Demisexual 101

[@sheiveon]

I found out quite recently that I'm a Demisexual Demiromantic and seeing videos dedicated to those two makes me very happy. Growing up I couldn't understand how in the world people have crushes on random strangers or even believe in love at first sight. I thought there was something wrong with me. Glad to find out now that it's not the case. I'm sure a ton of people had similar experiences and that's why videos like this are very helpful 💙

[@f9deadshot981]

Same

[@Max4Z]

*Person making their “sexuality” their whole personality* Tell me ur boring without specifically telling me so

[@juliewoohoogirl6616]

I feel like I'm demi, but I never had crushes on my friends. They are new people I have an attraction to, but I don't experience sexual attraction at the beginning. I start dating them and I don't feel like I want to have sex or even kiss before the bond is formed. So I just think it works not only with friend-crushes 🥰

[@Saiyagurl]

Same here! I have never had crushes on my friends. For me its a different emotional bond. My friends are platonic emotional bond and just that. But I'm opened to having a romantic emotional bond then a sexual bond later with other people. Platonic and romantic emotional bonds are different for me.

[@meghanna2034]

This may be more something I wish people knew about all the ace identities, but being demi (or any other ace identity) does not inherently mean you are sex repulsed. Its about how/when/if you experience sexual attraction, not about sexual behavior.

[@DeepSeaLugia]

4:58 "Another myth about demisexuality is that it's just straight people trying to be special" YES THANK YOU, I've been telling this to myself. I had a bad experience with what should've been a regular romance (I certainly didn't get the memo about a certain type of "chill" 🤣). It was the worst experience not knowing what to do with others, I read NSFW but for it to happen to me is 🤢, and myself feeling terrible I didn't/couldn't feel that way! Now I'm in a relationship with an allo person. I feel sexually attracted like 5% of the time, I'm aware they have aesthetic qualities + we're great friends so idk if I'm demi? Seems to be working out. We've talked about open relationships but that is not what they wanted, so I'm grateful.

[@thebrightestrainbowever3841]

Thank you for unpacking this even more! This was for sure validating and even more affirming!!! Definitely me! :) I didn’t know there was a label to how I was feeling it makes sense so much.

[@lynnsaga1397]

I’m happy it helped!

[@AnchitaPotumanchi]

I'm still trying to figure out if I fall under this identity or not. I definitely do feel strong sexual attraction to a range of people on a regular basis. But if any of these people were to even touch me in a slightly less than platonic way or too early into my bond with them, my body reacts very strongly to it. It feels weird, alien and unwanted. No matter how sexually attracted to them I might be in my mind, my body simply rejects the touch. This happens even with my boyfriend and I. Sometimes if we haven't had a conversation and go straight into the intimate stuff, I don't feel aroused at all. Oh and the falling in love with my friends thing is too real and happens all the time to me lol. Idk what to call these experiences, but hope that someday I'll be able to describe it better.

[@MiauMichigan]

You couldn't have described it better 🙂

[@tiffanypersaud3518]

Thanks for the vid! As a Demiromantic it’s good to see other Demi’s speak out about this.

[@Atawak-n9u]

Demi is a little different for a lot of us. I'm just saying. Thanks for the bright smile

[@akishi1022]

Watching this video reminded me of my friend whose a demiromantic bisexual. And once again, thank you Lynn for making these videos! Looking forward to the next video ❤️

[@lynnsaga1397]

Awww thank you so much! I'm super excited for the next video I'm filming it tonight

[@creativedesignation7880]

This video comes at a great time for me. I used to be attracted to people even without knowing them, but when a friend recently asked my whether I thought someone was hot I found myself saying: "How should I know? I don't know them." and me and my friend were both irritated by my sudden inability to answer such a question.

[@Mialotic]

Nice summary on demisexuality. And I like how you brought up that Demisexual doesn’t indicate preference in sexuality it’s just about when you feel sexual attraction. Also, your videos look aesthetically very nice. May I suggest looking a bit more into the lens at times rather than just the view finder to make it a bit more personal.

[@lynnsaga1397]

Of course! I always appreciate feedback ☺️ I’ll keep that in mind while filming from now on

[@rosabie5138]

Thank you, I recently realized that I'm demi and I've been trying to wrap my head around it. I was a pretty sheltered kid growing up, so my orientation was NEVER something I really questioned and I thought that everyone experienced love and attraction the same ways I did. I've also been pretty hesitant to talk about it with most people in my life, because literally all of my friends were LGBT+ growing up and I've been worried that people will think I'm making it up to fit in or be special. NGL, hearing you say that straight demisexuals were valid, was something I REALLY needed to hear! 💛

[@anvithequarsonist]

This was really informative! Happy pansexual day btw!

[@Moiraslover]

I figured out I was demisexual a year ago Im so glad I did it explains so much about everything I've had such a hard time relating to things in conversations such as "this person is so hot!" I don't understand that also in this video talking about the crushes thing and not realizing and just saying i dont like this definitely is accurate to me I once had this crush on this guy who would make me laugh all the time and I REALLY liked him but I kept denying it like it wasn't a real feeling it was probably the only real crush I've ever had this video is so helpful! And I hope that more people understand and accept demisexuals and as well as other people on the ace and aro community 💕

[@Spidergirl_Andi626]

Great video! I love your content!

[@lynnsaga1397]

Thank you!

[@VanillatheRabbitLady98]

Thank you so much for making this video! I have a brother who is trans(f to m), gay and demi-sexual. Watching this video helped me learn more about this part of their sexuality after they came out to me again. I was always confused about what it meant to be demi-sexual and I'm definitely more informed now. So thank you again Lynn for informing others including myself about this very misunderstood part of the LGBTQAI+ Community!😊❤🧡💛💚💙💜

[@brett6239]

Boy it can be confusing to be on the other side of it. I met a gorgeous girl and was pretty obvious about liking her. But she was just friendly in return. She was in my friend group so I was around her for months. Then one night she got wasted at a party. I took care of her and made sure she got home. After that the attraction clicked in for her. But I couldn't see it for a long time because I thought that was settled long ago. For me attraction is instant or not at all.

[@Oag1992]

Thanks for the video this was great! I’ve come to terms with being demi. There are still days where I’m like “am I?” But I know deep down sex isn’t a big deal to me and while I do feel aesthetic attraction towards people I need to have that bond, that trust.

[@MarsLos10]

To all the demi fellas out there. Was there a period of your life (especially before knowing that demisexuality exists) that you were masking to everyone that you have a "normal" (allosexual) life, you tried a couple of dates and didn't enjoy them, felt awkward, sex was weird, but you were still masking that you had a great time? I come from a small community and this was my reality for years. I wonder if anyone else have had a similar experience. Now I am 27, and realized that I was masking having fun to all the dates I've been to, except from the ones were I formed a relationship with a friend, oh those were magical:)

[@darengardner9351]

it's a bit scary to me how much this fits me i hadn;t even heard of this a week ago it has given me a lot to think about

[@SadieParker799]

It can be really confusing to sort through all your feelings and figure out where exactly you fall on the ace spectrum (or any other LGBT spectrum for that matter). I wish you well on your quest of self discovery

[@rubyhobbit7129]

Howdy, I'm not demisexual but my boyfriend came out to me that he was hence why I am here. Thank you for helping me understand this a bit better.

[@NikkiEdmunds]

I’m very aware of the fact that no one knows anyone but it’s quite important not to sleep with someone soon after meeting them. It’s quite dangerous to do that

[@hannahmew9194]

If anyone feels comfortable answering this I am wondering if crushing on fictional characters after consuming the media they are in counts or is it where the relationship has to be less “one sided”

[@kepler3.14]

I am also interested to hear what people think (I'm aspec but not Demi). It's kinda like a parasocial relationship, maybe.

[@hannahmew9194]

@@kepler3.14 I think I am some form of acespec due to mostly my lack of genuine attraction to people but also I never have had the opportunity to get close to the gender to am attracted to so I am not sure it is lack of exposure some form of acespec or more likely a mix of both

[@guineapig5858]

This is a year late so you might already have an answer but yes. As a demisexual I have had crushes on fictional characters but only after learning more about their character. With fictional characters it's the same as what it is in real life. The friendship side of course doesn't happen but as you get to know characters for themselves you can feel an emotional connection like how some people have comfort characters.

[@nova_beloved]

Happy pansexual and panromantic awareness day 💖💙💛

[@lynnsaga1397]

I didn't even know it was pansexual day!

[@nova_beloved]

@@lynnsaga1397 ya it's on my calendar all the like sexuality like holidays i gusse days are on there it's pretty nice ngl

[@supreme_leader_of_the_internet]

5:46 the tumblr blog fuckyeahasexual and theacearmy are two good ace tumblr blogs and thequeerestplaceontheinternet is a good over all gay blog

[@lynnsaga1397]

I'll have to look them up!

[@markcalledmegrass9407]

thank you ❤

[@lynnsaga1397]

Awww I'm happy you liked it!

[@MxEickley]

Thank you for sharing, I myself am Demi romantic I believe, and it is just difficult to understand if these feelings I have towards my friends it's just friendship or not and makes me wonder if I'm just completely aromantic at times. I am either Aro or Demi romantic, do you have any tips that may be helpful? PS I love reading Romance longer and watching romance anime.

[@AnthroFiend]

Much love to all my Demi friends!

[@ApynAviation335]

I’m Demi and my best friends sister I have always thought when i go round, ooh she’s pretty, but never thought I was attracted to her, but it’s only since I’ve got to know her a lot more, I realised I’m attracted to her.

[@VoidKing666]

I’m probably demisexual but I don’t have the energy to label myself as such. And I’m not straight. At all.

[@liamodonovan6610]

You are awesome always love your videos you are an amazing intelligent person lynn demisexualit is not believed the same as asexuality love you lynn you are real and awesome as you are awesome video

[@ardidsonriente2223]

While I do understand the short-term usefullness of these labels, I find them extremely confusing, limiting, and a bad practice in the long run. As far as we know, genetic sex is a continuum, because not all people es either XX o XY. AFAWK, biological sex is a continuum, because in real people the external expression of sex varies and mixes, and with diverse degrees. AFAWK, gender is an unstable social construct that varies from place to place, from period to period and from group to group. And even from generation to generation. AFAWK, sexual orientation is probably linked to epigenetics, which simply links our desire to external fenotypical sexual expressions. It is also a continuum because desire for some fenotypes doesn't interfere with desire for other ones. AFAWK, sexual drive is simple the degree to which each of us reacts to the basic need of sex. But is also variable, probably the most variable of the whole bunch. AFAWK, sexual identity is a totally different thing, which links all the above but is, in the end, mainly driven from personal, subjective, psychological attributes. Also a continuum, also not stable. AFAWK, sexual preference combines all of this, also with a huge degree of voluntary choice THEN, we have the loving aspects... wich are not inherently sexual but hugely person-to-person stuff, adding a whole new dimension to the way we relate to a certain another, or to each of the others... AND THEN, we have all the attachment layer... wich is not inherently person-to-person, but affects everything else anyway, colouring all our relationships, all our affective behavior, our whole life. EVERYTHING HERE INTERACTS AND CHANGE. ALL THE TIME. I really think we should stop trying to squish all those into discrete, convenient but inflexible labels which then forge stiff echo chambers and become rigid boxes for our social lives. Sticking even more labels, flags and tribal separations everywhere will not make us more free, it will just enclose us in ever smaller cages.

[@ardidsonriente2223]

I have to assume, then, me, most of my family and friends, and at least half of my aquaintances on school and university are demi, because our country does't engage hookup culture as the prevalent way to find a partner like US people seems to do...

[@Bsmooth49s]

I believe im demisexual but straight i have to have that bond first and im very attached to the old way of romance the way people supposed to be

[@franzischrott7273]

Am I demisexual if I do not get attracted to people's body's in any way? Instead I get attracted to specific traits like cleverness, friendliness, creativity, etc. I can get very attracted to the way a person interacts with me or the world, but never the "looks" themselves. Does this make sense?

[@maryamirfan9197]

how do we make platonic friends as demisexuals? its ruining my life cos every person I get closer to I start liking them like that :(

[@giade2813]

I think I'm demi but I don't think I had crushes on my actual real friends? Though my first crush was an old friend I met again in high school, so I was comfortable with him but it didn't work unfortunately.

[@Atawak-n9u]

I'm Demi/Sapio

[@lilcoffee6663]

This video has given me more knowledge about being a Demisexual. I’m a person who uses Demi-Queer to identify so people around knows and understands about as a whole. (using Queer as a temporary partner label as I’m still exploring who i am) 😊

[@PBthesquirrel]

I have a question, if anyone could help me out: I guess I would consider myself demisexual as I never had or wanted to have a "fling." I have only ever had sex (or wanted to have sex) with people who I had been in a relationship with for a while, but I don't have a lack of attraction to people when I first meet them (not sexually, at least). My question is, what makes demisexuality a sexuality? I'm not at all trying to disrespect the term, just trying to understand it better. I don't really even know what constitutes a sexuality or a sexual orientation.

[@nevaehpinkney5053]

I feel the exact same. Don’t feel the need to always label yourself, just go with however you feel, that’s how I see it

[@guineapig5858]

This is late but as someone who is demisexual here it is. I think for me personally I just don't like the look of humans, or monkeys or other primates, never had for as long as I can remember thus zero sexual attraction I'm a female, realised in secondary school from my other female friends and mother something was off "Surely you have a celebrity crush?" "I had crushes on teachers at your age" "Surely there must be someone" I don't feel any initial sexual attraction eg a popular one now is Reyn Renoalds? Harry Styles? No... Their just primates again, personally yuck. I just physically can't with any homosapien there is feel even a flutter at a picture or passing them. Then suddenly out of nowhere someone I had been close friends with I developed feelings for and literally loved every single one of his features. Learned with fictional characters I could too and my friends can see my change in demeanour and were confused if not shocked in media that I could start watering at the mouth for a person who lost half their face and all these people who look very different from eachother simply from learning their character and backstory. I have also been told by "friends" a lot that I should not find "ugly" people attractive but honestly at these points I would tell you all these crushes I have are more attractive than any celebrity or super model you show me

[@roshanwasure6081]

Im a demisexual i don't feel sexual attraction with any girl without emotional connection. I had with one with whom I had sex but not with anyother.

[@MustafviNamA]

I didn't understand why it is that one can have such great sex with one but not with the others, then I googled it today and someone had written about this term demisexual. Glad I don't have any disease while my sexual personality is like this and there are many other people like this in the world ❤❤❤😊 As a demisexual we fall in love with a person for their personality, we love them as a person, we want to build a strong emotional connection and don't really love a person for their physical appearance. 😊😊

[@Hemperorjoans]

Just came out as demisexual the other day and the timing of this video is awesome

[@lynnsaga1397]

Congrats! And I'm happy the timing was good lol

[@PokeJoltz]

Also I came out as Demi at like 15 and everyone was just like "so you're not into hooking up or causal sex, just say that!" ....If it's the same thing why can't you just accept Demi-sexuality as a thing that exists? lol I don't understand the human race istg

[@nevaehpinkney5053]

I see it as kind of an unnecessary identity, I feel like we’re always looking to put tittles and labels on everything, there’s tones of people who can’t hook up with people they aren’t in love with, and I don’t think people were saying that your feelings aren’t valid, they are, but why this need to be apart of the lgbt community?

[@PokeJoltz]

@@nevaehpinkney5053 I get where you're coming from and I definitely don't disagree. I understand asexuality being on a spectrum and this sorta counting towards it but in my opinion and expirence it can be easier then trying to tell someone who won't leave you alot that you don't idk work like that? Somehow claiming sexuality gives more respect which is good but also really bizarre as we should just respect all human beings as human beings regardless?? It's super muddy in the grey areas of sexuality like I still can't tell if I'm Bi or Pan, I just don't care what you identify as. If I like you I like you for you but don't want to get down to business immediately, ya know?

[@PokeJoltz]

I ALWAYS get crushes on my bestfriends ugh like we'll be close for like 4months then one day I'm a blushing stuttery mess lmao To make matters worse most of my friendships include flirting as a joke some then it becomes a "haha... unless?" in my head AAAHHHH

[@Atawak-n9u]

I don't need pride in I though. It's just me. It's normal to me and honestly it's not really new. Only the word demisexual is

[@cinnamoncleric]

So like, I'm fully capable and have often enjoyed sex with people that I have zero attraction to, but I think I'm definitely demiromantic. I have zero romantic inclination, but most of my friendships and my relationships have supposedly romantic undertones? Idk, I don't really think of it as romantic but I also don't really know what else to call it. It's just how I am with people I'm close to.

[@ecowo57]

I have a question. I'm wondering wether I'm demisexual, because everytime I've had the opportunity to make out with someone, even if I technically find them attractive, I never feel like I want to do it because I'm not in the mood. But the thing is, I've never been in the mood unless I've known them well and have romantic feelings towards them. Now, I'm confused because I think I still find people attractive, but I don't now if its sexual or aesthetic attraction. Please someone help me, I'm in confusion

[@SadieParker799]

Only you can know how you feel, but that said, it can take quite a while to figure it out because feelings are very confusing to sort through. I would recommend viewing as many of these ace videos as you can find. Lynn's videos are great, also Ace Dad Advice is really good as well - here's a link to his channel. kzbin.info When it comes to attraction, it can be hard to tell between the different types, so I'd recommend trying to learn about them as well. I found understanding the different forms of attraction crucial to figuring out my own identity. The key difference between sexual and aesthetic attraction is that with aesthetic attraction you find someone attractive based on their appearance, attire, look, etc - but have no actual desire to have sex with them. Hope this helps! I wish you good fortune with your quest of self discovery

[@ecowo57]

@@SadieParker799 Thank you so much! I really appretiate it

[@DeepSeaLugia]

IDK if there's any videos on Aegosexuality but perhaps it's something to look up and see if it fits you.

[@ecowo57]

@@DeepSeaLugia it's funny that you say that, because yesterday I watched a video about it and it sounded a lot like me, but I haven't settled

[@phoenixmoon3]

DemiQueer girl here.

[@the.lonely.hellhound666]

Bro why am i things that people dont think is real😂😂 (Demisexual, Bisexual, Genderfluid)

[@Shiri_Yam]

What's alosexual?

[@JenniferLovelace123]

Alosexual is where you are attracted to people of your own race and gender

[@tiffanypersaud3518]

@@JenniferLovelace123 gender, not race.

[@veryfancypigeon]

​@@JenniferLovelace123 hahahah nahh It's the opposite of asexual. Like straight is the opposite of gay, allo is the opposite of ace

[@CallmeOzymandias]

I wish there was more research on demisexuality and asexuality in general. I'd love to know the science behind these differences between people. Can anyone recommend any studies or anything?

[@pazzieanneknexx809]

As an ace lesbian, ✨no✨ to that second assertion in the myth section.

[@jasminebourne1787]

All these damn terms nowadays smh

[@moonjui]

[@marcmaster7911]

Hi I’m sick

[@AnastasiaAisling]

I lived my life perfectly well without KZbin recommending me a video about new useless sexuality label at 2am.

[@haley5692]

Just… don’t click bro

[@veryfancypigeon]

I lived, would live and will continue to live my life perfectly well without you writing this comment