I don't know who I am or what I want... disappointment, music, ANNOUNCEMENT!?

Wow this vlog is long and meandering, I probably should have done it as a livestream... But yeah mental health issues about my sense of self and the role disappointment has played in exacerbating it, using my music life as a big example, going on a rant, and eventually getting to an ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
Vlog mentions: mental illness, dissociation, Schizoid Personality Disorder, depression, glass child trauma, being a musician, asexuality, Finnish Lapphunds, superstitious thinking, Chinese New Year, Year of the Dragon.
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[@archibaldzidlicka8960]

I can honestly relate to the getting dissapointed by people. I have been diagnosed with schizoid a while back and I have a hobby that requires me to be in contact with people which should be good but being ignored and ghosted and stuff is just exhausting.

[@linak429]

I agree. These can be super triggering for someone with abandonment issues, as well as the other kind of people which DestroyerMariko described that they might be thinking that she is too much, which is also probably some kind of rejection/abandonment, but in a different way

[@RaidenPSX]

I relate way too much to being disappointed by people and still naively hoping people will be better than that anyway, despite being a misanthrope that generally doesn't want to interact with people. I'm not diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder, but with how strongly I relate to your experiences with it as well as the things I've read about it, I honestly wonder if I have it. It would explain a lot of things about me.

[@DestroyerMariko]

Yeah that's what I found useful about the diagnosis, finally making sense of a lot of my experiences. Hasn't fixed my life but it did help, including with getting better support instead of just being stuck in the same old depression treatments getting the same useless therapies all the time.

[@alias3573]

The puppies are cute. I had to look up the breed, the adults are adorable. I almost want a dog just seeing their pictures... I don't need a dog 😅 They sort of remind me of a friend's dog, which is a mix of a husky and chow.

[@DestroyerMariko]

Yeah they're a lot like huskies but small and without the attitude problem haha. Part of the Spitz category of dogs so it makes sense.

[@FroggyFrog9000]

why was you ex untrustworthy? What kind of things intents they did and said?? When did you first notice their untrustworthiness?

[@DestroyerMariko]

Oh man that's not gonna fit into a comment lol. Tl;dr, a lot of gaslighting, manipulation, hypocrisy. When did I first notice is hard to answer because at the time I was trying to be forgiving and in denial, but in hindsight I should have dumped him right then and there. In all honesty though, I probably didn't quite wake up to everything until well after I'd pulled the plug.

[@MadSimple]

Excellent video, Destroyer Maro.

[@DestroyerMariko]

Is that what KZbin's subtitles are saying now? 😅

[@MadSimple]

@@DestroyerMariko You have to start saying ma-REE-ko

[@DestroyerMariko]

Maybe I should just give up and run with Nicole 😐 can I accuse KZbin of racism? XD

[@MadSimple]

@@DestroyerMariko You give up too easily, M'Rico.

[@aguyghow9783]

I looked up images of adult dog, looks like a nice size, reminded me almost size of or a little bit larger than Shih Tzu which my family, my brother's family has, great.

[@DestroyerMariko]

It's quite a bit larger actually, almost twice as tall at the withers, and three times as heavy, give or take a little for variation across each breed

[@woodstockenvy4666]

yes, abt the new puppy

[@hmskld238]

Nice names, I like both,

[@jethrox827]

It's not me, it's the rest of the world 🧟

[@DestroyerMariko]

I mean have you _seen_ the world lately?