Defining Features of ADHD That Everyone Overlooks: RSD, Hyperarousal, More (w/ Dr. William Dodson)

The textbook symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) - inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity - are inadequate; they fail to reflect the complexity of the condition, and several of its most prevalent and powerful attributes.
Patients and clinicians who rely on the DSM-5 alone tend to overlook these defining features of ADHD:
1. an interest-based nervous system
2. rejection sensitive dysphoria
3. intense emotional responsiveness
In this hour-long webinar replay, leading ADHD expert William Dodson, M.D., explains how these core features affect the daily life of individuals with ADHD, and how they often complicate diagnoses and treatment plans.
3:00 The Criteria Are Made for Researchers - Not for Patients or Clinicians
5:07 DSM-5 and ICD-10 Diagnostic Criteria
6:20 Why does this matter?
7:00 Multimodal Therapy is No Longer the Standard of Care
8:43 Attention "Deficit"
10:25 Required Elements
10:55 Interest-Based Nervous System (Cognitive Component)
11:03 Functional/Experimental Definition of ADHD
11:53 Genetic and Neurological
12:56 Difficulty with Engagement on Demand
13:19 Performance, Mood, and Energy
14:44 Interest, Challenge, Novelty, and Urgency (and perhaps Passion)
17:09 Contrasted to Importance-Based Nervous Systems
18:12 An Interest-Based Nervous System is One of Two Things That Defines ADHD
19:04 A Second Type of Nervous System
19:07 Implications
20:54 We now talk in terms of managing ADHD rather than treating it
21:48 You need to have both pieces
22:05 The ADHD Owner's Manual
22:26 Two Types of Emotional Problems
22:55 What is a Mood Disorder?
23:00 Moods in ADHD
23:08 Shame: The Master Emotion
23:12 Self-Esteem?
24:02 The Need for Cheerleaders
25:09 RSD: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
26:16 Features of RSD
26:59 Emotional Wounds
28:04 RSD is Genetic and Neurologically Hardwired
29:38 Common Coping Mechanisms for the Vulnerability of RSD
30:38 What Treatments Help?
Download the slides associated with this webinar here:
www.additudemag.com/webinar/a...
Related Resources
1. Read: 3 Defining Features of ADHD That Everyone Overlooks
www.additudemag.com/symptoms-...
2. Quiz: Self-Test: Could You Have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?
www.additudemag.com/rejection...
3. Download: Rein in Intense ADHD Emotions
www.additudemag.com/download/...
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[@dj_n8_films521]

I have no words to say, this is me and my brother completely. My parents don't get us, and neither does society. I am a people pleaser, and my brother is the one that doesn't try. It makes me completely SAD for him, myself and everyone else. We are the ones misunderstood and left in the dark. Nobody seems to really care about us. I am completely overwhelmed and paralyzed mentally with so many emotions right now. FINALLY, IN MY LIFE someone is explaining something that I have lived with for all my life but could never find the words to explain. It made me feel so alone, I wanted to end it all so many times. I need to show my parents this, and I want to stick up for my brother and help others. Life is super tough.... luckily I found ADDitude Magazine and hope in a higher power, but there are days where it is not enough. I could go on and on because I am in the moment. My brain is buzzing mad right now. Thank you ADDitude for everyone you all do! It means the world to me, and I am sure countless others!!! I just cannot thank you all enough. I REALLY hope someone important reads this comment.

[@taracat7141]

You are important! Hope you are doing better now.

[@AkshayKhurana]

You're describing me and my brother. I'm pro-actively doing all this research and getting my tests with a rather helpful Psych. I hope you found treatment too.

[@dj_n8_films521]

@@AkshayKhurana I have my friend but it is a long journey still! I wish you and your brother good luck! Remember, there are people like you are there so you are not alone!

[@AkshayKhurana]

@@dj_n8_films521 the more I look around, the more I see ADHD people gathering and doing the good work of supporting each other. More power to us all!

[@baabbylon]

Fifty and only now does it all make sense.🤯

[@bluejedi723]

I have ADHD, and it's so sad that so many of us fall through the cracks because of how different we are from the rest of the world. For me, ADHD has always made me just slightly out of sync with social norms, and it breaks my heart people don't understand sometimes I just really can't help the way I am. It's like punishing a fish for not being able to climb a tree no matter how hard they try.

[@geoffroyfwah3232]

I don't like this methaphor.

[@visionvixxen]

My brain hurts so much thinking of all the different ways you wish “You “ was apparent to you and others. There is so much guessing and so much moral judgement and self doubt …. And try ADHD with Asperger’s and Bipolar. And adding meds and not even knowing if they messed things up or not. Nothing matters for me- I just pray because I can’t count on myself or understand myself . 😂

[@visionvixxen]

Very sad I don’t want mine to be a sad story but it’s tough whenever around everyone around you says you’ve got a great life and you think given everything and you can’t make or do anything of it and you’re paralyzed and you’re you’re living in the world when when you tried they didn’t understand Your slowness or that sometimes you were on and other times you’re off or that your brain got backlogged or overwhelm or you didn’t know what to say basically I had to drop out of so many different schools trying my hardest and the problem is me but I misunderstood and I misunderstand everyone it’s like if everything you do is cursed so right now I’m just figuring out how to increase it because I just don’t have it within me to try it or assess anything anymore I could go on it’s really sad and it actually makes me really angry and I I’m ready to fight for us we deserve advocacy just as much as anyone who has been abused Discriminated against the thing I want most is to be able to live a life maybe we’re not perfect but somehow be understood and live a life where we can play music have jobs put up all right by houses just basics like other people can and even if we’re not perfect we can do these things and be understood that in our imperfection we’re trying and be celebrated so we can live

[@hufficag]

@@visionvixxen You mentioned put up by houses, are you struggling with a place to live?

[@jojozepofthejungle2655]

If your friends don't agree with your way of life, it's time to start new friendships. We are only on earth for a short time. Don't waste it, trying to be someone else's perfect.

[@smileyginger1]

I hesitated to comment on a video this "old" but hopefully someone will see it. I have watched SO many videos from ADHD experts (real ones, Dr Barkley and Dr Hallowell, whose content I both like) and this content was exceptionally succinct and hit on so many points. Every mental health professional should have to watch it! 1) I thought the mention of Montessouri schools (which is the only time I've ever heard it talked about in conjunction with ADHD) was such an eye opener. I was extremely fortunate (despite not coming from a family of means) to attend a Montessouri preschool and kindergarten, where I was exceptionally happy. Attending mainstream schools, even as a "gifted" student was often torturous - the loneliness caused by poor personal interaction skills combined with low frustration tolerance/RSD (and I believe these are two sides of the same coin), discalculia and being terribly disorganized. 2) This is also the first I've heard of using both a stimulant AND the alpha agonist medication in concert (despite having worked with a medication manager that just zeroed in on depression and put me on such a high dose of bupropion that it felt like thorazine. I have suffered INTENSELY from RSD for most of my life and to learn that there is an additional medication that could help with the "zero to nuclear after burning dinner" pain could be so helpful. 3) After 50 years, I now have a word to describe my problem solving skills. "Saltatory." I went back and re-watched that part 3 times. It is SO difficult to explain to neurotypical people, especially in job interviews, how I work. How I solve problems. How I use pattern identification. and how, when I have come to someone with a solution, I KNOW I am right. They want my explanations or reasoning to fit in their box. Combine that with a disbelief from neurotypical people that don't understand how ADHD people can pick up skills VERY quickly when they find it engaging and stimulating.

[@joannanordahl]

Omg… the I KNOW Im right part… is crazy.. Ive felt that my whole life and a huge wave of tingling frustration and almost desperation when other dont get it. It’s like I’ve looked at the problem from a million sides at once and so I know that the solution WILL WORK - and it always does - when I’m given the trust. And so when I’m not trusted I feel literally insane. Sleepless often for many many days with RSD

[@TekkenDanser]

I’m fully convinced that the only experts who speak about ADHD accurately and insightfully are those who have ADHD themselves and can understand personally. That said, I found this expert to be discerning in an alarmingly suggestive way, and as such, he is so incredibly valuable to this field. Thank you for this video.

[@user-po3ir2tx5z]

Yes, first thing I thought of when he talked about school was Montessori. As a high IQ, ADHD female I think I would have thrived in that kind of environment. I saw how successful it was for friends' children. About stimulant + alpha agonist combos. I was given this course twice. The first time was Adderall and Prozac in 2000. I had a horrible reaction, panic attack, locked myself in a bathroom at work for 3 hours. Second time was in 2011 with Adderall and Welbutron. I ended up the ER with Seratonin poisoning. It was like having the flu with high fever and a heart attack at the same time. My takeaway from those experiences is that, while it may be an effective treatment for some, psychiatrists simply don't know how to prescribe it correctly and monitor dosage.

[@lauralaforge558]

I am reading your comment a year after you wrote it! I remembered saltar to jump in Spanish but had never heard the word in English before. I went to Montessori also for a year or two. Just commenting at the beginning of the video; looking forward to the whole thing! I literally wrote in my self assessment that pattern recognition is critically important to my job and the way my brain works is extremely conducive to seeing these patterns and acting accordingly.

[@boldvankaalen3896]

I am an old dude. I have been struggling with this kind of issues whole my life. Never thought it could be ADHD, because that is this guy that changes his job every half year and cannot sit still. I have been holding on to the same job, where I could work around my irregular working (a lot of procrastination and some late night work and creative new ideas to compensate for it) without anybody noticing. But often the shame and self-hate are unbearable. It would be such a relief to get an official diagnose and to know I am not just a lazy person.

[@EMan-cu5zo]

I am still lazy.

[@robynstewardson]

It IS a relief. Are you going to follow up on it Bold? Diagnosed at 53yo, I can absolutely recommend it for the understanding it has brought to my (previously) damaging self talk. I am much more understanding of my behaviour, and while there is some that I still struggle to be kind to myself about, my inner child is slowly healing from thra perpetual retraumatising. 😥💗 Medication has also helped, but it is pills AND skills that are needed, so more work to do.

[@boldvankaalen3896]

@@robynstewardson Got my diagnosis. According to the doctor I was a more than obvious case. The very next day I heard my work contract would not be renewed, because of ADD related stuff (without them knowing my diagnosis). So "interesting times". The stupid thing is that ADHD is quite common in my family, and even my kid has it, yet it took so long before the coin dropped.

[@shannonhughes3006]

You may also want to look into book about ADHD in older adults which just came out this fall. It's called: "Still Distracted After All These Years: Help and Support for Older Adults with ADHD" by Kathleen G. Nadeau

[@clairethomas1440]

I feel the same at 67 yrs young...

[@lordcailx]

24:57 "The worst part of being ashamed is being alone with it... What the [support person] needs to be able to say is: 'I know you. You're a good person. If anybody could have overcome these problems by hard work and sheer ability it would have been you." -- Oof.. This hits home HARD. I feel like this could literally mean the difference between life and death for so many people..

[@ninaromm5491]

@ LordCail . Yes ! Unfortunately, the difference between life and death. Searching for a knowledgeable support system "for a friend"...

[@Dancestar1981]

Type the mantra up on paper and stick it up on your fridge in the kitchen, your mirrors in the bathroom and bedroom and read it regularly every day to remind yourself of this very important message it will do wonders for your mental health whenever you start to doubt yourself

[@milagroleguizamon3327]

Now I understand why it's soooo effective for me to listen to Louis hay podcasts at night. She says the most supportive and loving words that I'm not used to hear in my daily life. She helps me to fall asleep by her kind words

[@caroljoy839]

As far as ADHD people having motivation to do things they are interested in: I had a very bright roommate when in college, and she would have flunked out of HS if not for a system whereby she could cheat off the paperwork of her circle of friends. An uncle understood that somewhere along the line, she was atypical. She would only get involved if she wanted to do something. He took her on a private plane ride and let her handle the controls. The uncle could only let her "fly the plane" for a short period of time, but she was excellent at following the direction needed. She excelled at taking control of the plane for just the limited amount of time he could allow her. She was enrolled in flight lessons right after HS graduation and got her pilot's license and became a success story!

[@kirk1007]

Great story. She was lucky to have someone who cared so much and saw her problem

[@sebastian3004]

He knew 'This girl is sloppy at many things. But once she finds what she loves, she will do it like her life is dependent on it'

[@RubenDuate]

I suffered ADHD,anxiety and mental disorder for over 24 years. It's just amazing how psilocybin mushrooms treatment actually saved my life. 6 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.

[@FredaMartins]

They saved you from death bud, lets be honest here. and mushrooms are one of the most amazing things on this planet i wish people would all realize.

[@JaimeGlaze]

I've been looking to try shrooms for depression, just very difficult to get a reliable source here in Georgia. Really need!

[@samhenry75]

Yes! Very sure of Dr.alishrooms. my first shrooms trip was really awesome. It felt like I was deep into the sea.

[@JesseRobson-dk5cy]

I hate that psilocybin gets grouped with drugs like cocaine and heroin. Mushrooms are a remedy, not a vice!

[@nicholda436]

How do i reach out to him? Is he on Instagram

[@sonja7halcyon]

I've never felt so seen and the comments made about having a cheerleader literally made me cry. It's all I've ever wanted was for someone to acknowledge how hard I try and how hard it is for me. For me this is the biggest factor in suicidal feelings, feeling so misunderstood with no help or support system whatsoever. Add chronic pain, depression and CPTSD on top, while being financially and physically dependent on people who continue to gaslight and shame you and life just feels impossible. Thank you for making this presentation!!! Feeling seen and understood is so important!!

[@helenwarren5217]

I'm 77 years and i have it. I have struggled for years with my braimein.I can't desctibe it.I works at its own own when its wants to. I have had a career in nursing for 50 years..I'm not looking for treatment but i am releived to know there is actually a reason for. My suffering...

[@Historian212]

I have a similar constellation of diagnoses, including chronic pain - did you know we get this at a higher rate than non-ADHD people? - and am currently also dependent on a toxic person for financial help (a relative). I also feel very seen by this emphasis on the emotions of ADHD. Please don’t give up. I didn’t get diagnosed until age 57. I’m now 67. I hope you find the support you need. ❤

[@sonja7halcyon]

@@Historian212 Thank you and same to you!! 🌹

[@Stlouisbartending]

Whoever Sonja joy is- I get it! Exactly what you say, chronic pain from real mri findings, and everything else u said

[@Stlouisbartending]

The financial is due to the physical pain from facet hypertrophy and stenosis in c4-c7. Regardless, it’s awful needing assistance- have you gotten any help from working from home??

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@Jennifer-bw7ku]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@elizabethwilliams6651]

Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@twinfred3160]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@Jennifer-bw7ku]

Is he on instagram?

[@elizabethwilliams6651]

Yes he is. dr.sporessss

[@Ketsamo]

8:43 For example, I put off cleaning the apartment for months at first, but when I finally get it started, I can't stop, so I clean late at night even though I should wake up early in the morning. But again after a couple of weeks, when I try to start cleaning, I can't get started, even though I can remember how nice cleaning was last time. However, I have found two good ways. First I put on an interesting podcast like this one through my headphones, then I trick myself into picking up that one sock off the floor and into the laundry basket, and like magic I'm back in cleaning mode.

[@MrDsmith2500]

Me too

[@cbeshorern]

I'm 46 and sobbed the entire presentation. I work in mental health every issue that has plagued my existence you just articulated my existence. My 2nd grade teacher put me in a refrigerator box so "I'd pay attention and not day dream" and I've been in that box since. I'm grateful younger kids may have a chance now thanks to this work.

[@robynstewardson]

Sadly, teachers are given a pitifully minimal amount of training on this topic, and I think they may well be just the same as they always were. It took my girls' teachers many years to have any idea that they are both on the spectrum, and both have ADHD. Our youngest has had a psychologist since she was 8yo, and none of those 3 different psychs, including one who performed an IQ test, had not the foggiest what was underlying the anger management issues and anxiety. It took till she was 14 to be assessed (her sister was 16 at the time and asked me about a list of ADHD indicators she had seen online - she found 'music to study to for ADHD' and started researching. Our other daughter then said, 'I think I have the same issues. I struggle, too'.) I hate to think where we would be now if we hadn't essentially self-diagnosed doing the psychs' job for them. 🤷‍♀️ Extremely disappointing.

[@angelasmith1323]

I’m so sorry you went through that. I had a third grade teacher that repeatedly embarrassed me in front of the class and I think it still lingers

[@kirk1007]

I can relate. My kindgarten teacher in the early 70's seemed to hate me for my day dreaming. She even grabbed me and shook me once.

[@jimwilliams3816]

@@angelasmith1323 I can relate. I had a great first grade teacher, and excelled that year, because her students doing well made her happy, and I responded to that. My second grade teacher was terrible: she used negative reinforcement and punishment, had her own emotional dysregulation issues (I think), and used my own performance as a weapon against me and the "problem kids" in the class, who I now think I sensed I was a lot like. My academics nosedived and I never recovered. This is where trauma and neurodivergence intersect, I think...it was trauma to be sure, but I suspect (I hope) that many of other the kids were able to say "ugh, my second grade teacher sucked," move on and mostly recover. Sadly, I think she may have mostly gone off on the kids who weren't as durable, because we exhibited traits that annoyed her. And she really grouped kids into categories.

[@EMan-cu5zo]

In third grade my teacher made me sit under her desk so I couldn’t watch a video because i didn’t do my homework. It is the only teacher that I still remember the name of.

[@beaubiddle834]

Hearing from an MD is so refreshing and practical unlike the much different perspectives from phd’s who don’t see patients.

[@lambs5258]

This is the best. The bit on the DSM-V was soooo validating. 5:53 "it requires an adult to be functioning on the level of an untreated elementary school-aged child in order to meet diagnostic criteria" that was EXACTLY my problem. wasn't diagnosed in childhood, a fate shared by so many adhd girls. And getting diagnosed as an adult was an uphill battle. Had to visit 3 different evaluators before one finally listened to me. First one said I couldn't have ADHD, because I have a job and college degree, and because I'm not "hyperactive" (even though I am lol). But because I wasn't running around the room or jumping on the couch, I "wasn't hyperactive." Because I completed school (nevermind how difficult it was), I "couldn't" have ADHD, because you're expected to be functioning like an elementary school chlid. Nevermind you could not possibly survive adult life if you were like that, and have to adapt one way or another. Super jaded by the DSM-V and its narrow definition of ADHD. It only measures how difficult you are for others, and how much you match stereotypes (that were formed looong ago, based on the presentation in one gender and age group). Not how much you're actually struggling just to live. Going undiagnosed for so long is a hell i can't even describe.

[@deuroelthekaiblepe]

Hear, hear!

[@jimwilliams3816]

@lambs. OH MY GOD YES! I try not to trash the DSM too hard because then I get frustrated and angry, but hearing that people in the profession were angry at them punting was so validating. I’m about to do an assessment and my psychiatrist has noted some of the deficiencies. But I spend a lot of time looking at both ADHD and autism criteria, and while I have traits of both, it’s more nuanced than the checklists. I am likely to end up with 4 inattentive and 4 hyperactive, which is not a “passing grade” - I was never good at those, it’s true.

[@lambs5258]

@@jimwilliams3816 yes!! the DSM checklist leaves out so many other nuanced symptoms of ADHD. There’s no mention of emotional regulation. Or sleep disorders or skin picking or rejection sensitivity. Or feeling boredom as if it’s a physical pain in the body. Something that’s WAAAAY more helpful and accurate is taking an inventory of your executive functions. That’s what my therapist had me do when we first suspected ADHD being the source of my depression. I actually found the PDF I filled! It’s the first two pages in this link: nyspta.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Conv17-305-dawson-executive-skills-questionnaire.pdf It might really help to fill out. I can’t say much to autism, but I assume it’s a very similar issue- where people who don’t match the stereotype go undiagnosed. also read/watch other adhd related content. Because there is SO MUCH you will relate to that isn’t listed in the DSM V’s stupid checklist. As in: being a night owl, difficulty activating to do something, internal restlessness, a tendency towards rigid/black-and-white thinking, becoming easily overstimulated, etc. Good luck, I know it’s not easy. Keep pushing until you finally feel heard. A terrifying amount of professionals don’t understand or even believe in ADHD. Or have stigma about autism.

[@jimwilliams3816]

@@lambs5258 Wow, thank you! I downloaded the inventory and will go through it. One place I can tell I'll have to figure out how to adapt it is what Dr. Dodson called "in the zone (or not)" and others have called hyperfocus/lack of focus. I absolutely do this and always have. I changed jobs at one point because a new challenge gave me back hyperfocus/obsessive focus, but the one thing I think Dr. Dodson might have missed is that hyperfocus takes a lot out of you; I'm pretty sure doing it a lot has exacerbated my overactive sympathetic nervous system. Kathy Forbes (autism/PDA) describes adrenaline as being easily repurposed from excitement into anger/meltdown/etc., and this has been my experience. I might not have had that problem if I was managed all these years, though. Clonidine helps a LOT, but I've only been on it for about 6 months, and I think I need to try twice a day not just at bedtime. It may well be I am just ADHD. This and one other ADDitude webinar were very helpful at indicating that certain things that happen in my head can occur from ADHD as well as autism. I'm binging on their webinars now. I'm 90% certain my father had ADHD; my mother had major issues with emotional control, but of course she didn't present in the stereotypical male ADHD manner, so I'm still trying to sort that out. Thanks again! ETA: thanks for the note about skin picking. I didn't actually know that's what I was doing. I had recently realized that my itchy skin got MUCH worse right after my father died, and that this was because I was already responding to an itch by scratching too hard. After your note I read about it and went, "oh!"

[@robynstewardson]

YES! I hear you. My Dx at 53yo caused an enormous perspective shift and enormous frustration and anger at the MANY psychologists I had seen over the decades with not the foggiest reason why I struggled so much. Then after a particular test (the d2 rest) being told I couldn't have ADHD as I scored so high on that test (and in her final report that I was ADHD inattentive type as I could sit still so well 🙄). I was in a totally quiet room, doing something that I enjoyed, and am good at 😁, with a purpose that was getting me to a point of being understood. Perfect motivation!

[@KarlMagnusBlindheim]

"Help the person write their personal owner's manual for their ADHD nervous system" This is absolutely revelatory and contains so much wisdom that it can be unpacked into a whole therapeutic modality. Thank you from a recently diagnosed 42-year old.

[@visionvixxen]

I just told the person who thinks they want to marry me that I absolutely need them to get it and read the manual as well as me being in counseling with them, so I’m sure I’m not making excuses for being a less than wonderful partner. All this can be so confusing- all I know is I don’t have the mental bandwidth to question myself and on top of it, have countless others question me and them disbelieve or convince me I’m making things up… Almost like gaslighting… but at the same time, I never want to believe that I’m always right?!?

[@robynstewardson]

@@visionvixxen having a diagnosis is life-changing. I was utterly convinced of having ADHD for about a year before I decided to be assessed. THE main thing that motivated me to do so was that I knew my husband would not be convinced without it, but that with it I would have him on board (and that has been the case). It doesn't mean that he understands, only that he knows the theory, but in the long run (almost 3 years after my Dx), he finally threw in the towel a few months ago. This is after 33 years of marriage, still believing that my lateness is caused by my lack of love/care for him (despite now knowing the theory behind the issue). 😥 It's also, due to an enormous (understandable fear that I will rage at him again, even though he wasn't responsible for sthg that happened (and my medication had worn off late at night) - I found the explanation in this webinar on that enormous reaction to an RSD event, enlightening. My Dx was at 53yo. A lifetime of wasted CBT behind me, never once realising that ADHD (and, it turns out, ASD) were the reason I struggled/struggle so much. I am now suffering such an enormous amount of RSD that I just don't have any idea how to move forward. 🥺

[@95turbogirl1980]

I wasn't diagnosed until I was in college at 28...I'm 42 next week and I've discovered this organization and webinars and learning so much that explains so much about me that I've been struggling with the last decade and I'm like holy shit how have NONE of the professionals I've seen not mentioned any of these things.

[@robynstewardson]

@@95turbogirl1980 VERY good question. They are all flying blind. 🙄 The knowledge is out there, BUT so few psychologists seem to have any interest in brushing up on the up-to-date research. To be fair they all thought kids grow out of it and girls/women just. don't. Have. It. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[@LisaPFrampton]

I just turned 44 (yikes!!) and was recently dx'd as well. It clears up so much of my entire life! Being female, even now, most do not believe that I have this. I'm also of the personal opinion that I am on the autism spectrum.

[@ExkupidsMom]

This is extraordinary. I'm 63 and found out 2 years ago that I have ADD. Medication has made my life-long treatment resistant depression and anxiety virtually disappear. I'm still struggling, but not for the reasons that I always thought. In fact, I see my life as heroic, because I overcame so many things by myself, without the support I shoud have had.

[@notnow7973]

What meds?

[@ExkupidsMom]

@@notnow7973 Strattera. Apparently anti-depressant is an off-label use and my result is not uncommon.

[@jessicarober7583]

I'd like to know what meds too please! 😊

[@jenA9026]

You give me hope. I'm 58 and just diagnosed.

[@papabear1714]

"This shifting of mood and energy is often misinterpreted as Bipolar Disorder"... The relief I feel from this revelation is immeasurable, as is my gratefulness to the beautiful people that made this video.

[@wesleyedwards2764]

My ex was misdiagnosed with BPD. My dad's wife has BPD. He sometimes says because my ex had BPD that I would understand. I had to tell him that her misdiagnosis was legit. No, it ain't the same. Not even close. I thank the FSM that my ex was not like his wife. I didn't know that I had ADHD until about 6 months into the COVID Pandemic.

[@lambd01d]

I have been diagnosed with bipolar and I definitely have it, but it doesn't explain my whole life like ADHD does, but it's really hard to get an ADHD diagnosis in the UK, especially if you're a middle-aged adult. My bipolar is mostly fine now , but I still constantly have issues with interpersonal stuff, rejection sensitivity, concentration, organization etc. Inattentive ADHD just makes sense.

[@Dancestar1981]

@@wesleyedwards2764the Covid pandemic unmasked many late diagnosed women with ADHD that’s when I found out about mine just post Covid

[@jessicarober7583]

Yesss this made me cry!!! I have been searching for a long time to distinguish between a few different things, trying to figure out what the hell is going on with me. I have been positive about ADHD for a whole, but then I was noticing how I cycle from these intense highs to low lows but they often don't last super long. Sometimes maybe a week, others a day, others a few hours. I noticed it would often change based on setting and circumstances, and when looking into bipolar I saw that bipolar usually WASNT based on circumstances and that borderline personality disorder was so then I was like fuck is that what I have?? But it didn't really seem to fit otherwise and inattentive ADHD is me to a Tee in SO many ways. This talk effectively answered SO many of the questions I have been sifting through research papers and talks about ADH, bipolar, bpd, and others for a long time trying to find the answers to. My husband and two kids are also ADHD, hubby is the only one diagnosed, oldest is diagnosed with autism but ADHD fits the majority of the symptoms even though he definitely has some that are more autism. Hubby likely is on the spectrum as well as am I, and possibly even our youngest but she definitely displays more ADHD and more typical female type presentation so is very different than my oldest. Long story short, this talk is the best at laying out so many complex things in a straightforward way. I have been listening to a bunch of ADHD talks the last few days (current hyperfocus 😅) and all the ones I came across were amazing and made me feel so seen and validated. But this one was the best so far in helping me feel validated, and also that there are incredibly intelligent people dedicated to helping us understand this better, because we deserve to be understood and to find ways to function at a reasonable level to improve our quality of life. 💖

[@allyfrasier6306]

I can't believe it. You've made sense of my 44yrs of that perceived emotional rejection. Thank you so much.

[@SN-sz7kw]

Wow. I was one of the “lost generation” of girls who were never diagnosed or diagnosed very late. I was in my 50’s before I received help with this. My daughters are much more fortunate. This is so very helpful. Thank you!

[@kristinclark3430]

I got you beat at 62. If only I had known…

[@smileyginger1]

GenXer who didn't get diagnosed till about a year ago at 49. I try not to look back at the lost time but it's hard. Understanding now the interest-based neurological system vs the importance-based, why I can learn new skills that interest me with incredible facility while other stuff is an uphill slog. Not to mention the difficulty of getting help from mental health professionals who only ever want to talk about depression and anxiety, not the ADHD core symptoms that CAUSE it.

[@ElenawithouttheH]

I’m living in Portugal and I’m definitely ADHD inattentive. I was told it’s only present in children. Totally invalidated. This is affecting my life now more than ever especially after menopause.

[@HopeLives2012]

@@aprilmay1700 I'm 59 and wasted 40 years of my life not knowing what was wrong. I can't blame my parents, ADHD wasn't even a term growing up. And I had not displayed the hyper active part. I think at the time Drs just put me off as being overly shy

[@Historian212]

When you think about it, all generations before the younger ones now were lost generations. I got diagnosed at 57, 10 yrs ago. I’m sure my mother had it. When I got the diagnosis, the psychologist asked me how it felt to know that I’d been misunderstood my entire life. I told her about that bizarre mixture if relief and deep regret for what I’d lost in life. Sending hugs to all of us who share this experience.

[@emmetsmith6402]

The craziest thing about this is the part where the adult ADHD person goes through an average of 6 doctors before finding one who can satisfactorily treat ADHD. Setting up an appointment with a doctor is absurdly mentally taxing for me, and that doesn't even take into account the significant risk of subsequently forgetting/missing the appointment because i'm late, or double-booking and being forced to cancel. but yeah TBH this is all consistent with my experience. It took me nearly a decade after developing suspicions that I had ADHD to finally get medicated because I would repeatedly drop the ball while seeking help. I remember a therapist in college ending treatment after I missed a few appointments, saying "If you can't put in the effort to show up then how am I supposed to treat you?" Literally that is what I was asking to be treated for. But no, they just put me on a series antidepressants that all did nothing but cause side effects because anyone seeking treatment for ADHD in college must be malingering.

[@HinrikS]

I'd read or heard some of it before, but damn! Now i'm irrefutably certain. I'm not a colossal piece of shit, simply afflicted with every fucking thing ADHD has to offer. There is hope.

[@fishingorwishing]

I can totally relate to this. I remember being in 2 grade thinking that I was completely broken. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t control my behavior. No matter how hard I tried. Now at 40 I am really trying to dig into this. I wish I would’ve found this info a long time ago. Keep up the fight, don’t give up!

[@robynstewardson]

@@fishingorwishing absolutely! There are sadly a multitude of nay sayers out there. Be your own best advocate - while it can be difficult, you are the one inside your head not them! Keep researching and building up your knowledge - sadly, you will have spent more time learning about ADHD than their degree required them to. 😡 Glad you have found your tribe. Good luck!

[@kirk1007]

Same. It is good news. It gives me hope

[@IDiveInFirst]

I have learned so much about my adhd, but to hear it as a second type nervous system!? Wow. I am in tears. I wish all educators and parents would watch this, and share with their kids. I was at a point in my 50s where I thought I was sociopathic because I just dont care about so many things. Im just not interested!

[@eecneihappy]

🙏

[@truerosie]

@@eecneihappy Yes. Diagnosed at age 51, I couldn't have said it better.

[@hufficag]

It's true, those things don't matter. What matters is that thing you're passionate about. So cut off all distractions, and get doing what you love, go achieve your excellence!

[@adrianopper9472]

I think avoiding RSD was my motivator in youth. I loved being seen at school, being praised. Because I didn't receive that from parents. Just my teachers. But, when I experienced rejection, it could be crippling.

[@820hurleyj]

Where were you guys 60 years ago? I'm a 68 year old kid and you've described me to a T! I wish I could get my doctor to watch this but then he'd probably think I was trying to tell him how to do his job. My nearly 7 decades have validated everything you've said. I've been battling severe depression for over 30 years, at least with a clinical diagnosis. Nothing has helped other than knowing if I act or fail to act on any impulses, it's only going to make things worse.

[@dopaminey9946]

Do an ADDHD questionnaire online(DSM (4? has one). In my sixties filled one out. Out of 10 got 9. After that saw a psychiatrist specializing in the disorder and he affirmed that I had it. Then spent some awful time trying medications that didn't have terrible side effects. Medications are not optimally effective for everybody. But it does help over all. Good Luck.

[@tonyromano6220]

Complex stuff.

[@tonyromano6220]

@@dopaminey9946 takes a long time to effect change.

[@chasing-mental-clarity]

Hi - 28 year old here. I’m gonna talk more about my diagnosis as soon as i get a grip on it so that no one has to suffer through this again and end up disobeying it only layer in life. Sending you good vibes

[@biblestudysongwritingjoyce1981]

This is REALLY the most helpful video I've seen so far regarding my own ADHD with extreme hyperfocus. I have ALL the symptoms except the extreme anger or extreme depression. What really works for me regarding those particular symptoms are my religious beliefs and specially by believing many scriptures in my Bible on those subjects. I do however feel some anger right now, in that I'm almost 79 years old and I did not know I had ADHD until a couple of months ago when I ran accross some videos on the subject on youtube. Imagine my shock! My whole life makes sense now and oh how different it would have been if I had known my mental problem and was treated earlier in life. That's so sad. ..... Thanks again for this very wonderful video. I copied all the written notes and the address of this post to come back to later. A million thank you's! I shall pass this info on when ever I talk with anyone who has the symptoms but doesn't yet know their real problem & solutions. joyce

[@robynstewardson]

Yes, Joyce - so sad! There is such a great deal of grief and anger that goes with the discovery alongside the absolute joy of *finally* understanding what it is that has caused you to struggle so much for Your. Whole. Life. 💗 Welcome to your tribe. 🙃

[@biblestudysongwritingjoyce1981]

@@robynstewardson - My first reaction was shock at my diagnosis, then anger that I didn't know it at an early age, then relief that I'm not such a bad person after all, then as I researched it more & started learning of the advantages & how many highly successful people learned to channel all that hyperfocus, I began to see some advantages. One is that I'm a Christian and I can hyperfocus on God and feel His Presence and His Love more than the average Christian. That alone makes it all worthwhile. Also I'm addicted to studying and learning in several different fields and so my brain experiences far more excitement regarding new knowledge than I suppose the average person does. My world is NEVER boring! It's such a relief to finally find my "tribe." Thank You! Here's a BIG hug! Sis Joyce

[@fionafeatherstone2171]

It’s sad isn’t it ? I think my 80 year old mum had it now , she unfortunately died last year, but it describes her exactly x

[@joybeum7177]

Only my faith saved me. God is the only one who knows why we do and feel what we do.

[@jontnoneya3404]

OMG! I feel so understood. I'm a 56 yr old man and I've struggled with RSD my whole life and never understood what was going on. I found a way to force myself to do things so I got through school but BARELY until I went back in my late 30s because I was VERY interested and stayed engaged. But it's been brutal and for the last 8 years, my coping mechanisms haven't worked. I've been unemployed for that time and it's literally like pulling teeth trying to get me to go back to work and it's starting to worry me because I can't retire on the money I have left. I'm not sure what to do about this. Any suggestions would be VERY appreciated. You only seemed to address childhood ADHD with RSD but what do we middle agers do? I also don't have insurance so I'm not able to get on medication.

[@jimwilliams3816]

RSD: after a social encounter, absolutely. I analyze all the different permutations of how what I said might have been taken, after the fact - my brain is usually too busy to evaluate whether I should say something or not when I am talking, which does create problems...and I invariably come up with ways what I said or did could be undesirable. The strong emotions kick in and I fixate on that interpretation. As far as slacking, I think triggering motivation is often a bigger issue for me than being demoralized...it’s like flipping a switch but nothing happens. And I don’t mean to sound judgemental, but is punishment really motivational for neurotypical kids? It was the surest way to drive me into depression and despair and frustration. To me it meant someone hated me and wanted to get even.

[@ioio7470]

Describes my childhood, i examined every interaction (especially with cute girls) till i grew tired

[@hufficag]

I was also surprised to learn that rewards, punishment and importance is what drives those people. Importance communicated by emotions, so if you tell them to do something but don't express strong emotions to communicate how important it is, they'll just slack off. They make good followers, happy to live in mediocrity. I kept asking people the past 10 years what do you find exciting about ____, do you feel passionate? How is it fun? What motivates you? Doesn't it need to be a cool piece of technology for you to work on it? And they would stare at me and walk away, never answering my question. Now I know.

[@Dancestar1981]

Carrot much better than the stick for Neurodiverse children because we are dopamine seekers

[@a.person7825]

After 42 years of “what the heck??!!” my wife discovers this video. Thank you, Dr. Dodson for being dedicated to understanding people like myself. May Yahweh bless and keep you and yours!

[@jjohnston5406]

Never have I ever seen a video that describes my internal experience so well, but I don't agree with the behaviors. For example, I feel the internalized dysphoria strongly, but I never threaten to commit suicide or make anyone "talk me off the ledge". It might be semantics, but importance, consequences, and rewards are relative terms. I would argue that people with ADHD are motivated by those things just like everyone else. The difference lies in what they find important, and in the level of consequences or rewards that they find motivating. If I know that someone I love or respect deeply will be disappointed in me if I don't do something, then it will become important to me and therefore "urgent". I can definitely plan ahead and anticipate consequences, but that doesn't mean that I am going to be motivated by the same consequences that someone else would be.

[@robynstewardson]

Agreed. My internal messages/self talk was incredibly bad, but I also have never gone to such extremes due to RSD.

[@ironmaidenshredd]

I think for me it has presented itself as random thoughts imagining what would happen if I jerked the wheel to the right and off the road down this cliff.. very disturbing.

[@jjohnston5406]

@@ironmaidenshredd I have definitely had those thoughts, but it was always Internalized 😞

[@annak29]

The "importance" things I believe he is talking about mundane life necessities, and the "unwritten" expectations of an individual in their major life roles.

[@wesleyedwards2764]

Have you ever felt a flood of adrenaline wash through you because your boss says that your performance evaluation is tomorrow? I've had some nasty mean things in my head because of a lack of production. I've worked through the night pounding out enough projects to earn an average/below average review to hope not to get fired. I've had cold sweats about being evaluated; I've absolutely felt like I was going to be fired. My boss said that he "sees me at my desk and knows that I don't walk around the building visiting people all day." It kind of perplexed him a bit that I didn't produce much I think. Maybe a neurotypical finds it difficult to sit at their desk all day and do absolutely nothing productive. I've sat in that chair for 9 hours without going to lunch, to the bathroom, or to take a break some days. Am I focused on my job though? No. It's boring AF most days. Tedious, technical, and I have to argue governmental regulations with corporations and local governments from the bottom of my organizational structure. They come in sometimes acting like they are big wheels with projects costing millions of dollars and that I should give a dang about that. I'm not a project manager, my role is technical review; advice to the PM. Most of the people above my head would prefer that I just make a show of doing my job for bean counters. A f'ken rubber stamp; Homer Simpson. You sit in a meeting with THE power company and all the yes men above you look at you and want to know if their half-ass or non-effort is enough for you. One of their projects I worked on was said to cost them a b. dollars, yes with a "B". I'll admit, that is kind of impressive. Maybe because neurotypicals are more goal driven they are more afraid of being axed by their boss or of not getting a promotion for opposing the political structure than for failing to solve the problem. The problem is interesting, the incentive for being a top down yes man rubber stamp is absolutely not. Depression and suicide ideation can be in the pool you swim in without you even realizing it. You shouldn't feel shocked that it could be part of your ADHD or insulted. If it doesn't apply, then that is great. Just be cognitive of threats to your life and health should they present themselves and get help. I think my new boss said that her son is on the Autism spectrum. She seems to be really patient and understanding with me. I think it's depression, but I have quit having much anxiety about my work performance. I've only been there 18 years. It's kind of like the soldiers in Ukraine that quit ducking when the bullets fly by. It doesn't seem necessarily healthy, but eff that anxiety. I didn't sweat it in my 20s and 30s. I was "high ...-er functioning" and undiagnosed. I thought that I was just lazy some of the time. You know, a small but manageable character flaw. Life stress and the pandemic made me realize that I had a big problem and that I should get help. The meds help. Have been rationing them though because of the shortage since JANUARY.

[@beatrizgonzaga2694]

I've just been diagnosed with ADHD and this webinar was mind blowing, it's like you're talking about me thoroughly. The part about RSD make me choked up, I felt awfully seen, but it gave me so much clarity, so much makes more sense now wow thank you this was life changing

[@robynstewardson]

💗 how wonderful Beatriz. Welcome to your tribe. 👏

[@DEE-qu5mc]

Yes, it hits close to home doesn't it.

[@annetteka]

…reliably everytime.. if you grow up not being able to access what the majority of folks around you seem to master effortlessly, or with considerable less struggle, you develop a sense of self that is not only distorted but highly detrimental and impairing your innate wonderful spirit, intellect and energy.

[@svetavinogradova4243]

SEEM is a key word. Very early on, by age of 3, the parents of those successful kids trained them to be compliant and obedient, and by age 6-7 that havit was already rewarded so many times that became a second nature. Your parents failed to do the same, hence the impression that what others fo " effortlessly", you cannot.

[@stacilynnemajor9197]

I have never had all of what I'm going through described so accurately. I am in tears, I have been put on every medication for bipolar, borderline personality disorder, been treated like I was a lunatic, and have basically been feeling like and treated as though I am just a lemon. Someone who couldn't be helped, or wasn't worth the effort(whether that last part is just perceived or real I do not know). What I would like to know is how or what I should do next to get the actual help I need? I have been refusing medication for about a year now, and I'll tell ya my family, or at least it feels like my family is ready to walk away from me so if there ever was a right place right time, I feel like I'm here.

[@marie-annecody83]

I just saw some stuff about herbal treatment with saffron (from crocuses) being just as good as pharmaceutical medication in a couple of studies. You could follow that up online? Also how about tapping/ eft?

[@Andy_JJ]

Please try meds

[@afinkeln]

I do not know whether I am shamefully trying to sell myself the idea that I have ADHD because of convenience or I'm not looking inward enough for the true reasons behind the why's of me. However, considering that my entire life's issues over the same things again and again despite countless consequences and repeated reprimands have been moot, and that little moment when he started on about the 'wading into the middle of a problem and then working it ass-backwards to try to show everyone else the right way' actually made me cry, and I NEVER would have imagined that would happen. I don't care about the sentence structure or syntax of the aforementioned. I hope this is the right path. I want to do the work and I promise I'm not just looking for yet another excuse to why I was "lazy" or "procrastinated too much" or "try to avoid this consequence once and for all." I promise I am not looking to blame anyone or anything but myself.

[@visionvixxen]

You just expressed my own reasons to being numb To life or death lately. I feel I’m not there- or I’m freaking out. Freaking or blank. So much counseling and attempts at self awareness and yet I’m a mystery and ineffective to myself and worse when I get close to others. I don’t know why I’m alive and don’t know how to change what’s happened to me, but hope and pray something will change.

[@jimwilliams3816]

@afinkeln I know those feelings so well. I always worry that I am just making excuses for myself. If it helps, I am pretty sure that people who do make excuses for themselves don’t worry about it much, and we obviously worry about it a lot.

[@alexs7671]

💚💙💗 I have 2 daughters with ADD. I wish they would accept themselves more, and see their wonderful qualities. Neuro atypical people are those who colour our grey society, see what others don't, and take life journeys that are often bumpier, but so valid. No other person is you, you are unique, and have a unique and precious role in this world. I pray all of you precious gifts to humanity realise who you are - infinite beings learning lessons. May Our Father and Creator open your eyes to this insight.

[@kirk1007]

I have felt the same. Until recently I thought it was all just an excuse not to do the work but NOW I at me m convinced this is a genetic neurology problem that will very likely require meds

[@sunshinelively]

Well said, esp the shameful imposter part. You really have it and so do I. Suddenly everything makes sense. We need to love ourselves and the people who love and accept us❤

[@MarinusVesseur]

This is a life-changingly good webinar. Many thanks to the organizers and Dr Dobson for this clear and concise lecture and answers to specific questions at the end.

[@jessicajordan0483]

In response to the discipline question... My late teen son has ADHD as do I (among other joint neurodiverse, mental health and chronic physical disorders jointly)... This has been a HUGE challenge for the reasons stated. My experience in getting him to respond "discipline" is two-fold. Firstly, it's important to be addressing it when his medication first comes into effect for the day because he's focused, energised, open and more motivated to receive the info constructively. Second, I gotta know his "currency" that can be linked to that moment (knowing how and what will follow that he's really keen on) and take that and spin what I'm trying to get him to recognise and achieve with that and pose it as a "challenge". Example... I have had so many difficulties getting him up and organising himself to get to work in the morning. I have this difficulty myself and given I also have ADHD, the toll is enormous and he's of age that he needs more personal accountability. However being mindful of both our emotional vulnerabilities such as what's addressed here as well as the raw disregulation pre-medication in this time, it will only intensify an already intense, energy consuming situation. So... (getting to the point 😅)... I worked out, he likes to drive because he's got his learners permit and he wants the responsibility of driving himself to and from (I have to be a part of it for the moment and it's hardwork), I posed the challenge... "I know you're capable, you know this is hard and for me to let you free in the world to take this responsibility I need it demonstrated. So, starting tomorrow, if you want to drive, you need to get up, get breakfast, lunch ready, dog in the car and come get me before the time we need to go if you want to drive. If you do not do these things, I'm driving". The next morning, I still went in to remind him of the challenge because it's new (working memory, meds not yet in effect etc), a gentle "remember the challenge?" " yep"... And boom! He was on it, punctual and I ended up needing a rocket up my butt to keep up! 😂 It seems to be a useful method because it's not just further confirming he's useless and intensifying his depression and negative thoughts while giving him a regular, simple way of actually achieving and it going towards correcting those internal mindsets (which only inhibit him further). I high fived him the first day when he got in the drivers and he responded with a reactive smile (which he in turn tried to hide... He is still a teenager! 😅) The biggest thing to remember and also the hardest to communicate, is that this behaviour is not willful, they are not bag, ignorant kids. But they will find that in so many places, they believe it, so finding ways to help them succeed in carrying out their genuine will, which often will match yours because they dearly want their parents' approval, and builds on immediate successes trumps any form of typical discipline or there. Coz the effects of long term "failure no matter what" is profound. While being a single parent also with ADHD (adult diagnosis) still learning how I work and restructuring my life while trying to help him with the same is so overwhelming and exhausting and intense... I see the unique position of insight it gives me to hopefully better equip him now and in a way, it helps me heal from that grief because it gives me purpose and love based passion. They're my drivers 😉 Hopefully I've made sense sense and might be of use to even just family out there. Coz pain reframed as purpose gives those wounds new life 🙏 Much love and thank you, this was very helpful and even my son got a lift listening to it in the car this morning with me (yes, I had to drive today... But one day out of many, it's not worth getting in a tizzy over. He's human and I love him ❤)

[@MeganPerry]

Words to describe the pain, I have some. Like cold slightly bent rebar has been shoved upwards through your torso from your lower abdomen to your sternum. Sometimes it has long antler like prongs that extend out and around the spine towards the kidneys and up through the pectoral area, with a cold metal fist, like someone wearing a metal gauntlet is gripping your throat from inside it, and another fist squeezing your uh, *core* right below the diaphragm. The rebar can seem like it's being twisted and tilted and oh as if you got an uppercut to the base of your jaw/top of trachea while being smacked on the skull, like if you were swimming and someone came by and smacked you with an oar by mistake.

[@OscarLimaMike]

I have suffered all my life with undiagnosed ADHD until now. It is nothing short of miraculous that I am still alive. I have been engaged in passive aggressive suicidal behaviour all my life and have narrowly escaped death so many times I cannot count. That is the only time I feel alive. Life has been so frustrating and alienating from others I so want to connect with. What are the best ADHD meds if anyone can share their experiences I would appreciate it. My children also have it and I will not let them fall through the same cracks I did. My heart is heavy to think about the suffering my condition caused my parents. I have an IQ of 160 but virtually no official education. Life has been a fucking nightmare to be honest and I look forward to it's end. I will keep fighting but death looks like a welcome respite.

[@visionvixxen]

Feel you and feel exactly like you. My mind hurts and I’m evening wondering if I may have Asperger’s as well. I feel like I’m walking subconscious or half asleep to myself and life. Neither want to be gone, but also not alive. Very strange and I’m exhausted of explaining myself and having no one understand or being able to help. I just want to grow, help myself and be better for my family.

[@wendyhannan2454]

My thoughts are with you and your children 💕

[@ROSARODRIGUEZ-xy2de]

I feel you, I’ve been feeling all those thought today. I feel so unseen and so alone. I started myself journey and realized all this trauma is from my narcissist father who abused me and my mom emotionally immature state of mind is caused by his fear. I hope for the best you and your children. You have the self awareness to break this cycle of abuse

[@hannahmoon8899]

This is an old comment but I hope you see this. I see you and understand what you wrote. I also naturally seek out extreme situations and behaviors as a coping mechanism. It drives me crazy that it's socially unacceptable to talk about these feelings. The first time I tried Adderall was the first time I felt like I was the sky, and the weather was my emotions. My whole life before was just a storm. I cried for days from both relief and feeling intensely upset by the realization that most people can naturally separate their emotions from their state of being. For over 30 years I thought I was a terrible person because I was always failing when it came to other people. Turns out I'm not a monster, I do know what's right and how to interact with people, my brain just needed a little help so it could act on that knowledge. I don't call it RSD, but my Adderall gives me some internal peace from what he describes as RSD, and even when there is an emotional storm I can at least sit back and acknowledge what's going on without immediately reacting. My relationships with others have improved immensely because I don't lash out immediately anymore (something no amount of therapy ever helped. I burned through therapists before I finally found a psych that recognized what meds I needed) The storm is still there on bad days though. Being aware and able to clearly reflect on the nightmare of living doesn't help when something big happens that just can't be resolved and I feel suicidal. I had never heard of the alpha-agonist medications before this talk. I'm talking to my psych ASAP about them because Adderall was life changing (in a good way). If these other meds actually decrease the intense internal pain I've always wrestled with, then life might actually be worth living :) I found hope when I truly thought there was none. Don't give up yet

[@arassaj]

Read Gabor Matte's book, Scattered Minds. It's about ADHD. I find his perspective on its cause and treatment revolutionary and empowering.

[@Kexeessen]

Crying and laughing at the same time. THIS is what's "wrong" with me! Thank you so much for this

[@AnasthassiaMurillo]

❤

[@danielaruhl1710]

Just some minutes in and my jaw dropped … you are describing me! Born in Germany in the 70s, I never got a diagnosis, even as a struggeling grown-up nobody knew. I self diagnosed last year (ADHD + ASD) and slowly my life is starting to make sense.

[@Dancestar1981]

Ah you have the dual diagnosis like I do

[@Another80sClaire]

I would say on the importance based nervous system...a person with ADHD can look like they are doing something that is important to someone else IF they have some intense Rejection Sensitivity Disphoria going on.

[@hufficag]

Trying to be a good boy. Still though, 20 years later people are saying you're so stubborn, you only ever do whatever you wanted to do. It doesn't matter how hard you try.

[@sebastian3004]

@@hufficag In their eyes and standard, you don't try hard. that's the problem.

[@daniellec2172]

Every therapist and doctor should have to watch this.

[@danicaabboud]

Hands down the best video I've watched and listened to on the subject. As a recently diagnosed adult this was invaluable

[@janpetsch620]

I never realized how complex this syndrome was. I have now has several very traumatic events and now my symptoms have excelerated.this totally describes my entire life. Knowing I’m not alone and there is help gives me hope. I have always been very passionate and emotional to the point I make my friends. A recent rejection by a man I fell for who dumped me has left me a weeping dishrag. No sympathy anywhere. I’m 70 years old

[@redrumcoke2363]

Another great episode, with very relatable information. The one thing that I'm now questioning about myself, is if I just have the RSD that comes with ADHD, or actual social anxiety disorder as well... If this feeling of rejection, failure, criticizm PRECEEDS those triggers actually happening. I'm not so sure about that. If I asked all us ADHDers, I'm willing to bet that you all feel this unease prior to this "slight" happening as well. The outward rage I feel when it actual does happen is on another scale though and that is absolutely true. My most commonly felt situation is roadrage when people aren't driving considerately, not caring about others on the road, or the RULES/LAW. I'll lash out in my car and would retaliate to a point as well when I lose it sometimes, perhaps speeding up to get in front of them and then slowing them to commonly accepted speeds, using other traffic around to block them in. This is obviously not good, but it's a combination of an eye-for-an-eye and trying to make them change their ways to start caring for others. This certainly won't do anything but just likely make them mad, because people that don't care already aren't going to suddenly "get it" from me annoying them. One occasion I frequently think of as damn near terrifying, is knowing I have a yearly review with the boss. My coworker literally went and purchased a "nip" of some alcohol for me that morning, seeing how nervous I was. When I was in the review, the boss was giving me a good review, and a 10% raise. I don't know why, but I had thought it would be higher (I was pretty wrong there, 10% without an actual promotion is pretty good and this is totally my ignorance getting in my own way) but it felt like a "slight" at the time. I recall my anxiety being SO HIGH, that I couldn't keep my eyes open. They were forcably closing of their own will. It was a truly weird phenomenon. I had to keep rubbing my eyes, to not show what was happening. Is that social anxiety or RSD, because honestly, simple RSD that accompanies ADHD would explain just about everything else. I typically experience. I do also have a crippling fear and paranoia in relationships of a girlfriend cheating on me. Why would anyone be happy with just me? Many times I would preemptively cheat once, just so that I had an emotional barrier of armor forehand that would protect me if I were to find out THEY cheated. It's terrible folks. I get that and it is NOT lost on me. But it's like I almost can't even help it. The emotional insecurity I feel is too high. Like, is that anything other ADHDer's ever feel, or is that something else too? I feel it's all part of this emotional vulnerabiliy, and know how terrible it is to be this way. It's shameful and not at all fair to do to a partner. I've looked into Bipolar and that doesn't really seem to fit. Borderline is closer, but still doesn't seem right, when I listen to all the symptoms. All I know is that it isn't right...

[@SovendeMay]

Good luck finding answers and relief from suffering. I empathise, and my heart goes out to you.

[@robynstewardson]

Autism? I know people who struggle to look at others in the eye and tend to do this thing where they kind of have their eyes open when talking to you, looking away, but when they turn back to you, their eyes kind of involuntarily (I guess) close and they do this sort of blink/flutter, as if they can't open them properly. I do the 'driving' thing, blocking people when they are doing the wrong thing... just making them aware of their behaviour and that it affects others. Autistic people have an enormously strong sense of justice. That could possibly be it. Getting on a train carriage, almost empty but for one passenger who has his feet on a seat or perhaps just his bag. Where do you sit? My husband chose on the seat where the bag was. ! I will make comment about people 'dropping' rubbish and watch as they pick it up. It drives me mad when people take the last toilet paper and don't put the new roll on. 😒 Also, in offices, when the last toner cartridge or paper ream is taken with no replacement sorted. GRUMP! The aspie quiz may be helpful, but for me, the result was always 'no result' because of inconsistent answers (I attribute this to the lack of specificity and difficulty of choosing the most accurate option - fixed mindset and difficulty prioritising issues. I now also have a Dx of Autism

[@redrumcoke2363]

@@Ikr2025 Thanks Stellaria. I'm 38/M. Been on a 25mg Adderall XR regimen for the past year that will move to 30mg XR beginning next month. Still, I'm getting the feeling that something else may be going on. I haven't gotten back into the dating scene because I'm an only child and have an elderly mother that lives with me, which I take care of. Almost certainly, the stress that accompanies my mother's homecare plays a part. I won't go into the long detail, but while I am glad to help, I also feel shackled here. Dating has been put on hold indefinitely and it feels like I'm losing the rat-race to all my friends and old schoolmates. Still, despite sounding pretty depressing here, I generally keep a pretty positive disposition. The amount of alcohol that day amounted to about 2 shots I think, which would have little effect on me. It was definitely severe stress related. I'm just glad that nothing permanent resulted of it, like an aneurysm... I also want to point out that I understand the hypocrisy in getting upset with reckless drivers for not being considerate, while at the same time cheating preemptively to protect my own fragile ego. I'd just like to FIX and so far, will power does not trump my need to feel this "protection", which I totally understand is completely disprespectful. People tell me that you just shouldn't care if someone cheats on you. They say, don't let it bother you too much and simply move on, as they weren't the one for you anyway... I'll catch flak for these comments, and expect to hear that I should get what I deserve, and can understand the sentiment. There has been no way to bring things like this (and others) to my therapist, because I'm afraid of what they'd think. Appreciate the genuine concern though bud. This communuty has been very empathetic, considerate and supportive. The "good side" if the internet, more or less, if you will.

[@annak29]

Thank you for your courage in sharing your experiences. It sure makes life more chaotic and difficult than it already is. I appreciate your story bc I can at least have insight and sympathize with others, why they are compelled to make such choices. It's really difficult to grasp, but it makes sense to you. Pre-emptively hurting someone else as a "buffer" is a new rationale I had never considered. Having ADHD makes childhood very difficult for the child, and being punished for things that aren't in your control (or even awareness) can lead to children feeling victimized, and most parents have no idea how to properly manage ADHD and perceive the need to co-regulate and model a behavior or task for the child. It's very complicated, and finding a COMPETENT therapist who understands adult ADHD let alone having skills to treat is rare. Even the "best" are pretty oblivious and don't know what to do when treatments don't work.

[@annak29]

Your experience with your eyes closing while extremely stressed is a sign of your nervous systems battling for primacy: the sympathetic, parasympathetic, and autonomic. A therapy that works very well for toning down the OVER-REACTIVE stress response while strengthening the logical and rational coping parts of your brain is called "Polyvagal integrated listening therapy.". I have seen it work in ppl in my circle. Usually provided by occupational therapists in neurorehabilitation for post TBI and other catastrophic brain injury. One device is called "Unyte ILS" and you can search that on Internet to read their theory & approach. Dr. Stephen Porges is the psychologist who pioneered the theory and therapy. It helps ppl with all kinds of diagnoses. In your situation with what you describe, you would probably want to concurrently be in CBT and/or possibly DBT which is more effective for more intensive needs to help you explore and discover how you got to the point of "pre-emptively cheating to protect yourself" and construct positive and true framework of self. But finding a qualified practitioner is definitely a big challenge. You could work backwards by finding an OT that does the polyvagal ILS therapy, then asking who they get their referrals from (doctors, psychologists) then make calls to those offices to ask questions and possibly set appointment to consult.

[@frederickduncan9517]

I literally cried as I'm listening to this. At 58 years old, to hear someone describe my life is amazing!

[@AlexiHolford]

My parents definitely supported me to the best of their abilities and believed in me despite all my struggles. RSD has plagued me as well as all the other ADHD symptoms my entire life. I am 53, but only diagnosed a year and a half ago. My father always told me to “concentrate and be efficient” growing up. I had a teacher in elementary school who noted that I daydreamed often in class. But as a female, ADHD wasn’t even considered a possibility.

[@mooster47]

This is the clearest explanation of ADHD that I've seen. Thank you. I'm female in my mid-seventies. I've suspected I have ADD, but a lot of the descriptions I've seen focus more on hyperactivity, which was never a feature of my behavior except for mental activity. Suddenly my life has been explained, but is it too late to do anything about it? I believe that even without any treatment, just understanding the problem would have helped me make better decisions. I'm noticing that the anecdote about the medical student did not mention treatment for him, but a psychological mindset or technique for motivating himself. (What if his real life patients aren't on par with JFK?!) I think I've created a bunch of motivators for myself over the years that don't fix the problem, but definitely help me to internalize urgency triggers, so to speak. Usually, as an adult, I can relate to the fact that the grinding task isn't going to go away and isn't going to get easier. Also, there is the fact that habits can be formed if I can hang on to the concept of urgency. For example, scooping the cat litter every single night before bed is something I found I really can do faithfully if I focus on my urgent objective - not just of having a clean litter box now, but of avoiding the scary opposite extreme. I was probably past 50 before I managed to fully establish this habit. Managing the checkbook and paying bills I got under control at an early age because of a deep-seated terror of financial disaster. The scattered thoughts and insomnia and sense of letting myself and others down never go away, and I have a thousand projects that stalled. Add to that the increasing short term memory slips, and things are always on the verge of going completely out of whack, if they haven't already.

[@Dancestar1981]

Never too late just a chance for a new beginning and allowing you time to forgive yourself and help heal your inner child

[@joannanordahl]

One thing i don’t agree with here. On paper I actually did amazing in school- aced most subjects. Because I’m super curious and school meant constant novelty, deadlines (urgency) and clear structure. But the subjects that DIDNT interest me, I struggled hard with - but I still pushed through, studying at home often late at night and with loads of help and nagging from my parents. But I made it through - why? Because I also had severe anxiety. So the anxiety pushed me to do well even in the things my adhd brain would hinder me from doing. I know I’m not alone in this double diagnosis scenario. Doctors have turned my adhd suspicions down in the past simply because I “had good grades”, even though Ive had SEVERE adhd symptoms in my daily life since I started living alone 15 years ago. So it’s not true that all adhd:ers fail school, some of us (especially girls / women) also have almost crippling anxiety that compensates and make us study all night every night if needed - and then the major executive problems show up later in life when there’s actually less structure and novelty around us that school provided.

[@svetavinogradova4243]

It is not ADHD. It is a norm and excuse seeking.

[@Dancestar1981]

Me found out I have dual diagnosis ASD and combined ADHD

[@serchme54]

As a person with ADHD I would like to listen to this Dr but I just can’t stay focused long enough to learn anything from it. This comment is not a joke.

[@lauralaforge558]

Look at the chapter headings and pick one that interests you

[@nataliehudgins3364]

Thank you, I have lived with all of this as long as I can remember being alive! I’ve never heard it out loud, medication has helped all the many thoughts that happens at once, but has not stopped the torment of rejection the sadness of withdrawal from everyone when I get out of step with the world. I’m grateful for your words, they will help me. ❤️

[@evaweber5267]

Wow! I was in therapy for 10 years and she said I was hypersensitive and had severe anxiety but this is the first time that I feel confident that I have ADHD. I’m 42 years old right now

[@rusticitas]

One of the most intense sessions I’ve ever listened to.

[@Shazzyshell]

I dont believe the only techniche to get through school for a person with adhd is working on what they are motivated but making things interesting to them, i e by posing challenges and games that dont depend entirelly on short term memory. We probably engage in interesting things because they go right into long term memory. I was able to memorize things by doing trees structuring knowledge and explaining them, anything that has to do with deep processing will help. I know not only by experience but also because i worked in after class support with kids with adhd. One thing that was importat was to let them move around, sit wherever they want, and be noisy if they need to, even engage in a manual activity during the class.

[@Abbi_Lovely]

This is probably the best talk I have listened to so far. It explains a lot of the behavioral issues I had while young and the problems in functioning, task initiation, and to an extent caring that I am struggling with in my 20’s. What really hit me was RSD and deciding to no longer try. I did that for years. The school system being gears to a different set of motivation inducing values was also huge because while I understand why something may matter it is so hard for me to study or do anything unless I have a specific interest. I also study and problem solve backwards because that works better for me with most subjects.

[@testboga5991]

What helped me with rejection sensitivity, was to get myself in situations were I would experience a lot of safe rejection (entertainment industry). It helped a lot, but your description of it feeling like a knife in the chest is 100% accurate. I can literally point to the spot on my chest.

[@julieolson1402]

I'm a retired critical care nurse who has become afraid of a lot of medications, and doubtful of much of the medical establishment. My only trial with Ritalin in my early 40s made me extremely hostile to an uncontrollable degree. Alpha agonists scare me due to their pressor effects as I tend to be on the hypotensive side of normal at baseline. At my current age I don't want to risk much, but, if I were younger, or had a family, I would be eager to experiment. I manage my life well enough, but was thrilled by your podcast. Not only do I have understanding after all these years, I have hope! I will be following your work, and will experiment with your behavioral techniques. At this stage of my life its wonderful to see the heroes of the field make their breakthroughs.

[@kikki2012]

I too am critical of synthetic medication. I just recently understood I have ADD issues combined with CPTSD (age 60). I've just started looking into using essential oils to regulate and hope I can find some good protocols to try out. I know the oils must be of high quality/purity. I wish you all the best in your quest for helpful remedies and techniques!

[@sebastian3004]

Try Clonidine. Helps with impulsivity and anxiety. You get pissed because you have fear at something.....

[@KE-xj9vm]

I was just diagnosed at 40, and this talk has resonated with me so much. I feel seen.

[@robertstan298]

Maybe it's just the deeply precarious state I'm in, maybe not, but Dr. Dodson's explanations here hit home the strongest I've ever felt in my research of ADHD, RSD & others. His perfect melding of both clinical/scientific and empathic/humanistic elements of describing ADHD is nothing short of wholesome. And at the same time it tears into my soul that a well-meaning stranger, in a one-way interaction like videos on the internet, gets more of what I've been going through for nearly 34 years, than my entire family, teachers, specialists and friends combined, ever did.

[@mag6521]

Help!!! I suffer so badly. For example: A coworker who trained me rejected my follow request on linkedin and I went as far as making fake accounts on linkedin, checking periodically if she followed back, checking if she had posted anything etc., if she had followed other people in the group (she had) just to be able to determine whether she had in fact denied my request, I didn’t want to believe it bc it was too painful to accept. I already feel “different” and am afraid of people “discovering” me and not liking me so this was so painful. I literally felt debilitated for days, ruminating about where I went wrong when I had been so nice and tried to act so normal. I was so distraught and even had suicidal thoughts. I don’t know if anyone else has been through this but omg it’s hard living life this way and I’m constantly thinking it would be easier to end it all but I keep going and hoping 😢😭

[@TheStarBlack]

ADHD and RSD is hard enough to deal with on its own. Social media can be incredibly harmful. I fell out of contact with all my old school friends over 10 years ago but I still torture myself watching them on facebook going on holidays together, raising their children together while I have nobody to socialise my kids with. It's horrible and my advice would be just don't do it to yourself. Get off social media completely and focus on learning how to live with yourself and your ADHD. When you've made some progress with that, maintaining and making friendships should be easier. I hope you realise I'm giving myself this advice here too!!

[@eecneihappy]

I understand completely. I ruminate and above behavior might be something I would do and others might label it for narcissism but this is way different. I also rarely get on social media because it is so painful. TY you both for sharing 💓

[@visionvixxen]

YES! Often … and still scared knowing how close to get to people…. Tired.

[@mag6521]

@@TheStarBlack thank you for sharing and for that advice ❤️❤️❤️ I agree and relate with you on all points; and in fact I muted every single person I followed on Instagram so I don’t get “triggered” including old classmates/friends. Thankfully it’s been a few weeks since the event in my original comment happened, and I am happy to say I am no longer experiencing the pain I felt at that time. I feel completely at peace with it but in the moment it was just so hard and painful. It felt like something I had to go through to grow through if that makes sense. I hope that this can bring anyone else reading this some hope ❤️

[@mag6521]

@@visionvixxen I understand how you feel. I’ve been in a funk plenty of times. But it can and will get better ❤️ you’re not alone, so many of us are going through this and we can get through it. Sending you so much love and light.

[@NachogirlNEmore]

I would love a webinar that doesn’t involve parenting for your adhd child tips. I have zero kids bc I didn’t want to pass on all my deficiencies. So, when the questions start going towards techniques or information involving your child, I lose interest or become immediately resentful bc my parents did nothing to assist & never took me to see a doctor. If it states the webinar is about adult adhd situations, can we keep it that way, please?

[@10ison]

Lolol

[@starchildofthe90s7]

Wow i feel this way to. 😮😮😮 I literally decided i dont want kids due to my own genes as well as my own feelings towards my parents and all the trauma im teying to fugure out. At rhis point i just want to get to a point in my life where i have some balance in my life and i can maintain it. I dont need kids i may not even pursue a life partner. I just want my life to be full for me at the least then i can die happy.

[@sharonkeller8367]

Try not to blame you parents. Believe me everybody else in the world will do it for you. Anything that you have a problem with will be their fault accorgin to our society, especiall mothers. Most parents are as baffled as you are. And one reason parents don't get involved in evaluation is because they do not want to stimatize the child or have them seen differently by the school or the other children. This can be almost as bad for the child as not having a diagnosis. Or put them on medication that who knows what it does. It's hard because parents cannot change society. They can only try to help the child fit in as best they can and hope they find their way in the world later on. I think I just hoped they functioned better in the world rather than school. Once I was out of school I had a much better life. I could leave a job and get one better suited to me. But in school you are stuck. I could save up money and move away, make new friends, get a different job etc, but not in school.

[@KK-bv5ep]

I have diagnosed ADHD and Dyslexia and everything here is so relatable and I happy that someone put it into words so I can explain it to the people in my life when they do not understand me. That challenge "Oh, you can't do that" is so powerful. When this happens, I become so upset that I won't look at the persons face and I am fighting back tears because I don't want to show weakness and I want to present being a "neurotypical." Then, I will literally to nothing else but work and prepare for weeks just to prove my capabilities.

[@eecneihappy]

This was of the BEST videos I have ever seen.

[@buildingblissnz7543]

These talks are AMAZING...I'm learning so much about me that I've just had to navigate and deal with internally. Its like having a car that looks the same inside and out but all the controls operate completely differently. The struggle of self is so real in ADHD land. The level of personal pain is truely beyond language. When my RSD is triggered its like my whole body goes into an extreme flight or fight mode and feels like i'm receiving an electric shock throughout my entire body. It can happen many times a day and is EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I'm going to enquire about the alpha agonist meds with my GP to see if i can trial them. To even begin to explain the pain of every day to neurotypicals feels so friggin futile. I'm seriously over the judgment and social conformity BS. To u all reading this, I salute your personal resilience and know you are just as valuable and capable as anyone else out there. Peace.

[@DirkMcGurkin]

Ha! As if the most replayed part was that split second skip over that made me NEED to see it! Seeing that made me feel better about life. Thanks.

[@arvyarvy4242]

20 mins in and for the first time i feel seen. all my reports through school had the remark 'can do better' i can count how many times in my life ive turned in a school homework, family life was tumultuous i ran away from home. i have intense blinding rage that last for short periods of time my mind is always tinkering and i turned to food in an effort to quiet it add in ptsd and my life is a mess im 30 and away from family for the first time and finally doing things my way and everything is finally falling in place. im getting my life together with passion and urgency.

[@mimmycal]

This is excellent. I was diagnosed 35 years ago. I live alone now, I have two grown sons - who are both ADHD, but the father chose not to recognize it ha in them or me. I left the marriage because of indifference and my sons are still mad at me. it’s been 22 years. If these three men could just figure out that we 3 have ADHD, & forgive me , I could go see my two grandchildren. 😢

[@jessamineprice5803]

I’m sorry ADHD has hurt your family so much. I hope your sons grow wiser and come to understand you better. ❤❤❤

[@temetnosce888]

This is such a powerful gift. Thank you. I have been questing for better insights into my struggles with these things since before I can remember. I cannot express how grateful I am to finally see a fitting explanation.

[@joannetteself]

I am 57 years old. Diagnosed and medicated in 1996, which was very helpful for a few years, but gradually anxiety disorder ratcheted up to the point that the side effects of the stimulant meds outweighed the benefits. You have described my life in minute detail. I have a little hope again. Thank you.

[@manuelbean]

Hi there. Could you please elaborate on that? Thank you

[@AnasthassiaMurillo]

"People with ADHD is very inconsistent, but in a very consistent way" Wow! This hit me hard!

[@whitway]

Art Class: 7th Grade. For the first time in my life I found something I couldn't do. My Parents didn't know how to handle it. I cried even. And the Creative doesn't apply to me either. But after I developed MS when I turned 40 I was tested by two Neuropsychs. One said I'm on the spectrum or very close to being and the other said I have what amounts to a Non-Verbal Learning Disorder. I'm 53 now and just diagnosed last week with ADHD.

[@aihkas]

Wow, life-changing advice in there! just reading the slides was one of the most compact accurate descriptions I can think of when it comes to the wide spectrum of characteristics we adhders have.

[@brianmathews2926]

20:10 speaks directly to my soul

[@remost9957]

I am a late-career psychiatrist and I am blown away by how much I am learning from Dr. Dodson! I do have a few divergent thoughts, some of them likely to be wrong! so here: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is also seen in child-abuse-etiology Borderline PD. In a rejection-sensitive person who was not necessarily outright abused, a later-life trauma can magnify shame sensitivity. (rejection sensitivity). Magnified shame-sensitivity is also seen in military trauma where it shows up as survivor guilt. AND survivor guilt is seen in civilian trauma even when it is completely obvious that there was no responsibility for the traumatic event. Example: a bank robbery at lunch-time in the 1980s. A teller was shot and killed. 3 or 4 colleagues had gone out to lunch, returned to see the police barrier. They ALL had survivor guilt. (but not as far as I know, RSD) In most trauma -- (1) the feeling of helpless and/or (2) the need during some trauma to suppress a normal response to fight or flee -- engenders intense shame. (The Cognitive aspect is NOT the cause. It can sound like: "I should have fought back, so it was my fault" That is rationalization for the "inexplicable" emotion) But trauma does not lead to generalized RSD. The reactivity is usually specific to certain scenes. (triggers). Finally, I do think I have seen Atypical Depression with "reversed" 24-hour mood cycles, hyper-sleepiness, hyper-appetite, extreme lethargy and "rejection-sensitivity." They all score very high on the Internalized Shame Scale during depressive episodes. If not depressed, they are still shame-sensitive but not strongly reactive - likely they have some social anxiety! Now I am wondering how much this "atypical" diagnosis correlates with the interest-driven neurological type. (My vocabulary - "shame, interest, dissmell" - derives from the very useful 9-affect system of Silvan Tomkins.)

[@vibrantly50]

This is so mind blowing for me. I finally understand how my brain works and why school was so incredibly hard. I finally dropped out the middle of my Senior year of high school and transferred to an alternative high school that WAS student led interest driven for the most part. I thrived there!

[@mp9810]

This was incredibly helpful, thank you so much.

[@anne-marieh6128]

Profound information and well done presentation! Sincere thanks for your work!

[@omememe]

I was about to end it all, as I am tired of life. Misunderstood, people pleaser, entirety of my life I've spend thinking that there is something deeply wrong with me. Now, at 46, I know what I am fighting against. But divorced, no real friends, and really trying hard. Perhaps worst of all, every time I try helping or connecting with people, it ends up entirely other way around. And the hole gets deeper every time.

[@ritcha02]

I submitted my request for an assessment via my GP and immediately after had two massive panic attacks in meetings at work when asked to do a really complex organizational task. It makes so much sense that there is a connection to the nervous system.

[@Magroot0914]

This is the most magical explanation. I could tear up.

[@annsan1722]

Thanks for this! It is incredibly aptly to my situation (diagnosed one year ago being 56)

[@sandrallewellyn3570]

This defines me 100% while I really thought I had Asperger’s. I am now in my eighties however I had a 50 year career as an RN who eventually got her BSN. I mainly worked in Pediatrics but changed jobs frequently when I sensed rejection. RDS is me yet. It’s particularly hard now because i hate asking for help. I live in the situation of living in an apartment in my sons house. His wife and sons feel like my sources of rejection. I can no longer drive or even afford a car. Do you think it could be bother or just ADD?

[@mag6521]

Sending you love and hugs from Canada 🇨🇦 Sandra!! You’re not alone.. hope you can find some comfort within ❤️🌸

[@joybeum7177]

Sandra, I can relate to your story and have only found peace (and real love) through my faith. I know God understands and will never stop loving me, no matter what. Only people do that! Prayers for you Sandra.

[@alouise3557]

Hi Sandra. Firstly, God bless you for still being such a fighter. I'm in my 40s and probably don't have half your fight. Secondly, I believe your sensitivity to rejection which leads to your apprehension to ask for help, could be seen in MULTIPLE types of personalities. I do not have ADHD, but rather I'm here to learn about it as my partner suffers from ADHD. The disorder I suffer from directly "clashes" with adhd, in that I perceive his actions as lack of caring, so I have unfortunately caused some damage to him as a result of being very hurt by his behavior. That said, I too, have a paralyzing fear of rejection. In fact, my own fear of rejection is found in my own disorder. And I can assure you that if I were in your shoes, I wood absolutely be affected in just the same way as you, and perhaps worse. So, I do not know if what you're feeling is a direct result of ADHD, but I can tell you that it may be quite common to experience the thoughts you're feeling while dealing with these issues (apartment, car, etc.) I just wanted you to know you're not alone. At my age I live with my senior parents as I'm unable to afford today's prices, and unfortunately, I've had to accept their help sometimes which has been very difficult due to my extremely low self worth. My advice? Ask for all the help you need. You would be surprised in knowing how many people just need to feel needed in this life. For any one of us, it can end tomorrow, no matter our age. Don't take on too much. And don't ever be ashamed to ask for the help you need. We weren't put here to do it on our own 100% of the time. Perhaps your family wants to help you more than you think. God bless you. Keep the faith in knowing that there are others out there of all ages going through the same thing you're going through. Support groups can be great. Perhaps you might find one online or locally. You never know what's out there until you give it a try. All the best to you.

[@keilana6]

I'm 82 and and still wondering how U can find out for sure and if treatment helps. I see my life in many other's comments on the experiences one has. I saw the behaviors in my Dad and my son is like a poster child for onging bad choices, relationships, inconsistent living. I sure would like to find out about myself before I die & assist others with their struggles. Dr. Dodson describes my lifestyles exactly. Seems like traits are increasing as I age or else I'm becoming more aware. Dr. Dodson describes my traits in a way that that defines my life and the way I figure things out- or at least attempt to.

[@thefack149]

7minutes in and I'm so grateful to have found this

[@seanmichaelsimon]

This is awesome... Give a lot of clarity on this subject...

[@bjugler]

I feel like any educator should be required to listen to this and pass a comprehensive 300-question twice-annual certification test on its content before they are allowed to have unsupervised contact with anyone having ADHD.

[@svetavinogradova4243]

there are simpler dolutions, such as corporal measures.

[@groadybones]

Why do I feel like I wanna cry... this... somebody gets me.

[@fortunatecoincidence]

I love your advice to think of the times when one felt like everything is possible. For my thesis I actually made a note that was along those lines! It read "Focus on the times when you have reached your goals. Everything else will follow.". It worked out really well.

[@thomasc9451]

Fantastic, balanced, thoughtful, insightful. Thank you so much !

[@avelera4296]

20 minutes in I had to pause because I was getting choked up that it was all finally articulated so clearly.

[@m3llytan]

"[People with ADHD are] given the wrong user's manual in preschool." ...Wow. I've never thought about it that way, but that is such an apt way to put it. Unfortunately it goes beyond preschool, too; 4/5 psychologists I've been to keep giving me the same "manuals" that work for everyone else but me, even after I've told them that I've these things for years with very little benefit. This lecture video any many others have made me feel so understood and empowered, not to mention that they make me realize that I'm not defective or stupid or weak, I just don't have all the right "manuals" yet. ButI feel closer and more in control knowing that I'm not just imagining things, I just need to do more research and work to help myself. Thank you for your work.

[@Woundedhealer_]

This video is incredibly validating. Thank you.

[@javanjunkindahouse6625]

Well holy shit. Thank you. I’ve never ever heard any of this part of adhd and I’m 🤯 This is so incredibly helpful, I have a 6yr old boy I’ve fostered since he was 8 weeks old (and in the process of adopting) and since he started gr 1 has really struggled and I’ve watched his self esteem go down. He has had weekly (supervised) visits with his mom and I’ve always said the rejection he feels from his visits with her creates huge reactions quite often. To the point he’s running out to my vehicle without shoes and is so unregulated that it would take almost 2 hours to help him find his baseline again. Now it all makes so much more sense and I can explain things for him and advocate for him. With visitation and maybe some boundaries and some options and choices for him and same within the school system. He has a teacher who when I walk into the class I can feel her irritation. I can’t imagine how he feels daily 😞Even in 2023 she expects all 6yr old kids to sit quietly and do their book work. I am sending her this link. It’s beginning of June so not much hope for change this year but maybe she can pick up on some things. I certainly have. He’s an amazing kid and I love him so much. I want the best for him and do not want him to internalize rejection.

[@20ZZ20]

never seen something explain me so well...

[@markmanenator]

I can totally relate to many of the behaviors presented. But I have double the problems as I am married to an autistic person who discovered that late in life. It's excruciating what we expect of each other, yet there seems to be no literature on how the two can get along. Think disorganized living with the constant demand for organization, or to remember every single conversation you ever had with that person because it will come up eventually.

[@ShireWitch]

Same. My partner is ASD and I'm pretty sure I'm ADHD 🤷‍♀️

[@giovannamoro8564]

This is such a common love match ! If it wasn't for future kids who might very well inherit both conditions.

[@visionvixxen]

Where do you find an expert for people who are in torment or severely depressed. One med pushes the balloon too much in one direction and then vice versa. Also what if you may have ADD, Asperger’s , maybe Bipolar 2, as well as bicultural issues.. mid forties and more lost than ever.

[@ericakennett]

I have never felt more comprehensively understood. Finally diagnosed last year at 36. And this year I totally, completely burned out.

[@Dancestar1981]

I’ve experienced many bouts of ND burnout in my 42 years hang in there it slowly gets better and you will recover. Take it one day at a time. I also recommend researching spoon theory and energy accounting. The basics are you have a limited number of spoons as resources per day to use in life and you decide how you are going to use them. Once they’re depleted you have to wait for the next day to begin again. The energy accounting system works along the lines that doing activities that bring you joy will energise you and doing ones you don’t will drain you. The aim is to finish the day feeling energised and not depleted

[@tatsumakisempyukaku]

I have a good chunk of these traits. I think a lot. Have trouble sleeping. I only really get engaged when challenged, if there’s competition, super urgency, intrigue. I do work hard when I work but I don’t like working meaningless jobs or working anything that’s not interesting, so I leave jobs after a while. I’m a nurse, it was interesting for the first couple of years then it became mundane. I don’t know about the rejection part. I’ll have to reflect on that.

[@prosperusall]

Thank you for this. My life exactly.

[@ejsilk2101]

This talk was very helpful. I am an instructor with an internship program focused on training people with DD / MI diagnosis. Thank you all!

[@user-ot8vb2qc2o]

Fascinating how the diagnostic criteria only caters to kids 6-12 ... mind blowing.

[@davidbrewster4327]

This is amazing ❤ thank you!

[@douglasgilbert1426]

I would imagine that finding a doctor being difficult is because the vast majority of the people in charge of trying to tell people what is wrong with them are on the deficient side of Dunning-Kruger where they are over confident in their abilities and couldn't help another person to save their life.

[@kikki2012]

Lol

[@alexs7671]

Amen

[@kirstyriver7689]

Yes