How To End An Affair With Someone You Love

[@JamesKevinForbis]

Thank you for this. I had an emotional affair with a coworker. It never became more than flirting at work and texting and calling on the phone. It was still incredibly difficult to end because of the emotional investments we had made in one another. It dragged on and on and finally ending it was the best thing I did to start building back trust in my marriage.

[@vanessaaugust93]

If I may ask, what were the steps you did to end it. I know someone thats having an affair with co worker and still continue communicating at work and thinks that he's inlove with this person and that it won't change. On the other hand he's still in his marriage and attempted to leave but hasnt

[@MarkSummers-g2n]

If i had a dime for everytime i have seen some married person having an affair at work

[@DeTriaH]

Thanks for sharing James. I'm going through this right now.

[@Manny123-y3j]

My parents divorced when I was 21. The marriage had been dead for a long time, and both my parents had lots of problems. I remember wishing they would get a divorce when I was in high school so I wouldn't have to deal with both parents at the same time, and it was obvious to me there was no point to the marriage even then. I think too many people think staying together for the kids is always the right answer. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn't. These situations are almost always extremely complicated.

[@PaulO-xh7sr]

Agree

[@blueforeverblue7147]

Agree

[@Gotoworkkk]

Agree! I dealt with the same thing. It was agony for years… They should’ve divorced long ago instead of putting my sister and I through this.

[@davidpearson8954]

You are a good guy. Thank you for your honesty and wisdom. Not to mention your bravery for admitting to your faults publicly.

[@nataliejeanbart7262]

Exactly, his honestly is very refreshing. I feel like I know him.. wierd. God bless his soull

[@lynnhampton6269]

Well, he wasn’t so good when having his affair. And he may be honest now, but he sure wasn’t then. His poor wife.

[@jazzyandfunky]

My father cheated on my mum with numerous lovers. He had a baby with one random girl. My mum couldn't cope with it and moved out with my sister and I, but they still tried to work on it. At that point he met a much younger girl and fell in love madly. This finally ended my parents' marriage. Dad and his lover are now together for 26 years, most of this married. He didn't change to a completely different person, he is still a bit of a d**k ;) but apparently him and his wife are a better match than him and my mum were. The only thing I remember from early childhood is harsh words, lack of bond, loads of arguments. Dad and my stepmother have 2 daughters. I like them all a lot. I think there are so many people who married too young, grew too apart along the way or got too far with their anger/misery to maintain the marriage.

[@jennifercarolina2494]

Bless you

[@rhionadaffodil7520]

Its hard to match or tighten if not the same size.. It will lose

[@kuinitofilau8830]

The changes I saw in my husband who was unfaithful was that he started drinking which he never did, he cut off his family which he would never have done because he does everything for them and overall he's just a different person from the one I married...sometimes I don't know who he is but I'm still praying for him and our marriage and our children. It's a sticky situation but I'm trying to trust in God.

[@gitarist25]

how did things work out?

[@andreamoscoso4065]

Trust in God regardless and pray that He guides you and your family including your husband. This might help someone. For people who go through childbirth or physical problems or weight gain. Either stick it through, these things can heal especially after being cut down there for childbirth and many women get a mesh placed down there. Sometimes its placed badly and will hurt so it will need to surgically or with therapy get fixed. If someone doesn't want to wait they should get divorced and not do that to someone and no the partner does not love them not in a real way not where it needs to be might be confused but still. Also be honest before a relationship/ marriage. Being emotionally invested into someone else, emotionally thinking about someone else starting to invest in someone else like that, having an emotional affair not my words but from many honest people, it affects people (both sides). Also porn is the same, emotionally physically, spiritually and soul wise. In being honest and trying, and taking the steps to get out of there and working with your wife/husband. I'm sure it helped to try to do something better. ~ For anyone else reading the comment section porn and also emotional investement to whatever degree in others affects your soul, it is cheating spiritually and physically and sets you to look at women in an unhealthy way for your mind and soul and thus this is setting you up for failure. The woman notices and feels this that you are not properly invested and cheating looking at/ to others and of course it will be a complete turn off. I suggest work on this for your sake and your future wife's sake so that you won't cause problems in that area or bring problems into your relationship and then marriage. Build trust. No trust= no connection and rejection/ turn offs. Most women percieve/ feel this cheating /porn etc (because the proof is evident even if you try to hide it) and know that you are not invested where you should be so it makes them reject the person. So it could just become a nasty cycle that goes no where until you decide to. Don't bring this into a relationship when they never expected it or asked for it, same for women with their men. Goes both ways for men and women. Many seek others or porn in the relationship stage which is cheating (this of course causes problems and alienates everyone) and so its at times brought into the marriage. Its not like it will go away with marriage. So make sure its not a thing anymore before getting into a relationship and then even worse into a marriage. Start right. Its precious years for both of you. Be honest and do all you can to not set yourself up. You seek other women it leads to failure there is no sugar coating or denying it don't set yourself up for it but do everything you can to not go that route. Best of luck. Pray.

[@amberrose573]

Dnt pray for a cheating husband .. Simply bcz thats a choice he took and God does not overrule choices

[@P.willow]

Sounds like a very unhappy person tbh if he's not himself. You probably hurt his happiness by begging him to stay. What's wro g with people been happy. Just to make others happy and secure one person has to spend the rest of their life unhappy? Sounds selfish to me.

[@kathleenprice3388]

Kuini bless you im so sorry for i admire you for trying but i think hes lost and sadly be is so wrong and doesnt love or appreciand you but you are the only one that can .ove forward but please try to be strong with what you decide i send you love prayers and pray for you and children xx

[@bhavyasuvarna7518]

Hard to make the decision but when you go for it,it completely changes your life and leaves you in peace.

[@daviddickenson1243]

Hello Bhavya

[@brondomichael910]

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[@notathing3200]

I agree

[@susannahpearethcan5ing]

You have to have a closure conversation first

[@alliegoodall4471]

Some don’t respect you enough to give you that so love yourself and choose you

[@sincerefaithfulness]

The agony of being a human being.. We didn’t even ask to be born

[@aliabdelaziz905]

Once I ended the affair of over 2 years I was able to rebuild my marriage and now everything is great and we are planning our 3rd child. I know how hard it is when you have two great women in your life I could have sworn god made my mistress just for me she was perfect but I couldn’t leave my family and I had to pull the plug. I know how hard it is

[@christagalvan5638]

Danny my husband had an affair for 2 years and has decided to stay with me to try and rebuild our relationship. We go to counseling and he doesn't speak to her anymore but he says he still loves her and is trying for our family. Reading your comment gives me a little hope

[@Cvgirl84]

@@christagalvan5638 at least he is being honest, just don’t give up on him, sometimes we fall in love outside of our marriage just to learn a lesson… I hope 🤞🏾 you guys stick together ❤️

[@grantweston4981]

Im not bashing you here, but I think you need know God and who He is a little bit better. God wouldn't make a mistress foe you...or anyone for the matter. God expects a person to remain in their covenant marriage. Your not the only one to be deceived by this way of thinking. Its the devil and his pawns that are putting the hood over your head to blind you. Im glad you ended the affair. Please put God back in your Marriage and read scripture. Find out how us men are called to be towards our spouse, our children ,and others. Peace be with you and God bless.

[@aliabdelaziz905]

@@grantweston4981 I understand where you’re coming from but I wouldn’t say I put god too much in my life, but we did have our 3rd child and my marriage is actually going very well. We actually all got back from Disneyland last night. I haven’t fell into temptation at all and I’m happy.

[@BlkOnyx0508]

@@Cvgirl84 don't give up on him?! A person who is telling you to your face he doesn't want you? No.

[@listiyanischna]

My parents were in bad marriage and my mom divorced him because i suggested that. They were unhappy and fighting constantly. Life is not black and white.

[@sharaa.5011]

Well said!

[@dinostoriesbyaimar4404]

Its about AN AFFAIR, not about BAD MARRIAGE.

[@zuzu7250]

@@dinostoriesbyaimar4404 bad marriages lead to affairs- If a woman has no physical attraction for her hubby, she can’t just leave because she would have no means of support. She is simply seeking the love and affection she desperately needs - no sense in breaking up a marriage because of trying to satisfy one basic need that is not being met within the marriage. That would be stupid.

[@brondomichael910]

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[@brondomichael910]

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[@mydreams4me]

I was having an affair for almost 2 yrs, tried desperately to leave for the past 6 mnths. Thought therepy would help but nothing did help. He started keeping one foot out of the affair and wanted to stay friends with benefits. One day I lost my head fought hard things got violent and abusive with him then he beat me up hard and i had to end everything and exposed the affair to his wife. It was the final end. But I've been in guilt ever since.

[@czilkha]

It is important to recognize if the beliefs and values about marriage being forever - no matter if you are incompatible and bitterly unhappy, are truly your values or beliefs or those of your family, community or culture.

[@thirtythreeflavors]

But for me, it was not a true belief, but an imposed dogma that I mistaked for being mine.

[@SirenCoquette888]

My parents' relationship changed me from a little girl who believed in love to someone who just have trust issues around men.

[@kimjordan7454]

Yes I feel the same way..i DO NOT WANT TO be a WHORE LIKE MY FATHER n follow in his footsteps...bit I don't know how to save my marriage r do I even want to..i feel like I'm just there because of my son

[@sobharai3983]

Exactly the same problem with me

[@kathleenprice3388]

Hey valarie i hope you have moved forard trust me there are decent true men out there x

[@carolkline5843]

I can relate to what hes saying .Iv never cheated in my marriage or past relationships .Its best to be honest with each other if the relationship or marriage not working. I am in my 60s now and single by choice .

[@joelethridge7864]

My wife was the most incredible mother before her affair. Since she left she has not called and checked on them once during my week. (We have them week in week off) She misses their ball games to be with him. She would never miss anything of our children before him. She is not the same person she once was. It’s devastating.

[@shelleysimone8100]

Joel Ethridge There are no words for the unrelenting pain Joel. Been there.Just want you to know that healing is just as real an option as complete devastation.Go after your healing, you deserve it.

[@brondomichael910]

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[@robmartin9129]

All the best bro trust me on this your wife's lack of disconnect is her complete shame of what she has done to you. Her guilt will eat her up at over and over

[@Cvgirl84]

She is probably feeling guilt and regret that why she withdrew from you guys

[@T_Amara257]

Ag that is just sad. so sorry and hope you are okay

[@theeprincess777]

Classic Joe teaching. Love these types of lessons I miss this format It's easier to follow and digest. It keeps my interest much better than the new modified back and forth two person videos/podcasts thank you

[@MarriageHelper]

Glad to hear you are enjoying the material. Thank you for your feedback!

[@lilianikeh6382]

It's not easy to remain faithful in your marriage especially when you're often neglected, abused, always having communication problems, so as the wife you're scared of speaking with him,often lonely without your spouse making out time for you yet you're still young. As a young woman, you would definitely get seduction and advances from men however be careful not to be carried away by pleasure cox it hurts at the long run especially your relationship with your kids

[@ananardelli]

Why would you want to stay in a marriage like that? Some things can’t be fixed. I’m sorry but I couldn’t do it.

[@graphitetalk]

If you are abused and neglected, have the courage to leave your marriage. You only get one life. Live it well.

[@Gotoworkkk]

You should be leaving your marriage if it is that bad. Move on and find peace within yourself.

[@g-wynn4477]

Wish I had heard these videos 11 years ago. Listening now with both ears wide open. Good to know. Maybe I can help someone else from making the same mistakes. Thanks!!

[@ourfatherswar3464]

g- wynn yooo

[@sohamyogaindia6275]

Can you help me?

[@brondomichael910]

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[@rajis9103]

Help me to come out this pain pls

[@gelgoorx]

As having cheated on my ex I'll say it's a Terrible thing it eats at you and makes you miserable, you gotta bite the bullet and go through the pain of speration and move on .

[@cocory3914]

What about moral and commitment? Honesty and loyalty? I understand love is important but cheating is wrong. You just don’t do that while you are married.

[@shelleysimone8100]

Coco Ry sounds like you are referring to what happens between people who are cheating as love.Lust maybe, very strong emotions maybe, limerance maybe, but love is always honest and has nothing to do with the powerful emotions of attachment and desire that often exists between persons involved in an affair.That cannot and never will be love. but I understand and agree with what you said otherwise.

[@zuzu7250]

What about these sexless marriages? A wife loses sexual attraction for her husband but she is totally dependent on him financially. She loves her husband and he loves her- but without attraction . She wouldn’t mind if he finds someone who can fulfill his intimacy needs.. then she DOES find a man with whom there IS mutual attraction. HE IS in a sexless marriage and is financially dependent on HIS wife.what is so wrong with these people ( senior citizens- children are grown and gone- rarely check on them- no friends in common- lonely boring existence). What is so wrong in allowing these people to enjoy the little bit of life they have?

[@zuzu7250]

SHELLEY-ANNE CLARKE it can be love- If one spouse has no physical attraction for the other , they can still LOVE each other- they have just lost their need of intimacy with each other- is that really a “marriage”? Sounds more like a committed friendship- one can reap the benefits of having a friend who is committed to your health and welfare but one should be glad to have his spouse seek intimacy with a lover who genuinely cares about her. Especially when the sexual attraction in the marriage is non- existent . And especially too, when the people are over 65- let them be happy for each other- allow them to find soMe happiness in their twilight years.

[@zuzu7250]

@@shelleysimone8100 if that is true, then MOST marriages are based on LUST...

[@andreamoscoso4065]

@@zuzu7250 This might help. For people who go through childbirth or physical problems or weight gain. Either stick it through, these things can heal especially after being cut down there for childbirth and many women get a mesh placed down there. Sometimes its placed badly and will hurt so it will need to surgically or with therapy get fixed. If someone doesn't want to wait they should get divorced and not do that to someone and no the partner does not love them not in a real way not where it needs to be might be confused but still. Also be honest before a relationship/ marriage. Being emotionally invested into someone else, emotionally thinking about someone else starting to invest in someone else like that, having an emotional affair not my words but from many honest people, it affects people (both sides). Also porn is the same, emotionally physically, spiritually and soul wise. In being honest and trying, and taking the steps to get out of there and working with your wife/husband. I'm sure it helped to try to do something better. ~ For anyone else reading the comment section porn and also emotional investement to whatever degree in others affects your soul, it is cheating spiritually and physically and sets you to look at women in an unhealthy way for your mind and soul and thus this is setting you up for failure. The woman notices and feels this that you are not properly invested and cheating looking at/ to others and of course it will be a complete turn off. I suggest work on this for your sake and your future wife's sake so that you won't cause problems in that area or bring problems into your relationship and then marriage. Build trust. No trust= no connection and rejection/ turn offs. Most women percieve/ feel this cheating /porn etc (because the proof is evident even if you try to hide it) and know that you are not invested where you should be so it makes them reject the person. So it could just become a nasty cycle that goes no where until you decide to. Don't bring this into a relationship when they never expected it or asked for it, same for women with their men. Goes both ways for men and women. Many seek others or porn in the relationship stage which is cheating (this of course causes problems and alienates everyone) and so its at times brought into the marriage. Its not like it will go away with marriage. So make sure its not a thing anymore before getting into a relationship and then even worse into a marriage. Start right. Its precious years for both of you. Be honest and do all you can to not set yourself up. You seek other women it leads to failure there is no sugar coating or denying it don't set yourself up for it but do everything you can to not go that route. Best of luck. Pray for both Trust in Jesus that He guides you both give everything all of it to Him.

[@jessicaramos25]

It changed my character I became someone that I didn’t know recognize.

[@deborahkarg-zl1xi]

When people get married they do it for life. But if your husband or wife takes you for granted and you try to talk about but it stays the same, you will come to a point of leaving.

[@helenkay6628]

I totally understand and agree, because that happened to me and from your comment I'm thinking it happened to you too. Xx

[@Gotoworkkk]

You sound like an older woman to me. You should definitely leave no matter the circumstances. Have some respect for yourself and move on.

[@DominicOkinawa]

I ended my emotional affair and was unkind and hurt them emotionally and re-ended it and am now in no contact. I appreciate the help.

[@pw4259]

Had affair 13 years it's ended now I am happy and moved on I do think about her and still love her but let me say there are no winners

[@katiebr]

That’s so very true!!!!’ A lover is a lover, not a spouse and you will get caught! It always happens!

[@rjchavez4897]

Fear of losing any relationship with kids is huge. They get crushed when you split up with your spouse, regardless of age or maturity. Then they are angry, disappointed, and dismissive of you. This is as painful a thing as I can imagine.

[@czilkha]

thank you so much for sharing your story and pffering a pathway out for those struggling. As a therapist for almost 40 years, I use your link often.

[@cherylharris8654]

Tell you how I ended it I was the wife and his mistress was trying to connive me out of everything while I was sick so I decided to let her have him and get a good taste of the lying cheating drunk . And I cleaned him out and she was pissed smartest thing I ever did .

[@donnaallgaier-lamberti3933]

Your honesty is refreshing AND surprising. I thought all therapists were perfect! Ha Ha!

[@VanessaSimon26]

Living in sexless marriage. Being neglected and ignored by my husband I fell in love with another man. He found out, even though we decided on an open relationship. I ended the affair today. I can’t stop crying.

[@bekind3050]

I feel you😢. We are strong. We will overcome. 🙏

[@eccomiqua7960]

Why crying? What is the reason of your tears? Do you regret being unfaithful or do you miss your AP?

[@ananardelli]

Why would you want to stay in a marriage like that? Some things can’t be fixed. I’m sorry but I couldn’t do it.

[@openrealm]

@@ananardelli Yeah, to the original poster also, why did you end the affair instead of the marriage? Even with all that is said here not withstanding, for me it would have been the marriage that would have ended.

[@KatrinaDancer]

The actual content related 2 the title starts @ 14:39 😏 Right b4 that he says he's almost out of time 😝 The advice is end the affair immediately & decisively & never contact that person again 🙄

[@sazzlepop321]

katrinadancer weird wasn’t it??

[@mifasola1]

After 40 years with my spouse he passed away and months later I entered a relationship with a medical professional who was married with 2 grown adult children who still lived at home. He said he stayed for the children. I decided after 6 months I could not continue this fake relationship. I cut off all contact with no explanation. My feelings for him were intense but I didn't think we could move forward. He would never have left his baggage for me. I was taking my bucket to an empty well.

[@shellbells339]

Baggage?

[@Jc-ei7hz]

mi fa so la so his family is baggage? It sounds like you thing his family is garbage. Look in the mirror.

[@annawimpey5307]

He can't walk away. I see that now. It's not baggage, its responsibility and family. THANK YOU

[@maryh3470]

Amen. Been there, done that. I know exactly what ur saying.

[@ZENOBlAmusic]

Amen

[@LukiaSl]

Well my parents divorced. My dad had an affair and ended up marrying that woman and they stayed together for the next 30 years. The affair usually happens because there is already some incompatibility or dysfunction in the marriage, so it was good that they divorced. I can understand why people think of their kids and choose to stay. But honestly if that's the case then they should have thought about it earlier. I don't believe for a second that after being dishonest and disloyal to your partner, you really do love them and everything is as if nothing happened. People may compromise for other reasons, but in my opinion when you truly love your partner and are content in a relationship you don't go searching for love, sex and connection with another. The best thing you can do is be honest and then have the guts to go for what you want, including consequences.

[@estheragbo6153]

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[@estheragbo6153]

Wh'atsap him for heIp

[@lettysaldana9032]

It's hard when you find out your husband is having affair and you also find out you have breast cancer..

[@jollycolours]

Hugs. I just saw your comment, it was a year ago, I hope you're healthy, happy and doing great right now. Love and light to you!

[@jasminsacco8214]

I am so sorry. Sending you my prayers and hug Hope all is well with you.

[@daisyx1002]

I wish you good health and happiness. God bless you ❤

[@vjs0902]

Do yourself a favor don’t cheat. You will be sorry. He is right about values and beliefs. So if you cheat you modify to your needs. Can’t due that. Yes I loved but you are insane to think that it’s ok to kept a relationship or friendship with affair partner. You are hurting your spouse and the other person partner. Have some human decency. Blocked them, let go and forgive yourself and pray to God. It’s going to be painful but more painful is hurting your spouse and standing in front of God for his judgement. Your thinking only of you and not thinking of the human emotion.

[@brondomichael910]

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[@myrnahernandez6244]

It’s too painful to be the other woman. He never loves you enough to leave. 🥴😢

[@rootedrotor525]

Same goes if you're the other man hun. She never loves you enough to leave.

[@mineshukri3444]

So true

[@brondomichael910]

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[@sarahcosta4882]

Do you know what it's like for the wife he leaves? The pain is excruciating, the betrayal is beyond words, the broken life he leaves behind him to be with "the other woman" can't be described. There's plenty of single men in the world, do yourself a favor, stay as far away from a married man as possible!

[@LuisGonzalez-sb9lx]

Same goes to a gay love triangle. He never loves you enough to leave.

[@ladyanne8139]

I will never STOP loving the person. Come whatever. It can end. I will still love them.

[@yasminrico9122]

If you love ur lover let em go. Set it free n set urself free

[@iloveyoushima]

Just don't get married

[@xxgil2]

Me too.

[@jeanettelabonte5504]

It's very easy if you want to end a relationship with someone you love if you are married asked for God help. But if you are single you love that person it depend on you.

[@sandraleighty5369]

This type of situation involves a degree of unreality. You may hardly know this person. Deep wounds are the root cause. Ps 147:3 friends.

[@ajfourie6493]

I am instantly convinced that marriage is something you must not commit to. Don't ever get married.

[@carolalexis691]

So true

[@goldendreams8577]

Yes, it ruins lives.

[@andreamoscoso4065]

This might help someone. For people who go through childbirth or physical problems or weight gain. Either stick it through, these things can heal especially after being cut down there for childbirth and many women get a mesh placed down there. Sometimes its placed badly and will hurt so it will need to surgically or with therapy get fixed. If someone doesn't want to wait they should get divorced and not do that to someone and no the partner does not love them not in a real way not where it needs to be might be confused but still. Also be honest before a relationship/ marriage. Being emotionally invested into someone else, emotionally thinking about someone else starting to invest in someone else like that, having an emotional affair not my words but from many honest people, it affects people (both sides). Also porn is the same, emotionally physically, spiritually and soul wise. In being honest and trying, and taking the steps to get out of there and working with your wife/husband. I'm sure it helped to try to do something better. ~ For anyone else reading the comment section porn and also emotional investement to whatever degree in others affects your soul, it is cheating spiritually and physically and sets you to look at women in an unhealthy way for your mind and soul and thus this is setting you up for failure. The woman notices and feels this that you are not properly invested and cheating looking at/ to others and of course it will be a complete turn off. I suggest work on this for your sake and your future wife's sake so that you won't cause problems in that area or bring problems into your relationship and then marriage. Build trust. No trust= no connection and rejection/ turn offs. Most women percieve/ feel this cheating /porn etc (because the proof is evident even if you try to hide it) and know that you are not invested where you should be so it makes them reject the person. So it could just become a nasty cycle that goes no where until you decide to. Don't bring this into a relationship when they never expected it or asked for it, same for women with their men. Goes both ways for men and women. Many seek others or porn in the relationship stage which is cheating (this of course causes problems and alienates everyone) and so its at times brought into the marriage. Its not like it will go away with marriage. So make sure its not a thing anymore before getting into a relationship and then even worse into a marriage. Start right. Its precious years for both of you. Be honest and do all you can to not set yourself up. You seek other women it leads to failure there is no sugar coating or denying it don't set yourself up for it but do everything you can to not go that route. Best of luck. Pray.

[@osagejane5578]

ever

[@HHHRKP]

Dr. Joe Beam is truly better than Jim Beam.

[@89brandowar]

It's still too soon to tell but my wife is having an affair and I've seen her change so much already. We have 2 teen daughters and she has one in her back pocket incantation even have an honest conversation with my daughter with out her repeating everything to my wife. I'm trying to take it slow and work on fixing my marriage but every time I turn around I keep getting pushed back

[@edengetachew3952]

Ohh that’s really sweet. Hope it t will all work out for you for the best

[@kolokolo508]

Do you think I should send it to my husband? He has an affair. Told me about it, is in love with her. I do not want him to go.

[@Gotoworkkk]

I wouldn’t if I were you. Only he can decide for himself if he wants therapy or not.

[@ladyanne8139]

How selfish of the cheater to STAY ONLY TO NOT LOOK BAD. AS MY HUSBAND DID!

[@ladyanne8139]

Dr.Bean. no. I would never take my husband back after leaving me and married the woman lover for 3 yrs. And had the nerve to want to remarry me. NO.

[@ladyanne8139]

You are trying to give rational to dreadful suffering

[@reneehrhardt4133]

@@ladyanne8139 No you wouldn't. Once he remarried he is considered to be defiled to your marriage. Not sure where it is in the Bible but I read it and heard a well known pastor speak of it as well.

[@ingridaccount]

Thank you for the video! So much wisdom!

[@brondomichael910]

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[@069220]

Staying with someone just because you are married will not get you any medals, you’ll be miserable forever! Bravo! Doing what’s right is doing what makes you happy, not being socially acceptable. Married and happiness do NOT always go hand in hand! Why stay with someone you have no respect or love for? Why stay with someone who has broken ever vow they ever took?

[@ireneingles9427]

What happened in my nation ship was my partner was having affair with lots of women you keep getting on the internet and picking up these only has sex ones so I sorted to pick up with a bloke and have a fair for a living years with him to get back at my partner for doing it to me but up for a living years I was so it'd to say to the guy it's over cause he was acting strange I could do wings and avoiding me so I knew it's time to get out so I just told him I'm getting off the merry go round and say I know I said goodbye and I think Alyssa best thing I ever did

[@user-bu7cd9hx4q]

True why stay married and be miserable

[@tmendez31]

069220 leaving your marriage for happiness (temporary happiness) doesn’t win any medals either. But if your spouse commits adultery then you can leave the marriage; leaving for the right reasons is ok. In truth, many marriages that survived the toughest times actually became much stronger. Marriage, like life, is a roller coaster. Full of ups and downs, it’s great when you are up but crappy when you are down. So I always tell people that they shouldn’t give up. Even after someone cheats there is hope, but a screw up that badly is a legitimate reason to leave. Most of the divorces are caused by someone who has either decided to leave for someone else or just to get away from their spouse who isn’t making them happy. Sticking it out through the hard times may not give medals, but it has produced some long lasting marriages. Many couples you talk to that have been married for like 50+ years will tell you there was a time that they were miserable. There is hope.

[@069220]

Troy Mendez : ha ha ha, you haven’t met my wife! Physically, mentally and emotionally a demon. Changed into the devil THE day I married her. Don’t judge me, we each walk our own path. You have all the answers huh?

[@lordabiabi1964]

This “marriage helper” actually fantasized about his wife getting hit by a bus before divorcing her only to remarry her after his mistress dumped him. What a joke.

[@raygrey2018]

I’ve ended it so many times as we are both in relationships but we are like magnets to each other... I hate myself for the potential pain I could cause to their family and mine... I just want to be strong enough to walk away.

[@aliabdelaziz905]

I’ve been there! The hardest thing I’ve ever done was leave my mistress and I’ve recovered from a pill addiction. She’s perfect and understands you she’s smart and you never every felt like that with anyone right?

[@xxgil2]

Ray Grey same boat here. Worked with her for years and everyone kept commenting on how similar we were. I was annoyed by it. Even my wife cautioned me and her husband was jealous of me because of whatever vibe we were giving. Ended up together after years of avoiding it and ended it a bunch of times too. I am past the guilt now. For better or worse we are part of each other’s life. All we can do is be the best spouses/parents we can be under the circumstances and live together in our hearts and apart physically. It is what it is.

[@grantweston4981]

@@xxgil2 no. That's cop out way of thinking with zero responsibility. Its a very sinful way to think my guy.

[@xxgil2]

@@grantweston4981 and who are you to judge?

[@andriajohnson6521]

Am in the same situation now

[@luanntexascitizen4345]

Biggest mistake was taking back my cheating husband. He did it over and over again.

[@fireeye33]

they will....it will never stop....

[@andreamoscoso4065]

This might help. For people who go through childbirth or physical problems or weight gain. Either stick it through, these things can heal especially after being cut down there for childbirth and many women get a mesh placed down there. Sometimes its placed badly and will hurt so it will need to surgically or with therapy get fixed. If someone doesn't want to wait they should get divorced and not do that to someone and no the partner does not love them not in a real way not where it needs to be might be confused but still. Also be honest before a relationship/ marriage. Being emotionally invested into someone else, emotionally thinking about someone else starting to invest in someone else like that, having an emotional affair not my words but from many honest people, it affects people (both sides). Also porn is the same, emotionally physically, spiritually and soul wise. In being honest and trying, and taking the steps to get out of there and working with your wife/husband. I'm sure it helped to try to do something better. ~ For anyone else reading the comment section porn and also emotional investement to whatever degree in others affects your soul, it is cheating spiritually and physically and sets you to look at women in an unhealthy way for your mind and soul and thus this is setting you up for failure. The woman notices and feels this that you are not properly invested and cheating looking at/ to others and of course it will be a complete turn off. I suggest work on this for your sake and your future wife's sake so that you won't cause problems in that area or bring problems into your relationship and then marriage. Build trust. No trust= no connection and rejection/ turn offs. Most women percieve/ feel this cheating /porn etc (because the proof is evident even if you try to hide it) and know that you are not invested where you should be so it makes them reject the person. So it could just become a nasty cycle that goes no where until you decide to. Don't bring this into a relationship when they never expected it or asked for it, same for women with their men. Goes both ways for men and women. Many seek others or porn in the relationship stage which is cheating (this of course causes problems and alienates everyone) and so its at times brought into the marriage. Its not like it will go away with marriage. So make sure its not a thing anymore before getting into a relationship and then even worse into a marriage. Start right. Its precious years for both of you. Be honest and do all you can to not set yourself up. You seek other women it leads to failure there is no sugar coating or denying it don't set yourself up for it but do everything you can to not go that route. Best of luck. Pray.

[@brondomichael910]

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[@brondomichael910]

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[@brondomichael910]

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[@venkateshchagi2944]

Absolutely 100% true of whatever you said!!! Every word and every thought oh my god are just the same!! Great advise, Thank you very much!! Really appreciated!!

[@tatumsocorrotolentino1804]

this made me cry especially for the children involved they bring the trauma tl their adult life

[@estheragbo6153]

Hello this really works for me. I know of a great man| who helped me bring my ex back, he can aIso heIp you, he does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify

[@estheragbo6153]

Wh'atsap him for heIp

[@mandihall1986]

My ex husband of 19 yrs divorced me last Sep for his homewrecker/re bound/young co worker. He says he doesn’t love her and loves me but he is still w her out of guilt

[@mandihall1986]

Let me add we have 4 children. There has been 3 affairs during our marriage. 2 of them 2005 were just a week. Then the one that ended our marriage after 19 yrs was his months of affair.

[@mandihall1986]

His Psychiatrist tells him to end his affair now. Cause he and my ex husband knows he still loves me. Also let me add he cheated on me with homewrecker and since our divorce numerous times he’s cheated on homewrecker with me. He says he doesn’t know if he wants me back or not. He says he doesn’t know if he wants me to give up on him. Suggestions. Of course I’m still in love w him

[@amandolavida1569]

Mandi Hall I’m very sorry about this emotional roller coaster that you have been in with a cheating spouse. Well, depends on your standards and what do you want to put up with, if he doesn’t make a decision and significant changes, you are at risk of letting him keep playing with your feelings, which it’s not fair, it destroys your self esteem and causes a lot of pain, anxiety and Health issues.You have to close your ears and stop listening to what he says and open up your eyes and see what he is doing and you will know what is important for him, then you make your own decision based in your observation and intuition, I know it’s hard when you are in love but think with your head and not your heart. Get some hope for the future, and think about what will be like if you take time to heal, get counseling and move on, you may meet someone who will really validate the wonderful person that you are. May God give you wisdom.

[@carolinagonzales1935]

I just remember one good speaker who once said when you fall and committed mistakes its okay don't make it too long, learn from it, a righteous man do what is right and aiming for it... How I wish my husband watch your video, they are golden wisdom coming from your own experience

[@song1178]

Just end it no matter what

[@ioanachis33]

I adore the way how you say the things .

[@jeffreylaury6549]

What if they do not want to do the work to end the affair

[@youmnaspirit]

Thank you so much for these beautiful info. I cried at 09:53

[@Expensive-op6pn]

I want to end it but I don’t know how things will play out. He’ll ask me why and I’ll say the same issues as I had before accepting his proposal, then he’ll say I need to seem him individually bla bla bla. I agree with no contact but we’re in the same circles, we need to work together, he mentors me. What if he can’t be professional about it and victimizes me? Why did I agree to it in the first place? People had to convince me to agree. I’ve been giving him hints here and there that I might leave at the slightest issue. I’m hoping I can gather the courage to do it once and for all. Thank you so much Dr for this information.

[@cbourg1989]

What if you are going through this between your first and second husband....i divorced my first husband 90% because of my mothers influence...i remarried and have been having issues in this marriage and have been separated for almost 2 months and started having "an affair" with my first husband with those same feelings of love

[@iloveyoushima]

How come you aren't divorced yet?

[@grantweston4981]

Please read the bible. First Corinthians.

[@regiz5358]

You are so great! Thanks! Hard topic though!

[@littlemissy8356]

He is so kind. So good.

[@estheragbo6153]

Hello this really works for me. I know of a great man| who helped me bring my ex back, he can aIso heIp you, he does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify

[@estheragbo6153]

Wh'atsap him for heIp

[@lorriekelly964]

yep. it's. hard. and sex. has. nothing to. do. with. it. the. feelings. of love. is. really. about. u . that. has nothing. to. do. with. the. other. person. That. is only. if. the. other feels. the. same sometime. it's. all about. u .

[@roylenekornovich3267]

Why would the cheating spouse have to tell the betrayed spouse that he cheated?! Someone decided I needed to know of my husbands betrayal when I could have lived happily ever after never hearing those devastating words. My husband was such a good man and was as devastated as I was when he learned I knew. Most devastating for sure and certainly life changing.

[@Tom_in_CA]

Good question. Why force that kind of pain on someone? Seems unnecessary…and cruel.

[@denismontiel1]

what about if I decide to be with neither my Spouse or Lover?

[@brondomichael910]

I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

[@suecarrigan4765]

I have no intentions of doing so , I've waited a lifetime to find him and until he says its over I'm not going anywhere

[@akcr5769]

Any updates? I’m in that situation

[@steel-tn4cj]

This really helped me thank you

[@louisesan-g3838]

I am confused of whos relationship i am going to end.. would it be my husband who i've fallen out of love many years ago..(actually got tied up because i got pregnant and was forced to marry) or that someone i am deeply in love with right now but is miles apart from me

[@sloppyndet]

Look up Joe Beam's podcast on limerence, pay close attention to the parts on rewriting marital history.

[@miamlp3383]

I'm in the same situation

[@violetkamote9162]

i am in the same situation

[@MarriageHelper]

Hi, Lei. Thank you for reaching out to us. Here are a few resources which may help: www.marriagehelper.com/lover_or_spouse.html www.marriagehelper.com/married_but_in_love_with_someone_else.php www.marriagehelper.com/wife-love-another-man-podcast

[@aruvielevenstar3944]

Go for your lover, don’t lie to yourself, follow your heart

[@lidyateweldemedhin7973]

I lost it when he said in a homewrecker ❤❤❤

[@HuricaneChampagne]

My current lover and I agreed to end it fore the sake of his life. I don’t have a real life so therefore I can’t be hurt and feel pain

[@Cetza-qt8gd]

HuricaneChampagne um what your life is precious !!

[@jenniferraymond3913]

HuricaneChampagne WRONG!! You have a life, you feel pain. I have been where you are and said the very same words, it’s a coping mechanism...... we ALL feel pain.

[@jadeannflowerbird5511]

Don't have an affair in the first place , I understand why some people do because there partner could be abusive , Etc

[@nellab5314]

Control! that’s what it’s all about

[@kbal1451]

If you change your beliefs and values to different ones, maybe that just makes you not a better/worse person just a different person. If by changing your beliefs and values you are going to hurt people you care about....like your children who depend on you and a partner who has been good and faithful to you. Perhaps you should just adult up and consider other people!

[@New-mg4zp]

Very honest man thank u for your story

[@aidenvanvollenhovengonzale5441]

This just .. i really needed this

[@MarriageHelper]

Thank you so much @aidenvanvollenhovengonzale5441. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on KZbin. PLEASE Subscribe if you haven't already! We post new content regularly! And also, don't hesitate to reach out to us if there's anything else we can do for you. Our phone number is 1 866 903 0990! We'd love to be your support system! Blessings,

[@haydeejohnson8290]

Modifying your morals and values to accommodate a deceitful and unfaithful situation doesn't make you a better person. At the point that you've had your cake and eat it too in the affair, for however long, your current focus after discovery, should be to give your deceived partner ultimate peace of mind by matching your words to your changed behavior.

[@grantweston4981]

Absolutely!!!!

[@228vik]

What if your son is now 38 years old and still living with you BUT is never home...AND I do not see him as often AND I am alone all the time until he decides he will come home and we MAY look at a movie together or he may close his door and be alone...AND I hate my apartment because I ENDURE THE NOISE FROM DOWNSTAIRS while if he hears it, he thinks it is only everyday activity....so should I stay in this? I love someone for 40 years...he is 72 and I am 74. I can't see why hopefully him and I marry....tho I feel guilty should I?

[@ConsciousCre8ing]

Yes go ahead and be with the man you love. You are both single right?

[@traditionalgirl3943]

Keep the Commandments. Pray to God for strength and peace.

[@MyCUTboyz]

How do I get over a married woman I have been having an affair? She wants to stay married and I want to marry her. So this is not going to work out. So it is best to end. But I love her so much that I secretly wish we end up marrying. So, it have to forget her, but how? ( PS: I am.not a very attractive guy and she is hot. )

[@brondomichael910]

I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

[@grantweston4981]

Be the guy God Expects you to be.

[@jenniferraymond3913]

I’m interested as to why you are doing these videos, and counseling sessions? Is it because of your guilt from your affair? Possibly you are using this to show your family, possibly god, that you deserve forgiveness. Why was it so horrible that you loved someone so deeply? It is better to have loved and lost then NEVER to have felt that kind of love before.

[@shelleysimone8100]

Absolutely nothing wrong with loving someone deeply but our love of someone should not involve the destruction of another soul.If you are a true lover, you love everyone.If it’s ‘lust’ or ‘limerance’ that you are referring to as love, then that is a completely different conversation.

[@virginiayoussef]

He is giving back to the society , isn’t this what we all should do when we learn something that can help others protect their souls, their families , others & their marriages & be insightful of all consequences and the reality of any emotion and then make an insightful decision if you still want to proceed with what they r doing or not.

[@tinamcbride177]

This is how this man makes his living by helping people through counseling. He uses his own life experience to better relate to people. His wife also is a part of the business.

[@yongsanpi9482]

I love the way u talked sir.. thank u so much I. So down now

[@laundrybest2290]

Since like change topic. For what people who are in Need of good understanding and better knowledge as a chiristianity believer

[@terriacurling3631]

Awesome Dr. Beam

[@susantompkins4254]

I love me now., I don't want to loose me, I'm wondering if I should leave my married man and stay on my own and still love me

[@wayneparrott6735]

Susan.... he isn't gonna leave his wife or he would have already. Just saying

[@susantompkins4254]

@@wayneparrott6735 I know I've left him and I'm never going to date another guy who says that he is seperated again, from now just single guys for me and thank you wayne x

[@wayneparrott6735]

Your welcome sweetie. Sorry for the heartache and pain you've went through I've been there.. Just remember it will make you stronger and wiser. Guard your heart.

[@susantompkins4254]

@@wayneparrott6735 to be honest I'm feeling a lot better, I'm happier I was seeing him only on his terms, he lied to me all the time, making out that he didn't love his wife he loved me until I hered him tell her on the phone that he loves her. The only regret I have is me being the fool but a lesson I have learnt

[@karong7017]

He's using you. Will never leave wife. You deserve better. Run; don't look back.

[@patricias1804]

So what you supposed to do if you don't love your wife/husband and you have kids with them? Should you stay and pretend to be happy? Should you pretend affection and hope kids don't notice it's all fake? What about your happiness? Once you get married does it mean you are tidied up even if you both no longer love each other?

[@MoparMikeMM]

Try following the program, communicate with your spouse, one or probably both of you have done minute things throughout the relationship that over time caused the one wanting out to view the other as toxic or unattractive and fabricate excuses to justify leaving instead of working on things. People marry for a reason, most of the time, find that original attraction and work with that to rekindle the relationship.

[@trenicejohnson15]

You said vows. 40+ year marriages are not held together by fleeting emotions like love and happiness. Marriage is about commitment and duty.

[@EZ-nq3pq]

If you are out of love and do not think that you can be responsible for the marriage, you communicate and if you both cant make it happen, you can get a divorce you do Not Cheat!!!! It is very simple...

[@grantweston4981]

@@trenicejohnson15 absolutely!

[@grantweston4981]

Love is a CHOICE. Not just a "feeling". People fall in and out of love in their marriage all the time. They choose to stay committed to each other and work on it. You are responsible for making yourself happy and sharing that happiness with your spouse. Its not your spouses responsibility to make, and keep, you happy. You should be content with what God has blessed you with. Work on yourself. Don't cheat and make your marriage work!

[@michaelmcclure468]

Thank you Dr. Beam

[@walkyria1]

My husband's mistress was the "PORNOGRAPHY"... I divorced him 9 months ago. I did affect me and my daughter in so many ways..you don't even know it. Be abandoned by virtual women. My life will never be the same. My daughter's life will never be the same. Please, give me your opinion about that? Thanks!

[@MarriageHelper]

Hi walky1, We are so sorry to hear about your situation. We do have resources related to how pornography affects marriages. You can listen to our podcasts here: www.marriagehelper.com/porn-affect-podcast & www.marriagehelper.com/affects-pornography-ClayOlsen-podcast

[@MrScooter33333]

So true..well said..heartfelt

[@marvelenemhlepukoi9959]

I Need your help to restore my marriage that is in turmoil and my husband have hired two difference lawyers but I am always refusing the divorce. Thou I do not live in the USA but my spouse lives there.

[@maritesdoloresdomincel4776]

Thank God i came out from the emotional affair before it become deeper. The Holy has convicted me that what i did. i Repent.

[@brondomichael910]

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[@BeeChance]

Amen

[@mabelfatimaramirez8810]

How about when the kids are all grown up and the love is gone.

[@tygaurd]

Mabel Fatima Ramirez this is currently where I am with my life... I feel so lost I have been married for 20 years I meet someone that is 10 years younger then me feel for each other quick. This has only went on for a month not sure what to do

[@amandolavida1569]

Matt Dicker you can contact their website, they may better assist you

[@dinostoriesbyaimar4404]

Then divorce first. Its okay to fall in love again. But dont CHEAT.

[@peightonstorm1053]

His children are grown up and married should he still stay when he doesn't want to ?

[@MaRiAm936]

No.he just uses them as an excuse to stay with his wife

[@miamlp3383]

But if your husband deserves to be left over cause in the end he was pushed me to this other guy cause of his attitude against me. Reply pls

[@MarriageHelper]

Hi MIA, At Marriage Helper, we view these marriage situations in a unique way. Here, we ask the question: "Is my spouse a bad person who did a bad thing, or is my spouse a good person who did a bad thing..." 9 times out of 10 they are a good person, who did a bad thing. We believe that good people can be rescued and your marriage can be saved! If you'd like to learn more about how we can help, please give us a call 866-903-0990.

[@macua7258]

What if the values that are important to me are not present in my current relationship??? Is it bad to leave for my lover where the values i hold important are present?

[@BeeChance]

Hold on tight to your faith, morals, and values. Don't allow anyone to rob that from you.

[@vwiggins1847]

PLEASE TAKE MY MONEY... I NEED YOUR HELP COPING WITH THE WITHDRAWALS

[@carrielegg5480]

I don't even know what in right now. All i know is the guy is a huge flirt. This pain goes deep. Im paralyzed by it.

[@Gotoworkkk]

An affair is totally different from what you are dealing with. Every man flirts, it’s their nature.

[@DefaultName-pf1wj]

It's very cruel to refuse any more contact with someone when you claim you love them - that is the thing that prolongs their suffering. If they mean anything to you, help them, don't just abandon them, they are a human being as well.

[@reneehrhardt4133]

Well its more cruel to continue to hurt the person you pledged to love till death. The affair partner usually knows there is a spouse and the affair partner gets what they have coming to them.

[@jerryanddiannedennison5644]

Sounds like you are the Jezebel he was cheating with.

[@alemoradnug8064]

How to move on in this kind of relationship

[@soul-searcher3056]

I am confused with affairs with married man. He said he love his wife but his wife do not like sex. I know it us totally wrong relationship . I am older than him, however I don't know how to avoid him most the times. Hoping myself to recover from this complicated situation soon. Put back me in same situation I use to be before. I am frustrated, why I can be stronger like before? where was my gap? These questions are killing me everyday.

[@shelleysimone8100]

Thila Samy get help mama, there’s loads of support available if you believe and are looking.This season of your life is ripe for growth and enlightenment.Don’t be disheartened, if you really want the help it’s already on the way.All the best my love.And send him to go work on himself and his relationship instead of trying to use you as an escape.Don’t join in this destructive game, I’ve seen the end of these things and 9 out of ten times it destroys you,him the wife and all the kids involved.And none of the initial rush or excitement of being with him will be there to numb the pain.

[@brondomichael910]

I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

[@davidsamoei2374]

But believe system keep changing as we grow.

[@BeeChance]

The Word of Yah never changes.

[@TM-tw4qt]

Should you show your spouse this video?

[@sorypiam413]

I am in love with a married man who is 20 years older then I I am married too but I love him deeply I don’t know what should I do I tried all ways to forget him but I couldn’t

[@MarriageHelper]

Hi, thank you for reaching out to us. Here are a few resources which may provide some insight: www.marriagehelper.com/married_but_in_love_with_someone_else.php www.marriagehelper.com/lover_or_spouse.html www.marriagehelper.com/what-if-I-want-out

[@kimlynch209]

Exactly, spot on!

[@jeanettekniebusch9812]

Who cares about the affair partner. Any piece of garbadge that would sleep with a married man do that to another woman deserves to suffer. She or he inflicted irreversable catastrophic damage and pain to that wife. Selfishly Not caring about the agony the wife would always feel knowing her dream of a faithful love story is gone forever. Every show. Movie, conversation, stand up comedy. Love story, watching couples, Valentines Day now brings pain cant enjoy any of it. Cant enjoy my life anymore. All tainted with this discusting act of sexual body fluids and emotional betrayal. Respect other peoples marriage evil ones!!

[@brondomichael910]

I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

[@Gotoworkkk]

That sounds like a bunch of Disney nonsense. Real life isn’t rainbows and unicorns unfortunately. Every couple has problems, it’s all in how they handle them. Remember even happy people cheat.

[@deborahrouse5644]

​@@Gotoworkkk NO they DON'T