for tea and a cake. But he did not remember me, just enough to know I was his sweet companion. I cried so much when he died as he was always so supportive of us when we young and needed help with things like teaching me to wire the fuses (circuit breakers) and how to chop wood and start a nice fire in the fireplace. Will forever remember him and his sweet wife and sadly missed. It is a horrible disease for the ones caring for them.

[@leongrubaugh2418]

Tineke Williams Much love to you.

[@Saucyakld]

Leon grubaugh Thank you, I still sometimes cry when I think of him xxxx

[@mirjanapucarevic2105]

You are very nice and caring person!

[@MJLeger-yj1ww]

Thank you for being kind to this man, Tineke, but beware! Today, there are criminals who dress and act like the helpless elderly, and then they may hit you and steal your car, any one of a number of bad things can happen. It is best to call authorities if you see a person who seems out of it or lost -- let them handle it -- today, you can be kind and helpful, but BE CAREFUL! It's sad, but true.

[@bettywith2girls]

@@MJLeger-yj1ww This is excellent advice. Yes, unless you KNOW this elderly person, which it sounded like she did because she had his son's cell phone number to call him...just call the police and they can contact whomever and take care of the situation, keeping him safe. He wouldn't have wandered in his PJ's over the park at night before his son was able to get home from work, if he had been safe with the police. There's the case of criminals acting as elderly and then attacking or stealing from good Samaritans; but these are also called a "vulnerable" population, and you can be charged with kidnapping if you just pick one up off the streets (even if they agree to go with you, and you have the best of intentions) and you don't know them or they don't know you or recognize you...and the police aren't notified right away and/or the people who take care of the elderly person don't know where he/she is (because they are with you). So this was very nice of the lady and she knew him and his family...otherwise, just call the police and let them handle it.

[@reanreid2183]

oh janet's daughter breaks my heart.....i feel your pain so much 😭. Every time I see my mom she says she wants to go home and I just hold my tears back in front of her just like you did. Sending you my love xx

[@anniewilliams9317]

Sandra Philly I have a niece he has Alzheimer's and they put him in a nursing home because he was getting out at night he was a big hunter so they have a tracking advice on his leg he cut it off they have done everything to help him what anyway the nursing home people end up kicking him out so the three sons he has and the three daughter-in-laws take turns spending the night there but this man is a very healthy man other than his mind he keeps his sons in the daughter-in-laws on the move all the time but they could have gave him a drug to knock him out at night the nursing home could have but the children said not to he lost it there one night and the following day they had to go pick him up this is a sad situation but this woman seems to be mild-mannered and a lovely woman like this man he is uncontrollable cuz he is so healthy can get around but you have to do what you have to do for your mother and father or anybody in your family it's wrong to put your family away like this even though the man is a difficult person they still take care of him they put him there at the nursing home thinking that he would like being around other people but he did not like it so they try to wear him out by taking him to stores and malls I feel bad for this lady in this nursing home

[@echostorm1996]

@Sandra Philly Shame on YOU for your disgustingly judgemental attitude. You don't know everyone's situation. Not everyone is able to properly meet the needs of a loved one with a complicated health issue and the only option is to let a professional place handle it. It doesn't mean they love them any less, they are just willing to admit that it is more than they can realistically handle. Your prideful attitude does nothing for anyone.

[@echostorm1996]

@Sandra Philly Good for you. That doesn't make you better than anyone. Stop being so ignorant and understand not everyone has the resources available to them to be able to care for someone with these illnesses around the clock. People with dementia need to be watched 24/7 or else they will hurt themselves or others. How exactly is someone who is supposed to deal with all the other responsibilities of life, like working, going to care for them at the same time too? It's so easy for you to sit from your ivory tower and judge everyone else when you don't know everyone's individual situations and how it may be only the option for them. You have all the criticism but none of the solutions. Boastful and self righteous, two very ugly qualities.

[@echostorm1996]

@Sandra Philly That's a picture of a comedian, you moron. You invoke God in one comment and yet use foul language in another. What a hypocrite you are and still offer no alternatives, only judgement and pride. It must be the only area of your life that you actually can brag about because the rest of it is miserable. Poor soul.

[@donnasnowdon5491]

The daughters eyes lie before her words do. Grrrrr

[@AgentSmith911]

We need to find a cure, as with so many other terrible diseases.

[@seanbateson3398]

cbd

[@bw9062]

They already have the cure but wont realease it, cancer and every disease that raise the death toll keep the population down so to speak. So they wont give us the cures for that reason and its very sad.... they have sent people to the moin, made contact with countless numbers of extra terrestrial species.... i GUARANTEE you they have the cure for these ailments

[@2eleven48]

B W.....oh my, what a sorry state you are in. I'm assuming, hoping, you are receiving some sort of psychiatric care. But, bless you for giving me a good hearty laugh this morning. Robert.

[@nederhood]

@@bw9062 Who do you mean by the term "they?"

[@Demowan]

We already have the "cure". Alzheimer is what doctors call a "pathology of civilisation". Which means that it is our lifestyle that favours the emergence of such pathologies. The first symptom of Alzheimer is the loss of the sense of taste. Scientific studies have linked the progression of Alzheimer to the consumption of liquid food (example smoothies, yogurt...), and in particular, the lack of chewing. You need to chew your food as often as possible. May sound stupid but the only cure for those degenerative diseases is prevention. Just like cancers, which are a multiplication of cells (encouraged by the consumption of growth factors, notably in cow milk), Alzheimer can be prevented.

[@deniselorenc2379]

You have to lie. They don't understand why their body is slowing down in all areas. Mentally and physically your parents become your child. When they start to hallucinate, you have to agree with all that they see just to move on. Make them comfortable because life is very short after this stage of dementia.

[@gigieyre]

Did he not do any research on dementia before going there? Goodness. He should use common sense.!

[@user-nw9on1xr8v]

The entire point of a documentary like is to ask questions so the people answering can provide the information to the viewers. Would you rather he just read the wikipedia article out loud for an hour?

[@Letscurealzheimers]

Unfortunately most people are unaware of the reality of dementia patients. There are still care home nurses that would argue with the patient. As the cases of dementia rise more people will need to learn how to care for someone.

[@tlynn1993]

I work with dementia residents & once you understand to redirect, never scold, cue whatever that each special one needs..the dignity, the reserve happens. It takes a special person to care for a group of Alzheimers.

[@paulohlsson27]

Hi Lynn, how's your day going with you?

[@laminage]

My Uncle & Cousin By Marriage had the same problem. My Uncle went to visit his Mother and screamed at him to "Get Out!". He was heartbroken. She didn't recognize him, thinking he was a prowler. The saddest part was that he was a real "Mama's Boy" doing everything for her. From taking her to The Doctor, taking her for Groceries, The Bank, making sure her Rent was paid on time, etc and even when she created so much tension in his Marriage he still took care of her. When she died he was Heartbroken, because he didn't do "enough" for her when he went beyond the realm of taking care of her.

[@ginapolman4968]

Bless him father God please give him the confert he needs in Jesus holy name amen.

[@UmbrellaRodrigues]

I really believe that when you love that hard you may think that oou haven't done enough..even if you did a lot, for your own personal standards it will never be enough... I don't know... Just going through something like this and is killing me

[@MsamerieJohnson]

She's still a sweet lady despite her dementia. My friends grandmother is a different case of dementia but not nearly as severe as this.

[@FellowTravelerVlog]

This is not that severe. I've seen much worse than this.

[@godislove7500]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/kIC7Y5idZtOZd9U God bless!!

[@camvillar8177]

She doesn't seem that sweet to her daughter, which is typical. She's combative with her daughter, I can see it in her daughter's demeanor. Women with dementia often treat their daughters like shit because they blame them for their loss of independence. There's jealousy, anger, resentment... all of which are misplaced emotions owing to the dementia. Or in some cases the person was an asshole to begin with. You can't rule that out.

[@vulkanpl1416]

"Don't have a conversation in front of her like she's not in the room"... ups! poor jurnalism nowdays...

[@Obeast117]

Oh please. It wasn't done with any sort of insidious meaning behind it, it's just not something that you necessarily think about

[@angelahicks1946]

Love them all enough that you’ll meet them where they are in their thoughts. I remember a sweet lady and how her daughter wanted truth told even if that means her mother would ask about family members that had passed away years back but that mama couldn’t remember and so 80 to 120 times a day she’s asking and because the daughter said you tell her many times in a day that lil sweet old lady would morn the loss over and over it was awfully sad and unnecessary.

[@chicolua]

awkward. he told she we would leave her there lol

[@Abstractlia]

my grandma is going through this at the moment. my family is in denial and tends to argue with her when it comes to what she thinks or repeats

[@Majorx93]

I’m having the same exact problem, my family in denial that my dad has dementia. They only realizing now when it got worse unfortunately 😞

[@pdig2963]

It is so hard for the kids to become their parents, parent, so hard 😢

[@lindawild6568]

Dementia or Alzheimer's is so hard to deal with when it is your mother who is affected because the tables have turned and now you are having to make the decisions about her care and you find out it is the long road home for her!

[@kristinagoss6349]

My mum has dementia and it's so hard for me she thinks she is just forgetful

[@Bot-tm7hs]

Thinking about dementia leaves me with such a heavy feeling. I don't have it or know anyone who does, so it kind of takes me by surprise when I start feeling this way just by thinking about it. But it's one of those things that eventually just happens to so many people, the chances aren't low that I and/or people i love will suffer from this in the future. I feel like there are so many emotions tangled up in this disease

[@susanhopkinswarneke2335]

My mom is in a wonderful memory care residence. I am so extremely grateful for the gifted and special caregivers who work there and make her life and mine so much better. I miss my mom, even though I see her 2 X a week she is not the same person.

[@alcam14]

"We tell white lies, all day long here." 3:08

[@MJLeger-yj1ww]

That does not make it right. There are ALWAYS ways of skirting an issue or telling a patient what USUALLY happens but there are always exceptions and it's different for everyone. Giving solace and reassurance is possible without lying, if you care and know how. Adults with dementia sometimes revert to child-like reasoning and behavior. You wouldn't be impatient with a five-year-old, so please be understanding to an adult who sometimes acts like a five-year-old! Most dementia patients have lucid moments between their sometimes irrational thoughts and words, give them the benefit of the doubt and be kind the way YOU would want to be treated. We know you are busy caretakers, but a little kindness and understanding can make life easier for these once wonderful, caring and intelligent people, whose brains now have failed them.

[@princessshallowstar3166]

Al Cameron shame on you

[@MJLeger-yj1ww]

SHAME, shame, shame! If you are smart at all, you can sidestep the question and give another answer that is truthful and that will suffice. Many in these facilities are suffering from senile dementia and/or Alzheimer's. These pathetic individuals sometimes need to be treated like a child, with love,attention and sometimes control, but you CAN gently lead them away from their point of focus at that instant IF you know how. It doesn't take a Ph.D in psychology to be kind. The staff needs to be patient and strong -- it takes a special individual, a KNOWLEDGEABLE, kind and patient, to be able to tolerate the older, maybe senile person. Don't forget what they have done FOR their children, maybe the community. while they were younger and responsible. They deserve respect and gentle care, NOT lies! Staff must learn how NOT to just take the easy way out by lying, that's NEVER right OR moral. The Golden Rule always applies -- treat them as you would wish to be treated! We are well aware that the staff at nursing homes and extended living facilities are not always the best, most educated or even very well paid. That is not an excuse. Perhaps staff needs more intensive training in how to deal with the problems of the elderly, MENTALLY and physically. WE HAVE LONG BEEN AWARE OF ABUSE IN NURSING HOMES! THIS MUST NOT BE TOLERATED!

[@Azel247]

@@MJLeger-yj1ww I agree with your statements about treating people like how you wish to be treated. However, I would like some concrete examples on how to deal with patients with dementia. Let's say a patient asks you "what time is my son coming today?" but you know the patient's son died years ago, what will you say? What if the patient asks you that question every 5 minutes? Will you continuously remind them every 5 minutes that their son is dead, which might be news to them every single time they hear it? If I were in the situation, I will not know how to respond, so please advise.

[@MJLeger-yj1ww]

@@Azel247 Sadly, Nicol, it is a very common behavior for a patient with dementia to ask you over and over about something. NOT EVERY demented patient has Alzheimers, there are several kinds of cognitive dementia. Often, it MAY be appropriate to just say "I don't know, (name), lets just wait and see." Don't lie or you can destroy a trust, BECAUSE you do not know the moments they are exactly lucid or not and evading is sometimes the best you can do. Or sometimes you can say "maybe, but I don't know for sure." It is usual for them not to remember and ask the same thing again in a few seconds or minutes. You COULD say "don't you remember (name) your son left us a while back" but the question will probably be repeated and they may not understand that kind of answer. I know it's difficult to deal with, but you must be patient and kind but affirmative, or you may have a crying jag to deal with or even a temper tantrum. It's not easy and you have a lot of empathy coming from those who know what you're dealing with, but kindness and "prolonging tactics" are sometimes all you can do. Sometimes, just giving them a hug and smile and say "let's wait and see" can distract them, and ask them if they'd like to do something, or give them something can help get their mind off of the immediate situation. Above all, remember that they can be very child-like but you mustn't punish, because it will do no good and that can destroy the trust you've built up with them or cause anger -- be strong in your answers and try to distract! Good luck to you.

[@jimsatola4971]

As one who was my Mom’s caregiver for over 8 years, including a transition that was very difficult at the beginning (but, with patience and persistence, turned out wonderfully), I just kept cringing at the BBC person, saying “Dude, stop messing this up - talking like the mother isn’t there, confronting her on day one with “this is your new home now,” pushing the “how did it feel to have your car taken away” line to the mother - ALL AWFUL! The case worker was speaking the truth: kind “white lies” that offer hope and understanding to the feeling of wanting to “go home” and just making your loved one feel a bit more in control is essential. He was awful.

[@patriciabilinkas3911]

This was how my dad was in the beginning, before he fell into complete silence.😢

[@annahorton650]

I agree don't talk in front of her about her. Include her or step away. You don't know how much they are taking in even if they only can remember ten seconds. I visit my mom who has dementia and try my best to come along side her in her world. It often a very enjoyable time but we have bumps. I study her so I can tell if she's ok because often she can't say it but she acts out. So I check off a list ....is she dry, hungry, comfortable.? I just take my time and enjoy her.

[@GeorgeLanivich]

What a jerk for blabbering in front of mom like that! I wanna poke him in the eye!

[@Samuel115s]

Old age is so scary. Everything after 65 seems very difficult.

[@Sarah-ft8jr]

65??? My parents are nearly 70, still working full time, still having fun. Most people don’t get ‘old’ until atleast 80

[@peterc9153]

Steady on. I am 58 years of age and I am hoping for considerably more than 7 years of enjoyable life. I have a neighbour who is 92 and is still driving.

[@katherinechatham9032]

We have been through this. It’s one of the hardest things to experience. My father died of Alzheimer’s, Lewy body dementia, and vascular dementia. I am so glad to know he is in heaven and he remembers everything. Won’t ever have another day of sickness. We love him very much!

[@reneeepona]

Therapeutic lying is the only way I can get my mother who has Alzheimer’s to the doctor. And lying to her has saved her life several times. Basically...She is like a two year old in an adults body.

[@godislove7500]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/kIC7Y5idZtOZd9U God bless you!!

[@tanya4534]

My mom has dementia from brain damage, she's in a home, & I'm only 33, so it does hurt to have a parent be in this position.

[@elijah8018]

Any updates to this…how’s your mom? I’m asking because my mom has dementia and I’m 19 this year. It’s so confusing lol I’m literally just doing tons of research

[@Yolduranduran]

Dad kept falling and hitting his head and bleeding all over the place. We finally had to look for a place for him. There is so much guilt and fear when you have to take that step. You will not understand unless it happens to you. Blessings to all the patients their family and caregivers

[@OfficialMuffiin]

You did what was best for your father, never forget that. Wishing you and your family all the strength in the world.

[@mathildaflower2388]

That was probably not a hallucination, that was probably a past memory....

[@satiupekkha5056]

This is really interesting to listen to how things really are in a home. I am planning to admit myself to a home one day. I guess it's good to be ready and to just stay as grounded as possible.

[@tdubblz]

The memory slips are hard enough to deal with, but the aggressive behavior, I’m not handling this well.

[@anniewilliams9317]

This happened to a mother-in-law of mine she had many grandchildren that she had taken care of all of the matter of fact practically every day of her life she end up in a nursing home was not treated very well there and the daughters one move to Florida one didn't walk through the nursing home and the other pretend like to go up there every night at closing time and the sun had a mistress there so be careful do in to others that you would want done to yourself this daughter is too busy with her own self to be bothered with her mother I think if it's totally unnecessary thing for a person to be put in a nursing home if they have a feeding tube or something like that but this day and age the state would pay for someone to come out to her house and watch over her you know the old saying a mother can take care of many but many cannot take care of the one mother and my mother-in-law had so many grandchildren that she had taken care of Shame on a lot of people that puts their loved ones in these types of places

[@johnsumich5491]

I so agree shame on them

[@phoenixrising3338]

Your story is heart breaking..my mother has dementia and I love her with all my heart...every situation is different judging others on what they decided to do with their love ones is a difficult thing....I have had my sweet mother for two years some days is harder then others my sister helps me and my children we all pitch in to do our best. I don't know how this will end... But my love will never end....God will see us through because I asked him too..I believe in the power of God 🙏

[@malo3287]

I will carry my mom in my arms until my last breath no matter what. And I salute this strong woman what she does for her mom,, very loving daughter though

[@lilbird6854]

It's heartbreaking 💔.. the caregivers struggle and pain

[@Letscurealzheimers]

Thanks for this segment. Many people are going to be stuck having to care for a loved one as the cases of dementia increase. There are specific ways to talk to dementia patients. The reality as they know it is the best way. Carergivers might see it as lying to the patient. On the other hand if you try to correct the patient they will think you a in fact lying to them and get upset.

[@pamrosenberry7575]

I had to place my mom into nursing care over a year ago due to falling and becoming immobile. She was very upset at first but now she loves the staff. It's hard when she asks where my dad is (gone for over 40 years) or to go out and take care of her garden and pets. I know she is in the best place and I thank the staff for all they provide.

[@paulohlsson27]

Hi Pam, how's your day going with you?

[@thereseward7852]

Making books that tells their story would help so you dont have to tell them over and over. Music can also help - they can usually remember music.

[@siriusleigh24]

I helped look after my grandmother for some years. Difficult watching someones very being deconstruct through alzheimers.

[@lindavezina6224]

I'm having such a hard time to cope with this.I think I'm grieving and I just don't know how to let go.

[@DreamsOfFinland]

Dealing with a parent with dementia? She had to deal with you a whole lot more and she did it with a lot of love and effort. The reason people are terrified of having dementia is that the modern world isolates , humiliates, and abandons us to "care homes" where we can not report abuse or inadequacies and worse. I took care of my Dad, a dog helps a lot, communicate with your eyes and touch at later stages. Proper environment is the best treatment, we rarely have that in USA.

[@adelgado75]

My mom passed away a year ago. She had arterial fibrillation. The heart doesn't pump the way it should and blood doesn't get up to the brain as it normally would if the person is healthy. I read that A Fib can lead to dementia since the brain doesn't get adequate blood supply. One day I asked my mom to wake me up at 4:30, she could see the time on the cable box. She asked me, 'What's that?' She didn't know what 4:30 pm meant. I knew she was beginning to have some cognitive issues. She was given a mini-mental exam, asked to draw a clock. She couldn't complete it.

[@chochi6618]

( sorry for bad English) dementia is horrible , my granny died 1 month ago from this and other sicknesses , her last months she started to hallucinate kids running in the house and people on the window, it's so sad seeing someone you love start to decline, forget who you are and forget even their own name . It's like another person . I hope never anyone gets this horrible sickness.

[@lydiakinnaman3679]

Can correct, argue, just go along and ASAP REDIRECT !!!! BECAUSE THEIR MINDS NO LONGER CAN THINK LOGICAL. PERIOD !!!!!!

[@rev3182]

Wow, what a way to end life, surrounded by liars....

[@KingOfThePanduz]

Shame on the interviewer. I don't know much about Dementia myself, but I certainly would not have asked such blatantly offensive and rude questions so loudly in front of her. So very insensitive. I hope his crass didn't affect her too much. What a traumatic disease to have to endure.

[@kiki-drawer2669]

White lies are very important. I live in a hospice house and when family come by and remind patience a certain family member is dead they go through grieving just as they did when they first heard it. There is no use in le5ting them go through that 30 times a day so it's always best to say they are put of the house or that you will pass on their words to them. Same thing with trying to remind them that you are related. If you don't need to, don't quiz their memory. It makes their deterioration process WAY more painful. Keep convo light and fun and just enjoy the company of another human. Listen to them and really they become content

[@janetpitts7302]

Oh my heart breaks for her, just this day today I have to have a meeting with a nursing home to decide about my mom with Alzhiemers, my heart is breaking!

[@godislove7500]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/kIC7Y5idZtOZd9U God bless you both!!

[@bonnie43uk]

There are plenty of times when it's perfectly fine to tell lies to people. Lying is a crucial social necessity for us humans.

[@10babiscar]

if everyone stopped lying it would be ok, we would learn to deal with the hard truth but if only a person stops lying then that will be a disaster.

[@charlienonya7016]

Caregivers of those with dementia or Alzheimer's are taught to not lie. It causes confusion and paranoia in an already confused and paranoid person.

[@dieseluk2k]

bonnie43uk Its essential if married man is to survive... "no darling, your bum doesn't look big in that"

[@martianbunny]

As a caregiver I am told to tell them what they want to hear. We are told to not lie, but you often don't tell the client the full truth either. If the client tells me to look at that elephant over there, and it's actually her dog, I don't correct her. I ask her 'oh, the brown one?' . Sometimes though, like certain clients, I had to lie about a spouse being away instead of actually being dead. You don't lie per say, but you definitely avoid saying anything that could hurt their feelings or make them anxious.

[@reanreid2183]

martianbunny This was a amazing response. I'm so grateful there are carers like you in the world. My mother of 56 has had a rare form of dementia for 5 years and without the staff being so loving I don't know what I would do. So again I thankyou from the bottom of my heart x

[@mariadeleon7667]

I worked with patients that have dementia at a home similar to this. They were super sweet and yes white lies when they asked about a loved one who had passed. I had one lady who would hang out at my desk chatting all day and the next day same convo, it was like the movie ground hogs day. I finished my training passed with flying colors and fell sick to Vertigo and I have been out ever since. My dad also has dementia he is 86 he also says he sees people trying to sneak into the yard , we just steer him into another conversation and make him laugh or whatever needs to be done. He loses everything and my poor mom who’s also in her 80s has to look for things everyday. He also hides money and than forgets about it, so I go through his pockets (kidding) he’s very spicy and funny. My mom made us promise to never put them in a home.

[@mariadeleon7667]

GaladrielsGems who are you responding to?

[@debbiiesiken2686]

Your Mom is a selfish person I hate to say. After dealing with my Mom with dementia I can say that I would never want to put my son through what we are going through now...at the beginning fine, but later on when it gets to the middle part...put me in a home...come visit me.....the mental toll is unbelievable. And you can't compare taking care of a child to taking care of someone with dementia...I have a lot of good memories taking care of my kids...dealing with dementia...sorry can't think anything good...just all sadness and stress. Yeah, is it stressful at times raising a family, of course, but dementia...a different ballgame. I have had 3 different types of cancer...use to think that is the worse news you could get...but now I would rather have someone tell me I had cancer than dementia. Hugs to all the caregivers...and don't let others make you feel guilty when you feel you can't take the stress anymore and you have to place your loved one.

[@mariadeleon7667]

@@debbiiesiken2686 I hope you were not referring to my mom who has since passed away and 6 mos after my father passed. Yes his dementia made things so difficult but we had help from hospice and between my siblings and I we took good care of him. I was with him when he took his last breath and I never got a chance to say good bye to my mother 😢 who died on Christmas. She was not a selfish person she was my go to my friend my parent my bestie.

[@pythomas29]

My mom has early onset and has to move out of her house. This is very difficult to handle

[@chriskelly5127]

My wonderful daughter had to hire a caregiver for me as her bestfriends son was in a drunk driving crash and is now at age 28 a total quadriplegic. I know it fills her with guilt for leaving me but I am filled with love and pride for her. The journey continues and Im not the leader.

[@hnewman9296]

I'm 40 and i am losing the ability to communicate. My short term memory is terrible, my long term memory is worse. i have 3 children 3, 6 and 8 and an ex wide who left me because of my memory and cognitive decline. She has taken the majority of our money and personal belongings including our children. Its heartbreaking because i worked so hard to provide my wee family with a home and i can't help that my brain is declining so rapidly. She jumped out quick i guess so she doesn't have to be a caregiver to an adult.

[@mjones5448]

My mom has delusions that people are breaking into her home and stealing her stuff. She is 74 and was diagnosed back when she was 60.

[@mjones5448]

..except my mom lives alone because she refuses to leave her dog. I’m there with her everyday taking care of her daily household chores. She is extremely poor and would be put into a over crowded nursing home. I don’t think the staff would put up with her and treat her badly so I feel I’m doing better by her.

[@stargazer9363]

I'm taking care of my mother and I will never abbondon her. Thank God I'm in Mexico

[@heresjohnny602]

It's not abandonment to choose specialist Dr's nurses and carers over the immense pressure of dealing with it alone.

[@sandybalthis7508]

You have to lie sometimes, to keep their mind stable, we have not told my husband his mother passed away months ago, it would upset him very much, he dont ask about her, if he does, we lie and tell him she's at Dr getting check up, its sad

[@angelaperrin5909]

Haha good name for a home for the lady named Janet. She certainly does have an attitude! Understandable after having just moved in. The reporter guy was kind of ignorant and rude

[@zainzani7987]

My mom is demantia pashant plz halp me

[@mrs.shanieekennedy2728]

This is where I’m at with my grandma as her caretaker. It all really sucks and it’s a daily and hourly heartbreak.

[@alexandrascott5293]

My grandmother was living in a very nice memory care facility when she claimed one of the other residents raped her; the frail, drooling one in a wheelchair... Maybe she said it because she was tripping on the drugs they gave her or maybe she wanted attention. Needless to say, she got kicked out. She settled well into another one long-term though...

[@junaidhussain5294]

So sad to see people leaving their parents with strangers. Imagine your parents doing that to you as a child when you wondered off. It's sad but people need to take care of their parents. It's a vicious circle if you do that to your parents tomorow your kids will do that to you. What ever your reason it's not enough to leave your parents with strangers when they need you most. Western society is messed up. How help these people.

[@2and26]

Bless your heart. We do not know the full story of why this particular woman made the difficult decision to entrust the memory care facility with her dear mother’s care. There may be more she hasn’t revealed; it had to be heart-breaking, nonetheless. I will not judge her motives because I do not live her life. I live my own ... one in which I am the sole care-giver of my father who has Alzheimer’s disease. For nearly six years I have played the role of: soother, mentor, home-made meal giver, medical advocate, financial advisor, maid, yard worker, etc....you name it. I do it out of love. But, I also realize there will come a time that my father’s needs may not be met by me. When it becomes unsafe for him at my home or he becomes too heavy for me to lift, I realize that will be the time I must relinquish my care to a memory care facility. Whatever i do, it is solely for his well-being, not mine. I do not want to put the remainder of his life in jeopardy because of pride or because others, who have no experience in care-giving for dementia patients, dictate how his care should be managed. Since my dear mother passed away, I am my father’s best advocate in all aspects of his life. And, I get very little support from a sibling. From what I have read, sadly this is the norm. So, judging another care-giver’s reasons for making a life-changing decision for their loved one should not be done. As much as we want to have our loved ones remain with us until God carries them home, the reality is that there are circumstances that may cause the care-giving to take a different path. Just understand the entire process is not easy, whether as a care-giver or one who has had to place their loved one in a facility.

[@omanminus4643]

You don't tell white lies but you redirect the conversation, where is my parent? What are your parents names?