Dealing with Grief, Sadness and Loss After WLS: What the Heck- I Did Not Expect That! Let's Talk!

[@bonniebullington]

I will be having gastric bypass surgery this Wed, Oct 11 and I have been on the pre-op diet this past week and I was just thinking what I am going to miss all of the great food but I know I will be healthier in the long run. I am feeling the same way as you and glad I'm not the only one with these feelings. Thanks Bonnie

[@kakisrnyjourney5376]

How exciting about your surgery date approaching!! The grief is there, but not very often. I can do so much more now- the things that I can't do anymore are truly a minor thing. I hope that things go smoothly with your surgery and you rock the loser's bench!!

[@monicarobinson7034]

Thanks for this sharing! I went too an event last evening Taste of Fall. It was hosted by a friend and I went with my 2 besties. Being totally honest I had some concerns about saying yes to the invite. Event is a social gathering to bring people together that may only see each other 1x year. Food is the spotlight and well I can’t eat a lot of food. I’m 11m post op GB. I’m doing well with a little more variety of food but once “mini-tummy” is full that’s it! I allowed myself a bite of 2 desserts and waited to see if I’d be affected. Thankfully all was well. BUT I did lament a little that I could not try more. This morning I had thoughts about this yummy looking strawberry cake. 🤦🏽‍♀️ I will find some Greek yogurt and add a strawberry to it and call it a day! When I put on my size 6 jeans today it will all be worth it! 😃

[@kakisrnyjourney5376]

Amen! It is so worth it, but those feeling are real and I am finding out very common in us post-ops. Thanks for sharing and congratulations on your journey!

[@qq1651]

I totally get it. Im at 6 months post op and every single meal I think to myself "this amount is never going to fill me up", as I measure out my portion, and I want to pile it onto my plate like pre op. I feel loss, grief, and sorry for myself, even, that I cant put more of it on my plate because I know I love the food Im eating so much. But, every single time, it IS enough and sometimes too much. But for that few minutes I struggle. I feel like I need to put more on my plate or wish that I could eat more of something if it tastes really good. But, I simply cant put more in my tummy. lol Its so dumb to me. Its the REASON I had WLS; to not be able to eat so much and have some control over the amounts of food Im eating. Yet, here I am feeling sorry for myself, having grief over the fact that I cant eat more than I should. The mind is a strange thing sometimes.

[@kakisrnyjourney5376]

It sure is! You are so right- even though this is what we signed up for and it is a path to wellness, the loss is there.

[@FaceandbodyglobyKimberley]

You are totally right! My issue is how to not have the grief or feel sad from myself. I am 1 month postop and I new out here and I love to cook and bake , I have been cooking for my family and baking bread because I love it, but can’t eat any of it . And my family is so sad and grateful that I am making these amazing things for them and I eat something else. I just really hope to find away to concur the grief and sadness for the joy of eating good food behind , I’m not really sure what to call it. Thanks Kaki for sharing ♥️ and @qq1651 thank you for sharing .❤️

[@kakisrnyjourney5376]

@@FaceandbodyglobyKimberley Thank you for sharing. I know you said that you enjoy baking for your family, but gosh that must be hard to not be able to eat that! I could not do that- I have to avoid being around those things that I really miss. I think as you get further out from surgery and the positive changes in what you can do and getting healthier are happening, that will far outweigh the what you can't!

[@kellielambert2184]

What an interesting video. Did you have the traditional gastric bypass. I had the mini bypass where there is only one re-connection. I can eat anything but much smaller portions of course, I can still nibble on a piece of chocolate, not the whole block of chocolate anymore. I do miss eating bigger meals though. I had a breakfast catchup with a friend on the weekend and she had the most delicious looking mushrooms and other stuff on toast while I stuck with my poached eggs on one slice of toast, but like you I would not change a thing. I would have the same surgery all over again.😊

[@kakisrnyjourney5376]

Hi there! I did have the traditional gastric bypass. Me too about the doing it all over again, but every now and then those feelings do pop up!

[@AnnabelleLeeTx]

Yeah i miss the feeling i got when I would get huge portions. Mostly i miss big hot meals. I have to take breaks and its cold halfway through.

[@kakisrnyjourney5376]

Me too!

[@lorraine7553]

Hi Kaki, Surgi twin here. I have been so in sync with what you are going through mentally,too! Leaving in a week on 2 week Mediterranean cruise. I will be facing everything you just went through. I want to taste the different cultures as well and since it’s our second time going here I have chosen to do the local tours of cuisines. Unfortunately, had an emergency endoscopy this week due to vomiting and progressive inability to eat more than 3 bites before becoming full. Turned out I had 2 strictures, bottom of esophagus and the other at the anastomosis of the pouch to the intestine with a deep severe ulcer at the anastomosis site. No wonder I have so much epigastric pain. Dilated both strictures and put me on protonix. I knew something was wrong and feared being in Europe and needing medical care. So I just showed up at my gastroenterologist office Thursday morning after vomiting my breakfast and said I need to be seen. He was wonderful. He did stat labs and stat endoscopy and found the cause. I thank God for him seeing the urgency of this situation with this upcoming trip. Revisit on Tuesday. But I am afraid to eat now and taking it slow on shakes and soft/ puréed foods. I am a nurse and actually worked a few years in endoscopy. When I saw the strictures and the ulcer it alarmed me terribly. Had I not been seen that ulcer could have penetrated and led to a GI Bleed on the cruise.

[@kakisrnyjourney5376]

OMG I am so sorry that you are going through that but so glad that it was discovered and is being treated! My friend that I went on this trip with had an accident with broken bones when we were traveling in Lebanon a few years ago. It is scary enough having this happen at home but dealing with emergency and medical services in a foreign country adds a whole new level of stress to the situation! Hoping for a quick recovery!!

[@SaraShire]

I’m so glad you were seen before your trip!

[@laurafries810]

Thank you so much for making this video. I had just heard about WLS grief. I’m early in the journey (6 weeks post op), so I haven’t really experienced this yet but I know it’s coming. Right now, I can eat enough foods that I could actually order in a restaurant but obviously couldn’t eat an entire meal. I’m looking for strategies around this. Do I always share with my husband? Sometimes we don’t want to eat the same things at restaurants. Do I resign myself to always needing a take home carton? What will my friends say when I eat so little? I’m working on figuring that out now. I did have one moment of grief early on. I went into the 3 week stall early in week 2. Frankly, it was a full-on stall of 3 weeks (i.e. 21 days). With any other normal diet, I would have quit due to lack of results. But, this time, I couldn’t quit. My stomach was only so big. That was what I signed up for after spending 6 months researching and contemplating all the ramifications for my life. It wasn’t a feeling of grief or regret that time. It was more like, “OK, the rubber has hit the road. This is my new normal. I need to get used to this.” That said, that was different than what you experienced. I appreciate your videos because you have a vibrant social life and love to travel. Me too. I’m looking for strategies to make that a bit smoother and hopefully avoid some of the grief. Still, I know it will happen. Thank you for taking the time to make this video and share your thoughts.

[@kakisrnyjourney5376]

Congrats on your journey! I have had WLS patients discuss feelings of frustration and grief in not being able to use food to cope with their feelings, but I did not anticipate the grieving of not being able to eat certain foods or, stranger still, not being able to gorge myself! It is so odd, as obviously that is what we wanted, but it is a really set of feelings and I think all of us will experience grieving the loss of something of our old lives. We lived that way for so long, and even though it was something that led us to being miserable and wanting to make a change, it is a loss.

[@hamdinat]

🎉🎉🎉🎉very nice