Dealing with Emotional Neglect in Relationships

Being in a relationship with a partner who doesn't hear or see you can be damaging to your psyche and self-esteem. In this video, I lay out a couple of strategies for what you can do to get your needs met.
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[@Ubermentsh]

Neglect. One of the most subtle yet worst forms of abuse

[@SoulGPS]

Sadly quite common

[@richgage6510]

Very common. The sad reality is you cannot pinpoint when it started. By the time you notice, certainly in my current circumstances, it's.the new norm and cannot be undone so left with 2 options. Accept or walk away.

[@Rainbow-carpets]

@@richgage6510think I’m at the point of walking away.

[@moseshall]

Being neglected is a horrible feeling especially when you're giving your all and everything and everyone is before you

[@mumsiedarkdragon2296]

It sucks being the person to reach out every time. I don't want this to be my life.

[@jennifertracykessler2474]

Damn right. Both partners can choose to feed the relationship..bc both partners want to feed the one they love and want the one they love to feed them. No matter what struggles arise, feeding one another should remain a stable, dedicated, highly valuable main-stay..bc both partners agree and desire to protect the foundation, of their relationship, their family, their vows, their future, their precious lives.

[@susanhaines7358]

People do what they want. Actions matter. Pay close attention.

[@guru47pi]

Yeah, it's very painful. I feel like I'm having to sell myself for even the smallest thing; to re-introduce myself to my wife of 15 years for time alone, for a conversation, for physical contact. It's like I'm a hostage having to convince my hostage-taker that I need food, and reminding the hostage-taker that it's in their interest if I don't die. Her response is usually 'this again?' 'we just did that a month ago' 'uggh, fine.' It's been this way for a couple of years, after 15 years of relative goodness. I honestly don't know why I haven't gotten divorced yet. Either nostalgia or avoiding the pain of divorce

[@rural_girl555]

I literally would rather have an overly clingy and possessive boyfriend who demands my attention and wants intimacy than to have someone who makes me feel neglected, unwanted and ignored. It's the worst form of abuse

[@SoulGPS]

Seek balance. The other side isn’t pleasant either.

[@travdaddy-wh4wp]

I hear you .. I don't even get a kiss

[@angelcolon9779]

I wish I would get back the love, attention and affection I give. Starting to weigh heavy on me.

[@SS-in1ts]

My ex did both, trust me, it’s not better when someone is clingy because it’s not from a place of love but desperation and you can never be enough and they will eventually express their anger or get attention from someone else. My ex was both extremes - both are horrible to experience.

[@just_em_jay]

Just not possessive, you don't know what you're talking about. It's as bad as being neglected.

[@Verisimilitude_]

Ugh it hurts … this is the place where all fellow emotionally neglected spouses have gathered.

[@casperinsight3524]

Unmet emotional needs led me to seek unhealthy behaviours like alcohol to numb the pain and online shopping for immediate gratification. I was love starved, denied affection, compliments, and support. I was neglected emotionally, mentally and physically

[@reneeodayok859]

Same except I find myself eating for comfort. Became very fat. Further hurting myself and he never noticed. Too busy drinking and gambling.

[@nita_alva]

That is what is happening to me right now. :(

[@flamboyant731]

Wow I know this is an old comment but I must say I'm doing the same things right now...didn't realize it was my loneliness

[@snowqueen24]

@@reneeodayok859 I turn to food for comfort until I gained 20 pounds as well. Now, I'm eating a lot of healthy foods to keep myself alive.

[@goldn909]

You are loved and sometimes even more by making the choice to choose yourself and leave toxic partners who may be jealous of how loved you truly are. They try to hide that from you by neglecting you in hopes you’ll never look in the mirror and realize who you are and leave. The world is beautiful and you are always loved even if you choose to be alone. Make room for someone who wants to fill you up with love all the time and not just when they need something or you’re about to leave.

[@coneyislandtomaine5187]

17 years in and just now realizing that he has made me feel needy but anything seems excessive when you're emotionally vacant💔

[@TheDacosina]

17 years to me too hurt 😭

[@cbjueueiwyru7472]

Same. I'm 10 years into a marriage where I always felt like I was the problem 💔 It looks like your comment was 2 years ago. I hope your relationship is going better now.

[@LinkinParkChick666]

I cried when she said “feeling like they don’t see you”

[@ez-g3090]

Ha ha

[@HardRealist]

Emotional effort is a choice. Wanting and desiring to support your mate in life is a choice. I find more people, men and women both, emotionally abandoning their mate en masse. The lack of care, love, concern, respect and genuine empathy is absolutely brutal. The human heart needs that nourishment of a positive nature and due to extreme selfishness and narcissism we are not getting it. Personally I find that superficiality and shallowness rule the day with most finding no qualms in using, abusing and disposing of others very easily. And how unfortunate it is when wanting to give and offer emotional support is second nature to some, now it seems very few, and then encountering the many who take only and often to extremes.

[@AveryCreates]

Thank you 😢

[@80sbaby90]

Yes I feel like I am invisible to my partner. I've told him this but he refuses to communicate with me. I feel starved

[@SoulGPS]

80's Baby right, that’s the feeling exactly.

[@casperinsight3524]

You are being starved, Emotionally, mentally, physically It's torture

[@80sbaby90]

@@casperinsight3524 that's how it feels 😔

[@Keleia4Jesus]

I'm sorry to hear of your pain... woman to woman I'm right here with you and for you. It's so not hard to feel alone in this. I wanted you to know that God sees you and many women are going to see this and take courage (as YOU did by posting your pain) in knowing they are NOT alone in their pain. Thank you for sharing yours. ❣

[@80sbaby90]

@@Keleia4Jesus thankyou so much for your kind words ❤️

[@rosiephd2be990]

I have tried for a couple of years to express the need for emotional safety. His response, "I am not your menstrual tampon". I am done and working on myself. Now he regrets his behavior and many hurtful words. Watch out for the consistency of the inconsistencies in little crumbs and then decide to be a mate to your own soul.

[@SoulGPS]

Beautifully said. Don’t let another person’s fear of closeness dictate your self worth. Blessings!

[@gracieb.3054]

What an offensive thing to say! Much support and appreciation for your outlook.

[@gracieb.3054]

I mean the tampon reference if that wasn't clear.

[@swaroopas458]

Me too get crumbs.. even after repeatedly talking about the issue, he is not ready to come close after s fight or if i say he does something that upsets me... I only go and talk for 13 years...recently I realized this. If I withhold talking, he never comes to solve the issue and continue. If I smile, then he will start talking, and in few days again he will show the same. He is very very sensitive to imagined or perceived criticism. No normal hlthy conversation is possible. Takes everything as criticisms. Bottles up and emotionally starves me when in my most needed times or when I go n hug, he simply push my hands away..I am going to a psychotherapist. If he comes and understands his behavior then it will be fine. There's hope. But don't, then I don't know,what to fo.. our kids love both of us. This is the problem..this type of abuse takes long time to recognize and before that we settle in, have kids then have to think twice before leaving..I dont want my kids to suffer coz of our dysfunction..he is not physically abusive...so staying and learning to enjoy my life alone

[@flamboyant731]

That was really mean of him to say

[@chocolatemonster949]

Have been settling for crumbs for 5 years and put so much effort into trying to melt my partner with plenty of attention and love. The only result - he gladly accepted everything, but gave me nothing back. Tried to explain myself and gave it years to get fixed. Until eventually I realized this is it - this is his honest maximum and there will never be anything more. The maximum that doesn't meet my minimum. I had to pull myself out of this unhealthy situation and I can't wait to heal and be done with this relationship and on to greater things. One life!! The only regret is that I gave him too much of my precious time. Late 30s for a woman is the last chance at starting a family, and he never appreciated that 😔

[@daviddickenson1243]

Hello Chocolate 🍫

[@daviddickenson1243]

Can we be friends

[@philsmithawakening5999]

I found this video very supportive and felt seen for the first time. When I experienced this in two of my own relationships I took all the blame for being needy, having an anxious attachment style and even self diagnosing with BPD and abandonment anxiety. The truth was, yeah I had a few things to work through which I did. But those partners would not acknowledge their own dismissive and avoidant behaviour and were all too happy to make the problems in the relationship all my fault, creating a kind of gas-lighting situation. I am not ‘needy’ but I have needs. And I am capable of meeting my future partners needs and working together, as adults, to make sure we maintain intimacy in the relationship and continue to validate one another’s needs and emotions. Some day, some lucky lady will get to experience all I have to give and now I deserve that to be, (like you said and this is the first time I’ve ever heard anyone else say it) RECIPROCAL!

[@jaredpowell7]

You took the words out of my mouth. Thank you

[@EnlighteningEmma]

In my last relationship I took all of the blame too, I actually think his lack of affection towards me caused me to become anxious and codependent, thinking the more I could please him, the more he would love me. However I've realised he is very avoidant so the closer I got, the more I pushed him away. The more he told me there was something wrong with me, the more I worked on myself, eventually realising that we were in a very toxic relationship that was not serving me in any way. Its lonely since I ended it, because I have a lot of love to give, but like you say, we will find the right person and they'll be very lucky to have us!

[@TheDon30740]

It's hard to show affection when they act like it bothers them or they don't got time. Just a simple kiss on the lips is like a burden to give.

[@SoulGPS]

I understand…

[@andrewrees8749]

My ex G.F her lack of affection, hurt me so much, in the end I was lucky if I got a Kiss on my forehead, soul destroying😢

[@TheDon30740]

@@andrewrees8749I understand.

[@justinecamille7426]

There's nobody I can talk to about my loneliness, which makes this sinking pit even more unbearable.

[@spacemermaid1111]

I relate 😢

[@AdrianaCowick]

You can talk to Jesus. He’s waiting to hear from you 🙏

[@eleverett77]

You learn to love yourself! Being pushed to a breaking point. You find your self worth! You give to yourself what you desire and want and then you'll attract that! Engrid sends love you all love who have suffered! God bless!

[@MrSoBitchy]

Curled up into a ball of tears after watching this. I know what needs to be done but the fear of loneliness again speaks louder :(

[@Kiki-yw9kc]

Goodluck ❤️✊

[@ThatNiravGuy]

I so understand….. I’ve been married for 30 years, and I just filed for divorce. I have no family, and I’m scared to death over the loneliness that is going to come.

[@leelewandowski4565]

I'm going through this now its extremely tough especially when you still love your partner but I had to make the decision to end things so I can hopefully be happy in the future sometimes we have to make tough decisions 💔

[@MrSoBitchy]

@@ThatNiravGuy I hope things have turned out better for you

[@MrSoBitchy]

@@leelewandowski4565 exactly. Sending you strength

[@lelandmarrs9651]

So true. 9 years I gave 200% and the last thing I told her was I deserved and wanted to be loved.

[@donnaspitler9911]

If someone could be caring and affectionate in the beginning why would they get a protective shell now? I have a hard time understanding this🤷🏻‍♀️

[@ezio495]

I always thought it was stupid for me wanting, needing affection. I thought it was just selfish of me. But I later realize that I'm doing all the affection while my girlfriend just... doesn't... and she was never like this before. I told her about it and she said that "Well, since we started dating I needed affection and that's why I was like that. But now that I got it all, I'm not really affectionate." It feels damaging to me, I cry endlessly and just think how I'm useless but I see her have more fun with people thats not me. I don't know anymore.

[@SoulGPS]

Remember, your needs matter : )

[@margaretcampbell2681]

Perhaps counseling is needed?

[@craneshashaw]

It's time you have fun with people not her. There is life outside of her. She does not complete you. You are already complete.

[@arayamz5953]

I feel like this but I'm a female, I wana be hugged , kissed on, and receive alot of affection but I never receive it unless I initiate it. I understand my partners love language is different but is affecting me now. I crave closeness. I feel lonely sometimes and we live together . He gives me everything and says I just complain I need help Because it's true he takes care of me every other way. But I feel like I need more in oder to feel secure. Is it just me ? I'm tired of me initiating it and wen I don't we don't even hug. And I come off as clingy and needy and I'm actually not . But now it's all somehow flipped on me being the one fuking this relationship up

[@jeanniecannon4612]

@@arayamz5953i know exactly that pain you feel. Been in it 25 years. Get out sooner than later. They are emotionally anorexic and if they can never initiate even once a month then you are not overly needy. We need love. We must love ourselves first of course and then hopefully attract the right person who is wiling to communicate and do the relationship work. Problem is that most people are damaged from childhood and life and have given up on opening their hearts because they lost hope in fear of getting hurt again. So sad. I pray for us all to heal and this pandemic did not help.

[@Keleia4Jesus]

What do you do when you've clearly communicated your needs, (my spouse has told me he understands and hears me and that he'll do the work necessary WITH me) YET he CHOSE to procrastinate and has had zero follow through for almost 20 out of 32 years of marriage. I've tried reaching out in the ways that make us feel connected to each other and he still chooses to ignore me, starve me for affection, acts as though I'm invisible, indicates that I'm too needy, and has shown by everything they're doing (or not doing) that the relationship isn't worth their time and effort? I've asked for a separation because I'm a believer. My heart isn't harden, I am fighting for my health and my spouse's health because living together is so stressful. 20 years of living like roommates is needing to end. I CHOOSE to let us both live. I've more to offer that being a maid and housekeeper. NOW he's in panic mode and I'm moving on...I've seen the patterns of behavior that are clearly abusive. I'm jumping off this "MARRY" GO ROUND. My ❤ cannot take this abuse any longer even though he's clearly scrambling when is enough ENOUGH?

[@flamboyant731]

@keleia congratulations for having the strength to move on. Hope you are in a better place🙏💕

[@antoinelyons5323]

I can relate it will get better

[@andihd8768]

Your marriage sounds exactly like mine. I stumbled upon covert narcissism & my poor emotion starved brain just 🤯 I'm seeing the slow roll back to "things are going back to normal" after a recent blow up. And I'm sickened. But in the next emotion it's pain, thinking this is going nowhere & I've built my life to support him.

[@lilylancaster3571]

1 year ago: that's when enough is enough. There is life out there. Go live it.

[@Keleia4Jesus]

@@lilylancaster3571 fast forward to today... Not only did I get out I am completely divorced for quite a few months now. I SHOULD HAVE LEFT 3 DECADES AGO!!! I finally get to be myself for the first time in my entire life!

[@amrutawaghmare872]

My partner just told me to reduce the volume while i was watching this and said, its irritating him. WOW.

[@MelisJoy]

That hunny says more than what this vid ever could

[@margaretcampbell2681]

Do you think this is you?

[@emilyrose6546]

I'm sorry honey I feel you 💔

[@stefaniegodfrey6155]

THIS VIDEO IS VERY MUCH EXPLAINING WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH, IF ONLY OUR PARTNERS WHO ARE DOING THE WITHHOLDING, STONEWALLING, IGNORING, DEVALUING US, NEGLECTING US COULD ACTUALLY GIVE US ENOUGH ATTENTION AND RESPECT FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP AND OUR FEELINGS THEN THIS VIDEO WOULD BE PERFECT FOR HEAKING AND MOVING FORWARD TOGETHER AND FINALKY HAVE AN ADULT RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO VALUES HARMONY AND HAPPINESS. TOO BAD THAT TGE SIME COMMON SENSE FIX TO MISERY IS SUCH A GID DAMN MYSTERY TO THE NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLES WHO HAVE STOLEN OUR SOULS AND DRAINED US OF OUR ENERGY TO MOVE ON IN LIFE ALONG WITH ROBBING THE CONFIDENCE TO DO SO. BKIWS MY MIND THAT A HUMAN BEING IS EVEN CAPABLE OF THE DAMAGE BY INFLICTED PAIN AND SUFFERING THEY SIT ON THE COUCH AND WATCH US DIE WITH NO REACTION TO REACH IUT AND SOOTH OR SAVE U. ALL WHILE THEY ARE DISCUSSED WITH YOU AND THE WAY U HAVE CAUSED IT ALL??? WTF SERIOUSLY? WHY CAN'T I WALK AWAY FROM THIS FKN WORTHLESS PERSON? THEY ARE AT WORK ALWAYS WITHOUT IS REALIZING THEY ARE HOOKING US INTO THIS MISERABLE LIFE. GROW UP ALREADY.. ITS WEAK AS HELL TO BE SUCH A COWARD WHO CANT SHARE HIS TOYS IR PKAY WELL WITH OTHERS... LITTLE BRATS

[@stefaniegodfrey6155]

Slap him across the face and tell him with full control of the situation and strength that he is the reason for the irritating video u r forced to watch. Tell him his behaviors he just displayed are what's irritating and bothering u. Never takes responsibility for their actions and it's EMBARRASSING what they even say and act like without even noticing what dumb asses they look like. Lol i am to the point of finally being done and walking away from the fkn drama. It's boring, exhausting, in my way of happiness and honestly tierd of watching someone act like everyone else is redicolus but their behavior goes unrecognized and excusable. Good luck to us all in finding out our strength.

[@bleach4607]

I want back the guy I met in December. The one who was attentive, who wanted to talk to me and spend time with me. I’ve asked him to spend time with me, I’ve asked him over and over. I don’t want to beg. But when his friend tells him to get online to play a game he goes running. Why is the boyfriend I had in December suddenly more likely to go after his friends now. Where’s my boyfriend gone. We live together, yet I hardly ever see him. And when I try to talk to him about it, I end up feeling like a villain and cruel for being upset. I don’t want to be pushy or have to beg him over and over for some quality time. I’ve never told him not to play his games but I want movie nights and long drives, I want back the guy who always wanted to hold my hand, who would kiss me until I couldn’t breathe. Where has he gone

[@LifewithJustine]

Reading this broke my heart because I’m in the exact situation. We live together but we never hang out. I’m so sad. He’s physically there but so far away. He doesn’t get that quality time is not living together

[@GinjaFajr]

My friend of 15 yes n now my husband of 5 months is doing this to me. I can't make sense of it. Everything he did to be in my presence is no longer. He won't make time for me. I so lost at this point.

[@margaretcampbell2681]

If he won’t listen then you should leave

[@willwr933]

This is hard for anyone I feel for you. I'm a guy on the receiving end of something similar, not gaming but find my partner more often on the phone endlessly, maybe leaving an hour of her time to me after work and between bed but it still feels forced if it isn't coming naturally and often. I understand. Distance causes damage in these situations and living together just seems to become a responsibility instead of a happy warm place to come home to. Stay strong, its not personal remember you're worthy 🌼

[@lil8579]

I just ended my relationship because of this.

[@preciousstoryward8708]

I needed this!! I am currently feeling starve in my marriage.

[@mercyrahma9501]

Same... 😔

[@antoinelyons5323]

Hopes it get better

[@vianetvargas3520]

I cried throughout this entire video - so many points were hit. I appreciate your messages! 🙏🏼

[@SoulGPS]

Blessings to you!

[@brinhauptmann8133]

I felt this way for a very long time. My partner wouldn't even hug me. This went on for way too long, but I was too scared to leave or do anything about it. My self-esteem was so low that I thought that it was what i deserved. I didn't want to be a nag, but as you've put it, I felt starved. Three weeks ago, they gave me the "I've met someone else" speech. I know they're doing me a favor, but it hurts. I can't believe I wasted all that time with them. Respect yourself and what you really need.

[@brinhauptmann8133]

@Luci A. I hope you find some resolution. I should have walked out ten years ago.

[@ER-xl6cs]

A cozy, close feeling only during brief sex. Rarely being a partner-and using a spouse for the convenience they provide. Blowing off special days like Mother’s Day and birthdays. But needing and receiving lots of attention, care, a cheering section without any strings attached. When you truly love the neglectful partner, I think you either leave and try to find happiness and fulfillment on your own OR learn to love yourself and lower your expectations for the other person. Sadly my husband also taught our children (through years of demonstration) that I’m not worth any particularly special consideration. But I love them all deeply. I’ll never escape the hurt I feel inside.

[@susanhaines7358]

Same here. I know the pain.

[@grandslam0183]

me too I want to die. this is hell.

[@mathewhenderson7019]

I just had a one-way dialogue, to which I mentioned that my needs were simply not being met. It may not be intentional, but that doesn't change that "action", or "lack of action" has consequences.

[@emmaculate6177]

Seeing these comments about 17-35 years of disconnect. Scares. The. Shit. Out. Of. Me. I’m 5 years praying for an out

[@Alphacentauri819]

Relationships with an individual with Aspergers can be very much like this. Little reciprocity and high invisibility. They are limited due to wiring... it’s a tough thing. You’ve got to decide what you’re able to tolerate...or not

[@warmlantern0000]

How do you know if your guy has aspergers ECT he never consoles me when I cry...sex twice a month is not enough for me. He's on his phone 24/7

[@estyrer]

Same here. I’m a psychologist and I’m certain my previous partner is on the spectrum. You know by knowing them: I’ve asked questions such as “do you remember how you felt a week ago” or “tell me about this book you just finished”.. what you get are very superficial answers, almost descriptive, with no emotion attached to them. Autistic people don’t understand and value emotion. To them they’re the most irrational and confusing experience. They like to focus on things they know and understand, and other peoples feelings is definitely not one of them. That doesn’t mean they can’t be sympathetic or loving, it just means they will never ever be EMpathic of your emotional needs, even if you describe them to them.

[@Alphacentauri819]

Melini Gonzalez hi! I just saw this. Mine was diagnosed with Aspergers, by a neuropsychologist. This was after a decade of off/on, many counselors and so much frustration. A coworker of ours (I was an RN, he’s an MD) suggested he had Aspergers, after we’d been together for about a year. I blew it off, despite one of my big nursing school projects being autism spectrum disorder 😬 I had a lot to learn. A coworker of his sister’s also suggested it, another time. Additionally my ex went to a medical conference, where Aspergers was one of the talks...and he came back and said it sounded like him. That’s pretty insightful, as many with Aspergers deny they have it. Anyways, I was fed up after the birth of our child...and had to know. So, after years of missed communication, dysfunctional dynamics...we got the diagnosis. The neuropsychologist told me I’d likely never get the growth or reciprocity I was needing in relationship with him. It was relieving to have an answer...yet devastating grieving the truth and loss. I tried to make it work only because we have a child together. We aren’t together now and I’m happier than I’d been in a long time. I’ve done a tremendous amount of learning and growing in the last year, massive epiphanies and transformation. A huge piece was finding out about attachment theory. I realize that I have fearful avoidant attachment (healing now ☺️) and although my ex has Aspergers, his behavior (and trauma history) is also indicative of dismissive avoidant attachment style. Aspergers and dismissive avoidant can look eerily similar. Anyways, I had to do some serious soul searching, deep exploration of self and figure out why I would tolerate the dismissal, ignoring, invalidating. What I’ve realized is that we attract someone who will reflect our own dismissal, ignoring, invalidating that we already do in relationship to ourself! When we heal our core wounds, change our negative thought patterns, value ourself, honor our needs and boundaries...we aren’t attracted to that type anymore. We won’t tolerate that kind of breadcrumbing relating. We are empowered with knowing what we want, what we won’t settle for and it’s a beautiful thing! I follow a lot of people, but the most helpful and transformative (for my journey) has been Thais Gibson, The Personal Development School. Her KZbin videos have changed my thinking, views of self, my life. I just started the school last month and this stuff needs to be taught in schools! I’d never been taught how to identify my needs, boundaries, communicate them assertively and respectfully to both parties. I didn’t know my behaviors were often very subconscious (often unconscious) and influenced by my fears, created by my core wounds. Alan Robarge is another great one to follow. I listen to Eckhart Tolle and read Pema Chodren. I try to treat myself like my children or a best friend. Trying to be mindful of everything I “feed” my mind, body soul. Having good self care, from filtered water to adequate sleep, to relaxing baths...to not watching news, minimizing social media, and more. Loving and supporting myself! Please know you are valuable and worthy 💐

[@Alphacentauri819]

Julia Evelyn Larsen It can be a lonely existence. I feel less alone out of the relationship. Connecting to myself has been so empowering. I wish my ex well, however I will not go into a dynamic like that again. It wasn’t the safe place to be accepted, validated, grow and share in life. It was familiar...and that can be the problem! I wish you well 💐

[@digitalalchemistamy]

🤔

[@johnjohnson1681]

ten years of being in this black hole its the loneliest existence i have ever encountered

[@exportconnections1550]

Wow im lost for words. I been in this toxic marriage for 23 years now. I've always been accused as the blame, needy and insecure. Punished in return. Only reason shes still around is because I am provider and we have kids. Its time for me to move on.

[@willwr933]

I sympathise with you man, big respect! How did it work out? I'm in a similar predicament (without kids) but what was a very deep connected relationship at one point which I feel similar about.. can't choose between head and heart

[@Livingmybestlife887]

Thank you for sharing. I can hear the genuine concern and wisdom.

[@menoninblack]

How can I find the musician at the end??

[@Lexilea68]

@@menoninblack I see the channel has a link in the description box. Andy Bradwoski

[@GM-cd2dr]

I needed those words of validation so much. I’ve questioned if I’ve done enough, and I have. I’ve addressed it. I’ve reached for it. And it’s withheld. Thanks for the video.

[@inserter400]

I HAVE BEEN STARVED FOR A LONG TIME NOW, MY WIFE HAS BEEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS FOR 3 YEARS BUT 6 MONTH AGO SHE ASKED FOR A DIVORCE. WE ARE STILL LIVING TOGETHER BUT NOTHING MORE, I AM HOPING SHE WILL COME OUT OF THIS CRISIS SOON AND COME BACK TO THE RELATIONSHIP. SHE HAS THE GRASS IS GREENER SYNDROME.

[@antoinelyons5323]

Hope she wakes up

[@nightmarethunderfist]

Honestly, this type of withdrawl can still be constant enough to be harmful whether it's their coping or not

[@phukkelberry2846]

Here we all are, together in the comments! Hugs to you all.

[@ankamargareta2357]

Oh, God. I'm with my husband from 18 years, we have 2 boy's. He made compliments to all the others friends wife's, he is looking to others women and flirting next to me. I take care of me, l am going to gym, l have a job, l cleaning the house, take care of boys, but he don't show me and our boys any affection, when he is home, he play games on his phone, he is watching TV. Every time l try to speak with him about this he just shouting and say that l am his wife and this is normal to be a relationship, if he gives us money to live what we need more from him. Intimacy is just when he need, he is not available when l need. I'm destroyed and starving and l don't want no one else, l belive all men are the same

[@aparnapolisetty9571]

I felt unseen , unheard and unwanted . But I put up with all of it until my marriage ended when I found about his infidelity

[@SoulGPS]

I’m so sorry about what you’ve been through. So glad that you’re free now and can heal. Sending you love!

[@ingrid_inthesky]

I told him I felt unheard and misunderstood and he told me my feelings weren't real, then proceeded to tell me "How do you think I've been feeling for years"? He's constantly gas-lighting me and telling me things didn't happen that way or it's all in my head when he knows I was just diagnosed with BPD so to say that really really is painful and I told him that and he is not sorry. He dismissed me over text tonight and was like "I'm going to bed." and I asked him why he was shutting me out and he never responded. I'm in misery.

[@Nikaleigh1010]

Hold your head up, I'm in the same boat. Hopefully things will get better.

[@antoinelyons5323]

Keep your head up it get better

[@ingrid_inthesky]

@@antoinelyons5323 Thanks, everything got worse and am trying to recover. Turns out he's a covert narcissist who took his unresolved mommy issues out on me and his sexuality is in question. He's va××ed and even gave me the Rona, didn't call that entire month I had it, then eventually denied being able to even spread it unknowingly. I'm done.

[@Nikaleigh1010]

Been starved for so long. Don't even know what to do anymore.

[@antoinelyons5323]

It can really put you in limbo

[@CosmicPsychonauts]

The sooner you leave and delete their number, the better. We all deserve better.

[@kj3776]

I keep meeting either emotionally distant men or men who are over affectionate and use " if you love me,you'll..." ultimatums and it's honestly confusing and breaking my spirit. It is dangerous and I need a therapist to recover.

[@craneshashaw]

If they love you, they'll marry you. You are great just the way you are. Changing you is a part of Male competition to conquer the woman. Only a display of his insecurities

[@soul832006]

I'm sorry you've been through that! Take heart in knowing that not all men are like that at all! There are lots of good men out there. Genuine and down to earth.

[@darlenemontgomery9337]

This is clearest explanation on the internet. Thank you.

[@toniechantelh9615]

My last relationship was like this that you decribe... He was loving and affectionate before..And then he became very controlling and started alot of problems with between me and his friend and his friends even made up a rumor about me that wasn't true..That pretty much ended the affection and love we once had with each other..I talked about it with him and he will only dismiss me..There was never a good time to speak to me about why the sudden change and I stayed in 3 more months to see if he would change back to what he once showed me..He started to change and only get his crumbs and It wasn't any improvement at all.I literally was only a body just there for him when he needed or wanted me around..No emotion and no affection..So I finally decided to end things and Become My own best friend..Now it's just Me myself and I..🤦🏾‍♀️👸🏾🙏🏿☹☹😖 ..Story of my life..Am pretty much madd at myself for settling for crumbs

[@MsMrLT]

Toniechantel H im living the same sitution.. help me out i dont know what to do

[@casperinsight3524]

IKR, Been there done that 🙋 It was a painful life lesson learned

[@victoriapierscinski4529]

Loving that cello! Can tell you are working on preciseness? Opening, content, closure - great job and such useful information. We deserve so much more than breadcrumbs!

[@lloydclement2152]

A cold spouse who is satisfied with little emotional desire creates loneliness.

[@SoulGPS]

Yes.

[@cdenard9384]

From day one he was like this...thought it will change after marriage

[@gunner1387]

People dont change i thought my wife would change too and 8 yrs later same thing always feeling rejected. Im geting my ducks in line and planing my escape im not gona waste any more time with this roomate relationship

[@carlab30]

scott Kelley that’s exactly what it is. Roommates! Shit is ridiculous

[@stephanieh5478]

People never change. A piece of paper won't make someone change, that's insane to think

[@ashansidhu5065]

Same here love. Before marriage he has something to say. Some hugs or pecks. Not its like am a servant or a roomate. There is even no talk. Nothing. Always on the phone or drinking. Am so done

[@crazyduck1254]

my life long partner is friendly, has a lovely smile, is getting on in years like me, is still attractive to me, but has always been emotionally cold and distant. Sex has always been good, it's strange then how i have lived a life feeling isolated, lonely in some deep way, fearful of being cheated on again. The thought i have at the end of the day will be loneliness, She is a narcissist and i feel i have wasted so many decades. As i get older i see the signs of discard instead of caring.

[@johnwentz3925]

Love the street musician playing at the end of the video. Thank you for sharing that.

[@jamiep7322]

I think he's selfish because he's good for a few weeks and he's back to the same thing I shouldn't have to ask for affection or intimacy and it makes me resent him just want to cheat on him like if you and giving it to me somebody else will

[@inserter400]

HI CHEATING IS NEVER THE WAY TO GO, TALK TO HIM AND EXPLAIN AND TELL HIM HOW YOU ARE FEELING OR YOUR BE OUT THE DOOR.

[@celladoor9696]

Been there done that dance. Every other week we would fight and break up. And I mean literally! It was insane and took a major toll on my health. Not worth it

[@inmynamemakesmeahero3432]

I know what you mean

[@jasjuaquin140]

Its a natural feeling to have after a while.

[@ashansidhu5065]

Have had a conversation and reached for it with my husband. He runs if i ask for a hug. Things are not improving. There is no communication except whats for dinner or lunch. There is no effort. He brings friends over all the time. There is no long term goal There is no "us". If i talk he says i am mentally upset and i dont have manners. I am done and shocking it is its not been even 1.5 years of marriage

[@Keleia4Jesus]

Then they wonder why we're hurting? No, because sometimes enough is enough.

[@zraj3433]

If you're still with him then leave and tell him he can cook his own damn meals himself.... he sounds like a complete selfish brat

[@margaretcampbell2681]

Leave

[@soul832006]

I just don't understand that at all!! I hate it when guys give us all a bad name. You need someone who is committed to the relationship and willing to listen. Someone who is stable. Maybe they are quiet and not very exciting but deciding on someone who is quiet and sensible/serious has to be better than the alternative guys that spend all their times with friends and disregarding your feelings right??

[@karenak8084]

Thank you for these words of wisdom and for the reinforcement that leaving a 20 yr relationship that has been all about HIM, is the right thing to do for ME. As I’m packing my things, as much as I feel hurt and saddened, I know it’s the right thing to do. I am a survivor and I know when I leave this dysfunction and abuse behind, I will be happy and at peace.

[@madeinhisimage3447]

I’m not only dealing with someone who is being negligent and periodically will provide a substantial meal to keep me sustained but it’s also long distance so it’s a really unfortunate arrangement. I’m trying to take the extra time I have to myself now to take care of me and get aligned back with my purpose so if this persists I won’t have lost too much of myself in the meantime.

[@Pacifica74]

I happen to come across an old email I had sent to my ex. In it I had said, "reply back if you want." I shouldn't have even had to type that. I'll never let this person back into my life.

[@kayleejensen2286]

The issues im dealing with is definetly emotional and effection. For instance I suffer from chronic migrains and on top of it had a horrible broken tooth that was aching so bad it had me in tears. He comes up says whats wrong I tell him im hurting, sobbing my eyes out. And he just walks away and doesn't speak a word to me all night.. im in pain.. I want comfort.. and he can't even give me that a little bit. 8 years together i don't know how to even speak to him about it without sounding needy. 😞😞

[@SoulGPS]

I completely understand. No wonder you suffer from migraines. I recommend books on pain by Steve Ozanich. The pain is very likely from emotions. It happened to me too... I wasn’t able to stay in a relationship that was emotionally cold, so I left. It was hard at first but allowed me to finally heal my attachment wound. Sending you a warm hug!

[@reneeevans8864]

Yes its called being replaced

[@AA-lq5pu]

My husband was always texting other women but when he suddenly began to ignore me that was the end for me. That was way worse than cheating, I would keep reaching out and he was just so cold, I kept trying to find something that we had in common to talk about but he just kept on giving one word answers. It was soooooo hurtful.

[@SoulGPS]

I feel you... please do not let this touch your self-worth. His actions speak of the person he is not who you are. Blessings!

[@wintergirll]

I have been to this spot in Poland and stood and watched this musician!!

[@honeydoll979]

After so many years of silence speaking is difficult but i still make it work. I just feel disregarded and unheard now

[@brendaNoregon]

My entire life now

[@MrSuperyeny]

Same :(

[@natethebesttt]

I feel like there is a stranger living in my house and sharing my bed. There’s been so much wrong for a while now. Nothing overtly aggressive ever happens but when the person would rather watch Netflix with headphones on or do classwork and go to sleep early without saying anything.. I don’t know. It doesn’t feel good.

[@SoulGPS]

You’re right. It’s very painful.

[@natethebesttt]

@@SoulGPS Things are even worse now. She moved out of state to go to pharm school and now we have even less contact. When we do talk it’s like she’s a completely different person. She just gets upset about minor political stuff and is getting really wrapped up in left leaning political propaganda and if I don’t share the same opinion she says I have a god complex. Basically it’s over. I just haven’t really cut it off yet. 6 years wasted and back to square one. It’s bleak.

[@228vik]

He only wants to be friends, no emotions. He said he is with the girl he left me for, and then he said no, she is just my dogs groomer. And she and him are lovers...so I will be leaving....very soon.

[@casperinsight3524]

They say what they feel in the moment, they are ruled by fleeting and fickle emotions, love one minute, disinterest the next.

[@roxannemartin6160]

In my relationship I’ve tried talking to him about being abandoned and starved from his attention he says he’s trying but I will text him and he won’t respond anymore he’s hanging out with other girls and just ignoring me and he keeps saying he loves me but I don’t feel it anymore.

[@jigglygrandmama]

He's hanging out with other girls? Nope he's using you and a slut

[@biba350]

Thank you for sharing we split up a week ago couldn't take no more it became so toxic with him withholding affection made me feel very needy and insecure in the relationship tried talking never really got through to him but he didn't want to finish it didn't understand this didn't want to love me properly but didn't want to let me go very hurtful time to move on time for me appreciated you sharing

[@SoulGPS]

It’s amazing how depending who we’re with, brings out different parts of ourselves. Good work on listening to your needs and following your truth.

[@Uharoon]

Never thought of neglect as abuse but having suffered from a lack of affection for so many years can now see that it is. Yes it is the feeling of being starved. On my way out as getting divorced and moving forward.

[@ElisabethMateas-nh8js]

Sometimes the best harmony is a way out

[@inmynamemakesmeahero3432]

I'm being starved atm and I want it! Boy do I ever! She's walking the path of independence for the first time in our relationship. We've been married going on 6 years. I am not blind to the change and I'm going through a change myself. I'm having some trouble thinking with a clear head. I feel that the knot we tied has come undone and there's no tying it back. I'm confused. I see what's happening and not sure if I'm the problem or she or us or something else. I don't know what questions to ask or even how to approach it. At the end of the day I love her will all my heart. I'll fight an army if I have to.

[@MrsBuddevil]

Let her know

[@inmynamemakesmeahero3432]

@@MrsBuddevil its actually over now. Divorce in the works.

[@chartstack]

It's funny how something that started so great now seems like you're being too pushy or overly demanding when it's no longer coming forth

[@TommyMadiba]

This is true wisdom. Thank you.

[@Uharoon]

Been asking for emotional intimacy and physical intimacy for so long. Coldness can never be a permanent state of affairs.

[@solitatorres3682]

Well I've been married for 20yrs and it just gets more lonelier.He doesn't bother with me unless it's for his pleasure or food.What do u suggest.Im very bitter towards him for all the pain and hurt I've been thru and all the pain he has caused.

[@retrogamerdad7740]

I've been married 19 years and I am going through the same thing. I've addressed the issue over and over . I feel alone not wanted or appreciated or desired .

[@retrogamerdad7740]

Been trying so hard. I've been doing so much research on how to be a better husband to figure out what's wrong....I try my best to be the best husband and father to my kids .

[@sz7689]

Divorce him, there is life and love after divorce. You only live once, it's not about him no longer. leave!!

[@emilynunez577]

@@retrogamerdad7740 that's what I'm going through

[@antoinelyons5323]

It is very painful and they seem they don’t care

[@nicholastrafford3440]

My wife dropped the bomb two weeks ago that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me. I felt devastated by the news because I do love her and very attracted to her still. We’ve been married for 4 years, together for 8 years, we have a 3 1/2 year old and life has been busy. Not an excuse but I’ve been clueless and unaware to the emotions and validations my wife needs from me. I’ve been going crazy the last 2 weeks listening to podcast, watching videos on KZbin and reading a book on communication. I feel like I’ve let her down, but I want to fix myself to be better at this. I hope I can change my inner self and save this marriage and make it even better. Any advice is welcome.

[@ez-g3090]

Good to see women getting a taste of their own medicine.

[@mrk7329]

I'm a strong guy, but I am the weakest person in the WORLD right now.We have kids and are divorced but still live together. God can only help me now and I'm pretty sure he's saying let her go. Its THE DEFINING MOMENT in my life. Am I WEAK or am I STRONG enough to let go? My heart can't take it after 12 years insecurity due to the lack of affection and LOYALTY.

[@phukkelberry2846]

Mr K. Are you still around? Curious to hear how things have worked out

[@DancingL704]

Thank you. More confirmation which was much needed

[@rileyen4608]

My wife ignores me... I try to be attentive.... but she doesn't respond... it's made me feel a need for more countless times... I won't cheat... but I feel very alone in life... we might as well only be distant friends...

[@lifeisarollercoaster1443]

Thank you, that was very enlightening and helpful👍

[@Amwhoiam207]

What if they dont want to talk? Whenever I want to talk they dont and blame me for whatever. Its painful. We have been together for 15 years. I'm scared he doesn't love me anymore.

[@mannie602_is_my_IG]

Same boat. Going on 14 yrs with my wife. No empathy. More Secrets. Best of luck to you

[@darlenemontgomery9337]

Thank you. You have said this so perfectly. I'm starved. I feel ill. He keeps texting but no calls.

[@SoulGPS]

Have you considered making the call, Darlene? Sometimes we wait passively but we can also be more proactive and exercise our needs. If nothing else, it can be good practice.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Hi Eva, I found myself a bit confused during this video, and I have some questions and comments. Maybe it's just me and my perception. I'm one of your biggest fans and advocates! :) Are you shifting to videos specifically for healthy people? In the context of a relationship between two healthy/normal people, this video made perfect sense. But it wasn't clear to me whether in this video you might be recommending that someone tell a Narcissist that they're being emotionally neglectful and what they need to do differently; because that would just be giving the Narc the perfect ammunition for further manipulation. I kept wanting to hear you specify that you would never do this with a Narcissist. Am I missing something?

[@SoulGPS]

Monique Jackson Thank you for your important question. This video was not intended specifically in the context of a narcissistic relationship. It’s covers a wider spectrum of relationships. Still, emotional neglect can be a form of abuse and an early sign of narcissism. Once you know that you are with a narcissist, you realize it’s all a game to them and that no effort on your part will move the needle. Sure, they can pretend and give you what you want, for a time in an effort to manipulate. But it’s never constructive or permanent. Thank you again for asking. I will be sure to clarify the context in future videos. All the best to you!

[@moniquejackson7741]

Thank You! Much Love :)

[@createone100]

Sometimes men think that because they want sex, they aren’t neglecting you emotionally. They don’t understand the small attentions that build feelings of emotional connection.

[@tanyarenaissance8829]

such beautiful music at the end. Wow!

[@donaflordeliez5584]

Just got married, but a big regret. I dont know what to do and where to start.

[@zraj3433]

I feel the same way :(

[@ericktyler7372]

You and ya partner gotta work on that

[@chacue6977]

He started to keep secrets from me...he actually have other Facebook accounts and block me from to those accounts..I think his hiding secrets..

[@burntrubberballs]

Trust your gut

[@KN-ky3ll]

Yess i feeled deeply tht hw much it hurt ..yess I totally agree . With u tht it's time to decide our importance..our selfrespect ....and main things is that...now u start to think about narcism....ad day after day u keep discover New abt urself.thnks for ur videoes

[@msi7990]

My Narcissistic wife has totally withdrawn emotionally and she blames me for everything wrong I mean everything. it even seems to me she is emotionally involved with someone else maybe on Facebook she does get more messages lately

[@jasonmaruszak812]

M Si time to get to the gym, find your best friends, and work on YOU. Married or not, this is YOUR life and you can do as you please

[@johnwentz3925]

I’m late to the party but have to say that you mentioned that your wife is narcissistic. Well of course she is behaving that way. That’s what narcissists do and there is nothing you can do about it. If you are certain she is a narcissist than the only solution is to get out of the relationship. Otherwise you can be miserable living with the abuse until she discards you. And depending on what you have to offer her, if she can find a man with more to offer, you will be yesterday’s news. Better to get out before you get older. Narcissists did not change. They are what they are.

[@nita_alva]

My bf blames me for ruining his life and everything is my fault. He is arrogant and narcissistic. Maybe even sadistic. I think he enjoys hurting me mentally and emotionally

[@bhagyawijeratne1172]

It's really helpful. Thank you.

[@zionarsa2133]

I had a girlfriend once who never once publicly talked to me and Never once showed me affection.

[@SoulGPS]

Sounds awful…

[@wigglywrigglydoo]

Honest questions. I'm not longer with the abuser. I have been watching videos from many channels to educate myself. How do I know when I should stop watching videos about narcissistic abuse and doing research on the topic? Is it necessary to stop thinking about the abuser and about narcissism, in order to heal?

[@criticalcass]

this was really helpful thank you !!! blonde lady!!!!!

[@Kiki-yw9kc]

My husband has as much life in him as a corpse.

[@catbee1452]

Yes, I hear you. I don't bother to even talk to my husband anymore because he is as alive as a stone. Don't know how much longer I can 'hang in there'. We've been married 41 years. My husband is an imposter; he doesn't talk to me. He just goes along as if I'm not even there. But as soon as we are around our friends, he acts all lovey-dovey, trying to hug me, kissing me or making a comment how sexy I look. I just get sick to my stomach when I look at him now. It's horribly sad.

[@Kiki-yw9kc]

@@catbee1452 at least you have something, he shows me no affection whatsoever. My God 41 years is a long time, I am so sorry that you are unhappy but just remember there are thousands plus out there who are the same. Busy yourself with family, wish I could give you a hug ❤️. My husband hasn't give me a compliment in over 20 years either. He never comments on anything I wear or if I get my hair done, he just does not notice or care.

[@catbee1452]

@@Kiki-yw9kc I'm sorry, my dear sister. Really, we are 'sisters' in all this. I would love to give you a hug too. Yes, my husband does show some sort of 'response', but it is false and I find it more repulsive and hurtful, than him doing nothing. His response is FAKE. If I truly was 'sexy' to him, he would tell me when no one else is around. Actually, I AM sexy and men check me out, so I know its not my imaginary opinion that I am attractive.

[@Kiki-yw9kc]

@@catbee1452 alot of it is jealously, he's the same, I get attention too and he hates it hence the negatively and emotional starvation.He just would not please me by saying anything nice. He keeps me down constantly and begrudges me the slightest compliment and as you say if someone else remarks he blanks it or walks away. Keep shining my love and don't let him bring you down or will any further than what he already has. Irish blessings from me to you ❤️

[@catbee1452]

@@Kiki-yw9kc Thanks, girl. I'm not sure why our previous posts were cut off? What do you think these men are jealous of?

[@youreincredible1648]

Everytime i leave he gets me back pretending his heard me but does the same thing. I dont know what to do.

[@casperinsight3524]

it's called lip service They just tell you what you want to hear They are very convincing liars

[@sofiia9126]

If you know the pattern, I'm sure he does too. If you're always leaving and he's always getting you back, you're only allowing and okaying that kind of behaviour. You must 'value' yourself. A man treats you how he feels about you.

[@margaretcampbell2681]

Go for good

[@SmokeEater-ln3tf]

My wife lived with me for over a year, even after deciding that she didn't love me anymore, of course she hid this fact, and she started to withdraw from me and withheld intimacy. She then accused me of neglecting her. I never neglected her. I did everything for her. She never had to worry about anything. She had weight loss surgery fell out of love and began to seek the attention of other men. She even cheated on me with more than one man. Then after we split up she told me that I neglected her and made her feel alone and that's why she cheated, and then the very next sentence she said that I loved her too much and too hard and gave her too much of my love, and attention, so I'm totally confused. How did I love her too much, give her too much love, and neglect her at the same time? Was I married to a narcissist?

[@mikesmith6594]

Being in a neglectful one sided relationship with a narcissistic controlling one sided parent like walking on eggshells and make you feel like you're invisible and don't even matter at all .

[@africanqueenmo]

Very wise words thanks

[@soul832006]

Or you learn to readjust and get on with your life without that intimacy. You focus on yourself and your children first and foremost. Just biding the time and before you know it, years pass you by. You go through a stage of feeling crazy, trying to push your partner, grieving and then loss. Then sometimes you start to hate yourself or blame yourself for your partner disrespecting you. You take it out on yourself and blame yourself for being so stupid to stay and take their behaviour like going out until late and refusing to answer the phone or blocking your phone whilst you're left looking after your child alone. You never know if they are just plain disrespecting you whilst out with friends or if they are up to something more behind your back. You can never know. Then they start shouting at you and getting impatient and yelling at the children too. I came off night shift and hoped my partner would take care of our son. Next thing, I get woken up by her screaming at our 2.5 year old son to get out and her bedroom door slammed shut locking him out. He started crying hysterically and I had to get up and calm him down. Brought his toys to my bedroom and let him play on the floor next to my bed and spoiled him with some Easter chocolate. I didn't get much rest after my first night shift and my heart started to play up again (I have an ectopic heartbeat that is triggered by stress and exhaustion).

[@flamboyant731]

How true it is! You change your focus and years fly by like water from a faucet. Then one day you realize the kids are grown and you wonder what the hell am I doing here.

[@listairgin]

Thanks, for your caring words of advice. 🌌

[@chimkinnugget5221]

I’m the one in my relationship who is mentally abandoning. I have adhd it’s so hard to understand what she’s feeling like and she tells me what I’m doing wrong and I’m try but eventually it’s just full circle again where I just disconnect. I struggle reading everyone’s feelings in general but idk I am just a lost cause at this point I’m 4 years in my relationship with her I have a feeling it’s not gonna last much longer. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna just allow myself to be alone forever so I won’t hurt anyone else because I don’t even consider myself worthy of anybody’s love or care, I’m not even worth being thought of. But she deserves literally anyone else but me because I just suck.

[@max3eey]

Same

[@jigglygrandmama]

You sound like my husband, using ADHD as an excuse to be lazy and not go get professional help. I also have ADHD BUT I got professional help and cognitive behavior therapy so I can be a much better person. If you really loved her you would do that instead of being self absorbed and bull sh*tt*ng yourself. When we truly love someone we make sacrifices!