Decluttering Q&A - March 28 '23

I'm answering questions submitted at AskDanaKWhite.com. Go there to ask questions for future lives.
My books: aslobcomesclean,com/book
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Need to find (or become) a decluttering coach certified in my process? DeclutteringCoaches.com
01.34: Any chance you will partner up again with Mrs. Gardenia for another slp classroom cleanup?
02.54: I need to get rid of stuff, but I don't know how to declutter when it's not a huge mess or pile or all in a box to go through. I feel like I can't see my stuff.
14.03: What should I do with sentimental items like stuffed animals?
21.52: I like the idea of donating things in a donatable donate box but I am finding I rarely have boxes on hand to do that with. Do you have any suggestions?
23.42: How do you cultivate a grateful attitude when you know a gift is really a drain on your time and emotional decluttering energy?
27.42: How do I get started with the 5 minute tidy? I can declutter, but when it comes to the tidying I find I have a mental road block. Do I just think of it as cleaning or picking things up?
30.35: So my wardrobe and my entire bedroom holds clothes in size 8-16 that I might use in the future. The room is a mess and the piles are a burden. How can I manage that?
37.36: How do I declutter my bedroom when don’t have a lot of energy. How do I begin? Where do I begin?
42.21: ​​I am a flight attendant, and live half the week as a nomad. I HATE Having 2 of everything, but I hate re-packing my roll aboard more. I will say it is easier for me to get rid of excess clothing.
44.20: QQQ how can I deal with what is worth of keeping and what not - if hubby has a different mind? Have a quilt from my granny that is my only memoribila. Hubby will trash it I will use it on my bed
45.45: ​​QUESTION 🙋‍♀ How do I make sure I don’t waste perishable food. I have a problem overbuying at the grocery store then the avocados, tomatoes and even onions and potatoes have to be thrown away
47.15: ​​??? How do I do laundry day when I live in UK and don’t have a dryer and not many days to hang washing outside. I have to dry washing inside with limited space to hang clothes to dry???
49.33: ​​??? I've declutter so much stuff but don't feel like I've reached my clutter threshold. I can't seem to get over a fear of appearing weird to my husband/friends if I keep going. Any advice?
51.14: ​​Q; setting a goal is it a good thing to do when decluttering ?
52.18: what are your books on decluttering ? when do i decide what i have is what i actually need to store?
54.04: After one hour of declutering I have a headache from all the decisions I had to make, any recommendations? Spend 20-30 minutes to declutter then? Is it decision fatigue you think?
56.42: anywhere -- lounge, office etc. I have those dreaded piles. How do I designate and organize my new space? Some things haven't even been opened!
58.27: Is it possible to view the live broadcast after it ends?

[@maws1113]

I literally LOL’d when you said that you aren’t an Influencer. I’m too far out of touch with current trends to know the exact definition of an Influencer. BUT you have positively influenced and inspired me far more than any other person outside of my close inner circle. Thank you for that. (And I bet I’m not the only one who feels this way.)

[@mariahwilson6505]

100% agree maws111

[@grutarg2938]

I shared a link to one of my favorite Dana videos with my therapist the other day. (It's the decluttering demo video where she does the craft cupboard with the shower hooks in it). I like to imagine that the therapist might share it with others who would find it helpful. The influence is spreading...

[@beccismith4454]

Agreed 😊❤

[@susan5661]

Dana I have to say THANK YOU! My husband and I had a big dinner party the other night. He had a foot injury and was not able to help clean up. I looked at the mess after everyone left, and remembering your words, I grabbed a big black trash sack. We had served on disposable, so I gathered up all the cups, plates, silverware and napkins and into the sack. Then I dumped in all the leftovers that I knew we would not eat that I normally would have composted. Then I dumped in the stuff I would normally have recycled. I loaded the dishwasher, hand washed the rest and dried, put away, wiped down the counters, ran my Dyson stick. All done in 45 minutes! It was an incredible feeling ❤❤❤. And even better the next am walking into the kitchen 😊😊😊

[@MegOfBroccoli]

People are hosting superspreader events during covid?? No wonder covid is still rampant.

[@MsJujubee3]

Way to go!!

[@Rockabillyviking]

For the clothing in size 8-16 question... If you have room for it, I would pack up the clothes in individual sizes and write the size on the ½ size moving box/bag. Because then you know where the size, you are at currently, is. And with it packed and stacked in a corner, it gives you the space to live in the size you are at now. And still don't have to go out and spend a lot of money, when you drop or gain a size 😉🤷‍♀

[@GoingGreenMom]

Dana, I missed the Livestream today, but wanted to let you know that I am focusing on 1 of your 4 daily things each month until they are both caught up and a better habit...... It has taken me part of February and all of March, and I am almost completely caught up on dishes. I've been boxing up anything that doesn't fit in the confining areas for those items, and hopefully I will be able to completely finish the catch up by the end of the month. I have health issues, and when I started I only had 5 minutes a day I could handle in front of the sink. I'm up to 10-15 minutes at a time, 3-4 times a day now. Thank you for figuring out this process for the rest of us.

[@debraleague8135]

Woo hoo!! Good for you!! 😊 This is my goal to work up my stamina. Congrats to you for your progress!

[@GoingGreenMom]

@@debraleague8135 I found a video from Ehlers Danlos Society talking about pacing and functionality I think is what the thumbnail said. I shared it on my community tab a few weeks ago.... anyway, the main point was to figure out your baseline on an average day, and then only do 80-90% of that, and let your body recover. So like my baseline was 5 minutes. So then I'd wash for 4 minutes, then go put my feet up. An hour later or whatever, I could come back and do it again. On a bad day, I might only do 4 minutes and that's it..... but on a good day, I found that after I had been able to do multiple sessions for a few days, I could take another minute or two on one or two of the sessions. By letting your body recover before it got to your max it recovers easier, and you can do more sessions where as if you maxed out the first time it might take all day to recover. I think that talk would be helpful for anyone counting spoons, not just people with Ehlers Danlos or dysautonomia issues.

[@ros8986]

I also have health issues - I limit myself to two bowls and it only takes me 60 seconds to clean a bowl.

[@debraleague8135]

@Going Green Mom Thank you for the information. I am going to try this!

[@GoingGreenMom]

@@debraleague8135 I hope it helps you as much as it has me! Dishes have been an issue for literally more than a decade here.

[@UnadornedInIndiana]

Decluttering at the Speed of Life was life-changing for me. I read it and put it to work for me. I love the Q&As to keep it all fresh. ❤

[@joannlessner1551]

To the lady with sizes 8-16, I change sizes from time to time and hang on to only those things that would be hardest to replace. If it would be too expensive to replace a suit, keep that and get rid of tshirts and other inexpensive items. For me, it's pants that are long enough. I keep them and donate the shorts and tops and easily replaced items. Cuts down on the amount you have to store.

[@Cecily-Pimprenelle]

It could also be worth it (if it’s a matter of space and not of clutter threshold) to get some vacuum storing bags for all the clothes she isn’t wearing now, leaving more space for her current wardrobe (and label thm by size, so open the next one down if needed) - space-saving, can be stored in the bottom/top of the closet without getting dusty and without clothes of different sizes getting mixed up?

[@DebM122]

Great suggestion for those of us that fluctuate between sizes. I wouldn’t have thought about your suggestion. I love it! Thanks so much.

[@GoingGreenMom]

I also wondered if the person is fluctuating, or has put on wait that will be slowly coming off..... I fluctuate as much as 2 sizes in an given month depending on my cycle, and have moved toward adjustable sizing..... since I'm also sensitive to synthetic materials (and a plus size tall) it can be a bit tricky, but things like wrap skirts, or even wearing more dresses because there is more ease and room for fluctuation in an A line skirt with a tie or some elastic somewhere than in legs of a pair of pants. A wrap blouse or something with a tie in the back is better than a tightly fitted button down shirt with no give also. Likewise, a sleeveless shirt with a knit cardigan doesnt have as many issues as a long sleeve shirt if arms are fluctuating. I've found a new hobby with sewing, but if you arent as tall or plus sized, or needing particular fabrics as much, thrifting often would work.

[@TheDriftwoodlover]

Great tip. Having lost significant weight several years ago, also consider how much is available reasonably at charity shops and consignment stores, in addition to ebay, poshmark, etc.

[@lindawade9647]

@@TheDriftwoodlover You have to worry about bedbugs from those places, though.

[@juliewright1895]

I’m not sure my teenage daughters appreciate your process as much as I do right now. They’ve watched your videos with me so they understand and they enjoy them but lately I’ve been walking into their room and telling them that they must be over their clutter threshold. 😮😬😂

[@ros8986]

Regarding the first question - my thought is that there may be a place for everything AND the person can feel there is too much stuff. This is how I have been feeling. All my soft goods (clothes, bedding, towels - stuff made out of fabric) fit in the duffel bags I have for them (which fit it the open-plan closet space I have for them, but I FEEL that I have too much stuff (so I got rid of four bags of stuff and now FEEL better because I have an emotional need to live a materially lighter existence (i.e. literally how much the stuff weighs as well as how much room it takes up)).

[@almondtree2011]

I think I get that same feeling - the need for a lighter, brighter space, as opposed to one that feels heavy and stuffed. I like to have some empty spaces between items - it’s like giving things space to breathe, it’s easier to clean and dust those areas too 🧼 there’s also a better ‘flow’ there

[@Jessicaaljp]

I didn’t think laundry day was for me as I don’t have a drier and I didn’t dislike doing laundry. However after watching the laundry day video I realised I sometimes ran out of things like my good socks and had to wear my christmas socks. Or the sweater that needed handwashing stayed in the laundry room for months while I prioritized other laundry that came in. I decided to collect all laundry on Friday, then the last load is usually dry on Tuesday and repat. Only on my third week but I like it.

[@ellen8996]

@Cristin. Re: fear of looking weird to others. My sister asked why my place was so bare (she has stuff on every surface, but is a cleaning machine). I just said that I hate to dust and don't want to worry about things that would break.

[@laurat7324]

When someone wants to give me something that I don't want, sometimes I just take it and say 'thanks" and take it to the Goodwill asap. People can be funny about things and actually get mad or offended if you say "no" so it's not worth it to me.....I just go ahead and donate it.

[@DWXY]

Mr Beekeeper, I’m in the UK without a drier, and for me getting a dehumidifier has been a game changer. It’s an investment - a good one with wheels and a big enough reservoir costs up to £150- but I’ve had mine for six years and use it loads. They don’t cost a fortune to run, and they get the laundry dry so much more quickly so you can turn it around more rapidly and avoid it getting smelly.

[@pamelaboyce6959]

I’m new to you. And just watching this . But I wanted to say I watched a old video on declutter of paper stuff. And actually got some stuff started. Threw away a lot!! And put away the keeps. Nice work !! Thank you . Also I did the dishes 😂

[@HannahMitchell-Art]

Welcome! Dana is the best company and encourager for decluttering.

[@Katina01TX]

@ellen bloomfield, Dana is right, you need a weekly menu. I have also found that if I order groceries online and then do a "pick-up" without going in the store, I can control my buying to things I really need. As for decluttering my house... I've been on Step 1, washing the dishes, for about 3 wks now!

[@gillianmuspic2337]

I told my aunt that I was looking for a standing lamp with moveable arms and she said that she had one. We went to her basement and it wasn't really what I was looking for. I said that I would think about it and if it would work I'd take it. She said I should take it now anyway. I was so proud of myself for insisting (a few times) that I would think about it. A few days later I told her that it wouldn't work.

[@cmiller5]

So what do you do with the stuffed animals you decide to part with? That's where I hit a roadblock. I cannot bring myself to throw them away, but the thrift store near me doesn't take them. I struggle with this often. I have no problem getting rid of things that I know someone can use, but have a block when it comes to sentimental things no one else wants.

[@ellen8996]

Sometimes you can wash them and donate to places that deal with kids in trauma situations (police, CPS, other first responders, etc. . .).

[@andreachatman7484]

I burned mine when I was moving out of my parents’ house. They were dusty and more than twenty years old and I didn’t even think about donating them. That way it doesn’t go to a landfill.

[@lindawade9647]

I myself want more than just short videos. I like listening to you Dana when I am working in the kitchen or eating. The shorts are annoying for me.

[@magpie3571]

One time, my husband and I went to a large produce store. At that time, I shopped for menu items like you're describing at minute 47. This one Friday with my husband there, he was grabbing tons of produce. I asked if he had a plan for that (each item). He said yes. A few days later during the week while he was at work, I thought, "These vegetables are going to go bad if they don't get cooked soon. Using my imagination to concoct something out of the random ingredients, I made a soup and something else. When he got home, I told him what I'd done and reminded him of what he'd said - he had a plan. He said, "That was my plan!" As if he was counting on my imagination. :}

[@HomesteadingChicks]

I moved beds around in the kid room this week. My teen automatically grabbed a bag and picked up trash. Bits of things that were under things. It works well as mama to kids if you approach it gently. My little kiddo wants a new, giant stuffed animal. So that kiddo needs to make room. We tried picking favorites and putting them back in the basket. It didn’t make enough room. We only got rid of one. So we don’t get anymore until there’s room.

[@jeannetteurena1223]

I'm listening again to the audio book and she reads it,on Decluttering at the Speed of Life.

[@GoingGreenMom]

To the person hang drying clothes..... I do an every other week laundry day. It is the Sunday my kids are at their Dad's. I wash Sun-Thurs and maybe Friday if I have time that week.... 1 load a day. I do a load or 2 the following week as needed, but most of the time I don't actually need all 6 days of that week.

[@heidibentz390]

Thank you for your Q&A sessions and your simplicity on these matters! I really appreciate how you help us see simple steps we can take each and every day. I'm in a stage where I can pretty much only keep up with doing dishes and throwing away trash and compiling "duh" donations. But those simple habits are slowly helping things come together in my new-to-me home. I also love your empathy for others.

[@carolg.6838]

I am glad things are coming together for you. I hope it will for me too at least to some extent. If nothing else can be accomplished, I think dishes garbage, and laundry are most important. Also important to feel good about anythjng else cleaned or decluttered. My sister always reminds me it is more that was done than before. If others, or we, put us down, it is not motivating.

[@kennethbailey9853]

Thankyou for years of life changing help!🙂

[@beachprints]

Dana, you are an influencer! You have influenced me a great deal! Being an influencer is a good thing. It is okay to "own it". However, like you say "do what works for you.." If you don't want to use that word to describe yourself, of course you don't have to. You have helped me so much. I have been trying to "declutter" for DECADES without getting where I want to. I think that I am on the right track now using your 5 steps. Thank you!

[@Chaundradickinson]

Another theme of this Q&A is try to relax and trust the process. If you're tired after an hour - Wow! Look at what you've done in a hour. Breathe - I've been listening and trying to use in 2 different living spaces, and today - the first question - I knew you were going to say start with trash - follow the process "Y'all, it works!" Thanks Dana.

[@DebM122]

Missed the live show but glad I watched it today. I can relate to the first question of just staring at the clutter, feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. I listened twice to your response and understand exactly how to resolve this issue. Thanks Dana!

[@AlisonV362]

I listened to your latest podcast this afternoon while I decluttered our garden! Got rid of so much I was holding on to! Thanks so much! I will listen to this when I hit it again tomorrow!

[@AntoinetK.-bb9ul]

Hi Dana, thanks for sharing your tips. Finaly found someone who works with the same distracktions in the head. Lots of tips you gave, I found myself already. But it’s nice to see, I’m not weird haha. Your story aloud the bookshelf and the box with books: that’s about me…. And it took years to start to do small things, instead of avoiding the whole job getting done perfect. Enjoying your weblogs, bye from Holland 🌷

[@TheDriftwoodlover]

Mr. Beekeeper, I’m in the US but hang many items to dry because I prefer it. I try to do smaller loads more frequently because I don’t want my home to look like I take in laundry as a side job. Some items, I do by hand in the morning and blot out on my bath towel to remove even more moisture (sweaters). They have all day to dry. I have a small fan I let circulate for at least part of the time on heavier items (denim) especially in summer so things don’t get a funny odor. I have a dryer so have the luxury of drying when I get behind or it’s so humid the clothes don’t dry quickly enough.

[@MegOfBroccoli]

I do this too. A dryer can be harsh on many garments. I have one of those foldable dryer racks so I can pull it out when I need it. I've been wearing the same dress every day since January 1st and I hand wash it and lay it flat to dry or hang it to dry. Sometimes I'll wash it in the machine on gentle cold, but I made my dress and the fabric has never been in a dryer.

[@DarcysMixedMedia]

I had a stuffed skunk that my aunt made. She did a really good job, too.

[@ArtistCreek]

I listened to this while boxing up Christmas stuff. I was able to really decide I have too much. I have a whole giant tote of things I really don't like but put them up because they were there. Lol. I made a difficult decision getting rid of a 2ft long count down decoration. It's cute. I got it 2 yrs ago but I didn't put it up because I had it in a separate area because it wouldn't fit in a tote. I decided why have it if it is too big to store and takes up too much decorating space. I'm giving it to a friend who I know would like it. I did a lot of culling over the past two weeks too so my original 7? Boxes of cmas went down to 4 including ornaments and I couldn't be happier. And I have some room at the top for any stragglers I find around the house. I love your content.

[@elizabethbrown2687]

I feel like when it's not huge mess or pile any more, but I can't see what to get rid of anymore and there still too much, that's when it's time to move on to step 5 and organizing. It's one of the last steps. On the flow chart there's part of the step missing, consolidate like items in the space--thats the organizing step--purge further down to what fits.

[@ArtistCreek]

I do want to point out though...I went thru 15+ totes that were in our attic after our move 6 urs ago. Husband thought they were all cmas stuff apparently but there was a few crafting totes, memorabilia boxes from my kids childhood and toys. I washed the tote of stuffed animals and put them in the spare bedroom where we keep our grandkids toys. My son immediately claimed a stuffed cat he dragged around for like 3 yrs and took it home. And the giant hulk hands that really should have dry rotted were in brand new condition...we put batteries in them and they WORK. They are literally at least 15 yrs old. My grandkids each took one and was beating the crap out of each other and their parents. So.... I would say keeping some things is good. But like you said you need to limit it. We had 1 tote of stuffed animals, one of action figures, 1 of Legos and 1 of misc toys like cars and outdoor toys. We obviously only have boys. 😂 I am going thru the memorabilia boxes and dividing their things up into separate totes and they can take them when/if they want later.

[@aksez2u]

Re: Not having access to spare boxes for donations - My sister just fills a giant plastic tub. She takes it to the thrift store and puts the loose items directly in their wheelie bin. (The attendant is there, so apparently this is not frowned upon) Then she takes her tub home to refill. Never thought to do this!

[@GoingGreenMom]

Plastic or paper grocery bags work for lots of things too. Or laundry baskets.

[@TheDriftwoodlover]

I have been known to scrounge boxes from neighbors’ trash piles on garbage day. Most people here don’t even break them down anymore because the incoming boxes are so frequent. You could also ask a neighbor or friend to save some for you.

[@MegOfBroccoli]

I used compostable trash bags to take sruff to the donation store. Mostly because I have 27 steps from my house to my garage and 24 steps at my front door and I can't carry anything with both hands in and out of my house. If it didn't fit in a 13 or 10 gallon trash bag, I either got the SO or the rent-a-husband to put it in my car, or I called a hauler.

[@aksez2u]

@@MegOfBroccoli That works! Boxes are sometimes hard to come by and can be awkward, too!

[@ros8986]

Food - meal planning is too much mental work for me, so I ask myself two questions "when will I prep it?" and "When will I eat it?"

[@MegOfBroccoli]

I don't food prep as a separate activity. I make meals that don't take more than 10-20 minutes and I will often make more and eat it the next couple days. But "food prep" as a separate activity isn't happening. I'm a vegan and use canned no salt added beans, Ten Minute brown rice, oatmeal, whole grain pasta, and frozen veggies and fruit. We eat amazing meals that take less than 20 minutes.

[@redpurse]

I'm kinda new to you so not sure what is your 5 steps process but your advice of being limited by the size of container is sooo good. I can see it applied to so many aspects of life, even stuff in the news -- work within your limits. So important! Also love your advice that "good enough" is good, too (another video). It's hard not to beat myself up over "not enough". Thank you!!

[@grutarg2938]

Dana's video titled "My No Mess Decluttering Method Demonstration" walks through the 5 steps in a really clear way, with an actual messy cupboard.

[@redpurse]

@@grutarg2938 thank you!!

[@janethunt4037]

Thank you, Dana. I love your Q&As, couldn't join in live yesterday. I get some much encouragement from these. My house has made a lot of progress because I keep listening to your podcasts and watching your videos.

[@juliewright1895]

I thought the Ms. Gardenia video was awesome too! Didn’t notice the loud trash bag at all. Love the One Hour Better videos too!!! 🎉

[@marianclaassen8127]

I go to the liquor store to see if they have empty boxes. Usually they do, and are glad to give them to me.

[@TheDriftwoodlover]

Trader Joe’s stacks its liquor boxes upfront at the window and I often grab one. Now that I’ve done much of my decluttering it’s a handy size to fill and release.

[@MegOfBroccoli]

Used boxes are a great way to bring bugs into your house. If I need a box, I'll buy one at the FedEx store.

[@marie-lynn5767]

👋💖🇦🇺 My family all think I should have decluttering all my stuff years ago. I even still have my parents’ ashes. But you are inspiring me 💗

[@vickiuridge3375]

Just caught up on your live. As always you inspire me so much. Listen to your books on audible and your videos. Love everything about your process. I'm always saying to myself..where would i look for it first.. and i love the 5 minute pick up. Thank you so much ❤️ xx

[@MegOfBroccoli]

@4:22 they still own too much stuff. Agree that stuff seems to "disappear in plain sight" when we're so accustomed to seeing junk lying around. I would go on a buying moratorium then get rid of anything you don't need to survive.

[@danielled1720]

Im laughing because a Hobbie Lobbie commercial popped up during your decluttering video. That's like putting Marlboro posters up at a Stop Smoking support group. KZbin is just mean.

[@grutarg2938]

For the person who had food spoiling: I look into the fridge as I decide what to cook that day. That way if something is starting to get old, I know to use it up before it spoils. If something does spoil, I will often not buy it the following week. Maybe we ate a lot of tomatoes and then we got sick of them. So let's take a break for a week since we're just not into them at the moment.

[@MegOfBroccoli]

Good plan. I'm so over having a stuffed fridge and freezer, so now my rule is I have to be able to see the side and back walls of my fridge, and if I can't, I have too much food. When covid started, I got into the habit of using up pantry stuff before buying more. It really helped to pare down how much actual stuff was in my pantry. I didn't need 10 different kinds of beans, I like black beans, kidney beans, and garbanzos the most, so now I only have those. My storage rule ended up being no area being >60-70% full. Big game changer, but it took a while to figure out I do better with way less shit in my storage areas, whether it's food or other possessions.

[@SamCurtis-yk8cv]

I realize this is not a new video but a lot of times I’ve asked at the grocery store. They often have boxes that they will gladly share. Also dollar tree. Lol

[@debbiev.1311]

Great Live...so grateful Dana!! ❤🤗

[@debbyjo123]

🤣 Would you recommend I follow the process? I need to hear this a gazillion times… I’m going to grab your book and see if I can make some progress in my closet. Thank you.

[@annbraden6628]

For years, one of my favorite stuffed animals was a skunk! Probably from 1977 😂

[@erika-xu1wg]

I love that KZbin put a commercial for storage units in this video 😂😂😂

[@MegOfBroccoli]

You don't need excuses to refuse other people's stuff. I just say "I can't take that [food, book, ugly tchotchke etc.] but thank you for thinking of me." End of conversation. You don't need an excuse. You don't have to lie. Just say no thank you and change the subject. 😆 I'm a vegan and I've been offered animal products which are absolutely not coming into my home under any circumstances, and I manage to refuse it kindly without even mentioning I'm a vegan. You don't need a reason to say no. No means no, whether you're turning down sex, food, toys, or ugly tchotchkes. 😅 if people don't respect that, stop associating with them. Problem solved.

[@PowerToolsWithThread]

NEW T SHIRT! #procrastaclutter :)

[@oatssettle846]

To the lady of different sizes. For Pete's sake, don't keep clothes that don't fit you in your bedroom to bully you. Use a container and I do 1 size larger and 1 size smaller, and store them in the attic or elsewhere. NOT in the bedroom!

[@stephanied6711]

❤❤❤

[@debrabowie5141]

Was hearing you fine.

[@ricipreuit3259]

Im listening to this while making a wedding cake. 😅

[@marynellparker1103]

Pepe le Pew

[@3TXSisters]

Yes! I thought about the cartoon, too!

[@MegOfBroccoli]

Adults with stuffed animals sounds like repressed unresolved childhood issues. It's embarrassing.