Difference Between Love & Limerence

Is Your Affair Fueled by Limerence, Not Love? | Dr. Joe Beam Explains
Feeling madly in love with someone outside your marriage? It might be limerence, not true love. Dr. Joe Beam breaks down limerence - the intense, short-term infatuation that can lead to risky decisions and jeopardize your relationship.
In this video, you'll learn:
What limerence is and how it differs from real love
The addictive nature of limerence and its impact on logic
How to identify if you or your spouse is in a limerence-based affair
Strategies to overcome limerence and save your marriage
Struggling with infidelity? Marriage Helper can guide you through the crisis.
Ready to fight for your marriage? We have a limited number of spots available for our next Marriage Helper Workshop, designed specifically to address the challenges of limerence.
Click the link below to secure your spot and learn powerful tools to rebuild trust and save your marriage.
bit.ly/3xwDOHO
Don't let limerence win. Your happy marriage is still within reach.
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0:00 Introduction
0:02 SO YOU VE HEARD OF THE WORD LIMERENCE
0:12 WHATS THE DIFFERENCE?
0:27 IT WON'T TURN OUT HOW YOU'RE EXPECTING
1:36 THE SENSATION OF FEELING MADLY IN LOVE
1:51 UNIQUE TO THE INDIVIDUAL
3:12 FEELINGS OF ECSTACY
3:44 FEELINGS OF INTENSE JEALOUSY
4:05 FROM ECSTASY TO MISERY
4:23 HALO EFFECT
5:55 DOESN'T EVERYONE EXPERIENCE LIMERENCE?
6:16 LIMERENCE CAN BE GOOD FOR SINGLES
6:40 YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS
7:00 IF SHE'S BAD HE CAN'T SEE IT
7:18 YOU WON'T SEE THE BAD THINGS
7:52 YOU MAY VILIFY YOUR SPOUSE
8:12 REWRITING HISTORY
9:07 LIMERENCE ALWAYS ENDS
9:25 IT HAS TO END
9:44 IT DESTROYS PRODUCTIVITY
10:17 LIMERENCE TYPICALLY LASTS BETWEEN 3 - 48 MONTHS
10:57 YOU START COUNTING THE COSTS OF YOUR CHOICES
11:33 I DIVORCED MY WIFE WHILE IN LIMERENCE
12:11 THE RELATIONSHIP WILL END
12:57 MY WIFE AND I REMARRIED
13:03 DIVORCE AFFECTS GENERATIONS
13:44 WHAT WILL DIVORCE COST YOU?
15:24 LIMERENT LOVE DOES NOT LAST A LIFETIME

[@MarriageHelper]

Did you or your spouse have an affair? Take our FREE QUIZ to find out what to do next. Free Affair Quiz Link: marriagehelper.com/affair-test-evaluation/?aud=yt&kya=2&aqp=infqz

[@xxgil2]

Any relationship whether in or out of the marriage takes work. The person you ultimately choose will be thoroughly imperfect; probably more imperfect than your second choice. If you are aware of this you will probably make it work but both parties need to be on the same page. I think these videos fail to address the taboo subject of how to make a new relationships work when a person leaves the marriage. They automatically labeled them as “doomed” to satisfy the masses and to dissuade those thinking about it. My advice is to not jump from one person to another. Give yourself time away from both persons and you will see where your heart truly is. Otherwise you will end up like this guy pathetically crawling back to his old wife.

[@tonytorrisi]

@@xxgil2 100% agree! And well said. 👏👏

[@pamelad757]

Gil are you madly in love with someone?

[@deborahrouse5644]

@@xxgil2 "Old" wife?? Nice 😡

[@xxgil2]

@@deborahrouse5644 “old” as in “previous” but probably a hag judging by his looks….

[@PEACEFULWARRIOR999]

I went through Limerance. I can't say there is anything positive about it except if you needed that to start a lengthy, enraging and painful path to self discovery.

[@deborahlee6240]

It is very much the beginning of self discovery, issues within a person that needs to be looked at.

[@ylsflv]

this is written so beautifully, thank u, I couldn't relate more

[@adaytripp]

Amen ! God used it so I could find my self worth

[@Maryladudek]

This is how I wanted to feel a few months ago when I started seeing the signs on the wall. My ex husband showed a lot of disinterest in the relationship and I was really going to let them go if the wanted. unfortunately I was too curious to know what really happened and if there was something that could be fix in there. He was a gentleman and I trusted but he showed strong signs of infidelity and it made uncertain unwanted most of the time, i wanted to know. My friend told me it was possibe to find out everything without risks through phone spying. she introduced me to a guy " Binaryreap3r @ gmial com " who helped me spy on my ex's phone until I found out he was having a same-sex affair all along. I still let him go but I did that knowing I did nothing wrong.

[@orangejustice3536]

@@Maryladudek I'm so sorry. hope you are ok now.

[@explicitantony9623]

Anyone who has this and can relate to me knows it can be the worst possible curse inflicted upon you

[@tenzinkunkhen7563]

Exactly, everything he said was true. I love her so much, I didn't knew she was just having LIMERENCE

[@CameroneProductions]

I miss my wife so much. I doubt I'll ever fully recover. 💔😔 May Peace Be With You 🙏

[@thedriza297]

@@CameroneProductions condolences...bless you

[@CameroneProductions]

the Driza - Thankyou 🙏💙

[@kimjd2]

Painful to watch my husband go through this....😕

[@sunnysmiles8211]

The root of this seems insecurity, instability, and fear of abandonment. Also there is a projection onto the other person. It’s almost like a fantasy world that is desperate for coming into reality. It’s just intense infatuation.

[@Thematureexoticallady]

Agreed. Underpinning all this is someone or two people with insecure attachment disorders. Securely attached individuals would not put themselves through this because they develop the skills to self sooth from lifes ups and downs 🙏🏼

[@adaytripp]

So intense and toxic..codependent and mine was a narc

[@whyme6214]

Please understand that as hard as it is to believe, It can happen to anyone. The healthiest of minds can and may fall victim to limerence. Look at the person discussing the subject. He has a PhD in psychology and he was victim of it.

[@jeaniemaree]

why me yes absolutely, it can happen to anyone

[@petecham4917]

That’s not necessarily true in every case. I’ve experienced limerence and it was because I thought I had met my soulmate but the person didn’t reciprocate the love that I felt for them. It was devastating when they didn’t turn out to be who I thought they were!

[@valbonaivezaj140]

This is a heartbreaking reality check

[@epicnicknameepiclastnickna9634]

But it needs to be done

[@bryantsmith5407]

Indeed

[@tapiwambaiwa5815]

Eye opening stuff😭😭😭

[@nemophilist_one]

🤣

[@59spadesofalife52]

Limerance is one of the most agonizing horrible things I think I've ever experienced it literally rips your goals and motivations from your life and replaces them with an obsession with someone you can't be with keep in mind it really is something you have no control over what's even worse is seeing the lo completely fine like nothing is even happening

[@samia6888]

How are you doing now?

[@59spadesofalife52]

@@samia6888 I don’t have it anymore and things got so much better since than this was years ago I think I was just going through a bad heartbreak at the time and it was really hard.

[@samia6888]

@@59spadesofalife52 I'm glad you got through it I know it wasn't easy

[@trinitysmith2226]

What’s worse is when ur lo is in a relationship and ur watching their partner be happy and in love going on dates, getting flowers, while ur dying inside 🥲

[@mjjay5936]

I’m in such denial that I really don’t want to believe this video

[@JacquelineduPlessis]

It's normal to feel that way.

[@funnyturningredreuplod5963]

believe it

[@elizabethtaylor8603]

Believe it

[@samt8592]

sameeee

[@riyamukherjee7061]

Same Here

[@ReverseCycoIogy]

My wife always love those romantic books like twilight. After 11 years of marriage and 2 toddlers, she cheated and wants to separate. We’re gonna separate but not legally since me and the kids need those military benefits. I have more hope now that I found about this thing called limerence that she’ll snap outta it. I’m not going to chase her, I’m gonna focus on me, be better and be the best for my kids. Thank you.

[@deborahlee6240]

She's most likely in a mid life crisis and your right to back off and live the best life you can, work on yourself because we all need self reflection.

[@titoaraos1662]

I'm also ex-military going through the same crap. I find that Tony Robbins and other motivational speakers on KZbin help, I started reading more going to church exercising and I'm also hoping I can salvage my marriage good luck.

[@ltconyers78]

My husband is military and left me for a young woman who was also military. I was devastated because not only did he leave, but, he made me look like the devil to everyone in his circle and family. Even those people at his job. No one was willing to help me. I was a stay-at-home wife and we had a one year old and I lived hours away from family and friends. I ended up moving out of the brand new house we had just purchased and back in with my parents. I was miserable because I didn't get the emotional support that I thought I would from family and friends. Their attitude was cheating and divorces happen everyday; just get over it and move on. I got no financial support from my husband, either. He and this person were living it up on money that should have been for our daughter. And to add insult to injury, the female would post horrible things about me and my family on social media and even called me to rub in the relationship she had with my husband. I was spent and depressed. But, I snapped out of it about a month after I found out about everything. I found a job, started exercising, and even joined a different branch of the military. I stopped focusing on what they were doing and focused on myself and my daughter. About a year later, I contact him about finishing divorce papers and he ends up apologizing for everything he had done in that phone conversation and asking me to take him back. It wasn't immediate, but, we eventually reconciled. So, Dr. Joe is right. It's not the easiest road to travel, but, if the spouse is genuine in wanting to work things out, it can become a better marriage. If you haven't already, watch the Marriage Helper videos, How To Bring Your Husband Back (which applies to wives, too) and My Spouse Had An Affair. They really helped me understand things better. Stay encouraged and focus on you and the kids.

[@ChrisBanda]

@@ltconyers78 your words give me some measure of hope in what feels like easily the darkest time of my adult life. Hope that I will be whole again.

[@ltconyers78]

@@ChrisBanda Keep the faith. Just know that, right now, taking care of you is key. It's easy to slip into a state of depression and continuously focus on them and what they are doing, but try to avoid that by keeping yourself busy. Find a new hobby or revisit an old one. Take a class, exercise, etc. Just do something that holds your interest. And if reconciliation does occur, know that it will take a whole lot of patience on both you and your partner's part. That old feeling won't happen over night, and, to be honest, may not ever happen. You are kind of rebuilding your relationship from the ground up. Everything will be new. They will have issues that only a professional can help them with and you as well. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to seek professional help now whether it's through Marriage Helpers or some other counselor. Just make sure they are well versed in dealing with infidelity. Not all counselors are. You need an outlet right now, though. Focus on you. What do you like to do? Where might you want to go? Take a road trip or buy a ticket and jump on a plane to a place you have never been. For me, it was Texas. I have a love for Texas now that I didn't before. That also where I ended up going to boot camp... But still love it.😄

[@shanaheisler9897]

My husband recently left me for his Limerent affair. I worked for over a year to convince him that our family, our life, our future, our love and friendship were worth fighting for. Everything described in this video is spot on. My husband literally thought he would die if he couldn't be with this woman, he vilified me, he will not listen to any of our family and friends who have told him he is making a huge mistake. He walked away from a beautiful life, our children, his friends and family, a beautiful future, and all that we had built in our marriage. We truly were each other's best friend. When she came along, she convinced him that our 25 year marriage and 35 year relationship was "stagnant" and that there was nothing more beautiful than a "fresh start." They were very clearly limerent for each other. She would stalk him, walking up and down our street just so he would see her when he came home. He lives with her now and our divorce is in progress. Someday, I know he will see the devastation that his has caused. It truly is a very high cost. Sadly, it is a cost that I have to pay along with all our family and friends. He has ruined everything with his decision to walk away and as this video concludes, this phase will not last.

[@audrydf2585]

Shana Heisler i know o f a great man who h e l p me bring my husband b back

[@audrydf2585]

[phone]

[@audrydf2585]

Text h i m on what's Appi

[@rrurban]

Oh honey I’m so sorry! You are a freakin’ rockstar strong, loyal woman. God will bless you big time

[@asoverall6470]

Any update?

[@Zihannya]

Our society validates and encourages this kind of intensity in films and media in general. Many people come from dysfunctional families and have no idea what "normative" love even looks like. Isn't being "in love" in itself a kind of madness? If someone who has studied all the kinds of love and knew what limerence is was able to fall under its sway, how do the rest of us avoid that?

[@kerrymillar1267]

He didn’t know what it was at the time. It was the catalyst for him studying this.

[@rickbell967]

Where were you guys 25 years ago when limmerance caused me to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving my family for someone I was “madly” in love with? This is great work. Thank you for doing these videos.

[@elikorn7418]

What happened? How long did the limerence last? I'm on an educational path :)

[@martinestrada7736]

We are married 40 years . I was thinking retire travel chill get ready to help community. While I stepped away to care for dad and help him at his passing husband got involved with his employee. He thinks she like very honest and decent and will put her hands in fire for him. I turned to faith and connecting with our God. Well. Our daughter showed him her poses on instagram promoting herself w A lot of followers. He is wise so he is fighting it. God is working so fast that he is walking close to faith and freeing himself from the blindfold..FIGHT WITH FAITH BE RIGHTEOUS AND GOD WILL GIVE YOU STRENGTH TO ENDURE THE OUCOME!

[@samia6888]

@@elikorn7418 did your limerence resolve?

[@elikorn7418]

@@samia6888 Ha ha soo funny; I AM the limerent object 😉

[@samia6888]

@@elikorn7418 oh no take care of yourself and set firm boundaries.

[@patriciahinkin9159]

Love evolves and changes , I was married for 47 years before he died , I realised as we aged that we were very best friends and that was love. Love is looking after your husband when he's got dementia and basically left me. But that Love is still inside you, I did miss the physical side of love , but that companionship is missed more than you can bear

[@Grimenoughtomaketherobotcry]

Bless you. I saw that in my Dad as my Mum deteriorated with vascular dementia. She eventually passed of kidney failure in 2019. He went to see her every day of the two months she was in hospital. And he'll be 98 next month. Still takes a taxi on his own to his appointments. I wish you well.

[@kulaskagascas6820]

Limerent love starts to decline when you start to see the other person's faults which is inevitable as you live closely with each other. Have you seen her sitting on the toilet bowl, for instance? Or have you seen him cleaning his nose with his pinky? Did you see the name of her ex tattooed on her buttocks? Did you have a sleepless night because his snore could be heard a block away? All of these faults come into view as you develop closeness. Your prince becomes a toad, and your princess becomes a hag.

[@celina1525]

Just wanted to applaud you on this amazing comment, best I’ve ever seen as a description of reality

[@rodab3546]

haha

[@kulaskagascas6820]

@Naukri chahiye Modi ji muje That is not limerence anymore. It could be the real thing already.

[@Cyclon32289]

This is coping. Everyone would have those things. Nobody is perfect.

[@cristina7317]

Limerence is idealizing, fairytale. True love is real life.

[@dotdot4895]

i'm so glad there's someone talking about these issues, it feels like limerence is its own epidemic. i believe that when you feel this limerence toward someone they usually represent a part of yourself or your past that you haven't accepted.

[@aellis8899]

Have you been watching Teal Swan? ☺️

[@laura2372]

Hi Caitlin! I'm in limerence as well and have been in it for almost a year now. Please explain what you mean by your comment? Thanks for the clarification!

[@dotdot4895]

gypsy certainly! I’ve conquered the limerence feelings now and can quickly shake them off. If you’re feeling limerence it’s usually because you’ve had some kind of attachment trauma in your childhood that you’re trying to resolve via another person. In my case, my father is narcissistic and emotionally unavailable. So I tend to become obsessed with men who also have those traits and want to ‘win’ their affection to prove I’m loveable. I felt this attraction to other people even though I’m currently in a really loving wholesome relationship. I would always try to sabotage that good relationship because it just didn’t feel ‘right’. (If you’re in this situation google ROCD). The problem was that I felt inherently unloveable and so couldn’t actually accept love when I had it, I always felt like I had to chase it. The solution is to consciously understand this and choose to believe you are inherently loveable and consciously choose loving relationships. You should also search on KZbin for ‘Teal Swan - Attraction (why you are attracted to the people you’re attracted to)’. Actually, any videos by her lol, she’s improved my life vastly.

[@laura2372]

@@dotdot4895 What you say makes a lot of sense and I will follow it for sure! Thanks for the info on Teal Swan-I will do some research and hope to heal myself. I have felt unloved as a child and now unwanted as a woman so I'm attracted to a certain type of male as well. I have limerence for a certain man and I know nothing will come of it so I'm trying to ween myself off of him. I know this is not healthy so I am searching for all the advice I can. Thanks again for your time and I pray your life continues on a positive path!

[@dotdot4895]

gypsy I’m excited for you! It’s already very loving of yourself to be looking for the answers, you’re on the right track. I wish you the best too.

[@the1337fleet]

I believe I'm in limerence, and it's comforting to hear that it's not permanent.

[@arizonacolour8793]

Why do you say this?

[@the1337fleet]

@@arizonacolour8793 because it means my suffering will eventually come to an end

[@laura2372]

@@the1337fleet The suffering does end. I'm coming out of limerence right now and I feel sooo foolish. My sense of reality kicked in and I realized this isn't a good way to live and I deserve better. All the time I've wasted ticks me off because I finally realized how futile my love for him is/was. There's no way he can realistically be mine and I know now I don't want to be his as I have MANY flaws on many levels and I don't wish to burden him. He lives a charmed life and I don't wish to jeopardize that for him. I love him enough to leave him be. Even though I will always love and care for him--he belongs to another, I get that now. She is better for him more than I could ever be. It's time to release.... 💔

[@R3VIV3YOU]

Go after what your heart desires. You only live once

[@laura2372]

@@R3VIV3YOU Oh how I wish I could and if he didn't have a gorgeous wife and sweet kiddies, I would! I know we only live once but I'll have to live without him. He's too good for me anyways. His life is perfect and so are his kids and wife-I can't compare to that. Thanks for the encouragement, though, your very sweet!

[@RN25899]

Limerence is absolutely real. I watched my wife go through it. It broke my heart watching her turn into a different person. Dr. Beam is on point! I promise you your spouse will be back one day!! Trust me! I didn't believe it myself. Be patient and work on yourself. Pull them back...if that's what you want - you've got this.

[@bassiegola]

I am not sure if I want him to come back. He destroyed me.

[@kristyb831]

How long did it take your wife before she came home?

[@terrysteward]

How long did it take Robert ?

[@reyr.7439]

@@bassiegola I feel the same way. I miss him a lot, but I don't think I want him back anymore.

[@sandrahints5723]

How did you feel about this and how did you get to trust her again?

[@thecheapbastard5168]

This video exactly describes what my wife is going through right now. She left me for someone she just met two months ago and are planning to get married. She changed so quickly I barely knew her anymore. She threw 24 yrs of marriage for a promise made by this guy to buy her a house, a car and trip to Europe. That's all it took. I let her go. I can't match that offer. I'm closing my door on her and will be focusing on our two daughters. I sure would like to see how their relationship ends up when the initial thrill and excitement has faded.

[@samia6888]

How is it going now?

[@manesitaasmr]

How your doing well, any update?

[@thecheapbastard5168]

@@manesitaasmr I have completely healed. i barely remember this now. It just took time.

[@markdowning6024]

I experienced this in my life and almost lost my marriage of 27 years. Dr Joe is dead on in his description and effects of limerence in your life, I could no longer function and became someone that I did not know. Good news is my wife and I reconciled 8 months ago and with the support of our family & faith have made great strides in our marriage.

[@MarriageHelper]

We are so glad to hear your about your success!

[@Mollybad]

My guess is that you were going through a midlife crisis. Been there; lost my man to it. Hoping he's simply in limerence.

[@andremarais2706]

Your wife is an idiot.

[@susu7683]

Lp

[@Wil_87]

@@andremarais2706 why?

[@samt8592]

This video may save my life. I can't stress how important it is I've found this right at this moment.

[@AbeWiessman]

Ditto! For me too, great timing & possible game changer. If you can see it for what it is & understand the logic (& science) behind it, processing it all becomes a much different experience.

[@lesegotshegare2293]

What I get from this video is that limerence is being obsessed and/or infatuated with the other person. Such feelings are unhealthy and I second you for saying that they never last.

[@tsant6591]

Sounds like there's a craving or a validation of being accepted or loved by the other.

[@ReddFlameFilms]

We are

[@jessholz3268]

LIMERANCE ... WOW...what a wake up call !!!!!

[@SimonaOmina]

Limerence is basically being addicted to a person. Period. I speak from experience. Also, limerence CAN last a lifetime, if it’s unreciprocated, which actually is most of the time because unreciprocated limerence is more common than the reciprocated one. And a lot more serious, since you’re addicted to someone you can’t be with.

[@dkgnew]

so true!! I have the SCARS!!!

[@staytoxic6238]

Thanks for sharing. So I have a chance to get my wife back who thinks she is in love with another man?

[@kennethdefreitas6845]

I’m in misery I’m sick you’re describing my situation exactly

[@volleyballjerry]

Amen, Simone!

[@volleyballjerry]

Stay Toxic - Not necessarily. She needs a LOT of fixing. Even if she DID change her mind and come back, do you really want to take all that on?

[@nissamelton8597]

Everything he says is true. I’ve only been in these types of relationships. They aren’t lasting. I’m in the process of healing from the inside to make better choices AFTER I’m healed.

[@collaborativelearning1]

That how limerence is supposed to function

[@sarim742]

Can you remember how long they lasted. Then please tell me

[@jenniferraymond3913]

Limerence is what I call the honeymoon period. Limerence is the reason for a lot of miserable marriages. As soon as the honeymoon period is over.... life begins. This is when people wake up and wish they never married that person.

[@shea88barbie]

I agree. It’s kinda of scary but I guess you hv to marry based on the true love qualities like compatibility, friendship etc vs just emotions & physical attraction. It also makes me question monogamy

[@ditnooitweer]

​ Glam You Girl Because you "have to" be monogamous, limerence is a threat to your relationship and seen as something bad. It would be far more practical to have someone you can love, trust and be with, Building live, raising kids etc but that one would let you be free to enjoy those feeling to that other person, reality will always kick in and you would never leave the person who gave you the possibility to explore enjoy life. You just love them more because of it. For me, that's true love.

[@vickyvictoria4u]

This was me!

[@terrysteward]

That’s interesting,I think I have experienced Limerence a number of times,as I am currently battling on keeping marriage no 3,and maybe this marriage was my limerence and this wasn’t to be ouch,a very interesting notion,maybe my wife was in limerence with me 24 years ago

[@kyrareneeLOA]

Jennifer, I am sorry , limerence goes beyond the honeymoon period, It is bigger than that. If it is unrequited, I have seen limerence last thus far 30 years. I am sure it last longer. Especially if there is distance between 'the one in limerence' and the other.

[@kimberleyhembree5407]

This is why it's not a good idea to spend too much time with people you feel drawn to. If you are married. Especially if you are married. I don't carelessly hug men or pour out my troubles on them to trigger their "white knight". I'm sure it's painful for all people involved. So why put everybody through it?

[@gervaseprado2155]

I totally agree with you

[@Missndallensworth]

Thank you for this. I need to hear this as a recently married woman. Thank you

[@ghadaemish6989]

Kimberley Hembree I completely agree with you. When in a committed relationship, on which one spent significant time and energy to reach the level of commitment, it makes more sense to prioritize what one has with his/her partner, be realistic that pursuing such an attraction can be costly and make the decisions that would have positive effects on one’s partner and relationship.

[@mrsyeh]

Agree

[@peterdebeer7444]

I'm learning so much out of this channel.

[@ld3027]

My 19.5 year marriage, 24 year relationship, was sacrificed on the altar of my ex's limerence for a woman he wouldn't even like under normal circumstances. (I'm pretty sure she thinks he's a fool and is only using him as a fun distraction.) In his mind, what he feels for her is the real deal and our 24 years together were a lie. (They weren't.) He told lie after lie in an attempt to justify his vile actions and make himself the hero of a delusional epic fantasy. He's the only person in the world who can't see the reality of the situation. Early on, her own brother tried to talk him out of it because he believes his sister is bad news. Interestingly, my ex seemed to come to his senses for a few weeks this summer and talked to me about how special our relationship had been (it was) and how badly he had messed things up (he had). Her sister told him how glad she was, for his sake, that he had broken it off. Turns out, the woman he believed to be the love of his life had been living with another guy the entire time. Eventually, though, he fell back into it. He's never been good at dealing with uncomfortable emotions and I assume facing the truth was too heavy a burden. It was easier for him to go back to believing she's the only woman he's ever loved than to face reality. He wants so badly to be the star of The World's Greatest Love Story (frankly, I think he already had been, with me) but he's really the star of an all too common run-of-the-mill tragedy and he only has himself to blame.

[@thebeecubed]

I am a month out from DDAy and my now ex is dealing with this and she is a married woman, How are you doing? Tell me the pain gets better?

[@ld3027]

I'm sorry you're going through this but it DOES get better. When I found out that he was "in love for the first time in his life" (lol), everything I had ever known to be true was thrown into question. I felt like I had been forced into a parallel universe where some of the best people I knew were now hateful monsters. I struggled for a long time but am much much better. I focus on what is possible for my life now that he is no longer dragging me down. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will be okay. @@thebeecubed

[@anasalvinasantos2702]

Thank you Dr. Joe, my husband had limerence for a year or two. I know he thought he was in love... and it hurts but i thank God i have faith. I showed love and compassion all the more. After 3 years, he told me "i am so glad we never got divorce"... if you initiated divirce at that that i would take it! Yes, fatal attraction will past and soon they will realize how foolish they were... if you are a spouse of the one who is having a limerence affair "do not pay back evil with evil" pay back evil with good, pay back with acts of love but don't let him/her abuse you. Draw boundaries. Work on yourself and be the bigger person. One day you'll look back in amazement on how things turned out...

[@Ricci1978]

It certainly doesn't feel like that right now and my situation involves a child that has come from the limerence romance.

[@thegabby2001]

Wais Na Misis thank you for your words of encouragement. I am going through this now. My husband is having an affair, wants a divorce & seems obsessed. He is never home, will leave without even saying goodbye to our children and come home late. This week I stopped trying anything to fix our marriage. I am just being pleasant while putting myself & our children first. My heart aches but I will no longer cater to him. I am praying 🙏🏽

[@joyofsalvation100]

Exact same situation with me. He is in limerence and doesn't care about me and my kids, gone all the time.

[@sea.camryn]

Venus Washpun that’s tough. Although I have known some women who were able to look past that. If you can’t, the best thing to do is to protect your heart and let go.

[@kimjd2]

Losing a marriage of 22 years due to husband in limerance. I also choose to show compassion and love as I could see right away that my husband wasn’t “normal”. We’ve been separated for 10 months now and will be divorced end of July if he doesn’t come to his senses. 😬🙏

[@omargonzalezcruz624]

Happens like clockwork. Limerence fades and so does any relationship based on it.

[@paytcpaythecreator7264]

Limerence is a reaction to lacking the impulse to resist lusting after a feeling you want to feel. All while dealing with the emotional highs and lows of this thing called life. Many are never satisfied. So they put themselves in the best position to create the opportunity to come into the lustful feeling they long for. Regardless to honoring a previous commitment.

[@leopardabsurdity]

I started feeling nausea and palpitations just thinking about someone feeling this way about me.

[@KelleyBroussardMackaig]

It's incredibly suffocating and it can really drive the person on the receiving end of it further and further away. 😞

[@carribean626]

That was deep, where was this video when I was going through that. I actually got over it by realizing that I had placed the person on a pedestal that he was not worthy of being on. I fell out of limerance last week just like that. I didn't understand it, but now it makes sense. Thank you for shedding light on this limerance.

[@relltv8231]

By watching this I learned when your married always give your all. Keep doing the things that was done in the beginning of the relationship keep kissing, keep hugging , keep telling her how beautiful she or he is, because some things you want realize until it’s to late. Today She will tell me who she wants to be with, either way I’m gonna keep my head high. Because you may lost a life BUT YOU STILL HAVE YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!

[@amandazemke5765]

What happened

[@possumpossum2232]

Me and my wife both went through it. And it took these guys here to save my marriage. Been the best marriage the last 3 years ever. I'm glad I paid to attend there workshop. It opened so many omg moments. Pointed out where we both went wrong. And while we left without each other holding hands lol. It took the work of continuing what they taught us. And when 1 would give up the other took over until we both were in the same level. And now it's been perfect. We sure would love to return to tenn and be a couple that assist with others. Marriage helper 911 saved my family.

[@thewrongshoes]

Iimerance is what dreams of having with someone one day. Love is what you end up if you are lucky

[@IvetteVilla13]

I would like to thank you and your team for creating this channel. You guys have saved my marriage and for that I can't thank you enough.

[@collaborativelearning1]

thank you as well.

[@saskatche1228]

That's gotta be the wisest thing I ever heard. Don't make long term decisions based off how you feel

[@Yoksol]

My feeling of limerance lasted 5 years. Passionate, a rollercoaster of emotions. I was crying half the time....and when my husband told me he wasn't in love with me...it hit me. He's not perfect, I thought he was a saint. I sacrificed my own career. I gave it all! Anyway, I am slowly finding who I am. We are still married though it's not looking too good. I have decided to develop personally before anything else. So, as a couple we agreed to give ourselves 1 year of getting to know each other, work on ourselves and be better parents. That's the best I can think of at this time ...it really is difficult to be rational when all I did was go off of my emotions ...thank you Dr.

[@samia6888]

how are you doing now?

[@volleyballjerry]

One other thing worth mentioning - limerence (and all the crazy drama that goes with it) is a very insecure, selfish kind of love. That is why it differs from true love. My one concern moving forward is that the last thing I want to be with a future partner is a burden to her. That is why I am waiting before jumping back into dating. And for those folks who are screaming “stay away from married people”, well, you are 100% right! Because all of that has cost not only me but my two daughters (which I am pretty sure I will get full custody of).

[@royabauman5770]

I learned about Limerence about 5 years ago and it explained SO MUCH. It was part of my awakening to my own faults and tendencies. I experienced limerence at least twice during my marriage, and I wasn’t able to be open and communicative with my own, actual husband about what was going on. We now are divorced, for that and other reasons. Limerence is completely real, and completely false. Please spread the word about it, because so many suffer the effects without knowing why.

[@rl1890]

We’re you able to get back together with your husband?

[@royabauman5770]

@@rl1890 No, we did not get back together. Many many issues.

[@evaniaradu9503]

@@royabauman5770 so it wasnt caused by the "limerence" then?

[@Bladius2121]

I've been in limerence with Beyonce for nearly a decade. I'm glad I watched this video so now I can heal from this experience.

[@bootywarrior1975]

lol what

[@baluxyanahiam3630]

😂

[@davidvanwinkle5033]

Ahhh ha ha ha 😂😂

[@jamayatookes1225]

Lmaoooooooo

[@SA-nt9kl]

🤣🤣🤣

[@hav1byte]

Well done- only people with understanding will hear what your saying - lots of lost people put there, actually lots of sick people out there, to be healthy is to live in truth and honesty

[@ylsflv]

preach

[@aprillester3761]

This is exactly what happened to my ex! He left his family for a teenager that’s 13 years younger than him. It’s a heartbreaking process!

[@divyashirley]

Same here

[@KOIAitisso]

I’ve never had a relationship with a partner based on Love. I’ve only just realised that this is what I’ve been doing to myself. I’ve definitely experienced limerence in every single relationship. The last one was the worst I’ve experienced becoming very toxic

[@KOIAitisso]

Definitely a painful journey of self discovery rage and love

[@brettkoch6618]

Omg this is what it was!!! It definitely wasn’t Love! Thanks for bringing clarity!

[@nicolelevan2423]

This is absolutely true. I had no idea this was happening to me. I almost lost everything.

[@collaborativelearning1]

This has happened to me as well, it happens to so many people.

[@samia6888]

how are you doing now?

[@samia6888]

@@collaborativelearning1 how are you doing now?

[@dikhed1983]

I've had limerance for three years for the same person. Even when we weren't talking I thought about him a lot of the time. Even though I hate myself and I know I don't deserve him I long for him. I start panicking when I say something wrong. There's never been someone like him.

[@jonathansistrunk7385]

You're not lying sir. How got out of that situation was to not care about emotion's and feeling and concentrate on logic.

[@vickycrayton8991]

Thanks so much for this article. Not heard of limerence until a couple of months ago. That is when I found out what I was experiencing now for about 6 months. It was awful. My marriage and relationship with the Lord was more important. I continue to stand in prayer and the word of God to defeat the feelings.

[@petecham4917]

I’ve experienced limerence and I can honestly say it was the most painful experience I’ve ever gone through in my life. I had this intense and immediate connection with someone that I thought I had met my soulmate but this person turned out to be a total fake and it devastated me. I don’t which it upon anyone unless the love you feel for someone is reciprocated. It’s been over 2 1/2 yrs and I’m in a happy relationship with an amazing guy but I’m still not over the guy that I had that intense connection with!

[@samt8592]

This is happening to me right now. She moved away after months of intense romance because of education. Its only been a few weeks and shes already talking to me less. I feel used and I feel like I want to die. I don't get it. She literally said she loved me and wants to spend her life with me.

[@sara6961]

Guys you now have a soul tie. You need to turn to God and repent and break the soul tie

[@samia6888]

how are you doing now?

[@samia6888]

@@samt8592 how are you doing now?

[@BlackAdder1970]

I was going through a difficult time with the loss of my dog, both my parents died 4 days apart, job and financial issues - this led to depression ,stress, Anxiety. My Fiance felt unloved and turned her heart to another man who himself just gone through a break up. They definitely have limerence towards each other. They are both rebounding, it will not work. So I sit back and wait for them to understand this, which they will. My Fiance has low self esteem and needs constant and needy signs of physical affection. As hard as it is I just let her go to find this out for herself. They need to figure it out for themselves. It's easy to have feelings of panic and grief. But be patient and look inward at things you need to work on yourself. She will be back and I will accept her. Love is kind, love is patience, love is not jealous, love will not keep a record of wrongdoing.

[@rocknroseee]

Your fiancé left you in the moment of crisis.. why would you accept her back?

[@jdrumz321ify]

CHUMP

[@samia6888]

how are you doing now?

[@labyanimami5560]

Currently, my husband is in limerence ,the way Dr Joe describe it is exactly how he is acting. He left our family and live with someone else. He bought a lot, he get all our money, etc..(good that I have job to support our kids) Thank you Sir.. It will not last but i still remember how he made plans for their affair and how he betrayed us.... We need to move on, time will heal. I already made steps to migrate to other country (with my children) so painful that i think its the only way to forget things So help me God.

[@Stonloy]

Thank you so much...I felt this for months and I didn’t know what the name of the emotion was, but this is the perfect description of how I was feeling

[@christinabaker5263]

Wow! This word describes the intensely, magnetic feelings, my husband and I had for one another 10 years ago!! What’s crazy, is it’s still there...whether unhealthy or healthy for us, we stick together

[@laura2372]

Your situation is rare! Limerence doesn't turn into real true love and a lasting marriage very often! Congratulations! Enjoy your good fortune and blessing!

[@kerrymillar1267]

There’s no issue if you were both single and make eachother happy. Just enjoy.

[@davephillips9274]

I had no idea. Amazing and absolutely true. I am going through the end result. Realizing what it is doesn’t make it any easier to deal with but it does help.

[@c.j.p.7607]

I'm going through it as well. What was the end result like for you? How long did it last, what was the outcome?

[@TwoBlackRings]

The world needs solid wisdom like this to live by.

[@deborahsunflower939]

This man is the family member I always needed. Glad to have found this channel.

[@WhisperingWitchASMR]

This is, bar none, the single most accurate overview of limerence that exists on KZbin. Thank you tremendously for posting it and for helping so many of us out substantially as a result. 🙏🏻

[@jamilethlopez8670]

I’m so happy to hear that it will end !

[@MantisShrimp80]

Thanks, I saw your clip last year and I can only wish your clip was the first video on KZbin that I ever saw. Would've saved myself some embarrassing situations and also being a nuisance to a few women as well. Limerence or love that you can feel in the chest physically was (out of good will) very mistakenly taught to me as wholesome, and it took 17 years to finally get educated about it properly and see it for what it is.

[@MBSKanal]

Dear Dr. Beam, this probably was one of the best and helpful videos, I’ve ever seen on KZbin. In my language, there isn’t even a word for the state of mind that your’re describing with the expression limerance. But it is definitely existing, thanks again.

[@larryreynolds7676]

Omg ! What an awesome an insightful perspective that is usually difficult to clarify or explain as it has a strong comparison to love. Thank you Dr. Beam for you objective point of view.

[@TovaOberon]

I live in the area and I wish I could have a live counseling session with this guy. Limerence has been running my life since I was a child, and now that I know what limerence actually is, I feel almost cheated by myself, like I have never made a positive decision in my life for ME before, that it's always been for my "limerent objects". Every 2 years or so I will try to leave whoever I am with for a LO. I need to break the cycle!

[@Tt-qm2xg]

I went through limerance with my husband at the start of our relationship. It was so intense. The strongest I think I've ever felt. In the past it had gotten me into really, really, really bad situations. And i aleays regretted acting on my limerance. But through therapy, I've learned to harness it for good (through creative writing). Going to therapy and working through limerance is what saved my relationship with my husband. He is an amazing, sweet, kind, protective man. And i was lucky to have found him.

[@alllowercase6277]

He's like a wise, jolly grandad. Love this guy! Just reading Tennov's book now. Illuminating. My past/youth was definitely spent being addicted to the state of Limerence, mistaking it for love. I even wrote a list just now. Fourteen different LO's. (Limerence Objects) in my 38 year old lifetime. Some reciprocated, some not. Some still close friends to this day. Some beautiful, and worth the fight. Others unattractive, both on the outside and the in. The mind boggles and I'm confused to this day as to why I spent so much time obsessing over these people. One thing is for certain, it was the feelings I was addicted to and not the person. Something was missing, broken, or not formed yet in me. For anyone suffering from this still, please listen to the man above and question this all-consuming, anti-productive state you're in. It's a false reality, a heavy delusion. Now I'm grounded and my love is pure and fresh, unconditional. Limerence should be taught in schools and brought to the public eye much more, and The Sorrows of Young Werther will be sorry no more. Ha. Thanks. Much LOVE to you all.

[@tmompeller111]

This is the first time I've looked into this and OMG so much makes sense now .

[@laurabucio8270]

Spot on!! I was in a bad relationship, a person always screwed me over but I will always make an excuse for them. Open my eyes to know my self worth, my life has been a lot more peaceful. New subbie! Really enjoyed your video.

[@ThePerfectSeason1972]

Great commentary, unbiased, truthful and very educational!

[@vanpenguin22]

God bless you Dr. Joe. It's a wonderful thing you do for us all.

[@diarykeeper]

Dorothy Tennov did an amazing job on this topic. Great work. Highly recommend her book.

[@annevanderlaan6441]

This is powerful because you used your own experience. To disclose that even you a professional had this issue.

[@theonlyrealerik4237]

I left a limerence relationship recently. I'm grateful I did. Thank you for the advice Dr.Beam.

[@J-R2D2]

You have no idea how much you have helped me Dr. Joe …your godsend …Thank you !!!!

[@ylsflv]

I'm not even halfway done with this video but I'm already breathing, sighing intensely and reading all the comments on how I could relate because of how eye-opening this is...and the difficult journey that is to come when discovering u have this, and it needs to stop. Praying we all get there peacefully, however long it takes... 🙏

[@tonybridge42]

I totally understand this. I have been through it and it is absolutely true. It destroys lives.

[@drinkswithsplendour4387]

It’s crazy how love can blind you and take you away from reality.

[@flowerfullgirl_]

i also thought it was impossible but i will always miss him for ever and will be emotionally affected from this rejection, i will always shed tears out of this

[@ammarshafique9064]

Spot on, Dr. The way you articulated your knowledge about limerence was sublime. Keep up the good work!

[@shanaschutte4178]

Soooo good, Joe! Thank you for posting. People need to know this before they marry and before they take it too far and divorce. We've been fed lies that feeling like you are "in love" is true love. But true love is self sacrificial.

[@AngelRodriguez-cy2mj]

You’re amazing. Thank you for all the hope you and your team share.

[@tumwesigye123]

I have been in this kind of situation for about three months. My wife is aware and indeed she has done a lot to help me come out of the situation. Truly it doesn't las.

[@maunder01]

great videos! well done! please keep them coming!

[@larrytxeast8756]

For 19 yrs I was "comfortably" married to my wife when I met a woman I was fascinated with. I loved talking to her & felt like she "got" me in ways my wife never had. It only lasted a month, I didn't leave my wife for this woman and the intensity has died down. I still enjoy time I spend with her at work, but no longer do I have the urge to leave my wife & this other woman & I have only hugged. On one hand I would hate it if she left our job I'd never see her again and I'd strongly miss her, on the other hand it might be a good thing if that occurred.

[@samt8592]

what happened?

[@deborahrouse5644]

You are wrong. She didn't really "get you". Gosh how I hate that, "My wife doesn't understand me", kind of thinking! Of course the "new" woman ALWAYS DOES........but it's only an illusion you're nurturing.

[@roni2697]

My face lit up when you said it doesn't last forever 🙏 I think I have it, fourth year now, so over it !!

[@robertryan952]

Thank you for admitting you have personal experience here. Because of that, I trust your advice tenfold. Honesty really IS the best policy.

[@aren3130]

Very interesting video and really help me to relieve my pains dealing with my cheated hubby.I confidence that my hubby is this limerence state and really hurt me before I m listening to wonderful video.May this video will help others like me to move on with their daily life.God Bless.

[@candywalker4499]

Omg im sorry i didn't c this sooner!!! Sometimes i feel like i cant breath when im around him I think abt him everyday right through the day .. sigh

[@samia6888]

how are you now?

[@biondna7984]

I so enjoy your compassionate, empathetic presentations. Given my tight budget right now, I'm gleaning everything I can from several relationship coaches here on KZbin. My comfort is that the limerence I'm enduring right now IS abating. He's married, and not to me. There WILL be relief. I've been through this before, and knew enough to not get involved with him. I'm staying away from him, expanding my life and contacts, doing everything I know to do, to get free. Your viewpoint reinforces my patience and conviction. I'll get through this.

[@MarriageHelper]

Thank you so much biondna. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on KZbin. So sorry you are going through this! But please, don't hesitate to reach out to us if there's anything else we can do for you. marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/ We would love to be your support system during this time. Blessings,

[@biondna7984]

@@MarriageHelper Thank you. If my resources change I'll keep it in mind.

[@jeroenboekhoorn]

This is exactly how my wife suddenly does. After 22 year relationship, including 15 year marriage and 2 lovely children she became 2 years ago more than in love with this other man and she said "her soul is ripped out" when she's not with him. Now we're close to divorce and really hope this intense feelings stop before the divorce is final. It's so incredible painful but now I finally have an explanation and really really thank you for this explanation Joe. The only thing is, although I still love her very much, that I don't know very well how to talk with her because on many occasions I wished she left my live for good after all the mean things she said and done.

[@jerryanddiannedennison5644]

Remember, if your divorce gets final before your spouse gets out of the limerence, and you still love and want to salvage your relationship, you can remarry. But seek help from Marriage Helper for guidance.

[@kerrymillar1267]

I’m so sorry, hope you’re ok.

[@robertopimentel3900]

Any updates?

[@samia6888]

how is everything now?

[@jeg353]

I believe my ex-wife is curently in limerance for a man she met after our divorce. I really feel like she is vilifiing me. She's said that she was never happy with me, she was never all that attracted to me, there was never any intimacy between us, and for the most part she's been putting the blame on me. We're trying to work on reconciliation right now, but it's been really frustrating hearing those things while remembering her being happy at times in our marriage. It sometimes feels like our entire relationship was a lie. This video gives me hope that this viliniazation will eventually go away and she can remember that it wasn't all bad between us. Thank you!

[@zonelforde7610]

This is a very painful state to be in. Thank you for sharing.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Such great and important information. I wish every kid had to learn about this in high school!

[@joelfranco907]

wise advice from an old man! thanks grandpa. it'll be helpful to many!

[@melodymacken9788]

Absolutely brilliant. Described to perfection. Been there, done that, never ever again.

[@divyashirley]

My ex doing this mistake the second time. Not realised.

[@enquetedusavoir6665]

i've been through this shit and it was exactly how it's been described above in this video!

[@Skylaignious]

My friends are broken because of this. Such amazing individuals crying on and on.... Thank you the video. I hope this somehow anyhow helps

[@maxtayebwa8987]

You have lived all of our lives! I just like the way you explain things!

[@laurablyth9084]

I had a unique experience with limerence, where I was in limerence with two people. I stayed with the one I fell for first because I thought I was being sensible and I thought it was romantic to stay with my first young love. Long story short, I was stuck with him for 12 miserable years and I shouldn't have been with either of them. I'm now with someone who I believe will make me happy after the limerence disappears and I am currently the happiest I've ever been. It is always wise to take a step back and think outside of your feelings, life is too precious to waste with someone who is not suitable for you.

[@aliyahsmith3134]

How is the relationship going?

[@katherinepoltoratzky2058]

What's the status? Are you still in limerance?

[@lisaeischens2352]

I appreciate your honesty in describing your own relationship mistakes or periods of not quite thinking logically. It takes a big person to admit that they made a mistake and hurt the people you love. I’m glad things worked out for you in the long run and hope that your children can come to understand that you’re not only their father but are a human who goes through things in life that you don’t always know how to navigate or look at objectively.

[@kayladawnedonme]

Yes, I also have a lot of respect for his humble & transparent approach💞 Feels very healing & I imagine so nourishing for his kids to witness. So grateful for this channel, through so many years of my own heartbreak/cycles in "love." 🙏

[@mslizzardroscoe9051]

This was a big help. Thank you so much Sir!